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minijenn · 3 years

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Hi so I'm interested in getting into the Kingdom Hearts series but I dont know which games to start, which games to avoid, and whether or not some of the games are canon or not. Could you help me please?

So the best thing you could get if you want to get into the series is this. (ignore the price tag Amazon has on it you can buy it at Walmart for like $20). It includes every game/cutscene movie in the series (except for the mobile game and the recently released Melody of Memory). Either way its the perfect collection to get you caught up to speed (I got caught up back before this complete collection existed so back then there were two collections you had to buy before they compiled them into just one lol). Either way, it includes basically every single thing you’ll need to get the (almost) complete story of KH. When it comes to what you’ll want to experience with it, here’s my take on things (in order of how you should play/watch them and what they are in that collection):

Kingdom Hearts (full game playable in the collection): Absolutely MUST play, its a great game and its story is the most simple in the series, very fun and charming and sets up some of the major characters (namely our main Destiny Trio) very nicely. Even if its not the first timeline wise, you’ll want to start with KH1 because of how it introduces the series and its concepts and characters in the most simplistic of ways

Chain of Memories (full game playable in collection, but honestly? I recommend just watching the cutscenes online its NOT fun to play through in my opinion): Again experience the story of this one at least. Its the direct sequel to KH1 and its where things start to get... kind of confusing. To fully understand what happens in this one, you may have to revisit it more than once, I’ve watched through it twice now and I’m still fucking baffled by a lot of it tbh but it sets up 2 so for that its worthwhile I guess?

358/2 Days (Cutscene Movie in collection); So you can watch all of the cutscenes in this one on the collection in a few hours. Its a pretty touching and emotional story focused on the Sea Salt Trio though it does have some... kind of confusing tangents in it too tbh. Either way its well worth the time to look into to learn more about certain characters, as well as the inner workings of Organization XIII

Kingdom Hearts 2 (full game playable in collection): MUST play, its fantastic tbh. Its often cited as the fandom’s favorite for a reason; it builds a TON on what KH1 set up, offers some really fun Disney worlds, and its plot is absolutely fucking batshit and I love that about it. Highly recommend this one for some of the character moments in it especially there are some really funny, really touching, and really heartbreaking scenes in this one, its a wild ride

Birth By Sleep (full game playable): MUST play though its kind of not that great to play in my opinion? Then again I suck at KH games so I might not be the best to ask in that regard XD Its story is great though, focusing on the Wayfinder trio and their absolute tragic backstory. Speaking of backstories, this a prequel, set like 10 years before KH1, something important to keep in mind going into it to avoid confusion (though you do see younger versions of some characters that show up in the “present” games so I suppose that helps lol)

Re:Coded (cutscene movie): Ugh... honestly? You can skip this one, it adds fucking nothing and its boring as hell to get through. If you really wanna sit through it, feel free to but its mostly a big old confusing waste of time if you ask me, one that doesn’t really add much to the story at all.

Union Cross/KHX/Back Cover: Ok so this is where it gets really confusing. Union Cross is the KH mobile game which I don’t recommend playing because from what I’ve heard its very grindy and basically its “pay to win”; so instead, I recommend getting caught up on this one through watching the “cutscenes” or reading through a plot synopsis online; This is another prequel, set waaaaaay before any of the other games and it has some... stuff thats significant mostly for the sake of KH3 and whatever will likely come after it more than anything else; Its story is... fine. Confusing as hell, but fine. Back Cover is a movie that’s on that collection that tells the story of the Foretellers and its boring as shit but I would recommend at least knowing what happens in it to understand the story of the first Keyblade War.

Dream Drop Distance (full game playable): Absolutely recommend this one, its a delight to play through and has a really fun (but also hella fucking confusing) story (confusing is a word thats very often used to describe KH for a reason XD); Its set after KH2 and follows Sora and Riku and its basically building up towards KH3 and elements that show up there. Again, highly recommend this one its one of my favorites of the bunch

Fragmentary Passage (full game playable): Though that game is only like 2 hours long. This is sort of another prequel though its also set during KH1 and you play as Aqua, who I’m in love with :) It was kind of made as a KH3 tech demo and that’s why its so short but its pretty fun and its story is compelling enough to keep you going as it continues building the way towards 3

Kingdom Hearts 3 (full game playable): Absolutely play this one; I may have my problems with its story, but its a hella fun time gameplay wise and its story has... its moments where its not fucking stupid. Though some of it is fucking stupid and I just have to deal with that :) Anyway KH3 is the conclusion of what’s called the “dark seeker” arc, which is really just the arc where we have Xehanort and the Organization as antagonists, tho knowing this hell series I’m sure they’ll all fucking come back someday :P Anyway its the culmination of a lot of things throughout the series and while some ends aren’t tied up the best, others are beautifully here. Totes recommend even if I personally have a very love/hate relationship with it ^_^

Re:Mind (bonus online purchase): This isn’t a game but its KH3′s DLC and it likely isn’t included in that story so far set. It basically adds more onto KH3′s ending and sets up for whatever game will come next after it (and also sets up MoM)

Melody of Memory (not included in set): The newest game in the series and a rhythm game at that; its largely just a recap of past games and their events, but the gameplay is really fun and addictive, plus KH music slaps. It does have about 15 minutes of brand new story content tacked onto the end of it, which again, is setting up for whatever game likely comes next, but if ya wanna skip it, I wouldn’t blame you, its waaaaaaay too expensive right now, I’d honestly just wait for a price drop :P

Dark Road: This is another mobile game and it basically tells Master Xehanort’s backstory; I personally haven’t looked into this one because I don’t give a single fuck about that asshole’s history but ya can if you want more context into his character I guess :/

And those are all the KH games. There’s a fucking lot of them and I hate them all. I also love them all. I basically love/hate this entire hell series,, so much so that I decided to write a shitty angst fic about it (which I highly recommend if you do actually go through all of the KH games, Keys to the Kingdom is basically an AU of KH3 and also sort of a “fix it fic” of sorts XD its a good, tragic time all around XD (forgive the shameless self promotion)) Anyway, enjoy the insanity that is KH!

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aboyandhisstarship · 3 years

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the hunger games or the quillan games which one is worse for joe average? which games are worse etc

oh man i have spent a truly ungoldy amount of time thinking about this as a kid.

but before we can have this discussion they need to be a few concessions.

1. pretty much everything about Quillan we know is from Bobby’s experice as Challenger Red, Nevva Winters and Saint Dane. Bobby was never able to talk to pretty much anyone else about Quillan they shut him down real quick.

2 one of those sources is Saint Dane, who is an insane lying time traveler

Spoiler's for the Quillan games under the cut:

the other is Nevva winters who we find out is in league with Saint Dane and got another Traveler killed, and betrayed Bobby the people of Quillan and pushed the territory into chaos. so we must take all we learn from them with a small grain of salt. as they were manipulating Bobby into a controlled outcome.

another thing worth noting is I only ever read the hunger games back in ninth grade (freshman high school) so it’s been a minute and I have not gotten that far in my Pendragon series re read for the Camp camp AU So I may be mistaken on some detail's.

alright with that out of the way let’s hop right into it.

(spoiler's for at least the Rivers of Zadaa, the Quillan games and maybe more of the pendragon series)

Quillan is the seventh territory Saint Dane attacks. he is stabbed by Bobby after he kills Loor on Zadaa, he hops into the flume and sends Bobby a taunting rhyming message through the flume to come to Quillan.

The flume is in the wall of a warehouse so large that Bobby can’t find his way out for at least a couple of hours and the Quigs are robot spiders (it’s possible that Quillan may not even have animals anymore?)

one thing Bobby is made a challenger because Nevva left him challenger clothes' by the flume, Katniss becomes a tribute to save her sister. this is another big difference between our main characters, Bobby has been running around the universe trying to stop saint Dane for years. he has a mixture of Zadaa and Denduron warrior training, to put him in the context of the hunger games...Bobby is a career.

that is not to say of course that Bobby would enter the games of either world on purpose. god no he hates death games as much as the next guy. but he is in a unique position to experice the games differently.

speaking of lets talk about the fundamental difference between the Quillan games and the Hunger Games.

1. Hunger games have a winner

ok now the term Winner is pretty subjective. but in the technical sense there is usually a single winner of the Hunger Games, one person survives and is rewarded with the “perks” of winning. on the other side Bobby straight up asks 13(?) his Dado butler if any Challenger's ever retire, and the Dado answers no, they all die playing the games. so the Quillan games have no winners (except for Blok but more on them later)

2. There is no government, the World of Quillan is run by evil Walmart

pretty much what it says on the Tin by the time Bobby shows up Blok runs the entire place, or at least it is claimed to be that way by Nevva and Saint Dane. they are un reliable sources for sure but we do say the board members acting as judges and governors in cases of failure to preform to the company's liking. and we do see the punishment for not being able to sell a large enough volume of jackets in summer is death...which while a bit dramatic leads us to the final major difference between Quillan and Panem

3. The Purpose of the Quillan Games are a tool to give the people of Quillan hope for a better life, while the Hunger games, are a truly baffling attempt to control an enslaved populace

honestly if Panem was a territory I would say the whole hunger games idea was Saint Danes to cause the up rising, because damn the hunger games are a god awful idea. oh you don't want a group of people to rebel...I know lets take there children by force and force them to fight to the death every year! oh and let’s make them watch! yea not a recipe for success, not to mention the fact that they gave one of those districts nukes! (the capital are damn geniuses I swear) a rebellion is inevitable. on Quillan the rebellion is also inevitable but not because of the games (ok it’s not just the games on Panem, but the Hunger games DO NOT HELP) on Quillan the rebellion's is inevitable because of Mister Pop and there suffering. but back on topic, the People of Quillan bet on the games in the hopes of winning extra food, money a better job house etc, you know stuff that makes life suck less. but since just about everyone is dirt floor poor. they don’t have much to bet with, except...there lives! again sorry a bit melodramatic, but also true we see on several occasions people who either lose the stand alone arcade games or the proper televised games and are hauled off by Dado’s to some unknown fate. Nevva says they are either enslaved as unpaid labor or worse, forced to work in the reactors which are impossible to survive. naturally there is some betting on the Hunger games, but it is not the poor and down trodden doing it in hope of a better life. it is mostly capital dicks being capital dicks.

4: Challengers are “better taken care of” before they die.

a man must be healthy before he can be excuted. same basic idea, since there are no winners in the Quillan games (and they are not called the Hunger games...really flexed your legs with that one huh the capital, you guys came up with that in what 10 maybe 15 minutes) they as Leebarge claims are treated like royalty, and it is true they are well fed and given nice, if clown filled rooms to live in and they throw a party every night. a party that is already pretty hefty but even more so on the days when someone doesn’t die. the tributes generally spend next to no time with each other before the games and are to busy trying not to starve to death and killing each other to throw a party during the games proper.

but now that we have discussed the key differences let’s talk where they are on the same footing.

1: the “Prizes”

both games have the same Prize for “winning” I put Winning in quotes because as already discussed you don’t actually win the Quillan games you just don't lose for a while. if you win the hunger games, you become super doper dummy rich and your entire district gets more food for the entire year. oh yea that will stop people wanting to lynch you with your entrails. then again what you get for being a challenger is way way worse. according to 13 the Robo Butler, Challenger's are chosen by Veego kidnapped from there families and forced to compete, if they win there families get food, and if they lose. and they will sooner or later there family get the ashes.

2. The rise up

both Books have people rise up after a big scale tournament, there is one big difference...Quillan is betrayed by Nevva Winter the Dado’s destroy Mr. Pop the last shred of Non Blok controlled Cultural history on Quillan and Saint Dane has his second territory, and Bobby almost dies for nothing. the Hunger games if I recall correctly it actually works and things suck a lot less...hopefully anyway.

Conclusion:

this is a difficult issue to tackle but I am going to say, Quillan is worse for Joe Average. having to bet your life for a chance for food is a bit worse because it is only the illusion of hope as Saint Dane claims. the games them selves...depends on the year but I will say Hunger games, mostly because if I recall all challengers are about Bobby’s age or a bit older 16- 18, there are no 8 year old's being forced to fight to the death. but yea other then that I would put the two death games on Par.

do you agree? let’s discuss! thanks for reading!

#Pendragon #The Quillan Games #The hunger games #let's discuss #Nevva WInters #Bobby Pendragon #saint dane #katniss everdeen #the Captial are idiots

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rainey-staerie-daize · 3 years

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A multi-day journal entry because it’s been a few: 03.10.21

Went for a nice walk around the neighborhood on Saturday because I felt like being outside and not at home. Found out where exactly Xan’s school is and how to get to it because I may or may not have to drop him off if Mom is scheduled extra days this month. Passed lots of houses and found out how all the nearby streets connect. Would've taken artsy pics except I forgot to take a phone with me. Met two or three tiny dogs and two big dogs at two different houses, and they all barked at me as I said hello. Oh, and one guy in a truck with tons of oranges in the back asked me if I wanted to buy some, but I declined. COVID-19, no money on me, and I don’t really like oranges all that much anyway because of the texture. Also passed by a house that was for sale with a kitchen sink that faces the front yard. There was a faucet zip-tied in its box in one side of it, and it’s the same faucet we have: Glacier Something, that detaches as a sprayer.

Getting to Xan’s school was kinda rocky for me because I was wearing my bad, thin-soled flats and I didn’t realize that there was a paved path on the other side of the wash until I got to the end at the school. Partway, I went to take off the mask because nobody was around and I needed all my depth perception, but one side broke as I did, so I spent a few minutes awkwardly standing at the end of the path as I retied my mask. Also tied my flannel shut because it’s too small to button, and it looked just a little odd with my AMBITION shirt and leggings.

Being at the school was kinda nostalgic, even though I never attended that specific one. Enough things were the same though: sun-faded signs, bike cage, playground equipment, fenced in area for the kindergarteners, portables in the back, a huge yellow field, clinking chains on the tetherball poles, and the silence of nobody else there but me.

Except, I wasn’t waiting for a parent to pick me up for once. I was there on my own free will. Other things that didn’t match my childhood include the entrance to the playground being nicely framed by four or so trees, a nice round gathering area painted like the sun around the flag pole, “welcome back” spelled out in blue Solo cups shoved into the bike cage fence, and one of the “no parking” signs by the drop-off area being scribbled out so it said “park here.” It was nice, and I yearn to be ten or younger again.

Partway through my little campus tour, it got a little windy, and I briefly thought about going home, but I ultimately decided to keep walking the same direction and circle my way back home. There’s a big dirt lot right next to the field fenced off, and then I could see the intersection that I’ve walked to the other way around before, so I headed over that way. Came across a shopping center with a bunch of stores, and looked at each one as I passed them. Was able to see inside of a dry cleaner place and look at the machines inside, but after the guy at the counter acknowledged my presence like I was a potential customer, I told him I had never seen inside one before and was just taking a walk, and kinda just... quickly walked away. The shopping center also had a Walmart Neighborhood Market, and I spotted a wild dark-haired Karen with no mask, that I felt was way to close to me. Probably three or four feet away, I don’t know. My depth perception sucks.

Rounding about the other end of the shopping center after looking at Panda Express, Denny’s, and a pizza place, I heard a familiar couple of notes come from one of the vehicles in the parking lot. The beginning notes of She’s a Beauty by The Tubes, which I almost never hear play on the radio or anything because it’s from the early 80s. Despite not being born until 2000, I know a few of their songs because my uncle is the bass player and I’ve been to a few of their concerts when I was younger.

So I started singing a bit as I was walking, and as it started getting more faint, I stopped walking, turned around, and cupped my right ear with my hand to keep listening. Pretty sure one guy looked at me like I was crazy, but I didn’t care. After it ended, or at least, I think it did, I continued on my way, the same route I use when I’m returning home from that street’s bus stop.

When I got home, Mom was out cold on her bed after the facial she did earlier. Skye later told me she never even noticed I left because she went straight to bed for an afternoon nap when she was done, never leaving her room.

I finally reset my sleep schedule enough to wake up at 4 AM on Sunday, which is good enough for me because I used to wake up then in high school anyway. I spent a while just waking up on the toilet, and then decided to do some light cleaning and picking up around the house to surprise Mom when she woke up. She never notices, but I didn’t care about that then.

After tidying up Kare’s hair accessories on the counter and finding her toothbrush still with toothpaste on it from the night before, I decided to rinse out her unicorn wash cloth sitting on the counter, and maybe clean up the toothpaste on the counter with it, but then Mom woke up from the couch. I got scared that she’d be mad I was doing stuff in her bathroom, so I snuck out to the other one. Was a little bored waiting for her to be busy with something so I could finish her counter, so I wiped down the counter of the bathroom I was in.

She tried to come in to get laundry, which startled me because I was right next to the door, and immediately spotted the unicorn cloth. She went off on me for using “something that she uses on her FACE” on the counters of all things. Briefly mentioned wiping the toilet, as if she thought that’s what I did before I walked in.

I didn’t even try explaining myself. Just stood there and let her yell. I know I got a little carried away with cleaning stuff, but like, it was soapy. It’s like Mom complaining that I used the dish sponge with antibacterial dish detergent on Roxie’s food bowls. It doesn’t make sense, but I was too tired and down on myself to care about her seeing my side.

During the visit, Skye and I stayed home and talked in our room, and I looked up that house I saw for sale. Not that nice, and currently off the market, but I found two others that I absolutely love. Kinda wish I’d had a job this entire time. Then maybe I could have enough money to put down a down payment and get one of them. Oh well.

Mom came home while the littles were still at the visit, and Skye and I both pretended to be asleep so we didn’t have to interact with her. Some of her behavior has seemed kinda... sus. I ended up falling asleep for real though, on the carpet, woke up briefly a few times, and finally got up at 1 AM.

Mom was still up, and told me how one of my old friends was trying to contact me but couldn’t because my phone was off, so I turned it back on and we talked for a while. I gave her my Google number in case my actual phone wasn’t working, and wished her a happy birthday, but she fell asleep before she saw the birthday message. Don’t remember much else of the day, except I turned in a Japanese quiz early and cleaned Roxie and her crate. Like always, cleaning took a while because I am very thorough, and because she pooped in the crate when I was washing her bowls. I had to rewash her and the crate floor, which, after last time, I now know slides TF out.

Ended it all with a hot bath for myself, which I fell asleep in. Woke up cold because half the water drained out through the faulty plug, so I ran it again, and fell asleep again. Woke up cold again, refilled it, and finally washed myself. Got out and was relieved to find Roxie and her “room” still clean, and I finished it off with her blankets and one of her beds from the dryer. I tried a new thing with the blanket where I tie one end (two corners) to the crate ceiling to almost make a tent, and she seems to like it.

Not counting the bath naps, I stayed up for over 24 hours, but didn’t realize why I was so damn tired until late Tuesday morning. Ended up falling asleep for a couple hours that afternoon, woke up for a while, and then went back to sleep at a decent time time at night, but I was woken up around 2:30 AM by Mom looking for her keys. She was panicking because March has blackout days and she’s already near her point limit, so being late could literally get her fired. She kept asking where I put them, since her purse and dealer apron were moved off of the crate by me to clean it, but I told her I hadn’t even seen them. I don’t think she believed me, because she still sounded like she was blaming me for not being able to find them.

Not my fault that you said “stop putting things on the dog crate,” and then you kept putting your own stuff on top of the dog crate, and then wanted me to clean it. Where the Hell was I supposed to put her stuff while I was cleaning it?

Skye eventually found her keys in the unlocked car, and she finally left, but was back by 4 AM because she signed the EO list. She tried to prank us when she came in by telling us she was fired, but I didn’t buy it because she wasn’t crying. Trust me, she’d be bawling her eyes out if that had actually happened.

Bringing us to Wednesday, I was a tired mess who’d done Duolingo all morning when I showed us to my Japanese lecture. I only remembered to do it because I heard Mom doing it. She’s apparently gonna learn Spanish.

I still have a few things to make up for that class, but at least I’ve finally organized my worksheets into homework packets. I’ve gone this long before remembering we own a stapler.

#Raine's daize #the tubes

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kaguraspetsims · 4 years

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[[MORE]]

Hey guys sorry for the absence, work has been...shitty. like, it's making me so depressed and anxious that I'm losing sleep. I'll tell some stories in a second but like for those of you who want a tldr the assistant manager training me has some personal vendetta against me for some reason and is literally making my life hell.

So, just so we are clear: I have worked at this store for 1 and a half months. I dont remember if I've ever said the company I work for but I will say it's a pizza place.

At this store we have the store manager (call him R) and 3 assistant managers (P, A, and me).

A has been at this store for 2 years, P is the one that trains new AMs. A became an AM like...half a month ago. I have no prior experience in this company so I'm trying to learn the basics PLUS manager stuff.

So to try and keep things easy to follow, after my first week or so there P has me sit down with her and she asks me how I am able to learn better. I explain to her that I need positive reinforcement and I need to be told if I'm doing something wrong when I'm doing it wrong so that I dont form bad habits and have to relearn things. I also explained to her that I have short term memory loss, which is the reason I'm so unconfident when trying to portion toppings.

The gist if what she told me was this: I learn fast and I need to stop second guessing myself bc that slows me down and therefore slows the whole process down. And I was like yes I will accept this is true and try to do better. She also said she'd stop answering complicated questions I had, which I understood as anything that could not be answered with a yes or no.

So the weeks are going on and I learn several things about how this place works out.

I am short, shit is taller than me. I'm told to ask for help when I need it.

I quickly learn that when I ask for help, depending on what it is I'm asking for and how her mood is, P will get irritated as fuck with me for asking. Example: we have guides on how to build certain food items. Theres a lot of shit on the menu. The guides are very hard for me to reach. So when I ask for help getting a guide so I can try learning the build, I either get it tossed at me or I get told what to put on it in a disappointed or irritated tone. (Keep in mind I'm not being told the portioning for these toppings unless I ask for those too, to which I get an annoyed "I don't know off the top of my head.")

So I decided that if I have a question about what goes on what builds, I will try to list off all the toppings I remember and be like "that's what's on it right?" I figured this way they know I'm trying to learn them, I'm retaining at least SOMETHING, and if theres an ingredient or two off they can correct those.

Yeah the last time I did that P turned around and totally ignored me. And it turns out I was correct about all the toppings on it.

Now skip to about a week and a half ago, I'm finally learn how to stretch dough. Every time I have tried to stretch this shit has been during rush. At this point I have only worked rush shifts, which are shit for training, but when I've come in earlier I learn how to prep food, and so I literally dont get a lot of one on one time with someone who can actually sit there and train me. And when I DO have the chance to have one on one time, it's usually with P and she usually leaves me to make as much as possible while she goes to the back to chat with people who are waiting to take deliveries.

I end up getting so frustrated that I start taking shit out on myself, basically telling myself that I cant do anything right and that I've peaked and that I'm never going to get better. I tell P this and she tries halfheartedly to get me to breathe and keep going.

Mow skip to this week. I'm told I will close Monday and Tuesday (yesterday and the day before) I'm told I'll be trained how to close.

Monday comes up. I get there at 5:30. A gets thre at 5. We work thru rush and A tells me he will stay with me till P gets there around 10 just in case we get a night rush. Keep in mind this is P's day off and A had offered to help train me since he was already there.

So 10:30 rolls around and P finally shows up. She comes inside only to tell A he should have left at like 8 or 9. You know. Leaving me alone on my first closing night when I still cant make an entire one pizza on my own under 3-5 minutes.

So A leaves. One of the drivers is there bc he has to be (we can call him T). P tells T hes going to do most if not all the cleaning so she can show me how to do inventory and enter shit in the computer. She says when he finishes he can leave ahead of us bc we were (supposedly) going to be there for a few hours.

So for about 2 hours I'm told how to find things on the computer and finish inventory. Most of those two hours is just me entering shit in the computer or her talking on the phone with a friend.

At one point she says to T that shes just teaching me computer shit now, and on Tuesday she'd teach me how to break down and clean the area where all the food is.

At 12:30-12:45 she says shes going to leave and for me to call her when I'm done counting money so that she can tell me the rest of what I have to do. This sends off panic bells in my head. Not only has she NOT FINISHED TEACHING ME SHIT, I'm about to leave a store by myself in the middle of fucking nowhere with no overhead lights. I felt unsafe leaving the gamestop I worked at during the night even tho there were parking lot lights and usually small crowds at the walmart next door, and I never left that building by myself.

So I'm just ask "can T stay so I'm not leaving here by myself and I dont risk my safety?"

The response I got was basically P saying she forgot I was weak and fragile. So she decided to stay and fi nng ish helping me on the computer, which, btw, was another 15 minutes or so of her staying???

Also fun news I get at this point is that P will NOT be closing with me tuesday night. I'm on my fucking own with T! :)

So then I'm helping clean shit bc apparently we're behind (it's like 1 am at this point) and P (who did the entire food area by her damn self) finally leaves around 1:15. T has been really nice and stays with me to help me put the last of shit together before we leave.

I dont get home till 2 monday night.

Skip to tuesday night. I get in at 4:45. A and P are there. Ahas been told by P he MUST leave by 9. She leaves at like 6:30.

I learn a few things after she leaves from multiple people.

A has been here 2 years, and P not only stayed with him till 3 am breaking every little thing down and showing him everything, but he ALSO was given the opportunity to close with her for about 2 or 3 nights before he closed by himself.

I have been there an entire month and a half, got told how to do ALMOST everything ONE time, and the very next night I'm closibg hy myself.

I have trained for (almost) 2 hours how to close at this point. I dont know what the fuck I'm doing. I start getting order after order. The drivers are out doing their jobs so I'm literally in the whole store by myself trying to figure shit the fuck out bc i was basically left to fend for myself. Spoiler alert, I'm not very fucking good at this.

To make a long story short, a bunch of shit went wrong tuesday night. T is trying his best to help me learn things, but he doesnt know how to do everything bc hes not in a manager position. He even says to me at one point "it just seems like you've been set up to fail." Granted I was complaining about the fact that I didn't get fucking training, but he said that shit on his own. He pointed shit out that I had been thinking about.

Again, skip to about 3 am. I have my final call with P. She proceeds to tell me several things:

You should not be there more than an hour after close.

Your inventory variance should not be that high.

Just finish up what you're doing and leave, what's done is done and what's not is not.

Then she asks me "do you see what you need to improve on?"

At that point I nearly snapped. How the FUCK can I know what to improve on when theres no one there to give me fucking feedback?? I dont know what the fuck I'm doing. I literally scrambled all fucking night to ATTEMPT to do shit right which, apparently, it still wasnt good enough. I was given a whole ~2 hours to learn ALMOST everything to close. R doesnt get out when he closes till about 2 hours after the store closes, so why the fuck am I being picked on when I had fucking not even 2 whole hours of training?

I have never EVER told myself to quit without putting in a two weeks notice before. I'm going to talk to R about this shit before I just up and leave at this point. I'm attempting to find another job in the meantime but the toll that these past few weeks has had on my mental health is just fucking astounding. The last time I had that kind of a meltdown after work was a year ago when I worked at the fucking kennel and a dog got hurt and no one answered me.

Oh, btw, that kennel? The one owned privately by a single person, that wasnt a franchise or anything? Yeah, as much as those communication skills sucked, it was leagues better than the communication at this establishment I'm at now. And that's saying a fucking lot.

#not fr #personal #long post #negative #super fucking negative #i feel like i cant get away from this bullshit #if its not with family its at work

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acoldstrawberrylemonade · 4 years

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Love Rashad (2020)

To quote Love Simon “Everyone deserves a great love story”. Did I just have mine?

For those who have seen the film Before Sunrise it is about these two people who meet up in Vienna and spend a whole day together and fall in love. Its a phenomenal film and highly recommend it.

I recently met a girl and spent two days together (kind of).

But how did this happen? Lets rewind the clock all the way back to March. Right after Covid was getting very serious and things were shutting down.

I made friend with a woman at Hertz named Ericka and we have been working next to each other for about a year and have bonded over food, places to see and we are kindred spirits. One day in March she said “Oh my God, you'd love my daughter Keiara. You guys have so much in common. You both love film and stuff. I’m gonna set you guys up”

A week later, I was put on leave due to Covid and was gone till about July. I didn’t think anything about it the entire time. a fleeting thought if you will.

When I returned in July I had completely forgot about it. But then August came around. And the thought of her daughter just came back to me randomly and I asked Ericka “Did your daughter ever come back or something?” in which she said. “She's actually driving here as we speak from Virginia” I’ll give her your number when she gets here. So I wrote my number on a post it and I left work.

I told my friend Julian that I wasn’t really expecting much because things with women does not normally go well for me cause I have been told I have

“No edge”

I’m “Too nice” or my personal favorite

“I just don’t get it”

So when it came to this I didn’t really put much hope into it. But a week passed and my phone was dry. No message, just dry, crackled and chapped. I was SICK.

But alas, the next weekend came and Ericka didn’t show up to work. So I just didn’t care.

Monday: Chapter 1: Contact

*ring ring* a message came in from a number I did not recognize.

It was her..

We began texting. We talked, movies and games and we set up a pizza date...

Tuesday: Chapter 2 Lit Pizza date

We went to Lit Pizza and the date was cool, we ate and talked but she is a woman of few words but she is super opened minded and wiling to just go with the flow.

But I didn’t really wanna go on another date. It was nice, she was nice. Thats whats so crazy. Nothing was bad about the date, it didn’t exactly rock my world. I realize when my energy isn’t matched It feels like I’m not connecting.

So I left.

I called my friend Julian and filled him in on everything and told him I didn’t really wanna go out again. But he gave me the advice that I shouldn’t be so serious and just have fun. She's leaving anyway.

Then 2 hurricanes headed to Louisiana and we had really bad weather. So we couldn’t hang out again until Friday. The weather was better and I messaged her that we should have a picnic and maybe do a podcast and she was down with it.

Friday: Chapter 3: Picky eating and Second Dates

I was tragically behind schedule because people are usually never punctual with me and she is so I had to rush and get ready but it was okay. I got dressed and called on Norma to give me a pep on how I shouldn't self sabotage this because I was definitely sprinting to that hill to back flip into an OCEAN of self sabotage. Its one of my favorite pass times✨

I met her at Walmart and got some snacks to eat in the park. We basically recorded our entire date and we talked about her military time and how different Louisiana is. She also said she's a picky eater, so I told her she needs to try pad thai because its AMAZING. Afterward we left because the park was closing and we didn’t wanna be locked in. I looked at the clock in my car and it was about 11:11 and I made a wish to go home because I was tired and had work. I dropped her off at her car and she said “Can I get a hug?” which I rolled my eyes at (internally of course).

This part makes me cringe because I M SO SHYY

We hugged and I said” this sucks you're going. I wish we had one more day.”

“Me too”

“Maybe we can tomorrow?”

“Yeah for sure. When I get off work?”

“I have to leave by 8 tomorrow.”

“No worries thats fine”

We agreed and hugged one more time and looked at each other. and I asked

“Can I kiss you?”

She said “F**k no*”

I’m kidding

she said yes and we kissed. It was so nice.

Saturday: Chapter 3: The Sunset Must Come

I gave Keiara the address of where to meet at 6:00 and she didn’t respond. So I assumed it was canceled. I was upset but as soon as the clock struck 6:01, she texted and said she arrived.

How Prompt.

Weirdly enough Norma was going on a picnic today too with Ashley and she told me to take a pic. It was a beautiful sunset. Golden hour with some good food. It was amazing.

I got the Pad Thai and brought it. She said it was sooo good like..baby I know. After we ate we made out for like an hour or so.

Afterwards we held hands and just laid down listening to some King Princess.

A vibe.

It was 7:59 and i said. “Can we just have 10 more minutes. I don’t want you to go yet”

So we just laid and talked more.

8:15 came across the clock and there was an air of sadness because it was over and we had to part finally ways.

We got out the car. I had my arms around her wait. Hers around my shoulders.

She said “We can still talk and stuff right? Maybe you'll be here when I get out the military in February.”

“For sure. I’ll see you when you I see”

A smile was exchanged and we had one final kiss and that was that.

Epilogue: And then it was gone...

That night my phone went crazy and It wouldn’t turn on unless I did a factory reset. So there went the one photo I had of our picnic.This is all Normas fault.

Although there are no photos, the memories live in my head and on my skin.

Thats where it really matters in the end right?

If you made it to the end then...

Thanks for reading

Song:

//Sunburn// King Princess

//Lose My Way// One Brun & Dustin O’Halloran

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whumptasticwednesday · 5 years

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Insult to Injury ft. Dadneto (Peter Maximoff - X-Men)

Author’s Note: Hey, ya’ll. I’ve been burning the midnight oil to get this fic out on time, AKA 2 consecutive nights of staying up till’ 3 am. I’ve had the idea for a Peter-centric Dadneto whump fic for a decent amount of time, and after receiving a lovely anonymous prompt, I decided to incorporate both my idea and theirs. Here we’ve got Peter after the events of Apocalypse, debilitated, and accidentally giving himself a nasty case of salmonella, before Erik comes to help. I’m pretty proud of this one, so I hope you enjoy it! This fic is unedited, sorry, so please let me know if there’s any glaring issues. For my next fic, I’m shifting away from X-Men for a hot sec so I can write a nice Detroit: Become Human whump fic with our favorite android son, Connor. I’ve been super excited about my plot concept, so I’m ecstatic to start writing it. Anyways, I hope you like this one, I worked very hard on it, and I hope you’re all excited for the DBH fic coming soon!

-Ash

Word Count: 6299

Warning: Emeto and decently graphic descriptions of physical illness

Setting: Post-Apocalypse/Pre-Dark Phoenix

If there's anything Peter Maximoff knew in this moment, it was that not being able to do the one thing your body was genetically enhanced to do, sucked. A lot.

It had been only a few days since the X-Mansion had been rebuilt and things all fell back into this synonymous routine as if the entire building hadn't exploded a short while ago. In Peter's opinion, it was all kind of creepy how easy it seemed for these kids to all just go back to learning when their home and school just got eviscerated in a hellfire, but he didn't think much of it.

All he could think about in this moment, was how immensely bored he was. Peter always had something going on with him; he was either thinking about his impending dad-related issues, plotting a prank, or deciding to go off and steal an entire Walmart's worth of Twinkies in the blink of an eye, there was always something.

Yet now, the rest of the X-Men were off with Charles helping cover up heat from the international press by cleaning up all the damage and destruction in Cairo and showing what Charles had dubbed: "diplomacy", which was too huge of a word for Peter to ever use in an everyday sentence; too many letters, and Peter was left back at the mansion since he really couldn't use his powers effectively at the moment, so it would be pretty useless for him to be tagging along.

Peter normally wouldn't have given a damn, maybe even excited at the prospect of being able to rig his friends' rooms with elaborate traps with Jello and staplers or something of the sorts while they weren't around, yet now, when faced with inescapable boredom that followed him wherever his broken leg did (everywhere), he was dying to have anything to do. As the team was suiting up to get on the jet to go back to Cairo, Peter had pathetically hobbled down to the X-Men bunker on his crutches, begging to be taken with. But they'd simply gassed up the plane and flew off, leaving Peter alone, and oh so very bored.

Which brings us to Peter now, attempting to create an omelette with 6 different cheeses, 8 different and poorly-diced peppers, a heaping assortment of minced tomatoes, and a sprinkling of those off-brand fruit snacks that are always better than the on-brand ones for some reason. It wouldn't be a Peter breakfast without some form of sweet, and in his eyes, it stuck to the healthy-ish theme. It had fruit in the name for a reason, didn't it?

The kid always had a massive appetite, and everyone that knew Peter knew this as well. You'd be hard pressed to find him without some snack or form of sustenance in his hand, scarfing it down like there was no tomorrow. It was all a byproduct of his enhanced metabolism. All that energy to run had to come from somewhere, didn't it? Little did he know, this super stomach of his would come to kick him in the ass in a few short hours. But for now, the silver-haired man child of a mutant was limping around the mansion's kitchen making a very... exotic breakfast for dinner meal.

Peter plopped the strange looking (decently gooey) excuse for an omelette into a large plate with some Twinkies and orange juice on the side. As he devoured his dinner, Peter thought anxiously about Erik. It had taken him 10 years to connect the dots, work up the courage, and even think of confronting the man to tell him of his true parentage, yet wimped out at the last minute, leaving the ambiguous: "I'm here for my family too." Peter groaned audibly to himself as his mind once again replayed the events he'd already replayed a million times before. It was embarrassing as all hell. Luckily, nobody that did know told Erik anything, which Peter was very grateful for.

Imagine learning about a woman you left 2 and a half decades ago actually birthing a son you had no idea existed and just now learned of... but not from him, despite several encounters beforehand where he had ample opportunities to do so. It'd make Peter feel like even more of a loser than a 27 year old who still lived in his mother's basement. But, to be fair, Peter was no longer a grown man living with his mom, he was a grown man living in a school where he was many years past the oldest enrolled student, while not teaching a single class; it was a step up from the basement, trust me.

Once finished with his omelette, Peter quickly washed his dishes and made his trek up the small flight of stairs to reach his room on the second floor. Over the past few days, Peter had learned just how high a set of stairs could be, especially when you end up falling down them on several attempts to slide down the handrail (and failing miserably while being laughed at by dozens of impressionable pre-teen children.) What a loser.

After reaching his room, particularly winded from this dinner excursion, Peter was grateful to see that he hadn't unplugged his television from the wall after his embarrassing fall in an attempt to get to the bathroom by himself, without his crutches, or the lights on. A simple recipe for disaster in nearly all circumstances, yet for some reason, the universe held pity for Peter and his debilitated state, and decided to not make his day any worse than it already was.

Peter ultimately decided to entertain himself with a good night-long play session of Pac-Man on his Atari 2600, also still miraculously undamaged from last night's fall. He booted up the inferior version of the game (seriously though, he'd have to get Kurt to help him teleport his arcade cabinet from his basement to the school, playing this one was getting a bit tiring on the eyes.) It sufficed, he thought as the TV harshly flashed on.

Now normally, Peter would have been up all night with his video games and rock music blaring in the background, yet tonight, something (besides his immobile leg) felt really off. Each distinct 'WOMP' from the console as the yellow circle man consumed the dashes and dots felt like a sledgehammer into Peter's eardrums, leaving a resonating ache at the base of his skull. He didn't think much of it and brushed it off, simply turning down his music a notch and backing away from the TV a few inches.

The next confusing sign that something wasn't quite right was the disconcerting shivers wracking his body. A chilly breeze seemed to sweep the room as if the AC was on full blast with the windows open on a November midnight, yet it was July and all the windows were closed and when he went to check if his AC unit was acting up, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. That's whack, Peter thought to himself as he plopped onto his bed, Atari abandoned on the rugged floor.

He didn't know how long he spent staring at the unmoving chandelier hanging lamely from the ceiling, but it felt as if seconds later, the room was not only freezing, but spinning, and suffocating. Everything felt way too close. Peter could feel every fiber of his shirt rubbing against his jacket, the itchy inside of his cast pressing up against the entirety of his right leg, and the presence of his goggles resting on his neck, now seeming like a noose closing in on his throat. He hastily tore off the eyewear and tossed them on his nightstand before deciding to shed his jacket and weakly throwing it across the room. Another move he regretted.

Without the jacket to keep his arms warm, the newfound seemingly frosty atmosphere felt like a icy flurry against his skin. In spite of his mind's confused wishes, Peter ripped the heavy blanket off the end of the bed and closed it around himself like a caterpillar ready to emerge as a butterfly the next time it saw the daylight. Peter sure as hell didn't feel like a caterpillar, but if the feeling of metamorphosis was a growing sense of intense nausea and cramping in the stomach, then hell yeah, he was crushing this butterfly business.

Fuck, what's wrong with me?! He thought to himself as he rolled onto his side. Peter rubbed at his eyes, hoping to clear the dizziness, yet only further irritating them. God damnit, he sighed internally as his face scrunched up in discomfort, releasing one of his hand's hold on the blanket to cradle his aching stomach.

"Is this karma for all that shit I stole when I was younger? That's just mean, man," Peter rasped to nobody in particular. He thought about it more though and responded to his own question, "Then again, I think that's pretty fair. Haha...Shit, man. Never thought I'd say this, but I think... I think I need help."

The sledgehammer-like headache was pounding with every bass drum beat lightly emanating from the sound system Peter hadn't turned off, another move he regretted. He couldn't decide if the pros outweighed the cons: hobbling through the dark to possibly remedy a source of his suffering, but relinquishing his hold on the only thing keeping him from feeling like freezing. Peter played it safe, much to his cranium's dismay.

Peter stared off towards the wall at nothing in particular as he tried oh so hard to draw his mind's focus from how terrible he felt to literally anything else. It wasn't working out so well. And so, Peter laid there, blanket tossed over himself, single leg drawn up to his chest, shivering like a leaf in a rainstorm, as nauseous as a toddler who just rode their first roller coaster, feeling like he was about to cry, and alone. What a miserable way to spend the night.

------

If there's anything Erik Lehnsherr knew in this moment, it was that he was beyond irritated that Charles wasn't at the mansion to run his own school. Despite leaving the school once he'd helped rebuild it to try and seek solitude to wrap his mind around his place in the world and everything that'd happened to him, Erik was back at the mansion once again. He was ready to lay down the foundations for his new mutant hideaway, Genosha, and needed Charles's connections to the government to help smooth over his charges and get clearance to have his isolated society where he might truly find happiness and solace. The universe had spoken, and he obviously wasn't cut out to be a nuclear family kind of guy.

Unbeknownst to him, Erik had once again meandered into a setting with his unrealized son. Also unbeknownst to him, that son was currently cooped up alone in his room, feeling like death.

Erik uncomfortably paced around the mansion, checking Charles's office, the X-Men bunker, and all the other places he might have been, yet the telepath was nowhere to be found. Erik sighed, he knew coming this late was a bargain, one, it turns out, he'd come to lose. The school itself was eerily quiet. It was if the entire mansion was empty or something. Peaceful, yet unsettling for a man who knew nothing but chaos.

Erik was about to borrow a book someone had abandoned in the foyer when he heard the muffled melodies of American rock music echoing from the upstairs floor. It must be that problematic Peter child, Erik thought to himself. From what he told himself was a civil duty to the rest of the sleeping kids in the school (but was actually his own way to cope with his curiosity) Erik decided to check up on the snarky young man to ask if he'd turn down the tunes.

As he approached the door, Erik was bracing himself for something extremely untamed. Perhaps a messy, greasy slophole of a living area, or maybe a drunk and uncontrollably obnoxious man dancing to his music in the nude. You never really knew with Peter, and Erik had come to expect the strangest out of the boy from the few genuine interactions they've had.

Erik gently tapped his knuckles against the door, waiting patiently for a 'come in', or something along the lines of those words, yet it never came. Raising a questioning yet not too surprised eyebrow, Erik knocked again, using slightly harder bangs, not wishing to make a ruckus and wake anyone else in the hallway up. Again, nothing. Although it could have simply boiled down to Peter not hearing him from his loud and abhorrent music, Erik was growing slightly irritated with the lack of a response. So with his last reserves of patience, he knocked one final time, once again listening for a signal or cue to enter. He was met with nothing yet again.

Wondering for the worst and fully expecting to meet a blackout drunk Peter when he opened the door, Erik tentatively jiggled the doorknob, which just so happened to be unlocked, and stepped inside. Thankfully, he was not met with a naked dancing or woefully drunk mutant speedster, but most would probably argue that what he was met with was quite worse. And that being a rancid stench of sick and sour nastiness lingering in the air, a poorly plopped pile of blankets draped over the culprit of the odor, and the culprit himself lying pale and flushed on the floor beside his bed, covered in his own vomit.

Erik's nose crinkled up from being met by the strongly nauseating smell of the room, reaching for the light switch on the wall to aid the sad little table lamp and glow of the TV in illuminating the room. Now he truly saw the pity-worthy situation for what it was. Peter laid in a heap on the ground next to his bed; he'd clearly trying to make it to the en suite bathroom just a few feet away. However, with his dizzy mind and immobile leg, he didn't make it very far and ended up expelling his dinner in a much less... dignified location (if you could consider a toilet bowl a very dignified location), that undignified location being all over his lap and onto his faded Pink Floyd t-shirt.

Not knowing how to really handle the situation, Erik called out a soft, "Peter?" hoping to elicit a response. Yet, just like at the door, he was met with nothing. As he approached the boy, thoughts of anxiety and panic circled through his mind. What would he say to him when he woke up? Would he be uncomfortable with Erik of all people coming to help? Would he be confused? Would he not care? He felt undeniably and inexplicably awkward. Erik shook the thoughts from his conscious as he knelt down to try and meet Peter's face.

"Peter?" he asked again. Erik tentatively reached over to tap the boy's face, which was contorted in a pinched expression of discomfort, marred further by the vomit drying in a trail down his chin.

Once Erik's hand made contact with Peter's cheek, he wanted to retract it. From the split second interaction, Erik had felt the clammy, sweaty, and scorching hot skin and was growing concerned. The slight physical prodding finally made Peter respond.

"Mom?" he asked groggily, voice cracking, "I'll put my dishes in the sink in a minute... I'm tired..."

Erik let out a harsh sigh, bending his neck in an attempt to make eye contact with the boy.

"Peter, I'm not you-" Erik was cut off.

"Yeah yeah... I'm not your maid. I know, Ma. Just... give me five."

"Peter." Erik stated bluntly yet with a hint of unease, unsure if Peter was delirious or just messing with him, "look at me, please."

Peter cracked open his eyes and blearily met Erik's stoic and collected face. He blinked a few times, slowly and deliberately, calculating who was kneeling in front of him, before letting out a weak and wheezy chuckle, "hey there, refrigerator ornament. Wassup?"

Erik rolled his eyes, responding with, "I came to ask you to turn down your atrocious music so you won't wake any of the other children who are trying to sleep. When I came in here, you were passed out on the floor. Would you like to explain to me what happened?"

"Nah... it isn't all too interesting"

"Peter, can you please act like an adult for 2 minutes? Please?"

"Oh man, the Nazi-hunting, president-killing, horseman of the Apocalypse is bustin' out the PLEASES. Look out, world, Lord of the Vacation Souvenirs has a new tactic... MANNERS!"

Peter burst out laughing at his own adolescent joke, ending in a wheezy struggle to catch his own breath. Erik couldn't tell if he was just screwing with him or genuinely needed help. This behavior seemed pretty normal for the immature mutant.

"Look, Peter, I really just need to know if you're okay. Can you answer that simple question, please?"

"Man, your tactics are workin' like a charm. I guess I'll tel-" Peter was cut off by a repulsing gag, hunching over and expelling his stomach's contents... again, this time, however, onto Erik's shirt, quickly travelling in a sad trail down onto his freshly-ironed pants. Peter's bloodshot eyes went side with embarrassment as he quickly transitioned his gaze to the floor.

Erik's face was caught frozen still as his mind caught up with what had just happened. As repulsed as he was, it wasn't like he hadn't seen worse. But that still didn't make the fact that he was just puked on any less disgusting. After audibly exhaling through his nose, Erik once again focused on the miserable man child in front of him, who was now anxiously tapping his fingernails on the hard plaster of his cast, deliberately trying to avoid eye contact.

God damnit, Peter, He thought to himself as he continued tapping, it's bad enough leaving him with a painfully ambiguous response during a battle to save all of humanity, ultimately ruining a perfectly good chance to fess up, but now look what you've done. You fucking threw up on him. Peter felt himself growing smaller as his subconscious shamed him for his uncontrollable bout of illness. It was stupid and ultimately all in his head, but it didn't make him feel any less shit about his situation.

After taking the few quiet seconds, Erik stood up, and whether it was out of pity or some subconscious moral quest, grabbed Peter by the armpits and dragged him to the bathroom.

"W-what the?" Peter asked, confused by the harsh white light of the bathroom and the sudden shift in scenery.

"Well I'm not going to let you sit in your own disgusting clothes. I have standards, you know. Can you undress yourself? I'll get us both some clean clothes."

Peter grunted in response. It meant: yeah, I think I can take off my own clothes, bro... once the room stops spinning. Erik, however, had already up and left, stripping off his own soiled shirt and rifling through Peter's dresser drawers, and taking the opportunity to flick off the television and silence the music that had been awkwardly filling the room's background space up until now.

Peter didn't have much variety in his clothing, dark jeans and band logo t-shirts were most of his dresser's arsenal. Not wishing to be clad in a Metallica shirt for the rest of the night, he dug a bit further into the seemingly endless assortment of shirts till he found a plain white short sleeve, sighing in relief. He grabbed a random shirt from the top of the assortment which just so happened to have the Journey logo on it, and set off to find new pants for the boy.

Back in the bathroom, Peter was still laying slumped against the bathtub, shivering. Everything around him had seemingly slowed to a halt, not unlike when he was running past the speed of sound, but this time deceleration just felt... wrong.

The crashing rhythm of the rock music had come to a halt, yet it didn't cease the incessant throbbing ache in his head, as if the bass riffs and the harsh taps of the snare were on a permanent loop with earbuds permanently glued to his ears. He was trying his best to prevent himself from groaning or whining as to not sound like even more of a child in front of Erik, but honestly, he didn't want his nonexistent father right now, he wanted his mom.

Peter was snapped from his self loathing by Erik's footfalls growing progressively louder as he approached him. Erik had thrown on a pair of track pants and a random white shirt. He was holding a pair of sweatpants and another shirt for Peter so he could be free of his sweat-slick and vomit-covered clothes.

"Hey, you don't get to keep those. I like those pants," Peter stated sarcastically, still trying to put up a front, although he was unsure why. He'd needed help, it was painfully obvious, so why was he still pushing his father away? Resentment? Anger? Pride? No... fear.

"Arms up," Erik instructed, preparing to take Peter's shirt off for him.

"Yo, you know I'm not a toddler, right? I can take off my own god damn shirt."

"You sure don't act like you're a day older than one, and I don't wanna risk you accidentally suffocating getting stuck in your own clothing so... arms up."

Peter sighed and did as he was told. Erik swiftly peeled the top off the boy and felt around his back, finding it clammy and warm. As if he'd just went from the tropics to Antarctica, the shirt leaving his skin exposed his skin to a whole new level of cold. The sensation ripped through his spine as his teeth started chattering. Hoping Erik had a brain underneath that skull, Peter was (im)patiently waiting for the man to save him from the frosty winds of his newly installed Arctic bathroom and slip the new shirt over him already. However, much to Peter's dismay, Erik turned on the tub's faucet, soaking a hand towel in cold water before leaning over and placing it on Peter's exposed back.

The second the frigid cloth made contact with his skin, Peter recoiled, back arching backwards, arms frantically bending to try and remove it. Erik sighed, slightly out of pity, and continued holding it down.

"Is this some cruel punishment? What did I do?" Peter pleaded, hoping to distract himself from crying by use of humor.

"You're scorching and sticky and it's just disgusting. I'm cooling you down, so relax," Erik explained. "It'll be a few more seconds, I just needed to get all the sweat off of you."

And as quickly as it had begun, the endeavor was over and Erik was threading Peter's strikingly pale and flimsy arms through the shirt holes. Peter audibly sighed, feeling like he'd just spent an hour in an industrial freezer and was now back into a normal temperature.

Erik's eyes drifted to Peter's legs, immediately noticing a flaw in his plan. How was he going to change Peter's pants with that full leg cast?

"Peter, how do you typically change your pants considering your current... situation?" Erik asked.

"It's pretty simple. I don't," Peter replied bluntly.

"W-what?"

"Well, after I got my leg set a few days ago, I changed into jeans, not wanting to be in flight suit pants for the next week of my life, and I haven't swapped since. It's like, physically impossible."

"So... you've been wearing the same (disgustingly dirty) pants all week?"

"Yeah, pretty much. Hank says I should be grateful that it'll heal in a couple days, most people you'd find passed out on their floor covered in vomit with a full leg cast would have been wearing their nasty pants for weeks."

Erik sighed, tossing Peter's soiled shirt and the sweatpants back into the bedroom before meeting his gaze.

"Alright, Peter, I'm going to set you up in bed now."

"Sounds grea-" Peter was once again, clamping his hand over his mouth, pathetically dragging himself over to the toilet to prevent throwing up all over himself again.

Erik saw his distress and lifted the toilet lid and seat, prompting Peter to start heaving into the sad and dreary porcelain bowl. Each dry or productive heave sent another pulsing wave of pain and violent nausea from his stomach to seemingly every conceivable inch of his body in a viscous cycle of suffering. Erik could do nothing but watch as the silver-haired boy wretched in agony, each heave causing his breath to hitch, caught in his throat, as another bout of sick rushed up past his lips, crashing into the toilet bowl.

Erik wanted to reach over and rub Peter's back or offer a semblance of physical comfort for the anguish he must have been feeling. He'd often do this for his daughter, Nina, whenever she had a stomach bug. Erik reached out his hand, only to quickly retract it, shaking haunting thoughts from his mind. This boy was not his child, and in no way would he ever come close to being Nina. What was he thinking?

Guilt quickly overtook the memories as Peter finished his session of sickness. He sagged limply against the side of the toilet, face still partially hidden by the rim of the bowl. When he looked up at Erik, he looked awful. Beyond awful.

Red-rimmed eyes, clearly there as Peter attempted to stop the obvious tears from spilling over, met cool yet collected ones, the former's being full of pain, not just from this embarrassment or the physical turmoil he'd just endured, but something else. Erik knew those eyes. He knew them because for so long, they were the ones he'd stared at in the mirror, day after day, for years, until he'd found Charles, only to come face to face again with those demonized eyes in the form of an immature mutant puking his guts out on his bathroom floor. They were the eyes of a young man who was lost, feeling alone, hiding a part of themselves they wanted to let go, to set free, so they could truly be happy, yet he couldn't possibly decipher what could be internally destroying the boy.

"I-I'm sorry you had to watch that..." Peter said softly as his head lolled over.

"It's fine," Erik replied with a tone to match that of Peter's.

"I'm pretty sure... that I'm done. For now?" It came out as more of a question, but at this point, Peter wasn't trusting any signal his body was sending him. Every impulse had been smudged and cloudy in his mind, and paired with the seemingly endless headache and the relentless chills racking his body from the fever, Peter was sure that if his mind were a computer hard drive, it would have self destructed out of a deadly virus slowly hacking into the hardware.

But alas, Peter was no computer, and so he was stuck with this mystery illness, cooped up in his room, unable to run, with Erik mother-hecking Lehnsherr. His fever-addled mind was barely functioning at this point, so he didn't register anything but dizzying blurred images swirling around his head and slightly-grumbled voice swimming in his ears as Erik scooped the kid up like a newlywed bride and carried him off to bed.

Peter had never been more grateful to grace the comfort of his duvet, ready to sleep. He halfheartedly grabbed at it in an attempt to cover himself and finally warm up. Erik sighed with pity, grabbing it for him and draping it over his shoulders before moving over to stand by the nightstand and awkwardly watching Peter try and get comfortable.

Despite the obvious fact that his body wanted him to sleep, Peter's mind was racing everywhere except the realm of unconsciousness. Every thought was emphasized ten-fold as it bounced around his head until the only things remaining were his want, heck, his need, to tell Erik the truth, and the hesitant and unsure anxiety lingering in the background of his subconscious that was stopping him from doing just that.

Fevers, though, as Peter was quickly learning, tended to do weird shit to what your brain was really trying to accomplish, often scrambling any message you tried to expel to the point where it may or may not have even been your true intentions. And hell, it was an even bigger gamble if you'd remember any of the dumb shit you'd done or said. It was as if the heat had boiled all the potentially embarrassing memories away, which was at least kinda nice.

With everything happening, Peter thought it best for Erik to just pack up and scoot from the premises, as not to accidentally say or do something stupid that might come back to bite him in the ass later, but Peter wasn't about to pull an asshole move on the man who'd just helped him despite not being obligated to at all.

So, instead of verbally asking, Peter did the next most "mature" thing he could have in his debilitated and helpless situation. He pretended to be asleep in a pathetic hope that Erik would leave on his own. He didn't. Peter ended up looking like he was trying way too hard to be asleep than any real asleep person, and after a few minutes, Erik caught on.

"Peter, I know you're not actually sleeping," Erik said, not putting on any sort of specific emotion.

Peter cracked one red and tired eye open, meeting Erik's gaze yet again. Peter sighed and turned over onto his side, back to the other man, bleary eyes trying to focus on anything that wasn't Erik. Sleep, a seemingly effortless task for most, eluded Peter as he let out an a low whine. This was miserable.

"Hey, Erik?"

"Yes?"

"I umm... never mind..."

"What were you going to say?"

"It's nothing... I just feel stupid since I can't even do the easiest thing on the planet."

"Is there anything I can do?"

The question struck Peter like a cold dagger to the heart, it sounded so much like something his mom would say, who was practically the only person he wanted in that moment. Peter didn't like to be weak or expose any of his fears. He preferred to be distant and reserved, to hide all that insecurity with stupid dry humor and sarcasm. His mom and his sisters were really the only ones who he'd truly been open with, and when faced with these new circumstances, finally able to reconnect with the father he never had, he was frozen in place, and after pushing people away and closing himself off for so long, not knowing what to do to reach out and truly face what he needed to.

Completely internally and externally overwhelmed, Peter let his dam of pride burst, letting his emotional flood pour out of his eyes in the form of earnest, choked sobs. He bit his lip and weakly rubbed at his eyes in an attempt to hide his distress.

Erik was taken aback, taking a step towards him, before backpedaling as fast as the initial paternal instinct had seized him. He didn't know what to do. Erik was conflicted, scared of overstepping boundaries, but wholeheartedly wanting to comfort the clearly suffering boy lying in bed in front of him.

And in a flash of instinct, an unspoken, deep-rooted, yet unknown draw towards the silver-haired boy, Erik sat down on the mattress, back meeting Peter's, and leaning over his shoulder to rub his back

Erik's hand was shaky, unsure if it should truly be there. He felt the heat radiating off Peter's skin through his t-shirt. Erik glanced down further to Peter's face, and despite the hands trying (and failing) to cover his eyes, saw it covered in a new sheen of sweat quickly mixing with his tears, pale and pasty with angry crimson patches sitting pretty as pictures on his cheeks and forehead. Everything in that moment accentuated both how awfully awkward Erik and truly terrible Peter felt.

Erik didn't even know if Peter was lucid anymore. He was breaking down into tears, shivering and being comforted by someone who was practically a stranger. Eventually, the sobs dwindled into whimpers and Erik's nerves were starting to taper off himself. The room fell into a weirdly calm silence as the two decided to not say anything. Until Peter's shaky voice cut through the room.

"Y-you know... when I was a dumb little kid, I thought I-I could outrun germs. Look at me now. I can't even cook a f-freakin' omelette without making myself sick... I never needed to cook for myself, it was always my mom, or Hostess cakes."

"..." Erik wanted to say something, anything, but he was unsure what, or if Peter would understand.

"I can't do anything right... life tosses me chances and I just fuck em' all up."

Erik soon realized Peter was no longer talking about his omelette, but something deeper.

"I just wish... you could've d-done this for me when I was still that dumb little kid. I wish for so much to be different. I'd always wanted a d-dad, and when I finally figured out who he was, I learn he'd gone off to kill the president! I-I don't know..."

"W-what?"

"I m-might not be able to outrun germs, but my entire l-life, I've outrun everything. The law, my responsibilities, adulthood... But now, the one time when I finally can't run from anything, out of all of my problems, I gotta face you of all things. N-not the way I thought this would happen..." Peter's words died out as he fell silent.

Erik wasn't sure he'd heard Peter properly. Until something in his mind clicked. Everything he's done up until now: "my mom once knew a guy who could do that..." and "I'm here for my family too..." Oh my god, he thought, I'm... I-I'm Peter's... father? Who else had he been with before his wife... Magda. Oh god.

Erik pulled his hand away from Peter's back. This caused Peter to moan and flip onto his back, staring directly at Erik, eyes cutting straight to his heart like knives.

"W-why'd you stop? It was nice..." Peter admitted shyly.

"I-I need a second, Peter. I'm sorry," Erik sighed as he pushed himself off the mattress.

Peter said nothing as his eyes drifted back to his bedspread. Disappointment lurking behind his bloodshot irises.

Erik walked off to the bathroom, closing the door behind him with a soft click. He stared up at himself in the mirror, hands gripped tightly around the basin. This couldn't be happening. Not after Nina, not again. Erik was just... terrified. Terrified of the idea of getting close again. Anyone who's ever been a part of Erik's family... had died. His parents, his wife, his daughter; he didn't want Peter to join the list of people the universe was just deemed to kill. He knew that Peter was far from dying, it was a simple fact that the kid couldn't cook and he'd fed himself something underdone. Yet, it was all happening, it was all too fast, and everything felt so damn scary.

He knew, deep down, that this was the truth. It only made sense that the Magda didn't wanna tell her son that his dad was an internationally targeted terrorist that's murdered dozens of people, and this kid had no reasons to lie about it. God... Erik didn't know how to feel, what he should do, but he did know that had a need to comfort Peter, who'd just confessed a secret he'd been hiding for who knows how long, and was now laying alone, probably feeling abandoned again, after pouring his heart out knowing full well it might be shot down.

Whether it was all intentional was yet to be seen. Again, fevers did weird shit.

Erik let out a low sigh and opened the door, finding Peter curled up on himself as best he could, softly whining, mumbling incoherently to himself. Erik stepped over and sat down on the bed again, the entire mattress dipping from his weight.

"I'm sorry, Peter. I am very happy you told me..." Erik was searching for the right words, "the truth."

" 'r welc'm" Peter mumbled as his puffy eyelids slid over his tired brown eyes.

"Is there anything you need me to do for you right now?"

"J'st... stay please. I-It's embarassin', I know, but I just... my mom used to do it..."

"Alright, Peter. I'm not gonna leave, so just try to sleep, okay?"

Peter didn't need to be told twice as his mind and body worked in harmony, finally allowing Peter to be lulled off to the realm of unconsciousness. And although he knew it wasn't necessary, Erik wished to add to the intimacy of this quiet moment, a type of moment so rare and inconstant in both of their lives, so he pushed himself up against the headboard, laying out flat on the bed, and carded his fingers into Peter's silky silver locks. And out of habit, maybe a sort of tendency he'd developed from doing it with Nina, or an obligation to share what he felt Peter deserved, he began to hum his family lullaby, ever so slowly and softly, drowning out any other thing the world wanted to toss at them. Because in that moment... Erik and Peter had found something they'd both been missing for so long, peacefulness and contentment. And for that short night, it was all they needed.

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sierrabinondo · 5 years

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woodland creatures tour - day 5 (jacksonville)

day 5 was the last day we would spend in florida. i was actually really enjoying it down here and would have loved to stay longer. when we were planning this run i really wanted to do all florida shows but we couldn’t afford the extra mileage that would add to our van rental and in hindsight i think that still going to the carolinas was a good move.

i’m so glad this next gig was so close though, because we could still enjoy our time in orlando for a little bit longer. apparently we needed to check out of the airbnb by 10 or the host would charge us $20 for every like 5 minutes we kept the cleaning ladies waiting outside. so we hauled ass and then decided on a breakfast spot for everyone to go to. i really didn’t want to go to a chain restaurant. after a little bit of searching i found keke’s breakfast cafe, which seemed like a local franchise. had good reviews and looked interesting so we took a chance. i think this was the first like meal we all sat down and had together all of tour. we talked about anime while we waited for our food to come. we ate probably the best breakfast all of tour. my omelette was pretty damn good. santino ordered pancakes and i’m pretty sure they were the fluffiest ones we’ve ever had.

if anyone knows me they know that i love food. once my mind is set on eating something i will literally not rest until i’ve had it. and for the entirety of our time in florida i DESPERATLEY WANTED ICE CREAM. i couldn’t find an ice cream spot on the other side of disney springs we ended up on after my lunch with eton and jeri so we left without ice cream. and i wanted ice cream really badly lmao. apparently, you can still go hang out at the disney resorts even if you don’t have a reservation. that was what all the disney blogs said. so i suggested a quick pit stop at the polynesian for dole whip before we hit the road for jacksonville. the guys were cool with it but it actually took much longer than it should have so it led to a chain of unfortunate events that i will divulge on later. at the time it was fine.

when i’ve stayed at disney i’ve only stayed at the port orleans resorts (which are BEAUTIFUL), and the last time was at a huge condo off the resort. the polynesian is one of the most expensive disney hotels you can stay at. we pull up and at first the security guard doesn’t let us in. i peered my head out the driver’s side window to let her know that we were here because we wanted dole whip lmao. i must have conveyed well enough that we aren’t a threat because she let us through. the resort is soooooo beautiful. and it was so nice out so it was nice to walk around. we had to walk quite a bit to get to the dole whip stand and luckily there wasn’t a wait.

i don’t understand why it was my first time finally having dole whip when it’s always been available to me every time i’ve gone to disney??? but holy shit it was so tasty. i got the pineapple/vanilla swirl. i would have gotten something more elaborate but i was still about to consume dairy the day of a show which is already risky for me haha. joe got a float, i tried a sip and it was so good. i think kris just got pineapple soft serve. it was such an amazing snack while we were sitting there in the heat. i felt pretty damn good.

we then left for jacksonville and what was supposed to be a 2 hour drive turned into 3. that tends to happen (normally we account for this) due to pee breaks and a stop or two for gas. we ended up arriving to the hotel waaaaaay later than we were supposed to, around 5 pm. i still needed to shower, run to walmart to get antacid medicine, and we STILL needed to eat. we needed to load in no later than 7 for the show. i started to get really anxious. i knew there was nothing i could do but i went into panic mode.

we check into the hotel, which actually seems OKAY at first. the girl at the counter is pleasant and complimenting me on my hair while she checks us in. but all i could think of was how fast i was going to throw down my bags and go pick up the tofu stir fry i ordered. i don’t get the luxury of just waiting until we get to the venue to eat because the sooner i eat the less likely my throat will be shitty when i have to sing. so i run to walmart to get my meds and then pick up my food. i went to walmart alone which was ill-advised. for the first time in ages i get cat-called. i know i was wearing shorts that made my non-existent butt look good but i walk around like that all the time and don’t get harassed, ever. the dude didn’t just say “what’s up”. he was like “ooooooOOOOOOOH hey girl what’s UPPPP that booty (yes he literally said ‘booty’) lookin FINE as HELL. what’s up??? how you doin??? what’s up??” like............would not shut up. i just looked down and sped inside the walmart, it looked like he was loading his bags into a car and i assumed he would be gone by the time i came back outside.

nope.

i called jeremiah for when the harassment continued lmao, i was just like “please stay on the phone with me until this is over, in case something happens to me.” i was livid. i go pick up the food while having a quick call to catch up with jeremiah and then i returned to the hotel. and i really thought the misery would end there. but i come back to the room to find out that there are BUGS ALL OVER THE FUCKING WALLS and PUBES IN THE SHOWER. i marched back to the concierge and told that girl in front of a family she had JUST checked in that our room had bugs and pubes. i felt bad for putting that on her but i was furious. she gets us a new room that is still pretty sketchy looking, but we do a check and it’s not in nearly as bad of shape as the other room.

i don’t even get time to shower, i just quickly rinse and shave. i didn’t even get to really do my makeup, i just like touched up whatever was on from this morning and inhaled my stir fry. at least the food was good. pulses. is hitting up the tour chat because they arrived before us (where’s the surprise lol) and they kept saying THERE WAS A DOG AT THE VENUE WHOSE NAME WAS ALSO SIERRA. so whereas this show seemed like it was going to be the least attended i was still pretty damn excited. they also said it was even smaller than will’s pub. i wondered how small they could mean, haha. but yeah. it was small! but! it was in a really cool little bar. there was a beautiful outdoor area with graffiti and the inside was definitely small but it’s not like we were bringing out 30 heads. it ended up working out fine. with the help of one of the locals named adult life, we moved the tables outside to allow for more room.

adult life kindly hopped on the show a few days prior when one of the locals bailed. they were a really tight, awesome punk band that sounded awesome. i did like this weird like nod or like verbal acknowledgement when i saw the vocalist outside warming up lmao it was something like “MY MAN” and i immediately regretted being a fucking weirdo hahahaha. they covered dog days by florence it was so cool. i really enjoyed their set. most importantly they drove alllll the way out from orlando to play with us on a work night which we all immensely appreciated. they were awesome to talk to and it was great to meet them.

while i believe like only 6 people came to this show, the jacksonville crowd was one of the highest quality audiences we played to. everyone was dancing and being really into both our sets, it was cool. i noticed they knew all the words to pulses. songs!!! i always think about how cool it is that if you can get one or two people to dig your music outside your friends circle, it just means that there are infinitely more people out there like them who would come through too, if they knew about your band.

little did i know that more weirdness was unraveling after our set. i notice some guy is chatting up my bandmates as they’re loading up the van. i was outside when he says “oh so i own a couple buildings in the area, this one across the street and two down the road (something like that). i have a couple of employees inside getting a drink, i’m just waiting for them.” ????????? so weird. there’s like a total of 5 people inside that weren’t there for the show, or already working for the bar, and there was no way they were with this guy. the math didn’t add up. but i bopped back inside to go watch the last band, digdog.

digdog ripped. they called themselves party prog and i absolutely back that statement. a really interesting mix of punk and prog music. not like new prog, but like rush and yes maybe??? whatever! they were great!!! really entertaining guys. super nice, too. my bandmates were still outside and i wanted them to come inside and watch so i was blowing up our van’s group chat. i shut off my internet cause my phone was dying and i figured they’d eventually come inside. after like ten minutes, only kris comes inside and no one else. i was like “??????” so my phone dies while we’re watching digdog. and after digdog finishes playing, we’re packing up merch, and my bandmates finally come back to explain to me that the reason why they stayed outside by the van is because that sketchy guy that was chatting them up was conspiring to rob us!!!!!! he started to ask them questions about where we were staying and where we were from. they didn’t want to leave our shit until the guy was gone. oh my god i didn’t even think of the possibility that someone might try to follow us back to the hotel and steal our gear. we’ve been sooo lucky, and we haven’t been robbed on tour. yet. lmao

all in all, jacksonville was definitely a good time but very weird. if we come back (and we would like to!) we will definitely be on our toes lmao.

oh. and we still found a roach in our room the next day. roaches are the devil i know (had them for years at the apartment in asbury) but that still sucks. don’t stay at the hospitality inn jacksonville!!!!!!!!!!

#woodland creatures tour

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emberprince · 5 years

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Answer ALL of those in the ask meme you reblogged (or just cocoa if you're a coward)

oh you have no idea how badly I wanted to do this already I was just waiting for the opportunity... and you have given it to me you FOOL! now I have a reason to continue procrastinating on my homework

lantern - how did you meet your best friend? What were your first impressions of each other?

‣ I had just joined my first ‘good’ RP guild on World of Warcraft. She was sitting in the same building as me when my character was interviewed. I thought she was very cool but also very intimidating... I wanted to be friends with her but I was also an IDIOT and very new to roleplay so I kind of hope she remembers little of that time... We sort of fell out of contact for like 5 years but I followed her deviantart account and always added her art to my favorites because it was very CUTE and GOOD... anyway by sheer coincidence we ended up in a guild together again after many years and got to know each other more and now I think I would die if my best friend was anyone else

frost - if you could give some advice to your younger self, what would you say?

‣ man, high school doesnt matter. literally nothing matters as much as you think it does. it’s OKAY. stop caring what people think of you because it’s only going to give you depression and no one likes that. it’s okay. trust me. just chill. skip school once in a while

maple - is there a hobby / skill that you’ve always wanted to try but never did?

‣ I’ve always wanted to learn sign language... I’ve also wanted to learn like, blacksmithing or woodworking but I’ve never had the opportunity or tools to do so :(

harvest - what fictional character do you most identify with? Why?

‣ normally I would list one of my OCs but that’s cheating. I’d have to say Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter, she seems the most like me. I’d LIKE to identify as a cool protagonist but I don’t have the protagonist personality

fireside - if you had your dream wardrobe, what would it look like?

‣ cloaks and cool leather jackets and long flowing coats that make me look cool as FUCK. also dresses with pockets PLEASE I just want a semi-casual dress with functioning POCKETS PLEASE also I would love to have some nice boots and leggings that are a little thicker and don’t show as much as the flimsy ones. Coats/leggings/boots are just nice. I like shirts that are flowy and breathable, kind of like tunics

cider - a food that you disliked as a child but now enjoy?

‣ onions, mustard, peppers, broccoli, guacamole. basically no one ever cooked them for me when I was a kid then I grew up and realized that cooked vegetables are delicious as FUCK

amber - share an unpopular opinion that you may have.

‣ I’m really tired of seeing all the anti-cop posts. My dad is a wildlife law enforcement officer and one of the best people I know, and this whole new view on police has made his job a lot more dangerous. I understand that some cops are horrible people but the majority of them are really kind and unique individuals once you get to know them. Most of them dedicated their entire career to helping others, even if it means getting into dangerous situations. you can unfollow me for this if you want

fog - how well do you think you’d do in a zombie apocalypse scenario?

‣ I wouldn’t die instantly because I’d immediately run into the wilderness and hide instead of raiding stores where the outbreak is literally happening, but I’m not great at living off the land so I’d probably eat something poisonous and die of a disease or starvation a couple weeks later. If I somehow found a good food source or had something to hunt with I’d be alright.

jack-o-lantern - if you could look like any celebrity, who would you choose?

‣ jameela jamil...

spice - have you ever encountered a house that you believed to be haunted?

‣ no

orchard - share one thing that you’d like to happen this autumn.

‣ I’d like to pass all my classes and maybe get A’s and B’s... I’d also like to just be happy for a little while. Maybe get the hell out of my dorm but I don’t think that’s likely to happen. Most other years I’d say ‘fall in love’ but I really just am not ready for that right now. OH wait I’d like to receive 1 million dollars please

crow - which school subject do you wish you had an aptitude for?

‣ CHEMISTRY. holy shit

bonfire - describe your dream house.

‣ a few minutes outside a town with everything I need like a grocery store, hospital, etc. A BIG spacious house in the middle of the woods near a waterfall with a rustic cabin design. Pine forest, one big window in the living room so I can look out at the mountains and watch it snow in the winter. Lots of comfortable furniture, a sectional couch, a big kitchen so I can do a lot of cooking and a big bedroom with a king sized bed. A jacuzzi. One room is like a giant playroom for Zuko with lots of perches and toys and ropes so he can just have the time of his life. My large bedroom also has a nice window with a view of the mountains and a windowseat in front of it. The living room has an electric fireplace. I have a couple guest rooms so I can host people and the basement has a bar where we can have little get-togethers.

cinnamon - if you had to live in a time period different than the present, which would you choose and where?

‣ idk I kind of like the present. we have all these nice things we don’t normally have. I’d say like 10-20 years into the future maybe but I have no idea what the world is going to be like then sooo... maybe not. I wouldn’t want to live without the internet and running water and all the comforts I have now, though

cobweb - (if you’ve graduated) do you miss high school?

‣ I... miss parts of it. I miss the drama club in the high school I went to before I transferred. I had a lot of great memories there and sometimes I wish I could go back. And I miss the friends I made there that I don’t really talk to anymore. I don’t miss ANYTHING about the school I actually graduated from, that place was hellllllllllllll

cranberry - what’s one physical feature that you get complimented on?

‣ I think... hair? Usually when I get compliments it’s just general about my appearance but I think I’ve heard hair mentioned before

maize - share the weirdest encounter you’ve had with a stranger on the street.

‣ I haven’t really had street encounters since I don’t talk to anyone when I’m walking, but I have a few wild stories from when I worked at mcdonalds. One person came through the drive thru with 2 monkeys that tried to climb into the restaurant. Another person raved to me about how Google was taking over the world (they were right). Another person pulled up and I was about to hand them their food and the conversation went like this:

him: [grinning at me] you see the person in the line behind me?

me: yeah haha why? [hands him his food]

him: she looks like madam mim from the sword in the stone [laughs and drives away]

there are truly some cryptids out there.

quilt - how do you take your tea (or coffee)?

‣ I like iced tea in the summer and hot tea in the winter. With coffee, I prefer frappes in the summer and in the winter I drink a lot of mochas or regular coffee with just. so much creamer

pumpkin - do you think that humans are inherently good or bad?

‣ I think humans are inherently good, or at least neutral. We’re very social animals and for society to survive we have to be kind to one another so that we stick around, I think. Bad behavior seems to be learned.

moonlit - are you a neat or messy person? Is your room / house orderly?

‣ I am... neutral. I used to be VERY messy but now I’m mostly clean. My own area can get a little disorganized but I never encroach on anyone else’s space.

flannel - have you ever gone on a bad date?

‣ One. I met up with this guy and he talked about himself the entire time. Other dates have been pretty neutral, I wouldn’t say I’ve had many ‘good’ dates either.

cocoa - if you could have any type of hair, what colour and cut would you have?

‣ I used to want really long red anime hair, and I still kind of want that. I haven’t dyed my hair in a while because I want to see what my natural color looks like before I dye it again. Lately I’ve considered cutting it to shoulder-length but I think I probably won’t. I like red hair (dark red, not the natural red) but I’ve always REALLY wanted to try silver hair. If I couldn’t do silver, I’d do rose gold. For those colors I have to get it professionally dyed though, and I’m really cheap... so if I can’t walmart dye it, it’s gonna be a while until I get what I want.

ghost - is there someone that you miss having in your life?

‣ I guess my cat and bird are still in my life, but I can’t have them in my dorm, and that sucks. I miss a few of my old friends, but not that much because I have better friends now. It’s really weird not having my grandpa around anymore. He wasn’t a great person but I’ve never gone to a family gathering without him. I think that’s going to be weird to get used to. I wish I had a supportive significant other that I just click with but usually my luck is awful with relationships so I’m not going to try anything like that for a while.

#answered #wow oversharing time #THANK YOU FOR THE ASK #adven-t

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mrskylerreviews-blog · 5 years

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POPPY - AM I A GIRL? (Album Review)

Only a year after the release of her debut album Poppy.Computer, the singer and ever-growing internet personality Poppy has returned with her second musical effort, titled Am I A Girl? This sophomore record sees our favorite android widening her range in lyrical content and production quality, offering a more polished and extensive view at the world through her sweet, robotic eyes. While her director Titanic Sinclair still had a hand in some of the songs on this album, there are also major collaborations with producers Diplo (owner of the label Poppy is signed to, Mad Decent) and Fernando Garibay (responsible for Lady Gaga’s ‘‘Alejandro’’ back in 2009).

Am I A Girl? further progresses the narrative of the Poppy character, after the first album basically introduced who she was to the world, and commentated on the presence of technology and the internet in our modern society. This time, Poppy takes us on a more personal ride, as she begins questioning everything about her surroundings, from the reason of her existence on this world, to the fate that might await humanity due to pollution that we have caused ourselves. The first half of the record, though, is focused more on Poppy’s love for fashion, and a sassier and much firmer confidence that reassures the growth of the character. She isn’t a follower of what ‘‘They’’ want anymore. Poppy knows what she’s capable of and even though this album is based on a question that could define her entire life, it also presents her with answers that she may have been asking herself since she first started appearing on Youtube back in 2014.

1. In A Minute: a solid opener for the album, this track shows a great combination of the material Poppy is known for, and a big step towards this new polished path she will be taking us on. With lyrics such as ‘‘I used to be free willing / Now I got work to do’’, we are presented head-on with the aforementioned confidence and sense of individuality that is to become the running theme throughout the record. Overall, In A Minute works perfect as an introduction to Am I A Girl?

2. Fashion After All: although the theme of sass and confidence tried real hard to stretch enough for several songs on the album, Fashion After All feels a bit overdone and very easy to skip. While sing-talking about how she’s mother to many and the fact that she is relatable yet scary, the electropop production doesn’t really do its job of grasping the listener, as it sounds not too exciting or like something we haven’t heard before, and the lyrics can get tiring quick.

3. Iconic: this track attempts a go with the inspiring and ‘‘even if you’re weird, you’re still so cool’’ concept that isn’t at all new for female pop singers. While the lyrics aren’t necessarily the most original and groundbreaking piece of handcrafted artistry, they succeed in delivering an uplifting and feel-good vibe to the listener, with the production matching the joyous energy that is supposed to carry the message. Poppy’s vocals also shift from low tones in the pre-chorus that we haven’t really heard from her before, to sweet and colorful falsettos that we all know and love.

4. Chic Chick: this track feels like what Fashion After All should have been, and it is honestly a bit surprising that both of them made it on the album. Chic Chick is a punch to the face, with Poppy making it very clear that she’s here to do her business, she is classy yet a handful, and there is nothing you can do about it. Being the only song on the project to have an Explicit warning with the line ‘‘I’m a chic chick / If you don’t like it, suck my d*ck’’, the aggressiveness and the unapologetic tone of this track steers the album towards the right path. The synth guitar solo felt like a very nice touch for adding a bit of edge to the track, as it also suffers a bit of weakness with the electropop production.

5. Time Is Up: being the lead single of the album, Time Is Up gave us our first glance of what Am I A Girl? was going to be, and we can all agree that the raise in production quality and 80s synth sound that Diplo gave us threw us all for a loop. Not only that, but the lyrics, which narrate Poppy’s perspective of waking up in a factory then realizing mankind is destroying their own home, truly solidify the strength of this track. She is telling us that all we really have achieved during our time on Earth is pollution, overpopulation and causing sickness to the planet, and that once we go extinct due to our irresponsibility, her android body will stay here to witness the aftermath of the mess we made. Time Is Up does an astounding job of delivering a very serious message, while doing so with a sound that is sure to capture the interest of mainstream music listeners.

6. Aristocrat: this track makes me feel the most reminiscent of Poppy’s work from the Bubblebath EP back in 2016. Produced by Fernando Garibay, Aristocrat is a very theatrical and dramatic telling of how Poppy infiltrated a party in what feels like the late 1700s France, easily capturing the attention of all those who are royal due to her dancing abilities, without realizing that, as she puts it, she ‘‘got there from the gutter.’’ The track is fresh and new for what Poppy usually puts out, while somehow still giving a nod to her earlier musical efforts. Definitely one of the strongest in the album.

7. Hard Feelings: this is where we start getting that personal inside look on Poppy’s life, and where she becomes more vulnerable with the questions she’s asking about herself, like why she’s falling so hard for her creator if she wasn’t meant to be capable of feeling in the first place. The track opens with some lines in French, asking somebody what they want from her. We see more of the vulnerability when in the pre-chorus she asks ‘‘Am I a replica of someone that you loved? / Someone you made me to replace?’’ Then we get a very interesting touch of heavy rock guitars smoothly blending into the track after the chorus, which reappear with just a bit more intensity during the bridge, without necessarily overpowering the song or ruining the soft honesty the song is meant to portray. Overall, Hard Feelings does its task of presenting Poppy as someone who has more worries than just being chic, and also subtly opens for the surprises that are to come later in the album.

8. Girls In Bikinis: this track leans more to the failing side of the album, as it feels somewhat unnecessary and honestly quite boring. Sounding like something that would perhaps gain more attention in the late 90s if it were released by any other female phenomenon of pop, the only redeeming quality that Girls In Bikinis might just carry is the bisexual hinting Poppy throws throughout the song. Other than that, it quite frankly sounds nothing like a track we should be getting from her, even if this album is all about expanding and experimenting with sounds.

9. The Rapture Ball: this is another track that also falls a bit weak, especially with its lyrics. Poppy sings about going to a party and seeing everybody arrive in limousines and dance in gowns, but really she just fails at actually creating a good enough atmosphere for this grand ball that we’re supposed to be intrigued by. Perhaps the line where she states that she never got to go to her prom were meant to give it a more personal touch, but the overall content still feels like it only scratched the surface of its potential. The song in its entirety seems to rely mostly on the one line ‘‘This is the best bang since the big one’’, almost like it’s supposed to be so clever and iconic that we’ll want to sing it over and over and just forget how lacking the end result of everything really is.

10. Am I A Girl?: Picking up once again after the disappointment of the last two songs is the title track, Am I A Girl?, where Poppy urges the listener to please not try to resolve or define her as either male or female, because she is having a hard time even knowing what it truly means to be either of those. It is a very nice track to hear, starting with the pop sound that we got on the first half of the album, and then hitting us with a hard rock that blends perfectly with the frustration of the message. Poppy is basically declaring war against gender roles and the definition of gender itself, something refreshing to hear for people like me in the LGBT community.

11. Play Destroy feat. Grimes: this is where things get intense. First off, I simply could not imagine a world where this song would sound any good without Grimes in it. Poppy does add her own edge, and the combination of both these artists’ weirdness is just grand. Grimes is what makes the song though, which is not at all a bad thing. We hear these girls so sweetly announce that they are going to drop a match into a gas tank and burn down the local Walmart, all alongside a heavy rock production, and it’s nearly impossible to not allow them to do so. Then in the bridge Grimes says that she’s dying, with Poppy simply replying ‘‘It’s a Hollywood moment!’’, making fun of the way people there see anything that happens to celebrities as the newest gossip or article for their cheap magazine. In the end, Play Destroy is an absolute masterpiece that truly displays Poppy’s behavioral battle with herself and discovering if she really is the sweet angel she thought she was on her first album.

12. X: Closing the album is the song that all previous rock attempts were really building up for. Continuing with the theme of going back and forth between wanting peace or wishing to see chaos and destruction in the world, this track goes for a less subtle approach (and it’s perfect). It begins with very heavy guitar, then quickly shifting into a melodic sunshine pop a la Beatles, with Poppy saying she wishes to empty the bullets out of all the guns in the world. But the calm does not last long before we go back into the metal, where we get lines like ‘‘Please get me bloody / You can get down on your knees if you’re naughty’’. A third sudden genre kicks in, this time (believe it or not), it being trap music. The track continues aggressively going back and forth, switching between all these sounds, but cleverly enough as not to get boring or overwhelming. It is definitely new and exciting to see Poppy go and attempt something so out of what she usually gives her fans, and it really could have gone either really well or horribly wrong. Luckily for her (and us), it was the former.

Am I A Girl? is an album that somehow is better when it gets out of the comfort zone of what we know Poppy for, with very nice vocals and a brave refusal to stick to only one genre. It contains very high replay value and it allows Poppy to show fans a new, edgier side that Poppy.Computer might have restrained her from. Hopefully in the future, she continues to explore and experiment in ways that keep being entertaining and interesting.

RATING: 7/10

Favorite songs: Chic Chick, Aristocrat, Time Is Up, Play Destroy, X

Least favorite songs: Fashion After All, Girls In Bikinis, The Rapture Ball

#poppy #i'm poppy #am i a girl?#album #mad decent #diplo #titanic sinclair #music #reviews #music reviews #album reviews #time is up #moriah pereira #corey mixter

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theletterwsarseflap · 6 years

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this birthday is gonna suck.

usually i go to a con around this time of year and my birthday is either prepping for, being at, or coming off of a con but nah

gotta be stuck in shithole “you need at least $1000 just to leave the town” terrace and despite my best efforts, i’ve barely even saved that (between $100 from each cheque and never spending my tips... maybe $800 as that doubles for emergency or whatever. sometimes i buy myself nice things but it’s not unless i’ve got at least double the item’s worth stashed away :/)

our airport is stupid and pilots don’t like flying here, so every flight must go through vancouver, making them generally a minimum of $300, starting, roughly $500 for round trips, generally. ferry is a joke, that’s easily $400-$600 before you even factor in eating on the damn thing (22 hour trip if memory serves me right), plus you have to pay for ANOTHER one just to get back on the mainland, as it actually goes from prince rupert to port moody or hardy or whatever the fuck it’s called which then you have to find transportation to nanaimo to get on the ferry back to the mainland. chances are you’ll arrive at some ungodly hour in the morning or evening and have to find a hotel or something... also this ferry only leaves twice a week

train is a joke, 5 days to make the same distance and any money you save will be taken up by the mandatory 2 day layover in jasper

greyhound/bus service no longer exists here

and my car well, it struggles to go 130, the wheels seem to be held on by a prayer considering the metal pop that sometimes occurs on corners, and it hasn’t had a muffler/exhaust system since december. it’s loud enough going up hills for 2 minutes, even the 20 minute drive out to the lake is deafening

following that, getting time off now is basically forbidden seeing as i’m stuck in minimum wage jobs that fall apart the moment one person leaves for this town’s stupid holiday weekend

i’ve applied to so many jobs and not a single fucking one has even said i’m a promising candidate. it’s either radio silence or “you’re not qualified for this position/we want someone with more experience”

i’m so fucking sick of writing cover letter after cover letter after cover letter just for it to be for nothing

and i’m sick of this god forsaken dead end town

i’ve lived here most of my life and hated every day of it

it’s pretty, and that’s all it has going for it. i’m not a small town person. i never have been. even as a kid i just wanted to travel to/live in bigger towns and cities. they just seemed right, they seemed like home.

this is not home. terrace more feels like where i’d go to die if i had a terminal illness because hey, i guess it’s nice to look at.

also i’m allergic to it, so that’s nice. [ grass + weeds + pollen + trees + dust ]

convention season was the one thing i always looked forward to and now it’s just me internally crying because my life has gone to such fucking garbage

maybe you should just change your outlook!!!! fuck off, i’ve tried to like it here and i don’t. i just fucking do not and no amount of me plastering a fake smile on my stupid face is going to change that

go outside! get some exercise! i walk anywhere from 3 - 8km a day. more exercise isn’t going to make me hate this town less. also i know like 3 people who live here and my schedule sucks ass for actually meeting up with people due to all my evenings being taken. not that anything except for maybe dennys (which isn’t even 24 hours here), walmart, and mcdongers is open after 6 pm anyway (i hate bar/alcohol culture so that’s out of the question)

the one thing i looked forward to because i could actually have fun and meet interesting people and see cool things is gone this year, and i’ve realized this since june when nothing was FUCKING changing other than me going to therapy(since april) and becoming more in touch with how this garbage dump pisses me off rather than being emotionally void

also i’m gonna be working all day on my birthday anyway because time off during the first 2 weekends of august is Illegal due to rivershit days + food service job (because again, nothing i’ve applied to, not even fucking starbucks will even so much as give me the time of day)

with any luck i’ll be able to crap together a decent demo reel and get the fuck out of here for good.

hooray for me... and fuck you

tl;dr: terrace sucks and i get to do nothing this year for my birthday

#useless text post #big long fucking rant because i'm pissed off and have been for months

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hideyholejournal · 3 years

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Journal Entry #2

August, 8, 2021

***Warning**** Discusions of s*xual ab*se and S*islide****

I want to scream.

For the last few weeks I’ve been trying so hard to get back into my regular healthy habits- like writing in my journal- but I can’t seem to do it. I don’t understand why it’s so difficult to go to bed at a regular time or meditate for a few minutes but everything seems to be sucking my energy so much.

I’m trying not to be hard on myself and allow grace for bad weeks, something I was working on with Hanna, my counselor (FNFP). But it’s so hard to be kind when everything... hurts?? That’s not the right word but I don’t know any other way to describe it. Everything just hurts and the worst part is that I don’t know why!

Maybe writing here will help me? I really hope it does because this sucks.

My best friend moved in with me at the beginning of the month and two days before she moving day I got into a spat with my... bio Dad.

The fight started as many of our fights do, a stupid comment that fucker (Dad) wouldn’t let go of. we went grocery shopping and, as it has been since I was ten, I was the one left to actually do the actual shopping portion of grocery shopping.

It’s the first time we’ve been able to do actual grocery shopping since Christmas and Dan’s lost fight to stomach cancer that had us moving to our current place. Why mutli-billion dollar corporations need to impose such harsh contract and lease breaking fines even in the face of unexpected death I’ll never understand.

(Note for context- Assuming that for some reason someone is reading this-: Dan found out he had stomach cancer in October, by November he was a living skeleton and when January hit he was dead- Karma’s a bitch and no I am not incredibly bitter about all the ways the only other man I trusted hurt and betrayed me)

Anyway, the near half year of scrambling for a little extra funds and living off other peoples kindness- Thank the Gods for Hanna (FNFP) and her hampers, no idea how we would have made it without that- Had made me extremely conscious of prices. I was going through the store with a calculator and adding and rounding up by a dollar for everything I put in the cart while keeping an eye out for any sales. I was stressing.

Despite my best efforts the bill still came up to nearly 300. I don’t remember the exact price but it doesn’t matter. On our way out Dad made a comment about it. Now, he makes the same comment about how pricey things are every time we go to the store and on my best days they make me feel guilty and grumpy but this was not my best day.

It would have been fine if I knew that I could just turn to dad and say “Hey, I know you don’t mean to upset me but it makes me feel really badly when you make those comments because I really tried hard to find the least pricey things I could.” and then we could have a discussion about it but if I had said that he would have just yelled at me to not take things so personally and that if I can’t learn how to take a joke I could start paying rent (Despite me not having a job yet due to covid and the economy in general) then he’d go the guilt route and whine about how he was just a terrible parent and a shit person in general with a nice whopping dollop of “You’re the smart one so you need to fix this.”

It’s exhausting, so instead I got angry and said “Well, if you don’t like it then you can do the grocery shopping and we’ll see how well you do” Do I regret it? A little, but not enough that I would take it back so we continued to quietly get out of Walmart and put the food in the car.

Here’s the thing about my family; we don’t talk. If you had a fight or said something nasty then you better stiff upper lip it and forget about what was and wasn’t said or you’ll be in for a long lecture about letting things go and not being dramatic.

So we don’t talk about and just go to A and W for food. Dad had woken me up that morning, said we were going shopping and used food to keep as a bonus- I honestly didn't want food but Dad makes a big deal out of it if I refuse food or treats so...-

Then I saw a crow.

I saw it out my window and pinched off a bit of bun to throw on the ground near it and Dad said not to feed it because they’re stupid trash animals. This actually really excited me because I’ve researched a lot about crows and blue jays so I was really happy to share this information. So I try to say “Actually, Crows are really smart. They’re members of the corvid family which is known as the smartest bird family” and tell him all about how they can imitate human words and sounds, are know to use tools, hold funerals for their dead and can recognize human faces among other things.

Unfortunately, Dad was very uninterested in hearing any of this and kept interrupting me to say that they were dumb and gross because they dug through the trash for food. He refused to hear about any of the things I had researched and just kept repeating the same things and interrupting me. I was annoyed to begin with but now I was starting to feel hurt. As a result I was near yelling to try and be heard, while progressively getting more agitated.

Finally, Dad snaps at me about how he can’t say anything to me without me getting pissed off- An extremely common complaint- and brings up my comment in the store. I explained why I was upset and he said something about how he always say’s things like that so I should be used to it and I was just too tired to try and unpack that so I switched to the original thing he said. I told him that the reason I’m always so irritated with him is because he keeps doing things that I told him are an issue.

This is one of my very common complaints, Dad insists every time I bring up an issue that he’s listened to me and he’ll stop but when I month or two goes by and nothings changed he accuses me of calling him a liar when I bring it up again.

It’s just so much easier to just get angry because then, at least, he leaves me alone for a bit. He’s exhausting and I’m always at my worst when I’m with him.

At some point during the fight he starts going on about how everything to us kids is abuse now and nothing is good for us. I don’t know what came over me but I yelled “You’re going to say that after what you did” when he asked what he did I said that he s*xually ab*sed me.

I... honestly thought he would deny it. I thought he would try to gaslight me or.. defend himself? Something. Instead he just... told me that I needed to stop bringing up the past? I... I just, now that I’m out of the situation I’m realizing how wild that response is and I kind of don’t know how to move on from it? So I guess I’ll just continue...

So in the moment I was just ear steaming angry by that response but Dad just moves right on to his usual paying rent and taking my phone spiel and for a moment I’m so angry that I’m calm and I just say that I’m going to live with mom since she knows about what he did.

Finally, we make it home and I storm over to the door so I can get my pre-packed escape plan bags. Dad yells over “Aren’t you going to help with the groceries” and I yell back that it’s not my problem anymore.

By the time he’s done carrying in groceries I have my bags stacked by the door and he’s demanding to know where I’ll go, that I give him my keys and phone because I don’t get to takes those, I tell him that both are on the counter an continue. My next problem is that he’s standing in the doorway. I’m not sure if he’s going to try and block me from leaving- He has many-a-time in the past- so I shoulder check past him to keep him from doing so.

He follows me down the front path and asks me where I’m going and if we can just talk about this and to come back inside because he doesn’t want me on the streets. As he’s saying these things I’m realizing that I honestly don’t have a plan that is likely to work out long-term.

My general idea was to just get to my grandpas and call my mom from there and she could hopefully come down to pick me up sometime that week- She lives in a neighboring city- then I’d go live with her until I’d found a job and place to stay. Unfortunately, that wasn’t likely to work out because my mom and I... have heaps of issues and have never managed to have a visit lasting more then two days were we haven’t fought at all. Plus, my mom has struggled with alcohol dependence and a gambling addiction since before I was born... she’s not exactly a stable safe place.

Shelters are an option but... that’s a completely unmown variable.

So... I decide, better the devil you know and tell dad that “I don’t want to have to tell people that I’ve s*cked my dads d!ck, it isn’t in the past for me! What you did hurt me and I have to live with the consequences for the rest of my life.”

He looks genuinely guilty in the face of my words so I agree to go back in and talk.

The talk was extremely unsatisfying. Dad just went on about how he was sorry, that he’d do anything for me and give me all his money. He went on about how he was horrible and everything was his fault- his exact words- and how he felt guilty about how he didn’t make enough money to take care of me and how embarrassed he was by this. The only good thing he said was that he would do everything he could to help me move out. ( By encouraging me to take everything he owned beside the bare minimum he needed to survive)

When I said that wasn’t enough to make up for what he did he demanded to know what I wanted. When I said that I wanted him to take responsibility he interrupted me to demand to know how he would do this. Just remembering this is making me tired.

I couldn’t come up with anything at the moment and he kept insisting that he’d said sorry and that’s all he could do so...

Oh! At on point he tried to convince me to either beat him or stab him. I rolled my eyes and said that he wasn’t worth going to prison for. He tried to insist that he would lie to the cops. Then he proceeded to go on a tangent about how I shoved past him and said mean things and that it felt like it was “Abuse Dad Time”

He followed up his pity party by saying that when I left he would probably k*!! himself. I said that after what he did I didn’t care- note; The d!ck s*cking was by NO means the only time he encouraged me to touch him inappropriately, or even showed me extremely inappropriate things it was just one of the bigger no no’s that happened- he threw his his hands up and said “See you don’t care!” as if I was the bad guy??

Anyway, we ended by agreeing that I would live here until I could actually move and that he didn’t get to complain about me being distant anymore.

There was more I wanted to add but it’s now three in the morning and I do want some sleep.

Bye

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