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eydi-andrius · 1 year

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Don't Get Sad, Get Even V

warnings: mention of injuries, threats, tags were not exhausted

aemond targaryen x wife!reader

summary: You and your House Dressed Up for Revenge.

a/n: thank you for the long wait. it took time for me to write this down. i had to cut the chapters into two, and this one will be the first part. i hope to finish this fic this march. thanks for reading!

Kindly reblog your comments if you can to help me share my stories to others. i appreciate every likes but i also do want more readers to read my works.

Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Epilogue

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Cold, glassy eyes stare at you whenever your mind is not occupied. It bothers your sleep and you know you’re pale as a ghost as the days pass by without news about the dissolution of your marriage.

Meanwhile, worry etched on your servants faces the more they looked at you but you dismissed them and told them you were fine. And it was truly not that bad. Your pale face walking around the hallways gave you more power and pity to the servants. While the highborn lies to your face about feeling sorry for you but were waiting for the right moment to bite unto Aemond once your marriage was done. Not that you mind. The more he loses his power to you, the better.

And the living was the least of your concern whenever you see Alys staring in the corner of your room while you work. You see her green lifeless eyes staring into your soul.

The problem doesn't lie to you seeing her. No. It was the truth that you can't tell.

After what happened, the days seem to go on with normalcy. And you knew, they have hidden her death more than they had hidden his assault towards you.

You would lie if you said it didn't kill you each night knowing that they were capable of hiding his murder, his sin.

Then there came a news that Alys was sent back to Harrenhal as she requested to give birth there.

No one questioned it, some tried to get a reaction from you but you were occupied in making sure that once you go back to your home, everything will be set.

Your father will step down as the lord and it will be passed down to you. A plan that was strategized before he went back home.

However, you need to plan ahead. You know you can't be unwed for too long. You only have one moon to make sure the power will be given to you, no questions. And find another suitable suitor as a husband.

Someone who is capable but dependent. Or else what happened with your marriage will happen again.

You were left in your own thoughts as you handled the parchments for the businesses and merchants who wanted access on the road with lesser taxes. And you can't help the disgust that you felt when one of them was a noble who was rich enough to let his children inherit all of his riches yet wanted the poor to handle the responsibility more than them.

He even proposes that you marry one of his children who were notorious for abusing his wives and mistresses. The disrespect to offer marriage when the finality of the dissolution was not yet revealed. And the idea that you deserve just that because they think you will be lower now that you have been married once.

Fools.

Then an idea popped up inside your head to make this lord suffer. You immediately took your quill and wrote down a letter, when your door burst open with your Lady Knight breathing heavily and bathed in her own sweat.

"My lady! It's here!" She raised the parchment on her hand and you stood up.

You stride towards her, heart beating from anxiousness.

What if the same with Alys death, they'll be able to stop your marriage from ending. You know if that happens, your death will follow suit.

With shaky hands, you rolled open the paper and your legs wobbled from what was written there.

"My lady!" Your knight yelled out and immediately went to your aid.

Tears slowly roll down your eyes as you continue reading the parchment.

"My lady, please. I know it will be fine. We'll be here no matter what the decision was." Strained smile was plastered on her face as your lady knight reassured you. Giving you comfort as she realized that the written letter must have been the opposite of what you were expecting.

Instead of telling her, you gave it to her so she can prepare by herself.

You watched as her eyes followed the ink and saw her eyes slowly widening. She breathed deeply and looked at you.

A yelp came out of your mouth when she suddenly let go of the paper and hugged you tightly.

"I'm glad, my lady! You're finally going home!" She places her head on your shoulder and you feel her tears touch your skin.

Relieved, you hugged her back and cried with her the whole time.

You did not know how long you two have cried but once you let go of each other, Rikka came in with a confused look at first when she saw the two of you but then your knight nodded at her.

You don't even need to tell her about it, she knew and she almost flew towards you and wrapped you with her arms.

"Oh gods! I am so glad!" She squealed with delight. She immediately let go of you and stared at your tear stricken face again.

"I believed that was not the real face of a woman who was able to outwit her husband. Come on! We must fix you! She told you as she practically dragged you out of your office and towards your room.

Once seated in front of the vanity, you signaled for her to stop.

"Give me the simplest dress you can find and make sure to style my hair as plain as you can." You ordered her as an idea struck you.

She smiled at you and went to go do her duty.

You looked at yourself and smiled at the tear stricken face staring back at you. A lady who had conquered a dragon and won.

You were not able to ruminate about your thoughts when your door flung open and a disheveled Alicient came into your view.

"My daughter!" A gasp left your lips when you felt her warm arms wrapped you into a hug. You were a bit surprised about it at first but hugged her back when you realized what was happening.

"So you've found out?" You asked.

"I did. The raven was sent to the King's Hand and I was with him when he received it." She shared as she looked at your face and wiped the remaining tears.

"Hmmm." Was your only response as she looked you in the eye and sighs.

"It must have been tough all those years. I came here not to antagonize you further but to thank you for being the best daughter in law I would have in this lifetime. Know that even after this, you are still like a daughter of mine." A tear was able to escape her eyes and you watched as her face was etched with sadness. You can feel how sincere she was and you decided to clasped your hands with hers, reassuring her that you did not blame her for whatever happened with you and her son.

"And you are like a mother of mine too. I am grateful to be part of your family, even for a short period of time." You said with a smile at her.

More tears fell down on her face and you can't help the sad smile you gave her as your hold tightens.

"I know….. this must be selfish of me to ask….especially on how the treatment towards you will change after the dissolution was announced but may I request for you to stay until the tourney ends?" By this time, she removed your hold to her hands and she instead held yours. Her eyes twinkled with hope and you know deep within you that you can't say no to that. She had taken care of you and this wasn't much of a big deal if you stay longer as per her request.

With a nod, you agreed and she gave you the brightest of smiles you ever saw her wear. And by that time you know you did the right thing.

At least that's what you have thought until the announcement of the dissolution of your marriage. The nobles were not even subtle when they isolated you right away. Everyone stares at you and whispers whenever you are around. It was to be expected but you took it too lightly that you forgot how annoying it could be.

A deep sigh of relief left you when you finally arrived at your destination. You have been ignoring this place to lessen the whispers you will hear but visiting here was the only wise decision you ever had as the garden that was gifted to you and your husband was ignored by everyone on the Red Keep like a plague.

"Please leave me be." You asked Lady Godwin when she was about to follow you at the center of the garden.

"But my lady-" She protested but you shook your head.

"I do want you to stay here at the entrance and leave me be. I will stay right there so you can see me even from afar." You reassured her and she frowned for a bit but then fixed herself and stood at the entrance.

You gave her a smile, grateful, and you walked towards the flowers. You bit your lip and sighed once you were far away enough from her. Since what happened and the changes at the treatment of the court, your knight never left your side, not even for a moment.

Something you were grateful about but it slowly suffocates you as her presence adds to the tension you face everyday when you decided to stay for the Queen as she pleaded.

A smile graced upon your lips when you came closer to the red Braavosi flower that was able to live here in the Red Keep even though it shouldn't have. It was just one flower planted in here but somehow it grew and has its own bushes now. A beautiful flower that symbolizes versatility. You're glad it was planted here.

A rustle on your left made you step back from where you were standing. You frown when a man emerges from a turn that will lead to the center of the garden. The mysterious man was average in height compared to Aemond and he was shaking his head to remove the fallen leaves. From the way he moves his head, you were not able to recognize him but when he moved his arms on the side, his sigil revealed who he was. A flock of ravens surrounding a black shield charged with a dead weirwood, on a scarlet field; a Blackwood.

When the man looked up, he almost stumbled backwards when he saw you staring at him. Meanwhile, even from afar, your lady knight was holding the hilt of her sword.

"My lady!" With visible shame, he immediately bowed in front of you.

Willem Blackwood. The first person that came into your mind once you caught a glimpse of his face. They must have traveled early so they'll be able to attend and join the tourney and not just the feast.

You gave him a wry smile when he looked up again. His face was a bit red and his whole stance was screaming uncertainty and shame.

"Apologies, my lady. I didn't mean to bother you from your stroll. I was walking around when I found myself lost in the field-". He was speaking fast trying to explain himself but you quieted his ramblings right away when you realized what must have happened.

"I understand."

"I'm glad you do, my lady." He replied with a look of relief washing over him.

"No one in the Red Keep will be brave enough to visit here intentionally anyway. As this whole garden was a gift for me and my former husband by the King itself." You straightened and walked towards the closest flower. In the corner of your eye, you can see that his body went rigid. And the tension was back on him again.

"I truly deeply apologize, my lady. If I had known, I would have been more careful walking around.-"

"You should be. Vhagar is uncaged." You cut him off again and you noticed how he gulped when you mentioned and threatened him with the obvious dangers around that will bite him from his carelessness.

You looked over Lady Godwin and nodded at her that everything was well. She nodded back and stood on her post.

"So Lord Willem Blackwood, you must have arrived early to join the tourney noh?" You asked as you turned at him.

His surprise face was apparent when you mentioned his name. Being a former wife of a prince and an heir, memorizing every important face in the realm was the simplest task you could do even while sleeping. Knowing their names, faces and houses was a power on itself.

"You knew me." He asked. A smile was plastered on his face for a second but was gone after he coughed and composed himself.

"You must be the one-eyed prince's wife. I mean — former wife." He said, certain of who you were.

All the light was gone on your face when he mentioned your current status in King's Landing. A little more days to endure being called this way but this is getting old.

Seeing how your face changed, he immediately spoke again and explained himself.

"I didn't mean to offend you, my lady—". You looked him in the eye when he referred to you using your house's name. His face looks brighter now. As if something good happened to him while conversing with you.

"Ah here! As an apology for that embarrassing display of my foolishness." He took something out of his pocket and seeing the blue petals of the flower you knew that he truly meant to apologize.

"That flower cannot thrive in our place, no matter how hard our family tries to grow one. I thought I'll bring it back home and dry it but I think your beauty deserves to hold such a precious flower." His whole demeanor changes. His timid action before was completely changed once he called you on your house's name. Your true identity. He offers the flower again when you stare at it. With no choice left, you accepted it.

The smile that graced upon his face was something you're not familiar with. Usually, the twins or Helaena were the only ones who wore this, a pure and genuine toothed grin.

It did not take long for him to converse though, after sometime he excused himself as his family might have been looking for him now. But before he left, he confirmed if you will watch the tourney. When you said yes, he wasn't able to contain his happiness as he walked away with spring in his step.

"Your beauty truly knows no bounds, my lady." Lady Godwin teased you as you walked past her, intent on going back inside when the sun started setting down.

"I was expecting this teasing from Rikka, not you." You said with an apathetic face.

"Haha! Apologies, my lady. I can't help but wonder though. He seems familiar with you. Have you met him before?"

He does, isn't he?

However, before you can respond as you two take a turn to the castle, you've heard a familiar voice spoken to your right.

"Smart girl." You turn towards the source of the voice and you can't help but blink from confusion as to why he was here.

"My prince." You called him. His short silver hair was tied back as he leaned against the wall. His feet crossed at each other and his lilac eyes were looking at his ring before he looked up at you. He was wearing a black leather clothing, his sword, dark sister, strapped to his side.

He raised his eyebrow and looked to your side. Your lip turned into a thin line as you understood what he meant.

"Leave us be." Even though you hesitate to let your knight away from you, one look from Daemon sends shivers down your spine. He usually just ignores you as you were the wife of his nephew, to whom he did not favor the most.

Yet, he was standing here. As if waiting for you.

When your knight did not move or follow right away, you looked at her and nodded. With a frown, she bowed and turned walking away from the two of you. You did not miss the way she looked back though.

"First in the history of the Targaryen that a wife was able to leave her husband while still alive." He continued and you looked at him straight in the eye. You don't know what he needs from you. Since you had been betrothed to Aemond, Prince Dameon and Princess Rhaenyra barely talked to you. Not that you did not expect it, but your father has supported Viserys and Aemma, even before they were crowned so it must have been a shock when his only daughter was married to the son who called her children bastards.

"May I know how I owe this pleasure to converse with you, Prince Daemon." You kept your face as apathetic as you can. However, you cannot help but grip your dress on the side as you felt the fear when he looked back at you.

"Maybe you had married the wrong Targaryen." He replied and all the alarms you felt before started ringing inside your head. Until, sounds of footsteps behind him echoed throughout the hallway. You looked up from its source and immediately bowed your head when you saw Princess Rhaenyra walking towards you.

"My love, I do believe that the lady wasn't interested in marrying a child, the same as I do when I was young." She smiled at you and you masked the fear that surfaced before she came, with a chuckle.

"I'm glad that I am able to meet you today, your grace." You told her as you placed your hands together in front of you.

"It has been a while, isn't it? You were just a young thing when I first saw you and now, you have become a fine lady." She gave you a soft smile. Something you did not expect since she did not take your marriage well after knowing that her strongest supporter decided to marry one of the greens. Yet, she's here. Eyes full of sincerity.

She stared at you for a while before speaking again.

"I've heard about it…… How he attacked you and how the bruises started the rallies on our doors. At first, I never believed it. I trust the Queen, Alicient, to raise her children not to hurt their wives. But then I realized that it wasn't her fault. Children grow and they decide for themselves." She paused. Eyes strayed in the garden. She gave a deep sigh before she continued.

"You might be wondering why I approached you. I…….I felt betrayed when your marriage to my brother was announced. It took too long for me to forgive your father until I realized I never really did offer Jace's hand for marriage to your family. You are his only heir. As a father, he cares for you more than his allegiances to anyone. Something I…..I always wish my father would do for me when he announced me as his heir." A sad smile graced upon her lips as she looked back at you. You can't help but feel her sadness as you recalled how she was left to defend for herself when his father's lack of support made a fool out of his daughter.

"I want what is best for everyone. I hope that the wall that separates us two will be forgotten. I know that you've suffered and I did not lend a hand but this is a start for something new. I offer my hand again and I will help you with your ambition this time. This is a promise between a daughter to a daughter. An heir to an heir." She squeezed your hands one last time before she bid farewell. Daemon's eyes linger for a while before he decides to follow Rhaenyra away from you.

The smile that graced your lips was gone the moment you confirmed that they were far away now to see your reaction.

War is sure to happen once the king dies. More reason to strengthen your stronghold once the dragons decide to breathe their fire against each other.

And this time, your house will not be a pawn or an ally. You'll take everything that you can get from them. They owe you and your father.

It took time for the plan to be put in place. And no amount of forgiveness can stop it from happening.

Dragons have no interest in an iron throne nor politics. Yet, they depended their power too much on those beasts. Starting their own ruin.

How foolish.

Everyone knows that swords melt when under fire.

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Your shoes loudly clack on the floor as you do your best to run as fast as you can to the seats near the arena.

The nobles stared at you as you sat down beside your father with no grace, breathing heavily.

"Where have you been?" He calmly asked as he stared at your sweat ridden face. He gave you his handkerchief and you accepted it with a thank you.

"The twins wouldn't let me go. They keep on following me towards the arena so I have to secretly go here or carry them back towards their quarters. It was hard to win a battle against them. I feel like I was competing with our very own game of chase." You said as you carefully dabbed the soft cloth on your face. Instead of saying anything, he gave a low chuckle and shook his head.

"Children do grow so fast and they will outwit you many times. However, I told you to remove yourself from them. You are nothing but a stranger to them now. It is best to care less and move forward."

"I know." With a defeated sigh you replied and looked around. The crowd's excited chatter and howls caught your attention. They seem enthusiastic about whatever that happened in the game. Curious, you turn your question towards your father.

"What did I miss?"

"You miss a lot……" He replied with a knowing grin plastered on his face. You frowned at that but still waited for him to continue.

"Your former husband joined the tourney today. Surprising isn't it?" He looked at the far side of the corner and in there you saw his familiar stance. His silver hair glints with the sunlight. He wore no helmet and eye patch, showing his familiar sapphire eye. He intends to intimidate more than he normally does. And you know that Aemond is a prince who was pitied by others but they choose not to cross his path for this very reason. He is calm, way too calm but you can feel the rage within. Or maybe it was because of the moons you've shared knowing each other, that's why you know by looking at him what he was feeling within. You wonder to whom this anger started though.

Aemond never participates in tourneys. He thinks of it as a waste of time. And you can't lie that you weren't surprised when your father mentioned him being part of this useless game, he used to claim.

"Who is he fighting against this round?" You tilted your head to the side and tried to find the unfortunate knight he would defeat and humiliate in front of this audience.

Your eyes rounded with surprise as you saw Willem on the other side. You saw him gulp before he wore his helmet. His knight is talking to him, probably giving advice on how to defeat a brilliant prince with his sword.

"Like what I've said, you missed a lot, my dear dove. This will be the last round. And I am surprised that Blackwood won. Perhaps inspiration keeps him going? Men love fighting for something other than the game" Your father asked curiously as he looked towards where Willem was standing.

As if sensing your stare, he suddenly looked behind and his eyes caught you. His former nervous stare and stance immediately changed and his demeanor much more enthusiastic. He smiled and waved at you.

In return, you gave a polite smile and nodded. You keep yourself from rolling your eyes when you feel your father's curious stare directed at you.

"Ah. I will not blame him."

"Father!" You scolded him.

"I will also do my best to be noticed by the most beautiful lady residing in the Red Keep."

"You're just saying that because I am your daughter."

"I am saying this because I know. Do you know how many parchments I received after you announced the dissolution of your marriage?" He continued.

"We all know they want our land and power, not me." You replied with a serious voice despite the light air of teasing from your father.

"I am talking about your beauty not men's foolishness, my dear dove." You can't help the chuckle that left you when you hear your father's disappointed tone.

A sound of horn, signaling the start of the fight, stopped your little banter with your father. Booming cheers rang to the air as the last contenders' house names were announced. Especially when it was the prince's turn. The sound was deafening and even some of the nobles joined the shouts. Everyone seems so excited to finally see the elusive but known as gifted prince joining the tourney. Yet, you can't help but feel worried as to what was his reason to win this time.

The fight, if you can describe it in one word, was brutal. No, maybe the right word would be savage.

Willem had no chance with the prince's skills in the first place. It's true that he did slice his face but it was no match with Blackwood's injury.

Aemond took his time by slicing him up. Wounding him slowly until he got the reaction he wanted and decided to break his enemy's balance by slicing his knee. Everyone saw it and was stunned for a second until the crowd roared, announcing his victory. And Willem stayed on the dusted floor of the arena as his people nursed him away and treated his wound immediately.

With a gasp, you stood up and was ready to check on him when your name was called from below the seat.

Your body went rigid, even the crowd stopped their shouts. All the noble's eyes directed at you. And everyone was waiting for your response.

"Again, I ask for my former wife's favor. A parting gift after years of being married, don't you think?" With lips on a thin line, you walked slowly towards the band of flowers. You did your best to smile and not destroy what you're holding as you stepped forward and walked in front of where he was. He raised his sword and with a gritted smile, you bestowed him your favor.

"May the gods favor you as a gift for your first victory in a tourney." You bend forward and gracefully let go of the flower and he catches it skillfully. You end the interaction with a smile and it is good that everyone seems to forget what happened as they continue to praise the one-eyed prince with his victory after the silent tension.

However, you will never forget the way his lilac and sapphire eye glints as his stare took longer than it should be.

It was full of something, akin to an unknown promise.

But you still hope it was nothing but one last hopeless threat for the humiliation he went through.

One last farewell and you prayed that your paths will never cross again after this.

Except, when the greens decide to usurp the throne. You will be there and watch their ruin.

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californiannostalgia · 3 days

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Processing identity as a child abuse survivor

Recently I had a huge revelation. Come with me on this childhood trauma realization journey (if you want).

This post was written for those wavering on the 'was it abuse' question.

Fair warning, each of these revelations were a whammy. I recommend you keep in mind that these revelations will transform the way you see yourself and the world. This took me out of commission for hours at a time.

Revelation 1: Was I Abused?

Read this Tumblr post. Go down the list. Check the 'yes'es and 'maybe's.

'Was I abused' is a yes or no question. I need you to really think about this if your answer is 'kind of'. If you could be truly honest with yourself, what would your answer be?

For years I've gone to the logic of 'it wasn't that bad,' and 'at least the worst didn't happen,' or 'others have had it worse'. This is such a low bar. You deserve better than the bar your parents set for you. The socioeconomic circumstances and the normalization of violence in your living area? Yes, influential. But not a justification.

At the end of the day, the veracity of these statements don't even matter. It's a yes or no question: 'Am I a survivor of child abuse?'

It may take a really long time to truly process, and even then it might feel uncomfortable saying it like it's truth. I need you to know your truth is truth. It's a yes or no question.

Take a break. I recommend you don't progress further until you've processed Revelation 1.

(Shameless plug-in of my fandom blorbo interests: Rick Riordan's Trials of Apollo series really helped me with this first revelation. It made me feel seen and less alone. It may not be perfect, but I personally liked it!)

Revelation 2: What does this mean? (health-wise)

Listen to this Ted Talk by an expert (medical professional).

youtube

This is the part where I got angry and really fucking sad. Let yourself be sad. Let yourself be furious. Our life is not our fault and we're still stuck with this lot.

Genuinely this was such a shock for me to realize. The thing that has the biggest impact on my life is not my anxiety, depression, ptsd, insomnia, blood pressure, immune health, etc. The root cause of my physical and mental illnesses is Adverse Childhood Experiences.

ACE is more common than you'd think. Acknowledging that what happened to you was bad will be beneficial to humanity's survival in the long run. Like any illness, ACE can be fought at a societal level.

Take a break. I recommend you don't progress to the next revelation until you've processed Revelation 2.

Take your time to be angry and sad. Take forever. You never have to forgive your abuser, even if they change their behavior. The chance at a civil acquaintanceship you might be willing to extend to your parents doesn't require your forgiveness.

Revelation 3: Why is your therapist recommending you retell your life story?

This one is mostly for when you have steady access to a therapist. Here are some things I wish I'd known before seeking out therapy in the US.

(Is it shitty that you can't get therapy on your own terms when you're underage? Yes, it fucking is. To those of us who survived to adulthood: holy shit y'all. At 19 I felt like absolute fucking bullshit, like my brain was a burning ball of tangled barbed wire. It does feel absolutely shitty. But reaching 19 is an achievement.)

The thing is, I do or say a lot of things that I later come to think of as embarrassing, inappropriate, or in certain circumstances, potentially abusive. Genuine trigger reactions happen. I will always have to live with a piece of my parents in my head. But I don't want to do to another person what they did to me. Self-awareness is what separates me from my abusers.

What to do about this? Number 1: chill out. You're not gonna be your abuser. Humans are unique and imperfect. They have not replicated themselves in you. It's okay to make mistakes when you're talking or reacting. Your brain is fucked up. You can do something differently next time.

Number 2: read this article about Overthinking, Over-apologizing, Oversharing, and Overwhelmed as trauma responses.

Then read this article on how to deal with Unresolved Trauma.

Yeah. It be like that. Isn't it fucked up? Recognizing the four Os in my behavior helped me realize I'm not an antisocial asshole by default.

Unresolved trauma is the root cause for my behaviors that I think of as unhealthy. This revelation happened very recently for me. Before this point in time, I couldn't understand why I would want to recount traumatic events in therapy.

At this point in time, I have regular access to a therapist I'm okay with. Going over memories and deconstructing the blame system seems like a reasonable thing to try.

What happened to you as a child is not your fault. You're not the one who landed yourself in your life. You've been given an unfairly difficult situation to be responsible for. You did not create your coping mechanisms for shits and giggles.

So yeah. Number 3: figure out your life with the help of a therapist. Let's see where we are ten years later or something.

Nothing is easy and everything is confusing. Take a break, hydrate, eat, sleep, do something nice for yourself. Do something you like doing. Thanks for reading.

#child abuse #domestic abuse #trials of apollo #mental health #life advice #my thoughts #resources #therapy #Youtube

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oceanlipgloss · 3 months

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27.1.2024

—nsfw + chapter 5 spoilers (+ a dash of dark humour)

*Spongebob narrator voice* ah, Bikini Bottom Leviathan's H-scene. One I've been looking forward to, excitedly so. And since this chapter had a fair slice of tragedy, it was sealed with an H-scene as a treat. That's not going to heal the angsty feelings, but into it I shall dive. Look, it rhymes lots of aquatic vocabulary

⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ´ˎ˗

intro: the scene's intro screen shows that Leviathan still has his shirt on. And you know what? WHAT A TURN-ON, THAT'S WHAT

update I: Hades Studios present 'The Sick Chicken' no but I like him SO MUCH. His attitude is a breath of fresh air pun intended but the reasons that played a role in forming it are so sad

update II: MWAHAHAHA GO HARDER ON HER

update III: *clapping like a madwoman* BRAVO, BRAVO! That's really hot of him, you know. Everything about this is sending me to heaven except for the fact that someone like me obviously can't so much as set a toe on the grounds of Paradise because it doesn't exist but I mean, COME. ON. The way he let his hand move from her neck to her chin? 'Glowering at you as though he would burn the mark off with his gaze alone'? HOLY FUCKKKK <3

update IV: GOD NO THIS IS TOO HOT GOD WOOHOOOOOO

update V: man oh man he's so MMMM

update VI: RAAAAAA

update VII: he speaks to me on a spiritual level trying not to inject angst into this by bringing up what caused him to feel this way So, Leviathan. You, me, parking lot, 'who hates people more' contest, 5PM. I'm not hanging anyone tho maybe actually, scratch that. We're hanging horrible people together like we're Harley Quinn and the Joker, baby

update VIII: pfff 'how fair of you' His reaction, though? So confident. So fucking sexy. Yours truly is already a dead girl, but at the moment she's dying, dying, dying beyond death And wdym 'he smirked, but even then he was so beautiful yada yada' like dude, he's more beautiful BECAUSE he's smirking, BECAUSE of his arrogant spite

update IX: I'm really glad she considered his feelings and didn't immediately agree to have sex with him. Truth be told, this came as quite the pleasant surprise, because while she does have moments in which she's considerate, I don't view this particular MC as someone who's truly capable of being sensitive to others that much. Sure, she didn't directly agree to sleep with Belial when he offered because she thought he was still unwell, but here I honestly still expected her to just jump right in and not think twice about Leviathan's feelings, so I was very happy when she said this instead; she didn't focus on the fact that he dislikes her, but rather on not risking hurting him should he not want to do this with her. He's definitely attracted to you though, MC. He's just not on good terms with the concept of expressing his feelings relatable as fuck I know how this may have sounded harsh or mean of me—and it's not meant to be offend anyone—but the truth is that this MC wasn't created with 'gentle and sweet' in mind; the way her brain is hardwired to tirelessly daydream about sexual things has lead her to be insensitive at times (with painfully questionable intelligence to top it off, sorry) as seen in certain instances.

update X: kinda cute. Juuuust a little bit. ...that straightforwardness is edible

update XI: he's brutally honest and his gestures are subtle, and that makes them so sensual. In other words, THIS TICKLES MY FANCY

update XII: he says something like this with an expression like that. YEEEES he looks so sweetly smug too godddd Also: lol @ 'you MAY turn me on' = [access permitted]

update XIII: my point exactly

update XIV: his attitude is so good. SO good. He's domineering and deliberately giving her a hard time lol sufferrrr, MC on a sadder note, he also won't talk about himself because it's really hard for him to give his trust after what happened to him...

update XV: I can stand behind that. I LIKE it. Vibe with it, agree with it. I REALLY DOOO

update XVI: he...really just asked her to hit and choke him, didn't he? [MASOCHISTIC TARGET LOCATED] sometimes physical pain feels nice, Leviathan, I getchu, but being hit and strangled isn't a brand of pain I would, um, choose for myself. Whatever makes u hard happy tho, ig. Rock on, king

update XVII: the jealousyyyyy <3

update XVIII: 'Leviathan thought he was going crazy' You know who's also going to go crazy reading this? ME. My God, this many screenshots and the railing hasn't started yet

update XIX: to be honest, I'm not fond of choking, slapping, spanking, and the like, so I'm most likely not going to like what's coming next much lol but let's move on, shall we now?

update XX: damn, he's provoking her so hard to make her beat the fuck out of him, and lo and behold, he's getting what he wants. She might as well just tear his soul out at this rate or send him to his maker but where the hell is God? jk jk this chapter made it clear that Leviathan can take a shit ton of hits trauma and stay alive good god it's the blackness of my soul my dark humour speaking forgive me omfg it's not me I swear I s—I SAID WHAT I SAID This part is kinda funny so far, what with how MC has gone batshit insane on him. That being said, it's really nice how she cares about Minhyeok so much that it's the foundation of her rage and the reason Satan's wrath burns in her, urging her to harm Leviathan in a frenzy after he said ruthless things about Minhyeok. Meanwhile, Leviathan is so busy trying to get turned on that he's neither jealous nor envious of that lmao

update XXI: this is going to sound weird coming from me when I'm somewhat of a sadist who likes dark themes, loves horror and gore, and enjoys seeing torture in certain scenarios do I sound like the freak I am yet? and when I just made such a fucked up joke with good intentions too, but...MC hurting Leviathan over and over like this summons a feeling of discomfort and remorse in my heart even if I completely put away my dislike for consensual violence in sexual acts. Leviathan's past and the possible psychological implications behind his fondness of undergoing physical harm make this part somewhat painful to read, because perhaps his arousal from being hurt has something to do with what he went through as a child (i.e. it may be a coping mechanism of a sort). When I think of it that way, coupled with the horrific aspects of his childhood—the pain being inflicted on him messes with my emotions. Then again, this could just be his personal preference and not have deeper meanings. Either way, the game holds true to its themes and maintains excellent dark perspectives, and as I always say, I'll never dislike that. In fact, PB better keep these founding concepts intact.

update XXII: oh god DON'T STOMP HIS PP NOT THE PP STAY AWAY FROM PP HE NEEDS IT YOU NEED IT

update XXIII: no but EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS MOSTLY THE DRIPPING HORNS (AS ALWAYS) AND HIM UNBUCKLING HIS OWN PANTS (AS SHE WATCHES TOO LORD MY KINK'S DEVOURING THIS) AND THE PRE AND— GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Why is his horns' liquid not white like the others, though?

update XXIV: THAT EXPRESSION THE CONTRAST WITH HIS NORMAL SELF MC, GIRLLLLLL BITE THAT TONGUE

update XXV: "HOW DARE YOU FEEL PLEASED?!"—MC to Leviathan of Hades, 2024 She's going to choke him to death rip him apart piece after piece, limb by limb, shred upon shred Ronové would back her up nicely oh god it's the dark humour again excuse me But it's so damn sexy how he's the one controlling her, yet she's the one wrecking him

update XXVI: YOOOO I'M GONNA DIE THIS IS SO GOOD THIS IS SO—

update XXVII: PP goes 'fwop'

update XXVIII: he is SUCH a mess YESSSS u should get even messier, Leviathan, you MUST

update XXIX: he insists on making eye contact no matter what. FUCK YES. And the teasing? FUCK YEAHHHHH

update XXX: I LOVE I SAID I LOVE—

update XXXI: so, so hot YAAAAAA

update XXXII: her wrapping her arms around his neck and then both of them just being so dazed out of their minds that the no-more-strangling move is not bothersome anymore...*sigh* pls feed me moreeeeee

update XXXIII: bro 'frantically licked' sent me. MC, slurping on Leviathan's horn like her life depends on it: boy am I thirsty The horns are a blessing, they're everything. And he's so messed up by the lick lick what she's doing that he can't even form a sentence (likely an insult to hide how fucked out of his mind that made him feel)

update XXXIV: THIS JUST FED ME MORE FR FR MY STOMACH HURTSSS HE'S DESPERATE and dang, I didn't know even hearts could reach climax. You learn something new everyday lol nah, I get what they mean So fucking hot how they kept kissing until they couldn't breathe my kind of thing a VERY pleasing display of Leviathan's kink, yes

update XXXV: squelch...squelch...squish squish, slurp slurp, anyone? Guess this writing style wasn't reserved for Tartaros's boys after all :( Bimet and I are fake-crying in the distance

update XXXVI: does he mean the tormenting or the fucking? Because if he's referring to sex, I offer Minhyeok my condolences. MC's never going to fuck you senseless or at all, hon. Sorry, but u should've known better, BFF boy :( I know no mercy

update XXXVII: Leviathan feeling happy because of her reply and him replying with "good. It should stay like that"? So possessiveeee <3 no more images fit Kinda melting over how his envy didn't flare up and anger him like it did in the beginning 'cause the brutality sex softened him for the moment

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+notes: I was violently wishing for a Leviathan's-clothes-are-still-on-during-sex CG, so when the CG came up and there was no MC on top of him, I was disappointed for a short minute short because then I looked at his face and his godly position spread legs and how he's on the ground like that...mmm lol

It's a change of pace, new. For WHB, at least—since it isn't like previous CGs—but it's heart-throbbing in its own way; seeing cold, pretty Leviathan on the floor like that, meek with his red cheeks...slurp a delicacy.

Ahem, anyways. The CG took me down memory lane somewhat, back to my first otome-playing-days from about 10+ years ago. Whenever the 'Happy Ending' CG was of the male lead alone, I always disliked that because I WANTED TO SEE *THE COUPLE* DOING THINGS, DAMMIT (even though the wildest things players saw characters do in CGs back in those days were mostly kisses lol until they got more daring, that is).

So yeah, while I did feel sort of disappointed when I first saw this CG, while I do prefer CGs like those of previous H-scenes, and while I still wish I could've seen Leviathan and MC in action, at the same time this CG is *chef's kiss* for obvious reasons and also due to how I feel like it suits Leviathan very well in a way. He's built walls about his heart and boundaries around himself, so it's as though the game won't let players see him like they did the men before him (in the main story), if that makes sense. I'm also hoping his shirt stayed on during sex

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edit: I just inspected opened the CG in the album for a, um, better view and...MC is grabbing Leviathan's PP? Yeeeeeeaaaaaaaah that's so YESSSS RAAAAAA

#what in “hell” is bad #what in hell is bad #whb #whb leviathan #what in hell is bad diaries

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local-hellhound-steals-spaghetti · 8 months

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hello! I just wanted to know your thoughts on orcas living in accredited facilities. are they thriving, or are they too smart to be 'locked up' as ARAs say? I've been debating myself on this for a while, and I wanted to ask someone ^^^

Are captive killer whales doomed and depressed? Was it right to end the breeding program?

Hi there! Thank you for being curious and asking these questions!

I can tell you that current welfare data of killer whales in accredited facilities does suggest positive welfare eg. demonstrating optimistic welfare states and demonstrating healthy social and reconciliation behaviours in Loro Parque orcas. (source) (source)

Unfortunately we just don't have a whole lot of welfare data for killer whales the same way we do for bottlenose dolphins. But that's sort of a generalised answer.

I want to address your questions specifically though.

Are orcas "too smart" for being in human care?

I'd say that the intelligence or the supposed hyper intelligence of cetaceans has been overblown and has been the source of contention since John Lilley came on the scene in the 60's making wild claims about hyper intelligent dolphins that speak their own language that still persist to this day (never mind the guy killed dolphins in his experimental brain scans and gave them LSD... the 60's were wild).

The people claiming orcas are too intelligent are people like Dr. Lori Marino - a neuroscientist who makes unsubstantiated claims about cetacean intelligence and draws conclusions about intelligence and cognition from brain scans. Can brain structure give you some data to make educated guesses on intelligence? Sure. But you can't then draw conclusions about welfare about animals you've never examined or done a welfare assessment of.

None of the people making these claims have done objective welfare assessments with access to health and veterinary records.

Lori, as well as other lobbyists like Naomi Rose and Ingrid Visser, have been called out by the scientific community more than once on publishing papers that make unsubstantiated claims about welfare.

My colleagues published this paper refuted their claims that orcas were being "damaged" by captivity (using human comparisons of prisoner of war camps despite human and killer whale brains being separated by millions of years of evolution) . But the media had already picked up the catchy, shocking paper that got published by a journal with no cetacean experience ( the Journal of Veterinary Behavior who also refused to retract the paper despite letters from cetacean welfare scientists)

There is unfortunately a huge problem of lobbyists who are lobbying governments to change laws on cetacean welfare who are using science to skew data for their personal beliefs. And they are absolutely shameless and will block any other scientists that try to refute them.

If anything, intelligence creates adaptability. There's a reason we have bottlenose dolphins in human care around the world but not harbor porpoises. Bottlenose dolphins are socially intelligent and more easily adapt to new environments and bond with human care takers. Orcas are similar, though environmental change has been reported to upset them a lot more. They are very socially intelligent, which makes them very interested in learning and being curious and bonding with human caretakers.

If captive orcas were truly so utterly broken the way they're depicted by media and these "studies" they would not be able to learn new behaviours, they would not eat and play and socialise and they would not engage with the trainers and guests.

See a whole playlist of SeaWorld orcas in their free time - it really helps you look beyond those 10 second "sad SeaWorld orca" videos (it's usually just Keet resting because that's what he prefers to do in his spare time)

Are orcas in accredited facilities "depressed" or suffering in any way?

Now when it comes down to actual welfare of orcas in accredited facilities - based on anecdotal and scientific evidence, statements from trainers I've talked to who work with the animals every day (no they're not getting paid any more than minimum wage and speak freely), what I've witnessed through many hours of observation ect.

I can say with a fair amount of certainty that these orcas are not abused, depressed, doomed or going insane. They have a robust enrichment program, get the best vet care in the world (I'm sure @orcinus-veterinarius can attest to that), are engaged and motivated to learn regardless of satiety (though they'll have their off days of course) and they have good stable social structures that rarely see any hyper aggression (but aggression is normal in social groups too).

Could it be better?

Absolutely. If it were up to me, they would have the Blue World project done and built, bigger habitats, more novel enrichment ideas to encourage hunting behaviour that's not just Big Ball TM (they love it and it's easy but we can do better), more autonomy of habitat eg. being able to turn on water jets when they want to.

And waterwork would still be a thing trainers can do - not for shows but for the unmatched relationship building and desensitisation that it gave these animals. It actually made them safer to be in the water with (look at Kamagowa Sea World orca waterwork and how blaise they are with their whales - those whales will allow any sort of nonsense and someone falling in their pool wouldn't worry me at all)

What about the breeding ban:

I understand why they stopped breeding to appease the public but unfortunately it has introduced other welfare problems. Female orcas cannot be on Regumate - birth control - for longer than a year or it'll destroy her body very quickly. So separation of females and males occurs. And that can be really stressful - especially for matriarchs like Katina who had to be separated from Makaio.

Breeding bans are not done with the welfare in mind. They're done as a sanctimonious "save the babies" effort to "protect" them from no actual documented suffering. While denying animals the natural and very instinctive behaviours of reproduction.

It's amazing how much a calf can enrich a pod. Everyone pitches in to babysit and watch out for them, to teach them how to play and how to learn. It's really sad that the orcas of SeaWorld have been denied that now and it'll be very sad to see them die off one by one until there's only one very lonely whale left.

Anyway I hope that answers some questions. Happy to answer any more you might have.

#cetacean welfare #cetacean #dolphin #orca #blackfish #seaworld

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icypolargirl78 · 2 months

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i'm so fucking tired man. i don't normally post on tumblr beyond reblogging and making art occasionally but i cannot think of anywhere else to put these thoughts so whatever

i'm not entirely sure if anyone will read this post and that's okay, i don't have many followers and there are better posts to follow when it comes to supporting palestine and her people. don't give up hope, keep reblogging, keep talking about palestine okay. even if you think it doesn't matter it does. talking about what's happening beats back every bit of propaganda that gets spread about palestine. every bit counts

FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA PALESTINE WILL BE FREE

here is a list of resources that you can donate to if you can. and if you can't, please reblog anyways. boost them.

i'm sick and tired of the constant news from palestine. not because i want to remain blissfully ignorant about what's happening there but because with each passing hour i get more and more angry and discouraged regarding what's happening there. i cannot in my mind truly comprehend the level of inhumanity that is required to forcefully remove people from their homes, to deprive them of basic necessities like water, food, and medical care, and then carpet bomb the land that so many families have lived on for literal decades. it's horrific and a disgusting level of evil.

beyond that i have to live with the knowledge that my government is actively funding these atrocities. i don't even want to call it my government because there is no way in my mind that any human could possibly see the deaths caused by israel and want to help them continue in their path of genocide.

these past few months have solidly confirmed in my mind that capitalism is single-handedly one of the worst things to have ever happened to our society because capitalism the thing that's behind my government supporting these atrocities. plain and simple it makes companies more money to help kill literal children who have done nothing wrong than to send aid to those children and to call for a ceasefire. it's sickening that my government is choosing to support this senseless violence simply because it means they can sell more guns and bombs and tanks.

i think about how the world will speak on these events in 20, 30, 50 years from now. i wonder how the history books will recount the brave gazans who survived what happened. i wonder if my country will continue to pump out propaganda regarding their involvement in this disaster. i wonder if the textbooks and worksheets students will read and write on will echo the way that my textbooks talked about native americans or african slaves. i wonder how many lives will get reduced to a statistic on a page.

and it makes me sad. so depressingly sad that so many people will get swept under the rug. that every lost life will never be mourned in the way every human deserves to.

i get conflicted over whether or not i have any right to speak on these events. i live a very privileged life. i never have to worry about when my next meal is coming, i have access to clean and safe drinking water at all hours of the day, i have a roof over my head and 24 hour access to the internet. why should i, someone who has all this, speak about events that are happening across the world. why should i have the right to mourn and speak about people who are now gone when those who are still alive are living in some of the worst conditions known to humankind.

and i realise that that's what the israeli government wants. they want me to stop thinking about gaza and palestine as a whole. they want the world to turn their backs and ignore the atrocities they are committing.

and i don't want that to happen. i'll continue clicking daily for palestine. i'll continue to reblog posts about gaza. i will keep that shred of hope that one day i will wake up and my tumblr dashboard will be filled with posts celebrating a ceasefire, that one day palestine will be free from the occupation of a tyrannical state.

but even knowing that doesn't take away from the guilt that i feel when i see gofundme's and links to aid relief programs. i've donated an esim to gaza and i really do hope that it helps someone but i'm not in a position to do anything more than reblog posts and do my daily clicks.

#free palestine #free gaza #from the river to the sea #support palestine

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lastflowerofyourhouse · 10 months

Text

ok but the parallels between htn and gideon's upbringing though.

be her

young and sad and vulnerable

have a vague sense of something missing but no real memories of the person who would fill that void

trapped and surrounded by people who neither like nor respect you through absolutely no fault of your own

you are broken in a way that you can't describe or justify but which you instinctively understand

this is a large part of why the people around you neither like nor respect you

also you are robbed of physical autonomy at every turn

it is made very clear to you that you don't get to pick how you dress and you don't get to pick where you go and you don't get to pick what tasks are assigned to you and nothing you are given truly belongs to you

also there is one person in particular who is antagonizing you to a greater degree than anyone else

they cause you significant bodily harm on a regular basis and you don't know what else they may be capable of

this person has unrestricted access to you and may attack at literally any time

this includes moments you wish to be private

your privacy is a whim of people surrounding you and cannot be effectively defended

there is one person who seems to like and care about you in a parent-coded kind of way

however

this person either cannot or will not protect you in any way that matters and they don't love you the way you need them to

you don't blame them

you resent the way these people treat you

but not so much that you actually think they're wrong

and i. god i feel like htn is pretty much just the most brutally efficient way to level the playing field. if harrow didn't Get gideon before then boy howdy i bet she does now. i want to tear something apart with my teeth.

#griddlehark #harrow the ninth #harrow nonagesimus #gideon nav #my post

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whitneysboii · 10 months

Note

funniest(but also serious) thoughts i have for dol is just finding a way to get rid of encounters and all that sexual stuff

Because this game is so fucking interesting for a porn game how dare.

What is that tentacle room? Why is the wolf howl going to help? How does Black Alpha(i forgor their name) know and got into the room? Does this mean the room is actually physically present somewhere in the town/forest?

How dod Leighton manage to get to headmaster and no one realise anything about him for so long? Are they all actually aware of it? Do people who got used by him meet up?

Are there any townies who manage to move out? What the hell is up with Ivory Wraith? How did the town even get to normalizing everything?

What happened to Morgan? Does anybody else know Eden other than Bailey? How the hell does Bailey know Eden anyways?

I am so goddamn interested in every character, every part of this town, every little bit of story we get with characters and places it's silly

And perhaps my favourite question of all.

Why the hell does the town not bat a single eye to every single thing that happen but still require you to have an ID to get to the strip club bestie there are worse crimes that could be committed and there are. Very regularly. Townies really said "Your body may be grabbed, but god forbid you watch someone strip under the age of 18."

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Hello, anon! 👋

(I'm not sure if this is the same anon from before, but welcome, regardless!)

Firstly, any links that I post may contain spoilers, so use caution if you're trying to avoid them. Secondly, this post is probably definitely gonna be a long one, so strap in! (And hopefully this answers your questions, or inspires more!)

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I agree and I don't at the same time. (But I wholly agree that's it's too interesting for a porn game and how dare they lmao)

Getting Rid of Encounters / Sexual Aspects Completely?

A lot of the lore and characters that we love so much are based on the frequent encounters around town that they're fully aware are happening, but can't do anything about (partly due to the police literally not caring, and actually being part of the problem rather than the solution; the other part being if they truly want to or are capable of stepping in on PC's behalf or not). Obviously this changes things a bit if we remove the encounters or sexual aspects completely, although we might retain most story lines, quests, and characters if we still have the required ones (the Ivory Wraith* for example, and love interests such as Whitney, Avery, Alex, etc.). *If you're wondering why I included the Ivory Wraith, this has to do with their backstory. You can learn more about that here if you're interested. Again, beware of spoilers. I won't give anything away, but I was totally against the Ivory Wraith until I read that and now I'm just sad. Also, the tentacle room you mention - is it tentacle plains (accessible through the Hookah Parlour, or the mirror in your room at 3am)? I have suspicions that it's tied into the Ivory Wraith's story, but there's no solid evidence yet (aside from the tentacles, purple mist, the portal in the mirror, etc.).

Removing Only Unnecessary Encounters / Sexual Aspects?

If there was an option to toggle between "normal" and "required encounters", that would be ideal for people who want to play, but can't or won't for various reasons (I won't list them, as I'm sure people can draw their own conclusions if they've played this game). It might actually appeal to those who are asexual and/or repulsed by sex in general, too, which would be great for community building. (The only drawback I see are people becoming too aware of this game's existence and kink shaming, bullying, trying to cancel it, etc.) However, Vrel & team have done a wonderful job implementing something that's similar to that idea without removing the "core aspects" of the game (the point being to do whatever you have to in order to survive). Players can set their game mode to "soft mode" and limit their encounter rate, but this disables feats (if you're unsure of what feats are, they're basically achievements that earn you Vrelcoins; you can spend the coins into your next game to make it easier). Note that you can enable cheats at any point, too, though it has the same effects (no feats).

Soft Mode description:

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Black Wolf, The Alpha

As for the wolf howl and Black Wolf the Alpha, I actually haven't played as a wolfie in a while. I'll play through a save file and, should I find anything, I'll tag it here (it'll be under "mine", so it should be easier to find). I didn't know they could get into the tentacle room, so that's really interesting to know. Again, that makes me wonder if it has to do with the Ivory Wraith, although I'm not sure how Black Wolf would have gotten in if it does; the Wraith isn't specifically land-based as Black Wolf would be, so it's a bit strange. (Also, please send another ask if you find out anything - I love learning more about this game!)

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The Headmaster

Leighton is definitely hiding something, but I can't quite put a finger on it. I want to know who they're taking the pictures for, since they can easily go to the brothel (and do so regularly) and probably pick up any of the students there, too; there doesn't really seem to be a need for the pictures, at least not for Leighton. So, the next thing that comes to mind is that perhaps Leighton is selling them to someone underground. Someone who might have the upper hand within the school board, or maybe the town (Quinn the Mayor comes to mind, but I don't know enough about them to think they would be tied into that; however, there is an email about some sort of "sin" they committed and presumably "already paid for", but that comes into play with Bailey and has no mention of Leighton - both of them have positions of authority over students and/or (18+) "children", though, so maybe it's not so far fetched?). I don't think that the people who were used by Leighton meet up - however, it would be a unique quest line to follow. It could end with them being arrested (even if the PC has no involvement with the Landry & Mickey quest line, or it could occur after; could be a timed event), and Sirris, Doren, or one of the other teachers get promoted in Leighton's place for their hard work. Although, since Sirris has the Adult Shop and Winter runs the Museum, chances are that it would go to somebody else (i.e. Mason, Doren, or River). Honestly, I would prefer Doren, honestly, as they seem to be somebody that even Whitney hesitates around, so that would create a different kind of dynamic.

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Morgan, Eden, & Bailey

Not much is known about Morgan. I have a theory about their child, however, which is probably not anything new for this community. I'll pitch it anyway, because I personally haven't seen it posted anywhere. This is what the Miraheze blog states (which is not official as far as I know, but it does work and is accurate for most situations):

Morgan, upon meeting PC, calls them "Charles" or "Charlene." The dance teacher on Barb Street is named Charlie, which is a unisex nickname for the other two names above. I'm not sure what could have happened between the two of them, but something horrible must have left Morgan deranged in the sewers and Charlie on the surface, who potentially grew up by themselves. For all Morgan knows, or at least the PC, their child has/had passed away; if they were deranged before they lost Charlie, that would explain a lot, as they might not have been mentally stable (perhaps how they ended up in the sewers to begin with). If Morgan became that way after they fell into the sewer, they could be dealing with high trauma, severe hallucinations, and/or low control from multiple encounters (like what happens with PC).

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Eden probably wouldn't know Morgan since they pretty much never leave the Forest. They also probably don't know most of the other named NPCs (Whitney, Avery, Robin, Great Hawk, etc.) for the same reason. However, everyone there seems to know Bailey, regardless of where they've come from or been - Bailey has their hands in the pockets of nearly everyone in that town. Eden might know Bailey from buying the PC (to repay their debts), but there's a possibility they'd know one another outside of that. After all, Eden is a hunter - they face the things in the Forest that no one else dares to. This means that they probably come into town to sell the meat, fur, bones, and other bits of the wolves that try to attack them. Also, deer, foxes, and bears are shown to be out there, too, among other creatures (lizard-like beings in particular). Bailey may have found them at a butcher shop, grocery store, or a similar location (maybe even Connudatus Street, at the stalls), trying to sell their wares. Maybe they decided to cut a deal together, something where Bailey offered his "goods", too; a nice, new play toy for Eden and, in exchange, freshly caught food for the orphans.

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As for if anyone else would know Eden (outside of Bailey), there seems to be one other person. If you're dating Eden, then they'll come looking for you at Remy's (here's the farm scene, in case you want to read through it). It's unclear whether they know one another before Eden comes searching for the PC, however, so there's no solid evidence for either side yet.

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Misc. Questions

Are there townies that manage(d) to move out? While I don't know specifics, I think that there are a few people lucky enough to do so. Everybody talks about being "stuck in [this] town", but I think that Avery, for example, could totally leave if he wanted to. Maybe he doesn't for business reasons, or maybe the PC is his last reason for staying in town (could explain why he gets so angry when PC disobeys, because all he might want is someone to feel less lonely in this pitiful pit of a town, and he just needs one thing to go right and go his way for once). If you're someone like Robin, however, then you might be stuck there for a long time, assuming you do manage to find a way to leave. How did the town even get to normalizing everything? This is interesting to me because this had to have happened over several years, where it just became something that happened so frequently that people began to overlook it; we know this has been occurring since before the "Ivory Wraith" became known as that - so, at least since year 361. It may not have been something that happened often during that time, but it's probably been building up as people moved to or had families in the town. This might have been furthered by previous authority figures, such as other mayors, police forces, etc. I'd also suggest that Quinn might be involved, but it seems as though they'd rather scrub the town's image than let it be ruined (as it already seems to be, evidenced by PC getting asked about the town's rep while they work at the cafe); if they're not actively helping people get away from that, then they're allowing it to happen by not doing anything about it. Why does the town not bat an eye at everything else, but requires you to have an ID to enter the strip club? I've been wondering the same exact thing since I first started playing. I understand that the characters all have to be 18+ (for legal reasons, but also because... well... it would be weird if they weren't?), but I don't understand how you have to have an ID to get in considering there are other ways to "bend the rules." I'd love a side scene where you're forced to help Whitney + friends into the strip club (also maybe he makes you get on an empty stage and dance for him js), or maybe you run into Darryl at one of the parties that Charlie sends you to dance at. Either way, this offers different options for Darryl to see your potential; they could offer you a bar tending job first, then have you dance on the weekends for smaller crowds (of course, they'd have you perform more the better your dancing skills are).

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space-blue · 11 months

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Hi, I'm not sure if you've talked about this before and it might be silly to ask this, but I'm curious about your opinion:

There was a scene that surprised me quite a bit in episode 6 when Vi escapes. Initially, Silco was sitting calmly, and then boom! Everything explodes. It's understandable, but it's strange because Silco has always reacted in a cautious and calm manner, except for one time in episode 3 when he was talking to Vander. After that, he has been someone who knows how to stay calm. I've seen people say that Silco's reaction is because he's a megalomaniac who doesn't like anything being out of his control, but I don't think that's the case. I think it's something more complex. I see Silco as someone who internalizes everything to maintain control or appears to have it, keeping his thoughts and emotions to himself. That's why you see Silco exhaling or releasing tension before and after meeting with his associates, but I might be wrong. Anyway, I'd like to know what you think is the reason for Silco's actions.

And I'm sorry if I made a mistake in my grammar, I don't speak English very well

Hello anon! Thank you for reaching out and asking me this question... It sends me back to my Arcane meta days with a big smile on my face.

But honestly, I don't know who looks at Silco in that episode, having finished the story, and thinks he screams because he's megalomaniac. Not only does this not go with the rest of his character, it just fails to comprehend his character arc.

Silco doesn't want power. He wants freedom, and he wants his mission to realise itself. Silco has more of a religious fervour to him. He's a zealot. He speaks of the 'Nation of Zaun' with an air of rapture. He believes it, lives only for it. Just because we may not like his ways doesn't change that. I mean look at this guy :

#fully lost in the sauce

A character who really wants power would be Finn. We see him fallen to the trappings of wealth, plotting to uproot Silco from his position. Finn never shows any care for the cause. He only cares about supplanting Silco.

If Silco truly cared about power, then why is he still leaving down deep, on top of a night club? If he's a megalomaniac, why are his list of conditions for Jayce not covering him, but demanding amnesty for his people and equal access to the Gate for commerce?

No. Silco isn't a megalomaniac. He definitely wants to be in control, but that's hardly surprising for a leader. We also only ever know Silco at crazy important moments of his life, where his plans are running wildly or exploding in his face. It's not exactly every day Silco.

Most of the people we see him interacting with also tell us things : of course he needs to be ruthless and in control while facing Marcus. That man would lash out at the slightest show of weakness. Same with the other chembarons, who actively turn on him after the factory attack (that makes him look weak).

Silco isn't a control freak to be a jackass. He's like that because he's a Zaunite, and a Zaunite in a dangerous position of power. He's shaped by his environment too.

Anyway, why does he lose his cool in episode 6?

It's actually a very short answer! It's because of Jinx.

Jinx is his everything. Across my many meta posts I covered how codependent they are. How she physically abuses him, yet he never reaches out with any force towards her. The most violent he is, is after she nearly ruined his life plans and won't listen, and all he does is snatch a pen from her hand to make her pay attention.

They exchange caresses, rest against each other. He keeps her gifts on his official desk and actively uses them. And in the end, he can't accept her mortality, and sacrifices everything he's suffered and fought for his entire sad, fucking miserable life, because he loves her more than his cause.

So why does Silco lose it? Because Vi is alive, Vi is looking for Jinx, and Vi is the only person who could actively take Jinx away from him.

I mean like a day or two prior Jinx lost her shit and nearly killed Sevika because she saw a pink haired girl. Silco takes her to the pilt to try and soothe her and put her demons behind her, the only way he knows how. And then she happily gets to work! She's doing well!

But Silco isn't dumb. He knows Jinx is unstable and unpredictable. And finding Sevika hung like a ham from the ceiling? With a broken arm? Yeah, he knows she knows, and she's pissed... And he KNOWS that he just told her that VI IS DEAD. Which he 100% believed! Since when Sevika tell him about Vi being back he's like "From the dead???" in total horror and disbelief.

Marcus completely blindsided him, and it's a race against time now.

A race in which if Vi lives and finds Jinx... His Jinx, the only person he thinks he has... The girl he loves more than his cause, even if he hasn't fully realised it yet... Might hate him. She might decide to leave him.

Then he'd be alone again. And uhm... IDK if you all noticed but like... Silco isn't exactly a picture of clean mental health either. He's trauma ridden, set in very harsh ways, and has a solid spark of paranoia (which has kept him alive, but also isolated).

So the Silco screaming and spitting and kicking is a Silco who thinks that potentially everything will be fucked up now. He's stressed about the developing situation (the one where he asked his unstable daughter to basically make a nuke with stolen uranium, while juggling an increasingly strained sheriff and actively traitorous colleagues), AND the potential idea of his ONE person, his one broken, fucked up, twisted emotional bond, potentially being ripped from him.

Last time that happened, Vander was trying to drown him.

So he's just in a Bad Place™️

Cut the poor man some slack ahaha. I think it's normal that the mask finally cracks and reveals his emotions.

Silco isn't a cold character! His speech to Vander shows his zealotry and his passion! He has a dark humour too, and is aggressive and bitter when cornered. Silco wears a mask of cool professionalism when it's convenient, which is very often, as a leader in the undercity. But he also shows lots of emotions whenever suits.

I don't think you can be a cold character and stay riveted on your insane freedom fight for like 20+ years. He's got a big fire burning in there, and the scene in episode 6 is the proof of how hot it gets when he thinks he's about to lose it all. All your examples of him 'reining it in' are great too! He clearly has strong emotions. He just manages them a lot.

I hope this answers your question! AAaaaahhhh look at me, I just went and gushed, didn't I?

Thanks a lot Anon. And your English is better than some native speakers I know, so don't worry! <3

#thank you anon #silco #arcane #arcane silco #arcane meta #it's been a while #he just came out of his little office in the back of my brain #strutting out being like #somebody called?#jinx #arcane vi #silco and jinx

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stoopid-turtle · 6 months

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hello... 😅 uhm, first of all, i truly am sorry in advance for being awkward 😭 but for once i decided not to let my awkwardness keep me from sharing (what i think/hope are) positive thoughts with a stranger on the internet, so here i am.

i'm not around much and legit only made this acc bc like you i'm a late bloomer here and needed as many outlets for my yizhan/wangxian obsession as i could get my greedy hands on, in the big year of 2023... sigh. anyway, as an avid lover of meta/analysis posts since my early fandom days began around 15 (oof 🥲) years ago, finding your acc was such a lovely surprise. i agree with your views a LOT, and really appreciate how eloquent and well-written your posts are! even more so bc there's a lot i still don't know and most of the time the source material is very hard to reach and/or understand due to the language barrier, so having other turtles to rely on to access those, even if filtered by their own biases/opinions, is wonderful. besides, such input coming from a new fan is also comforting and imo refreshing, juxtaposed with that of older fans... it keeps the fandom alive and all that jazz. it's also very brave given how ruthless some folks can be on the internet, and on this corner in particular 😮‍💨 it just felt like reading my own thoughts written by someone else sometimes. i gasped and nodded at your posts soooo many times djskdjdj thank you for that!

(btw you followed me back the other day and i legit fangirled irl bc ??? whatttttt 😅 i still think it was an accident but okay omg djskdjdj AHEM. sorry)

then today i logged in and read your recent posts feeling squeamish about sharing more thoughts and as much as i 100% relate to you saying that kind of attention makes you anxious, i just... idk, i had to let you know i enjoy everything you post, even though adult life has kept me from being able to read it all so far. i understand you stepping back and i respect that decision, i'm not by any means asking you to go against what you know is best for you. at the same time, i can't help but hope you'll still show up every now and then bc your posts will be missed 🥲 i guess the whole motivation behind this is that it just made me sad to think your valuable insights will be something i'm yet again late to, if that makes sense?

djskdjdj again, i'm so sorry for being awkward and weird and dropping all of this on your inbox unprovoked. you don't have to reply (or read this AT ALL omg 😭😭), in fact i'm so embarrassed by this that you'd probably have to reach me through inquiry lmaooo 💀 anyway, have a great life, thank you so much for the great job, bjyxszd etc ❤️💚💛

Oh, don't be anxious! I'm really not a big deal.

Thank you for dropping into my inbox! I love hearing from other turtles, especially relative newbies, like myself! One of my fav parts of coming out of lurking mode is getting to talk to other people. I kinda follow back anybody who follows me, cause it seems polite? I don't know tumblr etiquette. I just follow the tags when I get the chance.

I appreciate the encouragement! I try to avoid dramatics, so I'm sorry for the upset last week. The situation is largely resolved, and I am feeling more okay. I kinda backed off because I wasn't sure of my footing here in fandom as compared to others, especially as I do think I have some takes that fall outside fandom consensus. Again, I don't mean to rock any boats and I'm not invested in convincing anybody that they should have the same opinions as I do. Hearing from turtles who do want me to continue posting gave me some more confidence there.

So, yeah, I expect I'll post some more as I have time. I'd like to post more on dd (cause he's my fav). I'd also like to try to figure out gg cause that dude is so confusing to me. I do have RL stuff going on, and I don't have the time to be super-active outside of occasional posts. But I'd like keep posting stuff. At least until I get all my Yizhan thoughts out.

#asks

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bettsfic · 11 months

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I feel like I need to write faster so that I can one day be published. Like, I need to have already written x amount of books to improve my craft. Now I can work on a big project that I can hopefully query later. But I’m still at the practice stages and it feels like I’m being too slow to get to my dream. And I truly hate calling my “practice” projects practice projects because it feels like they aren’t valid when I do. But it has been recommended to me to start off practicing before I do my more complex story ideas. I’m trying not to rush my writing but it feels like that’s the only way to reach my goal. I truly feel like the slowest writer: spending months on outlining and over a year on first drafts. How can I be a professional one day if this is my process?

i answered a similar question about feeling the pressure to write a lot in this post, where i offer my own publishing timeline.

the thing is, there's no such thing as practice projects. the concept of practice implies an eventual performance. a performance is temporal. it can only happen in the moment, like a sport or a concert. it can be recorded for posterity, but the actual reality of it happens in a present that can't be recreated.

poetry, prose, and art are all eternal things. when words are printed to paper, they become a tangible object. there is no single moment you're working toward. and because of that, there's no practice. there's only drafting and revision. that's all writing is and can ever be. no one gets better at writing. you can only get more patient with your process, and find more familiarity in the agony of the unknown.

getting a book published isn't the birth of your story; it's the death of it. it's its final resting place. the life of a story happens while you're writing it. everyone who reads it thereafter is only experiencing what is to you a memory.

so publishing is wildly overrated. just last year i won a grant with a story that hasn't been, and will probably never be, published. two weeks ago i got accepted into a prestigious residency with an excerpt of a story that wasn't (at the time of applying) published. i got accepted into a PhD program on a writing sample that was published, but the publication folded and now no one can access that story anymore. i signed an agent with a short story collection that got a lot of interest but nobody wanted to pick it up.

i just finished a novel i'm pretty confident will sell sometime in the next decade, but that's not what i set out to do with it. i set out to experiment with something, not thinking i'd ever publish it and so the stakes were very low. all i did was follow a small idea around and ask it questions like an annoying kid whose curiosity can never be satisfied. and around the 75k mark i thought: oh, this is the thing.

but the 6ish novels before that will never see the light of day. those weren't practice novels. they're novels that either have no place in the current market for whatever reason, or they're novels that aren't yet doing the work i want them to do, and i don't know how to tackle a revision. i've had to write 3 million words to get to the 30k or so words i've formally published. those 3 million words weren't practice projects. they were the real deal. but sometimes the resting place of a story is a locked drawer.

that can be sad. devastating. but you're allowed to be sad about work that doesn't reach your initial ambitions. there are no practice projects, but you can practice coping with all the complicated and uncomfortable emotions of the creative process. you can practice facing your fear of failure, which over time will get smaller and smaller as you continue to set goals and fail to reach them. eventually you'll succeed, but that success probably won't look like what you think it does.

honor your interests, your process, the next page, next sentence, next word. pursue what's right in front of you and forget the rest.

#writing advice #process

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vole-mon-amour · 6 months

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If Larian had more time to develop the game before coming out of early access, Act 3 would be unstoppable. I quite like the city and how much there is to do, even though it falls flat in the end, especially with your companions and romance interests. You can't follow Halsin to the Grove. You can't see what your OC and Astarion do after. You can't see your PC and your companion settling down—there's no actual closure. I talked about that right after I finished my first run, but I still feel that way.

Act 1 is nice, but you're not familiar with the world just yet. Your mission is to venture forth and nothing yet. I don't mind it, but I wouldn't want to linger there.

Act 2, in theory, is very cool. The Underdark, the Shadow Cursed Land. But the lack of sun there and monsters that ambush you want me to run to the city as soon as possible. It was also the reason why I completely skipped the Underdark on my current second run. Not only the area is HUGE, I get lost there very easily and such a dark and grim place makes me feel claustraphobic in a way. I want to get out of there as soon as possible cause its suffocating and contributes to my anxiety after some time in there.

So when I get to see the sunshine again, the lanterns, the city lights, the inn we're staying in, it's all 🥰.

I do wish Larian could improve Act 3 and add more to the city and its content with time. Perhaps with a DLC or something. I saw how Act 3 was the least fav for a lot of people & it makes me sad. In act 3 you can finally romance Halsin. You can finally face Cazador. Plus, we get to interact with Orin and Gortash—to me they're way more exciting than Ketheric. I truly like act 3 even though I can feel how they were lacking time and (maybe) money to make it more exciting and polish it.

#bg3 #natisplaying #baldur's gate 3 #halsin #astarion

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milkybonya · 1 year

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☆ treasure Asahi~Junghwan as boyfriends ☆

requested by the lovely @achiresyou

#: fluff, gender neutral reader

find Hyunsuk~Jaehyuk [here]

[💌: stop i miss treasure soooooo bad,,, especially Mashidam,, i was watching ot12 videos and compilations last night and it made my heart hurt T_T also these headcannons are so short... i could go on forever about the boys ah i had to force myself to stop writing but one day i wanna write longer and detailed ones for each member >_<]

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

🤖 Asahi 🤖

like Junkyu, you'll have a lot of dates spent at home doing things you like at home like playing video games or watching movies/shows. and you get private access to producer!Asahi :] he always stays quiet when you walk in to check on how his song-making is going, but inside he's really happy to see you !

gets all stiff when you give him a hug but really he is m e l t i n g inside <3 sometimes, he'll randomly kiss you out of the blue and then act like nothing happened.

ever since he met you, most of the photos he takes with his film camera are of you ☆_☆ he is truly and utterly in love ! shows them to you after he gets them developed and points out how beautiful you are, even if you don't agree.

loves to cuddle with you and finds himself wrapping all his limbs around you even in his sleep >_<

🦊 Yedam 🦊

i miss him so much x2 oh my god he's a literal classic textbook boyfriend.. the type who shows up to your house at 4am so he can take you out for a walk on a street with pretty streetlights ☆ doesn't even care, does so much couple stuff in public (only if you're comfortable!) like holding your hand or placing his arm around your waist/shoulder, feeding you bites of the dessert you're sharing, wiping food off your face with his thumb, offering you his jacket....

loves when you touch his hair, run your fingers through it, or pat his head... it makes him so weak he'll do anything you say while you do that to him <33 also loves running his fingers through his own hair to get your attention because he knows how good he looks while doing it ;)

loves? biting/kissing your shoulder? even just playfully/lovingly/affectionately???? and is always whispering sweet nothings to you all the time.. when you wake up,, before you sleep,, like "y/n you're so precious" aHH i love him.

🐰 Doyoung 🐰

very classy but also chaotic bf??? super caring <33 brings you snacks when you're busy with something or even just watching a video, gives you his jacket when you're cold. he'll always be texting you reminders to bring an umbrella, telling you it's cold and to wear extra layers. he looks out for you so much ♡_♡

when he has his little weird moments and suddenly starts laughing (i love his laugh sm) for no reason, he'll expect you to play along,, pls play along with Dobby ! don't call him weird or he'll get sad </3

i imagine him loving eye contact with you? like just staring deeply into your eyes with a smile while both of you are cuddle or sat beside each other on the couch :>

he is your biggest hypeman and supporter.. always rooting for you and wanting you to succeed! ♡ will always be there for you when you have a hard time and will always remind you how amazing you are~

🦙 Haruto 🦙

my bias >_< tho he's yours as u read this <3 very bestie vibes boyfriend over super romantic? always being very playful and teasing you like pinching your cheeks before grabbing an item you can't reach (if you're shorter!), or winking and acting all full of himself when he wins a video game. his physical affection is super random and out of the blue, like quick pecks on your cheek whenever he feels like it, suddenly hugging you and he'll bury your head into his chest, reaching for your hand and claiming it's cause your hand looked 'lonely'...

seeing you in his clothes makes him smirk non-stop like it'll make his day.. he can't stop smiling!!! and omg will let you paint his nails if you want and will quietly watch over you eith heart eyes

whines 'okay mom/dad' when you tell him to drink more water instead of cola, but loves and appreciates that you look out for him <3 he'll be upset if you aren't hydrated too tho!

🐺 Jeongwoo 🐺

a self-conscious bean :( thrives when you hype him up and gets all giddy!! he melts when you hold his hand and rub little circles on the back to comfort him or just to show him affection <3

you'll get random vocal serenades from him all. the. time. he'll be walking around your house in his pyjamas, his shirt put on backwards because he was so sleepy when he changed last night, belting out the highest notes and then dedicating the love song he's singing to you... you're so lucky <3

he'll feel so comfy around you that he shows you all his sides--his sleepy, sad, and tired sides where he whines and buries his head in your neck, but also his super hyper, confident, and loud sides where he's bouncing around and telling you to feel how sharp his jawline is.

he'll always be telling you how much he loves you and how amazing you are, whether through text or straight to your lovely face <33

🐮 Junghwan 🐮

so many of your dates will involve food, especially if you're a foodie like him <33 he'll practically worship you if you cook for him, too >_< even if you're not a great cook, he'll always tell you your food is delicious!

loves being babied by you but also loves to protect you, to hold your hand and pull you into his chest. will whine and ask for kisses sometimes... if the members see him doing that he'll be so embarrassed >_<

purposely leaves him hoodies at your house for you to wear them hehe and then will act delightfully surprised when you show up in his clothes !

likes sending you recordings of his freestyle dances because he knows how flustered you get seeing him all sweaty and tired,, or sometimes he'll even invite you to watch him practice in person! and then he'll chase you around while sweaty for a hug hehe

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