#I have the bes conversations with myself

[bnha-more-like-bnh-gay]

Aizawa: I wish I was 15 and in my emo phase again. Life was so much easier

Midnight: are you not still in your emo phase?

Aizawa: listen here, you little shit-

#I have the bes conversations with myself #it’s been theee years since I was 15 and I grow even more miserable every day uwu #anyway #it’s 3:38am and I finally made my bed #i feel accomplished #good for me #a funky little lesbian #go me go #bnha #mha #incorrect mha quotes #mha incorrect quotes #bnha incorrect quotes #incorrect my hero academia quotes #incorrect bnha quotes #overheard at ua #eraserhead #aizawa shouta #midnight #mha midnight #bnha midnight #nemuri kayama

[notbecauseofvictories]

"I am going to get a good grade in ___________, a thing that is both normal to want and possible to achieve" drifts through my brain with positively alarming regularity.

#this is because I managed to have an interesting conversation with my uncles at dinner #and also I had Work Stuff to do in front of my mother and felt so so proud of myself #sometimes being human is very ridiculous. #celestial emporium of benevolent knowledge

[rovermcfly]

so I was today years old when I realised that to english-speaking people "kraken" exclusively refers to a mythological being.... meanwhile in my bilingual brain

#I went too many years not knowing this #always thought it was weird for movies to act like kraken don't exist when they just mean the big monster version #well #sometimes being bilingual is worse #gonna have to rethink a lot of pirate media now #german stuff #narrowly saved myself from embarrassment lol #imagine having a normal conversation w english speakers and going ''yeah but kraken are real'' 😭😭 #id in alt

[still-a-morosexual-help]

(I haven't played twst in months but if my memory is serving me right:)

Malleus tends to take most things very literally right? He takes the straightforward path, direct instruction without much consideration for anything else etc etc He's also not at all good with any type of """modern slang"""

MC, from what little they talk, uses a lot of sarcasm and snark right?

But also the two of them have canonically spent much more time together talking than we get to see and Malleus actively seeks them out to have conversations

So anyway;

MC gets used to adding what are basically irl tone indicators to the end of their sentences whenever it's needed. Just an offhand "i'm not serious/not literally"

And one day during their regular nightly walks Malleus is doing his pouty face because he's just come back from some meeting or another (that he actually attended for once) and sure it's great that his friend is thoughtful enough to always make sure he's following the conversation but there are times with all the other little humans where sometimes things just don't make sense. Not that he cares of course! It doesn't matter to him what they're talking about, he doesn't care if he's included or anything.....just... it'd be polite (that's it!) if he was included

Which is what he says when they ask why he seems upset (even though he's not upset! Really!)

And casually they say "well I'll just have to clear it up for you everyday then"

And now as far as Malleus is concerned they're engaged

#brought to you by: i just had an entire conversation with someone before they said ''...you know i'm being sarcastic right?'' #NO?????? WE WERE ON A VIDEOLESS ZOOM CALL IN WHAT WORLD WOULD I HAVE KNOWN!?!?!? #there were other strangers in the meeting i want to bury myself #twisted wonderland #malleus draconia #twisted wonderland malleus #twisted wonderland yuu #malleus x yuu #malleus x mc #mallyuu #twst malleus #twst yuu #twst mc

[eclipse-song]

Fan thing I'm also guilty of but think we should try to be better at: someone talking about a thing they clearly really enjoy and trying to shift the conversation to be only about criticisms for it and things you don't like/weren't happy about because it ruins the mood for the person who was excited

#once i became aware of this being a thing i also did #i have become REALLY conscious of it #and have tried to stop myself #and just leave and mute a conversation if I have nothing to add to the fun

[uncanny-tranny]

At this point, gender nonconformity is about what the person says their experience is.

If a woman with a beard or a man with lipstick and a mustache says they're gender nonconforming, then they are! If a woman with short hair or a man with long hair says they aren't, they aren't! And that's not even getting into the awesome nonbinary, abinary, genderqueer, intersex, and general genderfuckery that may both be and not be conforming.

So much of what is even considered gender conforming or gender nonconforming is based on a world of exclusion. When we start defining one's conformity with whether they fit into white cishetero perisex standards or not, we play into the idea that there's only a very narrow window of what is considered worthy of time and thought.

#gender nonconformity #gnc #queer #like. for instance a native man who keeps long hair might be considered GNC by white standards but for him it's absolutely not nonconformit #there's an aspect of white supremacy that silences everything else while saying that other culture's silence is indicative of whiteness... #...being 'correct' or 'moral' or 'neutral' #and as somebody who's trans and last i checked white i have my own thoughts from my own experiences #like how i don't consider myself to really be a GNC man. i'm just. man+ #i'm a weird concoction of weird soup that tastes like a man but if it were Wrong #and i just don't see that as not conforming to manhood like it is seperate. i see it as irrevocably linked TO manhood #it is others who have excluded and exiled me from manhood because of *their* understanding of me and how i 'fit in' in cissexism #while i will never ever say i know what it's like to not be white i will say these conversations that PoC have started have been INVALUABLE #i am forever grateful to have been extended the patience and faith to listen in on the experiences of people... #...who are racialized in terms of gender and how they do/don't 'fit in' with often white supremacist views on gender/dynamics #may have made a post like this years back but. eh. arrest me officer i will not back down #i've been more and more 'gnc' as i go into my transition and i don't see it as nonconformity but as an outlet for my masculinity #which is why i'm not insecure about my crafts and creations. because it is coming from a male whether or not it's considered 'manly' #i have little to *no place* in cissexist society so why should i put any stakes into if they ~accept~ me #made this post while jamming out to skyrim's tavern OST (paused my game to write this) #why the HELL does the skyrim tavern music have to go SO HARD. i NEED to slam down BARRELS of mead while listening to this istg #i don't even LIKE honey so i haven't tried mead but. for skyrim i would.

[sanjarka]

no but peeta was being a dick after the first games. yes it's understandable why he overreacted but it doesn't change the fact that he did overreact, and that it was him who created the distance between himself and katniss. which is exactly why he was the one to apologize (and another reason why the movies suck because his line if i stop acting like i'm wounded is changed into if you stop acting like i'm wounded).

#everlark #it's not that i think his reaction comes from cruelty or naivety #and at first you're confused #cause why is he even mad #he and haymitch started the whole bit #but then she saves him #that conversation before their first ''real'' kiss #when peeta says that katniss isn't doing him any favour by sacrificing her life for his #and katniss tries to use that as an opportunity to sell their love story and how she did because he matters #but then stops and fumbles because he does matter to her #because the love is real was always real #and what does peeta do? #he says (and this is so important) then i'll have to fill in the blanks myself #this is where he starts to see it as something more than performance #and then she almost dies for him #so he assumes she has feeling for him to #and he's not wrong #but katniss is confused and she has every right to be confused and it's not even that he thinks she doesn't #and then haymitch appears and makes everything worse and now peeta's doubting everything #now he's questioning everything to the point of being irational #was everything just a plan haymitch made and katniss knew how to follow #did she save him because she knew it would work or because she wanted too #and he knows it shouldn't matter and that he should be grateful but he's being selfish in this moment #and then he's also traumatized and scared and hurt and embarrassed #and nobody needs him right nobody needs him and nobody cares for him and nobody protects him - his family didn't his mother didn't #so why would katniss #he's worthless really and how didn't he see it coming he's supposed to be in control cool calm collected mild but he wasn't and that's scar #and now he sees that he's not being fair and it would really help if katniss was yelling at him and telling him how ungrateful he is but no #instead she's hurt and she's sad but now he's confused and maybe it's all just guilt but whatever it is it's already to late to fix it #so he leaves and vows to keep living as he always had - with a too comfortable of a distance from others cool calm collected mild

[writing-is-a-martial-art]

What do you take me for. No, seriously, what you take me for? In passing, what traits do you decide are those that matter? Do they make you smile or grumble under your breath about kids these days and Internet tenderqueers? Do you account for a margin of error, do you allow even in this briefest estimate the possibility that this is just one facet of a nebulous multidimensional personhood, or would it bring you more comfort to think of me as a background character, face half-erased and one prominent feature exaggerated to distinguish me from the crowd of stick figures? If I got so close I could see the reflection in your eyes, whose reflection would it be?

Would it have my smile? Would it make me flinch?

What do you take me for

#ignore me i was in public again #touching grass is cool but being perceived as a semi-passing trans disabled person is such a mindfuck #we had the loveliest conversation and you could never guess my name right #we chatted briefly about books and you would never guess i have anything to do with sports and shoveling snow in a small village far away #i made up a job for myself on the spot to not have to explain why I'm still in highschool #because otherwise the nature of the conversation would instantly change #you smiled so warmly at the person that you saw and i wish that was truly directed at me #oleg's writing #kind of

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

something i'm grateful for about Wally is the representation for people who love eye contact. we're underappreciated smh

#its very fun to see a character who Looks Intently bc he Likes It and thinks its Polite #eye contact is so so so so good but the majority of people hate it and Whyyyyyyy #it makes being around people so difficult #i naturally stare into a person's fucking soul when holding a conversation #so i have to constantly remind myself to look away periodically or look somewhere else entirely #and then my thoughts turn into 'youre making too much eye contact. now youre making too little. stop looking over there.' #'make eye contact WAIT NO NO ok great we just awkwardly glanced at them. fuck. what are they even saying rn we stopped listening' #and then if i make eye contact with someone in passing / a stranger #its immediate panic like Oh Fuck What If They Think We're A Total Freak Now. Shit Shit shit #or the equally terrifying What If They Think That Was An Invite To Interact #but otherwise. let me stare into your souuulllllll pleaseeeeeee #Without it being weird or making you uncomfortabllle #i am trying to CONNECT and show that i am ENGAGED i am LISTENING #absolutely unprompted #shoutout to all my adhd/autistic homies who looooooove eye contact #we're rarer than a unicorn stg #if eye contact is a sliding scale its the only binary im participating in #i think this might be why i like cats so much. instant staring contests. prolonged comfy eye contact #yeah physical contact is great but have you ever held casual Eye contact with someone

[derpinette]

SPERG YOUR HEART OUT

#EVERYONE #NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #& FOREVER #i love it when my friends &/or mutuals post about their interest & Passions i will like your posts but really i Loved them. #i deleted some tags because they might be interpreted as weird(er than usual) but 0_0 i am ♯Passionate about ♯Passion (for fashion - Bratz) #still kind of feel like a worthless human being but i secured another hangout in like a week so yayyy ^_^ #I GET TO BOTHER SOMEONE TOO NOW i just wish people did that to me too why am i like always the one raving #literally have to beg my friend to give me updates on her things even if i normally hate it even i go out of my way to look for things #for us to discuss -_- GIRL please i am for real not just faking for politeness who do you think i am I WANT TO KNOW #so effin excited OMG i have like so much to say & the greatest thing is that this girl has no knowledge at all about my Thing #so i can explain from the very beginning You literally have no idea how much i practiced the conversation in my head #ever since she told me & she said she wanted me to go on & talk about it more i have been Devising My Plan #OMG YAYYYY ^_^_^_^_^_^ AIMU SO HEPI AAARRRGHHHHHGSJDJSHSJDHSHSG #& OFC i had to plug it in the first time i met her in person i just could not help myself there was an NF on that day & i told her i wanted #to catch it i had to go in the end for a different reason & BTW it was such a whiplash the show itself was so fun but the winner... 0_0 NO. #next i will ask her about berserk & maybe even read it so we can talk about it because she really likes it #i dropped it when i was 14 because the laptop i was using to read it was complete crap Just like mine is RN #like a section of my keyboard is completely dead T_T so i have to use the on-screen one...

[lesbianwithchainsaws]

I am thinking I might actually use they/them and it/its pronouns along with she/her?? ???? ?????

#i mentioned something like this a little while ago already but got kinda nervous and then pretended it just didnt happen lmao #idk why i get anxious about this stuff. it literally doesnt matter at all #especially on this website #idk i get overly nervous about everything but yeah i think that could fit. at least for now #im worried that I'll change my mind in the future and will feel bad about it tbh #but for now its fine? i think #okay fuck it I'll just do it #who cares what gender or pronouns i have (<- i care. i am an easily scared being) #okay fuck it #im having a whole ass conversation with myself here just trying not to overly worry about things that dont matter again

[thedreadvampy]

The thing is I am definitely not happy or chill in the Immediate Sense lately but I am, big picture, so fucking happy with the person I am.

It's like. My brain was made by and for consistent trauma and since that trauma stopped about 5-7 years ago, it is incredible what the amount of resilience and cleverness and flexibility and thoughtfulness I developed to survive can do when it's not being all spent on surviving. like I had a hundred ton weight on me so I had to get REALLY STRONG to stay in the same place and not get 100% crushed, and when that weight came off I found I can use the strength it used to take to stand up and I can leap tall buildings in a single bound.

I was talking to my mum the other day and she said, "you've got the 'fuck it' energy at 30 that most women don't find until their fifties at least" and I'm like yeah man. Imagine how unstoppable I'll be in 20 years.

#red said #i don't know that i can express this clearly but it's the most encouraging thing in my life #my mum's always been proud of me but just lately she seems to actually really admire me #like she's genuinely impressed. she thinks I've surpassed her. i don't necessarily agree but it's a really nice quiet joy. #anyway like this sounds super up myself and it kind of is. #but also it's part of realising just how heavy the weight I've been carrying around with me for 25 years was #like not to be ridiculous but i have realised again this week. that it isn't that everyone's been raped that much and doesn't talk about it #i just have been raped an Unusually Consistent Amount. i have spoken to a lot of people who have had much more horrifying things happen. #I'm not sure I've talked to more than a couple of people who've had a similar level of total consistency of abuse from all angles #and the one is not heavier or harder to bear that the other. but. i think i spent most of my life listening to people's awful experiences #and going ok well nothing i went through looked that bad so it's microtrauma #obviously microtraumas build up but still. #then the older i get and the more i have these conversations the more I notice that stuff which to me is a microtrauma #is a lot of people's defining trauma. and they're reacting appropriately which means i am SO SEVERELY UNDERREACTING #told my friend the other day about a time someone who i still like and respect was having sex with me when i paralocated my hip #and then just kept getting really annoyed with me for not being ready to have sex again while i was literally crying with pain #until i caved and just tried to find the last painful position #and my friend was like pal what the fuck that's horrific #and i was like i mean no that's normal I've had sex with like maybe 3 or 4 people in my life who i haven't had similar stuff with #like i am genuinely thrown when i am allowed to say no to sex and have it be the end of the conversation. and not end up having sex #out of guilt or out of physical coercion or through physical rape. and i have had sex with probably like 40 people at this stage? #and I'm not sure it's as many as 4 i haven't had that experience with tbh #so like. I'm slowly coming to terms with the idea #that i may have actually been doing a hell of a lot of heavy lifting. #like i developed a sense of self that can survive being constantly crushed and at this stage is fucking diamond.

[blu3b3rryj4mp1r3]

why do I feel the need to filter myself all the time? as if people care if I want to use coloured text, if my art looks bad or if I spell words wrong lol it's MY blog, why do I care so stupid much what other people think? it's the same thing even when I'm writing in my diary, I'm like, "Oh NO what if I DIE and someone reads my diary?!?!?!?! they're going to think I'm cringe" BERRY you stupid idiot! stop caring so much what people think, you're not alive to appease others!! just do what you want!! constantly thinking about what other people think is so draining you don't even have the energy to talk to people because you're so worried about how you're being perceived. PLEASE STOP!!

#I'm getting really sick of you me! #tw vent #sort of #i'm alright #i just wish i could be myself and do what i want without feeling so scared and guilty all the time #it's alright for others to be themselves and express themselves how they want to in my eyes #but i judge myself so harshly for trying to do the same #sometimes i wonder how much of my personality really is me and how much is just coping mechanisms i've developed #i don't feel like i enjoy being quiet for example #i have so many thoughts constantly flowing through my head #things i'd like to say #things i'd like to add to conversations #being quiet makes me feel like i'm being burned from the inside but other people praise me for it #and i also wasn't born a self-loathing mess y'know? #i want to get better #but it's so so difficult #c ptsd #tw death mention #(just the word but still just in case)

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

why is everything (showing other people respect. being patient and kind. not flying off the handle about stupid things. emotional regulation and self-control. et cetera.) so easy when I'm not around my parents and so so so so hard when I AM around them?

#this is a genuine question btw I need advice bc I'm STRUGGLING. idk why everything makes me frustrated and angry #when I'm around my parents and it's SO hard to be kind and respectful to them and my sister #but so easy literally everywhere else #I hate that I'm like this I wish I could genuinely be a nice person but apparently the person #I REALLY am is the horrible selfish lazy brat I am with my parents. #even though it feels 100% easier otherwise APPARENTLY the real me is the one I revert to at home #but being nice away from home comes so naturally?? so is THAT the real me??? idk what to do I'm so frustrated right now #Lu rambles #can my mutuals please weigh in bc I feel like a terrible horrible emotionally illiterate person rn #bc of a conversation in which I fought with my mom over the fact that I have a hard time respecting my middle school aged sister #bc I don't want her (bold. confident. sometimes a little bit of a brat as well bc humanity) thinking she can walk all over me #the way she acts always makes me feel like she thinks she's better than me but maybe it's just my mindset. bc I KNOW #that my middle schooler sister IS better than me in most ways and I HATE that. how can someone #so much younger than me be better than me at basically everything she sets her mind to? #and how can I ever have confidence in myself when I know that's the case??? it's so frustrating!! #ugghdnfnsngsmkgnskfnskd I need advice and prayers. and probably to go to bed early tonight.

[side-b-bumblebi]

Men who view women as their intellectual equals 😍

#pro tip for the boys: a lot of girls will respond a lot better to a stimulating conversation than to a guy trying to show off #ignore the movies they're lying to you when they tell you you need to be a show off #and if a girl wants that it's maybe not the best sign y'know? #but most girls just want to be treated like we're capable intelligent humans #that's all!! the movies and shit make it way more complicated than it has to be #and yes some girls do make things awkward and complicate everything #but maybe you wanna be careful about that because those girls generally have a lot to unpack #being friends with those girls is fine!! just make sure you have strong boundaries in place #and make sure she's doing some work on herself before considering a romantic relationship #but anyway i've had a lot of men in my life that i feel like wanted to be so much smarter than me #and not to be rude but they weren't?? i was just as smart and sometimes smarter #i didn't care that they were confident in their intelligence but i felt like i needed to dumb myself down #and it. freaking. sucked. i have no idea how i did it for so long #and i would even make jokes about like the guys i dated being smarter than me and nobody ever said anything?? #and again these guys weren't smarter than me. that's not an insult to them just acknowledging i'm smarter than i was gave myself credit for #i'm outgrowing the notion that i have to dumb myself down for men and it's so freeing #and you know what really helps me actually? being in college #and especially being in college with so many intelligent men who know they're smart #these guys KNOW they're smart. and not in an arrogant way in a secure and confident way #them knowing they're smart makes them the OPPOSITE of arrogant actually #it's weird but i stand by my observation and it makes sense when you think about it #if you're secure in yourself and your intelligence you don't need to proce yourself by making other people look dumb #these guys are secure in their self-image and masculinity. they don't need women to be dumb and weak to feel strong and intelligent. #and it's so freaking endearing. i love that for these guys so much. #i am just so thankful for people in my life who are taking me seriously and who are helping me to understand i'm worth taking seriously. #wow these tags are long but anyway #guys you don't have to prove anything girls you should never have to dumb yourselves down live long and prosper

[thebirdandhersong]

we are all trying to reach home and belonging because we were made for something beyond this earth but why does it feel like some people have more access to that feeling right now

#in other words: i am once again asking why i am standing on the other side of the glass #the dorm people have been visiting each other?? people have been inviting each other over to their houses over the summer???? #people are extending invitations to their friends freely too????? i did not know this #i mean. why am i surprised WHY am i surprised #i HATE to be like. okay well why haven't you invited me. why have i never been invited by anyone before. it sounds like whining to my ears #i mean. i AM whining. i have been sitting in this space for the past 2 hours in the same room with these people #and i am STILL on the outside. there's only FOUR OF US IN THE ROOM #praying for strength bc i have no energy to cry again. like yes i know the lonely little girl is still alive and weeping in my heart #but i am too tired to beg for love i am too tired to perform for it i am too tired to hold my hands out and say: #may i please receive this too. I AM TOO TIRED. #tired of feeling like i'm injecting myself into conversations! of being HERE but not totally belonging! of being the odd one out! #i know they like me but do they love me! why does it always have to feel like i'm CONSTANTLY ASKING for love! #the waiting room chapter