#I’m just not a good person

[destinedtobeloved]

Sometimes I wanna be one of those southern gals with the big hair and pink lipstick with a cute lil voluptuous side part and let my accent seep through my words every time I say “honey” or darlin” and sometimes I wanna be the mom friend who wants everyone to be okay 

#but I can’t #I’m just not a good person #and I can’t do it #this is a shit post #I have no idea #I just don’t know how to be who I want to be #and it makes me sad #southern women #southern #southern girls

[elodieunderglass]

changes and trends in horror-genre films are linked to the anxieties of the culture in its time and place. Vampires are the manifestation of grappling with sexuality; aliens, of foreign influence. Horror from the Cold War is about apathy and annihilation; classic Japanese horror is characterised by “nature’s revenge”; psychological horror plays with anxieties that absorbed its audience, like pregnancy/abortion, mental illness, femininity. Some horror presses on the bruise of being trapped in a situation with upsetting tasks to complete, especially ones that compromise you as a person - reflecting the horrors and anxieties of capitalism etc etc etc. Cosmic horror is slightly out of fashion because our culture is more comfortable with, even wistful for, “the unknown.” Monster horror now has to be aware of itself, as a contingent of people now live in the freedom and comfort of saying “I would willingly, gladly, even preferentially fuck that monster.” But I don’t know much about films or genres: that ground has been covered by cleverer people.

I don’t actually like horror or movies. What interests me at the moment is how horror of the 2020s has an element of perception and paying attention.

Multiple movies in one year discussed monsters that killed you if you perceived them. There are monsters you can’t look at; monsters that kill you instantly if you get their attention. Monsters where you have to be silent, look down, hold still: pray that they pass over you. M Zombies have changed from a hand-waved virus that covers extras in splashy gore, to insidious spores. A disaster film is called Don’t Look Up, a horror film is called Nope. Even trashy nun horror sets up strange premises of keeping your eyes fixed on something as the devil GETS you.

No idea if this is anything. (I haven’t seen any of these things because, unfortunately, I hate them.) Someone who understands better than me could say something clever here, and I hope they do.

But the thing I’m thinking about is what this will look like to the future, as the Victorian sex vampires and Cold War anxieties look to us. I think they’ll have a little sympathy, but they probably won’t. You poor little prey animals, the kids will say, you were awfully afraid of facing up to things, weren’t you?

#this is the sort of observation I make here that people #go off and write their thesis about #so while I’m not expecting to be the first or cleverest person to say this #if you do use it as a springboard #tell me if you get a good grade ok? #I’ll be tremendously proud of you #like if you take a shitpost and use it to craft deep attentive thought on something important #I just think that’s probably the most noble use of a human brain #it makes me want to take off my hat and slam it to the ground in inexpressible emotion #it’s a cowboy hat btw #and I say something like GOLDURN IT THAT KID SURE HAS DELIVERED. #ok so don’t deny me this #especially if you correct me after a long research journey #GOLDURN IT THE KID IS RIGHT!

[goldensunset]

did you know? if you do your laundry you can get your clothes back

#fascinating stuff. let’s see if i (person with the worst executive dysfunction when it comes to doing laundry) remember it #i literally have this issue where i’ll let dirty clothes pile up in the laundry basket for an entire month #like it takes me that long to get around to it #and then- who would’ve thought- i find that i don’t have anything good to wear. strange! #finally did it last night and i’m like ohhh that was so difficult but the payoff finally #augh #peach rambles #hall of fame i guess #shut up about socks. idc. #this was a fun positivity post of sorts it’s about overcoming executive dysfunction #derailing into jokes about losing socks is. it’s not horrible but just boring and annoying #it was supposed to be celebration!! and encouragement!!!

[danielnelsen]

while i get where this comes from and it’s true to an extent, i reeeaaaally don’t like how people try to explain “trans men don’t [necessarily] have male privilege” with things like “some trans men don’t pass”.

like sure that’s the most obvious example (someone who is seen as a woman won’t have the privilege that comes with being seen a man) but you’re still acting like being a passing trans man is just a free opt-in to male privilege which is………kinda the issue.

#personal #ohh don’t be weird on my post please this is just on my mind #i’ve seen it so many times just in the last few days #like yeah a passing trans man receives more benefits than anyone who’s seen as a woman #and i’m sure most people making those arguments DO understand that it’s not that simple #but very few people engaging in these kinds of discussions in good faith would argue that someone seen as a woman has male privilege #(note: VERY FEW people engaging in GOOD FAITH) #i see people be like ‘everyone thinks all trans men pass’ and like…….WHO is thinking that who’s also gonna listen to you here #maybe it’s just my grew-up-in-a-conservative-religious-environment thing but your experience is not universal #i would also like you to consider whether ‘anyone that looks like a man has male privilege’ is consistent with your other views #1k #(oh god guys please)

[tav-marcio-leles]

Ohhh, I'm rereading Mystra's entry in the Sword Coast Adventurer's Guide... and this detail:

This means Gale was punished for trying to restore and preserve what he thought was a lost piece of Mystra's magic. Gale being Mystra's ex-lover put aside. He as her follower, she his goddess, was punished for attempting to do the one foundational rule of her faith.

I'm seething and so sad at the same time.

Edit: I used the word punish loosely, as in, toxic/abusive people will take any small mistake or action and twist it into something they can take advantage of. This post was also largely from the stand point of a toxic deity rather than a toxic partner, but both takes are valid here. Especially with the, “you didn’t stay compliant so now I’m giving you the silent treatment” part of it—from a god and a partner perspective.

#bg3 spoilers #rambles #bg3 #bg3 gale #gale bg3 #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #gale baldurs gate 3 #baldurs gate gale #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 #baldurs gate #I understand different versions of Mystra exist #but the bg3 version of her makes me seethe #all the time #TAGS PAST HERE ARE UPDATES #this post was most about comments on the religious trauma aspect #character flaws make character great so I know Gale isn’t perfect #but yeah I do read Mystra as a groomer with the comments minsc gave #like I hate her as a person #her character contribution makes the story interesting but I just objectively can’t excuse anything she does #she makes me feel enraged because they literally had to hide weave gifted boys from her #hello??? I’m sorry but you can’t make me like her or excuse her treatment towards gale after that knowledge #sorry I’m getting heated but goodness I have to say it or it’s going to make me implode

[pallanophblargh]

The annual ballpoint pallanoph in celebration of clinging to this rocky sphere for one more year (despite appearances) was delayed by a few days. Oops! I’m not dead, just growing older.

Art is still hard, but this runs on autopilot sometimes. And sometimes, that’s enough.

#pallanophs #Qiara #creature design #personal character #ballpoint pens #traditional art #sketchbook #just drawing her hairdo gives me weird joy so I’m clinging to it #she is hogging the birthday doodles it is unfair #pen will always be an old friend I think #even in these artblocked times #things are weighing on my mind but I looked at spring ephemerals blooming and it was very good #hopefully I get back on top this year #sorry for the slack I’m old

[marisatomay]

“I can’t believe Tom Cruise of all people would stand up for his agent, a Muslim Libyan-American woman, who was being publicly blacklisted for her support of Palestine and calling out the ongoing genocide, including making a rare in-person appearance to CAA headquarters in LA to express his support for her. What a strange person who can ever guess what opinions he will have.”

Look. I’ve studied Tom Cruise a lot. One could even call me a Cruisologist. (Not to be confused with. Well.) And, it’s actually really easy to predict Tom Cruise’s opinion on something. The tricky part is whether it will be made public in a timely manner or not and, if it’s made public at all, will it be a lede buried in favor of pushing a narrative sold on background by a studio exec he pissed off because he didn’t roll over and take their bullshit.

#can’t wait for someone to yell at me for this post so let’s get some things over with: #I know more than you. I don’t care. #but for the record: this post isn’t ‘tom cruise: perfect human who’s never done anything wrong’ #it’s ‘tom cruise: complicated person who has lived his entire adult life under an intense microscope and as a result is incredibly private #and tends to not share anything good or bad which has allowed tabloids to fill gaps as they please for clicks.’ #I wouldn’t say he’s a Good Person. I’m just saying he’s a Person.

[sittinginsunflowers]

I can’t stop thinking about how every parental figure in Kristen’s life has failed her by prioritizing their other kids.

Obviously, her bio parents are racist assholes who raised her in a fundamentalist cult, and kicked out at 15, all because her parents were offended she was “taking her friends’ side over theirs.” Which she didn’t, what she did was ask for answers and tell them that Daybreak tried to kill her but they refused to believe her. Instead, they chose to make her homeless so she doesn’t spread the idea that her parents don’t know everything. Two years later, and they’re still doing the same thing at the diner.

Then there’s Jawbone and he’s Tracker’s guardian, and unlike Adaine, she didn’t get a speech about how he’d take her in, or what their relationship was, she just moved in with her girlfriend, and he was the adult of the house. And now that she and Tracker have broken up, he and Sandra Lynn don’t seem to have made the time to talk to her about what that means for her place in this family. Adaine came back from spring break to gifts for every birthday she had without Jawbone and adoption papers. Kristen’s mail from her school was going to her parents’ house when she lives with the guidance counselor.

Then, there’s the fact that when Sandra Lynn and Jawbone moved in together, she took on a role she clearly wasn’t ready for, as she was still repairing her relationship with Fig. Kristen had to be the one to finally snap her out of her self destructive spiral with Garthy and then Sandra Lynn asked her to keep it a secret. Meaning she wouldn’t be able to tell Tracker, the only person who has been meeting her emotional and physical safety needs, above just giving her a room to live in. (And we know this is true because part of the reason Nara and Tracker are together is because Nara doesn’t need those things from Tracker). And yes, Sandra Lynn apologizes to the whole group, as she should, for putting their home in jeopardy, which is a massive step. But she never talks to Kristen about putting her between the 3 people responsible for keeping her out of her parent’s house.

So Sandra Lynn calls Fig, “her only daughter in the world,” and Jawbone is only legally responsible for Adaine and Tracker, and neither of them, nor any other adult, has asked if Kristen feels safe or if she’s okay. Like I’m sorry, who the fuck is taking care of the cleric who’s god and teacher died in the same year, is going through deprogramming from a cult that wants her back, her first breakup, seeing her estranged parents and siblings again, and now being expelled on zero grounds despite working herself to the bone to make sure her party gets to go to college?

#dimension 20 #d20 #fantasy high junior year #kristen applebees #fantasy high #fhjy spoilers #also she’s died twice #And everyone is confused as to why she’s acting kinda batshit? #like as someone who had to do a lot of personal safety work because of one parent as a teenager that shit is exhausting #ever since the episode where we saw how Nara is just Kristen with money and parents #this has been bugging me and I’m getting more and more mad about it #like yes good parents drop the ball they’re people too and that’s okay #but for the love of god someone check on her and Fabian

[ariariari-freehounreal]

She has extra PTSD from her time on the surface (other humans aren’t very nice anymore)

#portal #portal 2 #chell #glados #chelldos #ominous comfort #I’m sorry I promise I’m doing my best I just haven’t learned how to be human as you are yet #I still don’t know who you are #I only know that I’m still lonely #that morbid sort where even company can’t cure me #I’m not a good person I’m barely a person at all #will wood #them core

[sweetvillainjude]

actually wild of holly black to write cardan’s arc so powerfully that I went from genuinely hating him and never believing I’d like him to thinking “ok so maybe he’s not awful ALL the time” to desperately rooting for him and furiously wanting him to be loved and happy over the span of three books. like tfota was WILD for doing that (and doing it so well)

#tfota #the cruel prince #cardan greenbriar #holly black #the wicked king #the queen of nothing #the cruel prince spoilers #no bec i’m not the most forgiving person and i was thinking uh oh in the first book bec i seriously DID NOT like him at all #i thought he was awful #and then by the wicked king i was like…..oh???? So he’s actually…..i actually….like him? he might be good in his cardan way? #and then by the end of qon i was just enamored #like that’s my man cardan and he deserves nothing but love and happiness #and he loves jude soooo much and she loves him and they’re everything. #tfota was just insane for that.

[suja-janee]

Bireena request: 2/5 (request from anonymous)

Uhh slight boobie warning under the cut vvv

The titan versions get along a little TOO well hehehehehehehhehehe

#sus tag #bireena #bi han x sareena #sareena x bi han #bi Han #sareena #mk1 #mortal kombat 1 #titan bi han #sub zero #mortal kombat mythologies #so yeah I don’t think bi Han can sing really #big bro needs some cough drops first #I’ve heard someone ai generate him singing and it almost cause me permanent damage 💀 #I don’t think he can dance either since he seems to be more focused on physical strength than gymnastics unlike Kuai Liang #but I think titan bi Han is nice enough that he’d make an attempt for Sareena #he’s just built different #a good guy..l well I mean not perfect I’m sure his kill count is just as bad as regular bi Han #but I think he took steps to ensure he’d be a better person #headcanon- Sareena is dead in his universe along with many of his loved ones so he has survivors guilt #which led him to becoming a better person #basically living his life they way he thought they’d want him to #for Sareena.. bi Han is dead in her universe so seeing this one nearly broke her heart again but she saw the significant improvement #she probably became the way she is because she got sick of people losing themselves to temptation on evil #so she’s probably got the same motives as Ashrah #also she’s got a daughter from her bi Han before he died #so it came as a shock when titan bi Han met the lil one #BUT ANY WAY THIS IS ALL NONSENSE #imma stop rambling for now #my art

[fumifooms]

Chilchuck analysis speedrun: As a hardworking half-foot who grew up poor and discriminated against and had his gullibility taken advantage of multiple times in his early adventuring days, Chilchuck thinks optimism is a dangerous flaw. He’s stressed and strict all the time because his job is noticing details like traps that could get everyone killed before anyone knows it, he takes the lives of everyone to be on his shoulders, and with the way he speaks about it that probably partly reflects how he felt about taking it upon himself to provide for his family too. His life’s always been pretty centered around work and has become even moreso now that his wife left and everyone is independent, and due to past events he’s very iffy with bonding with coworkers. He thinks feelings and job are a disaster mix. Like with his wife or with parties hiring him as sacrifice, being open or having good faith is vulnerability which can get you hurt, so he processes and shows all his stress as anger instead of worry. Doing strict dieting probably isn’t helping the irritability what with hunger, and on top of being a hunger suppressant alcohol might be the main stress reliever he has.

His grey hairs are so earned

#Chilchuck tims #dungeon meshi #analysis #HAPPY CHILCHUCK DAY #You know what yeah understandable have a good day #Alcohol be a ticket straight to chilling out town I suppose #Spoilers #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #Thinking on if I should split my family masterpost into diff posts for max reach hmm #Anyways I’m def editing in the second page into that post that “I’ve got three people to think of here” sounds sooo much like that’s #How he’d think about it in a family setting as well. He works so hard for them 🥺 #I could have put 100 pics on this post to justify everything I mentioned but this is a speedrun for a reason. I’m planning so many #Compilations rn i need a break from rereading lol #He’s just here to do his work!! He just wanna do his work!!! #I’m always rotating him in my brain like rotisserie chicken :( Hopefully this doesn’t sound disjointed or insane to average readers #He’s always on his guard so he has a short fuse and his type of humor & liking for snarky remarks doesn’t help #Also bc he knows nothing lasts he has a very work hard play hard mentality where ‘dying doing something you love. Like drinking’ #Is nice in his opinion #This post makes it all sound so dry. Chilchuck is so messy thinking about him is thrilling I swear. This is concise but at what cost… #OH ALSO he has weird self-hate issues where he really values his skills but devalues himself on a personal level. #‘I am a coward. I only care about myself. I cheated on my wife (lying for no reason)’ etc etc #Can’t disappoint people and make them leave you if they already have no expectations and esteem of you 😏💡

[okiedojie25]

This tweet makes me feel things, and I don’t know how to process it

#starkid #mariah rose faith #it’s just so good to know that the new gen starkids are all just as good friends with each other as much as the old sk actors are #me personally #that’s part of why people like Starkid so much #you can just tell how much everyone respects and cares for each other #sorry if this sounds parasocial or whatever #I’m very much in my feelings about the Starkid family today

[julykings]

the last bits of 2023

#the last months I’ve mostly been busy with work but can say that I got through my first semester teaching successfully although struggled #along the way. my anxiety is at an all time high + I’m dealing with some medical stuff so I’m just trying to stayyy appreciative of every #day I feel good u kno. ugh. #I’m working on quitting my excessive weed usage lol. otherwise working out and doing pole when I can. #and watching lots of movies and doing lots of art . at least this past week since school is out #personal

[honeypleasejustkillme]

every single time something good happens i’m always on edge, cuz it never stays good for long..

#i’m so tired of my life being so up and down #it makes me so anxious #i just got food stamps and medical insurance through my state and then i had an invoice from the state for over 1k like jesus christ #it can never stay good for long #i’m so tired of it #bpd shitposting #actually bpd #actually mentally ill #bpd #bpd fp #actually borderline #bpd favorite person #bpd vent #bpd mood #bpd problems

[cloud-based-and-rainpilled]

I’ve been highly confused as to why Michael “deeply openly thirsting on Twitter about David Tennant for half a decade” Sheen is half-in half-out the closet but apparently Wales is absurdly homophobic lmao what the fuck how is a country the size of New Jersey that much of a hater bruh we out number the shit out of you

#i thought googling ‘how to say gay’ in welsh would be funny but it just made me sad #i knew the uk in general had a problem with trans people but WOW it’s fucked up in wales like. there are 8 of you what are you doing #i feel bad now lmao #wales #my weird welsh hyperfixation has taken me places let me tell you #cymru #homophobia #gay #lgbt #lgbtqia #good omens #bbc staged #michael sheen #i thought he was just ‘oh i’m quiet about my personal life’ but that’s not even true like my man’s probably actually scared #what a fuckass country lmao awesome #uk politics #united kingdom #david tennant #what is it with this tiny ass island taking over the world and being shitty lmao and this is coming from an american #bisexual #<- bisexual gang gang feel bad you fuckin haters lol #yes the whole world is homophobic i know etc but it’s like outrageously bad out there apparently #stay mad that i think nationalism is dumb ‘how dare you ever have an opinion you american’ #you’re white you are not going to like where the power + privilege argument inevitably goes