#I feel like I’m being punished

[tolunarvalleys]

I hurt my shoulder the other day, I pulled or strained something, I don’t know, but it huuuuuurts. the pain radiates into my neck and down my arm. so I called out of work today and went back to sleep because it was early. but every time!!!! I sleep in!!!! I have nightmares!!!! I feel like shit!!!! I should’ve just gone to work!!!!

#I feel like I’m being punished #call out? oversleep? day off? here’s graphic images of you experiencing SA #sigh. I’m sorry. #thoughts #tw sa mention #tw #cptsd #trauma #adding to this: I literally take medication at night because I was originally having nightmares every single night. and my psychiatrist #(whomst I love) offered me medication to help #now the nightmares are less frequent but it seems really fucked up that I can be working so hard to better myself and actually doing well!! #yet the nightmares continue

[cherrysnax]

I miss my drink already

#I feel like I’m being punished #by god or some other force or entity #I’m so fucking tired man #i can’t even put it into words #I just #I just want to die man #but I’m so afraid of death and things I I’ll leave behind. why are we here just to die anyway I don’t get it #I think part of me wants to kms because I’m too afraid to live #n cool self reflection and all that. but god. I’m so tired. I am wasting my life and I think that I’m just #such wasted potential but potential for what #I just wanna fucking. #idk I don’t know if I want to die but I don’t want to be me anymore #but I have things that I care about so I can’t just. #yknow #I want another drink

[danandfuckingjonlmao]

ok everybody block dnp on all socials they have eyes everywhere. they know way to much. those omniscient fuckers are always watching. no one is safe.

like what do you MEAN you know about those stupid “real voice” compilations and people absolutely clowning about jumpcuts and smudged whiskers and what do you MEAN you’re aware of those 2009 phan theories people still debate to this day? what happened to “i don’t check my indirects” “i don’t go on the tags”?? i bet you’re lurking RIGHT NOW reading this very post. all men do is lie. can’t trust anyone 😤😪

#/j #dnp #dan and phil #pinof #phan #gamingmas 2023 #yeet my deet #dan howell #daniel howell #amazingphil #phil lester #danisnotonfire #i didn’t participate in the phandom until they came out #i was an older phannie i started watching at age 16 #so i knew better #so this feels like i’m being punished for something i didn’t do #and having always been mortified and embarrassed by the shit yall would say back in the day #my only respite was “ok maybe dnp didn’t see this” #no they’ve seen EVERYTHING #you’re past is coming back to haunt you but your past is also coming back to haunt me lmao #to be clear i am part of the problem simply for consuming phan/phandom media at the time and therefore giving those videos views #but i was always terrified of the phandom #like i didn’t even consider myself part of the phandom for my first 4 years as a phannie #i was a closet demon phannie lol #i started participating after they came out and we were all actual adults about it and super respectful #i was like we’re all old and gay now i love this for us #yeet my deenp

[metagalacticx]

i know i’m dramatic but like…………

#i feel like i’m being punished #something something sins of the father #prsnl

[larapaulussen]

#gif #why do I have to spend every christmas and every birthday alone #for what am I being punished #I am a good person #and I don’t think this suffering has any sense #it’s just that in life the happy people have good things coming their way #and the sad people always just get more trauma #I know I could have a relationship if I didn’t have such a traumatic childhood #my trauma lets me reject the good guys and waste my time with the aholes #but i don’t know what to do about it #every nice guy I met absolutely wasn’t attractive to me #and we also didn’t have anything in common #so I’m not even regretting rejecting them cause it wouldn’t have worked out #and they deserve someone who actually fancies them #i just wonder why I never met a nice guy that I have common interests with #or who matched my preferences lookwise #it really feels like I’m simply not allowed to ever meet the right person #and gotten to the point where I swipe for hours have a lot of matches and then ghost everyone #as I just know it either will be someone nice but not attractive to me or an ahole #I just don’t have any energy left anymore #I just want to experience love so bad but can’t do these dates anymore #I’m so so tired

[impossibledial]

i’m so intrigued by dannyclara despite not shipping them. i think that relationship is an interesting addition to clara’s character arc and i’m still trying to to figure out it’s purpose.

#read tags #doctor who #doctor who meta #clara oswald #clara oswald meta #danny pink #twelfth doctor #discussion #tagging pinkswald but let it be known i don’t ship them. #i think they were cute for what they were though. #it’s hard for me to view their relationship without being blinded by twelveclara but i’m trying. #my reason for not shipping them is due to clara’s treatment of him which i feel people don’t bring up often enough. #the only thing danny ever asked of clara was to stop lying. #twelveclaras tend to act as if he was possessive or territorial or demanding but he wasn’t. #he wasn’t insanely jealous in the caretaker. twelve was. he just wanted to know what was going on. #even in motoe he checked in to ask clara if she’s really sure she wants to stop travelling. she had no need to lie. #in the flatline script he says ‘if you’re back with the doctor it’s okay. you don’t have to lie to me.’ #yet time and time again clara does. #clara may have loved danny but there was no trust. #she continually broke his trust. she never felt like she could confide him. #despite this i still view clara as a fundamentally selfless character. #i now think this is why she was willing to die to be with him dark water. she felt that was the least she could to make up for her lies. #i hesitate referring to it as a punishment because being with danny could never be that for her but i do think it was because of guilt. #it’s that lack of trust that makes her hang up in a sense.

[planet4546b]

i love it when characters face consequences for their actions i love it when characters make bad decisions i love it when characters have genuine flaws that make their lives harder i love it when characters die unfulfilled i love it when characters don’t forgive each other i think every character should have at least two people who they interact with regularly who would straight up brawl them if given the chance and that’s THAT

#pers #that one image of the person lying in bed smiling and it’s me and i’m thinking about SAMIRA #i’m SICK of characters being like i fucked up and i feel so badddd i don’t CARE face some CONSEQUENCES #get punished by the narrative or GET OUTTTTTT #this post is about my ocs and also cass and arias final conversation and chitals tower and the kingdom game and that’s IT #no i’m not getting frustrated with destiny characterization what would make you think that

[tsuchinokoroyale]

More like rad-b-gone lol

#I love that you can see me back off to dodge his grab before I’m like oh wait I can just bonk him lol #thank you radagon for being the only boss I could see myself doing hitless #except my dodge rate for his stomp/poke combo is like 5% #so it’s only feasible if he doesn’t do that move… #oh and the “nothing personnel kid” teleport and fast smash can also suck it #him the crucible knights and the bell bearing hunter are the only enemies I’ve learned to consistently parry in ER 😮‍💨 #I tried learning malenia’s parries but her damage is so overtuned it str8 up was not worth the risk and effort 🥴 #radagon definitely isn’t the most fun boss in Elden ring but I think he’s like the most fair out of every single one #which is why it’s gr8 that all my goodwill gets toss out the window with Elden beast 🥴 #I had one moment where he did Elden stars chase attack the triple closing rings and then sword swipes #and got absolutely annihilated bc I could not dodge all 3 attacks at once #like attack RNG has always been part of the difficulty in these games but with my limited knowledge this is the first one where #(( outside of gank fights )) #the RNG difficulty slider goes from manageable all the way to full health to death #had one round with malenia where she used waterfowl blade SIX TIMES and I only managed to survive bc I was playing around with a mage build #and was letting bby tiche do most of the damage while I pulled aggro from far away enough that I could dodge WFB comfortably #can you tell I’ve only ever done double godskins with both NPC summons and tears #I’ve heard enough about that fights bullshit that I straight up trivialize it every time I get it to it #Elden ring truly is the most difficult and easiest fromsoft game to date… dialectic 🥳 #excited to see how they balance things in the DLC bc honestly outside of WFB malenia really is a fun boss #I don’t mind that her normal attacks are so punishing bc dodging around them or knocking her out of certain attacks feels gr8 #so if bosses are malenia level TUNED without WFB level BULLSHIT I can see myself getting really into it 🥳 #tsuchi plays games

[emgod666]

in the middle of assessing for adhd/asd and i feel like an idiot. is this normal? lol

#not a pleasant experience #sorry this is a bit tmi don't bother reading or do #my main concern is I’m gonna fall down a pit - and not the pit from gravity falls #i just feel like my life is gonna stop when/if they say hey honey you're just a confused straggler #the universe likes to target and punish people like you and you get to ask why forever #you will never belong anywhere with anyone and i'll make that permanent now gtfo of my office w your slight hope and fry #i feel sick to my stomach and i wish i could go back to being oblivious

[thefawnfallacy]

I’m thinking about Hannibal and Mischa and how Hannibal is a monster but before he was a monster, he was still this growing thing trying very hard to fit into his human skin that simply ceased speaking because the brain was a monster but the heart was just a very small, very sad boy who loved his sister and then perhaps, hated his sister for making him feel the things she did when her death was used to nourish his body.

#I watched Hannibal rising a few months ago and I think often about how Hannibal #is seen as someone who is deeply traumatised by the death of his sister and parents but I don’t think he really interpreted it as trauma #so much as he interpreted it as a puppy being thrown into a cage interprets that it is being punished #Hannibal is not a traditional psychopath because he has feelings he’s a very low empathy person compared to will’s high empathy but that’s #not why he’s a monster #Hannibal is a monster because he delighted in killing those men who hurt his sister more than he enjoyed the act of revenge #because he likes to watch people experience the same cannibalism as he did #and he likes to manipulate and hurt and feign humanity but in reality #if the opportunity arose #he would gladly eat mischa again to punish her because eating for him is a form of punishment #he sees humans as little more than pigs but he’s also needlessly cruel in the way he slaughters them because he enjoys it but remember that #he is not a traditional psychopath which means that he likely never killed animals or anything as a child so if humans are pigs to him #it’s because he intentionally sees them that way #i’m rambling #hannibal #hannibal series #nbc hannibal #hannibal rising #mischa lecter #hannibal lecter #hannibal meta #kinda

[paunchsalazar]

as someone who has been your fan for a while, i was positively CHUFFED to see your DA:O doodles!! now, who's your fav character?

what?? thank you for liking my stuff what the heck!! now and in the past! :’ o

as for my favorite… I don’t think it’s much of a surprise…

I think a lot of it is that you meet him first!! and he’s vital to the plot and sticks around the whole time. I was mostly picking my party for the sake of role play so I brought him along 90% of the time and talked to him a lot, and I think as the only other person having these nightmares and sensing these things, it would be nice to have someone to talk about it with.

I was very charmed by the other romance options but I think by the time they met my warden was too far gone… he is a light in the dark… and he wants you to keep the dog!

who is your favorite!!

#blonde bastard son who feels guilty for his existence and can be kinda dramatic… totally not a pattern #but also I don’t think Alistair is that whiny at all and it’s funny he is constantly apologizing for being pretty contained #given the ridiculously tragic circumstances #with each bit we get of him I was like ‘oh my god are you okay…’ #stable boy slept in the kennel… hated in monastery and always getting punished… Templars seem like the total wrong fit.. #also I think his skeptical-of-the-church jadedness and honesty ensnared me… #omf actually I remember exactly it was in redcliffe when I found the amulet and gifted it to him #and he’s like ‘you remembered that?’ ‘I’m not used to people listening to my rambling…’ and I was like oh no… #💓

[mxfortune-teller]

Tw for lots of mental health stuff in the tags. Special tw for self-harm talk

#this last year hasn’t been great for me #in 2023 I relapsed into self-harm several times #I gave myself a lot of new scars and I’m afraid to wear shorts around my friends now #I can feel myself relapsing into my ed #like it’s slow but I see the signs #I feel like I’m on the verge of a breakdown at all times #it’s almost impossible for me to talk about my feelings anymore #I don’t remember the last time I was content #maybe everyone who hates me is right #maybe my partner’s parents are right about me #I miss being innocent and happy #but I have to think back so so far to remember that version of me #so far I don’t even know if they ever existed #am I destined to punish myself until I die? #was I cursed from the beginning to be either bad or unhappy? #fighting the urge to sh again currently #I need sleep so bad but I can’t #even when I do sleep I keep having bad dreams #I keep dozing off at the wheel #I’m afraid #but mostly I’m just tired and sad #I don’t want to hurt anymore #I don’t want to hurt *myself* anymore #I thought I was better #I am definitely not better #I don’t know what to do

[babyfairy]

how i feel this week

#i am having such a bad time lol like i went to pride and then it’s all downhill from there #i can never even get comfortable in my joy or relaxation without something ruining it completely #so instead of idk being able to reflect on my first time at pride and the fun i had with my friends i’m worrying about something upsetting #and it’s just like ? i can’t feel good for more than 12h at this point without something forcing me to remember that happiness is Temporary #not even just temporary. but followed inevitably by something bad or upsetting #it’s like whenever i’m happy the universe punishes me #like it is so depressing LMAO i just want to curl up and disappear genuinely

[vakarians-babe]

paranoia? you mean parannoying.

#there’s a lot id like to say but can’t figure out how to and also I would rather not start anything #it fucks me up massively to be afraid of a person spreading falsities about why I may have blocked them #bc idk call me crazy but that feels like punishing me for setting a boundary that I struggled to set for months #anyway if anyone sees this who has been told o blocked someone for having headcanons about a character being ace #that’s not true and I blocked that person for my own comfort relating to other incidents and repeated attempts to set a boundary #and I feel really trapped knowing that this person said this about me only after I had left a server we shared #anyway I know I am imperfect and there are things plenty of folks will disagree with me on #but I struggle to understand how that equates to me being a villain for deciding that I don’t want people in my space or I feel some way #this is contextless rambling I’m sorry

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

The HORROR of hearing your little five-year-old voice singing awkwardly along to a pristine backing track because your dad was just dying to shove you in front of a mic and produce a song as soon as you could enunciate words semi-intelligibly.

#Barely fifteen minutes of practice just “Here’s the lyrics; here’s the mic. Sing my Angel of Music!” #Mostly my fault because you could not pay me in stuffed animals and candy to get in front of any microphone at that age #mostly because my dad was constantly pressuring me to and I didn’t like that #I wouldn’t be opposed to it now if he hadn’t been instrumental in destroying so much of my own work for being gay and satanic #so uh… he’s not getting any asset of mine to use for his projects. No sir. #It’s offensive. #“I hate every single poem you’ve ever written and believe they need to be destroyed EXCEPT this one and this one because #they’re about my dad and you expressed what I was feeling in a way I can’t articulate 🥺” #Well guess what buddy I articulated MYSELF too and you didn’t respect that; you don’t deserve anything from me #especially not my voice which you have so heavily censored and punished me for using in the way I please #I’m kind of glad I sung so badly because that’s all he’ll ever have of my voice

[miss-crazy-rose]

The fact that Crowley was punished for being curious, for being passionate will never not haunt me

I think about it every day. It’s my Roman Empire

#does it touch me because I am the odd one in the family that never fit in and feel like I’m being punished for being different? #noooooo #(maybe) #good omens #crowley