#I gotta work at distancing myself more for my sake

[homesickturner]

Homesick - Ch. 1

plot : childhood best friends Gracie and John are separated when join joins the war. Both are dealing with their own problems…will they cope with such distance between them. Most importantly, will the friendship (or more than..) stand the test of the war?

Dara speaks : hi hi! I’m overjoyed to finally be releasing this first chapter 🥹 I just could not keep these two to myself anymore 🫶 pls comment if you enjoy…any constructive criticism is welcome also. My asks box is wide open for any and all thoughts you have after reading this chapter so please send them my way !! The idea for this series came to me while listening to my favorite song ever homesick by dua lipa…give it a listen if you have not it’s too good!

warning : will be historically inaccurate at times for the sake of storytelling. Mentions of anxiety.

Gracie and John grew up together. Their parents often say that it was not often throughout their lives that one was seen without the other. Once they reached hugh school, things certainly changed although they still remained very close.

Gracie has been an exceptional student for all her young life and had future hopes of become a nurse. John and Gracie spoke often of their future plans and although there was a chance they may end up hours and hours from each other they knew they would be alright.

“So John,” Gracie spoke up, John sitting opposite her at the dinner table at her home. “I was thinking of doing some traveling before I head to Washington in the fall…where is it that you confirmed again?.”

“Gracie-.”

“Don’t worry though it’ll be way before college so we’ll have time to work and-.”

“I’m joining the air corps,” he blurted out, setting his knife and fork down.”

“You’re…what. John you’re going off to the war and you didn’t mention it.”

“No Gracie because I knew how worried you’d be-.”

“Damn right John.” She shot back, a hurt expression clouding her face. The girl was lost for words. “I’m coming with you-.”

“Like hell you are,” he scoffed. “Quit talking crap Gracie.”

“John! I was going to be a nurse anyway at least this way I’d be helping.” She pleaded.

“Gracie..you don’t want to see what some of the nurses do in the war,” John said softly. “You have so much going for you, go to college and have fun-.”

“While you’re getting shot down out of your fucking plane John!.” She shouted back at him, tears brimming in her eyes.

“Grace I’ll be ‘aright. I’m not letting you throw your future away for me…for this stupid war.” He insisted.

“John you’re my best friend. I can’t let you go out there.” She stood from the table and began pacing the small dining room. “If I do, I’d bet money that there’ll be a letter landing on my lap in Washington in a few months because you’ll-.”

“Gracie,” he yelled, strolling to where she was in front of him and laying both hands firmly on her shoulders. “Please…you’re breaking my heart. You gotta let me go.” He choked out, getting the slightest bit emotional seeing her eyes filled with tears.

Gracie felt like the life she’d planned had been ripped from beneath her. Some may say, she indeed had the world at her feet, everything was in her favor. Her family were wealthy, she had friends and she was headed to one of the top nursing programs in the country. Gracie never in a million years expected to hear that news from John. She was so crushed, so angry that this war was going to take away her favorite person from her and maybe never give him back. Gracie knew that boy better than she knew herself, so she knew that there was no changing his mind.

Although she was deeply upset, she knew John and had every belief he was doing this for the right reasons. Gracie knew that John had a big heart and truly just wanted to do what he could in such a horrific situation.

She wished she could be mature and think clearly about the situation. At the end of the day, Gracie was 18 years old and about to potentially loose her best friend to this war. So, she certainly was not thinking clearly.

As much as Gracie tried to persuade him, John’s decision was made. One week later he and Gracie stood at the Wisconsin harbor to say their goodbyes.

“Please don’t do this,” she whispered quietly into this ear, both her arms wrapped around his neck. “I can’t loose you Johnny…you’re my other half.”

Gracie couldn’t believe John was finally leaving her. She wasn’t sure she could live without him. Unfortunately for her, she was about to find out.

“It’ll be alright Gracie, I promise you. Just trust me alright?,” he muttered to her softly, he hands rubbed her back slowly.

John knew no matter what he told her, she’d worry. He knew that they were two halves of the same coin, and they balanced each other out perfectly. John brought out her wild side and Gracie kept John’s feet on the ground when he got overexcited. They certainly brought out the best in each other.

He might have been going off to war, but the only thing he was worried about was how Gracie would cope when he was gone. She’d always been an anxious girl, and it has only worsened in her late teens. In recent years, her friends and family realized that it was only John who seemed to truly help her. They would watch the nerves and worry melt off her face and her body relax when John and Gracie were in company togther. When she was with him, it was as if all the voices in her head were quieted and she felt herself again. John could only hope a constant stream of encouraging letters would keep his Grace happy.

As they broke apart John kept his hands on her shoulders. The two kept their eyes locked for a few moments, the words that were not said danced in the air between them. The moment neither of them ever thought would come had finally arrived.

Gracie watched as John turned and slowly began to walk away from her, and into the unknown. Right before boarding the boat, he turned to her once more as she called out to him.

“John?,” she asked. “Yeah Gracie?,” he called back, a small smile forming on this lips. “

“Please take care of yourself Johnny….and I’ll be waiting for my letters.” John could see her eyes lighting up as she shouted out to him.

“I will Grace, I promise I will. You’ll have plenty of letters don’t you worry.”

Gracie watched as her best friend boarded the boat. Moments later he appeared on the top deck, finding himself a spot next to the railing and stood waving to Gracie. A smile graced her lips as she watched him waving to her, and she would laugh when every so often he would do a salute. John noticed these laughs, and did them twice as much when he noticed she enjoyed them.

Gracie’s heart broke as she watched the boat sail away slowly. She stood and waved the John until she couldn’t see him anymore. Once the boat had sailed far enough, she let some tears finally fall down her cheeks.

#buck and bucky #bucky egan #john egan #mota #rosie rosenthal #mota x reader #mota spoilers #john egan x reader #john egan x oc #Gracie and John #austin butler #callum turner #nate mann #john brady

[bpdohwhatajoy]

Me cozied up watching one of my special interest shows while I avoid even the slightest bit of human contact

#autism #autistic #actually autistic #special interests #memes #autism memes #socialization makes me so irritable #genuinely I do not want to talk with anyone #but a lot of people make me feel obligated to so I force myself to #and end up irritated #I gotta work at distancing myself more for my sake

[808airsoftbros]

My Girlfriend is a Mafia Boss Pt.III (Shen Xiaoting)

Author: To check out more of my stories you can take a look at my Masterlist

Xiaoting’s POV

Once I’ve gathered all of my best guys into my office, I briefed them all of their mission, and their objectives. At first, they were surprised to find out that I’m hiring them to kidnap a simple boy for the sake of his safety.

“Are you sure this is necessary, madam? He’s just a boy,” One of my men questioned.

“I’m paying you all to do a job, not ask questions. Is that understood?” I sternly asked and he nodded.

“Welp, as long we’re getting paid, who cares?” One of the men mentioned and I grinned.

“Good, that’s what I like to hear from you, but remember I want him alive, and if I find a single scratch on him, I’ll deduct half of your shares,” I warned and they nodded.

Leaving my office, I looked at the photo that I took of Y/N while we were eating at the restaurant yesterday.

I don’t know what came over me when I first saw him at the grocery store, something about him drew my attention, and I felt the need to protect him from all dangers of society.

Please forgive me, Y/N, but this is for your own good...

Y/N’s POV

Yet another boring shift at the store as it was very slow because it wasn’t a busy hour as mostly everyone was working.

Taking this free time to work on the back stock, there was little to do there as the shelves were full and I didn’t want to cram them or else I’ll look ugly.

Anyway, I sat in the back out of camera range going through Instagram on my phone to pass the time.

That was until I heard multiple footsteps walking inside the back but I paid no mind as it was probably my co-workers... Or so I thought.

Glancing up, I got a glimpse of a group of men wearing trenchcoats and sunglasses and they were walking around like they were searching for something or someone.

“Fan out! Once you’ve got visual confirmation of the package, call us, and will converge to your position!” One of them ordered and they split up.

Shit looks like they’re seeking something and they do not look friendly at all. Hiding behind one of the shelves in the warehouse and I see a man examining the area.

“Hmm... No sign of the target here, moving on,” The man confirmed and left me alone making me sigh in relief.

Peeping out of the shelve to make sure the coast was clear, I quietly get out of the shelve and head to the nearest fire exit.

Unfortunately, the fire exit was closed to two of the thugs keeping a sharp eye out, so I needed to create a distraction or find some sort of weapon.

Looking around the warehouse for any objects I could improvise as a weapon, I examine the tool drawer and grabbed the hammer.

“Yes, now I might stand a chance,” I said to myself.

“Hey, stop right there!” I heard a man bark and I turned around to face the man.

“You’re coming with me!” He said and I swung the hammer at his head.

The impact of the hammer made him crash into one of the shelves making all the can goods collapse onto his body.

Making a run for it, I was stopped by two more thugs this time armed with brace knuckles.

“Hold on, we cannot hurt him, not even a scratch, you heard what the boss said, right?” He asked and he sighed.

“Fine, but this better be worth all of the trouble!” He replied.

The boss? Who the hell are they talking about? I didn’t do anything to anyone so why are they sending thugs to kidnap me?

Anyway, I swing the hammer all over the place and they backed away at a safe distance and I continued to run.

“Stop him!” One of the men yelled.

Bursting through the fire exit, the fire alarm automatically went off grabbing the attention of everyone including the thugs pursuing me.

Fucking hell, I gotta lose them or else God knows what’s going to happen to me if they catch me.

Taking the car keys out of my pocket, I unlock the car, got inside the driver's seat insert the key into the ignition switch but the damn rust bucket wasn’t starting.

“Start you pile of shite!” I yelled as I kept turning the key.

However, it was no use as the windows busted open as the thugs swung a baseball bat at the window and dragged me out of the car.

“Enough games, kid... Tie him up,” He ordered and the men tied my arms and legs.

They carried me to their van, opened the back doors, and threw me in the back. I started to fear for my life as it was over and I wondered what I did to deserve this.

Hearing the engine turn on, we were on our way to who knows where, probably someplace that is far from civilization.

“Good call sabotaging the engine. Otherwise, we would have to charge the boss more,” I heard them.

“Haha! Piece of cake and easy money grab,” He replied.

Damn, so that’s why my car wouldn’t start in the first place because one of them must’ve done something to the engine.

About twenty minutes later, the van stops, I heard the men step out of the vehicle and open the doors.

One of them dragged me out of the back, untied my ankles allowing me to walk, and they harshly pushed me signaling me to get moving.

Following the group of thugs to what appears to be a luxury mansion surrounded by a garden and a security gate.

The leader goes up to the gate and hits the doorbell, the security camera focuses on him and the gates open.

Greeting us, was another group of men dressed in all black, wearing security earpieces, and sunglasses as one of them held a briefcase.

“Hand over the package,” The guard ordered.

“Nu-uh, money first,” The thug replied.

The guard holding the briefcase comes forward, unlocks the hatches revealing millions of won to verify it was all legit, and closes it.

“If that’s enough assurance, hand him over, and will take it from here,” The guard ordered and the thug pushed me towards them.

The guard hands over the briefcase full of money to them and shuts the gate in front of them.

“This way, Mister Kim,” The guard directed and I followed him.

Walking through the garden, it was well kept, and surely whoever the owner is, must be hella rich.

Once we reached the entrance, the standing guards opens the door for us, and we walk through.

I was mesmerized by how fancy this place looked, chandeliers, maids working in the mansion, and of course a staircase.

We walked up the stairs, passed by many doors that lead to all sorts of rooms I assume, until we reached a double door.

The guards opened the door, gestured for me to go inside, and I did what they say as there were no escape routes.

At first glance, it was a huge office, there was a fireplace, bookshelves, and even a large window giving a view of the garden outside.

“Please have a seat,” A feminine voice said.

Taking a seat in front of the strange dark figure sitting in the shadows, I was deeply unsettled as to what this woman has planned for me.

“I hoped my hired bodies didn’t leave a mark on you bringing you here... Did they?” She creepily asked and I gulped.

“N-No, I’m perfectly fine,” I answered.

“Great, now that’s out of the way, next would introducing ourselves, but won’t be necessary in this case... Right, Y/N?” She asked as she came into the sunlight revealing her figure.

“N-Noona?! Y-You did this?!” I exclaimed and she giggled.

“Yes, I did, but it was the only way to keep you from harm's way of my rivals, it was my fault to drag you into this situation, I should’ve known that those scumbags are always watching me and I was certain that they about you so I’m taking responsibility for my mistakes by bringing you here for protection.” She explained.

“W-Why from them? What are you?” I frantically asked.

“Because... I’m the boss of the biggest mafia clan in the entire country! Many want me dead so they can take my place and have all of the power to themselves. I have enough manpower to start my criminal empire and not even the government can’t stop me since they’re so easy to bribe.” She answered and my eye widened.

“N-No way! You’re lying!” I accused and she scoffed.

“Ever heard of the notorious criminal, the Death Angel?” She asked and I nodded.

“Y-Yeah, it’s all over the news,” I answered.

“Well, you just so happened to be talking to her~,” She replied as she reveals the tattoo on her chest and it’s the same one that I saw on the news.

“I-Impossible...” I softly said and she sighed.

“Right, I’m sure this is a lot to take in so will things slowly but for now, I promise you will be safe here as long as you do exactly as I said, understand, darling~?” She asked and I gulped.

#Shen Xiaoting #xiaoting #kep1er Xiaoting #kep1er scenarios #kep1er #kpop #kpopidol #kpop yandere #Kpop yandere oneshot #x male reader #bxg #kpop oneshot #yandere

[queenharumiura]

GET TO KNOW NEO

name — Neo and on some other blogs An-chan

pronouns— She/her

preferred comms — I get webhooks alerts to replies and asks, and tumblr very rarely alerts me to ims, but it is available to those who prefer communications via tumblr. Discord is the most reliable.

name of muse — Haru Miura on this blog and many more that i'm too lazy to list out on other blogs.

experience in RP — Around 16 years I think. Crazy as it is, I started out on Quizilla when you used to be able to message people. Then I moved to a proboards site when a friend invited me to join one she created. Was there for a long time. Dabbled a bit in RP'ing with a group on DeviantArt. Did a bit of skype rp from there. Then I moved to tumblr rp. I may have attempted to dabble in discord RP and ye- it's not exactly for me, but I can do it. I hate feeling limited though.

best experiences— Any iteration of: "You know, you made me change my mind on how I see Haru." Truly, the biggest serotonin boost I'd ever need in life. This is my goal in life. What I aspire to do with my writing. Not RP, but I got a Haru hater to like Haru after reading a few of my fics years back. You thought you were going to hate read and give hate? Jokes on you, I OPENED YOUR EYES.

pet peeves/dealbreakers — If you've reposted fanart without credit nor permission and i've talked to you about it and you dismissed my concerns about reposting fanart, i'll instantly block you. It's in my rules for a reason. Tho- I suppose that's just breaking my rules so maybe it doesn't count as a dealbreaker?

Not necessarily a peeve but more of a turn off, but I really don't like it when someone has the repeat energy of 'No one would want to rp with me, I don't see why I bother,' 'Did anyone miss me? No? Okay' etc. It probably sounds petty of me, but I don't like it. It dismisses the efforts of those who have been trying to connect to you, and I come onto tumblr to have fun, so I don't want to come here and feel bogged down. The energy actually disheartens me and brings my own mood down because I end up sympathizing with them too much. For the sake of my own mentality, I end up distancing myself.

muse preference ( fluff, angst, smut ) — I enjoy fluff and angst a lot. Smut... depends... on the muse... and relationships... and how comfortable I am with the mun. I'm big shy in general so it can take time to warm me up to talking about smut in regards to muses. Once I'm used to talking to you about it and i'm comfortable with you, i'm pretty open about it. Truly, I'm big on troll humor though, so crack humor kinda threads really have my heart. If you wanna talk smut with me, you gotta be the one to bring it up because 99.5% of the time, it won't be me bringing it up first.

IF we aren't shipping, then you better hope one day I even reblog a risque meme for you to inquire about it. I'm a lil wary about talking about it to begin with.

plot or memes — Plots, as some of us know that i'm not very keen on memes as my relationship with the inbox is not positive. Still working on it though, one blog at a time. Memes are fun when i'm in the mood for them. This goes for reblogging them or sending in to people.

long or short replies — Both are fine with me, and both are great in their own right. Long ones are nice as they give you a lot to explore but it also takes a while to reply to and it can tire me out. Short threads are short and simple. They're nice, and then you get me being suddenly inspired and whoops- suddenly it's a long thread. (short replies = 3 paragraphs in my mind).

best time to write — I'm finding myself to be more active in the night hours, so the PMs. I do tend to be high inspiration in the AMs, but i'm usually at work or low energy. So that's when I spend the time thinking of what i'll write and then stow those ideas for when I do have the energy.

are you like your muse?: I've been told that I'm very much like Haru, and it's mostly in some habits, i'd say. Haru is a way better human than I am. Fit for life. I, a dehydrated prune is not fit for life. We both share our troll heart, our tendency for conspiracy thoughts, dramatics, speaking in third person and such. Basically, consider me the unhealthy introvert AU for Haru.

Tagged by: @ryuusake

Tagging: I don't tag

#Ryuusake #Tagged meme #About Muneo

[suzieb-fit]

Excellent start to my Saturday.

Today is going to be very low scale.

I'm busy this afternoon, but certainly not physically active.

This whole weekend is more socially based.

And I'm also not fasting tonight/tomorrow morning. Saturday night into Sunday is my fast break.

I'm working my two cleaning jobs today, which means a short cycling distance.

Then thus afternoon is an outdoor picnic I've organised with a few local people from an online community that the boss and I are involved in.

Looking forward to that! Really hope the rain stays away, if only for those few hours!

Anyway, back to this morning's workout.

Another regular repeat.

Strength and cardio combined.

Three circuits of two strength moves, a minute each, then two cardio moves, 30 seconds each.

Twice through each circuit.

Then a cardio "finisher" of each move twice through.

Great session!

I've already had a coffee, now I'm having my green tea before heading out to work.

Gotta stay hydrated, especially during a fast! I'm really upset because I'm struggling to get my insulin basal dose right, and my blood sugar was low earlier, sons had to have a few glucose tablets. Grrr. But I can't just leave myself low for the sake of strict fasting protocol. I have to take care of my diabetes first!

Yep, I'm definitely more hyper in the morning since starting this intermittent fasting thing😅.

#fitspo #fitspiration #fitblr #fitness #healthy living #health and fitness #fitness-by-suzie #fit #workout #fiton

[dastardly-ethereal-love]

Did you ever love something so much that is colours the everyday of your life? Like it brings colours back into the world that you thought you’d lost? I have had such a hard year - this time last year I was grieving a miscarriage and the ending of an almost 11 year marriage. I was trying to work out how to stay alive and in the process ended up in hospital for three days to get some clarity and distance from the toxicity of my everyday life. I didn’t want to die but I didn’t know how to keep living.

Having that space to take stock was so helpful. I read stuff, made plans, took care of myself and made friends with those in the hospital with me (one person I am still friends with and it’s been fun getting lunch together in the city and now cooking together at my place).

I’ve had a year to process - to go to therapy and learn Transendental Meditation (really fell off the wagon with that one though it was grand when I did it). I’ve had a year to heal and make much stronger connections with my friends. One of the biggest things in the process of finding myself was Good Omens. Haha Sounds crazy but that show sunk its teeth into me and then I found fanfic because I was not okay with waiting for Season 3 (which hadn’t been confirmed at that stage). The way things ended at Season 2 was gut wrenching and heart breaking and I needed comfort fic. I didn’t even know it existed. I’d never even taken fanfic seriously before. But Archive of our Own gave me so much joy - so many talented authors wrote such beautiful words about our boys and they healed them and healed me a little too in the process. I remembered things like, I love music. I love words. I love dancing around the house and being on my own didn’t mean I had less - it means I had more space for those beautiful things that I had lost along the way. I cried for them and I cried for me and I laughed and cried some more because I found I was happy. Like, actually happy! I wasn’t having to shine it on or put on a smile for the sake of others… I was capturing feelings of hope that I remembered from my teenage years and I was shocked. How could a book/tv show do that?

I of course read the book and listened to the audible version with the voices all done so well. I fell into Facebook fan pages and found so many other people who have experienced the same thing. I felt a lot less alone. I discovered this place on Tumblr and delighted in seeing Neil Gaiman reply to people’s comments with humour and kindness. I found out about how Terry died before the show was made - I mean, I knew he died but it didn’t really mean much to me because though I love fiction fantasy and read so many damn books in high school and my uni days I just never got to his works. So now I’m listening to the discworld series on Audible and I’m laughing at Terry’s sense of humour in his stories. He is a delight. It also breaks my heart all the more because Neil and Terry were friends and you can’t help but see parallels between Crowley and Aziraphale. Imagine if Aziraphale died? I mean Crowley is going to be a wreck with his angel only being in Heaven but dead? How you do keep living after that? But Neil is honouring Terry by making the show and living his life. There is such bravery and love and courage in that. Stuff that makes life good.

Because life is good. Life isn’t easy and it’s certainly not fair. There shouldn’t be wars. There shouldn’t be cancers and other illnesses that take people before they are done (like my brother in law and my father in law). There should be second chances and justice and evil should never win when goodness is still standing but life isn’t fair like that.

In an amazing FanFic I read, where Az is a school teacher and Crowley works for a school curriculum company, they need to get married to get around the constraints of Crowley’s contract and Az’s job’s policies. For a first date, they gotta get married. Haha Well, in this story - Crowley explains that you can’t ‘have time’ - it’s not a thing you can store up and keep for later. It is a trick. No one has time… we just have the moment now because you don’t know what will happen - like in this story where Adam’s mum is killed in a car accident and Crowley becomes his legal guardian. So don’t wait, live life now. Take the good that you can get from life now! I’m so whole heartedly agreeing with this. Live life now - so I’ve done things I would normally be kind of afraid of doing on my own like - going to a concert (I saw Paul McCartney and it was so good!), go to a play (I saw Dictionary of Lost words - also good!) and invite people to do things with you like go to the art gallery (just came back from seeing Louis Bourgeois with a friend yesterday!). Well, the biggest one though? Adopted a cat! Well, two cats it seems! I’ve been wanting a cat for so long. I’ve always said, too risky! The housing market is rubbish and if I even ask to have a cat they may kick me out for some made up reason… but life is short and you can’t guarantee anything. My friend has been rescuing cats from the local Bunnings carpark, insane to me that these gorgeous little creatures are living rough like that. She has a tender heart and has been ferrying them to her home, one by one, and paying to get them spayed and microchipped in order to find them homes. She already has a very busy life with three boys who have their own complex needs and her own as well as her husbands! Haha But she doesn’t look away when something needs caring for. She is so open and loving and very practical. Haha So when I went to visit her to borrow some Dr Who DVDs (I needed more David Tennant in my life!) we sat in her ensuite bathroom and played with kittens and a beautiful mama cat.

That mama cat melted me. She was so loving. She looked after all these kittens and there is no way they are all hers… kittens of all ages and colours. So after meeting her, and read this beautiful FanFic by midnightdragons about a stray cat version of Crowley and Aziraphale… I couldn’t help but be entrapped by this idea. Could I do it? Could I make it work? Was I brave enough to ask my landlord? Was I brave enough to take on the responsibility? I mean, the first day I had Eliza I was wracked by the fear that I wouldn’t be a good enough cat mama. Gah. It’s hideous, this feeling - this desire to be perfect or at least exceptional before I take on something new. I fought that feeling and leaned into the moment and just watched myself and her and tried to see if she was happy with me and if I was happy with her. I mean, that’s how you know you’re doing a good job right? If she’s eating and sleeping and playing and settling into the new space?

Well, she is so happy. My friend had one last kitten left and she asked me to watch him because otherwise he’d be at her home on his own in the ensuite for 3 days with only someone coming in to feed him and change his litter while they were away. That didn’t sound nice for the little man so I agreed to look after him too. But when I saw them together and I couldn’t pull them apart. They bloody love each other. They put themselves together in a box above my TV and purr up a storm. Purr at an indecent level. Like, guys? Should I give you some privacy? Haha It’s a total mum and kitten relationship though and he tries to drink off her and she only lets him sometimes. Eliza always wins their play fights and holds him down with a firm bite on his neck and then licks him like… yes I may have gotten you by your neck and held you down but I also need to just clean your face and ear okay? Haha

They are so happy together so I guess I’ll be mama to two cats now? :)

What I’m saying is, a year ago I was hurting so much. I was treated like I was worthless by my husband and like my feelings didn’t matter and I really took that on. It felt true. I also took on responsibility for his emotions in a way that made me feel like a failure because nothing I ever did was good enough and it was often pushed back on me as being my fault that things weren’t okay. When I asked for help or comfort, I was being selfish by having needs when his needs were so much bigger and more needier. Haha Oh dear.

The joy of it is… I still can love and care for Tom (the ex) in a way that respects who I am and who he is. We have found our way to a friendship that has made coparenting our amazing 5 year old boy so delightful. I love how he is with Jacob. Jacob loves his dad so much. Jacob and I get 4 days together and he gets 3 days with his dad per week. It’s a balance that is working really well for us. Jacob has made it work for himself too. I’m so proud of him and how well he moves in this new world of his. It’s not been easy for him but he’s also found a good space - often asking Tom to send me photos and videos and visa versa so each parent can be part of his life even if we are not physically present. He’s connected his worlds in clever ways. He’s only 5 and a half. He’s a marvel.

But I wanted to pour my heart into this post because I’m so happy. I love journaling and have done it since I was maybe 8 or 9? Not always consistently but it feels good to get things down on paper because it’s capturing something in a form that I can revisit. It makes it real. I know I will grow more and change and Jacob will grow and my cats will grow… everything is always changing… but today is precious and I want a little record of the preciousness of these days.

Also, the male kitten is named Pinky but it’s not a name I chose… I’m keen to ask Jacob to help choose a name but in my heart the two cats really are Aziraphale and Crowley because look at them!

#journaling #cats #pet cats

[alasmydearatlas]

im trying to think of what to tell people about study abroad when i get back

like what r they gonna ask me

what do i tell kids

what do i tell adults

fav parts: cafes (excellent pastries and espresso based drinks), traveling (so easy and central), experiencing so many of those things you often only dream about (standing on top of the alps, swimming in the Mediterranean), understanding more what culture is and how it forms and how it then shapes people, being in your 20's in the city, clubbing (party scene in general), the thunderstorms, living in the countryside, having dedicated time to grow and spend time with myself, the just sheer number of movie moments

least fav parts: how lonely it was, feeling like an outsider constantly, getting paper mail, being so far from my friends and boyf, falling out of touch with people, missing out on things back home, loosing money all the time, how hard being an adult alone is (housing, insurance, school, phone plan, work, cooking, cleaning), living far from my friends, the time difference, feeling guilty and unappreciative, awkward living sitch, feeling trapped and unable to go home, awful service and wifi, how it's an awkward length of time, jealousy/fomo

what i've learned: there is so much power in community and people who you can ask questions and share experiences and companionship with

sometimes u gotta put your big girl pants on and ask an irl person for help

it's often not as big of a deal when you fuck up as you think

many mistakes are fixable

ignoring things doesn't make them go away it only makes them scarier

the power of designated scary admin task time (with a little treat!)

people are not out to get you and if they didn't invite you, it's not a personal slight

everyone has a diff financial situation and starts from different points so again. comparing just kinda hurts you.

too much idle time makes me sad

not leaving the house makes me sad

you have to put effort into relationships in order to keep them going - it doesn't always have to be hours of phone calls, but just keep touching base :)

i am allowed to take up space and don't have to concede my own space and comfort for the sake of "politeness"

the importance of an actual (pref warm) meal

distance does not fix problems, they just come along with you (it does shift your perspective a bit tho)

that i am actually very brave and capable

a mellow living space is very imporant to me (nature heavy :D )

i enjoy a decorated space - still not a minimalist

i love my creature comforts and having been in a place for a while (like sharpies and my good knife and mattress topper and two pairs of headphones and yerbs and my shoesss)

how taxing moving is

how taxing moving alone is

people do not hate me

i have really grown and healed a lot of the scared hatful hurt scared angry wounded parts of me that i clung to so tightly when i was a little younger

living life a little slower really isn't a problem :)

[captainnameless]

I know I'm 4 days late, but successfully summoned by sweater paws Lando. Also Oscar and Lando content!!! Also twitch quartet!!!

I'm going to be honest, I've mostly been avoiding F1 lately. I'm already kind of going through it✨️ trying to work and attend university full-time right now, and F1 used to be a fun little escape to take a break with, but lately F1 fans just get so toxic, usually for no actual reason(s), that it's become more tiring than fun? Idk, I'm hoping with testing soon I can rekindle some of the love and fun I had with it, because I do have quite a few WIPs saved still and so many thoughts and scenarios I was trying to put into words to share. Once the season starts, I'll probably be around regularly again, but I've definitely tried to distance myself from so much of the F1, team, and driver social media accounts, so I've been limited on what content I have even seen to get inspiration from lately. - 👻

summoned by good things at least. <3

please know you never ever have to explain yourself to me! what you do with your time is yours alone and i hope you don’t feel pressured in any way shape or form to have to clarify.

i’m sorry you’re feeling that way, i do get what you’re coming from and i do know the feeling, i felt that way a year ago after the ‘21 season when i just got this app. one good thing that brought me is an extensive block list and an even longer blocked #’s lists and i gotta give people credit bc i guess they’re tagging their posts rights bc i barely see shit (i dont wanna see) anymore lmao. Twitter however is a hellhole i have long given up on.

anywho, i hope things turn around for you. for my sake sure, bc i love your mind and our little back and forth but mostly for your sake bc i would love for you to be able to enjoy all the things you like <3 i’m guessing with DTS coming out it might go a bit hellish, at least that’s what i’m scared off/trying to prepare myself for but i too hope once the season properly starts we’ll have a good one. (:

p.s. if you ever need to talk, my DM’s are open. i don’t think you can anonymously DM anyone but even if it’s of a throwaway account, they’re open. (goes for all you guys <3!)

[crescairis]

hi, i genuinely don't understand how a lesbian person can be attracted to men? like i really don't get "pan lesbian"/"bi lesbian"/etc... im an AFAB, transmasc NB lesbian myself but i am, for all intents and purposes, exclusively attracted to women.

i thought the term "lesbian" meant "any non-man exclusively attracted to women/fem-aligned people"

please explain? this is not hate or anything, this is a genuine question!

hi there! thanks for your good faith questions! :] this is gonna be a long one, so buckle up

the simple answer is that queer identity is never as simple as A + B = C. people can be multigender, genderfluid, genderqueer, Literally Just Butch, etc... it puts a wrench in very simple descriptions like that. there's gotta be some wiggle room for labels to work—and even then, it's entirely against the idea of queer liberation to let anyone but yourself define your connection to a label. as the saying goes, "not gay as in happy, but queer as in fuck you". (not directed at you, ofc :) /lh)

plus, the "non-men" definition kinda...inherently misgenders people who aren't men but aren't lesbians either. i know people who aren't men and would frankly bite anyone who tried to call them a lesbian for the sole sake of them liking women. a label based on exclusion is always going to run into road bumps like that.

but, if you want a more historical answer...

basically, the definition of lesbian has changed a lot over time. for a while in the 20th century, lesbian basically just meant "woman attracted to women", or even just "women who sleeps with women", regardless of how they felt about men.

the idea of lesbianism inherently not including men only really came around with the advent of lesbian separatism in the 1970s:

"In essence, lesbian feminists tried to untie lesbianism from sex so heterosexual feminists were more comfortable. ... Lesbian feminists responded by distancing themselves from stereotypes of “masculine roles,” maleness, and patriarchy. One way they were able to do so was by disentangling lesbian sexuality from heterosexuality and re-conceptualizing heterosexual sex as consorting with “the enemy”. ... They were then able to draw a distinction between lesbian sex and heterosexual sex, claiming that lesbian sex was “pure as snow” since it did not involve men." —Yamissette Westerband, "Lesbians in the Twentieth Century, 1900-1999"

this was coupled together with political lesbianism, and putting this all together, you got a doctrine that followed as such:

lesbianism was a conscious, feminist, and correct choice. (political lesbianism)

any relations with men were considered traitorship towards women and compliance with the patriarchy. (lesbian separatism)

this meant that bisexual women were considered traitors to their sisters. (biphobia babey!!)

this, at its core, was the belief of radical feminists—and it certainly wasn't something that was met with full agreement. while there were many lesbians who scorned any physicality with men, there were just as many lesbians who refused the idea that to be a lesbian, one must completely remove men from their lives.

there are accounts of bisexual women who saw their lesbian identity as a political stance alongside their bisexuality, or even the other way around. [there's a few here!] the phrase "lesbian-identified bisexual" comes up a lot in the literature spanning from the 1970s-1990s.

here's a couple select quotes from the page i linked:

"[Betty Aubut]: ... I never used to identify as lesbian out of respect for women who made the lifelong choice never to sleep with men, but then I realized that was a lot of bullshit. Calling yourself lesbian does not necessarily mean you have made that lifelong decision. Now I mostly identify as a lesbian–so I call myself a bisexual lesbian." —Robyn Ochs, “Bi of the Month: Betty Aubut,” Bi Women Vol. 5, No. 2, April-May, 1987]

"10 years ago when I left my husband and full-time role of motherhood, it didn’t make me less conscious of what being a mother means. In fact, it gave me a deeper understanding. I am still a mother. That experience cannot be taken away from me. In much the same way, my lesbian awareness isn’t lost now that I claim my bisexuality. When I realized my woman-loving-woman feelings, and came out as a lesbian, I had no heterosexual privilege; yet there were important males in my life, including a son. I am bisexual because it’s real for me, not in order to acquire or flaunt the privilege that is inherent in being with men. My political consciousness is lesbian but my lifestyle is bisexual. If I keep myself quiet for another’s sense of pride and liberation, it is at the cost of my own which isn’t healthy–emotionally, politically or medically. Not only is it unhealthy, it’s ineffective." —Lani Kaahumanu, “Bisexuality & Discrimination,” BBWN Vol. 3, No. 6, Dec 1985-Jan 1986; Reprinted from the 1985 Gay Pride March magazine, San Francisco

regardless of what anyone thought, this was still an opinion that stretched forward into the modern day, though it feels that a lot of exclusionists have all but forgotten it was the belief of radical feminists—or even accepted it, becoming modern radfems all on their own.

there's actually a huge radfem population on tumblr, and has been since tumblr's inception—and that's a big part of why this belief system was able to push its way into the wider queer community. with such a lack of queer elders coming out of the AIDs crisis, queer teens on the web didn't really have very many ways to learn about queer history—especially with bigoted parents around, leaning over their shoulders.

thus, radfems were given a perfect opportunity to deliver their verdict, and these queer teens just...didn't know better. i'd go so far as to say that i've seen radfems and exclusionists alike scorn their queer predecessors, claiming that, in nicer words, "being older doesn't mean you're right". it sucks a lot.

in general, a lot of the hatred comes down to the views of radical feminists. that men and masculinity are inherently evil, that to have relationships with men is a betrayal to one's sisters...when really, there's a lot of men who don't benefit from the patriarchy at all. if the patriarchy were some magical force that protected all men, we wouldn't get cishet men being called f or t slurs for showing emotion. men wouldn't be constantly doubted every time they admitted that they'd faced abuse from women.

instead, the patriarchy only rewards complete compliance and gender essentialism. to be viewed as a good man under the patriarchy, there can't be a whiff of femininity on you. likewise, to be a good woman, you can't be masculine in the slightest. (this is a big part of why things such as stay at home husbands and working wives are seen as such a "horrific" phenomenon. it's also the basis of—you guessed it—homophobia!)

it doesn't just tie into gender; in fact, it's very much tied to white supremacy as well. to quote gerald torres, in his book "Understanding Patriarchy As an Expression of Whiteness: Insights from the Chicana Movement" (which i highly suggest you read, as i can only say so much on the subject, being white myself):

"Whiteness has a gender. The history of American racial thought held that to be white was to possess certain superior characteristics that on closer inspection turned out to be as gendered as they were racial. Though the content of the construction of race and gender changed over time, the gendered nature of whiteness, and of race in general, remained constant. Whether attempting to claim white privilege for themselves or positioning themselves in opposition to that privilege, America’s racial and ethnic minorities have historically defined and redefined themselves in relation to the core characteristics of whiteness. To be white was to be civilized, rational, moral and in command of one’s emotions. Of course, these are also gendered characteristics. The absence of these characteristics was stereotyped as definitive of lesser races, and was sometimes even characterized as such by the occupants of those classes."

to double back to radical feminism, this actually also ties into a lot of queer issues that people feel much less vicious about; transmascs are seen as traitors by radfems as well, abandoning their womanhood to join "the side of the oppressors", or even that, by being men, they automatically have all of the same privileges that cishet men do, completely ignoring the fact that a LOT of transmascs don't ever get to access the male privilege that radfems believe they have by nature of being men. (gnc transmascs, those who don't or can't pass, etc)

the same goes for the trend of mlm positivity posts being hijacked by women who feel the need to complain about how "ugly" and "gross" men are, or that people with male partners should "dump them and get a girlfriend instead".

this lateral attack on queer people all comes down to the idea that "it's okay because men are the ultimate oppressors", yet another idea that both benefits radfems by implying that, because they're women, they're the ultimate oppressed party, while also ignoring the fact that, by nature of many of them being white, or cis, or dyadic, or allo, they still have power over those who are people of color, or trans, or intersex, or aspec.

all in all, this isn't to say that you have to like men as a lesbian. you don't! you yourself can define your lesbianism as completely absent of men, and no one can stop you from doing that. in fact, i would defend your right to do that just as much as i defend bi lesbians.

the problem is when people try to define everyone's lesbianism by their own personal definition, and/or they decide that to like men as a lesbian (or at all) is some irrevocable sin. it's ahistorical, it enforces gold star lesbianism, which is already a lesbophobic concept, and it completely contradicts the idea of queer liberation and autonomy.

and to any radfems and exclus who decide they're gonna send me some mean messages after reading this: hi <3 anon is off. show me your pretty urls so i can block you.

#asks #radfem cw #exclus cw #long post #discourse cw #racism cw

[mae-gi-writes]

Calling... | Juyeon (tbz)

Juyeon tbz! x f! reader 

Summary:

Long distance is hard, even for people like you and Juyeon. 

Genre: angst, some fluff, LDR relationship

A/N: some self-indulgent angst because I’ve been feeling low these days and have nowhere/no one to vent it to. 

-----

"We’re going to get through this, Y/N. I promise.” 

That promise. You’re not sure whether that’s a curse or a blessing. Every single day becomes a torturous game between wanting to give up everything that you’ve built with the man of your dreams and pushing forward towards the happy ending you’ve always hoped for. 

It was easier in the beginning. Maybe because you were both so new to the prospect of love, that you didn’t know what you were missing from each other. It only grew harder the more the years went by and though some people said that the pain gets easier, you’re not quite sure whether they’ve supposedly missed out the part where you keep falling deeper in love with him every day. 

Maybe if you didn’t love him so much, it would hurt less. And god, you wished that would happen. You wished a miraculous cure would numb the swell in your chest every time you had a spare moment to think of what Juyeon was doing. You wished that it would stop the familiar burn of tears tearing your throat apart every time you forced yourself to keep down your choked cries for the sake of not crying. Because you were sick of that too.

This kind of pain is toxic and unsurmountable, to an extent that you start wondering whether life would be easier without Juyeon around. 

"A few more months Y/N,” Juyeon says, face taking up your phone screen as you put the device onto your nightstand in favour of curling your knees up to your chest. You’re trying very hard not to cry, and hope that he can’t see the silent tears slipping past your lids, “it’ll go by quickly, I--” 

“Yeah yeah, I know,” you mumble out, having already heard this mantra over a thousand times. It’s the same thing, after all. A few more months, a little bit more time, just a little-- you’re so fed up of all this waiting, of everyone telling you the exact same thing. 

You’re so sick of it. You can’t even look at the camera anymore.

"Where...Where do you think we stand?” comes his question. A little hesitant, but without any stutter. And when you look back at his face, you notice the downward cast of his eyes, the saddening turn of his lower lip. 

It’s hurting him just as much and you hate it. You hate how guilty you feel about dragging him into this when he’s only just a victim. 

“What do you mean?” you ask softly. 

Juyeon takes a soft breath, exhales, “like...do you think we have a hundred percent chance? Or...fifty percent? Or...” 

He trails off, but you understand what he means, and shrug while scratching the back of your head, “definitely not a fifty,” you say, biting your lip, “and...there’s nothing that can make me say we’re less than a hundred, but...” 

You’re not certain what to say there. It’s touchy, and you don’t want to hurt your boyfriend more than you are at this particular moment. 

If you had been asked a question a year earlier, there is no doubt your answer would’ve straight up been a hundred percent. And you’d say it with confidence too, Juyeon knows that.

But it hurts so fucking much.

It hurts so much that it’s the only thing you can think about every day. 

It makes you sad. It makes you want to curl up in a ball and cry because there is literally nothing else you can do to take your mind off it. 

"Do you...are you--" his voice wobbles, then breaks off without courage of actually saying the words out loud, "I--"

You shake your head, lips trembling as you murmur, "I'm not--I`m not gonna do that, Juyeon."

You fear that saying the words out loud might make it come true. And you don't want to imagine what that would be like, even if you entertain the possibility at the back of your mind.

The silence overcrowds the distance between you and the phone. For a minute, you can't bear to meet Juyeon's eyes. Your fingers start picking your nails apart, a nervous habit you've manifested whenever you get anxious.

When Juyeon speaks next, his words are laced with pain and he doesn't even try holding back a sob, "please," he exhales shakily and even from your tiny screen, you can see the redness lining his eyes, "please don't break up with me."

Your heart aches at the sadness etched onto his features, "I'm not," you repeat it more firmly then, "I won't."

He doesn't answer. But then again, you've probably shocked him to the core.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you," you say quietly.

"No, it's okay. I--" running a hand through his dark locks, you note his jaw clenching, "I didn't know you felt this way. I'm the one that should be sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"It is, though isn't it?" He chuckles emptily, "I guess I...I'm not doing enough."

"That's not it, Juyeon. It hurts a lot. This, everything. And I'm just tired. I'm tired of always crying. I'm just so fucking tired."

And then you burst into ugly sobs.

----

The weather has gotten warmer now that June is in full swing. Your final semester is over and that means a little bit of freedom before starting your job search. It is enjoyable and peaceful, walking across town with your friends, meeting up at odd hours of the day and finding new treasures that your town has to offer.

You are currently in the middle of parking your bike next to the harbourfront when your phone suddenly buzzes in your pant leg.

"Hey," you say as you pick up the receiver, "what's up?"

"Hey," there's a little bit of static before Juyeon'a voice comes through, "I'm good. What about you?"

"I'm at the harbourfront. Getting some air."

"That's nice," a pause, then, "how was it?"

"I think I might have enjoyed it more than I should've," you tell him as you walk up to the edge of the harbour. The water lolls peacefully against the edge and it calms you down, as the talk has earlier, "it helped. A lot."

He breathes out softly, "that's good to hear. How...how do you feel?"

"Surprisingly serene."

"Woah, fancy description."

You can't help but laugh at that, "thanks. I try."

A comfortable silence fills the air and you lean down, hand outstretched to catch some of the waves lapping up along the edge, "and you?" It's been a while since you've managed to speak to Juyeon properly. You miss him, "how have you been?"

"Oh you know," you hear him shuffle, "keeping myself busy. I started working at a skateboard shop. It's been...interesting."

"Do you even know how to skateboard?"

"I can stand straight on one. Does that count?"

You giggle, "no, you goon. You actually have to be able to skate on it."

You talk for a little while longer as you enjoy the peace and quiet that comes with a breathtaking view. Even more breathtaking as the sun slowly sets over the horizon and giving bloom to hues of orange and salmon pink bleeding into the clear blue sky.

It has been nice to talk to someone. As per Juyeon's request a few weeks earlier, you had decided to sign up for a free counselling session. You weren't a big fan of people poking around your thoughts and feelings, but the consultation had actually been really enjoyable. To unleash everything that you've been carrying in your heart is a weight that has suddenly lifted off your chest, and you feel shades lighter as you spend the reat of your evening roaming through town, getting your groceries, walking along the pavement back to your flat.

"I gotta go now," Juyeon says as you unlock your front door, "Changmin's been bugging my ass for thirty minutes."

"Well please tell him I have nothing to do with this."

"You had everything to do with this."

"Lying will get you nowhere."

"And I will tell him anyway," he singsongs, causing you to chuckle good-naturedly. That is, before the next words come to shake up your heart a little.

"I miss you."

You smile softly, sadness combing through your chest, "I do too, Juyeon."

"Stay safe, okay?"

"You too."

"Talk soon Y/N," his voice is filled with a gentleness that makes your heart sing, and you repeat back the said words, a mixture of melancholy and fondness blooming inside your chest.

Ending the call and setting down your groceries atop the kitchen counter, your eyes find the date circled in red.

Your lips curl into a smile.

----

"Flight A472 has arrived. Travelers, please make your way to the luggage section.“

The intercom buzzes with static to repeat the earlier statement and you feel your heart flutter in your chest as you slowly get up from your seat. You've been waiting at the nearby fast food joint until now, and it's no surprise that your butt feels numb and flat.

Stretching your limbs and picking uo your bag, you sling your navy coat over your shoulder and make your way towards the arrivals. The airport is deserted at this time of night and you're grateful, for it gives your heart more time to prepare for the man you haven't seen in over eight months.

Eight months. Eight months is a long time. It's almost the time it takes for a baby to be born. You flush at the thought, wondering whether Juyeon sees you in his future just as permanently as you see him.

"Who are you waiting for?" Your head swivels to see an older woman, in her late fifties, with a handbag slung over her shoulder and a burgundy scarf wrapped around her neck.

"Oh, uh--" heat travela up the back of your neck, "someone close. And you?"

"My daughter. I haven't seen her in over two years," the woman smiles fondly, "it's hard, isn't it? Not being able to see your close ones every day."

"Yeah," you mumble, "it sure is."

Your gaze is now fixated on the sliding doors now that people have started walking out. One by one, you watch as strangers hug their families, laughing and smiling. A couple is embracing in a nearby corner. And the old woman brightening up and waving at the sight of her daughter pulling up her luggage.

Your chest can't help but swell with emotion. What a beautiful thing to be admire the magic of a reunion. Tears rush to your eyes, suddenly overwhelmed by the amount of love radiating through your veins and bathinf your limbs in warmth.

"Y/N."

You freeze. Slowly, you turn around and see Juyeon.

Your Juyeon.

He stands there, backpack on his shoulders and hair ruffled. A luggage at his side and sporting a grin.

Your heart explodes.

Heat rushes through your face, mouth opening in a soft 'oh'.

"Juyeon," his name rolls off your lips.

You're breathless. Everything falls out of focus.

Juyeon. Juyeon is here.

Everything happens so fast. You blink and you're in his arms, his warmth engulfinf you, his scent making you light-headed, his lips permanently pressed against your temple as your hands unconsciously scrabble to hold on to his hoodie like he's a dream you don't want to let go.

It's magical. It feels like a goddamn miracle.

You can't help but burst into tears.

"Oh god," Juyeon's chuckle echoes through your ear. He tightens his grip ever so slightly and kisses your forehead, the corner of your eye while stroking your back.

You cling to him like he's your only lifeline, "I missed you," you sob into his shirt, "I missed you so much."

"It's okay," he cooes into your ear, one hand coming up to smooth over your head, "I'm here now, Y/N."

"I--" emotions rush through you like a dam broken down by the tides and suddenly you're babbling everything you've kept hidden in the grooves of your heart, "I'm so sorry for everything, I-- I was hurt and scared and lonely. I didn't think about how this distance affected you too and I'm sorry I made you go through all this when you did nothing wrong, I--"

Your words get muffled by his lips pressing onto yours to stop any other protests and you melt into him like coming home with open arms. His arms pin your middle to his chest, parting your mouth with his and taking your breath away with every suckle, every nibble. It makes you gasp, clutching his shoulders and returning his kisses with just as much vigor.

"You," he breathes against your parted mouth, "are everything I want," pulling back to press his forehead to yours, he continues, "so don't you dare think for one second, that you're in this alone. You're never alone, Y/N."

"I love you," you murmur, nose brushing his. He kisses you once more, heat lingering between you and claiming your affection for him, "I love you too."

You know that this isn't the end. A path of tears and pain and struggle still await you. The mountain is high and steep, a tough climb that makes youe legs tremble.

But you know now, looking into Juyeon's eyes and seeing the magic in there, the dripping affection that makea your fingers tingle, that this is it. There's nobody else, nothing else you want than Lee Juyeon.

Because if there's one thing for sure is that Juyeon's hand is the one you want to take, to make that climb happen.

"Wanna get out of here and tell me everything I've missed out about you?" Juyeon whispers upon finally detangling himself, though still holding on to your shoulder as he gently pulls you towards the exit.

"Only if you tell me everything I've missed about you," you reply.

He chuckles, before pressing another lingering kiss over your cheek, "deal."

#juyeon #tbz juyeon #juyeon tbz #juyeon imagines #juyeon angst #juyeon fanfic #juyeon drabbles #lee juyeon #the boyz scenarios #the boyz imagines #the boyz fanfic #theboyz scenarios #fluff #the boyz au #theboyz imagines #the boyz #theboyz juyeon #juyeon x reader #juyeon x you #deobi drabbles #tbzwritersnet #sangyeon #hyunjae #tbz x you #tbz juyeon headcanons

[breeofbree]

Down the drain

Kankuro x reader

(mild angst, swearing)

Summary: Kankuro can be stubborn, overbearing even. Y/N gets upset when a disagreement turns in to a heated fight after Kankuro enlists his siblings to check on her.

Just like that, four years down the drain. Another swig of sake flushes down easily before I order another.

“Isn’t it time for you to head home?” The restaurant owner asks looking at his watch.

“I’ve just been relieved of my duties not like I have anywhere to be in the morning.” I grumble back as he sets the hot tokkuri in front of me and pours another cup.

“The kazekage really let you go?” He questions. I only shrug before downing another glass, hazily trying to remember our conversation.

“Something along the lines of getting me back in to the field because office work isn’t my thing.” I reply angrily, trying to justify why Gaara would push me back in to the field after fighting with me for so long to take the position four years ago.

“You’ve been coming here for years. I’ll have to agree you seemed more lively when you were apart of the action… you drank less too. Actually came here for food.” He chuckles at me, receiving only an eye roll. After finishing off the last of the sake as the owner closes up shop, I leave my payment under the glass and head out the door. Hands tucked lazily in my pockets, I stroll in the opposite direction of my families compound.

“Y/N, c’mere a second. Gotta talk to ya.” I hear Kankuro call out from a comfortable distance.

“Not in the mood Kankuro, I got stuff to do.” I shoot back, not even bothering to look over. I try to continue my walk, but the wind whipping at my face signals Kankuro was no longer behind me. He was now a barricade blocking my hasty walk through the town, with crow looming threateningly from his back.

“Just listen for a damn minute you stubborn child.” He grumbles, placing his hands on my shoulders in an attempt to stop me from walking. Glaring at him, I knock both of his hands off and turn back the other direction.

“I’m the same age as you, idiot. What could be so important you have to disrupt my midnight walk?” I bark at him, anger bubbling at my now warm stomach.

“First of all, there’s a storm coming in. You shouldn’t even be out here at night and you know that. Let’s get inside and talk. Please.” He pleas with me while following in my footsteps.

“If you’re so insistent we can go back to my place. And it’s not like I haven’t lived here my whole life, I know the dangers and how to handle them, Kankuro.” I huff, once again changing direction to head back to the compound. The walk is silent, save for the wind picking up pace and blowing sand at our feet. The compound gate groans in protest as I open it. Being the last left in my family was hard, my father and mother dying on separate missions and my two brothers sacrificing themselves during the war to save me, the gates were barely even used at this point. Reaching the main house and turning the dim lights on, I plop down on the dusty couch a safe distance from Kankuro.

“Listen it’s not Gaara you should be mad at. I requested he put you back in the field, it was the best decision.” He utters in explanation after a few strained moments.

“The best decision for who, Kankuro? You? Do you ever think of anyone else but yourself?” I spit back in anger, slowly rising from my seat as my voice follows.

“Do you ever think maybe I think of you more than myself? How pathetic it is to see you miserable behind a desk? And for what? The fear of ending up just like your family?” He yells back, each sentence becoming more strenuous on his voice. The stare down is intense, lasting several moments. Tears of anger in both of our eyes, though neither of us will be the first to let them fall.

“Don’t you ever use my families noble sacrifice as an excuse of reason. If you want to act like a child, you can see yourself out.” I finally manage to grit through my teeth, not breaking eye contact while jabbing my finger to the door. Kankuro rolls his eyes and turns to the door.

“Then don’t come to me complaining how much you miss it. Don’t even come to me about your frustrations in the office. The only person I pity here is myself, spending all this time bending over backwards for someone that can’t even be thankful.” He scoffs while slamming the door behind him. Staring at the now closed door, I only run my fingers through my hair before sighing and sliding down the wall. He truly did a lot for me, always having the right scroll I was looking for, saving my ass on the field as kids, the list is endless. Even just so happening to be on a stroll in the neighborhood anytime I would step out for fresh air from a nightmare. And that’s where I found myself once again this night, only instead of the usual dream of watching my brothers die on the field, it was Kankuro in their position. The one who wasn’t on his walk tonight. I’m only greeted by the whipping sand I watch lazily from the roof.

“You two are pathetic y’know?” Temari calls from behind me, balancing her way effortlessly to sidle down beside me.

“Has me out here watching you because you’re both too bullheaded.” She continues.

“You just come here to add insult to injury? I can make decisions for myself and he knows that.” I mumble back, slamming my palms in to my eyes to rub the sleep away. Without even looking I can feel her smirk.

“As his sister, I know everything. More than his dull brain could ever grasp. But I never took a genius like you to be so dim witted.” Temari rambles, relaxing her full body in to the rough roof tiles to stare up at the night sky. Temari was naturally a person anyone could open up to, it was just her nature. She sat and listened throughout the night, stifling a yawn as the blue hues of dawn crack over the amber sand.

“Listen, as much as I enjoy your love life, I need sleep before heading to the hidden leaf. You two will be back to best friends before I’ve even reach the gates.” She says, finally letting a full yawn escape as she stretches out and sees herself off, jumping from roof to roof followed by the morning sun. Love was the word that stuck in my throat. The word felt wrong, taboo even. The next night I find myself in the same position, looking up at the stars, long abandoning the thought of sleep. I could feel the set of eyes watching me before the sand even licks at the worn roof tiles.

“He sent you now that Temari isn’t here, huh?” I ask not even bothering to glance at the man towering above me.

“I came here of my own accord, actually. To apologize.” Gaara states sheepishly.

“For yourself or your brother?” I question.

“Myself, I should’ve seen how upset you’ve been in the office. It’s not fair as kazeka-“ he begins only to be cut off.

“It’s only fair the right person apologizes Gaara. You would never come all the way here to apologize of your own accord and we both know that. Or the fact you fought with me to work in the office. Tell Kankuro to stop sending his siblings here and to just leave me alone.” I finish, ending the conversation prematurely to slip through the window to my dimly lit bedroom, leaving Gaara standing dumbstruck in the night. After what felt like hours of tossing and turning, I finally manage to close my eyes.

Alert rises in my body as soon as I feel the bed dip down. The anxiety drowns the sleepiness from my body immediately. Grabbing the kunai from under my pillow, I swing over to wrap my arms from behind my attacker, kunai ready at their throat.

“Relax, I’m not here to attack you or anything crazy woman, put it down before things escalate to my advantage.” Kankuro growls, twisting in my grip to push me back down on the bed. Two things were off. He was no longer carrying crow, and he didn’t use the word child for once, finally acknowledging our age. He flops down next to me, causing the candles in my room to flicker in protest at the upset. He finally turns to me propping his head up on his arm. As the candles finally settle, I notice what’s left of the purple on his face was streaked haphazardly.

“Look I get I’m an asshole, alright? Do you see my siblings? Or yourself for that matter.. regardless I’m sorry I guess. I just wanted to see you happy again. It always seemed you only ever smiled on missions… in the face of danger.” He lets out, the apologies quickly accumulating. I stumble to the bathroom and grab a wet rag as I process his words. Wiping the remaining purple from his face I work the courage up to talk.

“The whole point Kankuro, I can’t get over the fact you made the decision for me. I can decide things for myself.” I breathe, resting the wet cloth on his cheek. He only shrugs before looking down, eyes squinting in frustration.

“You disgust me, caring for others before yourself. You’re a damn good shinobi and I want you to be back out in the field, be selfish for once in your life.” He grumbles.

“Then say that. Tell me, not your siblings. Unfortunately, it seems you still only care for yourself.” I growl back, whipping the rag away in frustration, watching as it sinks to the floor after smacking in to the wall. He only grabs my wrist, yanking it towards him.

“Stop being so arrogant! Yeah, you can make decisions for yourself but you need a push.” He states, voice rising as he shoves me down to hover over me. I push him to the side and come up behind him, yanking him in to a headlock.

“The only push I need is my own.” I reply, hands being ripped apart as he flips me back over, slamming my face in to the pillow. We always sparred when angry with each other, but the tension of pure anger fuels us both even farther. He pulls me up by the nape of my neck, whispering in to my ear, ”then work on it faster because you’re making yourself miserable, doll.”

His hot and charged breath sends shivers down my spine.

“I’m not a puppet Kankuro, treat me like a human for once in your life.” I plea, frozen in place and eyes locking on him.

“If only I could. But you make it so simple. You’re too easy to manipulate. It’s pathetic, stick up for yourself for one god damn time in your life.” He whispers threateningly, only squeezing tighter at the base of my head and tangling his hands further in my hair. In that moment I was his puppet, fingers controlling my every movement. Any move of his hand, my head would follow. And when he yanks back even further so we were face to face, he stares briefly before pushing my head closer to his.

“So, are you going to fight, or give in to your own worries?” He questions, smirk lingering on his lips. Chewing the inside of my lip, it’s hard not to stare in his eyes and process the question. I manage to quickly kick my legs backwards and in between his, using my body weight to flip him to the side and straddle him with my hands at his throat. One hand releases to push his cloak from the top of his head and pull his hair in a cheap shot.

“I always put up a fight and you know that.” I reply curtly, positioning my right leg in between his and raising it enough for him to get uncomfortable.

“Yeah right. As if you-“ he’s cut off by my building urge to crash my lips in to his. In that moment I was fighting. I was fighting my inner demons on whether I wanted to stab this man, or scream his name in the middle of the night. If it was ever hate, it was most likely caused by pent up aggression accumulating over the many years we knew each other. He yanks me closer by my shirt collar and invites my whole body weight on to him, never once breaking our connection, gripping my hips as he bucks his forward. The ache I feel from it both hurts and pleases me.

“You’re pathetic you know?” I huff out between a few heated kisses, punching him in the chest now angry at myself.

“You should see yourself.” He chuckles back, wrapping his arms around my waist and kicking us over so he was now on top once again. His dark hair clips lazily at his eyes, mingling with the dark circles around them. The intimate view of him was different, breath taking even.

“Truly a disaster I suppose?” I banter, swiping my hands through his hair. He leans in to my movement and relaxes with a satisfied groan. He chuckles slightly, “maybe less of a disaster than usual.” Kankuro tucks his head in to the nape of my neck and sighs. Whatever he mumbles is hard to hear being muffled from his position.

“Can’t hear you, speak up kid.” I huff, still on edge with this whole situation.

“God damnit I said I’m sorry. I don’t even know what this is, I should get going anyways.” He expresses in a louder tone, not even moving. I roll my eyes and push him off.

“Just like your puppets. No emotion, no feelings, and definitely no remorse. You know what you did and why.” I spit over my shoulder before standing and heading for the window. The breeze outside is warm and the roof still covered in sand from Gaara’s visit earlier tonight. Another sleepless night is inevitable as the sun starts gracing the horizon. I don’t even hear Kankuro sidle up to me, slipping an arm around my shoulders and tugging me to his chest before fully embracing me. It’s tight, needy even. He will never admit it, but the stutter in his chest informs me he’s crying.

“I’m not a puppet. I’m confused… Remorse, hate and anger. But also fuzzy? You confuse me, and I hate being confused. I hate the way my stomach turns even thinking about you, wanting to make you happy, only to be seen as a threat. You always argue with me or want to fight, damnit.” He rambles in to the top of my head. I cock an eyebrow, he was the one to always instigate and start things between us.

“I was only dishing out what I received.” I say, finally curling my arms around him and fully dropping my head on to his chest as he lays against the roof.

“And that fuzzy feeling, maybe you might actually care for me.” I add on. He curls his hand beneath my chin and tilts my head to meet his eyes. It was almost awkward seeing his tear stained cheeks and puffy eyes.

“Yeah… maybe that’s what we’ll call it for now.” Kankuro heaves out while trying to slow his breathing. He sits up slightly and slowly places his lips to my forehead, lingering there for several moments.

“I’ll go back on missions. Only because I want to. Not because you convinced me.” I finally let him know my decision.

“Good.” Is all he says against my forehead as his hands rub circles in to my back.

“You two are pathetic.” Temari chuckles beside us, posting up on her fan.

“Get lost.” Kankuro growls lowly to Temari, who only scoffs. She cracks the end of her fan against his head before grabbing the collar of his shirt.

“Stop being so damn stubborn-“ she’s cut off as Kankuro starts arguing back, both of them baring their teeth at eachother in a loving family argument. After several moments of this, Temari pushes him back to me harshly and nods her head in my direction. Kankuro sighs, his frame towering above me as his hand scratches the back of his head.

“I’m s-sorry I guess, for getting my family involved as well. Should’ve just let you be for a while.” He apologizes slowly as Temari nods along to his words. Finally satisfied, she jumps to the tree and turns back to wave at us before fully jumping away. Kankuro swoops me up by my torso and legs and promptly climbs back through the window.

“What are you doing? I should get some sleep.” I ask him.

“You aren’t the only one who was up all night.” He answers, a smirk creeping on his face. With that, he crashes on to my bed not even letting go. He tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear and places a chaste kiss to my lips as he closes his eyes. I can’t help but watch as he drifts off quickly, exhaustion leaving his body. Sleep doesn’t come quickly as everything replays in my head trying to make sense of it. Finally accepting what’s happened, I stroke his hair back and place a kiss to his forehead,”I think I might actually like you.” I whisper, trying not to stir him. Kankuro pulls me in to his warm body with a crushing grip,”you don’t have to. Just give me this night… or morning.” He mumbles. I knew then and there it would be a lot longer than this, working out our differences in a weird manner, we would be inseparable.

#kankuro #kankuro x reader #sand siblings #kankuro of the sand #naruto fanfiction

[yelena-bellova]

Safe Haven: tfatws!Bucky Barnes x fem!reader - Chapter Nine

chapter eight - Chapter Nine: The Soldier and the Mutant - chapter ten

Series Masterlist

Plot: Y/n deals with the new knowledge about who her father truly was and receives a surprise visitor.

Warnings: angst, fluff, fluff, FLUFF, my gosh it’s nearly suffocating how much fluff, language, one allusion to sex, mentions of suicide, mentions of torture

Word Count: 10.1k 

A/N: I’m just gonna let this one speak for itself, thanks for being so patient 😉 

----

“HYDRA?” 

“HYDRA…” I sighed.

Melanie and I were sat on her front porch, coffee cups in hand and revelations on our lips. I’d been home for two days and the shock of finding out about my father’s longstanding lie, while still fresh, was morphing into numbness. Being his daughter too, Mel needed to know the truth as well.

“This guy’s gotta be lying,” my sister waved a hand in front of her, “He has to be, he’s a criminal a-and he’s crazy.” “He’s not lying, Mels,” I held my head in my hand with my elbow resting on my chair, “I went online and scoured the internet, Dad’s name was listed in the HYDRA files leaked ten years ago.”

Mel leaned forward in her seat and hung her head, bracing her weight on her knees. My sister had always been a rock, unshakable even in the face of the worst circumstances. Even though she was keeping it together for my sake, I could see the well of emotions that would spring up once I was gone. “I can’t believe this,” she mumbled, shaking her head softly, “But looking back, it makes so much sense.” I furrowed my brows at her, “You wanna spell this one out for me?”

“Think about it,” she turned in her seat to face me, “Dad was wracked with guilt every day since he came home from the,” she set her mug down on the coffee table and made air quotes, “‘service.’ Nightmares and flashbacks and that awful depression…I mean, the man tore himself apart for what he’d done when he wasn’t passed out from drinking. He’d have had to do some pretty nasty things to feel that much guilt.” “Yeah, well, he should have felt guilty,” I grumbled, staring down at the coffee to hide the tears slowly forming in my eyes, “He hurt innocent people.”

“Wow…” she said quietly.

I sat forward in my seat, “Mom can never find about this, the shock could kill her. And as much as I feel like she should know who she was married to, I don’t think I can destroy another person’s image of Dad.” “No, I don’t think we should tell her either,” Mel agreed, taking a sip from her coffee, “I’m sorry enough that you had to find out. Wait,” she slapped a hand over my arm, “Does Bucky know? You said you and Sam were working with him.” I had done my best to put Bucky out of my mind for the past two days, failing spectacularly. I had gotten so used to him being by my side the past week that once he was gone, it felt like something was missing. Never mind the way I’d left him, those blue eyes begging me not to shut him out, the very same thing I’d asked him not to do. I had to remind myself at least ten times a day that removing myself from his life was for his good. 

“Yeah, he knows,” I looked back down at my lap, squeezing the coffee mug so tight, I thought it might shatter. Mel threw her hands out to their sides, “And?” 

“And he knows,” I replied, knowing that wouldn’t be a good enough answer for her. “So this guy finds out that our dad tortured him for years and he’s been running around Europe with his daughter and he had no reaction? What are you not telling me?” “Mel, what do you want me to say?” I snapped my head up, “He was there when Zemo told me and he’s not with me now, there’s nothing more to tell…"

I may have been a mutant, but sometimes I wished I’d have gotten my sister’s detective skills instead. She could take one look at a person and go Sherlock Holmes on their ass before they knew what hit them. It was one of the reasons she’d made such a good psychologist before becoming a stay-at-home mom.

Mel inhaled sharply and her eyes widened, “Oh my gosh, do you-“ “Don’t say it,” I held up a hand and forcefully pressed my eyes shut, a few teardrops squeezing out onto my eyelashes, “Please don’t say it.” As requested, she fell silent, her hand slipping onto my shoulder and rubbing small circles. I trained my eyes ahead of me, focusing on the last remnants of the morning’s sunrise. I’d always loved getting up early enough to watch the light spread across the sky, giving me hope that whatever pain I was feeling was only temporary. I found no such comfort gazing at the spectacle in my current state.

“It’s better this way,” I said, not able to look at her lest she see my contradictory eyes, “Trust me.” “Well,” Mel sighed loudly, “You’re the one that knows the guy…Just promise me one thing?” “Hmm?” She pulled one of my hands out of the death grip I had on my cup and took it into one of hers, “This is huge news, life-shattering, and we’re allowed to process it however we need to. But I see that look in your eyes, none of this is on you. Don’t blame yourself for what Dad did to him.” And if Mel had spent the time I had with Bucky, watched him in the bar in Madripoor, been in the therapy session with him, seen his reaction to losing his arm in Riga, I knew she’d feel different. I had a front row seat to Bucky’s PTSD and my father had been the ringleader. How could I not feel a little responsible? ——

Sam, Sarah and I had talked the boat situation over the morning before. The offer that Sarah had received from the guy who had been interested before Sam returned home had fallen through, he’d cited the reason as that it would take more money to fix than it was worth. Ever the hero, Sam had phoned everyone in the community who had known his parents and called in as many favors as he could. As I pulled up to the docks, ready to roll up my sleeves and begin working, I was delightfully surprised at how many people had responded. There were at least a dozen sets of helping hands waiting to work. It was moments like these that reminded me how lucky I was to live in such a close knit community.

I weaved through people, greeting and thanking everyone for coming out as I made my way to the boat. “Black Falcon to the rescue again, huh?” I called out to Sam as I climbed aboard, he was standing at the bow of the ship next to somebody whose back was turned to me. “You know it,” Sam called back, turning around and facing me, along with the man who he’d been in conversation with. 

It was Bucky.

My heart stopped and I froze in my tracks, adrenaline shooting through my veins. Our eyes met across the deck and we may as well have been back in Sokovia. There was the same pain threaded through his ocean blue eyes only enhanced by the fear reflecting in mine. I wanted to run to him and away from him all at once, but knew which instinct needed to be listened to. 

I looked to Sam and faked a hopefully convincing smile, “I’ll be below deck.” Hurriedly, I hauled my ass across the deck and raced down the steps. My hands flew to cover my nose and mouth as my breathing increased. He was here, he couldn’t be here, why was he here? Any progress I’d made, however small, in trying to put Bucky to rest had been revived the second I saw his face. 

“You wanna explain what that was?” I looked up to see Sam stepping off the final stair and crossing his arms in front of me, “One day you’re friends and the next you bolt outta the room when you see the guy?” “Just,” I strained, stopping to take as soothing a breath as I was capable of and straightening my posture, “Keep me where he isn’t.” Sam sighed, reading me all too well, “Y/n, if this is about your dad, there’s noth-“ “Now what needs to be done down here?” I interrupted, placing my hands on my hips and hoping that if I projected confidence, I’d start to feel it. 

“Fine,” Sam conceded to my wishes and gestured to the engine we were standing next to, “Check the zincs. If you need to replace ‘em, we’ll have to run down to Joe’s. And just so you know,” he stood at the steps and pointed between me and where Bucky most likely stood above us, “I don’t agree with this.” I shook my head to shake myself out of the moment as he left me to my work, blissfully hidden from the person I wanted to be with most. 

——

I had never experienced a more uncomfortable day.

For the entire morning and afternoon, it was like switching a light on and off. If Bucky came below deck to fix something, I filed out as quick as I could to work above deck. We didn’t interact more than when we passed each other once in a while, each brush of shoulder sending a jolt of electricity through me. Sam had been no help either, he’d prevented me from making the necessary run to the hardware store or helping Sarah with lunch. He was determined to try and quarantine me and Bucky on the boat, most likely in hopes that my resolve would weaken. No matter how much it was killing me, I kept my distance and my head down as we made repairs in awkward silence.

When the sun began to set over the waters and there was nothing left to be done for the day, I carefully made my way up the stairs and listened for voices. When I heard none close by, I took quick steps across the deck and hopped off the boat onto the dock. I didn’t dare look over my shoulder to see if Bucky, who was stealthy enough to sneak up on anyone, was behind me and kept on my path to the outdoor kitchen area Sarah was closing up. “Good day?” I asked, grabbing an extra rag to try and get the oil off my hands from working on the engine.

“Better than you,” she retorted, “You’ve had that sour look on your face since you got here.” “Just,” I sighed and stopped my rigorous rubbing for a second, “Still thinking about everything…” Stopping her cleaning while I resumed mine, she wrapped her arms around my shoulders and leaned her head against mine. Out of Sam, Melanie, myself and her, Sarah was the most removed from the situation. My dad hadn’t interacted much with the Wilsons, he hadn’t interacted with hardly anyone outside of his family, so Sarah didn’t have many memories with him nor had she fought HYDRA. It was actually nice to be around someone who didn’t have his dirty deeds bouncing around their head like an old school Microsoft screensaver.

“You,” she pressed a kiss to the side of my head, “Are one of the best human beings I know and nothing can change that, not even this.” Starting the argument that this revelation did in fact change a lot of things would be useless, I knew better than to try and prove Sarah wrong. I simply patted her arm and leaned into her embrace, taking the comfort I could get even if I didn’t necessarily deserve it. 

“By the way,” she said as she unwrapped her arms, “Sam invited Bucky to stay the night.” My stomach dropped, “WHAT?” “He was gonna go find a hotel room but that’s ridiculous when he can just crash on the couch,” Sarah shrugged, wiping off the counter once again. “Why?” I pressed my hands to my mouth in a praying position, “Why could you not be an angel who has to help everybody, just this once?”

Sarah turned to face me, placing on hand on her hip, “The guy saved your ass from being killed and ran you to the hospital,” I opened my mouth to ask her how she knew that, she held up a finger to me, “Sam told me all about Riga. It’s the least we can do for him. And don’t even think about running to Mel’s place for the night, you promised the boys you’d take them to school tomorrow morning.” I stood there, nervously wringing the cloth through my hands as Sarah walked away to finish up another task before night fell. All my efforts to keep away from Bucky were failing and it wasn’t due to anything on my part. How was I supposed to protect him if we were constantly around each other? As I looked out to the deck of the boat, I could see Sam and Bucky had winded up there drinking beers to celebrate their long day of work. It was a scene that only days ago, I could have easily slipped into. I didn’t just miss Bucky, I missed the dynamic the three of us had grown to have. Sam would have pressed a beer into my hand and lightheartedly elbowed me, I’d have settled down next to Bucky whose hand would have naturally drifted to the small of my back…It would have been a perfect end to the day. Instead, I was cursing my father for ever having dipped a toe in HYDRA’s pool, his decision had ruined my life.

——

I had two vendettas, one with Sam for inviting Bucky to stay and one with my quickly drying throat that begged for water. 

Laying in bed with my pillow smashed across my face, I peeked one eye out to check my alarm clock. 1:29AM. I’d laid in the same position for an hour, hoping that sleep took me over and my thirst would die till the morning. The family had been asleep for hours and with the amount of work Sam and him did, Bucky should have been passed out too. If I pulled it off just right, I could sneak downstairs to grab a bottle of water and get out before he ever stirred. Waking an ex-assassin wouldn’t be good for either of us.

I tiptoed out of my room, mindful of the creaking door as I passed AJ and Cass’ bedroom. Once I got to the stairs, I chose a silent approach and used my energy to float my way down the steps. I continued doing so through the kitchen, sneaking a peek over to the couch to see Bucky sound asleep. I opened up the fridge quietly and reached in blindly, feeling around till I hit a bottle and pulling it out. Tucking the bottle under my arm, I placed my hands back at my side and began to let the energy lift me.

“You do know I can hear you, right?” The familiar voice startled me, causing me to absorb the energy back into my palms quickly. I squeezed my eyes shut in frustration before turning to see Bucky, laying in the same position I’d found him in with his lids still shut. “Forgot,” I said, hoping he didn’t hear the shake in my voice, “Super soldier.” 

Flipping the blanket Sarah had given to him off his body, he swung his long legs off the couch and sat up to face me. It truly wasn’t fair how good he looked even in the middle of the night, the moonlight coming through the windows and highlighting his silhouette. Admiring his profile was the only thing making the uncomfortable silence semi-bearable. 

“We need to talk,” he started. “We really don’t,” I hurriedly replied, starting to rotate my body to flee. Bucky stood up, the couch creaking in relief as he did, “Yes, we do. You left so fast the other day I couldn’t get two words in.” “Because you didn’t need to,” I said from my place in the kitchen, “There’s nothing you can say to make any of this better and you shouldn’t. In fact, you should hate me.” He raised a tired eyebrow, “Hate you?” 

“Yes,” I said, a little louder, “Hate me for what my father did to you, hate me for being his daughter. I hate me right now, I don’t understand why you don’t.” “Because there’s nothing to hate,” Bucky chuckled softly, “You of all people have given me the least to hate.” “Bucky, of all people you should hate me the most,” I said firmly, setting the forgotten bottle on the counter, “We travel the world all week and then you find out I’m the daughter of the man whose job was to hook you up to machines an-and torture you all day. That’s the man who I drew pictures of and kissed every night before bed and thought was the greatest person to ever walk the fucking planet,” I spread my arms out to accentuate the point, “That man is one of the reasons for all that pain seeping out of you. And guess what? I’m him. I’m literally his flesh and blood! So go ahead, hate me! You have every right to, and it would make this all so much easier if you did.” “Make what easier? Ignoring each other?” Bucky crossed his arms over his broad chest, “I don’t want to do that.” I knew he wasn’t going to let it go, I had only one decent shot at ending the conversation and I needed to take it, even if it broke my heart. “Well, it’s what I want,” I picked up the bottle again, trying to pretend I was as confidant in my decision to walk away as my words were.

“That’s a lie and we both know it,” Bucky said, the tiniest smirk appearing on his lips, something I always found cute but now found annoying. 

It may have been the biggest lie I’d ever told in my entire life, but it was also truth. I wanted to leave Bucky before he inevitably left me. “No, it’s not,” I said, my voice threatening to tremble as I used it. “You wanna look me in the eye and tell me that?” I hadn’t dared to make too much contact with those wild eyes that I’d fallen for, I’d only give in all the quicker and let his grace draw me straight into his arms. He’d called my bluff, knowing that lying to him was easy when I didn’t actually have to see him and that I couldn’t continue the charade if that changed. As I dragged my eyes up to meet his, the tears I’d been fighting back began to come forward. He looked broken and whole at the sight of me, exactly how I felt.

“What do you want me to say, Bucky?” I whispered, my throat closing with emotion.

“I want you to tell me, to my face,” he paused, drawing a shallow breath, “That I’m crazy and that I read every signal wrong.” It would have been less painful if he’d sucker punched me with his left hand, I’d have actually preferred it. It had taken everything in me to tell just one lie, I couldn’t do it again to either one of us. But I also couldn’t succumb to my feelings. “Bucky…” I shakily began, clenching my fists at their sides.

“Because you’ve been living in my head pretty much since the minute I met you, and I don’t wanna sweep this week under the rug like it was nothing,” Bucky made a sweeping motion with his hand, “I don’t think I can.” “Bucky, we can’t…I can’t do that to you.” “Do what?” he asked confusedly, squinting his eyes as if he couldn’t see the issue. “I don’t want to hurt you!” I snapped, allowing the tears to break free of their restraints and shed themselves, “There’s going to come a day where every memory of what he put you through is going to be blamed on me and I can’t wait for the day where you wake up and look at me like I’m the monster my father was. I can’t have a little of you, Bucky, and then lose you entirely.” My cheeks were wet with my guilt, I made no effort to dry them or cease their streams. I stood there on the edge of where the kitchen met the living room staring at the man who held my heart, trying to pry it from his hands to no avail. Bucky looked just as surprised by the revelation as I’d been when it flew from my lips without any opposition from my head. 

“What did you say to me in Riga?” he whispered, his voice raising slightly to try and emphasize the point he was about to make, “’I don’t believe that any part of you is capable of me?’ ‘That’s not who you really are?’” he echoed my sentiments from days ago, “You’re not him. If I believed there was any of him in you, I wouldn’t be standing here begging you to stop beating yourself up about this.” He took a step forward, waiting to see if I walked away but I was too focused on him to think about running. He continued coming forward, “Y/n, I can’t walk away from this like you mean nothing to me. You’re the first person I’ve met that sees me as Bucky Barnes before anything else. I gave you every reason to write me off and you didn’t give up on me,” he paused, swallowing harshly as he stopped in front of me, “When I’m with you, I feel safe for the first time in a long time. There’s never gonna come a day where I stop lookin’ at you like you’re the most important thing in the world to me.”

There were mere inches left between us, the words I had been dying to hear were now mine for the taking and I was too paralyzed with shock to react. Of course he had to come and hit me with my own affirmations, making perfect sense. The side of my mind that believed I didn’t deserve this happiness was screaming that these feelings would fade, that my father’s sins would always be at the forefront of us. The other side that wanted nothing more than to reach out and close the distance between us was telling me to believe him and let myself be cared for, something I’d always believed I was too broken for. And somehow they were both drowned out by the excitement I felt with Bucky in such close proximity, staring down at me with those cerulean pools, infused with the darkness that sent a chill down my spine. There was a palpable change in the air, from emotional to the great and grand something we finally near naming. Every part of me wanted to reach out and take him for for myself, to kiss him and pull him so close that there was no telling where I began and he ended. If there was a chance for me to back out, it was now. I could run to my room, to my car, anywhere that he wasn’t. But at the end of the day, that wasn’t what I wanted. I could either let myself be held captive by crimes I’d never committed, or I could dedicate myself to loving the man who the universe had somehow tied me to long ago. 

“Tell me to stop,” Bucky said, his voice hitting that low timbre that made goosebumps break out across my skin. 

I couldn’t deny either one of us any longer.

Bucky took a step towards me, his eyes never leaving mine as I backed to accommodate him and his plans. A small gasp left me as my back hit the kitchen wall, my hands reaching back to press against it to try and find purchase on something. There was now only a breath’s width of space left between Bucky and I, our shared air growing more and more heated as we bathed in the anticipation of the moment. His eyes flicked between my y/e/c ones and my lips, looking for any signs of hesitation that didn’t exist. He placed a finger under my chin to tilt my head to his liking, pausing to take in the sight of my tear streaked face in the last seconds before we let loose the storm that had been brewing inside us both. I took the time to admire the wonder on his face, the two of us his newest discovery in a world he had long been asleep to.

He leaned in and our lips finally touched, euphorically.

I found myself unable to move, overwhelmed by the sensation I’d wanted to feel since our dance in Madripoor. Bucky didn’t overstep his bounds, he kept our mouths softly connected as we absorbed each other. When he disconnected our lips, whether to repeat the act or pull away, my body snapped into action and my hands flew to his neck, pulling him back down to me. Our lips didn’t fight for dominance so much as they did try and take in as much of each other as they could. Bucky’s hand slipped from my chin and both fell to my hips, pulling me flush against his body. On his tongue, I could taste the remnants of however many beers he’d shared with Sam, they’d stayed on the boat till the first evening stars started to appear. The scent of him, freshly showered after a long day of work, invaded my senses and spurred me on further, my hands moving to fist the back of his blue henley. With our kisses becoming more fervent, Bucky’s metal arm wrapped around my hips and lifted me so effortlessly, it only made the moment more heated. I wound my legs around his waist and let him carry me to wherever he desired, him easily supporting my weight and never disconnecting our lips as he fell to the couch. My hands snaked up his back to thread themselves through the short brown locks, causing him to pull away with a soft moan before diving back into my mouth. His flesh hand took hold of the back of my head and pushed me further into the kiss, trying to taste as much of me as he could. This. This was what I had been craving since the moment I’d realized I was far more starved of Bucky’s touch than I’d thought I’d been. The delightful friction our bodies created, the pressure of our lips dancing together, the knowledge that I was just as much his as he was mine. No more questioning, no more stolen moments wondering what could have happened if we hadn’t been interrupted. This was whole and perfect and right. 

Eventually, the second long breaks we took for became insufficient and we needed to part for longer. Bucky looked gorgeously spent, his half lidded eyes following me, his lips deliciously swollen and his hair messed up from where my hands had been. I smiled as I dragged my hands to his cheek and ran my thumb over his plump lower lip, bringing a lopsided grin to his face. There was a joy I hadn’t seen him express yet and my stomach flipped knowing that I was the one to bring it in him.

“Don’t leave,” he breathed, his chest rising and falling rapidly in the aftermath of our passion,  “Please.” In my palms, I held one of the world’s most deadly men, someone whose reputation had consisted of how ruthless a killer he’d once been. And here he was, warm and soft and begging me not to go. “I’m not going anywhere,” I whispered, delighting in how his eyes brightened at hearing my words. Contrasting the intensity of the minutes before, I leaned in and brushed my lips against Bucky’s with as little pressure as I could. He chased them the second I pulled away, eliciting a giggle out of me that he swallowed, kissing me so lovingly it almost broke my heart. He inhaled me like I was oxygen and he’d been deprived far too long. It didn’t occur to me that there was a chance I was his first kiss since before he shipped out in the ’40’s. “I don’t wanna stop,” he mumbled against my lips. “Then don’t,” I replied, breathing in his soft exhales, “We’ll stay up all night doing this.” Bucky chuckled, pulling away from my mouth to turn his head and press tender kisses to the palm I’d been cradling his cheek in. He tugged me closer then, my hands winding around his shoulders and his face burying itself in my neck. My laugh at the sensation of his scruff quickly morphed to a moan as he planted drawn out kisses against every inch of the bruises our encounter with Walker in Riga had left me with. I extended my neck to give him better access, feeling his lips twist in a wicked grin as his ministrations caused my breathing to quicken. “Okay, if you keep doing this,” I gasped, trying to steady my voice, “We’re gonna be up all night doing something else.” He pecked the column of my neck once more before pulling his head out and facing me, still smiling. I pressed my forehead to his and he nuzzled his nose against mine, still desperate to keep any contact he could. 

“I’ve wanted to do this for a while,” Bucky confessed, rubbing his metal hand up and down my back, “Thought about it in Riga, when we were fighting, in the alleyway…”

“Me too,” I agreed, grinning uncontrollably, “But you know why I’m glad it didn’t happen till now?” Bucky hummed questioningly, “Because this is the longest we’ve been together without someone interrupting us.”

Bucky chortled loud enough for me to feel the need to cover his mouth, causing me to laugh myself. I never thought that there would come a day where the two of us would be sitting on my couch in the middle of the night, as lighthearted as could be. This was a slice of heaven after all that we’d been through. “Do you believe me now when I say my opinion of you is never gonna change?” Bucky asked. Had he not proven to me that it was true, I wouldn’t have believed it. I’d have punished the both of us for the rest of my life. “As long as you believe me when I say that I know you’ll never hurt me.” I knew that there was so many layers to his pain, most that I would never understand, but he couldn’t keep a part of himself hidden forever. If we were going to do this, we were going do it wholeheartedly, taking the best and the worst parts of each other. The unlovable would never go unloved as long as we were together.

“Okay,” Bucky sighed, tightening the arm around my waist and bringing the other to my face, “Okay.” He pulled me down to press his lips to each of my cheeks, landing one last one to my mouth.

Our kisses became longer and softer, signaling that though we were both eager to explore this new territory, exhaustion was running the show. We eventually slowed down to where Bucky’s face rested in the juncture where my neck met my shoulder while my head rested against his, one arm wrapped around his shoulders and a hand running through his hair. My lips laid featherlight kisses against his temple every few minutes, taking advantage of the fact that I could do so freely now. I could feel his hot breath hit my skin at such a leisurely pace that if it hadn’t have been for his metal thumb rubbing my waist every once in a while, I’d have thought he’d fallen asleep. Eventually, when my eyelids began to shut against my will, Bucky shifted on the couch to lay both of us down. I settled naturally on top of him, my head against his chest and a hand resting on each of his broad shoulders. Just when I thought in my drowsy haze that nothing could make the moment any more perfect, Bucky pressed a sleepy kiss to the top of my head and tightened his arms around my back, securing my body to his.

This was peace.

This was right.

This was what we deserved.

——

At the sound of hushed voices and grunts, my eyes slowly opened. I blinked a few times and made out the sight of my nephews, AJ throwing punches and Cass deflecting them with the shield that had laid in the hallway for days. After days spent witnessing some of the worst the world had to offer, this was the purity that I needed to see.

“Bucky…” I whispered, he inhaled sharply as he awoke with one arm slung over my waist and the other hung over the edge of the couch. I tapped his chest and pointed to my nephews, still oblivious to our presence.

“Hey,” Bucky called, his morning voice rougher than it was the rest of the day. 

The boys jumped at the sound, Cass shoving the shield back in its case and him and AJ running as soon as it hit the ground with mischievous smiles on their faces. I laughed softly, looking up to see Bucky lazily smiling. I had the best view in the world, close enough to see the lines that drew his grin up, so different from the frowning ones I was so used to seeing. When he tilted his head down and our eyes met, his smile made no effort to lessen itself.

“Morning,” he said, bringing a hand up to stroke the top of my head.

“Morning,” I replied, shimmying up his body and taking hold of his cheeks, our lips meeting in early morning bliss, “We’re in deep shit.” “Why’s that?” he asked.

“The boys can’t keep a secret to save their lives,” I chuckled, “So you need to enjoy your last day alive because Sam is going to kill you.” Bucky wrinkled his nose as he laughed, “Thanks for the warning.” I dropped my head back to his chest, picking up one of his dog tags in my hand and reading his name pressed in the metal. I’d never been a big believer in fate, but as I rubbed a thumb over the necklace I was reminded that Bucky and I should have never met. He should have been long gone by now, Captain America’s childhood friend who met a tragic end before he could see the war won. He wasn’t supposed to be here, warming my body with his and pressing the sweetest kisses I’d ever known to my skin. Our being together defied time itself.

“Seeing them, the boys…” Bucky began, still stroking my hair, “I think I get what you and Sam were talking about back in Maryland.”

I rested my chin on his pec to see him, his gaze focused on the ceiling in deep thought. “Steve giving him the shield…It’s not the same at all.”

I shook my head, sadly, giving confirmation to his revelation. I didn’t begrudge him for not understanding right away, unless you were in Sam’s shoes you could only have so much of an understanding. The unrelenting way that Bucky had pushed him was what had caused me to call him out on several occasions. But if the week we’d had with our confrontation with the police, meeting Isaiah and coming to Delacroix had finally shown him the flaw in his thinking, I was glad. “I think you should talk to him,” I suggested. He scoffed, “I think I owe him a lot more than that.

“Well, he’s probably already out on the boat. And I,” I groaned as I sat up, straddling Bucky’s hips, “Promised the boys that I’d take them to school so we both need to get up.” Bucky made a similar sound as he swung his legs over the couch, pivoting my body so that we were in a similar position we’d been in in the middle of the night. He took my face in his hand and gave a kiss so long, I knew I’d feel the ghost of his lips until the next time I was able to feel the real thing. To think just hours before I’d been hellbent on convincing him that we couldn’t allow ourselves to act on our feelings. Here I was now struggling to let go of him to spend an hour apart at most. 

The giggling on the other side of the wall broke the spell though.

Bucky and I broke apart with a shared smile. “See you in a bit,” I whispered, pressing my hands to his chest and pushing off of him to disappear around the corner.

After dressing for the day, I corralled the boys into my car. I could practically hear their predictable thoughts and feel their eyes boring into the back of my head as I shut my door. “There’s donuts with both your names on them if you promise not to tell Uncle Sam what you saw this morning.”

A resounding chorus of enthusiastic ‘okays’ reminded me that I was the best aunt in the world who made the worst parenting decisions. 

——

By nothing short of a miracle, Bucky was still alive when I returned.

We worked on the boat with familiar stolen glances and secret smirks when Sam had his back turned. At some point Sarah kicked the two of them off the boat for attempting to repair the water pump, something she’d been repairing and Bucky and I were forced to separate. As the two men departed the dock, he turned around to catch one last look at me and flashed the smile I’d seen more of in the last twelve hours than I had all week. 

“You wanna tell me what changed from last night?” Sarah’s voice broke me out of the daze I was in.

“Huh?” 

“You’ve been staring at that man with googly eyes all day,” she climbed aboard the boat, “You’re also lucky that our brother is clueless.” 

I rolled my eyes and bumped my hip against hers, “Freakin’ mom vision, can’t get anything past you.” “I’m just glad you got out of your own way, he seems like a good guy,” Sarah smiled, “He’s also fine as hell, if you haven’t noticed. If you wouldn’t have gone for it, I might have.” Our loud laughter mixed together as I whacked her with the towel I’d been using to clean an oil stain off of the boat.

Later that day, after finishing helping my sister with a few repairs we could get done without interruptions from Sam and Bucky, I wandered to our backyard to behold a sight I never thought I’d see. Sam was throwing the shield around while Bucky stood beside him. I stopped at the side of the house to watch, the Vibranium bouncing off of training pads from our garage that were strapped to the tree. Since Sam had brought the shield home six months ago, I’d never seen him do more than pick it up and look at it every once in a while. He’d kept it stored away in his bedroom in its casing, AJ and Cass hadn’t even seen it until he’d left it in the hall after returning from Maryland. To see him wielding it now felt…right. He looked just as natural with it as Steve had. Bucky had made a 180 as well, he looked content watching Sam as he caught the shield in its return journey back to them. If I hadn’t watched them bicker like schoolchildren for the better portion of the week, I’d have mistaken them for friends. “Are you telling me that you two could’ve man-hugged it out back in that interrogation room?” I shouted as I watched them clasp hands and pull each other in, “Coulda spared yourselves a lot of discomfort.”

They both laughed and turned to face me, in an effort to save time as I made my way out to where they stood. “So what’s new?” I asked with a knowing smile, eyeing Sam as he held the shield at his side

“Absolutely nothing,” he replied, “And a little bit of everything.”

I chuckled before my eyes inevitably found Bucky’s, who was already waiting for me with an outstretched palm. “Can I talk to you a minute?” “Yeah,” I reached out and intwined our fingers. “Whoa! Wait, wait, wait,” Sam boomed, gesturing to our locked hands, “What the hell is this?”

“Something new,” I shrugged, looking up and matching Bucky’s smile.

Sam groaned in disgust, “You’ve been here twenty four hours, Barnes, you couldn’t’ve kept your hands off my sister? I-I can’t even look at this, it’s sickening, ugh…” he turned his back to us and began his walk back to the house, spinning around quickly and stuttering, “You know what? I-“ he closed his mouth and shook his head, “Uh-uh, nope, can’t do it.” Bucky and I both snorted as we watched him leave, voicing his displeasure to himself. I looked down and noticed the packed duffle bag that rested at Bucky’s feet, “I get the feeling there’s something you need to tell me?” He sighed, reaching blindly to weave his fingers with my other hand’s set. “There’s something I gotta go do. A couple somethings actually. I talked to Sam, or at least he talked to me,” one corner of his mouth quirked up, “This whole making amends thing, I haven’t been doing the greatest job of it. There’s too many names in that book that don’t have closure about what happened to someone they loved. If I stand a chance at putting what happened in the past, I gotta go ‘do the work’.”

I rubbed my thumb over his smooth metal knuckle, staring down at the space between us. “Yeah, you do,” I looked up at him, “Recovery sucks, there’s no sophisticated way of putting it. Sam and I have both seen the ugly side of it. But you owe it to yourself to work as hard as you can for your freedom, as difficult as it can be sometimes.” Bucky leaned down to press his forehead against mine. “If it hadn’t’ve been for you, I might not have believed that. I wanna get better for you too, to try and be the man you deserve.”

I hummed and bit down on my bottom lip, smiling widely. “So…you kinda like me.” “Yeah,” Bucky chuckled softly, “Just a little bit.”

The warmth I felt radiating through me, brought on by nothing more than a touch of our hands and a shared smile powered me in a way my energy never could. “Go,” I said after a few seconds of silence, “Do whatever you need to do. I think there’s some things here that I need to take care of myself.” Bucky pulled back to look my face over as if to commit every inch to his memory before holding the back of my head and pressing a kiss to my lips. Perhaps it was cruel that I had just gotten him and now had to let him go for an undetermined period of time. But his recovery meant more to me than any amount of heart pounding touches or earth shattering kisses he could give. If we ever had a shot of making it, we needed to go to our separate corners and heal.

I hesitantly broke away from his lips first, rubbing mine together after to memorize the taste he’d left. “If I don’t let you go now, I won’t be able to…” “It won’t be forever,” he shook his head, bumping his nose against mine, “Sam’s gonna call me if he gets a lead on Karli.” Rather than keep him longer with my insecurities about jumping back into hero work now knowing who my father had truly been, I decided that dealing with that was for my personal healing. I reached my arms up to wind around his neck, his finding their new home around my waist and for a split second in time, nothing else mattered. There was just me, Bucky and the future I hoped we had ahead of us. I memorized the feel of him, the rise and fall of his chest against mine, his soft hair between my fingers, the scratch of his stubble against my neck. I hadn’t had time to daydream about Bucky since recognizing my feelings for him but even if I had, they’d have never done the real thing near justice.

“Stay safe, Sergeant,” I said, pulling back to peck his lips one last time and releasing him from my hold.

Bucky picked up his bag and slung it over his shoulder, giving my hand one more squeeze and holding it as he started to walk backwards. Once we reached a point where the only way to keep the contact was to follow him, we let go with a brush of our fingers till I was only holding air. With a final shared look, he turned his back to me and started down the dirt path that would lead him from our corner of Louisiana to the rest of the world. In so many ways I felt as if we’d traveled back to 1943 when he’d shipped out for England. I was sending him off to another war, this time battling his own past. Above any other feeling I felt for Bucky, the one that topped the list was belief. I believed in him more than he believed in himself and I wanted that to change. He could do it and once he did, there was no telling just how happy we could be.

But I in turn had to deal with my own demons.

——

While I wish I could have said I had a plan like Bucky’s, I had no idea what the first step was to healing past what my father had done.

HYDRA wasn’t a topic that I could just plop down on a therapist’s couch and start discussing, there were only so many people I could talk to about it. I found myself wishing that Steve was still around, next to Bucky he was the world’s leading expert on how much damage the organization could do. Without a blueprint of how to begin mending my wounds, I was left to wallow in my own grief over the man I’d believed my dad to be. Sam, however, was on fire.

After him, Sarah and I had made the unanimous decision that the boat was too important to our family to part with, he had launched into the most intense training I’d ever seen him put himself through. He was both blowing me away and not surprising me at all with his dedication.

One morning, I came outside at his normal time to come home from his 6AM run with a cup of coffee for me and a Gatorade for him. On cue, he came jogging up the dirt path I’d watched Bucky leave on days ago.

“You’re inhuman,” I said, tossing him the drink as he approached, “I’m convinced of it.” “It’s nothin’ you couldn’t be doing,” he panted. 

“Yeah, I can run with you or I can get up before sunrise. A combo deal is not gonna happen,” I chortled before taking a sip of my coffee. 

Sam joined me and sat down beside me on our back porch, the view of the blue waters a perfect accent to the almost fully risen sun. “Look, I don’t wanna know any details but…you and Bucky?”

I smiled as I stared down into my mug, just the thought of him causing happiness to bloom in my chest. “It was kinda happening the whole time, it just took us a while to realize it.” Sam groaned, taking a long swig of his drink. “That’s all I need to know, as long as you both are happy and not too disgusting with each other,” he looked out the corner of his eyes at me, “I think I can live with it.” “Well, that’s mighty big of you,” I patted his sweaty shoulder, instantly regretting the decision and wiping my palm on my bathrobe, “That shield starting to feel like it’s yours?” Sam chuckled, “It doesn’t feel like it’s not mine anymore, it’s…weird. Talking with Isaiah was sobering and he’s allowed to be as bitter as he wants. The man’s earned to right to feel anything after what he’s been through. But,” he sighed, “I couldn’t let it go. All that pain and suffering, I can’t let it go to waste.” “You couldn’t not be a hero even if you tried,” I shook my head in amazement, beaming with pride at my brother, “I’m proud of you.”

“Hey, that’s my line,” he hit my knee with the back of his hand, “I’ve got Torres working on some things, hopefully we can figure out where Karli might be going next-“ I couldn’t lead both him and Bucky to believe I was seriously considering going back to the fight. “I’m gonna stop you right there,” I held up a hand, “When you find them, it’s gonna be just you and Bucky. I’m out.” He furrowed his brows and twisted to face me fully, “Why?” “I can’t be the hero I thought I could, not after what I found out. It would only be a matter of time till somebody looked me up and figured out who my father was, then what? Some ex-HYDRA member comes looking for me? The public loses trust in me to protect them? Your reputation gets damaged when they realize I’m your sister?” I dropped my head down to stare at my lap, “It’s a bad idea. HYDRA doesn’t breed heroes.”

A beat of silence was played before my brother gave his rebuttal. “Look at me,” I dragged my eyes away from my engrossing coffee to him, “I couldn’t give two shits what people think about you being my sister, cause you know what? They don’t know you. They don’t know what you’ve done to try and stop the Flag Smashers, how you saved my life in that warehouse or how you helped keep our family going for five years. They don’t know how stubborn and caring and how much of a hero you are without your powers,” he paused and smirked at me, “And they’re never gonna know that if you don’t show them. What your dad did was horrible, but you’re not the one that did it. If you didn’t let his secret hold you back from being with Bucky, why’re you letting it hold you back from something else you want? You don’t need to be proud of being his daughter, but you need to make peace with it.”

He was right, as if he could ever be anything other than. Sam was counseling me like a sister but also like one of the countless veterans he’d helped wracked with guilt. I didn’t know if I’d ever fully recover from the hurt that came with the revelation, but if I kept on going how I was, I’d be a complete hypocrite. If Bucky could face the victims of his crimes and confess to them, I should’ve been able to deal with my ghosts. All I’d ever wanted to do was help people, to use that mutated gene of mine to help right wrongs. To do that, I needed to do the work. “This is a far cry from a few days ago when you were ready to send me packing,” I retorted. “Well,” Sam chuckled, “You proved me wrong. Fighting with you by my side just felt right, made me wish you could’ve been there for ‘em all.”

The fact that I had shown him that I could keep up with him was astounding, I honestly didn’t think it would ever happen. But with his approval, I’d have to have been an idiot to walk away from it all.

“Good talk,” I smiled, patting his leg while taking one last sip of my coffee before handing it to him.

“Where are you going?” Sam asked.

“Making peace with it.”

——

The drive from Delacroix to New Orleans had always relaxed me. The disappearance of the deep bayous as the scenery slowly changed to city, the ever present cypress trees, the hour travel time always gave me time to think. Something I was thankful for today especially.

I parked my car outside my destination, making the long trek through the cemetery I’d visited every week as a child. My feet automatically as I passed the neat rows of above ground tombs until I reached where I needed to be.

Keeping a safe distance away, I stuffed my hands in my jacket pockets and took a deep breath. “Hi,” I whispered, greeting my father’s tomb as if I expected it to speak back to me. “Um…I don’t know if you can hear me wherever you are but…there’s some things I need to talk to you about.” My eyes began to water, partially from the wind hitting my face but mostly from the tears that had been waiting to spring free. “Why’d you do it, Dad?” I whispered against the lump in my throat, “I don’t understand how you could ever have been a part of something so destructive. You were the last person I would have ever believed could have done something like this. You were my hero,” I looked down at the ground between us, “I never thought you’d end up being the villain.” I drew a shaky breath and continued, “I watched your guilt over your ‘time in the service’ tear you apart to a point where you thought death was the only way out so…I think it’s safe to assume you felt bad about what you’d done. I watched you every day try to be a good father to me and Mel, you didn’t succeed all the time but you did your best. I know you loved us…” “Somehow,” I dug the heel of my sneaker into my the dirt, “I’m trying to find it in me to forgive you, Dad. For the pain your secret’s brought me, for what your name could do to the rest of my life, for lying…But the one thing I don’t know how to forgive you for is what you did to Bucky,” the tears that I’d finally gotten under control threatened to start again, “Because Dad, he means the world to me and to know that you were behind that pain that’s running his life…It makes me want to hate you. And the saddest part is that I know you would have loved him if you’d ever gotten a chance to meet the real him.”

“The way I see it, I can’t undo the damage you did to the world,” my voice found its strength, “But what you did isn’t going to dictate what I do with my life. I’ve only ever wanted to do good, however I can, that’s what I’m going to do. I know that you wanted me to keep my powers hidden, probably because you didn’t want anyone to find me, but I can’t do that anymore. I can’t pay the price for your sins. So I’m gonna fight and I’m gonna try to rewrite our family’s legacy.”

“Anyway, that’s, uh, that’s all I wanted to say,” I took a slow step forward and placed a hand over the stone tomb, “I wish…I wish things would have turned out different.”

With one last gaze upon my father’s final resting place, I left the same way I’d come, for once not having to fake the confidence I was feeling.

——

“Oh, oh, it’s going…” I teased.

“Give it back!” Sam yelled! “It’s going!”

“Y/n!” 

I levitated the shield further away from Sam and slid it across the ground into the boy’s soccer net, AJ and Cass chasing me as I did. I’d only just shown them that their aunt could make stuff fly and we were currently engaged in an intense game of keep away with Sam.

“AJ! Grab it!” I yelled, my nephew hurrying to the net and lifting the shield, stumbling a little as he took off running with it on his arm. I threw up a force field around Sam, who was gaining on him, “Oh no!” Sam was laughing the whole time as he tried to punch his way out of the bubble encasing him. “Go go go!” I cried, watching the boys run off with the shield into the house, dropping the field once they were inside.

“You’re the worst influence on them, you know that right?” Sam chuckled as we slowly made our way towards the front door. 

“Hey, I don’t want them thinking their uncle’s the only cool one in the family,” I replied as we entered the house, pulling out my phone to check the notifications I’d feel vibrating in my back pocket. One was a news alert. “Sam.” “Huh?” I tossed him my phone and hurried through the house till I reached the television, flipping to the news to see the article come to life. The GRC was voting in New York on the Patch Act, a movement that would move twenty million refugees back to their home country.

“Shit,” I mumbled, feeling Sam’s presence behind me. His phone rang to announce a call. “It’s Torres,” he held out the phone and revealed the man’s face. “Sorry this took so long, spare you the technical details, but I finally got results for the scans you asked for and I think we’re onto something,” Torres explained as Sam and I went to look at his computer, displaying a map of Europe that lit up with bright red circles. “When we look back, all these pings, they’re from places just before the Flag Smashers hit. Clearly, they’re all over Europe. Earlier today, we got one from New York. Now, I can’t promise you they’re not using a VPN or masking their location, but…” I’d stopped listening after he’d said ‘New York,’ and turned my attention to the tv, every piece of the puzzle was coming together. Karli wouldn’t be physically able to hold herself back from interfering with the vote. “Great work, Joaquin,” Sam said, his eyes trained on the screen along with me, “We’ll take it from here,” he hung up the call and turned to me, “Time to get to work. Come with me.” He rose from his chair and led me to the coat closet nearest to the front door, opening it up to pull out a large silver case and handing it to me. “I don’t know what’s in it, Bucky just told me to hold onto it until the time came where you’d need it,” Sam stated, “I’m thinking that’s now.” Confusedly, I carried it out and up to my bedroom, placing it on my mattress and trying to figure out how to open it. There was no keyhole, only a bar that hosted a red screen. My finger brushed over it, the action turning it blue and the case automatically released an air lock I didn’t know it had. Waiting a few seconds to make sure nothing popped out, I carefully opened the box to see something I couldn’t have predicted in a million years. Resting on top of the surprise was a note on the nicest stationary I’d ever seen…

You may be able to kick my ass, but I’m never gonna stop trying to protect you.

- Bucky

I breathed a soft laugh, holding the paper in my hand and imagining Bucky hunched over a table, writing the words that were now lodged in my heart. “Sam,” I called out, leaving the case open and rushing across the hall to my brother’s room, “Sam, it’s-“ All words disappeared and all thoughts halted at the sight of him opening up his own case, I didn’t need to see its contents to make an educated guess at what was inside of it. There were a dozen emotions playing out on Sam’s face, wonder, apprehension, excitement, shock…Every one of them valid but none of them coming close to the amount of pure determination in his eyes.

I watched from the doorway, smiling, “Ready when you are, Cap.”

----

A/N: AHHH. Only two chapters left, hope this one lived up to your expectations. Getting your messages and comments and asks have been making my days and I’m so glad people are enjoying this little ride I’m taking us all on. Let me know what you thought and/or if you’d like to be tagged for the remainder of the series!

Safe Haven taglist: @tanyaherondale​ @wanniiieeee​ @asoftie4bucky​ @edencherries​ @i-reblog-fics-i-like​ @ttalisa​ @gcfty @withyoutilltheendofthismess​ @rinaispunk​ @weirdowithnobeardo​ @felicityofbakerstreet​ @godlyhufflepuff @eternalharry​ @voguesir​ @mizz-kraziii​ @okayline​ @smellmymisunderstoodfluff @wanderin-stories​ @nicklet94 @intricate-melody​ @aesthethickks​ @stumbleonmywords​ @simplybarnes​ @21bruhs​ @lostinwonderland314​ @superbookishhufflepuff​ @kaelyn-lobrutto24​ @zozebos​ @fandomxreaders @kittengirl998​ @sarai-ibn-la-ahad​ @i-know-i-can​ @x-judyjude-x​ @thebi-valkyrieofvalhalla​ @buckverse​ @living-that-best-life​ @haphazardhufflepuff​ @citlalireedus @lindseyrae20​ @missstef23​ @qhbr2013​ @sebby-stann​ @bluemoon-icecream​ @iixbella​ @lets-love-little-me​ @abitofeverythinggg​ @itsnottilly​ @sltwins​ @mads-weasley​ @hart-failure @natdrunk​ @nctma15​

#bucky barnes x fem!reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #sam wilson x reader #sam wilson x platonic!reader #marvel imagine

[girlwiththereapertattoo]

begin again - part four

Jax Teller x female!Reader

Summary: After the return of her abusive ex-boyfriend, the reader plots her escape

Word count: 2,9k words

Warnings: bad language, alludes to the death of a minor character, physical & verbal abuse & kinda angsty

Author's note: Enjoy the fourth installment and all feedback is welcome! :)

If you’re in an abusive relationship or you suspect that someone you know is being abused, speak up and reach out to the correct people!

Beta read by @crucifixedbitch

PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE

💀💀💀💀💀

You examine your face in the mirror, pleased with the job you’ve done to conceal the marks left by B/N. Last night was brutal and you would do anything to erase it from your memory. To never have it happen again.

“Toots!” A loud pounding sounds on the bathroom door, “Come on, sweetheart, we’ve got to go.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I-I’ll be there in a second.” Moving quickly, you pack your makeup back into your cosmetic bag. “I just need to grab my bag.”

“Five minutes, okay?” he sounds irritated with you. “We’ll wait outside.”

With a shaking hand, you zip the bag closed and leave the bathroom for the bedroom. Your handbag is on the bed but your phone’s not on its usual spot at your bedside table and you just know B/N has something to do with its disappearance. And you know that it’ll be a while before you see it again. You’re so upset, it brings tears to your eyes but there’s no time for them. He’s waiting for you and being late will lead to trouble.

S/N and B/N are on the small patch of grass outside the house, kicking around a ball.

“You gotta kick the ball to me, okay kid? You gotta kick it hard.”

S/N scurries towards the ball and kicks it so hard, it zooms between B/N’s open legs and bounces off of the fence. They both cheer from excitement, and S/N runs straight into B/N’s open arms.

“That was amazing, buddy!”

You clap your hands, drawing their attention to you.

“Did you see that, Mommy?”

“I did, ace, and it was so good.” You walk over to join them on the grass, “Hey, sweet boy.”

You haven’t seen your son all morning. You lift him off the ground and hug him to your chest, it feels good to hold him so close to you, and for the second time in the last five minutes, you feel you might cry. The three of you make your way over to B/N’s rental SUV parked on the small driveway.

“Mommy, are you feeling cold?”

You briefly glance over to B/N who’s prepping the baby car seat. “A little. Mommy’s not feeling too well.”

“Do you need chicken soup?”

You chuckle and press a kiss to his forehead, “Will you help me make it when we get back?”

He pinky promises you to. You hand him over to B/N who buckles him into the car seat. It’s not his intention, but you can’t help but feel humiliated by S/N’s question. A turtleneck and jeans in the dead of the summer in Charming, California? That’s sure to raise suspicions.

“Baby, do you not think I should stay behind?”

B/N turns in his seat, brows furrowed in confusion. “Why?”

Pointing at your turtle neck, you explain, “It’s going to draw attention. It’s summer and I’m dressed for winter.”

“And you care what these people think of you?”

Yes, a lot. It’s your fucking hometown, of course, you care! You want to scream at him, claw at his face, but you’re weak. Pathetic. You can’t even muster the courage to get away from him.

“Sweetheart, no one’s going to be looking at you. Trust me.”

Ouch.

“Don’t ruin this outing by being so self-obsessed.” He starts the car’s engine and backs out of the driveway, “Do you want to listen to some music, buddy?”

Today’s your last day in Charming, B/N’s orders. Later on today, you’ll embark on a five-day road trip back to North Carolina. The idea of being trapped in the car with B/N has you regretting every decision you have made in your life that has led you to this point. Forty fucking hours? The car just isn’t big enough and no amount of eagerness from S/N can change your mind.

“When we get back, I need to see Mabel.”

Mabel’s a friendly neighbor who lives down the street from your mother’s. She moved to Charming a few months before your escape to Charlotte, and since your return, she has been a great help.

“Who’s Mabel?”

“She lives down the road.”

“Why do you need to see her?”

To use her phone to call Jax. “I want to give all my mother’s old furniture to charity. She offered to help me organize it.” It’s a believable lie, “It shouldn’t take more than ten minutes.”

After a dragged-out silence, he murmurs a soft ‘okay’ and warns you not to do anything stupid. “I might not be able to stop myself this time around.”

The chilling part is that it’s not an empty threat. You look back at S/N who’s softly singing along to ‘Old MacDonald Had A Farm’, gazing out the car window. Leaving Charming was a decision you made for his sake, to protect him from his father’s world. To give him a shot at a normal childhood, to raise him away from gangs and violence. Instead, you found yourself in the clutches of a wicked man who will one day kill you.

“Mommy, will we see Abel before we leave?”

“No,” B/N responds before you can.

God, you fucking hate him. Your feelings towards him are violent, and you’ve got to come out of the car before you act recklessly.

“Stop the car.” You unbuckle your seatbelt prompting the seatbelt alarm to go off. “Stop the car, B/N, now!”

He pulls into the empty parking space in front of a bridal shop. You frantically open the car door and stumble out of the vehicle, gasping for air. So glad to have distance from the devil you call your boyfriend.

“Toots, what’s wrong?”

You take a step away from him, needing the space. “I need to breathe, B/N.”

That upsets him. “What are you trying to do? Huh? Get in the fucking car so I can drive to the grocery store.”

You pace around in a circle on the sidewalk, contemplating your next move. You can’t run off, B/N could easily catch you and S/N’s still in the car. You can’t leave him, even though you know B/N would never harm him. He loves him too much. Think, think, think! You have a moment of clarity when you look across the street and see who you believe to be Bobby Munson sitting at an ice cream shop. What are the odds?

“Ice cream and candy!” You spin to look at B/N who’s shooting daggers at you. “I want ice cream and we need candy for the road trip, don’t we?”

“What are you doing, Y/N?”

You walk back to the car to open S/N’s door and start unbuckling him from his car seat. “D’you want ice cream, ace?”

His face lights up. “Ice cream! Ice cream!” he chants.

“Alright. Come on.” You shut the car door, S/N clutched tightly in your arms, “It’s just a small pit stop. Do you want any?”

B/N looks furious but there isn’t much he can do to you out in the open. He’s starting towards you when his work phone starts ringing. He has to take the call and so he tells you to go ahead, he’ll meet you inside the shop. You flash him a smile and make your way to Scoops & Sweets. Now that you’re closer, you’re certain it’s Bobby, and he’s standing behind the counter with his arm in a sling, drinking beer.

“Bobby?”

“Y/N?” His stony expression morphs into a smile, “Hi, sweetheart.”

“Hi, Bobby.” For the first time in the last 12 hours, you feel safe. “I thought it was you.”

“Who’s the kid?”

“This is S/N,” you look proudly at your son. “Say hello to Bobby, ace?”

Bashful, he waves awkwardly at Bobby before concealing his face in the crook of your neck. You casually look over your shoulder to check if B/N’s still on his call before you turn back to Bobby.

“Bobby, is there a phone I can use? I want to call Jax, there’s something I want to tell him, and my phone’s broken.”

He looks out the window to B/N who’s pacing next to the rental. “Why didn’t you ask your friend to use his phone?”

“He doesn’t like to share.”

Bobby looks back at you. “Jax’s upstairs. Come, I’ll take you up to him. Bring the kid.”

Bobby calls for Chuckie who emerges from what you assume to be the staff break room. When you last saw Chuckie, he had fingers.

“What happened to your fingers?”

“Chinese cut them off,” he holds up his prosthetic hands. “These were a gift from Gemma.”

You regret asking. Bobby orders him to keep watch of the shop and starts leading you towards the flight of stairs.

“Uh Chuckie, a man will come in here looking for me. Could you tell him I went into the bathroom?”

Chuckie nods and you continue on your way with Bobby.

“Is this the new clubhouse?”

“Somethin’ like that.” Bobby leads you and S/N down a short hallway and stops in front of a closed door. He knocks once before he opens it, “Visitor for Jax Teller.”

The men in the room, consisting of Jax, Chibs, Tig, Happy, and Juice, all turn to the door. From their expressions, you’d swear they’ve just seen a ghost. You might as well be a ghost.

Jax raises off his chair and crosses the space to join you at the door. “Is everything okay?”

“Hi, boys. I’m sorry for interrupting your meeting,” suddenly, coming to Jax seems like a bad idea. But B/N. You put S/N on the ground. “I just wanted to see you before we leave this afternoon.”

Jax scowls.

“We’re headed back home to North Carolina. Driving.” You throw your arms around your ex, wincing at the discomfort you feel at the contact. “I’m so glad I could see you again.”

He returns your hug, holding you flush against him and you don’t care that you’re in pain. You’re vaguely aware of the fact that the bottom hem of your sweater’s risen, probably exposing the bruises on your lower back. There’s a pang of pain in your heart when he releases you. The tears blur your vision. God, you hate that you’re so emotional today.

“How are you getting home?”

“B/N arrived last night, he’s waiting for us downstairs.” Probably impatient and suspicious. “We should probably get going.”

Downstairs, B/N’s at the counter listening to Chuckie recount the time he had his fingers cut off by Lin’s men. S/N leaps out of your arms and runs over to B/N.

“Here’s your candy.” Chuckie slides two bags of candy to you, “Don’t worry about paying, it’s on the house.”

You smile at him. “Thank you.”

B/N snatches the candy from the counter and the three of you make your way out of the shop. It’s a short trip to the grocery store and luckily for you, there aren’t a lot of people buying groceries whilst you’re there. The tension from earlier has subsided, and the ride back to your mother’s house is a sing-along with S/N leading you. You’re helping B/N unload the bag of groceries from the car when you spot a familiar van at the end of your street.

“When will you go to Mabel’s?”

“After lunch,” you start unpacking the groceries, “I’m sure you boys are hungry.”

“Starving.” He leans over to press a kiss to the side of your head, “I’ll have a beer with my lunch.”

He leaves you in the kitchen to join S/N who’s building Lego in the living room. You’ve just finished laying all the lunch ingredients on the counter when you hear the thunderous roar of a motorcycle outside your house. Shortly after, a knock sounds.

“I’ll get it,” you call from the kitchen.

Unfortunately, B/N beats you to the door. He angrily signals for you to go back into the kitchen.

“Do as you’re fucking told,” he warns through gritted teeth. “Go back to the kitchen.”

You open your mouth to protest but he marches over to you, grabbing your arm harshly, and drags you through the kitchen to the laundry nook.

“You’re hurting me!” you complain, struggling in his firm grip.

The sound of the back of his hand connecting with your cheek bounces off the walls of the small space. You forcefully shove him away from you and try to escape but he hooks a strong arm around your waist and hauls you back into the nook.

“Let go of me!” you claw at his arms and the pain causes him to release you.

“You little bitch!”

He lunges towards you but you’re quicker than him. You grab the first item in your reach which happens to be an iron and whack him on the head with enough force to make him cry out from the pain. You dash past him and run to open the front door at the same time Jax is about to shoot at the door.

His scowl deepens at your disheveled appearance. “Where is he?”

“In the laundry nook. I hit him on the head but he’s still conscious.”

“Where is the kid?”

S/N! You run into the living room, your eyes frantically searching around the space for your little boy. His Legos are strewn on the floor but there’s no sight of him. “S/N?”

“Mommy!”

He’s behind the couch. You find him curled up, his eyes closed and his hands covering his ears.

“My baby.” You scoop him in your arms and carry him towards the front door. “Jax?”

He calls back from the kitchen and tells you to go outside. “Rat’s got the van out front.”

“But Jax–”

“Go!”

You rush out of the house, S/N cradled in your arms. You’ve just stepped onto the patch of grass when you hear grunts coming from the house. Ratboy meets you at the gate and takes S/N from your shaking hands to carry to the van. He helps you into the vehicle before he climbs into the driver’s seat.

“Where are you taking us?”

“Gemma’s.”

💀💀💀💀💀

S/N and Abel are asleep in Jax’s old bedroom and you’re sitting at Gemma’s dining table staring blankly into space. If you had been told a week ago that you’d be seeking asylum at Gemma Teller’s home, you wouldn’t have believed it. You replay the last twenty-four hours in your head, you’re somewhat in disbelief of all that’s happened.

Gemma places a gentle hand on your shoulder, drawing you back to reality. “Here you go sweetheart,” she places a steaming mug of herbal tea in front of you, “it should help calm your nerves.”

“Thank you.” You place both of your shaking hands on the mug, watching as Gemma takes her place across the table from you. “Have you heard anything from Jax?”

“No,” she reaches for the box of cigarettes on the table. “I’m sure he’s fine.”

You nod, your eyes dropping to the mug. “Did he… did he tell you why he had Ratboy bring me here?”

“Psycho boyfriend,” she takes a pull from the lit cigarette. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

The shame brings fresh tears springing to your eyes. It makes it worse to know that this time around, S/N was awake to hear it all. You feel like you’ve failed him, exposed him to the very thing you vowed to protect him from when you left Charming all those years ago.

“What do I tell S/N?”

“Nothing,” she stubs out the cigarette in the ashtray. “You shouldn’t worry yourself with that right now. You should try get some sleep, you can worry about that tomorrow morning.”

“I don’t think I’ll be getting much sleep tonight.” You take a small sip of the hot tea and sigh, “This is all my fault.”

“Sweetheart, no.”

“It is and now I’ve gone and gotten Jax involved in this mess.” The frustration is eating at you, “I just–”

You’re cut off by the kitchen door opening. Jax’s back. Thank the heavens! Gemma rushes over to greet him with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“Are you okay, baby?”

“I’m fine, Mom.”

Joining you at the table, Jax pulls you into him and tenderly strokes your back. All your fears and concerns are alleviated once you’re in his arms.

“Did he hurt you?”

He chuckles and presses a gentle kiss to your forehead. “You shouldn’t be worrying yourself with that.”

“I can’t help it,” you laugh through your tears.

“You should get some rest.”

“All my stuff is back at my mom’s.” The thought of returning to the scene of last night’s brutality has you shuddering. You pull away from Jax and roughly dry your tears. “I don’t… I can’t–”

Jax pulls you back into him, holding you tighter than before, and gently rocks you. “He’ll never hurt you again.”

Guilt. You feel a tremendous amount of guilt. Is he dead? Possibly, and your guilt deepens when you recognize a small part of you overjoyed by the possibility. He deserves it. How could you even think that? No one deserves to die — not even B/N.

“How are you going to get rid of the body?”

He doesn’t respond to your question, instead, he tells you that he’ll get Rat to bring yours and S/N’s bags to Gemma’s.

“Jax, don’t leave,” you plead, the surge of panic hits you like a freight train and has you fisting the hem of his shirt. “Stay.”

He presses a kiss to your covered shoulder. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere,” he assures you.

💀💀💀💀💀

PART FIVE

tag list:

@princesssterek @derangedcupcake @furiouscopshepherduniversity @crucifixedbitch @holl2712 @sweet--catrastrophe @marvelsmylife @brittjulianne97 @few-proud-emotonal @zozebo @lovinnholland @adaydreamaway08

#Jax Teller #Jax Teller x reader #Jax Teller imagine #jax teller fanfiction #jax teller x you #sons of anarchy #charlie hunnam #sons of anarchy imagines #juice ortiz #soa #charlie hunnam x reader #charlie hunnam imagine #charlie hunnam fanfiction #charlie hunnam x you #chibs telford #tig trager #bobby munson #opie winston #gemma teller #jax teller #happy lowman

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers LUNATIC PARADE ;; Shuu Route ー Chapter 2

ー The scene starts in the Church

Yui: ( Huh...? Where am I...? )

???: Why hello there. So we meet again.

Yui: This voice...You’re from the other day...?

???: I am flattered you seem to remember me.

There is something I would like to ask you today.

Do you...Truly love him from the bottom of your heart?

Yui: ( Him? Is he talking about Shuu-san...? In that case ーー )

Yes, I love him with all my heart.

???: Do you really?

In that case, why do you oppose becoming a Vampire?

If you become a Vampire, you would get to be with him forever. Never aging, remaining beautiful...

It has nothing but advantages. Yet you oppose it. ...Why?

Yui: Well...

???: Yes?

Yui: ( ...Well...? )

ー Yui wakes up in the cave

Yui: ...!

( Huh...? Seems like I must have dozed off at some point. )

...

( I wonder what that dream from earlier was? )

( It might not be a coincidence, seeing as the same person from before showed up again. )

( B-But...In that case, why is he putting my own feelings to the test? )

( I love Shuu-san. That feeling will never change. ...Or rather, it should not... )

...Haah...

ー The wind blows in the distance

Yui: ( It’s cold... )

Um, Shuu-san. If we catch a coーー

( Huh? He’s nowhere to be seen...? )

Shuu-san...! Where are you...?

...

( No response...I wonder where he went? Did he go check up on the situation outside? )

( I want to go look for him but...It’d be bad if we end up missing each other, so it might be wiser to wait here for a bit. )

*TIMESKIP*

Yui: ( ーー Quite some time has passed since, but Shuu-san still hasn’t returned. )

( What to do...? I wonder if something happened while I was asleep? )

...Uu.

( I can’t. When I consider that something might have happened to him, I just can’t sit still here! )

( I’ll go look for him. )

ー Yui leaves the cave as the scene shifts to the forest

Yui: Haah, haah, haah...

Shuu-san...! If you’re there, please answer me!

Shuu-san!

...

( Oh no, he’s nowhere to be found. Something must have happened after all! )

( I have to find him no matter what...! )

ー She continues running around

Yui: ( Huh...? There’s a strange house over there. )

( Now that I get a better look at it...It’s made out of candy? )

( There’s nothing else around, so I might find Shuu-san in there. )

( I’ll try asking them. For now, I should get closer... )

ー Yui approaches the house

Yui: ( Looking at it from up close, you can really tell it’s made out of candy... )

( It smells sweet too... )

( I wonder what kind of person lives inside? )

*Knock knock*

Yui: G-Good evening.

...

( No response...I wonder if nobody’s home? )

*Knock knock*

Yui: ( What now...? )

*Knock knock*

*Thud*

Yui: ...!

( Seems like someone is inside. )

*Knock knock*

Yui: Excuse me...! I’m sorry for the sudden visit.

But I’m looking for someone...! Did a male Vampire perhaps come by here?

???: ...

No.

If you are looking for Shuu, you will have to try your luck somewhere else.

Yui: ( No way... )

( Hm? But... )

Yui: Please, wait!

How do you know it’s Shuu-san I’m looking for?

???: ...

Yui: Please tell me if you know something!

???: ...Haah...

ー He opens the door for her

Shuu: Yui.

Yui: Shuu-san!?

ー The scene shifts back to the forest

Shuu: I figured you would probably wake up any time now...But I didn’t think you’d come all the way here looking for me.

Yui: I-I mean...I was worried that perhaps something had happened...

Shuu: Well...I’m sorry for leaving you by yourself. I didn’t intend to stay away for long but... 

Yui: ( But...? )

Did something happen?

Shuu: Actually, the guy living here is the same person I’ve been looking for.

I remembered while you were sleeping.

Yui: ...! I see.

If you woke me up, I would have come with you though...

Shuu: You were sleeping soundly. Besides...

Riegel isn’t exactly fond of humans.

So I figured it would be best for me to go by myself.

Yui: ...Ah...

( Yet a human such as myself came to his house, so... )

I’m sorry, I...

Shuu: No, it’s fine.

But...

It seems like he knows something about the Count...

But he refuses to help out if a human is involved, so he told me to ask someone else.

Yui: ...I see...

Shuu: Anyway, let’s return to the city for now.

Yui: Yes...

( We’re back to square one. )

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to Saint Nore Park’s venue

Yui: ( The Parade is in full swing, but we aren’t in the mood for that right now. )

Haah...

Shuu: ...

...Well, it’s not like being depressed will change anything about the situation.

Yui: ...Good point...

By the way, I wonder why Riegel-san has such a hard time opening up to humans?

Shuu: Who knows...He has been that way for as long as I can remember.

Yui: I wonder if there’s someone who knows the circumstances?

A close acquaintance of his, for example...

Shuu: ...

...Guess I could have my Familiars look into it.

*Flap flap flap*

Yui: Ah...!

Shuu: If this doesn’t work out, we’re basically out of options but...Well, I suppose it’s worth the wait.

Yui: ( I hope we can find some sort of clue. )

Shuu: ...Well, anyway...It’s kind of a chore to just stand around here, so why don’t we use the Parade to get our minds off things for a bit?

Yui: Eh...? Are you sure?

( This doesn’t seem like something Shuu-san would enjoy. )

Shuu: It’s not like we’ll stay for hours on end. Besides...

You look like you could use a little distraction.

Come on, let’s go.

ー Shuu walks ahead

Yui: Ah, y-yes!

( He’s doing this for me...Thank you, Shuu-san. )

ー She follows him

*TIMESKIP*

Yui: ( Waah, amazing! This place is really fired up. There’s so much happening, I don’t know where to look first. )

Shuu: Where do you want to go?

Selection

→ The House of Mirrors (☾)

Yui: ( I guess I should go for the most quiet option. )

How about the House of Mirrors over there?

Shuu: Yeah...Sounds good since there probably won’t be a lot of people in there.

Yui: ( Fufu, seems like I made the correct choice. )

ー They walk towards the House of Mirrors

Yui: ( So this is the House of Mirrors...It’s quiet in here just like I thought. )

ー They go inside

Yui: ( It’s a true maze here. It’d be bad if we were to get separated. )

Shuu: ...

ー Shuu walks off on his own

Yui: ( Ah! Right as I think thatーー )

W-Wait!

( Thank god...I caught up with him... )

Shuu-saーー

Shuu: ーー Oi, you’re talking to a mirror.

*Rustle*

Yui: Wah!

Shuu: Haah...I figured you’d mess up at one point or another...

But you really are so predictable, aren’t you?

Yui: ( Uu, I got made fun of. )

( However, I guess I should be glad that Shuu-san’s enjoying himself a little too...? )

→ The arcade

Yui: It’s a little further away, but how about the arcade over there?

Shuu: You really picked quite the noisy place...

Yui: ( Ah, he doesn’t seem too thrilled about my choice. )

Shuu: Oh well...Let’s go.

Yui: Y-Yes.

( Perhaps I should have chosen someplace a little more quiet for Shuu-san’s sake... )

ー The scene shifts to the arcade

Male Vampire A: As one would expect during the Parade, there’s people everywhere.

Male Vampire B: My thoughts exactly. Oh well, it doesn’t hurt every once in a while.

Yui: ( It really is crowded... )

Shuu: Haah...

Yui: U-Um...Should we go somewhere else after all?

Shuu: No, it’s fine. You wanted to come here, no?

I will...Take a seat on one of the benches in the back.

Yui: ( There he goes... )

( What now? I guess I should at least get him something to drink. )

Male Vampire C: Oi, girlie!

Yui: ...!?

Male Vampire C: Yes, I’m talking to you. Who else?

Yui: ( H-He’s talking to me...Right? )

Male Vampire C: Pretty sad, being all by yourself over here during the Parade.

I bet you’ve got nothing to do, do you? In that case, how about I keep you company?

Yui: N-No thank you...

Male Vampire C: Aah? Now don’t get cute with me.

I’m trying to be nice to you, you know?

Now stop complaining and just follow mーー

Shuu: Oi.

Male Vampire C: ...Ugh.

Yui: ( Shuu-san...! )

Male Vampire C: Che...What? You’ve got a man already...? One of the Sakamaki’s at that...

Shuu: Yes, exactly.

I’m sure you understand very well now that she is far out of your league.

Now get out of my sight already.

Male Vampire C: Heh...

ー The Vampire leaves

Yui: ( T-Thank god. )

Shuu-san...Thank you very much...

Shuu: Honestly...Even when you aren’t being targeted for your blood, I still can’t take my eyes off you for two seconds... 

I guess I have no other choice...Join me taking a nap over on that bench over there.

Don’t wander off by yourself. Stay with me.

Yui: Y-Yes...

( I’ll keep the fact that I’m kind of happy to myself. )

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts back to Saint Nore Park’s venue

Yui: ( Um, next upーー )

*Bang*

Yui: Wah!

( They’ve even got a shooting gallery. Fufu...Looks fun. )

Shuu: ...Want to give it a try?

Yui: Eh? Can I?

Shuu: You’re interested, right? We’ve got time anyway, so why not give it a shot?

I’ll make sure to get a good look at what you’ve got.

Yui: ( O-Okay! Gotta try my hardest! )

Explanation: The player shoots the target by quickly pressing the arrows and buttons indicated below the objects in the right order. You can move from one target to the other during the game by pressing the L and R buttons.

You can play this game in EASY, NORMAL or HARD mode.

Yui: A grand victory! Hooray!

ー Yui suddenly embraces Shuu

*Rustle*

Shuu: ...Aren’t you overreacting a little, latching onto me like that?

Yui: I’m just so happy because I’m more than satisfied with the record I put down.

Shuu: Hm...If you’re already satisfied, I guess you won’t need this?

Yui: This...?

Shuu: This ring was amongst the prizes. I picked it out since I thought it would fit you well.

Yui: ( Eeh!? I didn’t expect a ring at all...! )

Shuu: I have no use for it. I thought I could give it to you, but if you’re already happy as is, I guess you don’t need it either.

Guess I’ll have no other choice but to toss it away somewhere.

Yui: W-Wait, please! I’m not satisfied yet. I will gladly take it!

Shuu: Oh? You greedy girl...

But well, if you want it that badly, I’ll let you have it. Haha...

Yui: ( I got a ring from Shuu-san! )

*TIMESKIP*

Shuu: Phew...We walked around quite a bit.

I’m pretty sure the Familiars should be back any second now...

*Flap flap flap*

Yui: ( Ah! They’re back. )

*Flip*

Monologue

Inside the report delivered by the Familiars,

was a sad story,

about Riegel-san’s late wife.

ーー In the past,

Riegel-san was in love with a human woman, taking her as his wife.

Apparently they were deeply in love,

regardless of belonging to different species.

Riegel-san built a house made from candy,

which his wife had dreamt of,

for quite some time.

That is where the two of them,

lived happily together.

However, 

those days suddenly came to an end.

After his wife had spotted a Vampire man,

who had gotten himself lost in the woods,

she kindly invited him inside their house.

However, thirsty for blood,

this man sucked her dry,

ending her life in the process.

After witnessing his wife’s death,

Riegel-san’s grief was immeasurable, 

there was nobody who could soothe his pain.

After that experience,

he closed off his heart to others,

or so they sayーー

Shuu: This explains a lot.

Yui: How horrible...

Um, Shuu-san?

I...Even if he doesn’t give us any information on the Count, I just can’t let Riegel-san continue to suffer like this.

I just cannot write this off as someone else’s problem.

There might not be anything I can do for him, but...

Shuu: Haah...I had a feeling you’d say something like that.

But what can you do?

Yui: Well...

ー Yui recalls Riegel’s home.

Yui: ...Right!

How about we hold a party for him?

Shuu: ...And where does that come from?

Yui: I tried thinking about why Riegel-san’s wife wanted him to build a candy house for them.

It’s just a guess but...I think she probably wanted it to be a home where many people would come and gather...?

Perhaps that is why she wanted to live there with Riegel-san?

Shuu: Well...You do have a point that you wouldn’t build that kind of house if you wanted to keep people away.

Yui: Yes. 

In that case, granting her wish might bring some comfort to Riegel-san’s broken heart?

Shuu: ...

Yui: I’m sure...He continues to suffer because of what happened to his wife to this day.

That’s why he continues to live in that house all by himself...

( Vampires and humans have different lifespans... )

( Therefore I’m sure he knew that he would have to bid farewell one day, but... )

( After his wife died in such a horrible way, he has been all alone this whole time... )

Shuu: Well, I’ll admit you have a point.

Besides...

Like you said, it isn’t like his struggle is completely unrelated to us.

...One day, I might find myself in the exact same situation.

Yui: ( Shuu-san... )

Shuu: ーー Anyway.

If we’re going to hold a party, we have to get started on the preparations.

Yui: You’re on board with my idea...?

Shuu: It’s a chore...But we have no other choice.

I’ll send out my Familiars once more and have them research anything Riegel might like.

*Flap flap flap*

Yui: Thank you!

I’ll try thinking about what kind of party it should be.

Shuu: Yeah, please do.

Yui: I do think it would be good to have it related to the memories he shared with his late wife.

Shuu: ...Well then, in that case, I’m sure we have plenty of options.

Yui: Yes!

( Okay! I just have to give it my best shot! )

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

← RETURN TO CHAPTER 1

→ PROCEED WITH MAIN STORY [CHAPTER 3]

→ SUB-SCENARIO #1 [W/ AYATO]

→ SUB-SCENARIO #2 [W/ KANATO]

→ SUB-SCENARIO #3 [W/ AZUSA]

→ SUB-SCENARIO #4 [W/ SHIN]

#diabolik lovers #dialovers #shuu sakamaki #lunatic parade #diabolik lovers translation #lpshuuchapter2

[fatiguing-thoughts]

“Victoria’s Game” - Embry Call

Request: It’s so nice to find another Embry lover lmao um, maybe a Embry x reader where Victoria is after the reader for some reason and Embry and the pack are all very protective??

********Should I make a part two to this? I’m thinking about it.********

Part One  / Part Two  / Part Three  / Part Four

Embry’s POV

“No I will not tell you where I’m taking you.” I laugh, still covering her eyes with my hands. 

“Em, we’ve been walking for like ever. I haven’t been able to see for like fifteen minutes!” Her beautiful laugh echoes the woods around us. 

“I know we’re almost there. Just be patient, babe. Step higher up, we’re going up!” 

“Easy for you to say. You try being blind on a hike for as long as me, wolf boy!” She says, slightly stumbling into me where the step up was. 

“Okay, okay. We’re here, I’ll let you see now, I guess.” I remove my hands from covering her eyes. 

“Thank god, I’ve been stressing out over here.” She begins but then looks at where I brought her. 

(Y/N)’s eyes gleaming with excitement, smiling ear to ear, turning around to me. The weight of her hands gripping mine before her slight excited jumping and pulling me to the meadow of flowers I found on last night’s patrol. 

“Oh my god, Embry it’s… it’s so beautiful.” She trailed off, running her fingers through the high flowers surrounding her. 

“I think you look beautiful. These flowers got nothing on you, babe.” I snake my arms around her waist, pulling her into my chest. 

“Emmmmm.” She whines, giggling at my cheesiness. 

“But it’s true babe. I knew you’d love it here, though. This could be a new spot of ours, if you want. None of the others found it, I was by myself last night.” 

“Yes, we can add it to our list of spots.” Her voice blissfully filling my ears. 

She pulls me into the middle of the meadow, the scent of hers mixing with all the flowers made me feel like I was in heaven. We sat down on a large rock, just enjoying each other’s company, her head on my shoulder, eyes closed. I could hear her inhaling my scent, the teakwood scented cologne I know she loved. 

(Y/N) was slightly drifting in and out of her slumber on my shoulder, her breath and heartbeat slowing. How did I ever get so lucky?

I look down at her, admiring her beautiful face, stroking her soft hair. 

That familiar, rancid smell hit my nostrils. Sending me into a panic. Where was she? 

My eyes widened, I frantically scanned the treeline without moving, attempting to not wake (Y/N) up and scare her. 

I then saw the fiery red hair in the treeline. 

She turned her attention over to (Y/N) and staring for a moment, before looking back at me and smiling crooked. She waved goodbye before running off into the distance, out of my scent range. 

This was a game to her, now. As we hunted Victoria for months, she was going to hunt (Y/N), my source of light, source of happiness. I had to let the pack know, (Y/N) too, but it was vital to start a new regime up to make sure (Y/N) stays safe, not just Bella anymore. 

“Babe, wake up. We gotta go to Sam’s.” I gently shook my shoulder, grabbing her waist with my arm to keep her balanced. 

“Okay, how late is it? Is everything okay? Was I asleep long? I’m sorry.” She yawns. 

“No, don’t apologize. Not long. We just have to go, now.” I urge her. 

Her heartbeat sped up realizing how serious I was about leaving immediately. 

I make the walk back to the car quickly paced, knowing she would keep up or that I would carry her in her sleepy state, either worked for me. We just had to get out of here ASAP.

I call Sam on our walk back. 

“We need to have a meeting, I’m on my way to your house now. I’ll be there in a half an hour, get everyone ready.” I hang the phone up, putting it into my pocket.

“Embry, please tell me what’s going on.” Looking up at me with pleading eyes. 

“In the car, okay?” I say, giving her hand a slight squeeze.

She nods and we make our way to the car, walking in silence for another fifteen minutes. 

I start the car and drive off immediately, she looks at me once again with a worried face, killing me slowly to see her afraid. 

“Okay, well I smelt something out there. It was her, and she saw you. I think she’s going to be coming after you. So no more being out in the woods, especially without at least a few of us. We’re going to need to patrol by you, too. You’re going to get protection, okay? I would never let anything happen to you, (Y/N). I’ll keep you safe. I promise.” I look into her eyes as I make my promise, but quickly turn my attention back to the road. 

She nods and looks out her window, trying to take it all in I suppose. 

I feel her heartbeat thumping in the car, breathing uneven. My poor girl. 

We pull up to Sam’s and I walk inside with her, my hand on the small of her back. 

We sit down at Sam’s kitchen table, joining everyone else who awaited our arrival. 

I sat down and explained what happened out in the meadow, everyone growing uneasy as the story progressed. 

“And then she ran out of my range of scent, this is a game to her, now.” I finish it off. 

We all grew up best friends with (Y/N), I just was the lucky one who imprinted on the girl I loved my entire life. So to say we all were protective of her was an understatement, she was family to everyone here. 

“Well, we’re gonna have to patrol more, and she can’t go anywhere alone anymore. We’ll have to watch her house, too.” Sam announces. 

Jacob seems to grow a little uneasy, probably at the thought that this meant less protection for Bella. I tried to contain myself from getting angry with him, but I knew he didn’t mean any malice behind it. Still, I couldn’t help but shoot him a glare. (Y/N) was my imprint for god’s sake, not just a girl stringing me along while her boyfriend skipped town. 

“Bella will still be okay. Maybe we can try to keep them together sometimes, making it a little easier on us.” Seth offers up, picking up on some of the tension. 

“We can do that, it’ll ease things up quite a bit, sometimes.” Sam affirms the idea. 

I look over at (Y/N) and she nods at me, letting me know she trusts us. 

“Don’t worry, (Y/N). The redhead won’t lay a finger on you with us around.” Paul chimes in, giving her shoulder a light nudge for comfort. 

“Thank you.” She smiles at him. 

We sit and chat for a bit, before deciding it was time to go check on Bella and tell her about the whole situation and new plan. 

We got into the truck and drove over to Bella’s to pick her up, seeing as Jacob was going to do that anyway so they could work on their bikes. 

Jacob goes to the door, being greeted by Charlie who waves to (Y/N) and I in the truck, earning a smile and wave back from us. 

“Embry, I’m scared.” Her small, sweet voice mutters next to me. 

I wrap my arm around her waist in the back seat of the truck, and pull her closer. 

“(Y/N), I will never let her hurt you. I’ll keep you safe. Even if it’s the last thing I ever do, until my dying breath.” I say, looking into her sweet eyes. 

“Em, don’t say that. It’s too… real.” She chokes out. 

“I mean it, (Y/N). We all will. You’re everything to me.” I kiss her forehead, feeling the tears falling from her eyes and onto my shirt. 

I held her tighter, the silence in the truck engulfing us as we awaited Jacob and Bella’s entry to the truck. 

______________ Part One  / Part Two  / Part Three  / Part Four

Word Count: 1340

SHOULD I DO A PART TWO? Lemme know everyone!

I hope you enjoyed it, anon! Thank you for the request!

#embry call #embry call x reader #jacob black #paul lahote #sam uley #leah clearwater #seth clearwater #Quil Ateara #jared cameron #brady fuller #collin littlesea #twilight x reader #writing #embry call imagine

[some-dr-writings]

Rantaro, Chiaki, and Ibuki x S/O who’s scared of touch asking to hold their hand

Rantaro Amami:

·       “You don’t like touch?... Okay.”

·       Rantaro never pried you was to why you didn’t like touch. All he knew was you didn’t like it at the very least and that was enough for him. Didn’t matter what the reason was, in the end you didn’t like touch, so he respected that.

·       However, touch was rather important to Rantaro, extremely actually. He cared about you; you were his partner. After having lost all of his little sisters, he was scared of losing you too. When out he needed you close, hold your hand or something to place his heart at ease and know you were still by his side and wouldn’t just suddenly disappear when he wasn’t paying attention to you for a moment like had happened with others so many times before.

·       Talking through both of your needs you came to a compromise. When out Rantaro could hold on to a piece of your clothing whether it be the hem of a shirt or the end of a sleeve or scarf. It was an arrangement you both could be comfortable with.

·       It was another day of searching, simply walking along down that snowy street. A chilling wind rolled past kicking up some snow as it went. He pulled up his scarf just a bit higher to shield a little more of himself from the cold. The crunching sound of the snow beneath your feet was a delightful contrast from the silent world the powdery substance had created, like placing a blanket over one’s ears. It was so quiet he could here even your meek, mumbled voice.

·       “Rantaro?” “Yeah.” “……… uh…” Rantaro simply waited patiently. He didn’t mind the lulls in conversations like most would. They were good moments to collect your thoughts on what the other had said, even if it was just wondering what they could want. “I… I’m not sure if I’m okay with touch yet, but… maybe… we could try? J-just this once, since we both have gloves on… I think I’ll feel safer trying like this.” “Okay. Would you feel better if I took your hand, or do you want to take mine.” “U-uh… I… I don’t know…” “… “Maybe we could both go for it?” “Y-yeah! I think that’s good!”

·       Whether from the cold or from fear or nervousness, Rantaro couldn’t tell why your hand lightly trembled in his, but that didn’t matter. You wanted to try and was something he was going to cherish forever.

    Chiaki Nanami:

·       Chiaki didn’t particularly mind your no touching rule. You must have had your reasons for it so she didn’t push you. Besides touch was not the only way to connect with a person, you could still happily enjoy paying video games with one another, hell if you wanted the distance you could even play on opposite sides of the world and still connect.

·       It didn’t matter the game whether single player or co-op, competitive or cooperative you’d play any and all games together. Often you’d end up just talking about whatever, the recent chaos Chiaki’s class had gotten into, the rough day you had when someone bumped into you sending you into a panic, some random thing in the news, the latest video game releases, didn’t matter really you just liked talking with one another.

·       “Did you at least go to the nurse’s office?” Your response was a bit prolonged, just a single drawn-out syllable as you tried figuring out where on the map exactly the new boss had appeared. “Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeaah. Yeah, I did.” “… Y/N you’re going the wrong way.” “Wait… No that’s the only path to the boss.” “The pathway is blocked, take the mountain rout.” “Oh!” “… You’re awfully distracted. Did something happen at the nurse’s office?” “No, no. I… I’m just… tired. Tired of getting so worked up all the time at the slightest contact. It’s been years now, but I still get so panicky. I hate it. I just want to not have to deal with this anymore… I just… I wanna hug you and hold your hand without feeling scared. I know you won’t do anything and yet I still… Aaaand I die great- just great!” Chiaki gently took the controller from you and placed it aside. “Let’s take a break from the game, okay?” “No, we don’t have to stop because of me.” “But you’re not having fun so there’s no point.” “… Okay.”

·       You simply watched as Chiaki went about saving and shutting off the system before placing away your controllers. “Chiaki! I wanna hold your hand!” “Will you be okay?” “I’ll make myself okay! I’M FINE!” “Chords of steel, nice. But I don’t like the sound of this.” “But I can still try, right?” “… If you want too.” Both your hands gripped around one of her’s, your nails just digging in. Your hands trembled under the pressure and your breathing wavered. Then you let go practically throwing your self back. “Nope-no-no, i- no- I just can’t- UGH Why!? Why does this have to be so stupid-” You were suddenly caught off guard feeling a blanket tossed on you. “… Thank you.” “It’s okay. I know how frustrating this can be for you… Want to play a good puzzle game to distract you?” “Yeah, I’d like that.”

     Ibuki Mioda:

·       As much as you cared about one another, at first things were extremely rough. Ibuki was a rather naturally touchy person so trying to get used to not touching the person she loved took a bit to get used to, but she forced herself to stop for your sake, as much as she wanted to hug you and such, it would never be more important than your comfort and feeling safe, she never wanted to ever scare you. Thankfully there were plenty of other things you could do together like write and play music, go to amusement parks, go traveling, maybe go hiking, or visit a zoo, perhaps try something new like going to a spa, didn’t matter you could just do anything together.

·       It was pouring outside so after some running around in the rain for the fun of it and drying off the pair of you here hidden away in Ibuki’s room. Instruments and papers were scattered about, the pair of you writing down any lyrics you could think of, Ibuki constantly changing instruments to make up an accompaniment to go with it. It was rather random and bombastic, but it was a method that had made many a great song and really, the end result didn’t matter to either of you, it was just fun making up stuff. Though there was also fun to be found in perfecting songs as well.

·       You sat on the bed trying to strum the strings of the bass guitar as Ibuki wailed away, one foot on the ground, the other propped up on the seat of a chair. You ended up placing aside your guitar opting to draw Ibuki, she looked kind cool, posing and playing away. “Hmm? Hey, how come you stopped?” “Eh, I still don’t know the bass, Buki.” “Whaaaaaaat? It’s fine I’ll show you. Let’s play!” Ibuki wasn’t half-bad as a teacher but often her lessons would derail at some point and the pair of you would end up doing something else. “Sure.” And so you picked back up the guitar.

·       “Wait. Back up. I place my fingers… here?” “Not exactly. You gotta use all your finger, get all those strings!” “Uh… Hey, could you maybe… place my fingers for me? and hold my hand in the right place?” “………” “Bu-” “Sure!” Though Ibuki sat beside you, she made sure to not get too close. She could hear how your breathing wavered a bit from the contact, but you were doing okay, not screaming like you used to when she accidentally tackled you into a hug from behind. She was glad you got comfortable around her, even after she messed up so much. She was glad you were both trying.

#rantaro amami #chiaki nanami #ibuki mioda #rantaro x reader #chiaki x reader #ibuki x reader #Mod Gundham #danganronpa #danganronpa 2 #danganronpa2 #Super Danganronpa 2 #danganronpa v3 #danganronpav3 #New Danganronpa V3 #danganronpa imagine #danganronpa imagines #danganronpa 2 imagine #danganronpa 2 imagines #danganronpa v3 imagine #danganronpa v3 imagines #dr imagine #dr imagines #dr 2 imagine #dr 2 imagines #dr v3 imagine #dr v3 imagines #danganronpa x reader