#I create as I speak

[thelilyvase]

i am a graveyard; a mausoleum of old wounds and discarded desires, a cemetery of abandoned ambitions and girls i could have been.

i am a mirrorball; shattered and shining, a collection of jigsaw pieces crushed together to make a half-hoping, half-desperate facade.

i am a daughter; treading on uncertain tip-toes, tired and faltering, voice hoarse and knees bruised from years of begging to be loved.

— i am trying; l.h.

#excerpt from a book i'll never write #i create as i speak #poetry #prose #spilled ink #poetry corner #poetry crew #poets on tumblr #prose poem #prose writing #spoken poem #spoken word #prose poetry #poem

[narwhalsarefalling]

my mother taught me to crochet when i was young. she was left handed, so she taught me how in the bathroom mirror so her hands would be in the right position.

she learned to crochet from her grandmother, who was right handed. her grandma was the one that originally used the bathroom mirror to teach her granddaughter properly.

i find something poetic about that. here in this bathroom mirror, through generations, we adapt to our young who have a different way of learning and interacting with the world

#my mom grew up in the 70s rural missouri #very much in the ‘left handedness is the devil’ era #her first grade teacher handcuffed her left hand to her desk #so i find it very sweet that my great grandmother #took the time and effort to show her grandkid how to create and crochet with her left hand #using the only methods she knew how- the bathroom mirror #the narwhal speaks #crochet

[inkskinned]

the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.

three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.

two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.

their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.

one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.

i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.

i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.

and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?

you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.

a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.

someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.

#writeblr #warm up #this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru #but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist #ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school. #like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it. #was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes. #but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create'' #when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work #part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just #like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent. #speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r #ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week #this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice. #''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism #imagine if we said that about literally any other profession. #''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt? #u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky'' #we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY #''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''

[snow-and-saltea]

Invictus, by William Ernest Henley

#i create as i speak #invictus #william ernest henley #i wanted to post this here bc ive been thinking abt this poem every now and then after watching the blacklist #its so nice.... #poetry

[fandomsandfeminism]

On Saturday, in New York, a group of friends pulled into a strangers driveway to turn their car around. The homeowner came outside, shot at them, and killed one of the 20 year old women in the car.

Last Thursday, in Kansas City, a 16 year old boy ended up at the wrong address by mistake trying to pick up his younger siblings. He rang the doorbell. The homeowner shot him in the head. He is, miraculously, alive and recovering.

Yesterday, in Texas, a group of high school cheerleaders stopped at a grocery store on their way home. One of them opened the door to the wrong car by mistake, realized her mistake, and quickly retreated and found her friends car nearby. The man in the car followed her and shot at the group. 2 were shot. One remains hospitalized.

In less than a week- 3 people, doing normal, nonmalicious, nonthreatening, everyday things. Turning around in a driveway, ringing the wrong doorbell, going up to the wrong car by mistake. And with no escalation, no warning, it turns to gun fire.

It's a terrible intersection of easy access to firearms and an entitlement to use violence against others. All 3 of these recent incidents were so unprovoked and unjustifiable, and the core thread remains the same.

A man who felt entitled to use violence and had the means to do so with a firearm.

I don't even know what to say.

#gun control obviously #but even that feels like too little #we need gun control #but we also need I dunno some...something more #because what kind of society creates this #what kind of culture allows it #the entitlement to leap straight to deadly force before you even speak to a person #to shoot at a stranger through your front door or car window without warning #just what in fucking hell

[theygender]

The more I learn about judaism the more I wonder where tf christianity got all its bad shit. Why is divorce a sin in christianity when judaism has recognized the right to divorce for nearly a millennia and has codified religious laws for it. Why does christianity consider sex to be dirty (to the point where puritans considered it a sin to enjoy having sex with your own spouse) when in judaism it's considered holy and it's a literal mitzvah to have sex with your spouse on the sabbath. Why does christianity consider it a sign that you're faithless if you question your religion when in judaism that's considered an essential part to developing your faith. I'm probably stating the obvious here but I still can't get over the fact that there's no historical basis to any of this shit before christianity started, it's like christians just said "hey guys what if we took the torah and built a new religion around it but this time it was actively hostile to human life"

#rambling #disclaimer this isnt about individual christians im speaking about the religious trauma i experienced in my own life etc etc #these are just a few examples that I've noticed but they're definitely something #the part about sex in particular shocked me bc sex is pretty much viewed as actively evil in a lot of christian denominations #like you should only do it to create children and if you take pleasure in it (even if its with your own spouse) youre a dirty sinner #there arent as many examples like this nowadays but if you read puritan laws about sex it's like #you're allowed to have sex with your wife basically 10 times a year but you have to be fully clothed with the lights off #and you cant have sex on a holiday or a sunday and you cant touch each other and you have to try as hard as possible to hate it #literally WHERE did that mindset come from?? like for real #in judaism having sex with your spouse is basically considered a celebration of everything holy #and if you have sex on the sabbath (the holiest day in the jewish calendar—above every holiday) #its considered TWICE as holy #make it make sense #this is one of the things people mean when they say that lumping judaism in with christianity as 'abrahamic' religions is meaningless #theyre literally nothing alike #the only similarity is the torah but thats only half of the christian bible and one third of the jewish one #AND christianity interprets most of it completely differently from how judaism does #im tired #greatest hits #hall of fame

[superherospinoff]

[Image ID: Screenshot of a paragraph that reads ‘Batman is quite famously an orphan, as are the first two Robins. For years Tim Drake was unusual among the Batclan in having a living parent, but eventually the temptations of orphanhood overcame the writers. End ID]

still one of the funniest ways i’ve ever heard tim’s backstory recapped 

#batman #dc #tim drake #described #text posts #Spins Speaks #tim orphanhood speedrun any% #i think about 'the temptations of orphanhood overcame the writers' at least once a day #people creating ocs in middle school be like

[tubbytarchia]

Sorry, last one, swear!! I'll try and finish this by the 10th and then I will leave you all alone. I'm experiencing some long missed joy in creating this, please forgive my impatient excitement

#Just need this to be done already but its not so I just need to share one last bit of it to keep myself motivated. Please understand #Mercy... Thank you for all the support though but I'll express more of that at the end of this #scarian #desert duo #trafficshipping #trafficblr #those pink forest backgrounds are like the only ones I remotely like in this entire animation #but I'll try to redo and improve some of the others before I dare show them to the public eye. My backgrounds suck ass #seriously though wahhh I am so miserable but alas... the joy of creation #sorry for speaking like this is my magnum opus and everyone needs to look at it. I just dont know when I'll ever create smth like this agai #to me this means a lot #too many tags #tubby art

[blackpilljesus]

I saw this from the female separatism subreddit & the responses are some of the biggest reasons for separatism et al (or extinction if I'm being candid here). Moids cant be reformed they are fully aware of the hell they force women to live in. MaIe achievement & happiness is rooted in female exploitation & life. Their glory days are based on our horrific days. No amount of love, kindness or facts will change maIes and we cannot happily or even neutrally coexist with them.

Main points across answers:

Many want to experiment but not permanently be women

They dont want to be in constant danger or lose their autonomy at the hands of maIes for merely existing

They dont want to deal with childbirth (& periods)

They dont want to have to share spaces with species much stronger than them with ulterior motives

It makes me go crazy seeing people give moids benefit of doubt for their evil like "maIes just dont understand", "we need to teach maIes", or claiming that maIe violence is a result of maIes struggling with (expressing) their feelings. I get that women love maIes and it can be hard to imagine that people can intentionally be so evil but it is what it is. MaIes have no problems expressing themselves, abusing women is what maIes choose to do because they enjoy & benefit from it - that is their expression.

MaIes see the same news of women being abused, raped, and killed like we do except rather than be disheartened or alarmed they're either apathetic or satisfied. It isn't aliens that's committing GBV it's maIes & maIes have no problem reminding women of this when women anger them (such as rape threats & threatening women they'll end up on the news/true crime). The victim blaming, denial, and derailment of misogyny is part of the game to keep the system alive, they know the events occured & are a systemic occurence they just dont care. Hell not only do they not care, they rejoice in it or get off on it.

MaIes set up environments that work in their favour which simultaneously ensures that women will lose. They know women are set up to live in damn near impossible conditions for us. It's normalised for women to defenselessly share personal & private spaces with beings much more stronger than them with ulterior motives for us, it's trap. It's interesting how these moids aren't saying that they'll just cover up and *poof* harrassment gone, or they'll just pick a nice guy & they'll be okay. MaIes know the net negative they are towards women.

MaIes know that childbirth is a painful process & what do they do? Demand it happens and make it even MORE painful for women. MaIes that impregnate women do not love or care for them. Pregnancy itself is dangerous & sometimes lethal, often comes with a range of health issues, to cause someone to be in that condition especially in a environment where abortions are illegal is reckless & unloving. Now imagine how sinister & full of hatred one has to be to impregnate someone and abuse them on top of that. Many women risk their health & lives to reproduce with a Y and they get abused by said Y instead of being taken care of. Deranged.

Realising that maIes are aware of the evil they inflict is one of the things that radicalised me. It isn't a miscommunication or ignorance issue, their violence is intended. They want control. The cruelty is the point. Instead of wasting time & energy trying to change maIes or hope that they "understand" one day, focus on yourself & other women (who prioritise women). Moids aren't oblivious to female pain they enjoy it. A lot of women treat maIe evil like it's a mistake on maIes part but it's calculated terrorism. I know that this will go over many womens heads as they refuse to hold strong negative sentiments about moids as a collective so if you're not a woman like that, take this post as a sanity check. You aren't crazy, it isn't all in your head.

#Will women listen to any of this? Nope. But I will still speak anyways. #I say all of this as an osawoman so attraction is not an excuse. The time for reconciliation & reform has long gone. #And stop fucking creating more maIes ffs #While many women are under the impression that moids are clueless about our oppression; some want to believe so bc they dont want to come #to terms with evil moids actually are. Because if you want to reproduce or have a positive relationship w/ moids theres no way you can #consciously do that bearing in mind what moids are so many women push it away. Anyways #blackpill feminism #blackpill feminist #female separatism #female separatist #males know what they're doing they just dont care #radical feminism #radical feminist #feminism #moids are terrorists #feminist

[craqueluring]

hannibal's whole philosophy on religion is so funny bc he's literally just like "you think im bad? god is worse"

#I have not been bothered by any considerations of deity other than to recognize how my own modest actions pale beside those of God #'killing must feel good to god too he does it all the time and are we not created in his image' #like LMAO #pluto speaks #nbc hannibal #hannibal lecter #hannibal #will graham #hannigram #plutos greatest hits

[little-pondhead]

Inspired by this post.

#danny phantom #dp x dc #danny fenton #mad scientist danny #his suit is a mix of Jack and Maddie’s suits #with a lab coat thrown on top #he 100% smacks joker with a baseball bat on live television #and loves to kidnap zoo animals #Batman cannot find mention of the Fentons anywhere #it is driving the Justice league mad #Superman: stop right there kid! #Danny: suck my a s s #Wonder Woman: why do you keep stealing paintbrushes from the local art centers #Danny: I’m a bad bitch you can’t kill me! #Batman: hang on I speak fluent Teen #Batman: …you finna catch these hands #Batman: don’t @ me when you’re six feet under #Danny: I Am Uncomfortable With The Energy We’ve Created In The Studio Today #when the fight is over he’s just like #aight imma head out #it was fun playing #see y’all next time #and just #rips reality a new one #the Justice league can hear someone from the other side talking #as Fenton goes through the portal #‘did you have a good time? i made cookies come tell me about your day’ #the portal always closes before anyone can get through #until one day it stays open and they all make a collective decision to go through #clockwork knows exactly what he’s doing

[thelilyvase]

it happens in a blink:

your parent (or grandparent or sibling or aunt) drops you off like they always do and you’re barely at the door, and they’re pulling off the drive.

and you’re waving and waving and they look back and return the wave, they say goodbye.

and one day they forget to look back.

one day they stop dropping you off.

and at some point in-between, you grew up.

l.h.

#excerpt from a book i'll never write #i create as i speak #poetry #prose #spilled ink #poetry crew #poetry corner #prose writing #prose poem #poets on tumblr

[naturecalls111]

#one piece #fanart #icelucci #mayor iceburg #rob lucci #sketch #the dubcon is in the deception #except the deception is wavering because big cat lucci somehow found a pet that he’s weirdly endeared with #begrudgingly admits he understands why everyone loves Iceburg whilst also trying to pose it as an objective observation #not that Iceburg is cat coded but the random Head Popping Up Right Beside Lucci While Lucci Is Working creates for accidental/minor nuzzling #I would keep talking but IceLucci speaks for themselves like we all know this trope for lucci and why it’s appealing

[viiiofcvps]

Another scanned doodle from some downtime this morning :>

How clear is it that I have never drawn a horse before in my life lmao

#it speaks! #art #my art #traditional art #sketch #breath of the wild #botw #zelink #legend of zelda #it’s crazy how much more I enjoy creating art now that I’m not doing it for assignments anymore #pros of graduating I guess!!! #zelink saved me from my art block

[rosekasa]

do you ever just remember the insanely skilled people you're friends with and feel like this spiderman meme

#i feel so lucky to have people i speak to regularly that know so much about creating #they have the most beautiful minds #i just want to absorb everything they say so maybe at least some of it will help me improve too #this is about littlebugs #shfjakak #♡alizeh talks♡

[tomurakii]

I like bloodweave. Okay. But I DON'T like the version of them in fanfic where Astarion is a dick and Gale is like. Whining and pleading for him to be emotionally vulnerable (or just. Nice to him) prior to the relationship being established. Because that is just not accurate. Gale needs the player to express interest in him during his weave-teaching scene before he even considers hitting on them properly. Gale is entirely resigned to his fate and needs someone else to pull him away from it. Gale only starts being sweet and romantic and devoted after you accept his love confession and give him hope for the future. Gale says fuck all and then slinks away to cry privately if you break up with him.

Like he isn't chasing after people lmao. He isn't dropping to his knees and crying about anything much less this dickhead he met a week ago. He is overwhelmingly passive about literally everything personal to him up to and including his own death (provided there are no casualties/there is a good reason) until after the player expresses that they care about him. Astarion is not doing that in any of these fics.

Like Gale is friendly and a dork and doesn't wanna get murdered but he fully has a suicide plan. He thought the artefacts would help him survive but he didn't believe he'd ever truly live again. If Gale confessed and Astarion said/did like one (1) mean thing afterward Gale's romance is closed off forever. He's wandering into the forest to cry. He's killing himself immediately. His fragile ego and self worth can't take it. You have to understand that when we joke about him being pathetic it's not bc he's like. Sopping wet and chasing people down and begging for a scrap of attention. It's because he craves affection but would literally rather die than ask or even hope for it until someone else forces that hope back into his serotonin-deficient tadpole brain.

#i feel like u can tell when a bloodweave fic is written by an astarion stan vs a gale stan lol #because the astarion stans are just using gale as a vessel for like. their sopping wet meow meow #who screams and cries until astarion becomes emotionally vulnerable with them #which gale would not do. realistic bloodweave is astarion tries to fuck him in act 1 and he refuses because of the orb #and then astarion is like “boo what the fuck. change of plans” and gale is like “okay” and they never speak of it again lol #anyway #please god the gale characterisation in this place. half of you make him the soppiest most pathetic loser and the other half make him evil #he's not ACTUALLY a loser. when i joke about it the reason its funny is because its not true #hes just a regular guy with depression lol. hes not out here debasing himself begging for some old twink to care abt him #bg3 #gale dekarios #bloodweave #gale of waterdeep #does this make sense. i havent slept #i just mean that if you want gale to be sappy he needs to have like. prior assurance that his feelings are reciprocated #because if he doesnt have that and astarion is a dick to him he WILL just give up on the relationship #like hes not hunting people down after they deliberately upset him. i see so many fics where they create tension by lime #*like #having astarion openly fuck someone else after establishing a sort-of relationship with gale. for the drama #like hey. gale fully dumps you if you do that in game!! you have no way to convince him not to. he will dump astarion for that permanently