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awhimproned · 8 months

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"you don't actually want the thing you think you want", a nandermo retrospective

In this post of mine deep diving into the decision of guillermo staying human, I said I wanted to make a nandermo analysis at one point. I absolutely have no self-control so I immediately started working on it. So, welcome. This is it.

This post will attempt to analyze in depth two implications of the infamous quote from above by Yana Gorskaya:

It’s shipbaiting and we’ve got a storm coming

It’s slowburn and the importance of recognizing toxic dynamics even when enjoying the drama and the potential

The quote comes from this interview question right here:

It can be interpreted in a lot of ways and directions, the most prominent one being “and they were platonic all along. trust us you dont want them together” — it leaves a very bad taste in my mouth because I can see the showrunners dangling a carrot in front of a target audience until the finish line. Especially when one of the directors herself says and proves outright that nandor and guillermo have been framed romantically on purpose just by having the line “will they won’t they relationship” in the interview.

Keep in mind the admittance of will they won’t they directly out of Yana automatically eliminates the argument that the writers were strictly going for platonic friends. There’s no refusal. No going: yea no we dont know. They wrote nandor and guillermo to be romantic.

From there we have two routes we can take:

1) On the direction that they’re not having nandermo be a thing: This makes everything shipbaiting.

At least it’s not queerbaiting, I hear you say, both characters are queer. I’d argue shipbaiting is worse in this situation, because in this frame, it rather looks like the showrunners are using the certain attachment and sentiments of the audience to string people along:

Both of these characters are people of color, one is plus size, both of them queer. If it’s shipbaiting, this kind of alludes to discrimination, I’m afraid. It does not look good on the showrunners/producers’ part (when Taika’s name is attached, too. This man is literally in OFMD. Help)

And you don’t want to be like Jason Rothenberg; beefing with your own fandom, making writing decisons to spite them, kill a lesbian character after exploiting your sapphic audience and be infamous for the worst case of bury your gays, shipbait for seven seasons to hold the largest fandom in the audience to keep your views up, mistreat your POC cast members... etc. God, yeesh.

It’s almost incriminating in that sense, when they stopped floating around the idea of them and made it canon by dropping the “maybe he has feelings for you as well” line in season 3 and while guillermo was disguised as nandor. And have him be bitchy about gail. Everything about s3 told us that guillermo had a thing for nandor.

If nandor and guillermo were intended strictly as just a couple of pals, they could easily shut down the excitement and expectation for the ship, but instead they did those. It was a confirmation more than anything rather than a rebuttal.

But I guess for the shipbaiting case, the “rebuttal” was s4 when Guillermo was in his healing era, Nandor wanted a wife, and they resetted allathat in s3 to practically nothing.

As much as I’m going to use this as an opposition argument in section two, it also is a potential support for shipbaiting case, and that is the repetition of “friends” for nandor&guillermo that started becoming more of a thing in seasons 4&5. Especially s4.

It saw Guillermo outgrowing Nandor for a potential love interest when s3 had the biggest plot twist in their favor ever, it was going somewhere, and then they immediately established not only Guillermo finding a boyfriend in London, but also him having no hard feelings about Nandor wanting to find a wife when we all know how hard he’d taken Gail — and most important of it all, Nandor just wanting a Freddie of his own. It’s really weirdly romantic drama-centric with each of them getting partners & setting up for jealousy, but the writers subvert every trope, and instead do this weird shit with Nandor’s storyline where it’s purely a horror story from Marwa’s POV and he’s a horrible, selfish monster (and I was flabbergasted at the downward spiral his character took) — yet he’s incredibly “generous” to Guillermo because he chose to make his own Freddie rather than take his and let him go in the end, it’s all so very bizarre.

Which makes the shipbait even more outrageous. Because now it’s personal since it has more shipbait moments inbetween that don’t have heterosexual explanations. KEEP IN MIND THEY’RE STILL FRAMED ROMANTICALLY THEY KNOW WHAT THEY’RE DOING AND THE WHOLE THING WITH DEREK IS A WHOLE CHEATING METAPHOR.

The equivalent would be that one scene in Sherlock BBC when irene goes “of course you are [in love with him]” to john and how the show keeps bringing up how other characters think they’re in a relationship and saying it. You never want to be like Sherlock, either. Ugh.

I’ve been in through enough queerbaiting&shipbaiting to know that it could definitely turn out this way, and I’m still half-expecting this to be honest. I’m also a big fan of ofmd and go, but they’re exceptions, not the norm, and as much as wwdits is a wildly revolutionarily queer show, there is enough material for it all to turn out to be nothing.

So, in conclusion: shipbaiting turns out to be worse than it is because it’s on purpose and there’s no salvaging it after the “it was friendship all along ❤️” insistence, there’s receipts and the actors are on board with it. And in a situation like things, there is only one thing to say:

At least we have fanfiction and the actors like the pairing.

2) On the direction that nandermo is a thing: “you don’t know what you’re asking for and you won’t like it if we give it to you right now” dilemma, aka “you don’t actually want the thing you think you want” —

which basically rounds up to yana meaning, if nandor and guillermo were to be a thing right now at this point in their relationship, it would be messy, abusive and toxic [and there are still other plots to explore and directions this pairing could/have to be taken before they become canon.]

“Yeah they are messy, toxic characters, we know what we’re asking for,” I hear you saying. And I say to that, no, you really don’t, and you would end up hating what they did with nandor and guillermo if they became canon before they were true equals. One example of this would be people switching on Olicity (Oliver and Felicity from Green Arrow, wildly popular crackship there was no hope and only the teasing of in the fandom before it became a real thing) after the writers rushed to make them canon and did them very wrong afterwards.

The allure of nandermo is guillermo breaking the status quo and catching nandor slipping by establishing himself as his equal, destroying the power imbalance completely, them standing as individuals with equal power if not guillermo flipping the dynamic upside down and asserting dominance over nandor this time when he was a mere familiar nandor couldn’t care less about before.

This process is still in progress as of season 5 and let me tell you this, them becoming canon during Guillermo’s familiar status would have been downright icky.

This show’s only other canon ship ladja is the most healthy, gomez and morticia-esque thing ever, they’re in love, they’re horny all the time, they are queer, they fuck other people all the time and encourage each other, they’re wildly protective of one another, the man steps up to be a single father of a child he isn’t obligated to look after and he doesnt let it derail his wife’s career or force motherhood onto her, like. Do you really expect they wouldn’t let nandermo cook enough before they are on this level of iconic and healthy before they become a thing?

Nandor wasn’t even able to admit that Guillermo was a friend to him (and to Guillermo’s face) up until season 5. In season 1 he was weirded out by even saying it, in season 4 he could only manage to say “best man” and immediately reverse when the word friend was brought up — “closest companion for 13 years” in the market fight & “i may have killed my friend” muttered to himself before guillermo comes bursting out the door, it’s like he didn’t want to admit out loud that Guillermo became very important to him in a very short amount of time. Half of the pairing consisting of a person who is unable to make it clear and known to the other how important and precious he is just doesn’t sit well in the case they are in a relationship.

And the power imbalance is still there even if you don’t see it or think it’s gone, albeit knocked almost even by “I can kill you if I want to but I don’t” assertiveness from Guillermo.

Because even in season 3 and 4 in instances Guillermo was able to best Nandor in power, he’s still inferior to and is in service of him — because he’s working for something he wants from Nandor, which Nandor of course keeps taking advantage of by treating Guillermo like a subservient familiar (although it keeps getting better as things change more and more) even if in name he’s a bodyguard.

Their relationship is that of employment in name, the nature of it is give-and-take, Guillermo says it himself in s3 Nandor is a boss more than a friend and he would still be have to be “friends” with him because he’s his boss. And let’s be honest, before Nandor really became found family to him and he himself realized that over the seasons, Nandor was a means to an end for Guillermo, he’s “Master”, not “Nandor”.

And from Nandor’s perspective, Guillermo is with him because he wants to be a vampire. Simple as that. It’s what allows Nandor to exploit Guillermo.

Imagine a premature romance happening in these circumstances, it’d be absolutely in abuse territory, you don’t make your significant other do the dirty work for you like that. It’s why boss-employee relationships are most of the times, forbidden in the workplace, because the boss holds some power over the employee and can very much have them do things that they don’t want to do.

Nandor would not be able to see Guillermo as an equal even when there are feelings involved, because I have to remind you, Nandor is a cruel bastard, and it would turn into one of those AITA posts real quick between them when Guillermo is fully in service of Nandor still.

And remember how Nandor treated his “love” Marwa, how fast he dropped her from his life once that “phase” was over, all the things he did to her, she was his significant other — yet he never connected with her, not really, she was just an accessory to him and this was supposed to be “love”; and the other side of the coin, how he keeps self-sabotaging and ignoring his real problem by filling the void with what he thinks is the solution, getting in the way of his own happiness.

This can’t be ideal from Guillermo’s perspective when imagining a relationship with him.

And now, change Guillermo’s gender. Imagine it being a woman who’s going through this. It’s putrid toxic when you think about it like that. And to think “she” would receive Nandor’s respect and equal footing once she became a vampire same as him — uhh... No, please, thank you. It’s less fun and more this is problematic when the tables turn, isn’t it?

Not to mention how open the vampires’ relationships and sex lives are, they are not monogamous. Guillermo is a very repressed and private Catholic, he wouldn’t be able to handle Nandor and Laszlo’s trysts. He has his own journey to go through for him to be also into open relationships because Nandor sure as hell won’t turn monogamous for him, this is wwdits.

Which is why the progress of “work relationship” to “official declaration of friendship” over the course of season 4 & 5 is very important in their dynamic, because it takes things into a more attentive, caring and intimate territory in which both openly care for each other beyond being Master and Familiar. They both grew tremendously as individuals. Guillermo admits he loves Nandor the most, Nandor is finally able to say that Guillermo is his friend and openly do acts of service and somewhat redeem his selfish actions in s4 when he was lashing out making dumb decisions and actively self-sabotaging because he was given the power instead of confronting leftover problems he was repressing from s3.

This solidifies their connection, makes it something undeniable that it affects a vampire who immediately is able to move on from another’s death. You’re shown again and again how they react to death and how insignificant it is to them, yet Nandor is close to tears when he thinks Guillermo is dead, falls to his knees even, and is even more disturbed and outraged when he thinks Laszlo is violating his corpse.

For the first time you see that more than an unhealthy codependency or a symbiotic relationship between a vampire and a slayer bodyguard/familiar, Nandor is emotionally attached to Guillermo.

Like, really attached that he will actually be kind and giving and forgiving — not only did he violate a vampire society taboo to kill a fellow vampire, but also overcame the pride and humiliation because he finally realizes Guillermo is much more important to him and that he actually doesn’t want to kill him when the anger lets up enough for him to see that. (Thank you Patton Oswald for your service)

And we don’t stop there. He accepts him as an equal and invites him to live together in the house, which proves that even when he was a slayer bodyguard Nandor didn’t see him as an equal, and after Guillermo is having problems with the killing side of being a vampire, he doesn’t humiliate or shame Guillermo through this. You‘d think he and the vampires would make fun of him endlessly, but they let Nandor organize this intricate ritual so all of them together can allow Guillermo’s decision to be as authentic and without pressure and shame as possible. You’d think that ritual room was prepared by Guillermo but everything is done by Nandor, so he proves he’s not entirely unable to function as a normal being who can live by himself, he’s just dramatic and likes to be pampered.

If you thought The Roast was an incredibly generous nandermo episode for me to think we collectively hallucinated it like a Goncharov moment, this final episode is downright fanfic. Nandor has never been this nice with Guillermo, EVER.

All of this is done right after Nandor’s official admitting that Guillermo is his friend. This is a crucial step in their relationship for Nandor to consider Guillermo to be more, and Guillermo to question just what they are.

And love can only work where there’s mutual affection and respect for one another. And the writers are gradually working up to achieve that while tackling individual character arcs for nandor and guillermo to get there.

The power imbalance I’m talking about is a thing that exists beyond the powers they hold over the other’s head, it is about what they think of each other as. What Nandor is to Guillermo, and what Guillermo is to Nandor.

They could only become canon without it being toxic is when Nandor can look at Guillermo and think — “This is my friend and not my servant” and when the carrot of vampirism isn’t hanging in front of Guillermo and he’s naturally an actual part of the friend group (so that he wouldn’t be mistreated while he’s Nandor’s partner too.)

And I really don’t think nadja out of nowhere saying “my best friend” about laszlo was a coincidental writing choice.

And we’re nearly there at this point. Mister Nandor nobody can betray me and get away with it the Relentless just let Guillermo get away with it, and not only that, he fixed everything for him. Everything. He didn’t even get jealous that Guillermo had a choice in staying human when he obviously would kill to be human in season 3. He just went “I will fix”. It’s the most selfless thing he did in the entire series and he only got competent and smart when it was Guillermo in question — he wanted to fix the friendship.

And in episode 8, he told Baron Afanas — “whatever Guillermo’s flaws may be [...]”

That suggests Nandor doesn’t see any flaw in Guillermo, and is unaware if they do in fact, exist. He genuinely likes Guillermo, enough to cry and mourn when he thinks him dead, enough to snap at the Baron and defend him until the end, enough to clutch his favorite sweater like a shock blanket. It was this episode that cemented Guillermo as indisposable to Nandor, and the season finale to establish how far Nandor would go and soften himself up (change) if it was for Guillermo’s sake, he’s never been that tender and considerate, ever with Guillermo,

and you could say at that point it could be because they were “equals” as vampires but Nandor knew what he would choose — the focus on his hands when he’s personally dressing guillermo (pride and prejudice hand flex, dont @ me). "don't be nervous we've all been through it" (gentle). "nothing you cannot handle" (encouraging). Making up an intricate ritual so that he wouldn’t feel pressured or stressed or shamed. "you wanna be a human, there's no shame in that". (These vampires clown on EVERYONE) "we're gonna make it happen". "you want me to do it?". "I don't know" "I do". Keeping Guillermo's old or spare glasses in his pocket like it was something he came across while he was destroying Guillermo’s things like some lover scorned and he saved it like it was some keepsake. “I'm sorry, Guillermo. That was the only way for you to figure out what you actually wanted”. The hand on his shoulder to comfort him and the patting. “It was a horrible and hard decision. I think you made the right choice.” (Nandor himself would have killed derek in a heartbeat if it was his decision to return to being a human, but he still spared Guillermo’s feelings because he knows how hard it was for Guillermo. Since when is Nandor considerate about another person’s feelings? Guillermo is special.)

He was so very unexpectedly gentle and he’s never ever been that way and I am still in shock about his honesty and the effort he’s put into helping. This was the biggest gift he could have given Guillermo, not the vampirism, but a way out of it when he didnt want it anymore, a choice. And he wouldnt have done that if he didnt deeply care for Guillermo —

And with that, we’re almost out of the toxicity zone into a yet new dynamic with them, one that isn’t about who’s dominant and who’s submissive, but them finally being able to stand on equal ground, if Guillermo isn’t asking for vampirism from Nandor anymore and isn’t implicitly going back to being his familiar.

If they’re going towards a romantic relationship, this was an important border to cross and a topic finally handled the way it needs to be addressed. The one thing that’s causing a chain of command in their relationship is gone. And anything can happen. Anything.

I don’t believe that line about cleaning up Derek’s body was meant to imply Guillermo was back to being a familiar for Nandor and that we are back to square one. His phrasing was extremely polite — “Now if you wouldn’t mind cleaning up Derek’s corpse before sunrise that would be great”. That’s not an order. Derek is Guillermo’s mess, so he has to handle it himself, it’s like saying “I’ve done all this and I even killed him for you, and the rest is yours to deal with,” — it’s like saying “I cooked, you do the dishes”, and Nandor is giving him space to deal with his decision, hell, he didn’t even tell Guillermo to clean everything else like he normally would, now that would suggest back to the status quo.

Season 5 was fucking HUGE for nandermo and all of guillermo’s dynamics with everyone. It still feels like a fever dream to be honest. They really went and got rid of what was clogging up the progress of their relationship. They’re just. Happening naturally. It’s a slowburn if it’s meant to happen eventually and the writers are being really careful with doing things in the right way for it to not become toxic.

You just gotta have some faith in the team and wait for it.

In conclusion: Yes fucked up relationships are fun. until it’s canon and people are making discourse on the internet about how abusive it really is when it could have been handled better. The ross and rachel-ification of nandermo is the last thing we need.

There’s definitely things I’ve missed because im purely making this post on mobile and it’s not as coherent as I’d like it to be, if I have, please don’t hesitate to tell me.

#nandermo #guillermo de la cruz #nandor the relentless #wwdits meta #wwdits #what we do in the shadows #wwdits s5 #wwdits spoilers #wwdits season 5

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resident-gay-bitch · 7 months

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a steddie modern au idea that i probably won’t write because i just Don’t have the time or energy for another wip but i’m putting it out here so i remember it, and if anyone wants to write this or gets inspired Please tag me so i can read it <3

okay so imagine this right, rockstar eddie & popstar steve - on complete opposite ends of the music spectrum, forcibly brought together by their label to collaborate on an album!!

read more under the cut :)

( i basically wore the fic lol )

okay, eddie’s in his band right with CC, and they’ve come so far and are doing so well in the metal industry. eddie’s made quite the reputation for himself as the loud, bash, pushy, stuck up, bitchy rockstar who makes his own rules, parties fucking hard, and is a certified sex symbol across the globe.

once on stage, playing out under the stars, a bat flew down onto stage and it was freaking gareth out so eddie Caught it with his hands and held it up simba style, named it ozzy, sent it back off into the night sky and dubbed the bat the bands - and eddie’s own - personal mascot. this was way earlier on in their career so metal snobs started calling him an ozzy osbourne wannabe - the prissy Princess of Darkness. untill he started making way and then the name stuck and one time eddie came out onstage in full pink princess dress and crown and played their gnarliest show yet.

steve harrington though? he’s an angel. the youngsters drool over him and have pictures of soft sweaters and stawberry lipglossed steve on their walls, middle aged women look at him and wished their husbands could be the kind soul that the world knows him to be. the “men” call him a queer and pathetic, and when people ask steve about it in interviews he just smiles and shrugs and says in his soft voice “if that’s how they want to perceive me, that’s okay. i know who i am, i’m just steve. why should we spread hate when we can just be nice?”

girls from highschool started posting about their own experiences with the soft boy sensation that is steve, saying he was the kindest boy they’ve ever dated, he brings girls flowers and kisses them on the doorstep and Holds Their Hands during sex. gen z start calling him a “king 💅” whenever Anything comes out about steve because he just Can’t do anything wrong, and eventually he gets dubbed the King of Pop.

eddie munson is best friends and living with five time gold medalist olympian chrissy cunningham, the gymnast young girls look up too. they’re often speculated to be dating, and half the world thinks they’re actually married concidering they have a cat together, often wear matching outfits when out, and hold hands when walking around. one time eddie was captured giving her a forehead kiss when standing in line for smoothies. but concidering eddie is also seen leaving venues with girls under his arm, and chrissy following behind him with a couple of guys, the rest of the world says they can’t be. who knows, maybe their open or polly, it’s the twenty first century everybody! (but in truth eddie’s walking with chrissy’s hookups under his arms, and chrissy’s chatting away with the guys eddie plans on ruining for the night, and they’ll swap once sage inside the trailer)

steve has a house right next door to up and coming actress robin buckley, and they took down the fence between their homes and built a corridor combining them. they’re as close as chrissy and eddie seem to be, but after robin was seen making out with one of her female costars at a red carpet after party, and wearing a lesbian flag pin on her jacket in paparazzi pics, those rumours have died significantly.

chrissy cunningham is in love with steve harrington, she thinks he’s the perfect man, “if i had to date a guy, eddie, it would be that one and that one Only. i’ll excuse the penis if he looks at me with those pretty boy eyes.” she has posters of him on her wall, listens to his music on the regular, and eddie knows way more about him than he’d like to admit. not that he pays much attention, just when chrissy plays his latest single on an endless loop and quotes things he says on the daily, a guys gonna pick up on stuff.

robins little sister, max, who by platonic-soulmate-law, is steve’s little sister is Obsessed with CC. she listens to them all the time, along with a bunch of other metal and punk bands, and has a poster of him shredding on her wall. her boyfriend lucas gets jealous about it all the time and even took to learning one of his solos on steve’s guitar.

the thing is, though, eddie and steve are perceived the way they are because their label actually Sucks and they’re signed in for too many more years to find a way out.

queer aligations got shot around about Everyone in CC. people think they all fuck guys, people think they all fuck eachother, people think so many things and the label twists and turns those stories to make them “acceptable”.

the thing is though, they’re all so fucking gay… and they all have fucked eachother. eddie and gareth were boyfriends back in highschool, jeff and grant have been together for the last couple of years and they’re talking marriage. they’ve all hooked up with eachother separately, they’ve all gotten together for a few foursomes, they’ve all gangbanged a bunch of groupies of Multiple genders together, so eddie Knows where the rumours come from. he wants to be out, hates hiding, thinks it’s stupid and backwards and Who Cares if they loose a few followers? those aren’t the kinds of people eddie wants listening to his music anyway.

it’s only when gareth settled down with his new wife and popped out kid number one that the rumours about him started to die out… even though, before the kid came around, gareth and his wife would sleep with eddie, jeff, and grant like… all the time.

the only queer speculations about steve are the ones coming from the “alpha males” and younger queer boys that connect with him and want someone like steve to look up too and say “he’s queer too, we’re the same, and it’s okay”. but his label hasn’t given steve a voice… like at all. he got signed because of his gorgeous voice and soft lyrics about losing love and being alone, and being conflicted in your sexuality, and then they signed him and his contract states that he’s Not allowed to write Any of his own lyrics. not a single one of his own songs have been published, to this day.

the label tried to restrict eddie like that too, saying his lyrics were too controversial, but CC refuses to be fake. they agreed to only write songs about death and drugs and sex and satan and blah blah blah metal. eddie’s never really published much from the heart, but he sneaks metaphors in there all the time, that only hardcore fans can pick up on.

the labels getting bored of steve. it’s just the same music, the same tours, the same questions in every interview. he’s Boring them. it’s only a small amount of time before the world gets bored of him too, plus, it’s not like he’ll stay this pretty forever. they want to discard him - he’s locked in by contract though, has to release one more album and tour before they can be done with him.

and then grant dies. it’s a horrible accident, car crash, some drunk driver t-boned him and flipped his car off the road. it Breaks jeff. it breaks all of them, but mostly jeff. he’s distraught, turns to drugs, ODs and it’s then that gareth and eddie send him to rehab.

there’s no corroded coffin without grant, the band breaks up. the three of them Won’t play stadium tours and write albums together without him, and- “are you fucking CRAZY? of course we’re not Replacing him, get a fucking grip.”

it takes Months for any of them to get to a point where they can be seen in society again. it’s then that the label says they Have to bring one more album an to the table. but they’re willing to drop CC if eddie goes solo. he’s the face of the band anyway, the voice, “he’s who the women want, guys.”

eddie agrees, because he’s legally obligated too. and he writes the most dumbfuck album anyone’s ever heard. it’s all preschool-esque lyrics and about farm animals and potty training and it’s also just fucking Gay - like there’s one song that just goes on and on an on about some guys ballsack. he records a demo to go with them, has his guitar perfectly out of tune and sings so terribly his voice cracks, if singing is what you can actually call it. the label gets So fucking mad at him.

so here they are, newly solo artist eddie munson, the fucking prick, stuckup rockstar, entitled rich as Princess of Darkness, and steve harrington, the sweet soft boy turned boring, King of Pop; both locked in for another album, and tour, and Useless.

they’re going to Lose the label money at this rate.

so they try something. something that will bring in Buckets.

CC and steve harrington are the labels two biggest musicians. they’re constantly fighting to be top of the charts, shooting past eachother with every new album, new single, new tour, new pap photos, new relationship spectacle, each red carpet appearance… evetything. They are who everyone’s obessed with, they are who have the Biggest markets. every woman on the globe has to be obsessed with at least One of them.

why not pool those two fanbases together? get them to collaborate on a song together, the fans will go crazy and it will surely break the charts. the company will get So fucking rich.

but if they can make buckets off one song… than why not a whole album? why not make them Tour together.

which is how eddie and steve find themselves nervously sitting in a recording studio together one afternoon, going through introductions and contracts and provosos with the label and blah blah blah boring rules and legal shit.

eddie’s dreading working with this guy. he’s a total Phonie! King of Pop? who does he think he is, this harry styles wanna be. sure he writes poetic shit about love and making soft love to women, but it’s all so vapid. eddie Knows music, and he knows when lyrics are bullshit. i mean Sure, eddie knows a good handful of his songs on guitar, but that’s Only so he can play them to chrissy because it’s special to her. doesn’t make his music Good - and that’s not even eddie being a snob, he can vibe with pop, taylor swift is a lyrical goddess, he is an all too well girlie and he and chrissy scream the ten minuet version in the car together late at night.

he’s also dreading the clear over kindness. steve’s meant to be this darling angel, and sure that’s why the girls and gays love him so much, but eddie doesn’t think he could Handle someone being so fucking nice up in his face like that because he’ll Know it’s fake. he won’t be able to tell if the guys actually being nice because he actually gets along with eddie, or if he’s being nice because it’s his job.

and steve is dreading working with eddie because eddie is supposed to be one of the Hardest people to work for. he’s stuck up and dickish and Snarky and so fucking confident and a Rockstar for fucks sake. steve is way too tired to deal with a cunt right now - let alone Tour with one.

everything about this meeting and collaboration is Completely under the blanket. the label doesn’t want to announce Anything until they have a good album from them, because they know how hot headed and temperamental eddie is - given the last thing he gave them, which was immediately scrapped.

so they meet, sign a bunch of non disclosures. they’re not even allowed to tell robin and chrissy that they’re Meeting eachother - they do, though, but it doesn’t go past those two.

they’re left alone, once everything is signed. they’ve been standoffish, haven’t said more than ten words to eachother. eddie’s all glares and attitude, steve’s all soft smiles and bats of his eyelids.

they both want to be sick - this is torture.

everything’s signed. everything’s legally a secret. they’re behind closed doors in a recording studio to themselves to “get creative”. and so the masks come down.

turns out, steve is Not nice. three minuets into their alone time, eddie kicks his feet up onto the desk by steve and steve… he picks up a pen and uses it to push eddie’s shoes off the table and away from him with a bitchy glare.

steve’s Bitchy. he’s got bite and he’s So fucking sarcastic. he keeps looking eddie over and scrunching his nose, he keeps making snide comments about eddie’s over sexual behaviour and drug culture. he even goes so far as to insult eddie’s hair, “the eighties called, van halen wants his wig back”.

and eddie’s… we’ll, he’s a little turned on by it.

to the world, steve’s this perfect little soft boy who sings about love and sugar and spice and all things nice, but when there’s a contract saying eddie’s legally obliged to shut his trap about Anything steve related, he lets his true colours show.

and steve? well, once he sends out a Bunch of snarky remarks eddie’s way, he’s realising that eddie’s not reacting the way he’s been conditioned to believe eddie would. he’s expecting mean quips back, jabs at his career and “queerness” and pastel colour pallet, maybe even a meltdown. but eddie just sits there slack jawed and actually.. encouragers steve’s insults and bitchy nature. and eddie’s kinda sweet, when steve tells him to keep his shoes off the table, eddie complies and actually apologises. he even pulls out a random compliment, telling steve he actually has a really nice voice.

and he’s making steve nervous… he’s getting butterflies.

they talk for a little while longer before eddie conducts a plan. they have to go home and listen to each others music and pick a few favourites or memorable things, stuff they think they can get behind mixing with their own style. they need something with Both of their sounds combined.

steve only has a few albums out, so eddie says he’ll listen to them all. corroded coffin though? they have Heaps of music out, so eddie writes down a list of their top albums and some of His favourites from other albums that he thinks steve might be able to get behind.

steve goes home and recruits robin to listen with him, gets max to send through all of her favourites and Why. he writes down a little list with his top five songs and a couple quotes and times where solos fucking rock. by the time he’s done he’s got about an a4 page worth of notes.

eddie goes home and he and chrissy spend the night analysing All of steve’s music. they print out the lyrics to every song and scribble all over them, listing to his two albums, one EP, and a single, on an endless loop. chrissy is Always happy to spend hours talking about Steve Harrington, and eddie is the biggest fucking nerd and loves analysing music and figuring everything about it out. he learns chords, flips some of steve’s songs to make them a little rougher so he can show steve and give him a taste of the stuff they Could create.

steve feels so embarrassed with the lack of shit he’s got when eddie slams down a Folder full of notes. but eddie hurriedly stops steve’s apologising and looks at his notes and Actually awes at them “you like this song? it’s your favourite? i wrote that secretly about my fuck off dad and missing my mamma- you really like it? gosh, not many people do… this is so cool, i can’t believe you listened to it”

eddie starts talking about - and dissecting - steve’s music, telling him things about his lyrics He didn’t actually know. eddie tells him they’re all kinda… vappid. like steve doesn’t sing them with Emotion. they don’t come from the heart, they’re just stories. steve tells him he’s not allowed to write his own stuff, even though he has books full of lyrics at home.

eddie has an entire wall of his house turned into a bookshelf filled with journals for lyrics and writing music, different shelf’s are for different moods and different journals are for different themes.

they start to jam and eddie plays a few of steve’s songs. they figure out some stuff and eddie declares they’re going to make “the most outer worldly album that’s ever graced our mortal plane, king stevie, i can promise you that” - he gives steve a mission. he has to go home and find One song he’s written that he’d like the world to know about, and text pictures of it to eddie - and eddie will make sure it’s label appropriate (if it’s not, he’ll sit down with steve and they’ll tweak it to hide controversial themes behind metaphors) and tell their boss he wrote it so they can put it on the album; steve will sing it of course, and it will come from the heart.

they talk about their experiences over the next few weeks. it’s basically paid fucking therapy. eddie talks about grant, talks about CC, talks about highschool, talks about chrissy. steve talks about robin, talks about highschool, talks about the mall fire he got caught in, he talks about his abuser billy hargrove. eddie opens up about his own abuser, reefer rick, his old supplier. steve opens up about getting cheated on with the first girl he loved. eddie opened up about getting cheated on by reefer. steve opens up about neglectful parents and eddie opens up about his time through the foster system and having a druggie mother and a dad in jail.

that’s what they write music about.

steve finally sends eddie a song. it’s a song about learning to care about yourself. he wrote it when robin stepped into his life, when she conditioned him to gain his self respect back and love himself. it’s about how fucking Important loving yourself - no matter your difference or your experiences may be.

eddie cries when he reads it, he thinks it’s perfect just the way it is. the few undertones of queerness he’s picking up on from deep analysis will go right over the labels heads.

eddie suggests he write a song completely on his own for the album too, one without steve’s imput. then they both have one song that’s completely Theirs. he writes his song about grant, it’s an ode to him, a goodbye, and hidden behind metaphors and poetic tear stained lyrics, it’s about having your true self hidden by masks and flashy cameras and men in tight suits; it’s about jeff, it’s about their love, it’s about the love eddie had for grant, it’s about the love they all had for eachother, it’s about the bandanna they all wear in their back pockets from time to time.

steve reads it and he… he gets it.

he knows eddie’s queer, eddie let it slip the second time they met, when he was talking about another of his songs about the first guy he had sex with. so it’s not a shock to steve to read this kinda shit.

but when eddie’s reading steve’s lyrics, it’s kinda shocking to him. steve hadn’t come out, even though he’s given ample opportunity, hadn’t mentioned anything about men and talked plenty about women, so eddie just fairly assumed he was straight.

on the last day of recording the album, they’re in the studio together. all the backtracks are done and they’re just recording lyrics. they’re both there in the sound booth with headphones on, and eddie’s singing his ode to grant, steve backing up his vocals, but letting eddie take centre stage. eddie cries and takes a good break before they can record steve’s song - steve’s song that they think eddie wrote.

they record steve’s song, eddie eddie backs up his vocals occasionally when asked, but it’s Steve’s song. its litterally titled steve’s song, because eddie felt sick with the idea of Actually taking credit for something steve created. he’s only doing it for legal reasons and because he Needs steve to get his lyrics out into the world. they worked on all the other songs together - the label doesn’t know that - but this is Steve’s. it should have been on his first album.

steve cries whilst singing it, because it comes from the heart. he sings it with raw fucking emotion and.. oh jeez, it makes eddie cry too. steve finished singing and eddie pulls him into a tight hug and whispers to steve so no one else can hear “that’s the best you’ve ever sounded, stevie”.

what they didn’t know was that their manager snapped a photo of their hug and sent it to rolling stone along with an announcement of a new album and upcoming tour.

the internet goes bazerk! “the King of Pop and the Princess of Darkness? what an odd pair… someone write me this fan fiction rn.”

eddie and steve go home that night feeling a little useless. they just spent weeks crammed up in the recording studio together, making music and talking about things they are too scared to tell the world, and now they’re… no where near eachother.

they both sit there in their houses and come to the realisation that they Don’t just think the other is only adorable and totally their type… that maybe they were falling in love and feel kinda empty without eachother.

they start texting, chatting, keeping eachother updated on their lives - mostly on their platonic soulmates. steve prints off a selfie he and eddie took together one night a few drinks in, guitars on their laps, cheesy grins on their faces, and signs it for chrissy - she Freaks Out.

eddie sends over a CC sample hoodie he had lying around that ended up getting discontinued before selling at all, and he signed the spot over the heart with fabric pen for max.

the single drops - steve’s song - and fans go crazy. steve’s fans And eddie’s fans have collectively come together to Scream about it. it reaches top of the charts in under a week. who knew a bunch of teenage girls could be so powerful?

the tour gets announced - tickets sell Fast.

the rest of the album drops and the label hosts a party for it. steve and eddie bring their other half’s and robin and chrissy hit it off immediately, and they start dating at a lesbian pace. steve and eddie get plastered and wake up cuddling - fully clothed, but cuddling - in… chrissy’s bed? they barely even remember going back to eddie’s place, but when they go out to the kitchen they find out that they ended up keeping the party going here - robin and chrissy are curled up together half naked on the couch.

they keep texting. they can’t stay away from eachother. they know the flirting is bad and helpless, but they Can’t Help it. they’re both smitten and falling more and more each day.

the tour starts and there are strict rules they have to oblige by, via steve’s original contact. eddie breaks half of them.

one of the rules happens to be Zero queerness - but that’s the same for eddie’s contract. they’re also both talked too about acting too “gay” on stage, they’re not allowed too. whatever that means.

the tour is fucking amazing. they both love looking out to the crowd and seeing all the different people. there are teenage girls in pastel skirts and sparkly dresses with bedazzled glasses and friendship charm bracelets, there are girls with dark eyeliner and ripped stockings and chunky silver jewlery and an obscene amount of leather, there are boys in lightwash jeans and crop tops, and boys in black ripped jeans and the wrong band tees with jewlery all over their faces, their are middle aged mothers wine drunk, there are older men with goatees, there are father there with their daughters and mothers there with their sons, and So, So many more different people. it makes them both emotional.

after show four of their massive tour, they’re both having a few drinks in eddie’s trailer and listening to music and continuing the game of truth or dare robin and chrissy started before they got distracted and wandered off to steve’s trailer. they get drunker, and gigglier, and closer, and more lose lipped, and steve tells eddie he’s bi, and eddie tells steve he’s the most beautiful (inside and out) man he’s ever met, and they kiss.

they spent the rest of their tour keeping their relationship VERY secret. steve’s trailer is now permanently robin and chrissy’s, and he and eddie share eddie’s. no one suspects a thing, they’re both used to keeping their queer relations under wraps.

they say i love you in the last month of their tour. when they get home, they want to move in together. they’re going to buy their own mansion with all the fucking money this albums made them, and they’re planning what their room will look like, and their kitchen, and their garden, and their future. steve wants kids, always has. eddie’s scared to be a dad, but he thinks he’d like to try with steve, just not for a few more years. they both think marriage is stupid, but they’re also both hopeless romantics who have each pictured and planned their own weddings so they think they might even get married one day. they get matching tattoos, a little crown on eddie’s ribs under his heart for steve, and a tiara in the same place on steve for eddie.

the label asks to sign them both on for a few more albums, another tour. they’re bringing in So much money.

eddie says no, straight away. he’s not letting steve get suffocated by these fuckers anymore. there’s nothing here for him anyway. he’s already working with gareth and jeff on creating their own label, it’s almost up and running.

for steve’s birthday, three nights before the tour ends, eddie tells him he’s now the co-ceo of his own production company, named after grant, to carry on his legacy. eddie slides over a wad of paper and tells steve he wants the first artist they sign to be steve - he works on his own conditions, writes whatever music he wants, sings from the heart, writes them one album and then once that’s done (when steve is Ready for it to be done) they’ll draw up another contract, if that’s what steve wants. steve signs, starts working on his first album right away.

he lies in bed that night with eddie’s head on his chest, and they’re scribbling down lyrics about sex in satin sheets in the dark of a tour trailer, and falling in love.

they perform their last show, and they cry hopelessly.

that’s it. they’re done. their no longer signed to the label, evetythings Over.

eddie’s wearing the tiara steve put on his head on their First show, he’s also wearing leather and stompers and no shirt. steve’s wearing lightwash blue jeans and a flowey shirt made of lace and a crooked crown on top of his perfect hair. they’re both heaving, and crying black mascara and eyeliner tracks down their cheeks, and sweating buckets. but they both think the other is so fucking beautiful and they can’t resist it

it’s not like they’re locked in by the label anymore anyway.

eddie shoved his guitar off and lays it very neatly on the ground before full pelt running for steve and just Kissing him. the crowd goes fucking crazy. they loose their shit and it breaks the media.

“i love you…” eddie pants into his mouth and kisses him again “i love you so fucking much baby”

“i love you too.” steve says and then he swiftly drops to one knee, pulls a ring box out of his pocket and asks eddie to marry him

it’s there in stage, with a the most diverse and random crowd in the world, sweaty and hot and in love, that eddie and steve break history. not only did they Just come out to the world as queer… and dating, they’re also the first famous queer couple to get engaged on stage like this.

so yeah… that’s my “little” fic idea :)

and then they obviously get married and get their mansion or whatever and adopt a kid a few years into the marriage, when eddie feels stable enough to be able to responsibily raise a little gremlin. she’s totally a little menace like eddie, but she’s for sure got his pure sweetness when she’s with people she trusts and loves but holy shit is she steve’s kid, because she’s gotta be more snarky and more bitchy than steve was during their first meeting… and what’s worse is when they gang up on eddie with double bitchy glares.

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rottenbrainstuff · 20 days

Text

BG3 playthrough - House of Hope

Man I’m getting legit sad I’m getting so close to being done.

Unpopular (?) opinion - I have read people explaining up and down and back and forth about how pressed they are that Haarlep says Raphael is bad in bed, how Haarlep is unreliable because he hates Raphael, how he’s an incubus so his standards must be very high, how Raphael is probably purposefully doing this or that because Haarlep is a spy keeping an eye on him for daddy so of course he’s not going to appear vulnerable in any way, even how sad and conflicted Raphael must be, being a cambian…

Honestly - I have zero trouble taking Haarlep at his literal word. 100%. Raphael’s house is literally full of paintings and statues of himself. He wrote an entire book that’s nothing but descriptions of different scenarios of him being crowned with the crown of Karsus. His diary entries are absolutely insufferable. He is the textbook definition of hubris and vanity. I have zero problem believing Haarlep literally. And I say all this affectionately, by the way: Raphael is one of my favourite characters in the entire game. But it’s kind of like how everyone wants to soften out all the rough edges on Astarion - I like him like this. I think it’s hilarious that he’s so vain. His hubris is so funny. His opinion of himself is so high and his confidence in his victory is so complete, but his personal incubus is sitting here lounging in his bed absolutely roasting his ass to complete strangers with very little prompting. I think he’s a great devil character and I don’t want to make up excuses for his behaviour in order to humanize him. I definitely do love complicated antagonists who have more to them than it first appears, but honestly I just do not get that vibe from him. And I love him for it.

Haarlep was so funny btw. I just love it when actors are having fun. That must have been so funny to come in and voice the character, like, ok so for today, you’re doing the same voice as before, except make it slutty and bitchy this time. It makes sense I guess that Haarlep can change into a female form if you want, of course he can, and I think it’s funny that even when Raphael wants to shake things up a bit, it’s still with a version of himself, but myeh, that whole thing felt to me like a “hey don’t worry if you’re icked out, we have a girl option too that we can totally switch to if you want.” Maybe I’ve just read too many forum arguments about how there’s too many gay people in this game and people are crying to have a toggle to turn it off, and it makes me hostile to anything that smacks of trying to soothe people’s hurt heterosexuality. (because like, theoretically there could be lesbians who object to the scene as well?) Oh well. Still funny in the end. I was going to go through with just sleeping with Haarlep to avoid a fight, because that’s the direction my tav generally likes to go, but then Astarion got very concerned and made me feel bad, so I changed my mind.

Well this whole area was fun. I loved Raphael’s house. I loved all the details. I loved the debtors, the tacky ostentatious bullshit in every corner, I loved the rotten banquet. Is that its natural state and he charmed it to look fresh when I arrived? (disgusting, I love it) Or has he just been so pissy about whatever went wrong with the skeleton folks at the table that he’s never bothered to have it cleared and has left it there in a temper tantrum as a lesson? (ridiculous, I also love it) I love how absolutely, singularly obsessed Raphael is with my party. I know it’s because we are the means by which he thinks he is going to get that crown, but it also feels personal and weird and uncomfortable. I love that my contract has this place of honour in his archive. It’s almost touching, if it wasn’t my fucking soul. I love how absolutely self-assured Raphael is, how confident he is that his plan is going to work, how the possibility of a failure or a trick, like, he doesn’t even have the capacity to consider that a possibility. It SO GODAMNED FUNNY to kick his ego-inflated ass when he was SO FUCKING SURE that he would win. Raphael you are such an insufferable idiot. I love him. I’m so glad the VA won a Bafta.

The Raphael fight is tricky, but honestly, half of the trick is that before you even get there, you have to fight your way to the foyer past the most annoying enemies. I guess Hope’s divine intervention which can restore your spells and HP helps to balance that out though.

It was surprising to see I was able to get Yurgir to side with me in the fight - I had assumed he’d be SO fucking pissed after I tricked him in the Shar gauntlet. Now I have an additional ally in the big brain fight! …except he really wasn’t all that helpful in the Raphael fight, not at all. He’d go invisible, pop out of invisibility, knife someone for maybe 7 HP, then pop invisible again. I guess every little bit helps but…? Come on dude. At least stay visible so you can soak some hits.

Apparently it’s possible to make Korilla survive the fight? I was… NOT able to do that. You get some extra dialogue if you do, but the fight is hard enough to win even without trying to manage a hostile NPC who is usually the first one Yurgir targets. Sorry Hope, sorry Korilla. How come you can cast Otto’s Irresistible Dance on Raphael, and it will incapacitate him, but it won’t make him actually boogie? I was so excited to see him dance, and then he didn’t, he just stands there.

It doesn’t even need to be said - Raphael’s fight song is of course amazing, chef’s kiss, perfection.

Anyway, bard vs bard fight, very fun, when you kill him Raphael crumples dramatically to the ground, I love the big boss fights in this game.

Coming back, I got a stupid lecture from the Emperor about how naughty naughty I was being. Sure asshole, lecture me about trust, that’s really rich coming from the guy who didn’t trust ME with anything, and I had to pry the truth out, unwillingly, in stages. I can’t fucking wait to doublecross that guy.

If you attack Helsik, Raphael’s boss song also plays? That was… a little bit strange! I wanted to see what was in her basement, but the fight with all the gilded imps and Minotaurs and whatnot was such a pain I didn’t bother. Apparently you can access the basement through Dammon’s basement anyways, if you really want to see it, so. I DID make sure to pickpocket those gauntlets back off her cause I want them.

Mannnn. I’m almost done the game. WTF. All I have left to do is go give Mol her contract, talk to Voss in the undercity and piss off the Emperor, get my poop in a group and… that’s it. I’m off to fight the brain. I’ve been playing this playthrough for six months, and I’m almost done.

#bg3 #bg3 raphael #bg3 playthrough #bg3 spoilers #baldur's gate 3

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facewithoutheart · 3 months

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hi Christina! For the ask game, I'm going to ask about snowbaz, brobelove, and malmage. You don't need to answer them all! But you can if you want to 🥰

Thanks for giving me options! I’m gonna do brobelove bc I have thoughts

Do I ship it? Yes!

What made you ship it?

So, I wasn’t super on board at first. Niamh felt like a weird knock off Simon/Baz combo (Simon’s thighs, Baz’s crankiness) but then I really liked seeing Agatha come into her own with the goats and I felt like Niamh had a big hand in that. Plus I just really love writing them together. So, the short answer is my writing made me ship it 🤣

What are your favorite things about the ship?

How petty and bitchy they are together; you’ve seen Hot Judgy Gays get ready for Hot Bitchy Lesbians. I’m here for it. I want them to stomp on me.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

I think Agatha needs to have it out with Niamh about her gaslighty comments about being kidnapped. I think Niamh owes her an apology.

Send me some asks!

#ask game #brobelove

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tuiyla · 1 year

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“Why isn’t Santana nicer after coming out”

Okay so I bring this up in the meta post I’m working on and I don’t want to hijack a post about Quinntana with just my issues on how the fandom perceives Santana so here goes, side note rant post.

As a Santana stan first human being second Gleek third, there are many many aspects of the larger fandom’s interpretation of Santana’s character that bother me. Unsurprisingly to anyone who’s talked to me for more than a second most of my issues come down to a gross misunderstanding of her inner turmoil and particularly all the mess surrounding IKAG. Santana spell it out in Sexy when she confesses her love for Brittany that she’s a bitch because she’s angry and she’s angry because she’s scared. Some people, even though it’s an excellent moment of self-reflection that could serve as a basis for understanding much of Santana’s character, still choose to get so close to the point and then miss it by about a mile.

I’m referring to the take that “Santana should have just been nicer when she was out.” I’ve witnessed legitimate confusion surrounding her behaviour post-outing (emphasis on outing) because people are shocked she’s still a bitch even after that, I suppose. Her anger and therefore her bitchiness was supposed to come from fears regarding her sexuality, so being out should solve all her problems and make her a nice person, right? I hope that writing it out like that makes people see the problem here. First off, obviously and most importantly but somehow still in a “needs to be said” way: Santana was outed. She didn’t come out, she was outed. She was terrified of what people would say if they knew she was a lesbian and then suddenly everyone knew, before she was ready. Shocking, I know, but for some reason that didn’t solve all her problems. Not to mention, being out came at the cost of being rejected by a close family member that undoubtedly shook her sense of self. That Santana continued to be angry “even after” having been outed shouldn’t be some big revelation. No shit she didn’t suddenly find enlightenment and inner peace upon being dragged out of the closet through an act of cruelty.

Second, coming out, even when one is outed as a lesbian to her whole state on television, is a process. Santana’s main source of fear wasn’t the process of coming out but the state of being perceived as the Other. She was terrified of being an outsider and judged for her sexuality and her fears are only proven right once the secret is out. That’s something she’ll carry for the rest of her life, even when she’s happily married and her relationship with her grandmother begins to mend. And that’s not to sound all bleak about queer existence because it doesn’t mean she’s doomed for a sad, angry life or anything, it just means that dealing with her deepest insecurities and fears is... a process. When we leave Santana as a newlywed, she’s around 21 years old. Honestly, it’d be a miracle if she had it all figured out by that point, particularly given her acute allergic reaction to vulnerability. Does she strike you as the kind of girl who willingly walks into therapy to sort out her misplaced feelings of anger? Didn’t think so.

Third, and this is two-fold, Santana is both considerably softer in the later seasons than she used to be and she’s also just never going to be a nice person, period. We could make it three-fold and point out that progress isn’t linear but let’s take it one step at a time. Santana is a kind person but not a nice one. From season 3B onwards and particularly in seasons 4 and 5 we see her forming deeper bonds with people other than Brittany and she even has a realization about using her bitch powers for good by the end of season 5. She has been using them for good ever since she first opened herself up to the possibility of letting people in and being her true self around them. So to me, complaining that Santana isn’t suddenly a ~much better person~ after being out is faulty on account of her does becoming a better friend and person as the show goes on. I think people’s problem is that she doesn’t become nice, but like I said that’s because she’s not. She just isn’t. In my ideal Glee future where Santana does get the help she needs and sorts out her emotional baggage, she becomes a much healthier adult capable of not sabotaging her friendships. But that still doesn’t make her nice. She will always have her signature snark and and she’ll always be ready to dish some insults out. Is that a good thing, that’s not the point here. The point is that she does become less cruel and more open to letting her kind heart actually show as the series goes on and still being rude to people doesn’t negate that.

I could go on, such as about the fact that Santana’s still a fictional character whose snappy one-liners and page-long takedowns are a part of her appeal. Glee wasn’t gonna stop utilizing Naya’s comedic delivery and turn Santana into a less recognizable version of herself, nor should they have. And like I say, nor should Santana’s continued prickly behaviour take away from the fact that she does soften as the show goes on. Then we have the issue of progress not being linear and faling back into old habits being perfectly realistic, and then we can also talk about how Santana’s issues go far beyond accepting her sexuality so it’d be unrealistic for her to drop her all defense mechanisms even if she becomes perfectly content sexuality-wise. She rightly identifies fears about being perceived and judged for her sexuality in Sexy and concludes that that’s why she’s angry and lashing out all the time, but it’s only a source of that. Although it’s a big part of her character and journey, it’d be wrong to reduce Santana just to her sexuality. That’s how you reach false conclusions like “oh she should have just been way nicer post-season 3,” because you ignore her general feelings of insecurity and how deep-seated this instinct to close off and lash out is.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this impromptu Santanalysis post, it’s been a while since I’ve written one not as a reply to an ask. Quinntana post coming soon, until then please remember to read way too much into a decade old silly Fox show and when someone misinterprets your faves, go get that shovel and start digging.

#glee #santana lopez #santanalysis #santana's anger #listen two- THREE things that piss me off re: bad readings of santana's ch #1) the outing 2) pretending she isn't a damn good friend 3) taking her word for things and refusing to look deeper #and felt it was about damn time i wrote this so thanks other essay i'm working on for giving an excuse

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baconpncakes · 1 year

Text

Amber Lives AU - Part 2

(read part 1)

Amber survived the bus crash! House found a way to save her but still feels responsible for her injuries, so Wilson and Cuddy guilt him into helping her get back on her feet.

Please accept the following vignettes of silliness and genuine human connection between characters who deserve it. Also lesbianism.

House comes into Amber's room to check on her while his team runs tests.

Amber: "What's wrong with your patient?" House: "Well, she's got a case of terminal bitchiness." She rolls her eyes. A: "Your other patient." H: "My team has a case. I am playing babysitter." A: "C'mon, House. I have a concussion. I can't work. I can't read for extended periods of time and I'm banned from screens. I know you're as bored in here as I am." H: "...Patient is thirty-five years old. Presenting with-"

Amber: “I don't blame you, you know.” House: "....." A: "It was my choice to go pick you up. My choice to follow you onto the bus after you told me not to." H: "...." A: "You weren't driving that truck, House."

House: “You’re moping. What’s the matter?” Amber: “I’m not moping. I’m bored.” H: “Bored in a hospital? And you call yourself a doctor. I’d have you do my clinic hours if I thought we could get away with it.” A: “I would love to see Cuddy hunt you down after finding me down there.” H: “But seriously. What’s the mood about?” A: “If I didn’t know any better I’d think you care.” H: “You’re acting weird. I’m curious.” A: “Can’t figure it out on your own?” H: “Probably could. But your life is terrible for a lot of reasons right now and I don’t really feel like narrowing it down.” A: “...I haven’t had any visitors.” H: “What are you talking about? The team came.” A: “Out of pity! Because they'd feel bad if they didn't come. Nobody here likes me and that's fine. I don't need them to." H: “......”

House sits by Amber's bedside, brow furrowed, chin and hands resting on his cane, deep in thought. He’s looking at Amber’s leg, as if he can see her stitches through the sheet.

Amber: "...My leg is going to be fine." House: "What?" A: "I know that's what you're worried about. You think that you've crippled me. You think you've ruined my life and turned me into you. Well, you haven't. Even if my leg never fully heals, it wouldn't ruin my life." H: "......Guess we aren't the same after all."

House is alone in his office, his mind is clearly worlds away. Cuddy enters.

Cuddy: "Are you okay?" House: "One patient is dying and I don't know why and the other one is a doctor, notoriously the greatest people to treat. I'm totally psyched. Can't you tell from my radiant smile?" C: "I know we said that you should help Amber-" H: "No. You guilted me into keeping her company." C: "-but that doesn't mean you need to spend all of your time here! For god's sake House you've barely left at all since she woke up." H: "I have two patients. You should be thrilled I'm spending so much time here." C: "I'm worried. You can't keep going like this House. You're still recovering." H: "The stimulation didn't do any damage. I'm fine." C: "House." He looks at her. C: "You were on that bus too." He keeps looking. She repeats herself, softer this time. C: "Are you okay?" He looks away.

House sits down at Wilson’s lunch table.

House: "Does Amber have any friends other than you?" Wilson: "Are you doing that thing where you confuse yourself with Amber? I have to say it's getting old. Don't you have any new material?" H: "I'm not kidding." W: "Neither am I! The gag has run its course!"

Thirteen sits in Amber’s room, reading a book. Amber stares at her. There’s no indication of how long this has been going on.

Amber: "Why are you here?" Thirteen: "I thought you could use some company." A: "Out of everyone here, you have the most right to hate me." 13: "Well I don't." A: "But you don't like me." 13: "You tried to make me question my sanity by taunting me with reminders of the patient I killed. To get a job.” A: "You won in the end. I got fired. You got to stay." 13: "So that makes it all go away? I won, you lost, so we'll call it a wash?" A: "I didn't say that! ...Like I said. You have every right to hate me." 13: "And like I said. I don't." A: “....” 13: “Besides, you’re the one who told House that you hated me.” A: “Spirit of competition. You should be flattered that I considered you worthy of my hate.” 13: “Of course, my mistake.”

House: "So. You tried to pick a fight with Thirteen." Amber: "She told you?" H: "Nope! But I know she was in here earlier. And after our conversation earlier it doesn’t seem like something you’d just let slide." Amber nods, relenting to his point. H: "You don't like pity. I get it. But if you think that’s what they’re doing, you’re wrong." A: "Please. Why else would they come here? You sure as hell didn't tell them to. And I'd like to think James is more subtle than that." H: "Obligation maybe. That's what it is for Taub and Foreman at least. For Kutner, I think it's genuine concern. For Thirteen? My guess is curiosity. Could be concern. Maybe even this empathy I've been hearing so much about." A: "Since when are people allowed to have pure motivations?" H: "...Did even half of those motivations sound pure to you?" Amber looks at him for a moment. A: "You are hellbent on showing me that it's not pity. You want me to think they're good people, because you believe that they are. You need me to think that they don't pity me and that they don't hate me, because if they don't hate me or pity me after all I've done then there's a chance they don't hate or pity you either."

H: "Wilson must be the worst boyfriend ever. Why am I spending more time in here than him these days." A: "Very funny. He's just taking some space. He still visits, because of course he does, but I don't exactly blame him for not being here every second." H: "What are you talking about? You almost died. Doesn't feel like Mr. Needy would want to be away from you after that." A: "Oh shit. He hasn't told you." H: "Hasn't told me what?" A: "..." H: "Oh my god. You guys broke up." A: "Yes." H: "After all of this! You break up? What the hell happened?" A: "Dying changes everything. I was dead, House. Legally, medically dead. And it made me realize some things. I love James and I always will. But he's not what I need." H: "You really are a cutthroat bitch! Do you have any idea what he sacrificed for you?" A: "I do. And I know how much that hurts you. Because it is you. And you are everything to him. He was willing to sacrifice everything for me! And even then I still didn't feel how I should!" H: "What does that even mean!" A: "Oh my god, House! I'm gay! I'm a lesbian! I can never love James as much as I should because he's not a woman!" H: "...Give me a minute to process this before I start making jokes about the best relationship of Wilson's life being with a lesbian." A: "I should send a warning before you leave. Give him a chance to prepare himself.”

It’s late. House solved the case and his team started the treatment. House went to tell Wilson that his failed lesbian relationship solved the case and is now going to Amber’s room to tell her the same thing. Only when he enters, Thirteen is already there.

Unlike earlier, where she was in a seat a few feet from the bed, lounged back with a book in her hands, this time she’s sat right at the bedside, leaned forward, actually engaging with Amber.

H: “Didn’t realize you were double-booked.” 13: “Sorry, I was just updating Amber on the case.” H: “The case that I solved.” 13: “That’s debatable.” H: “My epiphany.” 13: “That I had six hours ago before you dismissed it.” H: “It was stupid six hours ago. If you really believed it, you would have defended it. Which you couldn’t.” Both women roll their eyes. Amber addresses Thirteen. A: “As entertaining as this is, you better check on your patient.” House cuts Thirteen off before she can start talking. H: “Nope. Kutner is monitoring tonight. Thirteen is off the clock.” Amber blinks in surprise and looks to Thirteen as if to confirm that House isn’t lying. Thirteen squints at the stupid grin on House’s face and then looks away and shrugs. 13: “Just wanted to drop by. But I probably should get going.” She turns to Amber. 13: “I’ll see you tomorrow. Maybe by then you’ll feel well enough and stay awake long enough to read something.” Thirteen picks up the book that she was reading earlier and places it on Amber’s bedside table. She gives her a small smile and leaves. House watches Amber watch Thirteen leave. Amber realizes that she’s being watched. She scoffs at House. A: “It’s like you think she’s the only bi woman in the world.” House nods at the book beside her. H: “People like you.”

#PLEASE UNDERSTAND MY VISION #amber and thirteen ARE house and wilson as lesbians #do they have a ship name?#amber lives au #hate crimes md #house md #my post #amber volakis #gregory house #remy hadley

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fincheswrites · 4 months

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hello! my (pen)name is carmen, or finch if you want, and i’m a teenager in my last year of high school. i live in Australia, i’m a lesbian, and that’s all the personal information you get. i’m here to connect with other writers and post my writing in attempt to take my goal of taking my own plans for the future more seriously. i want community!

➤ most of my work is genre fiction, which is to say speculative fiction or mysteries. pretty much everything i write is a short story, most of which live in the eternal stage of ‘i’ll edit them someday, honest’. if you want to hear about a strange conspiracy centred around a woman on a tram, or weird girls in strange situations, hit me up! my longest running work in progress is a story about this real bitchy journalist stuck in a time loop in antarctica - this one has already gone through one terrible, completely scrapped first draft.

➤ and that is enough about me! I want to hear about your stories, your characters, your settings - literally nothing makes me happier than hearing someone ramble about their writing. and if you happen to have any advice on whole this whole ‘writeblr’ thing actually works…

➤ final note: i follow/interact from housesfinch.

#writeblr #writeblr intro #writeblr community #writers on tumblr

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braveblackbutterfly · 1 year

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Farewell to The Owl House: a personal essay (warning: this a long post)

When Steven Universe ended in 2020, I didn’t think I would ever find another animated show that I would grow to love dearly.

And then I found The Owl House a couple of months later.

I started seeing gifs (like this one) and posts about this cartoon on my dashboard, similarly to how I discovered Steven Universe. Eventually, I decided to check it out on Disney Now. I watched the first episode and immediately liked it. So I watched the next episode and the next til I caught up a week before the episode that rocked the world (or at least the fandom’s world).

Enchanting Grom Fright.

I have seen a few epic moments/episodes in children’s animated shows like Steven Universe and She-Ra. But there was just something about the lumity dance scene and the episode as a whole that just warmed my heart. And when Dana Terrace confirmed that Luz is bi (and later that Amity’s a lesbian), I was over the freaking moon.

Growing up, I never saw much if any (good) representation of bisexual characters in the media. I just assumed people were either gay or straight. I recognized my attraction to boys when I was a kid and immediately assumed I was straight, ignoring any signs that I liked girls too because I liked guys, so I can’t be gay, right?

Right?

It wasn’t until college and meeting one of my roommates who was bi and being introduced to her queer group of friends that I began to realize “yes, people can like men and women, or any genders for that matter.” And I finally allowed myself to ask the question: “do I like women too?” The answer was yes and I began identifying as bisexual (or queer when people act like they can’t understand bisexuality *eye roll*).

So finally seeing a show with a bi protagonist whose also a girl of color and neurodivergent just made me felt seen all these many years later. To know that kids and teens (and yes, adults too) can see a character like themselves or realized that bi people actually exist and are actually you know...people who deserves love and respect.

Luz is one of my favorite characters in the series, and I relate to her a good amount. But I relate to a few other characters too, particularly Amity.

I talked about this in another post I made last year (or was it 2021?) but going to talk about it on here too.

Lost in Language is one of my favorite season 1A episodes, for many different reasons. But mainly because of the progression of Luz and Amity’s relationship (from Amity wanting nothing to do with Luz to admitting she was harsh with her and them hitting the reset button).

I have been an Amity in the past. Not the mean/bitchy attitude Amity back then, coming from a rich or esteemed family. But I was the top student of my class too.

I had to be.

Not because of my parents like in Amity’s case. But because I had no other social standing in middle and high school. Students knew my name because of my high grades, my awards and eventually graduating as salutatorian. Yes, I’m still a tiny bit disappointed about the salutatorian thing. It was a battle between me and another girl throughout our 4 years in school, but she ended up becoming valedictorian.

In middle school, I had a Luz at my school. She kept trying to be my friend, but I wanted nothing to do with her. It always felt like whenever I was around her, something bad would happen. Especially this one incident. I was at my locker, ready to go home when she came by. She was twirling her baton, and it smacked me on my head. I got pissed and told her off. She profusely apologized, but I was too mad to accept her apology, and I left.

Looking back, I know I was too harsh with her. It was just an accident. She didn’t mean for the baton to hit my head. But at the time, I didn’t want her around. So unlike Luz and Amity, we never became friends.

I have slowly but surely grown to not care about being the best student, the best employee, the best child, the best this and that. I am an awesome person because of the person I have grown into, making changes and opening my mind and falling in and out of like/love with my friends (and more than friends). And no one can dictate the path I choose for myself.

I typed all of this to simply say: I love The Owl House.

I sometimes hate admitting it because Steven Universe still means a lot to me, but The Owl House has become my ultimate favorite cartoon of the newer generation (I’m a 90s baby and 90s/early 2000s cartoons still have my heart).

Besides relating to the characters and enjoying both the lighthearted and heartbreaking moments, this show has awakened the creativity in me.

I am a writer...or at least I love writing. But I haven’t done or shared that many projects of mine online. But in 2021, I gave drawing another chance, specifically redrawing screenshots. I liked my work and had the bravery to share my artwork on here, which I still do. I have to admit that my drawing skills have improved throughout the years. I still don’t feel ready to make art inspired by my own ideas. If I did, I would make and post a hundred black racebent Amity/canon Luz fanart.

And this year, I posted my very first fanfic. I have written fanfics before, but never ever shared them with anybody, especially not for the whole world to read. But again, this show inspired me so much that I just had to start sharing it.

Plus, my creative projects has helped me make some of the best friends I have ever made on here. And I love having their support and supporting them when they share their projects.

I’m not ready to see this amazing show come to end tonight. But I don’t think I will ever truly be ready to say goodbye. I’m going to miss this show. All the laughs, all the cries, all the shipping moments.

Thank you to the creator, the cast, the crew, and everybody who helped make this cartoon come into existence.

Us weirdos will always stick together.

#bbb butterfly #the owl house #toh #luz noceda #amity blight #lumity #bi representation #leeann art #i do not own these gifs

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