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#tw: chronic pain
Note
I deal with a lot of chronic health issues and am in pain 24/7 bc of it. So can we have a Gojo x reader who deals with similar problems and how they navigate it. Just fluffy comfort 😭🥺
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*I'm sorry you have to go through this. I know it can be a lot. Since I don't know your condition, I based this off one of my friends with chronic pain issues (chiari), but hope this helps make your day better* 
He came home to find them already in bed, alone, cocooned up in blankets with all the lights off, and he knew what was wrong. Still, knowing about it and being able to do anything about it were two different things.
Gojo met [Y/N] several years ago. They had hit it off, and quickly started dating, before they told him all about their condition. He said he understood at the time but really, he had no idea. Much like knowing about something and being able to do anything about it, comprehending and understanding were two different things. Over the years he had gotten a better understanding of what they were going through. Still, he didn’t have to live with it in the same way.
“Hey,” Gojo said quietly as he entered the room. Sensitive to loud noises, or really noises of any kind, aggravating their pain. “Are you doing ok?”
The mound of blankets shook and Gojo had to assume they were shaking their head no. His heart ached for them. He wanted to take their pain away. He was the strongest man in the world, yet he felt so helpless to be unable to do anything for them. But there was one thing he could do.
Crawling into bed and laying on top of the covers, careful not to disturb their nest, Gojo wrapped his arms around them. “It’s ok. I’m here. Let it out.” The blanket mound shook again and he had to assume they were crying. Whether they were tears of pain or just relief in having him there he could never be sure, but he just held them for a while until it calmed down.
In a little while he would get up and make them some food. Trying to get them to eat to keep up their strength. But, for now, this was all he could do for them. All he needed to do at the moment.
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Dialogue Prompt
"Caretaker... it hurts... it still hurts, even after *everything—*"
"I know, Whumpee. I know. But you're safe now, I promise."
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whatgaviiformes · 6 months
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Just had an interesting thought about Gordon's medical history... he has good days and bad days - that's absolutely normal. More good days than bad since he's gotten a stretching and care routine to alleviate back flare ups. But pressure systems, series of rescues one after the other, sleeping in the wrong position due to exhaustion, some weird alignment of the Universe. Who knows? He knows it can happen and it can happen randomly.
But when it comes to IR? They need a protocol. He'll tell Scott to take him off rotation when it's really bad. That's part of their agreement when Gordon joined after his accident: that he always be honest about his health (pot, kettle in Gordon's opinion but that's Virgil's battle to fight).
Except they need him. Sometimes. Either by numbers if someone is on leave or because natural disasters don't wait for him to feel better or a deep sea rescue requires their best and only aquanaut qualified for such a thing.
So they have one last Hail Mary. Brains developed it for the most extreme circumstances. Just one little innocent pill. It takes away the pain so that Gordon can focus and work at his full, but it takes away everything. He can't feel anything, not a touch on his back, not the sting of a knife. It's incredibly dangerous because if something happens he won't know it. And it could make things worse in the long run.
The older brothers hate that it exists, but at the end of the day it's Gordon who asked Brains and accepted the risk- he refuses to be a liability or to put others at risk if he can help it. Even if it's risky, even if it's scary, even if the lack of feeling reminds him or his worst memories.
But he can help. He needs to help...
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arecaceae175 · 7 months
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Whumptober Day 3: "Make it stop"
Featuring Sky and Legend. Read on AO3 here.
Whump rating: 1/5
Warnings: chronic pain flare, chronic illness flare, downplaying illness (only very mildly)
October prompt info (including the whump scale) here!
The creak of the door broke Legend from his focus. He scowled slightly as the pain shoved its way to the forefront of his mind. He sighed and let his book fall onto his chest as he rode the wave of pain. 
“Hi,” Sky said. 
Legend glanced up. Sky was shuffling into the room, moving slowly and carefully. He carried a tray with two bowls of soup, two cups, and a steaming teapot. 
“Lunch?” Sky asked as he set the tray on the table beside the bed. Legend’s stomach growled, so he took that as his answer. 
“Apparently, yes,” he said with a glare to his stomach.
Sky smiled and moved to help Legend sit up. His joints felt like they were full of mud and knives, moving stiffly and slowly, with plenty of pain. Legend was breathing heavily by the time he was seated upright against the headboard. 
Sky hummed with empathy. “Bad one, huh?”
Legend tried to manage an incredulous glare, but Sky’s face softened, so the effect probably wasn’t quite what he intended. 
“Worst flare I can remember,” Legend said. 
“Do you need anything else?” Sky asked as he prepared the soup and the tea. 
Legend huffed a bitter laugh. “Can you make it stop?”
Sky smiled, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Sorry.”
Sky pulled the table close enough for Legend to reach, then handed him his soup and spoon.
The spoon was one of the wooden ones Sky carved for bad days like this. The handle was thick and round with a hole in the center, so he could rest it on his hand instead of relying on his grip. The cup at the end had raised sides so the liquid would stay inside even with his tremors. Sky and Wild both had similar ones for their bad days, though Wild usually just used his other hand. 
Sky picked up his soup, and Legend noticed his spoon was his adaptive one as well. Legend narrowed his eyes as Sky moved to the other side of the bed. He was hunched slightly, had dark bags under his eyes, and moved much more slowly than normal. Sky let out a deep, weary sigh of relief when he made it onto the bed beside Legend. 
“Why are you helping me?” Legend asked before he could stop himself. “You’re going to make it worse.”
Sky’s brows furrowed, and his spoon paused on the way out of the soup. “What do you mean?”
“Did you tell anyone you’re having a bad pain day too?” Legend asked. 
Sky’s shoulders fell and he shook his head. “No. It’s not pain, really, more like… blegh, everywhere. Either way, it’s not as bad as you, right now. I didn’t want to worry anyone.”
Legend’s heart panged. “It’s not a competition.”
“No, I know. I just…” Sky shrugged, and looked up at Legend sheepishly through his bangs. “I didn’t want to worry anyone.”
“Well, thank you. For helping, even though you also feel like a pile of shit,” Legend said. Sky chuckled, and Legend felt his heart soar. 
“After you finish your soup, you’re staying to get some sleep, birdbrain,” Legend said. 
“I take birdbrain as a compliment, you know,” Sky said with a wry smile as he settled more comfortably on the bed. 
Legend rolled his eyes and ignored the taunt in favor of digging into his soup. 
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thewriterowl · 1 year
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I've had this idea about Luke suffering from nerve pain from the emperor's force lightening running around my head for a while and want to share it with someone that I know will appreciate it.
So, personal backstory that inspired this. I broke my collarbone a year ago and had surgery on it. Went fine, except I now have a patch of essentially neuropathy on my chest. It typically doesn't hurt, but if I don't get enough sleep or I'm stressed, the pain flares and it hurts even to have clothes brushing against it.
Now imagine Luke with pain like this across his whole body. Normally it doesn't bother him too much and he's able to block it out. But whenever he gets tired, stressed, sick, etc (which, happens more often than it should) his neuropathy flares and he essentially can't stand the feeling of anything touching him.
Now make it worse by making it dinluke and Din desperately wanting to just cuddle his riduur close, but not being able to even touch him because even the gentlest of touches cause Luke even more pain. They just have to wait it out until Luke feels better.
I love Luke having nerve-pain and/or other complications from what happened on the Death Star! I mean, he was tortured with lightning for a good solid minute (at least) of on again and off again strikes that ran over his body. There is no way he came out from that unscathed.
For sure, I canon him as having scars from it all over his body and of a striking point being around his chest (but not directly at his heart because Palpatine was planning on having fun and dragging it out for a while. He said "now you die" but I hear the line from GoT "you are going to die for a long time") and there are times where it is difficult for him to move--for him to breathe.
Then using your inspiration, on some days are triggered by other forces (stress, sleep, etc.) and how it is painful but not necessarily completely crippling. It makes it impossible to handle touch, both on a pain level but also on a mental one as well. His body is in agony and shuddering from a traumatic memory. This was done to him by someone else and he is forever marred by the Emperor. Being touched by Din would be too much. He simply would not be able to handle it.
It would be torture for Din who just wants to hold Luke at all times but especially when he is in pain. He would just suffer watching Luke suffer, knowing he can't touch him and make it go away. He has to wait until it passes to hold him close, bathe him, and get him to bed where he strokes over his brow or arms or back to soothe him to sleep.
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ghostussy · 1 year
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     Forced Bliss
     Copia x Insomniac, Chronic Pain reader 
     / / / 
     First off, I am so sorry for the lack of content lately. Life has kicked me in the metaphorical dick about a million times this month. And on top of everything else, I’m dealing with arthritis and depression flare-ups thanks to the changing weather. Please, take this fic as a peace offering. <3 
      Also if anyone has any advice for managing arthritis throughout the night, it would be greatly appreciated! Mine keeps waking me up and I am tired lol
     TW: Mentions of chronic pain, insomnia, high emotions/sobbing, breakdown
. . .
      It was late at night when you went for a stroll in the Abbey; much too late for anyone to be awake, save for the ghouls. They were always up to something mischievous; sometimes it seemed as though they never slept. You could hear their faint shouts from down the hall, confirming that they were awake and causing trouble, as usual. The sounds of chaos provided a small comfort, serving as a small reminder that others resided in the building and that you were not alone. 
     Of course, it was too late for you to be walking throughout the cold Ministry halls as well, and you predicted that Sister Imperator would have your head if she discovered you. Still, you kept walking; you should be in bed, but you found yourself unable to sleep. The few moments of rest you had gotten were fitful, and plagued by nightmares. Of course, these nightmares were unlike the ones you had seen in movies; there was no thrashing, no calling out into the night; and certainly no one to comfort you. You had felt the panic set in slowly, strategically burning at the edges of your mind as you fought through your sleepy haze. Finally, you had woken up, gasping into your pillow. You had clumsily dove to your side table, frantically searching for the switch to your lamp and knocking over anything that got in your way. You felt yourself spill a glass of water, tossing papers, nudging your glasses and medications until they fell onto the floor. By the time you had finally managed to turn on the light, the table and the surrounding area was a mess. You had stared at it for a moment, the panic beginning to subside. Then, you eased yourself onto the floor and began to sob quietly. 
     After a few moments of this, the room that once provided a sanctuary to you felt suffocating. Now, here you were, walking aimlessly, trying desperately to clear your head.  
     As you crept down the dim hallways, you noticed how beautiful the Ministry was at night. The moon shone through the windows, casting a faint glow all around you. Altars sat alongside the walls, the still-burning candles illuminating dancing shadows down the hallway. You approached the window, looking outside into the courtyard. You looked up, gazing lovingly into the night sky. It was a clear night, and the stars peppered the sky, almost as if the universe had it’s own set of freckles. 
     You sat there for a while, longer that you’d intended; eyes transfixed on the sky, you were unaware of your surroundings. 
     You nearly jumped out of your skin when you heard a small cough from behind you.
     Turning around, you were met with a very tired-looking Copia, dressed in his usual sweatsuit. His makeup had been washed off, and sleep was in his eyes. When he spoke, his voice was soft and gruff, as though he had just been woken up from a deep sleep. “Hello there, cara. May I ask what you are doing out of bed so late?” 
     You stammered, panicking at having been caught. “O-oh, my deepest apologies, papa! I was simp, ah- simply going for a walk, is all. To, uh, clear my head.”
     He continued to look at you with raised eyebrows, and you felt as though he was staring right through you in search of the truth. 
     “I couldn’t sleep,” you admitted tiredly after a moment. While this wasn’t the only reason to be out of bed, it was still technically the truth. 
    His gaze softened as he looked at you. “Oh, ragazzo. You poor thing. You must be so tired, si? Come, please let me help you get back to sleep.”
     “Oh, no, papa, don’t worry yourself. Please, go back to bed. I will return to my bedroom as well.” You faked a small yawn, hoping he would buy it.
     He gently wrapped an arm around your shoulders, and you flinched at the sudden contact. “Little one, you are still shaking. Please, allow me to provide you some comfort.”
     You pulled away, and he moved his arm so you could easily do so. “I’m not shaking. I’m okay, papa, really. Thank you for concerning yourself with me, but I am alright.”
     He rubbed the side of his face with one hand before looking at you once more. “Y/n. I am an old man, and I am very tired. Let’s cut to the chase; one of my ghouls sold you out. I know that you haven’t been sleeping well, and that you are haunted by nightmares. I also know that tonight has been the worst so far. So please, come lie down with me.” He cupped your face with his ungloved hand. It was warm against your skin, and he rubbed the soft tip of his thumb in circles along your cheek. You melted into the touch, wishing for a moment to be held in his arms; after all, you knew that he would hold you safely and securely, allowing you to sleep soundly for once. After a few seconds, you pulled away, coming back to your senses. 
     “I-”
     “Yes, you can, and you will,” he urged you gently. “Now, come lie down, and get some proper rest for once. That is an order from your papa.”
     You sighed in defeat. “Okay.”
. . .
     It wasn’t long before Copia had coaxed you into his bed, nestled deep underneath the covers against him. You lay with your head on his chest, arm draped over his stomach. It made you seem needy, clinging to him the way that you did- but you didn’t care. Weeks of poor sleep and nightmares made you desperate, leaving you constantly exhausted. You wondered if you should have fought him a little more, insisted that you were okay and gone back to your bedroom- but part of you was glad to finally be held.
     It was dark in his bedroom, but you felt safe in his hold. The two of you laid like that for a while; you found yourself unable to fall asleep, and he refused to rest until you did. Despite being held so gently and being so exhausted, you simply couldn’t sleep. Your mind raced, thinking of anything and everything. What you had done that day, what you would be doing the next day, how you were pulling Copia away from his own precious sleep. You thought of your conversation earlier, how you could have slipped away instead of burdening him with your insomnia. You hoped that in the morning, he would not be too tired to carry out his duties. 
     After several moments of this, you heard him sigh before he placed a hand on your back. Gently, yet firmly, he rubbed his hand in circles, carefully massaging your tired muscles. He placed his other hand in your hair, combing through it gently and scratching at your scalp. You let out a gentle sigh, wrapping your arm tighter around him and nuzzling your face as close to him as you could get. 
     “C?”
     “Yes, amore?”
     Another quiet sigh escaped your lips as he worked into a sore spot. You completely lost your words, only responding with a quiet, “ohhh.”
     He let out a small chuckle. “Ah, there we go,” he purred, “I am shutting off that overactive brain of yours. Surely it must be difficult to rest with so many thoughts, si? So please, allow me to assist.” You found his gentle, soothing touches to be overwhelming. Soon, it was all you could think of, and you could do little except lie there and melt into him. Before long, you found yourself fighting sleep, wishing to enjoy the moment longer. Your eyelids fluttered shut, then open, then shut, then open again. “Ah, caro bambino, please. Rest your eyes. I will still be here in the morning; both yours and my own duties are put on hold until you have slept, and slept well. This means that you may rest as long as you need to, child."
"'Kay..." you mumbled into his chest, barely awake. Within seconds, your breathing had evened out, and you had gone lax within his hold. You could feel the exhaustion at the back of your mind, clouding your thoughts as you peered up at him with half-lidded eyes; he looked down at you with adoration, smiling as your eyelids slid shut finally and sleep overcame you.
. . .
     You awoke with a gentle start a few hours later, shaking slightly. You noticed it was still dark outside, and groaned in frustration. A familiar pain radiated through the hip you’d slept on, spreading through your leg and into your knee. Looking up, you noticed Copia, who was fast asleep; his face leaning against one of the many pillows he was propped against. His mouth was slightly ajar, soft snores escaping his lips. The shadows underneath his eyes were much clearer now that his face was relaxed completely; you felt terrible for keeping him awake earlier. 
     One of his hands rested on your back, the other still loosely tangled in your hair. Carefully, you removed yourself from his grasp, whimpering quietly as the pain in your hip increased greatly. He stirred, but didn’t wake as you sat on the edge of the bed. You waited a moment, feeling the pain begin to subside. Flexing your fingers, you could feel that your knuckles were swollen.
     You rubbed a fist into your tired eyes. They burned with exhaustion, and you longed for sleep once more; however, you knew that you would most likely not be sleeping again tonight. Every night, it was the same pattern; you would retire early, struggling to sleep for hours; and when you finally found rest, you would awaken only a few hours later in pain. Once you’d awakened, you would be awake the rest of the night. It was a vicious cycle that left you constantly exhausted, and you had grown tired of it long ago. 
     Tears pricked at the back of your eyes. You quickly rubbed both fists in your eyes, determined not to allow them to fall. You were unsuccessful as your joints ached and your body screamed for sleep. Once they started, you could not stop the steady stream from falling down your cheeks. Once the floodgates had opened, you were suddenly choking back sobs, trying to stay quiet so that you wouldn’t wake the man sleeping close to you. Your whole body shook violently and you doubled over, resting your elbows on your knees and pressing your face into your hands. Your sobs came out forcefully, and you found yourself gasping quietly for air. 
     “Y/n...?”
      Oh, no. 
     You sat up after hearing his voice. Though you had spoken to him many times, this time it felt... different. You longed once more to be held, for him to soothe you gently. Yet, you had already burdened him with so much. You couldn’t bring yourself to ask so much of him. 
     Another choked sob forced it’s way out of the back of your throat, and he quickly scrambled out of bed, making his way over to you. He knelt in front of you, taking your hands in his. “Oh, tesoro. What is the matter? Are you unwell? Are you not sleeping well? Please, tell me so that I may help you.”
    You were unable to speak; this only worried him further. He reached up and brushed away your tears before pulling you into his embrace. He rubbed your back soothingly, whispering small phrases in a mix of Italian and Latin. You buried your face in his chest, sobbing into him. Weeks of pent-up frustration, sleepless nights, pain, and depression seemed to all come out of you all at once as you cried, tears staining his shirt. He paid this no mind, instead focusing on comforting you as much as he could. You clung to him tightly, as though you had been stranded in the middle of the ocean and he was the only piece of driftwood for miles. Sobs wracked your body, and you shook violently against his strong, steady hold. He truly was your lifeline. 
     Suddenly, you found your words. 
     “Cope... Copia...”
     “Shh, darling, I’m here for you,” he whispered, “I’m right here, let it out. It’s going to be okay, I promise.”
     You gripped his shirt tighter. “I’m sorry- Lord, I’m so sorry- I didn’t mean it, I didn’t- I swear, I’m sorry-” He pulled you closer as you fell into hysterics once more.
     “Hey now, none of that, okay? You’re going to be okay, alright? I promise, you will get through this. But I need you to tell me what’s wrong, okay?”
     Your head bobbed slightly, and Copia wasn’t sure if you were nodding or on the verge of passing out from exhaustion. Probably both. 
     The sobs slowed, and you finally started to relax against him. “I’m sorry,” you started, sounding sincere. 
     “Shh, no more of that, now.” He brushed the hair from your face, and wiped away your remaining tears. “What can I do to help?”
     “You’ve already done so much,” your voice was choked, desperate. Still, he pressed on. 
    “Y/n. I want you to look at me.” When you did so, he felt his heart shatter. The shadows underneath your eyes were a dark, deep shade of purple. He saw many emotions in your eyes, and your face was flushed, a slight red color flooding your tearstained cheeks. “I will always be here for you. I know you are suffering. I need you to tell me how I can alleviate your pain, alright?” 
     “I... I don’t know.”
     “What hurts, child?” 
     “I just... I’m so tired, papa. And I’m sore from sleeping.”
     “Oh, dear. Is it the arthritis?” You nodded in response. 
     “Okay, I can work with that. How about a quick bath? To sooth those painful joints, yes? Doesn’t that sound nice?”
     You leaned further into him, exhaustion evident within your movements. “Yeah...”
    “Or would you like to rest instead?”
     You hummed in response, not fully awake. 
     “I’m going to take that to mean that you would like to rest instead.” He cradled you in his arms, moving to place you on the bed. While you were still in his arms, you whimpered, still in pain. “Oh, dear...”
     You opened your eyes, leaning up against him slightly. “Sorry. Must’ve drifted off.” 
     “That’s alright.” He set you back down on the bed. “I am going to get you some painkillers, and a heating pad. Then, in the morning, we will run you a hot bath. Does that sound good?”
     “Hm...”
     “Excellent.” He laid you back on the bed, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead before standing once more. “Sit tight. I’ll be right back.”
     You laid there for a few moments, fighting to stay awake until Copia returned. For once, you found evading sleep to be difficult; and you were grateful. 
     Not much time had passed when he returned with a bottle of extra-strength ibuprofen. He handed you three pills, which you took carefully; then he used his arms to support you as he placed a heating pad on your hip. When he crawled back into bed, you wasted no time cozying up next to him once more. Instead of laying your head on his chest, you opted to press yourself close to him as you possibly could; wrapping your arms around him, you curled up in the crook of his arm, tangling your legs together. He chuckled, loving every second of your sleep-deprived clinginess. He ran his hand through your hair once more, enveloping you in his loving embrace. It wasn’t long before you fell asleep once more, and stayed that way. 
. . .
@lightbluuestars     
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kota-corner · 4 months
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Anyone who experiences chronic pain(possibly posttraumatic arthritis) in the knee have any suggestions for bad flare ups? My mom and I are starting to suspect I have arthritis after sustaining a kneecap injury in 2019. Somedays are worse than others and today is definitely one of them. I'm setting up an appointment with my GP to look into further testing so I can get an accurate diagnosis and treatment options. In the meantime, does anyone have any suggestions for managing the flare up? Fucking rain😫
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mustangs-flames · 10 months
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goddddd, it fucking hurts to blink and even think, what is this shit
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(ooc, HI. very important disclaimer; I do not have any physical disability I'm aware of, if this is an inaccurate representation of things like this, please let me know.)
I checked in with puffy for something
And she said I might have to go back to physical therapy :(((
she said something about the majority of my nerves having untreated damage or something, especially the nerves in the left side of my face. And my left arm, apparently??
– Tubbo.
OH :((((
Do we even have physical therapists around here??? How would you get what you need??? :((((
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Greetings! Can I please ask for a Haizaki or Nijimura fluff or hurt/comfort with a chronically ill female s/o? Thank you!
Shūzō Nijimura + chronically ill reader
Shuzo is a good dude. So it wouldn’t matter to him.
Yes, it can be frustrating at time, but it’s not something they can help. So he tries to be understanding and supportive as much as possible.
This doesn’t mean he lets them get away with everything. He’s actually pretty strict about their schedule.
Due to their issues they have to keep a pretty consistent schedule and diet to minimize problems as much as possible.
He’s up to date on all of this, and their current treatment, to make sure that he is supporting them properly.
Not that he doesn’t let them go off the rails now & then for fun. Life isn’t worth living without fun.
They do plan outings and dates for when they have good days. He also let’s them have ‘cheat days’ for their diet; as long as it’s not doing to come back on them too severely.
On bad pain days they choose to stay in so s/o can rest. Watching movies and just taking it easy.
He does a lot of the housework, but tries to do it together because he knows that s/o wants to feel like they are contributing.
On very, very, very bad pain days Shuzo will hold them while they’re in bed to try and comfort them as much as possible.
He gets anxious when he’s away and the phone rings with an unknown number. Worried it might be a doctor or hospital calling about s/o.
*slight dedication to my friend, who actually is chronically ill due to a brain disorder and fan of KnB. I love you!*
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defied-that-too · 9 months
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Played some BG3 today! I finally met my guardian (about 20 hours in) and got through a good portion of the goblin camp. I'm having a great time, though I think I might have overdone it a tad. I'm icing my angry joints and I'll know more tomorrow!
(P.S.-- I don't want to look up a play by play guide, but any hot tips on getting Astarion's relationship up?)
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mythologyfolklore · 5 months
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Liù'ěr Míhóu joins the jttw gang, or: How to redeem an all-hearing celestial monkey with a superiority complex and a seriously bad attitude
(A/N: TW: chronic pain)
Chapter Twenty: Tripitaka has regrets. And pains. So many pains.
.
Tripitaka was pacing to and fro, his thoughts running in circles.
He didn't know what to do, what to say to Pilgrim, once he'd come back.
He had tried to come up with a decent apology, he really had! But what could he say after everything? There was nothing he could say, really. Nothing that would express the regret he felt.
He had promised months ago, that he would be a better master, had sworn at Guān Yīn's behest to never hurt or upset Pilgrim again and now look at what he had done!
He'd never learn, would he?
“Are you done pacing and pitying yourself?”, an annoyed voice snapped at him.
He whirled around (grimacing at the pain in his back) and glared at Bái Lóng Mă.
“Well, do you have a better idea?!”, he spat back.
The Western Dragon Prince seemed completely unimpressed, as far as one could tell with his lionine face. “Well, for starters, you could stop taking your frustration out on us and stay calm, like you always tell us to do! Really, Master, can't you use common sense or rationality for once?! If you want things to get better, you need to be the one to take the first step. It's like Youngest Brother said before, if we need to redeem ourselves, then so must you. That's what you have been reincarnated for, Jīn Chán Zi.¹”
Oh, how the monk loathed that name!
.
“Thank you”, whispered Sūn Wùkōng, as he pulled away from the Six-Eared Macaque's hug. “I feel better now. I think … I think I'm ready to go back.”
“Are you sure?”, Liù'ěr Míhóu questioned.
Yeah … I'm still scared. But not at much as before.”
Liù'ěr Míhóu nodded. “That's fine. I will support you, okay? Just like you did for me. Besides, we're both his disciples, so I'll always be there anyway.”
Wùkōng chuckled. He had no idea, when that sociopathic Macaque had become so empathetic. But he wasn't going to complain, since it had resulted in cuddles and his first grooming in … a long, long time. He felt better, physically and mentally.
“Okay. Thanks again. And thanks for the hugs and the grooming session too.”
“Don't mention it. Seriously. Don't. The Six-Eared Macaque is not getting soft and doing nice shit, you hear me?”
At that, the brown monkey could only laugh: “Loud and clear. Let's go back now. If we stay away for too long, the others will get killed.”
.
“My spine is killing me!”, Tripitaka groaned, as Zhū Wùnéng shifted the bundles of blankets to make his master more comfortable, and Bái Lóng Mă and Shā Wùjìng meanwhile sat beside their master helplessly and tried to distract him from his pain.
“Poor Master”, Wùjìng spoke sympathetically. “That you have to suffer like this. And at such a bad time too!”
The monk just gave a sad sigh and took the river spirit's hand.
Yes, this entire day was a whole bust, or as Wùnéng had so eloquently put it, “a complete shitshow” (not that Tripitaka would put such a word into his mouth).
The Tang Monk had drafted an apology to his eldest disciple on paper, but before he could flesh it out, his back had begun to act up. The pain was maddening – he could hardly think straight, let alone focus!
“Wùnéng, what if you were right and I'm bound to become paralysed?”, he couldn't help but ask.
“We'll find a way to prevent that”, the pig demon tried to reassure him, but Tripitaka was starting to lose hope.
“But what if it does happen?”, he insisted. “What if I'll be a cripple for the rest of my life? What if you will have to carry me on a stretcher or something? Who will take care of me once the journey is done, if I'm not able to take care of myself? What … what if they say I can't be the Scripture Pilgrim anymore? Y'know, like, 'Oh no, how unfortunate, guess we'll have to try again with his next reincarnation or choose another person altogether'? Y'know, someone who isn't useless like me?”
“Master, don't say that!”, Wùjìng scolded. “Do you really think the merciful Bodhisattva values you so little, that she would let you fall just like that, when she was the one who chose you? When she enlisted all of us to protect you?”
“I dunno”, the monk slurred. “I dunno anything … oh … the sky's so pretty … is it really that late already? Wait … why am I lying on the ground again? Why does my back feel like someone hammered a thousand nails into my spine? Where are my disciples?”
Bái Lóng Mă frowned: “Master, we're right here …”
“No, not you. Where are Wùkōng and Wùhuàn? I miss my monkeys … where are they? Are they okay? What if they got hurt? What if someone took them by surprise with some weird magic spell and put them in some cage even they can't get out of? Is that even possible? I don't even know! Can anyone give me some water?”
.
Áo Liè stared at his younger brothers in horror. “He's losing his mind! What do we do?! We need to find something to numb the pain, or put him to sleep! If only we had some kind of medical knowledge!”
“Calm down, Second Brother. We can always just use another of those pills our younger menace got from that 'totally not a Bodhisattva in disguise'.”
“Searching other people's belongings is rude”, scolded Áo Liè. “And Youngest Brother has several kinds of medicines. Perhaps the pill we gave Master earlier wasn't even the right one? Then we have a new problem! No, it's better we wait, until-”
“Elder Brothers! Look!”, Wùjìng cried out and pointed to the Southern sky.
And lo and behold: there were their fellow brothers, approaching fast on Sūn Wùkōng's somersault cloud.
“You're back!”, Wùjìng and Áo Liè cheered in unison and glomped the two monkeys as soon as they touched the ground.
Wùkōng let out a startled chirp, while Liù'ěr Míhóu squirmed a little in the Dragon Prince's hold.
Bājiè stood beside his master with his arms folded and chuckled at the scene.
The commotion seemed to snap Tripitaka out of his daze, as he raised his head a little to see what was going on. The sight of the two monkeys put a faint smile on his face.
“Welcome back”, he called out to them. “I can't get up.”
“I heard”, the six-eared monkey said. “That and the weird stuff you apparently say, when you're delirious with pain.” He turned to glare at his elder brothers. “I told you guys earlier to give him one blue pill, if the pain gets worse! How the fuck did you forget that within … five hours! Five hours and you didn't think to give him one of those stupid blue pills?!”
“It was the blue pills? I thought it was the red ones”, Bājiè admitted sheepishly.
“The red- those are the cycle pills I got from that Bodhisattva, you idiot! The cycle pills! The ones that suppress my heat! No wonder slaphead's not getting better! Ugh …” With a face like he was struggling not to murder anyone, Liù'ěr Míhóu produced the medicine for Tripitaka and handed the monk a pill, together with a gourd of water.
Gratefully, the monk accepted both and downed the pill and water like his life depended on them (which it did, but the point stood).
It wasn't long, before Tripitaka sat up, smiling broadly at his returned monkeys.
“I'm glad you two are back”, he said warmly. “Thank you for bringing Pilgrim back, Wùhuàn.”
“Don't thank me”, the Six-Eared Macaque brushed him off, “He came to you on his own. No help from my part.”
No help from his part, my arse!, thought Áo Liè with a grin. Silly Youngest Brother! Thinking he can convince us that he didn't give Eldest Brother kind words, hugs and a grooming! Silly, silly Youngest Brother!
Even their master didn't seem to buy it, judging by the raised eyebrow.
“… Right. Still, thank you”, the monk insisted. “Wùhuàn. You did my eldest disciple a great kindness by comforting him. And you … Pilgrim. I have so much to tell you …”
.
---
.
1) Golden Cicada
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himbos-hotline · 1 year
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I am in so much pain. All the time. I hate chronic pain. It's spreading from the small of my back down. It hurts so much I can't sleep or lay down. I'm half sitting up on the couch filled with blankets and pillows with three heatpads because I cant even climb the stairs anymore. I've taken pain meds but they're not working. I am Tired of existing. I'm tired of existing in pain. I'm tired of being made of broken glass and knives.
I'm so tired and I just need this out of my head. It won't stop or help anything. But I just needed to get everything everything out of my mind. I just wish I could do things. I wish I could sleep.
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shriamato · 6 months
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How do you have the conversation of "I know you have a chronic illness, and you preach hardcore about invisible illnesses and disabilities and not comparing people and their day to day ability levels, but you apparently seem to forget all of that when it's *your family* who are struggling because we aren't as bad off as you are and therefore are being lazy and unhelpful when we need a day to recover"?
Because I'm tired of being made to feel like me deciding that opting out of sitting in the cramped back seat of the car for 45 minutes to go to a drag show to spend "family time" together (when 1: we've been literally stuck in a room together for the last 2 months, and 2: they will be busy conversing with their friends and I'll be hanging awkwardly on the sidelines) and giving my back and leg a much needed rest after months of working full time, moving and unloading several uhaul trucks, and a nasty fall a few weeks ago is somehow me being unhelpful and lazy and not me prioritizing my health and mental sanity.
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schrijverr · 2 years
Text
Old Wounds May Scar, but They Never Stop Hurting
Mike used to be in the Army before he ran into Harvey. He doesn’t like talking about what he saw back then or the injuries he suffered. However, when they prevent him from getting up, Harvey steps in and helps him, not only with the pain, but also in getting better accessibility at work.
AKA I give Mike chronic pain, cane swag and shit on the US Military and healthcare for 13k words.
@flawsome4ever I hope this is what you expected, sorry for the length, but this prompt gripped me by the throat and inspired me!
On AO3.
Ships: none
Warnings: The US Army, the US healthcare system, war, mentions of old injuries and death, chronic pain, interalized ableism, trauma, reference to drug addiction.
~~~~~~~~~~
In hindsight Harvey will wonder how it took him this long to notice and then he’ll look at Mike’s thin figure and fail again to see a soldier in there. However, sometimes when Mike levels his eyes at him, he wonders how anyone could ever miss it.
Yet, Harvey consoles his bruised ego about people reading with the fact that there were some things that he picked up. Despite the fact that they didn’t click until later.
When they first meet, Harvey notes the calloused hand that shakes his. He shakes a lot of hands. He shakes the hands of the powerful, of the wealthy, of the desk job workers, the business men. And especially today, he has shaken a lot of lawyer hands already, much to his dismay.
All the hands today have been soft, with too much product to keep them like that. Except for these, who lack the grooming and appearances that is part of this world. They instead speak of work, actual hard work that requires more effort than what your average Harvard gradate does. These hands, combined with the wink from Donna, make him look twice at the kid, who just entered his interview room.
The second thing Harvey notices, is Mike’s walk.
This takes him a few times. There isn’t anything extremely particular about it, just a good confident walk, like so many have in the business world. Yet it is odd on Mike, who he met during a drug run and has seemingly never owned a suit in his life past prom.
Because when Mike walks, he walks with confidence. It is almost like he walks to a drum beat only he can hear, with his shoulders upright and his face forwards. He is still clumsy from time to time, but Harvey has also noticed how he plays it up when that paralegal girl, Rachel he thinks her name is, is around. And he mostly seems to have butterfingers. Because his posture is immaculate.
Harvey is grateful for it when he does notice. He has been worried about being found out ever since he hired the kid. Mike still has a lot to learn about being a lawyer and all the things that come with going to law school. But a good posture takes a while to ingrain and he appreciates that it is one less worry on his list.
Another thing Harvey has never truly noticed, but in hindsight is something his subconscious noted, is how Mike sits facing the door.
They rarely sit together, but Harvey notices that Mike doesn’t sit down unless there is a seat facing the door. He would rather pace the area, picking up items that don’t belong to him, flip through vinyls or lean against desks.
In the conference room, he prefers it if they sit facing the firm, telling Harvey it is because the skyline behind them is intimidating and that way they can see Jessica coming if they’re doing something she said they shouldn’t.
It says a lot about Harvey as a person that the second reason is the most convincing.
Even in his cubicle, which is located alongside a passageway, he ensures he never has a blind spot. At first, Harvey thinks it is just childishness that has Mike spinning in his chair like it’s a theme park ride. However, after a bit of reflection, he realizes that it is to follow people as they pass. To spin towards the elevators as they arrive, bringing strangers, and ensuring that no movement slips past him.
And then there are the things Harvey chalked up to being from a poorer background. Again, he found the kid on a drug run, it isn’t a weird assumption that he would have a few leftover habits from that time.
For example, Mike will eat anything. Sure, he may look at some things with suspicion, but if he gets it and it is presented as food, he will eat it. And Mike eats fast.
Harvey has watched in amazement as a burger disappeares in seconds, as he tries not to think of whatever made him eat like it was the first time in days and someone might take it away if he doesn’t hurry.
Besides that, he has also discovered that Mike carries a knife with him at all times. He discovers that when a package arrives while they’re late in the office. It’s the files they subpoenaed and the other side is trying to make it difficult for them to access them.
He himself has a letter opener, something Mike had laughed at when he first saw it, but now is useful, or so he thinks. However, the opposition has really taped the box shut and the delicate knife is struggling with getting through.
After watching him for a few moments, Mike rolls his eyes and pushes him aside. From his pocket, he produces a sturdy pocket knife and deftly cuts through the tape, removing a few staples in the process as well. Once done he cheekily grins: “There you go.”
“Why the hell do you have that?” Harvey asks, not even bothering to be grateful they can access the evidence now.
“Because it is useful,” Mike informs him, looking a bit confused.
“If the police even suspects that you’re carrying that for unlawful purposes, they can arrest you, you know that, right?” Harvey says.
“Relax,” Mike assures him. “It’s under four inches, thus allowed and on top of that, I have been carrying this since I met you and you’ve never noticed. And opening boxes isn’t really unlawful, now is it?” Then he shrugs, “Besides, it could have been worse, I used to carry a switchblade.”
“You what?” Harvey exclaims.
“I said used to, I don’t do it anymore. I’m not stupid,” Mike tells him and in that second Harvey doesn’t even think to remember that active US Army personnel is allowed to carry a switchblade in the state of New York.
“Just don’t be an idiot,” Harvey says, for lack of something better to say.
“Never,” Mike grins, before grabbing a stack of papers out the box. “Now, lets find what these sons of bitches are hiding.”
At the end of the night, Mike has found the discrepancy. After handing it to Harvey he rubs his back and shoulder, grimaces for a moment, before collapsing against the desk and immediately falling asleep, so that he can catch as many hours as possible. Which is coincidentally another thing Harvey has noted, but never thought much about.
Mike can sleep anywhere at anytime.
It’s a skill many associates have to learn through trial and error as they struggle with the workload they never thought could be bigger than college exams. Harvey remembers being them. Remembers walking through the hallways, desperately wanting to sleep, but an uncomfortable chair and hard desk preventing him.
He still sees them walking around like he used to do and wondered how Mike would fare. It has been a while since the kid was in college after all.
However, he needn’t have worried, because Mike sleeps instantly and wakes up just as easily, ready and alert. Though, he always stretches and groans afterwards, scowling more than on other days, something Harvey can understand, shuddering as he thinks back on the many nights he used his desk as pillow.
Donna has made up all sorts of stories about why that is, the next one sadder than the last, but Harvey always just rolls his eyes. There might be truth to it, but with what Mike lets slip, he has never truly been on the streets. Privately, he thinks it’s because he needed to keep an eye on his grandmother and this was the way to cope with that.
But even without all that, it isn’t particularly odd that Mike sleeps well even on the floor of the file room, or slumped against a desk. Associates work hard. They work until they’re exhausted and then a few hours more. Harvey would be more concerned if he never saw Mike sleep. And as long as he is functional, Harvey doesn’t care much about Mike’s sleeping habits.
So, yeah, all the signs were there. Harvey knows that in hindsight. But they were all scattered throughout their interactions and Harvey isn’t knowledgeable enough about ex-Army personnel habits to put the pieces together.
Therefore, Harvey finds out that Mike used to be a soldier by complete accident and to his complete surprise on an innocuous Tuesday.
General Curtis, an older gentleman, who has been collaborating with private security for a few years now as liaison. He is still active in the Army, but when he is in Harvey’s office, the man knows he’s not there on the military’s behalf, but on the company’s that Pearson Hardman represents.
Not that it matters much to Harvey on whose behalf he is there, as long as the client pays. Besides, he likes General Curtis. He knows what he wants, is friendly enough and lets Harvey do his job with minimal interference. Mostly content if he can return with a good deal.
So, he warmly welcomes General Curtis and is discussing what needs to be done for an upcoming deal to run smoothly when Mike enters, looking a bit disheveled as always and carrying a file. “I have the McCuffins file,” he says, not yet spotting General Curtis.
When he does spot the General in full military uniform, his eyes grow wide. For a second, Harvey thinks it’s the uniform that makes Mike try to be respectful as he salutes the man.
Even as he greets him with: “General Curtis, sir,” Harvey faintly thinks he must have seen the man in Harvey’s files before.
It’s not until General Curtis salutes back and Mike falls into a parade position as General Curtis returns, “Corporal Ross? You work here, son?” That Harvey begins to realize what is happening right in front of his eyes.
“Sir, yes, sir,” Mike responds as Harvey watches with surprised fascination. Behind his eyes all the aforementioned puzzle pieces start to click together as the words ‘Corporal Ross’ ring around his head on a loop.
“It’s good to see you on your feet again, Corporal,” General Curtis smiles as if seeing an old friend when saying that.
“Sir, thank you, sir,” Mike nods in response, tensing slightly.
On his face in an expression Harvey doesn’t know. He knows the cheeky grin Mike wears, the serious expression as he argues, the smug face when they win, the disbelieving one when Harvey does something he could never.
However, now his face is blank. It’s an odd expression. Like he is a doll, a toy soldier with only this expression carved on. Not at all the expressive Mike he knows. It is a weird thing to witness. It feels wrong.
Meanwhile, General Curtis slaps Mike left shoulder hard enough to make him wince. Then he grins: “None of that formal military stuff. Neither of us are here for the Military. Harvey here is helping the company I’m a liaison for in a deal. You two work together?”
“Sir- Yes. I’m his associate,” Mike informs him. “I do the paperwork. Still climbing my way up here, sir.”
“Well,” General Curtis laughs, “knowing you, you’ll be there in no time.”
“Thank you, sir,” Mike replies, not sounding like he means it and Harvey wonders why he is underselling himself to General Curtis and why he looks uncomfortable. Mad, even.
And it’s not just the stiff politeness that is so unusual on the kid, it’s the way his back is ramrod straight, the way he is trying to end the conversation, the way he is showing any emotions. The whole interaction is creeping Harvey out.
“While I appreciate this reunion, Mike has a lot of work to get back to and we have a lot to discuss,” he cuts in before General Curtis can react.
“Of course,” General Curtis says jovially. “I hope to run into you again, son.”
“Sir,” Mike salutes again, dropping off the files and briskly walking away in that manner Harvey has always known and can now suddenly place.
It hasn’t hit him before, but it is now. Mike used to be Military. Mike is a veteran. Mike knows General Curtis. Mike was a Corporal.
The whole thing is swirling through his head as he quickly gets through his meeting with General Curtis. He is slightly off kilter the entire time, but enough of a professional that General Curtis doesn’t notice. And before he knows it, he is saying goodbye and falling into his chair.
It’s hard to connect skinny, fishbone, ex-drug addict, difficulty with authority Mike with the image of a soldier. Yet here Harvey is, attempting to reconcile the two.
He wonders what happened to the kid.
He sits in his office staring for long enough that Donna comes in. She looks a bit uncertain, something she rarely does, before she takes a breath and sits down as she says: “That was certainly something.”
“Did Mike look off to you?” Harvey asks, not really reacting to the statement that was more meant as an icebreaker than something that needed a reply.
“Stiff as a board and the most un-Mike I have ever seen him?” Donna ask rhetorically. “Yeah, he did. If you don’t go to talk to him, I’m calling down there to say you asked for him. Don’t stop trusting your gut now.”
“Yeah,” Harvey nods absentmindedly, before blinking the world back into focus and nodding: “Yeah, I’m going.”
He gets up and walks down to the cube farm. Another thing he subconsciously noticed now pops out to him again as he watches Mike twirl to face the door right as he walks through it. The only one there, who notices his arrival.
Their eyes meet and Mike’s immediately flit back to the pages in front of him, ignoring Harvey’s presence, despite the fact that he would usually jump up in hopes he could get to leave and do something more fun than research or paperwork with Harvey.
Slightly on guard, Harvey makes his way over to Mike’s cubicle. He leans on the edge of Mike’s desk as he always does, attempting casual. “So,” he starts, “you never told me that before.”
“And I don’t see how it is relevant for you to know,” Mike shoots back, not looking up. “Now, Louis is already giving me shit for the paperwork I put off to get you that McCuffins file, so if you have nothing to discuss except for my previous employment, then I’m going to ask you to leave. I am busy.”
For a second, Harvey looks at Mike flabbergasted. He isn’t used to rejection in general, but even more so from Mike, who has rarely rejected him this bluntly. “Mike,” he starts.
“No,” Mike cuts him off, finally looking up. “I’m serious, Harvey. I don’t want to talk about it and you have no leg to stand on in asking me. So, for both our sake, leave it alone.”
“I just wanted to-”
Again Harvey doesn’t get to finish his sentence as Mike interrupts again: “If you’re doing that thanking for your service crap, shut up. And don’t mention this to anyone, I mean it.”
“I won’t,” Harvey promises.
“Thanks.”
“But, I wanted to say, if you ever need to talk, I’m here,” Harvey says, ignoring the surprised and confused look Mike is giving him. Anything is better than the emotionless guy he saw in his office, besides he likes keeping the kid on his toes. “Or, you know, I can do something.”
“Oh, uh, I- I might,” Mike says awkwardly.
They share a nod, before Harvey walks away. He gets a few steps before he stops and turns around, asking: “Not even Donna?”
Mike rolls his eyes and says: “Like I didn’t already assume Donna would find out. It’s impossible for her not to know when you’re concerned. I half-assumed she wired you and was listening in at this point.”
Harvey snorts, then truly leaves. It’s good to see that Mike is still his Mike, he is just touchy about this topic. Though Harvey doesn’t know why.
When he relays the conversation to Donna, she shares his confused concern. However when she suggests digging with her Military contacts, he shuts her down. It is against his nature to do so and he explains: “You didn’t see him, Donna. I have never seen him like that. He really doesn’t want us digging and he is right that we wouldn't have known if it weren’t for this. Unless it starts to interfere with work, we’ll keep out of it.”
Grudgingly Donna agrees muttering: “I hate having to say you’re right to encourage your emotional development.” Something he pretends not to hear.
And for a few weeks that was that.
The first time he returns to Harvey’s office, he eyes the both of them suspiciously with unfamiliar calculating eyes. When there seems to be nothing to require a reaction, he carries on like it’s any other day without a word.
Harvey tries to forget it and that mostly works. His eyes are opened, however, and from time to time he’ll spot the habits he noticed before and will be reminded of the fact that Mike used fight in the Army. Used to be part of something that has rendered him unable or unwilling to speak about what he did back then.
It is hard to fight his curiosity, something he has never before had to do. When General Curtis comes by again to work out the last details and to sign, Mike is coincidentally busy.
As Harvey covers for his associate he wants to ask about the kid’s service time so badly, but doesn’t.
He has just about accepted that he will never learn more about Mike’s Military time.
Maybe if he becomes even closer with the kid, he thinks for a moment, but they’re about as close as they can get with Mike calling him whenever he pleases, if he has found what they need and Harvey dropping by unannounced, if he needs something from Mike. The late nights at the office, the movie references, the secrets that bind them.
So, yeah, unlikely, or so he thinks.
That assumption is challenged, because his phone starts ringing at an hour that is inhuman and causes him to want to murder whoever is other side. “Harvey Specter, this better be important,” he grouches into the phone. He’s not even ready for his 7 AM run yet.
“Hi, Harvey,” Mike sounds sheepish, but something else is tinting his voice, which sets Harvey on edge.
“Mike?” he asks. “What’s wrong?”
“Well, I wanna preface this by saying that I can usually handle this and I know that I am technicality fine,” Mike starts, doing nothing to calm Harvey’s nerves. “But I don’t think I’m making it to work today and I need you to fight Louis for me, because I have a ton of work that I have to give him today, but it’s lying here on my coffee table, so I won’t be able to do that.”
Harvey is now fully awake and his head is filled with question marks. His primary worry is the fact that Mike can’t make it to work and decides to focus on that for the moment as he says: “Are you okay? What do you mean can’t make it to work?”
He hears Mike sigh and mutter something about knowing it wouldn't be this easy. Then he speaks to Harvey again: “To be frank, I’m lying in my bed and I’m pretty sure that if I were to move I would start crying.”
That is one of the most worrying things he has heard, so – arguably, correctly concerned – he asks: “What happened? Are you hurt?”
“I mean, you could say that,” Mike says and now that he knows what it is, he can place the pain that laces his voice.
“What?” Harvey will later argue that his voice was not shrill, thank you very much.
“Oh, yeah, okay, that can sound wrong, wait,” Mike tells him. “I’m fine now, just old pains. They don’t tell you that when you sign up for the Army, but some of that shit hurts and never leaves.”
It’s only when Mike says Army that Harvey realizes what is going on. Old pains are haunting Mike, apparently to the point where he can’t get out of bed and the fucking idiot is more worried about Louis’ work instead of his own well being.
“I’ll be there in 30,” he says.
“Huh? No!” Mike replies. “Why? I’m fine. I told you I’m fine. I just need today. Come on, man.”
“Yeah, you told me a lot of thing,” Harvey says, wanting to get angry, but managing to think today through, before switching to a tactic that has worked for him in the past. Lying. “But Jessica is on my ass for that thing with Louis last week and if Louis even sniffs something is off, he is running to her to convince her to punish me. So, here’s what is going to happen, I’m not fighting him for you today, instead I’m getting the work from you and you can deal.”
Mike is quiet for a moment, then grudgingly agrees: “Sure. Whatever.”
“Alright,” Harvey nods. “I have the keys, be there in 30.” Then hangs up.
He gets dressed in the first clothes he pulls out of his closet. Him being him, that means he is wearing a full suit, though he isn’t bothering with all the buttons or the tie, so he looks a lot more rumpled than usual.
Ray isn’t on duty yet, since it is so early, so he hails a cab and pays extra for the driver to break a few laws. Exactly 30 minutes later he is rolling up to Mike’s shitty apartment building, where the elevator has never been in working order and he takes the steps two at a time.
Harvey is pretty sure he has never looked more like a mess when he lets himself into Mike’s apartment, sweaty and breathing heavy.
The apartment is the biggest question mark to Harvey, who always thought that Military personnel were neat and organized. Meanwhile Mike’s apartment can best be compared to a hurricane and the kid in question is never without a button missing or his hair disheveled.
But he barely gives it a thought now, quickly making his way to the bed in the back of the room to ensure with his own eyes that Mike is alright. Well, as alright as he can be.
Mike is half asleep when he gets there. One eye is watching him, but his gaze isn’t as alert as it usually is and his hair looks even more messier than normal. He is wrapped up in multiple blankets, his phone on the pillow next to him. Tiredly, he croaks: “Heyyy,” failing at casual.
“Hi,” Harvey humors him anyway. “You look like shit.”
“Thanks,” Mike rolls his eyes goodnaturedly. Then causally comments one of the most horrifying things ever. “You get multiple shots in the back once and your body never lets you forget it.”
“What?” Harvey isn’t ashamed to admit he choked on those words.
At that point Mike seems to realize what he has admitted and cringes sheepishly, as he softly tries: “It’s not that bad?”
“Mike…” Harvey starts.
“The paperwork!” Mike cuts him off with forced cheer, trying to sit up to hand it over, only to groan in agony before collapsing back onto the bed with a choked: “Fuck.”
“Mike,” Harvey repeats, this time with concern as he hover around the bed, unsure of what he can do to help.
“I’m fine,” Mike exclaims in an obvious lie. “Just moved wrong.”
“Mike…” Harvey is starting to feel like a broken record.
“Don’t worry,” Mike fails to assure him. “It’s usually not like this, I promise. Just the rain and cold that hate me.”
“Just stay down,” Harvey orders.
And Mike groans: “Don’t have to tell me twice,” as he burrows back into the comforter.
“Thank fuck,” Harvey mutters to himself, uncomfortable with seeing Mike in pain and being unable to do anything. He looks around, slowly realizing he has no clue where to start. So, he just asks Mike: “Alright, what do you need?”
“A glass of water?” Mike replies, almost unsure if Harvey will actually help. Like he isn’t used to that.
Harvey tries not to think about it.
He gets the water, wrinkling his nose at the dirty dishes, before he remembers his own associate apartment with a shudder. Returning he wants to hand Mike the water, but the kid can’t drink lying down. “We’re going to need to get you into at least a semi-seated position.”
Again Mike groans, before his eyes widen a bit and he assures Harvey: “I promise I’m usually not this whiny. I swear.”
It makes Harvey wonder who told Mike he was being whiny about being shot in the back and the feeling of wanting to strangle someone comes to mind. “Mike, you got shot in the back, I would be milking this for pity and service, calm down.”
“Sorry,” Mike says sheepishly.
“Now, come on. Think that if I pull you’ll live through the momentary agony?” Harvey asks and after Mike’s nod, he pulls him up into a sitting position, rearranging his pillows so Mike can flop back slightly more upright.
“Thanks, dude,” Mike says. “Having to lie all day, or for however long this lasts, would have sucked.”
“Don’t call me dude,” Harvey replies, unable to react to the genuine thanks about just basic and minor help.
“Whatever dude,” Mike snipes cheekily, though Harvey gets the uncomfortable feeling Mike knows that he cares.
Harvey just levels him a look that does nothing anymore as he gives him the glass and orders him to drink. With the request for water, he realizes Mike is probably not in the state to get food for himself either. So, he leaves the kid on his bed and starts rummaging around in his kitchen.
Mike follows his movements with a confused look as he sips his drink. After a moment, he says: “I know my house is a mess, but the paperwork for Louis isn’t in my cupboard. It’s on the coffee table.” He looks to the coffee table in question, which looks like a bureaucratic war zone. “Well, somewhere on there.”
For a moment Harvey tries to comprehend that his associate is truly that stupid. Then he just sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose and turns back to what he was doing.
“What?” Mike asks confusedly after a moment.
Again, Harvey levels him a look, but this time he explains: “I’m getting you food, idiot. You’re not and that’s understandable, but if you starve I have to do your paperwork. Or find a new associate, which I already hated the first time around.”
“Oh,” Mike says, sounding touched, but also unsure of what to with that emotion. He follows Harvey’s movement a little longer, then asks: “But what about Louis?”
“I can still take it, but first food,” Harvey replies. “I haven’t eaten either yet.”
“Ah, I see,” Mike says, getting back to safer ground for both of them. “All of this is just a trick to steal my food. I see you.”
“No, my evil plans to steal your stale bread and two eggs, down the drain,” Harvey deadpans, unearthing oil and salt to cook the eggs with.
Mike snorts and turns back to his water, picking up his phone with slow movements and checking his messages. Harvey keeps an eye on him as he cooks the eggs. He looks comfortable, but the twinges here and there give away that he is in pain. It makes Harvey wonder how many times he didn’t say anything. How many times Harvey didn’t notice. How many times he was alone in bed, unable to make food or grab a glass of water and just suffering.
He quickly texts Ray that there is no need to pick him up today, but that he might need him later, before plating the eggs as he contemplates whether to text Donna.
On one hand, she would want to know and cares enough about Mike to be concerned about this. On the other hand, it isn’t his place and he is pretty sure Mike doesn’t want her to know. In the end, he decides to save making the decision for later and hands Mike his plate. Sitting down on the foot of the bed with his own, since the couch has been overtaken by laundry.
They eat in silence, but it isn’t uncomfortable.
As they eat, Harvey tries to make a plan of action for the rest of the day. He needs to find out to what extend this is affecting Mike and how to take that into account, maybe clean a bit because Harvey doesn’t think he could live like this. Then he also needs make sure Mike is comfortable today and won’t get any shit at work without telling people about this, whose business it absolutely isn’t.
“So,” he starts after another moment. “Does this happen often?”
Mike gives him a calculating look, before he swallows his bite and shrugs, wincing at the movement: “Depends. It hurts often, kind of comes with the territory, but to this extend is rare. I can usually function just fine.”
“Would you have ever told me without the paperwork for Louis hanging over you?” Harvey asks then, biting the bullets one by one.
At the question, Mike doesn’t meet his eyes. “I don’t know. Probably not. It’s not really something I like to bother people with.”
“Bother?” Harvey repeats, unable to stop himself.
“Harvey,” Mike says in a ‘lets be serious here’-tone. “You had to haul me up and make me food, it is a chore to know this, because people feel guilty. Especially since it’s old Army pain. They feel this need to help. Hell, even you, a known uncaring bastard felt the need to do it. I don’t want to push that on people. Besides, it’s not even that bad most of the time.”
It’s the first time he has heard Mike speak about the Army freely and it breaks his heart. Feeling the need to set the record straight, he says: “Mike, stop. Yeah, it’s a little work, but it’s not like you have any control over this. I don’t feel guilty or whatever other emotion you’ll try to pin on me. Believe it or not, I consider you a friend and I don’t mind lending a hand, if you need it. And right now, you just happen to need it.”
If he were to go off Mike’s look, he would think he has grown an extra head. It is as if he has never heard anything like that before.
“Goddammit,” he sighs. “Mike, just accept that this is a thing that is happening. I don’t mind and it is all fine, alright.”
“You- You don’t mind?” Mike asks, like he still isn’t sure.
“I don’t,” Harvey repeats, forcefully. “I have never done anything I don’t want to and I’m not starting now.”
That luckily seems to be something Mike can believe.
“But, just so you know, you can just walk away,” Mike feels the urge to emphasize anyway.
“Okay, I’ll remember that,” Harvey says, not feeling like fighting Mike more on this, since it is apparently not going anywhere anytime soon. There are more important things to focus on. “Now, when this happens, what do you usually do?”
“Just lie in bed,” Mike answers. “If I feel like it I’ll get some water and easy snacks to pile around me. And a hot water bottle. Then I might read or sleep more. But that’s just if it gets like this, most of the time I’m fine and I just try to go on about my day best I can.”
Harvey restrains himself from getting angry at the injustice of it all and the fact that Mike is trying to undersell this, instead choosing to get up. “Where is the hot water bottle?”
Despite all he has said to him, Mike still looks surprised as he tells Harvey. Something Harvey also tries to ignore.
He makes the hot water bottle and checks the time. It’s 8 AM. Technically work starts at 9 AM, something Harvey tends to ignore in favor of showing up whenever he wants, while Mike is usually there at this time (or so he has been told, he’s never really there to check).
However, Louis gets to the office strictly at 9 AM and he is not showing up early just to hand Louis of all people his paperwork. He’ll hand it to him sometime in the morning, he resolves.
With that decision made, he goes to hand Mike the hot water bottle. Mike takes it and puts it over his left shoulder, groaning as he twists to get there. He is still wrapped in his blanket and has an oversized shirt on to sleep in. With the hot water bottle in place he settles back into his pillow kingdom, the grimace slowly fading from his face.
Again Harvey wants to ask what exactly happened, because all he has now are bullets and rain and cold. But he knows better.
So instead he walks around the messy apartment and finds a stack of books, the top one bookmarked indicating this is the stack Mike is working through.
He had once commented on Mike’s messy desk and he explained that he worked with stacks, bookmarking the top thing of the ‘to be read’-stack as he worked his way down and having the done-stack face down, because he basically flipped the through the stack like a book. If you just happened to work on five cases, things got out of hand easily.
Harvey sets them down on the nightstand, then notes how far Mike will have to stretch to grab them, the probable reason he keeps his phone in his bed, just in case something like today happens. So, he takes the top three books and deposits them on the bed instead.
Mike sends him a grateful little look, then takes the top book and starts reading, though to Harvey it will always look like he’s barely scanning it. Mike’s brain always amazes him.
He takes a moment to look at Mike, a kid who has become like a brother to him, someone to protect and guide, and it hits him how small the chances were of them ever meeting, of him even considering hiring Mike. How he almost never ended up in this place with the brilliant, kind and genuine kid.
After the moment has passed, he takes the dirty breakfast plates and brings them to the kitchen. In the background Mike calls out: “Just leave them near the sink. I’ll do the dishes later.”
Harvey takes a look at the sink and concludes that Mike must have been saying that to himself for quite a while, because it is piled high. It’s gross and honestly, Harvey would rather just do the dishes than have to look at them all day. So, he starts to run the tab.
From his place on the bed, Mike hears and yells: “I’m serious, Harvey. Just leave the dishes, I can do them just fine.”
“Mike, these dishes are gross and I have literally nothing better to do,” Harvey calls back. “I never have to do my dishes, because I have a goddamn dishwasher. It’s not the biggest punishment.”
“But it is a punishment,” Mike argues. “So, just leave them. It’s fine, I swear.”
“Just read your damn books, Mike,” Harvey says, proceeding to ignore any other protest Mike makes after that.
When he is done, he leans against the door and asks: “I thought Military personnel is thought to be neat,” not really expecting an answer.
“It is almost like I had five years to redevelop all the bad I habits I already had,” Mike tells him with an amused brow raise. “I’m a messy person by nature. The Army took that from me, I just took it back.”
Harvey is surprised to have gotten such a straightforward answer to his Army question. The end phrasing strikes him as odd, but Mike has turned back to his book already, obviously done with the conversation.
By now it’s a quarter past nine. He’s been at Mike’s for about two hours and done as much as he could to get Mike comfortable. It might be time to deliver on the reason he is ever there in the first place and go bring Louis his goddamn paperwork. Mike should be fine for the time that takes.
So, he starts sorting through the paperwork filled coffee table, trying to recall Mike’s complaining about the case Louis was demanding his help on.
In the end he finds three thick yet completed briefs, which came in yesterday according the date, but have all been clearly proofed in Mike’s handwriting. He holds them up to Mike and asks: “These the paperwork Louis needs?” while texting Ray.
“Yeah,” Mike says. “You going?”
“You look comfortable enough,” Harvey shrugs in explanation.
“Thanks for all this, by the way,” Mike smiles. “I really appreciate it. I’ll likely be able to come in tomorrow, so don’t worry.”
“Wait,” Harvey says, hearing the goodbye, “you do realize I’m coming back after, right?”
“What? Why?” Mike frowns in a confused manner.
For a moment all Harvey can do is look disbelieving at him. He forcefully reminds himself that Mike seems to have no clue what the words ‘taking care of’ mean. Not that he has said them out loud, because he is still Harvey Specter.
He pinches the bridge of his nose, before saying: “Mike, I said, I’m going to lend a hand, if you need it and unless you can make me believe you couldn't use one for the rest of the day, I’m coming back here and you can’t stop me.”
“This is weird, like you’re threatening me with help,” Mike says, for lack of better response, since anything else is pushing the boundaries of emotional displays that have grown between them.
“Alright, I’ll see you in an hour and half or so,” Harvey nods satisfied. “I’m also picking up stuff for me to work on, so Donna is probably going to ask…” the unasked question of how much he can tell her silently tacked on.
“You can just tell her, but I would appreciate if you didn’t mention the shooting thing, or the fact that I’m too much of a dramatic little bitch to get out of bed,” Mike says. “But I think her knowing will help in fighting Louis when I come back to work,” he grins at that and he is right that having Donna’s protection is the best methods against Louis.
Still, Harvey can’t let the wording pass without comment. So, he says: “I won’t, but I don’t really think you’re being a ‘dramatic little bitch.’ Anything else?”
Mike raises a brow, but doesn’t respond to the comment, instead tentatively saying: “I have some briefs you asked for on my desk? I can work on those from here.”
Harvey gives him an assessing look, asking: “You’ll be okay doing that?”
“I’ll be fine,” Mike tells him in a tone that screams ‘stop mother-hening me,’ which is foreign in being directed at Harvey. “I can read just fine, briefs is reading.”
“You’ll also be writing,” Harvey points out, ever the lawyer.
“And I’ll be writing,” Mike concedes. “But my bad shoulder is on the left and I’m right-handed, so – like I said – I’ll be fine.”
After one last look, Harvey believes him and leaves the apartment, sliding into the car that is waiting for him downstairs. Ray asks if everything is alright and Harvey assures him that Mike is okay, just not feeling very well, without giving away any details.
During the drive he finally does the last of his buttons and ties his tie. He is going to look like always and ignore how he is bringing Louis his paperwork, like he’s some sort of delivery boy. He has left his mail room days behind him, please and thank you.
30 minutes later and he is strolling into the cube farm like he owns it. The associates there stare for a second, before pretending to be working really hard. He spots a few glancing at Mike’s empty desk with sick glee in their eyes. They probably think he is here for Mike and that the kid is about to be punished for not showing up.
Harvey finds joy in casually strolling up to Mike’s desk like he expected this (which he did) and taking a stack of briefs bookmarked and right side up. He puts them in his briefcase, taking out the work for Louis, because if he knows the man, he’ll be there any moment.
Louis doesn’t disappoint and indeed comes walking in, already demanding to know where Mike is and what Harvey is doing there, because unlike other people, Louis works hard and needs the briefs that were supposed to be done today.
Casually Harvey waits until Louis is done with his tirade, before smirking and holding out the requested files. “I’m not here to mess up your little schedule, Louis. Not enough fun, honestly. Here, your briefs.”
“Huh?” Louis takes them, his face filled with confusion. “Why do you have these?”
“To give to you,” Harvey answers, like this is a normal thing and Louis is weird for how he is reacting.
“I can see that, Harvey,” Louis snaps. “Why are you delivering Mike’s paperwork?”
“Because I have commandeered him for today, since he is my associate after all,” Harvey pulls something out of his ass. “I’m pretty sure he’s running around like a headless chicken collecting all I need right now, but because Mike care about whatever the fuck you do for some godforsaken reason, he asked me to make sure you got this.”
“And you just did it?” Louis asks, rightfully suspicious.
“I am a man of many mysteries and layers, Louis,” Harvey tells him condescendingly. “You wouldn't get it and that’s okay. Now, I have actual work to do.” And with that he turns around and walks away.
As he does, Louis yells after him: “Don’t think I won’t find out what you’re planning, Harvey! And I am the most mysterious man there is. You don’t even know the depths I have. I’m like the Grand Canyon.”
Then the elevator doors close behind him and he’s off to the fiftieth floor.
Donna is sitting at her desk when he arrives, diligently typing away. Something that ceases the moment he gets there as she asks him: “Where is Mike? He didn’t bring me my morning coffee like he usually does,” as if she is an interrogator.
“Home,” Harvey answers, knowing there will be follow up questions.
“Home?” Donna repeats. “Why? Is he alright?”
“He is technically fine, but old Army injuries are acting up, so he can’t really come in today,” he explains. “I’m picking up some paperwork for us to do, so I can keep an eye on him and ensure that he doesn’t do anything idiotic.”
“Old Army injuries?” Donna asks.
“He asked me not to say,” he tells her apologetically.
“I should go, I can help,” she says, already reaching for her stuff.
“Don’t,” Harvey stops her and she sends him a look. “He already hates that I’m there and thinks I’m being dramatic. He’s barely talking to me. It’s pretty worrying, not going to lie. At this point he is more likely to yell at you if you show up. Besides, I need you here to keep Jessica and Louis off our backs.”
Donna clearly doesn’t like that reply, but gives in. She never passes a chance to bully Louis. So, she sighs: “Alright. What is the story.”
“You’re the best,” Harvey grins.
“I know.”
“Anyway, I told Jessica nothing and she might not even notice that neither me or Mike have shown up today. However, I gave Louis some of the briefs Mike has done for him and he asked why the hell I was doing that,” Harvey explains. “So, I said that Mike was running errands around the city for me and I am just that nice.”
“Tsk, like he’ll believe that,” Donna snorts.
“Exactly,” Harvey agrees. “So, he might come asking questions or go to Jessica. I need you to mollify him and keep me updated on whatever bullshit you feed him.”
“And if Jessica comes asking?” Donna inquires.
“If you can convince her of the same bullshit as Louis, try that and I’ll deal with the fallout. Otherwise just tell her to call me.”
“Alright.”
“Thank you, Donna.”
“Of course,” she smiles kindly. “Now grab you paperwork and go help your boy.”
He wants to protest the moniker, but is reminded of the scene of this morning when Mike was reading and how content he felt. Suddenly he feels incapable of protesting it, so he just ignores it and goes to collect some of his own paperwork.
Then he bids Donna farewell, promising to tell her if anything happens, before leaving again. He sighs when back in the car, glad to leave the place behind him, despite the fact it feels more like home than his own condo.
Half an hour later, he is again laboring up the steps, wondering why Mike hasn’t tried to fight his landlord over this neglect, especially since the kid apparently does this while carrying his bike each day.
When he finally makes it, he unlocks the door and is immediately greeted by a loud thump and a groan. His heart beats with worry and he hurries to the bedroom, calling Mike’s name.
In the bedroom, Mike is lying curled onto his side, clutching his hip and shoulder as he groans again. Next to him on the floor are the books Harvey left there. He looks fine, beyond the obvious and relief fills Harvey’s bones.
“Holy hell, Mike,” he breathes. “You fucking scared me. What an earth were you even trying to do?”
Mike looks up pitifully and answers: “I just wanted to go to the bathroom. Ugh, I knew I shouldn’t have shoved my cane in the back of my closet.”
“Cane?” Harvey exclaims, unable to hide the shock at the revelation.
“Oh, yeah,” Mike replies, waving a hand vaguely. “They gave me one. I should probably use it more, but Trevor always said it made me look like a grandfather and the stares are fucking uncomfortable.”
Harvey tries to process that this is a thing (the urge to strangle Trevor is familiar and back in full force) as he asks: “Do you want me to grab it?”
“Can’t hurt, but if you don’t mind helping me hobble to the bathroom, it’s up to you,” Mike answers, pushing himself into a seated position with his right arm, wincing as he does.
The blankets are now pooled around him and Harvey can see that his is in dressed in nothing but a shirt and trunks. He stretches and Harvey can spot a nasty scar on his left shoulder when the wide sleeve slides down. Mike groans and they can hear bones crack.
With that done, he rubs his eyes, before looking at Harvey, who offers a hand and says: “I don’t know how long it’ll take to find it.”
“Smart,” Mike nods. “I have to go really bad.”
Harvey gets on his right side to avoid agitating the scared shoulder on the left, letting Mike sling an arm around him, before hauling him to his feet. As he does, he notices there is also a scar on Mike’s right hip that snakes out from under his trunks. But he doesn’t comment on it.
As they go, Mike makes small pained noises that make Harvey want to fight someone. He also apologizes a few times to Harvey for being an inconvenience, as well as comment how fucking embarrassing this is.
While Harvey can understand being embarrassed about being helped to the bathroom, he shrugs it off. He also shuts the inconvenience thing down real fast.
Mike pees. He waits outside. Then they make the track back to the bed. Harvey can’t help, but peek at the nasty looking scars, continually picturing Mike bleeding out somewhere. An irrational fear grips him as he thinks of Mike not making it.
Of course, Mike notices it, but neither brings it up just yet. Harvey just hands him the paperwork and tells him about what went down at the office as he digs through the closet for the cane.
“Maybe I should have tried to hold on to a bit of that cleanness,” Mike comments as he watches Harvey dig further and further, the ground around him now filled with all the other crap he had stuffed in there haphazardly.
“Why didn’t you?” Harvey asks, seeing an opening and remembering the odd phrasing from earlier that morning.
He can feel Mike’s eyes burn into his back, but he doesn’t stop looking for the cane, content to wait for a reply and already prepared to never get one.
“Like I said, I’m a messy person,” Mike’s voice comes from behind, surprisingly answering. “In the Army you’re supposed to be a cog in a bigger machine. There is no room to be a person, to be anything but what they need you to be. They forced me to be this clean person, they changed me and when I got back, I tried to find who I was again. And I am just a messy person.”
“You talk about it like the Army did something to you,” Harvey comments idly, mulling over the words.
“And?” Mike sounds defensive.
“Nothing,” Harvey shrugs. “Most soldiers talk about the brotherhood, how they miss it, how it taught them things. Not used to hearing anyone be so bitter about it.”
Mike snorts: “That’s because they really try to push that narrative to find new recruits. Anyone being critical is quickly shut down or doesn’t make it.”
“Doesn’t make it?” Harvey asks, as he triumphantly pulls the cane from the closet, finally facing Mike again as he holds it.
The kid smiles and shakes his head, taking it and placing it next to his bed. The way he handles it looks familiar and Harvey again wonders what happened to him and if he’ll get an answer or if Mike has shared enough for today.
“Yeah, doesn’t make it,” Mike surprises him by answering when he’s done. He looks right at him and says: “I saw you watching.” Harvey looks guilty at that. “It’s alright, I get it. But I’m one of the lucky ones. We were hit by a spray of bullets, three got me. My shoulder, my back and my hip. I got an honorable medical discharge and they shipped me back to the US where I got the care I needed for the lowest cost, before they threw me on the streets and told me to figure it out. That is being lucky, Harvey.”
Harvey is quiet as he listens. He never served, never even thought of it, just blindly listened to whatever he heard from people who didn’t serve either. What Mike is telling him is all news to him and he wonders how he never knew.
“I had just received three heavy blows to places that were already damaged by always carrying a heavy pack around,” Mike continues. “I had no college degree, since I joined after I was kicked out, because there was nowhere else for me to go. What could I do? Nothing. They don’t tell you that you’re done when you leave the Army.”
At this point it’s less an answer to Harvey’s question and more a rant. It sounds like it has been trapped inside Mike for a long time, so Harvey doesn’t interrupt.
“I was constantly in pain and with my record before the Army, no doctor was willing to prescribe me painkillers, so I turned back to drugs. I couldn't work and was too weak to care for Grammy, so I spiraled back into criminal activity again. The Army doesn’t get anyone back on their feet, they just take and spit people out. They destroyed my future more than drugs and cheating did,” Mike says, breathing heavily.
In the back of his mind, Harvey feels guilty about taking Mike’s one pain relief when he started working for Pearson Hardman. However, he also knows that weed was keeping Mike chained down in his shitty situation.
Still, he resolves to ask how Mike manages his pain now.
“Hell, I can’t walk through a metal detector normally anymore,” Mike rant on, “because they just sewed the bullets back in order to get bleeding to stop enough to drag me out of there. Though, not before digging around in them with a knife, making sure the scaring would be horrible, as they decided to fuck it to save time and my life. And, now, if they try to get them out, they might paralyze me for life. Not to mention all the mental bullshit that comes with it.”
“And I have to live with the fact that I’m one of the lucky ones,” he is bordering on hysteria now and Harvey isn’t sure if he should intervene.
His fists are clenched and he is shaking slightly. Tentatively, Harvey sits down next to him, putting a hand on the back of his neck as he softly says: “…Mike.”
“I used to have really bad nightmares when I just came back,” Mike confesses softly. “I remember everything I saw out there in vivid detail. I hoped the weed would dim them, but it never did.” He chuckles bitterly. “I still have them actually, I just don’t wake up screaming anymore, because I have become so desensitized to them. It’s just a part of my life now. Part of me.”
At the soft, broken tone Harvey can’t take it anymore and carefully pulls Mike into a side hug. He pretends not to feel the tears slowly staining his suit.
“Sorry,” Mike sniffles after a while.
“Please stop apologizing for the most reasonable reactions and things you can’t control,” Harvey tells him gently. “I can’t even imagine what you’ve been through, it’s okay to be upset. Hell, to be traumatized.”
“Ah, so-, uhm,” Mike clears his throat. “Thank you. You don’t have to do this, but I’m glad you’re here. I didn’t expect today to be this much. It’s been a while since it was this bad, I guess all sorts of things came to the front.”
“It’s no issue at all,” Harvey says, nearly admitting how glad he is Mike didn’t hide this from him and that he can be here for him.
Mike doesn’t really reply to that, just leans further into Harvey’s side and wipes his eyes. “It’s hard to explain how bad it was. But no one cares about you out there and no one cares when you get back. You see the worst shit and then you just have to report for duty the next day like nothing happened. Like you didn’t try and fail to hold the blood of your friend inside him hours before. Like you don’t want to go curl up into a ball, cry and go home.”
“Is that the reason you don’t like General Curtis?” Harvey asks, remembering the dislike that radiated off Mike, hidden under that impassive mask, while the General seemed friendly.
At that Mike snorts bitterly and pulls back a bit as he explains: “When I knew him, he was Sargent Curtis. Friendly, but sneaky. I’m a Corporal, I was a team leader, but I reported to him. He took pride in me being under him, since I was bright and he could take credit for my successes, without having to take the risks.”
Harvey is just starting to think that sounds a bit like him, when Mike says: “He was kind of like the anti-you. Pretended to care then stabbed you in the back without teaching you a thing.
That earns Mike a raised brow, since not many would describe Harvey as the opposite of that, but Mike ignores that and moves on: “Anyway, we had just come back from one of the shittiest missions to date. We were all exhausted, so I told my men to take the evening, while I went to check up on the wounded. Maybe write a few letters to widows or now childless mothers.”
A part of Harvey doesn’t want to know how this story ends and his heart breaks for Mike, who has lived it.
“The next morning, I stumble back to camp and Sargent Curtis is in my face screaming about why my platoon didn’t show up for evening drills,” Mike continues. “I had just returned from the medical tent. Two of the three wounded didn’t make it through the night. I had held their hands the entire night and promised them that they would be okay. That they would go home soon.”
Mike stares unseeingly at the ground. “I decided then, the whole Military could choke and I would never sign up for another tour. However, a week later that decision was made for me. I will never forget that fucking asshole. I wonder whose coattail he rode to General.”
“Fuck. Mike,” Harvey breathes after a second.
“I’m fine now,” Mike assures him, giving him a crooked smile that is only half believable. Then he clears his throat and blinks. “Wow, I just really dumped that all on you.”
“You looked like you needed it,” Harvey says, adding, “And I’m the guy you tell, remember?”
That gets a laugh out of Mike, which makes Harvey prouder than it has the right to. Mike softly elbows him and rolls his eyes. “Alright, Mr. Lawyer-man. Just hand me my paperwork. I need a distraction right now.”
“Course,” Harvey agrees, having pushed more than enough for today.
The rest of the day passes slowly, but companionably. Harvey puts the stuff back in the closet in a more organized manner and gets lunch at some point. He also organizes Mike’s coffee table and rearranges the mess on the couch, so that he can comfortably work there.
It’s about half past 3 that Harvey’s phone rings. Donna’s face smiles up from the screen and he picks up with a smooth: “Hello, Donna. What’s up?”
“I’m trying to keep your line busy, since Jessica was just here and she is probably on her way to her office to interrogate you,” Donna informs him.
“Louis didn’t believe you?” he asks.
“No, he did, she just happened to hear what I fed Louis and didn’t believe that,” Donna says. “She asked me what was really going on and I told her you weren’t really out on a free day, but finalizing the paperwork for a deal for the company of Louis’ sister and didn’t want him to know.”
“Let me guess, she didn’t think I would be that considerate.”
“Bingo,” Donna agrees. “So I hope you have something to tell her, because I’m sure she’ll be able to find you otherwise. By the way, how is Mike doing?”
Harvey glances at Mike, who sends him a questioning brow. He is still in bed with the hot water bottle now on his hip, surrounded by paperwork, marker behind his ear. “He is good,” he tells Donna. “We’ll come up with something.”
“Alright, bye,” Donna says. “I’m off to call Jessica and stall her to give you time.” Then she hangs up with a click.
“What did Donna need?” he asks.
“Jessica can call any moment, because she didn’t believe our excuses for not being in today,” Harvey answers, getting up and walking back over to Mike. “What are we telling her?”
“We can say I’m just sick?” Mike offers.
“Wouldn’t work, she knows I hate being sick and avoid sick people like my life depends on it. If you were contagious, I wouldn’t be here,” Harvey shakes his head, falling down on the bed as he shoots the idea down.
“So now what?” Mike asks.
Harvey has another option, but he doesn’t know how it will be received. Carefully he suggests: “We can also just tell her the truth. We’re lawyers, she knows the anti-discrimination laws, you’re entitled to sick days and aid.”
“And what about you, huh,” Mike challenges, not shooting the idea down, but also not pleased with it at all.
“I’m doing my work and ensuring you can still do yours in these circumstances,” Harvey says. “She also doesn’t really care if I work from home, though working in office is better for our image, handier and better for if we have walk-ins. I still did my part.”
“No,” Mike shakes his head. “I’m not going to tell Jessica I’m not in, because my bones just hurt a little bit. She already doesn’t like me very much, I’m not giving her more reasons to think I’m a whiny little bitch.”
“I asked you to stop with calling yourself a whiny little bitch,” Harvey reminds him. “You have an actual medical condition that is not a moral failing. She’ll understand and then you can discuss accessibility aid.”
Mike scowls: “I don’t need accessibility aid.”
Harvey sighs. “Why not?”
“Everyone there already thinks you’re giving me special treatment and I have been functioning fine until now,” Mike says. “If I randomly show up with a cane or get help, everyone will have questions and I don’t need the extra shit. I get enough already.”
“If that happens you can file a discrimination lawsuit,” Harvey points out. “I’ll represent you, pro-bono.”
“No,” Mike says.
“What are you going to do then?” Harvey asks. He doesn’t want to force Mike, but he also doesn’t get it. “How are you managing now. You said yourself you should use the cane more and weed isn’t really an option to cope anymore. Are you just going to swallow a bunch of Tylenol and keep your fingers crossed?”
“I’ve become immune to Tylenol,” Mike shrugs. “So, I’ll just deal like I’ve always done and I’ll be fine.”
“And if a day like this rolls around again?”
“I’ll call in sick,” Mike says. “I should have done that today, honestly. It was my plan after calling you, but I thought that counted. Next time, I’m calling Donna.”
“Oh, yeah, because Donna will let you get away with being miserable like this,” Harvey points out the flawed logic.
“Dammit, Harvey, why are you pushing me here?” Mike explodes.
“All I’m wondering is if all this can be lessened or even prevented, if you tell Jessica,” Harvey replies. “If you had a good chair, if you could get a moment to stretch, if you could use your cane, would the chances of having a day this bad be lower? I know you don’t want to tell anyone and you don’t have to. You know they’re legally not allowed to ask you. Throw title 1 of the ADA in their faces and try to give less fucks.”
“People don’t really tend to believe it’s this bad,” Mike points out softly.
“Jesus, Mike, you got shot. Multiple times. The bullets are still in you,” Harvey says. “It’s pretty hard to deny. Just tell me, if it would help.”
Mike is quiet for a moment, then he shrugs: “I guess, the strain would be less. It might help, but these things are unpredictable.”
“Alright,” Harvey nods. “Look, all I’m saying here is tell Jessica. You don’t have to do anything more with it, but think about it for a minute.”
It’s quiet, then Harvey’s phone starts ringing again, this time Jessica’s severe eyes stare judgmentally at them and Harvey says: “Make that a second.”
“Wait. What are you going to say?” Mike asks, stressed out.
“We’ll see,” Harvey replies cheerfully, before picking up. “Hello, Jessica. What can I do for you today?”
“Harvey.” How Jessica can say so much with just his name, he’ll never know.
“That is me, yes,” he says anyway, instead of being serious. As he stalls, he makes a few inquiring faces at Mike, who is still thinking, brows pinched.
“You know why I am calling you,” she tells him.
“Probably, but before I confess to something you don’t know yet, remind me?” Harvey answers.
“I have become aware that you and your little minion, Mike, aren’t in the office today,” Jessica informs him. “Now, this would be only mildly worrying, if you didn’t have Donna lying straight to my face. So, what the hell are you doing out there, Harvey?”
“Nothing, I swear,” he says, feeling a bit like a boy called to the principal’s office
“Harvey, this is not a time to play games with me,” Jessica tells him sternly. “I let a lot of the shit you do slide, but there are still rules that need to be followed and I can’t have you drag Mike out of work for your little escapades. People talk, Harvey, you know this. What am I supposed to say if the partners start asking why I’m letting you and your associate have days off without explanation?”
“Yes, Jessica, I know,” Harvey agrees, turning serious. She is not amused in any way and now is not the time to be cocky or cute with her.
“So, I’m asking you again,” she says. “Where the hell are you?”
And for this first time in a long time, Harvey flounders. While he has an opinion on what Mike should do, he’s not just telling Jessica when Mike said no. However, she needs some sort of explanation and if he lies to her now and she finds out, he is done for.
He opens and closes his mouth a few times, waving his hand around as if it will give him inspiration.
Mike has been sitting next to him, listening as he attemps to cover for Mike. He has heard everything, but has also taken the time to think about what has been said. So, when Harvey runs aground, he plucks the phone out of his hands and puts on his most chipper voice as he greets: “Hi, Jessica, how are you today?”
It isn’t often that he hears that tone, but surprised, Jessica answers: “Mike? Why are you here?”
“I thought you knew Harvey and I were in the same location,” Mike shoots back.
“Are you toying with me, kid?” And when Jessica says it, it doesn’t sound as fond as when Harvey does. “Why isn’t Harvey answering?”
“Because Harvey was about to lie for me, even though he didn’t want to,” Mike tells her honestly, hoping the switch in tone will throw her off enough to prevent her anger.
“What?”
Ah, success!
“He is in my apartment,” Mike confesses. “I didn’t want him to tell you, because I don’t like talking about it, but he is right in that as my employer you should probably know.”
Jessica sounds like she is preparing for the worst as she asks what the hell they’re doing and Mike suddenly realizes how that might sound. He smartly chooses to ignore it.
“I used to be in the Military,” he says quickly, trying to get it over with as fast as possible. “I did three tours in Afghanistan and was honorably discharged after I got shot in the back. Today the neglect I’ve put my body through caught up and put me out of commission. Harvey came to bring me my paperwork and ensure I was alright.”
The line is quiet. Mike has done the impossible and rendered Jessica speechless for a moment as he processes all he has just said.
“That is- Ahum- Thank you for your service,” she says and Harvey sees Mike wrinkle his nose in disgust at the thanks.
“No problem,” is what he awkwardly replies.
“You said the issues were caused by neglect, has this anything to do with work conditions?” she then goes on in a businesslike manner, immediately trying to barricade herself in legally in case of a later lawsuit about the accessibility of Pearson Hardman.
“I- uh,” Mike fumbles, not yet prepared for this part of the conversation.
Harvey sends him a questioning, concerned look and Mike smiles at him, before turning back to the phone.
“Overall the work conditions have not directly impaired me. At the moment, I’m in a dialogue with Harvey on how to improve my work area. The only thing I would currently note is the atmosphere in the cube farm.” As he talks he chooses his words carefully and Harvey listens in with pride at how far Mike has come lawyer-wise.
“How so?” Jessica asks him and Harvey can picture her sitting there perfectly.
“While I get the hazing culture, it has discouraged me from using my cane,” Mike explains. “It helps lessen the strain. However, I’m sure that right now it would get missing sometime during the day or it will be broken. Not to mention the verbal abuse.”
“I’ll see what I can do about that,” Jessica says. “When you’re able to come in, please head to my office so that we can discuss this further. Bring your discharge papers and doctor’s notes, since we do need to see some proof. And tell Harvey to report what you two agree on surrounding this.”
“Certainly,” Mike promises. “And thank you for your understanding.”
“Of course,” Jessica replies. “We at Pearson Hardman promote a diverse and accepting work environment.”
Mike bites his lip to keep himself from laughing at the obvious sales line and says his goodbyes before hanging up. Then he sags into himself, the anxiety suddenly leaving him.
“Are you okay?” Harvey asks.
“Yeah,” Mike smiles. “That was just really stressful and scary, but she was nicer about it then expected.”
“Jessica is a black woman at the top of a multi-million law firm,” Harvey points out. “She has been diversity points and knows how shitty it is to not be seen as human beyond that. She has been pushing more diversity and less discrimination ever since she became name partner, but not in that corporate way you so often see.”
“Well, it’s appreciated,” Mike says. “Now I just have to figure out how I’m going to face the entire firm and its ridicule.”
“That’s not going to happen,” Harvey assures him and the brow he gets back tells him all he needs to know about what Mike thinks of that. He amends his answer slightly to: “Well, it might, but now you have me, Donna and Jessica backing you. And Louis, because Louis wants to lick Jessica’s boots at every moment.”
Mike considers that for a moment. “Alright, yeah. But it might still happen, before they can get reprimanded, or whatever. And that will suck.”
There isn’t much Harvey can do about it and that does, indeed, sucks. So, he wracks his brain for a moment, then offers: “You can work in my office the first few days, until the word has spread.”
“Thanks, Harvey,” Mike smiles. “But I think I’m passing. Your couch is nice, but working on it is killing for my back. I’ll just have to deal, I suppose. But I am keeping you to that offer, should it be necessary.”
“Alright,” Harvey nods and they shake on it. Then he says: “We should probably have that dialogue about how to improve your work conditions now.”
“Come on, man, that’s not necessary,” Mike tries to play it off. “I just came up with that so that I could hang up on Jessica as fast as possible. It’s fine, I swear.”
“And I thought it was a good idea,” Harvey raises a challenging brow. “In fact, I have already suggested a few things like a better chair and stretch room. If you tell me what would help, then I can say to what extend that can be arranged and then we can leave the subject be.”
“I hate it when you go all lawyer on me, did I ever tell you that?” Mike complains and Harvey just grins victoriously.
“So?”
For a moment, Mike is stubbornly silent, then he gives in. “I mean, a better chair would be nice, I guess. One with better back support and wheels so I don’t have to get up for every little thing. And if I didn’t have to continuously run around to bring people my finished paperwork, but that can’t always be helped, so whatever. Like I said, I’m fine most of the time. Hell, most people don’t even notice.”
Harvey guiltily counts himself among those people as he thinks for a second. “A chair should be no problem. And if you call, me and Donna can collect my paperwork, which is most of your workload. Louis is the other half, so that will depend on him, but maybe we can ask that paralegal-” “Rachel,” “Yes, Rachel, if she can take your work if she has the time.”
“I don’t know about that, Harvey. She already hates that associates and partners treat her like a secretary,” Mike shakes his head. “I would feel bad asking her.”
“She is your friend, right?” Harvey asks and Mike nods. So, Harvey says: “Well, then she might make an exception for you. Otherwise you can ask one of the associates, because Louis and Norma aren’t going to. Though, you never know.”
“Keep it as a backup option should Louis be shit?” Mike suggest.
“Sure,” Harvey agrees. “Anything else?”
“Not that I can think of,” Mike says.
“Alright. Then I’m calling Donna, so she can get on that and because she has probably been dying to know what’s happening ever since Jessica left her desk.” And Mike snorts at that as Harvey starts to dial Donna.
He was right about her curiosity, because she pounces the moment she picks up. Dutifully Harvey relays everything to her, ending in her promising that Louis will be collecting his own paperwork one way or another.
The rest of the day passes by peacefully. Mike’s body decides to be kinder and Mike can use the cane to get to the bathroom on his own when he needs it again. Harvey does a few groceries, claiming he just wants to cook for a change, but also getting Mike a few basics.
They eat at the small table Mike has and talk about upcoming cases. When it’s time to leave, Mike stays seated and tells Harvey he would normally walk him to the door, but you know…
“Mike, you live in a broom closet, you can be anywhere and still have walked someone to the door,” Harvey informs him when he says that.
“Shut up.” Mike sticks his middle finger up at him, but he is smiling again, so Harvey counts it as a win anyway.
At the door he hesitates again, then asks: “You sure, you’re gonna be alright?”
“I’m not made of porcelain, Harvey,” Mike rolls his eyes. “I had a bad day, that’s it. Tomorrow I’ll probably take a cab to work instead of my bike. That’s the worst of it.”
“Okay, but if you can’t come in tomorrow, call me,” Harvey is mollified, but makes Mike promise anyway.
“I will,” Mike says. “Now shoo. I need my beauty sleep.”
“Alright, alright.” And with that Harvey finally leaves, wondering how his day ended up like this and reflecting how much he didn’t mind. How much he missed being needed for a change.
He gets a lot of people asking for his help, of course, but this protective caring feeling is something he only knows from Markus, who hasn’t asked him for anything except money in years. It’s kinda nice. Makes him realize how much his friendship with Mike means to him and how badly he wants to hold onto it.
Harvey promises himself to have Mike’s back no matter what. Vows to ensure the kid is alright. To deal with whoever gives him even the slightest grain of shit.
So, the next day he gets in early. As if she has read his mind, Donna is there as well. He greets her and asks after developments.
“Louis will have a kid named Harold collect Mike’s paperwork and the chair got delivered yesterday in the late afternoon,” she informs him.
“How did you manage that?” Harvey asks, impressed.
“I have my contacts,” she shrugs nonchalantly. “What about Mike? Hear anything from him yet?”
“No, nothing so far.”
“If he keeps his usually schedule, he should get in at any moment,” Donna says after checking her watch.
“Jessica told him to report to her immediately, but perhaps he’s dropping his bag off at his desk first,” Harvey tells her, watching the hallway intently.
At 8 AM exactly, Mike steps off the elevator. His suit is done up neater than Harvey has seen it before, as if it’s an armor. His satchel is thrown over his right shoulder and he is leaning on his cane. On his face he’s wearing a confident grin that Harvey can see is partially fake. In his other hand he has a coffee carrier with three coffees in it.
He casually makes his way to Donna’s desk and sets down the coffee carrier. He hands her order, before giving Harvey his as he says: “I thought you would be here already.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Harvey asks as he takes a sip. Exactly how he likes it.
Mike drinks his own and grins. “Nothing, just that you can never deny you care again and I will be using this knowledge against you.”
“Don’t you have a meeting with Jessica to get to?” Harvey says, not denying what Mike says, but also not acknowledging it. He has an image to maintain after all.
“Wow,” Mike snorts, taking a sip. Then he explains: “I’m drinking my coffee first. I usually do that while I walk, but my hands were full.”
“How are you feeling?” Donna asks and Harvey is gratefully she does. If he had done it, it would have sounded overbearing or like he wanted to coddle Mike after his explicit wish not to, but he is curious about the answer and Donna is close enough to it, yet uninvolved enough, to be able to ask him.
“I’m fine, Donna. Thank you,” he answers with a kind smile. “I had forgotten how much this thing helped until I used it again.”
“It makes you look very refined,” Donna tells him with a smile of her own. “And don’t worry about Louis, he was offering to be your assistant when I was done with him.”
Mike laughs at the mental image. “What would the world do without you, Donna?”
“Crash and burn probably,” Donna replies in that serious yet cheeky way only she can pull off successfully.
“Probably, yeah,” Mike agrees. Then downs the rest of his coffee, before saying: “Well, I’m off to Jessica then. Wish me luck.”
“You’re going to be fine,” Donna assures him.
“Yeah, that,” Harvey agrees.
Mike takes a deep breath, straightening his shoulders as he hypes himself up. For a moment, Harvey can see the soldier clearly as he imagines all the muscle bulk Mike must have lost to his injury and drug addiction that was caused by it.
Then Mike walks away, the tapping of the cane announcing his arrival. He looks like a proper lawyer on a mission and Harvey can’t be more proud of the man his kid is becoming.
~~
A/N:
I feel so guilty abt my chronic pain (which, granted, is less bad than Mike’s) and I feel so dramatic, so welcome to the ~projection hours~
Harvey: *shows up and helps Mike even though he didn’t have to and is known not to*
Also Harvey: What if Mike notices I care?
Mike: *is so confused by said care*
Harvey: Nvm, I must tell this idiot I care
While writing this fic, I realizes that you would never know that Louis is one of my fave characters in the show. He just always gets the short end of the stick in my writing for some reason?? (that is in character though, lmao, poor Louis)
And remember kids, hate the US Military, be compassionate for the veterans who are ground up and used by the machine of war. My other PSA is, someone’s medical history is no one’s business except their own :)
(@liar-or-lawyer bc you asked to be tagged)
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ghostussy · 1 year
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Hnnmmm my mind is on Copia caring for a reader with a chronic illness/ specifically chronic fatigue.
Allowing you to lie down as frequently you need to. Planning your schedule so that there's at least a few hours of rest between work and activities. Making sure you're sleeping enough at night (even though it's always 10+ hours anyway). Lying down with you when you need to nap. Helping you adjust your position when you wake up in pain, even if it's a million times. Not complaining as you sleep for literally hours, and keeping away anyone who make try to wake you.
Sometimes after you've slept a few hours, he'll notice you've been swimming between sleep and wake, unable to either sleep or awaken on your own. He'll wake you when this happens and ask if you wanted to sleep or get up, and help you do whichever you choose.
"Hello sleeping beauty," he greets softly when you do wake up. He's gentle as he pats your head, bringing you to rest on his chest as you readjust to being awake again.
He's also there when you cry. Crying from the pain, crying from sleeping too much or too little, crying from the exhaustion despite the long periods of sleep. He'll hold you and tell you "it's okay, your papa's here, you're going to be alright."
He's there to help you explain to your superiors why you struggle so much. How you're not sick, it's just your body requires a little more help and rest than others. And they seem to understand.
He's there for you, and he's kind, and he understands how hard life can be for you. Teen, adult or child, he's there, making sure you feel loved and cared for. He wishes desperately that you will get better.
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