#I cry for all the times I said no to this or isolated and didnt let myself feel happy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

widowmaxff · 10 days

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In overwhelmed, it mentions that Y/N used to be in a dark hole and how Wanda is afraid she’d go back to it. Can you write about it? Like what happened?

hope ur ok

pairings: mom!wanda × daughter!reader (platonic)

warnings: depressed reader, cryingg, bad thoughts, and sad sad things

a/n: okay how did you pay so much attention to what i wrote in overwhelmed bc i didnt even remember writing that 😭 BUT THANK YOU for the request i literally just ramble what was in my head but hope you like it love!

HOW YOU CAN HELP PALESTINE!

You don't know when it started, much less why it started. Maybe a few days ago, a month ago, maybe a year ago the signs that something was wrong started to appear. It was almost as if these feelings were always there, just hidden by a layer that was slowly removed and made everything more difficult. It seemed like there were days when you could easily deal with it, maybe ignoring it or just hiding it very well, you didn't know. But there were days that were more difficult. It was more difficult to get out of bed, your appetite was barely there, you didn't want to leave your room, just stay in darkness and total silence. Even though this silence made your head spin, it was better than anyone talking and making you even more depressed.

If someone asked the people closest to you if you were sensitive, you were sure that more than half of them would say no. They would talk about how you had a frozen heart, that you didn't cry when you watched a sad movie, that you didn't fall in love with the character when watching or reading a novel, that you didn't care when someone was fighting with you. But deep down, you knew it was a lie. You felt hard feelings most of the time, including when watching sad films. Maybe you just don't like showing the sadness and emptiness you feel. It makes you feel weak, worthless, and selfish, especially selfish. You shouldn't feel this way, not when you had the perfect life: a loving mother, food on the table, new clothes, and expensive sneakers. Then why?

You didn't really care that you felt depressed, you knew that eventually it would pass, just like every other time - even if that feeling came back some time later, even worse. It wasn't like anyone noticed and said anything to you, even though you were sure most of the adults around you blamed it on teenage hormones when they saw you sulking or just isolating yourself in your room all day. Maybe a few questions like 'are you okay?', even though they knew you would respond with something positive even if everything was falling apart. But there was always someone. Someone who knew that it wasn't just teenage hormones but something that was slowly consuming you. Wanda, your mother, was that someone, and she certainly didn't let those details slip.

The first time you actually showed that you were in a depressing state was on a random Thursday at six-thirty in the morning. Wanda didn't mind much in the first moments when you refused to get out of bed, it was normal for any teenager to not be able to stand school. But when you finally decided to show up for the morning in the Compound's kitchen, she was surprised. You had big black bags under your eyes that were tired and red, looking like you hadn't slept well that night and maybe you had been crying most of it. Wanda didn't take long to ask if something had happened and if you were okay, only receiving a murmur of something like ‘'m fine' before turning back to look at the emptiness of space. Tony who was nearby joked “Maybe the red eyes are because of something she used. Don't tell me you snuck out to a party, Mini Maximoff?”, you'd laugh on any other day, even replying something like 'Yes, I did some hard drugs at a party. How do you know?', but that wasn't the case. Stark laughed to himself after saying that sentence but soon the sound of his voice disappeared when he realized that you hadn't heard him and, apparently, nothing around you.

The second time was right after a mission Wanda had done. It was only three days away from you and everything seemed different when she came back. The first thing she noticed was that you didn't run into her arms when she stepped inside the Compound, much less respond to the messages she sent you a few hours earlier. Obviously like a worried mother she went after you, not taking long to find you in your room with all the lights off, two blankets around your body and how it looked like the things in your room had been in the same place since your mother left for the mission. She turned on the light in your room, hearing a soft growl leave your lips. You were awake and conscious, so it didn't make sense for you to want to be lying down and almost sinking into your mattress at four o'clock in the afternoon. She remembered when you were little and couldn't sleep if at least one light wasn't on, now it was ironic to think that you just lived in the darkness and emptiness of your room without fear that some monster would catch you, because no monster could hurt you like depression was.

Wanda couldn't count how many more episodes like those happened and lasted for several days. She was worried, very worried. She was afraid that you would end up doing something that would hurt you, end everything. It was obvious that your mother tried to ask you what was wrong, how she could help you, but you always said that you just woke up on the wrong foot that morning and that everything was fine. Of course, how were you going to tell her what was happening if you didn't even know. There was no reason for you to feel down like that and not even the absurd desire to just want to close your eyes and not open them again. And every day that passed, this dark hole you were in would get deeper and deeper. You knew you needed to ask for help before it was too late.

It was no longer strange when once again that week you had no will to live. You look at the clock next to your bed and realize that your mother would be coming to your room to call you for another day in two minutes and a few seconds. Just the thought of 'one more day' made you want to throw up the food you didn't even eat the day before, as that empty feeling made your hunger go away. But as much as vomiting, you wanted to cry, cry until you couldn't take it anymore. And it was no surprise when the tears started to fall and you couldn't stop. Even though you are not a loud person, trying to keep yourself in your own bubble, the sobs wanted to get out of your throat anyway.

“Darling?” Wanda didn't mind knocking on your bedroom door in the morning, since you would be sleeping, well, not at that moment. When she heard the choking sounds you were making to keep from crying, she didn't take long to run towards your body on the bed and get under your covers, pressing you against her chest giving the perfect comfort to let you know that you weren't alone. “Oh, my love.” Wanda has seen you cry, many, many times, but it was so different to see you cry as if you were drowning in a sea and needed help from someone, anyone. “It's okay, Mama is here.” With each passing minute it seemed like the tears were getting even bigger than before, but you tried to focus on Wanda's heartbeat as you placed your hand on her chest, making you feel calmer despite all the panic.

The lullaby that starts to leave her lips and go straight to your ear makes you start paying attention to the soft melody and not your terrible thoughts. The language Wanda sang in, Sokovian, was not understood by you, but you still remembered when she sang you to sleep on the days you had nightmares. It was as if Wanda was using her magic to calm you down, even though you knew she would never use her powers on you without your permission, but her voice was so sweet that it was more powerful than any of her red magic. Your breathing becomes soft and your movements slow, as if you were choosing the right words to get rid of that moment, but with your mother there it was almost impossible to lie.

“I wanna get help,” You murmur for just her to hear, despite there being no one else in the room with you two. “b-but I don’t even know why I’m like this.” Your crying had stopped, but you still choked to say a few words. Admitting those words out loud seemed like a challenge for you, and when you said them, a weight seemed to lift off your back despite not having yet deciphered all your feelings. And Wanda knew that. She knew how hard you were to avoid looking like a weak person even if you weren't, even if asking for help wasn't a sign of weakness but rather of improvement.

Your mother kisses your head, taking a few seconds before cupping your face and looking at it. “I'm so proud of you, my angel.” You didn't see pity or lies in the expression on her face. You didn't see disappointment and much less as if you were a problem for her. “I'm glad you want to ask for help, and I'm here for it, yeah?” You felt a little guilty when you saw a tear come out of your mother's eyes, but she was still smiling. The same smile you saw when you woke up, or when you told her some good news, or even when you told her a joke. Wanda never wanted you to feel anything negative about her. She never took out any frustration on you, never made you feel bad when you got a bad grade at school, or when you accidentally knocked a glass on the floor. “I will help you with whatever you need, my love. It will be slow, but I promise that the tightness in your chest will pass, okay?”

“I trust you.” She nods before pulling you into a hug that she knew you needed more than anything at that moment. The process would take a long time until you felt well again, you both knew that, but it was never too late. It's never too late to ask for help, because it's normal to need someone to pull you out of the dark hole sometimes, it's normal to not feel good all the time. Having feelings is normal, even if sometimes they are too deep, or too shallow. You just needed to realize that you were never alone, that people around care about you and will always want the best for you.

“I love you so much. Always remember that.”

“I love you too, Mama.”

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whumpndump · 2 years

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Whumpee kept in a small, dark, empty room, in complete isolation. The door is soundproof, and nobody ever visits them. There is one thing in the room, however. When they were first brought there, the chloroform soaked rag that was used to sedate them has been uncaringly dumped in the cell as well, and as nobody ever enters, it was never noticed.

At first whumpee thinks nothing of the rag, thinking only that it still smells vaguely funny.

A few days in, whumpee finds themself occasionally picking up the rag, looking at it, counting the fibers, anything for entertainment.

A week in its become somewhat of a comfort item, something they hold close on cold nights when everything is just too much.

A month in, whumpee finds themself talking to it. Venting their frustrations, bemoaning their despairs, reminiscing the good times, all to this scrap of cloth (that is technically the reason they are in there in the first place). They see it as somewhat of a friend now, and are too far gone to care how strange that is.

Several months in the rag is a comrade in arms, a fellow prisoner in this cell, the only person whumpee has left in this world to rely on. They swear that sometimes, when they talk to it, it talks back. Its the closest thing theyve had to genuine conversation in so long, this piece of cloth is their best friend.

Now I have two ideas for an ending, both taking place about a year or two into isolation, so here they both are:

1. People come to rescue whumpee, maybe their friends from before they were captured. Its a high speed situation, the team rushing in, trying to grab everyone in the facility who was being held prisoner, then rushing out again. Whumpee is screaming and crying in caretaker's arms as they run away.

"NO! PLEASE! YOU FORGOT THEM!! NO, PLEASE, GO BACK!!!"

Whumpee pleads this all the way back to safety, continuing to cry and beg for hours, and the rescue team are confused. They had taken down whumper, and confirmed that everyone held captive was freed. They chalked it up to whumpee being in shock, and tried to calm them down, explaining over and over that everyone was safe now.

Whumpee just kept on crying, knowing that their best and only friend was going to rot in that cell, and nobody but them cared.

2. Whumpee had managed to fall asleep finally. The cold concrete floors made it hard, and they only seemed to sleep 3-ish times a week, but when they slept, they slept deep.

So deep, in fact, that they didnt hear the door opening, or footsteps quickly tiptoeing in, only to leave just as fast.

When they next awoke, they sat up and looked around their cell for their companion.

Who was gone.

Whumpee wanted to scream. Wanted to beat the walls with their fists until blood dripped down. They thought they were already at their lowest point, but the rug had just been pulled out from under them, revealing they had so much further to fall.

Shellshocked and apathetic, whumpee curled up in the corner of the room with tears silently streaming down their face.

"Oh well," they said out-loud to nobody, voice tinged with delirium, eyes hollow and smile strained, "It...it was just a rag..."

#also either whumpee gets food wordlessly shoved through a hatch in the door occasionally to keep them alive #or whumpee is supernatural somehow and doesnt require food or water. maybe theyre immortal even... scary #anyway this is stupid as hell but i was thinking about how humans will bond with just about anything given the chance #whump #whumpblr #whumpdumps #whump scenario #whump prompt #captive whump #isolation whump #if u see any spelling mistakes no you dont ok #sensory deprivation whump

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jemmo · 7 months

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so i finally watched the utsukushii kare eternal movie properly. yes, i had technically already watched it bc i watched a random version that was uploaded somewhere with the most confusing subtitles, but i wanted to reserve my thoughts until i'd watched it properly with better subs so i was sure i had the gist of what they wanted to say for this final entry to the series. and fair warning, there is nothing unbiased about this; i adored it. i had big, fat tears running down my face by the end and had to curl up into a ball and cry for a while just to grieve the fact that we'll never be back in hira and kiyoi's world again, but i'm ok with that. i think of all the bls ive watched that have gone beyond a single season run, this is the one im the most ok parting from, bc its the show that has put in the best, most thoughtful work to leave these characters in a place where they have grown tremendously and gone through a lot, yet still have so much more ahead, and we are left with the overwhelming feeling of security by the end, that whatever comes, they are now equipped to face it. its a show that had me in the first season, and left me with that lingering feeling that this happy ending cant be it bc we still have so much unaddressed, and of all the bls that have picked up a second season after leaving me with that feeling, this one, above all else, actually had the bravery to confront those deeper, finer points of the dynamic they built, and show that there's still so much work that has to be put in after two people get together. you have to learn what you are as a partnership, how to communicate and how to be heard, and what that looks like, how you match and find balance and understand each other. the second season did that, and the movie managed to run with that vibe whilst giving us a much more thorough idea of what hira and kiyoi are outside of their relationship with each other, and how as a partnership they fit in to the people that surround them. they manage to create such a wonderful supporting cast, and i'd be saying the same if the only new person they introduced was noguchi, bc he is exactly what hira needed in this story and its such a pleasure to see him have this interesting dynamic with someone other that kiyoi, and whats more someone that sees him for all that he is. he gives both support and challenge in equal measure and its incredible. and while this show has always tended to center around hira, what i absolutely love is that at the end, when theyre in the school flashing between the past and the present, i just kept thinking of kiyoi, that cool kid that walked in day one, and we had no idea what was going through his head, we didnt know the profound loneliness and isolation he felt whilst be surrounded and adored constantly, and how finally, in that moment where hira said he liked him, after seeing and knowing every facet of him, that kid got everything he wanted. bc all that he has wanted all along is for the person he likes to like him back. its the most simple, school boy thing to want, and finally he has it.

and what i have always found the most beautiful about this show, and ive found it with other jbls but this one is the one to beat them all, is that its committed to showing love in an un-beautiful way. its kind of ironic, seen as the show is called my beautiful man and is all about beauty, but compared to other bls where the idea of love is smoothed over and made to look nice and pretty and simple, that normal idea of what love is, this show has two people who are madly in love and committed to each other, and never once has the show ever felt the need to make that love look pretty. one guy is insanely obsessive and the other is brash and rude and yet their love is beautiful bc the show takes all the time it can to make you understand that just bc the love is not expressed or communicated in the normal way you expect it to be, it doesnt mean it isnt love. bc love is about understanding and knowing that person more than anyone else and loving that person you find, and this whole film is hira going on a journey to realise that he does in fact love kiyoi bc he wants to know him more than anyone else. and i think its kind of incredible to show that kind of selfish behaviour as something beautiful when its what both people want, bc while hira has always believed his want is selfish, in owning his selfishness, he's showing kiyoi that he has not just that much love for him, but that much self-confidence to own it and commit to it and take it. is just like what hira says to shitara, that you cross the line when impose your wants and opinions and expectations onto someone else. but all that hira wants, he's not imposing that on kiyoi, bc its what he wants too, and thats why such seemingly unhealthy behaviour is actually so healthy and beautiful, bc is the pinacle of understanding mixed with the absolute joy and magic of finding that one person that matches you exactly. hira and kiyoi really are just that dream idea of a relationship that is being made for each other bc theyve worked to make it so, they commit to being fated, and its all wrapped up in the most chaotic dynamic. tldr; this show means more to me than i can say and i had to write a love letter to it one final time.

#utsukushii kare #utsukushii kare eternal #my beautiful man #my beautiful man eternal #this show is my king #and i will worship it just the same

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libraford · 1 year

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My mother starved me for years so I would stay small and skinny. It wasn't till I was pregnant and living with my husband that I started eating properly and not crying for eating till I was full. It is a magical feeling to be able to eat a full plate without fear.

That's terrifying! I'm glad that you're able to eat healthily now. You deserve to eat well.

My mom was dealing with her own eating disorder at the time and I try to be conscious of that, but I will never forget the look on the faces of the grown women at the weight watchers meeting when my mom walked me in at age 12. And I will never forget how mad she got when I told her that no, I will NOT let her buy me diet pills because i was too young to buy them myself, and I will never forget the time that I was crying from being bullied and she said 'dont you think they have a point?'

I forgive her for a lot of that. She was a dancer in the 70s and only saw three body types there. She didnt think that obsession over my weight was connected to to her obsession with her own. She didnt know that health and thinness were separable.

When we started bellydance together, she was skeptical. After all, those dancers were fat: how good could the workout be if they were still fat?

Then she found out how hard the isolations were, and that the women in the troupe could move with way more precision- sometimes because of their fatness not just in spite of it.

Her opinions on the matter have changed. She still fad diets, but it's hard to let go of eating disorders when you've had them for so long. But she stopped criticizing people btly their weight. So I've forgiven her.

Still not gonna forget about the diet pills, though. Dangerous af.

#diet talk #disordered eating

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seldomscilence16 · 7 months

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Whumptober Day 3:

"Like crying out in empty rooms, with no one there except the moon."

Journal | solitary confinement | "make it stop."

Fandom: Voltron

Prompt used: All

Soooo this ones a little intense- at least to me as I write this. Its never specified but Lance is alone for awhile, so tread carefully just in case. I think I may do a continuation on one of the other days for this one so keep a look out if you like this one.

TW for self harm, and Torture

...

There was little light in the room. He'd tried to figure out where it was coming from, scratched at the lips in the walls until his nails were broken and bleeding. He'd decided they simply glowed.

There was no window, and the door disapeared- no it blended in, it had to be there still it had to, it could just be gone that made no sense- after that first day. That first day when he'd woken up, confused and in pain, and had a strange alien come in and speak to him. He couldnt tell you everything they said, broken translator glitching every couple words or other sentence. But it was an experiment, and a punishment.

Lance wanted to go home.

"Journal entry uh… whatever. The water and bread like stuff appeared when I passed out again, I dont remember falling asleep… It tastes weird, but they got angry when I didnt consume it before… the walls are still glowing… or maybe it is dark and Im going crazy… how many days has it been journal? Why… what did I… its not like your gonna answer anyway…"

His head hits the wall with a solid thump, the sound better than when all he can hear is bodily functions, so he does it again. And again, until his ears ring and his head aches, and the noise has blended in too much to be different and he stops. His heart and head beat to the same toon, he holds his breath to stop hearing the inflation of his lungs only for the beating to get louder. Frustrated tears come to his eyes as he releases the breath in a shout, which turns into an angry yell as he turns and pounds his tender fists into the wall.

Its not the first time, there are smears of blood- old and new- from his many little moments. He thinks hes allowed such moments after all, locked up for who knows how long with no interaction. He cant even talk to Blue, the thin connection in his soul the only thing telling him shes okay. In the beginning, he equated his moments to Keith, when he went ham on the training gladiatiors. But now… staring at his ruined fists, and wall still intact besides the smears, he feels as pathetic as ever.

He knows for a fact the rest of the team would have found a way out by now. Pidge's curiousity and spite always leads her to solutions of some kind. Hunk would have found out how this box worked and rebuilt it ten times over. Keith would have samuraied his way out of course, and Shiro would probably find this childs play. But really the main difference… is they arent him. Lance did something wrong. Lance was stupid and weak and easily caught. Lance hasnt been able to find a way out. Lance- is referring to himself in third person. Again.

He deserves to be here. The team hasnt found him yet, blue is out of range, and Lance is being punished for something. He wouldnt want any of them in his situation anyway, theyre probably off saving the universe still, probably relieved hes gone. He… he hopes theyre getting enough sleep. That Pidge isnt stuck with her face in a screen, refusing to sleep. That Hunk isnt spreading himself thin, and bottling things up. That Allura is recharging her quintessence, and taking care of herself and not pushing too hard on her own mind and the teams. That Coran isnt lonely and doing everything by himself. That Shiro is remembering to laugh and relax and chill. That Keith isnt isolating himself and training to death and…

He misses them.

Lance thought that… even if he never saw Earth again, never saw his parents again, thatd at least, the last thing he saw would be his friends- his space family- safe and alive. Not some creepy alien, or the four same walls, but the people he cares about. He knows… he knows he wasnt their first choice. That Blue deserves better, the team deserves better. But… he still loves them so much. He just wanted to know they were okay.

A stinging sensation disrupts the static ache hes fallen into, his motions drag like paper through water and he looks down at his arms. His nails, brittle and broken and cracked, have still managed to drag angry red lines across his arms. Blood and that watery fluid have bubbled to the surface in some areas, and he feels a detached sort of dissapointment. His nose whistles.

The not bread and the ucky water have appeared again. Hes on his side, he doesnt remember falling asleep, from how tired he feels, hes not even sure he can call it that. He knows they get mad when he ignores the susstenance, but he can only stare at it blankly. What was the point anyway? If he was just gonna keep waking up here, he didnt want to anymore.

He thinks he counts for moment, to determine how long it takes them to get mad, but when he tunes back in to his own brain hes simply repeated the same line of lyrics over and over. He cant recall the song, or any other lyrics, and all its really doing is annoying him, but he cant find the energy to yell at his brain to stop.

'One. I can count to one. Two. I can count to two. Three. I can count to three. Four. I cant count no more. I can only count to four, I can only count to four, I can only count fooouuuurrrr-'

The room brightens and Lance tenses as a noise fills the room. But the noise was always there, a ringing in his ears, but it grows louder and higher until everything is screaming. He hold his hands over his ears, finds a warm wetness with undertones of crusty, his mouth is open his throat feels shredded, hes curled up as much as his ribs will allow- they poke out, he can see where theyre wrong, they warp as the noise increases. His heart pounds wildly in his chest, tears streak his face, he cant see anything, theres red in his blurred vision before it whites out completely, a warmth below his nose. Shivers wrack his tense body as the cold he'd been trying to ignore sets in bone deep.

"P'ease…m…m-make it… st…stop…"

He doesnt know when he went limp, eyes open but seeing nothing, the ringing is everywhere, the feeling of liquid drying on his skin makes him itch, but he cant even twitch.

"M'ke it st…stop. Make eh stop… make it stop." A sob from deep in his chest, voice hoarse, everything hurts. "Make it stop please."

He couldnt even tell you if he'd actually spoken, or if wordless noise escaped a ruined throat. The pounding of his heart, the ringing of his ears, nothing seemed to exist past that.

Warmth on his cheek, he must be crying again…

Pressure on his back, his shoulder thanks him for rolling over, he cant recall doing it.

Something touches his neck.

He flinches violently, surprising himself and whoevers touching him. He throws his arms up, his back now against the stupidly familiar walls.

"Make it stop! I dont want to anymore! Just kill me already, Make it stopmakeitstopmaKEITSTOP!!"

Something rumbles in his mind, loud enough to block all the stupid noises, filled instead with crashing waves and warm sand, foreign yet familair.

"Lance." He flinches, he can only half hear what was said, head in a fishbowl of water and one ear clogged, but it was definetly his name…

"Leandro, please look at me hermano."

Tears bubble in his eyes as he realizes what this is.

Hes lost it completely.

Hes halucinating now. Maybe it really is finally the end-

"Lance please." It sounds so broken, she should never sound like that-

He looks up.

The door. It did exist, lying in sparking pieces as it is. Shiro is in the doorway, face drawn in concern, galra arm still smoking from whatever he used it for. Behind him Keith is glaring down his sword at something Lance cant see. Infront of him however, curled up in the too small room, knees an inch from his own, back bowed so his head wont hit the ceiling, arm brushing the smaller one next to him. Two sets of warm eyes, wet with tears and dark with bags, look at him with mournful sadness and yet, tentative hope, relief.

The tears spill over, his lips wobble as he sobs,

"Make it stop please. I cant handle it if youre not really here. Please."

"We're here buddy. Hermano, we're here. Give me your hand Lance, I promise we're real." Hunks voice wavers with emotion, Lance knows he's seconds from breaking down.

"We're late, but we're here Lance. Please." Pidges voice is small, hand held out beside Hunks, both tremble.

Lance is going to regret it. He is. He's gonna regret it.

His hands- cold, achey, maybe broken, filthy- meet the warm calloused palms of his friends. He slumps forward like his string have been cut, but the two dutifully catch him. Warmth. Not from blood or tears, but from real people. Lances eyes slipped closed, feeling safe for a moment, if he wakes up alone… at least he got to see their faces one last time…

>>next

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frecklystars · 1 month

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i hate that i see one gifset of stsc and my whole body just. locks up. and starts shaking. i hate that i immediately feel like im going to die. im not in danger oh my god im just. im just looking at a fictional robot and my body makes me react as if i have to run. run from what??? im so tired of feeling so nauseous and dizzy and angry every single day. my god i miss stsc more than anything. loving ken is great but it is not the same. nothing is the same. i have come to truly hate TF with my entire being, even tho TF didnt hurt me, it was someone i associated with TF. but i am so bitter about what happened to me and i wish the franchise never existed bc then i never would have met my abuser. but at the same time i miss TF so badly i just want to be able to look at an insignia without crying, or think of a flower meadow without my heart breaking, or listen to the 400 songs collecting dust on my TF playlist. my god there is so much music i miss, but every time i listen to a song on that playlist, my brain just associates it with my TF ships and then i miss them too badly and i cant enjoy the music for what it is. i have tried associating them with ken. i have tried associating them with barbie. it doesnt work. the furthest ive gotten is associating 7 out of 200 megakeri songs with patrickeri but !!! thats just!!! 7 songs!!! out of!!! two!!! hundred!!!!!

i dont know how to explain it to someone who doesnt get triggered but its literally like... spikes of adrenaline shooting through my body and making me shake every time i see something related to TF or even something that would remind me of a TF selfship i had. and my breathing either becomes very short or i just hold my breath entirely. and i start sweating and my body locks up and there's this urge to run, to hide, to call for help, but i cant do any of that, i just freeze up. and like lol thats so stupid bro. ill see a color and it triggers me, ill see a honeybee and i start crying, i see a flower meadow, or like. just. the word starlight. or hearing a song that reminds me of my TF ships. i miss them all so fucking badly. i see hailee steinfeld and it hurts so bad bc i loved her the most in the bumblebee movie, i loved charlie so dearly, she was one of my favorite main f/os years ago, now its like... i just have such a horrible horrible horrible association with charlie and bee and TF in general and i . dont know. how to reclaim that. and seeing them makes my body react like "you're gonna die holy shit" just automatically. immediately. i cannot control it. it just happens. it sucks.

steve blum hugged me so so so tight just days ago and said stsc would never hurt me. like three times. and that stsc misses me and loves me. growled it, as if stsc was truly enraged for being ripped away from me. and yet my brain is still like... numb. i watch the video with steve and im numb. he hugged me tightly and rubbed my back and, like, okay great i didnt have any "oh my god im gonna die" feelings when he was voicing stsc for me, but i was just... numb. totally shut down. i didnt expect seeing him again to fix me, but i was hoping so terribly that it would do something. anything. but i am tired of feeling this way and i want to try to do something about it even if theres almost nothing i can really do except try my fucking best one day at a time

i think one of my main problems is ive spent three years LOVING TF, feeling good with it, la la la. and then BAM about nine-ish months of being isolated with someone who ruined my fucking life. now spent about 16-ish months looking at TF whether it's a gifset or a photo or even just a flower that reminds me of a character or something, then having a trigger reaction where im crying/vomiting/hyperventilating, and then disengaging with TF entirely and spending days trying to come down from being triggered. for over a year, i have been unintentionaly training myself to believe i cannot look at TF. like. i am unable to ground myself when im triggered, i am supposed to say "ok im scared right now but he would never hurt me" or whatever. but i havent been able to do that, i just get triggered and immediately try to get away from whatever i saw that triggered me, and its wired my brain to believe TF is genuinely something to avoid.

i think i need to get into the habit of drawing myself with a TF character at least... once every two weeks. or once a week if i am able to. but i cannot just sit here, missing TF every day, get triggered if i see it, and then avoid it and then cry about avoiding it, and the cycle continues. i cannot keep fucking doing that. dude there has to be a way for me to fix myself. i need to train my brain to believe its gonna be ok even if it takes a long ass time. and then the next time i meet steve blum maybe ill feel? better? cmon, if the voice actor can hug me and say stsc would never hurt his little starflower and my brain doesnt believe that, then there is something else i gotta do. i cant just sit here and feel bad!!!! i have tried several forms of therapy and then i ran outta money, i have tried watching the shows but got a BAD reaction out of that, i tried commissioning ppl to draw myself with TF characters but it's done nothing but waste my money bc i cannot look at the pics, i have tried talking to friends about TF and associating it with them, but none of this shit has worked. but you know what did genuinely make me feel better back when this was really fresh? me drawing myself with TF characters and people commenting nice things about it. me posting drawings of me with stsc and people writing a nice tag or a nice comment. that helped the most. i need to get back into the habit of doing that even if i just get one (1) nice comment, i know it will make a difference. nice comments have always made a significant difference for me whether it's my inbox or dms or replies, any time someone shows me kindness, it helps a lot. and maybe if i just. keep. doing that. i can slowly but surely condition myself to believe again that im safe when i see TF. because i am. i am safe and i am loved and i am missed even if i dont believe that at ALL i know it's there even if i'm completely numb to it

my goal isnt even to hyperfixate on TF again. its to just... be indifferent to it, god that is the best case scenario for me right now, realistically. i just want to not be immediately triggered. i'll have reactions with ken or driver sometimes where i'm like "what if they hurt me" but that's not a trigger. i dont feel like im going to die when i look at them. but i feel like im going to die when i look at TF and im so sick of that. lol im done with that. fuck that. i shall take matters into my own hands. even if it takes years i am NOT giving up!!! no matter how many times i cry and scream and stress vomit and jolt awake from nightmares and make vent posts saying "its hopeless ill never ever ever reclaim them" i WILL fucking reclaim them i dont care if it takes me until im 90 years old!!!!!!!!! i hate living like this and i KNOW if i keep kicking and thrashing eventually something's gotta give. i cannot just lay here on the ground and cry. i gotta get up and scream the entire time and claw my way out of this deep dark depressing pit so i can eventually get out. what is that saying - fake it til you make it??? well ill keep drawing myself being so so so loved by these characters, and faking it until i finally fucking MAKE IT

#vent #delete later #im not back online btw im just venting. my god. i am hurting so bad

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vialacteas · 6 months

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recently I quit my Big Girl Job...

it wasnt rlly a choice. i got burnout and it came to a point id cry all day from stress. i didnt recognize myself anymore and i still dont, its gonna take some time for me to recover from all...

but all the last conversations i had with coworkers and my managers replaced my anger with sadness instead. working for a multinational kind of messes with ur brain especially if u have a background like mine - someone who never had much chance to land on this type of position. my resume wasnt that impressive compared to the other interns who were all from brazilian ´ivy leagues´ and had the money to pretend they changed the world with voluntary work overseas... but despite it i got hired and promoted and had the opportunity to be transferred to different areas, while most of my intern peers didnt even get to be hired in the first place.

everyone i talked to this last week was shocked and sad that i was leaving and they were all super gracious abt it. it kind of frustrates me because for these last 3 years ive worked my ass off and rarely had any sort of recognition besides the times i got hired and promoted. and not to say that i need to be babied or whatever, but i barely had serious feedbacks about what was working and what wasnt. i just did what i had to do and sometimes that meant staying late, working for 3 different teams, going beyond my job description etc etc etc. it came to a point that all i ever did was to solve crisis after crisis.

no one was ever truly mean to me but also ive always felt incredibly isolated and alienated. no process to follow, no person to small talk, no time to even analyse my own work - despite absorbing things easily i still needed guidance sometimes and felt terrible every time i had to ask for help or admit that i didnt know how to do it. and i recognize part of why i got so far was because ive always been engaged and self taught, but it can get incredibly tiresome and time consuming to have to figure out everything by yourself.

i dont know if this is part of a natural process, to feel like youre growing ~unevenly~, and it wasnt the only reason why i quit. most of it was the stress and the amount of workload i had, which was kind of insane... but after talking to my managers they all said the same thing along the lines of being sorry for not realizing + understanding why its hard to say 'no'.

which is whats been kind of saddening me... my brain keeps telling me: what if i did things differently, what if i was more vocal about it. im not sure if me saying 'no' would ever work as the tasks needed to be done, but what if i at least tried harder... but then, i also didn't really know how i was being perceived. i have this horrible habit of thinking my coworkers and managers would barely stand me for doing the bare minimum. ive never felt like a good professional in the end. they have a different perception though, and i got told that it would be ok for me to negotiate my own conditions because i was valuable.

they said its something that i should take for my next job: understand that im also a person who has needs and as long as im doing my job, i should at least try to be heard. obviously thats a very capitalistic conversation bc ideally id want to run to the forests to live a self sustained life etc etc.

but anyway i will try to take it as a new start instead of an inevitable ending. bc it would never be sustaining for me to stay there for more years, its not the job i wanted tbh. ill just have to trust myself this time to follow my own path. and try to be happy with it.

#diário de bordo

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cogbreath · 2 months

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not a vent but it is a ramble of personal things but

im seriously so so like... shocked idk. i didnt expect this to happen. it seems like its really gonna happen. but im nervous. theres been times before where it was like. my mom was talking about how he might not be allowed 2 live here anymore and i was so hyped but then nothing came of it. i cant have that happen again. im 21 years old man. and i dont have a life because of the shit living arrangements we have going on bc of him. if hes really fed up and leaving this is gonnabe so fucking huge.......... like i said before i want his room so i can expand my waifu shrines 😈 ... lol. im being lighthearted. i seriously had 0 hope for a while. and idk. i once had a serious breakdown in front of my mom wherre i admitted that i felt like i was genuinely gonna end up killing him. and tbh i thought that there was a chance that ended up being the only way out. im really happy if this is true and im getting an actual happy ending for once. ive been. wanting this so desperately since i was a kid guys. seriously. i hate that man so much. hes a disgusting abusive asshole with 0 compassion + he m*lested me. hes got mad health problems that my mom manages for him and i wonder if shes worried about how he'll do on his own with that. personallly i dont care. i dont care. i want him out. i dont want my mama being his caregiver nomore. cruel cruel man. for all my life ive watched that man degrade her ans berate her and expect her to serve him afterwards ..... ive had to deal with overhearing him harassing her for never having sex with him.. which is something that was always extra painful for me because of my own sexual trauma.... theres honna be a lot of scary changes like my mom says i have to get a job again. im really not not good at working due to my disabilities. but i could hold a job for a year before i ended up losing it. it was very trauamtic. i dont want to work again. but i will be freed from the familial agony. its a lot guys. seriously. ive been so so so isolated and disconnected from eberything and everyone because of it for all my life. ive never been able to truly be a person because of it. it became my job to help my mother emotionally and mentally to degrees that no child really should havr to because she had no one else. i dont fault or resent her at all for that and im happy to defend her and help her and listen to her. its a lot though and especially when i was younger. also

ill probably do drugs less often because i wont be trying to drown out another fight theyre having.

im nervous because im a a psychotic autistic agoraphobic and i will have to be going outside now. but. i will be going outside now... which means having a life. my mom will be with me still. i will still live with her and probably will most my life because of my circumstances. but i love her. im okay with having to maybe do some scary things because of that. dude. theres a convention near me soon that i was hoping to go to. i kinda just had it as a pipe dream though. because basiclaly i have no ability or opportunities to leave the house. but now i will. im really hopping that this is rwal and i'll be able to go... its my goal. i want to make a misty monsoon cosplay. i really do. im crying rn bexause im just so excited to get a chance at things. trust me thougu im still gonna be a asocial shutin first and foremost. dont worry guys i wont be abandoning you. im a dedicated poster. but you know. im gonna be posting under better circumstances inshallah.

also this is a lot for me spiritually. my dad is heavily islamophobic and ive not been able to safely be open because of him. ive prayed and prayed a lot to allah to help make things to where i can finally do that. i really really feel like allah has given me a great gift here im so happy allahu akbar

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mint-yooxgi · 3 months

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This bout to be the longest ask ever but I gotta get this off to you lol

First things first the Mingi redcap story was beautiful as always so thank you for sharing it with us

Second of all I asked about your commission I think it was a while ago when it first happened and just wondered how everything went and was wishing you all that was well with that.

And LAST but NOT LEAST, i was rereading Hotel California and Paradise Gardens (bc it’s a ritual for me at this point) and I just wanted to say I love the way your build your characters. Really I like to reread things though bc it’s so easy to miss things that were said or could’ve foreshadowed something later on. Like the whole thing with Calum in book one and they were ready to disintegrate that man where he stood even though OC said no bc it wasn’t even really him that set her off just the whole situation of it all being held “captive” and just feeling isolated so it was like the straw that broke the camels back thing. Fast forward to book 2 with Jake at the hospital and OCs crying but relieved bc she’s able to get her clarity, which never really gets to happen to people, and ofc the boys (ESPECIALLY Hongjoong) have the ‘touch her and you die’ mindset are so readily to disintegrate another man for her but instead Yeosang speaks up saying she said no and they actually let it go?????? For OCs mental wellbeing like they actually listened (reluctantly)??????? We love character growth around here 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️ Usually with yandere genres its not common to see them have a change in their mindset like they normally just stay effed up and could care less about their S/O true feelings so its nice to see how you build them up that way. And then in book 2 with Jongho being put 'under' OC said something to Hongjoong throwing back his words in his face with something he said the first day they met which i didnt notice the first time tiol i went baclnto read again. It's just the way you crafted your characters with such thought and care that makes the story line SO GOOD. Babe i am so sorry with how long this is but i just really wanted to talk about it

Hope you have an amazing day!!! 🥰🥰🥰

No, please, I love long asks like these!! They literally make my day!

Thank you for reading redcap mingi and enjoying it! I really appreciate it!

Oh, I'm still working on it. The guys wants around 7-8 books in the series and I'm still only on book 1. Actually, my announcement pertains to this, if I still decide to go through with it. I'm still just not sure yet...

Ahhh, thank you so much!! I love going back to reread that series, too! I am ALL for character development and growth, especially in yandere stories. My absolute favourite are the ones you just KNOW not to fuck with, but they'll listen to the OC because they love them and vice versa. It's one of my favourite dynamics.

And yes! I have many parallels and callbacks throughout the series, so I'm so happy you noticed these ones! Thank you so much for taking the time to read my stories, and send me such a lovely ask! You've really made my day!

Happy reading, and I hope you have a wonderful day as well! 🥰

#ask #the sweetest #omg #thank you #!!!#hehehe

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everythingsinred · 11 months

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Hi hii!! I hope you're having a nice day 💜💜

Ok I'm gonna be really mean with the 50 questions ask-

Whichever ones you want, with Ruka, Natsume, or Mikan

(i find it mean bc i am tragically indecisive)

i am doing great!

(i think that u sent this again, adding mikan... so i'll answer this one instead of the other one, if that's okay)

ur ask is so tempting so i will do as many as i can for all three, thank u <3

Ruka-pyon <3

1. Canon I outright reject? he would NEVER leave natsume not EVER. i know tsubasa had to basically drag him out of there but i hate that he left i HATE it

2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on? i don't think he would ever date mikan after natsume's hypothetical death. i don't think either of them would be able to.

3. Obscure headcanon? his favorite disney movie is fox and the hound.

4. Favorite line? "Meeting you, and coming with you here to the Academy... I never even once regretted it." (chapter 146)

5. Best personality trait? his loyalty. he's very sweet and i love that, but his loyalty is what moves mountains, what fights wars, what transcends the rules of time and space.

6. Worst personality trait? i must have mentioned this at some point but he's perfect. but really i think he shouldn't feel like such a burden when he brings so much to the table.

7. Age/height/weight headcanon? i don't need a headcanon when i have character profiles! 140 cm/4'6 and 35 kg/77 lbs at his debut, 173 cm/5'8 and 66 kg/145 lbs in the last chapter. also i believe he's the youngest of the main four? he turns 11 in march, after natsume, mikan, and hotaru have all had their 11th birthdays.

8. Unpopular opinion about them? i've already said i only like his relationship with mikan platonically, so i'll say something else.

9. Scene that first made me love (or hate) the character? "bird meets tori!" where we see him using his alice with piyo. though it's been so long since i first met him that i really can't remember ever NOT loving him.

10. Best moment on screen (or in the book)? my favorite ruka moment is when he's waiting for natsume in the backseat of the car to go to the academy with him. makes me cry every single time.

12. Crack headcanon? i like thinking of him growing little flowers on his windowsill in his dorm and that he very much likes baking... again "crack" i use loosely.

13. Dumbest thing they’ve ever done? this...?? maybe? i dont think he does many dumb things...

14. Most heroic moment? i just think there's so much strength in ruka's actions in the new year's arc, even if he feels like such a burden the whole time. though i also think this one is very brave.

15. Worst thing they’ve ever done? very tough to say because he's a well-meaning child! i don't like to be negative abt the kids. that being said, this might be natsume AND ruka's worst moment lol. ruka was complicit in that.

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them? zoe and i do have a ruka playlist, but it's private right now because it's unpolished. that being said, here are some songs from the playlist.

18. What they’d go to see a therapist about? his self-esteem issues, namely his feelings of being a burden and his apparent social anxiety that stems from a lonely, isolated childhood.

21. Drink of choice (not just alcoholic)? lemonade!

22. Best physical feature? his pretty blue eyes! he's so beautiful!

23. If they were a scented candle, what would they smell like? YOU ASKED THE RIGHT PERSON. i imagine he would be a lovely, simple floral scent, as well as something a little sweet and refined.

24. Most annoying habit? he's done nothing annoying??? tho for real i think people might get annoyed by his natsume-apologism (especially in story lol)

27. Their guilty pleasure? i think he'd probably like musicals but get very embarrassed abt it. tho i might just be projecting winston bishop on him based off his one musical performance as snow white that he obviously didnt even want to do.

31. If they had a tumblr what would it look like? VERY aesthetic, sweet, with lots of photography, poetry quotes, and pictures of animals.

32. Something guaranteed to make them smile/laugh? when he finally lets himself poke fun at natsume and mikan! they make him laugh a lot, when he puts his walls down <3

33. Something guaranteed to make them cry? when he thinks too hard about his family, because of how much he misses them.

35. Their idea of a perfect day? spending time with his friends and snuggling with an animal... i think he'd be content with simple pleasures.

36. Their favorite season? i associate him with spring! with flowers and baby animals and gentle weather. i think he'd like it too, for lots of the same reasons.

37. What they really think about themselves? he thinks of himself as a burden, obstacle, impediment, that he holds the one person he loves most back when all he wants is to help. as a result, he withdraws and hides himself away bc he doesn't think he's capable of contributing much anyway.

38. Favorite holiday? maybe easter? i'm not familiar with japanese holidays so i cant say for sure but the easter aesthetic suits him.

39. Favorite game? card games!!!

40. Favorite book? i have a predominantly western understanding of literature because i have a degree in english literature, so forgive me. i think he'd like romantic poets, like whitman, wordsworth, byron, and dickinson. he'd like romanticism for it's emphasis on the natural world and on emotion and justice. i think he'd like classic children's books too, like peter pan or alice in wonderland.

41. If they could have lunch with anyone in the world (living or dead, from any fictional universe or the real world), who would it be? he'd wanna eat lunch with his parents because he misses them <3

42. 3 comfort items? i had a long and nice answer for this but tumblr ate it (which pisses me off so much u have no idea) so i dont remember what i'd said. the earbud transmitters hotaru left him, but i cant remember the other two. ill reblog again if i remember.

43. 3 favorite foods and 3 they despise? i think ruka would like bread and pastries, lots of desserts. i dont have much of an inkling what he wouldn't like except that i believe he's a vegetarian so he wouldn't eat meat. i just dont understand how he could have such connection and empathy for animals, genuinely love them as friends, and have the animal pheromone alice on top of that, and eat them. i dont think he'd judge anybody for eating meat, but he wouldn't be able to himself.

44. Their happiest memory? meeting natsume <3

46. The person they most admire? natsume, mikan, and his mom. people whose strength he admires and maybe covets.

47. Their dream job? he wants to be a vet!!!!

48. Scariest moment of their life? poor ruka has gone through a lot of scary moments but i think he's managed to be brave each time anyway, which is very admirable. i keep saying natsume for all his answers, but i think natsume's death would be the scariest moment because he genuinely couldn't do anything to stop it. i think not only was it the moment he lost his best friend, but also a moment that made him feel like he really couldn't be of any help or support to natsume after all, that he really was a burden.

49. Favorite toy as a child? rich boy ruu-chan had a lot of toys and while i'm tempted to think he'd like stuffed animals, at the end of the day i think he'd be way more interested in playing with real animals. i think they made him feel accepted and understood and less alone.

50. A memory they’ve blocked out? i think the memories of the time between natsume dying and coming back would be a bit blurry. he wouldnt have been holding on tight to that period of time, to put it lightly.

Natsume <3

1. Canon I outright reject? I will never accept him dying young. sorry higuchi but i just cant listen to you.

2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on? natsume LOVES chocolate and sweets. why do so many people insist on him hating sweets just because he's "cool" i dont get it???

3. Obscure headcanon? he listens to rap and rap rock. im sorry i just. cant imagine he wouldn't love rap. whatever.

4. Favorite line? i love when one of the kids asks him to tutor him when the whole class is in study mode, saying, "i thought if i went in with a 'do or die' attitude then maybe..." and natsume replies, "then die." (i know it's hard to see but it's at the bottom, where ruka's face is.) ALSO on a more serious note, "can you wait for me?" because it KILLS me.

5. Best personality trait? how sweet he can be!!!! no but seriously natsume acts cool but he's the most hopeless romantic of the bunch and i live by that.

6. Worst personality trait? martyr complex.

7. Age/height/weight headcanon? who needs headcanon when we have canon!! natsume is ten (a couple months away from eleven) when he's introduced and the second youngest (only older than ruka) in the main four (the boys being younger than the girls is so cute). he's sixteen at the epilogue and in kageki <3. he's 140 cm/4'6 and 34.5 kg/76 lbs when we meet him, and 175 cm/5'9 and 72 kg/159 lbs at the epilogue.

8. Unpopular opinion about them? i think the popular opinion is that natsume is a baby boy who deserves peace and love after a childhood of rage and agony but if you disagree, i'll throw u off a cliff myself.

9. Scene that first made me love (or hate) the character? im gonna be real with u. he was my fav from the start. i never ever had negative feelings towards him ever from the beginning. is that weird? idk. i dont really care. i saw him with his mask and was determined to watch the whole anime just bc he was in it.

10. Best moment on screen (or in the book)? it's really hard for me to answer this but i think my favorite natsume moment is when he finally rebels against the ESP and persona... something he'd always wanted to do but couldn't, finally given the chance through the knowledge that he'd rather be dead than allow mikan to live through the same suffering that he does.

13. Dumbest thing they’ve ever done? getting mikan to play the prince. he's so fucking stupid.

14. Most heroic moment? he wishes it was his death scene! i think his most heroic moment was when he decided to go to the academy for his sister. i pick this scene and not any others bc when natsume risks his life later on, part of it is motivated by suicidal ideation so it's kinda hard for me to think of those moments as anything but.

15. Worst thing they’ve ever done? same answer as ruka's. yes i say this even knowing that he might have killed people during DA missions. those other ppl arent real to me; mikan is.

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them? again, zoe and i made a killer playlist for the main 4 ga characters. natsume's is the best though, we both agree. since, again, the playlist is still under construction, here are some tracks from it that suit him. (lots of them are triggering, particularly regarding thoughts of suicide, just as a warning.)

18. What they’d go to see a therapist about? everything? trauma, self-image, martyr complex, suicidal ideation, dealing with terminal illness... there's a lot.

19. Vices/bad habits? he has a lot! the worst is his overuse of his alice.

20. Scars? i'm sure he has some. DA missions are not safe and although natsume is canonically immune to his own fire, he's not immune to flying shrapnel and rubble. i like the anime showing us some glimpses into what his missions might look like. we even got to see him get shot, an injury he (presumably) patched up himself instead of going to the hospital for, which is VERY in character. the anime NAILED that episode (chef's kiss, best episode ever, hands down).

21. Drink of choice (not just alcoholic)? cherry dr pepper (this is just a ridiculous joke zoe and i made that is now serious. what a sickening beverage)

22. Best physical feature? his eyes! so pretty. i also love his silky hair. he is SO pretty and has sUCH pretty eyelashes. most beautiful boy ever.

23. If they were a scented candle, what would they smell like? he'd be a lovely scent, very woody and foresty. not floral or sweet.

24. Most annoying habit? martyr complex.

31. If they had a tumblr what would it look like? it's hard to imagine natsume having a tumblr tbh but i think if he did it would be a little anticlimactic. he'd mainly just reblog stupid self-deprecating jokes and edgy music.

32. Something guaranteed to make them smile/laugh? jokes with ruka <3 teasing mikan <3 :)

33. Something guaranteed to make them cry? sadly, natsume rarely cries. but he cries when he loses someone, so leaving his father, and i think he must have cried when he woke up after dying just to find out mikan was gone.

35. Their idea of a perfect day? a good day would probably be if he doesn't have to go on a mission. a perfect day would be the two christmases where he got to kiss mikan. i think he went to sleep very happy those nights.

36. Their favorite season? spring <3 though i always associate him with autumn and winter.

37. What they really think about themselves? BAD. not worth the trouble. exists for others. similar nonsense.

38. Favorite holiday? CHRISTMAS

39. Favorite game? playing cards with ruka! also its easy to imagine him being into video games, particularly violent ones.

40. Favorite book? i think he'd prefer manga to books but if he were to read books i think he'd like fucked up shit. maybe horror like stephen king or something.

41. If they could have lunch with anyone in the world (living or dead, from any fictional universe or the real world), who would it be? his mom

43. 3 favorite foods and 3 they despise? i base this off of official art (thus, canon), but pasta, chocolate, and strawberries are his favorite foods. i think he wouldnt like coffee (thats why he always drinks it in my fics lmao....) and i like imagining him as being a childishly picky eater. i dont really have any evidence for his dislikes. just vibes.

44. Their happiest memory? meeting ruka and both christmases <3

46. The person they most admire? i think he would admire his mother and yuka a lot. obviously, he also admires ruka and mikan, for being unlike him.

47. Their dream job? he simply does not dream of labor. it's really hard for me to come up with a job he'd love bc of how he's been forced to work as an actual child. he likes manga... maybe something involved with that?

48. Scariest moment of their life? when aoi burned down the village, though i do think he's had lots of scary moments after that too. i just think that was probably the moment he realized how powerless he really was, how much he was at the mercy of others simply bc he was a child.

49. Favorite toy as a child? i think he'd probably be a big fan of matchbox cars? or maybe im saying that bc i liked matchbox cars. (and also cuz theyre called matchbox cars). he seems to like basketball too!

50. A memory they’ve blocked out? natsume is a big ball of trauma so i wouldnt be surprised if there was plenty. i think he's kind of forced to compartmentalize a lot, since his experiences in the DA class are so gruesome and different from his school life, so he'd be forced to pretend like he didn't just go on a terrifying mission last night, which leads to unprocessed trauma and maybe even blurred memories.

Mikan <3

1. Canon I outright reject? if higuchi tachibana doubting that "natsume won" is canon, then i reject it. mikan MADE A CHOICE. in your manga, higuchi!!!! she even says, "these feelings i have only for you", which means the only person she loves romantically is natsume. higuchi YOU WROTE THIS.

2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on? ^^^ that one. also she's not a masochist.

3. Obscure headcanon? even though natsume can have a potentially atrocious taste in fashion, i think mikan would find his fits cute nonetheless, maybe just bc it's him!

4. Favorite line? I love when she tells natsume to join her team before the sports fest. she NEVER asks for anything from natsume or tells him how she feels but she takes a risk this once and it's wonderful until he rejects her and she takes a long while to recover from that moment where she finally put herself out there only to get turned down.

5. Best personality trait? perseverance, in regards to difficult times and difficult people.

6. Worst personality trait? toxic positivity

7. Age/height/weight headcanon? we have canon!! she is (unbeknownst to her) eleven years old when she first comes to the academy and is turning seventeen when we see her again in the last chapters. she's 138 cm/4'6 and 33 kg/73 lbs at her debut and 158 cm/5'2 and 47 kg/104 lbs at the last chapters.

8. Unpopular opinion about them? it's okay that she's stupid! i dislike when mikan is made so much smarter, or when they significantly alter her personality, in fics. i think she's pretty great the way she is!

9. Scene that first made me love (or hate) the character? HARD TO SAY. regrettably i wasn't always a huge fan of mikan, especially in the anime, bc i thought she was annoying. but i think when i matured just a little, it was hard to keep it up. i think i fully loved her on the second rewatch/reread. i couldnt tell u the specific scene bc it was too long ago.

10. Best moment on screen (or in the book)? i reread just this little moment so often. i'm not saying it's a healthy moment, hiding her feelings until she's alone, but it's so her and it's so heart-crushing and tragic. i love it.

13. Dumbest thing they’ve ever done? she's frequently stupid, but i really enjoy this moment, just bc of how naive she is, both to natsume's situation and to her own feelings. (mikan, girl, you're in love with him.)

14. Most heroic moment? is there anything more heroic than this?

15. Worst thing they’ve ever done? mikan rarely does things out of ill-will. i could say one of her well-intentioned blunders, but that feels cheap. i'll say this, then, when mikan tells natsume that him worrying about her is a bother. i'll talk about it during my essay, but mikan says that, against her urges to keep him with her, because she remembers the pain of him choosing luna over her and she, in that moment, reacts in a kneejerk way to make him hurt a little too. it's the only moment i can think of where she hurts somebody without at least meaning well. (and YES i know that this is right after luna told her to keep their encounter a secret, but mikan chooses to be cold to natsume in a way that she isnt towards hotaru or her other friends for asking similar questions.)

16. Deepest darkest secret they won’t even admit to themselves? mikan never admits anything to herself! that she loves natsume sticks out the most though.

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them? AGAIN, zoe and i made playlists for the main 4 but they're unsuitable for consumption right now, so here are some mikan flavored tracks!

18. What they’d go to see a therapist about? her little useless complex as well as her toxic positivity and all the trauma she had to endure in a very short time frame.

19. Vices/bad habits? "keep smiling, mikan, no matter what!"

21. Drink of choice (not just alcoholic)? orange juice and orange soda

22. Best physical feature? her smile, allegedly! i love the way her eyes are drawn (my answer for everyone is eyes bc i LOVE the way higuchi draws eyes...). i, like natsume, also LOVE when her hair is down.

23. If they were a scented candle, what would they smell like? she'd be like her name, and have a fruity, floral scent! very sweet!

31. If they had a tumblr what would it look like? i think it would be super cute with lots of bright, fun colors, desserts, and positivity quotes.

32. Something guaranteed to make them smile/laugh? she smiles a lot. i like her genuine smiles, when she hears something she likes or spends quality time with people she loves.

33. Something guaranteed to make them cry? mikan is sensitive! thus she cries a lot! she cries when people around her are hurt, she cries when she doesn't get what she wants, or when things get hard. i think it's sweet.

35. Their idea of a perfect day? spending time with her class b pals with some light antics and shenanigans, or hanging out with her senpais in the special ability class would make her happy. later, going on dates with natsume, too. <3

36. Their favorite season? summer, but the lovely thing is how happy and awestruck mikan seems to be by every passing season. she loves them all! it's very sweet, how much love she has for life.

37. What they really think about themselves? despite her tendency to see the beauty or value in everything, she doesn't see much in herself. she thinks of herself as ordinary, boring, useless. she knows that people love her smile but she thinks that's all she has to offer so she hides her negative feelings away. ;-;

38. Favorite holiday? new year's!!!

39. Favorite game? she loves all games, but especially sports and high-activity games

40. Favorite book? she'd like high-spirited books with wacky characters, like pippi longstocking, anne of green gables, or matilda.

41. If they could have lunch with anyone in the world (living or dead, from any fictional universe or the real world), who would it be? her parents and jii-chan

43. 3 favorite foods and 3 they despise? obviously she loves oranges and she eats lots of oranges in the manga. i like to think she shares hotaru's love for seafood, bc seafood reminds her of hotaru, but hotaru is so insane abt it that mikan seems to have a tame love in comparison. and HOWALON, obviously. i dont think mikan would dislike much food or be a picky eater bc she loves to eat <3

44. Their happiest memory? i think her school memories with her friends, particularly lighthearted moments, would stick out as happiest. the culture fest or the dodgeball game or swimming class.

46. The person they most admire? hotaru, natsume, ruka, etc. she admires lots of people. she has a tendency to see the good parts of people and to focus on them until that's the main thing she sees.

47. Their dream job? i like to see mikan in people-oriented, caring-based roles, like as a nurse or a teacher, where there's emphasis on helping people. i think she'd really thrive in a career like that. i especially like imagining her as a teacher. (her husband can share some pretty decent benefits from such a career afaik)

48. Scariest moment of their life? probably the whole night of the escape arc. no part of that was easy. the entire night was stressful and scary

49. Favorite toy as a child? she makes her own mikan dolls! mikan is awful at homemade things, like cooking or sewing, but she loves it anyway! i think she liked making her own toys and seeing the beauty in her ugly little creations.

50. A memory they’ve blocked out? i think mikan would try and remember the hard moments so that she can get stronger, just based on the way she talks about such moments, like after pengy dies.

#ooooOOOH I HATE TUMBLR #it ate my answers which is very annoying when i have dozens for each character >:(#sorry it took a while for me to post #ga #gakuen alice #ask games #tardytothepardy #answered #nogi ruka #hyuuga natsume #sakura mikan #this is really long! i hope its satisfactory!#if theres a mistake with formatting or any unanswered/incomplete questions lemme know #its tumblrs fault for having such a frustrating system #i hope ur having a great day too!#edit: i updated this just now with mikans weight and height #which i skipped over on accident before #i hate editing theseeeee

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raidenssblog · 2 years

Text

Love is red but so is blood

Part1, part2, part3 ← you're here, part4

Paring: Zenitsu X d!m!reader

Genre: angst

Warnings: depression, small mention of needles, attempted suicide, self harm (not eating) isolation from real world and feelings, grief, self indagerment (if that's a real word), fainting, hallucinations, violence, yelling and cursing.

Summary: Zenitsu finally came to the realisation that you were never coming back. He's tried everything. He's lashed out at the people he needed. So he will be with you. Or so he thought.

_—_—_—_—_—_—_—_—_—_—_—_—_—_—_

It's been 4 days. Zenitsu only had the energy to shower. He doesn't even eat or go on missions anymore.

No he didn't feel hungry, he just felt empty, sad and lonly. Even if Tanjiro and Inosuke visit him. Knocks come from the front door every morning and night.

The first time that happened Zenitsu ran down and swag the door open. Hoping it was you in the other side.

But no, it was Tanjiro and a bored looking Inosuke. His heart droped now knowing it won't be you.

Whenever Tanjiro comes around he doesn't even go to the door to answer him.

Today was no different. 10am. Zenitsu could her tanjiro walking towards the door. But there was no knock, but he heard the door open slowly.

Zenitsu got up and walked down the steps to be met with tanjiro. He sounded....upset.

"Zenitsu. Please listen. I'm so sorry about that night. I'm sorry I didn't do anything. I'm sorry sanemi took him away from you. I know the pain you going through and I want-" "no"

Tanjiro was cut off by Zenitsu. He voice sounded raw and sore. Most like from crying, screaming and lack of food.

"I'm sorry?" Tanjiro asked confused as to why the only thing his friend said was no.

"no. No you don't. You have NO idea about the pain I went though that night. Sure you found your family dead but I watch him get KILLED. That is different. At lease the last time you saw your family alive they were happy, right? He was scared, helpless and he knew he was going to die. The look in his eyes, it was horrible. I can NEVER GET THAT IMAGE OUT IF MY FUCKING HEAD."

He pause and took a long deep breath befor staring into tanjiro's eyes. "And it was your fault for not talking up. It was Inosukes fault for not letting me go. And it was Sanemi's fault for taking him away from me. The only person who I loved and loved me back just as much." Tears were now pouring out.

"you have no right to say that to me Zenitsu. My family were kill brutally while he was killed in one swing. Sure you watched him die but that doesn't mean he was in pain." Tears gained in Tanjiro's eyes at the memory of his family.

"BUT HE WAS. I COULD SEE AND HEAR IT! WHILE YOU MADE SURE NOT TO LET ME GO YOU ALL MISSED THE TEARS IN HIS EYES!"

Tanjiro was taken aback. This was the first time Zenitsu had yelled at him aiming for it to hurt.

"HE KNEW HOW MUCH THIS WOULD HURT ME! HE KNEW! BUT YOU DIDNT SO DONT YOU DARE SAY HE WENT PEACEFULLY!"

At this point Zenitsu was screaming at the boy Infront of him. No caring if it ever so slowly made tanjiro guilty. He should be. He should have said or done something. Anything.

"I AM SORRY! PLEASE FORGIVE ME ZENITSU! I KNOW I HURT YOU, WE ALL DID BUT PLEASE FUCKING LISTEN TO ME! I beg of you." He whispered the last part not wanting to fight anymore.

"I don't care if you're here to say sorry. I don't give a fuck if you want to apologize. You just, you just don't want to feel guilty. Because you know you were of the reason as too why Im like this now" Zenitsu was calm compared to how he was before.

All that tanjiro could see was the tears running down his face and dripping off. He could smell the thick hatred and sadness Zenitsu let off.

Tears of Tanjiro's were now not about his family, but because he made his friend like this. If he could even call Zenitsu a friend anymore.

"I'm really am sorry" he said before he walked out the door. He could hear Zenitsu start to cry again but didn't go back. He couldn't, as much as he wanted to he could never.

Zenitsu droped to the floor. The feeling of hunger started to kick in but he didn't care. He knew his time would somehow come soon.

So he reread the letter which felt like the hundredth time. The handwriting was yours. That was for certain. But the words wait for me stuck in his mind for the rest of that night.

'Wait for me, what does that even mean' he thought while covering his head with the thick blanket. It had a very faint smell of you. It comforted him a little.

He knew he couldn't wait. It was getting to painful, to much. He felt to gone already. So he waited untill night fall.

He went out side for the first time in short of a week. The breeze was calm. Unlike his mind. Zenitsu blotted for the butterfly mansion.

He snuck into the mansion listening out for anybody as he enter a room. Specifically the medical room. He grabbed around 3 different pills and ran back to your cabin. He grabbed a glass of water and letter before he started to sob.

He cried harder as he walked through the thick bush. Towards one clearing. The place you two met. He sat down and opened the bottles.

Pouring them into his hand he sighed he put half of the pills in his mouth not caring what they'd do and drank water to wash them down.

They were hard to swallow due to how many they were. He than took the other half and did the same. Zenitsu chucked the last bit of water before chucking the glass someplace, he didn't care where. He was going to be with you. Than NOBODY can take you away. Never.

He picked up your letter and yet again reread it. Though he wasn't sad. He was happy. Relifed some would say.

His eye sight started to get blurry and his chest got tight. That's when he heard it. His name getting called. "Monichi?"

It was Inosuke. Well that doesn't matter anyway. He was going to be dead soon. Hopefully quicker than how it was going now.

He blacked out before he knew it. He heard footsteps running towards him. "Monichi! Wake up!" The voice that slowly grew on him now made him want to die faster.

Zenitsu felt hands picking him up and quickly, not very gently, running away from that spot.

'no no no. I was ment to die where we met. Go back. Please' Zenitsu thought but couldn't say. His heartbeat was slowly fading away and purely he felt like his body was numb.

Multiple voices called out but they were all muffled and he couldn't understand what they were saying. Than everyone just...stoped.

'am I...dead. no wheres m/n?' he didn't understand what happened. He took all the pills. Forced himself not to throw up. Reread the letter but, he's not dead.....

Four days passed. Tanjiro hasn't slept in three days. Shinobu gave him a anaesthetic that knocked him out for a few hours.

But he woke up and headed straight for Zenitsu recovery room.

Inosuke brought him in, he was blabbering about bottles and a letter. Saying how he watched him down a bunch of little things and read a letter while crying... happily.

Aoi ran in and said someone had taken some pills from the medical room. Tanjiros heart sank to the bottom of his stomach. He looked over to shinobu in a panick.

She knew what had happened as well. She wasn't smiling, instead she was breathing quickly and she let off a scent of worry.

She put him in a spare bed and by now most of the hashira have gather by the door. Mainly because of the girls screaming and Inosuke shouting random things.

Shinobu quickly made a thick purpley red liquid and put it in a needle before sticking it into his vein.

Zenitsu started to breath normally again and his pulse came back. Shinobu let out a shallow sigh. "He'll be fine, just make sure to keep and eye on his heart beat and if he does wake up. Please tell me or Aoi."

Tanjiro nodded and quickly wiped his tears away before setting himself down in the bed next to him.

He was now sitting in Zenitsu's bed looking at the sleeping boy. Tanjiros breathing started to quicken and his throat got tight. Tears skilled as he began to sob and talk.

"Im-im so sorry. I did this too you. I-I-I didn't mean to. I thought he was d-angerous. Like most of the other demons, I thought he was fakin-g his feelings just to kill you next. I'm s-sorry you had to think this was the only way you could see him ag-again"

He wiped his tears but they kept coming. The guilt was finally setting upon the red headed boy. He was the reason behind this. It would have been his fault that his friend killed themselves.

His fault

But he didn't kill you. Sanemi did. It was his fault for all of this. If he didn't kill none of this would have happened. None of it.

Zenitsu and you would still be happy. He would still go on missions, eat and go outside. He would still have meals with the group and put effort into his life. These thought wouldn't even dear to cross his mind.

"w-where *cough* am I?" Tanjiro snapped out of his daze and looked at the boy in shock. "Z-zenitsu! You're awake! Let me go get shinobu!" And with that he quickly ran to get the girl leaving the yellowed haired boy in a haze.

'why didn't it work? It should have worked. I was ment to see m/n. Please." He thought. Tears welled in his eyes. The clenching ache in his heart grew worse by the second.

He was chocking on his own breaths. He heard the door open but when he looked he only saw....you.

Zenitsu stoped crying for a second and just stared at you. He cried harder and louder. "M/N! YOU'RE BAC-K! I-I KNEW IT!"

But when you didn't respond he only lower his voice. "M/n please come over here?" You didn't answer, you only stared at him.

"m/n?" Zenitsu said quietly. This wasn't you. He knew it. For the time when you didn't hug him straight away.

Suddenly you head was cut off. A horrendous scene as you body crumbed to the floor. Zenitsu let out a loud scream. Tears poured harder than they did before.

The memory of your death now refreshed in his mind. Tanjiro and shinobu ran into the room. "Zenitsu please calm down. I need to give you you medicine to even out-"

She was cut off with Zenitsu running out of the room. He instantly regretted it as his vision went blurry and his head felt heavy.

He just wanted to get out of there. Away from them and away from everything.

#agnst #demon slayer #kny x you #kny zenitsu #reader insert #pt3 #zenitsu x male reader #demon reader #may be triggering

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fruit-salad-ship · 2 years

Note

So sorry, you’re gonna pull through. Maybe a cute fluff idea in the vampire au? Thinking Peach and Plum got in a fight, Plum said something that hurt Peach and Peach runs off to be alone, Plum thinking Peach is just angry but she’s really hurt.

Grey can tell the difference but doesn’t say anything, he just goes to find Peach, who he finds in a mostly unused room curled up in a corner, wings raised in a kind of bubble around her. He goes and sits close to her, tells her he knows she wants space and he won’t push but will just hang out to let her know he understands and wants to help. She eventually pulls back a wing slightly and lets him in to hold her.

Maybe Plum starts to feel guilty later and goes looking for her, sees them cuddled in the corner. Peach doesn’t notice but Grey makes eye contact and nods her in. Plum nervously makes her apology, tells Peach she can have her space but Plum is ready to hear her whenever she’s ready.

She turns to leave but Peach reaches out to stop her and pulls her into the cuddle pile, and they all just sit and breathe for a while.

(Oh dang it now I’m crying too I’m so sorry)

Why is it alwasy the vampire prompts that get me haha

Thank you for concerns, I will be ok, alwasy am.

That night, as the moon sat in a waned position, hardly any light from its thin slice, Peach couldn't help but recall a handful of very distant memories. She could not remember her family, or her friends, nor the name of her home town. The streets she played in as a kid didn't exist anymore, and the apple trees she use to climb, toppled and rotted many centuries prior to this night. And yet, no matter what she did, she could not get the smell of damp and mould from her nose, nor the irritation that bubbled up recalling the endless dripping, echoing around the cold stone room she once fondly referred to as her 'tomb', a dark and isolated place, the den of the vampire who ended her life.

These memories were some of the first set in her mind once she'd been turned. They did not fade, though she truly wished after all this time, that they would.

In the dark of the night, she hunkered down in the comfort of her own wings as they wrapped around her, creating the only saftey she recalled being able to turn to, a covered nook to sink into and try to dissapear. The room she was in was dusty, dry, unused mostly, a space littered with items gathered from the years she'd spent wandering, none meaning very much of anything to her anymore.

It must have been a while that she was sat in silence, recalling the row from earlier that day, fateful words slipping from Plum's mouth that just seemed to sting a little more coming from her. Before long, the room was flooded with a path of light, door opening out into the hall, footsteps entering before the door shut again.

Grey, his heavy footfall was unmistakable, she didnt need to look to see who it was, she heard him come up the stairs and linger by the door for a minute prior to this.

"Go away." About all she could say, tucking up tighter in her wings, but he still continued to settle on the floor next to her, crossing his legs, sighing.

"She didnt mean it." He shifted to get comfortable, leant against a box.

"She did, and she was right to say it. I'm not mad at her, i'm mad at me. Just go do whatever it is you humans do these days, leave me alone." She shifted to face further away from the large man, hoping he'd get the hint.

"She's not right, you're not-" "A monster?" Peach finished his scentence, shooting him a cold leer over one shoulder, before tucking the wing on that side up more, hiding further. "I am, she's right. I just didnt like to hear it from her." an honest moment, feeling a single weird thud in her chest that didnt happen much anymore, the heartbeat long dead, giving her a kick, a brief moment of feeling something akin to guilt, maybe grief, or sorrow? She couldn't recall.

"I don't really remember what it's like to be human anymore, can't imagine you can look at me and see anything other than a beast from a story book. Something to be feared." Her gaze lingered on the distant stars, the moon the same as the night everything changed, that much she could not forget.

"When I was one of you, I carried a sword, and marched with my troop, we fought together, laughed together, did everything as a team, a family." Peach's memories only recalled their faces as she last saw them, turning her stomach a little. "We went to investigate witchcraft claims, and got ambushed by something we did not understand, now of course, I know it was a Vampire, but back then we assumed it a devil, a demon. Guess it kind of was..." Her wings relaxed a little, face peaking out, staring off out the window, the sting of tears unusual for her, perfectly able to push them back, forget that feeling and focus on feeling nothing at all. "It killed every one of my group, the captain pushed me out the way of claws and I watched him get torn to shreds, every time I turned, another of my family fell in battle. Through nothing but dumb luck, I was the last one standing. For surviving the longest, and taking fearful swings at the vampire who attacked us despite impending death, I was 'gifted' this." She glanced down to her hands, their clawed forms so similar to that of the woman who'd turned her, this elegant creature you'd look at and assume was a lady of a rich and noble house.

So clearly that night would repeatedly play in her head, every other memory foggy and faded, but those moments never went away. A futile swing to keep the Vampire back, watching it catch the sword in its delicate hands, snap the blade as if it we're a twig, before throwing it across the battlefield like nothing. Disarmed and alone, Peach thought for sure she would die there, dropping to her knees in defeat, sweat and blood mixed with the dirt and light rain. The faces of her comrades were all drained of life, each member of her family tossed to the ground like ragdolls around her, gone. Rage like nothing she'd ever felt before swept her back up on her feet, a dagger drawn, rushing the elegant form of her attacker that glided closer by the second. She did not see the vampire move, did not see the talons come into range, not until the sting of pain came, and a resistance held her in place, face to face with this creature as it grinned, its features long and hauntingly beautiful, splattered with blood, not a hair out of place.

Looking down now, there was no sign of the damage as she hunkered under her wings, no remainder of the mark left from that attack, in a flash it felt like she was sitting on that floor again that night, glancing at the claws dug striaght into her chest, punctured right through the gear she donned, shards of metal stabbing inward, if it wasnt for her pounding heart she’d have been more aware of the crack of bones in her chest. She took a rattled breath and felt a lung start to fill with liquid, the shock of the pain setting in. The dagger was dropped as her entire body got thrown back with what seemed like no effort at all, despite the sheer difference in size between her, and this thin long woman.

Her last memory from being human was her face, the vampire who changed everything. Peach was willing to die there, accepted it, looked up at the clouds, felt the rain on her skin, and let the raspy breaths draw shorter, a moment of peace as the clouds gave way to the moon, same thin crescent she was looking at now, sitting near this human who refused to leave. She'd been quietly contemplating her past for a while, looking over to Grey who was also staring up at the sky with her, no words. He reminded her of one of them, one of those fine soldies she use to trave with, something so familiar. Perhaps that's why she was drawn to him in the first place.

Her hand, despite its dangerous apperance, gently touched his, one wing creeping back to fold neatly behind her, the other starting to recede too. She put her head on his shoulder, stayed there for a moment. He was warm, a nice change from her ice cold body.

"When I think of a monster, I think of the woman who turned me. I spent a long time trapped in her den, this damp stone room with no light, no windows, no way to tell how much time was passing, she kept me under lock and key until I did what she asked, for god knows how long. She took everything, and left me a shadow of her own image. What scares me, is that you two look at me, and think i'm capabale of the same thing."

"We don't, you're not like that. We've seen you with the police scanner up at night, listening in for domestic violence calls, preying on those who are actually in the wrong. You even learnt to use the internet just to trawl around looking for local hate groups, so you don't hurt anyone who's actually a decent human. A monster woudln't care enough to do that." His big arm snuck around her shoulder, pulling her in tight for a hug. It was a moment that warmed her, literally and metaphorially, not a thing she felt often, revelling in it briefly.

The door behind them creaked open a little Peach didn't turn to look, instinctivly pulling away from Grey, putting her wings up again to hide from sight.

This time, light footsteps entered, a familiar scent of perfume following soon after. The form crouched down close to the wall of wing that hid their undead housemate away. Plum had heard the conversation from out in the hallway, the guilt of her hot headed comment from earlier setting in like lead, and now, with Grey giving her a 'go on' look, she took a breath.

"I'm sorry, what I said earlier, it was unfair, I got so mad about the broken teapot I just lost my cool. It was too far..." Peach did not exit her hidden position, didnt even move, nor utter a single word. After a few moments, Plum got back to her feet, a heavy pang of sorrow seeping in as she turned to leave, but a hand grabbed hers. It was ice cold, and soft. She tracked it back to the wings, having snuck out from under one, feeling the air aroud the room move, ruffling her hair a little as that same big sail slowly retracted back and folded up, followed by the other. Peach, hesitant at first, gave a little tug on her hand, glancing from the corner of her eye at the human, who gave a weak smile in return.

Plum returned to the floor, crawled into her lap, much to Peach's surprise, and wrapped her arms around the woman's neck tightly. Shortly after, Grey scooped them both up, getting use to sneaking an arm under the wings to drag the woman back easier.

The dark dusty room laiden with items from the past, now contained the future, and there was a distinct few seconds where Peach silently begged to retain these memories, prayed they'd stay long enough to recall fondly one day.

#im not crying youre crying #fruit salad #brainrot #Vampire AU

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