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#I’m in turmoil
butteredgoblin · 6 months
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I am shrouded in an impenetrable darkness, I see no way out. a faint flicker of flame catches my eye, but it seems so far away, is it a mirage? an illusion? my subconscious generating images of resolution to this damage?
Tonight and for the following nights I’m going to meditate with My Goddess. embrace what brings out this fear and walk with Her light. find the truth in the glimmer of hope, use my power and energy guided by Her hand to light my torch, and brandish it as my courage, guide and love.
I am safe, protected and on the right path. I move towards my true potential through hardships and pain. Illusions and abnormalities. I will find what I seek, what I desire, what I deserve.
I have faith in myself because of Her.
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chiliger · 7 months
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It’s a sibling’s job to kickstart that existential crises young.
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IS THAT JEREMY!?
I’M GLAD YALL NOTICED THIS DETAIL! To answer your question,,, oh yknow
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The way that Crowley put his sunglasses back on as his emotional barrier, and then used his last ounce of bravery in a desperate attempt to get Aziraphale to stay?? I need someone better at writing than me to do a whole analysis
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shibaraki · 3 months
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I like ‘bad’ fanfiction I like crackfic and silly AUs I like fic that diverges so far from canon that it’s practically unrecognisable and fic that is blatantly self indulgent I like fanfics with no plot and cliches and predictable twists and repeated tropes! not every fanwork has to be a bestselling novel every single fic has a place and a purpose and sometimes I want to come home and read something that doesn’t require me to think! sue me
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wambsgansshoelaces · 5 months
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Turmoil; Chapter 7
Roman Roy x Reader
a/n: catch the easter egg hehe
Word Count: 2.60k
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Just one day, you tell yourself. One day to forget about all the bullshit in your life and just enjoy yourself. It is a party in your name, after all.
After some moaning and groaning from Roman, you manage to drag him out of bed and get him ready. You stand, hips touching, as he messes with his cologne and you put in your earrings.
“You know some shit is going to happen today,” he mutters.
“Why would you say that?” you chide. “We should be relaxed. It’s our last night here.”
“Murphy’s Law, Y/N.”
“I didn’t know you were smart enough to know what that is.” He smacks your shoulder lightly. “What? I’m being honest,” you tease, smoothing out the wrinkles in the dress you’d picked out a few days before.
“I’m extremely intelligent, just so you know.”
“Sure, Roman.” You laugh.
“I’m the one who got Connor’s watch. And…,” he says conspiratorially, winding an arm around your waist and pulling you flush against him. “I got someone’s personal bank records.”
“I love it when a man commits federal crimes for me,” you say faux-dreamily, smiling at him.
“Y/N, it’s not illegal, if I, er, found them.”
“We’ll talk about it later. I want a stress-free night.”
“Murphy’s Law,” he repeats. “What can go wrong will go wrong.”
“Is it too much to ask of your father to keep his opinions to himself for one night?” you ask, sighing. You perfect your look in the mirror before stepping away form Roman.
He follows you out the door, his fingers subtly intertwined with yours. He’s warmed up to your touch- not that he’s ever not liked it. Kissing, apparently, is still out of the question. You’d realized when you tried giving him a peck good night before bed the other day.
You can’t even begin to count all the people in attendance tonight. You don’t know most of them, as you’d expected, which makes your job more difficult. You have to make yourself look good- and Logan.
You mill about, doing what Roman refers to as ‘standing there and looking so damn pretty’, watching the crowd. He’d scuttled off in the name of finding desserts, leaving you to yourself and your thoughts. Logan had spared no expense for his son- chandeliers were lit, servers were flitting here and there, tables upon tables of food were laid out.
While your situation is less than ideal, you’re able to appreciate nice things when they come.
You idly sip from your glass, letting your gaze rake over the crowd. Logan is sitting by himself off to a corner, seemingly trying to gather his strength to even get up. You wonder where Marcia is, and you briefly feel a pang of sympathy. Only briefly.
Shiv is more than likely flirting with some random guy, you tell yourself, Kendall probably asleep in a separate room. Connor is entertaining his own circle of guests, in his element. He makes weird flapping motions with his arms, and you’re thankful you weren’t pulled into that conversation. Greg is happily munching on an assortment of treats. You’re delighted he’s gotten a break. He’s a good man; he deserves it.
Your gaze snags on a strangely already-balding young man. Before you’d left for this party, Roman had shown you a headshot of the accountant Connor was working with. He seemed freshly out of college, but both his face and certain records you’re sure you’ll be able to dig up say otherwise. If anything, he was suspicious.
To your dismay, he makes his way over to you. You hope this won’t be a repeat of the charity gala- you don’t think you’ll be able to control yourself this time. This guy has a punchable face, anyway.
“The future Mrs. Roy,” he says heartily. You lazily raise your glass to him. “I’ve been keen to meet you.” He talks like an old man, too. “I’m the one who directed my client to you when his things got stolen at the hotel.”
You straighten slightly. “Were you, now? I thought it just came with our… familial ties.” You flash your engagement ring at him.
“I mean, of course that’d be the natural course of thought. Regardless, I had to make sure he went with the best, and you’re the best.”
You’re certain he’s trying to kiss your ass. The question is why. You fold one of your arms over your torso and regard him. “Who are you, again?”
He straightens his blazer and extends his hand out to the one you currently have holding your glass. Jerkily, he puts it back down by his side and says, “Peirce Thompson. Thompson & Thompson Accounting and Banking.”
“What a firm name,” you say blandly.
“My brother and I started the thing up from our bedroom way back when, and the name’s just stuck.”
“So you’ve been around a while, then?”
“Oh, ages, absolute ages.” He dusts off an imaginary bit of lint from his shoulder. You press your lips together.
“Why haven’t I heard of you, then?” you ask carefully.
“Psh, your type of law and my finance rarely collide,” he says condescendingly. “We’re in two different worlds, sweetheart.”
Trying not to recede into yourself, you give him a strange look. What he’s saying is bullshit- you know your way around economics, and you run your own firm. Clearly, you have a handle on finance. “If you say so.”
As if Connor’s shenanigans couldn’t get more confusing. This accountant banker bitch reeks of fish- both figuratively and literally, unfortunately.
“I’ve been meaning to ask. Have you ever personally taken care of many fraud cases?”
“Depends on the kind of fraud we’re talking about.” You manage to catch Kendall’s eyes over Peirce’s shoulder. You subtly widen and release your eyelids, trying to get him to come over.
“Er, tax fraud.”
”Sure I have. Why do you ask?” You turn your gaze back to his.
“Only wondering. Some issues are arising with… clients.”
“Clients, huh?”
Thankfully, before he can say anything, Kendall claps his hand over Peirce’s shoulder. “I didn’t think you’d be here today,” Kendall says stiffly. “Funny you’d show your face after raking up the interest for my dad by ‘forgetting’ to pay his taxes.” You have to keep yourself from laughing. Kendall continues. “You’ve met my sister? Trying to weasel your way into her finances, too?” He shifts to stand shoulder to shoulder with you. Your heart warms when he refers to you as family.
Peirce grits his teeth. “Lies don’t look good on you, Mr. Roy.”
Kendall snorts before pressing a hand to your back and guiding you away. “Thanks,” you murmur to him as you both slip away.
“He makes me want to rip my hair out. I’ve got you.”
You both make your way to a table, taking seats. You’d been standing for so long your feet were aching. Roman finds you and pulls a chair up right next to yours, and when he sits, he makes sure his leg is touching yours.
Kendall takes note, his eyes flickering from you to Roman. “What happened to ‘I’m going to kill her before I let her near me?’”
You laugh. “You said that?”
“I say lots of things I don’t remember.” Roman pushes a plate piled high with sweets towards you. “I didn’t know what you’d like, so I got you everything.”
You give his knee a pat. “I appreciate you trying, Roman, but that’s way too much.”
“We’ll all share,” he insists. Kendall smiles, taking the miniature slice of German chocolate cake and setting it on his place.
“My wife catered,” he says simply. “She owns that bakery you like, Y/N. The one always open on the holidays.”
You smile softly at him. You’re happy that he’s happy. You and Roman pig out on the sweets, chattering comfortably until his eyes catch someone as they cross the room.
He somehow manages to smack Kendall’s chest from across the table and stares back into the crowd.
You and Kendall both follow Roman’s gaze. You just barely catch Marcia as she slips out of the main atrium, a man in tow.
Kendall must see something you don’t. “Give me your fucking phone,” he says quickly. Without thinking, you hand it to him and he power walks after her. You and Roman follow, albeit much slower because Kendall already looks crazy.
Kendall’s leagues ahead of you at this point, but he’s slow enough that you and Roman can tail him. You wind through the corridors until the three of you have stopped in an eerily empty hallway. Kendall is peeping into the sitting area that dead-ends the hall, and almost immediately doubles back, seemingly sick. He steels himself, then takes your phone and sticks it through the doorway and starts filming.
Peeking over his shoulder, you wince.
Marcia has a fuck buddy, and it isn’t Logan Roy.
As desperately as you want to get rid of the image of Marcia having sex from your brain, you can’t. It simultaneously makes you want to puke but also, disgustingly, elated that you now have something over her- and by proxy, Logan.
After an excruciating five minutes, the three of you had gone back to the party. You and Roman had danced a bit, and he’d admittedly embarrassed you with his extremely out-of-date moves. Despite it all, you’d found yourself laughing and having more fun than you’d had in ages.
Now, you’re struggling to unzip the back of your dress. Roman’s stooped over the sink, aggressively washing his face.
“Rome, you’re going to rip it off. Calm down,” you manage, tongue between your teeth as you continue to attempt to pull down the zipper.
He pats his face dry with a towel. “I’m being thorough.” Without being asked,he comes over to you and tugs the zipper open. “You should wear that more often.”
“I literally just got it.”
“Yeah. Keep wearing it.” His hands go to sit on your hips, gently rubbing.
“What’s with the affection all of the sudden?” He settles his face into your shoulder as you move to put your hair up. “Not that I’m complaining.”
He’s quiet for a moment. “Getting more comfortable,” he says into your skin. “I don’t… I’ve never had a relationship like this. Where we genuinely liked each other.” You stay silent, letting him gather his thoughts. “I’m just scared. But we’ve been over that before.”
”You can always tell me how you’re feeling,” you say softly.
“I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t think I’ll physically be able to handle it.” Roman pulls away from you, padding into the bedroom. You quickly change into your pajamas before following him, slipping under the covers by his side. “I also don’t want to hurt you,” he says quietly.
“What makes you think you’ll hurt me?”
“I don’t exactly have the greatest track record with relationships, do I? Behind all that hoity toity lawyer stuff, you’re so horribly kind. It makes me sick, honestly.” He’s facing you, pain flickering across his face. “People have never really liked me for me, you know? It’s always just for my money, or my brother, or Dad. It’s like… it’s like I’m not even here.”
You take a moment before responding. “I see you. You work hard, Roman. I should express my appreciation more.”
You’re right. Despite your consistent bickering in the beginning, Roman was dedicated to what you were trying to do together. Like clockwork, he’d have paperwork on your desk or news articles sent or even a mug of coffee. Recently, too- he’d helped you confirm Connor was lying, and now he apparently has dirt on his finances- and financier.
“Even though you’re honestly a jerk, I think deep down under all of that clownery you’re a good guy,” you murmur.
“You’re so backhanded,” he complains, reaching across you to pull you into him. His arm wraps around your back, the other sitting on the back of your thigh as he shifts you on top of him. You set your cheek on his chest.
“Really, Roman. I think you’re too hard on yourself.” His fingers trace circles into your skin.
“I don’t even know what I’m talking about.” You catch your eyes drooping as he speaks. “I want to try this. Seriously. Actually.”
“You can,” you murmur back. “We can.”
“I want to start acting like a real couple. I want you to trust me, to feel safe with me.”
You sigh happily as his fingers continue their ministrations. “I already do.”
“That makes you kind of stupid, really.” Roman presses a hesitant kiss to your head. “Like you said, I’m a jerk, and on top of that, I’m vain, self absorbed, wickedly good looking…”
“Oh, shut up.” You laugh lightly into his chest.
He does, for a few moments. “Y/N?”
“Hm?”
He gently takes your chin, tilting it up enough so he can look at you. You can tell he’s fighting with himself in his mind. Shakily, he presses his lips to yours.
It’s a stiff, awkward kiss, and he pulls away quickly.
“Good night, Y/N.”
☾𖤓
The next morning, you’re leaning against the wall, fighting off sleep. Your flight is bright and early, and therefore so are you. Roman insisted to carry all of your luggage out to the car, so you stand in the foyer, avoiding the outside chill of the morning. You and Greg talk about nothing while Kendall stares into his empty coffee cup, Shiv on his other side, teeth chattering.
“Hey, I’ve been meaning to tell you- I’ve gotten a few bank statements I want you to take a look at. Don’t worry about them now, though. I don’t want you stressing until we get back. I mean, I don’t want you stressing at all, and I’m just trying to preserve the peace until we get back to the States. I mean- I don’t know what I mean.”
You give his arm an affectionate squeeze, and he rubs the grogginess from his eyes.
Roman shuffles back in, his breath clouding out in front of him before he steps back into the heat. “Santa took a fat shit outside.”
“How poetic,” you mutter in response. “You have such a way with words.”
He waits for the other three to file out of the foyer before pressing a kiss to your cheek. “Just for you.”
The flight back is lethargic. Nobody wants to get back to work, least of all you. Roman’s sprawled across your lap, and you idly scratch at his scalp. Kendall sits on your other side, slumped against you with his blanket pulled over his head. Shiv once again sits across from you, her legs once again propped up on the side of your lap Roman isn’t occupying. Greg has a sofa all to himself, his legs sticking off the end as he snores lightly.
Logan, again, had elected to take a different flight. It’s for the better, anyway.
“You think I can hire a hit man without getting arrested?” Shiv asks you nonchalantly.
“I want to see you try.” You give her ankle a pat. “You’ll do great,” you tell her sarcastically. “I’ll be so excited to come see you during prison visiting hours. If you get any.”
“Oh, be quiet. I’d execute it perfectly.”
“I really do hope you’re joking. Do you know how stupid people who hire ‘hit men’ are?” you ask, making air quotes with your free hand.
“What? It’d be fun, I think.”
“Stop thinking, then, Shiv.”
The rest of the long flight goes by slowly. When you step off the stairway and onto the asphalt, you take a breath of the smoke-infused air. It’s disgusting compared to the crisp, Norwegian air. Your nose scrunches.
“Fuckin’ gross…,” Kendall mutters as he gently pushes past you, his face mirroring yours. After everyone goes their separate ways, you and Roman are left to each other in the backseat of the car taking you back to your apartment.
The rest of the day is lazy. You spend it curled together on the couch.
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floodhell · 1 year
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pinocchio returning to being a puppet because of a lie he told to protect his father only to have his father say that he never should have made him because he lied…pain pain pain
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hamletthedane · 3 months
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dealing with a code-red RSD-meltdown anxiety attack by laying on your bedroom floor reciting all the Shakespeare you’ve ever memorized to yourself for nearly three hours straight is something that can be so personal, actually-
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snowflake-sage · 7 months
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Had to get this off my chest
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andro-dino · 4 months
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big eared bros
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elderwisp · 26 days
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actual photo of me presenting atlas and frances to the world
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do I understand the boop thing? absolutely not. did i happy stim as soon as I saw my favorite house md (specifically hilson characterization/dynamics) author booped me? ……….mayhaps.
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houseofpendragons · 5 months
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Corey Mylchreest and Tom Blyth as older Aegon III Targaryen & Viserys II Targaryen
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daveyfvckingjacobs · 4 months
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I’m doing okay btw
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j-ustkeepgliding · 4 months
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.
I don’t know, man. you’re jamie drysdale and you probably had absolutely no idea about what was going to happen, you probably thought and had been told that you were a major part of your team’s future, their rebuild, and you’ve set up a home and a life in anaheim with all your friends — some of them are your best friends, now — and teammates, only to get the call while travelling with said teammates. you land with the team, but instead of going with them you get off the plane, grab your bags and catch the next flight back to anaheim, and your head is spinning as the plane takes off because all of a sudden the team have decided that they don’t want you anymore and that you’d be better on a team across the country. and you land again, and you’re back home, but it’s not home anymore, because you’re having to frantically pack up the life you’ve built for yourself into a much-too-small suitcase so that you can move to a city that you have no idea about, so that you can play with a new team that you have no idea about, and it’s all so fast and too much and you ache and ache and ache because your life has been uprooted just like that, and anaheim will probably never be home again, and it’s the middle of the season so you don’t even really get any time to begin to process it before you’re training and playing with your new team, and somewhere in the air between anaheim and philadelphia, you realise that you never really got to say goodbye properly to all the people that you thought you’d be around for so much longer.
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*taps microphone* so i’d just like to talk about all the little kids in coruscant who would absolutely be out of their mind with love and awe for the corrie guard, and their fire engine red painted armour
these kids
these kids would wait at their windows to watch them drive past their window on a scheduled patrol. they’d be so thrilled to see them in the market. or when Fox is standing next to Palpatine in the press in his extra red paint
their parent will be like ‘want to talk to them?’ and the kids will get all shy.
they might even draw pictures of them to give to them
because no matter what the adults think, abiut flesh droids or military police being given more and more responsibility (that theybwould see as power) as the war went on, but little kids know what’s up. they know how cool garbage men are, and fire men (with the shiny red paint), and other civil servants that adults don’t think are awesome but kids know
and you know, you just know that Sergeant Hound, with his cute mastiff and awesome bucket paint would be the absolute pinnacle of coolness to an eight year old coruscanti child
#I forgot to take my pain meds today and then did things so I’n stuck in bed in agony but I thot I’d write out the cute headcanon#that I’ve been thinking about for a while#how the adults would listen to the propoganda that makes civil unrest more likely#because palps wanted turmoil at home to make the senators nervous so they gave him more power#he would absolutely use the guard like a sledgehammer#adults would also know why the corries have mastifs and riot gear and why there were shock troopers posted on a republic planet#and about the raids that keep happening to innocent people#and all of the money and drugs and material goods and wven food and water that were being confiscated for the most flimsy of reasons#and the people who were being arrested never to be seen again#but the kids#would think they were so cool and act like they were celebrities#ok good meeting#I’m writing a winged clone fic and so you can imagine how much this is turned up to eleven when the corries have WINGS and can FLY#some kids would obviously think cody or rex or any of the other clones that ended up in propoganda next to obi-wan and anakin etc were#the best but they would get into arguments with the kids who were all about the corries#some autistic kid thinking hound is the height of clone existsnce#some other autistic kid thinking the logistics offocers were awesome#I just like thinking about it#coruscant guard#corrie shenanigans#corrie guard#commander fox#commander thorn#commander thire#commander stone#sergeant hound#clone trooper hound#star wars ​headcanons#fluff
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