#I know we all know but covid is so annoying | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

toytulini · 9 months

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I saw Barbie last night, I dont think i have a long film review of it for yall but idk I'll put some thoughts under a readmore I guess?

-Right off the bat, I enjoyed it, it was fun. It was a fun pink poppy romp. Thats about what I expected of it, and thats pretty much what I got

-Its not particularly radical in its gender/feminism takes, its very basic, which, I saw a number of ppl mention that before I saw it so I wasnt expecting anything radical. It couldve done better. it was. fine. im shrug about it i guess.

-My mom enjoyed it and was apparently not expecting any sort of emotional depth or story at all so it caught her off guard. I heard her crying. she cries easy at movies. I'm glad my mom liked it. Maybe she'll absorb some of the very basic feminism it drops idk.

-I knew the Kens adopted patriarchy and introduced it to Barbieland but it felt lile that happened very fast, idk.

-The ending....I. is her going to a gynecologist supposed to be like. shes gotten a vagina by deciding to be human?? or is she trying to schedule a surgery or something? that felt pretty weird to me if im honest, i thought it was gonna be a job interview or smth... Especially with how everyone was like "Barbie is ace (heheeh i agree) cos she has no genitals! (sorry what. excuse me. wanna run that by me again?)" like okay that makes that headcanon reasoning even more dewply uncomfortable that it already was?

-I enjoyed weird Barbie. i wish theyd cast someone else cos iirc ka/te mckin/non was a transmisogynist? unless she apologized or said she changed her mind on the topic since like 2017?? but i havent seen anything? idk. just. annoying to keep platforming these ppl. i guess theres probably other actors involved that have shit views of trans ppl. whatever i guess.

-I did dress up a little. i feel like my outfit had Weird Barbie Vibes. maybe ill post a pic.

-I did enjoy it and it had a number of shots and or transitions i liked, i think the one with the disco ball to the moon or whatever was enjoyable.

-god we really are so weird about barbie

-it just feels factually incorrect that all dolls pre barbie were baby dolls? idk. im sure it was the most common kind. but idk. not to be weird about The History Of Dolls but like. the porcelain dolls from the Victorian era. idk if those count as baby dolls. iirc those were to help young girls practice prepping dead bodies of loved ones for funerals or smth??? but i guess porcelain dolls have a sort of babyish look about them. and are fragile so you cant play rough with them.

-Like i Know its a 2hr long toy commercial for mattel but also god that cant be right. even if they werent filling the same niche as barbie as idk basically a fashion doll? there had to be other dolls right?

-I know the flat foot thing is Supposed to be over the top and silly for them all to get upset about but also tbh. as a bitch with falling arches the way some of yall make jokes about flat feet still is uh. well. rude. but also lmao man. the day my arches started hurting for no reason while i was barefoot did sorta feel emotionally like her feet falling to the ground lol.

-i want to introduce barbie to margot robbie's harley quinn owo. i think that would be Fun :3

-i want Ken's job. how do i do Beach as an occupation.

-I actually liked how they handled Ken and Barbie's rship til the end. i feel weird about that ending overall and also it feels weak wrt her dynamic as Ken. they make him grapple w her not reciprocating his feelings the same way but then she just leaves barbieland anyway?? and ig they dont get to explore a friendship or qpr dynamic. ok. its fine i guess.

-her saying she has no genitalia felt so transgender in a way im not sure it was intended to. ken saying he has all of the genitalia felt even more transgender. headcanoning them both as extremely transgender in fun weird new ways and no one can stop me.

-Allan is my favorite character i think. bro me too

-bibbleless movie. add bibble.

#toy txt post #barbie spoilers #barbie movie #everyone kept trying to get my dad to come see it and like.i get it.but genuinely he would hate it even if not for his conservative bullshit #he hates goofy fun movies. OR. he wouldve actually enjoyed it a little bit and been REALLY ANNOYING ABOUT IT bc he would never admit it #and insist he hated it #and hed enjoy the ken patriarchy thing too much #basically im very glad we didnt drag my dad along cos i have to live with him and i think he would be insufferable about it #he has no appreciation for any kind of whimsy or fun! he would hate this silly movie #also this was the first time id been in a movie theater since pre2020.#i enjoyed dressing up in a silly little outfit. but i think i wouldve been happier to wait for it to be out of theaters tbh. theaters teste #tested my patience even before covid like oh im gonna sit uncomfortably in this chair and crane my neck up at this screen and i cant pause #it and theres no captions and people are Eating all around me and now i go and its all the same but im the only one wearing a mask so i dont #get to have a lil snack either and i still have to hear ppl eating around me and part way thru the movie someone across the aisle was making #some kind of horrible very wet and loud gulping noise with their drink or Something?? and i did feel violent about it #i would never be violent about it but my god do i feel like biting. you know. anyway. not sure if ill bother seeing any more movies #in theater now. i just would like them at home. idk #i will give props to barbie. it was like kovie theater loud but at least it wasnt giant major booms and inaudible ass dialogue

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one-true-houselight · 2 years

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What is the point of requiring masks to walk into a building, only to leave it up for personal choice once people sit down for a performance? Do you understand how masks work?

#look. obviously the most relevant reason to be distressed about waning COVID precautions is the death and eugenics #but the personal things are hitting hard as well #there’s a show coming to DC that me my sibling and my mom all really want to go to #but a. saw people saying that was how enforcement was working which renders it unsafe #as well as b. the venue does food/drink anyway which annoys me in its own way #remember when we were all making fun of some conservative asshole for acting like taking off your mask ‘just to eat’ was good enough?#bc we realized viruses don’t care why we’re taking off our mask #but now suddenly it’s al masks are required unless eating or drinking #basically cancelling a large portion of any protection you might have gained.#and for what? so people could eat some popcorn or have a beer inside #(obviously it’s different for people with blood sugar/etc medical needs #but it’s not like anyone cares about disabled people any other time vis a vis masks so I don’t fully believe they actually care about #finding an equitable solution ya know?)#fuck the government and cdc for sacrificing people on the altar of capitalism #but also fuck people who can’t wear a mask/quarantine/not go out/etc to keep disabled people alive and even slightly welcome in public #yeah my mental health would be better if I went out more!#except! it would be balanced out by the negative impact of all the people I’m condemning to isolation and death #we have solutions we know solutions #but people were left to the mercies of a government that didn’t care and were bombarded by individualistic bullies in its place #so now a show that is literally synthesized to be my jam #is a biohazard.

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ocdhuacheng · 2 years

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like if a man called me a cunt or a bitch (derogatory) i would maul him to death but if another woman called me that (derogatory) id think of it as just another insult. i mean i wouldnt take it lying down and id call her rude shit back but personally i dont treat those words different against me than other rude words when it comes from a woman. and since this is my personal blog and i make personal posts for myself and my mutuals i do whatever the fuck i want. never in a million years would i have expected that to blow up because im not one of those popular blogs that get hundreds of notes at least on every post i make like i usually get like. 4. and i was expecting the same here. i literally just wasnt thinking about it because thats how unlikely it seemed to me. if i had expected it to blow up i probably would have used different language. not because i disagree now with what i said, i still very much stand by it. but because 1) there are actual decent people who DONT immediately jump to calling me a misogynist who are genuinely uncomfortable with those words, i wouldnt make a post with the intention of it being viral with those words, for their sakes only, and 2) terfs are being so fucking annoying and rude about it and its getting fucking old

#.txt #when i say actual decent people #if you started bitching to me about it #or calling me misogynist woman oppressor just because i called a billionaire whos literally never going to see this post some nasty words #or telling me to 'chill' on my own fucking personal post #i hate you #and i definitely have something against you now #anyone who just like said in their tags or whatever 'im uncomfortable with the language but -' or 'too aggressive for me but - ' or smth lik #*like that #i dont have anything against you #i know my previous posts/tags probably sounded like i was lumping everyone who didnt like it in the same group #but i promist if you werent rude to me and werent trying to tell me what to do im not judging you for being uncomfortable with it #we all have our boundaries #and if i came across as rude to people who werent trying to be rude to me i apologize that was probably just bc ive already been cranky this #*this week bc of covid and im just so annoyed by all the terfs that it spilled over onto other people

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lilgynt · 2 years

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you know what i know i’m partially wrong for this and it’s a greener grass situation but i still struggle to feel bad for people who got locked in their houses save for grocery trips the beginning of the pandemic bc you know what i was doing when they were making bread? thinking i was gonna die for fucking office depot

#personal #we have candy and drinks so we’re essential 🫣#baby we had a rat who ate the candy every night and that was IT #nah but i had to cancel plans bc my coworker who like #had covid last week came into the break room with no mask #and the plans were with gg who can’t vaccinated rn #so that had to be cancled #and i’m genuinely annoyed like you realize covid is very much so still a thing #like working at home depot you just kinda grow numb from people being like #THIS IS FAKE TAKE UR MASK OFF I HATE YOU AHHHHHH #but i do really hate how people are acting like covid doesn’t exist or matter #anyway yeah i was genuinely scared when this shit started that j was gonna for fucking OFFICE DEPOT #i remember in particular when we HAD to shut the store down from indoor shopping #there was this one dude who just LOST it at me #and he was screaming and spitting at the door and yelling I HOPE YOU CUNTS ALL FUCKING DIE FROM COVID #genuinely what do you need that bad from office depot #anyway i know there was a struggle to staying inside but like #from my side of everyday i go to work to possibly die so my company can make a profit #and i can’t even quit bc where the fuck else am i gonna find work #and the whole unemployment if you quit shit #it was like oh no you have to stay inside relatively safe and get to take a bit of a vacation from ur job #and not worry everytime you come home that you’re gonna kill your family #especially when we didn’t know much of anything #again i realize i dont get how hard it was but also i hate everyone who complains about staying home

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whilomm · 7 months

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EAS SYSTEM TEST FAQ:

"huh what"

theres a test of the emergency alert system (EAS) for the united states on wednesday oct 4th 2023, 2:20 pm est (with a second test planned on the 11th if this ones canceled). its the system they use for amber alerts, weather alerts (like tornados/floods/hurricanes), stuff like that. will be sent to TVs, radios, phones, even if alerts are muted as far as i know

"what why"

bc they gotta test emergency systems sometimes. this happens on occasion.

"what is the government planning this is suspicious"

no its not its just. a standard test. they happen. we just havent had this specific type of phone one for a few years, they dont gotta test it as often as like. physical tornado sirens.

"okay but like are they trying to instill terror this reminds me of the terrorism threat leve-"

if they were doing that they wouldnt have been warning people of the upcoming test several months in advance

"why havent i seen it anywhere except for tumblr"

bc u havent like. paid attention to news stuff.

"okay well how do i verify this how do i know this isnt a hoax????"

....search for the news articles pictured above and read them.

"okay but WHY this is ANNOYING why is it in the MIDDLE OF SCHOOL/WORK"

bc systems gotta be tested on occasion to make sure they aint broken when you actually need them, and probs the time with the least risk of waking ppl up and making ppl even more angry

"i completely understand the purpose and i dont think its a government conspiracy but i still dislike it bc loud sounds/secret phone/epilepsy/whatever other reasons ive seen ppl site"

yeah 100% fair, thats why i and others are trying to warn so that ppl arent caught off guard (even if my warning was missing info like the time bc im dumb), i set a couple of notifs to pop up beforehand so i dont forget and get surprised, do what u gotta do to keep urself chill. shut off your phone, wrap it in blankets, be in another room from all ur tech while the test is happening, wear earplugs, etc. hope you're good!

"that thing about phones still going off when turned back on..."

oh yeah idk if thats true or nah. but eh, better safe than sorry, assume ur phone may or may not still be loud when u turn it back on, and plan for it if needed. idk where ppl are getting this tho and havent seen it verified myself. just be careful if this applies to you. maybe shove it into a blanket before turning it back on.

"is it gonna activate my covid vaccine mind control nanotech"

idk man probably not

"YAAAAAY EXTREMELY LOUD SOUND WEDNESDAY!!!!"

omgg yayyy!!!!! 🥰🥰🥰

#buzzy #EAS #emergency alert system #emergency alert system test #FEMA #FCC #uspol #ish whatever #us govt #extremely loud sound wednesday

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sturniololoco · 3 months

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I KNOW YOURE CLEANING OUT YOUR INBOX BUT I WAS THINKING AFTER THE TRIPLETS NEW VID TODAY

SLS where reader and chris are the only two who dont test positive for covid, so they have to hunker down in chris’ room together. except, her and chris arent as close as her and nick and her and matt, so they disagree and argue a bit before they make up and bond <33

Covid

Sturniolo Little sister (SLS) x The Sturniolo Triplets

Warnings: Sick, language, fighting, etc.

SLS/N's POV

Nick got covid right after last week's Friday video, then passed it on to Matt, so they both have to quarantine by themselves. Chris and I were still standing though, but now we had to quarantine together in his room, in the hope of avoiding the sickness.

"Hey, guys. As you know Nick got covid and now Matt has it now. So I'm stuck with this goofball until they all feel better," Chris said to the vlog.

I rolled my eyes and stuck my AirPods in my ears, not wanting to put up with his shit at the moment.

Chris and I aren't as close as I am with Matt and Nick. I'm not sure why though, I guess I just drift to people who aren't annoying little grimlins every time you try and talk to them.

It was finally dark outside and it was time for bed. after a day of hearing Chris talk and talk and talk into a camera has made my head began to throb.

But I wasn't going to bed anytime soon.

Chris was playing fortnight with Matt right now, and being extremely loud while doing it, banging on the table and screaming our strings of cuss words.

I walk over to his closet, yawning, pulling out one of his fresh Love hoodies and throwing it on, leaving the hood on. I snuggle under Chris's covers, getting warm, and being so tired that I fell fast asleep in the middle of my brothers bed, even with him screaming in the background.

Chris's POV

"Alright man, I'm tired as fuck. I'm signing off." I heard Matt say through my headset. I told him I loved him, then turned off my PC.

After throwing on some sweats and a sleep shirt, I walk over to my bed, ready to crash.

But I stop once I see SLS/N laying in the middle, snuggled up in one of my hoodies that was too big for her.

I couldn't help but thinking how adorable she looked, snapping a picture then sending it to Matt and Nick.

I eventually came to the conclusion that I was just gonna lift her really fast. I snaked my arms up under her and picked her up bridal style before laying down with her in my lap.

As I pulled the blankets up, I hear her mumble something incoherent in her sleep, snuggling close into my chest. I wrap my arms around her, drifting to sleep myself.

SLS/N's POV

I woke up this morning to the pounding headache that hadn't gone away over night like I hoped. I opened my back pack full of things I brought from my room and pulled out my emergency bottle of Tylenol, I climbed back into bed, popping two in my mouth.

Chris was still asleep, but I really wanted to snuggle up into his warmth like last night. I don't know why, but it felt so good getting cuddles from him. Probably because we don't hang out enough for me to ever get some on the regular.

I ever so gently lifted his arm, crawling under it before letting it go. I felt him stir as his hand hit the mattress and look up just in time to see him blink the sleep from his eyes.

"Sorry, I didn't mean too wake you up." I mumbled, kind of embarrassed.

"Its fine, I promise. Are you okay?" He asked, probably seeing the squint my face was making due to the throbbing in my head.

I shrugged and told him my head still hurt like a bitch.

"Well why don't you do your covid test then hop in the shower while you wait, The hot water will probably help your head." He said, reaching over to his night stand to grab a new test.

I hop out of the shower and change into some sweats and one of Chris's big t-shirts, then immediately go and check my test.

I reads negative, as does the one next to it which I assume is Chris's. I sigh in relief, not wanting to get sick at all.

I walk into Chris’s bedroom to see him scrolling on his phone in his bed. l’m surprised when I see him put his phone down and open his arms for a cuddle. I walk over to him and wrap my arms around his torso, the awkwardness only lasting half a second.

“hey sissy?” I hear him mumble quietly into my hair. I hum in response. He clears his throat thickly and I can hear the emotion in his throat.

“I just wanted to say that I’m glad we got to spend this time with you. I love you so so much and that will never change.”

I look up to see a tear fall from his eye, but he quickly whipes it away. I feel my own tears coming and I snuggle up close into his chest.

“That was cringey.” I say, laughing out a sob. He chuckles and wraps his arms around me, squeezing me tight.

@idkwhosnyla @babypat08 @eyelessdemon00 @christopherowensturniolo @sturnsxx @freshloveforthefit @matty443355 @sleepysturnss @emeraldgreenbeautiesstu @sunsetsturniolos @hoesturniolo @x4nd3rsukz @chr1sgirl4life @sstvrnioloo @sturns-posts @chrisstopherfilmed @kylasrealityx @zoeysturnioloooooo @comet235 @islaasblog @sturnioloblogs

#nick sturniolo #sturniolo imagine #sturniolo x reader #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo smut #sturniolo fanfic #chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #christopher sturniolo #sturniolo #Mathew Sturniolo

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 24 days

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AITA for telling my Grandma I'm not going to have a specific conversation with her and just walking away?

So context, I (28) am currently between jobs because one of my ex-coworkers was the asshole who got me fired, and I haven't found anything new.

My mother (50) and I both live in my Grandma (80)'s house which is divided into an upstairs and a downstairs. Grandma lives in the downstairs. So do my mom and sister. I live alone in a two bedroom upstairs which belonged to my late aunt.

Right after my aunt died, I wanted to clean the apartment, organize, donate, toss, keep her stuff. To make sure everything gets where it'd ought best go, but my mother told me I had no right to go through my aunt's things alone and sort keepsake from takaway; if I was to do anything it was to be with her.

Well, three years of me trying to get my mom up here to sort through it with me because I want to respect her wishes, and my stuff accruing in a layer over top of my aunts stuff because I can't get rid of it, and the apartment is a lifetime and three years mess. My mom never made the time to do what she told me I wasn't allowed to do without her, me respecting these wishes which she probably doesn't even remember. I've been living up here too afraid of trespassing against my aunts memory to clean the cobwebs full of her red hair. Because my mother said, I had no right to do it.

And that cleaning anxiety is on top of executive dysfunction, depression, having too much shit, being a sprawler type adhd, and working a 40 h/week 'part-time' retail position. I didn't have it in me to clean by myself, and the mess kept getting worse and no one would substancially help me no matter how much I asked. Not my mom and not my sister (who gets a pass because she's got post-exertional malases from Long Covid).

Now fast foreward to two weeks ago. My mother final finds the motivation to clean the upstairs apartment because she's got a boyfriend now, and they wanna have sex upstairs where my grandma can't hear it. They didn't ask me if it was okay or anything: just decided that my space is now OUR space because it's convinent to her. I don't really care, and I'm annoyed, but finally someone to clean the fucking apartment with. She said, two weeks ago that he'd be coming around in about four months time. We spent the day getting a lot of cleaning done. Not anywhere near all of it, but a lot. And I've finally gotten what I see as permission to start sortitioning my aunts things. I'm pacing myself cleaning on that four month timetable.

And then today she bursts into the apartment to announce that BF will be here in a week, and she starts hauling major ass with my late aunt's heavy as shit sewing supplies. For my part, I vent the new timeline to my friends and then get to work cleaning my bedroom so I can move the stuff I have sprawled over the living room into my bedroom. Because my bedroom being messy is what's getting in my way the most.

When she's done hauling boxes, she goes to start cleaning the bathroom, and because she's in too much of a hurry on this new self-imposed and sprung upon me timeline, she hurts herself cleaning the toilet. Spasms her wrist, locks up her back. I help her downstairs but she's obviously done for the day, probably done for the week even. I get back to light cleaning with breaks, pacing myself to the new timeline I have to deal with. And I get a call from my grandma.

G: "Hey anon can you come down here." A: "I'll be down in a minute." I pull on pants and a shirt and head down.

And here we get to the key events all that context was building toward.

G: "What happened with your mom." A: "She hurt herself cleaning." G: "I know that, I mean why was she cleaning your apartment. You're an adult who's lived here for three years, and she's the only one working, and now she can't move. Why's the apartment you live in such a state that she needs to clean it for you."

Now, I know my grandma. A mule would be jealous of her stubborn demeanor. She's on an oxygen machine 24 hours a day and she still smokes two packs a week. You can't change her mind once she's made it up.

So I'm doing calculations in my head while she's laying into me, and I conclude she's made her mind up: She thinks I'm 100% in the wrong and nothing that came out my mouth would convince her that my mom is just as much an adult as I am who is responsible for her own decisions that got her to overworking when cleaning and hurting herself in the process, and also several inter-related key factors in why so much cleaning needs to be done on an 'oh fuck, immediately' timescale.

Doing the math makes me a bit angry, and I don't like the type of person I get to acting like when I'm angry, especially because anything I say will just make her more upset, so I say, "Grandma, I'm not going to have this conversation with you."

And I walk away. I leave while she yells at me to come back and let myself be yelled at. I'm angry, so I mindfully do not to slam her door on my way out and go back up stairs

After some scrumbling and a bit more light cleaning with breaks to pace myself, best I can, to this newly imposed and unreasonable timetable, my room is 90% clean and ready for me to put my stuff in it. And now that I'm not as angry anymore, I started to feel guilty that I didn't even try to explain anything to her. I just decided she'd made up her mind and made up mine to walk away without even trying. So, I typed this up to ask:

AITA for refusing to engage her in that conversation and just walking away?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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heyidkyay · 6 months

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And I'm petrified of being alone, now |

Part One

Matty Healy x reader

Summary: She’s just trying to get by, really. What with being a single parent to her four year old son whilst simultaneously trying to kick start a successful career as a radio presenter. She’s got everything she’s ever wanted though, friends close by, a mum who’s merely a phone call away, and of course her baby boy. What else is there to wish for? But then, it’s not long before her relatively normal life gets upended and turned on its head, and she’s suddenly forced to deal with situations she’s never even thought to imagine.

What happens when one mention of a certain controversial singer on her show sends a flood of unexpected challenges her way?

Warnings: This is gonna deal with a lot of controversial shit surrounding Matty and his past I'm ngl, so if you're not into that then I'd suggest not reading this! But if you are, then hi!! I hope you enjoy?

Authors Note: I'm back...:)) Back with a series too, or it will be if this first part goes down well! Lmao so pls don't hate it! Butttt in all honestly, I do have to quickly thank @procrastinatinglikeapro for all the kind words she gave me on the snippets I annoyed her with recently and for forcing me to actually believe in this fic because I very much was on the fence about posting again. So thank youuuu, it means a whole lot<3 Also, the skeleton of this was taken from a very old fic of mine which I started during the height of covid that I've just been thinking about trying to better for a long while now, so... enjoy?

And I guess let me know if this is something anyone would want to read more of? Yeeeeah, I really don't know what else to write here now, it's been a while, so! Hi, help, bye:)

Masterlist

“Yeah, yeah! I’m really into their sound at the minute! Honestly fell in love with their recent performance at the VMA’s- didn’t overdo it and kept true to themselves. Definitely did a great job there, so well done with that one if you’re listening in, lads!”

I was grinning from ear to ear as I spoke into the microphone before me, which was to be expected whenever I was at work. Strange, yeah I know, but only to any typical person with the usual nine to five, because I truly did love my job. It was tough work, strenuous at times, contrary to what most might believe, but it was pretty much everything I’d ever dreamt of.

See, I’d grown up on the outskirts of this tiny village in the Isles, where everybody knew everything about everybody. Secrets were never well kept- you could just ask our local priest about that one, who had often used to regale most of the confessions he’d heard in the only pub around for miles whenever he was pissed beyond being able to sit on his barstool. And it was also incredibly tight-knit, as in, all the kids who went to school together, then grew up and married one another, settling down and taking over the jobs that their parents or grandparents soon retired from. Hardly anyone moved away, if ever.

In reality though, it was actually just a place I’d always felt like a stranger in. Where I’d struggled to fit in and make friends, to form bonds outside of the one I shared with my mum.

I’d had a tough go of it back in school actually. ‘Mouse’ was what they’d seemingly dubbed me back then, a nickname which had travelled the masses all too quickly seeing as there had only been about sixteen kids in both my year and the one above.

It had mostly been due to me just having been an extremely timid child, hiding behind my mum’s flowing skirts whenever we went into town and much preferring that of my own company. But that fact hadn’t gotten any easier for me once I’d been forced out of school for a few years after an accident that had flipped my entire life on its head. Resulting in me being further isolated from the rest of the world and my fuck-face of a father running for the hills.

Still. Shit happened, I supposed, and I’d been forced to grow up.

Too quickly, in truth.

So whilst everyone else had been out living, I’d been holed up in our little dove cottage miles away from them all, with only books and music to keep me company. Music which had been a true constant in my life and just about the only thing that had gotten me by.

As well as my mum, who’d forever be my rock. And back when we’d both been growing up, she had always had the tele on full blast throughout the day, cycling through the freeview channels that played the recent top 50 and old school classics.

It was one of my favourite things to look back on now, if she was ever in the mood, or when the power would finally flicker and go out completely, she’d spin this old phonograph her own father had gifted her in the days before she’d left home. The two of us would dance around the living room whilst she’d clean on Saturday mornings and then hum to it as we settled in for a long storm, her working on her trusty crossword whilst I would read or draw. It would croon out old French records she had bought long before she’d moved to the UK, and before she’d ever even met my dad.

And I would just lose myself in it all.

It wasn’t just the basic premise of music that I had enjoyed though, it was everything else that also came along with it. The opinions, the reviews, the personal stories and thoughts, the way it made a person feel.

So, for years I would just sit down at the kitchen table and write for hours on end about the sound, the rhythms I’d felt and heard, the lyrics that had had me bellowing out or playing on a never-ending loop in my head. And then, as a teen, Twitter had come along and had been just another way for me to express it all.

That was what had led to all this actually. The radio.

At first, I’d never paid much mind to all of the people who had started to discover the small page I’d created, the users that had enjoyed reading my inner thoughts. But then I had and it had been an insane concept to comprehend, but was also what had, ultimately, pushed me into continuing with it.

From there, opinions on genres of music and their style throughout different decades turned into thoughts on up and coming artists, then actors and other A-list celebrities. So, I’d ended up spending an awful lot of time online, simply just tweeting about it all, on subjects followers had wanted to hear about and answering questions on whether I loved a certain album or new EP.

The account had grown rapidly after and by the time I’d had the balls to tell my mum I’d wanted to leave home and make a start for myself, in London of all places, it had gained well over fifteen thousand followers.

I went to uni down there and met people. People who didn’t shy away from me or shine a light on my odd quirks. I met my best mate there, too. And Finn was unlike any other. The platonic love of my life, or so I’d dubbed. He was eccentric, witty, and didn’t care about what anyone else thought of him. Forced me to feel that way too, slowly but surely. And it had only taken a few weeks before he'd grown rather suspicious of my constant need to always have my phone near.

He had, pretty early on, decided that I must’ve had some secret boyfriend back at home that I’d yet to tell him about and had annoyed me about it at every twist and turn, basically backed me into a metaphorical corner. So to say I’d relented fairly quickly wouldn’t be a lie, and I’d told him all about the account soon enough.

Finn had actually been the one to suggest that I take it somewhere bigger, make it into something people could tune into and not just read about. I had actually taken that consideration on board way back then, but had only acted on it when shit had hit the fan a year or so later. But we'll get to that.

So with it all, I’d made an actual radio show out of my thoughtless Twitter account, allowing people to listen in and actually get to know the person behind the name.

That was essentially how ‘Mouse On A Mic' had come to life.

Yup, I’d kept the fucking nickname! I couldn’t not in truth, it was familiar, reminded me of the person I once was, and who I am now. But the only difference was, I’d given it a new story. I’d claimed it.

The show's audience grew fairly quickly during that first year, I was new on the scene and seemingly refreshing. I had a no-bullshit kind of attitude that my listeners admired. I called celebs out on their crap and went to new extremes to conjure up inventive ways to get followers involved.

Ultimately doing things that other radio presenters were afraid to do at the time. Which was fair enough, in hindsight, they had actual endorsers and brands that were backing them up and funding their streams. Me, on the other hand, had no-one to answer to for my mistakes or any backlash the show received. It was just me, sat alone in my bedroom, speaking into a mic.

Only now, it was me sitting in a quaint little studio in East, not too far from my flat and walking distance from any and every coffee chain London had to offer.

Anyway, back to the current show! I adjusted my headset over my ear as I wheeled closer to the table, aware of the many monitors and cables I was constantly trying to avoid and glanced upwards, locking eyes with my co-producer, Adi.

The girl shot me a hurried gesture, a circular wave of her hand that had me chuckling to myself even as I waved her off, knowing I’d already gotten off track one too many times this recording.

"Alright! It seems as though we've got to move on with the next segment of the show now! Unfortunately, Ads here has informed me that I can't just sit around all day and talk about Inhaler forever. A right shame that, don’t you think?”

I huffed theatrically, whilst Adi merely shook her head at me in return, dark ringlets brushing the length of her shoulders as she mouthed the word 'prick' through the thick sheet of plexiglass that separated us.

Ignoring that loving endearment in favour of continuing on with the commentary, I hoped I hadn’t steered too far off track, there was still a lot scheduled for today's show that I had yet to go over.

“So moving on!” I sighed into the mic and rubbed my palms together, “It seems like quite a few of you lot, on Twitter especially, have made it loudly known that you want to hear my thoughts on Manchester’s very own Matthew Healy. God, is there yet another scandal under his belt I don’t yet know about, where’s he finding the time?”

I shook my head briefly and rolled forward in my seat. The wheels squeaked beneath my weight and I made a silent prayer that the mics hadn’t picked up the sound.

What a fucking topic, I thought quietly to myself and sent Adi a semi-amused smile before I peered down at the recent headline she had handed over to me earlier that morning.

It was the same old thing. Expected really at this point.

“Healy’s at it again! Whatever will we do?” I gasped, dramatising the whole thing as I stared down at the images of the haughty singer that were plastered across the printout I held in front of me.

There were four of them, a quick succession that had all seemingly come from a clip at a recent concert. Bit blurry but the title gave away to what was happening.

A laugh bubbled up out of me as soon as I read the headline. “Oh god, it appears Matty Healy is- just wait for it!- back at it again, only this time it seems he’s gone and traded off a drumstick for…” I paused to drum quite the anticipating beat against the tabletop, and as stoic as I could, I then added, “A joint!” And a smug grin made its way up onto my lips when I heard Adi’s faint cackle echo from just outside the booth.

“Honestly, I swear that everything this man does makes the rags! Reckon I saw an article about how he took his tea one time. And like, do me a favour, yeah? A man of the people though, in’t he? He’s got to be! I mean, just look at this headline. Fucking who the hell writes this shit?”

Tossers, I supposed. But even so.

“It’s madness.” I muttered, clucking my tongue, “But anyway, I’m guessing that most people claim him to be the epitome of a realtime rockstar, and sure, he might just be. 'Sex, drugs, rock & roll', all that shit. But how much longer is it going to last until everything goes tits up, hey?

“I mean, Healy can pretty much do whatever he wants at this point, he’s got half the world either falling at his feet or complaining about him- has done since he was what, a kid? Following his parents among the shadows of their fame before he stepped out and made an actual name for himself. It is insane to see how much he’s changed though!”

And it was. He and his band had risen to fame so evidently, their music was everywhere, they sold out shows constantly, and had the privilege to fly across the globe doing whatever they pleased. But they’d also practically grown up in the limelight, Matty especially. So it was hard not to notice the resounding changes.

“But, if I am being truthful. And when am I not? I thought that most of the shit that went around about him at first was a load of crap- publicity of sorts, if you get where I'm going with that. Or just him being an idiot, a lad who’s had to grow up with all these cameras on him all the time and had to basically learn what he can and can’t say in front of them. Slipping up from time to time, like most do. But, now? I’m honestly not too sure… It’s just a bit sad. In’t it? There was so much potential there.”

I shrugged, a hearty sigh falling with my shoulders.

“I actually used to quite like his stuff a couple years ago, he’s got a way with words, with just music overall really. Reckon if he’d gotten his shit together he could’ve been ranked higher up on the list of rockstars. Could’ve changed or paved a way for newer musicians. But not so much anymore. His songs lack the passion they once had, they’re not what they used to be. He works hard, I’ll give him that. But, I can’t help but wonder if it’s just his band pulling his dead weight along with them now.”

I took a slow breath, then gazed down at the small amount of sticky notes I had pinned to the monitor beside me: the next segment. I’d have to wrap this one up quickly.

“Maybe that’s a bit harsh.” I said, “But honestly, I just hope he takes an actual break sooner rather than later. The band looks spent and he just seems like he could do with some time away from all the cameras and prying eyes. Just so he can sort himself out good and proper, you know? Then again, that’s just my opinion among a sea of many.”

Truthfully? I really did think that Matty had talent, and he seemed like a sound enough guy- or at least he had done, a couple of years back, before all the controversy and whatever else. Now though, the guy just seemed so caught up in it all, in the fame, the tabloids, the drama. Unaware of just how far he’d fallen.

Me, I’d seen it one too many times before, with many of the greats even, and as painful as it was to watch, what more could I do, or say? I'm a nobody in comparison.

I blew out a short breath.

“Fuck, that got all serious didn’t it?” I tried to laugh off and only felt a little more at ease when I glanced up and caught Adi’s sincere smile, “Anyway, onto our next segment, reading a couple of your lots tweets! Let's see what everyone's saying about our amazing Adi today, hey? What was it last week, Ads- those yellow trousers you were wearing?”

“Oi, will you two stop mucking about, please? We’ve got to get going!” I scolded without any real heat, shaking my head as I held back chuckles, always amused by the infamous pair.

I’d not long left the studio, having walked with Adi to the nearby train station before heading over to Finn’s, and was currently packing away the belongings that had been messily upended from the Spiderman backpack I was often seen carrying about.

My gaze wandered over to the other side of the room once I’d teethed together the bag’s plastic zipper, over to where my son, Teddy, was currently in the midst of being whirled around by his godfather, tawny coloured curls flying in every-which direction as his cheeky grin grew even more prominent.

I felt the corners of my mouth tug upwards as I watched my best mate laugh at whatever the toddler had just said, tickling the boy’s sides too. If I was feeling incredibly sappy, I’d tell Finn then just how thankful I was to have him around, because he truly was incredible.

From the moment I’d found out that I was pregnant, Finn had been there for me. He loved my son almost as though Teddy was his own, he adored the kid like no other and had placed him on a pedestal above everyone else since the day he was born.

Finn was always free to take teddy whenever I had the show to fret about too, or if I was ever in dire need of another helping hand. He was fiercely protective of the two of us and I knew in the very depths of my heart that there would never be a hair harmed on my son’s head as long as he was around.

I was pulled from my thoughts just as the toddler in question came bounding over, giggling uncontrollably as Finn chased after him, his arms stretched out wide and crouched down to mimic the small boy's height. I couldn't help but notice the matching grins they both wore.

“Help!” Teddy squealed as he flung himself into my awaiting arms, allowing me to wrap him up and settle him safely on my hip, using my frame as a shield to block him from Finn’s view.

"You can't hide from me Teds, I’ll always find you!" Finn taunted playfully, laughing merrily as he wiggled his fingers at Teddy, who was only just peeking out at him from over my shoulder.

Teddy squirmed in my grasp, giggling and screaming senselessly as he tried to dodge Finn’s oncoming hands that had since managed to softly graze his sides. I could only roll his eyes in fond exasperation, the pair never failing to brighten my day, and I couldn't help but feel ever so grateful for whatever being had brought Finn into both mine and Teddy’s lives.

You see, Finn was the closest thing I’d ever had to a brother, let alone a best friend. He’d been the family I’d never known I’d needed, a home away from home. And I knew that I could always count on him for just about anything and he had proved that the day I’d turned up on his doorstep in the pissing rain one Tuesday night, utterly terrified after having just found out that I was pregnant.

“Alright, you lot!” I began, batting away one of Finn’s oncoming hands as he made to grab at Teddy's tiny ankle. “We've got to get home in time for your bath and tea, and I think Finn here has to pick up Liv from work.”

I was directing my voice towards the toddler in my arms but also sent a knowing look Finn’s way, one which caused the man’s eyes to widen in immediate realisation. ‘Liv’ was actually Olivia, Finn’s newest fling, only she had managed to last quite a while longer than the rest, a new record for him really.

“Shit, yeah.” Finn muttered before he hurried over to his desk in the far corner. I could only chuckle quietly, Teddy joining in too when he noticed, and watch on as he hastily started to grab at an array of items, shoving them into his jean pockets. Phone. Wallet. Keys.

When he was finished, Finn spun back around towards us and shot an accusing brow our way, not too pleased about having been the source of our amassment. Teddy and I couldn't help ourselves then and laughed a little harder at his impervious expression.

With that done and over with, I pressed my nose against the side of Teddy's head and smiled contently into his curls whilst Finn merely rolled his eyes at us, chuckling before he made a start for the door. I followed just behind, Teddy's backpack slung low over my shoulder and a happy little boy nestled in my arms.

***

People lover @/user1 Imagine being a mediocre radio host and thinking you know the ins and outs of the music industry.. #CancelMouse 102 @/user2 Don't mind me, reckon I just found my new favourite radio show:) Ugh! @/user3 Mouse sounded proper excited today but switched up so quick when that 75 bloke came up:// Soloveme @/user4 Hate to see people supporting toxic behaviour, sit down. Milk @/user5 Don’t hate me, I'll forever be a matty girlie!! But @Mouseonamic I kinda agree?? Paris @/user6 Do you think he’s seen it yet? > Too_shy @/user7 Probably, it’s trending rn >> Drummepls @/user8 Hope he’s okay and doesn’t take it as a personal attack..

He should’ve known really.

He should’ve fucking known.

Even in his drunken state he should have known not to look at what they were fucking saying about him. Slumped on the floor of his hotel room, propped up against the bathroom door, too exhausted to think about moving, let alone try.

He’d only heard a snippet, caught the last of it in the cab ride back from the club the band had found themselves in. But he had heard it, and he’d listened.

"He's got the whole world falling at his feet." He fucking wished. "Changed." Too right. "A load of crap- publicity of sorts, if you get where I'm going with that- but now I'm not too sure." Laughable, man. "It's just a bit sad." The story of his fucking life. "Potential." When’s he never not disappointing someone? "Lacks passion." Passion lies in living, mate, and he hasn't felt alive in a very long time.

"Not what it used to be." Who he used to be.

He lit another cigarette from a crumpled pack he’d pulled from his back pocket. Watched on as a curl of smoke unfurled in the air. He only wished he’d brought something upstairs with him, or grabbed one of the little bottles from the minibar before deciding he’d needed a piss. But if he closed his eyes hard enough he could imagine it all going dark, the world fading around him.

Though, even then he still couldn’t quite muffle the loud, pitying laugh that escaped him as he continued to scroll through the mass of tweets that never faltered. They were like a freight train, unable to stop.

Matty wiped his nose on his sleeve.

Never had he ever felt so fucking lost. Desperate for everything to just pause for a second. To stop and leave him alone for a bit. The world to let him wallow in the dark, dank pit he's hollowed out for himself.

But what a fucking life, hey.

Carelessly, he thumbed across the dimming screen, his intoxicated mind too focused on the task at hand to remember why exactly it was he was even sitting there on the cold bathroom floor. Something to do with Hann, he supposed, or George. Perhaps another heated encounter? Probably.

The sound of his phone's keyboard echoed off the surrounding walls and Matty breathed out a self-depreciating chuckle when he clicked send on the tweet he’d curated, not caring enough for the consequences. Hardly even thinking, in truth. He was far too gone to care anymore, already knew firsthand what the consequences would be tomorrow. But at that moment, he just wanted honesty. To tell the truth, for once. To let them all know that he knew he was a shit excuse for a person.

What more could the world possibly say anyway?

Everyone around him was the same. He was simply just a puppet on a string. They’d make him sing and dance until the day he finally wrapped those wired strings tightly around his neck, and then all they'd be able to do is sit back and watch the show. And he'd enjoy every unabating second of it.

Matty @/trumanblack 10s ago Radio shows are sick man, gotta love them! And I sort of am sad haha. And I do lie, we all lie, I spose. But just listen to the radio, kids!

He laughed silently after, amused with himself, and tossed the phone off somewhere off to the side so he wouldn’t have to look at it again.

Bullshit. It was all just fucking bullshit.

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