#I might be in a little too deep

[aflamboyanceofflamingos]

So I've been dealing with a really bad fever for the last few days, and apparently i had written something i have no recollection of writing so here it is:

~~~~~~~

Tim had dug himself into a hole.

To anyone that knew him, that fact wouldn't be too surprising. Tim had always been a very capable individual, but every now and then he became too in love with how capable he was and he would trip over his own ego. Usually the boy could get out of the messes he created, the sudden humbling giving him a clear head, but this time, he didn't think he could climb his way out on his own. 

The first shovel of dirt of this metaphorical hole came over 4 years ago, lining up with the first shovel of dirt of a literal hole. 

Jason Todd had died. Robin had died. 

Batman was in shambles. 

And 13 year old Tim Drake thought that because of the knowledge he had, it was his responsibility to fix him. 

Batman needed a Robin, and despite what Nightwing had implied, Tim was nowhere near cool enough to be Robin. 

So what would make Batman get his own sidekick? If his enemies had one! Batman would be forced to find someone else to deal with the sidekick while he dealt with the actual Rouge. 

The Joker was obviously out. Beyond the fact that the Joker was horrible, Tim may be joining up with a villain but that didn’t mean he wanted Batman to hate him. 

That meant he needed to find someone Batman didn’t enact a lot of violence on. That got rid of the Scarecrow and the various crime bosses (Black Mask, the Penguin, etc.). Bruce had been close to Harvey Dent, but a 50% chance of death was a percentage that was just a little too high for Tim (oh how that would change). Most of the lower tier Rouges (Kite Man, Mad Hatter, etc.) had gone under after the got wind of Batman's fury, not to mention that Tim really didn't want to spend his days smelling like ketchup. Poison Ivy and Killer Croc were cool, but their skills weren't exactly ones Tim could replicate. 

That left Mr. Freeze, Catwoman, Harley Quinn, and the Riddler. 

The Mr. Freeze was more gentle with kids, their “villiainly” being based on the actions of adults, and the latter three were in it for their own interests rather than the purpose of killing or invoking fear, Catowman wanted shiny things, Harley wanted chaos and fun, and while the Riddler didn't share the same soft spot for kids, he respected intelligence. 

Tim chose Catwoman; the least lethal, and the closest with Batman. The skills she could teach him would also be more helpful in other situations.

It took about a week from the day he knocked on Selina Kyle's door to convince her to train him, but soon enough, a couple days before his 14th birthday and a few more calls to 911 about petty thieves left in the wake of Batman’s grief then Tim would have liked, “Stray” entered the scene. 

And his plan was working! 

The first time Batman had seen the second pair of cat ears he had paused mid ass-kicking of a carjacker and followed the duo, leaving the guy with more teeth then the others.

Slowly but surely, as time went on, the punishments the Batman inflicted started to fit the crime. By the time Tim was 15, he even thought he had seen a small upturn at the corner of Bruce’s mouth as he witnessed a bit of friendly banter between the two cats!

This was when the young villain had started to become a tad bit overconfident. In his defense, he had managed to keep his identity hidden from even Oracle! Lifts in his shoes, a voice modulator, make-up to disguise his facial features, along with a set of the same goggles Catwoman had kept and physical information from being revealed, and Tim Drake never interacted with Selina Kyle so there was no reason that anyone should have suspected him.

That overconfidence is what led him to replicate his plan. If one Rouge sidekick had benefits, then two Rouge sidekicks would mean double the benefits!

Solving riddles wasn’t too hard for the young boy, being able to see double meaning and red herrings was a skill taught to him by Janet Drake, and he took to the escape-room-esque plans for his heists quite easily. The thing he couldn’t figure out was creating riddles of his own. Mother had taught him that knowledge was power, you only reveal it if there was something to be gained, so purposely revealing information about his intention, helping his opponent was not something Tim was accustomed to, not bound to the compulsion to always tell the truth.

If the boy truly wanted to replicate the Riddler, then he would have to learn from the man himself.

Convincing the enigmatic man to teach Tim was easier than it had been with Catowman, the impressive display of bypassing the puzzles that hid the location of the game-playing criminal certainly helping.

Now, 15 years old with an unexplained skill boost in his AP Lang class (the lessons on wordplay were a definite help), The Riddler’s protege, ‘The Puzzler’ became the newest addition to the Gotham Rogues. He resented that name by the way. It was supposed to be Sibyl or Sphinx, they were on theme because they spoke in riddles and though he would deny it, the use of greek figures were his own little way of mocking Oracle, who still couldn’t figure out his identity. But apparently Poison Ivy and the Riddler had brunch once a month (something about being the green Rouges?) and she had heard the Riddler refer to him as “the little puzzle piece” when he was talking about his apprentice and the puzzle theme stuck despite how uncreative the name was.

This is when things became a bit hectic. Not only did Tim have to hide his nightlife from Batman and his parents, now he had to keep his two mentors from realizing that their mentees were the same person. 

He managed to convince Selina that the reason he was so busy lately was the AP classes that came with sophomore year, and while it wasn’t a lie, it certainly wasn’t the full story.

Nygma was easier to deceive. Tim had refrained from sharing his actual identity with the man (just because he would tell the truth in his puzzles for the sake of theme didn’t mean that he would be sharing personal information if it wasn’t needed. The only reason he hadn't hid it from Selina was to gain her trust, something that wasn’t needed with the Riddler) so just saying that he was busy was enough.

All the effort was worth it though. Things kept getting better.

Nightwing was seen in Gotham more often, and Spoiler (someone who Tim initially thought was trying to steal his thing by being a sidekick of the Cluemaster, only to realize she was working against him) had been seen fighting alongside the Batman one or twice. 

On an unrelated note, Stephiane Brown suddenly had her tuition for Gotham Academy paid for in full by the newly created Jason Todd Foundation.

Since things were going so well, he decided to push his luck a little further.

Unfortunately for Tim, he would soon realize the reason he was known for his bad luck in the future.

It started off like other times. Tim convinced Harley Quinn to take him under her wing, and “Ace” made their debut along with Tim’s 5 in AP Psych (Thank you Dr. Quinzel).

Steph and Tim happened to share a few classes together, and went from study buddies (Tim helping her in Chem, and Steph helping him in American History) to close friends.

Spoiler officially joined the Bats, and there were rumors of another bat joining the clan as well. Well there were no actual rumors, but the newest Wayne kid, Cassandra, had started joining him and Steph at their lunch table so her becoming a new bat wouldn’t be too surprising.

Soon enough though, things went to shit.

To start off, the first time Spoiler met Ace, she threw a brick at his head.

Second, His parents had caught him sneaking out and had grounded him, meaning that he now had to wait until they did their last check on his room at 12:00 to sneak out. 

The lack of sleep was starting to catch up to the highschooler. Handling 3 separate nightlife identities was hard enough, but doing so while exhausted was even harder.

After pulling an all nighter to study for a test the night before, he had gone to Selina’s apartment dressed as Ace, and had both costumes not been mostly black he would have been undoubtedly caught before he managed to fix his mistake.

Puzzler once spent a whole night sounding like Stray, and he didn’t think that his “sore throat” lie was all that believable.

Tim accidentally made a cat pun instead of a bat one when engaging in vaguely flirty banter with Spoiler as Ace and Harley had set him down to have the talk, stating that she would love him no matter who he liked and she would be happy to serve as a wingman for him and Catwoman’s protege. It would be funny if it wasn’t so embarrassing.

Third, Cassandra Wayne definitely knew something.

Tim’s “rumors” were right. 2 weeks after Cass had first joined their table Black Bat made herself known. By pinning Puzzler to the ground.

The next day Cass spent the entire lunch period staring at Tim. When he attempted to throw her off by invoking a mix of Stray and Ace’s mannerisms she stopped staring, instead choosing to freak Tim out more by smiling knowingly. At his wide eyes she mimed zipping her lips and throwing away the key only throwing Tim off further. Cass was too smart to not have known, but there was no reason she wouldn’t tell if she did know, right?

Last, but not least, and the worst of all:

Jason Todd was alive.

~~~~~~~

I have no clue where i was going with that last line, but i see a vision, so I'm hoping it will come back to me, but if not, any suggestions or constructive criticism (or a better puzzle themed name for tim) would be helpful

#If there are grammar issues i blame the fever #also i am now more concerned about my dc obsession #Cause beyond the fact that i apparently wrote this #i also kept hallucanituion Diana Prince (voiced by Grey Griffin) working through the problems on my AP CSA Exam #I might be in a little too deep #tim drake #batfam #dc #selina kyle #the riddler #catwoman #edward nygma #harley quinn #harleen quinzel #fanfic #wip

[b1rdeyes]

Totally normal way to look at your boy best friend as he walks away ‼️

#after shutting you down (and might I add that you INSTANTLY shut up and just stared at him wide eyed⁉️) #THE LITTLE GLANCE BACK AT THE END IM LOSING IT #literally 👁️👁️ (but with the most violently blue eyes you’ve ever seen) #house md #im making gifs now ig #im in too deep #hilson

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

I finally got around to drawing Lan Wunian and Xiao Pingguo! I hope you like them 😊

WOAH!!! This is so stunning! I'm truly speechless, thank you!

#submission #fanart #equineswap AU #lan wunian #xiao pingguo #Your art is beautiful! Thank you a million times over for this! #Thank you for also giving me a chance to draw them again. I miss our equine girls everyday. #I put your art in their enclosure and they said they liked it a lot. They also said I really should let them out more. #They started digging a little tunnel under a pile of hay. I think they might escape containment if I leave them alone too long. #The girls long for the open fields...as all women do. #If she's not looking out into the wild yonder with a deep longing in her eyes...is she really your girl?

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

what is up with the lack of commenting on ao3 in our modern age 😩

#people who can still keep writing motivated by kudos are so powerful #my feeble little heart can’t take it!!!! #also i think I might need the Internet taken away from me in general. it’s making me crazyyyyyy!!!! way too easy to waste my whole day. #checking ao3 every five minutes in desperation! #dollsome's deep thoughts

[rosicheeks]

Aka Riders Lullaby from Centaurworld

Lay your head on my chest so I can sing you a lullaby and gently run my fingers through your hair until you slowly drift off to sleep 🥰🫶

#I got some microphones on a super good deal and I wanted to try it out 🥰 #also I’m finishing centaurworld and I love it so so so so much #I got an ask recently #and I think it might have been the sweetest ask I’ve received #and that’s saying something #cause all of you guys are sweeties!!! #but basically they were complimenting my voice #and if you don’t know voice compliments are probably top tier for me #obviously love personality compliments and all that but voice compliments hit me fucking deep #I’m going to reply to that ask soon #just whenever I get a super sweet ask that BLOWS me away I need a little bit to recover and find the right words to say! #anywhoodedoodly #I was crying while I was driving and singing my heart out #and remembered my microphones!! #was gonna do some sort of heavy ballad but I’m too much of a perfectionist right now #gotta start small #idk if I’ll keep this up or I’ll remake it #cause I always feel like I could do better ya know?? #me #mine #rosicheeks #singing

[spearxwind]

Happy halloween everyone, make sure to give your eels a pumpkin for enrichment today <3

#windyart #talas #hades #yes i know that pumpkin is the size of a bus. what about it #also hades will be ok hes just holding on for dear life a little. talas is whipping him around like a ribbob #ribbon. whatever #challenger deep #cf #might as well add the tag here too #cf art

[possamble]

realizing im kind of a weirdo about laios and marcille

#possramble #ignore this im just babbling but #the thing is that like. i don't ship laios and marcille together. their relationship is so so important to me in that laios comphets himsel #and THINKS that he might be in love with her but he isn't and that's my insane obsession #platonic soulmates for real but they're so sweet together that i fully expect them to be shipped together #like i get it. that's almost the appeal for me. if dungeon meshi were any other series there'd be an epilogue where they get married #convention dictates that they're meant to be together as the male protagonist and his beloved female deuteragonist #but dungeon meshi DOESNT do that and i love it so fucking much they're the comphet besties ever for my strange little brain #like if i ever did an arranged marriage au it would absolutely be laios and marcille having a platonic political marriage and then just #the most insane mutual pining with marcille and falin while laios and marcille struggle their way into becoming best friends #the imagery of the king and his beautiful court mage being tender to each other and everyone thinking they're in love is like catnip to me #like yeah they'd be like that and have no idea people think they should be together and the subversion makes me so obsessed #the more people ship them romantically. the more i enjoy their platonic dynamic it's like some sort of weird comphet fetishism idk #people think they're in love and im outside the window like YES... YES!!! #but also the second i see stuff of them kissing on the mouth or fucking im like oh god no i went too deep in here i gotta get out #don't wanna see that. i'll go feral over the idea of laios and marcille being arm-in-arm like king and queen but they would not fuck. #i want marcille to be his default comphet beard and dance partner/plus one at official royal events but they're not kissing. #she's there on his arm because he's scared of the other noble women tryna get him and being a baby about it #and people see them muttering to each other and laughing and generally being very sweet and think that they're dating but they're not. #she's actually covered in hickies from falin underneath her dress and is gonna get dragon dicked right after the party is over #like she's in her bedroom and falin's helping her take her ridiculous dress off while listening to her complain about politics #and falin is the person she goes home to the person she falls asleep to and wakes up with #they're a triad of utter devotion to each other but only farcille's side of the triangle is romantic #it's almost like an open secret because they're not trying to hide it at all but people assume and are surprised to find out #like people are so right about her relationship with the toudens but with the siblings' roles switched #love of her life & irreplaceable life companion. does anyone get it #anyway. i don't know what's wrong with me #it bothers me that they're not the undisputed most popular het ship for marcille on ao3 #it's unnatural. marcille being paired with any other man should be a fringe case.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

this past week its just been a constant cycle of *normal normal normal* OH FUCK THE SITE UPDATE IS NEARLY UPON US *has to sit down and breathe*

#what will we see... what will we learn... #screaming sobbing throwing up #almost literally! im so hyped im a little nauseous! only a Bit! #i need to calm down! im being too abnormal about it!! #i cant even finish my plate of pickles rn because i Remembered #and now i cant do anything but sit here and vibrate from excitement #deep breaths.... deep breaths.... #absolutely unprompted #i mean feeling physically sick from excitement is not entirely atypical for me #it always makes me feel a lil unwell! whether that excitement is negative like having to drive a Distance #or positive like looking forward to an event! #im gonna feel a lil like throwing up! #its a good discomfort i swear #that being said. #if we get voice lines i might actually have to go for a walk around the block to cool off lmfao

[cryptiduni]

…i just saw this poll and my unevolved brain gel wriggled inside my cranium like a feral fish:

idk how you look at his official art and call him conventionally attractive. my man looks like a wet dog and has eyebags for daysss. face full of pox scars, skin pale af, and those shaggy ass hair & a rugged beard hanging from his flat long face.

he is pretty *to me* but like dude???

—not exactly a heartthrob boy band material is he?

obv I wouldn’t call him “misunderstood baby uwu” if we are talking a little more seriously —but to be fair jean is having possibly the worst week of his life. the car? fucking sunk. case? unsolved. not to mention his close partner (who is also an ass mind you) doesn’t even remember him, already running around with a new one.

yeah he is absolutely foul and aggressive and degrading harry but like i said before (in my tag essay lol) judit also makes ableist comments and i don’t see people hating her because she’s outwardly nice—

and respects harry as her superior. her BOSS.

(also a friend with benefits? /nope, it’s just him harassing judit/ as well but not as a complicated relationship compared jean and harry’s brötherbund. only a few months of acquaintanceship.)

plus it’s highhlyyy likely that harry is not the only one substance abuse. —look at jean’s rudolf-looking-red-ass-nose. a drunkard’s sniffers. probably had few lines with him late at night… when your lifetime partner is an alcoholic it's hard to say no.

about the left for dead thing, they left because harry told them to fuck off. tbh harry is nightmare to work with esp pre-bender. (and am saying as a pathetic little unmedicated neurodivergent woman.)

but when the second time they left revachol was not jean’s fault, and it was judit’s suggestion anyway. the squad probably thought that since harry had someone a little more responsible looking after him. it will be fine when they come back. the tribunal was absolutely unaccounted for.

yet despite all of these things, he will try to come back to make sure he is ok and accommodate harrier to the best of his abilities which is wearing very thin. look at him trying to make up to our harry boy:

anyways am incapable of writing coherent thoughts (even though i want to talk about it for hours) that make sense so go look at sygneth’s jean psychological analysis instead. it is an excellent read. please go read.

#op might wanna get their eyes or head checked lol. they looked at a little too much fanart. #+do not interact with the original poll. don’t look it up. it’s not worth it. don't give it traction. don't attract drama. #am sure op is just a troll. prob barely spent any time playin/readin DE. not that i am that much media literate but still... #i am sure there are things i left out. oh well... #i know that you need high EDC build run or lotta reading to understand so his “lore” so is kinda gatekept-- #but it’s frustrating to see shit takes like this lmaoo #also don’t get me wrong i like judit. she is a tired working woman w/ a pathetic husband + 2x children. she just wanna grab jean & go home. #p.s stella as in stella from ‘‘helluva boss’’. idk didn’t like its S2 i think she coulda been more complex character. #but not everything needs to be deep and meaningful i guess. simple villains are ok. #her anger is justified towards her husband’s infidelity but she’s kind of a dumb royal brat. esp in s2. just calls of his assassination rig #heron vs secretary #angry bird vs angry bird shit fr beuh #disco elysium #jean vicquemare #jean posting #jean heron vicquemare #loyal is the he… #no. am not tagging HB or stella. #kinda long #longish post #cryptid rambles

[dangans-ur-ronpas]

tonaegiri dynamic

byakuya with makoto: being around you has changed me in ways i cant describe. your capability and flaws have forced me to acknowledge you as an equal, and it does not frighten me as much as it should

kyoko with makoto: you have helped me see things previously hidden from me. you have shown me a kindness that has changed me fundamentally. i am now selfish in wanting you to stay near to me for selfish reasons

byakuya and kyoko: you repulsed me because you are too much like me; i am disgusted and fascinated by the reflection of myself that i see in you. but where else can i find someone who is similar enough to myself? who can match me like you? who can understand me like you?

makoto with kyoko and byakuya: you are people who i can never aspire to be on level footing with, and yet here we are. you seem strange and unknowable to me, and yet you have let me know you. and you have sought to know me as well

#i dont know that ive had a real romantic relation in my life #so this might come off as too flowery/exaggerated #i might have simplified makoto's dynamic with the others a little bit #on second read i DEFINITELY simplified makoto's dynamic with them whoops #actually all of these are abstracted versions. the tonaegiri dynamic is a deep and intricate web i think #naegami #tonaegiri #togiri #naegiri

[thediktatortot]

We all know Eddie has ADHD, but I feel like people don't ever mention the Really Not So Fun symptoms. Like, the kind of symptoms you can't just laugh at because jesus they really fuck with your life.

Like forgetting to eat or drink for literally hours, maybe even entire days because you just can't take your mind off the thing your doing, or focus long enough to make yourself something to eat. It leaves you shaking like a leaf and unfocused and foggy headed and you can't figure out why your so foggy until you remember the last thing you ate was a bowl of cereal the morning before.

Not remembering the last time you showered, even if you think about it really hard. And if you can remember it, usually it was like 4-5 days ago and now you feel disgusting suddenly. Not just because you might not have showered in five days, but because you didn't shower in five days. You haven't brushed your teeth, your hair or washed yourself in five days and you feel disgusting and ashamed because how could you allow yourself to get so dirty?

The shame that sits in your core at every thing you do because it's not normal, it's not right, even on top of all those other not normal things you do, this especially. Because everyone can do it, everyone can study and everyone can write essays and everyone can drink fucking water so why the fuck can't you just drink some damned water!

It's getting so fixated on a task that you suddenly cannot complete because you're either missing essential steps or parts of a task. You can't do anything else though, because that's the task or the thing you've decided you have to do, whether important or not. You check, over and over again to see if maybe you're just not seeing something or not finding something that should be there. Maybe you're just stupid and can't see what's obviously right there, so you ask other people to check or find things for you because you can't trust yourself.

You forget everything, leave things on the ground, in the bathroom, on the porch. You can't trust your hands to remember to not loosing things, so you keep those items in your hand for a half hour only to forget what you were doing with it to begin with.

It's trying to do better at remembering things so you leave yourself notes. On the mirrors in the bathroom, in the kitchen taped to the coffee pot, on the toilet seat, etc etc. But it doesn't matter because even though you see those notes, you're brain doesn't want to do whatever it is that thing is. So you ignore the notes, or you tell yourself that you saw the note so now you'll remember it. You don't remember it, you forget about the note and the task and the fact that you said you would remember it only ten minutes later.

It's going to school and being okay with learning, enjoying yourself in class when it's happening because you have someone teaching you, someone there to keep the thoughts in line, to keep your mind focused. You hate authority because you don't like being told what to do, but in reality it really helps keep you on track. During the summers you are listless, no goals, no one to tell you what your next task is because you have no responsibilities and thus no goalposts to look forward too.

You can say you want to graduate, you can really really want to graduate but none of that matters because you can't get your own mind to want to do the hard things it takes to do the things you want to do. You get called lazy, get called weird and stupid by those around you. Teachers think you don't apply yourself, adults in your life pity you because they don't understand why you can't just do the fucking homework, other kids hate you because you don't fit in socially the way kids are supposed too.

It's the self depreciating, shame and doubt that just sit on you constantly like a coat you can't remove or a tattoo marked on your skin. You'll never be able to change your brain. You'll always be messed up and it feels like there's nothing in the world you can do about it other than just be miserable or die.

#Eddie Munson #ADHD #I might have gone a little deep #I have ADHD too I'm sorry I might have projected a little #But if you have ADHD you get it

[hugeegosorry]

thoughts on cuddy x stacy? 👀

uhh from what i remember it was prevalent on lj to get some more wlw in fiction and lose the cuddy/cameron age gap (that is, before camteen) and honestly? Good for them. I love the idea of some kind of romance or affair between them and season 2 has so much sapphic vibes anyway it just fits. no issue with being completely canon to me

#you got me just before i was going to sleep so congrats on the fantastic timing #also im a little bit too sleepy so i might not be making sense #you wont get a deep analysis bc this isnt that kind of blog sadly #house md #lisa cuddy #stacy warner #whatever the ship name is #askers in da house

[youredreamingofroo]

I hate how I can sit there, get all sappy and cry and then moments later, just. wipe the tears away and then get,,, mad at myself for feeling like that, or disgusted. why do I do this :T

#post:vent #might delete later #like. its not one of those things where i can shake off that anger/disgust. #its a visceral feeling. and it sucks. i just hate how it makes me belittle myself. its such an overwhelming feeling too #so i have to just get through it and wait for the suffocation to subside #anyways. getting thru a little ol weep rn. will prolly end up deleting this in the post-cry rage. or you and i can forget this happened- #-and itll get buried deep into the depths of my post. where u can only find it if u search hard enough (or search post:vent lmao) #yapping

[reinabeestudio]

YOMIEL IF YOU MAKE HIM YK WHO SING CANTARELLA I'M CHASING YOU DOWN FOR SPORT‼️ you won't be safe I'll make you drink from the nero coffee ‼️‼️

Pero no le di importancia moment

#ask #4rachnophilia #mike strangled red #mike stoughton #video #vs yomiel #Maybe I'll put the full thing on ytb at some point. The People Shall Choose #vamos a acabar al cuello del otro. haciendo cosplay del babygirl y el cuñado ☝ #asi es como muestro mi interes por tener tu amistad *te putea* #first time drawing my bro in law. not easy. what not being on the pc for 1 week does to a mf 💥 #his voice is so surprisingly deep!!!! #like im so used to only listening to him on dissension. i had no idea how deep he can go AHAHAHSHJDSFHJHJ #might use him again. he's easier to use than his edgy (&apuesto) brother. s!3v3n's death metal singer voice 💀💀 (loves it anyway) #I had to add the little humming too. i remembered your hc post during the process.. :] ✨

[soopkreem]

No no no, you don't understand, I NEED this man

#oc: wilkan #soopkreem art #the refs i had was deep fried quality i dont know what im doing #i hate the way the goggle shaped in this art so #might get back to it someday #Krim's SBOC #also its a funny realization that i like moustache men a little too much lately

[martianbugsbunny]

It's not as fun for me to watch the Captain America movies anymore because even though it's on me for actually thinking Marvel might have Steve and Bucky end up together, it was one hundred per-cent a reasonable assumption to make. The chemistry was there. The history. The narratives revolving around each other's lives. Steve saying it's hard to find someone he has shared experiences with when there's a man who matches that description heart achingly well. Bucky knowing Steve so deep within his core that not even brainwashing and mental torture can keep him from remembering. I'm with you to the end of the line being almost like a marriage vow. The way Bucky can't remember the name of the girl he dated once (but Steve can) but he remembers the part of that experience that involved Steve. The way he's believed in Steve since before he was Captain America. The way Steve would literally rather die than hurt Bucky anymore once he knows the world is safe, even if he doesn't know whether or not Bucky will have mercy on him (and it's not even important if he believes Bucky will, because that wouldn't have any impact on Steve's decision to stop fighting). The way they just keep haunting each other. The way it should be impossible for them to still exist together but the universe conspired to save them both for the twenty-first century. The way Bucky is the only person alive who knows that Steve used to put newspapers in his shoes. The way that's all Steve needs to hear from him to know this is Bucky and not the Winter Soldier.

No, I don't expect that every ship will become canon. But can you blame me for hurting when something that felt so much like eternal love, that felt so close to seeing people like me up there on the movie screen, didn't get to happen when it so easily could've?

Would you blame Icarus for plunging too hard into a taste of freedom, after being locked away for years, when it was really the weakness of the wax and the fury of the sun that killed him?

#there we go #I've been wanting to say that since endgame happened #there's a little part of me that might be more at peace now I'm not gonna lie #they just felt like we were almost there y'know? #like we were free #after years of being shut out and ignored #and then the sun scorched us and the wax gave way and we fell #maybe it was a little bit our faults for being consumed with the idea but wasn't it also the fault of the things that brought us down? #I'm getting way too faux-philosophical about this I know #but that hurt runs deep for me #I actually believed Steve rogers might get to just be gay and have a boyfriend #and it didn't happen #and not only that but the man he could've ended up with isn't allowed to be gay without him either #Steve rogers #Bucky barnes #stucky #stevebucky #marvel #mcu #endgame #captain america #martianbugsbunny ships #martianbugsbunny has a cathartic moment