#idk I don’t know if I want to die but I don’t want to be me anymore

[freshbeeth]

case in fucking point

#found this on twitter #this isn’t even a caricature (that i know of) it’s just fucking stupid #all on THEE DARKEST skintone #and oh look! three of them have red eyes!! #before you ask. no they are not #like this isn’t representing an oc or a character this is just to be stupid and annoying #as like? a weird joke? #not including their @ bc i don’t want anyone to harass them #but wow lol #i can’t read japanese so idk if their splashtag titles suck too but. either way! #this sucks! don’t do this! #‘but they’re just—‘ i DO NOT CARE #STOP USING MELANATED SKIN TONES AS A JOKE OR A BIT #if you’re not black SHUT THE FUCK UP this is NOT your point to argue or hill to die on #i’m probably the only black person you will encounter in your day-to-day so just LISTEN #splatoon #splatoon 3 #squidposting

[puppyeared]

its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to #im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but #because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of #exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something #and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh #and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing #because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant #even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still #its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn…. #if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about #I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird #maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel #a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t #I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to #be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol #idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week #had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting #yapping #does this count as vent #vent #Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly

[stuckinapril]

.

#Bisan’s voice memo made me go insane I haven’t been able to sleep all night and now I’m just up w crushing anxiety about it #I need to go on a run or something but I have to study #I just feel physically sick and idk what to do with myself #I just wish people didn’t have to die #Please don’t be worried about me btw I’m fine I just feel wired. Idk #I usually don’t share stuff like this bc I don’t want people to get worried or for it to distract from my posts but I just wanted #to say something so I can feel less alone about it #Bc I know a lot of people on here really care #I need to get up and get my day started eventually but im like . Peaking #And I haven’t eaten anything in like 19 hours i feel empty in every sense of the word #p

[hawnks]

this still makes me insane btw…..

#raise wa tanin ga ii #me in ozs dms talking abt the blatant misogyny in this manga that somehow doesn’t ruin it and in fact…. #well #😳😔 #the ‘shut up woman’ extra page …….. #mixed feelings #I think it’s because they all say (and demonstrate) that they would literally die for her and she is their priority #but they’re still like. bad people #KSKKSKSKD #idk #Shouma and Kirishima both sleeping with other women and thinking about yoshino in the afterglow #it’s just #they don’t know how to love in a way that isn’t awful #but they want it #they crave it instinctually #squawk tag

[chrollohearttags]

so I have a lil idea I wanna do…not sure how it’ll go though!!

#cherry chats 🍒 #it’s going to be an interactive segment thing I do in between the chapters of reverb #just bc I love my story and I know only a handful of ppl are still reading #but I don’t want it to die #so it’ll be a filler thing I do before the next chapters #i’ll elaborate later #but y’all will get the gist #eren x black fem!reader #musician x influencer au #aot au #idk #I just have TOO much lore for these characters #but not enough time to get the chapters updated #I’m torn between a reality tv style thing or interviews with the characters

[friendofflowersandfrogs]

I would just like to apologize to all the people I’ve ghosted in this past year. I promise I never stopped caring about you. Unfortunately, when I’m exhausted, social interactions are the first thing to go, and I have been exhausted for so long I’ve forgotten what energy is

#I still see ur messages and love you #I just cannot engage in a conversation without feeling sick to my stomach with the effort and wanting to die #I talk to maybe one person regularly. #I promise it’s not you even my closest friend will be ghosted for days on end if I can’t muster the response #hemera rambles #I just feel bad bc y’all deserve better #I just can’t be what you want me to be rn #I wish I could explain it better #but idk I’d rather think of u fondly than yell at you for responding to me whenever I dare send a text to let you know I’m thinking of you #I don’t want to get pissy bc ur trying to be a good friend #so I just don’t engage at all

[sage-thetravler]

Ok so assuming Ulla is still alive (not very knowlage able on her, so correct me if anything is like bad)

But do we agree if somehow on strumhonds ship they ran into sirens and as aleksander was ignoring whatever they were singing about- do you think he stopped when one called him by name? Do you think he would look over and see a face he thought dead, instead still alive in the water? Do you think at that moment he’d have to be held back from the edge, as to not tip as he ran over?

do you think he’d cry while hugging his sister? Do you think he’d be happy to see her again?

#Idk I rlly want a sibling reunion #I don’t know if they actually hate eachother #All I know is she’s a siren (I think) #And they are related #And he really wanted more people to you know- have around that won’t fucking die #the darkling #ulla morozova #aleksander morozova #Edited because I forgot to put his name

[s0livagant]

#in honor of smfsd being released last week wooooooo #i don’t wanna know which you think is best wanna know which is your FAVORITE #fob #fall out boy #pete wentz #patrick stump #joe trohman #andy hurley #mine #polls #this post being the reason I realized eowyg was on Spotify #idk how I never realized #or when this happened #sorry this is believers never die erasure #you can yell at me if u want

[nerdgirlnarrates]

So as we all know, you will feel terrible for large parts of medical training. My question is, just how bad are you supposed to feel and for how long?

#i feel amazing whenever I do anything in surgery #and the second I’m done I go back to being passively suicidal #I have cried almost every day of this sub i #I don’t think I’m emotionally equipped for this degree of sleep deprivation #also I need some #goddamn reassurance #and medicine especially neurosurgery is not the place for that #idk man I’ve felt like the worst piece of shit alive for four years and I just don’t know how much more I can take #I gotta actually survive this you know #anyway I would appreciate real answers to this #like does it get better or do you just keep wanting to die #medblr #med school #medicine #med student #my content #my text posts

[ffxvheadcanonsnooneaskedfor]

Y’all are making me feel so seen right now 🥲 maybe someday we’ll get lucky and square will see how beloved xv actually is and do something new with it. In the mean time I’ve had a fic idea for a really long time, idk where to start with it since I’ve only ever written one shots but maybe this means it’s time to start it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Also it would kind’ve borrow from other fics I read way back in the day so I’m also a little hesitant to start as I don’t want to rip anyone off but it would be really minor details that I liked about them 😅

#idk what do you think #I’d like to be more active in the fandom again #since I know there’s people who stil enjoy ffxv like me #and even though there’s not as many of us I don’t want this tag to die #final fantasy xv #final fantasy 15 #ffxv #noctis lucis caelum #ff15 #ignis scientia #prompto argentum #gladiolus amicitia

[neixins]

the dripping from out of frame, the slow turn, the hard cut……horror writers WISH they had a shoujo mangaka’s skill to invoke pure unadulterated dread

[ID: panels from chapter 256 of “yona of the dawn”. in the first panel, zeno stands up; his neck and robes are heavily stained with blood, and some of it is splattered on his cheek; he says, “i tried all i could to die…”. in the next panel, the phonomime “drip” is written twice in the corner, indicating that it’s coming from somewhere out of frame but zeno has yet to react to it. in the following panel, the dripping continues and he turns towards it. in the next panel, which is taking up most of the page, he stares at the source of the sound in horror. the final panel shows the roof of the palace; the sky above it is dark and cloudy, with sunlight beginning to break through the clouds. end ID.]

#u wanna know what i think the sound is? :) (<- was right about zeno not being able to kill himself and now my ego is massive) #i think the other dragons got pushed out of the chalice along with zeno and now they’re badly injured and bleeding #(hence the dripping) #idk what could horrify zeno at this point except being faced with the realization that his plan backfired not against HIM #bc he’s tried to off himself before and it never worked. but against the people he cares about and wanted to save #(in a deeply fucked up way and without asking if they even want that but he did want to save them and not just himself) #obviously as the optimistic theories guy i think they’ll all be okay #like. the dragon gods’ protection clearly hasn’t completely perished from the mausoleum AND riri’s running around administering aid outside #i don’t think they’ll die. but i do think kusanagi will continue trying to scare us with the possibility #anyway. what was i talking about #oh right! horror sequences in shoujo manga always go so hard i love it #akayona

[nicos-robin]

can we talk about the fact that according to the new sbs it was hajrudin, gerth and goldberg (the new giant warrior pirates) who saved the books of ohara???? who helped ensure that ohara won????? that their legacy and all their hard work lives on????

like holy shit i cannot WAIT for elbaph and if oda doesn’t give me robin interacting with them and thanking them for saving the books then i’ll write it myself!!!!

#like….. in their past members of luffys grand fleet were aiding his crew mates for the future…. i wanna cry #i want robin to know and i want her to be able to thank those who helped carry on oharas will #especially bc up until she met the straw hats robins sole motivating factor for living was carrying on the will of ohara and ensuring it #didn’t die off !!!!! and she never even knew that she didn’t need to this whole time behind the scenes there were already people helping #her with that just GAAAAAH sorry if i don’t make sense im lowkey hungover but going feral over this news #one piece #nico robin #it is technically released but since it’s still early i’ll throw on a spoilers tag #one piece spoilers #op spoilers #in case people don’t want the SBS’ to be spoiled idk

[mypimpademia]

The more I think about Miguel’s backstory the less I feel bad for him. Bc it’s like… you really sat down and convinced yourself that you could take the place of a dead version of yourself and all would be well.

#pimptalks #as sexy as he is I can’t defend him #like idk I don’t think this has anything to do w ‘anomalies’ #I think we need to analyze you playing dimensional daddy and then getting mad at miles for not wanting his ACTUAL father to die #BUT LISTEN HERES WHAT IM REALLY STUCK ON. #HOW DID HIS WIFE AND DAUGHTER NOT NOTICE THAT ITS NOT REALLY THEIR MIGUEL…? #CUZ PERSONALLY… YOU COULD WALK AND TALK LIKE MY MAN AND BE HIM ON A GENETIC LEVEL BUT YOURE NOT HIM. #THATS NOT YOUR NIGGA!!! #and then how would he know specific details in that universe and about that family #like did he have to stalk them beforehand #I need answers.

[p-p-panda]

Random art vent lol

I get tired of constantly pouring my heart out when asked about my stuff only for it to fall flat. Like why did they even ask me to begin with??? Just to tease me??? 😭 bruh

#this is very different than what I usually post #I don’t really like doing it but tbh this has been bothering me for the past couple of months in different places I’m active in #and it’s starting to become annoying #i listen to everyone’s lore and ocs or whatever the convo is only to end up with like one reply and they die on me. AND IT KEEPS HAPPENING #IN DIFFERENT Group chats #man I’m just so tired of even lore dumping all the time at this point 💀 #it seems like when I actually have the motivation to finally open up that’s when I get ignored the most :/ #I’m probably being a sensitive baby rn so I might delete this later. only wanted to get it off my chest #i can listen to other people talk for hours then the second I speak it feels like bore everyone 😔 #i only have like 1 or 2 people that actually listen to me when it’s my turn but most of the time I’m always listening. which isn’t bad but #man #it hurts and kinda makes me wanna cry lmao #and it makes me just half ass shit at this point when people ask about my ocs/lore since I don’t know if they want a tiny bit of info or #if they’re actually intrigued :/ I just give up now #ok I’m done this is way too long ahaha #vent #it’s not that I constantly want atteion because I don’t and I love listening to other people and sometimes when I ask they don’t talk to me #but will to someone els even when I’m super invested so idk at this point #😞 #i admit I have times when I’m shy but it mostly due to not wanting to wast peoples time anymore #ok I will shut to the up #gn #it’s like 1am for me #and I really don’t want people to ask only because of this post. trust me that’s not what I’m trying to do i swear. only getting out feels

[delicateimage]

Hey girlies update time… I’ve been sent to a clinic for my weight and it’s been really stressful and my life is kinda falling apart lol there’s defiantly good aspects to it but ughhh I’m like :( bc my diets had to change so much and I feel so unproductive now and I’m really scared about gaining weight but they’d said I’d like die or whatever if I didn’t which um. I genuinely feel so disgusting heavy and sick and disgusting and DISGUSTIGN eww and my disordered eating brain is coming back in full force after silently controlling me for like nearly years at this point and it’s all so much. the hardest thing about this is that I don’t want to gain weight at all and particularly I don’t really even care to live anymore. I’m scared everyday I’ll fall deeper and deeper back into disordered eating I’ll get lonelier and lonelier I’ll get fatter and fatter I’ll lose everything I’ve ever built for myself… ugh this is a mess but ong.

#it’s hard because I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging like HEYYYY I GOT HOSPITALOZED FOR BEING A SKINNY QUEEN YASS but omg I can’t #this is so sickening I feel so fat and disgusting there were two days where I could feel like I could eat the calorie count they gave me but #now I feel like a FAT FUCKING BEKUGA WHALE I feel like I gained 40 pounds in a day I feel so hulking and disgusting I’m eating so much ew #the self harming intentions came back because I lost my only form of control over my autonomy. I feel like there’s no other way for people #to hear me other than harming myself and depriving myself #I feel like such a waste #it’s like tomorrow I want to go back restrict restrict restrict restrict eat 5 calories exercise for an hour #but I just can’t. #I don’t have anyone to talk to because no one understands. #I feel so lost #the one thing I enjoyed about the diet change is the snack kinda… it gives me motivation to keep going. #everything is so stressful though and I don’t know how to encapsulate everything AT ALL ugh #I’m so tired and I just want to fall over and die already but… idk #I want to restrict really badly. I want to purge and fast again. I want to become anorexic. I was at to scream out and cry and say that I’m #hurting and I’m weak and I can’t take it anymore #ugh #omg I haven’t made a huge tumblr rant in months omg I haven’t USED tumblr really in months omg #my ED loves tumblr like girl hey

[im-still-watching-anime]

man does anyone else just constantly forget neji died?? i was rewatching the war arc and got to it like HUH OH YEAH like i remember shikaku and inoichi more than him because i just didn’t like the writing for his and repressed it too much so now whenever i see any reference to it my brain blue screens for like 20 seconds straight

#it simply does not compute #like don’t get me wrong im into tragedy and well written character deaths ALWAYS get me #but idk i just thought neji was a poor choice if you HAD to kill one of the konoha twelve off #not that i WANTED any of them to die but i do think someone else would have been a better option #or killing off more than one would have balanced it better #and then it was also just how it was crammed between all the other big events so we had to rush past it #shout out to the fillers always knowing naruto deaths aren’t striking hard enough and giving the dead characters more significance lol #can always tell someone is about to die when the fillers start giving them all the meaningful moments rip #idk though even the folllow up grieving and references just didn’t add enough #plus how it kind of just contradicted the main goal of the series idk #i just don’t like it so my brain is just like what death??? #probably would stick better if i ever rewatched post war or if i watched boruto though #but i dont so i continue to relive the ‘wtf why :/‘ every time i remember it lol #naruto shippuden spoilers #naruto spoilers #????? #does anyone need that tag??? #idk i added it in case