#I need more friends that aren’t vegetarians so I can convince them to cook me meat

[athetos]

I miss hanging out with my friends I know they’re all busy with grad school so they have barely any free time but I miss them and i always feel slightly like the odd one out because I’m the only one not in their program and don’t know a lot of the stuff they gossip about but they always make me feel included which is really nice… mentioned how I used to be unable to cook meat because of my ocd and that I still struggle with it but I’ve made a lot of progress cooking my meat at the jbbq we were at and they were all congratulating me and cheering and suggested some things that they thought would help ease my anxiety and I 🥹🥹🥹

#p #I need more friends that aren’t vegetarians so I can convince them to cook me meat #also meat is expensive especially if you’re the only member in your household that eats it #I only ever eat fish or chicken on a weekly basis #pork is pretty much relegated to pizza toppings but if I get free lunch at work you know I’m getting carnitas #once in a blue moon when I eat out I’ll get a burger #when I visit my family next week maybe I’ll ask my mom if she can get those angus burgers…..

[tchallasbabymama]

M’Baku’s Love-Chapter 1

Hey y’all, sooooo this is inspired by Sylvie’s Love. It was such a sweet movie that made me feel all the feels, so I felt the need to write a love story for our Thicc Kang. Seriously, go watch it on Prime if you can. Let me know what y’all think, and check out my masterlist if you haven’t already! I have a few one shots and a series for both our king and our prince. 

This one’s on the shorter side, but enjoy!

Word count: 2992

When M’Baku integrated the Jabari into the rest of Wakandan society he had some concerns about there being some cultural friction. Having been separated for centuries, M’Baku assumed his people would have a hard time with adjusting to the new union, but as it turned out he didn't have to worry. Above all, he was worried about lowland Wakandans possibly subjecting his people to their prejudices, but it turned out that they have a pretty similar society to the Jabari and they meld really well. The different tribes of Wakanda all live in their separate provinces and have their own ways of living just like the Jabari, the only difference being that they interacted with the larger community that included the rest of Wakanda as well. 

The chief’s misconceptions and prejudices about the other Wakandans were soon wiped out and replaced with a love of his country. The whole of it, as opposed to just his domain. He even began to enjoy his trips to the city, still finding the advancements unnecessary but amazing nonetheless. Over time, he grew curious of the outside world after befriending Prince N’Jadaka. The prince would regale him with horror stories of life on the outside, some were personal others were from around the diaspora. 

However, M’Baku still couldn't understand the outside world, so King T’Challa decided  it would be best if he get to experience it for a while. At first, he was against it. Why would he want to experience such a horrible place? After much effort, T’Challa was able to convince him to spend three months in Oakland at the Outreach Center. At first, M’Baku thought the time span was excessive. He was Chief of the Jabari and had important duties to attend to, after all, he couldn’t just go galavanting halfway across the world just because he couldn’t grasp the concept of white supremacy. 

M’Baku made his way through the hallways of the royal palace and when he arrived at the large ornate door to the king’s office, the guards saluted him before parting and letting him pass. He raised his fist to knock when T’Challa spoke up from inside.

“Enter.”

M’Baku cautiously opened the door and looked at the king with confusion written all over his chiseled face.

“How did you-”

“The heart shaped herb gives me enhanced hearing among many other things. Come, sit down. How has the tour been so far?”

In addition to his time in the outside world, M’Baku had chosen to learn more about the tribes of Wakanda. He had spent one weekend a month with a different tribe to understand their way of life. He only just started but so far the river tribe was in the running for second favorite.

“It is going well, umhlobo wam. You all are not too different from Jabari, aside from the frivolous gadgets.”

T’Challa smiled at his stubborn friend’s unwillingness to accept their technology. Getting him to wear Kimoyo beads was harder than bathing a cat, but he eventually came around but only for communication purposes. Some Jabari, especially the younger ones took right to it, but most were still living their traditional lives. 

“I noticed the same thing when I stayed with you...the second time, clearly.” 

The two chuckled at the now fond memory of the king almost dying at the hands of his newly beloved cousin. 

“Clearly. So have you decided on a departure date yet?”

“Yes, I will be leaving with you and staying for about a week to check on the centers myself and help you acclimate. Obviously N’Jadaka will be there as well but I figured you’d want someone with you that’s a little more…”

“Level headed?”

“N-, well, yes, but also no. He is doing well at the Center, but he is still...himself.”

The prince was a wildcard. One you want to have in your hand, but a wildcard nonetheless. M'Baku  needed someone with a slightly longer fuse and a calmer disposition to show him around. 

“Well I would not have it any other way, he is quite entertaining at times.”

A grin creeped up the king’s face as he thought of how his cousin’s progress had allowed for the parts of personality that aren’t rooted in anger to shine through. 

“I agree. So, since I’ll be accompanying you we have to leave tomorrow.”

“I will alert my council.”

——————

The heat in California was marginally better than Wakanda, but still too high for M’Baku’s liking. He would have preferred to visit in the middle of their winter when the temperatures were milder, but anything over 60 degrees felt like a sauna to him. He also wasn’t used to having so much unprotected skin showing, but the weather called for his arms and legs to be free from fabric. His size and physique made him hyper visible and he noticed several of the volunteers doing double-takes as he and T’Challa walked through the halls of the Wakandan Outreach Center. He knew some of the attention was because the king didn’t visit often, but when he would catch eyes lingering on him he’d smirk and keep on moving.

T’Challa took him on a tour of the Center that ended with N’Jobu’s memorial in room 1401, which was preserved like a museum exhibit. The room stood as a reminder of Wakanda’s dark past, and a promise to never repeat it. M’Baku walked around the memorial, silently paying his respects to the murdered Wakandan prince and taking in the scene. The small plaques around the room gave visitors information about Prince N’Jobu, his family, his mission, and his death.  

“Why did you go with these instead of virtual pages? Or whatever they are called...” M’Baku asked.

“Holograms. I felt it would take away from the feeling of heaviness this room invokes on you when you enter. This memorial needs to be both seen and felt for it to be effective.”

M’Baku nodded slowly, eyes still roaming around the room.

“Come, my friend,” T’Challa clapped him on the shoulder. “You will have plenty of time to come back here if you wish. For now, let me show you to your office.”

“Office?” The two walked down yet another hallway and headed up to the top floor.

“Yes, you didn’t think this was a vacation did you?” The king chuckled.

“Well, no but I assumed it would be more study than work.”

“It is both. You will be our Jabari Ambassador while you are here. I would like for you to come up with a skillshare program that will allow for the kids here in Oakland to learn your ways. One of the purposes of our Outreach Center is to bring about cultural understanding between us and our diaspora siblings, who we are now referring to as the Lost Tribe at the prince’s request. For now, we just have Oakland but eventually I plan to expand the program. Shuri is over the STEM program, Nakia handles social outreach, and N’Jadaka keeps the whole thing running smoothly, and you will make sure the Jabari are represented in our curriculum.”

“It would be my honor to bring Jabari ways to the Lost children.”

“I’m glad, now here is your office,” T’Challa pointed to a corner office with floor-to-ceiling windows and a view of the bay. “It is not a throne room, but it is quite nice.”

The king then took the time to show him the basic technology he would need to use and some of the more advanced technology at his disposal he knew he would probably never touch.

“You will have plenty of time to settle in tomorrow, for now I will show you your apartment,” T’Challa led the way back through the center and out to the car which took them about 10 minutes away to an apartment building. 

“Our buildings are much more impressive,” M’Baku remarked.. It warmed T’Challa’s heart to hear his friend refer to Wakanda proudly instead of just his own corner of the country, and he let out a chuckle. Things really can change…

“I completely agree, my friend.”

The apartment turned out to be a loft that was the perfect size for the large Jabari Chief. The high ceilings, the open space, the floor to ceiling windows, the exposed brick...M’Baku actually liked it. 

“Worthy of a chief?” T’Challa asked.

“That it is,” M’Baku said, walking around and taking in the space. The restaurant style kitchen was fully stocked with all his vegetarian favorites and some soon to be new favorites as well. He picked up a square package and stared at it in confusion, never having seen the meat-substitute before. “What is this to-fu?”

“It’s a very popular protein source made from soybeans.”

M’Baku nodded then moved to the living space, surprised to see a television, but the king explained he would need to stay up on current events, or maybe even watch a movie every now and then.

When T’Challa showed him the thermostat, he was so ecstatic he immediately put it on the lowest setting.

“I should leave before you freeze me out. If you need anything I’m just a kimoyo bead aw-,” T’Challa cut himself off when another, more important thought occurred to him. “Oh, I forgot to mention you’ll be getting an assistant. I sent three files to your beads, take a look and hire whichever one fits you best”

“Thank you, brother.” The two shook hands and saluted each other before the king left to give M’Baku his space. 

The chief admired the Jabari wood furniture and the furs on the couch, plopping down to try to figure out how to work the television. After some time, he found a news station and only lasted about 5 minutes before he needed to turn it off. Instead, he accidentally switched to a thing called HBO Max and clicked on a show where the main character looked familiar somehow.

“In West Philadelphia, born and raised,” the theme song played over and over and over as M’Baku binged his first tv show, laughing the whole way.

A few hours passed and he was brought back from tv land by a rumble in his stomach. Not in the mood to cook, he decided to explore the neighborhood and look for food instead. 

After just a few minutes M’Baku came to a stop in front of a place called Cafe V. He stopped to take a look at the menu in the window when he felt a small, or regular sized, person bump into his side. His eyes travelled down to see who would dare shove Lord M’Baku, Chief of the Jabari, when his eyes landed on a caramel-complected goddess with a bright teal fade. His face immediately softened as she stammered through an apology.

“I-I am so s-sorry, I wasn’t paying attention. I got a text and, it doesn’t matter, are you ok?”

He struggled to find the words.

“Yes, are you? That was quite the impact.”

She was surprised by his kindness and gave him a smile.

“It was, wasn’t it?” The two shared a quick laugh. “I’m sorry, I’m running late to meet a friend...literally.” 

“Well I would not want to keep you, but please be mindful of your surroundings. I am sure everyone is not as nice as I am.”

“That’s for sure. Oh, and by the way,” she leaned in as if to tell him a secret. He leaned in to listen to whatever she had to tell him. “There’s a Black-owned vegan restaurant around the corner there.”

M’Baku’s eyes lit up, “Two things I love.”

“Black people and vegan food?” 

“Precisely,” a grin overtook his face and she couldn’t help but stare at his adorable gap. 

“Well I really have to go, nice meeting you stranger!” 

And with that, she was off before he could even get her name. The best he could do is hope she’d crash into him on the sidewalk again one day.

“I really hope she is more careful,” he said to himself as he rounded the corner to The V Spot.

——————

Monday morning, M’Baku arrived at the outreach center full of nervous energy. He had wanted to look nice for his first day, but his tunic felt like it was cutting off his circulation the closer he got to the building. When he finally arrived in his office, he found it full of royals. 

“Nigga you look uncomfortable as hell in that,” N’Jadaka was, naturally, the first to call out the obvious. Thankfully, the Queen came to his rescue.

“Stop it Daka, you’d look uncomfortable in Jabari attire,” Nakia said as she undid his top button. “There. Better?”

“Much. I did not want to ruin the look.”

“Turning blue ruins the look, genius,” Princess Shuri chimed in. 

“Sister, he wasn’t blue...yet. If we hadn’t gotten here when we did the Jabari would’ve been out a Chief,” the king added. 

“Ha. You all are very funny. Are you done?”

“We’re just fucking with you, man. How you liking the loft?”

“It is wonderful. I am almost embarrassed to say I have watched the television for several hours. Have you ever seen the Fresh Prince of Bel Air? It is hilarious!”

“Aw hell yeah, that’s like thee funniest show hands down. You know what? While you’re here, I’m introducing you to alllllll the Black entertainment. You’re gonna love it, niggas stay laughing at something.”  

“Speaking of, I thought… that word-“

“You can say nigga. You’re a nigga too, my nigga.” 

T’Challa leaned over to M’Baku, “It is an adjustment, but the reclaiming of slurs can be a powerful thing for oppressed peoples. And it’s just so versatile.”

“What an interesting language…”

“Are we teaching an English class or are we meeting about curriculum…?” Shuri asked impatiently before her brother pinched her arm.

“Ouch! I’m telling mother.”

“Go ahead, I’ll tell her you’ve been sneaking out at night to hang with your little friends.”

Shuri shot her cousin a deadly glare, making him put his hands up in surrender.

“I didn’t say shit. He’s a walking lie-detector, I don’t know what to tell you.”

Nakia and M’Baku snickered at the situation they had no part in. Nakia, because she knew her husband had known for quite some time and would never snitch on his baby sister, but always had Dora following her at a safe distance. M’Baku enjoyed the moment because he and the Princess had a love-hate relationship and seeing her in “trouble” tickled him. 

The moment passed and the five of them moved to a conference room to discuss the upcoming summer. Shuri advocated for a nanobots workshop on weekends and Nakia laid out her plans for summer programs. The king and prince listened closely and N’Jadaka gave his input here and there. T’Challa mostly nodded along, as this was more so his cousin’s job than his. He just signs the checks. 

“...and Monaé just hired three new dance instructors because our classes are so popular with the community. She’ll discuss it in the Department Head meeting later-“

“Is that not what this is?” M’Baku asked, genuinely confused.

“If anything this is more of an executive meeting. We each oversee our departments, but have help running them. That’s who we will meet with in about 15 minutes.” Nakia responded, checking her beads for the time.

The executives finished their meeting just as other people started to roll in. Kitchen staff brought up some breakfast for everyone, and as soon as M’Baku stood to grab a bagel his knees nearly buckled. There she was, Miss In A Hurry herself. He tried to play it cool and keep his smile under wraps, but when she caught sight of the blinding whiteness from the other side of the room she recognized him immediately and waved. 

“Friend of yours…?” T’Challa asked quietly with a raised brow. The man had only been here 24 hours…

“She ran into me on the street the other day and recommended an amazing restaurant. I should go say thank you…”

“Yes you should...why aren’t you?”

“I-“

“Mhm,” T’Challa said before turning to the rest of the attendees. “Everyone, please welcome Lord M’Baku, Chief of the Jabari. He will be here the next three months integrating Jabari culture into our curriculum. As many of you know, the Jabari-“

M’Baku tuned T’Challa out, staring instead at the girl with the teal fade. The look on her face when the king introduced him made him want to go hold her. It was painstakingly obvious that she was embarrassed to have almost run over royalty. 

“-until we started the integration process a year ago. Now, Lord M’Baku you may have the floor.”

M’Baku cleared his throat and shook himself from his daydream. 

“Uh, hello. I am sure it will be a pleasure to work here with you all. I would like to meet with each department head at some point this week to discuss how to make your programs more inclusive of Jabari customs. We can start scheduling those after we are finished here.”

The meeting went on for about an hour with M’Baku and the department heads furiously taking notes. M’Baku was pleasantly surprised that he wasn’t the only one using a physical notepad and pen. He looked to the stranger from earlier and noticed her bright notebook with a multicolored neon leopard cub in the middle. The name on the side read “Lisa Frank”, but he wasn’t sure if that was her name or the artist. She used several different colored pens to take her notes, and the red cat eye glasses he didn’t see on her face the other day kept slipping down her nose. She was a colorful one, that was for sure.

By the time the meeting ended he still hadn’t caught her name, but he knew she was head of the Arts department and that he would meet with her the next day. He could wait until then.

Next Chapter

#cecewritessometimes #black panther fic #sylvie's love #m'baku #m'baku x oc #black!oc #thicc king

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 74

Time for the enormous family dinner that Maverick asked for! This chapter beta'd by @satan-parisienne and @baelpenrose. I may end up writing the other half, showing interactions with everyone who didn't show up in this chapter, and to allow a smoother transition to the treat I have in store after.

Only content warnings are for food.

P.S. This is posted on mobile, so I wasn't able to enter the Read More, and for that I apologise. When I get to my desktop this evening, I'll add it in.

P.S.S. Fixed it!

“I’m convinced you two are actually telepathic,” Maverick mused as he reached stealthily for a carrot stick.

Without even looking up from where she was piping devilled eggs, Tyche swatted his hand. “Those are the spicy ones, you don’t want them.  And that is not an invitation to steal the other ones!” Her voice escalated as he tried to sneak toward the ‘safe’ carrots.

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about,” he pouted. “You can’t even see me!”

I laughed from where I was folding what felt like a million dumplings. “She doesn’t have to.  She could hear you the first time, and logic took care of the second.” Running out of pierogi filling, I reached for the bowl of potsticker filling. “And we aren’t telepathic, we’ve just been cooking together a long time.  She always helped me in the kitchen when we were kids, and it kind of turned into this well-choreographed dance as we got older.”

Tyche and I were currently in the kitchen of the Undine, working to put together a smorgasbord of finger foods for our entire family.  After some stern negotiations with Sebastian, he ended up being willing to trade a seat at the table and any 5 recipes he chose in exchange for renting the place out for the night.  As a result, she and I were doing our best to show off: fajita chicken rolls, cottage pie tarts, miniature wellingtons in both beef and vegetarian options, spicy roasted carrots, crudites, miniature kebabs in various combinations…

And dumplings. Every ethnic dumpling we knew how to make. So far we had a meat and a vegetarian option – each – for empanadas, pierogis, and I was just starting on the potstickers. Bao were last on the list, since they needed to be served hot. Tyche was even planning on apple dumplings with the desserts.  We even tried banh bot loc, but ours were so ugly and lopsided – far from the round, translucent, authentic ones we both had the pleasure of trying at one point - that we decided not to serve them.

Tyche waved a hand, shooing Maverick toward another workstation. “Ingredients and recipes are over there for sauces.  Are you okay to put them together?” As she spoke, she sprinkled a red seasoning over a platter of eggs.

“I don’t have to taste test all of these do I?” he asked skeptically as he walked over.  Narrowing his eyes, he gave me a critical look. “You two taste test everything, and I’m pretty sure a lot of these are spicy.”

Tyche neatly stuck a sign labelled “Spicy!” in the platter of eggs she just finished, not even aware of the irony. “We did a run-through for the sauces and actually measured everything to ensure consistency.  You don’t have to taste any of them if you don’t want.”

“Then I’m on it.” He gave a sloppy salute before grabbing the first recipe.  Knowing his need for precision and consistency, I was confident those sauces would turn out perfect.

We worked in silence for several minutes before the door to the kitchen opened again.  “Hello, goddesses of delicious foods, your humble worshipper is here to offer his fealty,” Conor joked as he made a sweeping bow, hair still damp from his shower.

I shoved a tray full of vol au vents into his arms as soon as he stood. “Hey, love. Can you please take these out and set them on one of the serving tables? It’s the little ones, about waist high on me, that look like they might hold a lamp.”

He nodded before standing patiently with an expectant look. I chuckled when I realized what he wanted and tipped my face up for a kiss.  He gave me a brief, smiling kiss, before stepping over to do the same for Maverick. For good measure, he dropped a kiss on top of Tyche’s head, eliciting a squawk. Dodging her hand as she playfully lashed out, he backed through the door and disappeared. 

The four of us worked like that as we finished up preparations for dinner. The moment Maverick and Conor carried out the last tray of morsels, Tyche and I pulled off our aprons.  I indulgently allowed her to smooth my outfit and touch up my hair before we went to greet our extended ‘family’. We were greeted by deafening applause, cheers, and whistles as we walked out. I felt my face ignite and glanced to see that Tyche was equally flushed.  It had been one thing, on Earth, to have polite applause offered when either of us had been recognized for achievements or led a seminar, but to have less than twenty people give us such raucous enthusiasm just for feeding them…. There was little in my life that made me feel as appreciated as I did in that moment.  Even my newly re-found friend, Arthur, was smiling and giving a barely-awkward thumbs up.

With an embarrassed smile, I waved back and made my way to a table that was, largely, in the middle of the room. Tyche followed my lead and sat beside me.  Conor and Maverick sat to the other side, leaving a seat for Antoine. I waited patiently for my sister’s partner to be seated before realizing, belatedly, that he must be held up with work.

Sure enough, the four of us had just poured our drinks when Antoine threw himself into his seat. Breathless, he explained, “I beg your pardon, I lost track of what time it was.”

Tyche and I glanced at each other, matched confused expressions on our faces; Antoine’s punctuality rivalled my own in its degree of overcompensation. Still, she turned and rubbed his shoulder. “That must have been a stressful case.”

He only nodded in response before changing the topic. “Congratulations, both of you. I am sure everyone is excited to try everything, especially since you put so much effort into it.”  His smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, but I chalked that up to whatever case held him over at work. With an expression that I hoped was reassuring, I gestured toward the tables.

The five of us made our way through the crowd, surrounded on all sides by excited chatter. Not a single person even attempted to be subtle as they met new people and discussed the topic they clearly had in common.

“Oh! They made the spicy eggs! You have to try those – they are amazing!”

“Just look at the shells on these tarts.  So thin and crisp.”

“Are those the spicy dumplings?” “No, these are the pierogi.  Try them!”

“See how these are fried and then steamed? That’s how they should be made.”

“They always make a vegetarian option.  It just makes me smile…. Everything on the Ark is vegetarian, but they like making sure it’s familiar. It's such a thoughtful gesture.”

“Oh my god, this one is curry… you have to try it!”

By the time we got to the tables, my face hurt from blushing and smiling.  We weren't, by any stretch of the imagination, the best cook and baker on the Ark, but we tried our best.  Everything was made by hand, even if the ingredients were from the consoles. Hearing the appreciation of that – even when it was for Tyche’s paper-thin pastry crust that I could never hope to make – made my eyes water with tears I refused to shed.

Eventually, we were back at our table, plates loaded down with a little of everything for us to share. Tyche and I nibbled, too engrossed in the reactions of others to properly enjoy the fruits of our labors. Conor and Maverick, however, had no such qualms – they dug in like it was a competition, each trying to beat the other with the effusiveness of their praises. The comedy of it led to an elbowing match between me and my sister, only interrupted by people stopping to thank and/or congratulate us.

Just as I was about to make a joke to Tyche, a conversation from the next table over broke through our little bubble of bashful pride. “Oh, for fucks sake, she’s my sister! That’s just – Xiomara, that’s disgusting!”

Wide eyed, I whipped my head to follow the voice, only to see Arthur Farro looking at Xio with an expression that matched the disgust in his voice. “What in the – “ At no point since our reunion had he mentioned that his sister was on the Ark.

While Xio and Arthur were engaged in a glowering-match, Grey calmly turned toward me. “Xiomara may have heavily implied that Educator Farro has…less than honorable intentions towards you, and that he would be sorely remiss in any inclination to intervene in your current domestic situation.”

As I parsed that statement, Tyche just snorted. “That has, at no point in reality, been on the table from either of their perspective. Even I knew that, Xio. Chill out.”

“Don’t get me wrong,” Arthur chimed in. “Your taste in men is… Impeccable, I’ll be honest.” He shrugged at Conor and Maverick, feigning apology. “But Sophia is just… not my type.  She’s more like what I would have been in a kinder reality. She adopts strays, for the love of fuck…”

Oh. He meant me….I gave a watery smile and gestured around the room before pointing at him directly. This was a conversation we had hashed out, several times, over a decade prior.  Friends, yes. Siblings, yes. Lovers? Disaster. I was a pushover, he was a bulldozer.

Finally, Xiomara’s glare gave way to unbridled laughter. “Farro, ridiculing her tendency to adopt people – of which you are one – is an incredibly ironic thing to say about a woman you just shouted is your sister.  Didn’t you mention, before you realized you knew each other Before, that adopting people is an ‘annoying tendency’ your mysterious ‘she’ had?”

“I never said I didn’t, just that she was annoyingly, profoundly consistent about it.” His face serene, he took a sip of his drink. “Hmmm… Not a fan of the sangria, Sophie.  I know you like it, but… Not my thing.”

Xiomara sputtered with incredulity. “Wait – is that how it started?”

“How what started?” I asked, suspicious.

“Xiomara, don’t,” was Arthur’s stern reply.

Xio leaned back and gave Arthur a calculating look in response. “No, seriously, Farro. Is that how it started.”

Sighing, Arthur nodded. “Partially.  That, and I didn’t know where my students could go if their families died in the blasts.”

I surged forward in my seat, shoving plates away from me. “Wait, what are you talking about? What blasts?”

“Sophie, you have to realize – anyone further south than… oh, the Mason-Dixon line, I think? – didn’t just have blackouts. We had explosions from the fallout of the EMP blasts at the End.  People died, and violently. We had to make our way in a future that was only predicted in fiction.  I did what had to be done.”

“He was a warlord,” Xiomara clarified, entirely unnecessarily.

“Oh.” I had known him in the Before… he was very pragmatic, to say the least.  To find out he was a warlord was less than surprising. At least, until I looked around: Tyche was studying the ceiling, Conor and Maverick were suddenly fascinated by the appearance of their food, and Antoine was looking over his shoulder. “Wait. Did everyone know this already?”

A pregnant pause hung in the air for a beat, then two, before Grey finally broke the silence. “That does appear to be the case, Sophia.”

“Et tu, Hodenson?”

“Conor consulted me,” they admitted. “He was concerned, because he knows he is prone to overreact in situations where you may be in danger.  I was consulted as a logical third party in the situation.”

“I wouldn’t’ve known if Maverick hadn’t said anything,” Conor immediately ratted out our third.

“Hey, if I knew, it was only fair that Conor knew as well,” Maverick held up his hands in surrender.

Xiomara raised her hand, tentatively. “I told Maverick.  I already knew, as Councillor for Security, and thought he should be aware.  Military bond, and all that.”

Expectantly, I stared at the side of Tyche’s head until she caved. “Fiiiine. I didn’t trust the situation… your dead online friend from Before is suddenly alive and on the Ark?  Sus as hell. So, I asked Derek to get his files… all of it.  He checked out as being who he said he was, so I didn’t think it was a good idea to tell you what he did in the After.  We all did shit we regret, I didn’t think the speck in his eye was any more relevant than the planks in our own, so… And before you ask, yes, I told Antoine.  Just because I decided not to tell you, it didn’t mean I didn’t need to tell someone.” Antoine only nodded, electing not to add anything.

Taking a deep breath, I decided to make sure I understood everything. “So, you became a warlord to make sure that your students would be safe in the new reality of Earth?”

“Pretty much,” Arthur shrugged.  I could have sworn he looked amused by all the finger pointing that had just taken place.  “I do want to meet this Derek, though. That’s the second time he’s been mentioned, and both times in relation to hacking things.  Unless I’m mistaken.”

Shaking my head, I laughed. “He’s at the table with Alistair, my assistant.  You’ll probably like him… Don’t let his demeanor fool you, he has the morals of a hurricane sometimes.”

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#the miys #humans are weird #science fiction #original scifi #original fiction #aliens #apocalypse #found family #food

[allthebooksandcrannies]

i just need to vent here

NI’m going to put a read more link in here so its not just this extremely long post but i need to vent where no one i know is going to see it and get all offended but i also need to look like i’m doing gre prep. this is mostly me just yelling into the void but i’d also appreciate any advice or feedback anyone wants to give.

i don’t want to accidentally hurt someone so trigger warnings for discussion of eating disorders, depression, anxiety, emotional crisis, mention of rape, mention of homophobia, dead dove do not eat

so, my mom and i had another fight last night that kinda picked up again this morning and i feel really shitty but i’m not gonna stop obsessing over it and everything else it stirred up until i get it out so i’m just gonna stream of consciousness over here.

lately it seems all my mom ever do is fight and i made her cry again so i guess that makes me the asshole because the guilt is real right not but guilt and self-hatred is also my general default i think so maybe i’m being to hard on myself? like, its not like i also didn’t want to cry and i feel like she took my words and twisted them around into something i didn’t mean but i also don’t know what i meant. and we’re both so similar so maybe we were just both being defensive and oversensitive even though we both give Dad shit for that and great now i feel bad about that because i always take her side in fights because i feel like i need to protect her and my brother always takes his side but that’s a whole other can of worms. but also, so what if we are? like aren’t all emotions supposed to be valid? or does it matter even if they are?

we fight about everything these days and every joke i make offends her and i’m just teasing but she keeps taking it to the extreme, taking it as criticism on issues i’m not even talking about. and this time i was defensive and she was defensive because i was defensive and i tried to explain it and it just made it worse.

like, this time we were talking and i don’t remember how we got on the subject but i think it was because we were talking about this new diet my dad is going on because my paternal grandmother  won’t stop blaming my mom for my dad being so overweight and i know i should have been stepping lightly because dad had just been teasing her for saying she wished the nutritionist would have found some easy to fix problem other than his diet/activity levels so his mom would get off her ass about it. and like, i get why my grandmother is concerned, he is very overweight and needs an ankle replacement he can’t get until he loses like 150 lbs and she already has an unhealthy paranoia about her own weight after an entire childhood of her own mother fatshaming her and her sisters but also it’s ridiculous to just blame my mother and her cooking considering that when he put on all the weight originally it was when he was working for his uncle and only ate one meal she cooked a day and was going to fast food places twice a day, like the dude has some responsibility here, but also he carries it just like his dad, male cousins, and three paternal uncles so there’s obviously some genetics working against him, but most importantly right around the time this first started he fell through a roof at a construction site and completely shattered all the bones in his right ankle and was completely bedridden for over a year while on serious painkillers that probably didn’t help. but anyway she was already upset and in a weird headspace because she had an eating disorder in high school, so i should have been more careful and empathetic but she started talking about one of my roommates and how health conscious she is and how thin she is and how she probably has eating disorder and i kinda snapped because i know she means well but damn if it didn’t bring up so many other issues that i was just slammed right back into 

because she always has something to say about my friends. for as long as i can remember she has criticized my friends in ways that makes me question my relationship with them and i know she just is trying to protect me and be involved in my life but her good intentions are still a major cause of so many of my issues and i was end up lonelier and more self-isolating as a result. and my roommates are my best friends and the one she criticizes the most (like what feels like every time we talk about her, to the point where she’s convinced my mom hates her) has been so important in showing me how sheltered and naive i was and has brought me out of my shell and helped with my self-worth so much and is literally the first person in my life who told me i don’t have to always be looking out for other before myself. i don’t owe the world and its okay to live for me sometimes.

and this one, she’s so quiet and she doesn’t like to interact with people she doesn’t deem worth her time and maybe she can be a little cold and judgy but she’s always good to me and she’s been protective and as someone who has always been on the outside of every group the fact that she deems me worth her time and her advice really means a lot and i can acknowledge her flaws but just earlier this weak my mom was talking about how cold she thinks megan is so i was already primed to be defensive. so my mom starts talking about how megan probably has a body image issue since she’s so conscious of her weight and i’m like??? she never talks about weight. the only time she talks about food is when we’re comparing recipes and yeah she eats healthy and puts effort into that but she’s a lifelong vegetarian and she’s usually trying to balance that out with her needs as a cross country runner but because she’s not competing anymore apparently that means that the fact that she still runs every morning and eats like a cross country runner when she doesn’t have to (never mind that she still runs marathons, and she likes running) means she has body image issues and the when we go out for ice cream she’s overindulging because of it. and look at how skinny she is, even though she’s 4′ 10″ and all muscle, like i’d be worried if she wasn’t?

and maybe i’m in denial but i think i would know. i’ve lived with her three years and my mom has met her like six times and never longer than an hour at a time. and she says she was just trying to help me be a good friend and her words fit but her tone came off as criticising and maybe i jumped to conclusions but it felt like one more thing that was wrong with me and my friendship. and maybe i’m just being defensive because on some level i’m worried that what if she’s right, that means i’ve been oblivious and a bad friend and  is she calling me a bad friend, like is that coming from me or just my own insecurities? because i am insecure about whether i’m capable of being a good friend because i always end up left behind and mom keeps saying that i intimidate them or make them feel judged or guilty because i always stick to the rules and do i come off judgy? i don’t try to i try so hard to be openminded but then i’m just accused of becoming a screaming liberal what do you want from me, i just don’t know how to be anything but a pleaser. 

anyway i made the mistake this morning of responding when she was telling me that she doesn’t understand why i’m so defensive and i told her the truth that she has always criticized my friends be it that “piper was obviously raised without enough supervision and that’s why she drinks and likes to push boundaries and wants to be older than she is which is why i’m worried about her influence on you” never mind that we’re 21 and she hasn’t done anything i don’t know for a fact my mom did at her age. and then courtney and jai-lyn and jessica and all the girls i hung out with in the library who were my only close friendships in middle school, they were just weird and had weird interests, even though all our interests were the same and i was also the “weird” kid at school, that’s why i didn’t have friends. we were weird because we were good at school, we were passionate about the books we were reading, we were stereotypical middle school fangirls, but at least we were happy? and we were age appropriate but it was never good enough and i should hang out more with the sort of girls on student council and on sports teams never mind that i tried that and we didn’t have anything in common, and they were mean and i was happy with my friends and i get she wanted to help but when i did have a problem with that group when i was upset that hope had been secretly pregnant in high school and had her sister lie to us for months and we only found out because she posted a photo at seven months on facebook and i was just upset she hadn’t trusted us to have her back when we had been so close and just wanted to vent to my mother and have her on my side it was all “well maybe you should have been more approachable and less judgmental like you’re being now” like i know that but i just wanted someone to acknowledge that the lying was shitty. and even if i did mess up, i was fifteen and just wanted my mom to be conforting. but i can never vent because all i get are suggestions on what to do better and i appreciate the intent, i do, but occasionally i would like to be told that i’m good enough.

so anyway i said that i was wrong to be so defensive i just felt that she was trying to criticize either my friend or my ability to perceive my friend because when she complains about my friends i feel like i have to defend myself and them. and she went off on my about how she was just trying to help me be a good friend so that i would be able to be there for her because her own friends hadn’t been there for her, and her mom hadn’t supported her, and no one believed her when she was raped and since i know that i should be a little more aware, and i should know that my mother is not an evil person, and that she is not trying to be malicious, and how hurt she is by me saying that she criticizes my friends when i have heard her say the same thing about her mother, and how dare i imply she’s a bad mom like her mother when i know how much she has hurt her” and this whole time i’m trying to explain that i know she’s not trying to hurt me, i know her intentions are good, i’m just trying to say how it made me feel but she’s talking over me and i’m also annoyed that she’s kinda implying that if we hadn’t had this conversation i wouldn’t be there for my friend when she needed me and also implying that i wouldn’t believe my friends if they came to me about a sexual assault. like, give me some credit here. i’m usually the one between my mother and i who’s saying we need to address rape culture, and women’s word should be more valued, but now i’m the bad guy because it hasn’t happened to me.

and i know my mom had trauma. so many of her parenting choices so obviously link back to what i know about her past.  She was the youngest of three kids and an accident later in life so her parents were kinda sick of the whole parenting thing and were almost completely hands-off, which let my mom get in a lot of bad situations, so she micromanaged everything. I was the textbook overachieving child has no idea what to do when everyone else catches up. i got good grades in school, so if my grades ever were less than perfect i apparently wasn’t trying hard enough and she knew i could do better so why was i letting myself down like this and when i got straight a’s or awards it wasn’t “i’m so proud of how hard you worked” it was “i’m proud of how smart you are” or “i wish i had been that smart” which sounded nice but ignored that i had to bust my ass for those grades, at the expense of extracurriculars and friendships and my mental health to the point that i had a breakdown in the middle of my senior english class over getting an 89 on essay because failing wan’t okay and anything that would drop my grade from an A+ was a failure. nevermind that my little brother was rewarded anytime he got a grade higher than a D because they expected them to fail. 

and its like that in so many areas. nothing i ever do is good enough on its own. its just “okay, now what are you going to do next” and I feel like i’m drowning here. If its not my friends, it’s my lack of a dating life. My whole childhood, she told me not to get married or have kids young because it would ruin my life (she was twenty when she married my dad and 21 when she had me) and how disappointing it was to see all these young girls more focused on dating and romantic validation instead of school or their careers. She was happy i didn’t date in high school (I didn’t have the time to date and still get perfect grades, even if i had wanted to). but now i’m about to graduate college and have still never been in a relationship (i still don’t have time to get good grades, have a job [since i’m mostly on my own for school costs], write a thesis for the honors program she wouldn’t let me drop, hang out with friends and date, and i’m pretty sure i’m ace) and suddenly she wants to ask me about whether i’m seeing someone every time i call home and is getting progressively more frustrated that “i’m too shy and not willing to make this a priority”. and 1) why the hell would you think it was going to magically become a priority when my whole life you have told me it shouldn’t be, and 2) i’m pretty sure i’m asexual, and have no fucking clue what my romantic orientation is but i might be into girls a little because the closest things to crushes I've ever had have been toward my female friends, and that’s a whole other can of worms since when i experimentally float the concept of asexuality or not being interested in sex i get dismissed and while she says she’s okay with my cousin being gay anytime someone makes a joke about the possibility of my brother or I being on the LGBT spectrum the whole family makes really homophobic comments. and i’m torn because if she ever found out i was scared to come out to her she’d be really pissed and hurt about “how dare i think she would react badly” but i’m pretty sure she would react badly, either in anger or in dismissive “you’re being ridiculous, you just don’t know what you’re missing”. i get that one a lot. I've talked about how i have no interest in ever being pregnant and she just keeps telling me i’m wrong to not want that experience regardless of the fact that i have really bad type 3 EDS that i get from her (though her case isn’t as bad) which is a connective tissue disorder that goes hand and hand with POTS and i already have chronic dislocations, severe scoliosis, am in constant pain, and a heart arrhythmia. Plus, we know that my symptoms already get worse when my hormones get out of wack during my period, and pregnancy is known to make eds so much worse, permanently (since its a degenerative condition). And she’s always dealing with consequences of being pregnant that are worse because of the eds, like how the scar-tissue from her c-section is much worse than it should be and keeps causing adhesions that cause her a lot of pain, and pelvic floor keeps trying to collapse, and i almost died during labor because the stress fucked with my heart so bad. and i know of women with eds whose joints were permanently fucked or who know have to walk with a cane because of how much damage their pelvises went through in childbirth, so yeah i’d rather not risk it when i’ve always wanted to adopt anyway but anytime i express any of this she gets upset because either “i’m so sorry your mother is an idiot! It’s not like she speaks from experience” <- exact quote, or “you need to stop letting this illness dictate your life, i didn’t raise a victim but that's the problem with your generation, you always think you’re a victim” which argh. and i might be okay with that last argument if she didn’t constantly tell me that i need to be more proactive about taking care of my body because of my condition (which is exactly what i’m trying to do with the not wanting to be pregnant thing, but apparently this just applies to how i need to eat better and exercise more ]even though most exercises hurt and use up too many spoons for me to work out and do everything else i need to] because i can’t afford to gain anymore weight [again, this is why i have so much fucking guilt every time i eat], or to how i apparently need to tell everyone in my life that i could faint at anytime [but stop making everything about your condition, Nicole]).

Anyway, long story short, i feel like nothing i ever do is good enough and i always have to be the bigger person and let it go when i’m upset. and i do love her, and i know she loves me but it just feels conditional even if i’m pretty sure its not. and i never know if i’m being too hard on, since i know she has trauma and is trying to help, but i have trauma too even if a different kind, and i have diagnosed but unmedicated anxiety and depression and i need validation from others and i just want to be told one time that i’m enough or that she’s sorry for all of the pressure she constantly puts on me, and i feel guilty for being so selfish when she needs me but, also, she’s my mom? i’m sick of having to parent everyone around me and then getting told its none of my business and i need to be more respectful. I just can’t win and i feel like i’m going to explode and i feel so guilty and so angry at myself and at her and then more guilt and anger for feeling guilt and anger to the point that i don’t know how to feel anything anymore. today’s just a really bad day and i feel like i keep getting more and more broken and conflicted about everything from politics to sexuality to religion i don’t know what to feel or what i think anymore...

#tw: mentioned homophobia #tw: mentioned rape #tw: trauma #tw: depression #tw: anxiety #tw: chronic pain #tw: chronic illness #dead dove do not eat #original post #vent post

[pixieungerstories]

Housemates - 13

Pictures are available here

Vinny realized she could have probably gone into work.  The back of her thighs definitely felt like she as over done the squats at the gym.  On the other hand, she was currently in a king sized bed with a full shift werewolf sleeping in her lap, a minotaur on her left, and an orc on her right.  They were watching He Never Died on Netflix.  To her surprise, Tristan kept covering his eyes.

“Are you going to be OK?” she asked.  “I didn’t really think about watching this from the point of view of a vegetarian.”

Tristan snorted, “You aren’t going to talk me into leaving.  I think I know what it took for you to invite me to be here.”

Vinny blushed.

Kogan passed her the popcorn.

Tristan was right, letting Kogan take care of her had been hard.  Still she was glad that Derick had pushed her to.  Werewolves certainly had that right.  Life was just easier when people took care of each other.  Neither of these men were talkers, and that was easier just now.  Derrick she could chat easily with.  Dren was nice, but he always sounded exhausted from work.  Which was fair, there was no way Vinny could do that job.

Thea seemed nice, once she understood that he wasn’t being rude merely impossibly shy.

Bazur just seemed distracted.  Honestly, she was at this point half convinced that was why he forgot to wear clothing.

That just left Kevin.  Vinny still didn’t know what to think of him.

——-

No one was weird.  In the days after Vinny’s moment of weakness, amazingly enough, no one had been weird about it.  She had been worried about Kevin, but if he was pranking her, she hadn’t noticed.  In fact, he had started hanging out and helping her cook.  

She had asked Derick about that one morning while they were on a run.

“I think it’s a good thing,” Derick replied.  “He has been housebound for years.  It’s good that he is doing something productive.  Not great when your whole life is video games and being inside.”

Vinny frowned at that.  “But… he can go outside.  I mean, I get the idea of him being stolen, but surely he could spend time in the backyard.  Maybe help Tristan.”

Derick stumbled and started laughing.   He slowed to a walk and doubled over.

“What?”

“He did help,” Derick wheezed.  “Once.  But he planted the three colours of tulip bulbs so that when they bloomed the next year our front bed was a cock and balls in purple on a white background.  With a line of yellow like it was peeing.”

Vinny stared at him in shock, then burst out laughing.  “Oh my god!  That must have been so much work!”

Derick nodded, “Tristan said he was more impressed at the skill than pissed that the neighbours made him plow it up.  Just don’t tell Kevin that.”

———

Bazur came in stripped off his suit jacket, chucked it and his tie on the coat rack in the front hall.  He was leaving a trail of clothes up the stairs as he went to his room.  He was down to his shorts by the time he got to the third floor and found Vinny coming out of her room.

“Um.  Hello.”

“Shit!  Oh!  Sorry!  Um… Hi…  I promise I’ll put pants on for supper.”

Vinny just shook her head.  “It’s OK.  Um… Can I have a moment of your time?”

———

Kevin was watching porn in his room when someone knocked.

It had to be Vinny, no one else would bother.  He turned off his computer.  Made himself human shaped and tightly folded his shell around his crotch.  He wrenched open the door to find Bazur and Vinny looking at him.  

“What?” he snapped.  He immediately wanted to take it back.  “Sorry.  I just…  what do you need, Vinny?”

“Um…  I need to go buy textbooks next week.  I was wondering if you would come give me a hand.”

Kevin bared his needle teeth at Bazur.  “Didn’t you explain that I’m not a person?  I can’t leave the house.”

Vinny cleared her throat.  “I read up on that.  You are allowed out, it’s just that someone has to be responsible for you.  I was just thinking that you could come with me, and check out the books.  Maybe there is a class you want to take online or some books your are interested in.”

Kevin narrowed his eyes, “Did he warn you what happened the last time I went out?”

Vinny nodded, “You turned into a giant jar of mayo and pranked people in Costco.”

“And you still want me to come with you?”

Vinny looked a little more nervous now, “Well, if you wander off, you just have to make it across campus to get home.  And if you do ok, then you could come out with me more often.  If you wanted to, I mean.  Just… if you trash the place, I can’t afford to pay, so don’t feel like you have to come with.  This is an optional event.”

Kevin tilted his head, “I’ll think about it.  I’m surprised you haven’t made Bazur put his pants back on.”

Vinny shrugged.  “I’m adapting.”

Kevin nodded,  “Anything else?”

“Nope.  Supper is salmon.  You have about an hour.”

“Fine.”

Vinny left.  Kevin went back to his porn.  The woman had long dark hair and big hazel eyes.  She was currently on her back with a mimic holding her legs open and licking aggressively between them; her screaming was slowly becoming more convincing.

Kevin changed back into his chest form and spent some time stroking himself.  He needed to be less frustrated before he came down for dinner.

——

Kevin wasn’t sure about this.  He was currently trailing behind Vinny as a piece of luggage.  She had tried to introduce him to a couple of her friends already.  He wasn’t really going along with that.  He would say hi, but nor shake hands.  He didn’t want to taste strangers hands.

He wouldn’t mind tasting Vinny, but he had made sure that wasn’t an option, weeks ago.

Mostly.  He would still go out of his way to be helpful when she was working around the house, just so she would rub oil into him afterwards.  He wondered idly if she would do that when they got home.

She had just paid for two big bags full of supplies and was about to head home.

“I’ll carry those,” he offered.

Vinny hesitated.  “If I put them inside of your shell, will the get all soggy? It looks like your mouth right now.”

Kevin opened his eyes on the outside of the chest shape and rolled them.  “I promise I won’t spit on your books.”

“OK.” Vinny didn’t sound confident, but she wrapped the plastic bags tightly around her books and placed them into the opening of his shell.  “Thanks, Kevin.”

“Welcome,” it was a bit muffled around the books.  He didn’t say much as they walked across the park together.

That meant that Vinny could talk, “Thanks for coming with me.  I appreciate the help carrying all of that home.”

Kevin hummed in agreement.

Vinny kept talking, “I’m trying to get used to the idea of treating everyone in the house as extended family.  I have a big family, but only my mom and my brother ever lived in the same house as me.  Aunt Toni goes to church with us, but mostly the rest of them only get together for birthdays or holidays.”

Kevin hummed again.  “Movie night?”

“If you like.”

“Venom?”

Vinny paused. It wasn’t her kind of movie but, “Yeah.  I heard they cast mimics as the symbiotes.”

Kevin somehow managed to nod.

“That’s a bit of a novel idea.  Better than always being the trap in the dungeon, I guess.”  Vinny tactfully didn’t mention that it had gotten terrible reviews.  There had been four parts for mimics in it.  That was unprecedented.

“You guys watch a lot of super hero movies.  I mean I get they they generally have more parts for non-humans, but they don’t usually portray you in the best light.”

Mumbling around the bags of books, Kevin replied, “It’s a start.”

They watched the movie and Vinny was even able to convince Dren to join them.  

Kevin was currently a floor vase holding the melted gelatinous.  They were both very quiet so they didn’t interrupt the movie.  No one needed to know that Dren was swirling around Kevin’s cock inside the vase.  Or that Kevin’s shivers were stroking Dren.

OK, so the guys probably knew.  The point was that no one told Vinny, who was sitting in Kogan’s lap while Tristan rubbed her feet.

Movie night seemed to be enjoyed by all.

#exophilia #terato #monsters

[stereklibrary]

I currently read Gravity’s Got Nothing on You by zosofi and now I’m seriously craving some fake relationship au's. Do you have any recommendations?

Oh, I love this fic! You can find some more under the Fake/Pretend Relationship tag, but I made a list with some of my favorites as well. I also got a new tag page where you can combine tags, if you are looking for something more specific. Enjoy!

Gravity’s Got Nothing on You by zosofi (11/11 | 83,979 | E)

“Three weeks,” Derek says.

“Still don’t want to,” Stiles says.

“I’ll pay you,” Derek says, and that… that has Stiles interested. Alf’s Antique’s may be a great job, but it’s not a high-paying job, and half of Stiles’s tuition is coming from financial aid, so…

“How much,” Stiles asks, “are we talking here? Because I know your family, dude. And it’ll be kind of awkward after.“

“My family thinks you’re some sort of fucking gift to the world,” Derek seethes, like he’s jealous, “they’ll probably be pissed at me when we break it off, so don’t worry about that. Five hundred bucks.”

“A thousand,” Stiles says, because screw ethics. Also, the Hale family is loaded. Derek can deal.

The Hazards (and Benefits) of Channel-Surfing on Friday Nights by herbeautifullie (1/1 | 12,175 | M)

He’s watching TV over the edge of his laptop when Scott brings up the fact that he’s still a lonely loser in his third year of college without a boyfriend which, while being completely true, is really fucking unappreciated. It sparks a desperate need to save what little manhood Stiles has and, before he knows it, he’s blurting, “I totally have a boyfriend, dude. Shows how much you know.”

How was he supposed to know Scott would doubt him? It’s not Stiles’ fault that someone named Derek Hale really exists. It’s also not his fault when his lie grows legs and runs so far he can’t find it until it’s too late – too late and standing right in front of him, gorgeous and annoyed and not at all the person Stiles made him up to be.

Yeah, this could get bad.

Giving Craigslist Thanks by mossqueen (1/1 | 7,466 | T)

“Dude. Your family are like, the nicest people ever and I feel like such a douche bag right now.”

Derek blinked at Stiles through his reflection in the mirror. 

“What.”

“No, seriously, they’re trying so hard to be good to me even though I literally told your vegetarian sister to ‘suck it’ as I bit into a piece of turkey twenty minutes ago. What did they even do to you, man?”

-

Erica jokingly sends Derek a link to a Craigslist ad and Derek actually responds to it.

i love you a latte by kellifer_fic (1/1 | 6,692 | G)

“You… want me to come to your family reunion?”

“Yes.”

“And you’ll come to my best friend’s wedding as…my… date?” Stiles thinks the whole proposition bears repeating.

“Yes,” Derek says again, brows furrowing like he’s starting to regret asking.

Stiles Stilinski, Boyfriend Extraordinaire by MereLoup (4/4 | 14,429 | G)

“Beacon County Sheriff’s Department, this is deputy Mahealani speaking.”

“Oh thank god!”

“Stiles?”

“I, uh, I need some advice.”

“Advice?”

“Yeah. So, hypothetically, say you met your boyfriend’s mother and sister for the first time ever. Completely by accident. In the grocery store. And they convinced you to help them make a dinner to surprise aforementioned boyfriend when he got home after work. What would you do?”

Danny paused, and then, “Stiles, you don’t have a boyfriend.”

“That’s not the point! And I said hypothetically.”

“Stiles…what are you doing right now?”

Stiles never imagined he’d be in Derek’s kitchen cooking a surprise dinner with Derek’s family while they waited for Derek to get home from work.

Partly because their visit was a complete surprise.

But mostly because Stiles didn’t have a boyfriend.

Or even know who Derek was.

But he’d already come this far and Papa didn’t raise no quitter!

Easy Alpha by interropunct (1/1 | 4,602 | T)

Easy A/Teen Wolf AU. Wherein, Derek Hale is the high school hussy, Jackson and Scott really need to learn to use their inside voices. And, contrary to popular belief, everyone is still a virgin.

My World Is Filled With Cheer And You by bleep0bleep (1/1 | 10,832 | T)

“It was a last minute decision. Single parents with children draw attention to themselves in this type of neighborhood, and this department didn’t have a big budget to relocate all the werewolf and werewolf sympathizers that were targeted on this list. We’ve combined a lot of our relocation assignments. It ended up working out that another family, Mr. Stilinski and his son, looked like a good fit for you guys, so you’ll be sharing a home with them for the time being.” Markowski grins at him. “Congratulations! You’re married!”

-

In which Derek and his daughter are displaced just in time for the holidays, matched up with Stiles and his young son in a government protection program.

May I Interest You in an Apology Muffin? by Leslie_Knope (1/1 | 1,478 | T)

“Wait, seriously? Who is it? C’mon, just tell me.”

“Uh…,” Stiles said, buying for time while he looked around as surreptitiously as possible. “That guy over there,” he whispered finally, jerking his chin toward the dark-haired guy three tables over, a guy so hot that Stiles’ only chance with him would most definitely be in an imaginary scenario.

Scott looked over his shoulder at the guy and got that determined glint in his eye that Stiles recognized, just about three seconds too late. Scott was gonna do something that he thought was heroic but was actually dumb.

“Scott!” he hissed, grabbing for his backpack and nearly knocking over their coffee cups in his haste to follow him. “Oh, holy shit.”

can’t be hateful, gotta be grateful by HalfFizzbin (1/1 | 6,260 | T)

“Be cool, Dad, we’ve decided to con Grandma.”

(Or, the one where the Stilinski men drag Derek to Thanksgiving dinner at Grandma’s and she gets the right wrong idea.)

Fake Listed by Hepzheba (1/1 | 8,522 | T)

When Stiles answered the ad about someone needing a fake boy-/girlfriend for a trip to his family home he didn’t know what to expect. First of all, he expected someone ugly, not Derek Hale from his class. And second, he did not expect to fall for Derek or his kind, and somewhat weird, family.

A Cunning Plan by yodasyoyo (17/17 | 32,737 | T)

Stiles has a plan to get Lydia Martin to notice him. Derek is not impressed.

only fools rush in by decideophobia (1/1 | 13,594 | T)

Is it an imaginary date?

No. I met him in a coffee shop.

When?

This morning. It was love on first sight.

Find Me Sitting Poolside by TroubleIWant (1/1 | 14,286 | T)

“Oh, and you’re the Hales!” the host exclaims when Stiles slides the sign-up sheet back. “Or, Hale and Stilinski, I guess. For now.” She gives them a conspiratorial wink. “I have to say, we are just pleased as punch to see an adorable couple like you attending!”

Stiles tosses an arm familiarly around Derek’s shoulders despite all the bags hanging off them, and gives him a squeeze. “I know! We’re pretty much the cutest. Right, honey?” He shoots his Alpha a shit-eating grin.

Derek bares his teeth in what’s probably supposed to be a smile, except that it isn’t, in much the same way that they are supposed to be a couple, but aren’t.

-

To track down a rogue Alpha who’s endangering their pack, Stiles and Derek must go undercover at a Hawaiian couples retreat. Of course, this does mean that the two of them have to fake a relationship well enough to fool their supernatural hosts, or risk getting kicked out. Sharing a bed, hanging out poolside, tracking down a murderous Alpha… should be easy, right?

pretty in tents by kellifer_fic (1/1 | 7,657 | M)

Even though he’s making fun of it, Stiles thinks the whole thing sounds awesome and, like most stuff these days, the experience is going to be totally wasted on Scott.

A Shitty Bar by Callofthemoon (1/1 | 1,417 | NR)

Everyone imagines what their first conversation with their soulmate would be, but Derek still didn’t know how he’d ever respond to “I’ll give you twenty dollars to allow me to pretend to suck your dick and an extra twenty if you pretend that I’m the best you’ve ever had because my douchebag of an ex is in this shitty bar and when I caught him cheating he blamed it on my horrific blowjob skills.”

#sterek #sterek fics #sterek fic rec #rec list #fake pretend relationship #fic rec #ask #deutschesprueche

[readbythestarlight]

c2e36

So this will be 10 episodes since the one where we lost Molly. Just throwing that out there.

Also it’s apparently my 9 (NEIN) month anniversary for being subbed to G&S which means it’s also my 9 month anniversary for watching CR and also the show has been going for 9 months as of the 11th so. That’s cool.

I like that jacket, Sam.

Broadway advert lol

“Andrew Loyd Website”

“I could have backed up all night” and “I’ve grown accustomed to her encryption” I’m dead

Okay that was hands down Sam’s best ad he’s so goddamn creative

NEW YORK NEW YORK I’m so excited I loved the last live show

A SLEEVES ARE BULLSHIT SHIRT?!

I need it

Oh wait it doesn’t actually say sleeves are bullshit

I still love the shirt tho and I want one

And the bumper sticker

“It makes it sound bad when you say it like that” guys it WAS bad xD

Poor Caduceus is having an Experience

Cad: “You keep leaving”

Y: “They keep finding me”

Cad: “I think you might have the right idea”

THE FUCK? NO

guys you need to convince Caduceus to sTAY

HE’S ALIVE?!

HE HAS AN AXE IN HIS HEAD

Oh no don’t get Cad he’s sad and tired right now

I mean y’all almost left him behind which was crummy

Caleb really wanted to yank that axe out

Also how does healing work? Like does the guy have permanent brain damage in the are where the axe wrecked now? If it had hit somewhere vital to like, say, memory, would his memory be gone? Enquiring minds want to know.

When Caleb tries to be intimidating it both makes me laugh but also freaks me out a little

I LOVE when Matt has cool props

So does Travis lol

J: “Have you heard of THE Traveler”

Galen: “….Oh no not another one”

Nott and Jester building up Galen like “no no you’re totally special!!!”

“Missed all the major organs” sAM xD

“The Mist…ake” I’m crying

lol promoting this guy to first mate I’m crying

“We got a new pet!”

“Let’s call him Professor Thadeus the second!”

They forgot they had someone tied to the mast too what nerds

They cut up his nice shirt xD

I adore that Travis has totally got the islands and shit memorized so he can be super in-character

Also Cad is being too quiet it’s making me sad

Caleb The Navigator

Captain Fjord

First Mate Galen

Oh oh oh they should have a guest to come aboard and sail with them

Oh noooo they left the magic invisible cart

YES THANK YOU MATT y’all need to talk to Caduceus thank you Matt for pointing out that poor Taliesin has been silent for 30 minutes

Oh no have they somehow fucked over Cad’s mission?

I’m curious about this. Because obviously Taliesin knew this was exactly how the M9 were, so I can’t believe that he would have made Cad to be wholly incompatible with them.

He’s feeling really low and lost I think it’s time for a group hug

Him almost dying really freaked him out (and I think it really freaked Taliesin out too)

I’M HAVING A LOT OF FEELINGS RIGHT NOW WITH JESTER AND CADUCEUS YOU GUYS

Caduceus is the ship’s cook

Mmm Beau is starting to feel like Caleb is trying too hard to excuse the bad things they do

I think the dock thing was a disaster for sure but I don’t think it was necessarily that they REALLY did anything wrong?

I’m not sure what exactly Beau is feeling bad about? Like freeing the genie wasn’t wrong, the boat thing was a mistake built on bad choice but it wasn’t them being inherently bad, and they didn’t kill Algar, so?

Ah, she’s feeling like she didn’t leave Nicodranus better than she found it

I like this whole “why didn’t we try to talk it out first” thing because it’s nice that two of them are having some moral conflicts. I also like what it says about Fjord and Beau as far as character development.

I mean I don’t think boiling it down to “like we were justified in our actions” really covers what Caleb said. He did say they could have handled things a lot better, but that they did what they had to to survive a situation they could have but didn’t handle better.

“I don’t want to drive you guys away” BEAUUUU my heart

Yasha staring off south “looking for a storm”

Caduceus cooking for the group is literally just my favorite thing. They totally needed a group member who could like make them slow down and eat and just like… take care of themselves, even just for the length of the meal.

Beau went from “I’m sorry for killing these guys” to “fuck those guys they’re dead anyway let’s smear their name”

We should not split up

There’s no way any of this could go wrong

Awwww Caleb showing Nott the stars and planets so sweet

SEE Caleb understands that things went horribly wrong. I honestly think he’s just trying to keep their spirits’ up.

Nott honey you don’t have to be okay with him using suggestion, I understand you both admire and need him but you can be mad at him

“Nott is a one-earther”

Have I mentioned how much I love Caduceus?

Fjord’s just like “please tell me you mean you talk to alive grieving people and not the dead people”

Oh no

They’re coming for them

You should NOT go back

Sam is like “why the fuck are we going back” and I agree so hard

Fjord should not stay on the ship Nott is right

N: “Oh, oh, what other languages do you speak?!”

J: “I speak Infernal”

Everyone cracks up

Oh this is going to be another disaster

Although I guess the guard guys wouldn’t be expecting them to immediately come back?? Maybe??

“YOU’RE THE SAILOR GUY THIS IS YOUR WHOLE EPISODE” lol sam

“I’m gonna bake, fuck it” I LOVE CAD

“I look like Captain Crunch btw” I’m crying can’t breathe omg

Except isn’t the captain dead lol

“Unknown do-gooders” well that wasn’t the reputation I expected

UH HEY I HOPE MARION DIDN’T HEAR ABOUT THE BLUE SKINNED TIEFLING KILLING HERSELF

These lies are getting more and more ridiculous

“The little devil girl who drowned a hundred years ago” Taliesin and the idea of a ghost story is just… so perfect.

Beau stop xD

If this ghost story isn’t in campaign 3 someday I’m gonna cry

I’m so glad that Orli is coming along

They hired the tortle! :D

Nott is really being adorable with the “we are a team and you are important” thing. Obvious, but adorable.

Taliesin wanted ghost stories and now we’re getting islands people avoid because strange ancient unnatural stuff

Okay quick aside but this conversation with Yasha and Caduceus makes me think — I love how there’s this group of people who seemingly should have nothing in common, but in a lot of ways they have things they can understand about each other. Struggles they can related to. It’s really nice.

Jester and her multiple message spells lol

I’ll miss you Marion!

Oooo a glow in the water?

Awww Matt that’s really pretty!

“Sometimes the things that are the most beautiful are the things that can hurt you the worst” that’s very profound, Jester.

I’m gonna cry I don’t want Jester to be sad don’t be sad (Laura needs to stop looking like she’s gonna cry because it’s gonna make me cry)

And the way she does this little laugh like she’s trying to brush off how sad she is like STOP IT IM EMOTIONAL.

Marion was gonna leave with Jester’s dad but then he didn’t come back and I’m thinking at some point they had better kick the Gentleman’s ass for abandoning her

The way Fjord is so sweet and soft with Jester is so cute I can’t decide if I ship them or if I just want them to be soft and close but not romantic I think I’d be happy either way but my god Fjord’s being so gentle with her is killing me

“There are vegetarian options as well”

Marius: “Thank you, thank you, it’s very good—they’re crazy aren’t they?”

Cad: “Oh yeah, they’re completely crazy.”

I desperately hope they get attacked by a sea monster at some point

“Captain Tusktooth”

Tiny elf-owl Frumpkin omg

He’s loaning her tiny owl Frumpkin for a week I cry

M: “I poke him to see if he bites me”

Tr: “He’s dead”

“I’m gonna probably start talking to fish at some point in the near future” Caduceus Doolittle

When Nott is sincere like when she’s talking to Caduceus right now is so sweet

I take it back it’s too soon to talk about Molly Sam

“Between you and me, Jester’s a really bad cleric, so…” and Laura almost spits out her drink lol

I want to meet the rest of the Clays someday I hope some of them are still alive

“A sign that there could be, for all of us, another chapter” Nott is getting me in my feelings tonight

Matt: “You get the sense that the fish would be happy to”

Cad/Tal: “I’m a lunatic aren’t I?”

M: “Yeah.”

C/T: “I’m sorry.”

M: “Yeah, no, it’s great! :D”

The fish: “sure, sure, suresuresuresure sure”

Oh godddd sky monster?

Bird?

WHAT IS IT

“Professor Thadeus…?”

Oh. Fuck. Creepy flying humanoid thing.

lol Beau making sure it’s not Yasha

Oh jeez poor Yasha

…Okay Matt that wasn’t cool because it’s past midnight and the windows are open and I’m feeling weirdly paranoid now

HERE WE GO

Harpies omggggg

Caleb’s really not gonna be able to use fire for this without risking the ship

Oh fuck don’t get the deck hands

Okay the sail isn’t that big a deal Jester can probably mend it, so save the deck hand first

Harpies are not sirens that shouldn’t be allowed to do anything

Oh poor Nott

SAVE THE CREW PERSON FIRST BEAU

I love Cad’s beetles

“Snack time” Cad you’re so creepy sometimes xD

15pts of beetle damage hell yeah

Okay I take it back Beau might have done the best thing saving the sail.

Okay this is too easy of a fight tho what’s coming that’s worse

Oh daaaaamn snapped her neck with the sail rope

Caleb Nott this isn’t nice xD

“We saved his life with the power of friendship” I’m crying

F: “How do we prevent further heart episodes?”

N: “MORE FRIENDSHP. MORE FRIENDSHIP.”

Awkward friend hugs are best hugs

Nott please don’t eat harpy meat

Cad’s gonna compost the harpy

Beau is keeping Frumpkin in her pocket of course she is

Poor Travis just like “I DIDN’T KNOW ID ACTUALLY HAVE TO KNOW HOW TO CAPTAIN A SHIP” poor guy

Oh god the ship is gonna sink

They’re gonna end up stranded on the cursed island just watch

Gonna try and block the hole…. with a mattress

I’m shocked they managed to patch it bless Galen for that Nat20

Caleb being clever to save the ship with his magic bubble

I hope they don’t get Orli killed

They gonna get sunk

Oh wait

Does Caleb have to stay inside the bubble?? I hope it doesn’t start to fill too much

YAAAAAS what a good episode!

SO MUCH SAILING PIRATE-Y FUN

Oh please wear pirate outfits I’m begging

I’m so excited for next week

#emi watches critical role #critical role spoilers #Critical Role

[loli--dolly]

Garbage Plate

“God damn, bitch, really?” Oliver growled as he dug through his mom’s purse. Lacey had just got done throwing a fit because she was hungry. It was totally justifiable, but Oliver barely calmed her down. If he didn’t get some food soon there was doubt she would start up again. Of course there was no groceries in the house, or at least nothing he could make a meal out of, so he had resorted to rummaging through his mother’s bag in hopes of finding at least ten dollars.

His Mom, Brenda he preferred to call her, was currently passed out on the couch. She had only gotten home from “work” an hour ago, so he knew she had made something. He wrinkled his nose as he looked at her, disgusted by her appearance. Her brown roots were coming in well, making her bleached hair look awful. The two piece red outfit looked cheap, but it did seem to get the job done. He knew she wouldn’t have came home without making at least something, and felt his anger grow as he realized she was deliberately hiding it.

They had just got in an argument a few nights ago over him needing money for the exact same reason. After much screaming Oliver had convinced her to give him twenty dollars, but only because he threatened to call child services. He never really would, because he was afraid they’d separate him and Lacey, but it seemed to have worked. He was sick of it! One day when he made enough money he’d take Lacey away from this bitch. Why did she even keep them around?

He sighed and threw the purse across the room, taking pleasure as Brenda’s phone tumbled out onto the floor and broke. He tried to think of where she would hide some cash, and began checking other places in the house. Despite tearing everything apart, however, there was nothing to be shown. This was bullshit!

“Ollie..” He jumped when he heard a small voice behind him, but was relieved to see it was only Lacey. She had already changed into her pink pajamas, and held her stuffed cow doll closely. He could already tell she was upset and wasn’t surprised when she whimpered, “I’m hungry!”

“I know, Lace. I’m working on it. Can you wait a little longer?” He knelt down to her level to place a hand on her shoulder. Even though she was only four years younger than him, his insane height compared her general shortness was enough to make him tower over her. She began to shake and her eyes filled with tears, making him feel panicked.

“I don’t wanna wait anymore!” She wailed, beginning to cry again. Oliver inwardly cursed, knowing he wasn’t mentally ready to deal with this.

“Lacey, I’m really trying! If you don’t wait then..then,” He struggled to make something up that wouldn’t scare her too bad, “then the food fairy will never come!”

“What’s that?” She sniffed, seemingly calming down a bit. Oliver almost breathed a sigh of relief but held it in.

“She’s a beautiful fairy that will bring your favorite food! But if they aren’t patient and act up then she won’t come. Do you want her to come, Lace?” She sniffled some more but nodded, rubbing her eyes with her sleeves. Oliver smiled and patted her head, “Good girl. Go wait in your room, ok? I’ll let you know when she’s here.”

Lacey hesitated but then smiled, finally pacified, and walked back into their shared bedroom. Oliver fell back to lay on the floor when he heard the door closed, feeling more drained than before. What was he going to do? They had no money, no groceries, and definitely no food fairy. How was he going to feed her? He didn’t even care if he ate, he just wanted to take care of Lacey. Of course he couldn’t even do that!

The thought of his sister going another day without eating, and the stress of it all caused his eyes to prick with tears. What kind of a brother was he? He can’t get a job. He can’t get a license. He was worthless! Why did Lacey have to be stuck with the worst family in fucking California?

He couldn’t stop the tears following down his cheeks as his panic attack hit him full force. He covered his eyes with his arms and let the sobs come out as quietly as possible. Maybe it was time to face reality that he had to give Lacey up to the state. As much as he hated the thought he knew this was no way for her to live. He just wanted her to be happy.

As he contemplated this he barely heard the knock on the front door. In fact it took four solid knocks before it registered to him and he sat up, wiping his eyes quickly. Who the hell would be here? It was like 8 o’clock and practically down-pouring outside. He wondered bitterly if maybe Brenda was bring her clients home now, and frowned. If that was true then he’d have no problem sending them away.

Getting off of the ground he marched towards the door, determined to beat the shit out of whoever it was. As he violently flung the door open, however, he was almost shocked to see Vanity standing there. She was in pretty casual attire, casual for her at least, and held multiple bags in each hand. When Oliver didn’t say anything she decided to speak first,

“Um, hello? Can I come in? It’s kind of awful out here.” Oliver finally realized that the small awning over the door wasn’t really enough to keep his, kind of, friend completely dry. He stepped to the side to let her in, which she was quick to do, and then shut the door.

He didn’t bother to be embarrassed by the state of the house, since Vanity had been over plenty of times before. If would ever give her credit for anything it’s that she wasn’t as judgmental as she let on. He wished she would drop the bitch persona she kept, but as long as she wasn’t fucking with him he didn’t care less. He watched as Vanity completely ignored his drugged out mother on the couch and went into the nearby small kitchen.

“Am I allowed to ask why you’re in my house?” He asked casually as he followed her. She gave him a look and said,

“I brought you guys some stuff. Lacey likes garbage plates, right? There’s stuff here to make it.” Oliver raised an eyebrow, a little suspicious. It wasn’t like she hadn’t gave him stuff before, but it was usually because he asked. She had never brought things on her own. She wanted something.

“...Thanks.” He decided to not question her. It wasn’t like he wasn’t extremely grateful, in fact he was sure when she left he would cry again from relief, and knew she would get to what she wanted eventually. “You might want to be careful, I might start to think that you like me.”

“I do like you.” She stated bluntly as she pulled stuff out of the bags and put them away. Oliver decided to help and started putting cold stuff in the fridge, only keeping out what he would need for dinner. He smirked and said,

“Not enough to date me though, huh?” He snickered as he watched her ears turned red, though she tried to hide it. They never really spoke of the stuff that happened in the period of her break up and relationship with Jesse. There was never really a need, but it was fun to tease her about sometimes. “I think you only like me for my body. I feel used.”

“Shut up, Jerk,” She mumbled and tossed a rolled up bag at him. “That was a one time thing and it’s never happening again.”

“Fine by me,” He shrugged. “Seriously though, thanks. You didn’t have to do this.”

“I figured if I’m staying over I might as well get some food.” He raised an eyebrow and looked at her. On one hand he wasn’t surprised she had invited herself over, on the other he still found it fascinating that she thought he would just agree to it. Not that she wasn’t right, but still.

“Home problems?” He asked as he got out one of the two skillets they actually owned and turned on the stove. Vanity sat down beside the counter and watched him. She wasn’t much of a cook, in fact Oliver was sure she didn’t know how to cook anything.

“Not really. I’m mean I’m always stoked to get away from that mess, but that’s not the problem this time.” Oliver hummed as he made some hamburger patties and stuck them in, and then got to work on making the fries. She didn’t elaborate and he didn’t push. He knew it was hard for her to open up to people, and was just glad she trusted him at all.

It was quiet for awhile, the only sound being the meat and fries sizzling. Turning down the temperature on the stove he looked at the store bought macaroni salad and shook his head. It was always better when you made it at home, but the cost was too high. For something called a garbage plate it was pretty expensive to make. He maneuvered his way around the teenage girl on the floor and got some plates out.

Vanity wouldn’t be able really eat it, since she was a vegetarian, but she could at least have the macaroni salad, so he made sure to set a plate out for her. Vanity kept a close eye on him the whole time, and Oliver had to hold back a chuckle at how childish she looked. In a way he almost envied her and her near easy life. He tried not to, since he knew she had her own problems, but would kill to have an tenth of her wealth.

It was hard to even tell that they were friends sometimes. He was the poorest kid in school and she was one of the richest. He kept to himself while she was outgoing. He was a loser and she was popular. They were different in so many ways, yet similar in so many others. Even if he would never admit to anyone, he did value her as person and as a friend, and knew she felt the same about him.

It wasn’t until he was done making the meat sauce to go on top did she finally speak again, sounding timid, “I got a note today.”

He looked at her curiously, and motioned for her to continue. She was popular and hot, she got notes all the time. He wondered if it had been threatening and resolved to beat the shit out of whoever sent it. She sighed and pulled a folded piece of paper out of her pocket,

“It’s from Em.” At this Oliver nearly dropped the pan he was holding, but was able to recover and set it down properly. Emily? Emily Watson?! He looked at her in shock, and could tell she wasn’t lying.

“What did it say?” He had to admit he was interested. Vanity bit her lip and looked down, her tanned face red.

“She wants to start talking again. She said she misses me, and wants to make things right.”

“Vanity..that’s great!” He said feeling a little excited for her. He liked Emily, she was nice. He missed hanging out with her in their small friend group. He felt his heart sink a little as Vanity’s blue eyes looked away from him and she shrugged. He frowned and went to sit next to her, their legs only a few inches apart.

“...What’s wrong? You should be happy.”

“I..I am! It’s just..” Her shoulders quivered a little and she bit her lip, making Oliver realized she was about to cry. He interlocked his fingers with her in an attempt to comfort her and said,

“You don’t have to tell me, but you wouldn’t have shown up if you didn’t want to talk about it. I suck at advice, and I don’t know what it’s like to be in love with someone, but you can still vent to me.” She nodded,

“I know..I’m just scared. Why does she want to talk to me now? I thought we moved past this. I’m with Jesse now, and she has the Olympics to worry about. Why would she want to do this?”

“Because she loves you as much as you do her.”

“I don’t-“

“Shut the hell up. Yes you do. You’re just scared because you don’t want to get hurt again. You’ve done everything to make it feel like you’re done with her. Ranging from sleeping with me to dating Jesse. But it didn’t work. You still love Em, and you know you always will.”

“I thought you were trying to make me feel better.” She mumbled, glaring at him.

“Nope. I’m being real with you because no one else will be. Face it, you’re miserable! We all know it and you know it!” He sighed, “Do whatever you want, but I personally think you should talk to her.”

“...Jesse will get mad,” She pointed out quietly. Oliver hesitated because he knew she was right. Jesse would be pissed if she found out that they were talking again. He hated that bitch, she was nothing but a jealous bitch.

“Dude, maybe it’s time you split from her. She’s so toxic! All she does is bitch at you and expects you drop everything if it doesn’t involve her.”

“You don’t know Jesse like I do.”

“I don’t want too,” He snorted.

“You don’t understand, Oliver. I’ve known Jess since we were in kindergarten. She’s only gotten like that since we’ve been together. I care about her so much, I would never want to hurt her.”

“And you don’t think you’re doing that by pretending to be romantically interested in her?” She didn’t seem to have an argument for that and looked down. He watched her for a moment before continuing on, “Look, I fucking hate that cunt, but if you care about her then you need to do the right thing. I won’t judge you either way, but that’s just my opinion.”

It was quiet for a bit, and Oliver could tell Vanity mulling over everything he said. He gave her hand a small squeeze and got up, deciding that he needed to get back to work. It was a comfortable silence as Oliver put the plates together; fries and macaroni salad on the bottom, hamburgers on top, meat sauce on top of that, and then finally ketchup and mustard on top. People could talk shit all they want, garbage plates ruled.

“Get your plate so I can carry Lacey’s.” He instructed and began to walk to his room. He heard Vanity follow behind and then stop,

“Hey Oliver,” She said and he stopped, looking back at her.

“Hm?”

“Thanks.” She smiled at him and he half returned it. He felt a little good that he had helped her out a little, even if he had to be a little harsh. Someone had to say it, and he’d rather it be him.

He didn’t bother to knock as he opened the door to the bedroom. Lacey was on the floor, coloring in her sketchbook intently. The smell of the food got her attention and she sat up immediately, a grin plastered to her face.

“Garbage plate!” She squealed and clapped her hands. Oliver couldn’t help but smile as he handed the plate to her. “The food fairy came?”

“That’s right, Lace. Look who it is too.” He sat down, revealing Vanity who stood awkwardly behind him. She wasn’t too good with kids, especially kids like Lacey, but she smiled nonetheless. Lacey’s eyes widened,

“Hailey is the food fairy!” She exclaimed. She had a habit of using Vanity’s middle name, and Oliver never figured out. It didn’t really matter, though, since it was funny. Vanity gave gave him a look as she sat down beside him,

“What the hell is the food fairy?”

“It’s you.” He jokes and dug into his food, not offering more of an explanation. Vanity rolled her eyes but didn’t ask again, just letting him have it. As Oliver watched Lacey eat he couldn’t help the small smile on his face. Maybe he was a shitty brother, but he lived for moments like this. He would have to repay Vanity somehow, obviously not with cash, but he would find a way.

He thought back to their earlier conversation, about how scared Vanity was to talk to Emily. He would always believe those two were meant to be together. Their relationship was near perfect! With Jesse in the way, however, he knew Vanity would always be too scared to go for it. Maybe it was time to do some meddling of his own...

#this is really bad #I’m sorry #my ocs

[dzamie]

Fuckton of OC questions: Dzamie

Questions from @liaraliara‘s post here. Doing these for Dzamie, will do more for other characters eventually, whether y’all want me to or not.

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything? Dzamie Deshulian. Dzamie is one of my common pseudonyms (linguistics joke I stole from a family member), and Deshulian... in-universe, he chose that name from a Chinese word for “skill” and the French "de.” It is almost certainly pronounced wrong, but it’s his name now.

2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them? Holy fuck does he have titles. Well, descriptors mostly, though he does carry the moniker of Blue Bandit from his attempts at being a phantom thief, Lord of the Yellow Hive from Equestria shenanigans, and some places call him the Reaper due to his high body count nearby (he decided to get a scythe when he heard that, though he didn’t practice using it much for a long time). Title-wise, he’s described himself as a spellsword, archmage, weaponsmaster, assassin, illusionist, and complete fucking nerd. He self-describably “moonlights as a Lesser Spirit of Chaos.”

3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory?  Oh man his childhood is tragic as fuck. Birthplace village burned down, his parents presumably killed or captured, and essentially left with his half-brother (HM) to fend for themselves. Managed to find their way to a really helpful... institution, for lack of a better word. Except it’s a place dedicated to teaching people how to kill dragons. HM happens to be a dragon. Dzamie went anyway, and HM sort of let dragon instincts help him survive, with help from Dzamie. Dzamie was at some point convinced to inflict an ambiguously-large amount of torture on a bunch of dragons, at first because... well, dragonslayer school at the time was fucked up, and later because science. And then people kept trying to kill him, but that’s just... that just keeps happening; it’s not a childhood thing.

4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents?  No strong memories. His father died in the fire or shortly after, and his mother is in hiding to keep herself alive definitely dead. No need to look for her.

5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults? H.M. Deshulian is his half-brother (genetics are weird when dragons are involved). They’ve always had a pretty good relationship, though strangely tempered with a mutual feeling of “I don’t want it to happen for a really, really long time, but I’m pretty sure he’ll be the direct cause of my death.”  Dzamie is HM’s favorite food, and HM is the reason Dzamie decided to increase his acid resistance to a ridiculous level.

6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate? Dzamie was wonderful at the technical stuff, but completely refused the “dragons are evil”-type rhetoric, so he just barely got by, eventually graduating bottom of his class (though the dragonslaying done as the graduation test was definitely the most efficient and least risky of the lot). He’s taken a few college courses here and there, but all after timelines start getting weird around him, so it’s hard to tell when or how many. He enjoys applied math

7. Did they have lots of friends as a child? Did they keep any of their childhood friends into adulthood?  He was completely study-driven, with HM being his only friend - though, it didn’t help that most kids he could’ve been friends with would’ve wanted to kill HM on sight. Interestingly, Kenny was in his year, though they never really liked each other much.

8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as an adult? Do they like animals?  Well, he has HM No pets to speak of. Closest there is is Smugleaf, a Serperior who occasionally lets him have her Pokeball and direct her in combat. He loves birdwatching, snakes, and a bunch of other animals.

9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals?  Animals are generally somewhat neutral towards him, though he can regularly get pretty close to wild animals without them caring.

10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect? No (but he does well with them anyway), yes, no, neglectful, not too bad (just because it’s not much interaction. Facades are tough to keep up over long times)

11. Do they have any special diet requirements? Are they a vegetarian? Vegan? Have any allergies? Will starve without meat. His species generally views bread as a mild poison, but Dzamie being Dzamie, he no longer has to care.

12. What is their favourite food?  Brownies, the chocolate-ier the better.

13. What is their least favourite food? Sourdough bread.

14. Do they have any specific memories of food/a restaurant/meal? Nothing in particular. He remembers being food a lot, especially for HM, but that’s not really the same.

15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking? He’s amazing at cooking, especially at arguably-taboo meals (though he won’t make anything he wouldn’t eat). He has a lot of fun with it, because he “gets to play with knives and fire, and out comes delicious food.” He’s quite the showman while cooking, which can be hit-or-miss, but most people like his cooking, assuming they like the dish he makes (i.e. he obviously can’t make a PB&J that someone who’s allergic to peanuts would like).

16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it?  He hoards knowledge, gold, and some shiny jewels, which he blames on growing up with HM. Additionally, he keeps trophies - the left horn of each dragon he slays, and the sword of any dragonslayer he bests in combat (not usually kills, just leaves weaponless for a while. It’s a slayer thing).

17. Do they like to take photos? What do they like to take photos of? Selfies? What do they do with their photos? Nope! He likes to be on camera, but photos aren’t really his thing.

18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything else Books: Fiction with interesting worldbuilding stuff. He tends to visit those places. Music: Anything with a good rhythm and tempo, since he often fights in time to whatever’s playing in his head. Electro-stuff is good. TV shows: No preference, really. He doesn’t watch much. Films: Same as books, though he tends to riff on the films he watches. Video games: Platformers with tight controls.

19. What’s their least favourite genres? Most things to do with rural stuff, come to think of it. 

20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes? He likes the idea of musicals, rarely the implementation. Music is very important to him, especially as he can mimic male voices, and move precisely to rhythms.

21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper? He kind of does. He’s pretty patient, and tends to do the silent-rage sort of thing when upset enough. Though, it’s a little bit of a tell that his magic spikes and its color turns from green (pride) to red (anger).

22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back? He’s definitely the kind of person who’ll insult someone to their face, either backhanded or up-front. Either directly pointing out flaws (”Let’s get this straight, you thought coming at both me and HM unarmed was a good idea? Did you maybe think the price on his head is that big for a reason?”) or just calling them names that probably don’t make sense if not for inflection (”You absolute salmon.”). Mostly for suicidal lack of common sense.

23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces? He has good auditory and muscle memory, but can’t remember faces, and names are tough. He knows a lot of trivia, and has memorized a bunch of really useful dragonslaying regulations, but it can be kind of random what he remembers.

24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress? He sleeps whenever. Nobody’s known when or where he’s ever slept for almost two years now, save for a few times people could make guesses from him somehow waking up in a pile of dragons.

25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves? It’s really hard to predict, except for puns. He loves puns. He makes a lot of them, too.

26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions?  If it’s necessary to keep up a Facade, he hides his emotions well. If not, he smiles, sings and hums, and sometimes fiddles with knives.

27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad? Not much, actually. He hasn’t cried in years, and nobody’s really known if he’s sad - even him.

28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared? HM deciding he’d rather not have him around. HM with a large tactical advantage over him. Manic grin, blatant rules abuse.

29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective?  Depends on if he likes them or not. If he does, he usually doesn’t bring it up, and warns them if something he’s about to do is gonna be really scary (though he usually does it anyway after telling them how to avoid experiencing it). If he doesn’t like them, he’ll try to abuse that fear as much as he can without letting on that it’s him doing it.

30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out? “Does playing with people trying to kill me count? Because if not, all I’ve got is sparring with Kenneth and HM, and occasionally going for really long walks.

31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing? Nope, but he can act it really well!

32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like? He has three modes of dress: comfortable and casual, ridiculously-accurate cosplay, and naked. To sleep, generally just a comfortable pair of PJ bottoms and a t-shirt. Dzamie doesn’t usually wear makeup, but does an excellent job of dying his fur to pass for a tiger or leopard when he needs to have a non-magical disguise.

33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties? Boxer-briefs, if he’s wearing anything.

34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body? Lean, somewhat muscular (but it doesn’t show through his fur at all). He’s roughly 6 feet tall, and makes sure he’s very comfortable with whatever form he’s in - he’s very physically expressive, and also does a lot of things that require knowing exactly where every part of him is.

35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure?  His guilty pleasure is probably making up identities to pretend to be online. His totally unguilty pleasures are a good swordfight, casual pickpocketing (though he generally returns the stuff he swipes), and being eaten, usually by HM, Smugleaf, or Sylvia.

36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing? Dzamie’s good at... a lot of stuff, actually. He’s kind of a Mary-Sue. Most of my OCs for the Combined Setting are poorly-written, really, so I don’t write stories with them. He likes playing videogames, making his hoard look nice, and bothering talking with HM. And yes, he’s an amazing singer, pitch-perfect and flawless rhythm. Has trouble with female-sung songs, since he can’t just mimic those.

37. Do they like to read? Are they a fast or slow reader? Do they like poetry? Fictional or non fiction? Fast-ish reader, prefers fiction (fanfiction especially). Dzamie enjoys poetry and abhors free verse.

38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had? Fuck if I know. He wishes he could learn a telekinesis spell (he’s fundamentally blocked from doing so, ever), but this fosters resentment, not admiration.

39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging?  Definitely emails.

40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert? “Awake and alert” is his default state, but he’s not known to turn down sugary snacks.

41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship? Self-described as “complicated, or alternatively ‘straight plus also into women’” (he has a variety of transformation spells, and form affects mind). Physically, he likes... scales, tails, and forked tongues. Mentally is a bit tougher, but usually stable and steady enough to not go off the deep-end when he, HM, Dream, and/or Kenny inevitably do something... sanity-testing.

42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition? Dzamie doesn’t have any goals in particular. He’d sacrifice anything but his or HM’s life for, well, his or HM’s life. No secret ambitions, really.

43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people? He’s not very religious, though if he had to choose he’d say he “observes” Eris (the chaos noodle, not the Greek deity), and he does tend to celebrate major Jewish holidays (Yom Kippur isn’t really “celebrated,” but you get the gist) and Christmas out of tradition. Nobody really knows where this tradition came from. He generally doesn’t really care about people’s religiosity or whatever, so long as they’re not bonkers enough to try to, say, ritually sacrifice him or someone he cares about, or to try to stop his kobolds’ “cult” at the source by killing Azurel (him as a dragon).

44. What is their favourite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most?  Definitely autumn, and heavy cloud cover (but not quite overcast). He’s pretty good in the cold (fire spells just in case) but complains about high temperatures, blaming his fur coat for his crabbiness.

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves?  They generally think Dzamie’s a bit to the side of normal and sane, but almost disturbingly effective. Those who aren’t used to him find him a bit unstable, but HM, Dream, and Kenneth figure he’s surprisingly predictable - just not in ways most people are. He, on the other hand... actually, he’d agree with all of that.

46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves? He doesn’t usually have the opportunity to make a good impression; most new people Dzamie meets are met amidst chaos. “Introductions” tend to range from “Hey, I don’t suppose you’ve seen, like, six kobolds run through here?” to “Hi. I’m Dzamie Deshulian, but you can call me your worst nightmare.” to “Don’t worry! This spell should last for at least ten seconds, so you should run that way before it stops working! Name’s Dzamie, by the way.” to “Good evening. I suppose I should mention a bit of a hole in your security system. It’s about Blue Bandit-sized, which is going to be a problem about two minutes ago.” to “Hi. Dzamie Deshulian. I noticed you guys used to have a dragon problem with a nifty reward. Note the past tense. Here’s her horn.”

47. How do they act in a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? Do they enjoy fancy parties and love to chit chat or loathe the whole event? Generally hates them. Plays well, but generally expects a pretty big payoff (assassination target, scoping out a Blue Bandit target, some really good food, etc.) if he’s going to pretend he’s actually enjoying his time there.

48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organise the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend?  He vaguely enjoys get-togethers, but often stays away from group conversations, content to just watch people do people things. If it’s a party where a lot of the guests are dragons, he can usually expect to wake up in a pile of dragons. He has no idea how this keeps happening.

49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them? Tough call between his twin katanas, his Dragonslayer blade, and the mana-crystal necklace he wears pretty much all the time. The katanas are actually everywhere he goes as well, but they usually don’t actually exist until they need to.

50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials?  His spellbook and a bunch of knives. Everything else can be summoned, created, traded for, stolen, or... harvested, if they’re not the necklace (always on him) or his twin swords (also always on him).

#text #ocs #dzamie #tag

[jasonwhorl73-blog]

Dabbling In Taste Of Sydney, 2018

This year the Taste of Sydney food festival moves to Barangaroo's Cutaway. It is now mostly undercover with a revolving range of chefs and dishes across the 4 day festival.

It has been many years since I visited Taste of Sydney. And they seem to have heard the feedback from punters. The general admission price is now $15 and there are no longer the need to buy "crowns" (which would inevitably mean that you'd end up with crowns leftover and you couldn't cash them in).

This year's Taste of Sydney is designed so that you may want to come more than once. Each day's line up of chefs and their dishes changes although the stallholders around the perimeter and in the centre are there for the duration of the festival.

I arrive at 6pm on the opening day. This Thursday there is a mix of Sydney and Melbourne based chefs. My sometime vegetarian friend Laura and I go for a walk around to gauge where we want to eat. There are 8 chefs and restaurants that rotate in the two square shaped collective kitchens in the centre. The lines are manageable and the food comes out in a timely manner for most of them (although this is a relatively quieter night). There are two items from each chef available and each is $12.

Comté Donut from Ester $12

Our first stop: the Comté donut from Ester which I didn't want to miss out on. It's also the place that has the longest queue. The donut defies description. It's like a potato scallop but light as air. Although the nutty flavour of Comté isn't readily apparent, it's very tasty and so light you could almost convince yourself that you aren't eating a deep fried donut.

Blue Swimmer Crab Congee from Bennelong $12

The next stop is around the corner at Bennelong with chef Rob Cockerill. His choices are a salad of spring asparagus, stracciatella and tomato chutney and a blue swimmer crab congee. Laura and I both love congee so we order this. It's delicate and all about soft gelatinous textures with a crunch on top. It's probably the only way you'll get to try a Bennelong dish for that price too.

We are off to a cocktail making class next. Tanqueray gin has its own cocktail making session where everyone makes one of two cocktails for $12 a person. Krystal Hart the Tanquerey ambassador gives us a bit of a chat about the gin before we get our hands wet. I'm making a Tanquerey No. Ten Elderflower Collins finished with basil while Laura makes a Sevilla Sunkissed Spritz.

Both cocktails are very easy to make and we both covet the other's cocktail so we swap. "You can put two olives if you want," they say but Laura being extra goes for three. The only thing is that you can't take your cocktail to their gin lounge which is where you want to naturally head after you make it. And if you want to take it away you have to put it in a paper cup which isn't as nice as drinking a cocktail in a nice glass (they are super apologetic and explain this is a Taste of Sydney rule, and not theirs). There does need to be more seating so people can sit down and eat or drink (this has always been a problem here).

Clockwise from bottom left: Bush's Best soft shell taco, jambalaya croquettes, Beans on toast and Sticky, Smokey Cola Rib n Beans in a Can by Nighthawk Diner

Carrying our cocktails in paper cups, we are off to Bush's Best Beans next who have partnered with The Nighthawk Diner's Al Fogg to produce four items using their Tennessee beans. They have their own seating area and it's very busy.

The four items are: "Beans on toast" aka Southern cornbread with beans, vegetarian Creole jambalaya croquettes with chipotle ranch dipping sauce, a Cola pork rib sticking out of a tin of beans with cheese sauce (beans and cheese sauce-yum!) and a Cajun fried soft-shell crab in a blue corn tortilla. The jambalaya croquettes and the rib in the cheesy beans are my favourite and I wish all beans came with a cheese sauce.

Then we head back to the collective kitchen area and try one of the two Melbourne restaurant offerings. Ides in Collingwood has a barramundi dish baked with sweetcorn and black garlic as well as a slow cooked lamb neck with mustard seed dressing.

Lamb Neck from Ides $12

We go for the lamb neck which is gorgeously soft and sweet glazed and topped with fresh peas.

Marta is next and there is a bit of a delay with the food as things get busy with the crowd in full force. We've ordered one of each of their dishes. The gnocchi fritto is for Laura since she can't eat the other.

Gnocchi fritto from Marta $12

The Gnocchi Fritto are soft pillows of deep fried gnocchi covered in pecorino and black pepper (one of my favourite flavour combinations) that melt in the mouth. The other item is the Risotto alla Amatriciana, a combination made with one of my favourite classic Roman sauces of Amatriciana with crispy crumbs of guanciale, tomato, chilli and pecorino. This is nice but I always think there needs to be more guanciale because guanciale is life.

Risotto alla Amatriciana from Marta $12

It's 8pm and time for our next appointment and that is at Taste Residence tent where chef Mark Best and "Cocktailian" Lauren Mote from Canada are serving us a two course meal with matching Singleton whisky for a one hour dinner. MCing is GM of Momofuku Seiobo Kylie Javier Ashton.

Mark is cooking on Thursday and Friday and on Saturday it is Scott Pickett while on Sunday it's David Thompson. Tickets are $95 per person or you can also buy the Residence Pass for $130 at the door and that includes festival entry, two $12 dishes and one beer or wine from one of the vendors.

There are no menu details so we are excited to see what is being served (although I'm not sure how they handle dietaries). We take a seat and are served a Duke of Dufftown Aperitif made with Singleton whisky, Fino sherry, lemon juice, apple juice, tonic water and Lem-Marrakech bitters that is delightful.

Crab with Almond Jelly and Corn Custard from Mark Best served with Domain Aureillan Provence Rosé 2017

The first dish is crab with almond jelly and corn custard. It's a mild tasting dish more about textures with an almost marshmallowy textured almond jelly and subtle sweetness of corn custard. There's also a bit of caviar for a salty pop. The two courses are also served with two rosés from the Vins de Provence Rosé stand outside.

Murray Cod "Three Rivers" by Mark Best served with Lumiere Provence Rosé 2017

Diners are encouraged to ask Mark some questions and he answers these as well as demoing the next dish. The Murray Cod "Three Rivers" which is a luscious melting fillet of Murray cod topped with semi cooked Chinese style potato straws with Szechuan numbing pepper on top. I like the boldness of this dish and the texture of the potatoes which I haven't really seen much here and have only tried in China. And to top everything off is a dessert cocktail, a Lallans Coffee Cocktail with Singleton Of Dufftown 12 year old whisky, red vermouth, dried banana, banana liqueur, cold brew coffee and Moondog Latin American Bitters which is a sweet, intense number.

Lallans Coffee Digestif

Most of the stands look like they've run out or are closing down by 9:15pm but we buy a couple of desserts from Stokehouse. There's a rice pudding made with tonka bean, almond and apricot and a Neapolitan with a chocolate and vanilla mousse and native hibiscus. They're nice enough desserts, the rice pudding the better of the two although I think I was expecting something a bit different.

Rice Pudding and Neapolitan from Stokehouse $12 each

So tell me Dear Reader, have you been to a Taste festival before or Taste of Sydney? Which dish did you like the look of? And do you like it when they revolve chefs and dishes?

NQN was a guest of Bush's but all opinions remain her own.

The Cutaway, Barangaroo from November 8th-11th 2018 sydney.tastefestivals.com/

Source: http://www.notquitenigella.com/2018/11/10/taste-of-sydney-2018/

[ralphmorgan-blog1]

I Went Vegan And Here’s How Much I Was Judged Betches

At the start of the summer, I decided to go vegan. Before you come at me (plz chill) I know there are a billion articles about how it ruins my health, destroys the environment, and exists only as trendy holier-than-thou diet (thinking of you, Gwyneth Paltrow!)

People loveeeee to hate on vegans. Sure, we have a rep for being pretty judgmental hypocrites (like Phoebe from Friends and her love for her fur coat in that one episode—but tbh in the spirit of journalistic integrity, she was vegetarian, not vegan, but still). And I was one of those haters. I used to think veganism was a fad diet that wasn’t even that healthy. Also, how do you even get enough protein? Tofu, a chalky white sagging blob I’d seen at my dining hall’s salad bar, didn’t seem a particularly appealing alternative.

So what changed? Well, I moved to California and was brainwashed started learning more about veganism. One of my best friends at college is vegan, so I learned more about it this year by eating with her. Obviously, we went to the most extra vegan restaurants in LA, but that was the first thing that convinced me: I actually liked the vegan food.

Judging by my super healthy diet of vodka and brownies, by the end of the school year I felt like crap. I needed a lifestyle change, and this summer was the perfect opportunity for that. I would be cooking all of my own food for the first time while living in a dump old frat house on the Row at Stanford.

My family was concerned by this idea—well, actually, I didn’t tell them initially because I knew they’d freak out, but had I informed them of my plans before, these are the questions they would’ve asked:

What will you eat for breakfast?  Ummm….seaweed and hummus? Some nuts? Kale chips? Tofu? Realistically a really weird assortment of food, but also, like, who even eats breakfast? I’m in college. Coffee counts.

What do you eat at restaurants?  Since one of my best friends is already vegan and since California is the Mecca of vegan restaurants, it isn’t hard to find restaurants that served, like, salads and tofu.

Can you still drink?  JK, my fam wouldn’t have asked me that, but for all the concerned alcoholics out there, vodka is vegan. In fact, all liquor is, though some wines and beers are processed with animal products. Yet another reason shots reign supreme.

Week 1

It’s 11pm and I’d just arrived at “The House,” aka the trap fraternity house where I’d be living this summer. Even though it’s no longer a frat house, it still feels like a frat house. The state of the house may seem irrelevant to my diet, but the kitchen is a disaster. It’s a place where we’d all made blackout quesadillas at 2am during the school year, so using the same pans crusted with our drunk food seems rather unappetizing.

After moving all of my stuff up three flights of stairs alone (chivalry is dead), I head to Whole Foods to scour their vegan options. This being California, they have loads of options. I buy what would become the starting lineup for my summer diet: eggplant and tofu from the salad bar, a few pre-made salads, kale chips, seaweed, pickles, hummus, and vegan jerky. I feel so healthy.

A few vegan days pass. Do I feel any magical results? No. I do not feel less tired, as some people have promised. I do feel healthier though. Like those vegan models that I follow on Instagram, with my Bragg’s Nutritious Yeast (vaguely cheesy powder?) and zucchini noodles (these taste like zucchini, not pasta, don’t let others convince you otherwise).

That Friday my friends and I go to San Francisco. It all fun and games until everyone decides they want to go to IHOP for some drunk 3am pancakes. I then realize I can’t have any because they aren’t f*cking vegan. I eat some kale chips instead to soak up all the extra vodka in my stomach. The next morning I want to kill myself. Kale chips aren’t a good drunk food. My hangover is deadly. Who would’ve f*cking thought?

Weeks 2 & 3

The glow of being healthy is fading. First of all, I’m worried I’m anemic because I’m tired, like, all the time. Literally, allll the time. All I want to do is sleep. I went from being fine on six hours of sleep to wanting to sleep 12 hours. What college student sleeps for 12 hours? HOW IS THIS OK.

Also I really, really, really want something sweet. I’m craving chocolate like mad. So I buy some Hu Chocolate from Whole Foods and happily eat an entire hazelnut-butter dark chocolate bar. It’s vegan, so ha!

Realistically, there isn’t much more to say about these weeks. They pass in a sort of foggy blur of vegetable eating. I don’t go out because of my summer courses. This is shaping up to be the best summer ever, wow!

I questioned stopping. But that would be giving up, now, and I’m no quitter.

Week 4

This weekend, I drive down to LA with my vegan best friend, and naturally, she brings me to all of her favorite vegan restaurants. The Green Temple for the best tofu sauce (literally I want to drink the sauce). Café Gratitude has absurd buffalo cauliflower and honestly it’s expensive ($11 for a side of cauliflower? What is the profit margin here?). By Chloe (there are multiple in New York too!) has the best vegan kale Caesar salad I’ve ever tried in my life. It has shitake bacon and almond parmesan and literally, this is why I became vegan. Also, there’s a little sign that says how much waste you’ve prevented by eating vegan food inside By Chloe, which just made me feel like a really great person.

The next day I get a migraine and lie in bed for the entire day. Soooo fun. Exactly what I drove six hours for! We go to Whole Foods that night though, to find dinner stuff, and I’m delighted by their eccentric chip selection (jicama chips. WTF?) and extremely elaborate salad bar selection. They also have about five types of vegan mac and cheese, which is like, absurd.

We head to the Farmer’s Market in Hollywood the next morning. Everyone makes fun of me because I buy a jar of pickled brussels sprouts and a tin of soy shitake mushrooms to eat for breakfast. Yes, I get that’s a really weird breakfast. But seriously, anyone who knows me by now should realize that I thrive on eating really strange foods. And pickled (well, technically fermented but stick with me) foods are good for your gut health. It’s why so many people are obsessed with drinking apple cider vinegar!

We drive home, stopping at the Ostrich Farm on the way through Santa Barbara. This trip has taught me:

LA has the best vegan restaurants. New York may have By Chloe and Candle 79, but LA just has sooooo many more options.

I actually can drive for seven hours without killing someone. Genuinely a miracle!

Ostriches are vaguely cute.

There is nothing to do in LA besides workout, eat food, and sit in traffic (while occasionally visiting ostriches).

Week 5

I feel less tired, so maybe my body was just adjusting. Or maybe I am anemic and should start taking iron supplements. My doctor keeps bugging me to do bloodwork and I keep putting it off because I’d have to fast before getting it done and that’s so annoying. Yes, I am a responsible adult, thanks for asking.

I make the mistake of telling my mom that I decided to go vegan, and receive a whole lecture about how it’s a horrible idea. You will ruin your health and become anemic and are you getting enough protein and don’t you know about living life in moderation?

I give her a speech about animal rights and the environment (yes, this is a little late to the game, but I started following all these vegan Instas because I needed more motivation), and the environmental benefits of veganism. It really tugs at the heartstrings. But photos of cute little pigs with the caption “is eating bacon really worth it?” kind of make me want to cry.

Now that my mom hates my vegan diet, I’m even more motivated to continue. I’m massively stressed studying for my summer course midterms, but at least I’m stress-eating seaweed and hummus instead of cookies. After I finish midterms we go out that weekend to celebrate one of my friend’s birthdays. Personally, I blame my later behavior on the restaurant for lacking vegan options. A plain salad is not an ideal pre-drinking meal, tbh, and my lack of memory for the rest of the night can be entirely explained by my meager dinner of iceberg lettuce in conjunction with the seven shots of ginger vodka I had later.

Weeks 6 & 7

These two weeks are also a blur. My family comes to visit the first weekend and are genuinely incensed that I refuse to eat meat. We all go out to dinner to some non-vegan place where the only thing I can eat is a kale Caesar salad without dressing (because of the fricking anchovies). So I basically eat a bag of dry kale for dinner. Yummmmm. But I can’t back out on being vegan now. That would mean my mom was right. Again. I abandon my family after dinner to run to Whole Foods to buy a late night snack of eggplant and hummus (why am I so weird?!).

The next day, my mom treats me to dinner at Nobu, which opened in Palo Alto at the start of the school year. I’d been dying to go the entire year, but it’s not exactly a place you go with your friends when you’re in college on a budget. My mom orders sashimi for the entire table and I eat a piece of tuna.

YES, I BREAK MY VEGAN DIET. NO ONE IS PERFECT K?!

Seriously though, the tuna is fine. High-quality fish, but ultimately not even that tasty. Honestly, one thing I’ve realized is that food tastes good because of the sauces and spices on it, not because of the base. It could be cauliflower or steak, chicken or tofu, all that really matters is the sauce. (Okay, clearly I’m not a steak connoisseur. Red meat has always grossed me out and I know theoretically a good steak doesn’t need any sauce. This is why I’m a mostly successful vegan, and my brother will never be a vegan. He thinks vegans are wussies and real men eat wagyu beef.)

My family leaves, and  I’m getting bored of eating the same 10 foods every day. So I start exploring some of the other weird vegan foods that Whole Foods sell. Vegan cheese dip, for example, is disgusting. It’s a mix of pureed potatoes and cashews, and it does NOT taste like cheese and now I feel nauseous. I also buy chocolate covered chickpeas a few times, which sound gross but taste like chocolate covered pretzels. They are as addictive AF so consider yourself warned. Banana brittle (pureed dehydrated bananas with coconut flakes) is also incredibly addictive. As is chocolate mousse made with silken tofu and cacao powder.

If I sound like a raving lunatic who has lost all concept of what good food actually tastes like, it is quite possible that veganism has addled my brains.

Week 8

I spend the entire week studying for my finals. Woohoo. All I want is to go home and sleep. The fatigue never entirely left, so maybe I really am anemic. But I honestly feel much healthier. My body is more toned, my hair is thicker, and my complexion is brighter. Most importantly, I don’t feel gross every time I eat. It’s nice to finish a meal and not regret eating junk, but instead feel happy knowing that I’ve put healthy nutrients into my body.

Even though I’ve been eating less protein, I feel more muscular too. Until I have to move all my crap and I realize I still lack basic upper body strength. Veganism forced me to abandon my mini fridge since I don’t have enough strength to carry it down three flights of stairs (if anyone wants a mini fridge HMU. I warn you though, the freezer has about an inch of congealed apple vodka on the bottom because my idiot friend put a bottle of vodka in it sans lid). I fly back home to New York and eat a bag of coconut chips for dinner because the airplane has no vegan food.

Week 9 – ???

Now that I’m home and no longer cooking for myself, I guess I could stop being vegan. Despite the fatigue, I really have enjoyed it. It forced me to cut the unhealthy junk out of my life but still allowed me to treat myself by eating things like chocolate covered bananas or vegan brownies. Moderation!

I did finally get some bloodwork done and it does turn out my iron levels are dangerously low (oops?), I can always start taking a supplement to fix that and start drinking blackstrap molasses because apparently, that has 20% of your daily iron per serving. Yum. Besides that, I really do feel much healthier. I feel fit again, instead of constantly stressed about what I’m eating. My hair and skin both feel amazing.

It’s honestly not hard to find food to eat, either. I just eat the vegetables my mom makes for dinner and heat up some tofu for protein. Now I’m campaigning for my dad to join me since his cholesterol is through the roof and I know he’d benefit from less butter and red meat. (I’m really trying to not become one of those preachy vegans that try to indoctrinate everyone though, don’t worry.)

If you’re still not convinced

a) I don’t care b) it’s fine, you can join my family, who are still convinced that I went to school in California and became “some sort of new-agey hippie.”

Realistically, will I stay vegan forever? I have no clue considering it’s been only 10 weeks and forever is, like, a really long time, but I have no concrete plans to stop anytime soon. Unless I actually do become anemic from an iron deficiency. Then my mom might start force-feeding me red meat again…

Images: Giphy

Original Article : HERE ; This post was curated & posted using : RealSpecific

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