#I post previews because I find it motivating

[jessfandrawer]

New Comic Preview

Heya Hellcheer Squad, this one's for you ;)

In this post from a while back, I mentioned that I had a story idea to go with the art. This is that story! With a planned 12 pages in 3 parts, it's a doozy. It's kind of kicking my butt right now honestly. Will it come out quickly? No. Will it have my cleanest, most consistent, best looking drawings of all time? No. Will you enjoy it? I have no idea. But it will be done!

[Lyrics referenced from Bette Davis Eyes by Kim Carnes]

#my art #fanart #hellcheer #eddissy #eddie x chrissy #chrissy x eddie #fan comic #square dance hell #I post previews because I find it motivating #and I really want to get this one off my plate #it has been SLOW GOING #so yeah #patience and perseverance is key

[thedivinershiddenarchive]

thinking of: vampire!hunter childe who gets attached with vampire!reader ever since he met her but his obsession only worsens when someone tries to take her away from him.

cw. fem!reader, blood (svcking), yandere!childe, implied br33ding k1nk, possesiveness, semi-public s3x, s0mn0philia, dvb-c0n, implied historical au

a/n. don't mind me writing this after my wuthering waves mass post, the preview was so good. Bailian, Female Rover, Male Rover, my beloveds were so fine there. Anw childe time

masterlist | tag system | 17- & MASC-ALIGNED PLEASE DNI! THIS IS ONLY FOR FEMALE AUDIENCES.

BY PROCEEDING WITH THIS POST, YOU HAVE READ THE WARNINGS STATED ABOVE AND CONSENT TO VIEW AND CONSUME THE CONTENT.

Vampire Hunter!Childe who still bloodlusts in killing vampires except for you. Hell, he leans more in lust than bloodlust. He's obsessed with the way you bare your fangs at him. (I guess one is more into bloodlust while the other is just plain old lust)

He didn't want you to leave his side after he met you when he was eighteen, the two of you were inseperable! (more like you couldn't escape from him.)

Childe would give you whatever you wanted, the tastiest blood you'll drink (don't ask him where he got it though), the most comfortable dresses or corsets you could ever wear, the finest bedding for you to sleep in during the day as well as a big enough umbrella to cover your body so you wouldn't burn. Of course, he's not dumb enough to just give you an umbrella. He gave you lots of layers of clothing so you wouldn't burn when the umbrella would fly away from the harsh wind.

You wouldn't have to worry about that when he has you pinned to the wall of the darkest alleyway he can find, smashing his lips to yours, smirking at the sudden taste of iron in his mouth as he deepens the makeout. When you bite his bottom lip until it bleeds, you almost sound like a moan. He'll have your skirt bunching up as he teases your clothed lower region with his hand.

This guy thrives off pain with pleasure, it's basically the ultimate combo. Childe would get off to you simply sucking any part of his bodypart, his lips, neck, maybe even in that one lower region he loves so much. He doesn't want you to be too gentle with him but he doesn't want to die from blood loss either.

Usually you'll get tied up when it came to these occassions because you get out of hand when meeting lust and bloodlust altogether. Though he admits it looks so hot on you. Now he really didn't regret showing mercy on you when his family tried to execute you. Saying how you'll kill him, in which you literally and figuratively will. But it'll be worth it in the end.

Childe would keep you inside most of the time because people would come after you. Though he has other motivations other than that. You'd often catch other people's eye, especially to another family he was associated with. He doesn't like the simple glint of their son's eyes when he stares at you simply walking by. Who does he think he is trying to get interested on you? Doesn't he know that you're his? He wouldn't even take care of you like he does!

Out of jealousy from how much the son was trying to make moves on you, he tied you up while you were napping, ravaging your body and preparing it for him to enter his cock inside of you.

He'd start slow but gets impatient, biting your neck softly that you instinctively woke up with your sharp nails threatening to cut his neck off until you realize it was jut the ginger trying to fuck you in your sleep. You growled and pulled his hair so he could face you, his stupid grin shining in the dark as he moans when the two of your lips connect, the red liquid dripping onto your white shirt as the both of your legs tangle with each other.

Childe's breathing labored, grinding his hips until he bottomed out, pulling it out before slamming it back in. He saw how hungry you were from your eyes alone, the man just remembered that he (intentionally) forgot to feed you your daily dosage of blood. Childe just nods, throwing his hair to the side so his neck would be visible enough for your fangs to bite into.

Shit, he groaned at the feeling at first but slowly got used to it. Your face was flused against his neck as he kept up with his thrusts, his hand massaging your sides before gripping them, knowing very well it would leave a mark.

He couldn't stop himself, the feeling of you squeezing his cock while drinking his blood from his neck was painfully pleasurable. Oh he could do this all day, he couldn't stop making those pitched and loud sounds, he was sure the maids or butlers would've heard it right about now.

Ajax was doing such a good job in hitting all your right spots too, gosh he was good with his fingers playing with your cunt as he rails you roughly that the bed starts moving with him. He talks about how much it angers him seeing you with someone else, how you could've ignored the son's advances on you. Just the mere idea of seeing you with someone else made him go harder on you, practically moaning into his skin as you pulled away, watching how the blood quickly dripped onto the sheets with each and every ram of his hips.

He's starting to wonder what a hybrid vampire would look like. Maybe the hybrid would have your beautiful eyes as well as the same hair color as he does? Perhaps the other way around. Details aside, the main idea of even having one is much more important than what it will look like.

Just him whispering about it has you shivering. Maybe it was a bad idea having this man attached to you in the first place, let alone, think about having a family with him.

#notsodivininglover ; king’s pages #childe x reader #childe smut #tartaglia x reader #tartaglia smut #genshin impact x reader #genshin smut #genshin impact smut #genshin x reader #yandere tartaglia x reader #yandere childe x reader #yandere x reader #yandere smut

[steve-hen-grant]

Pas de deux (Jake Lockley x reader ) 🌙🩰

A/N: So! Kinda my first fic? Trying to exercise my writing skills. (You won’t believe how many times I had to just write “excersize” for autocorrect to save me.) So I hope y’all can enjoy the product of my practice!

In a previous post, I mentioned Jake crying while watching ballet. But what I meant to say was I had already developed a fic to this very concept. Needed the confidence to post it- which the reception to the first post got! It said Swan Lake, but for the plot’s conflict it’s Nutcracker.

Warnings: Fluff, mild comfort, reference to MK lore but you can pretend it isn’t, reference to Tchaikovsky mourning his sister, No use of Y/N, may be read as the POV of Layla, or yourself, mentions of Marc and Steven, no direct use of Spanish but reference to Jake speaking it, Reader may or may not know Spanish, it’s ambiguous this way for a self insert!, and again, my first full fan fiction. That is a warning. Surprisingly unserious. implied that narrator and the moon guys are visiting the US for this show.

Gender Neutral reader, but with uncomfortable formal shoes because they plague us all no matter

Word count: the word counter website broke so let me know when you get down there kk

You and Jake go to the Opera house in downtown Chicago. However, the loyal servant of the Moon God reacts unexpectedly…

Hours earlier, Jake struggled with his tie while I mulled over walking into the opera house together. His dark mustache furled as I helped arrange the black fabric and romanticized the pair of us strolling down the Chicago street: dressed to the nines, my arm in his, with the Christmas lights illuminating our path to the theater. Jake refused, mumbling something about how he didn’t want to make me walk longer in formal shoes than I had to. Knowing how I wouldn’t say anything, refusing to complain or burden the evening, until my Achilles tendons were shot by the time we got back to the hotel.

Among the three of them, Jake’s love language was having foresight to make life as accommodated and comfortable. But he forgets that he has a place in it.

Right now, in the brisk December evening, I trotted towards the warmly lit-refuge of the Civic Opera House. Jake dropped me off directly in front, rolling away to park his sleek Rolls Royce Phantom somewhere secure.

The exterior was like that of most concrete high-riser buildings. Though at ground level, in stark contrast, a sculpted arc entrance stood on the corner of the street. A light snow casted over the figures shaped into the stone. Tall preview posters displayed the principal dancer for the evening: the sugar plum fairy.

My pace towards the ticket booth was quick in the biting cold. The Opera house clerk smiled.

“Reservations under… Spector?”

“No- wait, yes. Yes.”

At my hesitation, I was rightfully earned a disconcerted expression. Marc must have booked the tickets. Before the words left her mouth, Jake appeared to save the day. Showing his- or Marc’s- ID. The clerk was satisfied and gave us two red tickets for entree. Jake took my arm in his, like a Highschool couple in a 50s movie. Between the regal opera house, the way he supports my arm, and opens the car door- truly old fashioned.

“Thanks, Marc,” I teased. He nudged me with his arm.

“Oh please, he made Steven book them,” Jake took off his gloves and stuffed them into his pocket. We handed our tickets off, and at last, we were on our way through marble floors and high ceilings to find seating.

Maybe that’s why we both enjoyed viewings in this specific opera house. It was completed in 1929, yet shined as brightly as ever. Velvet red fabrics and amber blown lights. If you weren’t careful, you could become easily motivated to write a romanticized novel.

In a world of my own, I don’t notice Jake looking over my face. But he wasn’t appreciating the interior of the architecture. Maybe the exterior of me.

Some hors d’oeuvres later, we situated in a balcony, closest to the stage. Jake insisted this would be ‘the best spot in the house’. From the balcony overview, patterns in the snow droplet’s sequence could be figured into the shape of snowflakes. Once again, Jake’s love language would make the evening special, by meticulous design. Jake’s prior knowledge of ballet was limited, yet his relationship to the music goes back.

No one would assume that, from what meets the eye. Even if you knew of his nightly servitude to Khonshu- there was less reason to believe he keeps a special mix of Tchaikovsky’s Greatest in his car’s dash. His work isn’t easy, and who doesn’t wind down to music? An avatar to the god of the moon is no exception.

Live orchestra has become a small thing for us. One that Marc chuffs at and Steven… would probably like to be apart of.

The elevated booth was tailored to the best view possible of the tilted stage. Below, forms of people moved to their seats, shed overcoats, and checked the time. Soon, the red curtains would pull apart to reveal the iconic home of the Stahlbaum’s, and delicate Clara center stage. It was a matter of time, and based on Jake’s mild leg bounce, not soon enough. I place a hand over his palm, steadying his nervous habit to a somber sway.

INTERMISSION

We returned to our secluded seats from the main area. Maybe or maybe not, pocketing some cheese squares and fancy crackers in napkins. Jake put his arm over the back of my seat and smirked, “You think I could do that?”

“Do what?”

“The dancing,” He grinned like a ferret. I pause for a moment to process the idea literally. You know what? Maybe. I’ve stayed in the car while Marc or Steven took care of their missions. From what I’ve seen, Moonknight is pretty agile. Mr. Knight is comparably a Gymnast. Making- often unnecessary- flips and turns over bullets and blades.

“Try asking Khonshu when you can take classes- conveniently between delivering justice.”

To which, Jake snickers. He takes his contraband-horderve from the lobby and speaks, “Oh yeah, it will happen. I’ll just borrow Steven’s tutu.” Jake looks aloft and grins, for a moment, it’s like I can hear his alter too.

“THOSE CLASSES WERE A ONE-OFF TIME!”

The second act. Clara and the Nutcracker prince have crossed the forest into a world of her childlike creation. Her and the prince are welcomed by flowers, candy, and snow. It seems like the defeat of the rat king would be the last of the room’s worries. Except for me.

Nearing a majestic finale, the nutcracker prince shares a dance with her majesty, the sugar plum fairy. He takes her hand and holds it, as her powder pink leg ascends. But this isn’t what Jake is thinking about. His eyes are hardly on the scene below, but he is paying attention to the music. The Nutcracker, Op. 71, Act II: No. 14a, Pas de deux. He holds his breath for a moment. A small gesture I might have missed if he didn’t drop my hand when he does so. I glanced at him, not wanting to disturb his fixation to the show.

And maybe I didn’t want to disturb the way his locks messily fell on his forehead and ears. He’s a gentleman, so he wouldn’t wear his hat into the event. But by removing it, the bunched hair underneath fell loosely. Marc and Steven were supposedly relentless about on the way downtown, if his passive looks to the rear view mirror meant anything.

Does a family of birds live in your hat, mate?

Cmon, Jake, everytime I get the body I have to run a comb through it.

After Jake lowered his hands from applause, he took mine in his again. As if he six whole minutes without it was too much. I press my thumb into his knuckles. He pulls my hand closer to him, holding it totally casually to his heart.

The Finale had wrapped up in a roar of an audience. The evening’s dancers made their bows and the orchestra had begun to pack up their bows and sheet music. Neither me nor Jake were one for crowds, but fortunately, the box seats were close enough to a flight of stairs that crew members likely took. We stood and peeked down the flight that turned around the ivory painted walls.

Jake held my arm and smirked, “Do you want to take a shortcut?”

I gave him a puzzled look. “That way? Are you sure there is an exit? We might get a meet and greet with the rat king,” I half-joke. Jake grins and his eyes light up at that risk.

My eyes narrow,

“You want to meet the rat king don’t y-“

“Yes.”

It’s Christmas. Might as well give Jake the gift of following through one of his mischievous schemes- together. Jake is laughing and throughly unserious as we move closer to the landing of the stairwell. I slide my hand down the glossy railing, “If we find this rat thing-“

“When. When we find the rat thing,” Jake interrupts.

I pause and continue, “Yes, my apologies. When we find the rat, are you going to valiantly slay it, and save me?”

Jake thinks for a moment, stopping on the stairs. He responds, “I’ve fought weirder.” I nod agreeably as we continue hand in hand. But he mumbled something I couldn’t hear, perhaps some Spanish intonations, but too low to react to.

But I had a pretty good idea what he meant to say out loud. Jake will show his affection in careful planning, a car ride anywhere, but not typically his words. In those tender instances where he has to resort to sweet nothings, he expresses it in Spanish. The words flow so naturally that they aren’t being filtered by a process of translation. Just his feelings, as they are.

I smile, and pull him into my arm tighter. It was more than likely he was protectively, lovingly ranting about how well he would protect me. How he would welcome the chance to prove it. In the dimly lit corridor we found ourselves in, we located an exit door and push it. I recall the December air and hold his arm closer.

Jake holds up his keys and presses down on his buttons. Immediately after leaving the back door, we are greeted by the flashing headlights of his car in a neighboring lot. Jake looks at my face of surprise and laughs, “You thought I was going to let you walk so far in those shoes?”

While in the car, on the way back to the flat, Swan Lake plays over the radio. I clutch my coat in the warm embrace of the car’s heating system. Jake is tapping his finger along while letting cars through, but he stops as the piece ends and the next begins. The Pas de deux. This time, I don’t miss my chance to ask. My hand grazes his leather coated arm, “You alright?” Jake keeps a deadpan look through the droplets on the windshield, blinking several times. I lean in a touch closer, “Jake?”

“Uhm, I just read where, you know, what’s-his-face, wrote this piece for his sister who passed. It uhm…” Jake, agitated by the way his mouth wants to curl into a grimace in front of me, lays his arm down in a finalizing gesture. He was done talking about it, not without losing clear vision while driving. I hold his gloved hand, and without thinking, hold it to his chest. His shoulders finally lowered. The light turned green. The music filling the gentle silence.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~🌙~~~~~~~~~~~~

#moon knight #jake lockley #steven grant #marc spector #jake lockely x reader #fluff #steven grant x reader #marc spector x reader

[nayatarot777]

{what red flags 🚩 do you need to be aware of in the people that you attract?} • pac

this can apply to both romantic and platonic connections.

• pile one •

cards: 9 of cups, 7 of swords, page of cups

you attract people who love-bomb. people who try to get close to you emotionally way too fast due to having negative intentions towards trying to gain something from you. i'm hearing that they try to trip you up, figuratively speaking, and they usually try to bait you into something in order to trap you. they act mad weird, like they want to put you on a leash and keep you tied to them - weird possessive shit - but i'm seeing you unassuming to what they're trying to do as you're just enjoying your moments with these people. i'm seeing that you could give off an aura of someone who is in need of help and that attracts a lot of people who see a vulnerable person who can be taken advantage of - or you attract people who keep you tethered to them by being in a damsel-in-distress type of energy. i feel an energy of you always knowing about these motives very subtly but you seem to keep yourself ignorant to them - or so it seems.

cards: the devil, 8 of swords, 10 of swords

this spread is so fucking bad. why are these people so shady? 🙃 you attract people who try to get you codependent on them for something. some really dark, vindictive shit - and this is most likely why you find yourself in a very rough spot mentally when you're around these people. these people really psychically attack you - especially behind your back. these people could gossip, or manipulate you mentally in some way through deceit. they do this as a way to try to get you to self-destruct mentally and not want to be seen. they try to get you to just feel low within yourself in an indirect way. these people are extremely emotionally immature and passive aggressive as fuck, and they hide this behind the facade of being a loving and kind/caring person towards you. everything that they do for you is transactional to them - you owe them, in their mind. you don't need whatever they're trying to offer you. these people try to steal your joy and try to influence you to destroy yourself for the sake of benefiting them. some of these people could've even tried to get you hooked on something (drugs and substances), their attention/validation, whatever the case - very disgustingly selfish energy.

if this preview resonates with you, feel free to check out the extended reading on patreon here

if you’d like a personal reading, then check out my pinned post here

• pile two •

cards: the hierophant, 4 of cups, the devil

these people are emotionally disconnected and extremely rigid in the way that they think and live life. they have major control issues and therefore have to control what they feel and when - leading them to never want to be vulnerable for fear of losing control over themselves. these people are dangerous because, due to the fact that they're so emotionally numb and apathetic, they're trying to search for happiness in the physical realm. they're not very emotionally aware or self-aware in general, and this is why they walk around with a fake sense of authority. they try to place burden onto you to make them feel better - it's like an unspoken expectation from them, as if your only purpose is for you to make them happy. this is very icky energy and i don't like it lmaoo. despite wanting to portray themselves as authoritative, they actually hate responsibility (they don't take accountability either), and they push what they should be responsible for onto other people. blaming other people for their own fuck ups.

cards: 5 of swords, strength, 5 of pentacles

these people like to breadcrumb others as a way of establishing some type of power or dominance over others. they like when they can have influence and control over someone else's emotions as it makes them feel like they have some type of strength in life. i'm hearing that their insecurity always bleeds through though. and they try to cover up these insecurities by indulging in everything to do with the material realm - focusing on their external appearance and image, their money over other people, etc. they don't care enough to quieten their ego and just listen to others to take another's opinion into consideration. they could be very argumentative at times for seemingly no reason. they could make themselves look like everything that the masses would desire in a friend/partner/family member, whatever connection that you have to them. however, this is done to coverup the fact that they know that they really don't have much to practically offer you. they're actually there to take - not give - and that ain't right.

if this preview resonates with you, feel free to check out the extended reading on patreon here

if you’d like a personal reading, then check out my pinned post here

• pile three •

cards: ace of swords, 7 of pentacles (reverse), 3 of pentacles

they're always envious and jealous of how much you know or how much you're capable of. they put you upon a pedestal in their heads and have the nerve to act like you've done something to warrant their irritation towards you being (seemingly) the best at something. they hate when you level up and when you progress in life because it shows that you're manifesting - that you're doing something that they gave up on doing a long time ago. it seems clear to them that you're doing something that highlights how little they're doing with their own lives and they gave up on trying to make things happen for themselves. it seems so much easier for you to achieve what you'd like to, though. it looks like you get so much stuff done to these people while they're doing hardly anything. and somehow that's your problem? ✨ wild ✨ these people compare themselves to you and then blame that on you. smh.

cards: 8 of wands, page of wands, the hierophant

these people seem to be able to think very quickly on their feet and have a direct method of asserting their opinions as a way to try to direct what you do or what you invest into. i'm feeling a lot of invasive energy as if they're trying to block you from having authority over your own life. they could definitely try to distract you and take you off of your path. these people are usually very focused on learning how to gain some type of status or respect for being the best of the best with something - and these people usually view you in that way. in the way that they want other people to view them. they can't stand to see you just do your own thing because whatever you do just isn't easy to compete with. these people are extremely impulsive and therefore make poor decisions that keep them stuck in the same place in life. and you doing the opposite - planning for your future and taking steps towards your goals - threatens their feeling of being revered as a respectable person with the most amount of authority.

if this preview resonates with you, feel free to check out the extended reading on patreon here

if this preview resonates with you, feel free to check out the extended reading on patreon here

if you’d like a personal reading, then check out my pinned post here

• pile four •

cards: 10 of pentacles, death, the star

lmaooo the first message is about being wary of people who are in MLMs. maybe you live in an area where that's common but it's really sticking out for someone in particular 😂😭 the red flags in these people are about how they're people who are always secretly in need of help. people who are constantly feeling a change in their ego and who they are, causing a lot of difficult endings in their stability and their structure in life for the sake of something or someone that they feel could save them. i don't feel malicious energy from these people, but just very vulnerable and very lost or stuck in their own regrets and misery. these people may come across as quite stable and structured, however they're constantly in the energy of needing to be rejuvenated somehow. i'm also seeing some of you being made aware to stay away from people with major smoking addictions. i'm seeing some of you being asthmatic or something but still forcing yourself to be around this person when they're blowing clouds like Thomas the tank engine. stop that 😭 these are people who could also cover up their pain or prevent themselves from making much necessary change by just keeping themselves in the comfort of their physical realities. they don't shed their skin when they need to at times, but then they wonder why they feel so drained and "dead inside". these are people in need of help who don't even help themselves.

cards: page of wands, queen of cups, 5 of cups

they're also very immature in the way that they act or literally behave. i'm seeing someone being immature towards expressions of emotions, and i'm also seeing them not being able to be serious when someone is trying to show them love and care. i'm picking up on some avoidant energy, and i feel like it's coming from them. they don't know how to recognise genuine love and care from someone (because they haven't allowed themselves to meet that yet) so they mistake small sexual encounters for love or something like that. or they expect you to feel loved based on sex. they're very immature in the way that they show love. if this is a platonic connection, they're someone who cannot apologise or who will not listen to the way that you feel. they'll try to just joke away the problem at hand and move on as if nothing's wrong in an attempt to avoid having to feel guilt or responsibility. these people also focus on a lot of people who they don't have in their lives anymore. they focus on who they lost (whether it was their fault or not, whether it was a good or bad thing to them) instead of focusing on the people who they're around currently. that's because they don't take things seriously enough until people around them get tired of it and leave. then they want to cry 🙃

if this preview resonates with you, feel free to check out the extended reading on patreon here

if you’d like a personal reading, then check out my pinned post here

#psychic readings #tarot reading #pick a card #pac #pick a photo #divination #tarot #pick a picture #pac reading #spirituality

[letomills]

Download: SFS / Mega

Three Maxis outfits converted for the Athletic Girl body shape: afbodybootscollar, afbodybrunojacketanimaltop and afbodysandrajktfitjeans. They are custom outfits, not default replacements. They have fat and preg morphs, categorized as everyday & outerwear, BSOK'd.

All recolors are available either standalone or repo'd to the corresponding Maxis outfit. So on that note, here's an optional texture-only default replacement for afbodybrunojacketanimaltop because the original textures look terrible on dark skintones: SFS

More previews and details under the cut.

1. Bodybootscollar

Swatch ↓

Athletic Girl AF-EF (aefAG) ↓

Athletic Girl TF (tfAG) ↓

~

2. Bodybrunojacketanimaltop

I recommend you get the texture replacement I put above the cut if you're interested in the Maxis-repo'd versions of these. The standalone versions also use the cleaned up textures of course.

Swatch ↓

Athletic Girl AF-EF (aefAG) ↓

Athletic Girl TF (tfAG) ↓

The teens get a shoeswap (flats from afbodyjosietopjeans), but they still have the option to have the rest of the outfit repo'd to afbodybrunojacketanimaltop.

~

3. Bodysandrajktfitjeans

Swatch ↓

Athletic Girl AF-EF (aefAG) ↓

Athletic Girl TF (tfAG) ↓

~

Afbodybrunojacketanimaltop isn't the only Maxis outfit that has shading that looks awful on dark skintones (tftoptiedhalter comes to mind). Some Maxis meshes also have flaws that bother me (like tftopvnecklongsleeve's fat morph and that one misassigned vertex on afbodyleotardsimple). I've been meaning to find the motivation to fix all such annoyances I can find and make a post, so hopefully that's happening soon.

#sims 2 #download #body shapes #clothing:everyday #clothing:outerwear #athletic girl #sims 2 download #sims 2 cc #ts2cc #s2cc

[fallingdown98]

FHJY Called Shot

Mostly making this post so if this is right i can say I called it. Obviously, thanks to the preview we know that the Bad Kids are gonna have to do the "Last Stand" exam. I'm aware that on a meta level, this was always going to happen because of how production works but I think this may also relate to some of the Teachers being in on the conspiracy w/ the RatGrinders + Ankarna. In on the conspiracy in this case, does not necessarily mean bad guy though because I have an inkling based on absolutely nothing that this conflict may involve more than just one conspiring group. Might even be willing to think the teachers may be the ones putting the RG up to the shit theyve been doing. Specifics under the read more because i have a lot of thoughts. Listed in most sus to least sus but worth noting

Porter - First to mention the Last Stand, Warhammer = Akarna’s Scales theory, Rage, his Giant lineage (Through Earth Genasi), Ancestral Paladin relates to prior point, Steering Fig away from Cass, “Barbarian” healed Ragh post prom before he was able to see Kalina (Also, didn’t use Lay on Hands which we now know he would have had access to), Paired with Jace Stardiamond (AKA another sus mf), unsurprised at the carnage on the first day of Freshman year

Jace - Current VP so has power even if he keeps claiming he doesn’t want it, Seen most w/ Porter (See above), Ragh saw him talking to Arianwen (And Kalina) post prom (Aka I think Spy’s tongue curse will lead to this), first to inspect the hellmouth magic FY and recognized both the divine and Nightmare King stuff, Yolanda specifically said she would go to Jace over Grix with the Lucy Info, Speculation: Divine Soul Sorcerer, Of Note: Would have had most contact with FY Villain Penelope Everpetal as she was also a sorc, Also also I DO NOT trust the fact that he put Riz on the faculty we still need to check those school Bylaws

Henry HopClap - Not on OG FY Faculty Roster, Grix’s hard drive, His connection with Ruben, Could have encouraged Gorgug w/ the intention/assumption he’d fail and thus would have to take The Last Stand, Frosty Faire Fest had some clearly evil artificing with the wires thing and would have the most knowledge in this regard

Zara Sool - Also not on OG FY Faculty Roster, Showed up at Mordred during Baron’s Game (I know they said in AP that it was a riff on Horror Movie Monsters but she was still the only one without a direct connection to the Manor), Lover of Celestial (Could be either pro or anti Ankarna), Also seen with Sus Porter, Agreed w/ Porter against Cass

Rogue Teacher - Sometimes the simplest answer is the correct one, Maybe the Rogue teacher has put KLCK up to some amount of her plot or assisted in some way leading to Teach finding Student rather than Vice-Versa. 

Bobby Dawn - This mf is last just cuz we already know he’s up to some shady shit and I can’t wait for the Bad Kids to murder his pompous ass, Probably the one to expel Kristin which gives him both satisfaction but also leads to Last Stand

TLDR: I think there’s a conspiracy within the Faculty and that it’s possible Porter, Jace, Henry, Zara, and/or the Rogue Teacher are all working together. If they are pressuring the RatGrinders, that would give added motivation to fuck over the Bad Kids for a good grade. Also think something catastrophic will happen at the Last Stand and that it was part of the plan since day 1 (Im aware on a meta scale this may just be me overthinking and we just needed to give a reason to use the cool battleset)

#d20 #fhjy theory #fantasy high #fhjy spoilers #rat grinders #porter cliffbreaker #jace stardiamond #henry hopclap #zara sool #Rogue teacher #bobby dawn #Ankarna

[space-writes]

Obsidian Templates For Writers

it is once again Posting About Obsidian time, and I figured I'd do something useful and share some of the templates I've been using in the Valloroth Vault!

I like using templates because then all my info gets organised in a consistent way, which makes using it way easier. Some of these do use a bit of css to make parts work, which I'll link with the template and explain how to use at the end of the post.

Also, some of these shamelessly just riff on the structure of the Forgotten Realms wiki pages because i am who i am and i spend way too much time looking up lore for dungeons and dragons.

Included below the cut are templates with examples for the following:

Character profile (wiki style page)

Character profile (for writing with)

Country

Organisation/Group

Chapter outline

Let's go!

Character Page (wiki style)

pastebin / infobox css

This is the main profile I use for characters! Here you can see the markdown, the preview, and a fully filled out example. For minor characters, I cut the sections I don't need, but so far for major characters, I find that filling out all these sections is very helpful.

At the top of the page you can see the metadata I use, which is what I've settled on after a few iterations as 'the things I actually want to be able to see and use'. Feel free to adjust/adapt to whatever is actually useful to you!

The cssclass is some tweaks I have for my personal obsidian css, so I've left the classes out in the template for you to add whatever you'd like yourself, or you can remove it entirely.

The 's' tag is to remind me to tag new character with the series they're in, e.g. Aliyne would be 's/rp' because she's from the Renegade Prince series. The 'character-sheet' tag is so I can filter out character sheets in searches or queries if I need to.

Character Page (for writing with)

pastebin

This is the page I use for tracking a character within a project. I need all the wiki info for character building, but I don't want my plot threads, character arcs, motivations, and other key info lost and buried in there whilst I'm working! This lets me pull out that info into a shorter, easier to read section.

The double :: are for use with the dataview plugin, because that way I can pull them into tables to track with the rest of my book information

Here's an in-use example with Aliyne again. The 'br' tags are to get things to show up on seperate lines whilst still counting as one line for pulling into dataview, so if you're not using dataview you don't have to use those

Country Template

pastebin / infobox css

I use the same basic kind of template for all locations, just removing or adding sections as I need. I don't always fill all of these out, it depends on how important the place is and how much worldbuilding/research I feel like doing!

And here's an in-use example, with Zhirasea (very much still wip). You can see how I use tags for organisation here: location and sublocation, and the status of the note. I never use a 'done' tag because it's never done. When something's ready I just use 'active'.

I have a variant of the template for regions, settlements, and buildings as well, just with less categories in each as needed, and then I log which kind it is under the 'type' field in the metadata.

Organisation / Group Template

pastebin / infobox css

This one's for fictional organisations! Heavily lifted from the FR wiki but you know what? It works.

Here's an in-use example, with my crime syndicate, the Zarahmin! You can see I added a collapsible callout with the 'Zarahmin Code' in it as well, since this particular organisation actually has a code of conduct.

Chapter Outline

pastebin

This is a fun one - my current chapter outline! This is very much a living document, but it's what I've found useful for this project so far. It combines a few different outlining methods (MICE threads, Promise/Progress/Payoff, One Sentence Summary) as well as leaving me space to be flexible.

The template contains questions and explanations for various sections of the outline, to remind me what I'm looking for/need to fill in.

I found this most useful after finishing a first draft with a rough outline. It's very much a thing I recommend doing for a second draft, since otherwise you'll bog yourself down trying to have all the details in place.

Here's an example of filled out meta info for the prologue of Renegade Prince:

(I use the section with 'Arcs' to list plot tags using :: dataview queries so I can pull them into tables, but again, if you're not using dataview, you can ignore that part!)

How to use the CSS Snippets

The infobox snippet is part of the ITS theme if you use it, or you can install it seperately by doing the following:

Go to this link and download the 'Callouts.css' file

In obsidian, go to settings -> apperance -> CSS snippets, and open the folder with the little folder icon

Paste the 'callouts.css' into that folder

Hit the refresh option in obsidian settings, and toggle the new snippet to on

it is now installed! any callout you insert with [!infobox] will now display with the infobox settings. if you want to tweak how it looks, you can poke around in the css file and see what happens

Oh boy that was another long post - I hope this was useful! As always, if you have any questions about the templates, or obsidian, feel free to shoot me a message.

#obsidian md #obsidian.md #writeblr #writing program #writing app #writing template #obsidian templates #character template #writing #if you have your own templates please share them i love seeing new layouts

[nectar-cellar]

HIIII

i'm sorry for my absence in posts and replies, life has just been hectic lately & ive been feeling crappy 😭

first of all, thank you very much for the response on the night drive story posts, as an avoidant writer it means a lot 🥺💖

i felt motivated to write more, so this weekend i worked on my Amir x Dani Smut Story #2. i was looking at all my cc projects and just feeling very bleugh about them so i decided to take a break from that.

i went thru my google drive and i realized i wrote this smut draft one year ago. my brain is fully rotted by my ocs at this point. since i can never make things simple for myself, i had to write an Angsty Emotional Plot for it as well. no they can't just get straight to fucking, that would be too easy. 🙄

i got about 50% of the scenes done (intro and foreplay). i'm really happy with how it's coming along because i got all hot and bothered while taking the pictures so i must be on the right path. i just have to do the rest of the scenes... and then do some post-editing and cutting unnecessary pics... then rewrite the script to fit the captions... 💀

i ended up fully decorating amir's sunset valley rental apartment so hopefully this week i can take some pictures and give you a tour of his place.

here's a preview of some of the steamy pics i've gotten so far, as a thank you for bearing with me. nothing explicit......... i'll save that for pillowfort.

i don't want to give away too much of what happens but basically umm it's another fantasy from amir's perspective. he gets kinky in this one and you'll find out... what... he... enjoys 😭

[raining-tulips]

hi! i just found your blog :) love your commonplace book scans! if you don’t mind me asking, could you give a more in-depth explanation of what commonplacing is exactly and what your process is? i’m intrigued and considering getting into it but i wouldn’t even know where to start! thanks a lot xx

Absolutely! So my commonplace is specifically all movies, qoutes, articles, tumblr/Instagram posts, book excerpts, etc. that either resonated with me or I think I'll want to reference later. That is the heart of what common placing is - saving things for later physically rather than digitally.

Some of these just pop up in my feed, and I'll hit the like or save button. If it's an article, it usually first pops up as a preview on my Instagram and I'll open the full article on my desktop than bookmark it in a specific folder for common placing.

Sometimes, when I want to actively find something out (say, about if perfume is really bad for the environment, or I want to look at author interviews because I just loved a book) I will go out and search for that information.

Then, usually once a week I compile everything I'd like to print - i print the sources bc my handwriting is messy - into a word document formatted for two columns. I try and hold off printing until i have a full page worth, or two full page worth.

For images, I have another word document (these are printed in color, and i usually have to jigsaw to fit as many images on the page as possible, so different word document). Same thing, I try and wait until I have a full page to print. Usually x2 a month. I sometimes will print with an HP sprocket but the quality is really bad and the pictures are thick so, it's for when I'm out of printer ink or I think a photo will look okay with a sorta...uneven look.

I use just a Staples brand journal, TruRed. Cheap and easy. I draw a line at the top so I can write the date, and in the future if I want to tag it with a colored sticker or something, I can. My layouts usually include divided space on either the left or right of a page. The article goes in the bigger open space, and then the source (always write your source!!) and any commentary goes in the smaller margins.

Commentary is usually why I wanted to print it, what it reminds me of or makes me think about, etc. What I think the argument was missing, etc. Can be as little or as much as you like. As emotional and deep or as plain-jane as you like. There are no rules!

I trim printed text and images with a 12 inch trimmer bc I've got wobbly hands, but some people just use a little (blanking on the name) exacto knife? Any 12 inch trimmer will do mine is expensive but I also scrapbook so I use it all the time.

I paste things in using a tape runner (again, because I scrapbook and found a tape runner and my mom sells scrapbook supplies they're very accessible to me). Some people use tape, washi tape, glue sticks (liquid glue I've never seen).

And yeah, then I just decorate and play around. It doesn't have to be pretty. It can be really pretty if you want - I'm motivated by aesthetics, so, I like mine to be a little pretty.

If you'd like to see how I actually put it together and why I print certain things, my YouTube channel is the place to go.

Some people tape in movie tickets, receipts from where they shopped or ate, pictures from daily life. Some people mix common-placing and journaling, so including diary entries about their day or about a topic they love, or their thoughts and feelings (I keep mine in a separate journal, explained in this video). Some people mix common-placing with bullet journal or planning. Some combine all three!

At the end I just use a printer scanner (HP Envy 5500, cheap) and post them online that way bc I love the look.

People who have other styles you might try and look at are @petite-gloom (an OG who inspired me and many others) @fakelavender , @teddybearsticker .

#answered #commonplace #commonplace book #commonplace journal #journaling #journaling community #stubyblr

[quicksrlver]

DFF ep. 7 thoughts

Jin, you cowardly child. When Por forces Non to go back down the mountain to get food, we AGAIN see Jin only TALKING back but refusing to take any action to help, like getting the food himself.

Non finally decides to walk away, realizing he was only going to suffer abuse and that there was nothing he can do to change things...

...but Jin brings him back. He wants Non to stay, keeping him under suffering that Jin himself won't or doesn't want to change.

Before this ep, I thought Jin could have filled a stalker/tsundere type. But now his role seems to be one of ignorant passiveness. It's not like he debates doing things to help Non and decides against them to protect himself (like Fluke's selfish passiveness), it's like actually taking ACTION never even crosses his mind.

For that reason, even if Jin's computer didn't die, I don't think he would have had the guts to post the video. However, maybe Non's breakdown next ep. is because he thinks Jin did.

It looks like Non attacks someone in the filming cabin, maybe because the one person he thought was his friend seemingly betrayed him? Other option is maybe finding out Top was the one who broke the camera.

Either way, Fluke's knowledge of events makes him suspicious. If Jin didn't release the tape, Fluke is the only person who knew of its existence, so either someone manipulated him for it or he released it himself.

This hasty escape doesn't scream innocence, Fluke.

Who stands to gain from it being released? Por could stand to benefit from smearing Non's reputation to restore his family's repute. Tee and Top know of Non and Keng's relationship, but I can't think of a motivation, unless it's some convoluted plan to frame Keng, ordered by the bosses. With the involvement of more characters into the underworld plot (who is Grace?!?) I wouldn't even be surprised.

I am now desperate to know the PheeJin story. Now that PheeNon are broken up, how would Phee to get involved again, if he is indeed getting revenge? From the preview, is his family now embroiled in the plot so he can't even escape? Is his FWB status with Jin an act because Jin's actions (or inaction) led to Non's disappearance, as many have theorized? If so, why did he keep him at arms length as "friends"?

Finally, I'm torn between wanting the past to unfold and wanting to see Fuiaz and Mio (and Bump) get screentime again, they are my three little musketeers of the BOC new gen

#dff the series #dead friend forever #dff spoilers

[joyswonderland1108]

I'm.. Confused?

Okay i will be completely honest here, i rarely very rarely watch any content that isn't purely BTS when it comes to, well.. BTS. So when it's something about Bang PD talking about BTS sometimes i only catch snippets on my tl and i end up watching it very later solely because there was a mention of BTS.

Now this popped up on my TL because someone qt tweeted it, i'm not sure about what this interview was all about, i still didn't watch it, i don't have the whole context but anygays :

(My Tumblr isn't giving me a preview of the post so i'm linking the ss of the post anyways)

After i've been sitting here reading this over and over again, reading comments and quotes i was like.. If this is real, well it most probably is since i didn't see anyone correcting OP yet on the take, just how many times were BTS lied to, gaslighted up until this day about things they are doing..

And if you think about it it's actually pretty scary, imagine being manipulated into thinking you are not doing good enough and you need to do this and that to be able to achieve XYZ goal that you have, but at what cost? How do we even know that those "motivations" aren't backed up by a selfish desire of seeing BTS grow just for the financial gain the company gets from that? How do you even know that the way they are being led won't strip away what the members themselves wanted to achieve by choosing a path that was wrongfully introduced to them?

I don't know if i'm making sense here and i hate how people are quick to call BTS company's puppets when shit like that is being talked about, but honestly? Personally if i've been working under someone who is supposed to be a leader helping me, someone who so far through years has been a person i've looked up to, respected and trusted to seek advise from to continue to push for my dreams, just for them to end up being liars about the advise they gave me, because maybe the most crucial part of my dream was never going to be fulfilled following the advise i was given, maybe the advise helped me grow and through me that person was able to grow as well leaving the part i might've been in desperate need from the start..

I feel like i'm still not making any sense, i also don't know how much i should rely on a single post and comments and qts backing it up but as i said, if it's all true, if it's all not just some misunderstanding of some sort, then goddamn it's really scary!!! I wouldn't want to imagine our boys trusting someone enough to see their advise as something precious they might feel it should be considered, they make them believe that they are given full freedom to chose while maybe even the choices that are out there presented to them are still not on a wider scale presenting a potential to reach what they were made to believe would make them achieve what they want for the future.

Many artists don't only seek the artistry recognition, some people want or NEED a recognition on different aspects including who they are too as a person not just as an artists, but the mere thought that this can be stripped away from an artist just by using this gaslighting tactics.. *Sigh*

I'm rambling, i don't know i just poured all the thoughts that came to my mind after reading that. All i ever want is for our boys to be happy with their career, their artistry, their creativity, their professional and personal lives, i just want them to find comfort in both and always feel no type of restriction or barrier out there for them to reach the peak of their happiness..

[dontbotherwiththepronunciation]

I fantasise about Ramsay's death a lot

I think Ramsay will be killed at some point during ASOIAF but I've been wondering how and what exactly we could get for the narrative of certain characters depending on the different outcomes and I am insomniac so I want to write something more or less useful so I can sleep or at least avoid intrusive thoughts.

So, here is a poll with possible outcomes for Ramsay's death, some of them I've read in meta posts, others are simply stuff I thought could be thematically coherent. Under the read more I added my own preferences because I'm feeling bold. You don't have to read those, but I would love it if you tell me some of yours. And you can tell me all you want about that? Is your answer motivated simply for shipping reasons? Simply for revenge? Do you think it will actually happen? I just like reading other people's thoughts.

My Preferences:

1. Killed off-screen by an unnamed lowborn

My personal favourite. I don't think Ramsay will get an off-screen death scene with an "irrelevant" character and I understand why but until it happens I get to fantasise and while I think for many this would be considered unsatisfying or anti-climactic, to me it would feel thematically coherent and beautiful.

Ramsay Bolton, the living nightmare, a monster from hell, killed by some rando. Someone who wouldn't make it down in history, someone who would be forgotten, someone who would be seen as disposable and irrelevant.

Through this we could have what is, in my opinion, the biggest offence ever directed at Ramsay AND a really sad and harrowing exploration of Theon and Jeyne's feelings on the matter.

Surprisingly, I was never feeling frightened by Euron as I read AFFC, the fear only settled when I read Aeron's preview chapter for TWOW. I was terrified (/pos) how could I not be? The eyes through which I witness all are tainted by terror during that chapter.

With Ramsay the more you think about how our perception of him is one conditioned by Theon's powerlessness, the less mighty he actually becomes. He is not a monster, he is a human like everyone else, he can be killed like everyone else and the concept of knocking him down from this idea he has built around himself, as a creature one should be frightened of, to have him become so irrelevant to the text that we don't even get to witness his death nor know anything about the killer because there is nothing that could be interesting or worthy of mention about that killer is wonderful to me. It makes Ramsay irrelevant and unworthy of mention.

And yet, I also think it would be very tragic for Theon without inflicting any sort of pain on him. Through ADWD he keeps fantasising about killing Ramsay and every single time he keeps himself from actually doing it because at this point Ramsay isn't a person for Theon, he is an omnipotent entity that builds and destroys. So, if he were to find out that Ramsay was easily subdued by someone with no name, no house, no military power, a no one, that could destroy his self esteem. It could lead into even more feelings of guilt and shame while ultimately proving that Ramsay isn't really all that.

I think people (me) often believe in what they like to believe and I would like to believe this is an actual possibility even if the more conscious side of my brain is thinking "Wtf are you on? GRRM is not gonna do that. Do you think he is stupid enough to be this anti-climactic about something everyone is eagerly waiting for since a decade? You think he wants to have people saying show!Ramsay's death was better than book!Ramsay's?" So, yeah I don't believe this will actually happen, I would love it if it did, it would be very meaningful to me, but I have no expectations and I understand how this is probably not something most people would enjoy.

2. Fed to his dogs by Barbrey

All the reasons I want him to be eaten by his gos (listed down in 4.) + my anti-vaxxer, conspiracy theorist, Karen Queen Barbrey Dustin.

I have a horribly unpopular opinion about Ramsay's dogs that would get me cancelled for animal cruelty (/hj) and I have a lot of very personal feelings about this woman.

If she is supposed to be a woman who knows how to nurse a grievance (hot) then why would she be alright with letting the boy she thinks killed her surrogate son become Lord of Winterfell or even King in the North? She openly spits on Ramsay (hot) and even defies him through her conversations with Theon. The idea of her being a conspirator among the Manderlys and the Glovers isn't something I've been bought into yet because I still believe in her distaste for the Starks™ being real (hot), but I can't imagine she would feel any more tranquility at the idea of Ramsay turning into her liege lord, if anything I think she would be terrified because HAVE YOU NOT HEARD OF WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LAST NORTHERN AGEING WIDOW WHO RULED ON HER OWN WITH LANDS TO HER CLAIM AND NO APPARENT HEIRS????

"Me," said Ramsay. "Ramsay of House Bolton, Lord of the Hornwood, heir to the Dreadfort.

To me, that sounds like the vague reminder of a threat.

We have also seen a few moments in which she not only makes her disdain for him public, but also defies him! Prohibiting him from entering into Barrow Hall, treating Theon with something similar to dignity (I know it's only mildly implied but if we ever get confirmation on her being the one who gave him the cloak he wears during A Ghost in Winterfell I will scream and cry ) and she also constantly refers to him as "Bastard" although he has been legitimised)

Also, while I believe she probably knows "Arya Bolton née Stark" is a fake, I doubt she knows it's Jeyne Poole and I also doubt she didn't feel at least some guilt over handing her to Ramsay.

When Jeyne is asking Theon to escape with her she mentions "They said he hurt you." Who said that? Who is they? Could Barb be one of them? Was she warning her? I think it's possible, but I know this is only me assuming things. I have no evidence for anything.

There would also be a lot of irony built around that considering Ramsay's comment on Reek |||:

"If I cut off her teats and feed them to my girls, will she abide me then?"

In a sense I also really love the idea of Ramsay's bones finding themselves in kennels (something Barb is already planning on doing to Ned's (hot)). If both of them find their resting place among the dogs, oh I would feel so much.

Before anyone starts believing I think Ned is as horrible as Ramsay, no I don't. Ned is honourable and just at his best and hypocritical and self-righteous at his worst. Ramsay is himself at his worst and Reek at his best.

The reason I would enjoy this wouldn't be out of thinking that Ned "deserves" that, it would be because Ned and Ramsay are the two people who have hurt this woman the most and also the two people who have deprived Theon of his designated life the most.

3. Public execution by a non-Northerner leader

This is the one I find the most probable to be honest.

Westeros' feudalism seems to be better for the common folk after the Targaryen conquest than they were prior to it. I really doubt GRRM will be willing to dissolve them and send them even further back into an even more inequalitarian feudalism. By having an outsider bring the Northerners their "justice" it would be easier to get them to wilfully decide to reintegrate themselves into the Seven Kingdoms, which is where the Davos-Rickon-Stannis plot will apparently go.

Stannis is already waiting for the battle of Winterfell and I have no idea whether he will win or not, but I think as of now killing the bastard is on his priority list. There is a possibility that he might not kill him immediately but just keeps him captive, and that could be very very fun. While I wouldn't want Theon & Ramsay to have to interact again, I understand how appealing this could be for so many of us. I don't really have anything against this, I just like the other two options mentioned above more.

Asha would be the only case I can think of in this option that could be motivated by more than political plotting or a sense of justice, but also because of personal feelings regarding Theon's trauma. If it were to happen, I doubt it would be a proper execution though, I can see this happening more on the battlefield. I think there could be some beauty in Ramsay "I-rape-girls-for-fun" Snow to find his demise at Asha and her suckling babe, a warrior woman who is also the sister of the man he has been humiliating (to say the least) for the past year. There could be some poetic justice in that. Politically it could also be fun to see the Northerners being confronted by having the Ironborn retaking Winterfell for them and the way their perception of the Iron Islanders could change because of it could be fun and maybe serve as a mirror to the way Asha & Aly have been developing mutual respect for each other. Anyway, here you can find art depicting her & Ramsay as David & Goliath and I love it.

Thematically I would love it if Daenerys would somehow manage to teleport to Winterfell and kill him and be confronted by two uncommon characters that share some similitudes to her past as a child of war & child bride and her actual cause (you can read about those similitudes in this post and this post), but I'm not delusional and I doubt Daenerys will reach the North before Ramsay has been killed so I don't believe it's very probable for them to meet. This is just me being self-indulgent because of the childish wish of wanting my favourite POV characters to interact.

4. Eaten by his dogs our of their own will

As said, I have that one opinion about his dogs and this could go well with it. A taste of his own medicine. Revenge from the deceased. Dog eats dog. Poetic in a sense; The spirits of the women he has raped and hunted and made to be reborn in the bodies of the weapons used against them to take part in the process of making other innocent women join them, finally break free and take revenge against their murderer.

Pretty much the same reasons as to why I like Barbrey feeding him to his dogs, but now there is something more mystique about it. Theon often refers to them as good dogs and it seems like their kennel master Ben Bones also feels fondness for them. Both of them consider the master to be the true monster there, and yet these are still no gentle creatures.

5. Killed by Theon

I feel very ambivalent on this one and most of my reluctance comes from not trusting GRRM's writing abilities to depict it in a way that I find compelling. I love revenge stories, but I rarely like their endings. I love revenge stories, I just rarely like the way they end. "When you go on a journey for revenge you dig two graves instead of one" Sometimes. Sometimes you also dig just one grave but have to spend the rest of your day laying next to the corpse of your never-ending anger and rage. I don't enjoy it a lot when achieving justice or revenge is portrayed in a purely happy light. It doesn't erase everything that has ever happened, it makes you feel unhappy because you know that no suffering inflicted on your abuser could possibly be enough to fulfil the void inside you. It isn't something, it is devastating. Good, now Theon killed him, he is gone, he will never hurt him again, now what? Now what? Is that supposed to be liberating? He is still perpetually changed and now he doesn't even have a target for all that pent-up rage and frustration to be directed at and (Can you tell I'm part of the minority that liked TLOU2 even more than TLOU? ), to me, the concept of adding Ramsay to the long lists of ghosts haunting Theon feels so harsh. I could enjoy it a lot!!! It's just that I doubt it would be written that way and the options mentioned above are more to my taste. I think that if Theon is the one that gets to kill Ramsay it will probably be portrayed in a more triumphant manner, maybe trying to convey Theon's complete rebirth and the deaths of Reek the Second (Ramsay) and Reek the Third (Theon at the Dreadfort) and, even though "Dead is dead. Better dead than Reek" is one of my favourite Theon moments ever, I don't really believe he should completely cast it aside.

"Reek, reek it rhymes with freak/weak/meek/etc." Sure! But also, were it not for Reek he'd probably not be alive. I don't know. I don't like the idea of him reappropriating that name like a minority would reappropriate a slur, but I don't think he should fully reject it either. In a sense, I believe the Reek persona allowed him to find some strange type of mental freedom in regards to "Theon" as a political pawn. Many of the conflicts he had to deal with during ACOK involving his cultural duality and his political standing disappear once he is conditioned into Reek (granted not in a healthy way) and I think that allowed him to develop into his own self more. I don't know If what I'm saying makes any sense. Not a favourite, but still something I could like. Personally, I would like it more if their last conversation was something completely mundane since I think that is very insulting to Ramsay, but it could be cool to have a final scene of them interacting in which Theon openly defies him and Ramsay is perplexed by realising he has been beaten by a creature "lower than a worm in human skin." Ramsay probably hasn't read his Shakespeare, GRRM has. Even a worm will turn.

Here, is the idea someone wrote for a scene emulating the confrontation between a slasher and the final girl and it was fun to read it.

6. Killed by Theon & Jeyne

I dislike it for similar reasons as to why I dislike Theon killing him, and I really don't like the idea of Jeyne being part of it, but I think there would be a lot of value in abuse victims coming together against their abuser and perhaps it would make their bond even stronger which would always be a perk to me because they are the relationship I care about the most in here and I just want them to be a supportive presence in each other's life. As said, I just like the idea of Theon/Jeyne never having to see Ramsay again. I think that is a slight to Ramsay.

7. Public execution by a Stark or a Stark loyalist

Depending on the Starkling doing the execution we could get a glimpse of affection for Theon and Jeyne, which I wouldn't like. Mostly because of personal issues with how the "friendships" between Theon-Jeyne and their respective Stark BFFs are something I interpret very differently to the fandom's common perception.

I also really want Theon to liberate himself from the "The Starks™ were your true family" motto, and the narrative portraying them through a purely heroic and victorious light would annoy me (I like all of the Stark kids as individuals, I just don't like the Starks™). Especially in Ramsay's case, I think it could easily be interpreted as the Starks™ being Theon & Jeyne's saviours.

I do understand how Ramsay, as part of House Bolton and the current Lord of Winterfell, isn't a villain designated to be solely attached to Theon & Jeyne. Politically he and Roose are the Starks' biggest opponents and threats, so I would understand it if GRRM still chooses to take this route (preferably through Jon or Arya) and could hopefully still find some enjoyment in it.

Something I think could be interesting but, similarly to the Daenerys example, is very far-fetched from actually happening, is if one of Lady Stoneheart's companions would be the one. Maybe Harwin. It could mix well with my favourite possibility.

8. Killed by supernatural force

My personal exception would maybe be one involving Bran. Out of the Starks and semi-Starks (Catelyn, Jon), his and Theon's relationship is the one I find the most interesting and it could be very emotional to see this little boy who was a victim of Theon's actions during ACOK be the one to smite Theon's tormentor. Years ago I saw this art depicting Bran and the Children of the forest warging into Ramsay's dogs and killing him while defending Theon & Jeyne and I still like the idea. The only real thing that would bother me in Ramsay dying at the hands of a supernatural force is that it acts as an opposite to my favourite option. If he is killed by someone inhumanely powerful, what does that say about him and his strength? Does that mean Theon's view of him as an all-seeing, all-hearing, all-knowing entity is not based on his own fear? Is Ramsay really such a monster he can only be brought down by another monster?

9. Killed by Jeyne

This one seems to be a fairly popular option, especially loved by Sansa fans and I understand why. There is a surprisingly big amour of art and memes and I can see the appeal but to me, it would feel very tragic which is why I like it the least. Jeyne is a character who has suffered so much while having very little involvement in the events that lead to that suffering. We only have limited information on Jeyne as a person and her role in the narrative is that of a vessel for other people's feelings (which is alright, we need secondary characters) and considering how she has been canonically appalled and repulsed by violence even before she was subjected to horrible acts of violence (being frantic about the Hound killing Mycah, having a meltdown at the tourney, being extremely distressed by the massacre at King's Landing), it would be very sad to witness her becoming a perpetrator of violence even if it would be justified. To me, it would feel like she has lost another part of herself to the trauma inflicted upon her by Ramsay. She has bled too much, I don't want her to have to stain herself in other's blood either.

I have come across other theories, but those are the ones (that I can group) that feel the most plausible to me. Roose or Mance killing Ramsay still deserve mentions of honour, but I don't have too many feelings about those. With Mance it could help bring Wildling and Northerners together and if it were Roose that would probably mean that Walda is withchild and that the Northern plot line might take longer than we all thought it would.

I don't fully oppose any of these options though! And I think there could be narrative value to all of them. As said, these are just personal opinions.

Anyway, I'm gonna go listen to Bob Dylan's Masters of War and mentally envision an amv feat. Theon and Catelyn.

#And I hope that you die #And your death will come soon #I'll follow your casket #By the pale afternoon #And I'll watch while you're lowered #Down to your deathbed #And I'll stand over your grave #'Til I'm sure that you're dead #asoiaf #hopefully #twow #ramsay snow #I'm never tagging him as a Bolton I don't respect his chosen pronouns and I don't know if I should tag the other characters #Anyway I have two options now #either I throw whatever remains of my pseudo anonymity out of the fucking window and then feel stupid because oh the shame #BUT I can laugh about it! and that is funny. I like laughing about my pretentiousness #or I leave it on the #drafts #and keep my thoughts to myself which is what I usually do #ramsay is interesting and as much as I know he's probably going to be played as a cartoon villain who is evil for the lols I don't regret #the marxist readings of him as ridiculous as they sound #Si no publico esto por lo menos tengo que mandárselo a Tânia asi que #recordar #si alguna vez vuelvo a ao3 no debería ser con fanfics de este tipo

[oboetemasuka]

Hi pal! I DMed a passage from A More Restricted Existence for director's commentary if you want 👀

Hi! Sorry for the delay. Motivation can be finicky.

You might know from the previews that the original passage was a lot shorter. That was because I really wanted to send out the preview before I went to sleep.

"W-why did you…” Amane wasn’t sure what she was trying to ask Mahiru, but it wasn’t the question so much as the sentiment that needed to get across. Mahiru extended a hand to help Amane sit up. “Look, I get that I can be… overbearing at times… all of us, really. But I really can’t bear to see you so distant. So afraid. So hurt. If you could just let us in, wouldn’t it help us all?” Amane nodded quietly. Why was she the one relying on others now?

You might remember me asking for tips on the ending. I felt that it didn't have enough time to sink in.

So when I went around to revise it, I broke it into parts and fleshed each part out.

Here's what it looked like on paper.

Now sit back and enjoy the commentary!

Amane tried to breathe slowly, making up for lost air without agitating her injuries. Mahiru waited for her to speak.

Poor girl is trying to calm down, but it hurts. Good thing Mahiru is patient with her. (I'm trying to remember if Mahiru is this patient in canon.)

"W-why did you…" Amane had no real question in mind, just a sentiment.

I, uh… I didn't have a solid question in mind either. Something along the lines of "Why did you come find me?" perhaps, but it didn't feel right. On the one hand, it would have been a rhetorical question. Why? Because the restraints have reset (Yuno probably spent a moment helping Mahiru first) and Amane isn't around and she's terribly injured and who knows where she is and if she's trapped and if she's in danger and how much pain she is in-

Their fears are not unfounded.

Mahiru extended a hand to help Amane sit up. "Look, I get that I can be… overbearing at times… all of us, really. But I really can't bear to see you so distant.”

Amane-chan, stop running away. We're only trying to help :(((

The way Amane averted her eye only proved Mahiru’s point.

Y'know, every time I write OoA, I worry that I'll accidentally mention her "eyes". (The only post-attack exception is the voice drama, when she took off her eyepatch.)

“So afraid.” 

The light from the door shone on Amane’s face. She hated that it let Mahiru see her expression.

I wanted to say something about Mahiru being backlit. So Mahiru can see Amane's face but not the other way around. Ah well. Can't put everything in writing.

“So hurt.” 

Amane moved her hand to cover her right eye, but Mahiru gently pushed it away and clasped it in both of her hands. Despite Mahiru’s calm demeanor, Amane could feel her hands trembling.

This is meant to mirror your first drabble.

“That’s not…” Amane pulled away. Her voice stayed level, despite hiccups interrupting her. A hand reached up to her eyepatch. “It’s this. It’s all of this. It’s sinful. I took it off last night, but he must have…” She started unwrapping it. “They’re going to punish me...”  With a careful motion, Mahiru held it in place and took Amane’s hands into her own. She’d been picking up on the signs ever since they arrived here together, and a final wave of understanding washed over her.  “I can’t let you do that.” Amane’s expression twisted, though words came out far more frantic than fiery. “Let me go.” 

But this time, Amane doesn't resist.

“If you could just let us in, wouldn't it help us all?"

As you can see from the original passage, I drew out this part of the dialogue. I wanted it to sink in more.

Amane didn’t respond for several minutes. She thought she would break if she said anything. She just let Mahiru hold her hand in silence.

Is it a common feeling to be too choked up to speak? To not want to talk when you're about to cry, or else you will cry? 

Until.

She leaned forward and rested her head on Mahiru’s shoulder, gripping the sleeve with her free hand. If anyone asked, she was not crying. Not even a little. Mahiru softly patted her on the back.

You know you want the comfort… you know you do. Oh, the reluctance to admit weakness. When I sketched out this scene, though, I kept her right eye away from Mahiru's shoulder, so she was holding the sleeve with her right hand.

 Amane used to be the one who went around offering help. Why was she the one relying on others now?

Something about Amane being an emotional core even in canon Milgram. She wants to help the other prisoners. (Even if the audience is wary of her, I maintain that she's only trying to help in the way she knows how.)

Take this lyric from "Magic":

Dear wise one,  Is this ok? Is it ok to be weak sometimes?

I imagine the answer she knows is "no".

Supplementary reading material! This ask from the rp blog, regarding Eyepatch Amane's feelings on "Positive Parade.

#milgram #amane momose #mahiru shiina #asks #ask game #bad things happen to amane

[princesscolumbia]

Return to Recipient - A Ranma 1/2 fanfic

Summary:

Ranma hasn't been feeling right for as long as he can remember, and he just figured that's normal. But after Jusenkyo, and especially after Jusendo, the feeling of "wrongness" has been getting more and more noticeable... ...because he doesn't feel it in his cursed form. He continues to just cope, keeping his struggle to himself, until he finds a letter tucked into his old travel pack addressed to him, written by him, from a 48 hour period that he doesn't remember and nobody will talk to him about.

Notes:

During the writing of 🔞 And at This Point I'm Afraid to Ask 🔞, I realized I was speed-running Ranma's egg-to-hatched trans journey and made an author's note of that. In the comments for that work, I got a note bemoaning the fact that I didn't spend more time on Ranma's realization, coming out, and social transition as a woman while understanding my reasoning. I replied stating that I needed a good hook, something that hadn't been hammered to death by other authors, and at the time I didn't have anything. I really got it in my head that I should do something, so I posted to Tumblr and started putting it out to the universe that I was Poly Transwoman Author Seeking Story Inspiration and Motivation, in Open Relationship with current WIPs. I was scrolling through the "Ranma 1/2" tag this morning trying to find something I hadn't read when I bumped into Dear Diary by JaquiK. I've read it, of course, and it's short and, for what it sets out to do, good. "Feels like it needs more," says I, "Wish the author would continue it, make something more of it than they did." The little author that lives in my head rent free and looks remarkably like Ranma-chan ran up behind me and socked me in the back of my head, "Dummy! There's your plot hook!" Then she backed a dump truck up and dropped about 3/4 of a story's worth of ideas on me. With the 2023 holidays in full swing (it's Cyber Monday as I type this) I'm not sure how quickly I'll get to outlining this or getting chapters 2-5 out (my personal metric for whether the author is serious about a work is if they have 5 chapters out. This has been a solid rule of thumb for long-form fiction and hasn't failed me regardless of fandom), but I wanted to get at least chapter 1 out as quickly as possible. Tags will be added as I add more chapters, mostly because my writing process means I'm not sure what tags will apply until I'm writing something that necessitates them. 😋 I hope you enjoy it.

Preview below the cut

He had opened it and read the letter. Halfway through he realized he was shaking and that was when he'd vacated to the roof. He finished reading it fairly quickly, read it again, and then again. He was sure it was a fake of some sort at first, but it was like there was a voice in the back of his head telling him it was the genuine article. Not a 'voice,' per se, but like he could hear it in his girl-form's voice as he read it, like a memory of her reading it to herself after she'd written it to make sure it made sense. After, he'd sat there for nearly half an hour, watching as the sky turned deeper blue in anticipation of the sunset. Sighing for reasons he couldn't articulate yet, he looked at the top of the paper, noting the date again. It'd been written months earlier, on a day that was a big gap in Ranma's memory. This wasn't unusual for him, of course, his memory was notoriously spotty. This particular gap stood out, however, because he hadn't been able to tease the memory out no matter how he worked it, and everyone in the house behaved...weird whenever he asked about it. That more than anything told him that whatever had happened was significant enough the be memorable...about a time he had no memory.

He read the letter again,

Dear Ranma Saotome, I hope quite sincerely that you never find this letter, that you won't ever need to find it because you won't have come back. That sounds awful, but if you're back, then that means that I'm gone. I woke up this morning, and for once in my life I felt right. I didn't realize until it'd been explained to me by Akane that I didn't belong. I'm somehow in your body, awake and alive and able to be just me, and all thanks to Jusenkyo. And, apparently, a smack on the head with a pan. I love Akane, but she has such a temper. And I do feel ALIVE. I have your memories, but they're so...cloudy, so dark and hazy. When I make myself remember them, it's like a layer of shadow and pain is over all of them. It hurt so much to be you that I can understand why you hid away and I came out. Your body makes me feel wrong.  I don't know what it means, how it happened or why I'm here. I think maybe a doctor might be able to help, but then we'd have to explain about the...'curse.' I don't like calling it a curse, that would mean it was bad. For me, it's not. It's wonderful and beautiful and it means I get to exist in a body that doesn't make me feel like I'm wrong. Uncle Tendo splashed me with hot water and turned me into a boy, and it was horrible. I wanted to climb out of my skin to make the wrongness stop. Don't get me wrong, I understand that you're quite handsome, in another world I could probably see you and consider you a fine catch, maybe even try to make you my husband somehow. But to be wearing your body felt like looking down and seeing a

At this point there were several attempts to write a kanji, each attempt being scratched out with the pen. Finally, the writer of the letter managed to put down what they were trying to say;

cat and not being able to get away from it. Being a boy felt horrible and wrong. You're welcome to it, I never could. In case I haven't made it clear, I'm a woman. Well, I suppose I'm still a girl, but I'm growing up to be a woman and I have dreams of being like big sis Kasumi and keeping a nice house and getting flowers, maybe planting a garden. I want to be married, but I guess I haven't grown up enough yet, because I don't think I like boys yet. I keep imagining a future where I'm married and being a housewife, but all I can see as a 'husband' is Akane. Isn't that silly? She's a tomboy, but she's not that much of a boy! ヾ(≧▽≦*)o In case you do read this letter, take care of Akane. She took good care of me today, even though it was very obvious she missed you terribly. I'm writing this in our room as I'm trying to sleep, hoping that it will help with my racing thoughts and the feeling of loneliness; father is refusing to sleep in the room, he considers me disgraceful. I find without someone else around I cannot sleep. I imagine that's because, from what I remember, that's the only life you've ever known, and technically you and I are the same person. If you are reading this, then I'm gone. Please find a way to stop that awful pain you carry with you. I experienced it for only a few hours, you've had it for your entire life. As strong as you are, as much of a martial artist as everyone says, I can only imagine that much pain will break you someday. Love, Ranma Saotome

Pain... thought Ranma. She called it pain.

Read the whole thing on AO3

#fanfiction #fanfic #nanowrimo #note to self #egg cracking moment #trans female character #transgender #lgbtqia #lgbt #lgbtq+ #ranma ½ #ranma #ranma saotome #ranma 1/2 #tofu ono #doctor tofu #doc tofu

[maybebabyplease]

editing tips

ok i’m making this list because i’ve seen a lot of posts lately about how fanfiction doesn’t have to be “good”, and while i believe that’s true to an extent, i don’t think it captures the whole picture. personally, i believe that anything worth doing is worth doing well, and by well i mean to the best of my current abilities, whether other people think it’s “good” or not. i also know that a lot of us use fanfiction as a sort of practice session, and if you’re practicing writing, you might as well be practicing editing as well. this is not me saying that anything has to be perfect, or that beginners should shy away from this space. i just happen to be passionate about editing, a thing i know a lot of people hate, and i would like to take this opportunity to share that passion!

anyway, that’s me off my soapbox or whatever. here are some tips i like to use when i edit! take them, leave them, etc. 

1. look for moments where you can put in specifics. people find specific details relatable, even if you think they won’t. this is why taylor swift is so popular! her lyrics often use moments that are super specific to an experience, but many of us end up finding them relatable, either because we’ve had a similar specific experience or just felt similar emotions. specificity gets at the root of the emotion behind the story. 

2. the obvious “show don’t tell”. i feel like we’ve all heard this a million times. i still fuck it up and have to go back and look for it. even after a round or two of editing i still find “tells” i missed before. it’s hard! but it’s also really easy to fix once you’ve found it! see: point 1 about specifics.

3. sentence/word variation. a large part of reading is looking at the way the words physically look on the page. a bunch of repeated words, only using long/short sentences, too much dialogue in a row without any description, etc. all look a certain way on the page, and it’s not as attractive as it could be. i always paste my work into ao3 to preview and check if it looks nice on the screen.

4. plot v story -- think about the story of it all. this is one i fuck up too. don’t tell me “they always ate dinner together on saturdays and then they went to the horse races on sunday mornings and then they went to the park” give me the scenes! give me one particular saturday dinner where they ate the best spaghetti ever and the time they lost a bunch of money at the horse races and a day in the park where they argued about getting a dog. don’t just give me the sequence of events, give me the story – the settings, the characters, the ambiance, the themes, etc. we’re all just here for stories. see: point 2 about show and tell.

5. change the font before you re-read. this seems silly, but in my experience it’s really helpful for the piece to look different in some way. then you’re more likely to catch things you might not have caught before. i like an ugly font like comic sans or something, but you do you.

6. edit the piece as a whole. look, this is going to be controversial, bc a lot of people like to do the chapter-by-chapter thing. that is very cool for them and i am glad it works! it does not work for me, which is why you cannot find any long works (yet) on my ao3 page. gotta finish to edit to post. the pros to this: you can move scenes around, you can change plot points, you can flip the whole thing and tell your story backwards, you can cut an entire character, etc etc etc. the cons to this: you have to wait to post, which might lower your motivation to finish. ymmv with this tip, but i would suggest trying it on at least one long piece! you might like it!

7. read it til it makes you want to puke, and then read it again. when you hate every word, put it in the drawer for about 48 hours. take it back out and it should look a lot better. time heals all wounds or whatever.

ok i’ll leave it there for now (even though i could go on for years about this). editing can be so much more than just checking for grammar and spelling mistakes. you can have fun with it! the writing process is fun! 

also happy to hear anyone else’s favorite editing tips, as i am always looking to improve! this is a favorite topic of mine so i would be thrilled to discuss :)

#writing advice #editing tips #the writing process #em writes #if you're like is she qualified to give this advice? #the answer is no but also yes #obsession can take you a long way when it comes to learning #highly recommend taking an editing class as well #if you're really interested in learning more about it

[probablyhuntersmom]

Ok, I was told about this.

emerald-entrails-hunter,

I'm gonna show a total of four screenshots in this post, and I don't wanna force what people think of me or twist any narratives. You readers can decide 😔 It would be good though, if readers have a look at both her post and this one that I have written. Before deciding what kind of person I am.

After the first boundary you put up in September, I still sent you an absolutely insensitive ask shortly after you ended things on Discord, and I wrote a physical letter to send to you. In both, not only I did not give a proper apology, but I violated your boundary of "Do not contact me again". In no way am I justifying what I did but, I was desperate to try and get us to reconcile, even if it was executed so poorly. And re: the matter that even led up to the end of our friendship to begin with.....I was cowardly. I am so sorry for my hurtful behaviour in that situation too. For all this, I am truly sorry. 😔

And I know that people have varying opinions about vagueposting. But like, if people see my vagueposts, wasn't that a conscious choice they made to seek out my vagueposts, policing what I put up?

Look. Even putting up this post, is terrifying to me. But to quote you, I to a degree also need to stand up for myself here, or else I'm going to spiral badly just before a vacation that's in 5 days. I am not like your abuser. It has taken me many months to even begin loving myself again after what happened. 😔

There was absolutely no way that I was going to show up outside your door at all.

I am definitely not that person. I put in my vagueposts that any reminders of rural Japan would be triggering e.g. even imagining tatami flooring in my head would make me gag, so why would I spend a huge chunk of $ to even go there now, in the first place (far more so now, since I'm in remission for cancer)? That would make me feel sicker to my stomach than the set of multiple triggers I already had. One of my posts also speaks about me cancelling a hotel booking. Which means I was NOT going to go to Japan to find you.

Proof from my email inbox:

And I would have done this much earlier. But I got diagnosed with cancer.

So, I suspect that you and your group have deliberately not factored in info like that in your callout. Because you really want to push a certain narrative here. If you have been monitoring me, you would have seen that info. But you do not appear to have incorporated said info into how you are viewing this whole thing.

This group has assumed that my motive was about inserting messages and about reaching out to connect, when instead I was just processing my feelings. Is there not a difference between those? I feel that this group has created their own definitions for things.

This group has actively chosen to peek at a blog they don't want to follow (mine), like hate-watching something to feel righteous, and then got ticked off - idk about internet culture differences, but you could have chosen not to look? Esp after I said I cancelled my hotel booking? AND even when I did not speak ill of you at all in my posts, it still wasn't good enough for your group's set of rules. This feels like any phrase I type is going to be seen by them as "*hisssssss* she broke our rules!!", so I have a very bad feeling about continuing.

Whether you believe me or not, I already felt so so awful and guilty upon sending off the letter. And, seeing your art in my suggestions sidebars was not something I sought out. I didn't want to see your art. But the previews of your art still made their way past Tumblr's blocking and filtering system, and they would trigger me. This means I would definitely, absolutely, never want to show up begging you for anything, or write you anymore letters, after the wrongdoings from last year that are going to haunt me for the rest of my life. I would not dare to at all, because the guilt is still eating into me every day 😔😔😔

How ashamed do you think I feel now, now that I have learnt that what I did caused you to move apartments? And I do not want to say this in any manipulative manner at all. I say it from a place of utter sadness and shame.

And importantly, you sent me these from a new sideblog you created, back in February when you heard about my cancer:

In your callout post, you say there was absolutely no misunderstanding that went down between us. But in your February ask, you said "a grand misunderstanding".

If you've changed your mind, then ok, it's perfectly valid. But it really sounds like two completely different people who sent me this long ask in Feb, versus the callout post from 12 or so hours ago.

You said, "You don't care about how you've made me feel". But if I carry this much guilt, every single day, doesn't that mean that I care about how I have made you feel?

Or, are you wanting me to care about how you feel, in a very very specific way? I'm not you, and at this point I really don't think I can be.

You saying "this happened last flipping September" and "we only knew each other for 2-3 months tops"...means you have given my grief a timeline and deadline. I will really, really have to disagree about this. You may not understand it, but this is one area that I definitely can't change my mind about.

Grief is as unique as fingerprints are, and my grief has stretched on for 9.5 months now because the 2-3 good months we had? They mattered. They. Mattered. That. Much. To. Me. Those short months were real. It's not that I was scheming with some long-term plan, to be power-hungry or hungry for control in the friendship.

I still loved you all this time and mourned deeply, though now that you've put up that post, I'm really not so sure anymore.

You have every right to feel frustrated that I'm still mourning after almost 10 months. But if you are trying to say here that I must grieve in a way that you want, I'm very sorry but I really can't. Reading your callout post, I also do not feel like you have acknowledged the heavy guilt I have been carrying, which I am not lying about. I am acknowledging your pain, even if you cannot trust that I am, but don't see that you have acknowledged mine in the callout post.

Why couldn't you use a more balanced statement e.g. "I understand you are guilty, but your vagueposting makes me extremely paranoid and uncomfortable"?

Instead, you are saying "You don't care about how you've made me feel".

I am very very sorry, and could not be more sorry, for all the hurt I have caused you. This is the theme of the ask that I wanted to send to you this coming Monday, to that same sideblog of yours. But I won't send it anymore because you don't want that. You acknowledged in the February ask you sent, that you hurt me as well. But I fully acknowledge that I was the one started it: this is true.

In your callout post, you said "now you're trying to [break my trust] again soon?" Well, in your February ask to me, you said I could rehash what happened in September with you if I wanted. And I was prepping to do that this coming Monday, though I won't anymore.

I feel that your callout is presumptuous, filtered through your lens without checking with me first. Though at the same time: I fully understand why you wouldn't want to trust anymore, even if I'm telling the truth. I acknowledge this fully.

You have pointed out via DM that you are prone to all-or-nothing thinking and you KNOW it can be unhealthy:

And I believe this is what was in play again here, with what has happened.

I'm just. I am really, truly sorry. 😔😔😔 Now I feel that I'm gonna have to 100% block from my side as well, so that I don't start having serious symptoms, because the ring of "You have no right to X/Y/Z" in your callout post, and how you're implying to me how to navigate my grief...this has changed the impression I now have of you too, after almost 10 months 😔 So, this is goodbye.

I am truly sorry. I don't want to hide anything on here

-------------

Here's my conclusion:

- They filled in a massive gap with what they think my motives were, to push a particular narrative to suit a specific agenda, to make them feel a certain way that they wanted.

- E.g. being rather sure that I was gonna spend a huge chunk of $ to go and fly somewhere and, still talk to a person that I fell out with? That would be a really huge waste of $, time and sanity. But hey, they already spun a story to put out there.

- They also left this out on purpose: I spoke about the nausea I'd feel when I images of tatami flooring and anything Japan would appear in my mind. So...imagine how unpleasant it would be for me to even look at the real scenery and locations. So why would I take a huge chunk of $ out of my savings, to go somewhere and make myself feel worse than I already have felt about the imagery in my head whenever it pops up in my head? - The ask sent to me in Feb allowed me to rehash the fallout again. And when I wanna do the rehashing, I then get slammed for it. Uh? I could not read your mind that you had changed your decision: the change in decision was NOT communicated to me in private first. Then waywardsunlight, her friend and attack dog, shrieks at me asking why I put up screenshots of the February ask. If she put my username out publicly, and then demands that I don't put up that ask (which acts as proof) publicly.....what does this therefore imply? That this group doesn't want me putting out context that they wanna make sure they leave out? Feels like a double standard to me.

- Importantly, she has conveniently said "Well, how was I supposed to know all that?!?!" only AFTER she put out this story that she wanted to tell.

I am repulsed. Thank god

#negativity tw