#I heard an audio but I do in fact have the book because I’m a messy bitch who loves drama

[bottomvalerius]

I’m in absolute tears, some of the shit in Prince Harry’s little bio is SOOOO OUT OF POCKEETT DJSJSKDKDKKD ????!!!!

#rambling #SMACKED MY RUMP ON THE WAY OHT LIKE SIR ??? #WHATS YOUR AO3 USERNAME BECAUSE THATS WHERE YOU GOT YOUR WRITING DEGREE #I heard an audio but I do in fact have the book because I’m a messy bitch who loves drama #I should do a live tweet reading it #sir I thought you were going to be talking about structural racism and your dead mom NOT THIIISSS

[ethanmorales]

Misconceptions

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Part 4 - Air

Pairing: Ethan Morales x fem reader 4.1k words Requested Tags: @arij3lly@hitoshislut@bjrmaybank@ghostfaceorgirlfriend @in-silverlake @misacc08 Warnings: swearing, smut

It's the beginning of a brand-new school year at Sherman Oaks high. The last year for some of us; me included. But the start of my senior year, ironically, is not the reason my legs are wobbly. Nope, that was all because of Ethan, who had knocked on my window for a late-night visit about 6 hours ago. There were a few things he wanted to try so… let’s just say, it was a good thing my mom had the night shift at the hospital.

It’s only been a week since our first time. Only a week since he admitted having feelings for me. Unfortunately, we didn’t discuss the matter further. My mom had gotten home after his confession, and he practically had to take his clothes and run out the back door before we got caught. We’ve met almost every day since, but we haven’t talked about us. We kiss a lot and of course we have sex, sometimes we even cuddle, and we talk about our days, but we never talk about what we are to each other and at this point, I’m afraid to ask.

I loved every second of the time we’ve spent together. But now that school has started again, I’m afraid. Afraid that things will go back to how they used to be. Afraid that a new girl will catch his attention. I know it makes no sense, after he confessed to having feelings for me, but the heart is a treacherous thing. You can never trust it. I most certainly don’t trust mine. It always makes me feel crazy most times. Or maybe it’s my mind that’s the problem.

It doesn’t help that it’s almost time for first period and I’ve not heard from Ethan yet. He usually texts me as soon as he wakes up. Today? Nada. I even texted him first, but he left me on read.  So, I’m spiraling, just a little bit. I think I’m entitled to in this situation.

I glance around the hallway one more time as the bell rings. I don’t see him anywhere. At that moment, Devi links her arm around mine. “That was the bell ringing just now,” she said, pointing a finger in the air.

I ignored the sarcasm but let her steer me away to our first class.

“I was expecting some witty remark,” she said, when I didn’t reply.

I force myself to smile, “Sorry, head in the clouds today.”

“It’s okay, girl. The first day of school sucks. My sleeping schedule is so messed up from a summer full of all-nighters.”

I quirk an eyebrow at this, “Do these all-nighters have a name?”

Devi shakes her head furiously, “Nope. No name at all.” I pretended to believe her as our teacher walked in the door, closing it behind him. I look back to Ethan’s desk but it’s empty. I hide my phone under the desk and shoot him a quick text.

Skipping on the first day? That’s bad, even for you.

Devi smacks the top of my desk, eyes wide. I glance to the front of the classroom and see the teacher is staring right at me. “Sorry, Mr. Shapiro.”

He sighs, “You guys are lucky I am the coolest teacher ever,” he continues before anyone can respond. “Raise of hands if you completed your summer reading,” pauses, “Yes, the audio book counts. No, the movie does not.”

The rest of the class was a blur. A glance at my phone confirmed that Ethan hadn’t responded. The anxiety in my chest continued to grow as time continued to pass. At lunchtime I still hadn’t heard from him. At this point, I was angry.

Fuming, I stomped all the way to my locker, putting away my books and backpack for the hour. As I’m closing the door, Dominic Stryker leans against the locker next to mine. Dominic was an exchange student that started late last semester. Everyone was surprisingly welcoming to him, but that might have something to do with the fact that he’s hot. Mind you, I only have eyes for Ethan but if I didn’t, the windswept blond hair and bright blue eyes would do it for me.

But Ethan was very much the only person that I wanted, so Dominic’s presence only served to irritate me more.

“Yes?” I asked when he just stared at me, sweeping his hair back with his hand.

Unfazed by my tone, he smiles warmly at me, “Say, have you seen Ethan anywhere? He hasn’t been in any of our classes.”

I frown at this, “Of all the people you could ask, why would I know where he is?”

Dominic shrugs, “I just got a vibe last time, like you were into him or something.”

I huffed. “I am definitely not into him.” I say it louder than I intend to, and some people slow down to look at us. He waves at them, and they quickly carry on with their business.

“My bad,” he says, looking back at me, smiling wider, “Just a misunderstanding.”

I sigh, once I realize that I’m being snappy and rude. “I’m sorry. It’s not been a great morning, I’m a little on edge. There’s no excuse for taking it out on you.”

Dominic slides over the lockers a bit, cutting some of the distance between us; then lowers his voice.

“I forgive you,” he says, “but I might have to seek compensation for the emotional damage.”

I roll my eyes, but a smile does tug at my lips. “Whatever. I’ll buy you a soda. Is that compensation enough?”

He laughs and shakes his head. “How about a meal? After school?”

I suddenly realized that he was asking about Ethan to make sure he could make his move. And I basically gave him the opening. Horrified, I struggle to respond.

“I- uh

“She’s busy after school.” The voice was very close behind me. I turned around so quickly that I bumped into his chest.

“Ethan.” Even at my addressing him, he didn’t look at me. His eyes were fixed on Dominic. For the moment, I ceased to exist.

“I think Y/N can decide if she’s busy or not,” Dominic says, standing up straighter to look down at Ethan. But Ethan seems unfazed.

“I think you need to keep walking before I lose my patience.” Ethan’s words were calm, but I knew him well enough to know this was the calm before the storm. I’ve seen him fight before; Dominic did not stand a chance if it turned into that.

“Guys, please. Just stop. If you get detention this week, they won’t let you come to homecoming.” I was trying to be the voice of reason, but my reasoning was lacking in many ways. My audience could care less about homecoming, for one.

“I’m still waiting for a response, “Dominic says, ignoring my previous statement. “Food after school? I know a cool spot.”

Ethan pulls me to the side so that he can face Dominic without me being in the middle.

“I already told you that she’s busy.” Ethan’s voice was not as calm as before. His hands were balled into fists. I knew I had to stop this now or it would turn into a fight.

“I got a lot going on right now, sorry Dominic.” My words come out quick.

Ethan smiled at this, motioning towards me. “You heard her. Now go find someone else to hit on.”

Dominic’s expression was deadly as he stared back at Ethan, but then his gaze turned to me.

“I thought you were definitely not into him,” he said it in a mocking tone, air quotations in the air. I didn’t know what to say that could make this better, so I just looked at him with what I hoped looked like a silent apology.  He just shook his head in disbelief as he pushed past us, finally leaving us alone.  

Even with his departure, Ethan stays in place, still not looking at me.

“Ethan?” I finally say.

I jump in surprise as he slams his fist on the locker door and I see the metal bend.

“Oh my God,” I grab his arm and pull him away before anyone sees what he did. I haul him through the hallway and take a left, this part of school is empty during lunch time. I find the nearest door and push him through it. I lock the door behind us and turn around. It’s the faculty bathroom, I realize.

“Are you insane? Do you know how much trouble you could get into for damaging school property? You don’t need a vandalism strike on your records.”

He finally turns to face me, but the expression on his face is even angrier than before.

“What the fuck do I care about that?” he replies. Before I can start listing the reasons why he should care, he continues, “What the fuck was that shit about?” He points to the door, but I know he is talking about Dominic. I stay quiet for a moment, not sure how to proceed. I had never seen him this angry. Ever. But at the same time, screw him. I was angry at him myself.

“I should be the one asking you, what the fuck was that? I’ve been looking for you all morning and texting you and nothing. You ghost me and then have the audacity to throw a jealous scene over some guy asking me out?!” The volume of my voice rose with each word.

 I half expected Ethan to throw more angry words at me, or to yell back at me, but it was the opposite. His voice low, he responds. “I dropped my phone in the toilet this morning.”

I stare, waiting for the punchline but he doesn’t say anything else.

“You dropped your phone in the toilet,” I repeat, not sure if I believed it.

Ethan let out an annoyed breath, “I was going to respond to your text, and I dropped it. If you texted after the first one that I read, I haven’t seen them. I left my phone in a bowl of rice.”

I scoff, “Your phone is waterproof.”

Ethan gives me a pointed look, “Not if you leave it in water for a long time, apparently.”

“Why would you leave it in there at all?”

Silence.

“Ethan, I am trying to give you the chance to explain.”

He mumbled something under his breath.

I take a step closer to hear him better. “What was that?”

Ethan shakes his head. “My parents were fighting again.”

“Oh.” Is all I can say.

Ethan laughs, but the sound is bitter.

“Yeah. So, I’m sorry I couldn’t get back to you then. But you letting this dick hit on you while I’m dealing with that shit. Fuck that.”

I suddenly felt terrible, even though I didn’t know what was happening until he explained. We kept ending up in this situation, always with a misunderstanding. But I knew the only reason this kept happening is because our communication was shit. Because I didn’t know where we stood.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize he was hitting on me until it was too late.” I finally say.

Ethan scoffs – not amused.

“What are we?” I finally ask, exasperated. As soon as the words spill out of my mouth, I regret them. This was the last thing Ethan would want to talk about with everything going on.

Ethan just stares at me. Looking beautiful and tortured.

“Sorry. Forget I said anything,” my voice trembles and I hate it.

Ethan steps closer. “Are you serious?”

I meet his gaze, but I can’t decipher the emotion in his eye.

“I said forget about it!” I start turning to leave, embarrassed at my outburst. Ethan just pulls me into him and kisses me. I’m too stunned to respond to his kiss, which seems to upset Ethan more as he pushes me into the bathroom sink, kissing me more aggressively. I give in and kiss him back. His tongue quickly starts a tug of war with mine as he deepens the kiss. After a moment of this, I can’t remember what we were arguing about in the first place. All I can think about is the way his mouth moves with mine, effortlessly. His hands on my waist, then lower, cupping my butt. I pull away for a moment, “It’s the teacher’s bathroom,” I said, my voice breathless.

“I don’t give a fuck,” is all he says, as he kisses me once more, then stops, “You asked me a question. I’m making my point.” I try to remember what the question was but then we’re back at it and I forget to remember.

Ethan plops me on top of the sink as we continue kissing. I feel one of his hands on my thigh and then moving slowly up under my skirt.

“Fuck.” He groans against my lips. I smile, knowing that he has realized I’m not wearing underwear.

“This better have been for me and not for that asshole,” he says as his fingers caress my opening.

I look at him, annoyed. Smack him in the chest. “Do you really think I care about Dominic?”

Ethan holds my gaze steadily and my heart flutters. Stupid body. Why do you have to react in the most annoying ways at the worst possible times. Who cares about his beautiful caramel skin and beautiful brown eyes. He is a jerk.

“I hope not.” He finally says.

“What?”

“I hope you don’t care about him. I hope you only care about me.”

My heart speeds up. “I don’t care about him or any other guy.” I start to tell him that he was the only one I care about, but I don’t get a chance to tell him. In that moment, he slips a finger inside of me and I gasp in surprise. Ethan holds my gaze as he slips a second finger in. I let out a shaky breath as he starts moving in and out.

“I’m the only guy who’s allowed to do this, do you understand?” His tone was a mixture of anger and lust. I was holding on to his arms for dear life as he pumped his fingers in and out of me, then he presses on my clitoris with both fingers, which makes me moan involuntarily. I claw my nails into his arms to keep myself together.

“Do you understand?” he asks again. Fighting the ache building up inside me and breathing heavier by the second, I nod.

His fingers stop moving suddenly, leaving with their absence, a vengeful kind of coldness and I whine in protest. “Ethannn”

“Say it.” He demands. I frown at him, annoyed.

“Fine. You’re the only one who is allowed to do this.”

He smirks. “Yeah, I am.”

I think of an insult to throw at him but never get to say it. At my saying what he wants to hear, Ethan’s hands spread my legs apart and he kneels, his head disappearing under my skirt. Still, I’m not prepared for the attack from his tongue.

Ethan’s POV

I’m not proud at how I reacted about that dick hitting on her, but when I walked over and heard him flirting with her and then asking her out…  It felt like I was set on fire by some supernatural being. It took all of me not to pummel him right there. The nerve on this fucker; to ask my girl out. But what really fucked me up is that she didn’t immediately reject him. That felt like a stab to the heart. I wanted to burn the whole damn world down.

Once in the bathroom, as we threw angry words at each other I realized what the problem was. We both care too fucking much, but we also hold back even more.

Most of the anger in me dissipates at her words when she finally says what I want to hear, even if she only says them because I told her to. I don’t know how to say the things I want to say, so I decided to show her to the best of my abilities. I drop to my knees and in between her legs and under the shield of her skirt, I kiss her in her wetness. I hear her breathing pick up as I suck at her clit; her hand grabbing at my hair. I groan, turned on even more at the simple gesture. I loved it when she did that.

I pull away and she practically whimpers. “Don’t stop.”

I stand up and look at her. Her cheeks are flushed, her chest moving fast with shallow breaths. I feel more blood rushing to my dick. The pain is almost unbearable now.

“Hang on, baby.” I fumble with the button in my jeans. Once I pull them with my boxers, I let her look at me for a moment, the desire in her eyes just driving me to the edge. I pull her to me for a second, kiss her lips softly and smile.

“Now turn around,” I order.

She looks confused for a second, but she does as she is told. Her doing everything I ask her makes me so fucking horny, she has no idea how much power she has over me. Fueled by an animalistic kind of desire, I guide her to a bending position and hold her hips with both my hands. Without a word, I push myself into her. I see her grab onto the sink to support herself as I drive myself deeper inside her. I give her a moment to get used to the feeling since it’s the first time we have done this.

I can see her flushed face through the mirror and when she makes eye contact with me, I catch the silent plea. At this, I lose whatever is left of my sanity. I plunge myself inside of her. She moans and I follow, as I slip in and out. As I watch our reflections in the mirror, I see when she starts to close her eyes as the pleasure continues to build. I hate the idea of her not looking at me when I’m inside her. I pulled out and turn her around to face me.

“Don’t take your eyes off me.”

I lift her onto the sink again and hold her gaze as I shove my throbbing dick inside her again. At this angle, her head falls back when she screams. I grab her face to make her look at me.

“God, Ethan.” Her reaction eggs me on. I move faster, knowing I have a limited time to make her cum. I was barely hanging on as it is. Our breaths were labored as I continued to fuck her. You could hear her wetness as I moved, but her pussy continued to tighten around me so I knew she was close. I slid out a bit and positioned myself slightly to the left before I pushed myself in again. She screamed, loudly this time. I smiled at finding the right spot and moved faster. This time, as if we were in sync, we came together. Once we rode the wave, breathing heavily, I gently helped her off the sink. After pulling my pants up, I loop my arms around her and rest my sweaty forehead against hers. We both closed our eyes, trying to catch our breath.

“What I was trying to say is… you’re mine.” I finally found the words.

I open my eyes to find her watching me. Her face gets redder. I’m confused for a moment and then realize why she’s upset.

“And I’m yours. I thought that part was obvious.” I say.

Y/N narrows her eyes at me, and I laugh.

“How is that obvious?” she asks.

“I told you how I felt last week. If anything, I’m the only one that should be angry. You never told me how you felt about me.”

“I thought that part was obvious.” She throws the words back at me, her tone playful.  

I smile and kiss her deeply.

“So how do you feel about me?” I ask after we stop.

I didn’t want to admit that it had bothered me so much. We’ve spent the last week glued to each other and not once had she brought it up, so I decided to not bring it up and make an even bigger fool out of myself. But the more days passed, the more insecure I became. That’s probably why I lost my mind earlier.

Y/N smiles softly and cups my face with her hands.

“I’ve been crazy about you for I don’t know how long,” she says. I smiled at her words, the heavy feeling in my chest finally easing.

“Me? But I suck,” I say jokingly.

“Yet I’m still in love with you.” She pushes at me gently, embarrassed. I grin like an idiot at her declaration.

I grab her face and kiss her again. Once, twice, three times.

“Ethan,” she giggles. I bury my face in her neck and kiss her there too, holding her tightly against me.

“I love you too.” I say.

When she looks at me, I see stars in eyes.

A knock on the door makes us both jump.

“Shit.”

Y/N POV

“Oh God, we’re going to get expelled.”

Ethan chuckles at this and I smack his arm.

“Just deny everything. They didn’t see anything so it’s their word against ours.”

I shake my head, “But the door was locked.”

“Hey,” he says, lifting my chin up, “You trust me?”

I nod and he smiles.

“Then follow my lead.”

I do. I walk slowly behind him, fighting the soreness in my body and holding on to Ethan’s arm when I notice how shaky my legs are. Ethan looks beside me and realizes. He gives me what seems to be an apologetic smile.

We moved to the door, which was still being knocked on. He turns the lock and opens it.

We’re both surprised to see Paxton standing there, swimming coach uniform on. I don’t think Ethan was prepared to see him of all people. He stays quiet.

Paxton looks at him and then me, almost trying to hide a smile.

“You guys should go. Now. Be thankful it was me.”

I let out a sigh of relief and so did Ethan. We started moving around him and out into the hallway, but Paxton put a hand up to stop me as I was about to walk past him.

“You might want to try being a bit more… discreet next time.” I look at him, confused and he elaborates, stepping closer to not be heard. “You were loud. Like very loud.” I blush furiously at his words and speed away from him. I heard him chucking behind me.

The end of lunch arrives at the sound of the bell and suddenly the empty hallways fill up again, everyone going into classrooms and their lockers to pick up their stuff at the last minute. As we’re moving through the people around us, Ethan’s hand slips into mine and he interlocks our fingers. I quickly looked at him in a question. But he just smiles. We walk to my next classroom, and he walks in with me, hand in hand, even though we don’t share this class. We get to my desk, which coincidentally, is next to Dominic’s. I understand now.

“Thanks for walking me.” I say, shyly. I hear my classmates whistling and adding commentary in the background. I sit down but notice Ethan hasn’t moved from his spot. I look at him in a question. He then bends down and kisses me long. I vaguely hear angry muttering beside me, but I ignore it, lost in the kiss.

“Good afternoon Mr. Morales. I wasn’t aware I had you in this class.” My math teacher had arrived.

Ethan winked at me as he moved away to leave. “I’m out,” he tells my teacher, hands up in surrender, turns around and points at me, “I just wanted to take care of my lady.”

The whole class reacts loudly.

I sink lower into my desk. Still, I smile. He was announcing to the world that we’re together, claiming me in front of everyone.  I couldn’t imagine ever being happier than I was in that moment.

The End.

___________________

A/N: Thank you all for reading! You are bomb! Hope you enjoyed this little story of mine. I enjoyed writing it. Stay tuned for other fanfics and/or one shots about Ethan. ☺️

Stay awesome, much love xx

#ethan morales #ethan morales fanfic #ethan morales x reader #never have i ever #never have i ever season 4 #ben gross #devi vishwakumar #michael cimino #nhie #nhie s4

[vaguely-concerned]

I’m on a Star Wars books roll so here we go with my — unhinged thanks for asking! — thoughts on Dooku: Jedi Lost, specifically the audio play. Short version: I fucking loved this one! For maximum emotional devastation, pair with Master and Apprentice and Padawan the way my stupid ass did and then be sad about it forever I guess that's what I’m going to have to do.

 Long (LONG oopsie) version:

- So. First of all, let’s get the most important thing out of the way on this here old man yaoi website. We all agree dooku and sifo dyas explored each other’s bodies right. Or at least definitely would have if not for the laws of this order etc., potentially. That’s not just me. Good. Thank you. We can now move on 

- Secondly. Well. Guess I’m just going to be inconsolable about Sifo-Dyas forever now. I miss the days in which he was just a throwaway line in AotC spawned by a random misspelling to me, rather than an eternal raw aching wound in my heart

- poor poor ventress just reading through all the proof that dooku absolutely does have it in him to be a good dad I mean master and just — idk got tired of that and went the force lightning route with her. I love the move of having her dead master hang out with her all that time as well (having her slip up and refer to ‘us’ did something to me, god this is so sad. Is he actually there in spirit or is it just her grief dreaming him up because dooku is awful and cold as a cliff  wall and she needs some kind of attachment figure even if she’ll have to reinvent him herself, rebuild him word for word, gesture by gesture. Pain. sorry about your terrible track record with father figures asajj) 

- Lene: (About Averross): He hasn’t changed. 

Dooku: (In the warmest fondest voice you ever heard) And I hope he never does

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH MYSELF? MUST I SET MYSELF ON FIRE TO ESCAPE THE PAIN???

Another strong showing for Rael in general, btw. He’s so warm and charming as a presence even though he’s also a little chaos gremlin. (He’s quite similar to how Sifo-Dyas was when he was young in some ways, I can definitely start to see what Dooku responds warmly to in terms of character traits.) 

- the fact that good ol’ sheev showed an interest in rael, dooku and anakin… interesting huh! He’s just got a soft spot for the disaster lineage I suppose, maybe there’s an element there of luring yoda’s most direct lineage into the dirt with him without yoda even noticing for the longest time. Also cackling at the idea that he looked at qui-gon ‘too fucking stubborn and insufferable to fall to the dark side out of sheer spite’ jinn and went ‘...not that one tho’ fhdskjfa. And obi-wan is more like ‘that one blorbo all my little guys seem wild about but I just don’t get it guys’ 

IF rael’s refusal to join dooku at the end of ‘master and apprentice’ is the last word (which I am not convinced of ;___; be safe cowboy jedi we never see in mainline canon so far), then he’s the only one who has dodged palpatine’s attentions. Wonderful if true love that for him

ALSO rael is one of the few people we know to be on (or at least to consider himself on despite what palps might think lol) first name basis with palpatine. Hilarious. I concur with dooku never change rael 

- Sifo-Dyas: That’s insane. 

Dooku, deadpan: Yes.

Sifo-Dyas: The worst plan I’ve ever heard.

Dooku, somehow even more deadpan: Most probably. 

Sifo-Dyas: I’m in. 

Crying… weeping and dying………… what if someone could have helped sifo with his unfortunate prophecy propensity and they hadn’t drifted apart. Clone Wars averted methinks if dooku still ended up leaving the order he would have been too busy having tender gay sex with the love of his life (and only person who can call him out on his shit and have him actually listen) to be a war criminal (I am being extremely facetious of course this is very much a ‘time traveler killing baby hitler’ situation where the underlying forces causing this point in history are way too powerful to avert the catastrophe in one move. but at least palps would probably have had to pick someone else to wreck the galaxy through and sifo-dyas would be kissed & held instead of going slowly mad. A net plus some (I, me) would say) 

- I just wanted to applaud both the writing and the voice acting for the characterization of Dooku in this, from his young self trying so hard to be haughty and self-possessed but also being like, y’know, twelve and a dweeb and easy for Sifo-Dyas to pull into trouble, to the dry wit and warmth he shows with Rael and Qui-Gon or his sister later. It took me a little while to get into the voice acting specifically (the actor makes no attempt at going the full Christopher Lee, which in hindsight was probably wise), but now I love it. It gets a bit goofy in places but you know what, I am a long time lover of audio plays, that’s part of the charm 

- “Master, have I done something wrong?”

My heart is clenching… do you think… that master yoda’s deal with leaving his student to try fucking everything to have some kind of relationship with him until he just breaks down in tears of despair… is the kind of thing that maybe started a little bit of a generational trauma cartwheel through the ages. The point that bb!dooku is arrogant isn’t without merit and he strikes out incredibly ungracefully about it (in fact I would be a lot more worried than yoda seems to be that he decides to try to kill a tree about it, ‘I felt like destroying something beautiful’-style)  but I just don’t think a… fourteen year old? A teen anyway, Is going to learn what you think he learns from this. I simply don’t believe that silent treatmenting kids will teach them emotional intelligence I guess especially if they already struggle with that naturally lol 

(It is exactly the same mistake (in my opinion) that Qui-Gon makes with Obi-Wan, too, just leaving the kid completely alone and forcing them to come to you every which way for comfort or guidance instead of meeting them or reaching out to them. Especially once you see that really Dooku’s prime emotion/big core wound right from the beginning is loneliness. And that doesn’t only come from a feeling of superiority (which to be sure is also a big factor), because he has no idea where he comes from until he meets his sister. I don’t think the jedi as a whole were unsalvageable by any stretch of the imagination, but Yoda specifically… you are on such very thin ice with me at this point you little green fuck. You’re very funny and moving in yoda dark rendezvous and that’s all that’s keeping you in my somewhat good graces.)

- Okay, coming back a bit later I think I’ve found the right words to say this. more precisely dooku has two big issues which you can later see haunting all the way down his lineage — loneliness and control. (and not incidentally the intersecting elements of the two haha.) We see from his relationship to sifo-dyas that he’s not incapable of having close mutual relationships with an equal, but that kind of crashed and burned for reasons neither of them could really help and after that it seems quite telling that he has the easiest time with deeper connection in a teacher-student sort of form. I think his affection is unconditional and real, but you can’t get away from the fact that he also has the most control in that relationship structure by default, he gets to dictate what form it takes to a big extent. He doesn’t trust other people — the underlying idea ‘Only I can do this’ that eventually leads him down the Separatist path is there the whole way. It speaks both to a sense of superiority and an utter lack of faith that other people can or will help him. And then that echoes down through the master-padawan line: 

Qui-Gon with his self-righteousness and utter refusal to compromise leaving him isolated among the jedi (only he is right. Yeah the Force told him so. Don’t worry I’ve got a permit *insert parks and rec I can do whatever I want meme here*), Obi-Wan with his anxiety and perfectionism and incredible sense of shame and responsibility that he should be able to carry the whole world on his shoulders alone and beating himself up for failing, all feeding into not knowing what to do with Anakin and his complete lack of control of himself and his desperation to gain and maintain connection and love (which earns him the title of ‘Dooku’s least favorite family member’ fhdsa his immediate disdain for him is so funny and so in character. Repress and go slowly mad like a normal person anakin the way you’re carrying on is just undignified and that is much worse than being evil)… 

- Rael gently telling Dooku to take on another padawan soon… so sweet, so sad, local cowboy jedi looking out for his dad. Also highlights something about Dooku I think is true: that he does much better and seems to have an easier time holding to the light when he’s responsible for someone else. Again, I do feel like Dooku’s core problem is loneliness, but it seems like raising kids is the one point where that relaxes somewhat. Maybe if Sifo-Dyas had stayed in a better mental place and they kept in touch it could have been different.

- Lene Kostana is SUCH a character! Charismatic and deeply fucked up, when it’s revealed how her and Sifo-Dyas’ relationship remains long after his padawan stage is done I felt a little bit sick, to my surprise. Because that could just be kindness on her part, of course, it’s good that he has someone he trusts to look after him when he can’t himself, but also there’s something… queasy about the way it keeps him continually young, in a way. (Notably he still calls her ‘master’ even as an adult, when they’re working together. Not uncommon in Star Wars, of course, but together with everything else going on vibes-wise… hm.) The inherent unreliable narration of this story really worked for me in this regard especially — do we know that young Dooku was entirely wrong when he sensed the dark side in her? She certainly is willing to go to lengths that are… worrying! in her fascination with sith shit, she tempted children into a dangerous place they didn’t understand and couldn’t know the consequences of and she continually puts sifo-dyas in situations that are implied to be a risk to worsening his condition. Run of the mill incredibly irresponsible at best, sincerely sinister at worst. Did she choose Sifo over Dooku because he’s more vulnerable and shapeable? There is an undercurrent of something icky and emotionally incest-y going on with how she relates to Dooku and Sifo-Dyas in general (right down to the ‘NO, no one can know about this’ intensity after the… evil moss cave. I can’t believe I’m this emotional about a book with an evil moss cave). I don’t think she’s a proper sith in any way and I also believe there is real affection there on all sides, but idk something about the whole thing makes me deeply uneasy. Yoda where the fuck are you your son is out there with his irresponsible mom again they’re looking for dirty needles in haystacks and they’re not even wearing any gloves

- dooku telling sifo-dyas he can come back to haunt him if he likes as a joke… well well well I’m sure that doesn’t ring with some dramatic irony at some point down the line lmao

- honestly looking back at master and apprentice after reading jedi lost makes qui-gon's apparent lack of reaction to dooku leaving seem — let's call it highly suspect haha. rael asks him if he's spoken to dooku after and qui-gon is like 'no. why would I. it's literally fine. anyway this topic is done now'. (and rael seems to just go ‘*older brotherly knowing* uh-huh’) meanwhile he's thinking about dooku *all the time* trying to figure out his role as master to obi-wan, thinking about being a padawan himself, the parts of his life he shared with both dooku and rael. The jedi doth protest too much methinks  

ALSO how much of qui-gon thinking the council was too lenient with rael after he had to kill his padawan is about that actual situation, and how much is a ‘our family still likes my older brother more than me even though he Fucked Up so bad and breaks just as many rules as I do’ sort of deal mixed with his own neuroses about how he’s failing obi-wan (to which rael’s situation symbolizes the worst possible outcome, i.e. the kid dies and it’s basically your fault). Many thoughts. 

- moment of silence for jenza of house serenno. Girl your only sin was being surrounded by asshole male family members and I’m so sorry I think you did all you could with what you had to work with here.

Not… entirely sure how dooku’s claim to the title supersedes hers — is he a year older than her? (she’s eleven when they first meet, he might be twelve or older at that point I don’t remember haha) Does she just give up her place in the inheritance order? Are primogeniture and male heir preference factors in Serenno inheritance law? Not the most important thing honestly it works anyway thematically but could have been clarified quickly!

- interesting to see that the council’s restrictive policy against engaging with prophecies had a surprisingly big impact on how things went down. Kostana has a lot of responsibility in Sifo’s fate for insisting he keep it secret, but there is genuine fear for what might become of him if the rest of the order finds out he’s got 24/7 futurevision hovering over him threateningly… listen it’s not like the poor guy can help getting the future constantly pumped into his brain at nightmare resolutions, I think maybe if there had been more willingness to at least engage curiously with the concept of prophecy and how it works, even if you don’t put your faith in the particulars of what the prophecies say, this wouldn’t have had to be such a shitty isolated secretive life for him. hearing him slowly fall apart over the years considering how bright and lovely he started out... oof is all I can say 

- when dooku was a good jedi he was such a good jedi!!! The scene where they’re saving the kids from the collapsing hospital, every time he teaches his students anything…the impulse of someone has to do something about this! that made him so good at saving lives turning dark with the tarnish of frustration and rage over the years… nooooooooo problematic grandpa why did it have to be like this :(

- …do you think infant jedi can sense what’s going on around them in the Force. Because it makes a very sad kind of sense if dooku on some level remembers bodily or in the Force that he was not only abandoned but rejected in disgust as one of the first things he discovered in the world. Oh boy. With all the ways attachment relationships can go wonky in the first few years in real life I don’t even want to consider how much more wrong it can go when the baby is fucking psychic lol

- vaguely related: the way dooku seems to find the very idea of being truly reliant on anyone, emotionally or otherwise, personally offensive, terrifying and humiliating lol. Yoda saves him from being crushed by rubble and he is outraged because that means he can’t save himself (and his newfound sister) without anyone’s help like he thought for one glorious moment he could. The fantasy of perfect emotional self-sufficiency, doing away with all the messiness and risk of interpersonal relationships and cutting off the possibility of really being abandoned again. It’ll get ya every time. This is also a thing you see reflected in his lineage — they’re all quite inward-turning that way until you get to anakin, to different extents and with varying presentations but it is there I think. Qui-Gon turns to the Force, Obi-Wan to perfectionism and shame and rumination, Rael to the bottle and depression and hedonistic apathy, but they all struggle hugely with letting anyone in to help them. Dooku’s line are all much more comfortable being the helpers rather than the helpees, as it were.  

- “Thank you for everything, Lene. Tell Rael and Qui-Gon — tell them… tell them the Force will be with them, always”

Emotional terrorism against me specifically and personally. You asshole you just excused yourself from the non-attachment rules there’s literally nothing in the world except you to stop you from reaching out and telling your children you love them yOURSELF why are you like this

- the recurring theme of dooku seeing something beautiful (the tree in the temple, the tirra’taka as a child and an adult) and ending up lashing out to destroy it… but the tree was old and mighty and he was young and new and couldn’t truly harm it, so he was saved from his own impulsivity. And then when he sees the tirra’taka as an adult he loves it immediately. And in the end he still mangles and destroys it. He didn’t mean to, but he did. He woke it up and hurt it just by existing as a child and then he had to kill it as a mercy because he was too powerful at that point for anything to buffer his mistakes. The parallel with the bird he loved that he also couldn’t protect. He starts out with an aching loneliness somewhere at the core of him through no real fault of his own but by the end it is entirely his own fault that it’s worse, because he starts wrecking everything he loves in an almost absent-minded but definitely intentional way, like it’s a nightmare he’s listening to through the door as it happens in the next room over. He really IS the ‘I just felt like destroying something beautiful’ central of the jedi.

at the end qui-gon is dead and through dooku’s own influence, however indirectly. Rael has had to turn away from him. Sifo-Dyas is dead on Dooku’s own orders and so is his sister, he might as well have done it with his own hands. (though I think it’s very interesting that in each case he didn’t do it with his own hands, he consistently uses a middleman.) He lives within the coldness of his sterile empty castle and horrifically mistreats the one person he might have found something like connection with the way he did with his students before (Ventress), deliberately trapping her in a similar state of utter desolate isolation and telling her, essentially, ‘We’re like this as people and nothing can be done to change it. We can’t escape, we’re already doomed, stop trying, it’s too late. You are just like me (and if you aren't already I'll make you like me)’. And that’s the closest thing he gets to love anymore. When he accused Ky of using her ‘as a salve for his own loneliness’ and you’re like well well well mr projection man how’s that working out for you. He is completely, shatteringly alone and he is so entirely as a consequence of his own actions and he's too far gone to understand or care. I’m howling you useless fucking FOOL dooku  

- dooku 🤝 john gaius

“Hm. I have observed that there are in fact many flaws in our society and the government is deeply corrupt. So if I kill a few billion people here and there in order to fix it, is that not basically okay when you really think about it” 

Dooku making salient points about the political and ethical failures of the Republic and then, just when you think he’s onto something, he goes and makes The wildest fucking decisions about what to do about it. Sure. dark magic and genocide are probably the only ways out of this you’re so right bro. If we make enough minuses to add together surely we’ll end up in plus sooner or later

- *head in my hands once more* I can’t believe I am genuinely emotionally invested in someone called Count Dooku with the looks of a knockoff dracula and ultimate moral character to match right now this is terrible. hey. hey dooks. what you have to go and fuck everything up so bad for huh I’m so incredibly sad now

there is something to be said about how getting to see glimpses of what dooku looked like in the light makes it so much more heartwrenching that he never came back. he could have, a thousand times. and every time he chose not to.

#star wars #dooku jedi lost #count dooku #sifo dyas #dooku x sifo dyas #disaster lineage #lene kostana #star wars meta #rael averross #qui gon jinn #I'm being peak on my bullshit in this one. you're welcome and/or I'm sorry as appropriate

[snakewh1sperer]

*fades into existence, floating above your head, remembering your warning about being punched from last time*

I overheard somewhere… not sure where… but there was a where from some… that you dreamed of traveling! 😸

*floats down closer to you, upside down*

I’ve also noticed you seem to be having a down time. So I thought maybe I’d try to cheer the snake up!

I won’t help you travel through the Looking Glass for purrsonal reasons, and I don’t think you would want to anyway - I think you would find the fact that you would have me as a traveling companion to be too much of a deterrent. *snickers*

BUT! I had a memory return to my mind from wherever it had wandered off to, and the memory returning reminded me that I have some things you might be interested in that I obviously have no need for.

I obviously have no need for them because I forgot about them for so long - my memory went wandering for quite some time! I had no idea I had forgotten! *chuckles, grinning*

So, happy unbirthday! 😸🥳🎁

*a table appears in front of you with a beautiful globe of a world you have never seen before (Earth), intricately hand-drawn maps for places you have never heard of, numerous travel books of the same, thorough language lesson books for various languages that include audio files to help with learning how to speak them, and detailed, well-researched books filled with images that tell about countries and cultures of random assorted places that do not exist in Twisted Wonderland that also, surprisingly, have sticky notes littered throughout where I have written either thoughtful remarks, my own personal experiences, a funny anecdote, or even a contribution or contradiction based on something that happened to me while I was exploring*

…table not included. The table is mine. I’m taking that back. It’s my table. ._.

But I thought you might purrhaps like the rest? *tilts head curiously, waiting to see your reaction*

@your-local-grinning-cat

[For a moment, Jamil remains quiet, processing.] ...What a fantastic trove of treasures you've collected. I'm surprised you recall my desires to travel. ...Are you... really giving these to me? Do you want anything in return, or?...

#ask jamil #I'm... so touched? #Thank you.

[cosmicswritings]

Saw your thing for writing requests, please just ignore if that's off the table!

Starscream or OP in any universe gets the other to genuinely laugh.

Okay, I think I have the perfect post war idea for that. I’m going to do TFP (it was hard to find which universe but oh well). Actually, you’re lucky because I’m going to also make and IDW version of this prompt because an idea LITERALLY just popped into my head. I’ll tag you in both <3. 

Also this fic was so fun to do thank you so much!!

__

Eventually, Starscream knew he’d have to contact Cybertron to let them know that their prized pet had gotten loose. 

Most people thought that Optimus had perished when he’d jumped into the Well of Sparks, and in his own exile so did Starscream. He wasn’t too upset at that at all actually, in fact, that was the one thing he could celebrate while on the run from the predacons and the rest of Cybertron in general.

Yet, Prima worked in many ways because living in his humble cave on an energon-filled, yet desolate planet systems away from Cybertron, he did not expect a confused, clueless and very much alive Optimus Prime to find him.

That had happened a month or so ago, and Starscream could not shake him off. Optimus - or Orion - was clearly lost. Starscream had thought to kill him at first, or even send him to bounty hunters for some energon rations or something but…little by little, he had a change of spark. He didn’t know what it was about clueless Optimus that made him less prone to violence or at least want to change his ways.

Truth be told, that answer was simple. Starscream was lonely, and he’d lost everything.

Everywhere he went, people looked upon him with disgust and hatred. Not that he didn’t deserve some of it, but it hurt. Especially when he had, during the conclusion of the war attempted to change and defect from the Decepticon cause. No one believed him, and the Autobots had treated him poorly because of it.

That said, as clueless as Orion Pax (or Optimus) was, he didn’t look at Starscream like he was a monster.

He looked at him like he was a savior and perhaps, one of the most beautiful things he’d ever seen. And that is why Starscream could not bring himself to harm him. He knew eventually Optimus’s memories would return, or that someone would come for him, but until then, he could indulge in the new friend he’d made. 

Presently, Starscream found himself sitting against one of the trees outside of their cave. Truth be told, they did not spend that much time in their cave; it was where Starscream hid. However, given they were the only ones on the planet, being outside suited Starscream more. He was used to living in the woods like this, being beneath the trees and in nature. During his self banishment, he’d found himself there before and it was a comforting setting to him.

There was a datapad in his hand, a book downloaded from an Earthling database. As much as he hated to admit it, Starscream loved Earth books and stories. 

In the distance there were heavy footsteps heard growing closer and closer. Starscream retained his calm demeanor, as he already knew who the mech was approaching him.  

“Starscream,” The voice was soft, yet filled with excitement and curiosity. “I know it’s going to be another cold night, so I found some firewood. I can regulate heat much easier than you can…you on the other hand…”

He stepped in front of Starscream, who was still leaned against the tree. He hadn’t faced him yet.

“Or, you can just sit next to me and warm me. You are a big, loveable hunk of metal, we don’t need fire to stay–”

At that moment, Optimus had fully made it in front Starscream, still holding large tree trunks in his arms. Starscream’s optics made contact with Orion’s yet, his vocalizer paused as he attempted to speak. A breathless noise came from the depths of his audio system that eventually, burst into laughter. 

Orion tilted his head in confusion.

“Is something funny, Starscream?” He asked quietly. 

“You–your head–our audials!” Starscream stood and practically ran over to him. “Were you rolling in a meadow?” Somehow, some way, when searching for fire wood, Optimus had accumulated a rather large amount of flowers upon his head. He was more than likely pushing through some trees as he did so, and did not even realize that he had grown a sort of crown of flowers. 

Orion smiled rather bashfully and inclined slightly as Starscream approached him, messing with the makeshift flower crown on his head. “You are many things Orion Pax, but you manage to get more an every day.” He still chuckled as he spoke. Never in his millions of years did he expect to see Optimus Prime with flowers on his head. Somehow though, it seemed fitting. 

“Cute, is that a human term?” Optimus asked, confused.

Starscream chuckled. “Yes…yes it is. Ahh there, now you look better.”

Optimus smiled, dropping the pile of fire wood and taking just a flower or two from his audials and somehow placing them upon Starscream’s head, fashioning them tightly.

“Now Starscream, we both look ‘cute’.” Orion said, gaining more confidence.

Starscream smiled, feeling that familiar rush of energon flush his facial chasms. He hated to admit that after all this time, he started to grow feelings for Orion Pax. Well, maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing.

__

Hope you enjoyed and as always, requests are open! I loved writing this!!

#starscream #starscream tfp #optimus prime #transformers #starop

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I’ve had Cabin Pressure saved on my phone for fucking ages by now. I downloaded it back in early July, I think. I had the idea that I had gone through most of my list of things to watch/listen to, and I wanted some new long-running audio thing. I asked people what they thought I should pick, and had multiple recommendations for this show Cabin Pressure, which is not long-running, people just said it’s good and only 13 hours so I should do that first. I didn’t know much about it, I knew that John Finnemore is one of those guys who was Footlights and Radio 4 so probably does the kind of vaguely pretentious humour that I like, so I downloaded it and figured that once I finish everything else on the list, I’ll quickly do the 13 hours of Cabin Pressure before starting some new long-running thing.

…That was months ago. It’s now mid-November, because I kept getting recommended other things. I did a Lee & Herring rabbit hole, followed by going through a whole bunch of Stewart Lee things that I didn’t get to last year when I just did his TV shows + DVDs. A similar thing with Josie Long, when I got my ahdns on a bunch of her stuff that went beyond her recorded shows that I heard/watched last year. There was a bunch of Robin Ince stuff and Michael Legge stuff. There were lots of recordings from the 2023 Edinburgh Festival throughout August. Then there was Alan Partridge, I listened to From the Oasthouse and liked it so much that I had to listen to all three of his audiobooks before I could move on from that. Turns out I missed out on a lot by only doing the TV/radio things + movie on the first go of that stuff years ago, the books and podcasts are better.

There have been other things too. I kept finding more stuff, to add to my “Comedy --> New” working folder on my phone, with the folder labeled “Cabin Pressure” always there at the top, never touched. But this week, I finally finished everything else in that folder, and all the episodes on my podcast app and in my Downloads folder on my laptop, and opened up this new thing.

I realized I’d been expected it to be a show about people trapped in an airplane after a crash or something – some sort of horror scenario like that. So I was surprised to learn it’s just a sitcom about airline pilots flying planes, and I had to retrace my steps to work out where I got my expectation. I think it came from the fact that the only thing I’ve seen John Finnemore do was be the guy who flew the escape pod in Avenue 5, so I guess I just assumed anything he does with flying is a dystopia.

I’m now two episodes in, and it’s not a dystopian nightmare. It’s Butternut Cabbagepatch and Peter Manion from The Thick of It being sarcastic at each other, and it’s great. It makes me almost nostalgic, the way it so perfectly captures the essence of the Radio 4 sitcom, of the sort that my dad used to often play in the car when I was a kid. Biting, sarcastic characters all talking with perfect diction and dry wit being sardonically annoyed about things. A bit like The Department too (which is another example of how I think this the exact type of slightly pretentious humour that you get when you combine Footlights with Radio 4). I love that shit.

Unfortunately, however, I’ve been sidetracked again. I’ve heard a few things of Nish Kumar’s recent stand-up, some of which can be seen in a post that’s been going around Tumblr, where he thanks Russell Brand for never making anything of value that is now ruined by the recent news. I think the version that got filmed actually didn’t mention Arthur, but in some other versions, he has said he specifically appreciates that the Arthur remake was shit so it’s not like anyone’s out there saying “Oh no, I can’t watch the Arthur remake anymore.” I hope the fact that he didn’t mention it on NextUp doesn’t mean he’s cut that line entirely, because I think it’s a good example.

I haven’t seen the Arthur remake. But I have seen Arthur, several times, when I was quite young. To be honest I don’t remember a lot about it, except that it had a main character who was kind of a dick, with a dry-witted sarcastic butler who at one point said “I’ll alert the media” when Arthur said he was going to take a bath. I remember that part because it became a running joke in my family for years and years. It still is, actually. Ever since I was a kid, my family will say “I’ll alert the media” to each other as a way to sarcastically suggest that whatever they’re doing isn’t that important.

When I was a teenager, I used to write a parody newspaper that would publish an edition during every family reunion, because that’s the type of annoying teenager I was (I say, as though I don’t now have a blog for writing similarly annoying things). I remember that one time, at such a gathering, my father told me he was going to take a bath. “I’ll alert the media!” I said, very pleased to have had an excuse to use that reference in its original context. As soon as I said it, I realized I was the media, and considered myself alerted. So I wrote an article in the family newspaper called “Your Very Local News – What Is Going on in Your Bathroom Right Now” about how my father was taking a bath, and the whole thing was a joke about how the media has to be alerted when people take baths, and it was a reference to a movie that no one in the family besides my parents/brother and I had seen. I was about to write that that’s the sort of annoying teenager I used to be, but actually, I stand by that, I think it was hilarious.

Anyway. I haven’t actually seen that movie since I was young. I remember so little about it. I know it stars Dudley Moore. I remember my dad first got me interested in it by telling me it stars one of the Beyond the Fringe guys, since I loved the Beyond the Fringe CD that he used to play in the car a lot (when he wasn’t playing mildly pretentious Radio 4 sitcoms, or his Goon Show tapes – you can see how my childhood influenced my current interests). I remember finding it very funny.

So, when I heard Nish Kumar fairly recently mention the Arthur remake (for anyone who doesn’t know, the original movie is from 1981, while in 2011 Russell Brand starred in a remake, I have never seen that remake and have no desire to do so), it made me think I should re-watch that original movie. Then I listened to two episodes of Cabin Pressure, where one of the main characters is named Arthur, and every time they say his name it makes me think I should watch Arthur.

So the upshot is that I have downloaded the (original) Arthur movie and I’m going to watch that. But I will get back to Cabin Pressure soon! That show is definitely going in the folder of Britcom that I’ll give my dad for Christmas this year, as I’ve spent the last few years repaying him for raising me on this stuff by giving him back a stream of more comedy than he could ever watch or hear (don’t worry, I’ll get him a proper gift too). I am, to be honest, surprising myself a bit by how much I’m enjoying it.

In the meantime, though, I’ll let you all know if the Arthur movie is any good now that I’m over the age of about ten. Some things I enjoyed when I was ten have really held up, and some very much have not.

[therealieblog]

I’ve started reading Lindy West’s book ‘Shrill’, and I am loving it. She’s hilarious and sharp and fierce. 

In the book she talks about working as a journalist for The Stranger, Dan Savage’s paper. She talks about how Dan was a good boss, but abrupt and not big on praise, and how she loved working for the paper.

Unfortunately, Dan, at that time in the early to mid aughts, was extremely fatphobic. He regularly wrote columns condemning fat people for being lazy, unhealthy and a drain on public resources. Lindy began striking back at him (mostly respectfully) in answering columns, and the one that I’ve transcribed below was incredible. He eventually changed his tune, and she says nowadays he’s far more positive about fat people. I like to think Lindy’s words helped open his eyes. 

In the passage below, she responds to a column he published about being at a water park in the mid west, and how “unsightly” people’s fat rolls were in their swimsuits. It’s not a nice column, so I won’t quote more of it than that, but this is Lindy’s response. I did my very best to transpose her words directly from the audio book I have, but the italicizing and bolding are mine. 

“Hello, I am fat.”

This is my body. Over there. See it. I lived in my body my whole life. I have wanted to change this body my whole life. I have never wanted anything as much as I have wanted a new body. I am aware every day that other people find my body disgusting. I always thought that some day, when I finally stopped failing, I will become smaller, and when I become smaller, literally everything will get better. I’ve heard it gets better… My life can begin. I’ll get the clothes that I want. The job that I want. The love that I want. It’ll be great! Think how great it’ll be to buy some pants or whatever. At J. Crew. Aw man. Pants! Instead, my body stays the same. 

There is not a fat person on earth who hasn’t lived this way. Clearly, this is a terrible way to exist. Also, strangely enough, it did not cause me to become thin. So I do not believe any of it anymore, because fuck it, very much. 

This is my body, it is MINE. I’m not ashamed of it in any way. In fact, I love everything about it. Men find it attractive. Clothes look awesome on it. My brain rides around in it all day and comes up with funny jokes. Also, I don’t have to justify its awesomeness, attractiveness, healthiness or usefulness to anyone, because it is MINE. NOT YOURS. 

*Footnote: I’ve noticed that a lot of people have trouble with the basic definition of fat acceptance. They wanna argue and nitpick about calories and cardio and insurance and health and on and on and on, and if you are one of those people, wallowing in confusion, fret no more. I can sum it up for you in one easy to remember phrase. GET THE FUCK OFF ME YOU FUCKING WEIRDO! Print it. Laminate it. Be it. 

I’m not going to spend a bunch of time blogging about fat acceptance here, because other writers have already done it much more eloquently, thoroughly and radically than I ever could. But I do feel obligated to try to explain what this all means. 

I get that you think you’re actually helping people and society by contributing to the fucking Alp of shame that crushes every fat person, every day of their lives. The same shame that makes it a radical act to post a picture of my body, and tell you how much it weighs. But you are not helping. Shame doesn’t work. Diets don’t work. 

Footnote: Fatphobes love to hold this assertion up, of how delusional and intractable fat activists are. ‘Calories in, calories out’ they say. ‘Ever heard of thermodynamics?’. ‘Uuuh I’ve never seen a fat person in a concentration camp. High five, Trevor.’ 

Leaving aside the barbarism of suggesting, however obliquely, that well, at least concentration camp victims weren’t fat. No fat activist who says ‘Diets don’t work’ is suggesting that you cannot starve a fat person to a thin death. Rather, we’re referencing the rigorously vetted academic conclusion that traditional diets, the kind that are foisted upon fat people as penance and cure-alls, and our entrance exam for humanity, fail 95% of the time. Whether fat people fail to lose weight due to simple laziness and moral torpor, or because of a more complex web of personal, cultural and medical factors, those numbers are still real. Those fat people still exist. Pushing diet culture, as a cure for fatness does nothing but perpetuate the emotional and economic exploitation of fat people. Shame is a tool of oppression. Not change. Fat people are already ashamed. It’s taken care of. No further manpower needed on the shame front. Thanks.

I’m not concerned with whether or not fat people can change their bodies through self discipline and ‘choices’. Pretty much all of them have tried already. A couple of them have succeeded. Whatever. My question is. What if they try and try and try, and still fail? What if they are still fat? What if they are fat forever? What do you do with them then? Do you really want millions of teenage girls to feel like they’re trapped in unsightly lard prisons that are ruining their lives? And on top of that it’s because of their own moral failure? And on top of that, they are ruining America with the terribly expensive diabetes they don’t even have yet? 

You know what’s shameful? A complete lack of empathy. And if you really claim to still be confused. ‘Nuh uh, I never said anything guys. Seriously!’ There can be no misunderstanding shit like this: ‘I am thoroughly annoyed at having my tame statements of fact, being heavy is a health risk, rolls of exposed flesh are unsightly’ characterized as hate speech’. (she is quoting Dan Savage’s response to her last letter here). 

Ha! 1. “Rolls of exposed flesh are unsightly” is in no way a tame statement of fact. It’s not a fact at all. It’s an incredibly cruel, subjective opinion that reinforces destructive, paternalistic, oppressive beauty ideals. 

Footnote: In his response to this post, Dan took me to task for cherry picking that quote, explaining that he wasn’t mocking the flesh rolls of fat people specifically. He was mocking the flesh rolls of all women who wear low rise jeans without having the correct bodies for it. 

Oh, OK, FYI, feminism isn’t super jazzed about men policing women’s clothing choices either. Also, it was totally about fat people you liar. 

I am not unsightly. No one deserves to be told that they’re unsightly. But this is what’s behind this entire thing. It’s not about health, it’s about eww you think fat people are icky. Ew. A fat person might touch you on a plane, with their fat. EW. Coincidentally, that’s the same feeling that drives anti-gay bigots, no matter what excuses they drum up about family values, and yes, health. It’s all ‘ew’. And sorry, I reject your ‘ew’.

2. You are not concerned about my health. Because if you were concerned about my health, you would also be concerned about my mental health. Which has spent the past 28 years, being slowly eroded by statements like the above. Also, you don’t know anything about my health. You do happen to be the boss of me, but you are not the doctor of me. You have no idea what I eat. How much I exercise, what my blood pressure is or whether or not I’m going to get diabetes. Not that any of that matters, because it is entirely none of your business. 

3. But but but my insurance premiums! 

Bullshit! You live in a society with other people. I don’t have kids, but I pay taxes that fund schools. The idea that we can somehow escape affecting each other is deeply conservative. Barbarous even. Is that really what you’re going for? Good old fashioned American individualism? Please. 

4. But most importantly, I reject this entire framework. I don’t give a shit what causes anyone’s fatness. It’s irrelevant, and it’s none of my business. I’m not making excuses, because I have nothing to excuse. I reject the notion that thinness is the goal. That thin equals better. That I am an unfinished thing, and that my life can really start when I lose wait. That then I’ll be a real person, and have finally succeeded as a woman. I am not going to waste another second of my life thinking about this. I don’t want to have another fucking conversation with another fucking woman, about what she’s eating, or not eating or regrets eating, or pretends to not regret eating to mask the regret. Oops. I just yawned to death. 

If you really want change to happen, if you really wanna help fat people, you need to understand that shaming an already shamed population is…well… shameful. Do you know what happened as soon as I rejected all this shit and fell in unconditional lurve with my entire body? I started losing weight, immediately. Well la dee fucking da. 

Footnote: If I had to do it over again I’d write this last part more clearly, because I think the way it stands undermines my point a bit. What I was trying to say was that if anti-fat crusaders really want what they claim to want, for fat people to be ‘healthy’, they should be on the front lines of size acceptance and fat empowerment. There’s hard science to back this up. Shame contributes measurably to weight gain, not weight loss. Loving yourself is not antithetical to health, it is intrinsic to health. You can’t take good care of a thing you hate. 

#fatphobia #diet culture #fat acceptance #lindy west #shrill

[conquerthenight]

Hello- I just wanted to let you know that when I sort of casually decided to search the Rebecca The Musical tags on tumblr and then I saw you're one of the people who made the Rebecca The Musical playlist on youtube and oh my goodness I was so excited, I actually texted my wife in the middle of the evening to tell her, it felt like when you find out a celebrity is on tumblr! I've been listening to the playlist nonstop for the last month or so- like all of my work has been done to it, I listen to it when I exercise and I'm just really impressed by the quality of the singing and the translations etc. Discovering it really made up for not getting to see the musical in London. My personal favourite songs are You'll Never Be A Lady, Alone Again, Bottle of Memories and Mrs De Winter Is Here (and I also have a fondness for anything with Jack Favell in, he's just delightful). I love how all the characters sound- like how I can imagine them all perfectly from how strong each character comes across in how they're sung, Mrs van Hopper is so brash and obnoxious and Ich is so anxious and sweet and Mrs Danvers is such a queen and you even made me quite like Maxim, who I was always kind of indifferent to in the book. I can't imagine how you had the time and energy to do the whole thing but I'm also so very grateful that you did because I love it so much. Anyway, sorry to send this out of the blue, I just wanted you to know how much I'm enjoying your creation! (oh and especial thank you for putting the lyrics online too!)

Oh my god oh my god oh my fucking god it’s 3 am and I’m crying tears of joy!!!! Thank you so so much, I am so over the moon that you loved Fanbecca enough to write such a sweet message. I’m shaking so much I’m so happy!!!

The person who sang Ich is actually me. That’s my (very obviously American 😂) voice you were hearing. I’ll admit, “Bottle of Memories” was NOT my best vocally, so I’m surprised that was your favorite, but I’m so glad you liked it. My friend Daytona was Maxim and he was also the one who did the editing and uploading of all the videos. I’ve gotten multiple messages from people who have said that he got them to like (or at least sympathize with) Maxim after previously not liking the character. That to me is a huge testament to how dedicated he was to the whole role. Our Danny is definitely a queen, I adore her. She also put her entire soul into this project. She’s German singing in perfect English and I just can’t hype her up enough.

This is the first time anyone’s commented on our Favell and Van Hopper (fun fact, our Danny had to step in as Van Hopper for “I’m An American Woman” because we did last minute rewrites to that song and our original Van Hopper and the understudy we had on standby weren’t available). Both of them absolutely slayed, I absolutely HATED “You’ll Never Be A Lady” until I heard her sing it. The guy who did Favell has actually been part of Fanbecca since Daytona and I finished writing the first draft of lyrics back in early 2019. Mrs. Van Hopper was also part of an earlier draft in 2020. Both of them came back for the final drafts and I cannot thank them enough.

Also, I never got to see Rebecca in London either. Couldn’t afford it and I live on the wrong side of the world so I spent my time on Tumblr and the casts’ Instagrams to see what I could of it. I also got my hands on an audio and that cast was incredible. Lauren, Richard, and Kara my absolute beloveds 🥰.

Thanks again for your ask and your follow, and my apologies for the rambling in my response XDDD

#i just screamed #thank you ​tumblr user cynicalrainbows #fanbecca #rebecca das musical

[mixedstyles]

OH MY GOSH U HAVE SIX OF CROWS ON YOUR TBR!!!!!! i recently read that duology and i loved it. i will genuinely take those two books to my grave. they've become one of my 5 star reads!!

im not sure if you've watched the netflix series "shadow and bone" but i did! mainly bc i wanted to get a gist of the setting, magic, etc., without having to read the original trilogy. (also partly because i've seen reviews saying that the trilogy wasn't great 😭 so i just didnt want to go through that and went straight to the netflix show) thankfully, there wasn't too much spoilers for the main characters of "six of crows"! (a little bit from their past tho? but i didn't really mind those much) anyway im kinda glad i did that bc i could imagine the characters and setting of six of crows so well !! like i imagined each character as the actors from the show and it was like i could hear their voices in my head. it was amazing !! this is just me gushing ab books bc WOW i love that duology so bad

- 🌸

AHHH NO GUSH ABOUT BOOKS PLEASE

I’m going to add a ‘keep reading’ because this might be long 🤪

Yes!!! I do have it on my TBR!! I also have it irl too

I recently started to get back into books. Ya girl has severe adhd so it was always really hard for me to stay present while reading. But I now read in tandem with audiobooks!! That’s how I’ve been reading most things and it helps me so much!! My favorites are when they have separate voices for each character. I’m waiting for my next audible credit to get the six of crows audio (only available through Amazon audible smh 🙄). I’m excited for that one because it’s not just one VO but multiple voice actors!!

And I have seen the show! Partially why I wanted to read the book! I heard that the show runners loved the Crows so much that they added it into the adaptation instead of just focusing on the Grisha!! (not fact-checked) and then I started reading Kaz x reader fics and lowkey wanted to read it even more (if you’re into that kind of thing @swanimagines is a BRILLIANT writer and her Kaz fics are my favorite).

I’m obsessed with this one book series called ‘Cradle’ by Will Wight. I would need a whole other post about that one. I listened to the audiobooks twice (there are 10 🫣😭 but they’re relatively short books).

AHHH MY LITTLE 🌸 YOU’RE MAKING ME WANT TO READ EVERYTHING. If anyone else read this post please feel free to talk books! Lowkey gonna tag this as ‘Rey’s book club’ or like ‘book talk’ I lowkey made a side-blog just in case these book conversations continue @reysbookclub

#🌸 anon #Rey’s book club #my asks

[lyrical-linguist]

Tarot Cards

Archivist

Statement of Evan Lodge, regarding the alleged series of ‘bad luck’ in early 2019 following the purchase of a deck of Tarot cards in August 2018. Original statement given May 7th 2019. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.

Statement begins.

Statement (Archivist)

I’ve never really been one for that spiritual nonsense. Plenty of my friends are into it, New Age spirituality and paganism etcetera, etcetera. I always found it fun, though. I might not have believed in any of it, but tarot cards and horoscopes and crystals were a nice bit of fun, something to do when I was bored and a good way to give yourself advice. I’ve always found all these supposedly prophetic things to be a good way to convince yourself do to what you already know you need to. It’s all just confirmation bias and coincidence.

And even when weird stuff does happen, it’s not like there’s anything supernatural. It’s just a coincidence, or some sciency thing we don’t yet understand or can’t see, like how some fish can see infra-red, or some bugs can see more colours than we can. Things doing stuff they shouldn’t, it’s all just ions or quantum physics, or maybe dark matter - we don’t understand that yet. The point is: everything weird has an empirical scientific explanation. Anything that seems supernatural has a, well, natural reason. It has to. But those cards, I don’t know. They’re just wrong. I’ve not done drugs, I don’t think I’m hallucinating, there has to be an explanation. I need you to tell me that there’s a rational, scientific explanation. I’m not crazy, I’m not!

I’m sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself. I’ll start at the beginning.

It was just like any other day in August, I was in town doing some shopping as it was the Summer holidays and I was yet to start my University term. I was looking around some charity shops as I’ve never particularly been a fan of the more modern, more expensive clothing you get on the highstreet. I specifically remember the shop that I went into third, because there was this beautiful vintage jacket significantly under-priced, and I bought it immediately. As is the norm, I had a quick look around the books and the CDs. I don’t suppose you care what I bought, but I’ll mention it just in case it is useful in tracking the shop or something. I remember looking through the books for a little longer than usual. A friend had told me they had found a beautiful clothbound book from the 1800s here last week. No luck, though, and in the end I just got a copy of Dorian Grey and a couple of CDs from some obscure band I’d never heard of before. Sorry, that’s probably not a useful fact.

It was then that I saw them, looking though old teapots and photo frames. At first I thought it was just a pack of ornate playing cards, but as I looked closer I realised they were tarot cards, an intricately morbid design painted on the box. As I said, I’ve never really believed in spiritual nonsense, but there was just something about this deck that drew me to the cards.

I took a few out in the shop to examine them, and of course they first card I pulled was Death. At the time, this seemed amusing. I know that Death signifies new beginnings and fresh starts, but it’s always funny to pretend it means I’m going to die. Well, it used to be. Anyway, I pulled out the card, and examined it. It was truly beautiful, unlike any deck I had seen before. It seemed to be hand-painted, the ivory of Death’s bones stark white against the black of his cloak and the red of the corpses at his feet. If I hadn’t known better, I would have said that red looked like fresh blood. Of course given the age of the deck, blood would have been a dark brown not this glistening scarlet. Every card in the deck was the same; a black and white design with blood-red detailing. Even the cards of the Major Arcana signifying anything alive seemed almost dead. They weren’t skeletal, no sunken eyes, they even had joyous expressions. I could not label any detail that made them seem that way, they were just… dead.

I do not do justice the beauty of those cards in my description, but of course I bought them. Maybe I didn’t believe in that stuff, but they truly were beautiful, and I’ve always found the aesthetic morbidly appealing. Not to mention that they were only £2, and I felt oddly drawn to these cards, as though they were made just for me. There was no company listed on the back of the box, just a cardboard thing with ‘Tarot’ crudely painted on the front. It didn’t seem to match the look of the deck, and seemed to have been made significantly after the cards themselves were. Something of this beauty seemed to belong to some sort of ornate wooden box, like a more expensive version of those boxes dominos used to come in. The cards seemed to be lacking this, but I don’t suppose I thought much of it at the time. I was only disappointed I could not Google to find more information on their creation.

For the longest time, nothing happened. The cards sat pride of place in my growing collection of spiritual items, mostly bought by friends who were happy I was also getting involved in this stuff. Those same friends were massively impressed when I showed them my new deck, and even more impressed when I told them the price. I remember one told me that something like that could easily go for £50 if they were new, and in the hundreds or even thousands if they were as old as I suspected they were. Although I could not find my deck on the internet, I was shocked to find others selling for as much as 2.5 grand. I don’t know why, but I didn’t even consider selling them. I suppose I just didn’t think they were actually worth as much as my friends said they might be, and despite (as I keep saying) my disbelief in all things spiritual, I had developed some sort of connection to this deck. Selling them would be wrong. How I wish now that I hadn’t held onto them, that I had sold them, even given them away for free.

So like I said, nothing really happened for a while. I would read my tarot maybe once a week, usually the standard past-present-future spread, and I was even slowly learning the meanings as they were much easier to read than my previous Grand Etteilla deck. I was even quite proud of myself one day in early December when I managed to do my reading without even having to look up what the cards meant. I was less proud when I realised what the cards were. I still remember today, even though it was months ago. Past: Nine of Swords, upright; anxiety, trauma, depression. Present: The Hermit, reversed; isolation, exile. Future: Ten of Swords, Upright; disaster, betrayal, defeat. Suffice to say, these were not comforting cards. They were right about the trauma in the past, they were right about the loneliness I often feel. I suppose they were also right about the future, although obviously I didn’t know that at the time.

I dismissed this reading as coincidence and silliness. They weren’t some magical, prophetic pieces of paper, they were just a bit of fun. I had a little laugh to myself and texted my friends’ group chat about the doom I had just been foretold. I suppose the lack of reply should have been some indicator that perhaps the Hermit card was right about the present.

On Thursday that week, I suppose I was betrayed in a small way. It turned out my best friend was gossiping about me behind my back. Nothing big, nothing important in the grand scheme of things, I suppose, but it was a small betrayal. I thought nothing of it until later, remembering how the cards had foretold betrayal. It was just a coincidence, I told myself.

The next week, I read my tarot again. If people were going to be betraying me, I’d rather know. The future reading was the Seven of Pentacles reversed, supposedly meaning hard work without reward. When I went to hand in an essay I had spent three hours writing that week, my professor told me that he had set that for his other class, and we didn’t have to do. Three hours wasted.  

This continued for weeks. I would read my tarot, my supposed doom would be foretold, and something small and bad would happen. I know it was silly, I know it went against all the science I believed in, I know that nothing that was happening was even very severe, but I got scared of those cards. I’m not a complete idiot, I’ve seen all the horror movies, so after a few weeks I simply stopped reading my tarot. It was just a slew of bad luck, nothing to do with those creepy cards, I told myself. I didn’t really think stopping would change anything, but there was that little voice in the back of my head, that little superstitious anxiety. I thought it would help, and it did. For one week. That bad luck that had been plaguing me for so long stopped, almost the day I usually read my tarot. By the next week I had almost convinced myself that it had all been just a series of unfortunate events, nothing to do with the cards and just another coincidence. But that was when the dreams started.

I used to read my tarot before going to bed every Sunday, find out my luck for the week ahead. Like I said, the first Sunday I did not, the week following was bliss. But the second week, the 10th February, I got ready as usual, deliberately skipped my tarot reading, and climbed into bed. Now, normally it takes me an hour to get to sleep on a good day. I usually put on a podcast or some music and try to sleep, only for my mind to be invaded by a million tiny anxieties keeping me awake. But not that night; I was asleep the minute my head hit the pillow.

In my dream, I was at that charity shop where I first bought the cards, except it was… different. I couldn’t tell what it was at the time, when you’re in a dream everything seems normal, but when I awoke and remembered this dream, I remembered thinking it peculiar that everything in this shop - every item, every person - was coloured in that black and white and blood red of the cards. This wasn’t unusual, although I rarely remember my dreams, the ones I do remember are bizarre like this. There was a dream I once had, I must have been ten, where the people had orange and purple and green legs, but in the dream I thought nothing of it. Sorry, I’m getting off topic.

I was in the shop, oddly coloured as it was, and I approached the shelf where I had found the cards. The colouration here was even stranger, with the china and antiques only in that ivory white, and the red stain of the deck a blot on the shelf, redder than it had been in the waking world. I reached towards it, I could almost touch it- And then my alarm went off. That always happened in dreams, your alarm waking you halfway through. I do remember thinking it strange that I had remembered that dream and no other, as usually when I remember one I remember multiple. However, I felt the strangest sensation that I had had no other dreams that night, and from the moment I placed my head on the pillow eight hours prior, I had been in that dream and none other. Silly thinking, of course dreams did not work like that.

What was more peculiar, however nothing to be concerned over, is when the next night I had the exact same dream, and I woke up at exactly the same point. Of course that’s nothing unusual, I always repeat the dreams I remember. Ok so maybe they rarely seem to repeat so precisely, and maybe two nights in a row was bizarre, but dreaming about a pack of cards was not the strangest thing I had ever dreamed about and of course I wasn’t going to assume there was anything unnatural about it, I mean it was a dream for goodness sake!

The third night, on Tuesday, I was very tired. I supposed I was not sleeping properly, as the past two nights despite my eight hours unconscious on both occasion it felt as if I had not slept at all, and I was beginning to drop off in my lectures. I decided on an early night, certainly a rarity for a university student, I know, and headed to bed at only 9pm. As I have said, I was exhausted. That night, it seemed the dream was longer. It started as the previous two had, however when I reached the shelf and reached out my hand, my alarm did not go off. I clutched at the deck, which, although it seemed normal at the time, was in a wooden case exactly as I had envisioned when first buying it. Ornate, with the figure of Death emblazoned on the lid. There was still no company name, however.

I slid open the box and pulled out the cards, and seated myself at a table that, as far as I am aware, did not exist in the real shop. And then I began to read my tarot. I seemed to have little control over my actions in that dream, however I don’t believe I tried to prevent my reading. It was just a dream, after all. I shuffled the deck as I did when awake, and drew my past, present, and future as when awake. I’m afraid I do not remember which cards I drew that night, as every night from then on I had that same dream and drew different cards. It all blurs together after a while. What I do know is that from that night, the disasters started again.

I would lose important work or destroy my favourite clothing or a friend would end ill and I’d have to present a project on my own, or any number of unlucky but small occurrences. Every night I had that dream, and every day a new disaster would strike. They were never severe, although the first degree burns from coffee and small cuts from cooking were some of the worst of the events. It was like death by a thousand cuts, this constant bad luck. I already had depression at the time, and this certainly did nothing to help.

Eventually, I picked up the tarot again. It was a Sunday night again, the 10th of March I think, and after four weeks of bad luck, I had had enough. Maybe these cards were haunted or cursed or whatever, but the once-a-week disaster was worse than every single goddamn day, not to mention the fact that I was constantly tired these days, and not a small number of disasters had happened due to my falling asleep, and it was getting difficult to tell what was magic bad luck and what was just regular bad luck. ‘Magic bad luck’, God I sound insane.

And you know what? The dream didn’t happen that night. I swear I’m not making this up, I know it sounds ridiculous, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, maybe it’s my subconscious mind giving me excuses, but every week I draw my tarot, every week a disaster happens, and the dreams went away.

And now I come to the reason I’m here. The thing about the disasters is they aren’t totally random. I draw the Lovers, and I find my partner had cheated, or I draw Three of Pentacles and whatever group I’m a part of falls apart. Some of the links are more tenuous or less spiritual, like cutting myself shaving after drawing something with a sword, or getting a sunburn after drawing the Sun. I suspect breaking my weighing scales came from drawing Justice.

Last Sunday, I drew Death.

I know Death doesn’t mean anything to do with dying. I know it’s about rebirth and change and cycles. But if drawing the Sun can give me a sunburn when I’m outside for less than an hour, I dread to think what Death means.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the first card I ever drew from this deck was Death. I know that sounds stupid, of course it’s a coincidence. All of this is just a stupid coincidence. But too many bad things keep happening. Maybe I’ll be lucky, maybe Death means the end of a cycle. I drew Death at the beginning of all this, maybe Death means the end too. But the end of what? This bad luck, or someone’s life?

I can’t keep living like this. The bad luck is getting worse. What started as papercuts and torn documents is now mistakes costing hundreds of pounds and friends being attacked and falling shelves breaking my bones. That’s how I got this cast. With the dreams, it was one piece of bad luck a day. Even reading the cards myself it seems to be that bad now. I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up.

I need help. Tell me I’m not crazy or I don’t know tell me I am. Just… Help me.

Archivist

Statement ends.

Simply put, there is nothing in this statement that could lead to further investigation. These so-called disasters are too minor to follow up, and Mr Lodge has provided no information on these cards that could detail which deck he is referring to, and does not appear to have left any copy of the cards in our possession. The fact that they appear to be hand-painted and ornate, yet only tricolour is unlikely and certainly an anachronism if they are as old as Mr Lodge suggests.

There is no evidence to suggest Tarot cards have the power to either prophesize or determine futures, and this supposed bad luck is likely, as Mr Lodge states in the only sensible part of his statement, a coincidence.

While it is certainly worrying that these dreams occurred only when he was not reading his Tarot weekly, it is likely a subconscious reaction to the stress of this ‘bad luck’. Additionally, the suggestion that in the first two dreams there was not enough time to draw cards despite lasting the whole night, but in every other dream there was time, is illogical.

What is concerning, is that upon investigation, it was found that Mr Lodge was found dead in his student flat three days after his statement was taken on the 10th of May 2007. However, this death was ruled a suicide. Mr Lodge stated a history of depression, and Tim was able to locate medical records indicating severe depression and anxiety and three years of therapy. Given this, and the bad luck Mr Lodge perceived himself as having, there was likely no supernatural causes to this death.

End recording.

#the magnus archives #the magnus archives fanfiction #short story #short stories #writing #writer #horror #fanfic #fanfiction #statement fic #I literally wrote this so long ago I had forgotten about it but hey I may as well stick in my entire backlog of writing #Wordcount: 3273

[dailyaudiobiblechronological]

8/9/2022 DAB Chronological Transcription

Jeremiah 7 - 9

Welcome to Daily Audio Bible Chronological, I'm Jill. Today is the 9th day of August. It's so great to be here with you. It's truly my joy and an absolute honor to be reading the word of God to us together in community and what a beautiful community you are, and this is. We are reading the book of Jeremiah. Today we're continuing the book of Jeremiah, reading chapters seven, eight and nine. And this week we're reading on the Christian Standard Bible. Jeremiah, chapter seven.

Commentary

Powerful words we read today from Jeremiah. Does it seem as if we've heard these before? Do they sound familiar? Yes. Are they starting to sound a little redundant? You got it. That might be the point, to start taking note of the countless times that the people have directly turned their back on God. And we can read this over and over again. And I have been part of all of the conversations where God in the Old Testament is how do you say this reverently? I don't want to go too far into this and then not be able to get out of it in just a few short minutes here. But I think it can be our tendency to hear this and think that God is just always angry and the words seem harsh. But when you start to consider how many times, how many years over this time period of the children of Israel being freed from Egypt as slaves, led into the Promised Land, generation after generation after generation of a people distinctly set apart for a greater purpose, and watching them forget, walk away, turn their back, reject God, find other gods. And God still graciously sends these prophets, these voices, to remind people who they are, where he's brought them from. I mean, how many times do we need to be reminded of who we are, of whose we are? And why do we need those reminders? We need them because we forget. Because our identity is continuously being attacked, being chipped away at, being robbed from us. And listen, we can certainly blame the evil one that comes to kill, steal and destroy, but we also need to take a long, hard look in the mirror and know that we are capable of life and death within the power that lies with every word that comes out of our mouth. If we're building up or tearing down, we can be just as guilty with each other, our brothers and sisters, within the body of Christ. We're not even talking about the outside world of unbelievers. I'm talking about a body of believers, a united body. Same God. We're worshipping the same God. My dad can beat up your dad, except for it's the same dad. So we were zoomed way out in the Old Testament. We just zoomed really close into our own lives to sort of just put this into perspective of why these words are familiar, why we have heard them, why we will probably hear them again. But the one point that I wanted to clearly make is, instead of focusing on the tone and the harshness of the words, maybe we can consider the fact of how many times God has sent a voice out, appointed a called man with a specific mission to lure a people back to him. And we hear the words today that we heard Moses say repeatedly earlier in the year, obey me and then I will be your God and you will be my people. I was talking with a friend the other day and she's going through a really difficult time and her injustice is that sometimes there are no rewards for rising above and doing the right thing and watching people make really bad decisions without any conscious, without any remorse and affecting so many people and watching them get away with it. And I'm pretty sure we maybe can all relate to that. And what struck me when I felt powerless to offer anything to her because I have thought very similar thoughts many times in my life is this while I agree with her and what she's saying. Where I think it matters most is when we lay our head down on our pillow at night and when we look in the mirror at the end of the day or at the beginning of a brand new day with a brand new mercy. When we look in the mirror and see who is staring back at us. Do we know that when we stand before God. Knowing that God sees and knows us and knows before we ask. Will he be pleased? Can we make our Father proud of our actions, of our words? Can we know that when other people are doing things that feel immoral and wrong and evil and they seemingly have no conscience, no remorse, no accountability for their actions, can we know that we are right with God, that he is pleased with us and that our conscience, our character, our integrity, our heart is right before God? Without blasting them, without calling them out, with making sure that they get the justice, the revenge that they get publicly called out and shamed and embarrassed. I mean, let's bring back tar and feathering, shall we? Can it be good enough for us stand before God to obey Him in our own personal life's decision and know that he is our God and we are his people?

Prayer

Lord, I want to say so many things in this prayer, but I need you to speak today. So Jesus, I pray that you can be enough to us, for us, in us. That obeying you, lets you be our God and we will be your people. Let that be enough for us today. Let us sit with the weight of those words today. I pray this now in the name of the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit, amen.

Announcements

Daily Audio Bible, that's homebase. That's the website. Check it out. If you have not. If you would like to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do so several different ways. We can't do this without you. So we are so eternally grateful for your partnership. If you're giving by mail DAB PO Box 1996, Spring Hill, Tennessee 37174. Or hit the Give icon up at the top right hand corner of your mobile device. Lastly, look for the Give icon on the website. If you need prayer. Several different ways for you to do that as well. 800 583-2164. Or hit the red circle button on that app. You have two minutes on the prayer line, hit Submit, turn the wheel over to Chronological and it will get to the right place. It's going to do it for me today. I'm Jill, we'll turn the page together tomorrow and I look forward to it every day. Until then, love one another.

Community Prayer Line

Hey. D-A-B-C family, this is Danny from southern Oregon. I called in a prayer request the other day on the DAB. And put it on the prayer wall also. But I wanted my DABC family to please join with me in prayer for urgent prayer request for two year old Ben who is found floating in the family pool and he's currently on life support. They have weaned him off the sedation and he is blinking and he's sucking, but the doctors are not very hopeful. But we know that, we know the great white hope, right? We know that this is nothing for God, nothing is impossible for him, and we know that in the name of Jesus this boy can be completely healed. So please gather around me family and pray for this boy. Heavenly Father, we pray for your grace and Your mercy upon this boy, Lord. Just pray Lord, that you would just touch him, that you would heal him completely, that you would restore any damage that's been done to his brain, Lord, and that he would be dubbed a miracle, Lord, that this miracle would be to glorify you, to bring everybody closer to you, Lord, to point to you and Your goodness and Your mercy. Lord, we just pray that the family would just get on their knees, Lord, and give you praise and thanks for saving their son. Lord, I just pray that you would give wisdom to the doctors, that you would open their eyes to Your goodness also. And I just pray this boys miraculous full recovery healing in the name of Jesus. Thank you Lauren. Thank you.

Good morning, family. It's Ing from Denmark. I am calling today just out of pure appreciation. When I started listening to the DABC five years and a couple of months ago, it was hard for me to get into that daily routine to make time for it every day. So I often found myself catching up. And that has converted into today, where the first button I push in the morning is not that of the light bulb or the coffee maker or the radio, but that of the DABC. It has really become my daily bread. And that is thanks to you, Jill, you China, the two of you godly women working together with the Holy Spirit. You have opened the words to me in a completely new way with your commentaries, your prayers, and even with you reading the word in English, which is not even my language, but it's been so revealing and so amazing for me. So I just want to thank the two of you. I don't do it enough, but I do it barely in prayer. I actually don't know if I would do if this app disappeared. I know the word of God wouldn't. But there is something so special about the two of you and about the entire community in here. And I have a lot and a lot of readings that has a star and a lot of readings that I go back to. And so this morning, after listening to today, I went back to July 26. And Jill, I want to thank both of you for your transparency and your honesty and your round and your realness. And God, I just lift up Jill, who shares that she's recognizing signs that she's not doing well. God, that you will keep her and you will just fill her with your peace that surpasses all understanding. Give that to her, God, your precious daughter. Amen.

Hello. Daily Audio, bible chronological. This is Michael from London. Today is the 1 August, but I want to go back to the 29 July and I want to pray very quickly for Pat in Missouri and his son Arthur. Pat gave a very quick request, so I'm going to give a very quick prayer in response to his request for his son Arthur. And I want to read out revelation chapter two, verses four and five. And he says this but I have this one charge to make against you that you have left abandoned the love that you had at first. You have deserted me, your first love. Remember then from what heights you have fallen. Repent, change the inner man to meet God's will and do the works you did previously when you first knew the Lord. Lord also lifted up after you and him and his family. I pray in your mighty name, Lord God, that you just do a mighty work within them. That Lord, you will offer what he had left behind, what he had forgotten. His first love will be so prominent in his life. He will hit a revelation where he hears something. See something prompted to talk to his dad and ask. Dad. Why have I got this prompting to come back to the Lord and that his dad would give him the perfect answer that Lord God. He will come back to his first love. Him and his family. As Pat would have prayed many. Many years ago. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. We pray that will happen with Arthur and his family. So, Lord, we just lift them up to you right now. We just ask all God for revelation, a fundamental, strong revelation in Arthur's life. We're going to turn back to you, his first love artist, or when you're.

[dailyaudiobible]

6/22/2023 DAB Transcript

2 Kings 3:1-4:17, Acts 14:8-28, Psalm 140:1-13, Proverbs 17:22

Today is the 22nd day of June, welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian and it is wonderful to be here with you today, as we gather here at the Global Campfire and move forward. Another step together. Yesterday, we started Second Kings, and there wasn’t a big fanfare about that. I mentioned that first and second Kings were all one manuscript, and they were broken apart, for ease. And so we’re just kind of continuing the story of the kings but we did see Elijah taken by a chariot of fire into heaven, and Elisha now has this prophetic mantle that Elijah had, as basically as the lead prophetic voice. And so, let's dive in and take the next step forward. I say that all the time, even though I’m mixing my metaphors. Let's, let's go forward together, Second Kings chapter 3 verse 1 through 4 verse 17 today.

Commentary:

Okay, so, yesterday, we just really, really briefly observed the fact that Paul, on his missionary journey, everywhere that he went the message of the good news of the gospel of Jesus, caused a reaction. It wasn't like Paul would go places and give this message and then people would be like, well that's a nice story and then go back and have dinner and forget all about it. Like this was causing people to question, to consider, to reconsider, to repentance, to find new hope, but it was also very, very disruptive to the spirituality wherever…wherever Paul went. And that's the interesting thing about spirituality. Like, when you're kind of under the cover of what you think God is telling you to do, then you can pretty much do anything because God is telling you to do it. And so, Jews were antagonistic toward Paul, as they had been toward Jesus and this message. Something that Paul would've understood intimately, since he was one of the primary antagonists in the beginning. But the Gospel of Jesus was also disruptive in the other ways of looking at spirituality. And that is very, very much on display today. So, we find ourselves in the city of Lystra and that…that…that is now part of modern-day Turkey. Paul saw a man, and he saw that he had faith to be healed and he invited that man into his healing. And the guy got up and he had been crippled from birth and he got up and walked. So, a miraculous event. But the repercussions of the event were that they were, the people thought Paul and Barnabas were gods. Right, the Book of Acts told us that Barnabas was thought to be Zeus, and Paul was thought to be Hermes, and there was a Temple of Zeus there in Lystra. And so, it wasn't long before the priest of Zeus heard that Zeus is here. Zeus is here, we need to go out and worship him. And so, they're bringing bulls to sacrifice and a wreath of flowers and they’re going to do this. They’re gonna actually sacrifice to Paul and Barnabas. And just imagine, that this is going on in the city center. Like that's going to draw all a lot more people to the event than had originally been there. So, we have a mob, a crowd of people coalescing around this idea that god's have shown up in Lystra. A man has been healed and so, sacrifices need to be made to Zeus and Hermes. So, Paul and Barnabas have to kind of run into the middle of the mayhem, like this is a manic situation and it's all centered around the Gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ, and a wonder, a miracle that it happened following the same pattern of Jesus. A man was healed, restored, made whole again. Paul and Barnabas have to run into the mayhem and do everything they can to try to say don't sacrifice a bull to us. We are human beings, we’re nothing different than you. What's different about us is Jesus and we’re here to introduce you to Him. But even with all their explaining and all, they’re trying to get everybody’s attention. They’re still bound and determined that Paul and Barnabas are Zeus and Hermes and they need a sacrifice. Then whip into the scenario the fact that Jews from nearby cities arrive in Lystra and they've already heard what Paul had to say. It's already caused what it's going to cause in their city and some of them have accepted Jesus and are following a new way of life. And others are very antagonistic, as Paul had been. So, they arrive in the midst of this. And this is like so crazy. They're trying to sacrifice to Paul and Barnabas and then in the next scene the whole mob has shifted against Paul and Barnabas. And Paul has been stoned, like Stephen. Like when Paul held everybody's cloaks while they stoned Stephen to death. Paul was stoned. So, he went from being a god, to being a person worthy of execution very quickly. Paul was stoned but he was not killed and got up and went back in the city. And then they went back to the cities that had been antagonistic toward them. The good news of the Gospel of Jesus causes reactions, life changing reactions. Each of us have had a life changing reactions to the Gospel at some point in our lives and we could think back to what that looked like for us, when our eyes were opened and we could see the truth of it. But it's not really like a one-time thing. Our reaction to the Gospel should continually disrupt what is false within us. The good news of the Gospel should change the way we live every day that we get to live. And so, we see these reactions to the Gospel here in the Book of Acts, on Paul's first missionary journey. We can think about how we reacted to the Gospel when we came to faith, but how are we reacting to the Gospel now? Like, is it continuing to disrupt and pull us forward and lead us away from the things that seduce us into idolatry, and lead us deeper into intimacy with God? Or was it an event that happened a while back and it was an important event, but it's a memory. Maybe if we’ve kind of been in the wilderness or been in this dry kind of aired place spiritually. Maybe just thinking of how we were disrupted in the first place, when we fell in love with Jesus, when we knew what He was and who He claimed to be, and that changed things with in us in ways that are really difficult to put into words. It transformed us, as we surrendered to it and it became a part of our lives. Maybe just remembering what that was like in the first place and going back there and allowing the good news to disrupt us and awaken us and give us ears to hear and eyes to see. We can rekindle what we feel as if we've been lacking. The good news of the Gospel of the Lord Jesus remains the same. It hasn't changed but perhaps we have changed by being influenced in our hearts postured toward it. Maybe doing what the Bible says and returning to our first love isn't something that we do when we realize we've backslidden. Maybe it's something that we do all day, every day.

Prayer:

And so, Father, we invite You into that. Holy Spirit, come. Lead us deeper into our intimacy with Jesus, our love, our devotion, our loyalty to our Savior. May the Gospel, once again, ignite in us a fire, the fire of the Holy Spirit, so that we see with compassionate eyes those who need the good news. And may we see that person we look in the mirror. We need the good news every day. And so, Holy Spirit, come into all of this and lead us deeper into Jesus, we ask in his name. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com, that's home. That's where you can find out what's happening around here and so, check that out. That's obviously the website. The Daily Audio Bible app does all the website does and more, right in the palm of your hand and you can get that from the App Store that works with your device. So, grab that if you can, check it out. Check out the different sections, the Community Section is where the Prayer Wall lives. I speak of it often because it is there for us, for this community, us, around the Global Campfire. And whatever is going on in our lives, because we jumped on this voyage together to sail through a year of life and through the entire Bible, and we’re well out into the deep. Right, we’re out in the middle of this voyage. So, it's us and we are here for each other. We can always reach out for prayer and share our stories. We can always go and pray for one another and encourage one another. And that is the Prayer Wall and that can be found in the Community Section, so check that out.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible. If this mission to bring the spoken word of God read fresh every day and offered freely, to anybody who will listen to it, anywhere, anytime, any continent, anytime so, no matter where you may be, and to build community around the rhythm of showing up for each other every day. If that is life-giving then thank you, humbly for your partnership. There is a link on the homepage and dailyaudiobible.com. If you're using the app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address is P.O. Box 1996 Springhill, Tennessee 37174.

And as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement, there are a number of numbers that you can call. First of all, you can hit the Hotline button in the app. That's the little red button at the top or you can dial 877-942-4253, that's the number in the Americas. In the UK or Europe 44 2036 088078. And in Australia or that part of the world 61 3 8820 5459, is the number to dial.

And that's it for today, I'm Brian, I love you and I'll be waiting for you here, tomorrow.

Prayer and Encouragements:

Hi, guys, hello DAB Family. I am here but I can’t pray because I’m gonna lose my voice soon. But I’m here and I’m asking for prayers because my parents are going through a divorce. And I just, they’re both taking it really, really hard. And I just need them to know that they’re okay. But I just feel like it’s gonna be pretty hard for them, the next, at least two years. I’m just asking for help. Please guys.

Hi, DAB fam, it’s Spark. I’m pulling a quick one, real quick. I didn’t even know that I was gonna call in. But Bernie and the other gentleman called on today’s prayer on Father’s Day. I was gonna let the queen here pray for you guys and ask her, yeah, she’s looking at me like what? Ask for blessings over ya’lls family and your situations. So, here’s Queen B. Father, we come to You right now in the name of Jesus and we lift up James the Teacher and Bernie and the other guy who didn’t leave his name. And I just ask that You continue to rain blessing and joy and peace down in their lives, Father. Bernie, I heard, I heard your heart. You, you want your family to be together. And Lord, I just pray for softening of hearts. I pray for forgiveness. I pray for eyes to be opened, so we can see intent instead of our perceptions. In Jesus name. And Father, I just thank You that You’re covering those children. You love them more than their parents do and You are protecting their hearts. In Jesus name. And the second guy, you said you guys were having some really hard financial times, but I could hear the joy in your voice. And I just thank the Lord for that, the joy. Cause our joy is not situational. Our happiness is situational, but we were not called to be happy, we were called to have joy. And I just want to give you just a big ol kudos for the joy that it seems like you are having in the midst of this situation. And the gratefulness that you are exhibiting towards the Lord, in the midst of this situation. Father, I just ask that You just continue to pour that out on him. And that you cover …

Hello DAB family, this is Diana from Florida. Bernie, I feel your pain my brother and the struggle in your marriage. Because I have been through a two-year crazy toil in my marriage and wondering whether I was ever gonna see the light at the end of the tunnel and wondering if my marriage was at the brink of no return. And I want to just tell you Bernie, that you are not alone. And that there is hope from God for you, and for all the marriages who are struggling right now. I went through this two-year period, and I have to say, by God’s grace, God has brought me through, and our marriage is improving by leaps and bounds right now, in the name of Jesus. We are just seeing such a huge shift in our marriage, such as huge shift in the way that we are communicating and loving each other and it’s just marvelous to see. But I have to say that part of the reason that this is happening Bernie, is because I’ve continued to be steadfast in prayer seeking God. But also, have made sure to have accountability with church elders and leaders that are counseling myself and my husband and our helping us through things as well as having a marriage that can really guide us in our walk and in what it is we’re doing. So, my recommendation is make sure you have wise counsel in your corner that can steer you in the right direction towards God and toward each other. And in that, that will help improve your marriage. Heavenly Father, I pray for Bernie, right now. I pray that You have a supernatural intervention in Bernie’s marriage, in the name of Jesus. And that people would surround Bernie, right now, to pray for him and to help him.

Hello, everyone. This is CeCe calling in from North Carolina. I just wanted to say a prayer for the community as a whole. And hopefully I could reach someone that this could be helpful to. Or they needed to hear. But just know that God loves us so much and we might not think that we need Him every day or in every aspect of our lives, but we actually do. He knows what we’re gonna do before we even do it, so why not seek guidance from Him? He knows our capabilities, our strengths, and things that we can overcome that we never thought we could. And I really hope that if you’re struggling with self-worth, depression, just feeling inadequate or you’re not doing what you think you need to be doing, just turn to God because he has all the answers. And He will always give you the answers in His time and in His time, is always the right time. Just make sure that you’re not leaning on your own understanding. And just trust in Him. And that’s all you need to do. Just pour your heart out to the Lord, and He will always be there. He will always bless you and put His hand on your heart and show You that He loves you. So, just always seek Him, even if you’re having a blessed time, or in time of need. He will always be there. Give thanks always and love Him dearly. In the Lord’s name I pray. Amen.

[vreugd-madelon]

Ikigai review

Ikigai: The Japanese Philosophy to Improve Health, Work and Relationships by Alicia Mori is a Non-fiction audiobook of just under 4 hours.

Discover the true purpose of your life and live longer: here's how! Have you ever heard about Okinawa? It's an island in Japan where people regularly live to be 100 years old. Even at a very advanced age, they still do what they love and enjoy an active social life. One of their main secrets is "ikigai". It means the reason why you get up in the morning. It's what makes your life valuable. It makes you feel peaceful, focused, and energized. It can be a hobby, but you can also choose your job based on your ikigai, and you'll be an excellent professional because you'll be doing what you're naturally good at! So, how do you find your ikigai?

I rate this book 3/5 stars.

Maybe it because of the fact that it was an audio book, but while listening I really enjoyed the anecdotes and tips on how to find your purpose in life. While listening I felt that it all made sense, but now that I’m writing this review 10 days later, I must be honest and say that I’ve mostly forgotten everything that was discussed within the book. I do think that it’s very useful to have an insight into what makes you, you and how you can live the most fulfilling life, maybe this is one of those Non-Fiction book it’s best to have physically so you can mark certain passages and grab off the shelf every one in a while.

Pic beneath shows how the Ikigai works: (not my picture)

Do you have any questions? Or maybe some recommendations? Send me an ask here on Tumblr or tweet me.  If you wish to support me, you can buy me a coffee! Or even buy my debut fantasy novel, The Mending Road.

#Ikigai #alicia Mori #non-fiction #book #review #books #reviews #book review #book reviews #purpose #life

[maxwellravn65]

Book Look At "Every Other Monday"

One of my favorite authors is John Grisham, a writer of many well known fictitious legal thrillers. I'm going to discuss his works and provide you some biographical information about him too. John Grisham has written about twenty-two classic tomes. Several of his books have occurred into movies as perfectly. Some of the most popular movies are the following: The Firm, The Pelican Brief, a Time Kill as well as the Client. Before website discuss his books, I supply some biographical information about him. The author is quick to highlight that while his story is based on fact, usually definitely a work of fictional works. People debate to dedicate as towards the length electrical power it popularized build the Taj Mahal and who the head Architect was that was in charge in the project himself. While the story for this reason behind the Taj Mahal been recently something told over and in Asia, the Western world has heard very little of the intimate love story found. The author brings this age old traditional tale to the Western World in a technique that simply amazes you the earliest page. This happens because research demonstrated that for easy, sustainable fat loss, insulin levels should be placed as little as possible the particular fast fifty percent of the day and spiked late by night. No more oatmeal and egg whites for breakfast - but bring while on the late night pizza and cookies. Jobs massive game changer in his career not once but countless time intervals. First, he and and his co-founder, Steve Wozniak, were primarily liable for the PC revolution, creating a personal computer user sociable. They took the ideas of fantasy produced them reality. And, their PC was one thing of street art. Juanita: Get the information talking with us today John. We wish you the forex trading as "Beneath a Marble Sky" continues on this incredibly successful road. Do you have any in summary for us today? Mack asks a question in The Shack that humans tend to be asking ever since they were created. How come God allow suffering? Why doesn't He stop thought? Because this would interfere with human's freewill (Olson, y. 26). God is respectful of mankind comprising their own minds. Innocent children and babies die, like Mack's own queen. He begins to question God. Since God is sovereign, and knows the future, is niagra part of your crackback plan of God? Acquiring dbforge studio ? Into his sovereignty, does He plan and help to carry out such steps? It's a scary regarded as. Knowing that the home you reside in and car you drive isn't your is not something which individuals like give some thought to. However, not thinking upon it will only cause you to slip further into credit. The only thing you can do is to take action. Not knowing exactly the way to get yourself debt free poses a trouble. Debt-FREE Prosperous Living provides along with all the information they need on getting their lives back focused. It's understandable if you just wanted to get information to the positioning and make out the print all, merchandise online you'll miss the other one other. Also, virtual audio cable is extremely good gift if you don't know what to gift to humanity between age of 20 or 30th. While reading, you will never get the feeling it is a rehashed product, rather it feels like a complete book in its very own right. Remember one thing, though, require to be childish while reading it all.

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[moemoemammon]

Following that "least favorite" request could we get their reactions to being to told that they're their favorite, but to not tell the other brothers so their feelings don't get hurt? Maybe because they relate to them the most or just get along really well. Thanks!

You're My Favorite! But Don't Tell the Others-

(Feat. GN!MC and the Demon Bros)

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

Lucifer

There are no words to explain the overwhelming satisfaction ion Lucifer’s face after you tell him that. Of course, it’s only natural that he would be your favorite, all things considered.

The Avatar of Pride won’t ever forget this moment. He carefully considers your words and agrees not to tell anyone, as much as he’d love to bring it up, because he knows more than anyone what kind of chaos would ensue should the others (especially Mammon) find out.

But they can tell something’s up when the eldest has been heard humming all day. He moves about the house with even more grace than usual, and hasn’t scowled even once.

But the REAL shocker was when Mammon tried hiding a bill right as Lucifer walked in... and the eldest let him off with a warning. A WARNING! The brothers thought the Devildom must’ve frozen over, but you and he knew different.

“MC, I would like you to accompany me to Le Pluvier this afternoon, once you've finished your studies. I've already made reservations, so be sure to get ready on time. I've made sure to consider the things you might like to eat, so I'm sure you'll enjoy yourself. Don't be late." "...I'm grinning? I don't know what you're talking about."

Mammon

The gigantic grin on Mammon’s face is so bright, it could rival the sun. You’ve seriously made his day. No, his year. Actually, he’s pretty sure he could ride this high for the next millennia! There’s nothing in this world that could dampen his spirits right now! 

He feels like he just won big at the casino! Of course he’s your favorite! He WAS your first demon, and now he’s gone and claimed his rightful spot as your number one! Good luck trying to keep him from saying anything. Mammon’s gonna throw it around in everyone’s faces for as long as he can milk it.

And you thought he was clingy before, just wait till you see how he treats you after hearing that. Despite always calling you his ‘servant’ or his ‘human’, you’d  think your roles were reversed. Mammon spoils you every chance he gets, buying you clothes and trinkets, filling the spaces in your room with the things he knows you like, monopolizing you completely until nearly everything you own is a gift from him.

Your words also help soothe that jealousy of his a little. Only a little, though. It’s easier to watch you talk to other demons when he knows he’ll always be your first man.

“Didja really have to stay after class that long? I know you were talkin' to that demon that lent you a book, but you outta ask ME for stuff! Tch... you're lucky I'm in a good mood today! But I guess I don't have to worry about some low level demon like that, seein' as I'm your favorite!"

Levi

Wait wait wait....Come again? Did you seriously just say what he think you said..? That had to be a mistake! Some kind of...uh..verbal typo! Because there’s absolutely, positively, NO WAY in all of the nine layers that he could be your favorite demon. And yet you still insist that you’re telling the truth, and Levi feels like he’s died and gone to heaven. 

Red faced and stammering up a storm, Levi looks like he might die. Is it really okay for a shut-in otaku to feel this giddy? Seriously, he hasn’t felt like this since he got his hands on a signed copy of a Ruri Hana audio drama! No no, this definitely beats that!

You’ve managed to inflate his nearly nonexistent ego, and now he feels like there’s nothing he can’t do! Maybe he could even go to Majolish right now?? THAT’S how good he’s feeling!

Almost as bad as Mammon in keeping it a secret. He doesn’t tell anyone right away, but they’re suspicious when they notice how much time he’s spending out of his room. And then when he and Mammon get in another petty argument, he drops the bomb that he’s your favorite demon in the entire Devildom, and you can guess how things go from there.

“Uuuoooo...!!!!! I've decided..! Since I've got a serious stat buff, I'm going to open a booth at the next convention coming up..! I'll sell my Ruri-chan fan art and spread her influence all over the Devildom! I'd never have the guts to do it normally, but I feel like I could do anything right now! Y-you'll go too, won't you MC?"

Satan

You nearly made this man spit tea all over his book, and now he’s coughing and spluttering and trying to figure out what could’ve prompted what he’s taking as a confession. You.. do realize what you’re saying, don’t you? And you know the kind of effect your words have on him?

Satan isn’t the type that wears his heart on his sleeve, so you have to look for his subtle expressions to tell how he’s feeling. But there’s nothing subtle about the redness of his ears and how he’s begging you not to look at him right now. For the sake of his sanity, give him a minute to recoup.

When he does recover, he agrees to keep it a secret for obvious reasons. And it’s hard to tell that he’s in a good mood, other than the fact that he hasn’t tried to pull any pranks on Lucifer lately. But Asmo sees all, and literally hounds him into spilling the tea.

He tells him a lie of course, but now the other brothers are noticing just how happy he is. Satan's smiling way too much today, isn't he? And he didn't even get mad when Beel got whipped cream on his jacket! Well, not THAT mad, anyway.

"Haaah... everyone's been harassing me all day, claiming I'm smiling a lot. I'm sure I look the same as I always do, but I'll admit that I've been happy ever since you told me that this morning. Wait.. you did think I've been grinning too, do you? I have??"

Asmo

Asmo always jokes about being your favorite and announces it as if the two of you are married, but when you actually confirm that his longing for you isn’t one sided, he ends up smearing lip balm across his cheek in shock. Did you... really say that just now? He knew it all along, but hearing it like that is just...!

Ooooh, he’s so happy he can hardly contain himself! Asmo throws his arms around you, peppering your face in kisses until you feel sticky from lip balm, wipes your face clean, then marks it up all over again. Good luck getting rid of him, because he might never let go.

Immediately posts it to Devilgram. Did you really think he’d let such a momentous occasion go unannounced? You must not have been paying attention to the kind of person he is! Asmo would put you on a pedestal in front of the world like a precious jewel if he were able, but this’ll have to do. He won’t hide his love at all!

Of course, the others don’t take too kindly to it, not that he cares. He never leaves your side, pampers you like crazy, and has even attempted to get you to move into his room. Lucifer put an immediate stop to that, though. Boo...

“I just can't get enough of you, MC! Just being near you gets me so excited that I can hardly stand it! You'll take responsibility for what you're doing to me, won't you? And in exchange, I'll take my time showing you just how much I love you. After all, you're my favorite, too!"

Beel

Beel never has a problem with choking while he eats, and it comes as naturally as breathing. Unfortunately neither of that applies right now, since you just made him choke on a meatball sub.

He usually takes your words with quiet acceptance, but this might be the most emotion you've ever witness from the stoic demon. His eyes are wider than that time that laid on an entire gingerbread mansion, sparkling up with such deep emotion you wouldn't be surprised if he cried. Instead he softens up and immediately embraces you.

...And doesn't let go. Sandwich long forgotten, he's been carrying you around all day, and ignoring any questions or protests from his brothers. Also insists on feeding you throughout the day. The food tastes better when he can enjoy it with you, so why not just bring you everywhere?

When he isn't carrying you, he's following you around subconsciously, either close up against you like a protective wall, or just far enough that you're within his line of sight. As far as not telling anyone, he... tells Belphie immediately. It was an accident though, since there's not much he keeps from his twin.

"MC, I won a meal ticket for Godevil Chocolatier. Let's get something for dessert today. Ah, you can get as much as you want, too. I really want to see what things you choose. They might become my favorites."

Belphie

There's nothing in this world that can wake Belphegor from his sleep, unless he allows it. No loud noises, no amount of shaking or smacking, and not even dragging him around the house. But the moment you whisper that he's your favorite demon, the Avatar of Sloth is wide awake.

Hey, you're not just saying weird things to get a reaction, are you? Because if so, this is a new level of cruel. Yet you confirm that you mean it and swear him into secrecy, and Belphie tries his best not to show how happy he is. A smile keeps creeping up on his face that he struggles to force down. It's annoying...

As funny as it’d be to tell everyone the news, he's good at keeping secrets. Instead, you've noticed that he's been sleeping a little less that before. When he does take one of his hundreds of naps, he finds some way to be closer to you. He's even been seen sleepwalking to your exact location somehow-

It's hard for him to believe that you're not teasing, though. How could HE be your favorite demon here? Belphie doesn't do anything special to win you over, yet after everything he put you through, you like him enough to deep him your favorite?

"You're weird, MC. I mean... me? I won't deny that I'm really happy though, but I guess I'm in disbelief. You should spoil me even more until I believe you. Lend me your lap for a few hours, okay?" "...I wonder what Lucifer would think if I told him, heheh."

#obey me #obey me! #obey me shall we date #obey me! shall we date? #shall we date? obey me! #shall we date obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me imagines #obey me scenarios #obey me writing #obey me asks #obey me ask blog #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me levi #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me beel #obey me belphie #obey me leviathan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor

[violettelueur]

— ITADORI YUJI + FUSHIGURO MEGUMI + INUMAKI TOGE || ADMIRING THEM

↳ featuring : itadori yuji + fushiguro megumi + inumaki toge from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : grammar issues

↳ form : headcanons

↳ published : 06 april

↳ pronouns : non specified in headcanon

↳ request : I'm so excited that you're open! Okay, can I request yuji, megumi, toge, and miwa(if you write for her, if not then you can ignore that or choose someone else) catching their s/o staring at them super lovingly. I'm talking the look in their eyes is super tender, they've got a soft smile, and their expression is just super loving and a soft pink as if their staring at the only thing in the world in that moment. This idea came to like 2 days ago at 3 am, and I haven't stopped thinking about it. Thank you!

↳ barista’s notes : so little rant here...i pre-ordered volume 0 and 8 since feburuay...it is now april and where the hell are my manga books? ALSO I DON’T NEED TIKTOK PEOPLE TELLING ME THEY GOT THEM WITH THE ‘IS YOU MAD THAT I’M RICH’ AUDIO...MAYBE LET ME HAVE THE CHANCE TO GET THEM WITH THE LAST REMAINING MONEY FROM MY LAST PAYCHECK SINCE I GOT NO JOB NO MORE BECAUSE OF COVID AND SCHOOL ʕノ•ᴥ•ʔノ ︵ ┻━┻.....other than that, i hope you enjoy your cup of classic black coffee and you are welcomed back anytime soon ʕ≧ᴥ≦ʔ

When Itadori finds you staring at him, it’s most likely during when he was laughing at a movie scene that you both were watching (well..him not you) or when he was playing a game.

You can’t help but look at him with so much love since when he laughs or smiles, it’s like the most precious thing in the world - like something you want to keep safe and sound.

Itadori will look at you back for a few seconds before asking what you are staring at with a smile of his own -  I don’t see him being a shy person, he’s quite open to everyone he has met.

“What are you staring at?”

“Nothing, I just really love you”

I feel like he is emotionally intelligent, so when he notices the soft tender look in your eyes as well as the soft smile that is displayed on your face - he will find it really adorable.

He doesn’t say it but he is greedy for your attention, so the fact that you are staring at him the way that you do, makes him really happy because he lowkey does the same look at you.

After the little staring contest, he will place a lot of kisses on your face and just hug you really tightly in his embrace - to convey that he loves and adores you as well.

Cuddles will be given to you because Itadori will be in such a state of happiness that he can’t help but just hold you.

He will always announce that he loves you as well because the whole world needs to know apparently.

When Fushiguro catches you in the act of staring at him, he will give you a weirded out look before looking away in the opposite direction to hide his blushing face from you.

It was probably during the time when he is just randomly scrolling on his phone or when he is reading a book and you are just laying your head on the table while staring at him.

After he thinks his blush is gone (it hasn’t) he will turn back to look at you and ask what you are looking at in an irritated tone - he isn’t by the way.

“What? What are you looking at?”

Just hold his face and say that you love him - it will be game over for him because he will look down to hide his face once again.

“You’re so pretty, I love you Megumi”

He will quickly retreat and hide his face in the crook of your neck because he’s just really embarrassed/shy at how you are able to make him break with just a tender and endearing look on your face.

The fact you are softly smiling at him as well makes his nonchalant self break down even more since he can’t help but love the way you look at him.

You will hear him mumble that he loves you as well, but it’s a bit difficult since his face is literally smushed because he doesn’t want you to see him.

Just play with his hair as well as a little kiss on the cheek and that should help him calm down for a bit.

When Inumaki notices that you are staring at him, he will just stare at you back for a good few minutes because like...he can’t say what he is thinking.

It was most likely during when he was watching a Youtube video - because it is now canon that he likes watching them.

I don’t know why but when he said “konbu” (it means hi, like hi there, why are you staring at me?) it’s quite funny because it breaks the silence of the staring contest you both were having.

He will notice the soft look that you have and will just stare into your eyes because he can see the amount of love you have in your eyes for him - to Inumaki, you look so in peace with him.

Inumaki is very lucky that he has a school jacket that covers half of his face because he does have a light blush painted on his cheeks right now.

When you say to him, “I love you so much, do you know that?”, Inumaki will have the brightest expression on his face - okay like I have heard no one talk about this...but Inumaki’s purple eyes are so beautiful...so beautiful.

Inumaki will give you a closed eye smile and will zip down his collar to show you his cute smile since he wants to show you that he is really happy that you told him that.

Inumaki will put his phone away and proceed to give you a few kisses on your cheeks while hugging you close to him because he finds you so cute that you said that.

After the lovey-dovey attention that you have been getting, Inumaki will just snuggle close to you and turn his phone back on to watch the video, but now it’s his turn to stare at you with the same look of love and endearment that you had for him.

© violettelueur 2021 : written and published by violettelueur - do not steal or repost

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