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sepublic · 3 years

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Marcy’s Condition

I’m scared for Marcy. Seeing her so wounded, I just-

I really am afraid. Afraid that she’s going to need not just emotional and mental therapy, but physical therapy as well… Which, we don’t know how successful Andrias’ procedure is going to be, but still. It really sucks and haunts me how Sasha has that scar on her face, as a permanent reminder of what happened in Amphibia, of Reunion…

But not to compare pain, but Marcy is somehow even worse- Because she might just have that ENTIRE gaping scar on her chest and back, and… Remembering how she almost died, how she THOUGHT she died. The pain, the unimaginable horror and agony at being impaled. The reminder of everything that happened in True Colors, the pain and desperation, the betrayal… I can legit seeing it become an actual, medical trigger for Marcy. Sasha at least managed to cope with the scar on her face, good for her…!

But Marcy… I can easily see this breaking her. And it just leads to her always trying to cover up that scar and not look at it, which, is easy because she can accomplish that with any regular shirt, but still… It’s just the entire concept of bodily autonomy being violated, of being marked like that, and it worsens with the idea of Andrias turning Marcy into a cyborg, and/or his master possessing her. To already have her body so grievously hurt and wounded, to then be operated on like a test subject, to be controlled and puppeted with this entity inside her… It genuinely sickens me.

This girl suffered, and there’s always that permanent, visual reminder of it. At least with Sasha, you can argue how she brought it on herself, as a reminder of how she tried to kill Anne’s surrogate father and why this mistake backfired; It’s a learning experience, although trauma is trauma of course, so that is to be said VERY lightly and carefully. It’s not like Anne MEANT to scar Sasha; But Marcy… Marcy didn’t deserve that. She didn’t deserve to be impaled by someone she trusted, who took advantage of and manipulated her…

She was afraid of confiding her fears in with Anne and Sasha, and she found that in Andrias; And now, she’s likely to be even MORE terrified of opening up because of this! Especially with how Andrias has the AUDACITY to literally gaslight Marcy in her final moments, as she realizes she’s going to die and is dead, by saying “Look what you’ve made me do.” As if he hasn’t emotionally manipulated her enough, to imply Marcy’s violent death is all her fault, and/or that of the friends she loves and didn’t want to lose, was so afraid of being rejected by. Because I guess her soul hadn’t been crushed enough!

Not to mention… Getting impaled like that, having a burning blade through your spine… I’m just really afraid that when this is all over, IF Marcy gets to recover and heal; She might be paralyzed. She might be plagued with physical health issues for the rest of her life, because she’s missing an entire chunk of her spine; And, hopefully Andrias’ procedure can give Marcy’s body a full recovery… Ideal scenario, no scar, even!

But I can’t help but feel like being possessed by Andrias’ master, THAT could leave its own physical toll on Marcy’s poor body, and it just agonizes me to see this girl be violated like that, emotionally and physically. It’s depressing how Marcy briefly treats others more like NPCs in her game than people, because now SHE’s being objectified, losing her agency, in a way that is so much worse and totally undeserved.

Marcy doesn’t deserve to have to live with physical health issues for the rest of her life, for what happened; She’s a kid. She doesn’t deserve to be plagued with echoes of pain and physical trauma that constantly remind her of what happened, even when she’s not directly looking at the visual mark it left behind. And I’m just scared that when this is all over… I can see Marcy being bedridden, being in ACTUAL medical therapy, because I have a hard time imagining her being able to function without that.

What if she becomes physically sick and ill, still feeling the repercussions of her wound or possession or being modified against her will? I don’t want to imagine Marcy looking at prosthetics that Andriasgave her, for the rest of her life. There’s nothing wrong with needing physical aid, or medicine, or therapy to get by in life; But for Marcy, it could serve as a reminder of issues that came as a direct, unfair, result of her time in Amphibia; A loss of carefree health she once had… And she doesn’t deserve to be haunted like that.

I don’t want Marcy to be plagued by health issues, she’s gone through ENOUGH already, having the rest of Marcy’s life be permanently riddled and restrained because of her wound, it just… It genuinely leaves me in anguish. I don’t want to see Marcy in a wheelchair, as a permanent, haunting reminder that is intertwined in every aspect of her life, of what happened… A reminder she literally can’t escape because it’s her own body, and it’ll affect just about every breathing moment for her.

I don’t want to see Marcy struggle to breathe from damaged lungs. Or have her struggle with meds –I know that feeling- or constantly need a device for physical aid, something to be hooked up to often. I don’t want to imagine Marcy sometimes lying in bed at night, placing her hand over her chest, so she can feel her heart beating, to relieve and reassure herself that she’s still alive. Not after feeling her heart stop beating when she was first impaled… She’s so young, she has her whole life ahead of her, or should, and she had that violently ripped away from her, barely got to live with that kind of normal life before it was gone for good. She deserves to just breathe, carefree, and feel the sunlight on her face and enjoy life.

As a disclaimer, I don’t want to patronize people with disabilities or injuries. I don’t want to turn physical conditions into some inescapable tragedy that can’t be moved past, can’t be healed from; There are so many people who have managed to adapt and continue living as always. I’m sorry if I did that… But Marcy’s whole condition could be a brutal reminder of what happened to her, of that horrible thing that wracked not just her heart but her entire body. She shouldn’t have to suffer for that, for the rest of her life…

And I’m terrified for her mental health. Of her suffering from actual PTSD, being triggered by things that remind her of that moment. Of having nightmares and waking up in a cold sweat, heart racing, as she reaches out for Anne or Sasha for comfort. I can’t handle that thought, the idea of a kid in that sort of pain… It’s so unfair and she doesn’t deserve it. I can genuinely, plausibly see Marcy becoming depressed, becoming somber and morose for a long while, before she can finally heal and become happy and excited and curious in things that open way she does; And GOD, I’d be inconsolable if she felt suicidal, because how do you move on from that? Thinking her life wasn’t worth it without Anne or Sasha, that she literally can’t handle it… Combined with the possibility of abuse in more ways than one from her parents, how THEY won’t help, if they’re even allowed near Marcy after all this.

Does Marcy have anyone to even turn to when it all ends? I hope she does. I can only imagine her being constantly terrified of being alone, and needing company just to get by… She really deserves a therapy pet after all this, maybe Joe Sparrow could help. It just… It just sounds like Marcy’s whole life has been wracked with this kind of pain, and I don’t want to her pain get any worse, to see it get physically chronic. Any kind of physical pain could easily traumatize and push Marcy to her limits… And, there’s the possibility of good representation for physical disabilities, but also, I don’t want to patronize anyone, or speak over their voices, so again I apologize if I did.

I guess this just stems from me wanting to see Marcy’s pain be acknowledged and addressed so she can properly heal from it, can be validated and told that it was terrible and should’ve never happened no matter what… But maybe I can find relief in the denial that it didn’thurt her this badly, that Marcy is fine and doesn’t have to deal with that to begin with, because wouldn’t that be better for her? I dunno.

It’s undeniable that Marcy is going to be emotionally crushed after this… But does she have to stay, or become, physicallycrushed as well?

I just…

SOMEONE GET THIS GIRL SOME LOVE AND CARE AND THERAPY ASAP FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE AND LET HER BE WELL AGAIN!!!!!

I just want Marcy to be able to recover and heal… I genuinely hope and wish her emotional spirit will at least be able to move on after this, that she can still find joy and excitable fun, and get to be a kidagain, with her best friends like old times; Only better, because she’s at least grown. God, these girls and their trauma, and the inevitability of how it’ll haunt and hurt them… It leaves me inconsolable.

#amphibia #amphibia spoilers #spoilers #amphiba marcy #marcy wu #angst #ptsd #suicide mention

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horansqueen · 3 years

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New Angel - Chapter 13

story masterlist [x]

chapter 1 ☆ chapter 2 ☆ chapter 3 ☆ chapter 4 ☆ chapter 5 ☆ chapter 6 ☆ chapter 7 ☆ chapter 8 ☆ chapter 9 ☆ chapter 10 ☆ chapter 11 ☆ chapter 12

NOTES

☆ written from Niall’s pov ☆ i don’t proofread, I never do, I hate it. ☆ AU comedy/fluff/smut/romance ☆ 2.5k ☆ i accept requests and ideas for this story, so message me in my inbox! (added @niallerlover ‘s request in this chapter! 😊💖) ☆ if you want to be notified when this story is updated (or be taken off the update list) CLICK HERE

NIALL

We stared at each other and I was pretty sure her heart was thumping against her chest as hard as mine was. I wanted to tell her what she wanted to hear but I couldn't, and I knew that somehow, I was going to hurt her. I also felt like it wouldn't be the last time and that thought made me swallow hard. I should let her go right now and make sure I wouldn't make things worse. If I let her go, she could be with someone who was ready to commit in a way I wasn't, and I had no idea when I would be. I should stop everything with her and leave, I should tell her I don't love her and let her fall for someone else, but I couldn't seem to find the words to do that. Perhaps it was purely selfish and my thoughts were suddenly invaded with my ex girlfriend and everything she had told me only a few hours before. I swallowed my tears and breathed in deeply, trying to get back to my senses.

"I was a bit... baffled by your confession." I admitted, glancing down before forcing myself to look up in her eyes again. "I like you and you know it, but I'm not ready for a relationship and I don't know when I'll be." I felt my heart twist knowing that my next sentence could hurt her but I had to say it. "And I don't know who it'll be with."

Her face changed, her lips parted and my heart sank in my chest.

"I see." she whispered, looking away.

"I'm sorry, Summer. I just can't guarantee you we're going to be official at some point because I have no idea what I want." I breathed in and sighed when I realized she was avoiding my eyes. "I'll understand if you want to stop everything."

She closed her eyes and I was scared I had broken her heart when that was really not my intention. I never thought some random girl I had met in a bar could fall for me so fast and I started wondering what the hell was wrong with me. Summer was beautiful, smart, joyful and sweet. Anyone with half a brain would be happy to date her but the thought of throwing myself into a new relationship scared me and made me nauseous at the same time. It was not her, it was just that I didn't trust anyone anymore, or almost. Ever since Grace broke my heart, I couldn't imagine giving what was left of it to anyone, and I was totally ready to face the consequences of it, even if it meant I would lose someone like Summer, or that I'd ruin the last chance I could have with Grace.

"No, I get it." she whispered before swallowing hard. "I knew it was too fast, I knew you said you weren't over your ex girlfriend, I'm sorry I insisted. It's just... I like you, and I had to tell you."

I felt half-relieved and half-bad for her answer. I didn't want to lose her but if she had decided to give up on me, I would only have Grace to deal with. I opened my lips to tell her about my ex girlfriend coming back but quickly changed my mind. I wanted to take a decision before talking about the other to them both. It was probably a bad idea but I had no idea what I would tell them and I felt like mentioning the other would make both of them feel bad.

I was in deep shit and I knew it, and I also knew I had to take a decision fast, but I was too confused to think straight.

"What do we do now?" I asked gently, raising my eyebrows. "Do you need time?"

"No..." she sighed, shaking her head. "I mean, I need to study a lot this week so I guess we can see each other next weekend?"

"That works for me."

"We can text though, and I'll call you whenever I have a minute."

My eyes roamed on her and I swallowed hard. All of this started to dangerously seem like a real relationship but I decided not to mention anything. How many times would I need to have this conversation with Summer?

"Alright, darling."

She sent me a sad smile and walked up to me quickly before wrapping her arms around my chest. It took me a second or two to react and finally hugged her back. We heard the door open and a voice came to us from the hall but Summer didn't move.. In fact, she held me tighter against her but I couldn't help it and turned around just in time to see Andrew's smile fall.

"Oh, I didn't know you were here."

I raised my eyebrows and pressed my lips together in somewhat of a sorry smile and finally, Summer moved away from me. I turned to send her a smile too and she brought her shoulders up and close to her cheeks before tilting her head.

"I thought you two were... mad at each other." Andrew added, catching Summer's attention.

"Yea but we're good now."

"Cool."

It suddenly felt extremely awkward but I didn't want to get into this at all. Obviously, Andrew had feelings for Summer but she seemed to be quite oblivious about it and I was not going to be the one to point it out to her. I started wondering if maybe she'd be happier with him but felt her hand slide on my chest.

"Andrew's here to study with me." she explained, making my lips curl a bit more.

It's only when my eyes met hers that I realized she was mentioning it because she was scared I was jealous. I raised my eyebrows as my heart jumped in my chest and finally licked my lips.

"Okay, I'll leave you too." I just replied, still smiling. "I'll see you soon."

I walked until the door and made a quick head movement to Andrew on my way as Summer followed me. She leaned against the side of the door as I walked out and I just turned around to send her one last smile before waving and running down the stairs.

---

My heart thumped in my chest the whole ride home and when I closed the door behind myself, I quickly rushed to Millie's room. I had to talk to someone and I knew she was the only one who was ready to listen to me. I could have tried with Louis but he was stuck in his little world with his new girlfriend and I knew how that felt. It was a bit useless to call him especially knowing that he wouldn't be completely listening to me anyway. However, I quickly regretted my decision when I opened Millie's door. I should have knocked, I knew it, but I was lost in my thoughts and I didn't think.

"Mill, I really need to t-" I stopped myself and helped my breath before muttering a low "Oh shit."

She grabbed the blanket of her bed and threw it over her as I quickly closed my eyes and when I repeated 'Oh shit.' again, she started laughing. It was not a nervous or embarrassed laughter, it was a real laugh that made my heart skip a beat. I turned around quickly and closed the door behind myself as I kept hearing Millie laugh from the other side. I leaned against the wall and slid down until I was sitting on the floor before leaning my forehead on my knees, letting out a short groan. I hadn't expected to see my friend masturbating and I felt extremely guilty for not knocking. I was so lost in my head on that day that I didn't seem to have place anymore for judgement and clearly, it had played against me.

I heard the door open again but it took me a while to look up only to meet Millie's smiling face. I probably would have been a bit annoyed if someone had caught me touching myself because they didn't take the time to knock but she just smiled more when our eyes and licked her lips.

"You can come in, I put my toys away."

"Mill!" I let out, getting up quickly. "That's too much info!"

"If you didn't want info, Horan, you should have knocked. I told you I was going to masturbate before you left!" she argued, turning around as I closed the door behind myself. "Now you're stuck with that image in your brain forever!"

The satisfied smile on her lips made my heart get back to a normal been and I chuckled. "Alright, fair enough. I'm sorry, Millie."

"It's cool, don't sweat it." she shrugged, sitting on her bed. I noticed she had actually made it and I walked closer, not daring to sit down too. "Everyone does it, and I'm pretty sure you didn't see much."

It was true, I had barely seen anything, but the thought in itself was quite nice. It made me think that I would have to use my hand too all week since Summer was busy and the thought of asking Grace to have sex crossed my mind but I quickly blinked a few times, pushing it away. It was an horrible idea and I knew it.

"You're right."

"Now, tell me what you wanted to talk about."

I sighed and sat next to her, my eyes lost in space as I shook my head slightly. "When I left, Summer was with her friend Andrew and, they were about to study together."

"Mm, I see." Millie let out, nodding slowly. "You know, it's normal to be jealous. But I think she made it clear that you're the one she likes."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and closed my eyes, a bit scared of what Millie was going to say after I told her the truth. "That's the problem. I'm not jealous at all." I admitted firmly. "I'm sick to my stomach thinking Grace may have fucked with an other guy but thinking about Summer and Andrew having sex at this exact moment?" I shrugged and finally turned to look in Millie's eyes. "I really don't care."

When her gaze met mine, I quickly looked away. I tried to think about something else than Millie touching herself but it wasn't easy and I cleared my throat as she sighed low. I felt her move on the bed and when I glanced at her, I noticed she was leaning against the wall almost in the same position than when I entered.

"I mean, you still love Grace, and you don't have the same feelings for Summer. To me it's quite legit." she admitted, tilting her head. "You can't force feelings for Summer, you know? But that doesn't mean they won't develop with time."

"Just like your feelings for Louis will disappear with time."

She seemed to think for a second and shrugged a shoulder. "Falter, yea. Disappear completely, I don't know. I hope so."

"Did he ever catch you masturbating too?" I asked, my lips curling into a smirk.

She chuckled and grabbed a pillow before hitting me with him roughly. I had to joke about the situation or I clearly wouldn't be able to think about something else.

"Catch, no! But he did see me, and I saw him."

My face twisted in a grimace and I raised my nose up. "Why did I ask?" I whined, making Millie laugh. "My two best friends made nasty shit all the time, this is crazy!"

"Well, now one of your best friends gets no action and when she wants to take care of herself, you walk in her room without knocking!"

"Need some help?" I joked, an amused smile on my lips.

"No! I order on amazon, thank you!"

I laughed and she did too before I turned my body slightly her way, still sitting on her bed. "I talked with Louis, I think he understood but..."

"But what?"

I licked my lip and breathed in before sighing. I didn't dare to look in her eyes for a few seconds and finally did. All she did was nod and send me a sad smile.

"But he really loves her." she just let out in a sad and soft tone. "Don't worry, I already knew that."

"So, Summer is busy all week and I really don't want to see Grace for now." I quickly pointed out after a minute or two of silence. I was desperate to change the subject and our love stories were disasters we clearly needed a break from. "How about we just spend the week together?"

Millie frowned, not completely sure of what I was proposing. "You and I? Spending time together like real friends?"

"Yea! We both need some distraction. No love story, no relationship bullshit. Just two best friends enjoying each other's company and having fun. How's that to you?"

Millie sighed and sat up before moving her upper body closer to me and raising her eyebrows. I looked deeply into her green eyes and she pressed her lips together. "At the end of the week, do you think you'll be able to choose which girl your heart desires?"

My eyes roamed on her face and I nodded very lightly. "Hopefully."

"We need to make a list or pros and cons." she proposed, moving slightly farther. "One of each for each girl every day. Then we can compare the lists this weekend."

"You should also make a list of all the things Louis did that got on your nerves." I pointed out, making her chuckle low.

"Okay, deal." she nodded. "But I work tomorrow."

"No problem, I'll pick you up and we can hang out." I just said, getting up and passing my hand in my hair. "But for now, I'm starving, I'm gonna go grab a bite, do you want me to bring you something back?" I asked, an other cheeky smile drawing itself slowly on my lips as I took a few steps back in the door's direction. "You're probably gonna be hungry after your masturbation session."

She quickly grabbed a pillow and threw it at me, making me laugh. I dodged it with my elbow and heard her laugh too as I picked the pillow on the floor to throw it back at her.

"Burgers?" I asked, raising my eyebrows while she chuckled.

"Yes, thank you!"

I nodded and reached for the knob before opening the door and sending my friend an other smile. I liked the deal we made and thinking that we would actually spend time together without lovers or fuck friends made me feel lighter. It was exactly what I needed and I was ready to make the best out of that week off.

"I'll text you when I get back, just in case you're not done."

Her lips curled and she chuckled, tilting her head. "Good idea!"

#niall horan #niall horan fluff #niall horan smut #niall horan story #niall horan love story #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan writing #niall horan au #my fanfics #newangel

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unprofessional-bard · 3 years

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Chapter 10 - The Good News

Losing My Religion Series Masterlist

Unprofessional Bard's Masterlist

Previous Chapter • Next Chapter

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female!Reader/OC

Warnings: Nothing much, just fluff

Summary: The reader and Joel, well, seal the deal.

Word Count: 4.405

Author's Note: Okay so my dumbass mixed the dates in the previous chapter and although I fixed it on the other post, I just wanna clarify that this is December 2035! I almost screwed up the story line a lil bit but, no worries, it should be fine now 😅 Apologies again for late updates, I promised you all I'd see to the end of this series and I will, trust me!

Enjoy!

You weren't expecting him to propose.

Oh no ma'am that was the last thing you were expecting.

But that didn't stop you from whispering a soft 'yes', of course. It took you a moment to process because you were caught off guard, but without hesitation, you placed a tender kiss to his lips after your answer.

He knew the idea of getting married in the middle of an apocalypse was a silly idea and the whole labeling yourselves thing even more so, but he was more than relieved when you said yes. The circumstances you were living in (being lucky enought to live an almost normal life in Jackson) made it a bit more available for a an in-front-of-god's-eyes kinda ceremony; you were even fine with calling him husband and him calling you wife - you didn't even have to get married for that if you were honest. Your feelings towards each other were deep and true, you just had to label it without official papers.

You could tell Joel was scared, though. He confessed that he'd been only thinking about proposing to you, but after everything that happened, he knew he might not get another chance at doing so. You understood better just how scared to death he was all that time you were captured by Axel, then in the infirmary where he thought you may not survive it.

There was also the tiny, insignificant issue of his ex-wife, of course. It had been more than 25 years since her and you weren't worried about it at all, obviously. Tommy let you have an insight to their relationship from time to time (brief but still eye opening) and you knew everything you had to know - it wasn't pretty, and you couldn't help but think Joel's mind often wandered to his old memories, which perhaps made him feel insecure. You didn't say a thing about it, of course. If he wanted to talk to you, you'd be more than willing to listen.

In the end, he chose not to, even until the wedding day, so all you could do was assure him over and over again just what a perfect husband he was going to be, without touching the other subject. He was the ultimate family man, according to the younger Miller and you could see that too. You loved him for who he was, dearly, and that's really all that mattered.

Breaking the news to the close circle- to Tommy, Maria and Ellie, was delightful. Ellie was a little bewildered, but still happy. Tommy was surprisingly too enthusiastic, insisted you made a ceremony, despite your and Joel's protests.

"We don't want no fuss, Tommy, we already talked about it and decided not to," Joel gently traced your fingers with his thumb as he held your hand in his.

"Aw c'mon, this is big- for the both of you!" Tommy chuckled. "You're the town's sweethearts, not many people have beef wih either of you and, plus, it'll give folk some break and a reason to celebrate."

You reasoned with it and decided to do it, but without the usual formalities. Naturally, it was impossible to get all dolled up for a wedding with the traditional dress and suit in the post-outbreak world. Plus, the weather was going to be very cold by the time you had healed completely, or enough to stand on your feet without any help.

...The remaining 2% who helped you around was either Ellie, or Jesse, who was absolutely thrilled to see you out of the infirmary and when he heard about the big news. As soon as Ellie brought him over to visit you at Joel and your (now officially) shared house, he bombarded you with questions like when you were going to heal completely and join patrols again, or when the wedding was, which made you really happy and appreciate him. Dina was, well, very happy too but kept telling Jesse to Shut up! Let her rest, she just got out! Sweethearts they both were, probably your favourite kids in Jackson after Ellie.

Speaking of Ellie...

You got to spend more time with her again once you moved back in. You sometimes had your meals together while Joel was away on patrol, but whenever the three of you were together, Ellie got quiet. She sometimes wouldn't say a single word from the beginning to the end unless you made her talk, but you stopped pushing it after a while, as you realised how tense she'd get and how she'd start to play with her fingers. You wanted to ask her about it, but you also didn't want to push her; she always came to you when something bothered her, so you decided to be quiet about it and let her come to you.

By December, you were capable of standing on your own feet for the most part. Although not mentally, you had healed a lot and what was left of the attack were a couple of bruises. Your nightmares, well, they were reoccurring and continuing, but with Joel by your side, it was easier to handle than it was when you were in the infirmary and alone. It took you a long, long time, but you felt like you were finally ready to move on.

What was done, was done. Axel had killed your family, you thought he died and focused on your grieving; he turned out to be alive years later, almost killed you and your husband, so you dealt with the only option you had left: Killing him. Was it... necessary precautions? Or was it just revenge? He was clearly looking for you, he somehow managed to track you to the outskirts of Jackson, so really it was either him or you - a group of murderers or a town filled with innocent people.

You came to the conclusion that, by torturing him to death, you were taking advantage of 'getting rid of him for the sake of the town'. Everywhere he went, he brought destruction, he surely would've attacked the town if you hadn't killed him. While sparing Jackson from a dangerous threat, you also put an end to a vendetta you didn't know existed until then.

You didn't feel good, much as you were relieved that he wasn't going to be a trouble for the town and you anymore, it didn't feel good at all. Like you'd said before, he had ruined you.

Even though you were going to get married, the weight of that day still pulled you down from time to time. Days grew shorter and nights turned longer, but without being able to help around town to busy yourself, you thought too much about it. Joel noticed this of course and did everything you asked of him: From asking him to stay in occasionally, to giving you some space.

You knew Joel was scared when you pushed him away, which was on very rare occasions. He was scared that you wouldn't want to marry him, or worse, do something stupid. But, you needed him more than ever. It never crossed your mind once, to cancel the wedding and move back to your house. You loved him and nothing changed that: That's what you had told him too, with a genuine smile.

"I hate it when I don't have you around," You'd admitted two weeks before the wedding day, cupping his cheek. "I hate it so much when I push you away and- and seeing you upset because of it- but I wouldn't do it if I didn't need it."

"I know Dolly," He kissed the inside of your hand which was cupping his cheek.

"I love you, Joel," You grinned as he peppered kisses across your knuckles. "And I'm not planning on not marrying you. It's gonna take something real awful for me to not marry you."

You hadn't seen him smile this big ever since you replied yes to his proposal, he then chuckled: "Lord, you even started to talk like me."

Nothing that scared Joel happened. On the same day you shared your first kiss, you got married; Tommy was right too, the winter was taking it's toll on the townsfolk and they needed something that would take their minds off of things. Despite a few figures you weren't exactly fond of but had no actual beef with, it all went accordingly.

They got the both of you as pretty as you could get in the middle of an apocalypse. In Jackson, there were a variety of resources of pretty much everything - wedding dresses weren't one of them. You were dressed more like you were going to a cocktail and you felt a little embarrassed, Joel's situation was no different.

"This is ridiculous," He complained. "Last I checked, I didn't gotta shave for a wedding- it's not a rule or anythin'."

"Well..." Maria insisted as she fixed up your hair.

"Darlin', you want me to shave?" Joel abruptly turned to you, a brilliant smirk creeping up his face.

"No honey," You smiled sweetly, a little exaggerated to tease Maria. You agreed that this whole dress up was ridiculous as well. "I love your beard- don't ever shave it in fact."

"Ugh, you two are infuriating," Maria sighed, defeated.

"Perfect match," Tommy agreed as he snickered from the doorway.

"It's December, snowing outside- cold as fuck and you want me to wear a dress." You groaned.

"Don't you make the sweetest bride, Dolly..."

"Shut up Tommy."

Most of the town was there, except for the people in the infirmary and the people who were assigned for patrols. You and Joel were placed on a table away from most people, creating enough distance to make space for a not-as-big-as-Maria-liked kind of dance floor. The speakers were set, lights were up and the cozy atmosphere mostly eased your stress. You kept getting the feeling that something bad was going to happen, because surely this was too good to be true: You couldn't afford to have good things for too long, something terrible ought to happen-

"Hey," You suddenly felt Joel's hand envelop yours in his. "Will you relax?" Your forced smile, which was mostly you pursing your lips, didn't convince him; he leaned in a little and whispered softly: "If this gets too boring and you promise to at least act like you're having a good time, maybe I'll help you relax..."

His tone sent a shiver down your spine. You loved it when he suggested a quickie or talked dirty to you in public, soft promises of how he wanted to bite the insides of your thighs before diving his tongue into your depths - a teaser of what you were going to get as soon as you were alone.

Just before you could say anything, a familiar redhead with a brunette by his side appeared by your table, making the both of you tense up: "Hey, you two..."

"Hey Bruce," You forced an awkward smile. "Walt..."

Bruce was a small figure, comparing to the other patrol leaders- especially next to Walt. He had jet black hair, big eyes matching the colour of his hair and an oval face. He was always clean-shaven, which made him look a whole lot younger than he was. Him and Walt were really good friends, that's why you assumed he didn't like you too much, given your history of ups and downs with the redhead... Too loyal of a friend, if you said so yourself, but you didn't care.

"Don't you look handsome," You heard Bruce comment, looking at Joel, making you look between him, your husband and Walt. For a moment you thought he was joking, but the suggestive tone in his voice made you raise a brow.

"Uhm... thanks?" Joel replied awkwardly, a little confused because he looked exactly the same, the only difference was he was wearing something that resembled a suit. "It's nothing new though..."

Walt was giving Bruce a look too, which the man in question noticed and immediately spoke: "I mean, it's hard to see you two in anything other than pants and a t-shirt... You both look different, I mean-"

"Yeah, it's nice for a change," Walt immediately interrupted. "We just wanted to say congratulations."

"Thanks," You offered a soft smile and a long blink in acknowledgement. Just then, someone called for Robert and he left with a sincere smile. "Is he okay? He looked nervous."

"Yeah, he's a lil' on edge, dunno why," Walt scratched the back of his neck, although his face indicated that he knew exactly why. "Anyways," He cleared his throat and turned to your husband. "I wanted to say that, I know we got off on the wrong foot Joel and, I also know that we haven't been on very good terms," He looked between the both of you. "But I just want to you both to know that I'm very happy for y'all... I- I hope-"

"Joel!" Ellie suddenly appeared, to the left where he sat. "You need to come with me, don't ask why."

"Uh-?" Before he could even process, Ellie was tugging him by the arm and off the chair. He gave a look to Walt: "'scuse me."

You both gave Joel a quizzical look as Ellie dragged him away. Walt chuckled lightly, scratched the back of his neck once more and politely asked: "You mind if I sit here?" There was a chair by your side where Maria was supposed to sit when she announced you as married. You nodded and turned to the right as he sat towards the edge: "Look, (Y/N), I know we couldn't talk properly after what happened to you... I came to visit but, well, Joel has a way of putting me on spot."

You chuckled and nodded: "Yeah, I heard. It's okay though, I appreciate it."

"He said you would..." He grinned shyly. "You really love him, huh? 'Cause you sure as hell have him wrapped around your finger."

Your smile grew wider and you nodded: "Yeah, I do. I- I'd tell you more but I don't really wanna cry on my wedding day," Your voice cracked a little. "As best as I can, anyway. I'm too overwhelmed with- everything, y'know?"

"I can guess," He laughed, a bit more comfortable now that he was sure you weren't hostile towards him. "You know I'm... I'm really glad you're- I- ah, I'm very happy for you. Sincerely. You two are just... perfect for each other."

"Oh shush," You looked up and blinked several times. "I'm glad makeup doesn't exist anymore!" He laughed a little more, his dimples showing themselves under his red beard. "Hey... thank you, though. Let's uh- let the past stay in the past, yeah?"

Walt looked at you in surprise for a moment, then finally processed what you said: "Oh, s-sure, definitely. Those awkward chats were killing me..."

"Yeah," You smiled apologetically. You had to talk sooner or later, you sometimes got paired up for patrol and you had to interact to make everything work. Slowly, it turned into casual 'how are you's, but stayed that way until the wedding day.

You smiled at each other for a moment, then he finally nodded and got up: "Congrats, again. You two make a good couple. A power couple, in fact."

"Okay okay," You giggled and shooed him away with your hand. You watched him walk back to his table: The fact that he seemed to have gotten over you was a delight. Just then, Joel appeared and sat by your side, taking a seat beside you.

"You two good, then?" He asked with a netural expression.

"Yeah, you two, too," You smiled at him. He looked unimpressed, so you gently placed a hand on his thigh: "He was genuinely happy for us, Joel, relax..." Then, at your own words, you smirked devilishly, giving his thigh a squeeze. "If you act like you're happy about it, maybe I'll help you relax~"

He gasped when your fingertips brushed against his crotch lightly, the both of you gazing at each other's lips then simultaneously making eye contact: "I need to relax," Joel growls. "Now."

Your eyes widened at his tone of his voice, giving him a big, excited smile; only to be interrupted by none other than Tommy, who probably knew what you two were planning. He was holding a microphone in his hand, he walked up and into the space between where you and your husband sat: "Right... Today's a good day, folks." Almost everyone directed their attention to where the three of you were: "It's been around two and a half years since my big brother showed up at our door with Ellie and a lovely lady- none other than our (Y/N)... I say it was about goddamn time they got married." Tommy snickered and made the people laugh. "No really, I remember the day I met her," He turned to you: "She had a knife against Eugene's throat and we were only a second away from killing each other-"

"I forgive you!" Eugene suddenly called out to you across the room and you hid your face with both of your hands as the people continued laughing.

"Something fierce, she was- still is!" Tommy continued. "Don't make no mistake about that... She'll tear the whole country down to do what's right." He smiled at you sincerely: "I've spent most of my life with Joel and I've only known her for around two years but, I can confidently say that these two were made for each other."

You and Joel shared a look: No one in town had seen you smile this big- ever, you thought. Even Joel, who had seen your smiles countless times, was looking at you as if he'd seen you smile for the first time and he was falling in love with you again. Tommy's words meant the world to you: You had no family left and Joel only had his younger brother, and you had his only family's blessing. He'd seen the best and worst in both of you, knew what Joel had gone through all those years ago and he still claimed you as the perfect match for Joel. The realisation hit like a tidal wave and your eyes filled with tears. Chuckling, you spoke: "Okay, enough."

That earned another round of aww's and laughter. You looked at Ellie for a moment and saw the content spread across her face - despite the growing awkwardness between her and Joel, she still cared about him deeply. The look on her face even gave you some sort of hope that, whatever was going on between them was going to get solved soon. Everything felt so perfect and normal for a moment.

"Yup, now, y'all gotta dance," Tommy smirked.

Joel didn't look too pleased, being the centre of attention while doing such a simple yet special thing with you. You Have Been Loved started playing suddenly and your eyes shone brightly, then he led you to the makeshift dance floor. You pressed your chest against his lightly and your hands met behind his neck, while he repeated the motion around your waist. You slowly started to sway to the rhythm and he watched you fondly.

"I love this song," You muttered and looked into his eyes, beaming up at him.

"I know," He grinned.

A minute or two passed, then Tommy appeared with a video camera in his hands: "Here are the lovebirds..." You both smiled at the camera with such genuineness that even Tommy felt your shared happiness, even more so when he captured the moment with a camera. "Don't tire her out too much, big brother. It's my turn after you."

You giggled at his comment and Joel raised a brow at him: "Why is everyone so appreciative of my wife all of a sudden? At our wedding?"

"It's the dress," You bit your lip and smirked.

"Tsk," Joel looked elsewhere with a chuckle and it gave you an opportunity to kiss his cheek, then place your chin on his shoulder. He welcomed your body gently into his embrace and wrapped his arms even more around your waist, while you connected yours around his shoulders.

"Shoo, Tommy, let us dance in peace," You waved your hand in a go away motion and he did as you asked.

Now it was just you and Joel.

If I was weak, forgive me

But I was terrified

You brushed my eyes with angels wings, full of love

The kind that makes devils cry

So these days

My life has changed

And I'll be fine

But she just sits and counts the hours

Searching for her crime

Many songs played and other couples took you and your husband's place on the dance floor not so long after. Tommy kept his word and danced with you to a short song, where he expressed how grateful he was for you. He deeply cared for Joel, definitely more than he led on and that's when he told you once more that you were good for the older Miller- that you completed him. A picture of you two was taken right after he had said: "Welcome to the family- officially."

A few more songs later, it was Jesse who asked for a dance, much to everyone's amusement.

"If you're trying to make me go easier on you on training days, it's not gonna work Jesse," You smiled at him.

"No ma'am," He spoke seriously, then gave you a silly grin. "Not even a little?"

"Don't push your luck, rookie."

"Are you trying to make a move on my wife, son?" Joel growled, messing with him. Jesse however didn't understand that Joel was just joking, so you both laughed at the poor boy's tense expression.

"C'mon then," You got up from your seat, actually feeling a little tired already, then patted a red-faced Jesse on the shoulder. He'd grown quite tall over the years: He reached and maybe became a little taller than Joel.

You were Jesse's mentor ever since you started taking up patrol duty and training. He had moved to Jackson with his parents only a few months before you had. Being trained in the army and serving for almost 20 years, you were in charge of training new comers and teens who wanted to sign up - Jesse and Dina were assigned to you at first, until Dina switched to Eugene some months ago.

Jesse was enthusiastic about training and he was still very young, which helped him progress better. On a side note, his parents were lovely. Dina would occasionally tease that he had a crush on you, like a silly little teacher crush, then she'd joke about how she was jealous of you because he never admired her like he did you. You'd just smile, feeling like your age and tell Joel about it later.

You loved both of them as if they were your own, while being reminded of the kids in the prepatory school back in the Boston QZ. Guilt occasionally gnawed at your insides whenever the thought lingered too long on your mind. You really wished you could break them out and bring them here, give them the life and childhood they deserved. You kept telling yourself, like Joel, that there was nothing you could do about them, but still...

That was how fate worked, you supposed. If you hadn't been ambushed and Alpha One had survived, you may have never met Joel and Ellie, arrive in Jackson and, most importantly, you wouldn't be sitting across Joel when he took you as his wife.

Perhaps, there was no way- no alternative scenario about bringing your family to this safe haven. To have them sit there amongst the crowd and cheer you as you kissed your husband after his sister-in-law announced you married. Oh, how badly you wanted them by your side that day: Kurt sending death threats to Joel if he ever broke your heart (jokingly, of course), Maxim and Amanda encouraging you, Robin and Cole trying to tell embarrassing stories of your younger years...

Felicity and you having a talk.

Felicity.

She'd be the one to style your hair (maybe Robin too), fit you in your dress and of course, the first person to hear about the good news. She'd take your hands in hers, smile at you, then hug you.

You'd give anything to hear her voice again, to have her talk to you- even just for five minutes.

Nevertheless, you were still grateful for the new life that was given to you by the man who held your hand and smiled as you spoke to the microphone: Alright folks, thank you for coming... Training starts early tomorrow, so get some sleep! A new chance, given to you by the man made love to you in the following hours and who now slept next to you peacefully. The man, who introduced you to a new family and gave you hope that, in these times you lived in, there was still love and humanity left.

You studied Joel's relaxed features as the sun slowly crawled up the horizon. He was sleeping facedown, muscular arms partly under his pillow and face turned to you as he breathed through his nose slowly; his naked body disappeared under the thick blanket, meeting yours.

The alarm on your side of the bed went off minutes later, waking him as it did. He met your half lidded gaze with his own and mumbled something that resembled a good morning. You smiled and whispered it back, then watched his eyes close again. Your smile grew wider instinctively, then you tapped his right arm (the arm on your side) gently. He immediately turned his body towards you in the bed and opened his arms for you: "Ten minutes at most."

He nodded sleepily as you pushed yourself into his warm, naked embrace, placing yourself against his body, head right below his chin. Your arms found themselves on his waist and you sighed contentedly, placing a kiss on his collarbone.

Perfect. That's how everything was when he was involved.

As you stayed in his embrace, your eyelids automatically pushed themselves down. Inhaling his scent and listening to his heartbeat, you thought to yourself before dozing off:

Huh. Maybe it really was meant to be.

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller imagine #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fanfic #the last of us x reader #the last of us imagine #the last of us fanfiction #tlou x reader #tlou fanfic #tlou imagine #tlou fanfiction

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kazimakuwabara · 3 years

Text

8. Concession

summary: Deals are struck to appease the sick and appease the worrying. (one piece, slight SanUso)

***

“His temperature is high,” Chopper sighed stepping outside of his office with a frown. He kept his voice low, in case the patient was listening. “Really high... He needs to eat and drink more, but he’s putting up a resistance.”

Chopper rubbed his chin, concern weighing down his brow, “It’s a simple illness, an infection of the throat and sinuses. Strep throat. But his pain response to it... it’s as if he’s never been sick before!”

“Well... Usopp has claimed to have never been sick a day of his life,” Nami sighs, hands on her hips, and her gaze glaring at the door, “But I thought that was another... tall tale of his!”

“Surely he’s been sick before... at least once!” Brook argued, tapping his skeletal fingers to his teeth.

"I gotta admit... I've seen a lot of us sick, but I don't think I've seen Usopp-bro sick," Franky mused. He chuckled suddenly, before adding, "Well, not something he didn't invent anyway..."

“I’m not sure. I’m going to take a look at his blood for antibodies, but based on his fever and his reactions to the pain, I’m not sure if he's had this illness before. I really think it’s his first time experiencing this... which can be a problem. Mild illnesses are worse in adulthood if you’ve never experienced them in your youth!” Chopper sighed.

“Isn’t he just being a bad patient?” Zoro protested, “He’s just whining.”

“A temperature doesn’t lie, idiot,” Sanji snapped, a tray of soup and water in hand, “If Chopper says it’s bad, then it’s bad!”

Zoro glared at the cook, an insult ready on his lips, but Luffy, his usually cheerful tone subdued, interrupted, “Don’t fight. Usopp’s head was hurting from the noise earlier.”

The crew fell quiet, anxiety twisting in their stomachs over Luffy’s obvious concern. Finding out Usopp wasn't feeling his best, had been a bit of a shock.

In the middle of an escape from the Marines, Usopp had burst into tears over the noise of a canon, before collapsing on the ground. It hadn’t been too abnormal a sight, but his tears were normally from being scared... and not from pain. This had obviously been the latter, and the sight of it had shocked the group. Usopp had been gathered up and taken to Chopper's office immediately. More alarming than any complaint he could have made was his muttering that he was fine, despite his obvious fever, and flushed complexion.

“Usopp was hurting a lot,” Luffy mumbled, folding his arms with a frown.

A crew member falling sick was never a happy occasion, but in their years sailing together, Usopp had indeed, never gotten sick. His boasting over his good health had oddly been a comfort for the crew. He was normally the first to check on a downed crewmate, telling them stories, or encouraging them to take medicine. There was many an occasion Luffy's fast recoveries could be credited to Usopp, for tricking his Captain into taking his gross tasting medicine, thanks to some tale he wove.

And if asked to not get to close to the paitent he would laugh, “I never get sick! Never. While, I’ll have you know...” and then he’d launch into a story about how his family was blessed with good health, or that Usopp had sailed on the sea when he was seven, to do some great quest that caused his good health.

It was clockwork. Usopp didn’t get sick. He faked them. He did not succumb to them.

A cough from behind Chopper’s closed door caused the Straw Hats to jump.

Anxious eyes turned to the door, unease settling over them like a blanket.

“Has he eaten anything?” Robin asked, her voice almost a whisper.

“Not yet...” Chopper admitted, “He’s struggling even taking water right now.”

Sanji, straightened his back, his grip on the tray getting surer.

“Well, he won’t turn my food down. Water and a light soup. It’s not too much much, and he’ll find the taste to his liking,” Sanji said with a nod, marching towards the door.

“If he could at least drink all the water... I don’t want to resort to an I.v.,” Chopper half pleaded, a brave smile on his face.

“He’s not going to die from this,” Zoro said, brown furrowed with frustration, “He’s going to be fine!” He seemed grumpier with Usopp laid up.

Franky opened the door for Sanji, and offered a grin of reassurance, “Good luck bro!”

Sanji entered Chopper’s office with firm steps. He flinched a little as the door closed behind him, suddenly finding himself squinting at the dimmed light of the room.

It didn’t take long for his eyes to adjust; Usopp was easy to spot on the bed, his black hair flowing like ink over his pillow. His dark skin was ashen, and his eyes were closed. He was frowning, the pain of his throat most likely the cause.

Sanji hated it when people were sick.

Nami’s brave sick face comes to mind. As does his mother’s. Both thoughts fill him with dread. Smiling while sick... he'd rather no one did that.

He feels cruel to suddenly be grateful Usopp isn’t hiding behind a brave smile.

Sanji sets the tray down on the desk by Usopp’s bedside with an intentional noise. Usopp’s body flinches, as if the noise had hurt him, and he peeks out at Sanji beneath heavy lashes... pouting at Sanji in greeting.

He’s not putting on a brave face, and again Sanji feels selfish to be happy about it.

Moved by relief, and an unexpected surge of compassion, Sanji reaches out to cup Usopp’s face. Usopp is burning up beneath his touch.

“Hey there... You’ve got to eat,” Sanji says, his words slow and awkward. He hadn’t really known what to say, especially now that he's touched him out of the blue.

Usopp makes an expressive frown but remains quiet. His dark eyes are locked onto Sanji, but they are darting over Sanji's face. He doesn't seem to know where to look, or perhaps, even lying down, he is too dizzy to focus on the cook's face.

“Can you sit up for water, at the very least?” Sanji asks thumb stroking Usopp’s cheek. He doesn’t know where the doting has come from, but he doesn’t push it down. They’re alone after all... no one to see what he’s doing.

Usopp nods, his fevered cheek pressing lightly into Sanji’s cool palm. He stays there a moment and then moves to sit up. His arms are trembling. Sanji reaches gently under those shaking arms and helps the sniper sit up, Usopp pressing his forehead heavily against Sanji’s chest.

His breath is labored from the effort of sitting up.

Is this really just strep throat?

When Usopp’s breath is evened out, Sanji lets him go and reaches for the glass of water. He passes it to Usopp, who takes it obediently; quietly.

That quiet is so disturbing. Usopp is a small ball of chaos, smaller and more predictable than fluffy, but he's loud and exuberant. The quiet doesn't suit him.

“I know Chopper gave you medicine... it hurts now, but you’ll be feeling better soon. Chopper’s the best doctor,” Sanji says, unable to help but try and console the ailing sniper. Forcing a smile, Sanji continues, “So... so drink up! The water will help. It’ll help you feel better soon!”

Usopp’s pout grows deeper, but he sips the water. He jolts, wincing sharply, a hand going to his throat. He looks so surprised at the pain.

Nami had smiled so brightly while sick. His mother had eaten her food obediently.

Sanji has one of Usopp’s hands in his own and clings to it. He’s not sure why he’s so scared now.

“Please drink it all. I know it hurts... but I promise you’ll feel better soon,” Sanji says, smiling as wide as he can.

Usopp frowns, and his eyes sluggishly turn to Sanji’s face. His head tilts slightly, and then, he smiles.

Sanji feels choked up at the sight.

Usopp’s feverish hand is suddenly on Sanji’s cheek, and the sniper whispers, “Sanji... stop. It is going to be alright... Don’t make that face.”

Sanji shakes his head, “I’ll... I’ll worry less if you promise to drink this, and have a few bites of soup.”

Usopp nods, head drooping as if it is weighed down. He grunts very softly in agreement. Closing his eyes, Usopp chugs half the water, before his hand goes to his throat. He coughs, his face twisting up from the pain, and Sanji is reaching forward again.

He feels so helpless.

And then Usopp has his arms around him.

Usopp is hot and sticky with sweat. His hug is too heavy and uncomfortable. He buries his face into Sanji’s throat, and sighs, his hot breath adding to the uncomfortableness.

“Stop... making that...face. I’ll get better. Just stop. I’ll be alright... Don’t look so sad,” Usopp whispers, voice strained and weak, "I'll have you know... I'm the fastest at getting better..." It's a weak story, and one with no elaboration.

His strong hands, no longer small like how Sanji remembers them, curl around the lapels of Sanji’s jacket.

“In exchange... feed me. And listen to me complain. But I’ll... get better. So don’t look like... this,” Usopp’s voice is tired, and he sounds concerned.

Sanji hugs Usopp unsure of what face he is making, or how to stop it, so he tells him so.

"I don't know what I look like."

Usopp rubs his cheek against Sanji's hair and mumbles, "Very scared. I don't like... people looking at me like that... about this."

Usopp is trembling.

Sanji abruptly remembers this isn't even a severe illness, and with a much braver and stronger voice insists, "You're going to be fine. We... I'm looking at you like this... because our sniper can't be down for long. You're going to get better. I just hate seeing you like this."

Usopp sighs, and his trembling calms. Somehow, Sanji has managed to bring Usopp comfort, while also comforting himself.

Sanji’s not even sure why all of this is bothering him so much.

Sanji holds Usopp tight, and thinks only of him. He pushes away Nami’s determined flushed face, and his mother's grateful, relieved smile. Nami is still here. His mother is gone. Usopp will be like the former. He'll get better.

All these things are related, and Sanji’s not sure if he understands how.

Usopp told him once, that his mother died when she was sick.

“Are you afraid?” Sanji asks, arms still tightly wrapped around Usopp. It doesn’t matter how uncomfortably hot everything is.

“Not like you,” Usopp whispers, lips brushing Sanji’s throat. “I’ll get better... didn’t I tell you? So no more...” Usopp’s hot hand covers Sanji’s eyes.

“I have to endure it when all of you don’t feel well... so don’t fall apart on me... If I can take it... you can take it too,” Usopp mutters, voice trying to be encouraging, even if the words don’t quite fit.

Sanji remembers all of Usopp’s smiles whenever they fall ill. He’s a good liar. Good at hiding when something is wrong. He too, lost his mother to illness.

Sanji had been worried about Nami when she was sick.

But not like how he had been worried about his mother.

Sanji is worried more for Usopp, over this nonfatal illness. More worried than he ever had been for his mother.

A disconnect in Sanji’s heart, and head--click.

“Ah...” Sanji whispers suddenly understanding something he had been trying not to look at for some time.

He looks down at Usopp in his arms. He’s asleep, his glass empty and bowl of food untouched. Sanji will try again when he wakes up. Usopp promised to get better. And he will. The whole crew, and not just Sanji, will see to it.

Sanji sets Usopp back gently on his pillow, releasing him very carefully.

There’s a lot to think about, but Sanji will deal with that later. Every other thought and feeling is packed away, neatly tucked back inside Sanji for him to deal with at a later time. He’ll go make more soup for Usopp when he wakes up.

Usopp did promise to get better if Sanji stops making whatever face he’s been making. It’s a small price to pay that Sanji will agree to pay while Usopp’s eyes are open.

But if Usopp’s eyes are closed, Sanji decides to worry all he wants, and there’s not a thing the sniper can do about it.

#kazi fanfic #ooo got a lot numbers last night ^^#also ask for as many numbers as ya like #I'll get to em.#Using these as a writing exorcise to challenge myself #Sanuso #lightly #Usopp #one piece #ptsd #hurt and comfort #schelduled post

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jackmfvegas777 · 3 years

Text

Furry Species Stereotypes #1 - By Me

Note;

These are only my personal views of the furry fandom's species I know from my personal experiences with them,

and if not that, then general common assumptions or stereotypes.

Thus, this is not gospel truth for everyone!

If you disagree, please tell me why!

I'd love you guys' take.

I also tried to name as many species I could think about off the top of my head without looking them up, which took FOREEEEVER.

You can reply to this or anon ask me, or DM me with ones I've missed, even your personal own created species (even if no one knows them yet), I'll do them too in a reply to this!

Real existing species stereotypes down below, here!;

WOLVES ; Due to this being the most common persona, you are most likely someone who follows the crowd and likes things that are popular. You however are still a pretty solitary being, preferring a dark corner over a party's dance floor. You love honesty and loyalty and have those traits to a fault, never ever abandoning a friend or ally, in need or not. You may also like things like squishy toys and squeaky toys, fidget spinners, and any manner of play item. Also, basically, to sum it up; YA' BASIC. Sorry. 😆

FOXES ; Somewhat similar to ferrets, raccoons, & sometimes rats, you both scurry around quickly simultaneously physically, and in conversation, and you may "borrow" items from places seemingly like a kleptomaniac, but for sentimental items. Basically if you are friends with a fox fursona, your jacket and/or gloves, pins, pizza (LOL) and many other miscellaneous items may go missing "mysteriously" due to them collecting it as a habit. They almost never mean true harm, they just like keeping your stuff because it reminds them of you, which can be seen as creepy by some people. But it is also very endearing, if done with pure intentions. But you may want to tell the fox to stop taking your things and ask you first! LOL. You always seem to have a ridiculous amount of energy and for some reason, an insane amount of optimistic viewpoints, and positive happy personality. You also like your books, preferring to spend a night reading then playing video games. (Although you do enjoy those too.) You are pretty academic, but yet you can also do well in physical sports, if you're into that sort of thing. There are a few points in the wolf & dog category I would assign here too, most likely due to all three being canines, like liking the squeaky and squishy toys and other stem items, and being verrrry loyal if a bit solitary in nature.

CATS (BIG) ; ...Y'all are usually assholes! There! I said it! I'm sorry to say, but nine times out of 10, you guys seem to be huge dicks, and I'm... not sure why, exactly?? What attracts the enormous dickwad to the big cat's umbrella of wild cat species? Maybe, perhaps, it is the superior, regal, and majestic appearance of big cats,--perhaps relating to their usual narcissism in normal life? Okay, so, I'm exaggerating a little, I have met some big cats that are great and very good friends. But a lot of them I've seen have been downright rude, callous, cold, and distant, at best! And downright asswads at worse!! However it seems like as bad as they go when they're bad, they go really good when they're actually good. When they are cool people, they're actually surprisingly chill, especially when comparing to the other type of big cat. They tend to usually be D.J.s, dancers, comedians, performers or some sort of person in the entertainment field, in some way. Those type're usually hella nice to get along with, however their super friendly exterior disguises a very weird, eccentric and esoteric mind beneath. They also seem to ooze confidence outwardly, even if they aren't confident feeling on the inside. They are royal and regal, and usually relatively unfazed by anything that would hurt normal people pretty badly. These are usually the type of people who don't get into emotions very often, or if they do, they always still have a wall up between them and the other person. They're strong, but that's because they force themselves to be strong, and it makes for a very bad night if the big cat snaps and takes out their very strong, tiger-like roar of anger on others! Thus if you are a big cat, I suggest finding ways to manage your anger, and finding ways to relieve your stress, as I noticed people who are big cats in their fursona tend to be very stressed in real life for some reason. Again, I'm not sure why people who are, are attracted to that species specifically.

CATS (SMALL) ; You kitties are solitary like the big cats and wolves, however much more docile. There's two main types of cats that are house cats in fursona; There's the serious brooding figure that seems to be always alone yet peaking curiosity in everyone's eyes--the type that is stealthy, sneaky, and very cat-like--as in, realistic cat-like. You may sit strangely or have odd habits in voice or body, something that makes you stand out as different. There's also the second type of cat, which is basically an UWU XOXO anime girl that is ridiculously feminine, high pitched, and almost always is a neko type furry character instead of a full furry anthropomorphic character. Not that there's anything wrong with nekos, they're awesome too, it just seems to be a trend that any neko is usually a cat. You may like to actually smoke catnip! (Okay that was a joke LOL, but yes, it is possible, and yes it does get humans somewhat high, but most would not recommend it due to it being short & tasting bad! LMAO 😆) You also really like batting things around, or batting things off tables or counters--when you have a cup of tea beside you, the urge to knock your mug off the table is irresistible, even though your rational mind denies the notion from actually happening. You tend to like yarn snd thread, whether that means just playing with it or knitting or sewing etc. and making creations with it! You usually like fish a lot, mostly sushi is your favorite, and usually, you tend to be more based in Japanese culture.

DOGS ; See wolves, but add loyalty hella and way more people-oriented. you're somehow more basic than wolves 🤣

RABBITS ; As someone who has a rabbit as one of my main 3 fursonas, I have to admit I love rabbits. We are usually very social, unlike the animal we're based on, preferring to conversate and meet people. Although, like the rabbit, we may be shy to actually begin the conversation, or initiate plans on our own. We also scare easily, and most of us for some reason tend to have anxiety or panic disorders, not always, but quite often, and that can usually be why we relate to the characters of rabbits which go still & shake or attack fiercely with their hind legs if scared. There are some people with rabbit fursonas that are definitely fully shy, but a lot of them are actually quite more outgoing than you would think they are. And no, rabbits usually don't love carrots. (Including real rabbits, they eat mostly hay and carrots should only be a treat!) But for some reason one thing I noticed is that almost everybody's fursona in existence is. Just. Super sexual and flirty and just out there in every way. They can come across as perverted and strange to a lot of people due to this, once they reveal their true colours rather than their cutesy entrance, to those they know well.

DEER ; You guys are the innocent bunch, the kids that seemed to never know what was going on when it came to violence or sexual content in any media or situation. This innocence continues throughout your life. You're usually a 'deer in the headlights' and can get very confused easily and a lot, and also you can become quite shy and reclusive if you don't have friends to pull you out of it to shove you into social situations by force. You may not be 'the brightest bulb in the bunch', but you are definitely the friendliest, kindest, and most understanding one in it. Most people love being your friend because your support gives strength that can't be found elsewhere, due to the power and stability of your connection to people. You also may really like salad.

BEARS ; You guys are a bunch of big gentle giants. For some reason, most every person who plays a bear fursona seem to be gigantic in real life, either super tall, or super fat, or super muscular, or a combination or all of the above! Whatever it is, they're always big intimidating figures. Yet, despite this, they seem to be very sweet, mild-mannered and very loyal. They also seem to have a lazy streak, preferring to lay down and eat honey rather than do anything productive on time. Don't get me wrong, they'll do the task, but it'll just take until they feel like doing it. However when they have ambition, they have it and have it well, being able to rise to Big manager positions very easily. They tend to be very shy both in romantic situations and just in general. Despite their large presence, they're just a bunch of softies.

OPOSSUMS ; An opossum is one of my main fursonas, based on me. Plus I can tell you from experience that opossums are little shits. They will pester the shit out of you, text you non-stop, and talk your ears off if you let them. They're not trying to be annoying or clingy, but they're just that type of person that really clings to people and likes talking to people as long as possible when they like them. Like raccoons, rats, and other things on this list, they like hoarding treasure and they tend to be sneaky mischievous little beings, loving to pull pranks or make a joke to make someone laugh hard. The opossums are kind of the clowns of the furry species, always being the comedian of the group. We love soft blankets and we tend to sleep with our head under the covers completely like we were in our mother's pouch. Also a lot of us do what I call the 'human sofa', where we curl around someone's back as they sit, and become their backrest, to snuggle them.

WEASELS & FERRETS ; Same as opossum, but make them scary and super suspicious all the time. I mean seriously, these guys are "sus". Who knows what they're up to? But they tend to be great comedians, and can always crack a joke that's sly and sarcastic to make someone burst out laughing, even if it's just one person who does due to their obscure references to their many fandoms.

RACCOONS ; Same as opossums, weasels, and ferrets--except add that you love trash. Whether this means collecting empty boxes, like shoe boxes and electronic boxes, or collecting old newspapers, or straws, or broken glass, (who knows?!) or making new pretty things out of old withered things, all of it you adore! You enjoy the feeling of making the most out of nothing, and pulling something out of your ass to survive no matter what the situation. This tendency can lead to intense resourcefulness in every area of life.

SKUNKS ; They all tend to be really chill, mostly... because all of you are fucking weed smokers! I guess it comes with the territory since skunks have a skunky smell, but damn does your skunky smell smell skunkier than a skunk! 😆🤣 Okay, okay, now besides the usual stoner stereotypes, you skunks are pretty chill beings, usually preferring a night on the couch. Although when they do catch you adventuring, they'd catch you frolicking in nature, and catching tadpoles, or doing something odd in a river. You love forests, and also love the sounds of city, traffic, and cars passing by. Rain is one of your favourite times.

BADGERS ; Y'all are some bad motherfuckers, the type of person who could kick anyone's ass, any amount of people, and come out without a scratch. People like you are nearly indestructible, and also tend to be somewhat snappy and harsh to others, although usually unintentionally. You tend to love honey, and/or any kinds of sweet things, which tends to contrast with your spicy personality. You have a pain tolerance out of this world, and you also have mental pain tolerance as well, seeming to never get hurt or let down by others' actions. This is due to you never fully trusting, and always preparing somewhat for a let down.

TANUKIS (JAPANESE RACCOON DOGS) ; This is my main fursona, and like opossums, Japanese Raccoon Dogs / Tanukis are ridiculously loyal and strange, almost clown-like beings, and also like raccoons, they love finding old things and transforming them into new. They also tend to be very artistic and really like colours, usually having some form of synesthesia if not multiple, usually having to do with colour association. Also you usually have a very strong connection to Japan and it's culture, either being Japanese or just loving the culture itself, and tend to base a lot of your life around Japanese things. You may even be planning to move to Tokyo someday! Tanukis are notoriously mischievous, but in a friendly, jokey way, and they tend to never want to make people mad. Due to this, they are always very friendly and positive, as much as they can, even if they feel the opposite inside. These are also the types of people to be very esoteric, weird, and downright uncanny, which fits their Japanese theme as Japan does some weird shit too LOL. Also usually stoners. Also pretty flirty, but not overly.

COYOTES & OTHER MISC. CANINES ; As a less common version of dogs, you have some manner of uniqueness about you! You tend to be active, especially physically, and in sports, usually very likely to do hiking as well. You tend to be pretty chipper, although you can come across as sarcastic or biting when you're in a bad mood. When you're in a good mood, everyone can feel it, and your smile brightens up the space around you! People tend to be attracted to your demeanor, even if you don't mean to attract them, they still come, and this quality can lead you to some of your lifelong friends (and perhaps, enemies.).

SHARKS & OTHER AQUATICS ; You aquatic creatures tend to be the jocks of the group, however despite your jockiness, you actually have quite a brain on you; being able to figure out complex things like math problems that are way ahead of where you are, or learning to read very soon in your life, and maybe even being in spelling bees or talent shows later on! You tend to have a scientific mind, and definitely have at least one or two fish tanks, if not a whole room full. You can be a bit perverted, and even a little bit dominating in conversation, but for people who can get past that--you make a loyal, fun, and active friend.

SNAKES & OTHER REPTILES ; You all tend to seem shady no matter how stand-up you are, and the fact that you never go in the spotlight, always preferring to stay by the sidelines and observe and watch others closely. Occasionally, you may leave a small remark, and due to you barely talking, those things you do say echo only louder for those who hear. You tend to be reclusive and secluded, loving the silence of rainy days with no one bugging you, and your beautiful reptiles. You tend to be quite confident, and even heroic at your best, being kind and also empathetic and caring, and intelligent. At your worst, you can come off as cold, manipulative or even cruel at times. Snakes and reptiles are usually seen with dislike and/or fear by others, which can lead to a hardened heart in you that makes you trust less easily, fearing judgement in who you are.

AXOLOTLS & OTHER AMPHIBIANS ; You guys kiiinda tend to be the 'uwu i'm special!!1!' bunch, but rather than in an insensitive annoying way, in the way that you're genuinely childish and innocent and naive, which can be both a blessing and a curse. Like the aquatic axolotl, you stay young forever, (kind of like Peter Pan!) and you seemingly never lose your sense of humour, your playfulness, or your absolute randomness at times. You are someone who would fight to the death for a friend you just met, even though you are usually pacifistic. You have great traits when it comes to caring for others, and fully taking care of others--skills that would bode well for you becoming a nurse, doctor, psychiatrist or therapist. You tend to love water, and will go swimming the whole summer while it's warm enough! You also don't mind, even if it's cold, you'll jump in anyway.

MICE & OTHER RODENTS ; You guys tend to be even more cutesy and little than rabbits! A lot of you guys seem to be age aggressors due to mental illness, and thus choose a very small, innocent animal as their fursona. These people can also just be generally childlike, innocent and playful, albeit very shy. The other type of rodents are the creepy ass ones who give off a high & mighty vibe, being very confident, swaggering, and even mysterious at times. They're the cool kids you see in school, pretending to be some mysterious goth kid, but really they just learned the goth look a week ago.

GENERAL INSECTS/BUGS ; You tend to be very odd, weirding out the general public more than you do connect with them. You've always felt a strange disconnect between yourself and the world, feeling like you're not really there or like you could be more. You might have transformed from being a totally different person in your past, to being a radically different person now. You tend to rule change and dreams and mystic things, perhaps even being some sort of psychic. You tend to have an extremely open mind and a very welcoming, understanding personality, due to you even seeing the beauty in bugs, which so many find repulsive. This quality will follow you into life, which you must be careful of--don't start trusting everyone you meet. Due to you always seeing the best in everyone, you can get taken advantage of easily.

And now fictional/mythical/extinct/hybrids down here;

DUTCH ANGEL DRAGONS ; Y'all give off a very confident vibe to me, although it's hidden under an exterior of pretend anxiety or hesitancy, which you really don't feel. You're one of those preppy kids who tends to dress girly regardless of gender, can't handle coffee but loves their jasmine tea, likes their succulents planted in their house in cute little DIY decorated plant vases, and wears pastels of colour. You tend to be a bright, vibrant person who sees the best in things, and you can be a little naive due to your extreme and blind happiness that radiates purely from you.

GENERAL DRAGONS ; You tend to intimidate others easily, but this is not something you mean to do whatsoever. In fact, you usually try your best to make friends although you usually scare them off, whether due to being unintentionally too clingy, or just being too awkward in conversation. You tend to have anxiety or different worries about things, but you try and overtake these things with a massive upbeat attitude. Although sometimes, this attitude does falter, and you can become somewhat pessimistic without reminder. Also, like raccoons, ferrets and other similar animals, you love to hoard treasure and things you love, everything from gemstones, to rocks, to bottle caps, to pieces of broken glass--it doesn't matter what it is, if it's collectible, you will collect it.

PROTOGENS/PRIMAGENS ; You guys tend to lean heavily into the Japanese aesthetic, or at least into the vapourwave aesthetic. Perhaps even steampunk! Whatever it is, you follow it heavily. You also tend to be a tech nerd. You can help anyone with any computer problem almost effortlessly, and you even have knowledge of technologies in the recent past such as devices like record players, VHS tapes, etc. that most younger people wouldn't know about (if you are young, or if you're old, you know from experience.). You could even be a hacker of some sort if you wanted to, considering your huge skill with computers. Personality-wise you tend to be very cutesy, excitable and both very very innocent, and yet somehow perverted, at the same time. You most likely speak more than one language. I'm not sure why, but it seems like every protogen or primagen I've met speaks multiple languages, two at least, if not more.

SERGALS ; Very similar to sharks, with some qualities of reptiles. You guys also have the Leo zodiac-like personality type of loving to be loved; being in the spotlight is your favourite thing, no matter what it's for! Due to this, some Sergals will tire of reaching for difficult positive attention, and will start to even accept negative attention as attention they want, then will try and act like a troll on purpose to fuck with people, only to get a reaction. Other times they're just chill and generally relaxed people, although if you threaten their family they become very hostile and very unstable emotionally, quickly.

CRUX ; Due to the history of the species being about being experimented on, and abused, and combined, etc. etc., people who play cruxes tend to be pretty edgy "look at how dark I am!!" people. However not always--sometimes, weirdly, very girly, upbeat & happy people will roleplay cruxes. So it's kind of unsure what you'll get when you interact with one. It's pretty much a 50/50 chance on whether they're upbeat & happy, or dark & brooding. Whatever the case, they tend to be usually neurodivergent, since cruxes are mentally ill if you think about it basically, a lot of people have latched on to them as their comfort species for being mentally ill. Like dogs, you love squeaky toys and also you love piercings, and tattoos, and any body modification you can achieve!

PHOENIXES ; Similar 'emo' type to cruxes--people generally choose phoenixes due to their history of being unbreakable when it comes to physical harm. Due to this, a lot of emo people latched on to them. However there are also regular people who play phoenixes, and they tend to be very regal--if a bit intimidating, and are very ambitious & strong-minded people. They have a fieryness that blazes through to show their phoenix-y nature bubbling underneath the surface.

GRYPHONS ; For some reason, you tend to be very aggressive and domineering individuals--think Bakugo Katsuki from My Hero Academia, the anime. Sometimes you can come off as a huge asshole, but you're really well meaning on the inside, and you try to do your best by everyone--you just seem intimidating and aggressive due to resting bitch face and voice, LOL.

DINOSAURS ; You are an excitable individual, whether that means being angry easily, or hyper easily. You tend to be younger in age, or at least younger in mind, having an innocent heart and somewhat ferocious ambitions. You are strong and untamable when it comes to authority figures bossing you around. Most of the time there's no changing your mind if it's set, and you can be very stubborn, pushy, and audacious at your worst, and at your best; proud, confident, encouraging and passionate!

SKULLDOGS & OTHER SKULLIES ; Similar to phoenixes and cruxes, they tend to attract emo, goth, punk, or scene people, however rarely a bubbly girly person will roleplay one, and usually do it with pastel colours instead of dark. They tend to be somewhat reclusive, but yet enjoy people's company when forced to interact. They are people who don't really give a shit much in most circumstances, but when something gets them stirred up, it gets them up and going quickly. They can be somewhat cold and harsh to those who don't know them well, who know that it's all a façade of intimidation, to drive you away from getting closer to them.

FOLVES & OTHER HYBRIDS ; Similar to foxes, you're an excitable hyper furball that will jump around the room, and meet as many friends, and talk to as many people as you can! You guys seem to have none of the reclusive types of personality traits that foxes usually have, and instead seem to be very pack-bonded people! You love finding lucky things, like a clock or license plate that has triple numbers, or picking up a lucky penny off the street. The little things in life make you very happy.

So what do you think?

Did I get your species correct?

If so, or if not, tell me why in the replies! I will read 'em all.

#furry #furries #furry fandom #the furry fandom #furry species stereotypes #furry stereotypes #furry species #fursona #fursonas #furry oc #furry ocs #furry original character #furry original characters #furry character #furry characters #stereotypes

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justkindaoverhereobsessing · 4 years

Text

the stars always make me laugh (1/4)

Now complete! Here is chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4, and the epilogue.

A year to the day after Ziva departs D.C. to return to Paris and reunite with her family, her newfound contentment is shaken by an unexpected loss. Tony and Tali are right where they belong—safely by her side—but she still finds herself feeling drawn to reflect on the past. She might just be able to use this new grief to bring peace to old wounds, renewing hope along the way for a future with her family... but only if she can find a way to let go of what haunts her.

Written as a combined response to two different challenge prompts; also available for reading on ff and AO3. This is angsty but will ultimately be soft.

_________________________

"And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me. You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me. And you will sometimes open your window, so, for that pleasure… And your friends will be properly astonished to see you laughing as you look up at the sky! Then you will say to them, 'Yes, the stars always make me laugh!'"

—Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

_________________________

January 7th, 2021

It's a Thursday morning when Tony gets the call.

He's working from home today, and he's nearing the end of a video conference when his phone buzzes—he looks down to check it and sees his favorite unflattering photo of Tim McGee on the screen. Paris is six hours ahead of Washington, where McGee presumably still is, which makes it… hmm. It's four in the morning there. He's probably not reaching out for a casual chat, then.

Something tells him to take the call.

"Sorry to be rude," Tony says quickly in French, looking back at his computer screen, "but there's an emergency I have to deal with. Let's go ahead and wrap this up for today and we'll talk progress next week, same time as usual—Félix, go ahead and email me that report, if you can. I'll check in when I'm back at the office tomorrow. Have a good morning, all of you."

Then he abruptly ends the conference; he cares very little if he comes across as impolite, because his thoroughly French team has always seen him as a hopelessly crass American anyway.

Tony hits a button on his cell, catching the call just before it would have gone to voicemail. "Why, if it isn't Tim-Tim-Timothy McGee!" he cries, jovial as usual even though he's a little apprehensive about the nature of the unexpected conversation. "What can I do for you?"

"Hey, Tony." McGee sounds tired, which is little wonder given the time difference. "Do you have a moment to talk?"

"Sure," Tony agrees, dropping the slightly mocking enthusiasm from his tone. "What's up?"

"I don't know how to tell you this, so I'm just going to say it, okay?"

"...okay."

"There was an accident last night, and—"

"Who?" Tony can read between the lines—he doesn't have to hear the word "death" to understand that someone he knows has passed away.

"It was Ducky."

_________________________

Tony is on the phone with McGee for another fifteen minutes, getting all the details and committing them to memory as best as he can through his slight haze of shock. Though Ducky had always been the oldest member of their team and clearly couldn't live forever, he had seemed… invincible, somehow. He was an institution, something timeless and never-ending.

Of course, that had been an illusion, but still, it's strange to know that the vibrant old man is now just…

Gone.

The rest of the workday is spent processing all of this new information and making preparations. Tony can't imagine a world in which they wouldn't fly back to the States to attend the funeral, and though he hasn't yet talked to Ziva about it, he feels fairly comfortable arranging emergency bereavement leave from work and informing Tali's school that she'll be out next week.

Near the end of the call, McGee had asked if Tony wanted him to call Ziva, too, or if Tony wanted to tell her himself. Tony's answer was immediate: he knew without needing to stop and consider that telling Ziva in person would be the right thing to do.

It doesn't matter how much he hates having to give bad news.

Tony intends to do it tonight, once his wife is home from work… she has experienced too much loss in her life for him to be anything less than absolutely gentle in telling her about their old friend. There's no need to make it harder than it needs to be; an impersonal phone call across the Atlantic may have been an inevitability for Tony himself, but now that he knows, he wants to be there to hold Ziva's hand when she finds out, too.

He would give anything to spare her from as much pain as possible, and while he can't do much, he can do this.

Fortunately, the timing of McGee's call is decent—Tali has choir practice after school today, effectively speeding up the rest of the evening's schedule. By the time Ziva gets home, it'll nearly be dinner time, and bedtime will follow shortly after.

Tony doesn't want to delay giving Ziva the news, but he thinks it best to wait until Tali is safely tucked away. That way, they don't have to worry about putting on happy faces to keep from scaring her.

_________________________

As soon as Ziva walks in the door, she can tell that something is wrong. Tony looks tired or sad, or maybe both. He kisses her in greeting as usual, though, and when she gives him a questioning look, he answers with an almost imperceptible shake of his head. Later, she understands that to mean.

Ziva is concerned, but she trusts him.

Still, Tony seems eager to rush through Tali's evening routine, telling Ziva her unsettled feeling isn't merely a product of her typical anxiety… she's right, and something has happened or is happening still.

If she was Gibbs, she'd claim a gut feeling.

"Tony, is everything alright?" Ziva asks in a low, tense voice once Tali's bedroom door is shut for the night.

Tony shakes his head. "Let's go sit," he answers softly.

He leads her to the couch and she sits next to him automatically, her heart starting to race in a horribly familiar way. "Please just tell me, whatever it is," she murmurs anxiously.

Tony takes her hand. "Alright." His voice is gentle. "Just don't forget to breathe, Ziva, okay? I got a call from McGee today, and he had some bad news. Ducky was in an accident last night… he passed away this morning."

Ziva's pulse is thudding in her ears, and she focuses on the grounding anchor of Tony's hand on hers as she tries to internalize what he just told her. "An accident?" she echoes, sounding distant even to herself.

"Yeah…" Tony shakes his head and unexpectedly gives a quiet, incredulous laugh. The sound pulls Ziva out of her head a little, and she makes a conscious effort to squeeze his hand back as she waits for details.

He gives her a warm smile, recognizing the gesture.

"Honestly, it was the 'Duckiest' way that he could have died, I think," Tony explains. "He had apparently been out in Newfoundland exploring some continental fault thing, and on the way back, his plane hit some bad weather and ended up crashing. Palmer says it was very quick—Ducky never would have felt a thing."

Ziva nods, slightly faint but quickly getting over her shock. With any luck, she'll avoid a full-blown anxiety attack; the frequency of the attacks has decreased since she reunited with her family a year ago, but they'll always be a threat that she has to be prepared for.

Tony seems to understand that she's not quite ready to talk yet, so he keeps going. "There are worse ways to go, for sure, and I think Ducky would have wanted to spend his last minutes just as he did: coming from from an adventure in a tiny two-seater Bonanza. You know what I mean?"

"Yes… yes, I am sure you are right," she agrees, her voice steadier.

"I'm really glad that we got to see him recently, too. We had a good time, didn't we?"

"We did." A few months back, Ducky'd had a daylong layover in Paris on a trip to a remote area of Siberia, and they'd spent a very fun day showing him around the city. Their daughter had warmed to him quickly, which was hardly surprising.

"Hopefully Tali was old enough that she'll remember it, I think."

"Yes."

Tony pauses, and with his free hand, he reaches up to briefly caress his wife's cheek. "Are you alright?" he questions, concerned. "You're not saying much. I don't want you to pass out on me."

"I am—" Ziva stops in the middle of her sentence and takes two deep breaths. She had nearly said 'fine,’ but she's not, is she?

Ziva likes to think that she can be open and honest with Tony these days, as much as a lifetime of trials has given her the impulse to keep things to herself. The fact that Tony waits patiently for her to finish rather than interrupting tells her that she's right—she shouldn't shut him out.

Finally coming to a decision, she shakes her head. "No."

Tony nods. "I thought that might be the case."

"Are you?"

"Alright?"

"Yes."

"No. No, I'm really not. But I will be."

Tony's words suddenly pull a memory to the forefront of Ziva's mind, and she tilts her head for a moment, considering something.

Tony waits, a slight frown furrowing his brow.

"Come," Ziva decides finally. "There is something that I want to show you."

_________________________

A few minutes later, a bemused Tony watches from the doorway as Ziva digs determinedly through a box in the back of their bedroom closet. He knows what's in that box, and he knows that several identical boxes stacked neatly in the corner contain more of the same: Ziva's old journals from NCIS, dozens of them thoughtfully shipped to Paris by Ellie Bishop.

"Are you looking for one in particular?"

"Yes," Ziva answers, but she doesn't explain any further. After a few more seconds, she makes a noise of triumph and rises with one of the journals in hand.

"Found it?"

"I did."

She leads him back to the bedroom and sits on the bed, inviting him to sit next to her; Tony is relieved to see that while she definitely looks pained and tired, there are no obvious signs of an impending anxiety attack.

Once they're settled, Ziva gently—almost lovingly—pats the cover of the thin book. "This is one of my journals from late 2009 until early 2010."

"That's—"

"Shortly after I was rescued from the desert, yes."

Tony nods; it's not his favorite time to think about, and he knows it can't be for Ziva, either—so why did she pull this notebook in particular from the dozens of identical ones chronicling her experiences?

"Ducky was… helpful to me, in the aftermath of my rescue."

"He was?" Tony interjects in surprise. "You've never talked about that before."

"It is not a subject that I deeply enjoy discussing, something I am sure you can understand."

"Sure."

"Well, because I believe that sharing this memory will honor Ducky, I would like to tell you more about what he did for me."

"Are you sure?"

Ziva nods, and she keeps the journal clutched lovingly in one hand as she reaches over to lay a hand on Tony's thigh. "It has been a long time, and I think I am ready." She offers a smile—it's small and watery, but it's very sincere, and something about it makes Tony's own eyes start to sting.

He's been too busy to cry today, but he knows it's coming sooner or later. Ducky had been family for a very long time, and with this on top of that loss...

"Okay," he agrees roughly, clearing his throat. "Take it away. I'm all ears."

Ziva squeezes his thigh and then pulls her hand away, glancing down at the journal; this one will always be one she cares for above its brethren, because its painful content reminds her of how much she has overcome.

After a pause, Ziva opens it carefully.

Then, her voice surprisingly steady, she starts to read.

_________________________

January 7th, 2010

There is a reason that I have not penned an entry in quite some time; I have walked a difficult road these past months. Today, however, I was offered a comfort that I had not previously possessed the courage to ask for. If I have any hope of sorting through my own thoughts on the matter, though, I need to reconsider earlier events.

Before returning to Mossad more than half a year ago, I was faced with a dilemma that I had successfully avoided in my career before that point—that is, the dilemma of who to trust and who to side with when personal and professional obligations become hopelessly conflicted. I have already written at length about the choices I and the others made in the midst of that conflict.

Much has happened since then, but recent forced introspection has shown me an important connection between the difficulties of Michael's death and the horrors I endured after: a connection between who I was then and who I am now. That night, it only took a few minutes to change the course of my life: in that time, Tony and Michael fought, and Michael was killed. Every single one of us has had to deal with the consequences of those events ever since.

At the time, I let my anger and my grief consume me, destroying all vestiges of rationality in my thoughts and decisions. I followed that pain to the Horn of Africa, hurting and reckless and prepared for death.

Of course, I did not die, and that has brought consequences of its own… consequences that I am only now beginning to come to terms with.

In the wake of Michael's death and doubly so in the wake of my experiences in the desert camp, I found myself vulnerable. For the first time in my life, I'd been forced to acknowledge my heart and acknowledge its fragility. It could be bruised. It could humiliate me. These were things that frightened me, because I knew from recent experience that they could—and likely would—be used against me. My fear led me to withdraw, to hide again; acknowledging my own weakness demanded far less bravery than I would have needed to share that vulnerability with my friends.

I defaulted to an old defense mechanism. I leaned on ability borne of long experience to simply feign contentment. I passed my psychological evaluations, I sent my resignation to Abba, and against all odds, I was instated as a probationary special agent at NCIS. After a time, my colleagues stopped watching me when they thought I could not see, waiting for me to fall apart. I had convinced them that I was alright; perhaps I even convinced myself some of the time, too. Maybe I was not yet as 'fine' as I seemed to be, but I was sure that in time, I would reach a point where my conscience felt as carefree as my forced smile looked to those who loved me.

Darkness, however, is difficult to chase away with one single flickering candle, lit only by the flame of my own exhausted determination. My candle burned low, worn down over time, and I found myself in need of help. I alone could not summon the light that had long since fled my tired soul.

Though I did not know to whom I should turn, fate helped a friend to find me. It was—of all people—Ducky. In many ways, he is something of a saba* to me, the kind that I wished for as a child. Even so, I would not have thought to seek him out as a confidant. I see now how remiss I was in taking him for granted as I have sometimes done. It turns out that he was just who I needed.

He found me this evening in the midst of… I do not know how to define what I was feeling. I can only say that I was lost in a moment of weakness. At the time, being seen that way was humiliating, but now, several hours later, it feels serendipitous.

Ducky and I spoke quite candidly then… I will not record the details of the conversation here, because I feel in no danger of forgetting what was said. I am confident, however, that today marks something of a new beginning for me. There is still so much to sort through and process, but the shadows already feel less dim.

Today, I invited a friend to see my darkness, and despite what he saw, he did not pity me; he only held my hand and lit another candle.

_________________________

*saba = "grandfather" in Hebrew

#ncis fanfiction #tiva #tivali #tony dinozzo #ziva david #tali david-dinozzo #ducky mallard #timothy mcgee #cynthia writes stuff too #this is for two more biscuits challenges that i got way too committed to lol #parts two through four are already planned out and half written #they'll be posted shortly #hurt/comfort #angst but ultimately soft

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ladynestaarcheron · 4 years

Text

Like Pristine Glass - Chapter Fourteen

ao3 - ff.net - masterpost

(tagging these cuties: @humanexile @skychild29 @rhysandsdarlingfeyre @candid-confetti @rhysandsrightknee @missing-merlin @azriels-forgotten-shadow @books-and-cocos @sezkins79 @city-of-fae @someonemagical @dusty-lightbulb @messyhairday-me)

i think i’ve talked about this chapter more than any other. i’m VERY nervous scared excited to post it, and i cannot wait to hear what you think. please noe: any character’s views on God and/or the universe do not reflect those of the author

as per usual, thanks a million to my lovely beta, @thestarwhowishes, and to you all for reading!!

---

November 9 - 4 years after

When Feyre sees Cassian the day after he arrives in Velaris after over a week away, he is unrecognizable from the day before. It had been depressing to see him like that. Somehow worse than when they had lost Nesta years ago. That unhealthy anger was better than this proper misery, this depressing lack, the only trace of anything in his being guilt.

But the day after, the usual twinkle is in his eye and he says to her directly, looking over Rhys, “Nesta and the triplets are coming for Solstice.”

She jumps up. “Are you serious?”

"She just sent word. I’ll tell Elain. Where is she?”

“Garden.”

He shoots her a grin before leaving to find her, whistling slightly as he goes.

Feyre laughs. “He’s happy now.”

Rhys hums in agreement. “Are you?”

She takes a minute to think about it. “I’m...happy with you,” she says slowly. “With our people. And our family, here. But it’s not just that Nesta isn’t here. It’s that things aren’t right with her.”

“Cassian wants her to move here.”

Feyre hesitates. “I don’t think she will.”

“What about what you want?”

She shrugs. “Sure, I want that. I want my sisters and my niece and nephews close to me. Why wouldn’t I want that? But Nesta worked hard for her home on the Continent.”

“There’s nothing there that doesn’t exist here,” he says gently.

“I don’t understand,” Feyre says, a wry smile on her face. “Do you miss Nesta?” She doesn’t feel any guilt thinking that—there is no love lost between her mate and her sister, not on either side.

An identical smile tugs at Rhys’ lips. “Can’t say I particularly do. But if you and Cassian want her here...and the children, obviously.”

“Nicky looks so much like Cassian,” Feyre says for the umpteenth time. She can’t keep the excitement out of her voice—it will never cease to amaze her, how she can see bits and pieces of Cass and Nesta and even herself and Elain and their father in three little creatures. It never fails to make her long for her own child, the little boy the Bone Carver had shown her. With Rhys’ hair, with her lips...lips that Nesta and Ava share as well. Will the resemblance be clear enough, if they all stand together one day? Will everyone know just by looking that they are a family?

“Cassian looked at a house.”

“What, here in Velaris?”

Rhys shows her the outside. Bigger than Nesta’s house in Sugar Valley, and not the same style at all. In fact, this one looks vaguely similar to the townhouse they had once spent most of their time in.

“Four bedrooms,” he says.

Feyre’s heart sinks. Four bedrooms. For a family. But what are the chances that Nesta will actually to agree to live there?

I really want her to. Even the voice inside her head sounds small. She misses her sister.

At once, Feyre decides she can’t wait till Solstice. “I’m going to visit her,” she says.

If Rhys doesn’t think she should, he keeps it to himself. “With Elain?”

“No,” she says. “I’d like to speak to her alone. Without a buffer.” Without a shield. “This is long overdue.”

“I’ll go with you.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. She won’t...” Feyre struggles to find the right words. “She’s agreed to come for Solstice. I think we should keep her interactions with you...to a minimum.”

Rhys laughs as she grins apologetically. “Fine,” he says. “But...hurry back.” He tilts her face upward to kiss her.

She floods the love he sends to her back at him, tenfold. I will, she says silently.

But not before she gets what she’s going for.

---

November 22 - 1 year after

With the mess of her finding out she was pregnant with triplets across the sea from everything she had ever known, Nesta thought she might be entitled to a bit of courteous privacy, but evidently, the citizens of Sugar Valley disagreed, and when she arrived at work, Miri was waiting for her in the area of the back room she normally worked in, with two steaming mugs of something.

It wasn’t that Nesta hated these people, it was that she could not understand why everyone in the world couldn’t simply mind their own business and why they had to be so interested in other people’s lives. Namely, hers. But the smell from the mugs was the same as that chocolate-berry drink Zeyn had given her yesterday, and since she had had it, it was all she could think about.

Well. That and the three fetuses currently growing inside her.

So she sat down and took the mug.

“Nesta, dear,” Miri said, voice dripping with sympathy.

Nesta stifled the urge to roll her eyes—she didn’t need coddling or anything of the sort. Sure, yesterday had been a bit of a shock, but she was fine now. Her thoughts were gathered. She would go through with the pregnancy and…well, that was the most important thing. That she knew that, at least.

But Miri only continued with, “You must be so hungry and tired,” and that, because it was the exact right thing to say, was apparently the exact wrong thing to say.

Nesta knew very well how to deal with people saying the wrong thing to her. Perhaps it could be argued that she did not deal with it particularly well, but she had her methods. But someone saying the right thing to her was so much more rare. And she wasn’t sure if it was being away from her sisters, or him, or the three little parasites in her uterus, or maybe the berries in the water, but—to her horror—Nesta could feel her throat and eyes begin to burn at Miri’s innocent statement.

“Oh, poor dear...”

“I’m fine,” she nearly sobbed, sounding shrill even to herself.

“It’s all right,” she whispered, running a hand up and down her back. “We’ll take care of you...we’ll write to whomever you want…”

This nearly made Nesta lose control completely, and she shoved a fist against her mouth to keep from crying out. She didn’t want to send a letter…she didn’t want this in writing, didn’t want it to be real.

Nesta’s pathetic attempts to stop herself from making any noise and the tears blurring her vision and the sudden uptick in her body’s temperature left her, unfortunately, in a coughing fit. Her whole form shook, racked with emotion, and for a very frightening few minutes indeed, she couldn’t even feel Miri sitting next to her.

But she came back to herself eventually, and Miri was still there. Still stroking her back, still murmuring to her, half in the common tongue, half in Gilameyvan.

“It’ll be all right,” she kept saying. “Everything will be all right.”

Nesta didn’t think she believed her.

---

November 11 - 4 years after

Nesta’s had quite enough of her own cowardice and marches herself to the table Zeyn is sitting at, ignoring Xeyale’s greeting. “I need to talk to you,” she says to him.

His brown face tenses for a moment. But it disappears quickly, replaced by his usual friendly, patient smile. “All right,” he says, standing up.

She turns on her heel and leads him to the back room. “Out, Maz,” she commands.

“I’m working!”

“Well, work in the front,” she snaps.

“Sorry, Maz,” Zeyn says with a laugh, as he passes by with a scowl. He laughs again. “I guess this’ll be a good talk, then. Nothing makes you happier than yelling at Maz.”

Nesta ignores the guilt stirring her stomach at the twinkle in his eye. “I didn’t yell.”

“Oh, semantics.” He sits down. “What’s up?”

Nesta allows herself a few more moments to summon her nerve—swallows once, squares her shoulders, then says, “I’m taking the children to Velaris for Solstice.”

The teasing glint winks out of his eyes and his deerlike ears still. “And you...think this is a good idea.”

She’s not sure how much of a right he has to be upset, but it does irritate her a bit. “I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t think it was a good idea.” She tries to keep the bite out of her voice. “I’ve never cared much for Solstice, you know that. And their father does. So it does seem to make sense that they celebrate it on his terms.”

As if presenting the argument as entirely logical, as only sensible, will make him believe and accept it.

“But we celebrate Solstice here.”

They do—they have, since she came here. And it’s...fun. It was always nice to see her children enjoying themselves. Last year they were even old enough to not only appreciate getting gifts, but also anticipate Solstice before it happened. It was important enough that they remember it, and still bring it up occasionally.

“Maybe we can celebrate two Solstices,” she suggests.

He frowns. “Summer?”

“No, I mean...one here, one there.”

“I always thought of it as our holiday,” he says. “Just the five of us.”

This definitely irks Nesta. He should know better than anyone she doesn’t see any holidays as her own. It’ll always feel frivolous and treacherous to her. “We’ve never celebrated it just the five of us,” she says. “We’ve always done something with the whole shop.”

She really hates this—arguing with Zeyn. She always feels like she’s in the wrong. He’s never seen her as she is; he always sees her as something better.

He hates arguing with her as well, and she can see by his eyes darting around and the slight shuffle of his hooved feet that he’s going to drop it. She’s relieved, because she’s a coward, but a small part of her is disappointed. They are long overdue for a lengthy discussion regarding his vision for a happy little mixed family of five, and her desires for her children and herself.

It’s her fault, of course, that they had not had this conversation years ago, and so she can’t be upset with him when he finally gives a little shrug and says, “I’m sure you’re doing what you think is best.”

If it’s the tiniest bit irritating, that is prickly Nesta’s own fault, too. He isn’t trying to upset her—he’s Zeyn.

“You know I wouldn’t if I didn’t.”

He smiles at her, sweet and sincere. “I do.” His warm brown eyes crinkle. “When will you be going?”

“Only next month,” Nesta says. Probably only a day or so before Solstice—just because she wants them to enjoy the holiday with Cassian doesn’t mean she’s been deluded into thinking she’s going to have a particularly fun time herself. No need to make it longer than necessary.

"Let me know. I can help you pack.”

There’s no malice, no bitterness she can detect in his voice. She stifles a relieved sigh. “Thanks.”

He doesn’t answer, only smiles.

“I need to find Adil,” she says. “I’m going to be scouting for authors.”

He raises an eyebrow. “In Prythian? They don’t traditionally publish here…”

“It’s a new age,” she says, shrugging. And it’s true. While Prythian has generally been secluded, she has learned, since the defeat of Hybern they have tentatively been more open with trade amongst nations that hadn’t sided with their enemies. She imagines it’ll take longer for any partnerships with Montesere to kick in.

Adil is torn when she tells him of her plans. On the one hand, she knows, he is skeptical of her going. He has never liked Zeyn’s affection towards her, but he has also no reason to like Cassian or her sisters.

His blue lips purse, and she suppresses a smile as she can see the other side of the equation spin around in his head—that he definitely wants to be the first Gilameyvan bookstore to publish an author from Prythian.

“You’re a good mother and a sensible employee,” he says finally.

She tries to stifle a blush, but she’s too taken by surprise. “Thank you,” she says.

“Let us know before you leave. We’ll give you gifts to take with you.”

“I will,” she promises. He and Miri dote on her children; Solstice is a fun time for her to watch the five of them.

That's the thing about Solstice, Nesta thinks as she gathers her children from nursery and heads back to her house. It’s not that she’s against the familial nature of it all, the loving closeness during the coldest time of the year. She’s not a monster. It’s a nice idea, and it’s fun to watch her children get excited over gifts and whatever art projects they’re doing in nursery.

Before she had them, her main issue with Solstice was that it felt like giving in to the Fae. Like surrendering the last of her humanity. For they did not have holidays South of the Wall. Why should they? What was sacred to a people abandoned by the gods? If one had to be powerful to be loved by the faes’ so-called Holy Mother, she didn’t want anything to do with Her anyway.

And now? Now she likes the joy it sparks in the people around her. But this time of family only ever serves to remind her that she is missing half of hers. Blame can be shoved this way and that, but when everyone around her is thanking their Creator for all their loved ones around them, whose fault it is is the last thing on Nesta’s mind.

“Mummy, when is Appa coming back?” Nicky asks her when they get home.

“I still don’t know, Nicky,” she says patiently. Then she pauses. Now seems as good a time as ever to tell them, she guesses. “We’re actually going to visit him soon, though.”

“Go and visit?” Avery asks.

Nesta helps Ollie take off his outer things. “Yes,” she says. “Do you know where he lives? With your aunts?”

“Do they all live together?”

Well. “Yes.” It’s true enough. She doesn’t think Elain has gotten her own house in the past three years—there’s no way she’ll live on her own, and as long as she isn’t married, she won’t live with a male, so she’s definitely still living with Feyre. And Cassian hasn’t bothered to get his own place in Velaris in the past five hundred years or so; she can’t imagine anything has changed as of late.

“In a very big house, Mummy.”

“Yes, it’s a very big house, Avery.”

"It’s very very very very big!” Nicky says.

"They live all the way across the sea,” she says, stopping them before they can get into her least favorite game.

"Where’s the sea?” Nicky asks.

"It’s to the west.”

"Are we going on a boat?” Ollie asks.

"No,” she laughs. “We’ll probably winnow.”

"Maybe we can fly,” Nicky says hopefully.

“Absolutely not.”

“Maybe we will.”

“No. We will not. Does that sound like fun, though? Does going to spend Solstice across the sea with Appa and your aunts sound like fun?”

“It sounds like so much fun!” Avery says.

“Do they have orange juice across the sea?” Nicky says.

“We can’t fly because it’s too far and Mummy can’t fly,” Ollie says.

“Yeah, Nicky, Mummy can’t fly.”

“Do they have orange juice or not?”

“All right,” Nesta cuts in. Apparently they don’t care as much as everyone else seems to. She’s sure they’ll bring it up again closer to the date. “Let’s get something to eat.”

There’s lots she has to think about, she realizes. Duration of their stay, how they’re getting there...she doesn’t ever take them along on her—ahem—preferred method of travel. And oh, she’ll need to take a trip to the lake before they leave. She’s not going to want to have all that magic pent up inside her while she’s there, and it’ll be best for all parties involved if she’s at her calmest upon arrival.

Amren will be there. Her first...friend, in Prythian. So different from Amorette, and yet the comfort she feels in the latter’s presence is so reminiscent of what she used to feel doing a jigsaw puzzle at that demon’s apartment. She’s not spoken to her for longer than she hadn’t spoken to her sisters...neither of them had attempted to seek the other out after their last fight.

“Can we go to the park now, Mummy?” Nicky asks her after they’ve been fed.

Nesta glances outside. A light drizzle has already begun. “No, angel, it’s going to rain. Let’s play inside today.”

There’s a bit of grumbling about this, but they are—as always—mollified when she starts out the game herself. Sometimes it’s coloring, sometimes building blocks. Today she’s situated herself inside the little house Cassian had erected for them during his visit. The three of them scramble to join her; it’s only a few seconds before Avery has declared the rules of this little house and their roles in it. This game lasts an hour and then, mercifully, transforms into “art projects” at the kitchen table. More of a mess for Nesta to clean up later, but less exhaustive.

She’s allowed not to partake in order to prepare dinner for them. She smiles to herself as she cooks; she’s always loved listening to them talk amongst themselves. They’re good friends; she thinks they would be even if they weren’t siblings.

After dinner, bathtime, a bit more play, and a bedtime story (Ollie’s turn to choose), Nesta walks back downstairs to make something for herself to eat. She pours herself a glass of wine and sits in the living room, in her favorite corner of the couch, with a notebook. She’s got to make a list of everything she needs to prepare before leaving. She’s never taken them anywhere farther than Privet Falls a town over.

A knock on the door interrupts her. She sighs as she stands up to open it. Probably Zeyn, upset at her decision. She did think, earlier, that he had given in a tad too easily. Although such is Zeyn’s way: he never confronts her. He’s not a warrior type.

But it is not Zeyn’s warm brown eyes staring back at her when she opens the door. It’s her own grey-blue.

“Feyre,” she says, too surprised to say anything else.

“I know I probably should’ve given you some notice,” her sister says apologetically. “Sorry. I just...had to see you.” She swallows and tucks a lock of her hair behind her ear.

“Come in,” she says, stepping aside.

She’s not sure what her feelings are on Feyre showing up on her front doorstep. She’s too taken aback to think straight, so she says, “Can I get you some wine? Or something else to drink,” she adds.

"Whatever you’re having is fine.”

Nesta pours her sister a glass of white on crushed ice and hands it to her. She takes wordlessly and downs half of it.

“Are you staying here?” Nesta asks suddenly, the thought only just occurring to her.

"I don’t know,” she replies. That depends on you, she doesn’t say.

Well, she’s not going to throw her sister out onto the street, but she hasn’t decided if she wants her sleeping here. Will she go to the inn to spend the night? Or will she winnow back? Or fly? Does she still fly very often?

“How are the triplets?” Feyre says, finally breaking the silence.

“Well,” Nesta says. “Very well. Happy. Healthy.” Well, Ollie might still be a little underweight...but as long as his lungs are strong, his healer says...

“I heard you’re coming for Solstice.”

“Oh. Yes.”

Feyre nods. She opens her mouth a few times but can’t seem to find anything to say.

Not for long, of course. Not her brash little sister. On her fourth try, she says, “Why didn’t you write to say you were pregnant?”

Nesta doesn’t hesitate. “Why didn’t you write to say you were alive?”

Feyre flinches. Then she laughs a little; more bitter than amused, but there isn’t any malice. “I guess that’s fair.”

Elain would never say so. And as a mother she can’t really say that two sisters hurting each other makes it fair, but as a sister...well, she’s not upset that Feyre agrees, at any rate.

“You know, that first letter,” Feyre starts, her eyes on Nesta but clearly seeing something else—Nesta’s own eyes see that dock in Montesere— “we ripped it open. We were so...after the note you left Cassian? And then we were so angry…��

“You were angry?”

Well, we were hurt. And the lines kind of blur when emotions run high.”

Nesta has nothing to say to that. A few moments ago she was more pleased that she and Feyre shared the same thoughts; now she is remembering how much she used to hate it as a girl.

“Your other letters weren’t much better.”

"At least I sent them,” she snaps.

"I know,” Feyre says. She sets her wine glass down. Her voice is thin, tight. "But...in your letter. After your note."

Nesta slowly moves to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. They have not yet spoken outright of her leaving, just of her having been gone.

"Because you said you were drowning."

"Feyre." Nesta stops herself.

"Why did you leave?" she blurts out. "I thought things were going well! I thought you and Cassian..."

"I know what you thought."

"So what happened?"

"I don't want to discuss this, Feyre."

"Well, I do!" Feyre says, and she straightens, snapping herself up. "I want to know why you had to leave, when we had finally got things going well for you!"

At this, Nesta freezes. "When you...had got things going well...for me?"

If Feyre is unsure of herself at Nesta's tone, she doesn't show it. She nods once, firmly.

Nesta sucks in her lip slightly, but tries to keep it from curling upwards. The children are excited for Solstice, she says to herself. And she doesn't want this to end in anger. Again.

But Feyre has quickened her pulse and risen her temper.

"Tell me, Feyre," she says, her voice cool. "Why was it so sinful, so unforgivable, for Tamlin to keep you in the Spring Court, and yet your right to send me to Illyria?"

Feyre’s mouth parts. “I...”

She’s begun to tremble, and Nesta is irritated at her for this reaction. She shouldn’t have brought it up in the first place. She shouldn’t get upset.

“Nesta,” she says, voice catching. “I...I didn’t...I never meant...”

“I know what you meant,” Nesta says, gruffly. She doesn’t want to talk about this.

“I just need to know...if you left…” Feyre trails off. This is unlike her, this anxiousness. “Nesta, am I your villain?”

She blinks. Is she her villain?

"I don’t have a villain,” Nesta says, slightly bewildered. “I’m not a story.”

Who put this in her head? Her idiot husband, probably. He’s the villain, we’re the heroes, or some stupid shit like that, as if they were simple fable characters, one-note and flat, instead of people, capable of kindness and manipulation with conflicting desires.

“But...when you said…” Feyre’s lip trembles. Is she—is she going to cry?

Nesta’s mouth parts open a little. When was the last time she saw Feyre cry? That night she got Elain back, during the war?

“When you said you were drowning...in your letter...I need to know if—if I did that.” Her sister’s eyes are wide and searching, fighting back tears. “And now...if I’m like—if you felt how I felt... Please tell me. Because...if that’s true...then I—I’m sorry, Nesta,” and tears do spill out of her eyes and down her cheeks, still rosy from the cold. Or maybe the wine. “I’m sorry.”

Out of love for the first baby Nesta remembers holding, she stifles an eye roll. She moves closer and pats her shoulder tentatively. When Feyre was very young, she had shown her a lot of physical affection, but she doubts she remembers any of that, and it would probably be weird for both of them if she hugged her. “Feyre,” she says, trying to be gentle. How to explain to this...this little girl, made to believe by a male, oh, twenty-seven times her age or so, that she is the most powerful creature in the world, special and essential to the function of the universe...that not all of her elder sister’s choices revolve uniquely around her?

She doesn’t fault Feyre for this, of course. And she doesn’t think Rhysand put it in her head directly—You’re the reason your sister left does not strike her as the kind of thing he would say—but Feyre’s always been rather miserable at connecting dots.

“Feyre,” she says again. “I don’t have a villain. I chose to leave. Just like you did,” she reminds her, bumping her knee lightly against her. Referring to more than one time, of course. Leaving home and then leaving the Spring Court. “I went of my own volition.” Were there other factors? Of course there were. But nothing she needs to share with her baby sister; certainly not while she cries. Nesta has no desire to hurt her further. She remembers the day Feyre was born. She remembers teaching Feyre to speak. That Feyre does not remember these things is irrelevant; it does not have anything to do with the sacredness of the acts. “But if I did,” she continues, moving closer to her sister, “it wouldn’t be you. You’re not like Tamlin,” she adds. She doesn’t tell her that she thinks her old High Lord and her new one share far more than their race and title.

Tamlin ruined their lives. He sold them out. His treatment of Feyre was enough to make Nesta vomit, and that was only from what she saw at that stupid High Lord meeting. The only thing she doesn’t loathe about her idiot brother-in-law is his patience with Elain.

But she doesn’t blame Feyre for those things. When you meet someone as a baby, she thinks, you see them that way forever.

Feyre wipes at her eyes and takes a deep breath, and Nesta feels another surge of irritation towards her idiot husband. Placing this girl as monarch over a people, after just learning how to read, no political experience or knowledge whatsoever...this is what it’s done to her. Feyre makes mistakes with her sister; the three of them do. But now Feyre believes there’s some echoing magnitude to everything she thinks about. People are angry at Nesta for not hunting alongside Feyre when she was fourteen, but she was only seventeen herself. Seventeen is not old enough to hunt either, just as twenty-six is too young to rule a country forever.

“But...you’re still angry at me.”

There she goes again, with her black and white world. Nesta gives a little shrug. “I’m not thrilled. I don’t carry anger.”

Feyre frowns. “What do you mean, you don’t carry anger?”

“I just...ignore things. Forget about them.”

“That doesn’t strike me as particularly healthy.”

“Well, I haven’t died yet, so…”

They both pause, and after a moment, laugh a little.

It’s not that Nesta is at peace with everything that has happened in her life. She most certainly is not. It’s that she doesn’t want to let things affect her relationship with her children. And if there’s one thing her parents taught her, it’s that you can’t be a good mother when you’re carrying pain.

“I’m really happy you’re coming for Solstice,” Feyre says softly.

“I’ll make up a bed for you,” Nesta replies, which is not quite forgiveness, but Nesta is still not quite forgiving.

But there are better uses of her energy than turning her sister out.

---

Chapter Fifteen

#like pristine glass #acotar au #nessian au #acotar fic #nesta archeron #i'm kinda sorta actually worried about what the response will be for this one!!#ahhhh lol i feel anxious omg omg

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ijustwant2write · 5 years

Text

Barking Up The Wrong Tree-Tony Stark x Bi!Stark!Reader

(GIF credit to @marvelheroes)

(Requested by @iamcheese13)

Masterlist

Summary: In honor of pride month, Tony finding out his daughter is bi?

Characters: Tony Stark x Bi!Stark!Reader, Pepper Potts x Bi!Stark!Reader, Morgan Stark x Bi!Stark!Reader

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

Warnings: Coming out, but sooooooooo much fluff

(A/N: This so short but sweet)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I dried my hands after washing the dishes, walking over to the couch to settle down with my parents. As I sat in between them, Morgan climbed onto my lap, clearly tired and wanting hugs before she went to bed. Wrapping my arms around her, I relaxed back, closing my eyes. School had been so hectic, there was so much work to do, but this made it worth it at the end of the day. This was the life we had wanted, the one where we were a normal family. And here we were.

“So, school. Good or bad?” Dad simply asked.

“Good. We just revised what we went through last week before working on our models again. Isaac and I have almost finished actually, it’ll be up and running soon. Then we can run some tests and modify it.”

“Isaac? Is that the one who came over last week?” Mom turned to face me.

I nodded.“Yeah, we’re in quite a few classes together.”

“I liked him. He was a sweetheart.”

Oh god, this conversation again.

This always happened. It wasn’t their fault, they didn’t know. I hadn’t told them. And although I loved them with all my heart, I somehow couldn’t bring myself to say it. Those few little words that would explain everything, and hopefully not change anything. Why was I so scared to say it? They would accept me for it I was sure. But if they didn’t...

“Perhaps you should invite him round again? For dinner?” mom suggested.

“Pepper, it’s not cool to meet the parents first, they have to date for like months on end.” dad informed her.

“What? Why not? We’re cool parents, aren’t we?”

“That’s besides the point.”

“I don’t like Isaac like that anyway.” I interrupted.

“He could still come round, he was a lovely boy.” mom definitely thought I was covering up a crush.

Not wanting to face this right now, I carefully stood up with Morgan in my arms.“I’m going to take Morgan up to bed.”

Neither of them said anything as I left. I could feel the slight tension as I left the room. After getting my sister ready for bed, I tucked her in, smiling as she yawned and rubbed her eyes.

“You tired?” I asked quietly.

“Yeah.” she mumbled.“(Y/N), why don’t you like Isaac?”

I was surprised by her question.“Oh, just because I don’t. I like him as a friend.”

“Do you like any other boys?”

I grinned.“Not really no.”

“Oh, OK.”

I giggled at her dismissive tone.“Get some sleep. See you in the morning.”

I kissed her on the head before she said.“I love you three thousand.”

“I love you three thousand.”

Gently shutting the door behind me, I couldn’t stop smiling. Morgan was such a cute sister, the things she came out with made me laugh. But also the innocence of a child made me look at things in a different perspective. Was I being too stubborn with my feelings? Was I wanting to hide my true feelings because I wanted to keep things somewhat ‘normal’ in the home? I mean, it was normal, of course it was. My feet started to walk back towards my parents, the gut feeling taking over before I could think this through and stop myself. They were still sat on the couch, though closer together. Their heads turned as they heard me approaching, keeping their eyes on me when I froze.

“(Y/N)? You OK honey?” mom asked.

“Uh, yeah. Can I talk to you two please?” my voice was quiet, a nervous shake appearing.

They gestured for me to sit with them, parting so I could sit in the middle. Both of them took one of my hands in theirs, patiently waiting for me to speak.

“So, uh....”

Where was I supposed to start?

“You know what you said earlier, about Isaac? And I got a bit defensive? Well, I wanted to explain that.”

“You can tell us anything, you know that right?” dad reassured me as I went quiet again.

“Yeah, I know.” I took a moment to think.“I got defensive about Isaac because...because I’m bisexual. I think the fact that you go on about just boys so much can get annoying, even though you didn’t know. I don’t lean more to either side, I just...I don’t know, I guess I just like both and want to see what happens in the future.”

I was so scared to look at them. Throughout my confession, my eyes had been glued to the floor. Now the silence was even worse. Mom turned my head towards her, stroking back my hair as she smiled.

“I’m sorry for assuming. It’s just...well it just happened. But thank you so much for telling us, I now these things can be hard.”

“We love you just the way you are. Wouldn’t change you for the world (Y/N).” dad added.

“Really? So you’re fine with it?”

“Of course we are!” mom exclaimed.“You love who you love, no matter who they are. I’m just really happy that we know now and that you felt comfortable to tell us.”

“That makes me so relieved to hear you say that.” I grinned, hugging them close.

“We love you (Y/N).” dad kissed my cheek.

Mom sighed.“Though I did like Isaac.”

“It’s alright mom, I’ll invite him over for dinner anyway, just for you.”

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female-overlord-3 · 4 years

Text

Bring Them Home CH 14

Soft Silence ao3

Prev - Next

Michael knows he's at a loss of what to say so he stays quiet. He thinks Alex needs the silence. What Michael is sure of is that he can cook and that he will do whatever Alex needs.

It should be uncomfortable and odd, this silence that follows them inside and through Michael cooking their meal, to them eating and then cleaning up, to them changing into comfortable clothes and falling asleep. It should be but it isn't.

If anything it's comfortable and utter ease, to know and understand in the silence.

Michael did as Alex asked and texted Liz, saying they can talk about it tomorrow but Alex needs time. Whatever happened wasn't pretty and Alex isn't okay.

It's only after a good nights rest and the silence finally being cracked by Alex, a soft murmur of thank you said in the space between their lips, does Michael believe Alex is starting to feel okay.

They stay intertwined under the sheets in the morning light, awake but feel no need to move or open their eyes again for a few more minutes. Maybe one day they won't need to savor being able to just be with each other, that it won't feel so new and sacred and that it'll just become routine and daily far far into the future, but now they treasure it.

Michael holds him close and keeps his voice quiet, anything above a whisper seeming too loud right now.

"Whatever you need Alex."

Alex nods and stares at the patch of Michael's neck inches from him in deep thought, trying to find the right words and the will to say them to fully break the silence they've settled in.

"Call Liz and Isobel for me." He pulls away and reaches for his crutches. "I only feel comfortable telling you and them what happened but first bathroom then food."

Nodding Michael quickly throws on a shirt and heads to the kitchen, grabbing everything for some simple eggs. He gives Alex a quick soft smile and pulls out the chair for him while he focuses back on finishing the eggs so he can plate them.

"We fell into domesticity real quick I see."

The comment makes Michael snort as he turns the stove off and puts the pan in the sink, bringing over their plates of food.

"Didn't think we'd be the type?"

"You kinda. Me not so much."

Alex answers and hums in pleasure at the first bite of food.

"Sometimes I thought about it and even imagined us having it but I never thought I would ever get to live it."

"That's insanely morbid which is so on brand for you."

The small smile that flashes across Alex's face for a couple of seconds is something Michael is relieved to see.

He did a lot of thinking during their 'silent-time' where he got to reflect and realize certain things when he wasn't focused on worrying about Alex.

First: The last couple of days are the most he's seen Alex smile and it's the best sight on this planet.

Second: One of his issues was he forgot how to be patient with Alex. It was probably the years of leaving and waiting that whittled it down but he's remembering now that Alex shows he cares through actions.

Alex was right, Michael has always used his words while wanting Alex to use his but didn't always give Alex enough time for him to figure out what he wanted to say because when he does have something to say, Alex makes sure he's planned, rehearsed, and thought through everything.

Third: Michael is truly happy right now even with everything else going on and that Alex is happy too. They're happy together because they gave each other the chance to stop being scared and angry and quiet so that they could just love.

Fourth: Alex will put everyone above himself before even considering he should take care of himself. Alex is a giver and Michael knows he is too, that's also something they need to work on. They need to stop just giving to each other and being okay with whatever they're getting. He's been thinking about what Alex said, about not just accepting whatever Alex gives him.

Michael watches Alex finish his plate and grins.

Fifth: As much as they needed to talk all these years, Michael understands he was too terrified of not just telling Alex the truth about everything but that he'd lose him by doing so, that whatever this thing between them was wouldn't be enough and Alex would walk away for good. It's also their horrible communication skills which given their lives, isn't entirely their fault.

"Michael?"

He blinks to see Alex waving a hand in front of him.

"You good?" Alex asks.

He nods in answer and takes a couple of bites of food.

A foot taps his shin a few seconds later.

"You look like you're thinking real hard cowboy."

Michael is starting to read between the lines with Alex better so he swallows what's in his mouth to answer.

"Cause I am. Lots to think about and reflect on." He leans back in his chair so it's tiled on the back legs but his powers keep it stable. "Was kinda worried about you but I think we both needed that silence. Made me realize some things."

Alex gets this frown on his face, like he knows this is heading towards something he isn't ready or prepared to talk about.

"Don't worry it's mainly about me and a little about us. Our communication is crap but I think it's gotten a lot better."

The frown melts away and Alex is grinning.

"I think so too."

Michael's phone vibrates with an incoming call from Isobel.

"You wanna talk with my sister now?" He holds up his phone and offers it to him.

Alex gives it something close to a nervous look before nodding and taking it.

"Isobel. Is Liz there too?" He asks once he's put her on speaker phone.

"Here!" Liz's voice squeaks through. Alex adjusts the volume so it's louder.

Michael watches as Alex takes a couple seconds to gather himself before speaking again.

"So bringing Maria in will have to be done by you. I'm- I can't right now but I'll go over what you should tell her. Make sure you have answers for the questions she'll have and the full story."

Unsure if he should be part of this conversation, Michael grabs all their dishes and cleans up to keep himself busy.

The sound of a chair scraping against the floor and the taps of Alex's crutch cause him to turn his head. Alex points his head to his couch before heading over.

Finishing the dish he was cleaning, he follows after and they settle on the couch together.

It's insanely pleasing when Alex relaxes in his arms as they lay fully along the couch.

"So I'm trying this thing where I actually talk to people instead of letting it go." Alex glances up at Michael and the look in his eyes, the bright and mischievous glint, is stunning. "Someone said my communication skills are kinda crap but I've gotten better."

There's an annoyed groan then Isobel says with an accusatory tone "My brothers there isn't he. You're looking up at him all sappy aren't you."

"Izzy let him live. Not often he gets to gaze at my handsome face." Michael answers back which gets an eye roll from Alex.

"So what happened Alex? I haven't gotten anything from Maria about last night but we both know she needs a day or two for processing. Did telling her about Michael not go well?"

There's a scoff from Isobel at Liz's comment because obviously it didn't go well but Michael wants to know too. He wants to know what Maria did to make Alex cry because there is nothing rarer than Alex being that sad and actually crying. His brain reminds him the few times he's seen Alex close to or in actual tears because of him but brushes them away, that was in the past and they can talk about it later.

"I thought I'd be able to process it like I can pretty much everything but I'm realizing this is different. This isn't like my dad who I knew didn't care about me or when I lost people during my tours."

Alex has the phone laying on his chest while he fiddles with Michael's hand in both of his as Michael's scarred one rests on Alex's chest just below his phone.

"It's somehow worse than when you and Kyle dated or when he started being a bully because I- I thought out of everyone you two would never hurt me like everyone else. With Kyle I saw it coming and I learned to adapt to him like I adapted to my dad.”

Alex’s fiddling has stopped as his hold on Michael’s hand tightens, Michael squeezing back to let Alex know he’s there, that he remembers.

"I was so scared of what happened to Michael and I would happen again, that the one thing I ever wanted and made me happy would be taken away again. I just never thought-"

"You were right then. You saw it." Isobel's voice turns soft and Michael is a bit shocked at how caring she's being with Alex, like she's trying to soften the blow to him. "She lied to you."

All Alex can do is sigh, a long sad sigh that makes Michael tighten his arm around him.

"Yes and no."

Liz's voice raises in shock as she starts to ask what they mean, what did Maria do, that Maria couldn't have-

"She lied and avoided me. She said Texas meant nothing but was ready to try something with Michael and be with him so he could fix things for her and be there for her and use him to make herself feel better. She wanted to be selfish for once and I get that I do, but I wanted to be selfish too. I’ve only wanted one thing and that’s to make sure that Michael was safe, that we could be happy and safe together because we deserve at least that right? After surviving so long and enduring so much.”

Alex is looking up at him with desperation and this sadness, a sadness that echoes the same one in Michael.

All his words to reassure and comfort Alex are stuck, trying to jumble out but are choking him instead so Michael just nods. He nods and ever so gently cradles the side of Alex’s face with his left hand to say what he can’t speak. The light pressure from Alex pressing into it and how his face losing all the pain, the resulting feeling is almost overwhelming.

Liz’s quiet voice breaks the moment but she says what Michael so desperately wants to. “You do Alex, of course you do.”

Turning his head he presses a quick kiss to Michael’s hand and somehow focuses back to their conversation.

“I’m starting to believe it but if she talked to me she could’ve found out if her and Michael could work out.”

Those words are not what Michael was expecting and he hates the feeling of where this might be going.

“I told her if Michael chose her and they made each other happy I wouldn't fight it. I just feel so sad and hurt because she only wanted what Michael could give her and only saw how good he was after he started trying to be better."

Alex is looking up at him with this fierce devotion and love and care. It's nearly heart stopping. It’s at such a contrast to what he first said that Michael’s stunned silent.

"Michael deserves someone who cares about him, who he is.”

Each word is a hitting blow to something inside Michael. The door to this small hidden place he buried everything his mom said away, so he wouldn’t lose them but instead protected and hid so well that he nearly forgot them. The only person he knew in his bones who cared about him without expecting anything.

Michael has no idea what he did to deserve or get the chance to finally hear how Alex really sees him, to finally realize and consider that someone truly cares about him and sees that he might actually be good.

“I don’t deserve you. I- you- you can’t really-”

“Michael stop being dramatic and let him love you.” Liz's voice helps give him reasoning, to gain a bit of control over himself instead of drowning in his feelings. It's just that there's so much of it and Alex is making it all spill out. He's always been able to do it.

They hear Isobel's voice next.

“Don’t think you not mentioning yourself didn’t go unnoticed Alex. If I don’t hear ‘like I do’ from your mouth in the next 5 seconds I will drive over there myself so you can feel the full force of my disappointed face. Now say it.”

Alex looks at him with a raised brow.

Seriously? It says and some of the emotional weight from before drops away.

"Isobel as much as I like you're pushing-"

Michael stares at Alex's face and there's this look of acceptance, that he already believes he doesn't deserve Michael.

Michael reaches over and taps the screen to mute them, turning the volume down so Isobel's yelling goes silent.

"Michael we were kinda in the middle of a conversation."

It's so fond the way he says it and it just makes Michael want to shake him then kiss him stupid. He does neither as he shifts them around so they're sitting side by side.

"I know you don't believe this now but I- I'm gonna prove it so you do in the future."

Michael takes Alex's hands in his as he slides to the floor and kneels before him. He stares at their hands to help him focus to get the words out.

"I'm gonna prove that I can be this person you see in me and that you deserve it. I don't care how long it takes and I know it'll be hard to do but the day you realize that you deserve that good person will probably be added to one of the happiest days of my life."

It's a promise and a life goal, something he can work towards for outside of all the aliens and drama.

Alex is quiet so Michael waits.

"You too."

For some reason Michael laughs.

"I'll work towards that too but you do and have done so much already Alex. I need to work to deserve you okay. You don't."

"No I-"

Michael just shushed him and slowly stands to settles in his lap, letting go of Alex's hand to wrap his arms around him.

"Thank you for everything. Thank you for finding my mom. For coming back." Michael's hands slide up to hold Alex's face light enough Alex doesn't feel trapped. "Thank you for loving me and being mine."

He can still see the denial in Alex's eyes and the anger at Michael making him confront something he probably accepted a long time ago, but there's also that tiny spark of hope starting to shine.

Finally Alex nods and Michael lets out a sigh of relief before kissing Alex's nose, then cheeks, his chin, forehead, and the last landing at the corner of his mouth.

"Okay let's face the music."

They easily settle back into their original position and unmutes the phone and turn the volume up.

It's quiet which Michael was not expecting.

"Um hey we're back. Izzy okay?"

Liz's relieved voice comes through. "Ya she's fine. Decided to go grab something from the kitchen. Isobel they're back!"

Isobel's yelling can be heard from the kitchen.

"Next time you just say you need a minute because that was rude and I wasn't done!"

Michael rolls his eyes and feels Alex's silent chuckle shake through him.

"Of course. Gotta let you have the last word right."

"Michael I will burn your black hat, don't test me."

Michael just hums at that which gets a loud huff from his sister

"You guys sort your stuff out? Alex you starting to consider if anyone deserves my brother it would be you? Michael you ready to worship the ground he walks on?"

Michael just grins. "Oh ya worshiping on my knees-"

Liz cuts him off.

"Don't be gross Mikey."

Alex settles further into Michael's arms and smiles.

"Starting to but it's gonna take some time."

"Good now where were we? Right. Maria cannot be trusted and I don't want to bring her in now."

Alex sighs and they can hear Liz complaining that they all need to agree.

"Isobel it's fine if we-"

"No, you felt betrayed. It's honestly that simple Alex and you have a right to feel that way but you also are the only other person I know besides me or Max who care about Michael and we've done a shitty job. You probably know Michael the best out of anyone." The sound of movement can be heard and Liz asking where Isobel is going.

"I agree but she didn't have all the facts and she already felt guilty. Everyone said things they didn't mean but she knows and she'll respect that."

Isobel makes an annoyed sound and Liz's voice gets louder on the phone.

The two argue for a minute before Isobel’s voice gets tight and cold.

"What if it was you instead Liz?”

The questions gives Isobel the window she needs to take back control of the conversation.

“How would you feel if one of your best friends tried to make a pass at Max after you finally got together just because they 'didn't have all the facts' and told you to your face that the one night stand they had meant nothing."

Michael groans because him and Alex are not like Liz and Max.

"I'd want her to talk to me and for us to figure it out!" Liz yells.

"So did Alex!” Isobel yells back just as loud. “He's been waiting since Maria found out about Michael but she hasn't tried to talk to him about it once. If Maria really wants to be with Michael she should have the guts to tell Alex or at least make her feelings known."

Liz's voice quiets and both Alex and Michael can tell it's from doubt forming.

"She felt guilty and Michael didn't help always being-"

"Of course he'd be there! My dumb brother started caring about her so he's gonna be there. You can't keep using the guilt card for her Liz, cause the guilt didn't stop her from knowing she would still go behind Alex's back by trying to get with Michael." Isobel huffs and her voice turns annoyed. "Why am I defending Alex! You're supposed to be his best friend too but you're only defending Maria right now."

"Isobel it would be different." Alex voices. "We all knew how much Max and Liz liked each other. No one really saw how much-"

"Maria knew the second she found out that Michael was your mystery guy-"

"Museum guy." Liz corrects while Michael gives Alex an amused grin.

Museum guy? He mouths and his grin goes full blown at the annoyed sigh Alex lets out.

"Okay whatever 'Museum guy' and that Alex was hopeful even after a decade." Her voice turns smug as she continues. "So that trumps your little high school crush that never even took off."

They way Isobel says it triggers some thoughts that’ve been floating around since he left the Wild Pony at Alex’s request.

“She could feel it.” He voices almost like an afterthought. “Her empathy thing could feel it the second Alex and I both walked through the door.”

It’s quiet until Isobel starts laughing. "Oh wow that must’ve hurt like both emotionally and physically since whatever thing she’s got going on is still so untrained.”

“It did. She was in pain and didn’t know why but it wasn’t hard to figure out so I had Michael wait outside. I told her what she was feeling and pretty much told her my side of things about Michael but I needed to make sure I saw and felt I could trust her to tell her the whole truth.” Alex’s voice goes tired and sad again. “I couldn’t. I’m not risking Michael’s or any of your guy’s safety. As much as she would be a good asset for us, she’s not ready to know about everything and knowing her she’ll need a day or two before demanding to know.”

“Okay Alex.”

Michael can feel how Alex all but sags into him, the frustration and building turmoil of all his emotions starting to get too big.

“I know you wanted to bring her into this Liz and were expecting it to go well but until she proves to me she can be trusted with everything we can’t. Just because she was my best friend isn’t enough for this type of situation.”

The mood drops lower at Alex’s words.

“She’s not anymore is she? Neither of us are, not like we used to be.”

Michael doesn’t like that both of them sound so sad and it causes this itch to make it better.

“A friendship is the same as any relationship. We haven’t really worked at really maintaining it. As much as I miss how things used to be… we’re all different now.”

Apparently Isobel feels the same as Michael because she's quick to end the conversation.

“Ya we’re all working on that Alex but does this mean we’re in agreement? The only ones who actually had a reason to bring DeLuca in were you two and even then it was mainly Liz versus you."

Michael concentrates and a bottle of water lands on the table next to them that he prompts them to drink.

"Yes Isobel. We can wait to tell her after we've handled everything or if she calls me. I'm gonna go and check on some of the things I brought over, let me know when you're ready to leave. Thanks for calling us Alex."

Liz still sounds down but at least she has work to distract her.

With just Isobel on the phone Alex seems to loosen up more.

"I'm coming over later after Liz and I visit Noah. She's getting some weird info from our last trip so we want to make sure he stays in it. You guys can come too. Has Michael shown you the pods yet Alex?"

Michael feels Alex wiggle a bit closer to burrow in the space between him and the couch. "I think I'm a bit drained still but maybe another time. I should be fine by the time you get here."

"Michael?"

He hums in thought. "Unless you want me there as like a precaution incase he somehow gets out, I'm good. Gonna spend the next 2 hours pampering my boyfriend before checking in with Sanders. Text or call us if something crazy happens and tell Liz I'll be in my bunker around 10 maybe." He hears and feels a small annoyed sound from Alex that's he fixes by holding him closer.

"Ok maybe 3 hours. There isn't that much to do at Sanders right now."

Isobel snorts at the statement.

"Alex I can bring lunch over if you don't wanna be alone. I'd need help to get to your cabin but I'm feeling in the mood for emotional detoxing and burning things."

"Michael can drop me off at the Crashdown or wherever you wanna pick-up lunch so I can direct you to the cabin. Not really in the mood to deal with people."

Alex has fully rotated so their laying face to face as he hides his face in Michael's neck.

"Are you guys at the airstream?"

Michael wants to keep Alex's house just for them for at least another couple of days.

"Personal info Iz. Well call you later."

"Ah his house. You do know I had to setup a parade for him so I needed his address. I'll let you guys be just let me know when I should head over."

And she hangs up.

Michael puts his phone on the nearest table and settles fully in his spot with Alex now on top of him.

"Nap then pampering since you're nearly there."

Alex makes a noise and presses a lazy kiss to Michael's neck.

"Love ya too."

#alex manes #michael guerin #malex #malex fic #my fic #au - canon divergence #isobel evans #liz ortecho #roswell new mexico #maria deluca

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anxietymymiddlename · 4 years

Text

His and hers circumstances

Pairing: Jumin Han x MC4

Summary: Jeahee is going out with Zen? The surprising news leave her with a broken heart, still she can not find the courage to confess her feelings to her afraid that she will not accept her. Trying to confront her confusing emotions, Jumin enters her every day life like a storm while dealing with his own issues. A little bit more than friends, but with their emotions not sorted out yet, what will happen when they will end up under the same roof?

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2][Chapter 3] [Also on Fanfiction.net]

[Chapter 4: A wish, impossible as it was ] "I dreamed of it once… Waking up with you next to me, watching your sleeping face in he morning… And even though it didn't happen as I had imaged… and even though I was not the one in your heart, I was happy. But I could not help but wish that I could make you mine forever. And somehow that thought was painful and kind of scary."

It didn't take her long to realize that she had overdone it last night; she could tell even before she opens her eyes; her body felt heavy and the light dizziness on her head made it worse. Even though she liked wine, she was not a heavy drinker, she was aware of that, so she should have known her limits. But it was a lonely night and the more she sunk into her thoughts and her shattered feelings the more she drunk, and the more she drunk the more she lost control. Her memory was hazy; she could remember paying upfront and asking for more but nothing much after that. However the warmth she was feeling next to her and the light smell of coffee were soothing. She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand trying to shake off the drowsiness and opened them only to meet an unfamiliar view.

"Where am I?"

Thinking about it, she could not even remember if she had made it home and the bed did feel more comfortable than usual. Before her view could clear up completely, she felt someone breathing next to her. A shudder run down her spine and she sat up despite the numbness she was experiencing. Startled at the view of the man beside her, she shuffled off confused. Her sudden move almost made him drop his coffee. Confused, she looked around her and then at his unbuttoned shirt, his messy hair and then at the oversized shirt she was wearing.

She rubbed her temple, still a bit dizzy, trying to recollect her memories of the night before. Her heart was beating fast. What had happened? And why was Spideyman's theme song stuck in her hear? It was making her headache even worse. She went to the salon and then for drinks and then… And then what? How had Jumin played into this? Had she done anything stupid? What had happened between them?

"So, you' re awake."

Jumin's calm voice broke the silence first and made her jumpy. He was staring at her as if he was waiting for a good explanation… She covered herself with the blanket instinctively but he didn't seem to waver. As she was trying to find her words, images of the previous night flooded into her mind and with every scene she remembered her embarrassment grew more and more. Her face started burning up and she covered her self completely under the blanket she was holding onto.

She wanted to dig a whole and hide inside, however the only thing she could do was to hide her face, unable to look at him in the eye.Not only she had bared her secret in front of him, she had also acted shamefully, giving in to alcohol. There was no way to apologize or excuse her behavior; some adult she was. Plus her memory was not clear enough and she could not bring herself to ask him if something had happened after that. As his hand touched the blanket over her head and pulled it away, she trembled with shame and looked up to meet his eyes who were looking at her curiously.

"I'm sorry," she finally said and left the bed before he could say anything. "I must have caused you a lot of trouble…. I… It's not what you think."

Her eyes searched for her shirt. She wanted to run away. Jumin had witnessed an aspect of herself she had not intention to reveal to anyone and that scared her; whether they had slept together or not, things would still be awkward and she didn't want that. She cursed herself for ruining everything. Her panic building up inside her made her breathing heavy as she was aimlessly looking around for her clothes, incapable of focusing on the situation. Her nerves was a mess, her eyes were tearing up more by each second she could not find them. When he blocked her way, the truth was she was about to give up and simply leave with whatever she was wearing, but as he placed a hand on her head and forcefully pushed her forehead on his shoulder, she was not sure why but she just let her tears fall freely.

"Don't ever do that again. If you need someone to talk to, I'm always here..."

she bit her lips, her hands reached to his shirt and grabbed it. "It must be hard.

""Huh," she nodded. "It's not easy to give up." "I should be happy for them," she sniffed, her voice stifled, her knees felt week. "I really should…." "It'll take time." "It hurts," she buried her face more in his shirt. "I know." Kindness was the last thing she was expecting; not after revealing the feelings she was harboring for her roommate to him and acting so pathetic about it. Jumin accepted it without any questions, it was enough to make her happy, despite her tangled feelings. She swept her tears and suddenly she realized that she was acting inappropriate again the moment her eyes met his bare chest. She pulled her hands away feeling self conscious. "Thank you," she said balling her fists and looked away. "No need, it was my duty… as Jumiman," he responded with a deadpan voice. "Why did you have to bring that up now?" she flushed and pushed him away taking a few steps back. "And with such a straight face." "Well, you know… It's because... with great power-" "Stop it," she bended her knees and hid her face in her hands.That surprised her. Jumin had joked from time to time in the chatroom but he didn't tease anyone easily in real life, that was usually Saeyoung's role. So it was a first. She was not happy he had brought up her embarrassing antics, that was for certain, but at the same time she was glad that Jumin was the one who had helped her; not only he didn't judge her for anything, he even went into the trouble to lighten up the moon in his own way. "Well, who doesn't love spideyman," she murmured in a childish attempt to defend herself. That made him snort. The fact alone made her look up, her eyes widen. Jumin was trying to hold back a genuine laugh. She could swear it was the first time she had witnessed such a smile coming from him. "I guess," he said. "Cute..." her eyes widened at such a view. "I'll make you tea… It'll be good for you stomach. Are you hungry? My chef is not here today, but I'll make pancakes, I'm actually really confident in making them."

"There is no need to," she said following him to the kitchen. "I imposed on you too much, I should go home." "Stay..." he pierced her with his eyes. "Can't you spend the morning with me?" "I..." her fingers grabbed the edge of the oversized shirt she was wearing. "I suppose it's the least I could do." In reality, his stare made her a bit nervous, she didn't know what to make of it, but she relaxed seeing him smirking as he resumed with the recipe. He seemed to be in good mood which was strange considering what she had made him go through. And, actually, she felt guilty for ruining his New Year's Eve, how could she make up for it? How rude of her, she hadn't even though about that until that moment. She grabbed his arm and he turned to her disturbed. "Jumin!" "Yes?" he looked at her quizically. "Happy new year!" "Ahh..." he rubbed the nape of his neck. "Happy new year to you too." "I wish you health!" "Thank you..." "Oh! I know!" She ran back to the living room where she had spotted her jacket and took something out of her pocket. Elizabeth saw her running and followed her to the kitchen. "It's not much, but here," she presented it to him. "The keychain I promised! Thanks for everything." "You made it just for me?" he looked baffled. "It's a bit childish but-" "Thank you," he said, taking in his hand and smiled at it. "I like it." It was a sincere smile. Seeing his delight, she felt relieved that she had not lost it; the time she had spent on it was worth it. She smiled back. But looking him being so casual made him look different than usual; he messy hair, his wrinkled shirt, him cooking. It was unlike the image he was upholding most of the time. That reminded her… she pulled her own shirt down as a reflex, a movement that did not go unnoticed."I ordered a pair of clothes for you yesterday. Yours still had vomit it on it, I'll send it to dry clean it before I return it. "There is no need to do that!" she objected. "And… There was no need to… lend me yours," she said uncertain of what words to pick. "I had to change it, since yours was dirty and soaked...Hm? What's with that face?" "Well… You saw..." she said feeling her cheeks burning, though his words filled her with relief. "I've seen you with a swimsuit before," he said while mixing the ingredients. "It's not the same… It's more personal..." "Isn't it the same though?" he titled his head. She held back a retort and folded her arms thinking while supporting herself on the counter. Maybe he was right, there was no need to make a big deal out of it. Since nothing had happened, she should be thankful he was the one who found her even though she had not asked him the details yet."I'm glad it was Jumin the one who found me after all," she said her thought out loud and smiled.Almost like she had pulled a trigger by saying those words, he left the mixer fall from his hand. It hit the tip of the bowl and rolled on the kitchen counter. His right hand slamming right next to her alerted her, his face now inches away from her her, he looked straight into her eyes with a serious expression. The lingering smell of coffee... his lips only inches away from hers... He was way too close. Trying to regain her personal space she squeezed her body on the counter. "You shouldn't be. I'm also a man you know," he breathed. "I could have taken advantage of you." "But..." his actions confused her, she pushed him back lightly. "...You didn't." "I see no pleasure in making someone mine without consent," he replied diligently. "But..." he paused. "I also have to hold back sometimes." "I see..." she blinked. "Then, I'm even more glad you were the one who found me," she smiled brightly. "Just forget it..." he pulled away with a strangely disheartened expression. "You should not be so careless, you trust people way too much. Why are you always like that?" Had she offended him somehow? She must have said something wrong, she thought. Elizabeth meowed by her feet distracting her from her thoughts. A weird smile appeared on her face and her fingers twitched over her white fur. It'd been so long since she had last seen her, she was even cuter up close than she were in her photos. She fawned over her collar, she hadn't see her in a picture wearing that one, it must have been a relatively new one; a Christmas present maybe? She leaned down more, huffing in excitement. "Can I pet her? Can I?" she asked with pleading eyes. "Just be careful with her," he warned, feeling uneasy by her expression. "Elizabeth, come here..." she petted her head gently a couple of times and Elizabeth rubbed it against it asking for more pets when she stopped and meowed. "She meowed..." she turned to him ecstatic."I heard it." "She is cute!" "She sure is!" "Can I feed her?" "Ok, but you have to weight the portion properly first. Come, I'll show you. "She had the general idea that taking care of a pet had a lot of responsibilities but since she never had her own she didn't know much about the process. It was exciting, but measuring the food make her nervous, what if she made a mistake? Elizabeth had a strict diet but it looked well-planned, it almost made her feel bad for the strays they were feeding behind their cafe. Till then she never thought that she could ask Jumin for tips, she made a mental note to ask him another time. Elizabeth put one paw on her leg and meowed again in anticipation; since the strays had not warmed up to her yet and kept refusing to let her pet them, petting Elizabeth while she was eating filled her with pure bliss "She is eating right next to me!" she pointed at her thrilled. Oddly enough, she could swear she had caught him staring, but he turned away his gaze the moment she looked at him. Had she imagined it? He looked completely focused on the frying pan. He had even wrapped an apron around his waist, preparing the pancakes with almost mechanical moves. There was no hesitation in them, he had probably copied the process to the core. It made her wonder if he loved pancakes so much he'd spent hours on how to perfect them or if he just learned how to make them on a whim. She raised an eyebrow, she did caught him taking a peek. Did he feel like she was evaluating him because she was watching him cook? Perhaps that made him anxious. It had been a while since she had last visited this place. It was her third time here, they were usually meeting outside. The first time, it was a few days after Jaehee had quited her job, she delivered some important documents on account of her; things were a bit awkward back then. He had invited her in but she had refused politely. The second time, it was on his last birthday. It was Saeyoung's idea to threw a surprise party at Jumin's place. Regardless of Yaehee's and Yoosung's concerns, he hacked the security system and everyone by passed the security guards with Zen's help, who distracted them. Zen -refusing to enter because of Elizabeth- only joined them after Jumin had returned from work. As Saeyoung had noted, his constant sneezing would give them away, so it was for the best. Jumin wasn't that thrilled by their surprise but welcomed them anyway; it was a fun evening. A sweet smell filled the room as Jumin was serving the pancakes he had promised. She took a better sniff and her stomach betrayed her hunger with a loud growl. Hoping that he had not heard it, she decided to pretend that it never happened and continued to stroke Elizabeth's smooth fur. The white cat laid in front of her and licked her snout to show her content, she had just finished her meal. Letting a delightful purr, she poked her hand with her paw. It was hard to prevent herself from pulling her into a hug, she could share Saeyoung's enthusiasm, every time Jumin had brought her along with him, she felt like stealing her. But she knew better and refrained from saying something like that. It'd be nice if she could have a pet though. "Breakfast is ready," he called. "Here, your tea as well." "It looks great! Can I take a photo?" "Suit yourself." Strawberries were out of season but the one he had used looked fresh. It must have cost a lot to obtain them. He had even added handmade cream. She took a bite and let out a moan of delight, covering her mouth; she did not expect it'd taste that good. "I could eat this every day!" she said while munching another bite and gave him a thumps up. He chuckled and then cleared his throat, thanking her modestly for her positive comment. Her smile faded watching him eat his pancake quietly. The man in front of her was taught to keep appearances no matter what the case was, so he was hiding every expression he deemed unnecessary or inappropriate. How hard could that be? She knew she could not handle it and also she felt kind of sad watching him holding back, she wished he could at least more confortable around the RFA members. It was not the first time she had thought that; he always had to act mature and take care of everything, but she wished he'd open up a little. Somehow, it felt like he was more free in the RFA chatroom than he was in real life. The sound of the front door opening forcibly interrupted their meal and commotion followed as a man argued with the security guard. Jumin looked alerted and stood up right away, asking her to keep enjoying her breakfast until he returns. He did say that but he looked too pale and anxious to just ignore the situation and keep eating while he was away. The voice of the man outside made him nervous enough to fail to close the door properly."I don't need permission to see my own son," the man roared. "Jumin, are they acting on your orders?" "They were ordered not to let anyone in without my permission." "I'm not just anyone, I'm your father! Jumin..." his voice sounded more and more demanding. "Why did you not join us last night?""I had other matters to attend to." "Shouldn't meeting your father on New Year's Eve be a priority?" "Why? You had company anyway," his tone could not hide his bitterness. "Leave us," he commanded the security guard and took a moment before speaking again, now with a colder voice. "Jumin, I will not tolerate this kind of behavior. My friend's daughter was there, you were supposed to meet her. I was so embarrassed and had to excuse your absence just because you don't like my girlfriend? Since when did you start acting so immature? Do you realize my position and the bad impression you left to those people?" "I had denied the invitation properly many hours prior to this engagement. I can't see why I must apologize for not showing up in an appointment I never promised I would attend." "Noone told you you could deny this invitation, Jumin!" he sighed. "You are turning 30 soon, you have to find a good woman who can accommodate your lifestyle. A capable woman like Ha Rin will be a proper match for you. I will re-arrange the meeting-" Listening to their conversation she left like she was prying in a personal matter she should not have to, so she picked up her phone trying to distract her self but didn't even swiped the screen to unlock it. Every word the Chairman had spoken hit a nerve. She had stood up to close the door, but hearing him talking like that to him, she just stayed there, with her hand on the doorknob. Why wasn't he getting mad at him? He shouldn't have to apologize for the way he was living his life. A man like him who was working hard ever day, who was trying to be considerate to his friends whenever was needed, an overachiever. Why would a person like him would let someone else dictate his life? She had seen him dealing with stress many times, so he could at least spend his free time however he wanted. And an arranged marriage at this day and age? Her grip tightened around her phone and anger consumed her. How being forced to marry someone you didn't love could lead to a happy life? Being treated as an investment instead of a human being… wasn't it just the worst? Aware that she should probably do not interfere, she could not control herself and stormed out nevertheless. The Chairman looked at her shocked as soon as she entered the room, his eyes rolled from her to Jumin and then back at her before letting out a disappointed sigh. Noticing his expression, Jumin turned to her muddled. She didn't have much time to contemplate her action and if she had to be honest she probably wouldn't regret it anyway, the Chairman strode to her and checked her out from the top to the bottom expressionless. "Is this the other matter you had to attend to?" he finally asked. "You should have told me you were with a woman. It is a bit surprising, but having a small affair is different from looking for a serious relationship." "Min-Seo isn't-" "You are standing in front of me so why are you talking to him like I do not exist?" she asked looking at him straight in the eyes. "I'm not an affair, I'm his friend. Jumin helped me last night while it was not his obligation, but whether he would attend that kind of an appointment should be left in his judgment anyway." "Well, I'm sure he did help... How can you even claim you are just his friend when you are wearing his clothes?" he smirked and crossed his arms. "You have a lot of audacity for an outsider!" "Well, even an outsider can tell you this; he is your son, not your investment," she placed her hands on her hips. "Aren't you a rude one?" his eyes widen. "This has nothing to do with you." "It has! Jumin is my friend. You do consider him old enough for marriage, but not old enough to respect his wishes? Outrageous. Can't you see you are troubling him?" "I'm only considering the best options for him." "I don't think he asked you to? Why don't you try considering his feelings instead?" she stood on the tips of her feet to match his eye level looking at him fiercely. "Are you afraid you'll loose your- Hold on..." he released his hands. "Aren't you this girl from the RFA?" he noticed. "What if I am?" "You and your friends depend on my son a lot, distracting him from his work. What are you even doing here, sleeping at his house? If you are looking for-" "Enough,," Jumin raised his voice and stood between them. "Jumin..." his father looked surprised. "Don't you have anything to say?" "Yes… Father," he replied not looking at him. "I'd like you to leave for today, you interrupted my day off and insulted my friend. I don't thing it's a fruitful ground for a conversation. Let's talk some other time..." "Very well," he finally said but looked at her furiously. "I'll take my leave. However I expect you to consider your position again before the next time we meet." After glaring at her one last time, he adjusted his necktie and took a big breath, before he exits the apartment. Although she had put up a bravado during their conversation, the whole thing was nerve wracking and his stern face was scary. The mobile in her hand was covered by her sweat. She took a few steps back feeling the tension leaving her body; it was a relief he left without causing more fuss. This situation brought back some bad memories and she felt a bit guilty; was she defending him or was she defending herself indirectly? It didn't matter anymore but she said to apologize in any case. Easier said than done, seeing him staying silent with his hands balled in a fist, her confidence disappeared and she turned around, her back facing his, trying to regain her self. "Jumin..." she started saying but stopped when his head bummed on the back of her shoulder. "Thank you." "Euh? No… I might have overstepped my boundaries, so..." "Please, don't turn around right now..." "O-Ok..." she froze. "He ruined it… He had no right to..." "What is he referring to? I guess the conversation stressed him out." "I should be used to this by now. Things got worse since that incident two years ago. I thought he'd stop after that, but..." "Two years ago? Oh, the Glam incident..." His hands wrapped around her waist and squeezed her body on his. As he buried his face on her shoulder, she could feel his breath on her skin; it made her heart skip a beat and she awkwardly touched his hands, unsure if she should remove them or not. "Can I hug you?" "Well, you are already doing it, no point asking now," she laughed nervously but as the words left her mouth, she felt him pulling her behind.Unable to hold her balance, she found herself on the floor, her body slammed against his. The moment they hit the floor his hands tighten around her, she found herself sitting between his long legs, with her phone still in her hands. It was impossible to move in that position, his breathing was heavy, his face covered by his hair. "Jumin… Are you ok?" "Just… Let my stay like this for a moment," he stroke his cheek against her shoulder facing away. "Alright…" she gave up, placing her hands on the floor.It was strangely comfortable and she thought that she ought to fulfill his request since he had taken care of her when it was needed. When was the last time she had hugged someone like this? It had been a while since she was in a relationship. There were not that many anyway, a couple of them didn't last longer than a month; most of them didn't like cuddling much, boys tented to be more restrained about it than girls though. But thinking about her past boyfriends and girlfriends in that situation didn't seem proper; it was unnatural to draw such a parallel. "You smell nice..." "It's not very convincing when you say that to a girl who was vomiting a few hours ago," she laughed. "It's fine… Can you stay like this a bit longer? You didn't even finish your breakfast..." "That's not important right now. I can stay until you feel a bit better." "What if I never feel better?" he asked bashfully."Well… You will. Parents can get selfish like that, but don' let it get to you. Jumin is a hardworking and nice person, you deserve to have the life you want.""I'm not nice… I know I'm not," he tangled his fingers. "I can't fully relate to others and I want things I can't have." "Well, you can be a jerk sometimes," she snorted. "But, you are still a nice person in my eyes. You accepted me without asking any questions or showing disgust, without judging me..." "Min-Seo, you should love whoever you want. It does not change who you are. Though, it may sound rich coming from someone like me who've never really loved someone... I always thought that it'd be a waste of emotions, it always seemed fake. So seeing you bursting with so many emotions… it feels real." "I'm sure that if you try, you'll be able to experience many things. So when you discover a new emotion, it may feel strange, but don't even try to hide it please." "Then… I won't. At least in front of you, I won't." "Are you feeling a bit better now?" "No, I want to stay a bit more like this…" She could not deny him, not after seeing him like this so she just bended her knees more, bringing them closer to her body and rested her hands on her thighs. Her mobile screen was full of her prints, she was holding it for a while after all. Swiping it with her clothes she decided to check the time. Her eyes rolled. Just how many calls had she missed? Almost everyone of them were from Jaehee. She checked the time again and then her notifications. Most of them were from the RFA app. Reluctantly, she decided to enter the chatroom and pressed the icon. - Min-Seo had entered the chatroom- Yoosung: Min-Seo, you're here! Min-Seo: Hello, Yoosung. Happy New Year. Yoosung: Hapy New Year! Saeyoung: Happy New Year, meow! Yoosung: But, Min-Seo, where are you? Jaehee was really worried. You were not at home and she could not contact you. Yoosung: She almost asked Saeyoung to track you Saeyoung: Well, Min-Seo is and adult! Saeyoung: Also… Saeyoung: I wouldn't do that for free! Min-Seo: I'm fine. I forgot my phone on silent mode. -Zen has entered the chatroom - ZEN: Min-Seo! Min-Seo: Hello. ZEN: We were looking for you! Are you ok? Min-Seo: I'm fine, sorry for worrying you.She couldn't help but wonder if there were together that moment. Jumin adjusted his position behind her. He could feel his chin over her shoulder and sensed him fidgeting but kept her attention to the chat-room.ZEN: I know Min-Seo is an adult, but she had promised Jaehee they'd spend their morning together. So she was really worried when she did not show up. ZEN: It didn't seem like she slept at home too. You should at least give her a call. Min-Seo: I know, I'm sorry. Tell her I'll be back soon. - Jumin Han has entered the chatroom - Yoosung: Happy new year, Jumin. Jumin Han: Happy New Year Jumin Han: Min-Seo is with me now so you should not worry. ZEN: WHAT? ZEN: (Shocked emoji) "What?" Saeyoung: I see, the CEO was keeping her so busy, she forgot about her phone. ZEN: Don't even joke about that! Yoosung: I can't believe this! Yoosung: Were you also secretly dating? Yoosung: I won't forgive this a second time! Yoosung: I was supposed to be the next one to find love! Saeyoung: That' d be impossible for you Saeyoung: Love in blooming in the RFA Saeyoung: (heart-eyes emoji) Her eyes rolled, she could not believe this. Min-Seo: It's nothing like that! Aren't you guys overreacting? ZEN: How did you end up with him? ZEN: Did he do anything to you? Should I come pick you up? Saeyoung: He did say he wouldn't hold back anymore a few days ago… Saeyoung: (shocked emoji) Jumin Han: We haven't even finished breakfast yet, don't come to pick her up. ZEN: Shouldn't she be the one answering?" How can you ignore everything else, but still reply to him?" She snatched his phone away from his hand furiously and broke away from his embrace pressing the exit button. How could she explain the situation now? She was hoping she could avoid mentioning anything. She stood on her four, pressing the button on her touch screen frantically. - Jumin Han has left the chatroom - ZEN: What? He left? Running away now? Min-Seo: Haha… It's not what you think. Min-Seo: We just had a few drinks together. It got late and he left me stay here. ZEN: Weren't you supposed to meet your friend? "Stop asking questions!" Min-Seo: She left early and I didn't have company so… ZEN: He didn't do anything to you did he? Are you ok? Min-Seo: I called him. Min-Seo: Of course he didn't! We just chatted. He kept me nice company so… Saeyoung: LOL. Jumin… keeping nice company… Min-Seo: Anyway, I'm fine. I'll be back home soon. Min-Seo: Have a nice day. - Min-Seo had left the chatroom - Lies would naturally bring more lies; she hated that. Maybe she should just admit she got drunk. But then again, how could she explain the rest? Even she didn't have a clear image of the whole situation. Of course they would react like that. His words were a bit suggestive. Not that he had lied or anything; unlike her. She cringed at her own reaction, the panic got to her. But putting it like that, it was bound to cause misunderstandings. He should know better. And then Zen was easy to overreact, he definitely got the wrong idea. She turned to him pouting and handed him his phone, he looked back at her quizzically.That alone added to her anger, how could he stay so calm? She clenched her teeth and sat in front of him crossing her legs while holding back an urge to punch him once. Now she'd have to clear up things somehow, but he didn't even seem to grasp the situation they had put them into. Even if Zen calmed down after a proper explanation, Saeyoung would not let it go easily. And what if Zen would talk to Jaehee about it? Maybe she'd get the wrong idea too." What were you even thinking?" she asked but he just looked at her puzzled. "You obviously caused a misunderstanding here," she pointed at her screen. "I see… Is that why you are angry?" he asked calmly. "I..." she took a big breath. "I'm not angry." "Well, it's their fault for taking it that way, but if that's what concerns you, I'll clear it up." "That's not the point! Why did you even enter to write something like that?" "Let me think about it for a moment..." Bizarrely enough, he looked honestly troubled over her question; that gave her time to cool herself off. "I suppose… I was upset." "Upset?" she repeated. "About what?" "You told me you'd spend time with me," he averted his eyes. "But you said you leave the moment you talked to them." "Eh? That's it?" "I guess." She blinked. "Just to make it clear, I was not looking for an excuse to leave, ok?" she said after a short pause. "I know." "And I apologize if that made you upset, I did not realize. But next time, I'd like you to talk to me first. The way you handled it is troubling. I didn't like it." "I see..." he looked into her eyes. "I'm sorry. I'll take that into consideration. "It felt strange, how she was captivated by his gaze for a moment; the way he was looking at her was so sincere. His tongue was used to polite speech, smooth words were to be expected coming from his mouth, but his eyes looked like a child's sometimes. It was reassuring, but also kind of scary; it made it had to deal with him when he sounded needy. His actions were often hard to understand, however, since he was open to criticism, she never felt the need to pretend in front of him. Her ring-tone broke the silence. Her eyes rolled to the screen, sightly annoyed by the timing. Not many people knew her number, so her first thought was that she would have to deal with teasing about what had been said in the chatroom. It was an exhausting morning and she'd prefer to ignore the call, but her prediction could not be more wrong. The name displayed on her screen was not one she was expecting and that made her whole body stiffen. As her hand hesitantly picked the phone, she stood up and took a big breath to prepare herself before taking the call. "Hello… Yes, good morning. Happy new year to you too. It's been a while," the girl on the other side of the phone sounded as awkward as her. "I'm fine, what about you?...What are you talking about? I doubt he'd be glad to see me… It's been so long and… I don't even care anymore," her voice was low and her replies as short as they could be but the tension was rising. "You know that's not the case! You can always call me if you need something…. No I didn't me-… Huh? You're here? I don't think I can- No…." she looked troubled. "Ok… Well, I'm still your sister!" as these words escaped her mouth, she looked worrily over her shoulder at Jumin, he raised his eyebrows, of course he'd be surprised, he was not informed about it. "I'll be there… I told you I'll be here!" Explaining the call would be too troublesome; she had avoided talking about her family for so long. The timing was awful too; she had to leave soon, although he had made clear that this would upset him just moments ago. Jumin had already stood up, his body slightly touching her back. He could already tell she'd leave. Putting her phone into her pocket, she turned to face him but immediately took a few steps back, his face was way too close again. "Do you have to go?" he asked. "I… I could not deny her. It's been so long since I last saw her. It's a rare opportunity too… Since I don't visit home." "I understand. Family is important," he replied seriously. "But I'll make it up to you!" he looked at her startled. "Let's go out sometime! It'll be my treat. Just tell me whenever you are free!" "Just the two of us?" he asked hesitantly. "Yes, I don't mind. It's a promise," she extended her pinky finger but he just looked at it like he didn't know what to do. "Just take it!" she flushed feeling childish. "Like this?" he wrapped his around hers."Yes, it's a promise." "I see," he smiled. "Sounds like a deal to me."

#mc4xjumin #jumin han #mysme jumin #mystic messenger #mystic messenger mc #mystic messenger mc4 #jumin x mc4 #jumin han x mc4 #hisandhers

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justanultrastressedwriter · 4 years

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Aw Hell No - Ch IX

First Chapter Previous Next Masterlist

TW: Swearing. Let me know if I should tag anything else, loves.

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*~ After School: Charlie’s House ~*

“C’mon, DJ. You can do it, it’s not that hard. Just text him and ask.” Charlie encouraged her best friend who was eyeing his phone like it was a ticking time bomb.

“But what if he says no? Or he says yes? Oh, God, which is worse? What if it ends terribly and he never wants to see me again?” Daniel said, wringing his hands.

“Daniel Alan James. Either you suck it up and do it yourself or I will, you wuss.” Charlie said, sternly, crossing her arms and looking so fed up with his bullshit.

Which was justified, he had been agonizing over the decision for half an hour, but he saw his salvation. Daniel looked at his best friend with his signature puppy dog look, “Will you do it for me? Pretty please?”

Charlie rolled her eyes with a huff. “Fine. Just so you’ll stop obsessing.”

She grabbed his phone from him and rolled her eyes again as she typed out the message. “You do know that stupid puppy look that you do doesn’t work on me, right?”

Daniel knew otherwise, but let it slide as he grinned widely at his best friend. “Thank you so much, best friend! I’ll love you forever and ever!”

Charlie again rolled her eyes and gave Daniel his phone back, winking mischievously. “So, DJ, when are you gonna let your boy toy know that I know your dirty little secret?”

Daniel groaned, dropping his phone onto the bed and removing his glasses so he could rub at his face. “I don’t know, Charlie. He’ll be so mad, he really doesn’t want anyone to know and I don’t really blame him for that. But I haven’t even told my mom about it, I’ve been so scared. We’ve come so far and I don’t want him to go back to hating me.”

“Are you sure that want to get rid of the glow? That it’s just friendship you want with him? Because I say this as your best friend and I have to be completely honest with you, but I’ve never seen you act like this before. Ever since the two of you have started hanging out and shit, you’ve been acting differently.” Charlie said, looking at her nails with an eyebrow raised.

“Good different or bad different?” Daniel asked, confused. He hadn’t noticed anything different about himself, but what did he know?

“Don’t worry, it’s a good kind of different. You’ve been lighter somehow. I still think he’s an asshole and I hate him for everything he’s done to you but put all of that aside, you’ve been smiling more and you just seem more relaxed.” Charlie said with a kind smile.

A small smile crept onto Daniel’s face as he put his glasses back on, then began to fidget with a loose thread on his sweater sleeve, shyly. “He makes me happy when it’s just the two of us. We can just be ourselves, he makes the world feel lighter if that makes sense? Not to seem cheesy or whatever, but he makes my world a little brighter, with his stupid smile and his annoyingly positive attitude. Ugh.”

Daniel and Charlie both chuckled at that, but then Daniel continued, “I’d love to see where a relationship would take us if we acted on the glow, I think it could be amazing, but I don’t want to be his dirty little secret and, God, who knows if it would even be a healthy relationship with all of our history. I don’t know if I could forgive him for everything.”

“Well, duh, this fuckhead has been basically torturing you for over a decade. That’s not something you easily forgive. And I know that you don’t like to talk about what happened with Kyle freshman year, but it was mostly his fault and you know it.” Charlie said and just the sound of his name was enough to send Daniel’s stomach into a hurl and bring tears to his eyes.

“You don’t think I know that, Charlie? I still have dreams about him and it kills me.” Daniel snapped, his voice filled with enough venom to make Charlie flinch. Daniel’s shoulders slumped with guilt and sadness. He hung his head in shame, “I’m sorry, Charlie. I didn’t mean to snap, but sometimes I just miss him so much and I’m still so angry about everything. He deserved so much better than that.”

Charlie pulled Daniel into a hug, “I know you do and I know he did. You both did, honey. What happened wasn’t right at all.”

They hugged for a few minutes in silence, both lost in their thoughts until Daniel pulled away, rubbing at his eyes. God, he hated to think about that. That party had been the worst night of his life.

“I think you guys need to have a serious talk about these things. He needs to know how much you’re still affected by this.” Charlie said, rubbing Daniel’s back. “And don’t even try to tell me that you have, I know you too well. You bottle everything up and refuse to talk about any kind of legitimate emotion. I’m your best friend and everything I know about your emotions, I have had to fight tooth and nail for. The same goes for your mother too.”

Daniel was about to respond but was silenced by the dinging of his forgotten phone resting on the bed. Daniel felt his face pale, “It’s him, Charlie. I need you to look first, I can’t do it.”

Charlie nodded and picked up Daniel’s phone, looking at the message. She grinned, “Well, he said yes if that boosts your mood at all.”

“It kind of does, but it also brings out a huge panic in me,” Daniel said, rubbing his forehead tiredly.

“Fair, but text him back with the details and we’ll deal with the rest later. Baby steps, doll, it’ll be okay.” Charlie said, soothingly and Daniel knew she was right.

Charlie and Daniel had a friend named Darla, who had met Charlie through swim camp, who was throwing a raging birthday bash that following weekend at her parents’ lake house almost an hour away. Charlie suggested that Daniel bring Connor along. Daniel relayed all of the relevant information to Connor in a quick text.

Daniel decided not to tell Connor that Charlie knew about them, because there was no way that it would end well. Daniel trusted Charlie with his life and everything that he held dear. She had been one of the only two people in his life that had supported him no matter what and she was his second favorite person (after his mom, of course). But Daniel had no right to expect that kind of trust from Connor. The two of them barely knew each other. Their only interactions were at the twice a year mandatory sports banquets that required them to be cordial and polite as well as whenever she would yell at Connor for bullying Daniel in the hallways.

When he knew that Charlie wasn’t looking, he let out a quiet sigh and rubbed his forehead to try and relieve some of the pressure that was starting to form a stress headache before returning back to his sketchbook. He only wished that his life could be easier.

#aw hell no #gayyyyy #soulmate au #soul mate au #my writing

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horansqueen · 5 years

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BabyGirl 3.0

NOTES:

♥ this is based on a concept i received a few weeks ago and ppl asked that i made a story with it. ♥ i planned 3-4 long parts but i think it’ll be 8-10 short parts ♥ 3.2k. fluff. ♥ there may be smut but i doubt it and IF it happens it wont be as explicit as my other smut works. ♥ i didn’t proofread and if you read my stuff you know i never do because im a lazy ass. ♥ thank you so so much for all the notes and feedback for the previous chapters! I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!! i hope you enjoy this chapter! ♥ if you have any questions please dont hesitate. ♥ read part 1 HERE and part 2 HERE

3.0 ♥ APOLOGY & CULPABILITY ♥

HIM

I was pissed. Pissed at myself for not even noticing that Louis was bringing me into a trap. I like to think i'm good to guess people and their character, but through the years, I realized I was not as competent as I thought. Still, being played and betrayed by my very best friend was humiliating and incredily hurtful. I glanced at him and noticed guilt written all over his face, but it wasn't enough to take the feeling of betrayal running inside me.

"Wow, hey, it's been a while."

She glanced at Louis too and I breathed in before nodding.

"Yea, 4 years," I just pointed out, slipping my hands in my pockets, trying to find a way to escape this incredibly awkward and almost intolerable situation.

Could I pretend to get a call? Or a text message? Then run outside and call a cab? Was there any way for me to just run to the airport and fly as far away from here as I could? Even on the other side or the world I knew I couldn't feel better. It was too late. I had seen her again and I couldn't take my eyes off of hers.

She got older. I could see her hair were dyed but it was still pretty much the same shade of brown it always was, and I wondered why she'd do such a thing for so little change. Her dress was plain but pretty and she gained a little weight. For some reason, she seemed to glow in a way I couldn't explain.

"5." she corrected me. "It's been 5 years."

I was surprised when her eyes left mine to glance behind me but I kept looking at her. Perhaps, she still had that effect on me, but i didn't have the same effect on her. We used to be a bit obsessed with each other, and we could stare at each other for longer than most people would find acceptable.

My heart felt heavy, like stuck in a vice and someone was twisting it slowly, as if to make the pain less bearable and my death longer to come. I wanted to run away, yet my legs wouldn't move, i was stuck here indefinitely, forced to look into the eyes of the only girl i loved without being able to touch her.

"That long..." I nodded, as if I didn't know the exact date of the last time i saw her.

She nodded too and sent me a shy smile as I twisted the fabric of the inside of my pockets hard enough to feel my muscles tense.

"Louis... didn't tell me..."

She nodded quicker this time and glanced behind me again, where I only guessed Louis had gone, leaving both of us in a situation we didn't want to be in.

"Yea, no, he didn't tell me either." she chuckled, clearly uncomfortable. "Surprise, I guess."

We remained silent for a while and I started swaying gently on my toes. She finally closed her eyes and sighed, running her fingers in her long hair and somehow, it made my heart twitch.

"Look, Niall, I know it's late for this, but i'm so sorry."

I frowned but she kept talking.

"That fight was all on me, it was ridiculous, I shouldn't have insisted." she explained. "I'm so sorry for how things ended, Niall, I-I didn't want this."

Her apology hurt my heart and without thinking, I moved closer and grabbed her arms. The contact of my skin against hers was life changing, like electricity ran all over my body... like I was high on a drug I had never tried before. I knew she felt it too and she held her breath. My face was so close to hers I had to swallow and my lips parted but it took me a few seconds to talk.

"No, you really don't have to apologize, it was my fault, not yours." I whispered. "All mine."

From up close, I could smell her. She still used the same perfume as she always did, and it made memories invade my head. I remember the first time we met and how cold it was outside... and how bad I had wanted to kiss her. It made me realized I wanted it just as bad now, maybe more.

It felt wrong to be in her personal space and let go of her, feelings my palms burn again even if I wasn't touching her anymore. I took a step back and cleared my throat, forcing myself to look down.

"I'm surprised you're wearing a dress." I finally pointed out, trying to change the mood. "You look great, really."

She sent me an other smile, one that seemed slightly more sincere this time.

"Thank you, but you know me. If I could, i'd be here in my sweatpants." she pointed out, making me smile more. "The dress wasn't my idea."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise, relieved that we seemed to have a light conversation after being a bit emotional.

"Who's idea was it, then?"

She didn't have time to answer, I saw a tiny little girl run between us and wrap her arms around her thighs. I heard her laugh and looked up at her, but she was only looking at the kid.

"Mommy! Look!"

With an enthusiast face, the kid moved one of her arms up to show a doll who was already missing a shoe. I had a hard time to mend the pieces of what exactly was happening here but I watched her crouch down to discuss with the little girl. They hugged and she ran back to where she came from as my heart started beating harder in my chest. She had a kid and she was probably taken. I always suspected she had found someone else very quickly after we were over, but knowing it for sure hurt more than I thought it would. It was ridiculous, it's not like what we once had could ever come back. There was so much pain still left, so many things untold and unknown... this small encounter would only make things worse and I was scared that after today, even If i never saw her again, I would be even more scarred than I already was.

"That's your daughter?"

She nodded and her lips curled into a fond smile I had never seen on her. I held my breath a few seconds, trying to calm the thumps of my heart against my chest without much success. I've always enjoyed seeing her happy and it made me realize how bad I missed her laugh. Not a chuckle, or a giggle. A real laugh, the kind that echos on the wall and always seemed to reach my heart.

"So, you're married." I just pointed out, clearing my throat." How old is she?"

She raised her nose up in a grimace and chuckled, shaking her head from left to right. The sight made me smile despite myself and I stuck my hands in my pockets again, trying to restrain the need I suddenly had to be closer to her once more.

"No, I'm a single mom." she explained before her smile fell. "She's... she's four years and a half."

I couldn't explain how good it felt to hear she wasn't married, and I sort of felt bad for liking it. That's why it took me a while for the other fact to actually sink in. My lips fell and my eyes got bigger. Something stirred inside me, making me suddenly nauseous and I had to swallow the lump in my throat.

"She's four years and a half..." I repeated.

Even though it was clearly not a question, I watched her as she nodded slowly, suddenly extremely serious.

"She's gonna turn five in a few months."

I pressed my hand on my mouth and held my breath, bending down slowly as i felt myself tear up. This couldn't be real. This was not happening. I had a daughter and I wasn't even aware of it, and all that seemed to flash in my mind was the fact that I didn't see her when she was born or when she walked for the first time. I wasn't there when she said her first word, and that for her, I was a total stranger. Did she even know she has a dad? A dad that would have loved her and cared for her if only he had known she existed?

"You..."

I couldn't talk, I was incredibly hurt and so many thoughts were running in my mind that I wasn't sure I could handle any at the moment.

"I am so so sorry, Niall."

I didn't want to hear her apologies, and I didn't want to hear her excuses. I just wanted to lock myself somewhere to get my thoughts and mind back into place. My vision became blurry after a few seconds and that's exactly when my daughter came back. Just thinking about those two simple words made my heart threaten to jump out of my chest.

"Mommy! Freddie broke my doll!"

It hit me so hard that it felt like someone was twisting a knife in my already open wound.

"Louis knew..."

Her head raised up at my words and her eyes opened wide as she was trying to fix the doll in her hands. Her expression betrayed her and I felt like someone had stabbed me in the stomach for a second time in the past 6 minutes.

Everything seemed to make sense suddenly. The reason why Louis would never talk about her or bring her up was obvious now. He couldn't or he would always risk to let out her secret. Lying to me was also not something he enjoyed and I guess he thought omitting something was not as bad as lying. But it was.

I closed my eyes and breathed in, trying to stop or at least calm the anger and hurt boiling inside me, but I couldn't help the feeling of loneliness flooding my body and mind. I felt sick and alone, and somehow, it felt like my ex girlfriend and my best friend had conspired in my back for the past five years.

Nothing could ever change that. Nothing could make that right. Nothing except maybe the love I already felt for a daughter I didn't even know.

HER

I knew that someday, i'd have to explain to my daughter what happened with her father, but i never thought it would happen so soon. I was slightly mad at Louis for literally pushing me into this meeting and forcing me to come face to face with Niall, but also with my own lies. I didn't understand why he did it. He could have done it years ago, why now?

I tried to push Louis out of my thoughts to focus on Niall, clearly as uncomfortable as I was, standing in front of me. I didn't remember the last time I felt so nervous and speechless, but having him so close after so long brought back memories and feelings I had tried to bury and ignore for years, and I wasn't sure I actually liked it.

He looked good, even better than in my memories, and even if I had tried to avoid him, his career and his music in the last years, looking at him after all this time still felt like home. Maybe the fact that I had a little child constantly reminding me of him helped keep the flame alive but it didn't matter. Niall was here and close, and the love I knew I had for him, even if i wouldn't admit before that it wasn't dead, was now burning my whole body and heart, threatening to leave only ashes. I'd be ready to give him my heart again even if the outcome would probably be as worse as the first time.

I felt the need to apologize for my behavior, but whenever I pronounced his name, my heart jumped in my chest. I felt like I hadn't heard it or said it outloud in so long it almost hurt to do it, but at the same time, it came so naturally and left a sweet after taste on my tongue.

A bunch of memories of when I would whimper his name rushed to my brain and made my heart jump. I could swear my cheeks turned a soft shade of red and I could try to blame it on the wine, but the thoughts made my whole body throb and my inside twist.

I always thought I had made the right choice to leave and let him live his life the way he deserved to. However, when he bent over slightly and seemed on the verge of tears, I felt incredibly guilty and bad for hiding it for so long. I could see the dimmed lights of the room make his eyes glisten and It really made me want to take him in my arms. I knew it wouldn't be a good idea so I just gave her doll back to my daughter and remained motionless, waiting for Niall to have an other reaction. Any would be good. He could even yell at me for what I had done, I wouldn't blame him. Instead. He shook his head and turned around to watch my daughter run back to the tree and he stared at her as she started playing with Freddie again.

"Louis has always known." he whispered, making me swallow an other lump of guilt with difficulty, before turning back to me. "He knew and he never told me."

"I made him promise not to tell you." I explained in a low tone, scared that my voice would crack. "I forced him. It's my fault."

It hit me that at some point, I was an important person in his life, and Louis was too. Niall had just realized that two of the persons he cared the most about had betrayed him, keeping a big and heavy secret from him, and I could understand it was hard to accept. I didn't even dare to hope he would ever forgive me.

I moved closer, placing my hand softly on his arm but he moved away and shook his head, rubbing his hand on his face for a while. He let out a few curse words and turned around, gripping his own hair and pulling on it. I shouldn't, but I felt endeared by the way he reacted, or perhaps it was simply from seeing some of his habits I was so used to see, yet had missed more than I thought.

"What's her name?" he finally asked after a few minutes, turning to me and diving his gaze into mine for a few seconds.

He looked sad and hurt and I did everything I could not to cry in front of him. For some reason, I felt like I didn't have the right to. He looked down and I swallowed again.

"Chelsea."

His head moved up roughly and he frowned. I knew he had a question burning his lips but he didn't ask. He just stared at me some more and breathed in, biting the inside of his cheek. I had never wished I could read his mind more than I did at that exact moment.

"Does she know about me?"

"She knows of you, but she doesn't know who you are."

Once again, he turned around on his heels slowly and moved back to face me, his hand holding the back of his neck. He stared at me and I couldn't hold all the tears anymore. I blinked and let a few fall down my cheeks without daring to wipe them off.

"When did you plan to tell me about her? When she'd insist more? When she'd be 18? Never?"

I didn't want to answer, and he guessed the truth because of my silence.

"Alright, never then." he said shaking his head.

I could feel he was getting angrier by the minute, but all I could focus on was the pain I heard in his voice every time his mouth would open. I would give anything to reassure him, but I knew that no matter what I did or said, it wouldn't make things better.

"I'm sorry, Niall." I whispered, making his face twist.

"Stop saying that." he almost begged before sighing extremely loud and leaving.

I watched him until he passed the door to go back to the cold weather without his coat and I shivered. I stared at the door for a few seconds until I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. I didn't have to look, I knew it was Louis, and at this point, I was way past being mad at him for setting this up. Plus, I knew he'd have it tough with Niall, he didn't need me to make things even worse.

"Why did you do that, Lou?"

My voice was weak and I felt numb as his hand slipped on my arm gently. I swallowed and closed my eyes again. I couldn't explain to Niall why I kept him away. Back then, it seemed so obvious and legitimate but now, the aspects and reality I didn't want to see five years ago were right in front of me, and didn't seem to make any sense anymore.

"Because both of you were miserable. Because I felt like he deserved to know Chelsea. Because I felt like an impostor and a bad person for knowing his daughter and spending time with her when he didn't even know she existed." he explained low and slowly. "Because deep down, I'm sure you wanted him to know."

I remained silent and avoided his eyes again. All I could do was stare at the door in hope to see Niall walk back inside. Did I want Niall to know?

"It was not my place, or my choice to make, and I'm sorry." he added. "It was none of my business and I normally don't do that. I was wrong. But I can't say I regret it."

He was right, I knew he was, but admitting that was admitting I had failed. It was admitting that I was wrong and that I deprived Niall from so many memories and time with his daughter. I brought my hand to my mouth and did my best not to start sobbing.

"I'm not mad at you, Louis." I whispered, scared that i would start crying again if i talked louder. "I just hope he can forgive me one day."

"I hope he can forgive me too."

We remained silent for a while and Louis left for about a minute, bringing me back a full glass of wine that I swallowed a bit too quickly. It felt like we waited forever but I think my heart stopped completely when the door opened again. I held my breath, feeling my heart jump once against at Niall sight, and waited until he was back in front of me, He waited until Louis had left, without even sending him a glance.

His face was impassive and I licked my lips, suddenly nervous. His simple presence made my heartbeats accelerate and if you mixed that with the guilt I felt, it was even worse. I felt like I was going to hyperventilate or pass out.

"I want to see her. I want to spend time with her. I want her to know who I am." he just let out. "And you don't have the right to refuse. Not after what you did to me."

I waited a few seconds after he was done talking and nodded gently, still staring at him.

"Of course you can see her and tell her who you are, Niall." I expressed, feeling on the verge of tears again. "I'm never gonna stop you from seeing her. You're her father, and you'll always be."

#niall horan #niall horan fluff #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fic #niall horan writing #niall horan story #niall #niall fluff #niall fic #niall fan fic #niall fanfic #niall story #niall writing #my fanfics

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mdelpin · 5 years

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To Kill A Dragon - Chapter 7

Previous: Ch 6 | Ch 7 | Next: Ch 8

Chapter 7: Safe

Natsu woke up in more pain than he could ever remember having experienced before, and considering all the stupid shit he regularly did, that was saying something. It felt like every cell in his body was screaming in agony.

He opened his eyes and looked around, wondering what would be in store for him that day. It took him a moment to realize he was no longer bound and that he was laying on a bed. He looked at the room around him and felt it seemed familiar like he'd been here many times before. A sense of dread flooded him as he saw an elderly woman with red eyes and pink hair glaring down at him.

"Finally decided to get up?" She growled at him, although the concern in her eyes was unmistakable.

Natsu gulped, instantly recognizing Porlyusica, the guild's healer. He searched the room, looking for help, and his eyes fell on Wendy, who was fast asleep in the bed next to his.

"Is she okay?" He asked the healer, his voice sounding scratchy to his ears. He was parched, and when Porlyusica offered him some water through a straw, he accepted gratefully.

"She's fine, worry about yourself, idiot." To his surprise, Porlyusica smiled down at the little girl, rearranging the locks of hair that had moved in her sleep away from her face. "She wore herself out trying to heal you. Welcome to the world of the living, I was getting ready to give up on you. You were out for several days."

Natsu nodded carefully. Over the years, he'd learned to say as little as possible around the healer, never knowing what would set her off on one of her rants.

'How did I get here?' He wondered. He was definitely in the guild's infirmary. He reached for his magic, but it felt very weak.

"My magic?" He asked with concern.

"It's still there, it'll just take a while to replenish."

Natsu was relieved, he couldn't imagine a life without magic. He had no idea how he'd gotten back to the guild, but he had a feeling Tiamat was not done with him and that worried him.

The healer, not one for small talk, got to work checking him over now that he was awake. The door of the infirmary opened, and the rest of the dragon slayers walked inside.

Natsu looked at them but quickly looked away, not ready to face anyone yet. He certainly was in no mood to be mocked by the other slayers for his weakness.

They all began talking at once.

"It's about freaking time, Salamander. Hell of a time for a nap."

"What's our plan? How are we going to take this bitch down."

"I'm impressed, you really are a tough bastard, for someone so pathetic."

"It's good to have you back. How are you feeling?"

Natsu looked at them in surprise. They weren't mocking him? They actually sounded kind of happy to see him, and they looked worried. That was...unexpected. He thought of the other dragon slayers as his family, but he hadn't expected them to act the same way towards him.

"It hurts like hell, but I think I'll be okay." He told them, the beginnings of a smile flashing across his face as he began to accept that he was back home.

"I heard she took your magic, she took mine too." Natsu stared at Sting in surprise, but before he had a chance to ask what had happened to him Sting blurted out, "So I just have to know who did you fuck? Was it Lucy? She's so hot! I got Minerva."

Natsu's face flushed in embarrassment as he realized that they all knew what was needed for Tiamat to take his magic. If they knew, that meant others did as well.

Great, Cana probably already had a betting pool going downstairs, and he was a horrible liar. His secret would be out before the end of the day, and then Gray would find out it had been him. He couldn't have that happen.

Rogue slapped the back of Sting's head. "Idiot! Did you have to bring that up right away?"

Gajeel snickered knowing full well who would have been involved in that particular scenario. Natsu glared at him, daring him to say something.

"I don't wanna talk about it," Natsu said as he painfully repositioned himself on the bed, facing away from them and peering over at Wendy. The dragon slayers commotion had woken her up, and although she looked at him with concern, her smile felt like a ray of sunshine. His movement earned him another glare from Porlyusica.

Natsu couldn't help but think of the last words that fake Gray had said to him as he was beating him.

I could never love someone like you. You disgust me.

He tried to remind himself that it hadn't been real, but he couldn't stop the pain in his heart at the venom behind those words. Even though he knew it wasn't the real Gray saying them, it may as well have been.

Natsu had resigned himself a long time ago to the reality that Gray didn't harbor any romantic feelings towards him. Honestly, most of the time, that was fine with him. Natsu accepted it and appreciated the friendship they did have.

Being able to stand with Gray in battle as an equal and to protect him from harm was usually enough to quiet his draconic impulses. Knowing that Gray was ready to do the same for him, even if only platonically, made him feel loved. It wasn't what Natsu would prefer, but he'd learned long ago to take what he could get.

But now, after mating with the fake one, he had images and feelings that he couldn't easily forget or ignore and it hurt.

To make matters worse, someone other than his destined mate had laid a claim on him, and he didn't know if he would be able to get out of it.

He was heartbroken about that. He didn't want to be mated to a dragon goddess that hated his guts. Nor did he want to think about that five-headed avatar he'd be forced to mate with in the future or about any of the other things she might do to torture him. He felt an ache for Gray that was stronger than any he'd ever felt before, and with a start, he realized that had been her plan all along. Her cruelty shocked him.

Igneel had never really talked to him about mates before he disappeared, but maybe these guys knew something that could be helpful. Otherwise, his only hope was to somehow defeat her, and he had no idea how to go about beating a god. He'd had enough trouble going up against a God Slayer on Tenrou.

"What do you know about mates?" Natsu asked them, trying to keep himself from revealing the desperation he was feeling, "Tiamat had some...uhm... Igneel issues. She claimed me as her mate to get back at him."

The room quieted down as all the dragon slayers looked at him in horror.

"What do you mean she claimed you as her mate? What the hell happened?" Gajeel asked, his eyes burning with an intensity that surprised Natsu.

"Do you remember Zirconis telling us about the Dragon War?"

Gajeel nodded.

"Well apparently, Tiamat was in love with Igneel, but he was on the side of humans coexisting with dragons, while she most definitely wasn't. When she tried to get him to be her mate, he rejected her and then went on to teach humans dragon slaying magic and recruited others to do the same."

The dragon slayers remained quiet for once, listening intently to Natsu's words.

"As more dragons died, her love turned to hate, and she blamed him for all their deaths, but she was banished before she could punish him. When she realized I was connected to him..."

Natsu refused to meet any of their eyes, even though he could feel the weight of their gazes on him. "Let's just say she's really good at holding grudges."

"She tricked me into taking some potion she said was created by humans to help keep dragons from dying out. It was supposed to induce my first heat and then she claimed me as her mate in revenge. I couldn't fight her off." Natsu turned his attention to his arms, moving them slowly and ignoring the pangs of pain that shot up them, grateful to no longer be immobilized.

"Hold on, Zirconis said it was Acnologia that killed all the dragons," Gajeel reminded him, "Is that what she's trying to do, kill Acnologia?"

"She didn't talk about her plans at all," Natsu declared with frustration, "All she was interested in was finding out who I was into so she could take my magic."

"Did she bite you?" Sting asked urgently.

"No. Tiamat didn't do it herself, she shapeshifted into someone else, but they didn't bite me either. She also said something about me being a submissive type. What does that mean?"

"I've never heard of it. If Tiamat didn't bite you, I don't think you're really mates. Besides you're also supposed to bite her back. At least that's what Weisslogia told me."

"She was probably just messing with you, she tortured you for days. She probably knew she could scare you into believing anything she wanted. She was after your magic after all," Rogue pointed out.

"I was never scared. Hungry, confused and in pain but not scared," Natsu said with a bravado he didn't really feel.

Laxus snorted, "You keep telling yourself that, Natsu. I was there when you saw Fullbuster. You were definitely scared of him. He looked like a kicked puppy when you were begging us to keep him from hurting you."

Natsu narrowed his eyes. "What are you talking about? I don't remember that."

"It was when you first woke up, at Lamia. He was sitting by your bed, holding your hand like the princess he is, and then you woke up and freaked out on him."

Gray was holding his hand? It made Natsu feel warm inside to know he cared that much.

Stop it! He was just worried about you because you're friends.

This was going to be a problem. Gray knew that someone looking like him had hurt him. That wasn't good. Natsu had never wanted Gray to find out he'd had any part in his torture.

Knowing that idiot, he was going to go on a guilt spree. He was probably already trying to figure out how to use Iced Shell on Tiamat. There was no way around it, he was going to have to talk to him. Which was precisely what he'd been trying to avoid.

Dammit!

Natsu could see Gajeel watching him, trying to analyze his reaction for future teasing. He ignored him, wondering what else might have happened at Lamia Scale that he didn't remember.

"Hey! In my defense, the last thing I remember is him beating the crap out of me before I passed out," He protested, even as he tried to keep his mind from returning to that moment, and those words that had cut through him deeper than Erza's knives.

"Ice Block finally beat you?" Gajeel teased.

"He didn't beat me, I was chained and tied up in magic sealing cuffs, and it wasn't even really him. It does not count!" Natsu huffed.

He was working himself up to challenging one of them to a fight, which was ridiculous since he couldn't even stand, when he looked around and saw the other dragon slayers snickering at him. They were only baiting him to try to get him back to his usual self. He calmed himself down and gave them all a dirty look.

"If you keep riling him up I'm going to kick all of you out of this room. He needs rest, not a brawl," Porlyusica growled at them.

She'd been listening to them talk, and she was a little concerned as to why the dragon goddess had induced Natsu's heat. It didn't seem necessary for what she was trying to do. What had the idiot said? She tried to remember his exact words, and then she blanched.

Could that woman really be that cruel? She looked over at Natsu's beaten body and got her answer. She was going to have to test him to find out for sure.

"How did I get here?" Natsu finally asked, trying to stifle a yawn.

"Vastia found you in a magic sealing stone inside of a burning building in Margaret Town, and he took you to Lamia Scale. Doranbolt teleported you here since you were in no shape to be transported normally. They also found a bunch of books and stuff on dragons and rituals in the building, we think it was the headquarters for that cult. They're in full research mode downstairs," Laxus informed him.

"We are your loyal dragon slayer guard, at your service," Sting grinned before attempting to bow formally. "Your team has been dying to see you, but Makarov won't let them near you 'cause he thinks they'll traumatize you. Especially after what happened when you saw Gray."

"Are they okay?" Natsu asked worriedly. He didn't like them feeling bad on his account. None of this was their fault.

"Makarov gives them daily reports on your condition. I don't know how much longer Erza's going to tolerate being sent away though, especially now that you're awake," Gajeel reported.

An image of Erza gleefully covering herself in his blood rose unbidden to his mind, and he felt sick to his stomach. Maybe Makarov was on to something. He didn't think he was ready to see Erza yet. His eyes started feeling heavier, and he knew he wouldn't be able to stay awake for much longer.

Wendy looked at him nervously. "Do you want to talk about it, Natsu-san? We already know they used Erza, Lucy, and Gray to torture you."

"H-h-how?"

"Your injuries. It was pretty obvious."

"Oh, right."

Porlyusica finally noticed Natsu's tiredness and sent them away. "Someone go update Makarov. I only want to see one of you in here, besides Wendy, while he sleeps. Are we clear?"

Natsu was already fast asleep by the time she'd finished talking. She drew some of his blood for the test she would need to perform to confirm her suspicions. She really hoped she was wrong, this boy had already been through enough.

The dragon slayers looked at each other, and Gajeel sat down in a chair while the other dragon slayers left the infirmary grudgingly.

xxx

Makarov was sitting at a table in one of the guild's libraries surrounded by ancient texts. Other members of Fairy Tail were busy with the books as well. Levy, Freed, and Lucy were each immersed in a tome, occasionally stopping to take notes.

Laxus had brought the books back with him from Lamia Scale the day Natsu had been returned to Fairy Tail, and they had been working on them ever since. So far, they'd found a lot of exciting things about dragons but not much to help their current predicament.

Laxus entered the library and headed towards his grandfather. "Natsu woke up briefly."

Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at the Lightning Dragon Slayer with relief. It had been several days since Natsu had woken up at Lamia Scale and they'd been worried when it hadn't happened again.

"How is he? Can we see him?" Lucy asked loudly. She hadn't been allowed to see her friend since she'd returned from the Magic Library, and the little information she'd gotten from Happy broke her heart. How could someone do that?

"He's exhausted, which is not surprising, but he talked for a little while. Gajeel is with him now," Laxus hedged. He was trying to decide how much he wanted to tell them about what Natsu had said.

Gray, Erza, and Lyon entered the library quickly, having heard Lucy in the quiet guild hall.

"Did he say anything about what Tiamat told Lyon?" Makarov asked immediately. As much as he'd thought about it, he was no closer to coming up with an answer that made any sense. That had been making him very nervous. What could the boy have that belonged to the goddess? She'd already taken his magic.

"Maybe? I'm not sure. He said that Tiamat had claimed him as her mate to punish Igneel," Laxus explained, " Maybe she was just referring to Natsu himself."

Makarov looked unconvinced. "Tell him I will be back for him and for what is mine. That's what she said. It sounds to me like there's something else."

"Claimed him as her mate?" Gray asked suddenly, "What does that mean? How did she even know about Igneel?"

Laxus looked at Gray and said, "Honestly, you're better off asking a First Gen, I'm not entirely sure about any of that stuff. He said Tiamat had tried to make Igneel her mate, but he refused her. Then they were on opposite sides of the Dragon War, and she blamed him for the dragons dying."

He thought about Natsu's words for a minute and added, "I think she tortured him so badly because she couldn't get to Igneel anymore. He did say something interesting, though. Apparently, she was banished from Earthland during the Dragon War."

Makarov considered this new information. "We'll need to research how it was done. At least now we know it's possible. I suppose that's more than we knew before."

Porlyusica entered the library looking angrier than anyone had ever seen her before. She headed straight for Makarov and waved a vial violently in his face. "This, this is what she's after!"

She immediately launched into an angry rant that quickly devolved into curse words, which no one had ever heard her use before. She looked and sounded terrifying.

They all looked at her in confusion and some apprehension. The dragon goddess was after a vial of greenish goo? All of them wanted to ask what it was, but only Lyon didn't know enough to stay quiet until she was ready. Lamia Scale's healer was a very different type of lady.

"She's after a vial of greenish goo?" Lyon asked Porlyusica stupidly, stopping her mid-rant.

Porlyusica glared at him, wishing she had brought her broom with her. "Are you stupid? He's pregnant! She's after the baby."

A/N: So a brief note, I’m not a huge fan of mpregs so rest assured this won’t be a typical one if there is such a thing.

#fairy tail #gratsu #ftlgbtales #fanfiction #tkad #update #chapter 7

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artificialqueens · 5 years

Text

Objects in the Rear View Mirror (Craquaria) - Chapter Sixteen - Saiphl

You can keep your mouth shut because it doesn’t really matter right now - Chapter Sixteen

Shane’s PoV

Little lady, I think there’s something on your mind

I’ve known you long enough to know

The words are not that hard to find

I haven’t get properly the meaning of that popular saying of ‘you’re never ready for what comes when you’re a parent’, until this early morning. But let’s get this from the very beginning, from the day I met Roberta. The first thing I thought was ‘Good Lord, this woman is loud’, and then, the second thing coming up to my mind, was a bunch of loud little ones with her smile and my eyes.

The first to come was Benjamin… or Jamin, as he preferred to be called, my self centered and sassy mouthed son, the one who gave me the worst headaches with his lack of academic abilities, and his so talented artist hands. Following him, came the twins, the loud, beautiful and brilliant Monet and Monique; both of them as gorgeous as their mother, and who had their own world and often forgot to include the rest of the people in it. Last, but not least, came my beautiful little cookie, the one with the Cracker’s characteristic fair skin and blonde hair: My Lil’ Cookie.

She was the frailest of my children, her tiny features and warm hearted personality the cause of so many disappointments in her short life. Even though she’s tough, I know she plays hard to get, and to protect herself from a world that gave her its back so many times. I remember the long nights and exhausting days comforting her, making her believe she deserves nothing less than the whole world, and believing in her when she didn’t found a way to do it.

God knows I wasn’t ready for Brianna’s call this morning. As a father of three girls, you’re never ready to know your little girls are growing, and it’s even worse when they fall in love and decide you’re not the man of their lives anymore. I went through it first with Monet and the never ending parade of candidates that never were enough to her standards, until some Dustin Ray appeared to take my little girl away. Then Monique met this guy Antwan, as she said, love at first sight; they’ve been together from junior high, til now, that they welcomed their first born, baby Jasmine.

Brianna was fourteen the morning she came out, all teary eyes and so, she came to Roberta and I to tell us she likes girls. The following years, she met Kameron, a sweet girl who made my baby smile like I’ve never seen before, and also getting her first heartbreak when she disappeared nowhere to be found. Then came Aquaria, our friends and neighbours’ Sharon and Alaska Needles daughter. Brianna’s heart shattered when she caught Aquaria making out with another girl, and my girl decided to never open up again, until last night.

Sharon’s call made me wary, she never does that kind of formal invite unless something big is happening. When Brianna called after her, I needed to understand what was happening, and when my daughter said she was in a committed relationship with both Kameron and Aquaria, I swear my heart stopped beating. I knew that Brianna’s heart was split in two parts, each one with those girls names, and I knew she didn’t want to make a choice.

And I know you feel the same

You’ve been searching for the words,

Now you know what to say

My Bob was still confused when she heard my silence, that’s something that she could never understand, how can I speak so much and so loud and suddenly just fall silent, as if I even wasn’t there. When she heard I finished the call, she came to me, arms crossed in front of her chest, and demanding an explanation, as far as she heard me saying I’ll keep her at bay.

“Babe, ya’ll need to sit, I’ll keep it as short as I can, promise”, I read her worry, especially when she sees the weight of my years falling on my shoulders. There’s no way I can lie to her, I’ve never done it, and I won’t start today. “It was our lil’ cookie, and she’s a lotta say, so please sit babe, it’ll be bettah that way.” Bob sits right by my side, and reaches to take my hand instinctively while she listen to Bri’s story through my lips.

When I manage to finish with the story… the whole story, since Brianna found Aquaria in our front yard, to the point of the committed relationship she’s currently sharing with both Kameron and Aquaria. To be fair, since I married this woman, I have seen her speechless just thrice in the last twenty nine years; the first, when she found out she was carrying Jamin; the second one, when I asked her to marry me; and the last, when she heard she was going to be a grandma.

Today, I witnessed a fourth time. Bob was totally speechless, fidgeting the edge of her green apron, sometimes looking at me, then at the window and then back to me, just to turn to her side and take Lester from the floor and distractedly scratch his ears. “Bob… Roberta talk to me, ya’re scaring me shitless woman”, I asked her, almost begging. She blinked twice, then she put the puppy back on the floor and got off the couch.

“Hurry up Shane, I don’t want to be late to Sharon’s”, those were the last words I got from her before disappearing inside the kitchen.

And you say nothing at all

Well I couldn’t have said it better myself

Tonight the conversation takes the fall

Bob kept silent the rest of the morning, busying herself around the house until she hurried me to go to Sharon’s house an hour earlier than she asked. “We have to talk to them, I mean, they know for sure, otherwise Sharon shouldn’t have asked if Brianna called already.” I look at her, arching a brow, a silent question clear on my face. “Don’t look at me like that Shane Cracker, I know they’re not kids anymore, but if we’ll have to talk about this mess our daughters are doing, better to be in the same page than them, at least, to know what they think about this… this… “

“About our girls decisions.” I complete her phrase, and she looks at me, relieved. “Y’are right babe, they no kids anymore, and from my point of view, we’ve two options”, she looks at me, intensely, her brown eyes bright with worry and annoyance.

“I don’t know when did this happened Shane, and I don’t understand why… all I want is for our little cookie to be happy.” She sighs, and sits by my side, “I just need to be sure that Aquaria and Kameron won’t hurt her again, our baby won’t make it alive out of that,” and for the first time in our almost three decades together, I see how the years and its weight fall over Roberta’s shoulders, and how her eyes are cloudy with worriedness. Not needed to say I’m worried too.

“I know wha’ ya’ say Bob, Imma worried for our lil’ cookie too. I was here when she found Aquaria out the day Jasmine was born. I drowned a whole red wine bottle with her after that.” Bob cackles with that last affirmation, shaking her head half amused, half in disbelief. “Our lil’ cookie is tough Bob, and I guess her decision was the best option she found, as far as she didn’t want to be the one to choose between ‘em.” She sighs and reach to hold my hand, squeezing it briefly. Then she stands up and pull me up with her, it’s time to go to the Needles’ house.

I’ve crossed that street a million times in the last twenty five years, I remember when Sharon and Alaska just moved and Bob called me to help the thin woman that tried to move heavy furniture inside the house. I remember her heavily pregnant wife and how relieved she looked when she found out someone has been helping her wife. I’ve never felt like I was walking through the death row, waiting for an execution, mine, my daughter’s, her girlfriends’… all of us in one?

When I step in the door and I stare at your face

There are so many things that I wish I could say

Well I struggle with words but they put up a fight

Alaska lets us in with a hug, with the familiar domesticity of our well known friend routine, and I wonder what’s her position in all of this tale, I wonder if I could find an ally in her when the moment comes, because I can see in Sharon’s eyes the same desperate fierceness that I saw in my wife’s gaze before leaving our home.

She’s almost as tall as I am, her long blonde hair braided falling down her right shoulder, she smiles at me. I know she understands me. I know Alaska is up to whatever makes Aquaria happy, exactly as I am up to anything that give my lil’ cookie the will to keep believing. We lock gazes for a second, and almost imperceptibly, she nods at me. It seems I’m not alone in what comes next.

We walk to their backyard, where Sharon is sitting, having a smoke with the cat purring in her lap. Luke lazily yawns and meows to Bob when he has her in his sight, and her smiles to the feline, scratching his ear, the kitten melting in bliss. Sharon lifts her face, smiling to us, both Bob and I leaning to kiss her cheeks. “It’s great to see you guys. Thanks for coming in such a short notice, but Laska and I wanted to talk to you before the girls come here.” Sharon sounds worried, as much as we are, but still, listening to her calling them girls, makes me shiver.

“Shar, they’re not kids anymore… as much as we all like to see them like that. Fact is both Aqua and Bri are close to 27 and my baby is 25 and married, on her way to her honeymoon.” Somehow, Sharon seems to sink on her chair, her usual rough facade shattered with her wife’s words. “Also, we are here to talk about how we feel about all these, and to let steam out before they come. We’ll need to be centered”, the three of us look at Alaska, as if she had grown long beard and the wisdom of an elder in less than five seconds.

Sharon sighs, taking Luke off her lap and putting him on the floor. The cat looks at her, offended and then runs into the garden, to find shelter in the shade of the fence. “It’s just… I can’t understand, how did this happened?” She says, standing from her chair, smashing the buttock of her cigarette on the ashtray with restrained fury. “A week ago, Aquaria was mourning losing Brianna, who had been far away for so long,” She lit another cigarette, taking a long drag from it, and then speaking while releasing the smoke “the following day she’s head over heels with that girl Kameron… I know she sounds like one of those sad stories that melt anybody’s heart, but I just can’t get when did all this mess happened”, she looks at us, looking smaller than before “not to say, that I can’t understand how did this Aquaria + Brianna + Kameron thing happened.”

“As much as I’d like to have an explanation, I understand exactly the same as you do, Sharon”, Bob’s voice cuts the brief silence. “Truth is both Shane and I are worried, we all know how it went the last time. We all know how hurt both Brianna and Aquaria ended after all that happened.” The three of us nod, and Bob reaches blindly, looking for my hand. “And now we have a third party that will also get hurt if these doesn’t work, and she doesn’t have a mother nor a father to rely on.”

Sharon gets back to her chair, and Alaska stands behind her, rubbing her shoulders to soothe her. “I know what you’re saying Bob, Aquaria and Brianna have their own bruises to heal, and it would be unfair if they hurt someone else in the process of healing, or even worse, they end hurting themselves either.” I know Alaska’s right, I know for a fact that failing this little experiment will almost literally kill her, and I don’t think that any of Aquaria or Kameron would go out off the mess untouched. “I’m as worried as you are guys, I can feel it all over us. Still we need to let them live, they deserve at least a chance to try and make it work.”

“Ya’ right Lasky, they grown ass women now, as much as we kno’ wha’ used to make ’em happy, now they drive their own lives”, I say, getting a side look from my wife, and the weirdest expression from Sharon’s face. “I kno’ my lil’ cookie, she’s in love with ’em, madly in love and havin’ ‘em both means the end of her struggle to choose, or to force ‘em to choose who’s leavin’.” I take a deep breathe, starting to regret revealing that piece of information to those women; I look for Alaska’s eyes, and she nods to me again: she knew it too. “Guess we’ll ‘ve to wait to see wha’ they have to say. I can’t deny my girl my support pursuin’ ‘er happ’ness.” I close my argument, feeling a tad more confident.

“I’m with Shane.” Alaska says, and I close my eyes for a second, thanking her for support the right of the girls to look for her own way. “I mean, I’m just expecting for them to tell us what we need to hear”, Sharon and Bob look straight at her. “Which is they’re doing this out of love and not out of guilt or regret.”

Bob sighs loudly, then leans her forehead to the hand that’s not holding mine. “I guess you’re right. I just need to know they’re up to take care of each other.”

“And if they feel mature enough to understand that, if this doesn’t work, it’s not because they don’t love each other”, Sharon added, “but because if a relationship of two is complicated, a relationship of three, requires a titanic effort.”

We all nod in agreement, feeling relieved of letting our worries on the table, so we would be able to actually listen to them, and show them that they’re not alone. That they still can count on us.

And the harder you try and the longer you go

Well there’s nothing but love in those eyes any more

You know what to say but you never know how

You can keep your mouth shut because it doesn’t really matter right now.

#rpdr fanfiction #rear view mirror #saiphl #throuple #kameron michaels #aquaria #submission #craquameron #poly #lesbian au #miz cracker #s10

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