#I was a 2 In high school but that’s because I was on adderall and now I’m a ten | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

screamingay · 3 months

Text

finally snuck myself an adderall (10 mg) and at first i was worried that i was feeling manic or jittery (which would mean everyone was right and i'm just bad at everything and it's my fault) but then i realized... my body isn't used to the ability to think about doing something and then immediately getting up to do it so it was a little overwhelming to gain that ability all of a sudden. my whole life (except for rare, unpredictable, and uncontrollable hours of productivity) whenever i've thought to myself "i want/need to get up and do [thing]" i would just keep sitting there and feel increasingly guilty for not doing it.

my parents would plead with me to brush my teeth before bed as a kid, asking why i couldn't just get up for 5 minutes and do it, and i'd cry and say i don't know, i'm sorry, i promise i want to brush my teeth. my teachers would keep me after class in high school and ask me why i hadn't done a project they knew i could do, they knew i did fine on everything else, but how could i tell them that i just couldn't bring myself to sit down and do the research or start writing, and i'd choke back tears as i told them i didn't know why, i'm sorry, i promise i want to do your project.

today i've done about 20 chores and projects that i've been meaning to get to for days, weeks, months. i cleaned the toaster oven, put up some more coat hooks to get the coats off the floor, washed 2 rounds of dishes and a put in a load of laundry, put away all the clean clothes and picked up the floor so it's walkable again, rounded up all the hair dye supplies and gave them their own spot, put away some things that had been out of place for a long time, and i still have energy to bag up the garbage in the bedroom, fix the patch on my jeans, and finish the laundry once it's done. probably even more after that. things that would usually drain me for hours individually, or would take hours because i'd give up or get distracted halfway through.

i never drank coffee because whenever i did it made me jittery and fucked up my heartbeat but this prescription shit.. this is good. getting my own prescription would be lovely but would take forever and be very difficult, so for now im more than happy to settle for predictable & controllable bursts of productivity rather than my usual unpredictable, uncontrollable ones.

#still not 'proof' i have adhd but. i mean.#im also noticing that i can think more logically and overcome mental road blocks that would usually make me too frustrated to finish a task #like im hanging up pants to dry right. and i dont have enough hangers. i might have spent like 2 full minutes standing there and then #freaking out a little bc theyre wet and have to get hung up but theres no hangers and i dont wanna hang them up in these other spots im #thinking of but i will if i have to but it'll suck and im taking too long aaaaaa #but this time i was just like. oh i can take a couple shirts off their hangers and put them back on after the pants are dry.#like. decisions feel so simple rn #also just made dinner and im thinking abt that post abt snacking and how if i could trust myself to make dinner every night and reasonably #clean up afterwards i would absolutely eat snacks less. like flavor blasted goldfish type snacks.#but as it stands i cannot trust myself to cook and so i must snack in order to keep myself alive another day

6 notes · View notes

detentiontrack · 1 year

Text

Welcome to kitty wrapped 2/26-3/5 !!!

A new weekly post where I post the epic highs and lows of collector zoloft's behavior throughout the week (mostly lows)

Starting off strong

Bad behaviors

Stole my favorite pens and stashed them under the bed so I had to use pencils for 2 days

Walked on my keyboard during an important zoom meeting with my school and then tried to bite me when I gently moved him off

Meowed and yelled at me whenever I tried to pet him with my cold hands + made me warm them up before giving him the pets HE insisted on

Started doing this lovely thing where he catches + kills bugs and then puts them in his water bowl like he's trying to make cucumber/strawberry infused spa water

Knocked my pill organizer into his water bowl and made me panic because we are currently snowed in and can't get to the pharmacy + some of my meds I can't refill yet for another week (they are okay but jfc)

Tried to eat my DSM + the tabs

Put his entire head in the pickle jar and now his head smells like pickle juice

Realized that my pill bottles are the loveliest toys and has been hiding them (it took me 2 hours to find my Adderall today)

Ate my cereal

Ate my rice

Ate my pickles

Ate a pita chip + made me panic thinking he was going to die bc I didn't know if it was safe for cats (he's fine and very happy with himself)

Violent behaviors

Bit me.... Bit me SO many times

Scratched me when I tried to put on his sweater (which he loves once it's on him)

Woke me up this morning by scratching my head so hard my scalp BLED because he was attacking the string lights on my headboard

Attacked and bit my toes any time I moved my feet under the blankets

Terrified my mom's dog (who is so scared of him) just for fun (he backed her into a corner and just stared at her while she shook)

Bit my brother's knee bc he smelled like outside

Bit my ear WAY too close to my piercings so I would wake up and feed him (it was 4 in the morning & still dark out)

Used my head and stomach as a launching pad to jump up on my headboard while I was sleeping (somewhere he's also not allowed to be btw)

Hid under the bed every single morning and attacked my feet from under it whenever I made the bed.

Bit my face while I was crying

Good behaviors (there are some!)

Cuddled so nicely against me for warmth at night

Shared his favorite blanket (even though it's technically mine)

Laid on my stomach and let my pet him when I cried

Let me hold him tight in my arms when I was having a panic attack (he usually doesn't let me hold him)

Chirped politely for me to replace his water instead of just flipping it over and making a mess

Compromised with me and let me put laundry on him so he didn't have to get off the bed (he fell asleep immediately after the laundry was on him)

Is the most handsome little man in the world <3

#kitty wrapped #the beast

16 notes · View notes

martian-garden · 2 years

Text

(Brief content warning for appetite disregulation and talking about eating habits)

So in light of ADHDAlien's cool posts and some of my ADHD friends and family starting college or being newly diagnosed, let me, a whole ass adult (somehow?) with a job, also share what has helped me with my ADHD so far! Conversation time!

Background: I was diagnosed at 7 and prescribed methylphenidate 18mg ER, starting immediately upon diagnosis and having maintained the same dose except for during college, where I scooted up to 20. I'm very responsive to medication of any kind, and higher doses make me uncomfortable physically, so be aware that this is the babiest of baby doses. Ritalin has a stronger effect with less intensity than Adderall, and for people who have severe symptoms, Adderall may be the only one that works.

In high school I began doing organizational tutoring to better manage my course load, and that was the single most helpful thing I did, but that may not be accessible to anyone. So here are some things that I've employed on my own. They may not be helpful for everyone, but in the event that they are...

-Time is fake, and the sooner you realize it, the more sense it'll make. We can't connect the current events in our brain to the end result, (usually done via anticipatory dopamine, which is literally what ADHD is: lack of that) and ergo we can't process that 2pm is [_______] from 3pm and we need to get ready at 2:15 or something... Like what. That's fake. The time it takes to complete a task is also fake. Divide your tasks into days/assign sub tasks based on either 1. necessary order they need completed in, and 2. energy, instead of based on estimated time. For me that's been far more intuitive.

-Body Doubling or inviting people over as an external motivator to do a task. Invite a friend over to motivate yourself to clean your room or make food. Either bc they show up and help or even just tell you to do it, or bc you want your space to be nice when they've arrived.

-SNACKS. Eat eat eat!!! You are hungry, more often than your body will acknowledge! Small things like fruit snacks or a pack of crackers you can eat slowly, one every few minutes while doing a task are ideal. Since we have shit anticipatory dopamine, we just have to reward ourselves, and food does an ok job. That said: be careful with dark chocolate, it can be an appetite suppressant if the cocoa content is high. Same with caffeine. My stimulants also make me more sensitive to caffeine side effects.

Also, take snacks with you during the day, because if you're like me, you get tired easily if you don't eat often. Chocolate milk or drinkable yogurts are great fast energy boosts. Plus they're fortified with vitamin D, which in my latitude is in short supply.

-In the same vein: Have low effort, high calorie food on hand. You will have times when you can't summon the energy or get sucked into a hyper focus wormhole and don't have time or spoons to cook. Frozen dinners/personal pizzas/canned soups... whatever to get meal-quality food into you fast. If you eat meat, take advantage of cured or preserved meats that last a long time and are harder to let spoil. Some are stable at room temp, like jerky. If you don't, peanut butter seems to serve people well (can't relate tho, allergic)

-A lot of this is revolving around food, but ime regular meals and easy foods I can get myself to make and eat is something I struggled and still struggle with a lot. Prep snacks when you have spoons and time to do so. Hard boiled eggs before bed. Make extra portions' worth of rice with your dinner. Anything to have extra calories on hand ASAP. Also, rice cookers and any kind of automation is a lifesaver. Just set a timer to remember to get it out later, or pair it with when you're hungry and motivated to get it out and won't forget >.>

-Setting timers. Sucks. it really does. but it's better than not setting timers. If you have a "it's time to leave for class or work" alarm, make sure you have everything packed and you're dressed BEFORE the alarm goes off. With time blindness, that can be hard, but we do typically process abstract "x BEFORE y", just not "15 minutes before y". Switching from direct numbers to just "this has to be DONE by y time" is easier ime.

-Wear an analog watch. Helped me with time blindness so much. I could watch the minute hand crawl as I walked across campus and it cemented how tasks or going places took. I can link "this takes this space on the clock" easier than "this is (abstract number)".

-AUTOMATE WHATEVER YOU CAN. I'm not just talking about rice cookers and dishwashers and roombas, though those absolutely count. I also mean computer programs--zotero for citation formatting, writing or finding macros or scripts for file processing so that you reduce the number of clicks while working. LEARN TO USE EXCEL and clone sheets, if applicable for your job. Anything you can press a button for instead of having to think about is more that will get done during a day.

-If you have a pressing task that is making you sad or just has been hovering over you, or a big assignment: take the anxiety as a sign to prioritize it, and set aside an entire day for it. I'm not joking. Take a mental health day and do your taxes. Even if it only takes an hour, time is fake to us. Energy is not. Escapism or productive procrastination (doing other tasks that do need done, though less pressing, while avoiding another) devour insane amounts of time. If that is your One thing slated for that day, then it'll get done. Promise.

-Yes, use a schedule planner, but GET ONE WHERE YOU CAN SEE THE WHOLE WEEK ON ONE PAGE SPREAD. That way, when you break up assignments (I may do a post about how to do this, but it's integral and entirely what my organizational tutoring was for) you can see how everything fits into the week and where you will put tasks that roll over between days. Teacher planners are good for this. This shit got me through my college projects. Also: write in the assignments and important deadlines for your whole class syllabus right when you get it, for students. It'll take like 2 hours but you can SEE where things fit in physical space instead of abstract time.

-Write lists, not for the purpose of doing the things on them, but just to sort out what's rattling in your head. I rarely LOOK at lists after making them, but knowing it's all down on paper means I'm no longer worried about forgetting it, and threads it into my brain piece by piece, I can process each individual concern. What should be on these lists? Anything bothering you: deadlines, worries, emotional chaos. Anything that circulates in and out of your conscious thoughts. Chores you haven't done, inadequacies. It's like defragmenting a drive when you write it down.

-Your RSD makes it feel like people don't care for you. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is literally so central to my experience, and I don't see it talked about beyond "it exists and it makes me feel The Awful". It impaired my ability to have healthy boundaries and connections to people, because it compounded with my insecurities to make me feel like people weren't showing me they cared or giving me enough encouragement. I got frustrated and I felt like my emotional needs were unfulfilled. It took a lot of therapy to get to the root of it: that I felt unsupported and was reaching to people I shouldn't for external support, when most of the pain I was looking to heal was internal. It is okay to ask for help! There's just a part of RSD where you have to learn to separate what is your OWN pain in response to yourself, your own echo of self-loathing attaching itself to another's behavior, and what is genuinely hurtful behavior. I don't mean that you are accusing anyone of this; rather until you separate the pain you feel from the impact of others, you will feel trapped and controlled by their reactions. It's complicated. I advise therapy if it's accessible, but even knowing to look out for it will help. Admitting the words "I am in pain because I hate something about myself, and their reaction makes me aware of it" is a huge first step. Yes, spoken aloud.

-If you're breaking stim toys or wringing your hands, crushing things... You're freaking out and you need to go deal with whatever is bothering you. Your unconscious movements will register before the importance of the emotion itself will. I find my emotions are like my appetite, it's inconsistent when I will actually process them on a conscious level. Learning to watch my hands helped me realize when I was overwhelmed. It may be another cue for you.

-Go decompress when you're overwhelmed. You may still feel functional: you should not attempt to work through it. It will continue to haunt your processing until you go stare into the void over your water bottle and breathe for a while. I advise going home early too, if possible. Our emotions tire us more than we process.

-Try taking an ibuprofen or acetaminophen when you're starting to get physically tired or frazzled. Dopamine disregulation also prevents us from modulating background pain signals adequately, I notice I get achy.

-Exercise if you have the means and time. Especially if there's a facility at work/home/school so you don't have to convince yourself to go to a secondary location. Somatosensory and kinesthetic feedback good.

-If you take a break from something, go touch stuff and move around. Again, somatosensory feedback good. Walk around the block and touch bricks, etc.

-Use your scenery as a memory aid. Your workspace is your working memory, your HUD. I have told my coworkers not to move anything in my work area for this reason. Where I have left things and what is nearby reminds me what I was doing. Same principle as listing; all of it externally in front of you, digestible without worry of slipping your mind.

-In tandem with above: control clutter. Excess input that is no longer relevant will only confuse you. Old notes, etc. It's okay to throw things or memos out that you wanted to do but don't feel like you ever will.

-Your physical location and status ground you. Going to specific locations to get work done, or dressing specific ways for certain tasks helps link what you're doing now to the task later, and signal to your brain that you're in focus mode. I can't get shit done in pajamas. If I'm not dressed by 12pm, that day is gone.

-If you can't see it, it doesn't exist. Chores, clothes, etc. The best ways to store things are in plain sight. Clear bins, cubbies, etc. Again, your space is your brain. Sort items in places that are relevant to their use.

-If your space makes it hard to do chores, your brain will too. Arrange your furniture to the best of your ability in a way that facilitates easy movement and makes sense to you.

-Cut your losses sometimes. If you cannot finish the project you started that's taking up space in your room, you're not a bad person for throwing it out. Plants you can't save. Art you won't finish. Waste production is a societal problem, but you have to prioritize your mental health. Using disposable lysol wipes instead of rags that will add to laundry, etc. It's okay to need the time saving route.

-If you have the means, it is okay to spend extra for convenience. That's literally why the product exists. If it's more compact or automates something, it was built bc it will help people, especially you. Time IS money, or for us, tasks ARE spoons. Pay extra for delivery if you can't leave the house. I was raised very frugal and disposable anything was very hard to justify to myself, but sometimes it is just necessary to have something DONE and not need to clean or maintain things. You are rationing your energy, it is not laziness.

-ENCOURAGE YOUR BRAIN TO BE ITSELF. It will feel forced, especially if you've been masking hard for years. I had to direct myself to go touch flowers awkwardly or pick up bugs, and at first I didn't feel anything. I just reminded myself that the bug was cool and tried to look real hard at the details. Reminding myself I used to love this. And then at some point I wasn't pretending anymore, and I was sending pictures of jumping spiders to my colleagues like "look what I found outside!" That love some of us have for the present experience, the deep connection we have to our surroundings due to how much we rely on them for our processing... that is so valuable and such a source of joy. Fight for it. Fight your mask, fight the expectations people have for you to act a certain way, fight the notion that unbridled interest with and engagement with small details is "childish". It is not. The world is free dopamine. Grab heaping handfuls.

I may write up a followup for the fundamentals of organizational tutoring; it was what really carried my ass through college/uni and more people need access to it.

Anyway, I hope this helps someone. Not everyone's ADHD is like mine, and not all of this is universal, but maybe you and I have enough in common that my experience is valuable to you.

#adhd #mars #adhd tips #eating disorder content warning--not discussed but potentially triggering relationship with food for people in recovery #neurodivergence

18 notes · View notes

tayo-na · 10 months

Text

Project Updates~

Okay, so I have so many different projects going all at once right now because I was diagnosed with Cool Guy Syndrome, so now I take something similar to Adderall. Anyway! I’m going to split this into three groups: started, need to start, and planning to in the future.

Started:

The cross stitch I’ve been working for forever on for my Grandma. I’m so nearing the end, like, I can almost taste the finish line. Alls I have left to do is the opposite stitch for the sky part of it. Oh, and fill in the yellow roses. But there aren’t all that many of those, so essentially it’s just the sky I have to focus on.

Sanding down my night side table. The goal is to sand it and re-stain it because I’ve tried to do it before, but I had not the patience for it as a young teenager. It’s amazing how hard it is to change old habits, because I’m also finding the patience for this hard. However, I eventually want to take a stab at woodworking, so I need to develop the patience for it now.

I started a patch quilt with old sweatshirts from high school, an old set of winter pajamas (of which the fabric is quite fuzzy, so it’s flaking off everywhere it touches, unfortunately for me), and another old pair of plaid pajama pants. I had some smaller blocks of, like, that kind of felt fabric, the one you’d use to make those knotted blankets with. Sos I also trimmed those down, and added them to the bunch. The individual square sizes I’m making are 2″x2″, and I’m assuming when they’re all sewn together, an individual square will be 1.5″x1.5″ or 1.75″x1.75″. It all depends on how these shake out when I’m done cutting them up.

I started a crochet ombre dark blue beanie for one of my close friends, and I ideally would like to send it to her before October rolls around. I’m probably, like, 3/4 of the way done. I just get so bored sometimes with the monotony of the same thing over and over again, so doing the rounds to finish it off is killing me softly.

I had, a couple years ago, started a crochet blanket made with that Bernat fluffy yarn but I still have a ways a ways to go on it. The plan was to have it in three sections: off-white, this grey and like cream color, and then off-white again. But I still have yet to even get to the grey and cream color.

I also had, a couple years ago, started a scarf made of the smaller balls of yarn I had and couldn’t think of a use for. I have, since then, completely unraveled it and started from the top again due to yarn size discrepancies which made my scarf look like a wobbly river. I actually do like knitting, but I’ve only recently learned how to… purl? I’m not sure if that’s exactly the stitch I’m doing, but the way it comes out makes the piece ribbed when I do the backwards of the regular knit stitch. So I’ll take it.

Need to Start:

Embroidery of Gayle Waters-Waters from GAYLE. It’s a miniseries on YouTube done by Chris Fleming. The episodes last no longer than ten minutes, and are usually below that anyways. I want to do an embroidery of Gayle’s Iconic Expression with the phrase “What Would Gayle Waters-Waters Do?” around it. It’s a very insanely belated Christmas gift for one of my IRL best friends, and is now also a belated birthday gift for her.

Cross-stitch for one of my other IRL best friends. A similar gift situation as above. She was a psych major before she graduated, and also took a horseback riding course in her penultimate semester. My idea is to have a pillow that says “Only Freudian horsegirls get it.” And in the negative space have a pair of horseshoes and a tobacco pipe there. She’ll hate it, and I can’t wait!

Another birthday embroidery gift for an IRL friend, but his birthday has yet to pass. He unfortunately shares a birthday with a notorious date in September, so my goal is to finish it before then. I call him “Thornbird”, so I’ve got an idea regarding a sort-of blobby Loggerhead Shrike sitting on a branch. Under the branch is a thistle flower, and crawling up the sides are thistle leaves. His favorite plant and a bird, just like my Grandma’s gift, lmao.

I promised my family socks this past Christmas. My goal is to also get them done before October so we can have a chance to enjoy them, potentially. I have super cute sock yarn for them and everything.

Planning to Start:

About a year ago, while I was moving from one state to another, I had taken apart one of my old dresses that I had gotten from Old Navy God knows how long ago. My idea was to make it a two-piece set. The top is a crop top and the bottom stays a skirt. I plan on using denim as the hem for the crop top and the waist for the skirt. It’s rather ambitious for me, since the most I’ve done regarding clothes is patching holes and light embroidery. But I’m determined to do it because I did love that dress a lot.

I had a set of penguin pajamas when I was a teenager that I no longer fit into, but I love the pattern so much. So, I want to turn it into a skirt. This one is the really ambitious idea because it involves pleats, pockets, and the pleats are ideally two-toned, with the outside facing bit the penguins, and the inside is this dark blue with small white dots cotton that I don’t even remember where I picked it up from. But I think it’d be super cute if I can manage to figure it out. I’m planning on doing a mock-up of it for Reginald, the bunny I made at Build-a-Bear on a whim because I saw that there were DC costumes for the stuffed animals. I originally wanted him to wear the Flash’s outfit, but the store I went to didn’t have it, so I substituted for Batman. Long tangent, but I’ll probably do a little one with spare fabric to see how it’d work and if I’d be able to actually pull it off. It’d sure be cool if I could.

I feel like there are other things I want to do/am currently doing, but my brain is tired. And given that it’s almost five in the morning, I’m not overly surprised. But yeah! These are the current works for me right now :D

#jaem.project updates #jaem.txt

2 notes · View notes

power-chords · 1 year

Note

heat 2 really did make hanna so much more fucked-up that i had imagined, lol. i didn't personally read that line as implying that he was one of the soldiers turned war criminals, but - on a similarly ambiguous note - am i crazy, or was the subtext that he'd been getting high off of lauren's adderall prescription? it took a reread before i realized that mann didn't actually state it outright. justine completely cutting contact makes a lot more sense when viewed from that perspective, imo.

Heat Anon, my beloved! Yeah, what a trip, right? For me, in a good way. Because the only thing I love more than getting my suspicions confirmed by canon is a horrible little man who is even more horrible than I originally anticipated. I love an impulsive, thrill-seeking sensation-junkie! Things Hanna does in Heat 2 that made me clap my hands like a toddler: constantly abuse drugs, fuck hookers, parade himself naked in front of a window (I thought this was SO funny), have public sex with graduate students, physically abuse multiple CIs, murder suspected criminals, turn his headlights off at night and floor the accelerator JUST TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS,,,

Re: the war crimes, I don’t know what that line is implying, but the ambiguity is anxiety-provoking: Until he crashed. In the down, some men looked around for what they could kill. I don’t think Hanna was necessarily murdering civilians, to be clear – both the film and the novel tell us that he values innocent life – but the book also makes a point to show us that he has no problem killing in a righteous rage if he thinks the target is deserving. Something went down in Vietnam that is being tiptoed around, vaguely alluded to, and maybe it’s a Heat 3 or Heat 4 disclosure as far as the specifics are concerned, or maybe we’ll simply never know. But there’s too much that traces back there, there are SO many direct and significant references suggesting that Hanna’s whole pathology descends from war, that his behavior as a police lieutenant is almost like a complication of it, a construction through which he can sublimate it. The fact that the visual dream template of the dead bodies seated around the dining table originates in Huế! What a bombshell. Even minor details are sprinkled in there liberally, like when he gets pissed off at people and is clearly imagining lining up a shot when he looks at them. Getting distracted by flashing lights and car alarms. Why, when Hanna protests about Baumann’s corrupt bureaucracy getting in his way, does Baumann immediately follow up with a remark about the Marines:

Something’s up, man! Something’s up. We’ve got scattered breadcrumbs aplenty.

As for the Adderall thing, I hadn’t considered that, but it’s a possibility. My personal reading is that Lauren has had some kind of drug problem, similar to Hanna’s, and Justine’s concerned that he’s too dangerous of an influence. Showing up clearly strung out, his fuse getting shorter and shorter, who knows. Clearly his indiscretions have gotten worse and more obvious since he killed his soulmate Neil.

There’s a brief scene in the film where Hanna is on patrol with Drucker and they pass Lauren sitting alone at a bus station after school, so he asks her what’s up, if her mom forgot to come get her. And she says no, that she “just wanted to be alone.” Alone on the street, instead of at home with her family. And a look crosses his face, and nothing is ever verbalized, but to me the subtext is pretty haunting: a part of him is rubbing off on her.

P.S. I don’t know if you’ve seen the original scripted scene for what goes down at the hotel in the bathroom, but it is DARK. Somehow even darker than Lauren’s attempted suicide, which is what ultimately made it into the final story. I think about that + the above scene at the bus station all the time, how understated it is but at the same time the level of dysfunction that is being hinted at.

#heat (1995)#heat #vincent hanna #lauren gustafson #michael mann

10 notes · View notes

violetfoxviolarose · 2 years

Text

N.E.R.D.S Headcanons - High School Years

I thought I'd have some fun brainstorming ideas for what the NERDS are like during high school. They're pretty much all headcanons so don't take any of it too seriously (not that anyone will).

I think it's fun to picture what the group will look like once they enter high school, and to see how they've grown mentally, physically, and emotionally. I don't see enough content of them past middle school, which is a shame cause there's some really cool ideas to explore and dynamics that exist.

Well, here they are, in no particular order:

Jackson got his braces off in 9th grade, having mostly finished his orthodontic treatment. He now wears wire retainers 24/7 except when eating. His upgrades still work with his retainers. Heathcliff also got minor work done, and now has two (regular-sized) false front teeth.

Duncan got a lot taller (but he's still the shortest of the group, about 5'6"). Ruby and Flinch tie for the tallest, both standing at 6'1"

Flinch ended up getting diagnosed with ADHD. Whatever energy was left in him after the Adderall he started channeling into weight lifting, and he now has muscle mass to rival Matilda.

Matilda chopped off her bob and now rocks a short, faded boy cut. Ruby learned how to tame her 3b curly hair (after shaving most of it off in the 8th grade) and now wears it down in a chin-length bob except while doing tactical or field work.

Jackson accidentally came out as bi during a mission assignment. He's named a few guys he'd "totally date" if he weren't in a committed relationship with Mindy.

Heathcliff joined an esports league at their high school, and plays Dota, Smash Bros, Team Fortress 2, and StarCraft on said team. He brags about being the best Smash Bros. player on the team to the other members of NERDS (Duncan can totally wipe the floor with him, but won't tell Heathcliff that).

Ruby and Matilda both underwent clinical trials for their allergies and asthma, respectfully. Ruby underwent 3 years of prophylaxis and immunotherapy and is no longer significantly allergic to pollen, dust, mold, pet dander, dairy, eggs, shellfish, insect stings, and latex, and is still receiving immunotherapy. Her superallergies are less severe but still present, and they will be until her upgrades are removed. Matilda wasn't as lucky, but did get herself a fancy new set of inhalers that deliver long-term medication that lessens the time between asthma attacks with more consistency.

Upon being able to consume dairy for the first time, Ruby found out she was also lactose intolerant. She's still annoyed about it to this day.

Flinch ran track for one year, during freshman year. Brand and Deprankova made him stop after one year to avoid giving away his upgrades.

Duncan joined the robotics team and has led their high school's team to State Finals every year he's been on the team.

Matilda never fully got back into cheerleading, but she did end up in a long-term relationship with a girl on the varsity squad.

Heathcliff and Ruby ended up taking a bunch of AP courses together (because of course both of them are overachievers). Ruby can handle it better than Heathcliff can, so they often end up studying together.

Heathcliff had a brief stint as a saxophonist in the marching band (the time demand between it and NERDS work was too much), and Ruby joined the string orchestra. She started out as a violinist but was convinced by the director to be one of two harp players in the ensemble.

Jackson is thinking about majoring in psychology in college.

Heathcliff never did get any nanotech upgrades again. He remained on the team as reconnaissance, and can still hold his own in combat. His current code name is Eight-Eyes.

Ruby and Matilda dated for a month in middle school. They both agreed they should just stay friends.

Flinch suddenly became a "ladies man" upon entering high school. He's gotten in trouble for bringing girlfriends down to the Playground (luckily the mind-wiping tech has improved since the elementary school days).

Because of Mindy's intensive work, she does online schooling mostly. She wants to work for the FBI or the CIA, but barring that, she'd be okay with being a pilot.

Oh yeah, she's okay with being called Mindy again, but only by Jackson. She mostly goes by her middle name (Elle) or her code name (still the Hyena) elsewhere.

Heathcliff has a huge crush on Ruby. Like, huge huge.

Ruby likes him back but is uncertain about romance in general, just due to her being an emotionally closed person.

Both can tell the other likes them back, but neither of them say anything about it.

They're huge dorks that are totally in love.

Matilda and Duncan started dating but quickly realized they were gay and asexual, respectfully.

Mindy and Jackson are planning their wedding. They insist it's a joke but no one believes them.

Ruby got into skirts, and wears them pretty often, except on missions.

Jackson never ended up going back to football. He did, however, try out for the school musical. He can't sing too great, so he ended up as an extra. He still gets teased about it to this day.

Mindy forces Ruby and Matilda to go on shopping sprees on her dime whenever she's off-duty.

Flinch brought an uncertain Duncan and Matilda to a punk show. Duncan and Flinch are now into the genre, and Matilda went a little too hard in the mosh pit and got thrown out of the venue. She's probably the biggest punk fan and also likes metal and other alt genres (but has since become a much better, more polite mosher).

Ruby likes eyeliner but is horrible at it (and also has a bit of hard time finding hypoallergenic makeup). Her goth friend usually does it for her.

Matilda got a tattoo on her wrist by lying about her age. She plans on getting more as soon as she turns 18.

Jackson dyed his hair blue for fun one time. Everyone made him promise to never go blue again.

Heathcliff's hair grew out into a messy red mop. He refuses to go back to a short style.

All the NERDS try to hang out outside of missions and school. Usually it's study sessions/sleepovers.

They went to homecoming together each year, usually urged on by Jackson, Flinch, and Ms. Deprankova. One year they all wore suits (except for Jackson, who rocked one of Mindy's dresses), another they went in pajamas.

Ruby and Heathcliff definitely slow-danced at homecoming, but made sure none of the other NERDS found out. Mindy and Jackson also slow danced but were super-obvious and carefree about it.

All of them want to go to (different) universities, except for Matilda, who wants to either enter the pro wrestling sphere or become a welder, and Mindy, who plans to either enter flight school or FBI training. The only planned non-STEM major in the group is Flinch, who wants to become an educator. Heathcliff is considering medical school.

They plan to keep in touch after high school, as they all have very deep bonds with one another, and care too much to let everything go after they leave NERDS as active agents.

That's about all I've got for that. Feel free to use these and tell me your own, I think it's cool when people share headcanons (and also I want more NERDS content).

#N.E.R.D.S #n.e.r.d.s #headcanon #duncan dewey #julio escala #ruby peet #heathcliff hodges #jackson jones #matilda choi #the hyena #mindy beauchamp #headcanons #high school headcanons #nerds headcanons

14 notes · View notes

dead-dove-doesnt-eat · 1 year

Text

Do you have an active ED and an attention disorder?

Let me put you on something (medication) (it sucks)

Like many people with ADHD or ADD, I’ve been on adderall, Dexedrine, Ritilin, focalin, you name it. Here’s he one that worked for me

I started Vyvanse about 2 ish years ago when I was 17, and it has WAY way way more cons than pros, but the pros pay off and It’s what works for me. And while it might not work for everyone, I figured I’d share what I know

Disclaimer: this is an over the counter prescription drug. I am not encouraging getting this drug illegally or using it recreationally but also idc what you do

CONS (based on my personal experience an limited research)

Because It’s a known appetite suppressant, you may have a hard time getting it if you are already underweight or have ED anywhere in your records.

Random panic. I can just be sitting there and get shaky and can feel my heartbeat super fast, and overall I just sweat more when I’m on it.

I focus on whatever I’m doing. Not just school or work. I have a midterm due next week that I haven’t started, and I’m doing research for this post instead. This happens most of the time

I scratch myself till i bleed, and I pick at every imperfection on my face and body and scalp for hours on end without breaking concentration.

When I first started taking it I got panic attacks pretty often, but that went away as I got used to it. But it doesn’t go away if you aren’t consistent with taking it every day.

It gave me a couple of motor tics, which mostly faded away after about a year and a half of taking it.

I know the point of reading this for most people is to suppress appetite, but sometimes I just don’t notice that I haven’t eaten for a long time, and I get super super hangry without actually feeling hungry, so I just get frustrated.

Unlike other adhd medications that are more “take it when you need it” It has to be taken every morning to work best

You can’t sleep when it’s active. Its designed to keep you alert and focused for about 12 hours, but in my experience it fully wears off about 15 or 16 hours in. If I forget to take it in the morning I skip it for that day otherwise I won’t be able to fall asleep until the wee hours of the morning, and will be tossing and turning all night

^Seriously. Idc how sleepy of a person you think you are, it fucks up your sleep. Other people who take vyvanse have expressed this as well

It changes your personality. It changes who you like, how you think, how you act, and how you feel. It numbs me out big time

I had to get used to actively remembering to drink water

But also your mouth is always dry

I grind my teeth a ton and started biting my nails again

Random depression

I swear I’m like 70% less funny and socially aware when I take it

Everything around me is serious and I have a generally less fun than when I’m on it

PROS

Many doctors prefer it over adderall since it’s not as well known, isn’t a good high, and doesn’t have as much of a risk of being sold and abused

I can actually fucking focus when I take it it’s crazy

It’s used for treating binge eating disorder

Unlike other focus meds, it lasts all day. It’s working during class, it’s working at the gym, and it’s still working just as well at the end of the day so I can do my homework.

It just makes you flat out, not hungry all day

Like I don’t even think about food

Makes you less impulsive

I’m never bored when I take it. Idk if that makes sense but I used to get bored of video games and drawing and stuff and now I just don’t

It makes me motivated to do stuff idk

Gave me lots of pent up energy I used for working out

It gives you laser eyes and all the cool kids do it

Anyways that’s just my personal experience with it, if you have anything to add from being on it or something similar PLEASE do so

it’s cool and evil, and I love/hate it a lot.

#tw restriction #anamia #low cal restriction #tw anamia #ana #pro recovery #active ED

4 notes · View notes

eraserdude6226 · 2 years

Photo

IMHO, there are a few reasons that no one wants to join and I'll share a few.

1) One of the reasons is that the military used to be a "service" where you served your country. In today's politically woke day and age and the military's push to get rid of anyone who does not think, eat, sleep, shit, shower, and shave wokeness is making people rethink the decision because they wonder if they'll get to serve the country or serve a political master.

2) Physical fitness standards of the general public have declined so much that they do not physically meet the requirements to join.

3) I have friends who are still in the recruiting end of the business and I am being told that a lot of people are being automatically declined due to psychotropic drugs that they are prescribed in high school for any number of reasons. Remember - Adderall is an automatic denial unless you have been off of it for a certain amount of time (Usually a year) as are most anti-depressants.

Sad to say, but I don't see this getting any better in the future. Maybe it's part of the great reset to make our nation unable to defend itself because if the military cannot do it and the general population is disarmed, then there is no one!!

3 notes · View notes

greydiminishing · 4 months

Text

*i wrote this journal entry last week on the 14th and never posted oops

Hanging out with a friend tomorrow and im nervous. i dont even know why, I love this friend. I think because its just gonna be us two, so it'll be one on one. And we dont really hang out often. When we do, its either in a group or with another mutual friend.

I usually feel really awkward in one on one interactions, i'm much better in groups. Theres less pressure to keep the conversation going if youre in a group.

Still, I get anxiety before hanging out with anyone, one on one AND groups. The anxiety only lasts the days/hours prior to the event, then we meet up and im fine, excited to be with my friend/s, end up having a great time and go hope thinking "omg i love my friends so much <3"

But sometimes the pre-event anxiety is too much for me to juggle with everything else I have going on and I have to decline an invitation, this always feels really bad. Especially if I dont have a good excuse. I know my friends would understand if i told them "Im struggling with being social and I need more time until im ready to hang out again", but i just say "Sorry im busy that day".

But I have FOREVER wanted to be surrounded by friends, talking and joking around. even online in a group chat. I have journal entries from when I was 13, longing for some type of close friendship/s.

I had a close friend group in high school, which felt really good, but it dissipated. In my first year of college (2019), I had a project group that ended up turning into a friend group, but that dissipated within the year too. I haven't really made any new friends since and it'll be 2024 in like 2 weeks.

I WANT friends, I WANT to hang out with people, and i enjoy doing it, so why don't I?? All I do is sit in my room on my laptop. Even at school. I wake up, go to class, come home and sit on my laptop. Go to next class, come home and sit on my laptop. Go to cheer practice, come home and sit on my laptop until i go to bed. I did that EVERY DAY. And it was so comfortable, but i was sad about it. I feel like i wasted so much of my life and my youth away like this.

This train of thought was also partially spurred on by Nana, which im currently watching. Theyre all the same age as me, and their lives are so rich. They hang out and eat together and have band practice every day and go to concerts. I crave that life but my anxiety is keeping me from it.

Right now, since I've taken my adderall (and probably somewhat fueled by watching Nana), I feel way less anxiety about tomorrow and more excited. And about socializing/social events in general.

Talking to people isnt scary, its fun and the anxiety is trying to trick me.

Im gonna make so many friends and hang out all tha time !

#journal #personal

0 notes

psychedelicmadness666 · 6 months

Text

The Long Lost Love of a Friend from School (Part 1)

I liked this girl at school. It was January 2, 2018, the first day we met. It was English class and she was annoying at first. I'll admit but she grew on me. I liked her after me and her started talking. We were desk partners at the time. When we would get bored in class, she would start to draw on my notebook and I still have them to this day. Although sadly, I no longer want to associate with her and her games anymore. It was a good memento of the good times with her. I remember she would always make me feel safe and secure. It was pure natural blissful euphoria being around her. I would love to make her smile by saying the most stupidest shit ever. I was working at McDonalds and she was working at Taco Bell. I remember her birthday and kept it as my password for my iPhone. She would remember mine too as we both had close birthdays. I was 4 days older than her. I thought she was very beautiful and the most gorgeous eyes I have ever seen, it was green. I loved her long hair and her bubbly personality. She was very extroverted and had a lot of friends. And then there was me, the most isolated, shy, but outgoing when you get to really know me. She laughed at my dumb edgy jokes. She would always yell my name when she would see me and get me a big hug :) I miss that and I even tear up thinking about it sometimes. She meant everything to me. Me and her would always walk home together and talk about our lives. I remember her telling about her friends and family. I even remember at one point holding her hand at one point. It was a brief second though. I even threw up in front of her and she was ok with it :D hahaha. It was pretty funny. I was walking with her and I had a lot of soda to drink. One day, I was thinking about giving her chocolates and flowers for Valentines Day but the sad part was she wasn't there in class. I was devastated and heartbroken. I wanted to make her happy. And until this day I still am heartbroken from that. I still think about her and what would have happen if she was there. My mental health started to decline. I started to get delusional and got more anxiety. I thought I was ugly and deserved nothing. My "friends" bullied me for being a pussy and not asking her out and kept forcing me to ask her out. They wouldn't fuck off. I hate them so much for that. We were still desk buddies when the others traded seats. The teacher even enjoyed as being together. We hang out a couple of times and had a Snapchat streak. There would be times where I would be upset with her because she basically told me to go away because she was frustrated with something. I was sad, went home, and cried. She later then apologized. I accepted her apology. I remember bringing her a chicken and she was scared of it haha. I loved her cute little scream. I hang out with her again the following week and it was midnight and we were playing fucking Mario Kart 8. I should have been honest with my feelings with her from then and there. After that day, we hang out. We started to drift apart. My anxiety spiked like fucking hell. I was terrified of speaking to her and as because I thought I was a piece of shit retard that deserved to die. I was going through sexual trauma at my job. Some woman in her 30s was molesting me multiple times. She would grope me and try to tickle me when I didn't want to be touched. I hate that FUCKING feeling and hate that woman for it and I hope she burns in Hell. So, I would get nervous to all high Hell talking to her to the point where I would want to vomit. I avoided her at all costs, only to make things worse. It was basically my fault. I hate myself for it and since then I hate myself for it now. I think about suicide every day because of it. The emotions were so strong. I started to abuse drugs just so I can forget about her. LSD, weed, alcohol, Adderall, etc. It just broke my heart that I couldn't take to her anymore because of my anxiety towards her. I thought she hated me and no matter what she says about me, I still feel like a loser to her and that I have no value meaning to her.

0 notes

charming-onion · 1 year

Text

Sometimes I get real sad and wish that my parents actually parented.

I remember my mom laying in bed and telling me to stay home with her. This was throughout elementary through high school. I would help her wake up by getting 1 caffinee pill, 2 effexors, and 2 Adderall tablets and a toast and water bottle. I was the alarm , i would turn the light on and the tv on and grab the blankets away from my mom . She would never ever wake up to her alarms.

We went to court and they were fined so many times because we missed so much school.

Ive always been my mom's mom. I'm 26. Married and I'm still her mom-- providing life advice and showing her how to pay bills.

I don't know how to get out of this mentality--how can I distance myself I feel I'm so enmeshed with her whole perosn. But it's really hard bc my mom tells me how much she love sme and needs me. I'm stuck and I feel like I can't detach myself form her.

If yall met my mom-- she's literally in lalala land and is always so doped up but happy.

This is so frustrating. I'm angry but I feel like I can't be angry bc she's not hurting us just herself.

0 notes

psychokangaroo · 1 year

Note

How many MDs do you think are suicidal? It’s depressing and scary that the people we need to be healthy the most are suffering so much. I think this is the main reason I never continued my mcat studying bc i felt that my mental illness would get worse in medical school. & that I’m afraid i’ll kms at some point during residency :\ Are you currently taking anything to help? A little demon in the back of my head tells me “Anon ur taking zoloft & wellbutrin & adderall, you’ll be FINE!” but then a part of me feels I shouldnt risk it and stay away from the unnecessary stress… idk anymore

So at some point I'm going to add a bit more commentary about suicide medicine to this but the short version is that I'm doing fine, actually. I was just in a weird mood after a swing shift in thr ER so I was reminiscing some stuff at night. The stuff I mentioned happened 3-4 years ago, while I was still processing the unintentional emotional abuse from my parents, who are trying their best as immigrants, and dealing with PTSD and a somewhat toxic grad school environment. The stuff that happened actually were part of why I became a psychiatrist. I went through 2 weeks of a partial hospitalization program another 3-4 weeks of intensive outpatient afterwards. At some point I was on 2 antidepressants and an adhd med with some antidepressant propertoes and an as needed for sleep and panic attack along with weekly therapy, but I'm okay now on just one SSRI, occasional ginseng, and no therapy. Med school and a career in medicine us a high stress environment, but people do make it through sometimes mostly with their sanity intact. One thing I'd recommend is really think about why yoi want to go to medicine, how much you like the alternative career paths, and how much you are willing to put up for it.

(More stuff on the environment and physician suicide later because I'm drinking to celebrate finishing emergency medicine and readying my sanity to deal with tye neurology department at my hospital again)

1 note · View note

soberfuckingfinally · 2 years

Text

5/15/22

Days sober: 0

So yeah my name is [REDACTED] because I’m on probation for DUI and physical control. I starting getting high when I was 17 and everything was downhill from there. I started tripping on cough medicine and Benadryl to get high in highschool and then adderall and then weed and alcohol. These are all things I had a real problem with. Graduate high school thanks to adderall. Abusing substances and becoming more and more depressed during my time in community college. I dropped out my second semester and I kinda went crazy. Was put in the psych hospital twice and was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Then I tried harder drugs opiates stims benzos, doing dangerous shit like combining alcohol with different stuff. Then I developed a problem with huffing air duster and abusing kratom. I ended up in the psych hospital and was charged with physical control and put on probation for sitting in my car in a parking lot huffing. Almost a year later I was drunk and arguing with my bf and got in the car to drive away and crashed into some trees and went to jail for probation violation and lost my car and license. Totally could have caused an accident and really hurt or killed people and myself. Got out of jail and had to move back home with my parents because I lost my job car and couldn’t drive. Couldn’t get an apartment because government housing applications were denied because of my record. Been using drugs and alcohol to cope for the last several months and just deteriorating. If I don’t do something now it’s going to ruin my life even further. Substances have been controlling me for the last almost 6 years of my life. I was in court-ordered IOP for almost 2 months and was secretly using cough syrup and alcohol. Drugs and alcohol make me unstable, impair my judgement, worsen my BPD symptoms, and cause me to lie to and mistreat the people around me.

Last night at like 3am I was drinking and smoking a blunt. Today I woke up and hit the bong. Tomorrow I won’t use any substances. The next day I won’t use any substances. I’ll use my DBT skills and coping skills to manage cravings. I’ll use my DBT skills to help repair my relationship with my boyfriend and handle disagreements lovingly and respectfully. I want to be able to communicate and be honest and vulnerable and patient and understanding. I love him so much and he deserves so much better. I will start spending more time with my parents and repairing my relationships with them as well as my brothers and friends. I will continue to take my medication and make my therapy appointments and maybe go to AA or NA. Anyways that’s my spiel. Just wanted to make a post explaining my situation a little bit and motivating myself to have some accountability and see how drugs and alcohol are ruining my life and have been for a long time. You can judge me, I’d probably judge me too. I’ve done some pretty horrible things under the influence of drugs and alcohol. I’m determined to be sober for myself and the people around me.

#sobriety #sober #addiction #substance use disorder #bpd #actually bpd #wellness #dbt #mental illness

0 notes

hellbabyfromhell · 3 years

Text

which house md characters would: smoke weed / freak out on weed / sell you weed in high school (current day)

wilson:

smoke: NO!

freak out: absolutely. He will make you check his heart rate 3 times and insist he was paralyzed or in hell. never ever invite him to the sesh. he does not want to come! even

sell you weed in high school: no. if anything he was probably being ripped off if he bought any at all. in fact he was probably sold just a leaf off a normal tree and believed the seller

house:

smoke: yes and every drug and he carefully charts and logs his experiences for erowid

freak out: No. It doesn’t affect him. Nothing helps his leg pain. alt answer sometimes and he carefully charts and logs his experiences for erowid

sell you weed in high school: i feel like he maybe would have a school shooter vibe so idk if anyone would hang out with him but he’d find a way to make fake weed. or he’d maybe sell Primo Dark Net weed to fellow nerds but he’d sell like something wrong to popular kids on purpose and make them hallucinate. real school shooter vibe

cameron:

smoke: never until college… but in college…🤪

freak out: no freakouts, yes mistakes. 😔

sell you weed in high school: n/a she was studying and perhaps even homeschooled. or at like an indigo children school. she weaved baskets

chase:

smokes: socially, only while drinking, and he never matches

freak out: no he’s too drunk

sell you weed in high school: yes but he requires you to meet him at the park 2 blocks from his house because if his parents catch him doing this again he’s going to be in so much trouble and last time his dad made him go to the police station and tell them he smoked weed plus he’ll get kicked out of the foreign exchange program. and he’ll act angry at you for buying because of this.

kutner:

smoke: fuck yea 😎

freak out: never 😎 i think the closest he’d get is he’d eat way too many edibles and watch a nature documentary and see a seashell that was too detailed and he’d turn the tv off and be like “i need to go to bed.”

sell weed to you in high school: yes and will sell many things but if its anything other than weed it is definitely untrustworthy. like not bc he’s a bad person but he will buy fake acid accidentally.

cuddy:

smoke: a LOT, then she stopped a little for work to be an adult. But she smokes.

freak out: infrequent. shes usually helping someone else calm down

sell you weed in high school: she had like rich parents and probably could get anything and would sell it to you.

amber:

smoke: only if theres some kind of societal gain probably. You’ve gotta play the game to win.

freak out: yes. gets paranoid but has a stiff upper lip. Youve gotta play the game. or she has strange impulsive thoughts. shes sitting at the sesh and shes staring at chase like “if i wanted i could get my strawberry chapstick in my bag and just rub it on him and he would like, die” and externally shes just like 👁 👁 at you across the room

sell you weed in high school: no but she was watching school adderall sales like it was the stock market

foreman:

smoke: yeah sometimes. and he will act like fucking mr. weed expert

freak out: he’ll tell you he never does but hes lying. ego death every night. jk but. contemplating his entire life. Inner turmoil.

sell you weed in high school: he will but itll be weighed light and he’ll make you smoke half of it at his house 🙄

thirteen:

smoke: only when she drinks (so yes)

freak out: yes but silently. 🖤

sell you weed in high school: yes and she’d be on some orange is the new black shit

taub:

smoke: not really. he’s an adult. even when he was a teen he was an an adult. Like he had a pocket protector. maybe he would smoke weed during a mid life crisis but it’d be less about the weed and more about the crisis

freak out: not in the traditional sense but he’d ask you if he was high or looks high about a thousand times

sell you weed in high school: he was in the chess club and they were really busy

#house md #such a huge post

148 notes · View notes

sewercentipede · 2 years

Note

on ur meth ask someone mentioned adderall and im prescribed both ritilan and adderall. the pharmacy always gives me weird looks when im getting my methylphenidate and d-amphetamine lmao

yes it seems the days of addy prescriptions being thrown like candy at patients are long over and now everyone filling their script gets the side eye almost (tho not quite) as bad as the reaction one gets when filling an opi script, just bc it’s a controlled substance (if ur in the USA adderall/amphetamine, Ritalin/methylphenidate and meth are all schedule 2 drugs). god forbid i take the pills a professional prescribed me. but 9/10 doctors, pharm techs & pharmacists r always suspicious ur exhibiting signs of “drug seeking behavior” bc to them ~upstanding~ humans shouldn’t need drugs of that nature to function, so they must be irresponsible, untrustworthy, and trying to connive the pharmacy into facilitating their high or their drug dealing scheme.

nvm that not so long ago those same doctors and pharmacists owed their degrees and therefor careers entirely to the stims that disappeared up their noses while in school for many years (particularly cocaine). but it’s ok because that was a sacrifice made for the betterment of society: adding another money-hungry narcissist to the league of other money-hungry narcissists universities and institutions deemed fit to task with the healing of communities. To be fair to the (doctor-specific) narcissists, they get money from recommending specific brands of drugs, while pharmacists (I believe) don’t. how could doc resist. (I know one doctor who refuses to do this so I will concede they’re not all bad)

to be fair on the pharmacists I think they have in general a contentious nature with doctors (see previous paragraph) and want to make sure this prescription is legitimately needed, which is why they sometimes bug the hell out of doctors, but I think also they carry the same prejudice of “drug seeker trying to pull wool over my eyes”. And while that’s clearly discrimination and bullshit I get that it might just be necessary precaution/procedure on the pharmacists part because it is a controlled substance being refilled. however I literally never had problem when I was on them (addy/addy xr, vyvanse, methylphenidate) for almost a decade. could be the area u live in. Which might point more toward either shitty doctor, or low income area :-/

(As for pharmacy techs, theyre either just straight edge and drink the “drugs r bad mkay” koolaid plus theyre too cool to need meds, orrr they’re bitter bc they get drug tested and have to handle the sexy drugs but can’t steal them (that’d be me). or maybe they’re college students and only know adderall from pharmtech school (which I imagine doesn’t paint it in the best light) or know about the finals week general rush for adderall and think u conned ur way into getting some to deal it and ur a bad boy drug dealer n a liar to the doctor and pharmacist and pharmacy tech bad bad boy)

Sorry I edited this like 45 times for 45 mins n kept deleting or rewriting the edits and each time it seemed to become more and more tangential and nonsensical so I’m gonna stop. nvm I kept editing sorry but it’s ok cuz I deleted the part where I got on a really weird nonsense tangent but then I edited it to a diff weird bs tangent so fuck it I’m done for real now sorry I am twacked

#long post #twacked

12 notes · View notes