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fakeboitherottengirl · 2 years

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Why do you want to be some ungodly bovine combination of Soren Hayes and Luna Slater so badly?

First off, I just think Luna is a good artist with a cool style I certainly don't want to BE her with everything shes struggling with but Im proud of her for so much time sober and I look forward to her art posts and general glow-up since addiction. I don't support people bullying her because I think bullying a suicidal homeless girl is morally in the red regardless of how you justify it to urself but im quite thankful that im not in her situation in fact because without the support I had from my mother I easily could have wound up in the same boat as a burned out gifted kid so I sympathize with her and shes been quite nice the times we spoke and we even have a few IRL friends in common and like I said I like her art. But no I don't envy having no degree with no family support no stable living situation a long public history of junky-ing that will scare off most employers and a literal mob holding everything I do or say under the world's cruelest magnifying glass to be ripped apart and examined by trolls who can't even call her out with their names attached and who, at this point, have literally committed sex crimes in the crusade against her.

And I don't want to be Soren, Soren wanted to be me. I knew Soren on a fairly personal level before all the tumblr drama back when they were mostly revolving around the death of the "Danny" character. We talked a lot at that time. My soulmate had just attempted suicide again (although this was before i remembered the abuse) so we bonded over the experience (shortly after sharing my trauma with them, their "Girlfriend" also committed suicide which i believe was the first incarnation of sam but the pic werent Ginger they were some girl with bright red hair and i was once again put in the place of comforter/caretaker at a time when i needed comfort myself which in retrospect was something Soren did a lot). We were also very open about our self harm habits and would share pics but again every time I had an episode Soren had to have one, too, but there were a few occasions where they were really there for me when I needed somebody to talk to who wouldn't judge. That is one thing Soren was 100% honest about, their self harm habit was not a LARP.

I showed them writing of mine including a very dark horror RP that, with teen boys swapped out for girl children (I was a teenager myself so it wasn't pedo-ish or anything like that I was writing about characters my own age) closely resembled their narrative especially the final narrative down to the torture-center being referred to as a "warehouse" they even drop mention of "siblings being put against each other in rigged games" which again closely resembles the plot of a short story I showed them.

I showed them other writing that they ripped off in their earlier narrative to describe their childhood (they specifically mention huffing paint thinner. That is what I used to huff, but my father was a commercial painter so it made sense that I had access to it and mentioned it in my writing. She gives no explanation of how she and Danny, at 9, were able to get their hands on this chemical. Wood/Modeling glue like they huff in Gummo or computer duster would have made more sense, Im convinced that the paint thinner was a detail directly lifted from my writing/our convos). There are a bunch of weird little things like that but like I said we also could have lifted shit from the same 3d6y media/creepypastas that were popular at the time so im not going to bullet point every similarity in the narratives.

We stopped talking around 2012 im not sure if the narrative was a thing at that point (i didnt have a tumblr) but we never talked about CSA it was mostly about suicide/having suicidal friends/being suicidal, and about self harming, that was their hyperfixation at the time. They also didn't talk in that "dreamy" Ginger Bronson style that they used on tumblr, they cursed a lot and like myself went out of their way to sound like a child's idea of what an edgy "masculine" voice would sound like.

I only found the lolcow thread after a friend who had also been active on the MCR forums and remembered "sing it for danny" sent me the link and was horrified.

And I WAS used in the production of CSAM as a child, as unfortunately were/are many children, but like I said it wasn't violent rape or baby-eating like soren describes, it was an adult i trusted (a family friend of my soulmate) gently and friendly instructing us in a way that felt educational and safe and Id already been through so much sexual abuse at that age that more than anything I remember being excited to show off what I already knew how to do rather than traumatized by the experience, which I didnt even remember until my 20s.

Also the whole "Soulmate" thing is mostly just trauma bonding, Soren copied basic traits of trauma bonding and romanticized them for their narrative. My soulmate is not some tragic dead heroin waif, shes a stocky ginger who works as a secretary and has no memory at all of the abuse we experienced as children or really of anything before the age of about 17 or 18. We both grew up in abusive alcoholic households with violent family members so yeah we trauma bonded but more over the scary/unstable home situation we were both in than the few incidents of sexual abuse, those didn't even register in comparison. We made abuse-related art in a notebook that we passed back and forth each day that my mom eventually found, asked me if I was being raped by my father, and then burned while I was at school because it contained shit like blueprints for a baby-killing assembly line factory and rape-machines and similar over the top sick anatomically impossible shit that one would expect from a 3rd grader's attempt to be shocking, and never told my mom that some of the drawings were my soulmates bc I didnt want her to get in trouble. We were sexually active with one another until later elementary school when we learned in church (we were raised in the same cult) what gay was and that it was bad so we stopped. But she never ate her own clit or got a coat hanger abortion, we were both just sad little children whose mental illness was starting to come out and alienate us from our peers at the same time as we were living in both a cult and individual abusive home situations. So yeah there was absolutely trauma-bonding but i never had my vagina electrocuted with barbed wire because she bit somebody on the dick while she was put into a danganronpa contraption. If i wanted to make up some catastrophic lie of a backstory it would be a lot more interesting and sensationalized than "I was touched by a series of older boys, used in CP one summer, and was sexually assaulted 3 times in my teens" im a fucking horror writer I could come up with a lot better than that if I wanted to make up a lie.

The fact that Soren told so many lies does not make the true stories of survivors any less true. No, I did not live through a 2000s RP forum edge-contest escalation type story (which I kind of miss those edgy RPs, it was fun to be in friendly competition with another writer for who could respond with the most shocking thing) but I did live through real abuse and am a CSEM survivor both from videos taken of me during childhood and material of myself that I shared on fetlife as a teen. Most of my trauma though, like I said, comes from growing up in an abusive alcoholic household with a father who threatened to kill us with the guns he had in the basement and passed out at school functions, not from sexual abuse, I didnt even remember the sexual abuse until my teens and didnt fully (or as fully as I know) recall it until my 20s. Thats one of the main reasons i stopped using acid, I had a trip a few years ago that opened the floodgates because i too-specifically remembered the texture of a certain toy. Soren LARPed a cartoon exaggeration of the kind of CPTSD that I actually live with. I also don't claim to have 1000 alters (I have dd-noes so I switch "characters" in a way but its more of a result of autistic ability fluxuation than trauma and I don't act like my modes are separate people). But yeah like I said if anything Soren wanted to be me, not the other way around. And again, because I think this needs repeating, the fact that Soren so obviously lied does not mean that anybody claiming to have survived abuse is lying.

CSA is an epidemic, there are hundreds of thousands of us. I've just been honest about my lived experiences, like I said if I were going to make something up I would have made up something significantly more scandalous/entertaining/shocking/heart wrenching The most sensational abuse I went through was my piece of shit uncle burned me with a cig once when I was a toddler and on another occasion around the same time pushed me down the basement steps, or the one time my drunk father slapped me with an open hand and I ran away for 3 days in February in a t-shirt and jeans and no jacket at 16 and hid out in a movie theater.

Finally I was not targeted by some pizzagate warehouse, my abusers for the most part were either peers in my teens or older children in my childhood and it was a series of unconnected incidents not one giant conspiracy, my dad didn't supervise me around his friend's sons as a child because hed go over his friend's houses under the guise of taking me to a playdate as an excuse to spend the afternoon locked up in the master bedroom doing coke behind my moms back and thats how/where the bulk of my earliest abuse occurred, which set me on a path to be open to sexually experimenting with older neighborhood boys who gave me treats in exchange and said they were my boyfriend once we moved right before kindergarten. There was a questionable incident with a father who volunteered at my pre-school and another with a bus driver who was obsessed with "checking the seatbelts" of the little girls and plenty of general male creepiness that every little girl faces but as far as CSA goes my story does not only not resemble Soren's in any way (other than the single detail of being abused alongside a friend), but Im sure it resembles plenty of other real stories that soren could have seen and taken "inspiration" from.

But Im a tall depressed edge-obsessed white drug addict with an art degree and an extensive history of SA who, with a binder or a big t-shirt, passes pretty flawlessly as male. If anything, Soren wanted to be ME, not the other way around. Id never want to be somebody who was plagued with those kind of thoughts of children, POCD is one of the reasons I agreed to go on the medication that made me gain 100lbs in 3 months, because I wanted the intrusive thoughts to stop I didn't make fanfic of them and obsess on them to the point that they became fantasy. I do envy some of their prose in certain posts/captions but ive since been told that a lot of them were plagiarized so no I don't want to be Soren either.

Can't I just be horrible on my own without being accused of imitating people?

#csa mention #cocsa mention #drug mention

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bilash-dutta · 3 years

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Deeper dive into ‘Wifi controlled passage regulator’

In the previous post we got a basic idea of the project and the components used. If you want you can also see the video of the device in action here before reading the earlier post or this post.

Now we begin this post with (a very rough) schematic diagram of the project-its components and connections (since there are too many wires involved, the connections were not clearly visible in pictures in earlier post) .

The code(backdrop)

Before looking into actual code let us know the algorithm/logic used in the project.

When the device is powered on-

1)The arduino starts the ESP8266 in softAP mode(hotspot in common language);

2)Next , the arduino starts a webserver on ESP8266 which parses any request made to it and returns the queries of the request back to arduino.

3)If the query is equal to 'num' and the parameter of the query is a number(<10), the arduino displays the number on the 7-segment LED(indicating how many people are allowed to enter). Also, if the number is equal to 0 then RGB LED is made to glow red indicating that no one is allowed to enter and in all other cases it glows green.

Now let us know how do we control the device remotely. First we need to connect(our phone) to the hotspot created by ESP8266. Then we need to type a query of the form http://192.168.43.1:3000/?num={val} in our browser and tap 'Enter'(Go to that URL). We need to put the actual number(anything between 0 and 9) in place of {val} in the URL. Anytime we feel like displaying a different number on the device we just need to go to the above URL from our browser replacing {val} with the number we want. The fact that it does not require an app makes it easily usable on both Android and iOS. Obviously an app can be made which provides a nice UI to the above steps but the fact is publishing an app to the Apple App Store requires paying $100 per year which is not justified for many microcontroller based projects and so I went with making it directly controllable from a browser(preferably Chrome on Android and Safari on iOS).

The actual code-

I started by searching for an arduino library which allows both starting a hotspot and a webserver. The first library which I found could not even create a hotspot because my ESP8266 was running an older firmware than that supported by the library. Next I stumbled upon

The library has API of both starting a hotspot(roughly documented) and starting a server( not documented at all,I came across the API after looking at the actual code in the library). So I was able to start the hotspot. When using the API for starting server I realised that the (c++)function for starting the server could be simplified to be less resource consuming and also return the parameters more suitable to my use case. So I made the necessary changes in the library and then used the updated API from my main code. While most use Arduino IDE for programming arduino, I use PlatformIO extension for VSCode IDE. Given below are two screenshots of the code I have written or made changes to.

In the first pic,both the left and right tabs show the changes I made to the above mentioned library(which can be found by comparing with the code found on github). In the second pic, the tab on the right also shows the changes to the library. The tab on the left shows a portion of the code of the main c++ file. I have intentionally not provided picture for the code of the function(named 'work') which actually analyses the request and glows the LEDs acordingly because a wise man once said 'Never reveal everything'. With this saying,I end my post.

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merydenrr · 7 years

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A Deanee Marriage Timeline

October 2016: Dean and Renee file to get married in a county they don’t live in. Plausible as Dean had a houseshow in Reno that day, except….

A while ago, someone leaked the deeds to the Vegas house, listing the legal owner as a ‘Jonathan L. Good.’ The name on the marriage application says 'Jonathan D. Good.’ Now I’m no lawyer but I’m pretty sure you don’t get to pick and choose which middle names you want to present to own property or legally file to get hitched.

Conclusion: one document is real and the other isn’t/involves an unrelated party. So Dean did file to marry Renee but has been lying about living in Vegas. Or, he does live in Vegas and the Jon and Renee on the application are two different people. Stranger shit has happened.

January 2017: This month is important because according to Nevada law, they should have married for it to be recognized as a legal union. If that’s them that filed in October, then the timeline has obviously lapsed and they’re only 'married’ in the 'married in Vegas’ sense, I.e easily dissolved and not legally binding. If they waited until Sunday to get married, they’d have to apply for a new license. So why didn’t they?

April 6th - April 9th 2017: The romantical Zion holiday. The only fan who puts them near that location is a guy who, for some reason, refused to share the story of how his mother met them at the restaurant she works until Monday.

[Things to also take into account: his social media is new (first tweet was less than five days before he uploaded that picture) and his YouTube channel isn’t a month old yet. And as at time of writing, despite the fact that he’s supposed to review Raw and Smackdown episodes, he hasn’t uploaded anything since retelling his mother’s encounter. Interesting.]

During his retelling, his timeline switches from 'They came Thursday and left on Monday to 'They came Friday and left Saturday’. Dean and Renee could have been there from just one day to staying for the whole weekend. Not helping to sort out this jumbled timeline is Renee’s IG posts. She posted two pictures of the trip: one on Saturday with the caption 'That was nice’ (which a Utah native commented by saying the scenery didn’t look anything like Zion), and the other on Monday where she says 'goodbye and now off to Smackdown.’ In between those two pics, she reposted a video of herself watching Blue watch TV on Sunday.

Conclusion: no fucking clue. Them getting married on Sunday only makes sense if they truly left Zion on Saturday. Her pictures conflict with the timeline that’s being presented by WWE. But even if they did leave on Saturday, Dean travels the day before each televised appearance. Sunday would have been a travel day for him, while she remained at home/Zion.

April 10th 2017: Dean gets drafted to Raw. Fans spot a rubber/silicone band on his ring and start freaking the fuck out online.

April 11th 2017: Renee adds fuel to the fire by posting a picture on Snapchat showcasing a huge cheap ring. More fans freak out. In Talking Smack, she wears the rings but gets passive aggressive when KO and Ziggler start 'congratulating’ her.

In between Renee’s Snapchat and Talking Smack, SWMNBN suddenly appears on both anti blogs with information on the marriage application that’s been available since October, but she only chooses that day and time to share. She then leaks the information on Twitter, leading to people blaming us and 'Dean fangirls.’

April 12th 2017: Renee seemingly confirms the marriage news and spends time liking tweets from people offering congratulations and blaming fans for invading her privacy. TMZ comments and says it’s all 'according to Renee.’ WWE comments, tellingly using their wrestling/Divas names and says 'More to come’ before announcing they got married on Sunday, discussed above. I should also mention that I find it unlikely that WWE didn’t know, considering Creative drafts the script for Talking Smack days/hours before Smackdown even airs.

Also Divas aired last night. A show that hasn’t gotten one million viewers since its fifth season and is being actively ignored by E! Network, who are more interested in Total Bellas. Also tellingly, last night’s episode was the last Deanee-centric one for this season.

Conclusion: A poorly timed, convoluted publicity stunt to drum up viewers for a failing reality tv show that’s hated/ignored by the vast majority of wrestling fans. The timing of the leak and the pictures and the episode is too precise for it to be anything but.

Other things to note-

Renee reusing the HOF pic (where she lied about sitting with him and would have shown up to see Dean had put two people between him and her), and justifying it by saying she’s using a new phone and doesn’t have her other pictures. Except that she already replaced it as at two-three weeks ago and Apple will transfer all your shit for you when you upgrade. It should also be noted that until now, Renee has never EVER called attention to the fact that she only reposts pictures of her and Dean at work or on-location shoots, nor has she ever felt the need to justify it.

Conclusion: An excuse for why she’s not posting couple pics or pictures from the Vegas wedding that may or may not have taken place. Also a change from her saying that Dean won’t let her post their couple pictures online. So has he changed his mind now that everyone knows they’re hitched?

People saying they got married because they knew they’d split up from the draft.

Conclusion: Codependency and insecurity, not love. How does getting married help them cope with the draft? If they need to enter something serious like marriage to reassure/reconfirm their feelings at getting separated, why should I buy that their love is so strong and pure?

Ultimate conclusion: It’s a mess. A steaming mess of bullshit. There’s no clear definite answer here. There’s too many coincidences and bullshit and precise timing involved to 100% say they got married at the time they said for the reasons you’d expect a healthy couple to marry. As always when it comes to these two, everything falls apart once you take the timeline and other things into account. My gut is telling me this is purely a PR move for Divas. This whole presentation is drowned in bullshit, and I’m not buying it until proven otherwise.

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