#I have been having experiences that have given me ideas so I guess it balances out?

[sensitiveheartless]

🥺, 😈, 👀, ✅!!!

Aaa thank you Nawy!! (Hi :D)

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

Being subconsciously protective. It gets me every single time: Chuuya tackling Dazai to safety in Stormbringer, Dazai keeping Chuuya’s head in his lap in Dead Apple while he sleeps (and the HAND) and Chuuya being genuinely concerned for Dazai during the Lovecraft fight — all of that!

To go on a brief related ramble, there’s this scene in a Miss Marple murder mystery that I read years ago where Miss Marple is watching this young couple touring a house. While the couple is on a balcony, the railing suddenly breaks, and the woman nearly falls down several stories. Instead of reaching out to grab her, her partner actually steps back off the balcony, leaving her to regain her balance on her own.

Miss Marple goes up to the woman afterwards and basically says “that young man will not make you a good partner if his first instinct is to save himself rather than help you.” And while it’s perhaps a bit of a surface level way to judge relationships, that always stuck with with me (and later got reinforced by a few Life Experiences), so that aspect has always been important to me with characters! (More reasons why I love Chuuya’s character so much alskdjfjf)

😈 Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?

…Hmmm I’m actually struggling to think of one — tbh I’m pretty sensitive to angst (see blog title lol) so if I write things that are too mean I always end up making myself sad too 😅

…Oh except maybe the first chapter of “This is how it feels to take a fall”. That was very mean — BUT I would argue also necessary for the plot! (And again I did make myself very sad alskjdfj) (…come to think of it there were a few Howl AU cliffhangers that were also a bit mean)(oops)

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

*Vibrates in place* I am so desperate to have more sleep and time so I can actually finish things alsksjdjfj BUT here are a few updates: I’m making progress (if slower than I had hoped) on the Howl AU epilogue, and after that’s finished I’ll be working on the next Skyline Pigeon chapter, as well as a Howl AU extra that I recently figured out I’m going to call “Rimbaud and the Man of Many Ways”! I am very excited to work on that >:D also the Howl AU sequel will probably be a long time coming, but it’s going to be called “Chuuya and the Castle in the Air”! I’ve been working on plotting it, because I’m working some setup/foreshadowing into the main story epilogue so I need to know what I’m doing at least somewhat lol

Also here is a preview of the beginning of the Howl AU epilogue because I have no self control and also this part has been done for ages, it’s just the later parts that are taking forever alskdjfjf (also apologies for the screenshot I’m currently too sleepy to copy paste this whole chunk and format it on mobile)

✅ What’s something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don’t mean to?

…My first instinct is to say “cuddling”, but that’s pretty deliberate — I crave the FLOOF. So I guess the more accurate answer, for both my writing AND my comics, would be “cooking together”, because that wasn’t something I noticed I was doing until other people started pointing it out XD (I even somehow managed to get it into the Little Mermaid AU — in retrospect my friend’s note of “wait they’re cooking bread now??” was an early sign lololol)

#thanks for the ask!! :D #I’ve been wanting to talk about my wips so much but I just haven’t had enough time to work on themmm #but on a positive note #I have been having experiences that have given me ideas so I guess it balances out? #hopefully I can keep chipping away at it! I’ve been a bit more consistent lately at getting chunks done :0 #anyway hope you’re having a good day! ✨ #senhart's writing #ask box #senhart rambles

[its-not-a-pen]

—Terracotta—

Ok so I visited xi'an during my trip back to china (3 months ago?), and this idea popped into my head during the 9h train ride back to shangdong. I am of course 100% projecting my own love of the terracotta army onto Qin Shi Huang, in reality he did not care for this pit of mud statues depicting lowly commoners. In fact, no one ever bothered to write about it and they were lost to history until 1974 when some farmers digging a well stumbled upon them. But it's exactly the reason I'm so fascinated by them. QSH's tomb has not been excavated, and although I have a running joke about cracking it open--mercury vapors be damned--none of the riches inside will ever enchant me as much as the chance to see the face of a person who lived during this time.

Notes under the cut:

#1

the title Qin Shi Huangdi means "First Emperor of Qin" and was given to QSH by later historians. He actually called himself the Shi Huangdi, "First Emperor", and that is the title I've gone with here.

in English the other kingdoms are translated as "states" (i guess to avoid confusion?) but in chinese they are very much kingdoms.

The terracotta warriors used thousands of craftsmen, many of whom were slaves from conquered kingdoms. From a storytelling perspective I thought it would be more streamlined if there were two main artisans who reported directly to QSH.

QSH's clothes are based on the overly complicated courtly regalia. which has 12 symbols that only the emperor is allowed to wear

Notice how this hat is ROUND at the front??? Well I CERTAINLY DIDN'T. HAD TO REDRAW IT!!!!!

the stripped shirt is based on this Chu woman figurine. Clothes were fairly unisex during this time and I thought it was a nice fit.

#2

Paperwork: writing was done on books made of bamboo slips. Anecdotally, QSH had an impressive work ethic and would read 100 bills every night.

Bronze Goose lamp: ok this is actually a Han dynasty lamp pls forgive me. I saw this bad boy at the xi'an history museum and it's bewitched me body and soul. The goose neck is hollow and connects to a reservoir of water in the belly, which minimizes smoke and cools the lamp.

QSH is remembered as a brutal tyrant and brilliant statesman, but I wanted to present a more human version of him here. Bored, tired and drowning in work he refuses to delegate. His new empire is balanced as precariously as everything else on his desk.

#3

The attendants standing behind him are holding little wood tablets called hu for taking notes. Their brushes are tucked into their hats/hair, inspired by Han dynasty custom. (You'll see me using Han stuff a lot. Their cultures were very similar to Qin, since it was only a few hundred years apart).

So I had a slight breakdown trying to find the correct hats for the eunuchs, and ended up redrawing everything the night I was due to publish. Closest thing I could come up with was a reference to a round-style Han Dynasty hat which evolved into this square Jin hat. Yes, this is a cry for help .

#4

the wheeled platform is 100% made up, I tried to come up with a plausible way of getting a bunch of figurines into the palace.

#5 & #6

Painted terracotta soldier

How were the terracotta warriors made

The General: Fun fact, I got to see this guy in person!

#7

The Epic Wide Shot was inspired by some Tang Dynasty terracotta figures I saw at the xi'an museum!

#8

THIS KNEELING ARCHER. ARGGGGG. He use to be my favourite guy. I even went into the pit and drew him IN PERSON. the archers inexplicably have their hair buns on the OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE HEAD. So because of him, I DREW ALL THE HAIR BUNS WRONG!!!! REDRAW!!!! PAIN AND SUFFERING!!!!

#10

Qin was famous for it's very long, thin swords. They were more useful as status symbols than actual weapons, as QSH knows from personal experience…

#11

QSH'S Tomb hasn't been excavated yet, but high levels of mercury have been detected in the soil, making the historical accounts of quite plausible.

#chinese history #warring states period #qin dynasty #qin shi huang #terracotta army #comics #my art comes with homework lol #art

[rebeccathenaturalist]

Environmental Generational Amnesia: When We Forget Nature’s Past

Originally posted at my blog at https://rebeccalexa.com/environmental-generational-amnesia/

One of the most traumatic and formative experiences of my life occurred when I was thirteen years old. The woods that I loved exploring behind our yard were completely bulldozed one day; I discovered this when I got off the bus from school. It was part of the destruction of an entire wild area that would become yet another subdivision devoid of trees and vines and wildflowers, with no place left for bobwhite quail or garter snakes in the flat green lawns. I was devastated, and in an attempt to try to help me my mom chatted with the developer when she happened to run into her in town. “She knows how you feel,” my mom said. “Her woods were the ones that were torn down to make the junior high track.” Not only did it just not make sense to me that someone who had been through what I was experiencing would then go on to do the same horrible acts, but it was also my first introduction to the reality of environmental generational amnesia.

The term was coined a few years ago in a paper by Peter Kahn and Thea Weiss. It refers to how each generation considers how it first experienced a place as its true baseline, and any change that comes after it is abnormal or unnatural. So for me, the track at my junior high with just a line of trees along the creek was my understanding of its baseline, but the developer remembered that land as acres of woods. A hundred years ago it may have been a farm. Go back several generations to when only the Osage lived here, and it was probably undamaged oak savanna, or perhaps a tallgrass prairie.

When you multiply that shifting understanding of the “normal” state of a place by all the people in a given area, something is bound to be lost as generations die off, and new ones are born into the present state. Couple that with a serious lack of nature literacy, and you have fewer people discussing what the place is versus what it once was.

In cases where almost all the land has been significantly changed by human activity for centuries, it can be incredibly challenging to piece together what it was like before we came through and wrought such imbalances. The only evidence may remain in a few remote undamaged patches, scraps of partial plant and animal communities, and oral and written information passed down by people, whether indigenous or colonizing. Sometimes ecologists and other scientists need to look at the ecosystems of neighboring areas to get some idea of what might have been here before. It’s often a matter of trying to piece together an incomplete puzzle, giving best educated guesses as to what filled the empty niches.

If you have a population that has a dim memory at best of what a place looked like before it was changed at all, they’re less likely to understand when there’s a problem. I knew, for example, that it was wrong to tear down the woods behind my home, but my baseline was “mix of trees and shrubs of various species surrounding a creek with a limestone bed next to a twenty year old subdivision.” No one could tell me what that farm looked like before it became a farm, and I didn’t understand at the time that the mix of plants and animals I knew and loved were neither the complete original assortment, nor were they all native. How was I to know that my yard was once spacious grassland, dotted with white oak here and there? How should I have come to understand that the woods I had cherished were badly out of ecological balance compared to what had once been, that they were exhibiting signs of recolonization after multiple massive disturbances before I was even born?

And this is just one example of one person’s understanding of one place. This environmental generational amnesia has rippling effects worldwide, with people not understanding that the rivers nearby aren’t supposed to be as stick-straight as they are, that the coastline should be covered in wetlands rather than open sand, that the dense forest is only there because natural fires were suppressed and allowed the trees to take over the last meadows. There are even those who have no idea that their air, water, and soil aren’t supposed to be loaded with pollutants, because pollution is all they’ve known for generations. It’s tough to imagine an extinct wetland when you can’t even see the water for the trash, and the sky is brown instead of blue.

It’s not going to be an easy task to try to revive the collective memory of Lands That Were. A good starting point is to talk to our elders, both alive and dead. When we ask those who still live what they remember of a place, we can glean important details even if they themselves weren’t ecologists, or formal scientists of any other sort. If we can take them to these places and have them show us where important landmarks were and describe what has changed, we can start to see more clearly what’s been lost. And when we read the writings and view the landscape art of those who are long passed, we get important snapshots of what was there long before any of us today were alive, tracing that ecological story closer to its origin.

We also need, more than ever, to preserve what ancient ecosystems still remain, whether that’s old growth forests, or prairies that never knew the tearing of the plow, or wetlands never drained or polluted. We can’t just miraculously replace them in a matter of a few years, and they offer us crucial pictures of the end goal in places where  we are attempting long-term habitat restoration. They are living, breathing records of what places looked like before, of the biodiversity and other natural structures that were in place for thousands of years.

Finally, we need to be talking openly about the disconnect between what is and what was. If I, as an incredibly nature-obsessed kid, was startled to think about how my “normal” was only a faint shadow of past ecological glory, then imagine how jarring it must be for someone who is further removed from nature to understand that the forest they walk through is really supposed to be a prairie. (Especially after many years of being told that “planting trees” is the answer to all the ecological problems we face!)

With time and education we can bring about awareness, and that awareness will help us make better decisions for the future. There are so many people who want to undo ecological destruction and make the world a better place; we just need to have better, more accurate information out there on what can be reasonably done. Much of that hinges on having a clearer idea of what’s been lost, so that we can make plans to save whatever is left, and restore as much as we can.

Did you enjoy this post? Consider taking one of my online foraging and natural history classes, checking out my other articles, or picking up a paperback or ebook I’ve written! You can even buy me a coffee here!

#long post #ecology #habitat restoration #environment #environmentalism #conservation #nature #science #scicomm #colonialism #wildlife #natural history #outdoors #activism #climate change #climate activism #ecopsychology #conservation psychology

[shmothman]

Defying Fate

Pairing: Casper/Reader Rating: Teen and up audiences Words: 991 Read on AO3

Summary: Finally, you and Casper are together in person, tangled together with your feelings laid bare. Still, there are some things that he needs to ask.

With your head resting on Casper’s bare chest and his fingers smoothing over your hair, you don’t think you’ve ever felt quite so happy, so in love. You’ve been making good use of the past hour or so since he showed up at your door in person, and you practically feel like you’re walking on air.

You can’t believe he’s real.

You can’t believe any of this is real.

But you’re so, so glad that it is.

He calls your name softly, his voice like heaven, and you hum a questioning tone back as you’re pulled from your thoughts, loath to move from your comfortable spot against his chest.

“I…” he starts, and you immediately hear that he sounds nervous, so you look up at him, eyes brimming with all the feelings swirling in your heart. “I am certainly not complaining, but… I… I need to know…”

Your brows draw together in confusion as he seems to gather his thoughts. “Know what?”

He meets your eyes, and his gaze is… sad. Remorseful. “How… how are you okay with this?”

You blink. “What, having sex with you?”

His cheeks flush that pretty pink you adore so much. “N-not that,” he rushes to say, before growing serious once more. “I mean… with being with me. After I have spent the last several years trying to kill you. Doesn’t… does that not bother you? You act as if it’s nothing.”

Oh. That’s what’s on his mind.

You settle back into his arms, laying your head next to his so that your noses almost touch. His gaze is so open and honest, it almost makes your heart hurt. “Well,” you say quietly, “no harm, no foul, I guess?”

He exhales through his nose in something that’s almost like an amused little laugh. “You are so… cavalier about things, Sunshine. Is that truly all you think of it?”

For a grim reaper, Casper sure does wear his heart on his sleeve. Not that you’ve met any other reapers yet—maybe they’re all like this. 

You bring your hand to cup his cheek, brushing your thumb across his cheekbone and watching the way his eyes flutter closed. How do you love him so much when you’ve only known he exists for a week?

“I… don’t know, honestly. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about it. All I know is how I feel about you.” 

He blinks his eyes open, and the look on his face is so very hopeful. Like he needs to hear you tell him that it doesn’t matter to you, that it doesn’t change how you feel about him.

“It’s like… by the time that I realized you’re, y’know, actually the grim reaper and everything, I already felt like I had known you for ages, and that was only after like, two days. And then I get this massive revelation that every weird thing that’s happened to me, everything that people say is crazy but is just my everyday experience, that’s all you? That’s all the doing of this pretty boy on my computer screen?”

He pouts slightly at being called a pretty boy, but you continue.

“But, I mean, I’ve never taken my constant near death experiences seriously. You’ve been watching, right? Have you ever seen me react in any way that isn’t just… a shrug?”

“I suppose not,” he says. “But that doesn’t change the fact that I’ve been the one trying to end your life.”

“You said it yourself, Casper. If it wasn’t you, it would be another reaper. Normally ‘I was just doing my job’ would be a terrible excuse, but given that we’re in the realm of like, fate and magic and the balance of nature type shit, I can’t fault you too much here.” You grin. “I just happened to get lucky, and they assigned me to the one reaper who would fall head over heels for me the minute he decided to break protocol and talk to me.”

He’s blushing again, and you think he’s about to protest the idea that he fell for you that quickly, but instead, he leans in to touch his forehead to yours and says, “any reaper would have fallen for you. I’m the one who got lucky.”

Your heart flutters happily in your chest, and you sound rather breathless as you say, “okay, maybe we’re both lucky,” and you lean in to press your lips to his.

You feel him melt beneath your kiss, as he has every time so far, like he’s turned to liquid: quicksilver at your touch, shimmering and cold. If he says that you’re like sunshine, then you say he’s the moon: something beautiful and bright in the darkness, the light by which you find your way home.

As you pull back slightly, there’s a smile tugging at the corner of your lips. “Or,” you say, “maybe it’s just fate.”

He’s been made breathless by your kiss, but he still smiles back. “Perhaps,” he replies into the scant space between you. “Though, I’m growing fond of the idea that this is in defiance of fate itself. That we are making our own destiny.”

You hum, as if thinking deeply. “Well, clearly we both love breaking the rules, especially for each other.” With a sudden grin, you shift, rolling yourself atop him and watching those pretty red eyes go wide. “Whaddya say we defy fate all night?”

That vivid blush crawls up to his ears, then down his neck to splash across his bare chest. Unable to summon words, he simply nods.

You waggle your eyebrows, only just getting started with your terrible jokes. “Wait, wait, I got another one: how’s this for destiny?” 

He rolls his eyes with a huff that doesn’t mask his clear affection, and opens his mouth—probably to call you annoying or something, but he doesn’t get that far, because you’re already kissing him again.

And that’s something he won’t defy.

#a date with death #casper adwd #adwd #casper x reader #x reader #grim reaper adwd #sef writes #waaaugh im so. he's so. babygirl #so excited for beyond the bet #gotta write fluff about it #crossposted on tumblr and ao3 #<333

[kiwiana-writes]

Weekend WIP Game

@welcometololaland has invented a new WIP game and we're all blessed for it.

Rules: List your WIPs below (if you only write one fic at a time, feel free to include future WIPs/ideas!) then answer the following questions. Then, tag as many people as you have WIPs (or more). (If you're an artist or other non-fic fandom creator, questions can be found here!)

1. WIP List: Sigh.

-The Last Five Years || The Next Five Years -The way we get into each other's bones [Angstapalooza RWRB Edition] -[Alex & Bea fake date] -[arranged marriage redux] -[Bodyswap] -[D&D flirting] -[fetlife lol] -[Findom] -[Hands free] -[Henry writes] -[Henry/Alex/Liam/Spencer] -[Hockey bf Henry] -[horny soulmates] -[Leverage AU] -[Orpheus and Eurydice] -[Rafael prequel] -[Shaan/Zahra] -[Vegas fuckup] -As sure as the dawn brings the sunrise -Auroras and sad prose -Buzzing through my veins -Chantilly lace and a pretty face -Climb up and meet the sky -Hold up, rewind, knock me off of my feet -Just one moon (and one golden sun) -Rafael is surrounded by disaster queers [Actor AU verse] -Secret Agent Raf 5+1 [Actor AU verse] -What's left of me in our little vignette -Years of dreams just can't be wrong

2. Which of your WIPs is currently the longest? The way we get into each other's bones [Angstapalooza RWRB Edition]

3. Which WIP do you expect will end up the longest? The Last Five Years || The Next Five Years - it's designed as a duology, so idk if each individual fic will beat out angstapalooza, but the duo definitely will, and y'all will want to read them together (unless you love pain I guess??)

4. Which WIP is your favourite to write/the most enjoyable to write? Why? It changes day to day but right now I have @clottedcreamfudge going fucking feral at me over [Hockey bf Henry] at any given hour of the day which definitely makes it really fun to just... write a snippet and immediately be shrieked at.

5. Which WIP do you find the most intimidating to write? Why? For some unknown reason, Years of dreams just can't be wrong which is the Anastasia AU?? I don't know why it's fucking with me so much, but it's very rude actually.

6. Which WIP do you experience the most self-doubt about. Why? The way we get into each other's bones [Angstapalooza RWRB Edition] -- it's gonna be a balancing act in terms of not being gratuitous emotional pain etc

7. Which of your WIPs will you seek out a beta/sensitivity reader for? Why? The long ones: The way we get into each other's bones [Angstapalooza RWRB Edition], The Last Five Years || The Next Five Years, [Leverage AU]. Maybe a few of the others depending on how the plot spins out.

8. Have any of your WIPs been struck by the curse of writer's block? ...have you seen the length of this list?

9. Which WIP has your favourite OC? Tell us about them? [Rafael prequel] is the only one that has any OC of substance right now lol

10. Which WIP is the sexiest? In terms of what is actually on the page right now, not what is planned to be written, it might actually be [Henry writes] right now.

11. Which WIP is the angstiest? The way we get into each other's bones [Angstapalooza RWRB Edition]

12. Which WIP has the best characterisation (in your humble opinion)? ...I mean I hope all of them lol. For fun let's say Chantilly lace and a pretty face

13. Which WIP has the best scene setting (in your humble opinion)? Climb up and meet the sky, the vintage plane fic my beloved.

14. Which WIP have you worked the hardest on? The way we get into each other's bones [Angstapalooza RWRB Edition], though Years of dreams just can't be wrong has given it a surprising run for its money.

15. Which WIP do you have the highest expectations for? Why? The way we get into each other's bones [Angstapalooza RWRB Edition] -- I wrote a fic lovingly deemed angstapalooza for another fandom and people collectively lost their shit over it, so... idk I guess y'all love pain???

16. Do you dream about any of your WIPs? Yes. And then I wake up and can't remember enough to write it down and then I cry.

17. Do any of your WIPs have particular complexities that your other fics don't? Oh for sure! The Last Five Years || The Next Five Years has the non-chronological chapter order baked into the format, so making sure the chronology is right and that readers can follow where we're at is a complexity. [horny soulmates] has one of those worldbuilding things where the less thought you put into it as a reader the better because otherwise it's a Problem so trying to make sure it makes sense without being horrifying if you think about the real world implications is a balance lmao. What's left of me in our little vignette has some time-related fuckery. [Orpheus and Eurydice] is written in verse, so. You know.

18. Which WIP is the funniest or has the most humour? In terms of what's actually written right now, probably Hold up, rewind, knock me off of my feet? But I like to think they're all funny lol.

19. Do any of your WIPs contain outside POVs or a deep dive on a character other than the main ship? How are you finding that process? [Henry/Alex/Liam/Spencer] runs through all four listed POVs which is fun and also requires a lot of pondering about whose POV we have when for maximum impact. [Rafael prequel], Rafael is surrounded by disaster queers [Actor AU verse], Secret Agent Raf 5+1 [Actor AU verse] are all Rafael POV, but the latter two are actor AU verse so I have a bit more leeway -- the first one is is canon compliant, though, so teasing out the little info we get about him and building the timeline is a beast of a job. [Shaan/Zahra] is fully epistolary so doesn't technically have a POV I guess.

20. Tell us one thing we don't know about one or more of your WIPs. The way we get into each other's bones [Angstapalooza RWRB Edition] is a prologue + 10 chapters and all those chapters are titled already lol, because I've never approached something in a normal order in my life.

Definitely NOT tagging as many people as I have WIPs holy hell but let's go @affectionatelyrs @celaestis1 @cha-melodius @clottedcreamfudge @cricketnationrise @daisymae-12 @dumbpeachjuice @happiness-of-the-pursuit @heybuddy-drabbles @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @hypnostheory @indomitable-love @inexplicablymine @lilythesilly @maxbegone @myheartalivewrites @nontoxic-writes @orchidscript @rmd-writes @sherryvalli @smc-27 @sparklepocalypse @stereopticons @suseagull04 @tintagel-or-cockleshells

#wip ask game #weekend wip game #kiwiana-writes

[neemso]

Okay, time to make a post to criticise PMATGA with its inconsistencies! (Probably + other stuff)

(definitely not because of boredom)

Okay so, since it's been a while since I've seen the show, some takes might be a bit invalided due to forgetting some aspects from the show if they were ever established already, so feel free to correct me after reading!

So the first two episodes, huh...

Remember when Betrayus was menacing and threatening in these episodes? While his comedic personality was balanced well with it?

Only for his threatening aspect to be taken away from him, replacing him only with his childish/pathetic personality instead?

Speaking of, he implied that he was the one who murdered the yellow ones, right? The question is; why did he do it? Why did he commit a mass murder on his kind? Why and how did he become power-hungry? Was he always like this? Was it revenge? For what? What was he trying to achieve besides wanting to rule Pacworld?

And if his murder on the yellow ones was supposed to be because they were the rulers of Pacworld back then, why didn't he just murder the certain rules at the time and overtake their throne? Why did he go all out of his way to murder every single one of them just to eliminate them?

And only for all these questions to get retconned to be changed to instead of being a murder! Oh no! They only got frozen instead! Oh no! By this new antagonist we learn of in the same season!

The Pacinator

I admit, his whole dailouge about him freezing all the yellow ones and working under someone more dangerous than Betrayus does sound a lot more intriguing! I really liked what they were going for when they chose that route! Well yes, i would've love it if they stayed on their old root with the original idea, but i guess a little bit of a rewrite wouldn't hurt? Right???? (If you know you know)

But then, here comes the questions: who hired him? Who is this bigger threat they were implying here? You can't just tell us that and never bring the Pacinator back again, or erasing the mention of this bigger threat! What got the Pacinator so invested into his job as an exterminator after the incident with his mom? Why does he enjoy it so much? Why is he never brought up again after his mysterious escape???

And that leads us the next antagonists who have been added near the last of season one, as another attempt to rewrite the disappearance of the yellow ones! Are you keeping up with this?

The PointyHeads, specifically Apex

Tbh, even up until now i love aliens! They've always been an interest to me, so of course i ended up loving their first introduction!

I just wish they were given more episodes to talk more about themselves, and what their home planet looks like, and what's their life style like... And most of all, what their relation to the yellow ones?

When did they capture the yellow ones? Why are they experimenting on them to begin with? Yes its said the yellow ones are special, but when did they learn that? Were they in Pacworld long ago before deciding to kidnap them all? When did they learn they missed one yellow orb?

Are the yellow ones this OP to begin with?? Is this why they're all being exterminated?? (Well when you think about it this way, Pac is already too OP for his main protagonist syndrome lol)

And you know what they do about all this in the end? They literally just say F it! Let's make them in Pacworld yet again in the last episode! BRUH???

Speaking of! Let's talk about Elli's existence!

So Elli, the (probably used to be) most disliked character due to some controversial stuff as she was the last character to be introduced in the very last episode as a last straw...

I can't think of any inconsistency besides bringing up how we don't even get to learn about her until very late in the series, and how her existence seems to be just an excuse to be a plot device, as we learn nothing about her character outside of the descriptions Sir C and Stratos brought up about her...

And of course we can't forget, one of the most reasons she's disliked in the fandom is due to her being used as another excuse to ship her with Pacster

AND SPEAKING OF...

Remember how Rotanda adopted Pac as her grandson in her only debut episode? Remember how she mentions she was never blessed with any grandkids before the last episode of the series? Keep in mind Elliptica was mentioned in her debut to be Stratos and Betrayus' niece, making her Rotanda's granddaughter, which makes this whole shipping thing with her and a Pac being a big yikes

(i can only give it a benefit of the doubt if the writers might have forgotten about Pac's adoption completely, although it's a bit suspicious no one pointed it out beforehand)

And now for the ghosts and power berries!

Remember when it was said no one knows what happens when a ghost eat a power berry? And it was one of the main reasons they were keeping them away from Betrayus?

Only for it to be retconned at Captain Benshi's debut? and even Pac was smugging about it as he knew what he was doing!

I have no thoughts about it as i always forget this fact honestly, and even then i wish they kept the premise they originally went for...

[insert two images of the Ghost Gang and Spiral here because of Tumblr's image limitation]

Spiral i can understand, since they probably didn't know what to do with him as his existence was probably meant to be Pac's best friend (even though he's the most underwhelming character who we barely know of and wish he was given his own episode[s]), but Ghost Gang? They're literally the OGs of the Pacman franshise! They're barely given the episodes detected to each one of them! They're always given this whole role of "we need to warn Pac and help him!", it's always the "where's the Ghost Gang" but never the "how's the Ghost Gang"

Yeah we did get an episode detected to Blinky _which mind you, was literally at season two, past the time where you're supposed to build your characters to know them better at season one_ , as we learn he's a Pac-Fu master, which is a good character build up in my opinion! I just wish it was hinted beforehand that he knows something we don't know instead of it being out of nowhere when the episode decided to introduce Master Goo...

Pinky we don't know much of her besides her obsession with Pac, thinking he has something for her, and even then, one inconsistency that personally makes me and some people a bit uncomfortable to mention, was when Clyde implied in Nobody Knows episode, she dated two tenticle ghosts... Unless we have to assume they were teenagers as well as her and Pac, but we are not sure exactly...

I still wish we were given more information of her and for f sake! Not talk about Pacster every sentence! We need to learn more of her!

Same goes with Inky and Clyde! We know nothing of these two! I think we only know Clyde is one of the kindhearted ghosts to exist, and he's a cook, and the goofball of the group, and that's it. I don't think we even know much of Inky besides his sarcastic personality and wanting to be on the winning side... Just UGH!

----------

Alr i think that's all i have in mind, sorry if it's all over the place and unorganized, i wrote this all in two nights as of now

You're free to disagree with me and correct me if I'm wrong! You can even add your opinion too! I just felt like giving some criticism to it in a public post, even though the show's been dead for a decade, haha

So hope you enjoyed it!

#neem rambling #pmatga #pacman and the ghostly adventures #criticism

[holly-louisexox]

Ribcage X Andy Biersack- Part 17

Masterlist

“There’s one thing you should know about me Delia Vincent, I don’t date. Got no heart to break and emptiness is safe, keep it that way.”

He was adamant in his choices…

…But then things changed.

"So whilst you were at university, did you just do this? Fiddle with the soundboard and stuff?" Jake asks out of curiosity; it had become his habit to hang out with Delia before sound check to try and learn things from the talented woman he was on tour with, he found it fascinating how she was so confident and could solve pretty much anything. He could never understand half of what she was doing for the most part.

"Sadly not. It was balanced as 60% running a performance and the sound tech, and 40% a written exam. In the exam, I was given different scenarios and I would have to write what I would do and why I would choose to do it and what the outcome would be of that decision." Delia explains whilst ensuring the balance of the audio and amps were correct.

"Wow, that sounds more complicated than I thought for, no wonder you're so confident with this stuff." Jake nods; a conversation itching in the back of his head but unsure whether it should be brought to the surface.

"Yeah it was a rough 5 years but I wouldn't change it for the world. I love my job and love being able to do these things. Touring and seeing different places has by far been the best experience of them all though." Delia smiles looking back at Jake.

"Well I for one would love to have you back on tour with us, I'm sure the others would agree." Jake smiles before that conversation idea pops back into his head. "I must ask Delia, and I hope this is not an upsetting ask of me, have you been eating properly this tour? It's just that, I know touring is hard, especially when it's your first one and... All I'm saying is you gave us quite a fright when you fainted the other day."

"I've been eating Jake don't worry, but I appreciate the concern." Delia dismisses it in hopes that he drops the subject and moves on to something else.

"Is everything okay Delia? People normally don't just faint for no reason." Jake continues to ask out of worry.

"If I am to tell you something Jake, please keep this between us." Delia turns to the guy she would like to hope is her friend.

"Of course, Delia." Jake nods softly willing her to continue.

"A few years ago I was working on a local production of The Phantom of The Opera." Delia sighs, the memory of the event bringing pain and difficulty breathing to her chest. "The woman playing Christine had a sister living in Seattle. The sister went missing and... 2 weeks later they found her body... In the Seattle ferry landing pier."

"Oh shit Delia." Jake gasps placing a gentle hand on her shoulder in comfort. "And that's why you?"

"Yes." Delia nods "Guess it just freaked me out a little bit. It's silly really."

"It's not silly at all, it's completely understandable actually." Jake smiles "At least Andy was there to catch you so you didn't hurt yourself."

"Yeah, at least." Delia smiles awkwardly.

"Delia, what's going on between you and Andy?" Jake asks removing his hand from her shoulder.

"What do you mean?" Delia asks feeling herself panic slightly; surely Lonny didn't spill the gossip.

"I just mean, Andy, he seems almost happy. I've known the guy for years, I know what he went through with the divorce, and I saw how he changed. But he seems conflicted with you. This guard, this fake version of himself he has created to protect himself, it seems to disappear when he's with you." Jake explains sincerely to Delia which makes her speechless. "Delia, have you slept with him?"

"Jake!" Delia gasps before regaining her composure "No, no I have not." Lies. As soon as the lie left her mouth she could think nothing more but Andy, the way his lips were delicate on her skin, the way his fingers traced her body as if she were the finest of chinas; how he managed to make her feel as if she was on top of a pedestal as he worshipped her.

"All I'm saying is please be careful Delia." Jake sighs "As much as I would love to see Andy happy again, I can't ignore the amount of women he's slept with and dumped the next day. I don't want to see you get hurt by him."

"I won't Jake." Delia smiles.

Deep down she was hoping that to be true. As much as she wanted to say she did not feel anything for Andy, she could not deny the way she was fascinated by him. She could not deny she loved the feeling of him, it was almost enchanting.

-----------------------

"Great show as always guys!" Shevy smiles and she and Delia bring the food into the backstage room for everyone.

"4 more shows left guys!" CC screams.

"Man I love touring but I cannot wait to spend Christmas with my wife and son." Jinxx smiles.

"Yeah, I'm excited to see my parents again, as much as I love seeing the different states, it's weird being so far from them. I've never been far from them apart from when I went to study in Italy." Delia explains with a sad smile.

"After a while, you learn to focus on yourself and ignore other's feelings." Andy states dryly. "The only person you can ever rely on is yourself."

"Dude, that's cold." Jake replies looking at his bandmate.

"I'm just saying." Andy shrugs "I'm glad your marriages have turned out well but that is never promised. So what's the point? It's just easier to rely on yourself." At this Andy looks towards Delia. 

Andy did not want to hurt Delia, he knew that feeling all too well himself, but he was running out of options. Despite his best efforts, he was continuously drawn to Delia and he wished he was not. He promised himself he would never get close to someone again, not after Juliet. He thought Juliet was his person, the love of his life and the one he was to grow old with. Instead, things got messy, things became unhappy and both of them turned to alcohol, which was ultimately their downfall. Of course, Andy blamed himself entirely, he believed he was the problem. The voice in his head reminded him of that on the daily, reminded him of all the pain he was trying so desperately to hide.

"Look all I'm saying is..." Andy trails off before shaking his head. "It doesn't matter, forget I said anything."

"Woah, Andy, where are you going?" Shevy asks as he stands and starts to walk towards the door.

"I'm going to the bus, I'm tired." Andy lies. "Boca Raton tomorrow, as CC said, 4 more shows left. Let's make them count."

"Andy..." Delia calls after him. 

"Don't, Delia." He starts. "Just don't. It was a mistake to think that we could be friends, it was a mistake to trust we could be civil and comfortable around each other. Well, guess what? I'm done with all this pretending, after this tour, I never want to see you again."

After one final glance at the sound tech girl he could not stop thinking about, he turns and walks out of the room before heading towards the busses; leaving Delia and the rest of the group staring after him. 

Delia..." Shevy starts but finds no words to bring comfort to her friend.

"I'm fine." Delia fakes a smile.

No matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief. The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are left unsaid and never explained. Delia knew Andy was bad for her, yet she allowed things to get this far and she didn't think she would ever understand why.

#andy biersack #andy black #andy bvb #cc bvb #jake bvb #jake pitts #jinxx bvb #lonny bvb #lonny eagleton #black veil brides #bvb #black veil brides fanfic #bvb fanfic

[kenyizsuartblog]

The Rainbow Serpent's Herald

Grayscale version (x)

Kenyizsu's First Law: Everything that receives my undivided attention shall be redesigned into a fantasy setting sooner or later.

---

It is rare the Rainbow Serpent crosses the veil to the mortal realm from the Dreamtime, even rarer for her to choose a champion among penguins. Once chosen, the champion must face all manners of supernatural foes and challenges to keep the Dreamtime eternal, the worlds in balance and their fellow penguins safe. Given the Dreamtime's timeless nature, peeking into the past, other parts of the present, or into the future, or even temporary time-traveling can indeed happen, usually in the most inopportune moments possible. Whether or not the champion experiences this sudden shift in life duties as a blessing or a curse, is entirely up to the penguin himself.

Personally, Rory absolutely loves the ride!

---

So! Once again a fantasy redesign! Because why not? :D I have literally zero plans with this idea beyond this picture, but by all that is holy, I researched the heck out of it as much as I could.

This is also the first picture I have colored with the Gradient Map technique, and a bit of a paintover as the final touch. Please let me know how it turned out, the good and the bad! Thank you! :blowkiss:

Trivia

Rory is from Bells Beach, Australia, which used to belong to the Wathaurong nation, as I have found out. In their art they don't really use dots, mostly crosshatching and circles, hence I opted to leave out dot-like decoration off the weapons entirely (Rory's design has them already, I'm not changing that).

The beaked boomerang (looking like a big 7) was one type of non-returning boomerang mostly used for melee fighting, acting as a hooked weapon. They also used it for cutting meat and digging, and should the beak break off, they just chiselled it down and used it as a regular non-returning boomerang. Originally Rory had a spear, but once I found this type of boomerang, I knew this would be his main weapon, certainly. The spear still made it onto the picture because I found a hella awesome looking aboriginal spear in a museum on Google! :D

The Rainbow Serpent's head shape and darker coloring compared to the rest of her body is based on the inland taipan. The design would have been either that, or the largest snake in Australia, the scrub python. But given how the inland taipan has the most potent venom in the entire goddamn world (cuz it's Australia, babyyy!), the choice became obvious. Her frills on her head come from some interpretations of the Serpent where it is drawn with horns or some kind of feathers (?) growing out of the two sides of his head, behind the eyes.

I haven't actually found any Rainbow Serpent-related myths within the Wathaurong or the Kulin alliance circles, they mostly believed in a creator spirit called Bundjil in the form of a wedge-tailed eagle. I guess the Serpent wasn't worshiped around those parts of Australia. Still, the general composition of Rory standing with a Rainbow Serpent was very strong in my mind, so I did not let that one go.

Originally the Serpent would have been absolutely massive, but I struggled to come up with a composition that would feel right to me. I probably could have done so eventually, but by pulling away from that and making it a more personal composition helped me progress finally. Maybe one day I will do the other idea!

I love my hobbies, honestly. I learn about so many awesome things. Hope you guys like the picture, let me know! ^^ Take care!

2023.08.29.

#surf's up #rory nubbins #rainbow serpent #the rainbow serpent's herald #fanart #kenyizsu art

[bright-and-burning]

for your fic title ask game! gimme something texas hold em related. add some more fuel to this here fire.

(send me a made-up fic title and i'll tell you what i would write to go with it)

ok this has been rotating in my mind w logan/alex for the last day and i kind of went insane bc why is this a thousand words of blather...

i went to a research university in like the north eastern part of the us right but there was this bar named after a city in the south that . ok i just googled it to double check and the home page calls it a "rockin country redneck tavern" lol. there were line dancing lessons in the evening that old people LOVED before the night hit and it became like fully a bar scene, lots of country music, a massive dance floor. so like . picture rustic raw wood walls, a big ass dance floor, a second floor overlooking half the dance floor, and a whoooole lot of college students.

in my mind this is like, college au. logan is a junior, alex is a senior or smthn. alex gets dragged to a frat party by idk lando who then immediately abandons him to play pong w martin... alex is feeling big lost just standing around, downing a solo cup of punch way too fast to feel busy. logan's like 'i got next!!' except his pong partner was oscar who disappeared so he's like fuckkkk and then lando volunteers alex for it, and logan's like sure you can keep up kind of vibes and alex drains the last of his drink and grins before grabbing another. so it's lando and martin vs logan and alex.

and alex is TRASH but it's ok bc martin and lando are mid and logan is good so it like all balances out. so they go back and forth the whole time, and logan and alex are teasing each other sooo bad oh my god. just like annoying to everyone else in the room levels of flirty mocking. (we played with water in the cups bc otherwise the balls get DISGUSTING, so you just move the cup to the side of the table when it's made. but if you get a ball in one of the side cups you have to dance? idk if this is a common rule but we called it dance cup lol. also an important rule: if you dont make a single cup you have to do a naked lap). alex is Struggling he is not making anything. he manages to get it into dance cup like three times tho. somehow it gets down to like lando and martin only need to make one more cup and logan and alex have two to go. alex Has to make it on this round or he's in grave danger of naked lap... idk some like logan giving tips etc. logan goes first on their turn and sinks it perfectly which leaves them 1-1... alex closes his eyes n takes a deep breath... shoots... nails it. he and logan lose their shit lol but martin and lando have a shot at redemption.. and they BOTH MISS! logan and alex W. some other duo is like we got winner but alex is like ok i'm done for the night lol i don't need any more chances at a naked lap. and logan also steps from the table so like lando and martin keep playing.

from there there's two directions i think it could go:

they go to a "rockin country redneck tavern" that night after logan is like oh i've got actual liquor up in my room if you want...

OR this is actually better i guess given how many more ideas i have abt this lol

alex actually leaves not long after the pong game for some reason (that i haven't decided on yet). but then the next weekend he gets dragged out to said country tavern by lando n george who are like dude we have to experience all of the bars here before we graduate and scatter to the winds!!!! (well. lando says that. george spent the last weekend + week frantically studying for an exam so he's like can we PLEASE go out and get shitfaced. PLEASE) anyways. alex doesnt really ask what this place is and they dont tell him so they get there and alex is like what the fuck is this. what.

they get drinks and sit down at a table for a bit, logan gets in w some friends and walks past and is like yoooo and chats w alex for a minute, except george and lando disappear to "get drinks" (with lots of eyebrow wiggles from behind logan). they r flirting obviously. lots of alex being like of Course you're here, all american boy vs logan being like and what country are we in right now, hot stuff? and then a line dance-y song comes on and the announcer is like 'last line dance of the night folks' (bc this bar switches over at abt 10pm to like. pop and rap etc.) and logan is like !!! and alex audibly groans but lets himself get dragged out bc logan is like you gotta have the full [i have not come up w a bar name that wont doxx me but pretend there's one here] experience. they do a silly line dance w alex just clumsily copying logan at first but by the end enjoying it laughing his ass off trying to mess logan up etc.

and then idk maybe the next song switches over as theyre like collapsing into each other dying laughing all breathless... and it's a very grind-y song (to stick w the beyonce theme... a la partition even tho that's not super 'realistic' im just struggling off the top of my head to come up w something better. fill in the blanks w ur imagination if u r smarter than me i guess) and they have this moment of like 'so are we doing this orrrr' and the dance floor gets hella crowded so theyre up on each other anyways so. they are in fact doing this. and then they dance for a While it's hot they get real sweaty lean in to each other's ears from time to time to point out funny things happening around them etc etc.

after a long while of that alex is like i need another drink. and logan is like yeah same so they go to the bar together. and alex buys their drinks. and then they just stand leaning on a wall for a bit, chatting and taking a breather. and logan is like 'cards on the table' and then tells alex he likes him. or is interested in him or whateverrrr and alex is like oh thank god. and then they go home and fuck nasty. basically!

#this got... long. LOLLLLLLLL #2302 #once more not actually fic but if i ever have any hopes of finding this again lol #mine.snip

[atarev]

Future Redeemed Rambles/Thoughts

FUTURE REDEEMED SPOILERS!! DON'T CLICK UNDER THE CUT IF YOU DON'T WANT THOSE!!

So! Future Redeemed is A Lot. Both as a prequel to 3 and a book-end to the Klaus Saga.

I am enthralled by it with my only major complaints being the return of the Community system + things like Gem Unlocks being locked behind excessive exploration which doesnt gel with my personal aim for these games which is Get Strong Quick, Punch Big Bad In Face.

Starting off with what started it all, Klaus's experiment and the insights we gained into the Trinity Processor. (I haven't reviewed 2's TP stuff extensively so I might get some details wrong) But i love the details we got! About how Pneuma was engineered as a female persona, Logos as a male one, and Ontos as a (NON-BINARY!!) arbiter! I love how this finally gives context to why Gallea was given godhood beyond her being in the room with Klaus. it's because Ontos; Alvis needed two halves to balance and ultimately introduced a third, splitting his power more to favour Shulk. Whereas in 2, Ontos wasn't even there so Klaus was handed his godhood alone, leaving Pneuma and Logos as purely processors of information. I also think that "those two" that Rex was referring to in the final fight weren't Pyra and Mythra, but rather Pneuma and Logos. Since realistically, Pyra and Mythra wouldn't have helped that much, being about equal strength to Rex as is, who alongside the party in general was already clearly struggling. But if we think about Ontos's actions wholely as a radical conclusion of a machine being actualised, having its two main "weights" present may have actually shut him off (It turns out that Pneuma was kinda sorta there in Matthew's glove, and Logos maaaybe in N's sheath).

Now focusing in on more of FR's specific details and its links to 3. First of all, It Worked!! Origin worked!! It brought the worlds together!! I'm so happy we got to see that. And dude,,,Dude the blending of 1 and 2s world! How Valak and Tantal combined alongside Prison Island! How Colony 9 actually existed! And god how sad it was that it was so ruined and overgrown and it eventually got annihilated by Origin, which explains why we never see the Cent-Omnia region in Base 3, because Origin wiped it out.

What I would've done to hear Rex and Shulk call their kids their son and daughter out loud!! I'm so mad (not really) that they didn't, also I guess Panacea and Linka founded the houses that Rex and Shulk are the statues of, good we got to see the actual founders! As for the 7th, I have absolutely no idea. Maybe it was spelled out and i missed it? It'd be super super funny if it was Riku, maybe A?

Dude, God, A!! I love that her Vision breaks Alpha's Perfect Monado Buster and lets the player beat him! Xenoblade has always been really good about tying its themes and world into gameplay (Yaldabaoth, visions against Zanza, Vs Jin and Malos above Morytha). (Also cuz i was playing with the Japanese voices I had to piece together that that's what was needed LMAO).

And perhaps what took me out the most, Riku's masterpon is MELIA?!?!?!

THE FUCK?!?!?

So THAT's what that nod was in Origin!

Anyway uhhhhh Future Redeemed Good. Buy all the Xenoblade Games on Switch. Do it

#Xenoblade Chronicles #Xenoblade Chronicles 3 #Xenoblade Spoilers #Future Redeemed Spoilers

[ollieofthebeholder]

to find promise of peace (and the solace of rest): a TMA fanfic

<< Beginning < Prev. || AO3

Chapter 32: October 2016

“I think we’ve doubled back on ourselves again.” Jon wedged his torch under his chin to try and get it to point at the paper in his hands.

Martin, as he usually did, neatly relieved him of the torch and pointed it at the paper, and Jon once again wondered why he didn’t just ask Martin to hold it in the first place. “I don’t see any of our arrows.”

“I’m not altogether convinced someone hasn’t been moving them.”

“Okay, Sarah, you check your map and I’ll keep an eye out for the Cleaners.”

Jon considered Martin’s statement for a moment, map temporarily forgotten. “I have no idea what that’s referencing.”

Martin snorted softly. “Labyrinth. It’s a movie. We’ll have to watch it some night, you’ll probably love it. It’s one of Neenie’s favorites.”

Jon had been intrigued, and slightly suspicious, when he’d returned to work and Martin had produced the key to the tunnels with the information that Elias had essentially given them carte blanche to explore them. He’d at first thought to explore them on his own, but Martin had been waiting for him the first time he tried, and he’d given in fairly readily.

Actually, he found the experience was a lot more…enjoyable wasn’t the word. It was still oppressive, eerie, and at times terrifying to wander around the tunnels where Jane Prentiss had made a home, and where Gertrude Robinson had been brutally murdered by a man they all had to pretend they didn’t know had done it. But having Martin with him made it better, at least. He knew there was somebody there to catch him if he fell, to remind him to eat or drink water, to reassure him when he heard an odd noise or even to validate his fears if he noticed something off and doubted his own mind.

Also, he was enjoying spending time with Martin. They’d grown closer in the weeks they’d spent above Cinnamon Rose Books, but that had always been with someone else present—usually Gerry, often Melanie as well. Their efforts to map the tunnels were just the two of them. While they tried to focus on the route, and limited their discussion while walking to the tunnels themselves and speculation about where Gertrude might have been, they had opportunities to rest.

Well, opportunities was probably not the right word for it. More like forced stops.

As Jon studied the map he’d been drawing, he noticed the beam of light was shaking slightly. He looked up at Martin, concerned. “Are you all right?”

“Fine,” Martin said, completely unconvincingly. At Jon’s raised eyebrow, he relented. “Bit tired, I guess. How long have we been wandering around down here?”

Jon tilted his wrist to get his watch face into view. As soon as he saw the time, he did a double-take. “Good Lord.”

Martin huffed out a laugh. “I’m guessing it’s been a bit.”

“Nearly three hours, and we’ve been going this entire time. Martin, why didn’t you tell me you were getting tired?”

“It’s no big deal. I’ve dealt with worse.” Martin studied Jon sharply. “How are you feeling?”

“I could do with a rest,” Jon admitted.

Martin pointed the torch’s light ahead of them. “Look—that’s either a room without a door, or it’s a stairwell. Either way, should be a decent enough place for a sit.”

It was only a few yards away, but Martin stumbled and had to lean against the wall at one point. Jon tried to steady him and help him over to what turned out to be the top of a flight of steps. They sank down onto the top step together. By unspoken agreement, they both turned themselves sideways so that their backs were against the walls, letting them see down the stairs—to a point—as well as the way they’d come from.

Jon balanced the torch on its end, giving them a decent spread of light—at least enough to see one another and their immediate environs—then dug through the satchel he’d brought with him. He came up with two bottles of water and two protein bars, then handed one of each to Martin. Martin twisted the top of the water bottle open, then saluted him with it. “Na zdrowie.”

“Likewise.” Jon raised his own glass. “Is that…Russian?”

“Polish. It means ‘to your health’.”

“You really do speak Polish?” Jon blurted, then bit his lip, slightly embarrassed. He knew Martin had listened to at least some of the tapes and knew some of the things Jon had said about him, but…

Thankfully, Martin didn’t seem offended. He merely nodded before taking a deep drink of water. “My grandfather taught me.”

It seemed like a good opening to a conversation. Jon carefully peeled away the wrapper of the protein bar. His hands were a bit shaky, too—since moving back to his own flat after his shoulder healed, he wasn’t always as good about remembering to eat breakfast as he’d been when he’d stumbled out in the morning to find Martin or Gerry presiding over the frying pan, so his blood sugar was probably low—but he managed it before asking, “Are you…fluent?”

“Pretty much, yeah. Granddad was trilingual and used to switch back and forth all the time, and since I spent a lot of time with him when I was a kid, I did too. I learned pretty quick not to do that at school, though, or I’d just get made fun of.” Martin took a bite of his own protein bar.

Jon was intrigued. “So what languages do you know?”

Martin stared blankly at the wall over Jon’s head as he chewed, then swallowed. “Polish. Russian. French, some—I took a couple advanced courses when I was still in school, and Gerry used to help me practice. Yiddish, a little bit—I understand it better than I speak it. Same with Irish and Romanian. I can read Sanskrit and ancient Greek, but I can’t pronounce them properly. I know a little bit of Chinese—Cantonese, not Mandarin—but I’m not going to be having in-depth conversations, and don’t ask me to read it. I learned BSL as part of an after-school thing, but I’m rusty.” His lips twitched upwards in a smile as he returned his gaze to Jon. “And I know how to say ‘can I pet your dog’ in twenty-seven other languages.”

Jon laughed. “Of course you do. I should learn how to say ‘can I pet your cat’.” He tilted his head at Martin. “That’s…quite an impressive list. I had no idea you were such a polyglot.”

“Yeah, well, how many of those languages have come across our desks since we came down to the Archives? Other than a word in Polish or Russian here or there. Wasn’t like you were going to respond favorably if I told you, ‘No, I don’t actually speak Latin unless you count memorizing seven different choral arrangements with ‘Ave’ in the title, but if you can give me a Sanskrit passage I’ll tell you what it says.’”

“No, I suppose not.” Jon took a sip of water to cover his embarrassment.

Martin tilted his head at him. “What about you? What languages do you know?”

“Ah—not that many. Latin, obviously, and I actually studied ancient Greek, too. And I know a little Urdu, but not much.” Jon winced. “My grandmother didn’t—she wasn’t like your grandfather, I suppose. She was…very determined that I not get my languages confused. We only spoke English at home. I finally convinced her to start teaching me, but I was in university at that point, so it only happened when I was home on breaks. And I didn’t…practice as much as I should have when we were apart.” He considered for a moment. “I don’t think she minded all that much, to be honest.”

“Mum won’t let me talk to her in anything but English, either. Old prejudices die hard, I guess.” Martin’s eyes softened. “Granddad’s parents came over when they were newlyweds, just after the first World War. He said they never did learn to speak English very well. They died long before I was born, so I never met them, but he used to tell me stories.”

Jon smiled. “What about your grandmother?”

“I never met her, either. Mum refused to talk about her—all she ever said was that she’d abandoned her and wasn’t worth her time. Granddad never really talked about her, either, except to say I had her courage.” Martin sipped pensively at his water. “And I never met my dad’s family. I barely remember my dad…what about you? Was it just you and your grandmother?”

“Yes, my extended family wasn’t…close. I-I don’t really remember my parents either,” Jon confessed. “My father died when I was two, from an accidental fall, and my mother died from surgery complications a couple of years later. It was just me left, and I think most of my relatives had gone overseas, so my grandmother wound up being the one raising me.” He hesitated, then added in a low voice, “She never quite hid that she resented that.”

Martin’s eyes radiated with a sympathy so sincere it hurt, and Jon had to look away. He didn’t resist when Martin took his hands, though. “It’s not your fault. You know that, right? No child asks to be born, and certainly no child ever seriously asks to be orphaned. You needed someone, and it’s not your fault that it was her.”

Jon tried to laugh, but it came out sort of strangled. “You sound almost like you’re talking from experience.”

Martin was silent for a long moment before he said softly, “You remember that day I snapped at you about Ex Altiora?”

“Yes, I—I remember you telling Melanie and Gerry that was your mother’s birthday.” Jon still couldn’t look at Martin.

“Right, and I called her to wish her a happy birthday.” Jon nodded. “She wouldn’t take my call. I don’t know why I even bothered trying, honestly, because she always refuses my call. She hasn’t spoken to me in seven years. In my entire life, I’ve heard her say something kind about me once, and that was the first time I found a Leitner.” Martin squeezed Jon’s hands gently. “I’m lucky in that I had Granddad, and then Roger and Melanie—and Gerry, even if he’s not legally family—but I at least know a little bit of what you had to deal with. And I’m so sorry, Jon. Nobody deserves that.”

“I—I know she did her best. And at least I remember enough about my parents to know they loved me.” Jon tried to wipe at his eyes with his shoulder so he wouldn’t have to let go of Martin’s hands, then gave it up and looked up at Martin, blinking heavily to try and clear them. “And—and I’m not alone now. I have Tim and Sasha, and Gerry and Melanie…and you.”

“You have me,” Martin agreed softly. He let go of one of Jon’s hands, then reached forward to carefully cup his chin and wipe the tears away with a gentle caress of his thumb. It was a gesture of such tenderness that Jon wasn’t sure he could stand it without breaking apart. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so…cherished. As if he was something worth caring for, caring about.

Jon found himself wanting to close the gap between them, to…he didn’t know what. Possibly curl against Martin’s side and hold him until both of them forgot every person who should have loved them but didn’t. That was a slightly disconcerting feeling in and of itself, but it was also disconcerting that he didn’t want it to go away. Six months ago he likely would have ignored it, or at least tried to bury it, but after everything they’d been through, he leaned into Martin’s hand and tried to work up the courage to slide to the other side of the stairwell.

A sudden sound came from below them on the stairwell, making both of them jump. Martin’s hand fell away from Jon’s face, and he immediately missed the contact. He gripped Martin’s other hand tightly to keep him from letting go as they peered into the darkness.

“That—what was that?” Jon automatically dropped his voice to a whisper.

“I don’t know,” Martin murmured. “It didn’t sound like a worm. Or a spider. But it didn’t sound like a rat, either.”

“I haven’t seen any evidence of rats down here.”

“Me, either, which should probably be worrying this close to the river, but…” Martin trailed off. “We should get back to the Archives.”

“Yes. We should.” Jon peered into the darkness, then looked up at Martin again. “We’re not going to, are we.”

It wasn’t a question, and Martin didn’t answer it. Instead, he handed Jon his rubbish, then picked up the torch and pulled him to his feet. Jon laced their fingers together, and they made their way carefully down the stairs.

The stairs were narrow, and Jon kept a tight hold of Martin’s hand; the second he got stuck, or couldn’t go any further, they would turn back. Jon was not going on alone. Quietly, he asked, “Did Tim mention stairs at any point?”

“Just the ones we came out of up into the Archives, so Gertrude was up there somewhere,” Martin replied. “But I think that stopped being what we were looking for a while ago.”

“You’re not wrong.” They came to a landing, and Jon paused, peering into the darkened archway leading to the next level down. “Do we check this level or keep going down?”

Martin appeared to be weighing their options. Finally he said, “I don’t hear anything. Whatever made that noise, it isn’t on this floor. Let’s keep going. Carefully.”

Jon appreciated that addition.

It was another two flights down before Martin stopped dead, hissing for Jon to be quiet. Jon held his breath, and then he heard it, too—a rattling noise, like someone had tripped over a rock. He looked up at Martin, saw that he was game, and led him onto the level.

This one felt different, somehow. The air was faintly damp and tasted of rot and decay. The ceiling seemed just a little bit lower, the tunnels just a little bit narrower, and it felt like it should have been cold enough to see their breath steam ahead of them, but luckily wasn’t. Jon was thankful he’d worn Martin’s now-mended jumper, but he still stepped just a bit closer to Martin’s side as they traversed the tunnels on this floor. There was no dust—of course there wasn’t, this wasn’t that kind of a place—but it still felt as though this was a place that hadn’t been traversed by humans in ages, if ever.

“Jon.” Martin’s voice was a mere thread. “Look.”

Jon looked where the beam of light from the torch was pointed and inhaled sharply. As if in mockery of his thoughts a moment ago, there lay a crumpled packet of some kind, dark green and yellow.

Without letting go of Martin’s hand, as impractical as that was, Jon bent down and reached for it with trembling fingers. It had once held biscuits, an imported variety Jon had never particularly cared for, but now only crumbs remained. He turned it over to find the sell-by date. “This can’t have been down here long. A year at most.”

“I don’t think it’s been down here that long,” Martin said slowly. “That’s…not a bad thing, actually.”

“It’s not?”

“It means that whatever—whoever is down here still has to eat regular food. They’re not as far gone as Prentiss was.”

Jon hadn’t considered that, but it made sense. As he straightened up, a thought occurred to him. “That means Gerry isn’t that far gone, right? Since he still eats regular food?”

Martin was silent for a long moment, which told Jon he wasn’t going to like the answer. “He chooses to eat regular food, but it doesn’t really…do anything for him. If he tried to live off of just that, he’d fade pretty quickly.”

“I didn’t know he could die.”

“I never said he would die. I said he would fade. He’d be weak and helpless and—” Martin stumbled, nearly dropping the torch as he tried to balance himself against the wall. “Christ, what did I trip over this time?”

Jon took the torch from him and angled it at the ground. If he was being honest with himself, he didn’t expect to find anything—Martin was probably more worn out by their long journey than he was willing to admit, that was a lot of stairs—but to his surprise, there was a glass bottle lying on its side, still rocking slightly from being kicked. “It looks like a wine bottle.”

“Hang on.” Martin handed the torch back to Jon and knelt down this time, prodding the bottle lightly until the label faced upwards. “Jesus, this stuff runs at least a hundred pounds a bottle.”

“You’re sure?” Jon leaned over to get a closer look.

“It’s what they served at Mum and Roger’s wedding. I remember because Aunt Mary told us if we so much as looked at a single bottle of it too hard, there wouldn’t be enough of us left to put in the Book.” Martin got to his feet with a bit of effort. “And this is the same vintage. Unless our mystery basement dweller has had it sitting around for twenty years, it didn’t come cheap.”

“So a squatter with at least moderately expensive tastes.” Jon watched the bottle spin for a moment, then aimed the torch in the direction the neck was pointing. There was a turn off the corridor just there. “That way?”

“Hold still.” Martin reached across Jon’s body to dig into the bag, then pulled out the chalk they’d been using to mark the walls. He drew an arrow pointing back the way they’d come on the wall facing the corridor. He clearly found it awkward to hold the chalk, and seemed to be having difficulty drawing.

“Martin, are you sure you’re all right?” Jon asked, concerned.

“Fine. I’m left-handed, that’s all. Never really practiced with my right,” Martin admitted.

“Next time, we’ll hold hands the other way round,” Jon said without really thinking. As soon as his brain caught up to what he’d just let his tongue get away with, his face caught fire, but he decided he wasn’t going to apologize or take it back, because he actually meant it.

Martin paused in his work and gave him a crooked, almost shy smile before back to finish the arrow.

“There,” he said at last, stepping back to study the mark. “Good enough?”

Jon squeezed Martin’s hand. “It’s perfect.”

Martin laughed and turned—then froze, the smile dropping off his face instantly. “What the—?”

“What?” Jon turned to see what Martin was looking at, what might be coming down the corridor—and felt his blood run cold.

The corridor was gone.

Frantically, Jon shone the torch along the wall, but it was solid, unbroken stone. “It—I swear there was a passage there a moment ago, I—”

“There was. But there’s not now,” Martin murmured. He reached out hesitantly with his free hand and touched the wall. “I-it’s not a door, it’s…that should not be possible.”

“I didn’t hear anything,” Jon said in a low voice. “Did you?”

“No. No, I didn’t.” Martin took a deep breath. “Right. I guess we keep going straight then.”

“Yes.” Jon turned to face the way they were headed and found he was standing closer to Martin than before. It didn’t really surprise him—he felt very strongly that he needed the comfort—but then Martin cursed quietly and Jon looked up at him. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just—banged my shoulder on the wall, that’s all. Sorry, would you—can we get more to the middle of the tunnel?”

“Of course,” Jon said immediately, taking a step to the left…or trying to. His foot knocked against the wall, and he turned to regard it sharply, then looked back at Martin. The panic was starting to make itself known. “Are…are these tunnels getting narrower?”

“No,” Martin said under his breath. Jon thought it was an answer, until he caught the note of panic in his voice. “No, no, no…”

“Martin? Martin.” Jon squeezed Martin’s hand tightly, then moved closer to him with the thought of wrapping his arms around him to calm his panic.

Martin yanked his glasses off with an almost violent movement. Jon felt more than heard the static gathering, slowly increasing at first, then faster and faster, rising to an almost fever pitch, painful even though it wasn’t directed at him. He let out a strangled cry and did the only thing he could think of—pinched a bit of Martin’s skin sharply between two fingernails. Martin gasped hard, but the static died instantly, making both of them slump.

From the darkness, a voice spoke, a single word, said without inflection or intonation, just a simple command. “Leave.”

Jon didn’t wait to be told twice. He began backing up, eyes fixed on the darkness ahead of them, still holding Martin’s hand so tightly it had to be hurting both of them. Then again, Martin was gripping him just as tightly.

They had to go single file before they got back to the stairwell. Jon didn’t like that and held onto Martin tighter, determined that he would not leave without him; if the halls got too narrow, if Martin were trapped, Jon would stay with him and damn the consequences. Luckily, they made it without too much difficulty, although it was a tight squeeze for Martin at the very end. The second there was space for them to turn around, they did, pelting up the stairs as fast as either of them could go.

Despite how far down they’d descended, and how far they must have explored overall, Jon didn’t think it was more than ten minutes before they were pushing up the trapdoor and emerging into the Archives, both of them collapsing to their knees at the top, gasping for breath. Jon’s face felt sticky and wet, and when managed to glance at Martin, he saw that he was pale as a sheet.

A shadow loomed over them, almost sending Jon into a panicked tumble back down the steps before Tim said, “Are you two all right?”

“Fine,” Martin and Jon said in unison.

Tim did not look remotely convinced, but he didn’t call them on it, either. “You guys were down there a hell of a long time. Find anything?”

“Maybe.” Jon didn’t know what they had found, only that it didn’t want them down there, and he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to go back yet, either. His heart was finally beginning to slow down, and he managed to look properly at Tim, who was holding something in his hand. “Is everything…all right?”

“Nothing major.” Tim waved the piece of paper he was holding. “I was just getting ready to come looking for you. Rosie just called down—a woman phoned the Institute, said she’s coming by to give a statement. She’ll be here in about twenty minutes.”

“Thank you.” Jon took the paper from Tim and was acutely aware that his hand was shaking. “Where’s Sasha?”

“Lunch. I was going to go out myself once you two got up.”

“Take the afternoon. Both of you. We…made you do the work all morning.” Jon took a deep, steadying breath. “But maybe…help us cover up this trapdoor first?”

Thank God, Tim didn’t ask questions. Probably he didn’t want to know. He shoved one of the disused desks over so that one set of legs rested on the now-closed trapdoor, then waved to them both and headed out. Jon watched him go, then turned to Martin, who had made them both very strong cups of tea and was seated at his desk. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired,” Martin admitted. “I shouldn’t have tried to Look that deep, but…I was panicking, I admit it. I’m sorry, Jon.”

“It’s not your fault. I was panicking, too.” Jon reached out and gingerly touched Martin’s cheek. “Was it…what was it?”

“I’m pretty sure it was the Buried.” Martin’s voice was barely above a whisper. “But it wasn’t…it wasn’t right. Not strong, not enough to…hurt us? Not enough to Mark you, anyway. It felt…controlled somehow.” He took a deep breath and added, “And I’ve heard that voice before. Somewhere. I just—I can’t remember where.”

Upset, Jon took Martin’s face in both hands and pressed their foreheads together. “Martin. Martin, please don’t hurt yourself trying to…we can stay out of the tunnels. We don’t need to go down there, not—not now. Not for a while. Promise me you’ll be careful.”

“I will. I will.” Martin covered Jon’s hands with his own. “You be careful, too. Please.”

“I will. I won’t go down without you.” Jon took a deep breath, inhaling the faint scents of mint and cherries that always seemed to cling to Martin, then reluctantly eased back. “If—if you need to take the rest of the day, too…”

“I’ll stay. Until you leave.” Martin managed a small smile. “Don’t know how much use I’ll be, really, but I’m not leaving you to it alone.”

Jon laughed. It came out a little broken, but it was genuine. “Tell you what. How about I take this statement that’s coming in, and then we can call it a day, too? We’ll, I’ll make it up to Tim and Sasha later.”

Martin’s smile broadened. “Sounds good. I’ll see what I can do in the meantime.”

“Good.”

“Excuse me?”

At the sound of the voice, both of them turned to see a woman approaching them, clutching a cape around her shoulders and looking agitated. Jon hoped he didn’t look as ruffled as he felt. “Yes, can we help you?”

“I—I’m here to—” The woman broke off, looking confused. “They told me—”

“Yes, Rosie called and said you’d be coming to make your statement,” Jon said, as kindly as he could. “Step into my office and we’ll get set up. Right this way, Ms.”—he surreptitiously checked the paper Tim had handed him—“Richardson.”

#ollie writes fanfic #to find promise of peace (and the solace of rest) #tma fanfic #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #claustrophobia tw #mention of childhood trauma #slight misuse of beholding powers

[countlessrealities]

scrapped ideas meme:

🗑️ ⚖️ 💚

Scrapped / on pause / WIP ideas meme

🗑️ a scrapped element of the blog

When I was developing the backgrounds for my OCs, there was a moment when I debated adding to SR's backstory a tragic / bad element, since he's the only one among them who, all in all, had a decent life without too much drama (for Ricks standards, at least). It would have also been in line with the kind of characters I usually write, because tragic backstories are my guilty pleasure xD

I eventually decided against it both because I wanted to try something different, but also because I wanted a character who could still fit Rick standards when it comes to ruthlessness and asshole-ness, but who also was capable of emotional intelligence underneath. SR is the kind of person who hasn't gone through extreme trauma, but he has enough tact that he can be a support for those who have (see his relationship with AR, for example).

Don't get me wrong, he's not a good guy, he has done terrible things and doesn't feel guilty about them in the least, but he has a loose moral code. And he actively tries to be a decent person with the ones he cares for.

I liked this balance between decency and Rickness, and I knew that it would have been hard to develop it if I had given him some big bad event in his backstory. So, he's the only one of my characters who still has his family, who remained in good terms with his Diane even if they divorced and whose Beth actually has a good family life (also, no Jerry in the picture, so maybe that helped xD).

⚖️ something stuck in limbo

I still haven't properly figured out how I want my Morty to feel about the whole Rick Prime ordeal. In the show, they don't really delve into the consequences of him finding out why Rick chose his original dimension specifically, nor how this changes everything that Rick has chosen to do after.

I'm debating whether Morty would see Rick taking him away after they accidentally Cronenberged his dimension as a sign that Rick had come to care for him or if he would see it as Rick wanting to keep something that of Rick Prime in the hope that he might get an interest. Knowing how forgiving Morty is, especially when it comes to Rick, he would probably pick the first option, but I'm toying with the idea that, deep down, he has doubts. And said doubts come out whenever he has one of his bad moments.

I just love both options, the idea of Weird Rick being something that eventually makes Rick and Morty closer and also more on the same level and the idea that instead it adds to the things that have been creating a rift between them. I'm really torn here!

Tho, knowing me, I'll probably end up figuring out a way to mix them because I can't choose xD

💚 for a coming idea that still needs development

I have this verse for Summer I never got to use, but that I'd love to develop sometimes. Basically, after the whole Space Beth reveal, she decides to ditch Earth and join her space mom's crew. You could call it her Star Wars like adventure verse, I guess xD

In this verse, she still is her sassy, mostly detached self, but she would definitely grow into becoming truly confident, into believing in herself and her skills. And she would do that on her own, not through a reflection of Rick's approval or anyone else's.

It's a version of Summer who has found what she wants to do with her life, what she wants from him and also where she belongs, even while still burdened with everything she has learnt through her experience with Rick and her family.

#[ ooc :: mun scotty on comm ] #[ ooc :: blog info ] #[ ooc :: about the mun ] #technodromes #[[ thanks a lot for the ask !! ]] #;; queue

[femmefatalevibe]

Hi :)

I have a bit of an internal dilemma surrounding sex.

I'm in my mid 20's & had sex for the first time with a man who made me feel safe and cared for it was just such a special connection, unfortunately, we live on different continents but planned to meet again to go exploring in a different country together because we really wanted to see each other again, and that was fun and exciting. It's been like a condensed gentle and passionate relationship but it's not practical for us to be together.

A part of me feels "spoilt" & that makes me want to regret having slept with someone who I couldn't really be with long-term but that's only because I'm struggling after putting my virginity on such a high pedestal for so long. It made me realise maybe I tied my value to that which is what a lot of young women do & I wish I knew where to turn to help myself be okay with this because I feel like sex is a very polarised topic amongst women. I'm not into casual hook-ups & don't believe I will be but I don't want to purity culture & waiting to marriage to dictate my life especially now since I'm "tainted".

Where is the balance between the two? I feel too ashamed to even mention this to my therapist because I have an irrational fear of been judged or seen a particular way.

I've always been comfortable with my body so it's not that but I guess. figuring out how to process my sexuality going forward. I was raised in a moderately religious (Catholic) family but I'd say I've been more spiritual than religious since I was 13 because I didn't agree with everything, and I've always supported women doing what they want with their bodies but I'm confused about it when it comes to me. I'd describe myself as more of the gamine, girly, free-spirit, and highly sensitive if that helps with your advice for me or any other women like me or in this situation.

I appreciate your thoughtful responses & the content you share. Please feel free to reply whenever you get the time & inspiration to do so.

Sending love.

Hi love! I'm so glad to hear that you had a positive first sexual experience even if you live in different parts of the world and cannot be with each other long term (these situations are so frustrating – completely empathize with your frustration and sadness over this matter).

Good for you to want to move past this black-and-white thinking around sex and your sexuality. Purity culture is so toxic. Unlearning the shame that comes with a religious upbringing can be difficult. Please remember, though, that no one is "tainted" from engaging in such a natural act with someone they have chemistry with. The only "damage" that can happen from consensual sex is STDs or unwanted pregnancy if you don't use protection.

From what I've seen, religious indoctrination tends to promote an otherness around sex – it is a purpose-driven act (uphold a marriage, create children), rather than an innate desire that matures just like the rest of your being (body, mind, spirit). Once you consider that your sexuality is simply a part of your human existence – like your desire for certain foods, emotions, interpersonal connections, sensory experiences, and creativity – it is easier to perceive sex as a morally-neutral act.

Because one's sexuality is so personal, you need to learn, explore, and accept your preferences at any given stage in your life. If you find the idea of casual sex or purely physically-driven sex to be unappealing, that is completely fine. Some people prefer to have sex with someone only after they've established an emotional connection or were friends with the person beforehand. It's like someone preferring smooth or chunky peanut butter. You might not understand why someone likes the other option, and you might change your mind over time, but neither option is inherently "good" nor "bad." Either option should align with your personal preference to ensure you're getting the most pleasure and satisfaction out of the experience.

I know it might feel uncomfortable at first, but, if you have a good therapist, it could be very helpful for you to speak about your reservations and underlying shame around sex in a safe space as you get to learn and explore this side of yourself. If you feel more comfortable chatting in private about this, I'm sharing my one-on-one chat session link here: https://calendly.com/femmefatalevibe/30min?month=2023-04.

Hope this helps xx

#sex and relationships #sex advice #sex education #femmefatalevibe #sexuality #relationship advice #inner work #purity culture #self healing #femme fatale #dark femininity #personal growth #religious trauma #it girl #dream girl #girl advice #self confidence #higher self #queen energy #q/a #female power

[aconflagrationofmyown]

How do you do it, how do you raise my expectations after every update when I’m convinced each time it is not possible for your story to get any better. Keep proving me wrong, Marina. I don’t even no where to start, what part exactly I want to rave about first, so I guess the beginning’s gonna have to do it huh? We are starting where Captain Presley left off in Chapter 12, starving and in need of his damn breakfast. I remember being upset with him because I needed him to focus on Rosy, not on some damn food, but at this point I have ‘sym-pa-thee’ for the poor man. SOMEONE PLEASE FEED HIM AND ALLOW HIM SILENCE! I was as in dire need of touch from Elvis to Rosey as Rosey was, my heart was content every second they were together. Without even realizing it, the Captain missed and needed her touch as well as he processes all the information he’s gained in the last few hours. How he hasn’t lost his mind yet I have no idea. “… taken by surprise and eager for the tiniest of his touches, just as he suspected.” Captain do not try and fool, her being pulled into your lap did just as much to soothe you as it did her. His forehead leaning on the nape of her neck, her ensuring his food gets to him, the business being cleared away to accommodate him if only for a moment, comfortably perched on his lap - if that isn’t love what is? “She stroked and petted the tan hands now interlocked over her lower belly and his wrist twitched in response, a helpless little tremor and she wondered if maybe all the bravery he stoked in her had made her forget to be gentle with him.” Excuse me but should I jump off this building now or later? Both these characters need to give themselves a break but my poor sweet Rosey who still holds so much love and care within her but may not know how to express it and has not trusted anyone in ages to truly allow herself to show it. Rosey, who’s own father betrayed her, Rosey, who lost a mother, sister, and faux mother, who lost her friend Elvis, was subjected to witnessing an innocent die, had to commit murderer herself to survive, has been stuck living a lie for years and is still fighting daily to live her truth, who was kidnapped and sold and bought, Rosey give yourself a break. You show more love and strength and care than is to be expected for someone who has gone through what you have, how you continue to want to take care and care for others baffles me. Life has not been gentle with you and no one blames you for not recognizing gentleness when it’s being given or had. And her heart continues to show with her feeding him seated on his lap - do they realize they’re already married? I once said you toe the perfect balance of nasty and sweetness and I will be adding this chapter to the numerous stack of factual evidence I have to prove my point. You take this gentle loving moment and have the girl come on his lap after a light pinch on her inner thigh as a scolding for her smart mouth. And then you have me loudly cackling as he takes his gun and shoots to create silence when seconds earlier my own bloomers had a matching wet patch to Rosey’s and my heart was still soaring from the touches they bestow upon each other. The way your mind works Marina is truly a gift to us all who get to experience your works. Since you are the creator as I get in to how much of a genius Captain Presley is, the compliments apply to you as well. He tests and studies those arounds him, has a smart mouth but a smarter brain and uses it wisely (most of the time) to read the people around him and get his way. Him egging Parker on, having him bordering on a nervous breakdown, only to show him fake gratitude and appreciation as the truth becomes more clear to him. Cal not hesitating to take his moment and give kisses to Rosey - Cal that is your soon to be mother, boy, have more respect! I truly love that kid. Realizing he’s already a Presley and once Rosey becomes one they’ll legally be a little family and on their way to creating a larger family - not as large as Sarge’s mind you.

Baby, I’m gonna cry, thank you for this. I love this story so very much and…the fact all it’s meanderings still captivate you means so much. I’ve reread this a dozen times, thanks you for gushing 💋

#love notes #part 1

[fairycosmos]

how long did it take you to find medication that actually works for your depression? everything i try feels like micro-dosing hell i can't do this for much longer

TBH i still don't know if my meds help or not lol. ive been on them for idk how long 6 months. fluxotine or however you spell it is the only one ive ever tried but i just keep taking them bc id rather have them than not i guess but i couldn't really name a substantial list of improvements they've given me soooo who knows really. my doctor isn't super thrilled about the idea of starting me on anything else and i don't know if he even would. i totally feel you on the micro dosing hell thing and pretty much everyone ive talked to about says they've been through the same experience, this period of trial and error. they also say that finding the right meds and the right dosage in the end is by far worth it though, so maybe that inspires some hope. you should definitely talk to your doctor further ab this because there's definitely ways they can recommend assessing your med usage so you can figure out quicker if they're helping / why they might not be. i know it's horrible and exhausting and i don't blame you at all for being discouraged by the process, it's like an endless battle to find some equilibrium in your mind. think people often underestimate how hopeless it feels. im wishing you luck and i hope you're able to find a balance of meds that truly helps you soon. it's so deserved. sending a hug. X

#anon

[milfjagger]

(sending this as an ask so as not to clog ur mentions, also content warnings for frank discussion of incest, necrophilia & cannibalism)

in response to the discussion on whether necrophilia (or incest) will ever get the #cannibalism treatment on tumblr, i actually don’t think it’s useful to separate incest from cannibalism and necrophilia as questions to explore in literature/philosophy on the basis of more people having direct experience with incest in their lives. firstly, some people do experience necrophilia/cannibalism, and i don’t know at what point we draw a line between “real issues” and “fictional issues” when those things do happen in real life, if rarely.

i also think that necrophilia, cannibalism, and incest all do occupy a similar sphere in the cultural consciousness because they are all examples of the violation of bodily autonomy taken to extremes. i think all three phenomena make us think about boundaries of the self, power and control, violence, and objectification. these are all ideas that have real weight in everyone’s lives—regardless of our individual experiences.

i do recognize that cannibalism on tumblr is often discussed in a joke-y way (i do this too), and i agree with what i feel like you’re implying: that it would be careless to joke about phenomena (like incest) that have grievously harmed others, in front of those harmed people—which is inevitable, given the public forum of tumblr. (correct me if i’m misinterpreting.) i guess i don’t really know how to navigate that question, even if i think we should feel free to discuss these topics in a more serious way together.

thank you for taking the time to type this out! my opinions on issues like this are very malleable and i have no shame in adapting them based on input from others, so i think maybe you're right about it not being helpful to rigidly separate "real issues" from "fictional issues". and you're absolutely right about all three things forcing us to confront extremes of the human experience regarding violence and abuse of power, which is exactly why i myself and so many others find them so compelling within fiction and art.

in response to the last paragraph, it's a tricky area to navigate and i definitely don't have the answers either. all i can say is that we should all be mindful of the real implications of (in particular) rape, pedophilia and incest - which affect so many people, and, like you say, you don't know the experiences or traumas of people who might end up reading your posts - when discussing literature and art containing those topics. there is a balance there somewhere between finding "dark" or "taboo" media (sorry for the vague language there, I'm not sure what else to call it) interesting and compelling, and actually being disrespectful towards the lived experiences of others. it's something I've been thinking a lot about lately and i am always happy to discuss this and take in lots of different opinions. once again, thank you so much for this!

#incest cw