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#Batman: …you finna catch these hands
little-pondhead · 1 year
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Inspired by this post.
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babyybitchhh · 4 years
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Thotty Thursday: Part One
There ain’t no goddamn way I could start something like this and not come out swinging with the top dog. The heavy weight champ. My personal creme de la creme. The character who started it all and made me what I am today. That’s right, I blame all this thotty shit on this demon man right here.
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“Holy blast from the past, Batman!” You cry out in dismay. “What is this, some 80’s shit!?”
I’ll have you know Yu Yu Hakusho is all 90’s, baby. Just like me. 😤
So let me tell y’all a little bit about my number one husbando. He’s perfect, for starters. Like, I’d challenge you to name one thing Hiei ever did wrong, ever.
You know what, never mind. Let’s not get into that right now.
Okay, I admit my dude has a bit of a harried past and he’s not ever always the nicest but that gives him depth. Range. He CAN go deep and he WILL.
If you catch my drift 👀
So when this bite sized snack was first introduced in the narrative he was all bad. Like bad bad. At just a glance, there was nothing good or redeeming about him and it wasn’t until later that we find out he’s something of a sympathetic antihero.
His moral alliances didn’t matter to eleven year old me one bit tho, this shit had me straight up fantasizing about becoming a ruthless thief and running off to the demon world with the man who literally knocked me on my ass
And when I say literally I don’t mean figurative, haha ironic literally. I mean literally literally
PHEW please believe that I would betray all y’all for even a single night with Hiei, on god 😩
Did i mention he’s a demon yet?
Yeah, in addition to having the super amazing ability to control fire at will, he also has a very ... eye catching transformation. 👁👁
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Now, I’ve seen even some die hard fangirls reject this form but it really doesn’t bother me. I actually rather like that particular shade of green and I don’t think it detracts from his good looks - if anything it just adds another layer to the evil mysterious bad boy vibe he’s got going on.
You think I wouldn’t throw my pussy in a circle for him just because he’s covered in eyeballs??
Hah
Think again
However I will say having sex in this form would probably be an awkward affair all around. Not only because having that many eyes impassively staring me down might cause a serious case of stage fright, but also because ... those peepers on his chest bout to get poked out by my titties! 😳
I mean, if he’s into that I won’t put up much of a fight
But I personally can’t imagine having a nipple touch your cornea being a very pleasant experience
Anyway
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Can we talk about those gorgeous ruby red eyes on his perfect little face for one gotdamn second please???
I admit, I am weak for a man with red eyes and that’s 100% Hiei’s fault
The only ones that even come close to being as captivating and intense are Senkuu’s (Dr. Stone, for those of you not in the know) but even his don’t hit QUITE as hard as Hiei’s
Can you even begin to imagine how it would feel to have him staring you down in a completely casual setting let alone an intimate one?? 😳
Mark me down as scared AND horny
I especially like how one minute they’ll be sharp, pinpoint dots that just tell you in no uncertain terms he’s out for blood
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Which he usually is but that is neither here nor there
And then the next moment, his eyes are huge and taking up half his face
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It seems like his eyes are at their biggest and most vulnerable looking whenever his sister is involved (which, for the sake of spoilers on a 25+ year old series I will not go into too much) or when he’s particularly eager about something (usually fighting) OR when someone inexplicably manages to appeal to his emotions. And trust me when I say that is a lot easier said than done
Hiei is one of the toughest eggs to crack in my harem but I like the challenge 😤
He’s not all fire and brimstone (mostly but not entirely) and I know he can lay the pipe like a goddamn CHAMP
I know his dick big, I know it is
That’s why he’s so short. All of his nutritional intake went straight to his cock but I can tell just by looking that he’s slanging some grade A meat. Do not fight me on this. I will throw hands to defend his honor and that is not a joke
I’m a strong enough bitch to stand by him even when he’s getting roasted by the squad. I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again.
Ofc that’s not to say he’d just stand there and let them drag him, but the point here is that I’ve got his back and that’s what counts
“But he looks like Vegeta 2.0” you reasonably point out and to that I say “what about it?”
I mean. Can Vegeta do THIS?
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I’m just joking, I was a thirsty little slut over Vegeta too
Short king solidarity ✊😤
His height doesn’t even bother me fr fr tho because 1: I’m about 90% sure he’s still growing by demon standards and his sister is also quite short whereas their mother was a normal height 2: I’m also short so it’s not like I’d be towering over him anyway and 3: some men like taking a girl who’s bigger than them and bending her to their will
And when I say he’s an unchallenged top ... Lord have mercy 🥵
Every encounter with him in or out the bed would be a challenge. Every 👏 single 👏one 👏
But I believe that with enough patience it’s totally possible to chip away at his mile wide walls and I know for a fact he’d be a great (if not slightly yandereish) lover
Protective in a standoffish way, territorial, demanding, strong enough to carry you in one arm while he slashes demons in half with the other, intensely intimate, just the right amount of Demon Crazy to keep the relationship exciting 🤪
Note I said Demon Crazy and not regular ol’ crazy. There IS a difference
Just whatever you do, don’t let this big eyed baby face fool you
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Hiei is not the type to share his toys or let them question who’s in charge. He lacks social finesse in a general sense and his interpersonal skills are ... toeing the negative, to say the least
Plus he’s a demon so his idea of courtship is going to be drastically different from mine. If he decides he wants it then by god he’s gonna take it and I respect that
Tbh I’d anticipate some low key stalking from this dude - the kind that you don’t even notice until it’s much too late and I don’t mean he’d be lingering around every corner or conveniently there each time you turned around. No, that’s too basic for a man like this
Tbh you wouldn’t even know he was there unless he WANTED you to know
You see that third eye he’s sporting?
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It gives him telepathic abilities
That’s right. In addition to controlling fire and having a multi eyed form that should appeal to any self respecting monster fucker, he can ALSO read minds
Y’all
If this man had any idea what I was thinking about him ... 😰
He’d probably kill me for the insolence, let’s not lie
But this is MY romantic fantasy and I say fuck that
He’d be able to keep tabs on you at all hours of the day, any time, anywhere - you wouldn’t even be safe from his ever watchful eye(s) while sleeping and though it’s not an ability canon touched on I see absolutely no reason why he couldn’t telepathically slip into your dreams
A nighttime visit from Hiei? Preferably a horny one? 👀 sign me the fuck up
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Imagine peacefully sawing some logs and fucking around in dreamland when he suddenly appears before you acting like your very presence is a bother
Then why are you here?? I didn’t ask you to come into my dreams, thank you very much
He responds in kind and his pointed jabs just get you more and more riled up until he finally pounces
Absolutely demolishes the pussy
I’m talking put that kitty in the grave
Then when you wake up the first thing you notice is how slick you are between the thighs
“Must’ve been a crazy dream” you mutter like the dummy thicc bitch you are
But when you look down at your sore wrist, you can see faint, blooming splotches in the shape of fingertips and you realize it was all real
A demon fucked you in your sleep and you enjoyed the hell out of it
“I wonder if he accepts frequent flyer miles” 🤔 
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How he finna grab the pussy
Like, hello??? Am I the only one thinking about this stuff??
Yes?
Okay then, damn. Guess I’ll just crawl back into my 90’s, smells like teen spirit cave
It’s quite comfy, actually, thanks in no small part to Hiei keeping it nice and toasty for me
The dick helps too
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nightwingvixen23 · 4 years
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                                                 That Time That 
                                                     The Great 
                                                 Justice League 
                                                 Council Meeting 
                                                      Team Up 
                                            Went To Fuckin’ Shit
*Numerous superheros from several sovereign locals seated at a large round table/having been called together by Superman for a Paramount Assignment/still waiting on others to arrive*
Superman : *quietly to Batman* I am quite pleased at your arrival
Batman : And why wouldn’t I come to such a severally roundabout meeting that you called with such extreme urgency, especially when it was intuitive that it involve so many others ? *stiffly* if anything I should have been signed in the planning process as well
Superman : *charming smile* Now don’t get all grouchy on me. We do all so love the Dark Bat routine, but come now....
Batman : *growling* Don’t you dare talk down to me; I won’t have it ! I am just as much a part of the head of the Justice League as you you are. If a Paramount Assignment such as this needs to be set up, then I must be in the know next time
Superman : Yes. Next time
Wonder Woman : And I as well
Batman and Superman : *startled*
Wonder Woman : *leaning down over the back of Clark’s chair/Laso of Hestia glowing threateningly close by* I am a steel bullet in this League, I shoot fast, I prove fatal, I hone a strength in imperative demand. I hone a seat at the head of this League as well and I do not wish to feel the lesser. Now, you would not wish to upset me Superman...or you would, you say ?
Superman : No. Of course not at all. No body. I only thought it to be wiser and quicker if I were to just counsel this Council of War myself. I will be sure to inform you both of the matter fully ahead of time if it should arise
Wonder Woman : total attitude shift/cherry grin* Good ! Exactly as I thought! *pats Batman on the back a little too hard...or, hell, hard enough to pop his shoulder damn near outta place that’s for fuckin’ sure* Nice to see you in such daylight as always Batman !
Batman : *cracking shoulder back into socket* You as well Wonder Woman, and in such high spirits
Wonder woman : What can I say ? I am as bracing as it’s clear risen shine !
Aquaman : *looking up from texting* Hmpph...looks like the last to arrive are finally here....*side eye’s Batman* ...hehehe...
*arguing ensuing from outside the hallway/glass structure breaking/ unmistakable whining complaints*
*alert and terrified eyes at the table of gathered superheros*
Red Hood : *literally kicking the Council  Room doors open to shove an armful of ‘Bat Brats’ in to and on to the floor/grins over at Bruce* Aye Batman !! Found ya some little birdies ! I know how ya like’em when they’re fiesty !
Robin : *snaps at Jason’s hand*
Red Hood : Whoooaaaa, easy there buddy, easy, we’re all friends here ! Hey, how ‘bout later, if you’re a good boy, I get ya some high quality bird seed ? Hm ? A little snacky snacky for a good little birdy birdy ?? Tweet tweet ??
Robin : *grabbing sword*
Nightwing : *scrambling off the floor* NooOOOOoooo!! Be civil ! This is an important meeting !
Robin : I AM BEYOND TO BE IMPLIED AS SOMEBODY’S FUCKING PET, LET ALONE A GOD DAMNED BIRD !! *slicing through the air/nicking the edge of Red Hood’s jacket*
Red Hood : oh you mother fu– YOU’RE GONNA PAY ! 
Robin : COME AT ME FUCKER ! *slashes sword too close to Red Robin*
Spoiler : Hell no ! *picks Red Robin up/slings him over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes* NO ONE fuckin’ touches Red Robin ! You slice one piece of baby soft flesh on this body molded by Zeus himself, then honey, we finna throw hands 
Red Robin : *arms and feet dangling, head upside down* um...thank you for your concern, Spoiler. I appreciate this act of chivlary
Spoiler : *walking with him to their designated seats* no prob babe. Just doin’ what any woman would do for their man 
Dick : *manages to pry sword from Robin* YOU, mister, are on NO sword punishment ! 
Robin : Then how am I supposed to fight you idiot ?!
Dick : That is exactly what I am saying, you are not. March your little butt out of those doors, right this second
Robin : *looks to Bruce*
Batman : *having seen all of this far too many times, had lost interest, looks up* ..... ....Yes. Robin. I am relieving you of duty during this Mission. We have quite the brigade of superheros, and seeing as you are behaving in a way that reveals you are unable to control yourself around Red Hood, whom will be helping us in this undertaking, I uge you into heading back to the Batcave. I will be in communication with you shortly
Robin : *aghast* WHAT ?! How DARE you ?! He called me a fucking BIRD ! He was going to feed me BIRD SEED !
Aquaman : Well I mean *huffs a laugh* aren’t ya kinda a bird ??? Robin ??
Robin : *about to square up to Aquaman*
Superman : *puts a hand to Robin’s chest* Don’t try. You won’t win this one. 
Robin : *takes a deep breath/fakes a smile* Okay. I will do as you command, Batman. Good luck during this Critical assignment of yours
Batman : Now do you see ? That is exactly as you should behave when it comes to all situations regarding things not going as you expect. I’m proud of you for this—
Robin : *walking backwards out of the Council Room holding both middle fingers up in the air* FUCK ALL YA’LL
Superman : *to Batman* ...you were saying ?
Batman : shut up
*meanwhile...*
Arsenal : *makes kissy face at Red Hood*
Red Hood : *makes heart hands at Arsenal*
Arsenal : *blows a kiss at Red Hood*
Red Hood : *catches kiss gently/devours it in an intense fake make out session/moaning loudly* yeah babby fuck yeah mmm
Arsenal : *smug* yeah you know how I like it R
Nightwing : *uncomfortably turned on*
Green Arrow : *looking from Batman to Red Hood to Arsenal then back to Batman again* 
Red Hood : *blows kiss at Arsenal*
Arsenal : *making out with imaginary kiss*
Batman and Green Arrow : *covering their faces in shame*
  *several hours later*
Superman : *standing from his chair* The beginning of this Gathering was quite sketchy there for a while, but as further along we progressed, things have gone so according to plan and for this I would like to applaud
*eruption of appluss*
Red Hood : *applauding by kicking Red Robin under the table by rythem of applause*
Red Robin : *pinches his thigh*
Red Hood : *whispering* Hey, just a little heads up; you might think that hurts and annoys me, but in reality, it’s kinky as fuck and turns me on
Red Robin : *snatches hand away/blushing down to his neck*
Nightwing : You okay there Red Robin?
Red Robin: No. Tell your salacious booty call to stop being a pervert
Spoiler : *’I’m watching you’ hand motion to Red Hood*
Red Hood : *’blow job’ hand motion to Spoiler*
Nightwing : *slapping the back of Red Hood’s head*
Red Hood : I’m telling you guys, you think you’re teaching me a lesson, but in reality, for me? This is one hell of a game of foreplay
Superman : *still addressing all superheros* —I need the lot of you to take this seemingly insurmountable load I have given you off of your backs, if only for a short while, it is well deserved. For come a few days time, we are to dive into launching this aforementioned operation, something that we all know, will to prove to be the challenge in which I have attested it to be. There is no denying it. No sugarcoating it, as you say, no dressing it up to be something enjoyable. It will be hard, grueling, and many of you may just meet your match. But let us have tonight. I am having drinks now served to the table as well as commencing the signing of our Alliance. During which is wrapped up, we shall all then take our congregation out into the common room if that at all pleases you 
*Everyone giving their praise*
Red Hood : I think it sounds like a drag
Nightwing : I think you should shut up
Red Robin : I think it sounds nice
Spoiler : I think I just wanna get drunk ‘cause girls just wanna have fun bitches
Red Robin : Kay I take mine back. I choose that one.
*silent Council Room/documented Alliance being passed around to be signed*
*waiters arrive/champagne flutes bearing pink liquor are sat astride everyone who gives thanks before drinking*
Spoiler : Yum. This tastes exotic, bet it costs more then Nightwing’s ass
Red Hood : I was wrong about not wanting to come. I’m glad I came, yanno, for the liquor
Nightwing : *way too fuckin’ loudly after taking a gulp and giggling*
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*big eyes all around*
Batman : *at a loss*
Wonder Woman : *greedily eyeing the impending drama*
Aquaman : Well then shit, come sit in my lap and have my glass too baby, I’ll take care of ya after the meeting 
Nightwing : *light weight ass is already tipsy* Kaay
Red Hood : *pulling Nightwing onto his lap* no ! I said NO ! no one is allowed to touch, smell, or even LOOK at Nightwing when he gets drunk and slutty; somebody has already been hired for that specific job position and you’re already lookin’ at the son of a bitch !!
*everyone confused as fuck*
Red Hood : It’s me, you idiots, I’M the son of a bitch 
Superman : *looking at Nightwing*
Red Hood : *withdraws pistol/points it at Superman* I SAID NO LOOKING SUPERSHIT !
Starfire : *comes through the doors* I do apologize am I late ?
Superman : *hands still up in surrender to Red Hood* Oh ! Well, this meeting is all done and set. I was ready to ask of your team up for this Assignment but was well informed that you were on your own secret Mission
Starfire : Nonshell !
Aquaman : *grumbling* nonsense
Beast Boy : *nudging Aquaman* Yo, don’t disrespect the princess Aquadude
Aquaman : It’s nonsense, not nonshell
Barry : But you would think it would be totally nonshell where you come from
Beast Boy : He’s got a point
Cyborg : *jumping on the the Council Table/gulps down a glass full of champagne/tosses glass over shoulder/distant shatter of glass followed by a pissed as fuck Hal Jordan* HEY! If all ya’ll folks wanna chill the fuck out ! *picks up Starfire and Beast Boy in one arm/picks up Raven and a tipsy as fuck Nightwing in the other* I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE ! *internal audio radio system on* 🎶 Back Streets Back, ALRIGHT! 🎶
Beast Boy : Awe yeah man, turn it up !
Starfire : Oh ! hehe I do so love the love, as they say !
Nightwing : Jaaaybaaaeeeee loookie, I hav friendzzzzzzz
Red Hood : Give me back my half dressed and inebriated boyfriend right fuckin’ now !!
Raven : ...ugh...kill me….
                                                The End 
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