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azk0re · 4 months

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…and they were roommates! (pt. 2)

pairing: roommate!abby x black!femme!reader

synopsis: your sophomore year of college is starting in a few weeks, and you’re in dire need of a roommate. abby just so happens to be in a similar situation…

warnings: mdni, abby is bi (no bi erasure on this page), reader is black, reader is femme, reader is a simp tbh, strong language used, (y/n) is used (i had to guys i’m sorry T-T), reader is pretty sensitive (sorry not sorry), reader dissociates, reader is an overthinker

an: this has been sitting in my drafts for a lil while but i have not had the time or energy to post it because finals were kicking my ass. i’m struggling a ton with writer’s block so bear with me. this isn’t really a full cohesive chapter, it‘s kind of a filler chapter. again, this series is very self-indulgent on my behalf so reader is quite sensitive in terms of emotions and quite the overthinker. nonetheless, i hope y’all enjoy the (sort of domestic) fluff in it! - with love, ellie ♡

The first few days of living with Abby were kind of rocky. Not because the two of you were having a hard time living together, but because you were kind of avoiding her.

In your eyes, your attraction to her was still a problem and you were trying your hardest to get over it as quickly as possible by lounging around Heaven and Ellie’s place most of the day to avoid seeing her, much to Ellie’s displeasure.

You thought that simply spending as much time away from Abby would make your attraction to her lessen, but you were sorely mistaken because spending less time around her didn’t make her less attractive. Soon enough, you gave up trying to avoid her and started spending more time around the apartment instead of at Heaven and Ellie’s place. In doing so, you picked up on Abby’s daily schedule.

Abby hadn’t lied about being an early riser. From what you could tell, she got up every day before or with the sun, went to the gym, came home to shower and make breakfast for the both of you, and then, by the time you’d woken up, she was out the door again after leaving a sticky note on the fridge to let you know that your food was in the toaster oven near the stove to keep warm, and that she’d back in a few hours on her lunch break from work. The next time she’d come back was around lunchtime, and she’d come home, grab a snack, and check in with you before leaving again and coming home later in the evening.

You thought the breakfast thing was just a one time deal at first, until it happened again…and again…and again. After a while, you started to feel bad about the fact that you weren’t really doing much for Abby when she made you delicious breakfast every morning. You wanted to repay her for it but you didn’t really know how.

Your first idea was to reach out to Ellie and Heaven to see what the thought, and after being called an idiot by Ellie she gave you the brilliant idea of just simply making lunch for her every day since you were home during lunch time.

It became a bit of a tradition in the apartment for Abby to get home on her lunch break to food either already prepared or nearly ready, and the two of you would enjoy whatever you prepared for lunch together, discussing any and everything before she had to head out again for the second half of her shift.

This routine didn’t change much when classes finally did start, outside of the fact that now you spent a lot less time in the apartment. Abby’s schedule seemed to stay remotely the same, the only thing that changed was her spending more time home in the afternoon and evening than she had been before because her shifts were altered at work due to classes beginning.

Your routine changed pretty dramatically, though. You got a job right before classes started and had to spend less time around the house. When classes did start up, you spent even less time around the house in the afternoons and evenings.

You still tried to make Abby lunch everyday though, simply preparing it before you left for your 10 am class, and leaving it in the fridge for her to find when she inevitably made her way home in the early afternoon. For the most part that still worked. The only thing that was different about it was the fact that the two of you weren’t usually able to have your daily lunchtime talks.

Instead, those talks were pushed back to the evenings when you were both home. Before classes started, you and Abby spent most of your evenings alone in your own areas of the apartment, but when classes started you’d began making dinner together to make up for not being able to have lunch together anymore.

It’s where you found yourself now, sitting on a stool at the island in your and Abby’s shared kitchen while she tended to a stir fry in a pan on the stove, laughing while telling a story about something a close friend of hers, Manny, had said to her at work earlier in the day. She was in nothing but a white wifebeater and some joggers that fit her ass far too well. The view was spectacular from where you were seated. You could see the muscles in her back and arms tense and flex as she worked away at the meal on the stove.

“I’m really starting to think he believes that his dick is God’s gift to women,” Abby sighs, shaking her head as she pulls the pan off the heated eye of the stove, turning the stove off by the knob. You can’t see her face but you know there’s a smile sprawled across her features, just as there usually was when she spoke about her friends.

You giggle, “Of course he does, he’s a man. They all seem to think that.”

“Tell me about it,” she huffs, turning around to grab the plates beside the stove and plate the food, “sometimes I question why I even like them.”

“It’s a wonder to us all,” you drawl, false disappointment dripping from you tone which causes Abby to laugh as she picks up on it.

When she’s done plating the food, she sets a plate in front of you and one across from you before going to grab two forks from the nearby silverware drawer.

“So,” Abby starts, situating herself on the stool across from, “how did your day go?”

You sigh, looking down at your plate instead of at Abby. You honestly didn’t want to talk about the day you. You just wanted to forget about it.

Abby picks up on the abrupt shift in your mood immediately, “It was rough, huh?”

You nod you head, “Yeah, I ran into an ex fling and was late for my class this morning.”

“The class with that one asshole professor?” Abby inquires.

“Yeah, he made a show of embarrassing me for being late.” You tell her as you push around a piece of broccoli on your plate.

Abby hums, “That’s shitty,” she says, sounding genuinely sympathetic, “what happened with the ex fling?”

“She was just really passive aggressive. She was making conversation but I could tell she was upset about how things ended between us.”

“Ended? So, it wasn’t just like a one and done thing with her?” Abby asks, after taking swallowing a bit of her food.

You shake your head, “No, we were kinda working somewhat toward a relationship, I guess. It started out as a one night stand after a party but we kept seeing each other. But, after going to another party together…something happened and I ended whatever we had together.”

Abby hums again but doesn’t say anything more for a moment as you finally take your first few bites of the delicious stir fry she’d made.

After a moment or two, she speaks again but her voice is considerably lower and you can hear the cautiousness in her tone as she asks, “Do you mind if I ask what happened?”

The question makes you pause for a moment as you think back to the events of that night, trying to decide whether or not to tell Abby.

A few minutes pass before you finally decide, “I don’t mind telling you…just not now.”

Abby nods in understanding, “Okay, that’s perfectly fine. You don’t have to tell me at all if you don’t want to.”

You smile at Abby, grateful for her not pushing you to tell her and she returns that smile, “What do you want to watch after dinner?” She asks, effectively changing the conversation quickly as to not allow an awkward atmosphere to settle around the two of you.

You were on your way home from class one afternoon, trying to decide what to make Abby for dinner when you almost walk past a small box on the side of the the road. You stop dead in you tracks when you hear a very faint noise come from the box. You wait for a second, trying to see if you were simply hearing things when you hear it again.

The noise is muffled but it sounded like a weak meow. Your heart squeezed in your chest as you draw nearer to the box, cautiously flipping open the top flap to be met with the sight of tiny, adorable little kitten. It’s fur was splotched with orange, brown, black, and white, and it looked so cute.

You couldn’t help but coo at the small little thing as it peered up at you meowing almost silently. Who would ever just leave such a precious little kitten on the side of the road? You couldn’t possibly just leave the poor thing there, so, just like any sane person would do, you picked up the kitten and continued on your merry way to the nearest vet.

An hour later, you finally made it home with almost all of the necessities needed for the small little kitten that was currently tucked away in a little carrier courtesy of the vet you’d visited. It wasn’t until after you’d gotten everything set up in the house for the kitten that you realized you hadn’t ran keeping her by Abby yet.

A bit of panic started to set in as you realized your vital mistake. You might live here but this is Abby’s apartment, and you had no idea if Abby liked cats, if she were allergic to cats, or if she even wanted an animal in her home at all. You were overstepping a boundary and you knew that that was something Abby took quite seriously. If she really wanted to, Abby could put you out for this and you’d have no where to go.

You were so caught up in your overthinking that you didn’t hear the door of the apartment open, nor did you hear Abby shuffling at the front door to take off her shoes and jacket, or the sounds of her footsteps as they neared the living room where you were sat on the floor, with the little kitten held in your lap playing with your fingers as you stared blankly off into space.

You didn’t notice her presence until she cleared her throat, scaring the shit out of both you and the little kitten in your lap. When you turned to her, the first thing you notice was her outfit which was just a simple Henley long sleeve shirt and jeans. Her large arms were crossed over her chest, muscles straining against the fabric of her shirt, her eyebrow was raised in question, and there was a stern, unrelenting set to her jaw that let you know immediately that she was less than pleased with the image in front of her.

“(Y/N),” she starts, her voice sounding a tad more deeper than usual, “what’s that?”

She points at the small ball of fur now cowering away in your lap at the presence of someone new. You look down at her and back up at Abby slowly, feeling guilt crawl up the back of your neck.

“A kitty,” your voice is almost a whisper as you speak and she sighs deeply at the answer, immediately prompting you to continue speaking, “I’m sorry, Abby! I know I should have asked but I found her on the side of the road in a box and she sounded and looked so sad. I took her to the vet and they said she’s in pretty perfect condition. I know I should have asked before bringing her home especially since I don’t know if you’re allergic or anything but she’s just too cute and I didn’t want to just leave her there especially when our apartment building is pet friendly. I promise if you let me keep her I’ll do everything for her. You won’t have to buy anything for her or lift a hand for her, I’ll do it all! I promise! I’m so sorry, Abby-“

You’re just about in tears when Abby finally cuts off your pathetic ramble by simply holding up her hand. Her stern look contorts into one of sympathy as she looks at the state of you. To her, you looked so pretty and pathetic sitting there clutching the little kitten close to your chest with tears brimming your lash line and a pout on your lips. It was quite the sight and, in a different situation, Abby probably would’ve been a little more mean just to see your lip tremble and those tears pool enough on your lash line that they spill over and leave pretty trails down your cheeks. But, this wasn’t that type of situation and Abby knew that, so she quickly pulled her head out of her boxers and brought her attention back to the situation at hand.

“Calm down, sweetheart,” she soothes, voice as silky and sweet as honey, “I’m not mad and I’m not allergic to cats, either. I just would’ve liked to have been told beforehand.”

Abby comes closer to you, squatting to be on your level. A loan tear escapes your eye as relief washes over you and Abby wipes it away with her thumb, still looking at you with that same soft expression. She turns her attention to the little fur ball as a soft meow comes from the, otherwise silent, kitten who was looking up at her with big doe eyes that matched that of your own. She tentatively reaches out as not to alarm the kitten or you and scratches the little thing on her head with a single finger. Purrs erupt almost immediately from the little kitten causing an even wider smile to spread across Abby’s features.

You watch the exchange with a soft smile of you own, feeling your heartbeat pick up speed as you realize just how close you and Abby were at the moment. You’d been close before, having sat side by side to watch a movie or your favorite show together but never really this close.

She glances up at you, smirking a tad bit when she notices you already staring down at her, “She’s real cute, ain’t she?” Abby whispers softly.

You nod, “Can we keep her, Abby?” You whisper back, not breaking eye contact with Abby, “Please Abby? Please?”

Something flashes quickly over Abby’s eyes but it’s gone before you can figure out what it is and she averts her eyes from your own. She instead turns her attention back to the kitten, clearing her throat.

“Yeah, we can keep her,” she finally says.

You let out a squeal scaring the kitten you were holding which scrambled out of you arms, down onto you lap, and scuttled behind Abby’s leg.

Abby laughs at the display in front of her, scooping the kitten up as she stands, “Have you thought of a name for her yet?”

Once you’ve gotten yourself together you answer, “I was thinking Mochi. I know it’s kind of an odd name but, for some reason, it just feels right for her.”

“Hm,” Abby hums to herself, looking down at the kitten that’s not rubbing herself all over Abby purring loudly, “It’s not odd, it’s just unique. I think you’re right, it does fit her.”

Abby raises the kitten off of her chest and looks it in the eyes, “Welcome to the family, Mochi.”

You try not to let the fact that she’s just called the relationship between you, her, and your newly adopted cat a family, and instead rejoice again in the fact that now you have a cute little kitten to call your own.

A few hours later, you were laid up in your room without Mochi who opted to follow Abby around as she finished up her night routine. Clearly she’d chosen a favorite person and it was not you. Abby promised to bring her to you after she was done since the little thing refused to leave her side. You would be jealous but you can’t blame Mochi. You’d follow Abby around everywhere too if you were a cat. Mochi just had the same taste as her mama. Good taste, too.

You were just about to turn in for the night after plugging your phone onto its charger when it pinged and the bright light of the screen lit up the dimly lit room around you. You unlock your phone and open your messages app to see some texts from Heaven.

You quickly prop yourself up on the headboard waiting for the FaceTime call that came in seconds later. You answer it and, almost immediately, your phone is being taken up by the faces of your two best friends, Heaven and Ellie. They seemed to be laying on their bed, Heaven slightly on top of Ellie, with the phone angled just so to where both of their faces were visible.

“Alright girl, spill your guts.” Heaven says almost immediately and spill your guts you do.

You tell her all about the events leading up the the family comment from Abby, trying not to be loud or speak too much about how you felt about it as Abby could be coming to your door to drop off Mochi any minute now.

“She can’t be that hot,” Ellie comments absentmindedly after you’ve finished, staring at something off behind the screen that was more than likely a soccer game playing on their TV.

“Oh no, baby, she’s fucking hot.” Heaven tells her, looking over at Ellie who glances down at her, “Like really hot.”

You’re about to say something else when a soft knock on your door that’s soon followed by the soft little meow interrupts you.

“Come in,” you say, smiling already and Abby hasn’t opened the door yet. You hear Ellie groan through the phone and you know for a fact that it’s 100% because of the smitten look that’s no doubt on your face.

Abby slowly opens your door and peaks in with a goofy smile. Her hair is down, which is not a sight that you’ve seen often, and she was in Batman themed pajama pants and a simple black wife beater, “Hey,” she says, her voice soft, “I came to drop off the little monster.”

“You can’t call a baby a monster, Abby,” you reprimand, “that’s mean.”

Abby snorts and you hear cackle from your phone that sounds eerily similar to Ellie’s laugh, “Oh yes I can, especially when the baby in question keeps trying to crawl up my legs every time I set her down.”

Abby walks over to the side of your bed, placing Mochi right beside as she meows loudly in protest, “It’s not her fault you’re built like a tree. Poor thing’s probably just confused.”

Abby rolls her eyes, picking Mochi up yet again as she tries to climb back into Abby’s embrace by climbing up her top. She hisses in response to the scratch of the kitten’s nails against her skin underneath her shirt, and the sound definitely doesn’t do things to. It does not.

After getting her detached from her again, Abby hands Mochi over to you, “Here, go to your mama, Mochi.”

You feel your stomach do a flip at the mention of the use of the term ‘mama’ coming from Abby as you sit your phone down beside you and take Mochi into your arms. She struggled for a little bit before relaxing against you and beginning to purr.

“Hi, Abby!” Heaven hollers from the phone beside you, startling you a bit.

“Hi, Heaven..?” There’s some uncertainty present in Abby’s tone as she looks at you for confirmation, and you nod your head letting her know that she was correct in her assumption.

You glance down at the phone to see that the only face that was taking up the screen now was Heaven’s. Ellie seeming to have gone off somewhere on her own.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were on the phone.” Abby speaks softly, pulling your attention away from your phone.

You smile up at her reassuringly, still petting the small kitten now laying in your lap, “You’re fine, it’s just Heaven and Ellie, no one special.”

The both of you hear Heaven gasp offendedly from the phone, “Excuse me? ‘No one special’? Do you hear this, Ellie?”

Although Ellie’s face is not present on the screen, you and Abby hear her voice shout from somewhere else in the room, “Yup! I’ll remember that next time you wanna come hide out at our apartment.”

Abby chuckles, “Hide out from what exactly?”

“Nothing!” You rush out quickly getting another chuckle out of Abby.

“Alright then,” she laughs, “well, I’m gonna head to bed, don’t wanna keep you from talking to Heaven and Ellie,” Abby speaks softly, nodding toward the phone still laid on your bed beside you.

“Okay,” you say, nodding you head, “goodnight, I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Goodnight, Abby!” Heaven shouts from the phone again.

“Goodnight, Heaven.” Abby replies, chuckling a little.

She smiles at you, leaning forward to give Mochi one more scratch on the head as she falls asleep in your lap, “‘Night, Mochi.” Abby coos softly.

She then looks up at you with a smile on her face and a glint in her eye, “Goodnight, sweetheart.” Before you can even fully process her words, she’s stood up straight, turned on her heels, and left your room nonchalantly as if she didn’t just leave you in shambles.

The moment Heaven and Ellie heard the door to your room close shut, they erupted in giggles, “Did she just call you sweetheart?” Heaven squeals while Ellie, who’s face has finally popped back into the screen, laughs at the awestruck look on your face through the phone screen.

#tlou #tlou2 #the last of us #ellie tlou #tlou hbo #abby tlou #tlou part 2 #tlou fanfiction #tlou fic #abby anderson #abby the last of us #abby x reader #abby x fem!reader #femme lesbian #femme reader #black reader #modern au #roommates #college au

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plazmafields · 6 months

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Some thoughts about Kerry:

Spoilers ahead, needless to say.

I saw a video comparing the two versions if Chippin' In (Kerry's vs. Johnny's) where someone in the comments suggested the reason Kerry leaned more mainstream rock is because he only wanted to make music for money. I completely disagree with this and here's why:

User Friendly was the last song Kerry put out before deciding he wasn't going to perform live/tour anymore and went into a deep depression. Looking up the lyrics, you can see he was becoming very distressed with the lack of control he had over his career, and the things he says in the song sound like a cry for help that wasn't received by listeners the way he had hoped. We never hear his version of the song, and I believe that is intentional. Vapid, loud, chaotic, almost over-stimulating laser-pop is such a huge juxtaposition to the lyrics, and yet it's the only version we get to hear. Clearly User Friendly meant a lot to him or I don't think he would have reacted the way he did; combined with the cover being done by a pop group groomed by the music industry to sell as many albums as possible, it all went against Kerry's original intent with the song. Then there's the story of how he wrote Bleed the Beat: he was working his ass off for people he couldn't stand and that song was his outlet during that time. He'd play until his fingers bled just to get his frustrations out. Music is his medium for release, just like it was for Johnny.

In Johnny's version of Chippin' In, the phrase "chipping in" has two meanings: getting your first implants, and, the same as our universe, helping out. Johnny's song uses both meanings interchangeably during the choruses, the verse before it dictating which definition is being used. Johnny's arm is (from what I can tell looking at the design) military issue. The song is both about the corpo military forcing him to get an implant, and also about believing he was doing the right thing when he joined by "helping out" the armed forces. Since, in this universe, militaries are owned and/or sponsored by corporations, Johnny views corporate jobs and military service to be the same level of morally wrong (The Ballad of Buck Ravers attests to this).

In terms of how the two songs compare, obviously Kerry's version of Chippin' In is meant to have more wide appeal. Not only are the lyrics more tame, mostly just talking about the implants themselves and only having one verse that even mentions anything "political", but I believe Kerry understood that the best way to get his music to the most listeners was to go for a more mainstream sound and universally relatable lyrics, so he toned it down. Everyone hates corpos, sure, but not everyone wants to bomb Araska HQ. This is probably a stretch, but we can see from the flashbacks that Kerry didn't have any implants during his time in Samurai, so maybe Johnny was like super opposed to implants after having one forced upon him, and Kerry's version of the song is kind of saying "hey if you want implants get implants, they make you look cool don't feel bad about it."

I do support the idea that Kerry should have been bisexual like in the source material. I absolutely get that bi erasure is a big problem, ESPECIALLY with male characters. However, I respect that in the game you can only romance him with a masc V; I'm not going to mod him to he bi, I'm not gonna ship him with women. I see it the same way I see Cullen from DAI: he is canonically bisexual, just not attracted to my male Inquisitor (in Kerry's case, fem V). Maybe Kerry had such a traumatic divorce from his ex-wife that women just kinda scare him right now. We can see high heels and bras and blush littering his house, so we can assume that at the very least women are still getting naked for some reason or another at his parties. Maybe he prefers men romantically, or maybe he's just not ready to date women again, and we as players should respect that just like we would a real person.

Kerry was 100% going to kill himself when you show up to his house. There are shards advertising robotic security systems in numerous places around his house (meaning he fired his human body guards), shards with negative reviews of his last album, there is only one camera and it is by the front gate (none inside the house), he gave his cleaner and cook "the day off" that very day, you see in emails that his ex-wife is giving him the option of all or nothing with custody (you take the kids or you don't get to see them), and he isn't enjoying making music anymore, his one passion in life. He had a gun with him in the bathroom, and I believe by the way his speech slurs and he makes the impulsive decision to get Samurai back together, that he is drunk for that entire scene and has a drinking problem. It is my opinion that the reason he doesn't reveal any of that to V is because he knows Johnny will hear it and judge him, call him weak, or make insensitive jokes like he does to V when he gives you the quest. The only time we see Kerry be somewhat vulnerable is 1. Over text when talking about the crazed fan, since he probably thinks Johnny can't see those (I believe he can) and 2. In the epilogue when Johnny has been removed from V's head (Kerry says he doesn't want to lose V, and during the credits he tells V he just wants their lives to be less hectic so they can spend more time together).

It took me a couple playthroughs to warm up to Kerry, Panam is probably still my favorite romance, but I think Kerry might be the best romance option for a Skreetkid V. He perfectly embodies the plights of Night City at every income bracket: no matter where you are on the food chain, if you're not at the top, you're getting fucked over. He clearly likes living in comfort while still embracing his rebellious side from his youth. But now, he has the cushion of money and status to save him if things go tits up (when you get a wanted level in Westbrook district, close to North Oak, the officer on the police scanner says "I swear, if its Eurodyne again" suggesting that he is very reckless but hardly ever faces real consequences). Maybe he stays in his gilded cage because he fears facing real hardship on his own, without friends, without a support group, without Johnny. He has a strong sense of pride, though, and would never admit to needing Johnny, even if they were best friends. The way Kerry wants to show Johnny a riff he's been working on after the concert, only to be disappointed when V takes over again, I think it really shows that as much as they disagreed, their friendship held the band together.

I don't remember if Johnny hints at it or I saw someone suggest this on here, but the idea that Kerry only "dates" V because Johnny is in his head is ridiculous to me. The first time he called you to deal with the Us Cracks tour gear, he wanted Johnny. Every time after that, he wanted V. He definitely realizes which of the two is helping him; he can tell them apart. The Johnny that Kerry remembers wouldn't have done a selfless thing in his life, lest risking his pride and reputation as Night City's biggest fuckboy. Whether you really schmooze him up or tell him he's going overboard, Kerry appreciates that you helped him. And I think after the concert, when he hands V his gun, Kerry's body language suggests that he wasn't planning to give the gun to Johnny, he thought about it because V was back in control. V helped get the band back together, V helped decide if Denny or Henry should play the gig, V was the one who brought Johnny to Kerry's house. Johnny won't take over to do it himself despite probably being able to. I only wish you didn't meet him so late in the main story, so that his story could have more time and space to breathe.

#cyberpunk #cyberpunk 2077 #cbp 2077 #kerry eurodyne #cyberpunk kerry #cbp2077 #ramble #my thoughts #my theories #the gays must be tragic #otherwise what's the point #tw sui ideation

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genderqueerdykes · 11 months

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im getting really annoyed at people saying that gay and mspec people can’t use the terms femme and butch because “only lesbians can use them” anyone can use butch or femme, as a butch bi lesbian you don’t have to be a lesbian to use them and it’s not offensive or lesbphobic if a gay or mspec person uses them

yeah, i agree, it's an argument that's not even true to begin with. while butch and femme are commonly used in (white) lesbian spaces, the terms are not owned by lesbians, and even then an mspec lesbian is a lesbian so why should that theoretically matter? they are to be used by any and all queer folk and it's pointless

lesbians do not own the terms butch or femme- historically a butch lesbian would call themselves butch and then in the same breath refer to their trans men and gay bear friends as butches. femme lesbians would group themselves in with trans women and drag queens. just because these terms are commonly used in (white) lesbian spaces doesn't dictate ownership, and all that argument promotes is erasure of actual queer history

i'm glad you understand and agree, i hope this argument dies down. it's not lesbophobic, it's an argument that erases queer history and denies people from rightfully identifying as themselves. it's not in the spirit of queer solidarity. i hope things improve from here

#asks #answers #butch #femme

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nerdygaymormon · 9 months

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Queer Religious Songs

I was interested to see the news that a song by the drag queen Flamy Grant was top of the iTunes Christian chart. I listened to the song and really like it.

There are many religious songs I like, but these queer ones speak to a part of me that the others don’t, they ask questions that are important.

1983 - Church of the Poison Mind : Culture Club - A religious gay man has found love, but because of what he was taught at church, can’t resolve his own feelings about being gay. The message is if you’re living in a culture distorted by prejudice, take a chance on joy–embrace love, whatever form it takes.

1987 - It’s a Sin : Pet Shop Boys - This song is about a person’s lifelong feelings of shame and guilt, presumably for being taught that being gay is a sin. For everything I long to do, no matter when or where or who, has one thing in common, too. It’s a, it’s a, it’s a, it’s a sin

1988 - A Little Respect : Erasure - In this song the gay singer is calling to a lover not to leave and asks the question, what religion or reason could drive a man to forsake his lover? So often the religions we’re raised in are anti-queer and people have a tough time breaking from the prejudice when they have their first romantic relationship

1991 - Losing My Religion : R.E.M. - Lead singer Michael Stipe had declined to address his sexuality, so when “Losing My Religion” came out, people assumed Stipe was coming out as gay. Consider this the hint of the century. Consider this the slip. It stands as a classic example of queer coding in the era of “don’t-ask-don’t-tell.” The song was interpreted as the struggle of a closeted gay man coming to terms with what his religion taught about gay people.

1992 - One : U2 - Bono explained that “It’s a father-and-son story. I tried to write about someone I knew who was coming out and was afraid to tell his father. It’s a religious father and son… I have a lot of gay friends, and I’ve seen them screwed up from unloving family situations, which just are completely anti-Christian. If we know anything about God, it’s that God is love.” Knowing it’s a gay son who is talking to his unaccepting dad, the lyrics really hit hard. Did I disappoint you or leave a bad taste in your mouth? And also these words from the chorus, We’re one but we’re not the same. Well we hurt each other then we do it again. It seems eventually the son decides to draw a boundary and remove his father from his life - I can’t keep holding on to what you got, 'cause all you got is hurt. I like that the lyrics say We get to carry each other, carry each other, we are different and may not agree on everything, but we choose to help each other, like it’s asking us to find ways to have our relationship work even though we’re different

1997 - You Have Been Loved : George Michael - George Michael wrote this song about Anselmo Feleppa, who died of an AIDS-related illness in 1993. While an intense song about grief and death, it also involves a spiritual struggle. Anselmo and his mother both say that God is not dead, George counters by challenging What’s the use in pressing palms, if you [God] won’t keep such love from harm? It’s a cruel world. You’ve so much to prove.

1997 - Together Again : Janet Jackson - The album notes include “I dedicate the song ‘Together Again’ to the friends I’ve lost to AIDS.” It’s a sweet song with hopeful words. Everywhere I go, every smile I see, I know you are there smilin’ back at me

2011 - Born This Way : Lady Gaga - Many songs hint at queer identities and acceptance by using metaphors, but not this one, it is direct. No matter gay, straight, or bi, lesbian, transgender life, I’m on the right track, baby, I was born to survive. The song is a real celebration of who we each are made to be. God makes no mistakes

2011 - We All Try : Frank Ocean - Frank Ocean sings of losing faith in mankind as the LGBTQIA+ community struggles to find acceptance. I believe that marriage isn’t between a man and woman, but between love and love, and I believe you when you say you’ve lost all faith, but you must believe in something. He reassures and offers hope to listeners and the LGBTQIA+ community that I just don’t believe we’re wicked, I know that we sin but I do believe we try.

2012 - Same Love : Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Mary Lambert - Macklemore sings against the homophobia taught at church. When I was in church, they taught me something else. If you preach hate at the service, those words aren't anointed and that Holy Water that you soak in is then poisoned. The song concludes with Mary singing I’m not crying on Sundays, which I think means not letting religious intolerance and churches harm us anymore, not subjecting ourselves to those words anymore

2012 - Origin of Love : MIKA - Mika said this song “talks about my life, it talks about the church, it talks about falling in love and it talks about being happy and proud about falling in love with whoever you fall in love with, even if it’s a man. So in a way, this is my statement and my thank you to the man I love.“ To his partner he sings You are the sun and the light, you are the freedom I fight, God will do nothing to stop it.

Mika contrasts the goodness romance brings to his life with how the Bible introduces heterosexual relationships: Like stupid Adam and Eve, they found their love in a tree. God didn’t think they deserved it. He taught them hate, taught them pride, gave them a leaf, made them hide. Let’s push their stories aside. You know the origin is you

2013 – Take Me to Church : Hozier - The lyrics are against church-fueled homophobia and persecution of queer people, and instead Hozier finds meaning by worshiping in the bedroom. Many queer people can identify with these lyrics: Every Sunday’s getting more bleak, a fresh poison each week. "We were born sick", you heard them say it. Hozier explained that churches undermine humanity by teaching shame about sexual orientation by saying that it is sinful, or that it offends God. Hozier is an outspoken LGBTQ+ ally and the music video depicts two gay men being ripped apart by homophobic violence in Russia. It brought international attention to the anti-gay laws in Russia.

2015 - No Place in Heaven : MIKA - Mika is singing about how religion teaches there’s no place in heaven for gay people because the way we love is sinful. Father, won’t you forgive me for my sins? Father, if there’s a heaven let me in

2016 - Son of a Preacher Man : Tom Goss - This 1968 song gets a gay update. The video tells the story of two gay teens struggling to understand their feelings for one another while operating within the confines of an evangelical church.

2016 - Trash : Tyler Glenn - In response to the Nov 2015 Policy of Exclusion by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Tyler created this video denouncing the Church’s restrictive view of same-sex relationships. The pain and anger are so raw in this video, it hurts to watch. These lyrics are an indictment, that he’d repent his days away if we wanted him to stay, but we throw him out like trash. If this is God’s church then there should be room for ALL God’s children.

2016 - Shameless : Tyler Glenn - The video has an old man in a black suit & white shirt tied up to a chair as Tyler sings You judge, but I don’t give a damn. I live a life so shameless. He lists things he does shamelessly now that once he would’ve been judged for: porn, one-night stands, alcohol. Tyler has now left the church and is not letting old men in suits make him feel shame.

2016 - G.D.M.M.L. Grls : Tyler Glenn - Despite the best efforts by this gay man to make church work, it didn’t because God Didn’t Make Me Like Girls.

2016 - Heaven : Troye Sivan feat. Betty Who - Troye sings candidly about what it’s like for a religious teenager to come out as gay. Without losing a piece of me, how do I get to heaven? Without changing a part of me, how do I get to heaven? All my time is wasted, feeling like my heart’s mistaken, oh, so if I’m losing a piece of me, maybe I don’t want heaven? Troye explains “When I first started to realise that I might be gay, I had to ask myself all these questions—these really really terrifying questions. Am I ever going to find someone? Am I ever going to be able to have a family? If there is a God, does that God hate? If there is a heaven, am I ever going to make it to heaven?” The video features footage from LGBTQ+ protests throughout history.

2016 - Sudden Death (OMG) : Tyler Glenn - In this song, Tyler expresses the initial shock of his faith crisis. I never asked to fall from grace. Catch me I’m starting to fall! Don’t know what all this is for! Keep comin at me with your disrespect. You went and started a war. Now I don’t care any more. I keep on living like it’s sudden death.

2016 - Devil : Tyler Glenn - A song that highlights the conflict between religious belief and queerness. I found myself when I lost my faith and not being able to pray the gay away. The constant in his world, what he’s anchoring himself to, is that his mom still loves him, and that’s important because studies show the acceptance & love of a parent makes a huge difference when someone comes out.

2016 - Queer Gospel : Erin McKeown - This song is a response to the ongoing trend of "religious freedom" legislation being passed by some US states. Love us as we are. See us and we're holy. In this shall we shall ever be, wholly ourselves

2016 - Midnight : Tyler Glenn - The Neon Trees frontman gives an emotional song about his departure from the Mormon church but not from God. The ballad is accompanied by a video that shows Glenn removing his religious garments and replacing them with a glittery jacket, which is such a powerful metaphor.

2017 - The Village : Wrabel - There are lyrics in this song of what religious people have told him, and boy do they hurt. They say, 'Don't dare, don't you even go there, cutting off your long hair. You do as you're told' Tell you, ‘Wake up, go put on your makeup, this is just a phase you're gonna outgrow.’ There’s a line in the song that hits me hard: One line in the Bible isn’t worth a life. The video is beautiful, very poignant, it breaks my heart and gives me hope. But these lyrics of what people

2017 - Pray : Sam Smith - You won’t see Sam in church, but they say they’re a child of God at heart and they’re begging God to show them a way. I'm not a saint, I'm more of a sinner. I don't wanna lose, but I fear for the winners.

2017 - HIM : Sam Smith - This is a song about a boy in Mississippi coming out and the conflict between his sexuality and his religious upbringing. He is grappling with the feeling that there’s no place in church for him because he’s gay. The “Him” being sung is used both for God and for a boy he likes. Holy Father, we need to talk. I have a secret that I can't keep. I'm not the boy that you thought you wanted. Please don't get angry, have faith in me

2018 - Explaining Jesus : Jordy Searcy - Jordy grew up playing music with his family and in his church. In 2014, Jordy landed a spot on NBC’s The Voice. In this song, Searcy is apologizing for how poorly we have been “Explaining Jesus” to others. He begins by singing If you're gay and over 85, you've felt for your whole life, that when God made you, he just messed up.

2019 - Hey Jesus : Trey Pearson - Trey made headlines in 2016 when as the lead singer of the Christian rock band Everyday Sunday, he came out as gay. Three years later and Trey has a question: Hey Jesus can you hear me now? It’s been awhile since I came out, I was wonderin’ do you love me the same? As a person who struggles to reconcile faith with sexual orientation, I find this song quite moving. The song ends with And I'm so sorry for all the wrongs. We're broken singers with broken songs. We paint our pride and call it truth. I'm sorry no one explained Jesus to you

2020 - God Loves Me Too : Brian Falduto - Brian is singing that no one has to earn God’s love. Brian wrote the song after visiting a church that was welcoming and accepting of queer people. I look around and see I’ve found a place where peace and love abound. I’ve waited my whole life for the truth. It is true, God loves you. It don’t matter if you’re LGBTQ

2020 - Chasing Rainbows : Big Freedia feat. Kesha - Freedia is a gay Black man who wears women’s hair and carries a purse and uses “he” and “she” pronouns. Kesha is bi. Together they put out an uplifting song. Freedia lists the various ways she’s been put down throughout her life by schoolyard bullies, religious figures and record labels. Kesha makes clear we won’t be put down any longer when she sings You know me, bein’ free. Won’t be silent, I pray for my enemies.

2020 - Jesus Christ 2005 God Bless America : The 1975 - This song has Matty Healy pondering religious faith and love from his perspective as a queer person and describes hiding his sexual identity because of his religious beliefs.

2020 - Orphans of God : Ty Herndon & Kristin Chenoweth feat. Paul Cardall - The message of the song is that there are no orphans of God. We are all loved, we are all thought about, we are all created equally and God loves us all just the same. Ty Herndon is a country singer who came out as gay in 2014

2021 - I Know it Hurts : Paul Cardall & Tyler Glenn - This makes me think of a queer person coming to recognize their insecure place in church, how all those negative teachings were about you. I just wanted to believe, but how am I supposed to believe this about me? And then we find each other, queer members of our church who can understand what we’re going through, who know the hurts and the teachings and comments. For most queer people, they leave church and go on a different path. They’re not lost, a faint light at the end is guiding their way, they’re finding another way back home.

2021 - It’s a Sin : Elton John and Years & Years - This arrangement of the 1987 song by the Pet Shop Boys was recorded by the gay icons Elton John and Years & Years for the 2021 Brit Awards. The words are about a person’s lifelong feelings of shame and guilt for being taught that being gay is a sin.

2021 - Born this Way (The Country Road Version) : Orville Peck - For the 10th anniversary of this iconic song, gay singer Orville gives it a country music makeover

2022 - Good Day (feat. Derek Webb) : Flamy Grant - Matthew Blake was a worship leader for 22 years who has become a “shame-slaying, hip-swaying, singing-songwriting drag queen” named Flamy Grant. The lyrics talks of coming back to church after having left for feeling oppressed, they’ve come back to church because despite what some say, God’s love is expansive enough for everyone. God made me good in every way, so I raise my voice to celebrate a good day. This song hit #1 on the iTunes Christian chart.

2022 - If I Was Gay : Andreas Wijv - 29 year old Swedish singer and model Andreas Wijk wrote this song and debuted it in a TikTok video where he plays it for his parents as his way of coming out. It’s a vulnerable song that many will relate to. If I was gay would I be what they say, just a stereotype. If I was gay how do I get to heaven when there’s “no church in the wild”

2023 - Faith : Semler - Grace Semler Baldridge performs by the name Semler and is genderqueer and non-binary. She grew up with a dad who was a pastor in the Episcopal Church, a religion that often didn’t accept her identity. She has wrestled with religion and expresses this in her music. This song was released in June and before Pride month was over it reached the top of the iTunes Christian music chart. After singing about their religion turning against them and that Semler wasn’t holy, we hear the lyrics Our God is good and able, and our God is flipping tables at the mess of love we made

#queerstake

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genderkoolaid · 1 year

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Hi! I pondered today the post you've reblogged asking people to examine their biases in how they perceive transmascs. My thought was only vaguely related, as it was more related to bisexualism. I hope it's not an issue. I'd like to share it, as I respect you a lot. (Thank you lots for introducing me multigenderism! I didn't knew it was an option and I'm exploring a little! :3)

Specifically I was thinking about the erasure of men perceived as feminine from mlw relationships. There's this... assumption, that feminine men are almost inherently (OOF) unable to be attracted to women? (Putting aside fandom bias to ships involving women in the first place.) What's up with that??I cannot quite put it in the words properly but... it just doesn't sit right with me. Idk, it feels... emasculating? Like, being a femme is a vibe, a presentation, etc, but if it's a femme man it's still *very much a man*. This + typical bisexual erasure and overall assuming you can clock people's sexuality on appearance alone... Probably more that eludes me. I'm still grappling with it. Idk, there's probably much more to say here but... it's upsetting emotionally to me, personally. I'm an afab woman (maybe more) so please, *please* take my input with a grain of salt. It's just that I love men. I adore them. I want to learn more about them, learn their struggles, help them if I can. I might love them even more out of spite when biphobic people scorn at it bc it's not queer enough. Here's the catch: My type specifically is femmes. As a femme woman. So ironically my longing towards men always felt more "broken" and "unachievable" then towards women. Bc for years it felt like... femme men would never want me, by the virtue of who I am. With what body I was born and feel at home in. Idk where I'm going with this at this point. I guess I too wish people would examine their biases. In this case towards feminine men. For the sake of all men, trans, cis, femme/butch... and people who love them. Emasculating men hurts everybody. Even women, such as myself. I hope I haven't at any point sounded as equating "feminine men" to "transmasc", btw! I do NOT believe transmasc are feminine! If at any point I was coming of like that by bringing both in one ask I'm sorry! Here I'll conclude. I still have much to learn thought. I still grapple with naming the issue at hand I would deeply appreciate men insight here. Have a nice day :3

I actually posted an article written by a femme bi man talking about this topic a while back!

This is very much an issue. The way I interpret the different ways biphobes react to bi men/women is that its related to how patriarchal gender roles operate. All bisexuals are targeted by the idea that they are either "really" straight or "really" gay because of binarism. Women are resource objects, so cishet men's access to them needs to be preserved; therefore, bi women must be REALLY straight. Men, on the other hand, are competitors, and queerness is one of the major ways men are seen as failing that competition; as a result, bi men must be REALLY gay because their attraction to men(/feminine presentation, if they are femme) means they could never successfully compete at manhood. (This is ofc just a general trend; sometimes people, especially queers, will insist a bi woman must be really a lesbian esp if shes butch, and cishets may insist a bi man must be really straight especially if hes masc/butch).

I identify as bisexual and as a femme man, although I'm not sure if I would consider myself attracted to women as a man (multigender sexuality is weird but fun!), but know there very much ARE femme bi men out there who would love to be in a relationship with you. I think a lot of mlw who have a preference for femininity have experienced this, queer or not, because there is so little visibility for GNC men who are attracted to women- and because there are women who are queerphobic about the idea of a woman dating a GNC man.

#m.#ask box #antimasculism

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jerzwriter · 11 months

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You are so fucking disgusting Elsa. Using your bland ass straight white bitch MC to be the MC of the Month for Pride Month.

You’ve gone really low

Good morning, Nonny.

I'd like to say hope you're having a good day, but clearly, you're not.

I was 50/50 on putting this in my "delete because Nonny is a bitter troll who doesn't deserve the attention/exposure they desperately crave" file. But this anon goes beyond the usual "I'm a pathetic human who hates someone on the internet who has zero impact on my life so much because of (insert stupid/insane reason here), so I'm going to be a vile bully and send them anonymous hate because - IDK - I can't find a good therapist? I'm off my meds? I'm just a vile piece of shit?" See, I no longer waste my time or energy on those.

But I decided to answer this because a) you're wrong, and b) you're engaging in bi-erasure - something that happens in the fandom and in real life every day, and I'm not going to pass up a chance to educate your ignorance and address your bigotry.

Casey was picked at random - the same way all MCOTMs and WOTMs are. I grappled with the decision to highlight her bisexuality... because of people like you. In the end, I decided to be true to the character. I've been dealing with people like you my entire life - in my personal life - never mind fandom. So let's educate.

Bisexuality is real - people.

Your ignorance in understanding it doesn't make it any less real. I am proudly bi, but trust me, it feels like a pretty shitty thing to be at times. You're never queer enough for many in the queer community, but you're too queer for those who aren't. There is no real safe space outside of a precious few who get it. And I mean few.

Your straight friends talk shit about you "doing this" to be "cool/get attention" or whatever... and they're "relieved" when you're in a hetero-presenting relationship. Your queer friends are happiest when you're with a same-sex partner, and if you're not, they accuse you of lying about who you are or "hiding." It's awesome. You know, instead of just having friends that are fucking happy if you're happy. People CAN BE and ARE attracted to more than one gender and the feelings/love we have toward both are real, valid and do not have to be explained to anyone.

Anyone who follows my MC (and I don't believe Nonny has) knows that Casey has been presented as bisexual from the day I entered this fandom. If some choose to ignore that, that's on them, not me. The fact that she is half of a pairing that is hetero-presenting does not make her any less bisexual. How ignorant are you?

Her profile clearly states she's bi. I've written about her being an activist for LGBTQ rights and about her reluctance about coming out to her parents (because she doesn't believe she should have to "come out," why is straight the default?). I've introduced her ex-girlfriend, Jessica, in fics and text fics, and discussed Casey's identity at length in numerous asks over the years.

So, yes, her current partner is a man, and he ends up being the love of her life. GUESS WHAT! THAT HAPPENS TO BI PEOPLE! And, TRUST, we know the privilege that comes with being in a hetero-presenting relationship. I've never once had someone throw something at me or hurl slurs when I've held a male partner's hand in public, but I've had it happen when my partner is a woman. But no one bi is "suddenly straight" because of it! And asking us to parade as hetero just because we're with an opposite-sex partner is pushing us into a closet - and I'm sorry, but fuck you - because no one belongs there.

Last June, I deliberately avoided all pride-related events in the fandom (NOT in real life). I did so because I was coping with the guilt that is tantamount to being bisexual. The "Should I put it out there. I mean, there are others who are more queer, right? I have no right to do this? Their characters are more important than mine, right?" And yeah, I've felt that way in real life, too. THIS is what it's like being bi. I'm out for decades, I'm comfortable and proud of who I am, I counsel younger people in the community that they are valid - and I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes right now because with all of that, THIS SHIT STILL CREEPS IN - largely because of s-bags like this Nonny.

So you know what, I'm not grappling with it anymore. It's pride month, and in real life, I'm celebrating to the fucking max. And you know what - I'm doing it in the fandom too. Casey is going to be as out and fucking proud as I want her to be, and if it makes your ass uncomfortable, well, that's not my fucking problem.

Re-read your ask, Nonny. The only disgusting person in this exchange is you. Do fucking better.

#playchoices #choices fandom #bisexuality awareness #bi erasure #hate anons #open heart choices #do fucking better #your ignorance is showing #pride

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mundaneandmagicalcreature · 8 months

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I listened to the podcast companion of The Newsreader and I didn't like it, to the point of finding it problematic. I would've email them, but they have no contact info, so I come here to do catharsis.

Every time I'll quote them I'll be paraphrasing because I don't want to listen to them again (at least not the first episode).

They say they understand why Dale is with Helen, because he wouldn't be able to come out as a gay man at the time. One part of me thinks "okay, people are allowed to have different interpretations about a piece of media" and another part thinks that assuming Dale's gay because he's into men is bi erasure. Also they make it sound like he's using Helen, as if Dale didn't look at her with utter adoration.

And then they wonder why Helen's with him, and say it's because she's lonely and has no one else. Okay, it's true, Helen doesn't have anyone else (which is a pretty common thing for tv characters btw, this has to do more with the conservation of detail and the costs of hiring actors than with the characters social lives), but I don't think that's the reason. I think she loves him. He's a soft, kind, good person, and he's good looking, which doesn't hurt. Not everyone has to be into every one, but to ask why Helen's with Dale, as if he were unlovable (because he's queer?) rubs me the wrong way.

Then they ask how's Helen not living in fear of him cheating on her with a man every time he leaves the house. Well, yes Dale kissed Tim (I feel like I'm a bit too old to consider that cheating but ymmv), so Helen could have reasons not to fully trust him. But considering that hotel room scene, I'm pretty sure he won't jump into someone else's bed without talking at least talking it with Helen first. I feel underneath the host question lies the idea that bisexuality isn't real (bi men are actually gay, bi women are straights looking for attention and bi enbies, well... they don't exist) and therefore we're always doomed to leave our partners for a man.

I know not every body has to be "woke" and aware of this kind of issues. I don't think there's an active malice on the hosts part. It's just that this is the official ABC podcast, I expected more (specially considering how well Dale sexuality is handled in the show). They should have been someone in the production talking to the hosts about it. I hope that if they deal with some other sensitive issues in the future (race, gender, disability, substance abuse, etc.) they do better.

#i can't believe how much i wrote #the newsreader #biphopia

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angryaromantics · 3 months

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hi. i need help. i understand you're not a professional so i hope this isn't too heavy but i've been needing and needing to talk to someone about my internalized arophobia and never had a real chance to do it.

anyways, i've been really lost and hopeless over the past couple years because of my aromanticism. identifying as demiromantic was a cover, but even when i thought that was the full extent of my place on the aro spectrum, i hated how hard that made it to find romantic love. now i know better and think i'm probably a lot closer to fully aromantic than i thought, and by extension i'd be cupioromantic too. i've forced crushes before, since i knew they came so rarely. that ended in repulsion and an inability to communicate it just about every time. it sucked. it still sucks.

the thing that makes me feel alone is that i haven't seen anyone else in the aro community express how i feel, and those i have are saying that i shouldn't talk about it since it's technically still arophobia, even if it's towards myself, and could hurt other arospec people. then they go on to say that it's just amatonormativity and something i can get over. but i don't want to!! i know that i want a fulfilling relationship!! i'm frustrated and it feels like an erasure of how i feel!!

i'm sure it'll be damning and maybe offensive to say this but i feel like i need to be fixed and i wish i could fix myself. my desires don't match with my real attraction and it leads me to believe i'm broken in a somehow unique way. i guess it'd be nice to find a community of other cupio-aligned people and build pride for who i am, but i'm just depressed because that won't solve my problem. who i am isn't who i want to be, and i can't change that or better it in any way. i'm hurting because of it. i fear my activity in sapphic spaces is just performative since i'll never actually be sapphic, or straight, or anything. why bother if i'll never know that experience and have the happy endgame with another girl that i truly do want? am i even really bi? could i just be a lesbian if i only experience sexual attraction to girls but no other type to any other group of people? or am i just clinging onto any other orientation label to deny that i'm aromantic and don't belong in the LGB parts of queer spaces? i hate this.

thanks for letting me vent. sorry this is so long. thanks for running your blog, i really appreciate it.

Hi, anon - I apologize, I've found this in my drafts folder, and I have absolutely no idea how long it's been there. Hopefully not too long, but either way, I'm sorry I missed it.

I think the first thing is, I don't believe feelings are ever the incorrect response. You can't control your emotions. If being aromantic makes you feel negative feelings, that's okay. It's normal even. I definitely felt that way for many years, and occasionally slip into it now. I don't think it much matters if it's internalized arophobia or amatanormativity, because either way, the effect it has on you is the same.

I will say, I think the aro community has sort of over-corrected in the way we deal with negativity surrounding aromanticism. I feel like, not even that many years ago, it was rampant. A LOT of the posts, a lot of the talk, was about a lack, of what we're missing out on, etc. Especially once the big aphobia boom around here. And I think people took that, and about faced it so that negativity isn't deemed acceptable by a lot of people. I disagree with this, just fundamentally. I think talking through the negativity you feel toward your orientation can help you work through that negativity. It can also help you find like-minded people, and feeling less alone will probably make you feel less negativity.

I do think it's a dangerous line to walk, though. Because it's easy to tip over into All negativity in such insular communities, and that can honestly be dangerous for everyone's mental health.

I hope you find some peace. I hope you come into yourself. I hope things settle, as they often do with time. I'm sorry none of this has an easy fix. I hope writing it down and getting it off your chest helped. There's nothing wrong with you, and you belong here <2

#asks

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keepittoyourshelf · 3 months

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Hope this clarifies. 👍🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🩸

Um….clarifies what? That Lestat is at the least bi?

I’m not sure what me saying I think there’s no way Lestat would limit himself to just men or women is worth sending me underlined screenshots? I’m not denying that he’s not heterosexual, just that if Lestat as a character made one thing clear it’s that love has nothing to do with sex in the physical sense.

So why would he limit himself? The man limited himself on absolutely nothing, so I’m sorry, but I have a hard time believing he’d say, nope, just men or women for me and nothing in between. The text infers that much even if Anne only explicitly used the term bisexual, which it’s also safe to assume was only because, again, pansexuality was not commonly discussed or even accepted until relatively recently. Like I know Freud was writing about it a hundred years ago, it just wasn’t something talked about outside of very specific circles, whereas homosexuality was, even if it wasn’t accepted.

For what it’s worth, Anne also said, in a statement somewhere on her Facebook page, that Lestat doesn’t limit who he loves based on gender, and that yes, he’s bisexual. So it’s almost like she’s saying he’s both pansexual and bisexual? At this point it’s just semantics. I’ll have to look for it but I want to say it was from around 2015.

You seem to think I’m almost denying it or that what I’m saying is bi-erasure on some level. It’s not. I’m just saying that Lestat is without limits, in every way, and that Astarion is blatantly a callback to that. He’s so Lestat-coded it’s not even funny, and that’s a huge part of the reason I love and appreciate him the way I do.

Not sure if Christopher would know the answer to the question, but I’m confident enough that were Anne still with us she wouldn’t confirm that Lestat only fucks men and women, but nothing in between or beyond….never mind that he can’t actually fuck.

Point is, Anne said Lestat does not limit himself and loves who he loves, the same way Astarion does. It’s just that now most people know that there’s a specific term for people who live beyond the binary, and Lestat was nothing if not beyond the binary.

#lestat #lestat de lioncourt #the vampire lestat #vampire chronicles #anne rice #astarion #astarion ancunin #baldur’s gate astarion

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writing-for-life · 13 days

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Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💗 (i don't know if you do these sorts of chain-letter things, or if you'd prefer not to, but for my part i do like to know which of their works a given author is especially hype on, so consider this an opportunity to gush!)

I was sweating for a moment there because I thought, “I’ve written all my life and even published, but I don’t have 5 fanfics, shit!”

And then I noticed… well, with a little bit of goodwill, I do. So thanks so much for asking, @stellerssong , and here comes the gushing:

The no. 1 has to be “The Light of Stars”.

I completed most of it during NaNoWriMo 2022 for a bit of fun and respite from other projects—and then did nothing with it. Until I thought, “Fuck it,” and started publishing it chapter by chapter, editing and tidying it up along the way.

It is a long fic, and I know that’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but I’m honestly proud of it. I put a lot of thought into characterisation and plot, keeping everyone in character (as much as aimed-for character development allowed, so certain OOC moments had to happen) and crafting an OC that works for what I was setting out to do. So much so that many people asked for a sequel, which I’m still in the process of writing (I completed the concept again last NaNoWriMo and wrote over 40,000 words back then, but progress has been slow since because… life).

I don’t want to give too much away here, but while it’s romance and there *is* more than enough sex (I write steamy romance professionally, albeit in my other language), this is really not what this one is mainly about. So it’s not one for people who look for thinly-disguised chapter-porn and super-explicit descriptions. It’s a novel with a fully developed arc, and it deals with topics like friendship, loss and grief. Someone told me though that it felt hopeful and they didn’t struggle with the broaching of those topics like in some other works, and that was probably the most wonderful thing anyone could ever have said to me.

I’ll choose “Snow Globes and Whisky” as my second, but only because it is a Christmas gift-type one-shot with the same characters.

You can, in theory, read it without knowing TLoS, but it just wouldn’t make sense. It’s just Christmas fluff, not incredibly deep (despite picking up on the friendship and loss-theme again), it was fun to write and to get Dream a little bit drunk (just because he was intrigued and allowed it of course 🤣).

Then there are Rachel and Johanna.

They have such a special place in my heart. I always wanted to tell their story because we never got it in the show—so I did. And as a bisexual woman, I am also Jo’s biggest stan. I desperately want her to be the Sandman-character who does away with bi-erasure once and for all (because if the onscreen love interest is female, everyone cheers, but bi m/f relationships never count in fandom because they’re “heteronormative”. Newsflash: We’re not “50% straight, 50% gay”. We have nuance and deep inner lives and different preferences that make up very personal identities, and we’re not some token queer representation that stops to exist once we’re in straight-passing relationships). We’ve seen her date a woman and she has tons of chemistry with Dream too—I want them to have the messiest affair ever and somehow have her take Thessaly’s place. But better. Because she’d protect Lyta for all the RIGHT reasons. There, I said it, and I’m not sorry. Anyway, that’s not what “As it Was Before the Otherness Came” is about. It’s sad and heartbreaking and canon-compliant. It just fills in the gaps. And again, I’m super-proud that someone in the comments said to tell Gaiman about it (we all know that’s not a thing for fanfic) because they thought it was so in character and well-written. Yes, I’m shamelessly blowing my own trumpet because you asked me to 🤣

Then there are my Inktober Haikus.

I still intend to turn them into a bound book with accompanying art one day (the latter is where it all falls down really because although I could, it would take me 1,000 years to create all the art myself). 31 poems, some more inspired than others, but they were a great creativity exercise, and I honestly love them for what they are.

And last but not least, from the serious to the totally unhinged: Muhulhu. Murphy and his Cool Hat. The crack ship of all crack ships, aka:

I set out to write a trilogy, the first part “By The Sea, I Mean In The Dreaming: A Comedy Prelude” is published, the second and third are currently in a vegetative state because I just can’t find the time to write and/or edit. And if I do, I prefer writing the TLoS sequel. Or metas. Or running silly fandom events 🤣 I’d love to write more fanfic, but between a full time job (or rather: three jobs that make up one) and a family, I just stare in awe at the people on here who produce constant output, because I honestly can’t. But I will get back to it eventually because that one is just sheer unhinged fun.

Thank you again for giving me the opportunity to flog my goods!

@stellerssong ask answered

#the sandman #sandman #sandman fanfic #sandman fanfiction #the sandman fanfiction #sandman poetry #asks always open #ask answered #Johanna Constantine x Rachel Moodie #Johanna x Rachel #dream x oc #morpheus x oc #muhulhu #murphy and his cool hat #drat! a HelmLord story #dream x helm

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