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shivvroys · 8 months

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the cost of our desired wrongs

shivlina oneshot set during 'too much birthday'

for @jeniffercheck <333 and part of the shivlina fic exchange

cw: panic attacks

read below or on ao3

hold me like we're dying from the liquor that we drank down in hotel rooms,

to feel warm in cold love

Karolina’s already worn out by the time she gets to the venue. But the world moves to the sway of Logan Roy’s hand, so here she is, still dressed in her work clothes and bickering with a girl that has rhinestones glued to the inner corners of her eyes.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t have you on the list.” The girl looks far from sorry.

It takes all of Karolina’s strength not to flick those stupid little gems clean off the girl’s face. Instead, she puts on her tightest smile, and pulls out her phone, ready to text Logan a sincere apology and go home. He’d been giving her shit ever since Kendall’s meltdown at the press conference. One more temper tantrum would be just another drop in the bucket.

“No fucking way. Look sis, Dad got us a new nanny.” Roman’s shrill voice sends an irritating shiver down her spine, like nails on a chalkboard. “She’s taller than an SUV, right? Just making sure.”

“Hello, Roman.” She turns to see Roman and Shiv walking in, with Tom trailing behind them like an overgrown shadow. Soon enough, Connor and Willa join them. Karolina starts to get a nauseating feeling of déjà vu.

“Hi, guys.” she greets the rest of the Roy litter. Shiv raises a pointed eyebrow.

“Hi, Karolina. Dad doesn’t think we can sweeten the swede without someone holding our hand, or are you just here to keep Kendall from nailing himself to a golden Supreme cross?” The green dress and tussled curls almost dull the sting of Shiv’s dig. Even as a joke, the suggestion of holding Shiv’s hand in public settles like lead in her belly.

Before she gets the chance to respond, Connor cuts in.

“I just want to say, before the flies starts buzzing—this had nothing to do with my physical prowess. I was inebriated.” He points to the brace on his arm. Jesus fucking Christ, this family.

“I’m sure no one would doubt that.” He seems to take that as a compliment, judging by the way his eyes light up. Next to him, Willa shoots her a pointed glare, her arm wrapping tighter around Connor’s uninjured one.

As the rest of the group pass by the girl at the entrance and her stupid fucking list, Shiv hangs back, turning to Karolina.

“What, cold feet?” she asks, pointing to the nauseating pink hallway leading into the club.

“I’m not on the list, apparently.” Karolina shrugs.

“Unfortunately, I can’t let guests in unless they’re on the list.” the girl pipes up, gripping her little clipboard like a life raft.

Shiv throws Karolina a wicked smile, before pinning the girl down with a glare.

“Well she’s on Forbes’s 50 Most Powerful Women in Media. That good enough of a fucking list for you?” She barely lets the girl gasp out a surprised breath, before all but dragging Karolina with her down the hallway. Neither of them turn back to check on the girl.

“That was mean.” Karolina lets out a quiet laugh.

“Well, she better get over it if she doesn’t want those cool rhinestones to fall off with the tears.” she says, her brows furrowed in faux concern. Bathed in the pink glow of the hallway, she looks softer, blurry at the edges in a way that makes Karolina want to grasp her, lest she vanishes into the glowing light. Like a fata morgana, luring Karolina out into the deep end.

“So, uh, did dad really send you to chaperone us?” Shiv asks.

“I don’t know.” she sighs. “He just told me to make sure nothing gets out of hand. You know what he’s like…”

“Never met a room he couldn’t walk into and be the epicenter of, yeah. He’s probably got Kerry refreshing Twitter every two seconds, fiending for updates.” she shakes her head, amused. He was, and he’s had Kerry forward each one to Karolina as well.

As they approach the end of the hallway, Tom’s tall frame comes into view. Shiv pauses, looking down before addressing Karolina.

“Hey, I’ll, uh, see you around? Later?” her lips are pouted and pink, and so terribly inviting, but the looming shadow at the end of the hallway reminds Karolina of who she is, and who she is with.

“I don’t know, Shiv.”

She resists the urge to reach a hand over and smooth out the tiny wrinkles forming between Shiv’s brows, instead breaking eye-contact and looking straight ahead until they’ve reached Tom, where she leaves Shiv behind. Back on the cold shore, the sand feels like shards of glass under Karolina’s feet, the glow of her beautiful mirage burning even brighter on the back of her eyelids as she walks away from it.

She’s two martinis down and fresh out of a very uncomfortable encounter with Kendall, when Logan calls. Karolina wishes the shitty techno music were loud enough to drown out the man’s rough beratement. He’s mad that Karolina hasn’t been keeping enough tabs on all of his children while simultaneously tracking Matsson’s whereabouts. She doesn’t bother trying to explain to the man that his children aren’t joined at the hip, and she can’t split herself into every goddamn corner of the massive club, and even if she could, they were all purposefully avoiding her like the plague anyway. Instead, she throws out ‘yes’s and ‘alright’s and ‘of course, Logan’s like she’s trying to calm down a rabid dog, and resists the urge to smash her phone against the bar top when he hangs up on her.

She motions to the waiter for another drink, and watches the VIP area above, where Roman, Shiv and Kendall are either making up, or breaking each other down. Her money’s on the latter.

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Tom and Greg huddled together, whispering like they’re planning a heist. She can feel the dread of her own shame creep inside, but she can’t help the rush of jealousy that washes over her as she sizes Tom up. God, she needs to stop drinking gin when she’s already feeling bitter.

He’s tall, sure, and handsome in an unthreatening way, but where’s the fun in that? What universe had made him and Shiv a match? Did he make her laugh—with his broad shoulders and naïve oafishness? Did Shiv trust her heart to be safe in those big, warm hands? Was he just that good of a fuck?

Briefly, Karolina wonders what it says about her that, for all her inflated sense of superiority, she has essentially become this man’s seat warmer.

She can’t admit to herself why the sight of him has become so unbearable lately, so she throws back her drink and leaves the bar, hoping to come up with a destination on the way.

The lights are starting to look fuzzy and Logan’s texts have turned silly by the time she sees Shiv again. A giant, glossy version of her, anyway.

Wife of Tom Wambsgans.

Karolina stares at the letters until they turn to giant splotches of ink in front of her glassy stare.

“Yeah, you like that?”

Karolina turns to look at Shiv leaning against the doorway.

“I don’t even remember when this picture was taken. I kind of look manic.” Shiv continues, stepping into the room until she’s right next to the giant poster. She tries to mimic the facial expression she’s wearing in the picture.

"It's good. Funny." Karolina sucks in her cheeks, looking into the half-empty glass she’s holding. She can’t remember what number she’s on, but it’s definitely one too many for the conversation she’s recklessly directing them towards.

"What? Wife of Tom Wambsgans—that’s the part you're upset about? Not the bit about me being a street-walker?” Shiv puts on an incredulous smile.

“Does that bit offend you because it implies you need the money?”

That wipes the smile away from Shiv’s face. She crosses her arms, playful mood suddenly deflated.

“Ok, what crawled up your ass and died?” she says, still trying to keep some lightness in her tone.

“It was a joke, Shiv.” It hadn’t been, but Karolina feels weightless and weighed down all at once, and her ears are still ringing from Logan’s screaming. A part of her wants to see if she can get Shiv to match that same pitch and blind outpour of anger. See if they share more than just their eyes.

“Funny.” she clenches her jaw. “Yeah, no—see, if I were making a joke, which—I am, this is a joke.” She gestures to the space between them, that great chasm of joy and fucking laughter.

“If I were making a joke I would say something like—I don’t know, how do you manage to fuck up a task so badly that your boss has to call the people you’re supposed to be tracking to ask where you are? That’s pretty funny, too, right?” she leans back against the poster, eyes narrowed into slits.

Karolina nods, gripping her glass tighter. What makes her eyes sting with tears is the fact that Shiv looks so fucking beautiful right now, her hair messier than she’d normally allow herself to have it, and a dangerous sort of reckless energy illuminating her like a halo. And all Karolina can think about is a fucking phone.

A hunter at heart, Shiv knows that sinking her teeth into frightened game sours the meat, so she knows when to back off and let her prey breathe. Make the chase last longer. And Karolina’s aware of this, she can tell when Shiv’s concern is part of a game she’s playing. So, when she sees her take a deep breath, and cock her head to the side, Karolina knows she’s just sharpening her canines.

“What’s up with that, anyway? He still upset over the press conference?” she asks, brow furrowed like she’s opening on Broadway.

Another drink and Karolina might mistake it for real kindness. Instead, she smiles tightly and shrugs.

“Maybe. Maybe he thought I looked at him funny during a meeting. Does it matter?” she says.

Being reminded that there are always bigger, angrier beasts lurking in the darkness of the forest seems to settle Shiv’s hunger for carnage, so she doesn’t press the issue further.

They are spared from having to say something to fill the silence when Roman barges into the room, instinctively sticking to Shiv’s side like a magnet. Like two blind kittens crawling their way to each other for warmth.

“Hey, I got a pin on Matsson. You coming?”

“Yeah, okay.”

Satisfied with the answer, he turns to Karolina, as if just then noticing her existence.

“Oh, hey Vesper Lynd. How’s the spying going?” he shoots her a shit-eating grin.

“Great. Thank you, Roman.” she keeps her eyes glued to the drink she’s holding.

He doesn’t say anything, throwing Shiv an amused grin before raising his own glass towards Karolina in a mock toast.

Shiv looks like she wants to say something, but it’s gone with a quick tightening of her jaw. Instead, she bumps her arm against Roman’s, motioning towards the doorway. In the haze of the colorful lighting and strong alcohol, Karolina can barely see the line that separates them as they walk away.

Like the mouth of a wave, she turns to the poster and sees that fucking headline looming above her head, its edges sharper than knives.

Wife of Tom Wambsgans.

“I’m sorry, Logan, but this doesn’t really fall under my—”

“Yeah, I just pay you a million a fucking year to write flashcards. Consider yourself off duty. Enjoy my son’s fucking tea party!”

Logan makes sure she also catches the fucking useless he spits out before hanging up the phone. This time, her phone gets a screen-full of sticky residue as she slams it down on the table in front of her. The screen doesn’t crack, to her disappointment, instead lighting up with more work emails she’ll probably have to deal with the next day. She doesn’t trust herself to make it to the bar without wobbling, so she wipes the phone on her pants, hoping to get some of the vodka cran off of it. All she gets is a sticky stain on her thigh and the faint urge to vomit.

She takes that as her cue to slink back home where she can lick her wounds in peace, without a bunch of influencers gyrating against her when she’s just trying to find a spot to sit still in for five goddamn minutes. She doesn’t have the layout of the club memorized, and the flashing lights make her even dizzier than the gin, so trying to find the exit out of this sensory nightmare turns into a very treacherous journey. She can’t even tell where she’s ended up when she sees Shiv make a beeline for her. The music is louder, so all she sees is a disheveled mass of ginger curls and flashing eyes, before Shiv grabs hold of her elbow and drags her into a quieter room. It looks like a giant nursery, complete with a huge, dead-eyed teddy-bear that makes the hair on the Karolina’s neck stand up.

Shiv doesn’t pay any attention to their deranged playmate, snapping Karolina back to attention.

"Did you know? About dad spying on Kendall's kids?"

Karolina shakes her head, trying to focus on the question. She could swear she had some justification for that prepared in the back of her mind, but she can’t find it through the fog that’s shrouded her mind for weeks like twilight in a cemetery. The only thing she can focus on is the rapid rise and fall of Shiv’s chest. Her eyes must’ve betrayed her, because Shiv takes her silence as an admission of guilt.

"Oh, so that's morally okay to you, but me being married is where you grow a fucking conscience?" Shiv scoffs, crossing her arms.

Karolina could afford many things, but never that. Not anymore.

"Do you think I get a say in what your father decides he wants done?” she tries to emphasize her point by gesticulating, but it comes out awkward and shaky, so she crosses her arms tightly instead, digging her nails into her arms in a vain attempt at sobering up. “I just wag my tail like everybody else in the room and I go fetch.”

“Well, maybe you just like fetching, Karolina.” Shiv throws out sharply.

She shouldn’t have had a sip of that fucking alcohol, because now Karolina watches Shiv’s smug smile and feels every ounce of self-restrain draining from her body. Anger swells inside of her like a balloon, and she watches herself watching it grow, bracing for its explosion. She wants to hurt Shiv in a way that she knows the other woman is familiar with. In a way that will leave them both wrecked and desolate, and begging for more. If there’s anything she’s learnt from spinning like a satellite around Logan Roy’s orbit, it’s to take a punch like sweet wine. To lap it up and stick her cup out for more.

Mostly, though, she wants to kiss Shiv. She wants to run her hands through her hair and rub soft circles along her temples, where her headaches always start. She wants to go home and have Shiv curl herself around her, her body a question mark that Karolina never wants to unravel.

The room they are in is darker, quieter, but Karolina’s eyes still catch the glint of Shiv’s wedding band, and a loud pop goes off in her head.

“I guess you’re right, Shiv. But you don’t seem to mind when it’s you I’m fetching for, right?” she swallows harshly. “Like when you and Tom have a fight, and you need someone to fuck the anger away? Then I’m convenient.” she watches Shiv’s eyes widen.

“Oh, please! You’re going for the suffering side piece, really? I thought you had more self-respect than that.”

The teddy-bear doesn’t offer any input. The walls, though, start growing darker, crowding in on Karolina.

“No, don’t worry, I know my place in your life. Clear as fucking day.” she throws out a bitter laugh.

At least Shiv looks as haggard as she feels, though it brings Karolina more sorrow than joy.

“Right. That’s why you’ve been acting so sour, huh?” Shiv raises a hand to her chin, letting out an ironic tsk. “Funny, ‘cause I seem to remember you being the one who put out the fucking wedding announcement. And—correct me if I’m wrong, but was that not before you had your legs wrapped around my head like you were the sluttiest little cowgirl at the county fair riding the mechanical bull?” she finishes making her point by shaking her head.

Karolina can tell she’s just getting started, too, just stoking her appetite before diving in for the main course. She tries to come up with something to say, anything to make the knot in her chest release. In the dim hum of the room, she can hear her own ragged breathing. She can feel it crawling over her, that great all-encompassing dread.

She tries to draw herself up to her full height, swallowing the knot growing in her throat. “And what a good job I did, right? Almost made it seem like a real marriage.”

“Better than nothing, though, isn’t it?” Shiv puckers her lips in faux concern. “Tell me, Karolina, who’s waiting for you at home?”

Karolina doesn’t have Shiv’s boarding school background, but she went to a public high-school in a neighbourhood where every kid was fighting to be considered middle-class, so she knows how sweet passive aggression feels dripping off the tongue.

“Siobhan…” she starts. “Do you think that’s sadder than marrying someone whose eyes light up more when he sees your father than when he sees you?”

Despite the drumming in her ears, she catches Shiv’s sharp inhale as the brunt of her words hit her. It’s such a miserable type of satisfaction, to tear at the flesh of a loved one—if she could call the wound they’ve been picking at love.

It feels like a giving up and scratching at chickenpox marks. All those scars for one moment of relief. In the absence of a gentle hand to rub soothing circles of calming lotion over the marks, she supposes it’s only natural to find solace in the pain.

“You’re fucking pathetic.” Shiv says, as if she’d been contemplating the fact since their very first meeting.

“Am I?” Karolina frowns. She can feel her chest start to strain uncomfortably. She tries to swallow, but finds it increasingly hard to do so.

“Yeah.” Shiv nods, lips downturned in disgust. “You won’t admit it to yourself, but you do like the fact that I’m married, Karolina. Because it makes you feel chosen. But the truth is, you’re just terribly, awfully, pathetically fucking common.”

A common whore, to make matters worse.

She’s not wrong. There had been times where Karolina’s indulged in the smug grin on Shiv’s face as she claimed Karolina’s body, laid her hungry fingers on it and made it hers. Stole gasps out of Karolina’s throat and made them into her own melody. And Karolina let it happened, let the cool glint of Shiv’s eyes brand her like cattle because being someone’s meant she was something to begin with.

These moments though, had been a lowering of arms, a truce at the gates of a castle made of rumpled up sheets. She supposes she should’ve seen it coming, though, because Shiv fucked like she fought – ravenously and without compromise.

“And you’re not, Shiv?” she laughs. “Why? Because your daddy’s the most powerful man in the world, and you’re his pinky?”

She presses a heavy hand to the bridge of her nose, trying to dissipate the dark spots clouding her vision.

Shiv stands before her with clenched fists and a set jaw, and Karolina fights the urge to ask for a kiss with a fist.

Shiv clears her throat, crossing her arms. “That’s why you’re fucking me, though, right?” she scoffs. “Cause you’re too afraid of dick, so I’m the closest you’ll get to fucking all that power?”

“I thought I was fucking you, Shiv. That last name is something only you keep clinging on to.”

“Oh, fuck off.” Shiv laughs. “Stick to your little corporate memos, yeah, Freud.”

“Did you actually read any Freud, or is he just the only psychoanalyst you know?” Karolina says weakly. “You should, if you haven’t—he had some very interesting things to say about fathers and daughters.”

Whatever reaction Shiv might have had, Karolina can’t see it. There’s a war drum pummelling at her head, and a dark cloud settling over her eyes. Her chest feels tight, as if gripped in an invisible vise, and very little skin and sinew separating her heart from the acrid air of the room.

It always starts like this, with crowding walls and a loud ringing that reminds her of those awful national emergency alarms. She tries to focus on Shiv’s face, but it’s hard to make her out in the darkness and the blurry veil of tears gathering in her eyes. Karolina knows she needs to get out, but finds her legs have turned to cinder blocks. Then it gets harder and harder to breathe, until she feels like she’s choking, her diaphragm caving in on itself.

She thinks she hears Shiv call out her name, but the only thing she can focus on is her own shaking hands, grasping at each other. Had she been holding something? Where was her phone? She shakes her head, managing to take a step back when she feels Shiv reaching out for her.

“Don’t. Just—just go, please.”

“Did you take something?” Shiv’s voice cuts through the ringing of her ears. She tries to laugh, but it sounds more like retching.

“Fuck.” she tries to get her breathing under control, digging the heel of her palm into her sternum.

She can’t see that well, but she feels Shiv’s hands flutter anxiously around her.

“Do you want me to get—fuck.” she pauses. “Should I go get help?” Shiv’s voice sounds miles away, a fata morgana promising Karolina something that looks like warmth.

“Just go. Please.” she chokes out. Even under the crushing weight pressing on her chest, Karolina cringes at how pathetic her voice sounds. Like roadkill begging to be put out of its misery.

And Shiv does.

The worried arms withdraw, and suddenly Karolina is alone in a giant nursery, trying to count her breaths along with the ugly stars painted on the walls. She finally manages to take back control of her legs, and slinks to the floor, bracing her head between her knees. Through the tears streaming down her face she catches that godawful teddy-bear staring at her with its cold, unflinching gaze, and thinks back to a time where she thought she might go on to change the world. To make a difference. If she really is dying, if her heart has finally decided to hang up its hat, then it’s only fitting her final judge and jury would be a giant, fake totem massacring the very thing it was meant to represent.

Through her heaving, she doesn’t hear anyone enter the room, until she feels something cold and hard press against the back of her neck, and a firm grip on her wrist.

“Please don’t puke. Or, like, give me a heads-up.” she hears Shiv whisper.

Karolina’s only heard her speak so softly in the dark of the bedroom, when she’d halfway be hoping not to be heard. Shiv’s hand is cold, too, as she rubs soothing circles on her left wrist, the other hand still holding the cold compress against Karolina’s neck.

“You wanna try stepping outside?”

Karolina shakes her head. It’s barely there, but she feels the slightest easing of pressure on her chest. She tries to focus on the damp coolness on her neck, tries to imagine it spreading throughout her body, soothing the fire burning beneath her skin. She reaches out her right hand blindly, trying to grasp Shiv’s wrist, trying to follow that fervent pulsing of life.

“Yeah?” Shiv says, adjusting her hand so Karolina could grip it better. They stay like that for a while, hands grasped like roman soldiers, Shiv’s quiet sighs and Karolina’s ragged breaths the only sound around them. Karolina wonders briefly if the party’s finished, if they’re the only ones left in this haunted menagerie of broken childhoods. Shiv seems to see her attention slipping away, because she shakes her wrist free, taking Karolina’s palm and placing it above her breastbone.

“Just follow me, yeah?” she murmurs.

Karolina nods, closing her eyes and letting her hand be the only tether to the world, Shiv’s pulse her only guiding light. As her breathing slowly starts to slow down, she contemplates pointing out the fact that Shiv’s own breathing is shaky, her heart trembling like a hummingbird’s wings, but she ultimately decides against it. The warmth of Shiv’s body and the soft silk of her dress are doing a fine job of easing Karolina’s nerves nonetheless.

When she finally feels the fog start to lift from her eyes, she turns to see Shiv watching her intently, with wide eyes and furrowed brows. It scares her, the intensity of Shiv’s gaze. Like she’s not just looking at Karolina, but seeing her. Holding her in her mind as more than a moment in a bed.

“You okay?”

This time Karolina manages a weak laugh. She bites her lip, avoiding Shiv’s steely gaze.

“Mhm.” she nods. “Is that a wine bottle?” she frowns at the object Shiv’s just removed from her neck.

Shiv stars laughing, her wet eyes glinting in the weak light.

“I was gonna get a wet paper-towel or something, but I couldn’t find the bathroom.” she sighs.

“Where’d you find this?”

“Stole it from the bar.” she flashes Karolina a proud grin.

Shaking off the last of her panic attack, Karolina turns a weary head towards Shiv.

“Thank you.”

Shier than she’s ever seen her, Shiv shrugs the gratitude away, changing her position from kneeling by her side to sitting down flush against Karolina’s side, and linking their arms together.

“Would’ve been awkward to just let you die. I mean, who would we even get to draft the press release on such short notice?” she turns to shoot her a serious look.

“Hugo?” Karolina tries.

“Bleugh.” she fake retches. “I wouldn’t that to you, even if we were at each other’s throats.”

She nuzzles her head in the crook of Karolina’s shoulder, her hand fiddling with the sleeve of Karolina’s shirt.

“Why are we—at each other’s throats? Did I do something?” Shiv almost sounds like a scolded child, making the guilt twist itself tighter around Karolina’s heart.

“No.” she sighs. “I...I’ve just had too much to drink and I got bitter and selfish.”

“Yeah, but why?” she presses. “I’m not a dummy, Novotney, whatever I did has been bothering you for longer than this night.”

“You didn’t do anything, Shiv.”

Karolina closes her eyes as Shiv turns her head to look at her, soft gaze burning the side of her face. She clears her throat.

“You’re trying for a baby.” she finally turns to meet Shiv’s gaze, cheeks burning with shame. “And I have no right to be upset about that.”

“What?” Shiv frowns. “Where the fuck did you get that?”

“During the shareholder meeting.” she sighs. “Tom left his phone on a table at some point, and I guess he got a notification about your, ahem, baby window. I had no right to snoop, I’m sorry.”

Shiv unwinds their arms, bringing both of her hands to massage her temples.

“Jesus fuck!” she blurts out. “Karolina, I am not trying for a baby. That’s—I don’t even really fucking understand it myself, but I am not trying to get pregnant.” she wrings her hands, grasping at her own frustration.

“It doesn’t matter. I still shouldn’t have reacted that way.” Karolina presses. “It was out of line.”

“Fuck the line.” Shiv shakes her head. She looks like she’s deciding if the dim light of the room is dark enough to let her tell Karolina the truth.

“You were right, earlier.” she sighs. “I can’t play the suffering side piece. I knew what I was getting into when we started this.”

“No, that was—I was pissed off that you wouldn’t talk to me. You know I was just trying to push your buttons.”

“It’s still the truth.”

Shiv shakes her head softly again, like she doesn’t accept her statement. She contemplates for only a second, before picking up the discarded bottle of wine, popping out its stopper, and taking a swig. She extends her hand towards Karolina, offering her the by now lukewarm prosecco, but gets waved off with a tight smile, reminding her of why they were currently sitting on the floor of a creepy nursery replica.

Neither of them say anything for a while, lying side by side like two discarded dolls. Karolina eyes the teddy-bear, for a second swearing she could see a hint of smugness in its beady eyes.

After a third sip from the bottle, Shiv finally breaks the silence.

“Tom’s been trying to get me pregnant. I didn’t know about it until the shareholder’s meeting, either.” she laughs bitterly.

“What?” Karolina feels a rush of anger fall down on her head like a hammer.

“Yeah. I don’t know—I can’t even begin to fucking process that.” She takes another small sip from the bottle. “He didn’t wanna fuck me after I told him I was still on my birth control—said it was like throwing batter at a brick wall.”

Karolina can’t see Shiv’s face, but she can hear the quiet sniffling the other woman is trying to hide. She reaches a hand and pulls Shiv back to her side, closing any bit of distance between them. Despite the dizzying murmur still gripping her mind, she feels the urge to track Tom down and bash his head in with her phone, until the sticky alcohol gets washed off by a much more satisfying offering.

She doesn’t know what to say to Shiv, can barely comprehend the horror gripping the other woman. How dare that man? It’s not that she sees Shiv as something other than human, no. And, she supposes, that might be the entire point. That Shiv is a woman and men will try to mould women to any shape they desire. Even men like Tom. Even women like Shiv.

For lack of any words that could take away Shiv’s dreadful confusion and anger, she kisses the other woman’s head and hopes it’s enough. Or at least that it’s something.

She doesn’t soften her grip until she feels Shiv’s chest slow its frantic rise and fall, until she’s sure her hold on Shiv isn’t the only thing keeping her from falling apart.

Finally, Shiv herself lifts her head from the crook of Karolina’s shoulder, with blood-shot eyes and a sorrowful scowl marring her features.

“Can I stay over?” she whispers. She looks like she’s about to justify her request, before Karolina cuts her off.

“Of course.”

“You don’t have to…” she continues, before Karolina cuts her off again.

“I want you to.” she reaches a hand to cup Shiv’s cheek, rubbing a shaking thumb over the warm dampness she finds there. “I want you with me.” She’ll repeat it as many times as it takes for Shiv to realize how easy to want she really is.

She’s hard to open up, and hard to keep a hold of, yes, but Karolina’s never found it hard to want her. To want to have her in her life, for fear of wanting things—bigger and scarier things, that she knows she shouldn’t let herself want.

“Thanks.” Shiv says, clearing her throat.

She’s never been good at talking outside of the abstract, so Karolina replies in the only language she knows Shiv won’t doubt. She kisses her, a soft and sad sigh passing through them like an electric charge. A mess of limbs in an ugly, cold tomb of a misshapen memory, warmed solely by each other’s body.

They gather themselves off the floor, still holding onto each other, like kids afraid of letting go of a helium-filled balloon. Shiv’s hair is a tangled mess, her face splotchy and still sticky with tears, and Karolina doesn’t have to look in a mirror to feel the pools of mascara gathered under her eyes like the torn-up trenches of some bloody battle.

Shiv seems to have read her mind.

“We should wash up first, huh?” she smiles ruefully. “Kendall might think we’re actually touched by his immersive trauma dump.”

“Maybe we should give him the satisfaction.” Karolina laughs, shaking her head. “It is his birthday.”

“I think there’s been enough yes-men involved in this shit fest.” she scoffs. “Come on, let’s find that fucking toilet. I’ve been close to pissing myself for the past, like, half an hour.”

She grabs Karolina’s wrist, keeping a loose grip on it even as they make their way back into the crowd and have to break apart. It feels mortifying and exhilarating, being so reckless under these neon lights. Like they might get away with it, or do it anyway, despite the consequences.

The ride to Karolina’s is silent, both of them finally bearing the full weight of their exhaustion. Shiv hasn’t said anything about where she’s told Tom she’d be going, or whether she’s told him at all, so Karolina doesn’t ask. She’s tired of letting these men throw their weight around even when they’re not in the room. All she cares about, anyway, is the weight of Shiv’s hand in hers, the soft skin and firm muscle, the way her fingers twitch slightly at every ghost of a touch.

It’s tiring, living her life in the abstract. Shaping herself into ideas of a life she’s decided she must live.

Shiv is real, though. She’s solid and burning brightly beside Karolina, and she’s not someone Karolina could ever see as theoretical. She’s alive in a way that scares Karolina, an unknown, uncontrollable variable defined only by herself. Occupying a place in the world shaped by herself, bent with bare hands and fury out of whatever mould she’d been thrown into. She can’t imagine how isolating that must have been, living her entire life clawing at the walls of one cage after the other, thrashing against every expectation of what she could and should and mustbe.

She used to think that what they were doing, this clumsy, clandestine clashing of hands and teeth in dark rooms, that this was a fantasy for the both of them. An imagined slice of life. A daydream they could fall into when real life was weighing them down. She’s slowly coming to realize that it might, in fact, be the other way around. That the closest she’s come to feeling real in months has been when Shiv is touching her. That she can’t hear anything quite as clearly as Shiv’s soft sighs. That life comes rushing over her every time she feels her knees press against the edge of the mattress, and drains out of her when she hears her alarm go off.

“Can we…” Shiv stirs next to her.

Karolina urges her to continue. “What?”

“Everything I said—I just wanted it to hurt.” she whispers. “I don’t think about you like that.”

She begins to pull her hand away, but Karolina grasps onto it tighter, tethering Shiv to the moment.

“I know.” she nods. “I don’t think about you like that, either.”

Shiv chances a look in Karolina’s direction. “Yeah?”

They share a brief, watery smile, which feels like the most intimate thing they’ve done. They’ve bared their bodies to each other, but never the beast of their anger—never the things lurking beneath their skin, the urge to tear and shatter.

In that tiny moment, it doesn’t feel like they’re looking into each other’s eyes, but somewhere beyond. It feels like taking a deep breath and stepping into the dark entryway of a basement, commanding the dark and telling it to scatter—telling it you’re home.

#shivlina #succession fic #shiv x karolina #shivlina fic exchange #monkey covering eyes emoji #my fics

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arcplaysgames · 1 year

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god i can't believe i only have 30 images. tumblr please just increase my image limit specifically and give me, like, 50. i'm dying.

There's zero chance there isn't going to be a two-parter.

Shido's Palace is the Diet Building, but it is a cruise ship that is gliding through a world already lost. Shido's perception of the world is that everything is already a lost cause and all he's concerned with is personal survival in luxury.

So he's your average billionaire, trying to build a lifeboat for himself and personally selecting the people he will allow to leave with him from his desperate sycophants.

For what I think is the first time, the Palace is regularly interrupted by little asides, back to Akechi in the real world.

No no that's flippant. Akechi is a fundamentally broken person. Like, the way he connect to people is by making himself necessary and that is it. He is the Black Mask

(which: the game reveals he's Black Mask in a little bit but I thought this was confirmed by Futaba's wiretapping, like, hours ago, but everyone acts shocked? eh whatever)

and has been doing the mental shutdown killings for Shido for years.

Anyway, while he's on air with the TV crew, someone innocuously mentions a phone, and he starts to remember Sae and the phone, and starts to suspect something's up.

A little bit later, Shido asks him to go on clean-up, taking out all remaining people he thinks might even possibly betray Shido. Akechi points out that uuuuuh why tf are we doing this now, it's really suspicious? why not wait until after the election?

So Shido is feeling extra paranoid. Akechi gets nervous about wtf might be happening.

Nice of you to drop in, Beige Boy.

Akechi figured out that the Thieves are infiltrating Shido's Palace and shows up to finally have a long-overdue mental breakdown at everyone.

yeah for real, you clearly needed someone to grab you by the back of your stupid hair and shake you until you decided not to murder people for your biological dad

OH YEAH, SHIDO IS AKECHI'S FATHER. which, okay, I didn't call that one at all. I was wondering why he had such a specific hate-on for Shido and that certainly explains it, but also wow they look nothing alike and Akechi really didn't even hint at that. Go fucking figure.

But if Shido's right and Akechi started volunteering to do this work in the Metaverse for him 2.5 years ago, that was right after/around Wakaba Isshiki's death. How the fuck did Akechi get into the Metaverse to begin with?

I'm fucking thrilled to bits that Akechi's plan all along was to kill Shido. I want that so bad for him honestly. It'd be mad sexy of him if he managed it.

Alas, Akechi is fully fracturing and goes off on the Thieves, deciding if he can finally kill them, his plan can still work.

AKECHI HAS MULTIPLE PERSONAS

AKECHI HAS THE WILD CARD ABILITY

HAS AKECHI MET NOTIGOR

Also his innate ability is to drive people insane with his persona. He demonstrates on two shadows, siccing them on the party. He's been using that on other people too, causes the psychotic episodes in the background of the game.

Bruh, wow. You are just the actual antagonist of this tale, huh?

Like, I really really wish Persona pulled a really rabbit out of the hat here. I can see how close they got to something fucking magical. Spend all this time building up Shido, do everything the same as if he were going to be the final boss...

then have Akechi step in, kill Shido, and take over as the True Villain of the game.

THAT WOULD HAVE FUCKING RIPPED, and justified all the effort put into building up Akechi. MAN.

But anyway.

Kismesissitude, folks.

GOD BLESS THEM THEY FUCKING TRY

THEY REALLY TRY

Akechi, I think Reverie was into your weird homoerotic rivalry thing from pretty early, if you just said, "Hey, want to make out and do some knifeplay" he would have been down. This was all you, buddy!

Again: easy to be flippant, but it's clear that Akechi has never once had a person he could rely on, and so has never learned the basic skills of how to rely on other people, and that isolation is his undoing. No matter how powerful you are singularly, people can still party up and take you down like a raid boss at the end of the day. You can't kill Reverie faster than Mona and Ann can Diarahan him.

"Dude, please, just chill. You are super going through it right now and we all say shit we don't mean when we're having a meltdown."

Alas, Akechi will not chill. he has a deficit of chill.

#p5 #persona liveblog

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petrichor-edje · 4 months

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My dad just had me watch The Abyss and I have many thoughts (both my dad and I are somewhat experienced rec divers (70+ dives)) and I really enjoyed this movie although my mom did accuse us of being divers who liked to watch stories about horrible things happening underwater and made fun of us

Anyway thoughts below

- very first shot of Lindsey, we see her stiletto touch down on the deck of this ship with perfect balance good for her

-mustache navy man so afraid to admit a woman knows more then him that he hides symptoms what could go wrong

- the entire exploring the downed sub sequence my dad and I are arguing about wether or not they are using a line for navigation because we can’t see it

- finally spot the line they are using and I’ve never dove a line before but I know enough to know they are doing it poorly

-also why does it look like a fancy curtain pull no wonder it broke

- alien thingie shows up and all the equipment loses power(?) or malfunctions and this means the sub crashed because of one of them

- if the guy who fucked up his mix didn’t get hurt in the initial convulsions he’s probably going to be fine

- there’s a storm coming and the navy guys fucked off to fuck around with nukes fuck them seven people died because you wanted to play with a bomb (6ppl on rig +guy in crane)

-this situation would be less stressful if someone turned off that goddamn music

-“raise your hand if you think that was a Russian water tentacle” single best line in the film

- Lindsey should have been allowed to slap him in the face

- man with psychosis has gun and nuke all signs point downhill

-the plan is to nuke the aliens genuinely can’t tell if he’s delusional and expects them to survive this or if he just doesn’t care anymore

- SUBMARINE FIGHT!!!

- if they had normal regulators instead of those stupid full face helmets they could have buddy breathed back to the rig just fine

- Lindsey I know your plan involves drowning but you coulda swam halfway back with the time you spent underwater kissing jfc

- fun fact apparently a guy survived for like forty minutes in a similar condition to what happened to Lindsey and came back fine

- I am so fucking mad with the scene where they are trying to revive her they try for like thirty seconds and give up and nobody was doing compressions for the first part of the scene and then THEy TaKe thE OXyGEN OUT??? When they think she’s dead??? It’s been like thirty seconds and there is no reason to take it out? Even if she’s dead there’s no way it could make the situation worse and if she’s alive it’s kinda fucking important?????

- then there’s that tender conversation and all I can think about is where they got dry clothes from because you know everything on that rig is now damp and salty and also curly hair is a bitch to dry

- now bud is going down in the liquid gear which has made it’s reappearance after being mentioned once an hour ago

- the worst part about the whole descending sequence is that there’s not even anything to be mad about because it’s a terrible idea but there is literally nothing else that can be done there is no better option

- I do love the bit with the colored wires tho because it is seriously hard to differentiate color at depth and it was super relatable

- but he literally just guessed because at this point why the fuck not 50/50

- and then he’s dying and I’m crying and it’s very sad but it’s also okay because he did what he needed to do to give everyone else a chance and he’s made his peace with that but somehow that’s the saddest part

- and then alien

- I love the aliens stupid little blinky eyes so cute when they blink

-was worried that at the very end when the alien ship brought them up and I saw the hatch to the rig open that that were going to just explode because of the pressure differential

- glad that didn’t happen must have been alien magic *shrugs*

#the abyss #movies #James Cameron #I think this is my longest post ever #posting for myself

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daddysprincess-things · 9 months

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1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? Yes yes yes

2. You talked to an ex today, correct? No

3. Have you taken someones virginity? Yes

4. Is trust a big issue for you? Meh

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? Yessss

6. What are you excited for? i’m goin away this weekend and i am exciteddddd

7. What happened tonight? it’s morning silly

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?nahhh girls can do whatever they want to

9. Is confidence cute? mostly but I hateeeee cockiness

10. What is the last beverage you had? smoothie

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? a handful, maybe 3? Idk boys are so dumb

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? No

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? get ready for my trip

14. What are you going to spend money on next? buying pretty things on my trip 🎀🥰🛍️

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? no

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? hopefullyyyyyy

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? mommy

18. The last time you felt broken? few months ago

19. Have you had sex today? no 🙄 kinda silly that I haven’t

20. Are you starting to realize anything? some things but then I get headaches because the thoughts are so big for my head

21. Are you in a good mood? I’m in an excellent mood today

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? No!

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?no my eyes are orange and his are blue

24. What do you want right this second? sex I’m so horny

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? I don’t know but it’s unfair :(

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?well no? I was born blonde but it turned brown and now it’s dyed blonde so nope

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? No mommy/daddy has to be funny

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? situation at my job yesterday has me crying tears of laughter so that was cuteee 😋🥲

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? yes

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? everyone deserves opportunities for understanding. whether or not they deserve a second chance is relative

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? not hate he just wasn’t enough for me

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? I think she’s does but it’s very cat and mouse

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? I drink Diet Coke allllll day longg but she won’t let me drink it around her because she says it’s so bad for me

34. Listening to? Taylor and Lana always and recently a lot of Renee Rapp

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? Not unless it’s colouring pencils

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?yeah

37. Do you believe in love at first sight? that’s tricky

38. Who did you last call? mommy

39. Who was the last person you danced with? my work colleagues

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? because I loved them

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? yesterday

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?nope

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? All the time in school

44. Do you tan in the nude? Usually with some kind of bikini on

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?no

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? No I was watching rocky horror 😃

47. Who was the last person to call you?mommy

48. Do you sing in the shower?alwyas

49. Do you dance in the car?always

50. Ever used a bow and arrow? Yes actually

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? A few months ago? For my job

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? No I LUV THEM

53. Is Christmas stressful? No

54. Ever eat a pierogi? No?

55. Favorite type of fruit pie? Cherry

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Teacher or actress

57. Do you believe in ghosts? little bit

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? always

59. Take a vitamin daily? yeah 3

60. Wear slippers? no

61. Wear a bath robe? no

62. What do you wear to bed? usually a pretty slip or just an short and underwear

63. First concert? taylor swift

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? I’m British

65. Nike or Adidas? Nike

66. Cheetos Or Fritos? Cheetos

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Peanuts

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? All of it. (Anything off evermore, midnight rain, cowboy like me)

69. Ever take dance lessons? my whole childhood

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?makjng moneyyyu

71. Can you curl your tongue? Yeah

72. Ever won a spelling bee? Yeah actually

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Always

74. What is your favorite book? Currently the secret history by Donna tartt but overall, Gatsby

75. Do you study better with or without music? With some kind of instrumental or lofi or white noise

76. Regularly burn incense? yeah? couple times a week maybe

77. Ever been in love? Yeah

78. Who would you like to see in concert? wanna see Taylor again seen Harry Lana gaga…. Seeing Maisie soon Maybe Chappell roan is next on my list? And Gracie? And also Melanie Martinez? OH Ariana!!

79. What was the last concert you saw?lana del rey in hyde park

80. Hot tea or cold tea? I don’t drink tea but when I do hot

81. Tea or coffee? Coffee but mommy won’t let me drink it around her so I’ve been drinking a bit more tea

82. Favorite type of cookie? White chocolate and raspberry

83. Can you swim well? I can swim i just don’tlike it

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? yeah

85. Are you patient? apparently very

86. DJ or band, at a wedding? Band

87. Ever won a contest? A few

88. Ever have plastic surgery? No

89. Which are better black or green olives? Green

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?fuck it give it all to me now

91. Best room for a fireplace? living room/lounge

92. Do you want to get married? yeah

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mingzisdrgongxuo · 1 year

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Kinda like with any SIBLINGS.. if your sibling gets a boyfriend or girlfriend, do they suddenly stop being a meddling fucking pest to you?

Maybe this dickhead needs a girlfriend to give him something to do or pay attention to, other than go on self appointed crusades and cause grief in everybody else's life.

Snowflakes bitching about the smell of smoke, outside of phil's fucking barbraque, as if it's a threat to their health when they stand on their balcony for maybe ten minutes and go inside, because they "don't smoke".

A waft of a burning cigarette or incense while standing outside in the open air 20 to 50 feet away or from the balcony above you where smoke goes over your head, is going to give your child lung cancer? Bull fucking shit.

But there's kids.. so fucking what. I have rights and my personal peace you need to take into consideration. You want to be taken into consideration, you need to consider their own quality of life when you have gripe about them and the pain in the fucking ass you cause them. All you have to do is close your fucking door and shut up.

Everybody else in the building has to rearrange their lives to give one goddamned primadonna her dick shaped pacifier and make her shut the fuck up about it. I know what "sober" people are like too. Big ass anal retentive sticks up their ass watching people having fun, because they can't participate.

and then shitting on everybody's party.

People forced into a program because they got a dying, now they spend their life being a piece of shit to others because they can look, but can't touch.

I'm not a politician. I'm not running for president. I don't care if I never get on television. I'm not going to live like I'm supposed to be in shame or hide everything in the closet from the world just because one snowflake can't deal with it and hopes that creating a commotion or drama will get them noticed on the Jerry Springer Show so they can be a fucking stare too.

When did you go insane? Before or after you had kids? Before or after your own detox and willful sobriety instead of a forced 12 step program? Before or after your mother in law moved in and rekindled trying to tell you how to live and govern your own home or how you raise your own kids?

Get to the root of the problem first requires identifying it instead of leaving it free as some mysterious boogeyman.

Then find out that he's an insufferable little bitch because he can't make you "come" crawling back to him for mercy or forgiveness when the person walked away from the troublemaker and never initiated any kind of contact ever again.

He knows where you are, thirty years later, he knows how to do things legally,civilly, or diplomatically, but chooses not to for some reason.

If it fucks with your head, good. That's what you get for being a nosy bitch or a psycho stalker trying to psychoanalyze me, like you get upset about when I call this fucking troll out. You knowingly and willfully disrespected my boundaries and my legal rights. With Your own free will, you chose to repeatedly commit crimes against me, and continue to act in dishonesty even when you were told to stop.

You overstepped boundaries to snoop through my things behind my back. If it hurts you or "fucks with your head"... Good. You insulted and disrespected me first. You sinned against me first.

Ever required the Law to get involved to make your parents,SIBLINGS, or relatives behave right?

That's not me being a predator that's you acting like a predator.

Are you done trying to flush me out of a gopher hole dickhead? Macho predator. Big hunter. Oooh.

Why do you need the word predator or "traumatized" before you listen to anybody?

Some people aren't snivelers. Some people know how to get over shit and move on with life. Why don't you?

Do you ever hear me whining about it like Ron Goldman's dad after OJ Simpson murdered "Nicole brown" Simpson?(funny how a "star" was born right afterwards.... known as Jessica Simpson after a tit job and botox)

I've been through far worse shit than what you fucking whine about all day. every chance you get to target me and force me to be on defense all the time. fag.

You stalk and target me and get off on the cat and mouse bullshit like its foreplay to you over the thrill of the hunt. Are you showing me how you want to be treated?

Good thing I'm not psycho.

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alsjeblieft-zeg · 2 years

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390 of 2022

1.Kissed a girl? No. Just my friends and sister on the cheek. 2.Kissed a boy? Three boys, actually. 3.Had sex in public? Once in the car, but it was dark outside. 4.What’s your religion? I think I'm the closest to agnostic. 5.What does your username mean? An expression in my language. 6.Reason you joined tumblr? I needed an effortless blog. 7.Do you have any nicknames? Yeah, Jelle-tje. Also, Suikerklontje (sugar cube) - but that's a long story and an inside joke between me and my friends. 8.Do you like bubble bath? I do, but I'm always stressing about them for a reason. 9.Kissed in the rain? Nah, it sounds cheesy to me. Like in romantic movies. 10.Dyed your hair? Many times, I guess I've had at least half of colours. Even pink. 11.Soup or salad? Can I choose both? I love both. 12.Vegetable or meat? Vegetables. 13.Go out drinking? Big yes. 14.Smoke cigarettes? No, never did. 15.Smoke weed? No, but I quite enjoy the smell. I have friends who smoke weed and I think I just got used to it as something normal. 16.Do any hard drugs? No, never did and never will. 17.Have you had sex today? No, but I had last night. 18.Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms? Quite a few times. Especially the recent days. 19.The relationship between you and the person you last texted? He's my dad. 20.Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes? It's the most frequent comment I hear about my appearance, but I can't understand why others think so. 21.Skipped doing homework to play a video game? I don't play video games due to health issues. 22.Tried to commit suicide? Not really. Just hurt myself to feel the pain. 23.The last time you felt broken? Last month, my health issues kicked in for no apparent reason. 24.Had to lie to EVERYONE about how you felt? I don't think so. I just find it hard to talk about my emotions and how I feel. 25.Do you have a Boyfriend/Girlfriend? I'm married. It's a same sex marriage, though. 26.Do you have Long hair OR short hair? Short, but I used to have long hair for years. And it was really long, about hip length. 27.First thing you notice to a guy/girl? Eyes. I have such a weakness for pretty eyes. 28.Do you sing in the shower? I do, and I feel sorry for the neighbours XD 29.Do you dance in the car? Like... how? 30.Where were you yesterday? In the hospital. 31.Ever used a bow and arrow? Never had a chance. 32.Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? When I needed a new ID card. No kidding, I look like a pokemon there. 33.Do you think musicals are cheesy? I do. But I don't have problems with other people liking them. 34.Is Christmas stressful? Not as much. Atmosphere is the reward anyway. 35.Favorite type of fruit pie? Apple or cherry. 36.Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? A doctor (particularly neurologist) or a soldier. 37.Do you believe in ghosts? I don't really care, to be honest. 38.Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Many times. 39.Take a vitamin daily? No. In Europe, we rather promote natural vitamins from fruits and vegetables. 40.Wear slippers? I don't. 41.Wear a bath robe? No. 42.What do you wear to bed? Often nothing. 43.Do you want to get married? I am married already. 44.Can you curl your tongue? I can't. It's genetics, though. 45.How many relationships have you had? Three. One of them was pretty abusive. 46.How can I win your heart? Be kind to others. 47.what makes a great relationship? Loyalty, trust and mutual support. 48.Shy OR open? A little bit of both. 50.Religious OR non-religious? Doesn't matter, as long as they don't force their beliefs on me. 51.Caring OR non-restricting of you? A healthy amount of both. 52.Straight edge OR non-straight edge? No. I don't like extremism in any form. 53.Piercings OR no piercings? Doesn't matter. 54.Tattoos OR no tattoos? Doesn't matter either. 55.Quiet stay-at-home type OR party type? Both, because I'm both as well.

#survey #q&a survey #random survey

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steves-strapcollection · 5 years

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okay I'm reeeeeally starting to get sick of some of the discourse around MAID esp discourse that paints ppl who opt into or support it as Inherently Ableist and twisting the SHIT out of the "death with dignity" phrase that often accompanies it.

a lot of the ppl who opt into MAID aren't doing it in response to becoming disabled (you can't even opt into MAID for merely becoming disabled), it's in response to being diagnosed with a terminal illness from which there is zero hope for recovering or leading a remotely pleasurable life. you have to be 100% on medical death row to even qualify in some places and in an advanced stage of said illness. and what a lot of ppl are ACTUALLY fighting for is to be able to opt into MAID while in hospice, bc they don't want to die at home. death with dignity means wanting to be able to die with your mind still clear, your voice still strong. it's about creating a time for family to make it and say goodbye, and being able to say goodbye themselves. it's about dying PEACEFULLY when you wouldn't otherwise.

and I've had it with y'all calling EVERYTHING ableist. an individual not wanting to become incontinent is NOT ableist. someone wanting to die instead of becoming fully paralyzed by a disease is NOT ableist. someone wanting to die while still mostly in control of their body is NOT ableist. stop projecting on TERMINALLY ILL PEOPLE.

yes, terminal illness results in disability, but MAID is not fucking about disability and stop MAKING it about disability. MAID is a PALIATIVE issue. not a disability issue.

and if ur fucking feelings are hurt by someone dying of prostate cancer wanting to opt into MAID, and one of their issues happens to be incontinence, that is a YOU problem and stop complaining when ppl rope u in with pro-lifers.

people opting into MAID are NEVER thinking "oh God I would rather DIE than be disabled bc disabled ppl are better off DEAD", they're thinking "I am dying and it is a horrible way to go, and I refuse to put myself and my family through that".

I had someone patronize me about MAID bc I was talking about how my dad wanted to opt into MAID, but the wait time was too long and we couldn't care for him anymore. his morphine and fentanyl doses were too high for non-medical professionals to be administering, so we opted into hospice and you can't choose MAID if u go into hospice! even CONSIDERING MAID is enough to disqualify u from going into hospice. she straight up said "well we should focus more on providing resources for families with dying loved ones instead of just offering euthanasia. disabled loved ones should never be considered a burden better off dead" and I was just..... fucking shocked and I don't know how to explain that my dad was SICK. yes, he was disabled too in the sense that he was completely paralyzed, had a feeding tube, and couldn't even TALK anymore, but he was SICK. like being disabled due to terminal FUCKING illness is not part of the disability discussion. u can't just rope MAID into ur fucking discourse bc MAID is only fucking available to TERMINALLY SICK PEOPLE who usually also happen to be disabled due to that illness.

and maybe it's a fundamental misunderstanding about what "terminal illness" is. if you are terminally ill, you will DIE of that illness. maybe something else will get you, but chances are, you're going to die of that specific thing. that's why not all cancer patients are called terminally ill. the label "terminal" is reserved for "you 100% will not survive this". not for a lack of accessible treatment, or lack of government assistance to live better while sick. it is a one-way ticket, no way to turn back, done.

my dad was diagnosed w a terminal illness in August 2016. they called it terminal THEN bc there was zero cure and zero treatment for what he had. he couldn't opt into MAID at that point bc his illness could progress slowly, and he could have possibly had years before his life was SIGNIFICANTLY impacted. there was room to argue that he could have lived happily and pain free, with only a bit of limitations and choosing MAID then was cutting that potential off at the knees. he progressed FAST and was dead the following September. and the biggest thing for him is he did not want to die at home, which is why he ultimately did not opt into it (added with it that we just couldn't take care of him anymore and the wait period for MAID was too long, he needed to go into hospice. we all had caregiver burn-out). and his death was.... traumatizing. the week leading up to it was literally traumatizing. like straight up my family has PTSD it was so awful

so yeah, I'm sick of ppl turning a PALIATIVE issue into a disability issue bc ppl are upset that others do not want to die slowly and painfully and potentially a-fucking-lone and they just happen to also share common symptoms of disabilities (lack of mobility, incontinence, drooling, inability to swallow, etc).

#do not fuckn reblog lads #u literally cannot change my mind about MAID #I have a 50% chance of dying of what my dad did and I will opt into MAID the MOMENT I am deemed ready to #I will NOT put my loved ones thru that horror show. I don't personally want to GO THROUGH that horror show #my dad was so fucking scared that last week #he lived in an unending panic attack bc he couldn't fucking breathe #They had to start giving him sedatives to reduce the panic and then he just slept #gasping for breath and wheezing #for a WEEK #but hey it was ableist for him to have wanted otherwise huh :)#I'm probs gonna delete this #mourning tag

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pain-in-the-butler · 3 years

Text

The time has come once again

The Bloodbath

“I’m simply one hell of a butler” says Sebastian as he starts cleaning as usual

Okay so Agni’s taking no prisoners

Work Nerd, Science Nerd, and Jock Nerd team up to form the Nerd Trifecta

Team One Brain Cell joins up with Phipps, who is quite possibly their only chance for survival

Ran-Mao remembers how Harcourt beat everyone in the unfortunately deleted round and said “Not in my backyard”

So far, everyone else has simply run away unscathed or grabbed a weapon they won’t use because the game doesn’t record weapons. Rip Tanaka

Day 1

Ran-Mao bringing the canon energy by adding a second weapon to her arsenal

Phipps somehow always turns into Team Dad during these, so I’m glad to see he’s finding time for his favorite hobbies

Undertaker up to his usual Sneaky Antics

It hasn’t even been twelve hours yet. Kind of impressive honestly

Considering Harcourt lost his mace, I’ll just assume the attack Grell “escaped” from was the vicious stabbing of his trim little schoolboy fingernails

Bad vibes

It appears that Lau also brought his canon game

Sebastian in the most recent chapters be like

I’ve actually never had this event come up before and it has to happen between two of the more innocent characters in the series;;;; god Lizzie you deserve better even in the Hunger Games Simulator

Where’s a Safety Nerd when you need one

What’s better than this? Guys bein dudes

This is probably what happened after Ciel left Weston

Sebastian will take care of this for ya, huh bud

Other events:

Agni practices his archery

Wolfram goes fishing

Othello finds a cave

Soma goes ‘splorin

Edward goes huntin

Day 1′s Deaths: Tanaka, Sieglinde, Lizzie, and Macmillan. Someday one of the ladies will win

Night 1

Butler slumber party in the woods, BYOYM (bring your own young master)

It takes a lot of energy to be this blond

I’m happy for her :)

Yeah I’ll bet you probably do Lau

A tonal shift so abrupt I got mental whiplash

Can we go back to when Grell was looking at the sky pls

Thought about science too hard. Got a concussion

Thought about Ciel dying too hard. Got an infection

Aww dad :( Hope you caught some fish tho

Looks like Harcourt won’t be winning this one, gang

I stg the hunger games simulator is misogynist because the ladies always DIE /j

Ran-Mao is hopefully here to prove the previous statement wrong

Other events:

Bard gets a hatchet

Undertaker also passes out from exhaustion

R!Ciel goes to sleep in a tree

Day 2

Oh you five are SO going in my burn book for this. It’s what Grell would’ve wanted

Ahaha just like in the real manga... right guys (;

Idk about you but I’m rooting for her

I don’t think the simulator could’ve picked four people who were less likely to team up than this

I would too if I saw my best friend was palling around with an opium dealer, a grim reaper with a lawn mower, and another grim reaper that the first grim reaper doesn’t like

Other events:

Othello chases Wolfram

That’s the only other event actually

That means today we lost O!Ciel, Mey-Rin, Harcourt, and Grell. ffs, I hope Ran-Mao kills all of you

Night 2

I’ve missed you, rare pair simulator

The “unknown sponsor” was Undertaker and the “fresh food” was O!Ciel

Confirmed: Lau doesn’t get high off his own supply

Once again a ceasefire between the strong hungry boys is formed

Girl, you don’t have to do that

“Did you kill Ciel?” Sebastian asks

“No that was William,” Othello says

Sebastian punches a tree so hard that it combusts. “God damn. Fuck” Sebastian says

Wolfram just realized I put him in the Hunger Games simulator

Other events:

Phipps thinks about “Are you winning son”

Undertaker gazes at space

Ronald becomes Lost Ronald

Soma passes out

Bard gets some water

Day 3

Damn Agni who haven’t you flirted with

Finny sees that Bard has water and thinks Bard cooked it himself, so he wants no part of that (might be burnt)

What did he even have that was worth stealing? A fish?

Well I can tell you who isn’t creating that smoke: Lau

“What’s worse than two young masters? No young masters. Now get over here and make a contract”

Everything about this sentence is a fever dream

Other events:

Undertaker decides he wants a slingy shot too

Edward chases Dad I mean Phipps

Othello gets some ouchies from picking berries

Night 3

When your young master dies, you just get an infection apparently

damn Finny’s playing hardball

I don’t think anything bad has actually happened to Bard yet. It’s just been a grand frolic the whole time

I barely remember reading the first Hunger Games but Ran-Mao’s the Foxface of this journey: she deserves to win and I just know she’ll die in the stupidest way possible

Sebastian’s like a cat that can’t reach the bird it wants to attack, so it attacks the nearest other thing instead. Poor Dad

Two white-haired anime boys and a not-white-haired anime boy talk about who will die tomorrow. Anime doesn’t exist yet so the white-haired anime boys don’t know their hair color automatically spells their doom

Other events:

Edward starts a fire, which means he’s capable of smoking opium

Ronald gets some medical supplies

Othello gets a hatchet

R!Ciel thinks about winning

Lau gets an entire explosive, but he won’t be able to light it, so no it’s no big deal

Day 4

In Soviet Hunger Games, white-haired anime boy kills you

But why murder someone when you could just mess with them

Other events:

Grey scares Bard

Finny goes hunting

Night 4

Have you four even killed anyone yet

The list of “people who didn’t start the manor fire and also don’t smoke opium” now consists of Lau and R!Ciel

The mood is too light now. Someone needs to die and it better not be Ran-Mao

At last, Father Phipps has chosen his son for this round

Agni gushes about all the hot guys he’s simultaneously in love with, giving Ran-Mao a clearer idea of who’s still alive

Day 5

Girl, it’s about time, go claim some trophies

Finny’s easily got the longest kill streak and it’s a little unnerving

Father Phipps finds a new secret fishing hole

Othello doesn’t

Lau continues to put in all the efforts of a kindergarten bully

Oh no. He’s a yandere

Other events:

Sebastian fucks around and explores the arena

Bard fucks around and hunts for tributes

Undertaker fucks around and sleeps

R!Ciel fucks around and picks flowers

Night 5

I’ve never met anyone who ships Sebastian/Undertaker but I know you’re out there

Okay, maybe these four are even less likely to team up than Phipps, Ronald, Undertaker, and Lau

Edward sees I’m making jokes about people who build fires and stays hidden

Day 6

Canonically, that is the only way R!Ciel would win a fight, so

I probably could have predicted this

I hope these are the faces they made when it happened

The “unknown sponsor” is R!Ciel and the “fresh food” is an ear that fell off his own head

I’m not sure if I should be concerned or unsurprised that Bard’s Hunger Games life is more chill than his canon life

the “unknown sponsor” was the fish and the “clean water” was “fish water”

Other events:

Ran-Mao gets her third weapon that she doesn’t want to use, which is a hatchet

Finny finds a river

Agni practices archery again, but he doesn’t kill anyone because he wants this to go on forever

Night 6

Ran-Mao I beg you please. Release us from this purgatory of mediocrity

And suddenly we’re back to canon Bard

I guess not everything can be canon

Other events:

Both Agni and Phipps pass out from exhaustion. It’s 2:50 a.m. so I should really be taking a page from their book, but unfortunately everyone refuses to die

The Feast

Finny has been a stone cold killer this entire match, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that the girl I wanted to win would get eliminated by him, but it still hurts ✌️😔

If you cheat on Othello, he will overpower you, killing you

Everyone else decided not to go to the Feast. Honestly, I don’t remember what the Feast is, but everyone who did go either murdered someone or got murdered, so I guess that was probably a good call

Day 7

I’ve had enough of this dude

Jesus Finny I can’t wait to see how many kills you got, I feel like you and Agni were the only two who took anyone down

Bard, Undertaker, Sebastian, and Phipps all hunt for other tributes but they’re useless and don’t kill anyone

Arena Event: Volcano Eruption

In one fell swoop, we lose Sebastian, Undertaker, R!Ciel, and Finny, jeez. But... that means it comes down to.............

FATHER PHIPPS VS. BARD

FATHER PHIPPS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow... Unlike his manga counterpart, this boy coasted the whole time and won... He basically went on vacation and he actually won... But then again, it’s Hunger Games Simulator and nothing is sacred

Well I hope you learned a valuable lesson today. I hope you did at some point before you read my post, because you sure as hell learned nothing from this. Thank you for wasting precious minutes of your life with me 😏

#black butler #kuroshitsuji #kuroshitsuji hunger games simulator

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godofsexdrugsandrocknroll · 3 years

Text

Jaune’s Father: “Walk the walk Jaune and talking the talk will come natural”

Jaune: *Stunned by Pyrrha kissing him*

Pyrrha: *About to shove Jaune in the rocket locker*

Jaune: *Feels Pyrrha’s hands on his chest, misinterprets and shoves his tongue down Pyrrha’s throat*

Pyrrha: *Eyes open in shock* MMMMPPPHHH!!!!! *Flustered by her naughtiest dreams coming true*

Jaune: *Enjoying the kiss, grabs and squeezes Pyrrha’s asscheeks*

Pyrrha: *Squeals, tries to push Jaune off*

Jaune: *Thinking Pyrrha’s about to push him into the locker and run off to die, panics*

Pyrrha: *Pyrrha’s brain shuts down as Jaune’s thigh rubs against her core, loses the ability to stand upright*

Jaune: *Spins, pushes a dazed Pyrrha in the locker and sets it off*

Pyrrha: *Already three hundred feet from Jaune* W-what, no! No! NOOOO!!! *Incredibly angry* Gosh flipping darnit girl, you l-let him get you all riled up and now he’s going to get himself killed!

-----------------

Jaune: *In an elevator* This is officially the stupidest idea you’ve ever had! Even worse than the stuff with Cardin, worse than the Deathstalker, worse than the time you took the blame for Coral breaking the window and somehow, someway, worse than the time you let Saphron put you in a dress, do your makeup and practice kissing a ‘girl’!

Elevator: *Shakes ominously*

Jaune: *Pale* I mean you just had your first real kiss with a girl, you felt her ass up and holy gods does Pyrrha have a nice, tight, big one, you’re still hard as diamonds and instead of running from the school that literally had a hole burnt through it by some kind of fucking firebreathing Grimm abomination, you go in! *Elevator goes into freefall*

Elevator: *Jaune’s screams replace screeching metal, crashes*

Jaune: *Climbs out, unharmed but aura has shattered* There’s got to be a limit, Jaune! Sure I turned Pyrrha to putty in my hands but that should not translate into running headfirst into certain death! Stupid Dad and his stupid advice! *Is hit in the head by a cane* Fucking ow! What the shit!?

*Witnesses Ozpin firing a gout of emerald fire that clashes with two huge streams of fire from the hot Haven girls hands*

Jaune: Oh what the fuck. And here I thought walking the walk was gonna be cool. Stupid Pyrrha. *Ducks underneath a scintillating jade orb thrown by Ozpin which vaporizes the elevator leaving nothing behind, in a falsetto* ‘Oh I’ll just kiss him and he’ll be so surprised and then I’ll shove him in a locker and go do something that’ll probably get myself killed. Teehee!’ *Breathes out* Not that I’m doing any better. The hot but apparently crazy Haven chick can fucking fly and - is that a tornado, ohhhh I’m gonna die - and Ozpin’s...

*Sees Amber*

Jaune: Is going to go to prison because this is a sex dungeon. Okay, Okay, you’re cool. Sure it was unanimously decided Pyrrha was going into the singles portion of the tournament and you nearly broke your neck twice getting down here, but something tells me sad Pyrrha has something to do with this. *Pauses* Which makes me wanna punch Ozpin, but question the pedo headmaster after you help!

*Sees Ozpin get a glass spear through the left lung*

Jaune: *Quickly* Or not. Okay, she’s monologuing, that’s good. Sneak, sneak, sneak-sneak-sneak. Blah, blah, magic? Really lady? Add delusional on top of crazy. Just get in closer, give her a nice kick to the ass and Ozpin will use his weird green themed semblance to obliterate her. *Hears Pyrrha mentioned* Ignore the urge to kick the dying sicko in the nuts, just focus on hurting the crazy chick who was apparently gonna kill my sorta-kinda-maybe girlfriend. Just nice, slowly, easily, quietleee-- *trips over his shoelace* --EEEEEEYYYOOOOPPPP!!!

Cinder: *Coughs wetly, stares at the sword sticking through her chest* H-how...?

*Cinder falls on top of Ozpin, her body crushed between the Headmasters and the shellshocked Jaune’s*

Ozpin: *Confused and dying* Mr. Arc?

Jaune: *High pitched* IswearIonlymeanttokickherintheasssoyoucouldfinishhereoff!

Ozpin: *Coughs* I believe you. Unfortunately it was not to be. You pierced her straight through the heart.

Jaune: I didn’t mean to?

Ozpin: And in doing so you’ve saved miss Nikos from a terribly cruel fate.

Jaune: Oh. That’s good. I’m pretty sure that if she hadn’t tried to shove me in that stupid rocket locker there’s at least a 50% chance Pyrrha would’ve jumped my bones, Grimm invasion or not.

Ozpin: *Groans in dismay* Only to quite possibly doom yourself to one.

Jaune: *Suddenly at full attention* You say what now?

Ozpin: You’ve stabbed me as well. *Sees Jaune about to speak* You’ve stabbed my other lung, young man.

Jaune: I-I’m sorry?

Ozpin: Not yet you aren’t. Usually when I reincarnate it’s some unlucky, random bastard. But you’ve imprinted on me.

Jaune: What.

Ozpin: I’m an immortal wizard who, when he dies, his soul and consciousness along with all his memories are transferred into a new man’s preexisting body.

Jaune: *Panicking* I don’t want you in my head, headmaster! On the off chance you’re not just a nasty pedophile, I really don’t want you in my head! I don’t think you wanna be there either! *Ozpin doesn’t respond* Professor? *Still nothing* Headmaster! *Ozpin is dead, Jaune* Ozpin you old fuck, don’t you dare, I don’t wanna hear your voice when I’m deep dicking my hot redheaded partner!

Ozpin: *Body explodes into green motes of light which Jaune inhales*

Jaune: AAAHHH, I DON’T CONSET, I DON’T CONSENT!

-----------------

Pyrrha: *Bringing dat ass back, clapping his groin* Oh Jaune, oh gods yes I love it, I love your cock so-s-s-so much! *Twists and twirls her booty on his cock* Oh f-fuck, I’m gonna cum agaaaaaiiinn!!

Jaune: *Going hard, closing in*

Pyrrha: Oh yes, please, harder, I’m gonna cum all over that delicious Arc meat again and o-o-oh shit, fuck yes Jaune, fill your slutty Nikos bitch up with your hot jizz!

Ozpin: *Mentally* She’d be cumming harder if you did what I suggested.

Jaune: *Mentally, trying to focus on Pyrrha’s voice and the image of her* Shut up. This is me time you parasite and I don’t care how long you’ve lived, I don’t need advice from the guy who’s ex is out to end the world.

Ozpin: *Mentally* I’m just saying, miss Nikos is a natural born sub. Placing your foot on her head and giving her what I’m telling you she absolutely wants by degrading her, lambasting her the way she does herself and I guarantee you the rewards will be worth it. I know you’ve been eying her anus for quite some time now, give her what she wants--

Jaune: *Mentally, pushes in deeper which makes Pyrrha wail* I knew I couldn’t trust you to shut up! ‘Oh no, the time you spend with miss Nikos will be your own, I’m just an old soul here to help you fight my batshit crazy ex’ and now you’re trying to live vicariously through me! *Eyes widen as Pyrrha spreads her cheeks, lying facefirst on the bed and moaning*

Ozpin: *Mentally, smugly* Oh of course. You certainly don’t want advice from a man who has slept with literally thousands of women. She’s cumming, by the way.

Pyrrha: Ooooohhhh gods, yesyesyesyesyesyesyes I’m fucking cummiiiiiinnnngggg!!!!!!!!! Fuck, fuck, fuuuu~uuuck you’re so fucking gooooood!!!!!

Jaune: *Cumming his brains out*

Ozpin: *Mentally* Good to see you plan on following my advice next round, Jaune. If you feel like paying me back, you could always just tell Pyrrha that you’ve gone through my memories and developed a taste for hardcore, mistress of pain BDSM.

Jaune: *Mentally, lying on Pyrrha’s pronebone body, still inside as they both recover* This is all Dad’s fault. No amount of badass magic is worth this.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wanted one of these to have the advice backfire while still working and while I thought about it being an eventual Raven Jaune’s Father, I realized Pyrrha offered the best opportunity ever in the form of Ozpin, the unwanted and overly friendly brain ghost.

Hopefully any hardcore Arkos fans reading this don’t mind this one being the lewder, screwier one.

#rwby #jaune arc #pyrrha nikos #arkos #jaune x pyrrha #rwby vol 3 #au #pyrrha lives #headmaster ozpin #this is what happens when you let a drunk type #what's crack-a-lackin'#shitpost #Jaune's Father AU

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atalante241 · 3 years

Text

A Dream SMP SBI focused AU where all of SBI is related and everybody in the fam know it, except Tommy.

Tommy just assumes that they’re really close friends or some shit, and Wilbur calling Phil dad sometimes is an inside joke between the two.

Like growing up they were a really weird family where all of them had like, their own house/building and they just vibed. Like Tommy was raised by Phil but he doesn’t really remember it (like, can you remember anything from when u were 0-5 yrs old? Cause I sure can’t.) and he was given his own building thing when he was like 5 nearing 6, through that ended up being left alone more. And it was purely by accident, and he started hearing Wil and Techno reffed to Phil as just “Phil”, so he started doing it.

Along time it completely slips his mind that they’re family and not just a very small gated close community, and as I said before they’re a weird ass family Phil leaves on exoditions sometimes. He even might take Wil or Techno along on chance, but not Tommy bc that is a straight up child. Sometimes the trips take months but Tommy isn’t bothered, why should he be bothered that his neighbors leave for months on end sometimes. So the now 7 yr old takes care of himself all alone, and he doesn’t see this as weird bc the rest of SBI doesn’t see it as weird. He just legit thinks that straight up children can live alone and be just fine.

This one time a creeper blows up his house, and because he’s got no clue on how to repair it he just makes a dirt shack. But he thinks it looks ugly (OOC I know) so he carves out this hill and lives in there, and that how he develops a habit of building his homes in hills and mountains. Also when he’s bored he starts mining and accidentally creates these basically ant tunnels that travel underneath the big ass clearing the SBI lives in, there’s also at least one tunnel that goes into/near one of the buildings the SBI have separately.

Tommy doesn’t feel neglected because he doesn’t realize that he should, being left alone for months. He doesn’t feel bad about spending most of his b-days alone because he thinks that he has no friends, and the people around him are just his neighbors and shouldn’t come to the random kids b-day party. He also doesn’t realize that usually ppl have to pay some kind of tax to live in a house somewhere, he jus thinks that u just build a house somewhere and thats it.

He’s kind of is close to Wilbur, but it’s more in the way of saying hi to someone as you pass them but never interacting with them. He gets closer to Wilbur through the drug business.

(Tommy meets Tubbo at the SMP, but they had been pen pals for 6 yrs. They got connected through a magazine that advertised pen pals and how it’d get you one, it worked and they became friends. Tubbo also knows of the fact that Tommy lived alone, and is on the same page as Tommy about the family.)

At 15 (nearing 16) he leaves for the SMP, he waves the rest of the SBI goodbye because for some bizarre reason they all came out to say bye to him based on the one thing he said to Wilbur about leaving. At the SMP things go like normal, except new conflict rises from Tommy simply not paying his taxes. Dream goes to confront him with some other people that tagged along just for the fun of it, only for it to turn into a giant ass street fight because: Dream thinks Tommy’s bullshitting not knowing what taxes are because he knows Tommy didn’t lie to him about living alone before (he believes him bc he knows how to do household chores and up keeping), and Tommy thinks Dream’s just trying to exploit him because he thinks he’s some stupid kid. Said street fight that lasted 2h became know as “The Tax Scrap”, as it was a scrap and in led to taxes being demolished completely so no one had to pay them.......there was a party held for Tommy because of it.

After Tommy turned 16 around the summer months Wilbur comes and they do the whole drug shit and independence, they get way close doing so but not nearly “brother” close. Wilbur’s sad about this because he thinks that Tommy’s mad at him and the rest of SBI for leaving him alone during all of their trips, while Wilbur’s angsting Tommy’s all “I’m so very happy. And I’m getting super close with my old neighbor, this is great! Hey the whole of the SMP looke at the man named Wilbur Soot and know that I’m in no way related to him but we’re just old neighbors!!”. Yeeeh, Tommy unconsciously lets everyone know that they’re just old neighbors. Unknowingly hurting Wilbur because he thinks Tommy doesn’t want anything to do with them and is just acting civil, so he tries to be like 10x friendlier. They become great friends.

Everything happens pretty much the same except Wilbur trusts Tommy less while in the ravine because he still thinks that he hates them, he and Techno also have a angst session while Tommy’s asleep bc they think he hates them. This is before the Vilbur and Festival (the angst session). During the Pit scene Wil says something along the lines of “He hates you, look—look at him. He despises you, look how..—how angry he is!” After the 16th Phil wants to talk to Tommy about everything and make sure he’s alright (Very OOC of him, I know.) but is deterred by Techno telling him how Tommy “hates” them, and that he refuses to acknowledge them as family.

Sometimes Ghostbur slips and calls Tommy his little brother, Tommy’s shocked because did that mean that Alivebur saw him as some kind of little brother figure? He’s very flattered and totally doesn’t hug Ghostbur out of embarrassment. Ghostbur sometimes slips infront of people that aren’t Tommy and that leads to a lot of confused people and a rumor mill (that’s actually true for once) that Tommy and Wilbur were actually brothers, while wisiting or maybe through the msg’s Ranboo asks Tommy about it and receives the anwser that Tommy and Wilbur weren’t brothers but Tommy’s pretty sure that Wilbur saw him as one, at least he assumes from Ghsotbur’s ramblings. Ranboo tells this to people and it leads to a lot of aww’s because adorable, and then those aww’s turn sad bc Ghostbur exists.

Everything goes the same as canon except after Tommy betrays Techno, Techno during the moment he and Tommy are yelling at each other while tnt’s exploding -making it impossibly hard to hear them and messing with the animatic audios- yells something about Tommy being his brother and betraying him. And that leads to Tommy saying something like “Did you really see us as that close...” and now he feels sad bc the friend he betrayed was so attached to him that he saw him as a brother figure, but that sets Techno off more bc Tommy still denounces them as family in his eyes and he’s pissed bc of it. So they start fighting, eventually Phil stops to watch them. He’s also pissed at Tommy for the same reasons, during the fight Tommy gets like super injured or something but neither Techno or Phil want to kill him before they get to know the full reasons as to why he disowned them.

That leads to angsty as hell dialogue that breaks everyone’s hearts, and the whole gang realizing that Tommy didn’t even KNOW that they were family. It’s silent after that (not really there’s like 50 withers still around and explosions are happening left and right, but u get the point), idk how it all ends put it has something like this.

Tommy gets hugged

He’s still bleeding so it hurts and he’s kinda dying

Bc Techno and Phil are sad and kinda want to start over (and let’s be honest no one in that family is fully sane) they figure GhostInnit would be easier to deal with, also they’re still mad at him so they stab him

While also hugging him, it’s real messed up

Some people witness it and are kinda creeped out because to them it looks like two ppl that aren’t particularly close to Tommy are just hugging him after they stabbed him as if they cared

Through some magical power of teamwork and friendship the ppl fighting for L’Manburg (rip) get Tommy away from them, and some other crap happens the two have to flee. Later on Ranboo goes to live with them (fuck yes to that, that boy deserves peace. But fuck Phil adopting him It’ll all go to hell. Have you seen Phil’s other two kids +Tubbo??) but stil travels to the SMP bc I refuse for his friendship to end with Tommy and Tubbo, he kinda carries the news of GhostInnit existing to them unintentionally. So the leads to a game of extreme hide n’ seek where Tommy doesn’t know he’s supposed to hide so people literally just shove him into closets, rooms and houses all willy nilly. The whole servers in on it except Dream who just looks at all of them like that one meme. (No, I do not know what I’m referencing but I know at least 70% your pictures something)

The end vibe: Happy GhostInnit vibing with friends while the whole server is playing hide and seek him as the hider w/out him knowing, if Techno and Phil get him they’re gonna have so much family bonding and consequently make Tommy mad at the server bc he thinks thy were keeping him from his fam on reason, when they’re were just actually trying to keep him away from the two anarchists that were after him for some reason bc they didn’t know about the fam crap. GhostInnit doesn’t know they’re family bc it was kind of a bad memory him dying, he remembers everyone but not the bad things that have happened with them.

(Cross-posted off of Ao3, fics inspired by this one

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28894026

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30526023 )

#241 writing #dream smp au #Dream SMP #tommyinnit dream smp #technoblade dream smp #wilbur soot dream smp #philza dream smp #ghostinnit

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honeyfizzly · 3 years

Text

Not genshin related but instead yttd related. Just some speculations and wild guessing- beware of 3b spoilers

Alright so in Sou route rn there's only 4 survivors while Kanna route has five (smh Kanna route gets all the love huh).

So that means that in Sou route, not only will everyone get one of each role but also the death game will definitely end because there would be only two survivors left after the main game.

My bets on who's getting what role for Sou route is-

Sou with Keymaster (yttd seems like looping back to the begging with things, so having Sou lie about having keymaster first game and then actually have keymaster last game feels fitting).

Since only the people alive in this route are the ones who killed Kanna, I feel like he'd definitely try to get himself voted off to kill everyone or maybe he has an actual redemption arc this chapter and the roles of Sara and Sou are switched from first main game to last (like Sara lying about her role for whatever reason while Sou is guiding the discussion idk why she would but I feel like it would just be cool lmao)

Sara with either seer or she actually has sacrifice this time (like how she found the sacrifice card under the table but didn't get it cause she already had keymaster). Seer is the only card that Sara has never picked up or had so it's a very likely candidate, maybe she would see that Sou is the keymaster and assume that he would try to kill everyone because of how they killed Kanna. Sacrifice wouldn't trigger Sara as much as it did in chapter 2 because she repressed her memories of Joe, and also Sacrifice holds the most power in this game as well.

If Sara does get seer then two other candidates for sacrifice would be Gin or Keiji, maybe if you chose Alice dies Sou route it goes to Keiji or if you chose Reko dies Sou route it goes to Gin.

I could totally see a situation where you get the choice to save either Gin or Keiji.

I think it would pretty ironic if the final survivors of the death game would the girl with highest survival percentage and the man with the lowest.

Also if Sara was sacrifice and did managed to get voted off, you'd get the choice to either save Gin, Sou, or Keiji.

For Kanna route I feel like Kanna would the be one with the seer (since she lied about it in the beginning as well and it just feels fitting) or maybe keymaster

And reko/alice with commoner probably

Sara would have either seer (if Kanna didn't get it) or keymaster (I don't see Sara getting sacrifice this route)

Gin either has commoner or sacrifice

And Keiji either has commoner or sacrifice

I'm less sure about the roles this route cause it wouldn't be the last main game for them, because there would be three left unless sacrifice wins. The death game is meant to go on until only two or one person is left.

Also everytime during sacrifice's death, there's always the button. In Joe's death, sara kept pressing it. While in Nao's death, Sara couldn't press it at all. Idk why this stood out to me but it did

Also new rules keep getting added with the main games it seems, with chapter 2 updated the rules with trades and ties. Maybe some new rules could be adding new cards, a new way to trade cards, ect.

Also there's still some mysteries that are unsolved

Where's Mishima's head

Mishima is suspicious in general- he's the only candidate that passed the first trial who's wish we don't know (besides Keiji and I feel like this is gonna be important), and he shows up every chapter. I feel like he isn't actually the mastermind (I don't feel like there's "one" mastermind like danganronpa) but he is suspicious.

Who was in Sue miley's room? I personally place my bets on Meister since he looks all bandaged up but it could very well be a dummy who didn't actually die, Kai perhaps (since slitting your wrists is actually one of the most survivable methods of suicide I think), or a character we don't know yet (pfft watch it be Ryoko lol)

Who was Sue miley talking to in chapter 2? I don't think it's midori or Meister since the person seemed (the way the person talked didn't seem like how they would act), or anyone we actually met before since Sara and Keiji didn't recognize the voice. It could be that Rei (I think that's the name) person in Ytts that is revealed to actually have been apart of the group before being forgotten (in Ytts when someone dies they are "forgotten" so I think that's the implication with Rei).

So maybe Rei was a possible Candidate but ending up dying before the death game could ever start like how Midori did and their right to the death game was forfeited.

Next up is why was the Joe painted taken during Sou Route. When Ranmaru goes to rest and Sara leaves him before a while before coming back, the Joe painting is stolen. I think the implication is that Ranmaru took it cause in Kanna route that dosent happen. I just find it kinda silly that Ranmaru is jealous of an painting of Sara's dead best friend that she can't even remember. I just find it silly, and I don't know if it'll be addressed in 3-2.

Also who's Sara's real dad? Most of the cast in yttd is missing an father or parents (Possibly because they're parents mightve been in on the deathgame too, since Asunaru has information on them since they were children). A tiny theory of mine is that the person who Keiji killed was not Joe's dad but instead actually Sara's. It dosent really have that much proof other than I think it would be cool and both Sara and Mr. Policeman have red hair.

What got Sara into the deathgame? Sara never signed the contract so what brought her in? The only two candidates for wishing Sara in are Mishima and Keiji since we don't know their wishes. I could totally see an situation where Keiji wished that he got the chance to reconcile with Mr. Policeman's child (since he killed their dad). I'm leaning towards Keiji being the reason why Sara is here but not Mishima since Mishima and Sara don't really have an connection.

Though I guess it would be funny if Mishima wished to have more students to teach and since the death game is probably revolving around Sara, Asunaro just took that has a chance to shove her in.

What were Joe and Kai talking about? In the survalince it shows Kai and Joe both talking, seeming serious but there was no audio so we couldn't tell. My bet is that Joe was confronting Kai about being Sara's stalker or having some connections with Asunaro, Joe isn't as dumb as the fandom makes him out to be imo so it seems reasonable that he would notice that.

Alright I spilled out my brain now, time to wait 50 years for the new chapter byeeee

#yttd 3b #yttd sara #sara chidouin #yttd joe #yttd sou #yttd kanna #yttd keiji #yttd alice #yttd reko #yttd kai #yttd theory #kimi ga shine #yttd gin #yttd spoilers #tw suicude #tw death

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luvrgirlfanfics · 3 years

Text

ANGST PROMPTS

1: " Give me a chance.

2: " Not you again..

3: " Leave me alone.

4: " I don't love you anymore.

5: "Why do you hate me? "

6: "I lost the baby.

7: " I thought you loved me.

8: " I don't need you anymore.

9:" I can't believe you!

10: " We cant keep this up forever.

11: " You're a monster.

12: " I hate you.

13: " Don't leave me...

14: " You're a disappointment.

15: " Don't die on me- Please.

16: " I never meant to hurt you.

17: " Are you upset with me?

18: " I wish id never met you.

19: " I'm going to kill you! "

20: " Please don't hurt me like this.

21: " Thanks for nothing.

22: " Dont call this number again. "

23: " Why did you spare me?

24: " You need to leave."

25: " I'm sick.

26: " I'm dying.

27: " I wish i'd never met you.

28: " I thought we were family!"

29: " There was never an us."

30: " So that's it? It's over?"

31: " I fucked up.

32: " I came to say goodbye.

33:" He's dead because of you."

34: " I don't deserve to be loved.

35: " About the baby. Its yours."

LOVE PROMPTS:

36: " I'm so in love with you."

37: " Dance with me!"

38: " Isn't this amazing?"

39: " I wish we could stay like this forever."

40: " Will you marry me?

41: " I'm pregnant.

42: " I need a hug.

43: " You're special to me. "

44: " I'm going to keep you safe.

45: " Do you trust me?

46: " Can I kiss you right now?

47: " You're cute when you're angry.

48: " I've liked you for awhile now.

49: " Lets have a baby.

50: " We'd make such a cute couple. "

51: " I want to take care of you.

52: " Can we cuddle? "

53: " It's lonely here without you.

54: " I can't stand the thought of loosing you.

55: " Shut up and kiss me already.

56: " Are you flirting with me?"

57: " Is that my shirt?

58: " How did we get here? "

59: " You own my heart.

60: " You'd be a great dad.

61: " You'd be a great mom.

62: "I want to protect vou.

63:" Whats the matter?

64: " You're so beautiful.

65: " Did you do something different with your

hair? "

66: " Is that a new perfume?"

67: " Stop being so cute.

68: " You're making me blush! "

69: " You're teasing me again.

70:" This is why I fell in love with you."

71: " You're the best!"

72: " They're going to love you, don't worry!

73: " Oh, Are you ticklish?

74: " Of course I remembered! "

75: " You're one hell of a girl.

76: " You're one hell of a guy.

77: " Are you jealous?

78: " Hold me and never let me go.

79: " Stop hogging all the blankets!"

80: " Lets run away together.

GENERAL PROMPTS:

90: " Catch me if you can!"

91: " I'm fine.

92: " Are you drunk? "

93: " Are you high?"

94: " We cant go in there…..

95: " Give it back! "

96: " Well this is just great.

97: " Don't touch me.

98: " Not sure if you could tell, but I'm not

exactly a people person. "

99: " This was fun- Lets do it again

sometime!"

100: " I didn't do it!"

101: " I did it...

102: " I don't remember that!"

103: " Well that's pretty rude of you to say."

104: " Get that thing away from me!"

105: " You owe me.

106: " Do you believe in aliens?"

107: " Do you believe in ghosts? "

108: " Are you hitting on me? "

109: " Why are you naked?"

110: " You did what?!"

111: " You have... Superpowers?"

112: " Why are you bleeding?"

113: " Where did all these puppies come from?"

114: " Don't make me come over there myself!'

115: " That wasn't funny.'

116: " This tastes horrible.

117: " This is delicious!"

118: " Are you mad at me?"

119: " Stop ignoring me.

120: " I love that show too!"

121: " Can I borrow that book of yours?"

122: " Lets blow this joint."

123: " Let me help you with that.

124: " Take that back! "

125: " Wanna go see a movie with me?"

126: " No way, that's so lame.

127: " What are you listening to?"

128: "I brought you your coffee.

129: " Don't fuck this up.

130: " Run!"

131: " Lets run away together.'

132: " I haven't slept in four days..

133: " Your turn to do the dishes.

134: " Was I really that drunk?'

135: " Was I really that stoned?"

136: "Give me back my phone! "

137: " You're an asshole.

138: " Are you cold?"

139: " This place gives me the creeps.

140: " I swear my house is haunted. "

141: " Did you hear that? "

142: " It's just your imagination.

143: " Just how stupid do you think I am? "

144: " Stop being such a baby.

145: " Go back to bed. "

146: " Are you okay?"

147: " I can take care of myself just fine."

148: " Thanks for helping me back there.

149: " Since when have we ever been friends? "

150: " What on earth are you wearing?"

151: " I can't feel my legs!"

152: " Stop texting me weird stuff so late at

night."

153: " Put me down! "

154: " There's only one bed...

155: " It isn't what it looks like! Okay. Maybe it is

156: " How did I loose it? "

157: " I read your diary.

158: " This is awkward.

159: " Didn't you read the sign?

SEXUAL PROMPTS:

161: " Bite me.

162: " Make me.

163: " Fuck me.

164: " Stop teasing me so much...

165: " Do you like it when I touch you like that?"

166: " Okay.. This is new.

167: " Want to head back to my place and have

a little fun?

168: " You're in trouble now. "

169:" What a pretty sight.

170: " Bend over.

171: " On your knees.

172: " The food looks great but.. There's

something much more delicious i'd like to eat

right now.

173: " Lay back.

174: " Take off your clothes.

175: " Well, fine; just this once."

176: " I'm waiting.

177: " You're so beautiful.

178:" As you wish.

179: " First one to make a noise looses."

180: " You have no idea what you do to me. "

181: " If you're bored; Wanna have sex? "

182: " Ive wanted this for so long.

183: " Car sex looks so much more easier in the

movies.

184: " Can I touch you? "

185: " Open up.

186: " No strings attached.

187: " Already? Do I really have that much of an

effect on you? "

188: " Mine.

189:" The nights still young.

190: " We cant do that here!

191: " Behave.

192:" What did you just say?"

193: "Good girl"

194: "Good Boy"

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n0r14k1-k4ky01n · 4 years

Note

hello! this might be a bit of a weird alsk but can i request headcanons for the crusaders x reader having a vibe session at 2 in the morning? maybe they just had a rough day and decided to listen to loud music at 2am and dye their hair to make them self feel better. the reader is a bit less verbal about their emotions so they just kinda vibe to music? thank you for your time, have a nice day/night/evening!

!!! First ask, woo!!! This is actually so adorable, I love it- I'm gonna say this takes place after the Egypt trip (in an everyone lives AU, of course) so no one is pestering you to sleep for obvious reasons, lol. Also, I wasn't sure if you meant for this to be romantic or not, so I made it kinda ambiguous. You can interpret it how you like tho!!

Crusaders Having A Vibe Session With The Reader At 2AM!!

Jotaro

Jotaro... Probably doesn't sleep very well anyways.

He hears you up and moving at 2am, gives a quiet yare yare as he realizes he's not gonna get any sleep tonight, takes a few minutes to mentally prepare, and goes to check on you.

He finds you as you're waiting for the dye to set, raising an eyebrow, but not reacting much otherwise.

He's used to nonverbal communication, not to mention observant as hell, so he can tell pretty easily that you're not doing so hot.

"... Bad day?"

You just nod in response. He sighs and sits himself down next to you.

This is a rare opportunity to lean on him without being pushed off. He might even put an arm around your shoulder.

He's gonna help you with the rest of your hair if you ask, but only if you explain how, and let him pick the next few songs. He has a very specific music taste, it's a wonder he's been listening to what you put on with only a few snide comments here and there.

... But he'll still take your music taste into account too. Don't point it out, he'll deny it and get grumpy.

When all is said and done, you're definitely gonna fall asleep first. If he's up, he's up. He won't move you (other than off his shoulder) but he'll shut off the music, and if you left your phone unlocked, there's a good chance he'll shut off any alarms you have. He's sure you need the rest, even if you might get pissy that he did something like that without asking.

As long as you're feeling a bit better, he couldn't care less if you're upset at him.

Kakyoin

Either he was already out cold by midnight, or he stayed up playing videogames. Regardless, he's gonna hear the music at some point, and go out to check on you.

He shows up before you've actually dyed your hair, a more confused than he is annoyed.

"Y/N, why on earth are you up this late...?"

"You don't have room to judge, Nori."

"...Touché."

He catches on that you're not doing so hot, and sticks around, trying to fall into a comfortable silence with you.

... The key word here is "trying".

He feels really awkward being around people in the first place, especially one-on-one. Add in the fact that there's nothing but the music to keep him from overthinking...

He's piping up every little while with a fun fact about something or another. He doesn't actually know what to say, but he can't stand the silence, so that's his way of trying to fill the void. He doesn't mind if you don't respond with much more than a nod, just acknowledge that he said something and he's fine.

He let's you pick all the music. He likes just about anything, and besides, you're not doing so hot. It's the least he can do.

He'd also absolutely help you dye your hair, and he already knows how. He's definitely looked into dying his own, but is too worried it won't look better than what he already has, or that it won't look good enough to be worth the time/effort/money.

Once again, you'll probably fall asleep first. This man has trained himself well in the art of "I'm doing something, sleep can wait". An Epic Gaymer™ of the highest degree.

He'll probably try to move you to your bed, but unless he can very easily pick you up, he's just gonna leave you there. Maybe shift you so you're lying down. He just really doesn't wanna accidentally wake you up.

Avdol

I'm gonna start this one off by saying I'm so sorry, I have no idea how to write for Avdol-

Probably still up when he hears you. One of my personal headcanons is that he opens his shop in the evening and shuts it down in the day, since tarot stuff seems to be a lot more popular with the night crowd, so he's on a bit of a weird sleep schedule anyway.

Immediately concerned. He's pretty good at picking up on other people's emotions.

"Y/N, you look down. Is there anything I could do to help...?"

Just ask him to stick around and he will. He might even make you some tea, if you like it. Or like, hot chocolate. But no coffee unless it's decaf, he's not about to let you stay up later than you need to.

He's okay with the silence, actually. Will open his arms up for a cuddle, if you want. He's such a good space heater cuddler.

He doesn't really know how to help you dye your hair, but he'll try if you tell him how! Honestly, just let him know what you need in general, and he'll do it in a heartbeat... So long as it's not gonna backfire in the long run, like caffeine, or starting a big task/project (it's the middle of the night, for Pete's sake).

Might suggest listening to quieter music after you've finished with your hair, in an attempt to help you wind down and maybe fall asleep.

... But it's a 50/50 as to who actually falls asleep first. If he manages to stay up, he'll try and carry you to bed. If he can't, he's gonna wake you up and tell you to go properly lay down. He feels bad about disturbing you, but it's better than letting you sleeping funny and get a sore neck.

Polnareff

See, Polnareff needs his beauty sleep. He's out at a reasonable time, 11 at the very latest, and your music absolutely woke him up.

He's gonna stomp out of his room grumbling and groggy.

"It's 2 in the damn morning, Y/N, what the hell...?"

Not the most observant of the bunch, so for him to clue in, you'll either need to look like death, or straight up tell him you feel like shit.

Any hint of grumpiness or sleepiness is gone in an instant, replaced by a small gasp and so much worry.

This man is absolutely going to help you with your hair. Hell, if you let him, he's going to try and give you a full-blown spa experience. Face mask, nail painting, he might give you a massage!! Please indulge him, it's going to be so nice and he's going to be so happy he could help. But, if not, he's more than happy to just sit with you.

However, unless you specifically ask him to be quiet, he's going to talk your ear off. He won't mind if you don't respond, he's more than happy to just blabber about anything that crosses his mind.

Hell, even if you do ask him to hush, he's gonna struggle with it. He never stops talking, the absolute dork.

He'll suggest songs he thinks you might enjoy, and will sometimes ask if you can skip one or two that he really doesn't like, but for the most part you have free range over the music.

He's going to try so hard to stay awake, but he's used to a full 8 hours or more, so he's falling asleep first. Though, when he wakes up, he's gonna remember what happened last night and apologize profusely for passing out on you. Oh, and compliment how nice your hair looks in the natural light, of course.

Joseph

Another early sleeper. When he was younger, he'd stay up until the wee hours of the morning with no problems, but nowadays he's pretty consistent about passing out at 10 on the dot. Your music woke him up, which is impressive, because he sleeps like a rock.

Manages to be less grumpy than Polnareff when he comes out, but not by much.

"Geez, Y/N, could you please save all the noise for the daytime?"

However, he's still got his paternal instincts, and as soon as he gets a good look at you, he's gonna know somethings up.

He's gonna insist on helping dye your hair. Hell, if the dye is temporary, there's a good chance he'll ask if he can dye his too! He doesn't see why not, and besides, it might get you to smile.

That's his main goal here, actually. He'll try not to talk too much, but similarly to Kakyoin, he's not great with silence. The difference is that he's gonna fill it with terrible dad jokes and over-the-top stories rather than fun facts. But if you really want him to shush, he'll try his best. He'll get quieter the later it gets anyways. He just wants to make you happy.

Expect him to hum along to any songs he knows, but he won't ask you to play anything specific.

Absolutely going to cuddle you if you let him. He's a very good cuddler/pillow.

Although he's probably really sleepy, absolutely refuses to fall asleep first. As soon as you're out, he'll shut off the music and carry you to your bed, no matter if he struggles with it or not. Tucks you in, pats your head, the whole nine yards.

... And then he goes and passes the hell out too. He's an old man, leave him be.

#jjba #jojo part 3 #stardust crusaders #jjba imagines #jjba scenarios #jjba x reader #jotaro kujo #noriaki kakyoin #muhammad avdol #jean pierre polnareff #joseph joestar #this was a really fun first ask #thank you for requesting!!!

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