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marvel-m-lee · 3 years

Text

Sunrise?... •Part 3- M-Verse•

Fandom: Marvel

●○●This is a Tickle Fic Story●○●

-This story may also include Gore in some chapters-

(This chapter doesn't include tickling but Is advised if your reading the story)

It was late, very late, the young girl, whom had still been unconscious was left to lay in her hospital bed until she awoke. Steve stayed at her side, even though Tony and Bruce tried to convince him other wise.

Everyone in the compound seemed to be asleep, it was extremely early in the morning so it was expected.

You hesitantly opened your eyes, a bright light causing you to pull your head away and stir. Once your eyes became accustomed to the lights you looked around, you were in a hospital like room on a single bed with cream white sheets in a white hospital gown.

You sat up and saw next to your bed was a man, he made your eyes wide and afraid yet warm. Had soft blond hair, he wore a blue shirt with some

Grey tracksuit bottoms on. He was sleeping soundly on the chair, cute little snores coming from him. It made you smile, but quickly hide the smile once you realise you actually were smiling. Though it was cute. You began to have an arguement in your head about it.

"Hey" You snapped out of your thoughts to look at the person speaking with wide eyes. They were small, they had brown fluffy/curly hair and a pair of thin rectangular glasses on the bridge if their nose.

"Hello, I'm sorry if I awoke you or scared you" it seemed like a man, he stepped in the room whispering to make sure he didnt wake anyone. He seemed more nervous than even you were, and you couldn't remember anything so you were pretty shook.

"I- um.." You stuttered, you felt a warmth with his words.

"It's alright, would you like to come with me for a bit? I'm going on a morning walk, I came in to check on you both" The man seemed gentle, he wore a purple button up tucked into some light brown trousers.

You felt like you had nothing to do here, so you reluctantly agreed. You recognised it to a degree, and your gut told you he was safe so you believed it. His warm smile convinced you he was safe once you had agreed to join him. He wasn't pushy or persuasive, just warm and quiet. Something you needed.

"Oh yeah- your clothes, follow me" He whispered, mentioning you out of the room to follow him. You stepped out of the room and could see the outside world. The sky blackish blue, colours starting to fade with one another. Little lights covering the sky.

You followed the man, you were around just above his elbows in height, and you stayed behind him so he did look over his shoulder a few times.

"In here" he mentioned as he opened a door in a corridor full of them. You followed him inside, it was very clean and organized, the room were a moss green, the bed sheets were white while the pillows were purple- the same shade as his shirt. He had bookshelves and little plants at his window, a desk right below the plants that had a computer on and a pencil holder next to it. At the back of the room was a large closet and some draws next to it with a full length mirror and another door in which you believed to be the bathroom from the tiny gap you could see through the open door.

The room really was quite beautiful, the man went over to his wardrobs and pulled out a shirt and belt, the shirt was the same mess green as the walls, flannel that was seemingly one of the largest he had, the belt was a plan old black one but still seemed to match. He then grabbed some shoes, just trainers which may have been a little too big.

He then handed you these items and asked if it were easier if he left or you changed in the bathroom. Surprised of the affection and kindness you nodded with a slight smile- unable to hold back- and went into the bathroom and closed the door.

"See, so what you do is you put on the shirt, putting it up and it should reach down to your knees maybe? Then put the belt around your waist, do it up and it should hopefully look like a dress?" The kind man instructed from outside of the door. You followed the instructions and put the shoes on.

You looked in the mirror and seemed much different already. The shirt did look like a dress, and the belt matched perfectly. The slaves were left rolled down as it was quite cold and you had noticed bruising.

Exiting the bathroom you became a different person, by looks anyway. The man raised his eyebrows in surprise but smiled rising from his- as you assumed- bed. "You look wonderful"

A smile crept along your face, along with a light blush at the complement, unable to hold eye contact.

You both silently- but surprisingly not awkwardly- left and wondered outside. He brought you along a narrow pathway full of green bushes and plants. You both then came to a stop as he showed you the place he came to relax. It seemed to be the edge of the compound, it was beautiful though... surrounded by bushes and a little double garden swing painted in white and covered with little flowers crawling up the sides.

As you looked around you noticed a gap within the bushes, an archway that looked to be on a cliff or hill of some sort. Looking across the sea horizon.

The man went to go sit down on the swing, smiling to himself. He motioned for you to sit down as well, as you did he continued to watch through the bushes to the sea line for your vision to soon follow.

You then noticed something. The sky horizon it was- changing? The black turned to a dark blue turning lighter and inti more and more colours of oranges and pinks and reds. A large ball soon drifting over waking up the world from its darkened sleep.

Your eyes shone witb the colours. Locked in, unable to look away from the beautiful sight.

You hadn't noticed but the man sitting next to you had been watching you, as your eyes lit up and became engrossed in the colours, your pupils decreasing and letting the (y/e/c) colour stream out showing their beauty. You were so enchanted by these colours that came from a seemingly so dark place it was as though the man could feel the warmth seeping out of you.

He then too returned to the beautiful sight in which the sun evolved. After a couple of minutes the beauty ended and you drifted your view to the man. Wonder and colour in your eyes.

"What was that" you asked, pure childlike wonder through your words.

"A sunrise" The man replied, smiling at you. His smile seemed warm, but broken. Like he had been hurt before. You couldn't really explain it but the way your eyes connected for a split second told you everything about his pain and happiness.

"Thank you" you whispered, lightly under your breath but just enough so he could hear the wonder and greatness in the words. It made him smile and look away, nervous of what to say next.

"You're welcome"

You both sat there as you watched the sun float further and further into the sky. It felt so peaceful, and you were so grateful to have experienced it.

"Thank you" you whispered again unconsciously. It was just so beautiful. So wonderful.

The man chuckled slightly and turned to you with his warm smile. "I'm Bruce Banner" he remarked.

You turned away from the sky and looked at him, his figure, his name, "Bruce Banner?.." you questioned, thinking it though but ultimately deciding it was a lovely name. You grinned at him, "it's lovely. I'm... um" your smile died down for a moment as you tried to think. Your name? Your name? What was it?

"Y/n y/l/n, I know. We spoke yesterday. It's okay if you cant remember much more" Bruce reassured you. Grateful, you repeated yourself.

"Y/n y/l/n" you grinned glad to know it. And it also made sense to why you recognised him slightly, you had both already spoken.

"I really loved the sunrise thing. It's so beautiful. Does it happen often?" You asked, integeed by the colours and beauty.

The kind man laughed, "every morning, I'd be more than happy for you to join me. Only don't tell the others where this place is?" He asked politely, he seemed to really love this place. You didnt know who the others where, you soon would though. But you agreed. This would be your place.

After a while you both decided to head back. It turned out you had both been there for an hour and it would move be training time for everyone. Bruce began explaining who everyone was.

"So basically we're called the Avengers, it's off a plane Danvers used to fly I believe, though I'm unsure. We have Thor, he's a god, then theres Nat, she used to be a spy, theres Clint, he has perfect shot. Then theres me, Tony and Steve. We're the 'OG 6' as the press says" Bruce seemed quite intrigued telling you who everyone was. He explained most people to a degree, they're powers and what not.

You smiled at him, taking in the information. He opened the door for you and you both entered the building. Your new relationship didn't seem awkward, just warm.

"Ah so there they were" Another man said as he made himself a cup of coffee. He had a goaty, thin and cut like an oval, he had a strong build and his cheekbones stood out. He was wearing the sane colour shirt you had on- green moss with a V neckline and some usual black trousers. He walked over to you and was a few inches taller than Bruce and walked over to introduce himself.

"You're the kid from the mission ain't ya? Well Bruce really did something" he chuckled out stretching his hand. You shook it anxiously.

"I wont bite, Sam Wilson"

You nodded,unsure if you should introduce yourself so when you let go if his hand you looked down and mumbled your name.

"Shy?" Sam smirked. He then turned to bruce to offer him a coffee, in which he declined to which sam insisted he tell him why if he were just about to make himself one.

"You- just.." Bruce was in a sticky situation until a woman showed up and answered for him.

"You suck at making Coffee Sam" Sam gasped in offence, taking a step back into Bruce.

"I do not!"

The lady rolled her eyes and begun making the coffee instead. "Thanks Nat" Bruce exhaled relief and sat on a stool and you followed like a lost sheep.

"This the kid?" She asked. She was really quite beautiful in your opinion, red hair with white faded at the bottoms from where dye had been used but grown out. She wore a black suit with some type of belt over her cleavage, her hair tyed up into a messy plait.

You couldn't really keep your eyes off her, this place was incredible. The people were fascinating and kind in their own ways.

"Thank you" you whispered to Bruce, he turned his head and furrowed his brows.

"Hmm? What for?"

You stumbled on your words, you were so grateful and warm and you had this feeling inside you that made you feel all floaty and bubbly.

Instead of answering the question you just hugged him, hiding your face in his body.

You couldn't see the look on his face but the others would never forget it, pure love and happiness radiating off of the two of you. He hugged you back, fighting the tears in his eyes.

"You're welcome Y/n"

You sat down on a stool as Nat handed Bruce the coffee and handed you a cup of coloured liquid that you just stared at in confusion.

"Coffee for the Dr. And Juice for the kid" she smiled at you both with a laugh. Sam had noticed your face though and watched you in shock walking over to you.

"Uh, you're meant to drink it?-" he didnt really know what to say. He had never known someone to not know what juice was.

"Um.. sorry.. i- um. What is this?" You asked looking around at everyone after inspecting it. You were welcome with confused looks which made you feel a little bad.

"I can't believe you've never had juice?! Its delicious, if it gave me my energy I'd be drinking it" Sam boasted. You hesitantly picked it up and took a sip, it tasted delicious?

Your eyebrows raised in surprise which told everyone you were enjoying it as you took a few more sips.

"See! Delicious" Sam remarked confidently witch a hand on his hip. Just then you all heard someone bust in the room yelling-

"GUYS?! WHERE'S THE KID?!"

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thicctoasts · 5 years

Text

Now Entering: Breezy, West Virginia

CHAPTER ONE

"5 coffees please, the others will be here soon"

"Any creamer hun?"

She sighed knowingly, "yes, lots please. Thank you."

The pudgy waitress walked off with her notepad, never once looking up, or if she did, wasnt phased by what she saw.

She returned in no time with the coffees and the girl at the table muttered a thank you before turning to the jar of sugar at the table. Although she did lift the sugar with her hand, her spoon levitated as she flicked her wrist, stirring the sweet little rocks into the bitter dark void of her Waffle House mug.

Wait.

An eerie feeling crept up her spine. Who was watching her?

For the most part, she was alone, although the two men in the corner booth, obviously blitzed out of their skulls, gave her little reassurance.

"RAHH!"

Two arms wrapped around her middle suddenly from the booth behind her, causing her to yelp and send the spoon rocketing into the soft ceiling tiles, embedding itself with a soft 'thunk'.

A fit of laughter erupted from the booth out of her field of view, but given the wheezes, she could Identify that laugh nearly anywhere.

Still rigid from the startle, she turned around and glared at the figure writhing with laughter in the booth. "Bunny what the Devil is wrong with you!?"

Bunny wiped a tear from her eye, "HAHA gotcha K! Man, for a malevolent being you sure are easy to scare."

Bunny swung around into the booth beside K, placed a kiss on her cheek (a platonic ritual between the two that has been present for years) and picked up a laminated menu.

"The others going to be here soon?" Bunny asked, eyes scanning over the options of different waffles available.

"Yeah, Cyphus and Rose and Nola are all coming together tonight." K panned, taking a long draw of her coffee.

The waffle house was at the very edge of the small town, next to the truck stop where vacationers and haulers would stop for lunch and gas and be on their way. There wasn't much else in this area of town, no traffic lights, no other buildings, just the one main road that went in and out of Breezy, West Virginia in the span of about 10 minutes. Being close to 2am, however, the town and all its edges were virtually abandoned.

The cowbell above the door thunked, signaling someone else was here, and judging by the Crowd entering from the black of night, it was exactly who the two girls were waiting for. Nola finished tying her red-violet hair into a braid as she entered the threshold, careful not to knock her antlers on the sides. "Ew who let you two in here?" She joked as she took a seat on the bench across from the girls, immediately grabbing 3 creamers. Rose and Cyphus followed, Cyphus slithered to the waiting area and grabbed a chair to place at the end of the table. Her half-snake, half-human body never sat well in booth benches anyway. Her mottled skin seemed to enhance in hue and vibrancy as the plain black coffee passed her lips and she cradled the cup between her hands. Rose poured one creamer into her coffee and threw it back like a shot of hard liquor. It was often a hard gamble if Rose didnt have copious amounts of caffeine coursing through her veins at any time of the day. "You know Magic cant protect you from cardiac arrest." Bunny mumbled into her barely touched coffee. She raised her eyebrows, and motioned her half empty cup in Bunny's direction, "We'll see when we get to that point." She spoke with her characteristically neutral but sarcastic tone. The pudgy waitress came back, glanced up at the table consisting of 2 witches, a demon, a monster, and an urban legend, and sighed as she looked back at her notepad. Her fading red lipstick moved as she droned, "Yall ready to order?" As she tacked on her well meaning customer service smile.

K's eyes widened as she grabbed the box, "Holy shit is that an old Polaroid? Does it still work?"

"Yeah it does! I took a couple practice pictures with some film I bought for it! It works great! I wonder why someone would donate this?" Bunny mused while pointing the camera at her friends and looking at them through the viewfinder.

The waitress came back with the plates of their food, Dark Lunch as the group called it, (past a midnight snack, but before breakfast), and glanced up at the camera before placing Nola's peanut butter waffle down in front of her.

"Polaroid, huh? Havent seen one of those in a long time. It still work?"

Bunny smiled and nodded as her ears flopped along with her head.

"I can take y'alls picture if ya want." She offered, taking the camera as it was handed to her. The mishmashed family grouped together over the table and smiled, some making silly smiles and the others looking more stoic and calm. Right as the camera clicked and flashed, the door-bell thanked, and all 12 eyes flashed to the two police officers in the doorway.

"Evening Brady, Finchworth."

"Evening Diane." The taller officer spoke, taking off his hat and running his fingers through his cropped, though curly red hair. The two officers took the seats at the bar, the shorter officer staying quiet and opting to smile and wave at the monster mash, rather than speak up like officer Brady. "Good evening ladies," Brady said with his comforting smile, "how darks the coffee tonight, Cyphus?"

Cyphus chuckled at the very accurate comment and mused, "almost as dark as the bags under your eyes, Brady!" He smirked and took a sip of the water the waitress brought him without asking. The entire town of Breezy knew Officer Brady was the glue holding the towns laws, domestic issues, and even acting as a court official. He works countless hours, works near constant overtime, and rarely has a day off.

The photo was finally printing out of the Polaroid. Bunny took it and shook it as she turned to her snake friend. "Oh leave him alone Cyph. Hes the hardest working soul in this town! Without him and the others Breezy would turn into Lord of the Flies in a matter of days." She exaggerated sarcastically, but as she did, it was always with a grain of truth. "Hey, Brady! You guys made it into our photo!" She teased as she held it up and turned around in her booth to face the policemen.

"Oh honey we're sorry, I could take another one for you? Hey is that a Polaroid?" He and officer Finchworth looked curiously at the little square photo.

"No, no! It's okay! You guys are here nearly as much as us, you belong in the picture too. It's good!" Bunny giggled and smiled at the officers and the photo before passing it around the table then placing it in her bag.

Around 10 minutes passed, filled with banter, chatter of the day, and consuming the unhealthy amount of cheese and hashbrowns they ordered collectively.

Seeing as everything was attended to, Diane, the waitress, leaned over the counter to speak to the men.

"Hows that case been going for you boys? Any new leads?"

"Not a one." Finchworth shook his head and placed his somewhat round chin in his hand. "Just another call about holes in the ground."

Rose looked up from her eggs and froze, listening.

"Another one?" Diane huffed, clearly empathizing with Finchworth's frustration.

Officer Brady piped in, "yeah! The Eugene's farm this time. Big, deep gashes in the crop fields that hurt the plants and the livestock. Everything is fine except the topsoil and earth is all charred and burnt. Sometimes the animals fall in and get hurt or they get burnt too. But theres no evidence of anybody. No kids with lighters or shovels, not a trace of anything."

The air grew tense as Officer Brady's eyes flitted over to lock with Rose's now wide ones.

"What?" Brady challenged, with fear edging his voice.

"That's been happening to other people too?" Rose swallowed heavily. "Its been happening on the edges of my property in the woods. My cats are afraid to go outside and my birds wont nest in the trees because they're afraid more will fall."

Officer Brady dug in his pocket for his notepad and pen.

"Rose, hun," he stood up and motioned to the door, eyes a little too wide for comfort, "step outside with me please."

#writing #original characters #original story #NEBWV STORY #NEBWV #chapter 1 #yeehaw

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nebwv · 5 years

Text

Now Entering: Breezy, West Virginia

CHAPTER ONE

“5 coffees please, the others will be here soon”

“Any creamer hun?”

She sighed knowingly, “yes, lots please. Thank you.”

The pudgy waitress walked off with her notepad, never once looking up, or if she did, wasnt phased by what she saw.

Wait.

An eerie feeling crept up her spine. Who was watching her?

For the most part, she was alone, although the two men in the corner booth, obviously blitzed out of their skulls, gave her little reassurance.

“RAHH!”

Two arms wrapped around her middle suddenly from the booth behind her, causing her to yelp and send the spoon rocketing into the soft ceiling tiles, embedding itself with a soft ‘thunk’.

A fit of laughter erupted from the booth out of her field of view, but given the wheezes, she could Identify that laugh nearly anywhere.

Still rigid from the startle, she turned around and glared at the figure writhing with laughter in the booth. “Bunny what the Devil is wrong with you!?”

Bunny wiped a tear from her eye, “HAHA gotcha K! Man, for a malevolent being you sure are easy to scare.”

Bunny swung around into the booth beside K, placed a kiss on her cheek (a platonic ritual between the two that has been present for years) and picked up a laminated menu.

“The others going to be here soon?” Bunny asked, eyes scanning over the options of different waffles available.

“Yeah, Cyphus and Rose and Nola are all coming together tonight.” K panned, taking a long draw of her coffee.

The waffle house was at the very edge of the small town, next to the truck stop where vacationers and haulers would stop for lunch and gas and be on their way. There wasn’t much else in this area of town, no traffic lights, no other buildings, just the one main road that went in and out of Breezy, West Virginia in the span of about 10 minutes. Being close to 2am, however, the town and all its edges were virtually abandoned.

The cowbell above the door thunked, signaling someone else was here, and judging by the Crowd entering from the black of night, it was exactly who the two girls were waiting for. Nola finished tying her red-violet hair into a braid as she entered the threshold, careful not to knock her antlers on the sides. “Ew who let you two in here?” She joked as she took a seat on the bench across from the girls, immediately grabbing 3 creamers. Rose and Cyphus followed, Cyphus slithered to the waiting area and grabbed a chair to place at the end of the table. Her half-snake, half-human body never sat well in booth benches anyway. Her mottled skin seemed to enhance in hue and vibrancy as the plain black coffee passed her lips and she cradled the cup between her hands. Rose poured one creamer into her coffee and threw it back like a shot of hard liquor. It was often a hard gamble if Rose didnt have copious amounts of caffeine coursing through her veins at any time of the day. “You know Magic cant protect you from cardiac arrest.” Bunny mumbled into her barely touched coffee. She raised her eyebrows, and motioned her half empty cup in Bunny’s direction, “We’ll see when we get to that point.” She spoke with her characteristically neutral but sarcastic tone. The pudgy waitress came back, glanced up at the table consisting of 2 witches, a demon, a monster, and an urban legend, and sighed as she looked back at her notepad. Her fading red lipstick moved as she droned, “Yall ready to order?” As she tacked on her well meaning customer service smile.

The collection straight from a ghost hunting blog ordered their food, got refills on coffee, and began to wait. Bunny pulled off her dark red beanie- her favorite, as it fit her head and was made by a friend- and her large rabbit-like ears flopped out and instantly twitched, shook, and perked up. “Guys! You’ll never believe what I found at the thrift store!” She pulled her small backpack out from under the table, unzipping it, and rifling through the contents of the seemingly bottomless bag. Carelessly, she pulled out a rubber ducky, a lighter, a hairbrush, a large kitchen knife- K happened to glance over the second the knife hit the table, eyes widening and her face stuttering in shock before teleporting the knife to who knows where before Bunny or the staff could notice. After a large collection of miscellaneous objects have been dumped on the table, Bunny lets out a small “aha!” and pulls out a clunky, black box with a massive lens.

K’s eyes widened as she grabbed the box, “Holy shit is that an old Polaroid? Does it still work?”

“Yeah it does! I took a couple practice pictures with some film I bought for it! It works great! I wonder why someone would donate this?” Bunny mused while pointing the camera at her friends and looking at them through the viewfinder.

“Polaroid, huh? Havent seen one of those in a long time. It still work?”

Bunny smiled and nodded as her ears flopped along with her head.

“I can take y'alls picture if ya want.” She offered, taking the camera as it was handed to her. The mishmashed family grouped together over the table and smiled, some making silly smiles and the others looking more stoic and calm. Right as the camera clicked and flashed, the door-bell thanked, and all 12 eyes flashed to the two police officers in the doorway.

“Evening Brady, Finchworth.”

“Evening Diane.” The taller officer spoke, taking off his hat and running his fingers through his cropped, though curly red hair. The two officers took the seats at the bar, the shorter officer staying quiet and opting to smile and wave at the monster mash, rather than speak up like officer Brady. “Good evening ladies,” Brady said with his comforting smile, “how darks the coffee tonight, Cyphus?”

Cyphus chuckled at the very accurate comment and mused, “almost as dark as the bags under your eyes, Brady!” He smirked and took a sip of the water the waitress brought him without asking. The entire town of Breezy knew Officer Brady was the glue holding the towns laws, domestic issues, and even acting as a court official. He works countless hours, works near constant overtime, and rarely has a day off.

The photo was finally printing out of the Polaroid. Bunny took it and shook it as she turned to her snake friend. “Oh leave him alone Cyph. Hes the hardest working soul in this town! Without him and the others Breezy would turn into Lord of the Flies in a matter of days.” She exaggerated sarcastically, but as she did, it was always with a grain of truth. “Hey, Brady! You guys made it into our photo!” She teased as she held it up and turned around in her booth to face the policemen.

“Oh honey we’re sorry, I could take another one for you? Hey is that a Polaroid?” He and officer Finchworth looked curiously at the little square photo.

“No, no! It’s okay! You guys are here nearly as much as us, you belong in the picture too. It’s good!” Bunny giggled and smiled at the officers and the photo before passing it around the table then placing it in her bag.

Around 10 minutes passed, filled with banter, chatter of the day, and consuming the unhealthy amount of cheese and hashbrowns they ordered collectively.

Seeing as everything was attended to, Diane, the waitress, leaned over the counter to speak to the men.

“Hows that case been going for you boys? Any new leads?”

“Not a one.” Finchworth shook his head and placed his somewhat round chin in his hand. “Just another call about holes in the ground.”

Rose looked up from her eggs and froze, listening.

“Another one?” Diane huffed, clearly empathizing with Finchworth’s frustration.

Officer Brady piped in, “yeah! The Eugene’s farm this time. Big, deep gashes in the crop fields that hurt the plants and the livestock. Everything is fine except the topsoil and earth is all charred and burnt. Sometimes the animals fall in and get hurt or they get burnt too. But theres no evidence of anybody. No kids with lighters or shovels, not a trace of anything.”

The air grew tense as Officer Brady’s eyes flitted over to lock with Rose’s now wide ones.

“What?” Brady challenged, with fear edging his voice.

“That’s been happening to other people too?” Rose swallowed heavily. “Its been happening on the edges of my property in the woods. My cats are afraid to go outside and my birds wont nest in the trees because they’re afraid more will fall.”

Officer Brady dug in his pocket for his notepad and pen.

“Rose, hun,” he stood up and motioned to the door, eyes a little too wide for comfort, “step outside with me please.”

#original story #ne:bwv #chapter 1 #writing #original characters #yeehaw #slightly edited #revisions #short chapter #introduction

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trickstarbrave · 5 years

Text

sigyn is here, and i know it. i can feel it. and loki is too but hes taken a step back for a while as have i, and i think i know why he did.

he was waiting for me to be ready for sigyn.

she came last night. i was just doing my thing (and also ended up not sleeping enough lol), trying to look for stuff to connect w norse polytheism in the tags. and i saw her name. and i just felt the urge to know a lot more for the first time. now dont get me wrong i havent been ignoring her, i know her and accept her as my god’s wife after all and all shes done for him. the love she has shown. i just never felt the draw and urge.

well she came. hence my question for stuff for her and even UPG (which yknow if you still wanna share, im still open). she kinda just let herself in quietly. not as loudly as loki, shes still just.... kinda here. i can feel her. not too close and not too far, almost radiating and moving and getting........ all up over me. its hard to explain my god sensations so we’ll leave it at that. she hasnt said anything yet but its been hard for my godphone lately.

i was in class today, as i usually do and listening to music that goes hard, that is angry, and just doing what i do best: living in the anger in my head, feeling it, thinking of situations. i was thinking about spite, about rage, about the world. and normally i just let that sort of thing burn me up, the adrenaline is the fuel in my body. but this time it sort of built up and.... faded slowly. like telfon it wouldnt stick, it just sort of slipped off during the rly serious emotional peaks and i found myself.... not needing it. not needing the self serving rage.

not like she was pushing me to not feel it because Anger Is Bad, that wasnt the vibe at all. the anger was there, it just wasnt spiking, it wasnt peaking, i wasnt burning myself up from the inside in rage. i know that happens, and thats not wrong either, but festering in nothing but anger in my own head, rage, fantasies about power and retribution.... at some point it stops being healthy. at some point its just bad.

i knew months ago something was wrong. there was a prof who in reaction to a terrible letter left on her office building responded with patience, who took it as a point to learn, to communicate to her students and peers and colleagues. who took it as a point to apologize, even though she wasnt in the wrong. she was humble, she was kind, not guilt driven just...... patient. and i realized going home i didn’t understand it. i had forgotten what it was like to react with anything but rage. i had been seeped in anger so long i forgot how to respond to things with tragedy and malice with anything other than just. rage. rage that was consuming. rage that was blinding. hate that clouded your eyes and soul with no gain or goal. anger that was self serving and self destructive. anger that had no limits. and i felt..... bad. i felt wrong. i felt upset. how could i not understand her? how could i have forgotten genuine compassion and love and education? how could i not see you need both patience and directed anger to make a change in the world?

you cant simply destroy things when you dont even know how to rebuild them better. you cant. its foolish to think so. its foolish to think thats the answer. its foolish to think its more important to hate my enemies twice as much as they hate me than it is to love my communities and families twice as much as their hate. i cant hate them more than they hate me. i cant hate them so much that they burn up from it. and when they are gone, they will have succeeded in making me forget how to love. making me forget how understanding feels. making me forget what its like to not live always in defense, always in fear.

loki taught me its okay to be angry, to not bottle it up. but all im doing rn is letting it burn out of me from the inside. ive forgotten long ago how to rebuild, how to genuinely laugh at my foes, how to pick my battles, how to let go and heal inside. i forgot. so he brought me someone who probably taught him how to do all that

sigyn showed up rn i think bc im ready to... start a life. move out. move in with my girlfriend. make decisions about the rest of our lives together. work towards saving for engagement rings. work towards saving for a wedding. and i cant... do that if i cant move on. i cant do that if i forgot how to build. i cant do that if i cant let go, if i cant stop burning myself up as kindling for my own rage. thats not healthy. thats not right.

i thought my reading was abt my trauma, how i have been struggling with it and thats whats been getting in the way of my spiritual side and causing trouble for me consciously. and it probably has. but its kinda just hit me that its my anger. its my rage i have cultivated with my own being in the fire instead of outside it. there is no way destroying myself to destroy my enemies will ever end well for me.

this is getting rly long and im also very sick today, and sleep deprived, but thats the little Journey i just went on in less than 24 hours. i have a long way to go but. i feel lighter. loki is a god of anger and change and revenge but also he is not burning fire. hes air. he fans the flames just as often as he gives a gentle cool breeze. its about the balance. its about seeing and understanding myself and what i need. and i think im ready to learn

#religion i guess #dad #loki*#norse polytheism #norse paganism #sigyn*#sigyn #loki

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notimetoblog · 6 years

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Not The Time (pt.7)

Summary: After not seeing Bucky Barnes in what felt like forever you find yourself with him in the middle of a chaotic situation. Definitely not the time to reminisce about your past with him.

A/N:I think this is the longest chapter I've written! I just couldn't stop myself lol. WE GET ANSWERS in this one!! We also finally see the prompt i chose from @violentlybarnes writing challenge! its in bold. One more chapter and i will have officially finished my first fic!!! can you believe it? I really cant lol . Thanks and i really hope you like it!!

PART 1 / PART 2 / PART 3 / PART 4 / PART 5 / PART 6 /

Walking into the compound was always an experience. Your total awe at walking into the jet was miniscule compared to your reaction to the compound. What other place could boast it was home to the greatest and mightiest heroes on earth? They didn’t all live here fulltime, but still, it was home to them.

Bucky had mostly chosen to live here to be near Steve and Sam. Being away from them made no sense for his recovery. He needed people around him he could trust and who genuinely cared for him. So, the compound it was.

The trip up to the compound from your apartment was quite long so you didn’t really spend much time here. Your job needed you to be back in the city, so Bucky took it upon himself to spend as much time with you there. The enormity of the compound had, therefore, not been lost on you. The little time you had spent here, allowed you to observe amazing things. Who would be able to keep their cool when an always-present AI, holographic displays, Tony’s suits, and all his gadgets just existed here?! Coming up here always had you feeling like the little boy in The Incredibles.

“So what are you waiting for? I don’t know! Something amazing, I guess.”

Bucky teased you endlessly because of this. Always whispering the line to you when he caught you staring at something within the compound. You almost regretted showing him that movie.

“Y/N!” Steve yelled as he saw you turning the corner to the common area. He was walking out of his office. His smile was contagious, and you couldn’t help but join him. He brought you into one of his famous Steve Hugs™. “How have you been?”

“Hi, Steve,” you said as you smiled and pulled back from his hug to look at him. “I’m ok, kinda still processing everything.”

Steve understood what you meant. You had just been through countless of hours of work and on top of that you had to also be dealing with your situation with Bucky. Whatever it was, it still wasn’t very clear to him.

“Your things are coming back with the other jet. We made sure to get everything for you,” he said trying not to dwell too long on something that was probably still very fresh. “I spoke to your friend, Josh, he said your cellphone was with him. He said you left it back at a clinic?”

“Right!” you said as you realized where your phone had been left. “I must’ve left it behind while Josh and I rushed from a clinic we were visiting when we heard the explosion.”

“I see. Well, he mentioned you have a lot of calls to return.”

“I bet,” you said as you pictured all the calls you probably missed. People had no doubt tried to reach you once they realized you had been near the explosion. I’ll do that soon, you thought.

“I should probably call Maya, though,” you turned to Bucky who had been standing behind you. “Just to let her know I have a way home.”

“Yeah, there’s a phone in there,” Bucky pointed towards Steve’s office. “Feel free to use that one.”

You nodded and made your way over.

“I gotta go, Buck,” Steve said as you went into his office. “Take care of her, would you. Don’t be an idiot.”

“Yeah, I know,” Bucky replied with sigh.

“I’ll see you soon. Do you think she’ll stay the night?”

“I don’t think so,” Bucky said. “I’m driving her home. She probably wants to be there as soon as possible.”

Steve’s eyes widened with surprise. Maybe his friend wasn’t a complete idiot. He had apparently taken the first few steps to fix whatever had happened between you two.

“Ok,” Steve said with a smile. “Tell me how it goes and let me know if she needs backup beating your ass.”

Bucky snorted, “Will do.”

As Steve left, Bucky looked over to the office you were in. He could see your silhouette through the frosted door. You seemed to be having a very animated talk with Maya. He wondered if you’d tell her he would be the one to drive you home. By the looks of it, you had told her.

Maya hated him. He knew this. She had made it perfectly clear.

---

He had tried to stay away from the restaurant you two had met in. He had really tried but after a grueling mission he couldn’t stay away from the soup. He had headed to the restaurant at a time he was sure you wouldn’t be there. He didn’t want to cause you any discomfort or pain seeing him after what he’d done.

He walked inside and sighed in relief when he didn’t see you there. He sat at a table and waited for his soup.

“Well, I wasn’t sure if should expect more from you,” he heard a familiar voice say from behind.

He turned and saw Maya standing behind him with a scowl on her face. He had gotten along well with Maya. She was like a sister to you and she had never expressed anything other than love for the two of you. That had obviously changed.

“Do you mind if I sit?” she asked as she walked around the table to the seat in front of him. “Actually, I don’t care if you mind or not. I’m not here to make you happy.”

You had told her. Of course, you had. She was your closest friend and you surely needed someone to lean on after he had left you seemingly out of the blue.

“Let me guess, you ordered her soup?” She asked once she had made herself comfortable in front of him.

He nodded, preparing himself for what was surely coming.

She scoffed, “Of course, you did.” She paused as a waitress brought him the soup. The waitress asked Maya if she wanted anything and she had replied with a polite no.

“You know, Barnes,” she continued after the waitress had left. “I had always seen you as a good guy. I saw how you treated Y/N, you were good to her. She was happy with you, so I liked you too. Even saw you as a hero. What I didn’t peg you as was a coward.”

There it was. That word Bucky had been calling himself for almost two months.

“Do you know who runs away? Cowards do. Do you know who hurts people that love them? Cowards do. So, therefore, I have concluded that you, my friend, are a coward.”

Bucky didn’t know where to look so he settled his eyes on his soup. He knew she was absolutely right calling him a coward. He couldn’t look at her, though. Too ashamed to raise his eyes.

“If you wanted to break up with her, you could’ve put your big boy pants on and told her. But no, instead you had her worry over you for weeks. You had her thinking something had happened on your mission and your friends had just forgotten to let her know. She couldn’t go to you, so she called you. You promptly ignored her.”

He felt his heart constrict. He had seen your messages and heard your voicemails but he couldn't go back to you. His heart had broken every time he heard a tearful voicemail. They had eventually stopped around the time Sam had confronted him.

“I won’t take too much more of your precious time, Barnes. Just know one thing, I might not be able to physically kick your ass but don’t think that’ll stop me from trying if need be. I was wrong about you. You broke her, and I’ll always remember that. I’ll help her forget, but always know I remember.” She got up and started making her way towards the door. “Don’t come back here,” she added. “At least let her keep this.”

He hadn’t returned to the restaurant after that and Maya had never mentioned the incident to you.

---

“So, Maya is pretty upset,” you said as you reappeared from Steve’s office. “Told me to ask Sam to drive me home. Or Steve.”

He knew he would have to face Maya’s wrath soon enough. She was a fighter when it came to you. She had already told him she would gladly kick his ass and he had just given her the perfect opportunity.

“Do you want me to ask one of them?” He asked. “If you’d feel more comfortable I’ll get one of them to do it.”

“No,” you said. “We’re doing this now, Bucky. You said you would.”

“I know, I will, I just need to know you’re ok with this.”

“I am. Can we go now? I just want to be home.”

“Yes. You sure you don’t want to rest a bit before we get in the car?” he asked. He was getting nervous. It all depended on this ride home.

“No, I’m tired of waiting,” you replied.

“Ok, then let’s go.”

Before leaving you had gone to find Sam and Tony, again. After thanking them for getting you back to New York, you left. You noticed Sam mouthing something to Bucky, but you hadn’t been fast enough to catch what he had said.

Getting in Bucky’s car you quickly realized how suffocating this was going to be. The car was large, it had to fit a super soldier after all, but it still felt constricting. Your mind began conjuring all the memories you had created in this car and you had to try your best to quiet it down.

“Music?” Bucky said hoping to somehow make you feel at ease. An impossible task, he knew.

“Sure,” you replied softly as you began thinking what the best way to approach this was.

Bucky turned on music that always helped him relax. Music that reminded him of happier, lighter times. Songs that reminded him of his life before all this Winter Soldier mess.

You realized what he was playing and knew he must be feeling the same nervousness as you. He had often played that when he came home from missions. He hoped it would help him calm relax and it did, partially. It was you that always completely brought back his peace of mind, though. Now, he had promised to put everything out in the open, so you figured you’d give both of you some time to calm down.

After a half hour of trying to calm down, you realized you just couldn’t relax. When your mind wasn’t drawing up happy memories it simply brought up him saying I’ll come find you when this is all over.

You’d had enough of waiting.

“Was it something I did?” you whispered feeling the tears already forming.

Bucky had to stop himself from hitting the car’s breaks. God, he wasn’t ready for this. He was a coward, like Maya had said. He couldn’t face you and the pain he had caused you. How could he ever make you feel like you had done something wrong? All you had done was love him and he had hurt you. He felt the overwhelming need to pull you into his arms and just hold you.

“Darling, please don’t think that,” he said.

“Well, what am I supposed to think, then? Bucky, you just disappeared!” you said feeling anger bubbling up.

“I know, I know…” he began.

“Do you?” you interrupted. “Do you know how I felt? Do you know what I thought? I thought you’d been hurt Bucky. I couldn’t stop thinking something terrible had happened to you. You promised to come back,” you said not being able to hold back the tears. “You promised and then you disappeared. I called you! I lost count of how many times I called and texted you.”

Your sobs stopped you from saying more. Why had fate placed Bucky in front of you again? Did it like seeing you hurt?

Bucky had to do something. He had to comfort you in any way. He saw how your tears rolled down your cheeks, he heard your heartbreaking sobs and he needed to do something. He exited it the highway as soon as he could and found a quiet place to park the car. He immediately ran to your side and opened the door.

He tried to help you get out of the car, but you refused to let him touch you. You got out of the car yourself and stood in front of him. You two were completely alone, still somewhere in upstate New York.

“I’m sorry,” he said his own tears falling. “I’m sorry. I know I hurt you. I know what I did, Y/N, and I can’t forgive myself, so I don’t expect you to forgive me.”

“Why did you leave?” you whispered. “You could’ve told me you didn’t want to be with me. I would have understood.”

“I couldn’t tell you that because I would have been lying to you, doll.”

That name, again. ‘Doll’.

“Do you remember what I said when I last saw you?”

How could I forget, you thought. Those words have been haunting me since.

You nodded unable to bring yourself to say them out loud.

“I meant it. I wanted to come back to you. Of course, I did. I love you, how could I not want to come back to you.”

You looked away from him and you felt a brand new round of sobs coming up.

He loved you. He had said he loved you. What a way of showing it, you thought.

He couldn’t stop himself from reaching out to you as he heard your sobs again. He pulled you so close to him. If this was the last time he got to hug you, he wanted to make sure he remembered exactly what it felt like. Your arms wrapped around his neck as he brought you even closer.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “Doll, I’m so sorry.”

“Then why not come back?” you asked, your own voice barely above a whisper.

He didn’t let go of you and he felt your body shake as your sobs left your body.

“I don’t deserve you,” he said. “How could I ever deserve you? Doll, you’re the sweetest, smartest, warmest person I’ve ever met. How could I deserve you after everything I’ve done?”

You loosened your arms around his neck and pulled back a bit to see his eyes. Those eyes that had so much power over you. You felt your heart drop as you saw how sad they looked. All light had left them; the only thing they were emitting was heartbreaking sadness.

“That’s not true,” you said as you wiped his tears from his cheek. “You deserve the world.”

“Don’t,” he said. “Don’t say that. We both know that’s not true.”

Your brows furrowed.

“I’ve known all along I didn’t deserve you. I love you to pieces, doll, but I don’t deserve you. I figured the only fair thing for you was to let you go.”

You pulled back completely from his embrace at this confession.

“I thought I could tell you in person. I thought I would be able to look you in the eyes and end what we had, but I just couldn’t. One look into your eyes and I felt overwhelmed with the need to hug you, to kiss you, to just spend whatever time I could with you. So, I never did it. I always put it in the back of my mind. Hoping you wouldn’t realize how much I didn’t deserve you.”

How had you not noticed this? You were supposed to be helping him get better and you had missed this self-loathing.

“I would always try to convince myself that maybe I could stay with you. I almost did it. But then one day when I picked you up from work I overheard Josh say how he couldn’t understand how you could be near me, let alone love me. How he couldn’t see how someone like you could ever want to be associated with me. And I realized, even though you hadn’t noticed I didn’t deserve you, I had and everybody else had too.”

Your mind couldn’t keep up with everything he just said. Josh?! Josh had caused this mess?!

To say his interaction with Josh was tense the day he had come back to ask you to fly home with him, was an understatement. Bucky always felt Josh had known he could hear him that day.

“So, when I said goodbye to you that night,” he continued. “I really did plan on coming back. I planned on working on something to say to you to end it. To finally let you be happy with somebody that truly deserved you. But I just knew I couldn’t go through with it. If I faced you, I would just want to keep you, and nothing would change. So I just didn't come back.”

He wiped his tears from his face. He hoped everything he had said made some sort of sense to you. He needed you to understand because only if you did, could he hope of fixing this.

“Buck,” you said. “Oh, honey how could you ever think that?”

You tucked a strand of hair behind his ear and then wiped your own tears.

“Buck,” you said again. “Listen to me, you were taken, tortured, wiped, and forced to do all those things. Everything you had, was taken from you. To come back from all that, to be able to overcome all of that, takes courage, strength, and overall goodness. The universe could hand you ten million dollars, a mansion in every country in the world, and the largest bowl of our soup, and it would still be in debt to you. You deserve happiness more than anyone I know.”

He looked at you, scanning your eyes for any hint of a lie. No more lies, you had said.

“Love,” you continued. And God it felt so right to call him that again. “Please believe me. You deserve the world.”

He saw anger flash in your eyes before you spoke again.

“And that idiot, Josh, knows nothing about you. Knows nothing about us. He doesn't now how sweet, how caring, and soft you are. Doesn't know that you’re everything I could've have hoped for and more. He has no idea how your hugs feel like home, how your kisses make me melt. He doesn't know you, Bucky Barnes. He doesn't know how much I love you.”

He leaned closer to you, wrapping his arms around your waist once more and bumped your nose with his.

“Do you mean it?” he asked. Hoping with all his heart that you had meant it. That the universe wasn't playing some cruel twisted joke on him.

“Every bit of it,” you whispered.

He looked into your eyes once again trying to understand how he had let go of you so easily. How someone’s words could've caused him to spend a year without you. A lonely, sad, miserable year without your love. He could never say thank you enough to the powers that be, that let him find you again. And he was convinced he would never be able to word just how much he loved you. He couldn't ever truly voice it, but perhaps he could show it.

With a small smile he captured your lips in his.

It was not the time to think of that year apart. Not the time to think of Josh. Not the time to think of pain.

It was time to love again.

LAST PART

----------------

Tags Club! (Please let me know if you'd like to be tagged in other Bucky stories i write since this fic is almost over. Just one more chapter!)

@buckysmusculararm @notkeppeki @parkerprotectionprogram @kittyslove @whyisbuckyso @faunacea @creideamhgradochas @sony-undead18 @sixweekcure4dreams @snowflakesandkisses @just-add-butter @dracris33 @the-northernking @camillechan @this-is-happening @carry-on-my-fandom @buckyisthepuresthuman @seargantbcky

#Bucky Barnes #bucky #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky fanfic #bucky angst #violentlybarnes3k #my first fic #stories by notimetoblog

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todokori-kun · 7 years

Text

Ack

that sounds horrible, getting sick is the worst ;-; get as much rest as you can! I really hope you get better soon<3

(omg the pics are GORGEOUS. Like, Wow. Once I’m done writing this message I’m probably going to go back to stare at them for like an hour and silently scream over how awesome everything looks)

Don’t worry about it, I admit that Stoki is pretty much a crack ship ^^;;

And, well, the redemption fic I mentioned helped me fall deeper into Stoki hell, but I shipped it even before that XD I think part of it is just because I think they could have a really interesting dynamic- they’re just so different, complete opposites. Steve would confuse Loki so much tbh

Also, I just think that Steve (or at least, post-CW Steve) might be one of the avengers most willing to at least try to understand Loki. Partly because Steve’s just a nice guy, and then because of his relationship with Bucky- ‘cause Steve-Bucky and Thor-Loki are really, really similar and I think Steve would realize that.

And then like I said, Steve cares a lot about other people. If Thor ever told him about everything that happened between him and Loki Steve probably wouldn’t have too much difficulty in starting to see Loki as a human(?) being instead of some one-dimensional fairy tale villain.

Lastly, I feel like Steve is just the best person to handle Loki’s issues. He may not be able to personally relate to a lot of it (Tony, Bruce, maybe Natasha would be better for that) but he can take a step back and think rationally about the situation, help convince Loki that just because the rest of the world sees him as a monster, doesn’t mean he has to be one.

Hopefully this made sense? lol)

yeah, that’s pretty much how I felt about it too. It was just so freaking frustrating OTL

(And yes that letter destoyed my feelings too)

btw, can I ask what you think about T'challa? He doesn’t seem to have that many fans yet but I think he’s really cool and possibly one of the more sensible people in the CW movie (once he stops being furious at Bucky). Also the trailer for his new movie is epic and I can’t wait to see his sister…

Hisoillu is bizarre (sadistic murdery Clown with no sense of fashion + sadistic murdery needle guy with dead fish eyes) but also makes a lot of sense at the same time? Like, Hisoka got away with joking about killing Killua in front of Illumi, so…yeah. They’ve got something special LOL

omg imagine.

‘Satisfied but when you fantasize at night it’s Illumi’s eyes’

'Helpless but look into Illumi’s eyes and the sky’s the limit’

'History has its Eyes on you but it’s actually Illumi’

Why do I want these memes to be a thing

With the new revelation about who Touka was visiting at the hospital, I’m beginning to have my doubts about how this will end…maybe they might actually both survive for now???

But I’m a bit miserable rn because if one of them has to die I’d rather keep Juuzou too but it seems much more likely for Touka to survive. She’s like the main female lead, plus she has Kaneki’s baby…

R.I.P Naki, the sweetest cinnamon roll who just wanted to see his big bro again ;-;

(Also: Wow, way to go Kaneki, you finally started acting like an actual leader (in a way)! But can I just say, what absolutely perfect timing)

WTH I had no idea Soul Eater’s art style developed that much???!!! That’s actually pretty amazing! (And yeah, I know that SE has some pretty complex characters and interesting stories in it :D it’s just still a lot lighter and has different themes from the mangas I usually enjoy ^^ I might try it out though!)

Death The Kid seems really cool! (does he really have OCD in canon, though? Like, I’ve seen a lot of Soul Eater fans talking like he does but idk if it’s actually a thing? Maybe I sound weird but it just seems insensitive to say characters like DTK and Levi have 'OCD’ and talking about it jokingly when it’s actually incredibly difficult and stressful for people who actully have OCD, so I’m not sure how to feel about those fans)

Yay! Gotta go and try to find that fight scene now…

Join me in my suffering. I loved L so much ;-;

(But hey, don’t be too sad (what’s this? Is Evans actually COMFORTING Queen Luna for once instead of rubbing salt in the wound?!)! There’s always the book Death Note: Another Note (The Los Angeles BB Murder Cases)- it’s a prequel to the Death Note manga/anime with L chasing a murderer known as Beyond Birthday (…no comment on that alias). It also shows how he met Naomi Misora which is awesome if you like Naomi (I did, and kinda screamed when Light kiled her))

Eh, I think I’m one of the few people who doesn’t mind it being set in America because what’s the point of making an American adaptation if it’s going to be set in Japan anyway? I also don’t really have a problem with 'white-washing’ for this same reason (though I am disappointed because being Japanese-American would have added an interesting layer to Light’s character; despite fighting for justice, in canon, LIght’s never actually been victimized or discriminated against. He’s a handsome, intelligent young man who appears to be cisgender and heterosexual (even if it’s never confirmed) and is Japanese, just like everyone else around him. Japanese-American Light, on the other hand, would have really experienced how the 'rotten’ world could hurt people, so his acts as Kira might have more personal emotion in them)…like, it’s possible to cast a white actor as Light without it being white-washing, and since they changed the entire setting I think it’s fine to change other things too. Just, I’m cool with anything as long as they portrayed Light’s character properly…BUT THEY DIDN’T SO

I’m really just disappointed that they botched the characters and all the themes of the original Death Note story so badly. Sure, change the setting, change the circumstances, change the plot, changehe designs, but why did you have to take Death Note’s philosophy away?

But, because I might have been a bit too mean:

I will say that the movie LOOKS really good. The visuals are great. The soundtrack seems decent too. Also, though Ryuk’s motivations/role also weren’t done very well, Ryuk’s actor did an amazing job…and while I’m not happy with how L was portrayed in this movie, I do think that the actor they cast for him could have been a good L if not for the bad writing.

Well…from what I know, Light Turner ends up in a hospital at the end of the movie with his One True Love Mia(Misa) dead, so nah. The Keikaku failed.

(which just proves that Light Turner really is nothing like Light Yagami, because Light Yagami’s keikakus never fail.

Until the end of the Death note manga/anime, that is.)

Yeah, I know about SU’s terrible fandom, so I’m not going to actively participate in writing fanfic, drawing fan art or making HCs/theories with other people…I’m just gonna watch the show with my sister and look at pretty fanart XD

Tysm tho!

(Question: Which character do you think you are? And what kind of gem do you think you’d be?)

Aww, I’m so happy my awkward rambling actually made you feel better??? Like. Come on. You have no idea how much our convos helped me with anxiety and stress, so I have to thank you for that too <333

(And seriously, Queen Luna is amazing.)

For most people, they start going to elementary at seven (in international age) as far as I know, and then go to middle school at around thirteen. Then high school at…um…sixteen? Maybe? I’ve never really gone to school here so I might not be 100% correct but it’s something like that ^^;;

I really wanna try Mystic Messenger but since my phone is an old flip phone…I like my phone but sometimes this can be inconvenient LOL

(I’m totally fine with messaging here, but are you really ok with it? 'Cause if you’re not, we can try to work something else out!)

hi im luna and i wanna die.

HNNNNNNNNGH have i ever told you how much i hate school? because i freaking hate school from the bottom of my heart i can’t feel my neck anymore from the amount of studying ive been doing that’s depressing.

anyway. heartfelt advice: do not fuck your stomach up in any way, because you will suffer if you do. take it from me, i’ve managed to develop this amazing thing called Gastritis and now i cant eat anything without getting the feeling that im gonna throw it back out which is absolutely wonderful. thankfully, i don’t throw up, but it’s freaking annoying and ive lost waay too much weight already. best part? the whole reason why i have it is apparently purely psychological, too much stress. i got it in the middle of july. HOW my mom is also being INCREDIBLY helpful by basically telling me to ‘get over it’ like i can just snap my fingers and tell myself ‘oh yeah this is only in my head’ and it’ll all pass over. cause that’s how it works. so is my sister by always laughing at me

oook moving on.

yep, school started and i am suffering. ive already gone through 4 tests and a bunch of oral quizzes. yay. thanks teachers for totally not putting horrible pressure on us from the start. i stg, one of my most common thoughts these days is ‘see, this is exactly why i have a psychosomatic sickness.’ they’re sending my to a psychologist to see if i can let everything out and maybe get some advice on how to handle things better. i will laugh my ass off if i get diagnosed with a mental disorder. that’d be absolutely hilarious (I am in no way trying to make fun of people with a mental disorder, I’m just saying I honestly wouldn’t even be surprised if they said something like Burnout Syndrome or Depression (im not even joking when I say that I’ve been sleeping pretty much all afternoon + night these days, cry way too often, feel no motivation for anything, feel worthless, no apetite and also occasional suicidal thoughts which is oh so fun (ok but in my defence, the thoughts are really rare, probably caused by the fact that I feel nauseous like 90% of the time, and I would never ever do it, mostly because some people would miss me (I hope). there are moments when I go ‘wouldn’t it be easier to disappear?’ tho))

sorry about that rant

MOVING ON TO HAPPIER THEMES (and proper writing):

Yeah, Norway was truly gorgeous ^^ I don’t think I’ve ever felt more at peace than then. I fell asleep in the car at one point while watching the scenery outside, and it was one of the best sleeps in my life, despite being in the car. I’m glad you enjoyed them ^^ If you want, I can upload random pics like that every once in a whole.

Aaah, that’s pretty good reasoning! It makes a lot more sense now, thanks for explaining!

Yeah, I kinda see why you’d ship it. Steve is a pretty understanding person and, like you said, would probably understand Loki the best ^^ Recommend me some fics and I might even start shipping it myself ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I LOVE T’CHALLA THANK YOU FOR ASKING YES. I mean, he angery™, but also freaking cool! Not to mention crazily powerful *^* I’m pretty excited for his movie, cause more badassery from him!

Wow those sound like genuine memes. Seriously why can’t i draw XD

Also HIstory has its eyes on you but it’s actually Illumi will give me nightmares.

GODAMNIT I JUST WANT JUUZOU TO BE HAPPY IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?? (apparently yes)

Yep, since I have all the volumes, I like to flip through them sometimes and I’m blown away every time by the development. I also cosplayed the main character a while ago, so it holds a high sentimental value to me. But it is a lot lighter than your usual reads, true...

Well, uh, it’s kinda hard to explain? I mean, DTK is obsessed with symmetry and will go to crazy lengths to preserve it, get mad if someone disturbs it, will jeopardise missions if he’s not sure if he left something perfectly symmetrically at home etc, but it’s not so much as a mental illness as it is a consequence of who he is (part of the Grim Reaper)? Like i said, it’s really had to explain.

Did you manage to find the fight scene?

My reaction to Death Note in general: FUCK YOU LIGHT YAGAMI. oooh, I’ll search that manga up!

Well, I’m not so much upset about the whitewashing, more about the fact that I feel like the japanese general ideology plays a big role in why light decided to start killing bad people? Idk how to explain it...

Oh, Japanese-American Kira would’ve been a really interesting thing to see!

Yay, at least you found some good things? Well, it’s nice that you managed that ^^

Damnit, so it didn’t go according to Keikaku! It’s all because they didn’t include the potato chip scene.

Uuh, i don’t exactly remember much of SU, but I guess I’m most similar to Pearl? I didn’t really sympathise with any characters that much tbh. As for gem. Uuuuuh *quickly googles gem meanings* ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA. I like Zircon because of the colour and alexandrite because it changes colour which is incredibly cool!

Your rambling always makes me feel better tbh. It gives me a looong message from a friend I appreciate incredibly much so, yeah, I always smile when I see a message from you (even though my replies are so slooooooooow)

Aaah, I see! That’s pretty interesting ^^ Quite different from our system.

Ah, shame, you would’ve liked the most recent route, there is so so so much suffering.

Yeah, I am 100% fine!! Don’t worry about it! The reason why I suggested something else is because on sites w an instant messaging system, my replies would probably be a lot quicker,

I AM IN LOVE WITH THE AESTETHICS, ESPECIALLY LIZZY, THAT IS GOALS

and the drawings are adorable ^^ Hide tho ;-;

#evans #submission

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ashsinmywcke · 7 years

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First Blood // Chapter One

How old do you have to be, to be called a Woman? Where is the line between the child and the potential mother? For some people these questions have fairly straightforward answers – when you get to eighteen, or twenty one, or sixteen. Some people use events, the first time you bleed, or have sex or get married. Some people are a little more intelligent, they'd say such a thing comes down to individual maturity.

I know the day I became a 'Woman'. And it wasn't down to any one of these things, I didnt welcome it either. It just fucking happened to me like a natural disaster.

So here it is. I'll start from the beginning.

The sound is like this; a band of elastic pulled taught between two points, shaping the ragged screams which resonate over it like a bow sawing so hard over a violin that the strings scrape against the neck, and the horsehair breaks up into a hundred individual strands. And then nothing but a slack gurgling, muted by blood. A dull thump.

With a reflexive motion, I find myself standing. The woman in the seat behind scolds at me for blocking her view.

The puncture in my palm, caused by my vice like grip on my clutch purse, yields a cool drip of blood which runs down my middle finger and drips onto the floor by my foot. The crystal studded purse falls from my hands and shatters into two pieces on the floor like something stupidly fragile. I watch with far away eyes as they roll the body off the straight board f the guilloteen onto a black stretcher, then place the dismembered head at the top. They carry the woman away as if they were paramedics.

I bend double and a jet of searing yellow bile is ejected from my throat down the front of my dress and all down the back of the seat in front. I can feel it burning in my nose. The woman jumps to her feet and shrieks, as if my vomit were the most terrifying thing in the world. She's asking me 'what's wrong with you!?' angrily, again and again, but everybody else's faces, save the few who I've managed to disrupt in about a six foot radius are still turned toward the platform. Some are even applauding. I retch hard again but this time there's nothing to bring up save a long line of spittle which dribbles to the floor in a string as my knees give way under me, the knee split in my black silk gown tearing all the way up to the thigh with a crack as I hit the floor. I don't feel the impact but my eyes turn skyward as I go into free fall and I watch every heavenly body streaking across the black night sky like fireworks, leaving trails in their wake. The light scatters, diffuses and eventually becomes so bright that I clasp my eyes shut against it.

I become remotely aware that my mother is holding me by the shoulders, she's telling me to breathe. I think by now it has been at least three minutes since I last took a breath. A long pause in respiration, even for my species. My eyes open a crack and through the gap in the seats in front I make out the pool of blood on the platform, directly below where the blade had fallen. The sandstone is so stained from years of repeated coating that it seems black with decay, and under the white floodlights the pool seems more black than red. Black like oil, even as I watch one tiny rivulet find it's way to the edge of the stone platform and begin to slowly descend the bricks.

I open my lips to take a breath but the cool air makes my throat spasm and I retch so hard again that I think all of my ribs will break. My arm moves up my body and I hook my fingers under the fine string of red beads around my throat. I pull and the chain breaks scattering little rubies around me with a soft pattering. But it does nothing to relieve the rising nausea in my throat. The people are beginning to disperse, most of them not without a backward look at me. But I become aware of voices. “Oh Lords, Lords, blood! Blood!” They're shouting. What a stupid thing to say, it occurs to me. Of course there's blood, what had they expected? I feel my mother move me onto my side. By now my body feels like an invert lump of clay, heavy, useless, and pinned down by a deep pain that radiates outward from the bottom of my pelvis. It suffuses my abdomen, climbs my spine and shoots down my legs, managing to get right into my bones. “Look, there's blood!” Someone else yells. I cant move, or speak or sit up and spit in their stupid faces and curse them for their idiocy, and my own.

Laid on my side I watch designer heels and hemlines move back and forth. Most away and out of the amphitheatre but a few move closer around me, so close I can see the gems grafted onto their toenails and the intricate black henna patterns around their ankles. I open my mouth and my lungs expand of their own volition, air rushing in before any words can come out. Somebody is calling for a paramedic but I hear my mother arguing with them, saying she just needs help to get me in the car. At this point I must have lost consciousness for at least a minute or two because when I open my eyes again there are different people standing around me. People in grey uniforms. One of them kneels down and peels away the bottom of my wet dress, looking between my legs. I try to raise my foot to kick him in the face but all I manage is a pitiful muscle twitch. He puts the fabric back in place and stands up, everything above his knee is now out of my field of vision. Still cradled in my mother's arms I hear their short conversation. But not the words, only the cadences. Like when you're trying to listen to a conversation through a wall, or what I oddly imagine an unborn child must hear, not long before it's born. Pressed to my mothers chest I hear her slow heart beat. Then hands are lifting me, the movement causes a spar of pain to form from my tail bone to the top of my neck. I scream, but it passes quickly as I am placed back down again. Then I feel the floor pull away from beneath me as the stretcher lifts, and my eyes swivel up to the sky again. Yaruna is full, and especially red tonight. My head falls to the side and my long hair half cascades over my face but through the veil I can still see the scaffold as I am borne away, much the way the dead woman was. It is only then that I actually wonder if I am dying, but the thought does not fill me with panic. Maybe there is not enough energy left in my body or brain for panic. My mother squeezes my hand and looks down at me. Silhouetted against the stars and illuminated only by the harsh glow of the white floodlights her frightened face looks different than usual. As far as I'm aware my mother has had her face re-sculpted twice, probably more times that she hasn't told me or even my father about. The doctors are very good at what they do, and we have the money to pay for good work. But looking up at her then I see odd new contours and ridges where before there had been none and in my addled horror her face becomes almost alien, almost grotesque to me. I swallow thickly and manage one word : “What?” She shushes me, squeezing my hand, and pushes the hair out of my face. My head lolls to the side again and I focus on the scaffold, it's the last thing I see, like a vanishing point on a far-away horizon, growing smaller and smaller before unconsciousness swallows me, and then nothing.

The Great Lake Ashara lays to the immediate south of the city, and is so dense in minerals that the salt crystals extend to and climb the southernmost walls. It stretches for nearly two hundred miles, end to end. At the eastern point, where the water once lay almost a hundred feet deep there is now a glistening forest of mineral crystals, forming enormous shards and valleys and bristling peaks between the spitting hot water springs which trickle downhill to the shore.

At the very edge of the waterline the lake slumbers almost completely motionless on a day with no breeze, glistening like opal over the salt shore. I shed my clothes and wade into the shallows until I am up to my waist in the warm water. For some reason I feel an instant relief. Cupping my hands I splash the water onto my face, slicking my long hair back. I wade out a little further, take a deep breath and plunge forward and down. My body feels strong. I've always been a good swimmer, and an excellent diver, but now I feel more fish than human. As if standing about on two legs were never really a reflection of my true self. I am a water animal, and swimming hard into the saturated water I reach a depth of twenty feet with ease. Stopping, I let my body turn, and look upward and I see the enormous mid day sun blazing through the water. I wish I could stay there, in the deep, warm, endless silence. I don't need to breathe for another forty minutes, but my own buoyancy is pulling me back toward the surface and all I can do is let it take me.

“Ella? ...Ells?” I open my eyes to the familiar voice. And the world starts to come steaming back through my eyes so I shut them again. I am aware that I am naked, laid flat, reclining at a slight angle against warmed stone. I am half submerged in hot water. Breathing in I feel thick, faintly fragrant steam fill my head and nose. Slowly I open my eyes. My friend Eden is looking down at me. She is ten years older than me. Her hair is lighter and shorter than mine, plaited back from her face in tight braids. Her frame is thin and delicate with narrow wrists and pronounced collar bones. Her pencilled thin eyebrows lower slightly with concern. Her complexion is pale as milk and often draws questions as to whether she is feeling well. She too is sitting in the water with me, her small body pressed close to mine. I reach out and lay a hand on her shoulder. “Eden. Where am I?” My voice is hoarse, but it works, and the pain that had crushed me so entirely has retreated to an insistent ache. I see Eden's face light up with relief. “You're fine. Your mother had you brought to the bath house, she left not long ago. She called me to ask if I would watch you.” I sit up, to the complaint of my back but I manage it. I look around. I usually visit the bathhouse once a week with the other women, but I don't recognise this room. I am not in the pure, crystalline white pools with their delicate fountains. I'm in a room lit by candlelight, the walls are a dark, polished granite, and the pool itself is hewn out of dark red marble. I look down into the water, trying and failing to string all the events together coherently. I frown. Reaching down I scoop up the water in my hand, and only in lifting it out of the maroon bowl do I notice that it too is vivid red. It is only then that everything starts to connect. Eden watches me do the experiment and pins a difficult, thin smile to her face. “You...you had your blood.” She reports what I see with my own eyes. I stare into the water in my hand, watching it as it trickles away between my fingers. I wonder how it can be. I had always assumed that it would never happen, and then, as the years wore on and it didn't, I became more sure of it. I put my face in my hands, and start to sob like a child. Eden pulls my into her arms, her hands finding my waist. She kisses my ear and my cheek. “Oh, Ells, I'm sorry, but-”

“No!” I yell, the word resounding loudly in the stone room as I shove her away and clamber out of the tub with a splash, blood still trickling between my legs. I lean against the cool stone wall, my bare skin shimmering in the low light. Eden remains still and quiet in the marble pool, watching the blood swirl, barely visibly against the red marble. “I...I can make out that I was ill, that it was an accident.” I say the words realising how stupid they are. “Everybody saw Ells, and your mother too...” Eden replies quietly. I turn back toward her, casting a shadow over her as she sits in the water, her grey-lilac eyes sparkle darkly in the gloom. “I don't care, you hear me? I'm not doing it.”

“You have to...”

“Don't fucking tell me what I have to do!” I scream, so loud the sound is painful resounding off of the granite. Eden turns her face away, her mouth is now a sad, straight line. “I'm not, but they will...” She replies in a resigned tone. “And they've had Cael Khuder picked out for you since you were twelve years old.”

“Fuck Ceal Khuder. I'll make him hate me so much he'll divorce me.”

“Or he'll kill you.”

Eden's words make me fall silent. The sudden, tragic death of one's dear wife is always so much cleaner than a messy, shameful divorce. Blood is pooling by my heels. I climb numbly back into the pool. The hot water relieves the cramp in my abdomen but I just stare down at the surface numbly. “You will just have to make the best of it Ells...” My friend breathes, sitting across from me. The words chafe me so hard they graze and I look up at her, my lips twisted like I'm holding a piece of sour white lemon on my tongue. “Make the best of it?” I echo, smiling horribly. “Is that what you do Eden? Is that what you tell yourself when your husband touches you? Because...” I move across the pool so I am only two feet from her, the water still up to my waist. “...Because if he knew who you really were they'd take you away, slice you up and put you back in your box and the worst fucking thing about it is...” I smile viciously. “...After that you'd like it.”

It's an appalling thing to say, but as ever Eden says nothing. She doesn't sling the barb back at me. I can tell she's not even thinking about retaliating. And its not even as if she's weak, or stupid or afraid. Actually her acid tongue is well known, and has landed her in trouble more than once. It's one of the things I like so much about her. But it's never for me. No matter how hateful I am toward her. So I take advantage of it, unfairly, I always have. But on the other hand she has always let me. She says nothing, looking down into the hot water, blood swirling around her pale skin like red clouds on a clay sky. When she looks up at me her grey-blue eyes brim with pain. And still she is silent. A part of me wishes she would move forward and hit me as hard as she could across the face. I quite want that, but not as much as I want her as she is. She is wounded and wordless, so I get my wish.

I give a start of mirthless laughter and shake my head. I am grasping, flailing. And within moments my own eyes are full of tears and I am sobbing again. Eden takes me in her arms, then lays me back against the warm stone slope of the opening of the pool. All my cruel words forgiven.

The warmth of her pulls me in and before I think too much about it my hands are in the small of her back and my mouth finds hers. I roll on top of her, pinning her down. Wet skin on wet skin. Ravenous. I grasp onto her for dear life, as if I can fill myself up with her, then there wont be room for the rest of it. For anyone else. Her long fingers fold into my thick hair and she returns the kiss for about ten seconds and I can taste her desire. As I've tasted it before and I want it, I want it because everything else seems like more pain. Again, I take advantage. Eden pushes the heel of her hand against my sternum and parts me from her with a gentle push. She closes her eyes and I know she cant look at me. A sad smile stretches her thin red lips. “Ells, please don't do that. Please.” She whispers. I gaze down at her and I sigh deeply, letting my forehead rest against hers. My gut twists with guilt. “I'm sorry.” I whisper. “I'm sorry.” I roll off of her, onto my side. “I'm sorry I'm such a hateful bitch.” She laughs, but there's not much mirth in it, and she moves to scoop some hot water out of the deeper part of the bath with her hand, pouring it over me as if I were coals in a sauna. It soothes me. “It's alright.” She whispers simply. I just let myself lay there, and for a while neither of us says anything.

“Did you see the execution?” I ask quietly after a little while. Eden nods. “Yes, I wasn't there but I saw the broadcast.”

“I wish somebody had told me.”

“Told you what?”

I think a moment. Blinking in the steam and the low light, as Eden pours hot water over my skin. “I don't know. I suppose I, never really thought it was real. Or it didn't feel real.” The corners of my lips tremble as the memory comes gushing back, but I dam it up, just about. “Your mother took you when you were fifteen didn't she?” I ask. Eden nods. “Did it scare you?” She pauses a moment before her hand resumes it's action. “I'm not sure I would say it scared me.”

“I don't believe you.”

“No, that's not what I mean.”

“Then what do you mean?”

With the last handful Eden's hand comes down to slide over the contour of my waist, over my hip. “I wouldn't say it scared me, because I'd say that it broke me. Every time I saw it.” She cants her head to the side. “I've seen so many now. You don't get used to it. Ever.” My gaze falls, my hand slides across the smooth base of the pool to find the bottom of her ribs. Just the touch is comforting. I notice the still healing scar from what looks like a fresh fat implant on her thigh. My fingers move downward, brushing over it. “You had more surgery? I didn't know.” She shrugs. “It's nothing really.”

“Was it Mikel's idea?”

“No, his mother, Lara.” I roll my eyes. “God. I wish you'd learn to ignore that woman.”

“If you had to spend every day with her you'd understand how nearly impossible that is.”

I laugh, an actual laugh and look up at Eden fondly. My hand moves back to her hip and I give her a squeeze. My eyes move downward to her stomach. Barely three inches above the hair on her pubic mound is another scar, this one much older. Horizontal, about five inches long. “How is Abha?” I ask. She nods. “She's doing well, already speaking two languages. Lara took her out to a runway show last week, and ever since she's been dressing her up in these horrible feathered bodices.” Eden raises her brow cynically. “But she gets complimented wherever I take her, so I suppose I'll have to get used to it.” I brush Eden's cheek with a warm smile. “She'll grow out of it. I think as soon as she can think properly for herself she'll be just like her mother.” I intend the comment kindly, but the words seem to strike Eden with painful sadness. Her face drops. My brow furrows. “What?” Eden shakes her head.

“I hope to god, every day, that she's not like me.”

#Here goes nothing...#First Blood

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