#I GRADUATED BUSINESS SCHOOL WITH HONORS AND HAVE NEVER HAD ISSUES WITH OVER-SPENDING
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"Oh, Jack. You silly boi. You know that help at the top of the stairs is no help at all."
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Art piece i may delete later about my parents offering money to me and my sisters to pay for either grad school (a thing I don't want and can't do with my disability) or my wedding (also a thing I don't need/want), but not for anything that would actually help me escape poverty and find stable housing and income.
Like, I recognize the privilege of being able to complain that my parents have offered me a bunch of money but in the wrong way.
But also if that money is on top of a flight of stairs that I can't climb (but my sisters can), then I haven't really been offered money, so much as I have watched money I need be placed somewhere I can't reach it. Which tbh feels worse than if it was never mentioned to me in the first place.
I was gonna send this art to them and i wrote this big long message to go with it, but then I decided to wait until my therapy session on Tuesday to talk it thru with her first, since I've literally never regretted doing that.
Besides, both of my parents are lawyers and right now they're providing me and my friends with a lot of free legal advice about this property we're trying to buy together, so I don't want to rock the boat currently.
I just wish I knew if I had access to that money as a poor person in need of stable housing and quality disability care, and I wish my parents weren't world-class hLepers who have a long and triggering history of engaging me in rigorous debate about the kind of help I should be allowed to receive from them as a disabled person.
Nothing like having to provide an argument that would hold up in court every time I'm sick and need help! Love that! Love that I can't even talk about money with them now without having invasive thoughts about it for days to come due to past incidences in which this repeated behavior of theirs literally endangered my life!!
Not like I need that mental capacity for working on the largest and most exciting opportunity of my life that also happens to line up with my hopes and dreams for the future!! It's fine!! What do I even need mental capacity for anyway?????
This wouldn't even be the first time this little Distrust Fund has caused problems for my relationship with my parents. They are very opposed to that money being used to help my disability and it has caused PROBLEMS for us that we have never quite recovered from.
It's just difficult to be reminded that although our relationship has gotten better (mostly thanks to me setting boundaries), that doesn't mean they now actually believe what I need for my disability when I tell them.
They really do love me, and they have only ever acted with the best of intentions . But good intentions cease to matter when the impact is harmful and repeated. And they have proven to be repeatedly incapable of providing non-ableist support for me again and again and again. They've even genuinely tried to learn; and sometimes it really seems like my mom has made progress with her therapist (who is disabled), but who knows when I can so jarringly be reminded of how quickly that toxic ableist thinking can show its ugly face.
It's so clear to me and they don't even know it's there.
It feels like I'm in a horror movie when I try to get them to understand their own ableism, and that is a good good sign that I may want to consider an approach that minimizes my mental damage instead. Even if it means I don't get their stupid, deeply-conditional-and-yet-the-conditions-are-SO-vague-and-they-won't-admit-it money.
#original#diary#ableism#ableism cw#if they actually trusted me they'd just give me the fucking money but WHATEVER#maybe it's cause of all those times i was really reckless and irresponsible with money-- OH WAIT. THAT HAS LITERALLY NEVER FUCKING HAPPENED#I GRADUATED BUSINESS SCHOOL WITH HONORS AND HAVE NEVER HAD ISSUES WITH OVER-SPENDING#maybe they subconsciously think I'm stupid w money bc I'm poor. but i doubt my sisters could just get the whole lump sum either.#I HAVE BEEN LIVING FRUGALLY MY ENTIRE ADULT LIFE YOU BASTARDS#I would say there's a 5% chance they pleasantly surprise me but I have to be careful not to spend too much energy on it#the invasive thoughts around my family's ableism are super aggressive and constant when they start#and so i would rather have no help than that stinky-ass hLep that hurts my brain and heart so bad for days after#hLep#anyway i don't want their help paying for a wedding bc i am housing insecure with no income and so is my wife#and besides that wedding planning is hard and stressful and involves either including or snubbing relatives i don't like#so like if you offer me thousands of dollars i would be like Great! More savings means more safety and security!#i would NOT be like Okay time to spend $2000 on fucking flowers I have SHIT GOING ON#if i have a wedding then the cost will be the cost of pizza for all the guests.#also govt says i can't get married or i lose my disability payments so ryan and I just decided we are married years ago#i need SO much disability care equipment that i don't have and i am unable to hold a standard full time job#but yeah sure maybe I'll go get another DEGREE despite my interests being completely non academic. fuck OFF.#i have been writing or making art about this all evening this is not how I wanted to spend the evening it is past 4am#hopefully this processing and drawing and journaling will allow me to remove this issue from the very forefront of my mind#it's a careful line to walk between processing and obsessing. but good processing helps you stop obsessing#hopefully I can save some of the more painful parts of this for therapy so I can focus on other stuff for the next couple days#listen if interacting with someone in a certain way makes you feel like you're in a horror movie then something needs to change#and sometimes the change is that we need to make literal and emotional distance between us and those people bc they aren't learning#okay okay time for edibles and a shower i fuckin earned it and even if i didn't I can do whatever I fucking want 👌#and also I deserve nice things by default#and so do you
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hey everyone, i’m back… sort of.
i know i disappeared off the face of the planet for a while and i’ve been absolutely awful at keeping in touch with so many of you, which i am so, so sorry for. i’ve been dealing with some health stuff that prompted me to take a social media break, but it was one of my new year’s resolutions to reconnect with you all. i’ve missed everyone so much. so to start 2024 off on the right foot, i thought i’d give you all a recap of the past six months! i also thought i owed y’all an explanation for why i disappeared for so long, so i included that below the cut (tw: health stuff - if you have health anxiety, don’t read - or if you’re just wanting some happy news, feel free to read the fun update instead!)
fun update
some amazing things have happened this year!
♥️ i graduated university with first-class-honors!
♥️ i got to meet some of my amazing internet friends in-person (shout out to @just-another-dreamerr <3)
♥️ i finally got my u.k. citizenship and decided to move to scotland on a more permanent basis (will be starting grad school in sept. 2024)
♥️ got to spend some quality time with my best friend before she moved across the country
♥️ rediscovered the joy of live music
♥️ received amazing recommendations from my professors for my grad school applications, which really helped validate my writing and made me smile for a week straight
♥️ i got to travel across europe with friends and family - saw some beautiful places, ate incredible food, and met some of the kindest, most generous people
♥️ got to witness my favorite football (soccer) team make it to playoffs
♥️ improved my crocheting so i now i get to make lots of little gifts for friends and family
♥️ finally found a curly hair routine i love!
not-so-fun update
(again, tw: health stuff)
so over the past year i’ve been dealing with health issues, both physical and mental, and i finally went to my GP to address them last january. they essentially told me that everything could be attributed to anxiety and low iron levels; i accepted this at first, but when symptoms persisted over spring/summer, i became a bit frustrated - i felt like once anxiety was added to my record, it was all the doctors would acknowledge. anyways, flash forward to a month ago when i finally found a symptom that was a bit more difficult to just brush off as anxiety - a painless, hard lump at the base of my neck.
as soon as i found it, i booked an appointment with my family’s doctor, as i have family history of cancer (including my mom and grandma), and have since become wary of any unusual lumps and bumps. but to be honest with you, i wasn’t that worried - i was assuming it was just a swollen lymph node. this new doctor was more thorough than any doctor i had seen in the past. she ran a bunch of tests and discovered that my WBC count was low. my iron levels were actually great, which surprised me because i had attributed lots of my previous symptoms to iron deficiency. she took a look at my neck and immediately was concerned by the size, texture, and location of the lump and referred me for an urgent ultrasound, which i have on the 8th, to (hopefully) rule out the possibility of lymphoma.
needless to say, i’m panicking a bit. on the one hand, i’m glad i’m finally being taken seriously by a doctor. on the other hand, i’m supposed to move to the u.k. on the 19th and no longer know if that will be happening. the not-knowing and waiting around is really, really hard.
so it’s been a difficult start of the year for me and i feel a bit burnt out by everything. but i’m trying to keep myself busy with the things i love and hope that this will at the very least give me some much-needed answers.
anyways, i love you all so much and hope the new year is treating you well. and if it’s not, know that you definitely are not alone. please shoot me a message, even if we’ve never really talked, i really want to catch up and hear about all the amazing things y’all have been up to! ♥️
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You referenced being in school/working on your PhD (I think, might be misremembering sorry). When do you typically find the time to write? Im so impressed at your pace, dread futures is a behemoth
Hi! I'm gonna use this as an opportunity to rant about science PhDs because so many people don't know how they work 😅
But long story short, I walk to/from work every day and write on my phone during that time, and I try not to bring work home but have a lot of anxious energy so I end up needing Something To Do with the little free time I have, so I end up writing. I wasn't sleeping a lot. I also have a pretty fast typing speed, and used to transcribe interviews quite often so transcribing game dialogue is pretty quick for me too. And I was Really Feeling Things and had a story I had to tell. And I really cannot emphasize enough that for the most part I turn off my inner editor when I write fanfiction, I do not plan my stories out much ahead of time, and I treat it kind of like an improv/dnd-like experience. What got published last is what I have to work with, and I have to make it work. I also self impose a 3k goal/limit on my chapters and then it's time to publish. All those things combined yield a pretty fast update schedule.
Now for the rant:
Most people think of graduate school as just that--school. Having lived with PhD students in Classics, Chinese Lit, and Business, that's true for a lot of disciplines. You take classes. You read all the time. All the while you're forming Opinions and you explore those in lectures and articles you produce, using the vast amount of information you've absorbed over your schooling. If you're familiar with an Honors Thesis from undergraduate education, you basically produce one of those over your time in a NON science PhD program.
A STEM PhD is much, much more like an elementary science fair project, but instead of asking What Is The Most Efficient Design for a Solar Cookie Oven, you're asking questions that contribute to issues like climate change, chemical waste production in manufacturing, Alzheimer's treatments, and vaccine development.
Sometimes your adviser is the one who tells you, "Hey, study this and see what happens" just like your elementary school friend might have had a parent or teacher give them an idea. Sometimes you yourself come up with the idea. Either way, here's the real difference between a science fair project and a PhD project:
In a PhD, no one has ever asked the question you're asking, and no one knows the answer. And your Question might be so small and seemingly inconsequential, you will never be able to explain it truthfully to your grandmother over Thanksgiving dinner. Even if your Question is fundamentally important to something like the race to efficient carbon dioxide fixation.
Also, it's not fair to say you have One Question in your PhD. A PhD researcher is a one woman army against a whole battlefield of Questions, and you spend about 1 year per Question (Project) answering (and all the little side questions that come up, curiosities, flashes in the pan, that you think might help you answer the main Question). A typical chemistry thesis is about 3-6 big projects that are related to one another usually only tangentially.
Day to day life is NOTHING like being a student. I walk to work and get in ~8am, and leave at 6. I work 6-7 days a week. The whole time I am doing research work: either at a fume hood, or in a glovebox, doing chemistry, or MAYBE I will sit down and analyze my data or look up prior research in the field to inform my future experiments/learn how to do a certain analysis.
I am teaching myself new techniques, new chemistry, and producing new techniques and new chemistry.
Science PhDs come out of their programs and go into jobs and their bosses tell them to stop working so hard, to only do what they're told, to stop taking work home. Because in normal industry jobs you get contracts that include time off, regular work hours, and regular performance evaluations, whereas a PhDs job is never done, your hours are dictated by what the experiments require, and the amount of time you spend doing your work is pretty proportional to how long your degree is going to take. :-/
Oh yeah and if you're lucky, you have a contract with your university! If you're lucky, you have a union! But most of us have neither of those.
STEM PhDs fortunately will pay you, rather than you paying the University. However, better settle for 25-30k (US)/year. Maybe you get health care. Good luck if youre in a more expensive rent area because 30k is already pretty high for a program offer. Oh, and unless you're very lucky, you likely will need to be a teaching assistant for undergraduate courses multiple times a year. Some contracts stipulate that TAships cannot require more than 20 hrs of your time per week (that's a 50% appointment, and the rest of your time you're supposed to be working in your research lab) but good luck, most of the time your teaching/grading load is going to be ~30-40 hours of its own. And just because you're teaching doesn't mean you get to produce any less work for your research!
Because here's the other thing: you're not an employee, you're not a student. You're supposed to be doing research to answer Questions that will save the world. But you get paid, and your adviser/professor gets paid, and your SCIENCE gets paid, based off of how many Questions you've already answered and how Important someone in the government judges your Answered Questions to be. So if you're not Answering those Questions and simultaneously proving that your Questions are Important, then your funding, and your adviser's funding, are at risk.
I worked in a startup for a while and it was very similar in mentality: your life and your work are the livelihood of the company, and you have to do everything in your power to ensure the company is popular and productive, with as little funding and time off possible--because if you don't do the work, there's no people or money to pick up the slack.
The upside to working in a startup, though, is that in my PhD I come across fun questions like: hey, why is this *that* color? but this other thing is different? And I have the freedom to try and explore those questions. Whereas in a startup, there is no space or time to waste on side projects. I'm in to this work for the curiosity and the passion (when I have energy enough to remember them lol). And a PhD not only provides me with specific skills and knowledge, it also proves that I can pick up any new field and dive in, teach myself, and be productive in it. Most of us never go on to work in anything immediately relevant to our PhD work, because our PhD work is so open ended, but also so narrow in scope within a field. It's important work and it's how most progress gets made in our quality of life and technology and healthcare and other developments as a society--this brain-breaking labor of love by underpaid and over caffeinated, unprotected workers in labs that are constantly at risk of being defunded.
Oh and halfway through, after you've wasted 3 years of your life melting your brain with big Questions, you have a Candidacy Exam where you prove your worth to a committee of Expert Professor Researchers in your field, and they say whether you even get to finish or not. 🤗
Which is what was happening when I started writing DPDF. in the middle of a pandemic. With a lot of my friends and support systems leaving me. And DPDF was born as a coping mechanism for the hopeless, worthless, existentially threatening place I was in at the time. Nothing gets the fingers tapping more than feeling like you want to die every moment you're alone with your thoughts, and having every other moment eaten by blistering brain work. Not working, and sitting, and relaxing were impossible and made me feel extraordinarily guilty. So I wrote. Like my life depended on it. It did. It does.
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killer bass five headcanons
there’s no reason for this i just love the idea of them as a friend group
when dj comes out as gay bridge throws him a “coming out party”, he claims not to need one but she’s super proud of him and wants to celebrate it so she fills his apartment with balloons and invites a few of their friends over and they get really, really drunk
coincidentally courtney comes out as bi that night, she doesn’t remember it but dj pulls her aside to talk about it the next day and is super supportive of her and they have a bonding moment where they talk about growing up in the closet (she also admits to having had a crush on gwen at one point and squashing it down because of how she betrayed her - duncan knows this, of course, but she’s never gone into as much detail as she does with deej)
the rest of the five make sure they both know they love and support them and it’s all very sweet but dj has to tell geoff at one point that he’s actually not into surfer dudes and that he doesn’t think he’s brody’s type, either
bridgette and geoff get a cat together (it’s actually geoff’s idea, although bridge gets on board fairly quickly) and duncan, of all people, is at their house like five days a week for the first month they have the cat just to see it. nobody has any issue with it but court teases him to no end
of course they follow suit and get a cat of their own not too long after, he’s an old ragdoll mix because court has a soft spot for older cats and duncan just wants a little fluffy thing to run around the house (he has mild attachment issues and courtney’s busy a lot - so he likes the company)
dj and bridge go to vet school together, bridge takes a job with an animal shelter after they graduate while dj becomes a vet tech
duncan gets a job at an autobody shop and starts dragging everyone along to classic car shows; courtney is the first to go and he makes a date out of it, they eat good italian food and then take a walk down main street to watch the cars go by, court thinks it’s super cute when he sees one he’s impressed by and starts explaining the mechanics of it to her even though she doesn’t understand a word he’s saying (he’s a lot smarter than he pretends to be so seeing him geek out over something is a privilege)
music festivals become a summer tradition after dj takes them to one and they all find they like different aspects of it; bridge likes it for the indie music and the different outfits everyone wears, geoff and duncan mostly enjoy the weed, and court loves how carefree everyone is. she takes the opportunity to dance with everyone, especially deej because he gets all goofy and smiley
bridge teaches all of them to surf, geoff already knows how and dj isn’t great at it but court ends up being a natural; duncan tags along but normally just lounges on the beach. he claims its “for the view” (courtney) but he secretly enjoys the alone time, he uses it to sketch all of them looking peaceful and enjoying themselves out on the waves
they have a gift exchange every halloween because no one will let bridgette buy them christmas gifts, she goes super overboard and puts a bunch of thought into them and they all worry about her spending too much money. so one year she suggests halloween gifts and nobody thinks anything of it but suddenly it’s a yearly excuse for her to shower them all with love and attention and lots of gifts. they let it slide because she’s impossible to say no to and she just gets so happy when they open her presents
geoff kidnaps courtney whenever she’s getting overly stressed and takes her down to this little family-run seafood restaurant on the coast; she finds it hard to talk to him the first time he does it but she relaxes very quickly and ends up looking forward to their little solo trips. he has a way of making all her problems seem small and it’s nice for her to get away sometimes. they’ll go out for ice cream together and walk along the pier and it’s all very date-ish but it’s so special for two of them, seeing as they’re best friends with each other’s respective partners and they don’t get much alone time together. bridge jokes once that duncan might have to be wary of geoff stealing his girl and everyone present immediately sends her enough glares for her to throw up her hands in defeat and snuggle back into geoff
karaoke nights are a bridgette, courtney, dj thing. they go out once a month and book a room and just do whatever for an hour. courtney is a really good singer and so is dj, so they’ll do duets for bridgette and she loves to watch them once they’re a few drinks in and stumbling over the words to fergalicious
duncan volunteers at bridgette’s shelter a lot once he and court adopt their first cat, and they get along really well, so sometimes they’ll go for drinks afterwards and rant about their significant others and their workloads and bridge will end up crashing on their couch, much to courtney’s amusement. they claim it’s payback for the court-geoff “date nights” that are pretty much a weekly thing at this point
they go on group dates once deej is comfortable with introducing his boyfriend to them. duncan and courtney are always the first to leave but nobody ever minds
they have a long-standing tradition dating back to their total drama days of sitting down over a meal and having a quick check-in. obviously the food back then was much worse but now it’s usually a take-out pizza and a few beers
bridge introduces them to the idea of beach bonfires and duncan is always quick to suggest it when they need a chance to unwind and have some fun
the groupchat isn’t used often since they all live so close and spend so much time together but when it is used, it’s either duncan sending sneaky pictures of courtney to piss her off or geoff sending some cheesy inspirational quote he found online
deej is the first to get married out of all of them. bridge organizes most of the wedding and court agrees to sing for him; she even pulls out her violin. nobody says anything when duncan has to step outside because he’s tearing up. geoff gives a very long, inappropriate speech but at least no one can say he wasn’t entertaining
the next wedding is geoff and bridgette’s, a short five months after dj’s. courtney is the maid of honor and deej does all the catering. the boys all get matching tattoos to commemorate the occasion (dj’s is in a very easily hidden place) and the bachelor party is a bit off the rails. dj is the only one who remembers it but he won’t tell them much
when duncan and courtney finally get married the group has drifted apart a bit but they pull back together in time and talk for weeks afterwards about how good it was to hang out again
all of their kids call the rest of the group their aunts and uncles; unsurprisingly, uncle geoff is a fan favorite, especially with dj’s little girl
kids keep them busy but they still make time roughly once a month to see each other, even if the kids have to tag along or be left with family for the night
#total drama#total drama courtney#total drama duncan#total drama geoff#total drama bridgette#total drama dj#td courtney#td duncan#td geoff#td bridgette#td dj#killer bass five#total drama islan#duncney#gidgette
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hi! do you know of any fics that are like spare change by emerness with posh/rich Sherlock? thank you :))
Hi Nonny!!
AHHH Spare Change is legit one of my top fave fics ever, and I can think of a few other fics, but none beyond what I got for you :) … So I’ll share them with you below, along with the list Alexx has!
Here’s my sad list of Rich Sherlock fics, sorry I don’t have many!! And, as always, this is also a call out for anyone who has some fics they would like to add!!
RICH SHERLOCK
See also: Alexx’s List
Spare Change by Ermerness (E, 51,966 w., 14 Ch. || Rich Holmeses AU || First Kiss / Time, Holmes Family, Virgin Sherlock, Anal, First Meetings, Bossy Bottomlock) – The Holmes family is one of the richest and most powerful in England. Sherlock spends his time flying around the world on the family’s private jet drinking a lot and shopping at expensive boutiques as a way of trying to alleviate his endless boredom. His mother decides it’s time he settles down with someone powerful, wealthy and well connected. John Watson happens to be none of those things.
floating through a dark blue sky by Lediona (M, 58,966 w., 15 Ch. || Notting Hill AU || POV John, Celebrity Sherlock, First Date / Time / Kiss, Past Drug Addiction, Angst with a Happy Ending) – Of course, I’d seen his films and always thought he was, well, brilliant – but, you know, a million miles from the world I live in. Or, when John is the owner of a travel book shop and the famous Sherlock Holmes stops in one day.
This Thing All Things Devours by cypress_tree (E, 63,844 w., 15 Ch. || In Time AU || Science Fiction, Dystopian Universe, First Meetings, Action / Adventure, Romance) – In 2169, time is money—literally. Humans are genetically engineered to stop aging at 25, when the numbers on their arm start counting down from one year. When that time is up, they die. The only way to get more time is to earn it, borrow it, or steal it.John Watson lives day-to-day in the crowded slums of Zone 13. He never imagined living any differently—until he meets the practically-immortal Sherlock, and helps him on a case to track a local time-thief…
Performance In a Leading Role by Mad_Lori (E, 156,714 w., 21 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Hollywood / Actor AU, Secret Relationship, Falling in Love, Slow Burn, Romance, Coming Out, Fluff and Angst, Pining) – Sherlock Holmes is an Oscar winner in the midst of a career slump. John Watson is an Everyman actor trapped in the rom-com ghetto. When they are cast as a gay couple in a new independent drama, will they surprise each other? Will their on-screen romance make its way into the real world? Part 1 of Performance in a Leading Role
Mise en Place by azriona (M, 161,004 w., 28 Ch. || Restaurant (Kitchen Nightmares) AU || Sherlock is Gordon Ramsay / Celebrity Sherlock, Restauranteur John, Harry Plays Prominent Role, Alternating POV, Mutual Pining, Cranky Sherlock, Bed Sharing, Slow Burn) – John Watson had no intentions of taking over the family business, but when he returns from Afghanistan, battered and bruised, and discovers that his sister Harry has run their restaurant into the ground, he doesn’t have much choice. There’s only one thing that can save the Empire from closing for good – the celebrity star of the BBC series Restaurant Reconstructed, Chef Sherlock Holmes. Part 1 of Mise en Place
WEALTH IS IMPLIED
Winter’s Delights by Kate_Lear (E, 21,173 w., 1 Ch. || Holmes Family, Christmas, Fake Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Bed Sharing, Domestics) – Sherlock takes John home for Christmas to meet the extended Holmes family. Part 1 of Winter’s Delights (his family is wealthy)
Classified(s) by blueink3 (E, 36,153 w., 4 Ch. || Wedding Date AU || Fake Relationship, Jealous, PIning, H/C, Idiots in Love, Happy Ending, Mary is not Nice, Escort Service) – Clara’s American father is the ambassador to some such territory that Great Britain probably used to own, but she (and Harry’s undying love for her) is the reason John is getting on a flight at 12:30pm, flying across the second largest ocean in the world, and pretending to be in a perfectly happy, healthy relationship with an undoubtedly perfectly coiffed stranger. See, Clara is not only American (and wealthy to boot), she’s also best friends with John’s ex-fiancée. Whom she’s placed in the wedding party. As Maid of Honor. And John just happens to be Best Man. Bloody brilliant. (implied he makes lots of money being essentially an escort)
Summit Fever by J_Baillier (M, 78,802 w., 18 Ch. || Mountain Climber AU || POV John, Angst, Tragedy, Suicidal Ideation, The Himalayas, Mountain Guide / Doctor John, Mount Climber Sherlock, Loneliness, Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Injured Sherlock / Sherlock Whump, Pining John) – After graduating from medical school, John Watson followed his heart to the Himalayas. Ten years later, he’s a haunted cynic working for his ex-lover’s trekking and mountaineering company. Will leading an expedition to Annapurna I—the most lethal of all the world’s highest mountains—shake John out of his reverie, and who is the mystery client added to the group at the last minute? (implied by his expensive equipment and celebrity status)
Thermocline by J_Baillier (M, 83,557 w., 14 Ch. || Scuba Diving AU || Adventure, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Marine Archaeology, Asexual Sherlock, Horny John, Relationship Drama, Technical/Scuba/Wreck Diving, Slow Burn, Underwater / Medical Peril, Doctor John, Hurt Sherlock, Anxious Sherlock, John POV, Protective John, Body Appreciation) – John “Five Oceans” Watson — technical dive instructor, dive accident analyst and weapon of mass seduction — meets recluse professor of maritime archaeology Holmes. As they head out to a remote archipelago off the coast of Guatemala to study and film its shipwrecks for a documentary, will sparks fly or fizzle out? (implied by his expensive equipment)
Proving A Point by elldotsee & J_Baillier (E, 186,270 w., 28 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Me Before You Fusion || Medical Realism, Insecure John, Depression, Romance, Angst, POV John, Sherlock Whump, Serious Illness, Doctor John, Injury Recovery, Assisted Suicide, Sherlock’s Violin, Awkward Sexual Situations, Alcoholism, Drugs, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Body Image, Friends to Lovers, Hurt / Comfort, Pain, Big Brother Mycroft, Intimacy, Anxiety, PTSD, Family Issues, Psychological Trauma, John Whump, Case Fics, Loneliness, Pain) – Invalided home from Afghanistan, running out of funds and convinced that his surgical career is over, John Watson accepts a mysterious job offer to provide care and companionship for a disabled person. Little does he know how much hangs in the balance of his performance as he settles into his new life at Musgrave Court. (implied by the care and aides he has)
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I literally cannot do anything else until I get this out.
I’m... really not okay.
And when I say that, I’m not mentally unstable. I say that because I’m tired of waiting on empty promises, I’m tired of never having money in our account, I’m tired of living in a fucking city where half of the white people fucking worship the ground Trump walks on, and where most of the gay community has so much messy drama that it’s worse than middle school. And I went to a rough middle school.
I never talk about my past, because I don’t like to. It sucked. HARD. Being and only child in my family was nothing less than torture, especially as a closeted queer person. We grew up in the white Christian part of Nashville that dominated Music Row in the 90′s and early 2000′s. I played basketball with Alan Jackson’s daughter, and being around famous people was just no big deal. But, my parents decided to leave Nashville after my dad lost his job at TPAC, and we moved down south an hour to the town where the KKK got started (Pulaski, TN).
I had maybe two non-white people in my private Christian school growing up. I was never afraid of Black people, but my parents showed their racist asses quick when we moved there. The KKK has never left America, guys, no matter how many articles you read or studies you do. From 2005 to 2009 I saw a white town show its very worst to the Black community. I’ll never forget the first time I saw a march for “White Christians for Purity” the summer before Obama got elected. The disgust I felt inside was palpable. I had all kinds of friends in school, and I didn’t give TWO SHITS who they were or what they looked like... but I saw children my age, being brainwashed by their parents, that “white” is ��right.”
Ever since then, I have been learning and growing about the issues of race. I remember my white classmates using the N word and getting away with it. I remember hearing about the principal at the high school punishing all the Black kids but not the white kids. I remember being invited to a church south of town that was a historically Black church, and how nice the ladies were to me for coming.
But I’ll never forget the racism that the religious groups promoted there, especially First Baptist Church and the 12 Tribes. I’ll never forget how FBC told me that my friend was going to Hell because she killed herself. I’ll never forget my mom telling me not to marry a Black man because of “impure genes.” I WILL NEVER FORGET THE INJUSTICES I SAW WHITE PEOPLE DOING TO BLACK PEOPLE THERE. NEVER.
And thank God, I have shaken the burden of religious guilt, but I still fight against this mentality. I live in a place that’s usually not even 10 minutes away from Trump-humping, sister-fucking, meth-addicted Confederate cunts in any direction. And we’re even closer to the rich white people who silently supported him, upset that their taxes would go up because of Biden.
And in the past four years since Trump got elected, I’ve gotten married, graduated college with honors, started my own photography business, and was making more than my husband there for a minute. I did my own taxes, marketing, editing, and everything. And then I came out as trans.
I lost everything.
I lost my studio. I lost friends. I had rumors started about me. I had people post hate messages on my wall. I had people at my drag shows tell others not to tip me, for whatever fucking reasons. I’ve had bosses give cis people jobs over me, and I’ve had government workers give me second looks when I hand them my license.
It. Fucking. Sucks. To. Live. Here. Like. This.
Oh yeah, did I mention I’m also a witch/medium? I’ve talked to dead people before and have told their relatives things I shouldn’t have known otherwise about their grandparents. Like, this information doesn’t even exist on Google. And I’m attuned to reiki. I’m always aware of what’s happening on at least SOME metaphysical level. This is a gift that I’ve had to go through life developing and learning about myself, with no one’s help but me.
I didn’t even know until I was an adult that I have autism and ADHD.
I’ve taken bullets from people who were about to kill themselves. I’ve yelled at 5th grade music classrooms for doing racist dance moves and appropriating Native Americans (I have a degree in Music Education K-12). I’ve consoled kids in classrooms who suddenly have panic attacks. AND I’ve told horny teenagers to stay in their fucking lane and respect the girls around them. I’ve apparently been an inspiration to those around me, but inspiration NOR exposure pays the bills. I’ve already had COVID, and so has my husband, but I knew that after graduating college that I would never have a fulfilling life being a music teacher in Tennessee’s public schools.
And now that we have COVID, and an orange, small-dicked, pedophilic, rape apologizing, dirty, crusty white president who STILL REFUSES TO CONCEDE, who is DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR HAVING HIS FOLLOWERS SEND DEATH THREATS TO MY FAMILY, I really don’t know what the fuck else to do other than go burn down all the houses I know of in North Georgia that belong to these Christian sex cult pedophiles and call it a day. My girlfriend unfortunately was born into one of those families, and I know just how bad it can get. In fact, her dad’s lawyer threatened me with blackmail earlier in November, so that was fun!
And now, on December 11, 2020, I’m still sitting here in the same fucking house, doing the same fucking things I’ve been doing all year - trying to get a job and failing horribly. I’M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS COVID BULLSHIT AND OUR INCOMPOTENT CUNT OF A PRESIDENT! And there’s only ever one other person I’ve ever called a cunt... my own mother.
I’ve lived in many places. I’ve met many different people. I’ve made mistakes, and have grown, but there’s one thing for damn sure that I always make sure to do, every single fucking day.
I ALWAYS try to do better.
In addition to this, I treat everyone with the same amount of respect, unless they have done something directly to me to negate that. If I know that someone believes in something that directly harms me or my family, I don’t even associate with them. I don’t spend my energy on things that don’t need it. And everyone else should, too.
The problem with some of y’all is that you care about the wrong things. Like will Becky text me back or did I get front row seats to that concert, or did I slave my life away to capitalism just so that I can own a Mercedes and have my friends jealous. I’ve had way too many dear death experiences to know that EVERY single fucking day is a gift. EVERY day.
I don’t want to be remembered first for the art I create. I want to be remembered for my character. I want to be remembered as the courageous person who never backed down in the face of adversity. But when you live in a place that already hates you and that is against you, that’s really fucking hard. Trust me. My marriage went from a cis straight passing couple to a white gay passing couple. I’ve seen how people’s attitudes changed around me as I transitioned. I know what it feels like to slowly lose a piece of your privilege you were born with.
So yeah, I kinda get a little fucking upset when I see people saying All Lives Matter, or when I see doctors refusing to treat trans patients in pandemics, or when I see cops YET AGAIN harassing Black people only a few blocks away from my house for no other reason than racism. And at this point, anyone who thinks they know me but only knows what people think they know about me can suck my entire ass and eat ten dicks. I don’t give a FUCK about who you are or what you’ve done. If you treat me or other people with no respect for no reason other than to be an asshole, you’re just plain shit. If you SERIOUSLY believe every little rumor and lie that someone tells about me before meeting me, fuck you AND the horse you rode in on.
What I can’t stand is people doing or saying things just to get a rise out of me or others. I thought we left petty shit in high school. Some of the people that “know” me really need to fucking grow up and grow a pair and either say what they want to my face, or stay mad. I’m tired of playing fucking petty games with y’all. We have a whole ass pandemic to solve.
So here’s the ultimatum... if you agree that Black Lives Matter and that queer people deserve basic human rights, EVEN THE ONES YOU HATE, then that’s the bare minimum to even be a decent person. If you can’t even do those things, then I don’t fucking know what else to say to you.
So NBC, maybe not have John Mulaney joke about my license debacle with my gold van on SNL, and Seth Meyers... maybe HIRE ME INSTEAD of Mulaney because clearly y’all don’t know about the south as much as I do? Oh, and that gazeebo joke with Lee University... I caught that. I may have autism, but I’m not a fucking idiot. I mean. I’m funny when I’m given the chance. And yeah, I’m on a watchlist, but who the fuck isn’t these days? At least all my secrets are out for the world to see, and I have a bangin’ tattoo.
I’m tired of everyone being like “omg, I’ve seen what he can do, it’s fantastic!” or “omg you’re so funny haha” and bragging on me and then NOT FUCKING HIRING ME. I’m TIRED of waiting on something that’s clearly at this point never coming.
I don’t even have testicles, and my balls are bigger than most of the cis men I have EVER met.
So, if you want to help me, or hire me, or get me out to an audition... I’ll be there. But until then, I’m so fucking MAD at some of these producers. Yeah, my mom is a cunt, but she worked in various forms of digital production from the 1980′s until she retired this year. She taught me SO MUCH about directing, writing, shooting, and more. I know how these things are supposed to run behind the scenes. I know what the fuck I’m doing, and I don’t take constructive criticism like a bitch. I actually WANT to be criticized, so I can do even better.
So PLEASE, for the love of Christ... y’all need to get your priorities together AND PLEASE STOP LEAVING ME OUT OF THE LOOP WITH THIS BULLSHIT. Grow a fucking pair and either call me, email me, or leave me alone. It’s really not that fucking hard. Looking at you, Lorne Michaels.
Oh and someone tell my husband what the fuck’s been going on because I’m tired of him gaslighting me about it.
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Right Back to You
@andcontemplation @baldrambo @unpredictablybittersweet @tightropeflea @starmaammke @hopbyers98
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Joyce sighed as she sat cross legged just outside the band of teenagers. It was a week until graduation and she felt like she was wasting time, sitting at this boring party of Benny’s.
Benny was like a local celebrity in school. Through working with his Dad at the restaurant, he already had his own small place (that he rented from his dad) and a car. So it wasn’t the height of luxury, but the place was just big enough to hold the ‘cool kids’ of their class.
Joyce fiddled with the hem of the sleeve of her thin black sweater. How she had been invited to this party, she had no clue. Well, she did know. Karen had dragged her here. And so now she sat here nursing a beer that she hated the taste of and trying her hardest to disappear.
She watched as Benny spun the bottle and it landed on Marissa and the crowd busted out in laughter. “No no no!” She protested but the group broke into chants of ‘CLOSET! CLOSET! CLOSET!”
After enough goading, the two teens, with Benny twice as big as Marissa’s thin frame, crowded into the closet. “Enjoy your seven minutes!” Kevin Vanderbuilt, the school quarterback, grinned as he shut the door on them.
Everyone waited with bated breath as music played in the background just a bit too loud.
Joyce shivered to herself, thinking how embarrassing it must be to come out of that closet with everyone staring. Honestly, how naughty can you get up to in seven minutes? It was a stupid game, she decided as she drank from her too-warm beer and had to work her hardest to swallow it.
There was another cheer as the two emerged. Marissa had a blush across her cheeks and her lipstick was just a tad bit smudged. The small crowd hooped and hawed, causing a big ruckus.
The game continued and Benny’s dog, Sparky, strutted over to Joyce and lay his grey head on her knee. He was an older dog, had been Benny’s childhood dog, and Joyce had slowly made friends with him over the course of the night. Joyce stroked his head and kissed his droopy ear. “You understand, right? Humans are dumb, aren’t they?” She said lowly to the dog who huffed in response.
Another pair, Chrissy and Joey, ended up in the closet. Joyce looked over at Jim, Chrissy’s on and off again boyfriend, and noticed a scowl on his face. If what she heard was right, this was an off week for the pair. Still, he didn’t look too happy as he stared down Joey. Joyce missed Hopper.
They were best friends as children until he was old enough to notice girls. Joyce just always figured she wasn’t blonde enough for him. Not curvy enough. And her skirts weren’t short enough. Still she had a pang of jealousy whenever she saw him watching the closet door with a glum look.
Joyce was suddenly glad Lonnie wasn’t around, secretly thankful that Benny and Hop didn’t get along well with him. Lonnie would have made her play. He would have gloaded when he ended up in the dark with another girl and probably start a fight if she ended up with anyone else.
The night wore on and Joyce laid on her side behind Karen, still petting Sparky.
“Are you just gonna spend the whole night petting the dog?” Karen asked over her shoulder.
“Are you gonna spend all night playing that stupid game? I want to go home, Karen!”
“Alright, this is the last round then I’ll take you home. It is almost eleven, my parents will kill me if I’m not home by midnight.”
Ted Wheeler called out from another part of the house and Karen jumped up, eager to find him. They had been having this odd sort of fling. He’s rich, and Karen was ready to get hitched straight out of highschool, but they agreed to date around then decide after graduation. In other words, thinly covering up the fact that Ted had some major commitment issues.
Joyce completely fazed out, facing away from the circle with Sparky curled against her chest.
There was a loud rush of voices and she tried to block it out. She had a splendid headache blooming at the back of her skull. The half of the beer she managed to get down was starting to wear off and between that and the noise, she was aggravated and tired. Karen would probably get her home past both of their curfews now that she was wrapped around Ted’s finger somewhere.
“JOYCE!” Benny’s loud voice pulled her out of her own thoughts and she sat up before looking around at the party.
She sat up and the whole group was looking at her. There was a gap where Karen had been sitting, and it just so happened that Joyce was sitting in just the right place for the bottle to be pointing at her.
She scanned the group’s faces and couldn’t determine who had been the one to spin it.
“Guys, I said I wasn’t playing.” She said sternly. “Come on, this is the last spin!” One voice chided. “Yeah, he hasn’t gotten a turn yet, you gotta go!”
“Closet! Closet! Closet!” They chanted again. “Someone will take you home if you just go in the closet just this once!” Benny said.
She looked around the group and saw that Hopper’s ears had grown red, a telltale sign that he was embarrassed.
“Who spun?” She asked and the group all pointed at Hop. He shrugged.
“Come on Joyce, let’s go sit in the dark and get this over with. I won’t do anything.”
Joyce scoffed and Hopper made the boy scout hand sign. “No funny business, Scout’s honor!”
She shook her head and stood, her head held low as she walked to the closet. She sat in the corner of the closet. She could see Chrissy giving her a death glare and she drew her knees up to her chin, making herself as small as possible in the tiny dark space.
“Relax, Chrissy!” Jim said on his way. “Don’t look so bitchy. Joyce is just a friend.”
Just a friend? Why did that sting a little? Sure, she thought about Jim’s handsome smile sometimes and missed him, but she had never liked him like that. She wasn’t going to do anything with him in here.
He sat down beside her and sucked in a breath. The crowd began laughing when “Put Your Head on My Shoulder’ began playing.
“Make sure and hold her tight, tiger!” Benny goaded before he shut the door.
The music was faint inside the closet but she could hear Jim breathing beside her in the dark, and she sniffled.
“It’s just me, Joycie. I’m sorry you got sucked into this.” He apologized.
“Why couldn’t you have landed on Chrissy?”
“I’m glad I landed on you, so I could apologize for my idiot friends dragging you into this. You’re clearly not having a good time.”
She felt a small tug at her hand that was laying on the floor between them, and she realized that it was his pinky, ever so slowly wrapping around hers in what he hoped was a comforting gesture.
“This is so dumb. Remember that time we were playing hide and seek and I hid in the closet? You couldn’t find me so you just wandered off and left me in there for like half an hour.”
Joyce chuckled. “Maybe I didn’t want to find you, you lou bobby!” He laughed, remembering that nickname that she had used when she was a kid. Whenever someone made her mad, she would stomp her foot and call them a lou bobby.
“God, I haven’t thought about that in years!” He chuckled. “I think you are a lou bobby, you haven’t been talking to me anymore.” He said, his hand moving to cover hers and his fingers wrapped around the side of her palm.
“Only because you’re up Chrissy’s skirt all the time!”
“Is that jealousy?” He taunted playfully.
“Eww! So gross!” She laughed. “I was there when you pooped your pants in elementary school!”
He let out a loud chuckle, squeezing her hand. “Yeah? Well I was there when you took a swig of straight tequila, puked it up, then asked who puked?”
“Not as bad as pooping your pants.” She teased.
“Better than that time you puked on me.” “You knew I was sick!” She protested. “And you came over anyway!” “And you threw up my Mom’s chicken noodle all over me!”
They were both laughing when the door opened. Quickly they jerked their hands apart and into their own laps.
“Oh! Oh! They’re both smiling! Something happened!” Benny called out.
“Ewww!” Jim said, passing Joyce a wink when no one was watching. “Gross!” She added in, shoving Jim’s shoulder and catching him off guard so that he fell over and began laughing.
Chrissy peeped in just as Joyce wrapped her hands around his arm to pull him upright, both of them laughing.
She made a noise of frustration and hurt. “Joey, let’s leave! I don’t want to be here anymore”
Jim shook his head and stood up, offering Joyce his hand. She took it and he helped her out of the closet. “Wanna go get some beer?” He asked Joyce.
“Can you just take me home?It’s already past my curfew.”
“Shit!” Jim said. “Nope, fifteen till. Come on, I can get you home by then!”
“You’re a life saver!” She smiled.
“Your welcome, Lou Bobby!”
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⧼ chella man, trans man, he/him / ask by the smiths + the scent of sun-hot grass under your trainers as you tromp off for an afternoon of exploration, the darkness of the night before only in the back of your mind, not following you into the light; the cable-knit sweater flecked with old housepaint and frayed at the wrists that substitutes for the embrace for which you can’t voice your need; collapsing to your knees on the blood-stained cobblestones because it’s over, it’s over, but then why does it still follow you?⧽ ━━ hey, isn’t that NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM? i read a daily prophet article on them, once ; the TWENTY-FOUR year old pureblood WIZARD is a GRYFFINDOR alumnus who has gone on to be a HERBOLOGIST WITH A SMALL SHOP IN DIAGON ALLEY. i’ve heard they can be quite COURAGEOUS & COMPASSIONATE, but i don’t know… they came off very BASHFUL & RETICENT in that interview. it really is hard to know what to believe these days though, isn’t it?
pinterest || playlist
quick stats
name: neville longbottom
age: 24
gender: male. he is not married to any particular concept of masculinity, but he only uses he/him pronouns and the terms wizard, son, boyfriend, etc.
sexuality: he doesn’t use a label for his sexuality, but he often prefers emotional connections first. he could fall for people of any gender.
blood status: pureblood and most assuredly a blood traitor. despite this, however, he lives in a very wix-y way without a mobile phone or a television. he’s not opposed to technology, just not very good with it.
hogwarts house: gryffindor. he thought he was sorted wrong for a while, but he was always proud of his house. and then he pulled out the sword of godric gryffindor and killed a snake, so that’s that.
patronus: incorporeal, though it can still be powerful and effective when he casts it with enough determination.
wand: purchased before ollivander’s disappearance. 13 inches, solid yet a bit yielding. cherry wood with a unicorn hair core
profession: herbologist. has learned hands-on, not professionally certified. small business owner. researcher
residence: a small studio flat above his shop
pets: none. hasn’t gotten another toad since trevor ran away from him at the lake. tends to feed the stray cats of diagon, kind of wants a dog
likes: tea, hugs, springtime, the outdoors, sturdy boots and flannel, writing and receiving letters, soup and sandwich deals, spending quiet time with friends, emotional openness, cooperation and solidarity, hand-made gifts
dislikes: fancy clothes, dishonesty, cruelty, superiority, severus snape and bellatrix lestrange, getting too drunk or using drugs, quidditch statistics talk, flying on brooms, having to transfigure anything, being the center of attention for too long, uneven spots on the cobblestone
biography
[Triggering subjects in backstory include dysphoria, trauma, bullying, body image issues, child abuse, drowning, torture mentions, mental health.]
The Longbottom family is an ancient one with origins in China, their surname once Liang. However, a branch has been established in England for centuries, and they are a member of the Sacred Twenty-Eight with a complicated sense of pride about it. Their historical alignment has not been as consistent as some families; they didn’t always Sort to one House, they married into families on both sides of many divides, they were both agricultural and urban in turns.
One consistency was that for several consecutive generations, Longbottoms married other purebloods of East Asian descent. Alice, whose family is Jewish, was an obvious deviation from the pattern, but Frank had fallen for her so emphatically and they were such an ideal match that no one really stood in their way. And they were so happy together, for the time they had together as two independent people taking on the world as a pair.
A baby was born to Frank and Alice Longbottom on July 30, 1996, as the seventh month died. Brave Aurors who were focused on the war, Frank and Alice were nevertheless doting and attentive parents. They had always been prepared for the possibility of war leaving their child behind, and their wills named the fearsome Augusta Longbottom, matriarch of the ancient Sacred Twenty-Eight family, as alternate guardian. When tragedy struck, Augusta took her grandchild to the Longbottom lands in Lancashire.
Growing up, the Longbottoms’ living heir very quickly realized that he was a boy. While a traditional pureblood in many ways, Augusta was also fiercely progressive, and she aimed to smooth his journey as much as possible. Great care was taken to scrub mentions of his assignation at birth and his deadname from all records, and a Hogwarts letter came for Neville, which would have been his parents’ first choice of name for the boy they didn’t know they would have.
While the family was supportive of Neville’s trans identity, they were less understanding about his struggles with magic. For a long time, it was thought that Neville was a Squib. His uncle Algernon “Algie” Longbottom threw him off of a pier in Blackpool in an effort to get him to manifest his magic. The impact ruptured his eardrums, and while there was an easy magical fix to the injury, Neville was too scared to tell anyone for a long time, and he experienced partial hearing loss. While Healed, Neville still likes to use signs and body language to communicate sometimes. He’s curious about the use of signing for spell-casting without vocalization or wands and has wondered before whether that would help him with some magic with which he still has difficulty.
During his time at Hogwarts, Neville’s physical transition followed a schedule similar to puberty with Poppy Pomfrey helping administer the Attisgali Corrective Draught in the appropriate doses. There were stretches during his seventh year when the supply chain for Potions ingredients was disrupted. Because of this, on top of everything else, that year was when he felt the worst dysphoria he has experienced before or since.
Because of the nature of his transition, it is not necessarily public knowledge that Neville is trans. It can be assumed that family members, close friends, and romantic connections are aware. Additionally, people who are old enough to remember him being born may be aware. As a result, while Neville was bullied throughout his school career for his awkwardness and ineptness, he did not face specifically transphobic harassment. The fear was always in the back of his mind, however, forming a complex interaction with his insecurities and trauma. He’s always been sure that he was male. He was just never sure whether he was man enough.
He helped defeat Voldemort by slicing the head off of Nagini and then killing him at last along with his friends and comrades of Dumbledore’s Army. Theirs was a bittersweet triumph, but at last, Neville knew in his heart that he was a man that would have made his parents proud. Nevertheless, he still struggles with self-worth, including body image issues on occasion. He’s trying to do the positive self-talk in the mirror thing, but sometimes he’d rather just exist.
The hope of green growing things means everything to Neville. Pomona Sprout was a mentor for him at Hogwarts, and he still conducts research with her. However, he has chosen to be based out of London instead. He opened his shop in Diagon Alley shortly after graduating from Hogwarts, and despite Augusta Longbottom’s disapproval of his relatively soft career compared to his parents’, he decided that he wanted to honor them by naming his shop Frank & Alice’s Fine Flora.
His shop is a small establishment with a magically Extended greenhouse-like backroom for growing both commercial plants and plants of other use, such as Dittany. At the front of the shop, he sells both domestic and exotic plants, magical and ordinary, including flowers, herbs, and vegetables, both magical and non-magical in nature. He also lives in a flat above his shop. On the side, he provides consultancy and input on everything from illegal seed possession on the Ministry’s behalf to ailing trees on the trees’ behalf. He sometimes journeys around London and the United Kingdom for field research on native plants and to collect seeds. He is also interested in venturing further afield, but recent events have made him stick more closely to London.
His parents also tie him down to London. He goes to St. Mungo’s and spends time with them as often as he can bear. They do know him and they do love him. He’s convinced of that. But he hasn’t given up hope, not entirely, that they might be healed one day, and he might know them as they were before their torture by Bellatrix Lestrange.
He is one-third leader of Dumbledore’s Army in its third reincarnation, and he takes his duties extremely seriously. Neville has more confidence in himself now, and he certainly believes in the power of their collective action against the forces of darkness rising again in their world. He does not, however, put a lot of faith in institutions, including but not limited to the Ministry of Magic and the Daily Prophet. This mistrust does also sometimes extend to people older or in greater positions of authority than himself.
In his mind, he and his peers have been let down and failed one too many times by them. Neville would rather they take matters into their own hands as they did before.
Neville remains in contact with many friends from Hogwarts and has made many new ones. He’s still a bit awkward and frequently forgetful, terminally clumsy, and not the world’s most skilled wizard apart from his reflexes when dueling and his exceptional aptitude for Herbology. While he hasn’t been able to bring himself to attend support group meetings, he’s always slowly processing and healing from everything that has happened and continues to happen. He’s more forgiving of past transgressions than others, and he feels that he can occasionally reach out across the aisle. He has no tolerance for bullies, however, and although he is gentle-natured, that is a vehement position for him. Largely a pacifist, he’s also not afraid to fight for what is right, yet again.
plotted/played connections
(alphabetical by first name)
alicia spinnet - close friend. appreciates her warmth and looks up to her. is letting her teach him to fly
draco malfoy - diagon alley neighbor, since they work in the apothecary. considers a colleague, still a bit uncertain about where they stand, but they’ve had some oddly illuminating conversations
dudley dursley - slightly suspicious around him but trying to be open-minded
ginny weasley - his best friend. has a matching cactus tattoo with her that they can use to communicate emotion.
merry lestrange - doesn’t know it, but she’s his cousin. unexpectedly saved his life. very curious to know who she is
oliver wood - they were never quite in the same circles in school, but they have mutual respect for each other.
susan bones - likes her personally, wary because of her senior position in the ministry for someone their age. they fought over her not rejoining the da.
sybill trelawney - former professor. thinks she’s a bit strange, respects that. does not know that she made a prophecy that once potentially pointed to him--unbeknownst to everyone, it turned out that neville was also a boy born in july with the power to defeat the dark lord.
viktor krum - secret pen pals. the two most awkward men on the planet.
wanted connections
augusta longbottom! if you bring her, i’ll love you forever, and we can renegotiate anything above.
family - longbottom cousin! should be at least part-chinese. see wcs!
professional connections - herbologists, people who work with magical creatures, other diagon alley shopkeepers, potential collaborators
friends - i love a good friendship thread! feel free to assume friendship but i’ll also happily plot.
enemies?? - death eaters and their allies. people who used to bully him and haven’t turned that around. also, people on the ‘same side’ as neville but who believe in different methods and approaches to the point where they butt heads.
past partner - neville chooses not to label his sexuality, but this could be someone of any gender. if not someone who was a friend, it was likely something with an emotional level to it, possibly long-term, as neville isn’t really one for casual. if a friend, it could have been one awkward kiss or date.
any - i’m always open to other ideas!
(header img credit @ ofmccnlight)
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𝚒’𝚍 𝚔𝚎𝚎𝚙 𝚊𝚗 𝚎𝚢𝚎 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖 . . . that there is CLIFFORD WYTHE, notorious for being ( flippant ) and ( opportunistic ), but there are times when he can be ( audacious ) and ( charismatic ). i’ve heard that he could pass as a ANDY BEAN doppelganger, but i don’t see it. the ( thirty eight ) year - old cis male has been in town for ( a week ) and they are a ( vice president of marketing ) by day and murder suspect by night. they tend to spark images of an unblemished suit and tie, the scent of paco rabanne cologne that lingers when exiting a conference room, never losing out on a promotion. you’ll know when they walk by because they always seem to be blasting burning down the house by talking heads. it truly explains why they’re known as THE STONER.
clifford wythe was born to third generation taunwick residents, raised in the town as his parents had been, and their parents before them. they lived within the center in a old, relatively untouched 70′s mid - century modern home, settling in the middle class neighbourhood. by no means were they struggling, but they weren’t as well off as the families residing in the hills or the suburbs were. they lived a simple, plain and content life. his mother, jolene, who worked at the local retirement home, was a devoted member of the community and his father, robert, worked as a carpenter. clifford was the second youngest of four children, with his little sister being seven years younger and barely starting middle school by the time he was set to graduate, and the only son of the wythe family.
being the only son, there was a certain degree of responsibility that clifford was expected to have. he had always been an outspoken, lively kid that would spend whatever time he could outside. he attended camp winnapeak every year until he outgrew it and could no longer attend. he never understood his parents hesitation to let him out past dark, why they’d always panic when his sisters were minutes late from their friends house, all he knew was that he didn’t appreciate being held back. but after a while, he got used to boring nights inside, lounging in front of the tv as he flicked through channels. it became a routine. he was used to it. his parents would rather their kid be safe at home than anywhere else in town.
things started to change when he was in his freshman year of high school. he got in with the wrong crowd, specifically a new kid that ended up leaving months later. he opened up cliff’s eyes to a different kind of high that life could offer. he started smoking pot, defying his parents behind their back, being the same couch potato he grew to be but tolerating it more, hell, even enjoying it. but he wasn’t a dumb kid. not everyone could have guessed it, but he was quite bright. he just couldn’t apply himself to his work. he was assigned a tutor in his junior year, chastity costello, with his teachers hoping she could be a better influence. she saw him and all his potential, but it was clifford���s lack of drive that inevitably ended their sessions. chastity wanted to continue, but the teacher’s insisted it was done with when she started prioritizing helping over her own work. they didn’t want to see her being dragged down with him.
clifford had the type of personality that you either loved or hated, his presence demanded to be known the second he stepped into a room. he was arrogant at times, rude unintentionally, but he was a good kid. he could talk just about anyone into anything whether they liked him or not. the smoking eventually turned into selling when his parents started financial trouble and cutting back on things, and it wasn’t before long clifford became taunwick’s resident dealer. he wasn’t popular or unpopular, everyone knew him. he wasn’t a part of the it crowd at school, but they often crossed paths and let clifford follow them around for the sake of it. they came to his parties when he threw them, he sold to them at a discount, they let him sit with them at lunch whenever he wanted. he was a good laugh. there was no benefit in turning him away.
the night chastity costello died, he threw a party. it was supposed to celebrate their upcoming graduation. his sisters were at their friends houses, he had the house to himself and the basement lined with beer keggs and red cups, everything was perfect. he was there all night. or so he claims. but the reality of that might not all be true. sure, he was there. he was so busy handing out drinks and partying that he didn’t realise chastity never showed. and that’s something he never forgot. he felt responsible for not noticing sooner, not noticing at all. chastity was always there for him, but when she needed someone ?
he was partying the night away.
clifford wythe would be near unrecognizable to anyone who knew him in his youth. after somehow making it through to graduation and getting accepted into a college in new york, clifford never returned. only ever coming back to visit family. he made a life for himself away from the devastation that ensued in taunwick and the hole that chastity left when graduating without her. he honored chastity’s death by making something of himself, living up to the potential she saw in him. it took him a while to believe it was even there. even after he’d quit selling, dedicated himself to his work. it’s still a doubt that still lingers in the back of his mind. but he did everything in his power to succeed. and it worked. through numerous late work hours and promotions, clifford landed himself the more than respectable, excellently paid job of vice president of marketing at a firm in manhattan.
he had a few relationships over the years, some brief flings that never lasted longer than the morning after. but that soon changed when he met his wife, falling hard and fast, married within a year of dating and having a child soon after their honeymoon. now, clifford has a three year old son. and he’s a good father, he is. just as he is a good, devoted husband. there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for his son. he was his new priority, but his work demanded a lot of travel and that began to take a toll. his fickle appearances would become more and more of an issue for the family, particularly with his wife. clifford tried his best despite everything and although he tried, it was just never enough. they became too strained. he still loves his wife, but he can’t deny that it would be better to go their separate ways. for both of their sakes, as well as their son.
returning to taunwick high school was the last thing he wanted. but after mulling it over, he decided it was something he couldn’t turn away from. he wanted to revisit the glory days. but it wasn’t long before history repeated itself. . . but not the kind he wants to live through again.
assuming he will live through it at all.
you can find cliff’s playlist circa ‘00 here.
his pinterest board ( very under co ).
his primary character inspirations have been daniel middleton ( hot summer nights ), ethan lewis ( euphoria ), sam emerson ( the lost boys ), steve harrington ( stranger things ) and travis birkenstock ( clueless ).
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English back Jonathan Joseph is the shock exclusion
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wholesale nfl jerseys from china English back Jonathan Joseph is the shock exclusion. Stuart Barnes warned the Lions against shifting Farrell between the No. 10 and 12 jerseys saying he must concentrate on combining with Ireland flyhalf Johnny Sexton for the tests. Frank Gifford is a survivor. In the beginning, there was Gifford and Howard Cosell and Don Meredith. It was a TV show called "Monday Night Football." And it was different from anything that had been on television up to that point.
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is that [JOE KEERY]? no, that’s just [ELVIE CROFT]. [HE/HIM] is [TWENTY-FIVE] years old and is a [NIGHT JANITOR AT CURTAIN CALL]. rumor has it they’ve been in town for [ONE MONTH]. on a good day, they’re [JOCUND & PERSPICACIOUS]. but watch out! they can also be [SCATTERBRAINED & OBSTREPEROUS]. [SCRAWNY BY WALLOWS] plays in my head whenever i think of them. can’t wait to see them around Springhill! [sam, 23, est, she/her]
hey there demons! *ba dum tss* i’m sam and this is one of my favorite muses ever so without further ado, character info is under the cut and please message me if you would like to plot!
i. stats
ｆｕｌｌ ｎａｍｅ：elvin tupelo croft
ｐｒｅｆｅｒｒｅｄ ｎａｍｅｓ：el, elvie, spooky guy
ｈｏｍｅｔｏｗｎ：salem, massachusetts
ｄａｔｅ ｏｆ ｂｉｒｔｈ：october 31st, 1994
ａｇｅ： twenty - five
ｚｏｄｉａｃ：scorpio
ｏｒｉｅｎｔａｔｉｏｎ：demisexual
ｏｃｃｕｐａｔｉｏｎ：night janitor at curtain call movie theater
ｐｏｓ． ｔｒａｉｔｓ：jocund, perspicacious, loyal, open - minded.
ｎｅｇ． ｔｒａｉｔｓ：scatterbrained, obstreperous, flippant
ii. history
elvin tupelo “elvie” croft was born in salem, massachusetts ( yes, really ) on halloween day ( yes, really ). he's an only child and his father is the district attorney for essex county, massachusetts while his mother owns a small local business that sells witchcraft supplies such as crystals, herbs, grimoires, and more. interesting fact: she’s the descendant of an accused witch, meaning that elvie is as well.
as it turns out, beneath of the surface of the few tourist attractions that it has to offer, salem has a small town, stuck in the past vibe. it’s the sort of place where everyone knows everyone all their lives because no one ever leaves and no one ever moves in. he grew up in this…eccentric…environment, living in the same house all his life and only ever leaving to visit his grandparents in boston.
he was five years old when he saw his first horror movie ( an apathetic teenage babysitter let him stay up long past his bedtime to watch nightmare on elm street ) and from that moment on he was HOOKED.
when he started school, two things about him became apparent: 1) he was highly intelligent and 2) he struggled greatly with tasks such as sitting still and staying focused. he was tested ( a few times, much to his irritation ) and it turns out that he has a genius level iq and adhd.
he could have been one of those child prodigies who finished high school at the age of ten and then college at the age of fourteen, BUT his parents decided that they didn’t want him to miss out on the experience of going through school with peers his own age.
HOWEVER, as the smartest kid in class with glasses and braces and an insatiable obsession with all things horror and halloween, he…was picked on. mercilessly. he never had many friends, but he was content to go right home after school and spend the rest of the day reading comic books or watching horror movies or researching local urban legends and paranormal stories.
so, when he got to his senior year of high school, he was a shoe - in to be named class valedictorian ( he was ) and he was even getting ivy league offers. of course, his parents mainly his father were really pushing him to attend college and elvie, genius level iq and all…didn’t want to go. he had a van ( a turquoise monstrosity painted to look like the mystery machine ) and he just wanted to drive. alas, his dad was absolutely NOT having it.
he attended harvard for both his pre law and law school studies, breezed through classes, graduated with honors at the top of his class and once he passed the bar exam there were countless job offers waiting for him. elvie ignored them all and finally embarked on that road trip he had been meaning to take.
he’s been on the road for about a year now and he’s traveled all over the country. he often breezes into a town or a city, lives in his van, and takes up some odd jobs to squeeze a few dollars out of before he inevitably gets fired for messing up or not taking the work seriously or getting high on the job. he arrived in springfield a month ago, continuing his pattern or having fun and exploring somewhere he’s never been before.
iii. extras
his name is elvin but basically no one ever calls him that. his own parents don’t even particularly like the name. long story. most people call him elvie and some who are super close to him just call him el.
BIG RYAN BERGARA ENERGY. a huge believer in the paranormal and urban legends, and one of his favorite things to do when he goes somewhere new is check out the local cemeteries and haunted locales. unlike ryan, the poor guy he’s definitely NOT a scaredy cat in fact, all his life there’s been this running joke that he doesn’t seem to be scared of anything, and who knows? maybe he isn’t.
has the most cartoonishly exaggerated boston accent that one could ever hope to hear, except he doesn’t seem to realize it at all.
10/31 blaze it he’s a HUGE stoner.
he’s got jokes. stay vigilant.
he’s OBSESSED with all things horror, halloween, and 80s. he makes a lot of film references that are often so obscure that most people don’t even catch them.
he’s a lawyer! at least in the state of massachusetts. however, this is not at all common knowledge because…
most people don’t know how smart he actually is as he intentionally plays dumb and he’s really good at it. being high all the time and his natural chaotic energy is quite helpful in hiding his intelligence. he just doesn’t like to be seen as smart, so the whole once - brilliant law student thing? not common knowledge whatsoever. he tries not to mention the college he attended by name at all, but if he has to then he lies and says that he went to salem state.
and yes, he has SO MUCH chaotic energy. he’s the kind of person who will stick a fork in his microwave just to see what would happen out of sheer boredom. he has two pet mexican redknee tarantulas named freddy and jason who he just…fucking loses track of every other day. his favorite drink is literally black coffee mixed together with a can of monster energy and 5 ( f i v e ) teaspoons of sugar. he is c h a o s. he has absolutely NO IMPULSE CONTROL whatsoever.
he has slight Daddy Issues™. slight. when he was born, his dad was hoping that he would get a star athlete kid who would go on to follow in his footsteps and one day become a successful, respectable lawyer but instead he got…elvie. he’s never outright said that he’s disappointed but he didn’t need to. elvie’s a really difficult person to rattle but every time, without fail, he ends a phone call with his dad and he’s in a bad mood for the rest of the day.
his car is this PIECE OF JUNK giant turquoise van that he painted to look like the mystery machine. her name is laurie strode.
even though he makes constant pop culture references about horror movies and the 80s, but outside of those areas he’s completely clueless about pop culture. like, he can recite the entire scripts of the shining and empire strikes back and ferris bueller’s day off word for word, but if someone tried to talk to him about the new beyonce song or the latest marvel movie he would just stare blankly.
he has a HUGE sweet tooth. his favorite food is halloween candy and his favorite candy is black licorice disgusting i know.
he takes adderall for his adhd and he’s usually good about keeping up with it. started keeping them on his person in college because he realized that his meds were getting stolen and it’s a habit he’s held onto that doesn’t really keep his shit from getting stolen.
he’s good at…A LOT of things because he’s a really fast learner. he can play the guitar, he can draw, he did drama in high school. he just has to watch someone do something once and then he can usually immediately do it himself. this skill doesn’t extend to physical activities such as sports, however. he’s terrible at those.
he’s basically a cartoon character
iv. wanted connections
best friend from salem who travels with him *will probably submit as a wc
friends
cousin ( their grandparents would probably be from boston but otherwise anything really goes for this )
his weed dealer
smoking buddies
people who don’t like him / find him annoying
i know there are a lot of business owners so : people he worked for who have since fired him for being an all around awful employee.
has stolen his adderall
maybe someone who knows how smart he really is
romantic connections!
( these are just ideas and i’m trash at coming up with these, so please don’t feel limited by what’s listed here. )
#springhillintro#bullying tw#drugs tw#medication tw#tl;dr what if shaggy from scooby doo was a real person
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‘Riverdale’ heartthrob Cole Sprouse goes for leading man status in ‘Five Feet Apart’
When Cole Sprouse left Hollywood, he didn’t think he’d ever come back. He was 18, and he’d been acting alongside his identical twin brother since they were in diapers. The choice to work as a kid had not been his own: His single mother wanted to be around for the boys and have a steady career, and putting her twins in the entertainment industry seemed like a “lucrative alternative,” he says now.
But then Sprouse and his brother, Dylan, landed their own Disney Channel show, “The Suite Life of Zack & Cody.” By 13 they’d signed a licensing agreement with Dualstar Entertainment Group, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen’s company, to develop their own quarterly lifestyle magazine, ringtones and cologne. They were full-blown teen heartthrobs.
And yet when it came time to apply for college, the twins decided — unlike fellow Disney stars Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez or the Jonas Brothers — that they wanted to pursue higher education and enrolled at NYU.
“My brother and I were getting recognized a lot. It became one of those things that we realized we had just sort of taken as gospel since we were little kids, and that there was another path through life,” Sprouse, now 26, recalls. “I was completely content, at the time, to let the Disney shows exist within this little nostalgic bubble and I was ready to move on.”
But somehow here he is now, sitting on the balcony of a ritzy hotel smoking Marlboros, promoting his first leading role in a movie, “Five Feet Apart.” And the film, a romantic drama about two young lovers with cystic fibrosis, is not the only project he’s taken on since graduating with honors from NYU in 2015. For the past two years he’s starred as Jughead on the CW series “Riverdale,” a teen drama based on the Archie comics.
The program, which has already been renewed for a fourth season, has reignited Sprouse’s popularity. On Instagram, he has nearly 24 million followers, many of whom are obsessed with tracking his real-life relationship with his on-screen love interest, Lili Reinhart.
“Riverdale” also rekindled Sprouse’s love for acting. During college he did none of it, opting to study something completely different: archaeology, geographic information systems and satellite imaging. He became interested in the field because his grandfather was a geologist and “it seemed like an academic discipline that was really competitive and challenging. I fancied testing if I could do something like that.”
He traveled to Germany, France and Bulgaria for excavations, and on one dig, after spending six weeks hunched over a 1-by-1-foot trench of dirt with a toothpick, he pulled a 35,000-year-old Aurignacian stone blade out of the ground. Following graduation, he began working in cultural resource management as an archaeological assistant in a Brooklyn artifact laboratory. He was thinking about going into academia: studying at graduate school, researching a specific time period or peoples and becoming a professor.
But then he heard from his acting manager, who, per Sprouse’s request, had left him alone during his four years at NYU.
“He asked me to come back for a single pilot season. I was on this path, but I said ‘OK, if I don’t book anything, I don’t think I want to do acting anymore,’” he says. He did book something — “Riverdale” — and soon began to realize it wasn’t acting itself he had an issue with.
“From a very young age, the industry had been defined as a business,” he continues, “and it took me going away to school for a while and redefining that to find [performing] as a passion again.”
On “Riverdale,” Sprouse’s Jughead is a something of an outsider — an artsy writer with a signature beanie and leather jacket. Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, the show’s creator, initially thought the actor might be a better fit for Archie, the lovable jock. But after reading the pilot script, Sprouse expressed interest in Jughead — even though the character only had one scene in the episode.
“It was already kind of a sign that he viewed himself differently,” says the showrunner. “I think Cole is an old soul. He’s done a lot, and he’s seen a lot, and I think that gives him a little bit of wisdom that other actors his age might not have. When he smiles, he looks like a true 15-year-old kid. But when he furrows his brow, he looks like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders.”
When it came to tackling his first adult movie part — he and his brother were in Adam Sandler’s “Big Daddy” as boys — Sprouse didn’t want to stray too far outside of his comfort zone. Recognizing the persona he’d established on “Riverdale,” he chose to play a similar archetype in “Five Feet Apart”: Will, a brooding teenager whose rebellious spirit attracts his romantic interest, played by Haley Lu Richardson of “Split” and “Support the Girls.”
“This role was interesting in a larger business sense, because a return to film also meant a question of how much of [the ‘Riverdale’] audience would turn out,” says Sprouse. “I didn’t want it to feel so incredibly distinct.”
The CBS Films production, out Friday, follows two CF patients as they fall in love but are unable to physically touch due to risk of cross infection. Cystic fibrosis is a genetic, progressive disease that affects lung function, making it difficult to breathe; the average life expectancy for the 30,000 afflicted in the U.S. is 37.5 years.
Justin Baldoni, who makes his directorial debut on “Five Feet Apart,” is also an actor on a CW series: “Jane the Virgin.” But he and Sprouse never crossed paths at network affairs. Instead, Baldoni began thinking of him for the role after catching some of his interviews on morning talk shows.
“Cole’s a great actor, but I was actually more interested in who he was off-screen,” explains Baldoni. “Cole had to grow up a lot faster than the normal kid. He was surrounded by adults: directors and producers and writers and people that were basically employing him. … When you grow up with cystic fibrosis, you grow up with doctors and nurses. Those are your friends. You learn medical terminology. You have to understand regimens and taking care of yourself in a way that regular kids don’t. You’re forced to grow up a lot faster. So there was an interesting parallel between Cole’s life and Will’s life.”
Baldoni came to “Five Feet Apart” having steeped himself in the world of CF. He had the idea for the film while working on a web series about those with terminal illnesses, “My Last Days.” One of the episodes focused on an 18-year-old girl named Claire Wineland, a CF patient whom Baldoni became so close to that he ultimately hired her to serve as a consultant on “Five Feet Apart.”
Sprouse spent a lot of time with Wineland, who died last September three months after filming was completed, talking about how CF affects both the mind and the body, including how the disease makes it difficult to gain or maintain weight. Together, he says, they came to the conclusion that it would be “a really powerful choice to embody that physicality,” and so with the aid of a nutritionist, Sprouse lost 25 pounds over the course of five weeks.
Sprouse initially told Baldoni he was somewhat hesitant to sign onto “Five Feet Apart” because he knows the scrutiny that films in this genre — “The Fault in Our Stars,” “A Walk to Remember,” “Me Before You” — can face for romanticizing illness.
“But I’m a believer that even if it might feel like the volume is a little bit too high within that genre, it still serves as an amazing platform to discuss something like cystic fibrosis,” says Sprouse. “And the star-crossed lover narrative — this is something that has existed before Shakespeare to Ovid and Pyramus and Thisbe. It’s part of our cultural memory bank. It’s one of those motifs that we just understand so well.”
Sprouse, who has the kind of poster-boy mane that’s perfect for brushing out of his eyes, frequently peppers his speech with these kind of literary references. He and his brother were the first ones on their father’s side of the family to go to college, which is “positive upward momentum” he’s proud of. Someday he hopes to spark a larger conversation about the California High School Proficiency Examination, a test that many young actors take at 16 so they can receive the legal equivalent of a high school diploma and no longer be considered minors.
“It basically cripples young academics who are working children from feeling capable to take the SAT and the ACT,” Sprouse says. “So many of us don’t go to college because our skill sets are not defined enough to be able to take those tests that would eventually allow us to apply. And kids are encouraged to do it because if you’re 18, you can work more hours and hypothetically make more money — and also because as a kid, you always want to sit back in your high chair and go ‘Yeah, I’m an adult.’”
On set, his collaborators have come to value his intelligence. Aguirre-Sacasa says that Sprouse “does a ton of work” on the “Riverdale” scripts, asking questions about the scenes and offering different points of view.
“A lot of times our episodes are homages to different films,” the executive says. “So Cole asked: ‘Can you send me a list of the movies you’re referencing in any given episode?’ And I’m that exact same way.”
While Sprouse no longer dreams of leading excavations in far-off lands, he’s found another non-acting passion that fulfills the “desire for learning and otherness” that archaeology did: photography. A few years ago, he walked into One World Trade Center in New York wearing a button-up T-shirt and asked the receptionist at Conde Nast Traveler magazine, “Hey, can anyone give me a job?”
He was pointed in the direction of former creative director Yolanda Edwards, who was willing to toss him a few unpaid assignments. Since then he’s landed a handful of high-profile gigs for Elle, W Magazine, Adidas and J Brand. He’s planning to spend the majority of his upcoming hiatus from “Riverdale” working as a fashion photographer.
Sprouse showcases some of his work on his Instagram account, which he admits is “very curated.” He’ll often delete old photos of himself, and he’s careful not to post too many photos of his girlfriend, Reinhart.
“I’ve girded my private life very intentionally,” he says. “It’s one of those things that I still sort of grapple with, and Lili and I grapple with.”
Asked if he thought about how much attention dating his costar might garner, he says he had no choice in the matter: “We legitimately could not stay away from one another.”
Beyond Reinhart, he and his cast mates — who film in Vancouver — are exceptionally close, especially of late, as they grapple with the loss of “Riverdale” costar Luke Perry.
“It’s been very, very hard this week,” he acknowledges, referring to juggling his film press responsibilities with his grief. “But the family has asked us all to keep it as private as possible, and I respect them tremendously through this time, so I continue to do so. We go back tomorrow, and it’ll be nice to be together. We all got together and talked it out a couple days ago, and then they gave us a couple of days off of production to acclimate, which was really wonderful.”
As for his future as an actor, Sprouse says he doesn’t expect to leave Hollywood again any time soon.
“It’s easy to forget, because this industry has so many different sides to it, that the act of acting is an incredibly enjoyable thing,” he says. “It’s a really empowering thing to do and it’s all the stuff on the outside of it — the publicity and the celebrity — which I actually had a problem with.”
Source: LA Times
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Run
Rating: E
Pairing: Sendak/Shiro
Warnings: Omegaverse, Heat, omega!Shiro, alien!alpha!Sendak, mating run, somewhat dubcon
CH: 1/1
WC: 8.6K~
Read on AO3
**A/N: **Another shendak oneshot, are you bored yet? ;p (That's not an honest question 'cause I'm not HA). This is a little different than my usual, but also not. I just had fun with it. Although it's technically consensual, I tagged it dubcon due to the nature of the situation. Enjoy!
“I’ll see you later. No, no, I’m looking forward to it. Really, I am! I haven’t been avoiding you all; I’ve just been busy.” He paused. “Uh huh. I’ll see you then, Keith, bye.”
Shiro pressed blindly on the bottom end of his phone screen until the call ended, and then shoved his phone in his pocket.
After a long day of work, he was very tired.
The work itself wasn’t tiring, but monotony of the work was starting to wear on him. Going from being a pilot, to losing his arm and then being benched for over a year after was not how he had expected to spend his youth. At 25, he was one of the youngest successful pilots out there, and he’d expected to do something amazing with his skills. But then he’d crashed, and the rest was history.
Paperwork was not his favorite thing to do, and now that he was grounded, that was all they let him do. On occasion he got to running training drills with younger pilots-in-training, but his days were usually full of emails, calls, and papers to electronically file.
He hadn’t been lying to Keith. He was busy, which meant getting out and seeing his friends—even though they worked at the Garrison—wasn’t easy. He wanted to see them, it was just…
Someone nearly jostled him on their way out the door—the door Shiro was still standing in front of, so he moved out of the way, watching her rush off to her car with vague interest. Her perfume smelled nice: floral, doing little to mask the scent of alpha wafting off her. Shiro’s nostrils flared as he inhaled on instinct, resisting the urge to let his eyes flutter shut.
His heat was about a week away. That was the most interesting thing he would experience for the next month, and if he was lucky, he’d find a nice alpha on one of those apps. Or, like every other heat, he’d look through the options, hate every single one of them, and end up spending it alone.
Sighing, Shiro stepped off the curb and walked towards his car.
He noticed the flyer when he was on his way to pick up groceries.
Shiro didn’t live in the Garrison compound—he might literally go insane if that were the case—and so the nearest grocery store was a few dozen blocks away. He liked to take the long walk if he was just picking up a few things and enjoy some much needed fresh air, particularly after being stuffed in his office all day.
It was when he was passing a streetlamp covered in dozens of posters that the wording on one of them caught his eye.
MATING RUN
Bored? Tired of your daily routine? Spice it up with a mating run!
Shiro snorted out loud once he realized what the poster was advertising.
Mating runs were an archaic form of punishment on omegas hundreds of years ago, when alphas would be let loose in groups to chase after omegas on the cusp of their heats. Once an alpha caught an omega…well.
They didn’t teach it in schools anymore, thank god, but Shiro had stumbled upon the literature in the library at the Garrison when he was eighteen, and for about an afternoon he had been horribly fascinated by the process. It was riddled with consent issues and seemed completely in favor of the alphas, but it had been considered a rite of passage at the time. An honor.
Only now, they were illegal.
How the hell had anyone not been arrested for trying to set this up?
Shiro ripped the flyer off the pole and started reading the text. Upon closer inspection, it became clear that the mating run was only in name only. None of the omegas could be in heat, alphas couldn’t be in rut. Couples were encouraged to take part.
Essentially, it was a kinky run through the forest with a stranger or one’s partner. None of it was real.
Shiro crumpled the flyer and tossed it towards the nearby trashcan, his interest dropping dramatically.
I’ve tried having sex with strangers, Shiro thought, starting walking again. It never works out. And who would want to pretend they’re being chased in an event that’s designed to be entirely against their will?
Shiro didn’t think about the mating run as he picked up the carton of eggs and looked inside for any cracked ones. He didn’t think about the run while he was deciding what meats he wanted at the deli. He didn’t consider taking part while he was in line at check-out, watching a large alpha place his things on the conveyor belt, smelling like he’d just come out of the gym, a tempting mix of body chemicals.
Shiro’s heat was in a week. He hadn’t considered taking on a stranger for when he’d be out of his mind for a few days, but for a brief moment he imagined taking part in the mating run after having invited the alpha along. He was muscular and trim, so Shiro was reasonably certain he worked out. He’d probably catch him quickly; Shiro wouldn’t even have to wait that long.
“Next, please?”
He was ripped free of his thoughts by the cashier, a beta that was staring at him expectantly. The alpha was already gone.
“Sorry,” Shiro said, flushing. He quickly set out putting his things on the conveyer belt, shoving thoughts of the mating run from his mind once and for all.
***
Shiro wasn’t looking for the poster. He was just…concerned that he might have missed the garbage can early on his way to the grocery store. That was why he was looking in and around it, just to make sure that he hadn’t missed it.
When he found it lying on the ground, having been blown into the corner of a building ten feet from the trashcan, the sigh he breathed wasn’t one of relief. No; he was just doing his civic duty to keep the city clean.
If he copied the number written down on the bottom of the flyer, that was no one’s business but his own.
***
“We’re going to need you to sign here, here, and here.”
The woman—an omega—smiled at him brightly, while Shiro considered walking out then and there.
He hadn’t planned on calling the number. He hadn’t planned on going to the building where they were taking signups for their kink group, and he certainly hadn’t planned on signing all the paperwork, but here he was.
“What is all this?” he asked, unable to keep the waver out of his voice. He knew that the woman could probably smell his unease as a fellow omega, but she was kept up her bubbly persona and didn’t attempt to soothe him, as much as she probably wanted to.
“The release forms,” she clarified. “This is just to ensure that if anything happens, we aren’t liable. It’s everything we’ve already spoken about, but I suggest you read through them.”
He nodded and started skimming the text.
The rules were simple, and it wasn’t nearly as spontaneous as the flyer made it seem. Everything about the run was controlled. It was taking place in a forest, just like a real mating run, but they would be on constant watch. There weren’t any drones following them around, but there were cameras along the designated path that everyone would take, and they were required to wear trackers ensuring that if they did somehow end up getting lost, they would easily be found. All the ‘alphas’ were trained and vetted by the organization prior to any events.
Shiro held back a smile when he read that going naked wasn’t a requirement like it would have been in an actual mating run. That was just one of the many clauses. Among them there was the one he’d read about on the poster—confirmation that he would either be on suppressants or his cycle would not line up with the run, ensuring that it was consensual for all parties involved. The omegas—and the alphas, if they so chose—could tap out at any time.
His heat would end just a day before the mating run, so at worst, he would smell like post-heat.
Shiro hesitated with his hand over the signature line, a sense of dread washing over him when he considered what he was about to sign up for.
It was fucked up that he wanted a stranger to pretend to take advantage of him during his heat.
“You don’t have to commit today,” the woman said gently. “Or at all. You can walk out this door right now and your money will be refunded to you in a couple of days.”
He shouldn’t want to do this. He shouldn’t, but—
God, he was so bored. He’d lived his life preparing to be a pilot, and once he’d become one, he’d immediately lost it. He’d never been to war, or seen battle, and the last time he’d done something adventurous was get drunk after he’d graduated.
He signed the paper.
***
Wiping his clammy hands on his athletic shorts, Shiro looked around at the group of omegas giggling and walking around their waiting room, wondering if this had all been one big mistake.
Shiro’s heat hadn’t started on time.
It was supposed to trigger a few days ago, but instead, he’d only felt the signs of pre-heat, barely there and almost indistinguishable from how he normally felt. He was aware that the contract he signed forbid him from taking part in the run during heat, but he wasn’t technically in heat.
It was just pre-heat, which was a lot similar to post heat. He was just a little hornier.
The scent of virile alpha wafted over and Shiro tensed, the muscles in his thighs bunching up.
If he was being honest, Shiro wasn’t quite sure what he’d been expecting in coming here. The group of ‘omegas’ wasn’t just omegas. There were only a few dozen of them, and a good handful were aliens that were probably doing this out of curiosity. The rest were obviously couples. Shiro could tell the other single members because they stood alone, and they didn’t say much.
They had reached the forested area where this would all take place a while ago. Water was being passed around, and all the actual omegas were being inspected for signs of heat. Nothing invasive, but there were a few obvious signs, and they had signed a waiver that said they were willing to be scented.
As the alpha started to make her rounds, scenting each of the omegas, Shiro’s nerves kicked up a notch.
He shouldn’t have come. He was breaking the rules by being near heat, even if it wasn’t the real thing. And while heat didn’t make it impossible to function, his ability to give consent was now in jeopardy. The entire operation could be jeopardized just by him being here.
“Hi there,” the alpha said upon approaching him, smiling a disarmingly beautiful smile. Cathryn, her nametag read. “I’m just going to scent you really quick if that’s all right with you.”
“Yeah, that’s fine.” Shiro turned towards her and exposed his neck, his heart pounding. “I might smell a little—um, like post-heat. I just had it a few days ago.”
The lie slipped out easier than he’d expected. The alpha took his chin in hand and gently pressed her nose against his throat, inhaling a few times. His heart started pounding harder. She sniffed him for much longer than the others, and when she pulled back, she was frowning.
“You had your heat a few days ago?”
Shiro nodded and she let his chin go. Almost immediately he wanted her hands back on him.
“Hm. All right. Then we’re good to go here.” She nodded shortly. “Have fun on the run!”
He watched her go, biting back the urge to ask if she was participating. They had offered to match him with someone so he wouldn’t have to feel overwhelmed by choosing right before the run, but at the time he’d mostly been concerned with getting all the paperwork over with.
“All right, everyone!”
There was an alien that Shiro couldn’t name standing by the exit. He was tapping his fingers on the metal doors, indicating that they were probably going to be opening them soon.
“We’re going to head out in five. Find your partners, and if you’re alone, remember the rules. Anytime you want to tap out, give one of our support crew a call and we’ll come find you. And if we find out that you ignored the requests of your partner—” they grinned, revealing two gigantic and sharp fangs, “—we know where you live.”
There was a murmur among the crowd; excited whispers that transformed into laughter and giggles. Clearly, most of the people there saw this as a fun excursion with their partner and they weren’t taking it very seriously.
Shiro shifted, adjusting the way his shirt laid on his body. He’s chosen his athletic wear, which was light and soft on his skin. He blamed the sensitivity on nerves and adrenaline, heightening his senses and making him feel on edge.
The doors opened, and they started filtering out into the cool air. As soon as he stepped outside, Shiro breathed a relieved sigh. It wasn’t quite winter yet, so it was the perfect temperature for the run, and he could already feel himself itching to move—to get out there and do something.
He breathed in, inhaling a lungful of scents so delectable that his head snapped to where he detected them.
The alphas.
Their guides were explaining the rules again, talking about the alphas and the omegas and their respective roles throughout the run, but Shiro wasn’t paying any attention.
He was busy staring at the alphas sitting in the literal cages that the volunteers had brought. It was barbaric and a little ridiculous, but it was at least offset by the expression on the alpha’s faces, ranging from humor to boredom.
The moment they realized their omegas had arrived, a few of them started whooping and howling in an exaggerated display. A few of the omegas howled back, while others fell into loud laughter.
“Chris!” called one man, waving his hands wildly. He ran over to a dark-skinned man and grabbed his arms through the bars, grinning.
Shiro looked past him, taking in the sight of the other alphas. Most were human, but there were a few aliens in there. Shiro spotted a few galra, of all things: there was a large one, and then another tall and thin. They both looked bored, but the larger one scowled at anyone who walked by, appearing as though he found the entire situation ridiculous. It was odd behavior, considering he was the one being paid to provide a service.
Their scents wafted over, strange and different. Shiro wanted to get a closer look, but then their group was being herded to the other side of the starting line to have the rules explained to them one more time.
This time Shiro managed to pay attention, nodding along while Cathryn spoke.
“Like we’ve said before, even if you requested not to be matched, we ask that you to pick someone,” she said. “It helps to have an idea who you want to catch you, unless you want to be chased by multiple alphas.” She smirked. “Once everyone’s ready, gather back around by the starting line. You don’t need to line up, but just stay in that area.”
She pointed to a long line of rope that stretched across the grass, to their right and just past the furthest cages.
“Does anyone have any questions?”
A few hands went up. People started to drift, going to see their alphas, while a few other milled off to the side, unsure or appearing to consider the alphas that were still up for the choosing.
Shiro’s skin felt like it was buzzing. He managed to tear his eyes away from Cathryn and glanced at the cages, eyes skittering over the many faces. The combination of scents lingering wasn’t helping him any, confusing his nose and his brain.
He brushed the sweat off his forehead, then looked down at his hand.
I’m going into heat, he realized belatedly.
Shiro didn’t feel as bothered as he probably should have been. Mostly because he still felt like himself and would for quite a while yet.
I should leave.
Shiro made no move to do so, merely plucking at the collar of his shirt to get some air flowing and cool down.
It was probably the stupidest and most terrifying decision he’d made to date, but he just couldn’t get the image out of his head—the ones from when he was eighteen, when he had imagined an alpha pinning him down and having their way with him.
This wasn’t the same, because it was consensual, but that only made it better. Even if it was all his choosing, someone he didn’t know would still be chasing after him, maybe even for real.
Besides, it wasn’t like he was mid-heat, so it wouldn’t be like either of them were really out of it.
Shiro’s gaze drifted for some time, but his eyes kept straying to the same person in one of the center cages. It was the big galra from earlier; purple-furred, with large ears, standing probably a few heads or so taller than Shiro. Like most of the alphas, he was only dressed in a pair of athletic pants that did little to hide his muscled thighs and thick calves.
And he was staring. He’d been staring at Shiro for a while now, gazing at him unflinchingly with an intensity that Shiro would have otherwise found unnerving.
Whereas Shiro would normally bristle at the attention, this time he merely cocked his head, meeting the stranger’s gaze with a raised eyebrow.
The galra did not even blink. His nostrils flared, and Shiro abruptly realized why he was staring.
He knows.
His skin prickled, goosebumps raising the hairs on his arms and neck. He shivered. This galra—whoever he was—he looked strong. Really strong. He had scars on his face, and huge claws that looked like they could rip right through him.
Shiro made a soft sound in the back of his throat, wrapping his arms around himself. Inexplicably, he felt cold all of a sudden, and wondered what that fur might feel like pressed against his body, or what his teeth might feel like biting into his jugular, bonding him. Maybe by force.
I want him to catch me.
Shiro’s feet started moving on their own, walking him towards the galra until he was standing directly in front of his cage. He still hadn’t said a word, but he hadn’t looked away from Shiro, not even once.
“Hi,” Shiro said. It came out breathless, so he tried again after clearing his throat. “My name is Shiro. What’s yours?”
The galra narrowed his one good eye at Shiro. This close, his scent invaded Shiro’s nose: it was so much thicker than a human’s, so strong he might describe it as a stench if he hadn’t felt his brain go fuzzy. It was the scent of an alpha. A big, strong, virile alpha.
“Sendak.”
His voice deep, reaching somewhere inside Shiro and holding him there. He felt suspended, and he grabbed onto the bars of the cage to keep himself from feeling like he’d float away.
“It’s nice to meet you, Sendak.” Sendak’s nostrils flared again and he leaned forward, wrapping his palms carefully around the bars above Shiro’s head. The movement was restrained, like he was holding himself back. “Look, I’m going to cut to the chase. No pun intended.”
Sendak said nothing. He waited, fingers curling and uncurling around the bars slowly.
“I’m supposed to choose someone. I’m not choosing you.”
Sendak’s lips curled and the bars shook as he yanked at them with his fists. Shiro’s stomach dropped out from under him.
“And you’ve decided to tell me to earn my ire or make me feel envious of your chosen ‘alpha’,” Sendak sneered. “You waste time, and your efforts are in vain.”
“No, that’s not what I’m doing.” Shiro leaned against the bars, pressing his cheek into the cool metal. His head and heart were pounding, and he was about to make a break for it in the dim lighting of the forest at night, and this galra that he didn’t know was looking at him like he was a piece of meat. He felt reckless and wild. “I’m not choosing anyone. But I’m giving you a head start. If you catch me, I’ll let you spend my heat with me. Have you ever been with an omega in heat?”
Sendak was silent. Shiro could sense his answer would have been negative.
He stepped away from the bars, walking backwards towards the starting line, a smile slowly forming on his face. Sendak leaned forward, his nostrils flaring wide, chest expanding with each breath. Scenting the air; scenting him.
It had been bashed into their head that they—the omegas—would get a four minute head start on the alphas.
“You’ve got five minutes,” Shiro called, raising his hand in a carefree wave.
As the realization dawned on him, Sendak’s contemplative frown grew into a vicious smirk.
Back at the starting line, almost everyone who had chosen was waiting for the event to begin. There were a few that had decided to sit out and watch, but the rest were ready and raring to go. Most of them were still holding in laughter, clinging to each other as the sun finally set, casting the area in a grim darkness.
Shiro felt hot. He wanted to rip every piece of clothing off his body, but while it was allowed, he didn’t feel comfortable doing so. Besides, a few people were giving him wary glances, like they weren’t sure if he was actually going into heat or post-heat. With how similar they could smell to an omega that didn’t have the mating instinct, none of them were aware.
He just hoped the people running this whole thing didn’t notice either. The wind was blowing at his back, sending his scent forward and into the forest, which worked in his advantage. He would be harder to track.
A few more people arrived, and then there was the final demonstration as they explained the rules one more time. There was some minor grumbling from the crowd, but Shiro was hardly paying attention. Excitement and anticipation were building inside him; he had his eyes on a path to the left, between a few trees that would give him some excellent cover.
The voices quieted. Someone to Shiro’s left sneezed before they settled. The air seemed charged with a sudden electricity. Shiro kept shifting on his feet, inching forward, muscles bunched and ready to sprint.
The horn sounded, and Shiro took off like a shot.
He didn’t bother to look behind him to see if the rest of the group had followed him. He ran at full speed, arms pumping, eager to get a head start.
About a dozen yards into his run, his stomach suddenly tightened to the point of pain, flooding his body with a wave of molten heat. He stumbled, and then came to a stop, pressing his hands against his abdomen.
For a moment, he was worried he was going to be sick. He swallowed over and over, throat tight; then the feeling faded, and he became aware of something warm and wet leak out of him, soaking straight through his underwear. Shiro touched the crease of his ass to check; sure enough, it was wet with slick, and when his fingers made contact with his hole, he had to resist pressing in harder.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
He was already in heat. Not pre-heat, but a full-blown, actual heat. How was he already there?
Shiro lifted his head and sniffed at the air. He hadn’t gone that far yet; he could still hear the voices of the other people from not far off, echoing loudly in the quiet forest. Behind that, he could detect the scents of the alphas from the compound, but only just.
Shiro swallowed against a flood of saliva. He licked his lips, suddenly tempted to head back and—
No. No.
He wasn’t just any omega begging to be fucked and knotted. This was his mating run, and only a worthy alpha would find him and take him.
Shiro looked past the well-lit path and walked to its edge, peering into the part of the forest they weren’t supposed to go in. The sun had set, but it wasn’t pitch-black yet. He had time. He’d be fine.
Shiro’s fingers edged towards his waistband, tugging at the fabric that was lying uncomfortably on his hips.
The voices grew closer. Shiro looked behind himself to make sure the coast was clear, and then ducked under a tree and took off.
With every step that he took, he could tell that his heat was fast approaching its apex. What had started as barely a trickle turned into a gush of fluid that stained his shorts and the backs of his thighs. Moving became more difficult as the itch of need started to prod at his hips, but he kept running, feet pounding at the ground.
Whereas he would normally be exhausted by this point, the start of his heat left him with plenty of energy that had been stored away in preparation. Even though it felt like he’d been running for ages, not once did Shiro stop. He kept going, passing in between trees and jumping over gnarled roots lying in his way. In the distance he could see lights shining from a few buildings. The cabins they were meant to use? Shiro’s had a name and a color, but it was too dark to see.
He slowed to a stop to get a better look, and that was when he heard a sound coming from behind.
Shiro froze, ears perked.
It started out faint, and for a moment Shiro thought it was the sound of a deer running through the forest like the ones he’d passed by. But then it grew closer, and he realized with a start that it was the sound of someone running. Fast.
He glanced behind him for only a split second and caught sight of a something large and distinctly person-shaped.
A hysterical giggle erupted out of Shiro. He sprinted off away from the cabins, peals of panicked laughter escaping his lips. In the second he’d seen him, he hadn’t gotten a good look, but he recognized the build of one of the bigger alphas.
A twig snapped behind Shiro. He nearly tripped on a root when vaulting over it, and that split second of hesitation gave the alpha enough time to get close enough that Shiro could hear his every exhale coming from directly behind. Shiro couldn’t smell him from the front, but he imagined it turning warm and musky with the effort of tracking and chasing him down.
He nearly stumbled again as a bolt of need shot straight through him. His cock was doing its best to get hard, and he could feel fluid dribbling down the back of his knees. The alpha had to be able to smell it. Shiro hoped he could.
He grimaced. Maybe he was closer to heat he thought. Barely a few minutes in, and Shiro was already desperate to be fucked.
That didn’t stop him from running. He kept on going, even as his lungs burned and his breath came out in exhausted huffs. He didn’t stop even as he swore he could feel the alpha’s breath on his back.
He couldn’t make himself stop running for anything less than the alpha catching him. He had to earn it.
Had it been five minutes? Shiro had no idea. He just kept going, until he stepped on a wet patch of leaves and slid forward, arms pinwheeling as he tried to right himself. He extended one of his arms to grab at the nearby tree, but before he could, someone grabbed him by the waist and slammed him into the ground.
Shiro’s vision swam viciously as his cheek met the wet combination of leaves and dirt. The alpha that had captured him quickly sat over the backs of his thighs, trapping him there. They leaned over, their breath hot on his throat.
Whoever they were, they were huge. He couldn’t see anything past their bulk from how he was lying, let alone move. Then they—he, Shiro realized—placed a hand on the back of Shiro’s neck, claws threatening the sensitive skin there.
Shiro wriggled uselessly, testing the bounds of his capture, panting, fighting against instincts that were urging him to spread his legs and part his cheeks so the alpha could plunge right in.
“Submit,” the alpha growled. Shiro recognized his voice. It was Sendak.
Despite Sendak's command, Shiro remained tense, the muscles in his shoulders and legs bunched so tight he was trembling. He stayed like that, breathing in the alpha’s musk, his brain going fuzzier and fuzzier. Slick slid down the inside of his thigh.
Sendak growled again, and this time the sound made Shiro moan in the back of his throat, shivering as a stronger gush of fluid followed.
“Submit,” he repeated, teeth brushing the back of his neck. Shiro was caged in by his body; there was nowhere he could go, even if he’d wanted to.
Shiro didn’t want to. He hadn’t wanted to since the beginning, since he’d taken one single look at Sendak and knew that he was the one he wanted.
Shiro closed his eyes and went limp.
Sendak rumbled a pleased sound and flipped Shiro onto his back, his hands tearing—literally tearing—at his shorts to rid Shiro of them.
He didn’t wait, and he didn’t ask, because he’d earned it.
Shiro was his prize.
He whimpered when Sendak grabbed him by his thighs and thrust him aside, exposing him to the moonlight. It was hard to see in the dark, but the bright yellow glow of his eye was distinguishable enough that Shiro could tell he was examining him, perhaps deciding how he wanted him.
Shiro imagined being turned around on his hands and knees, being used as a fucktoy, a warm body to sate Sendak’s need. Even though technically it was the other way around, that it was Shiro who was awash in sweat and heat.
Instead of reading his mind and fulfilling his fantasies, Sendak stayed where he was and dragged his cock alongside Shiro’s. Rutting. It was nearly double the size of his own, fat drops of precome drooling from the tip.
“God,” Shiro whined, staring at it, suffering at each brush of his big cock. He turned onto his side, dislodging Sendak and shoving him away so he could expose the part of himself that really needed Sendak’s cock. Sendak watched him for a moment, eyes training on the hand Shiro used to lift his leg and reached behind his back, fingers seeking entry at his hole.
The moment they made contact Sendak’s hand shot out to still his progress, the growl that erupted out of him so loud and fierce that Shiro went completely still.
His other hand was at Shiro’s throat again, but it wasn’t threatening. He just…held it there, keeping Shiro pressed into the ground, showing him exactly what he was capable of.
Shiro trembled, itching, aching, and more slick gushed over the backs of his thighs when Sendak’s teeth ghosted over his throat. With no other choice, he Shiro went obligingly limp once again. He felt Sendak’s grin, then saw it when he pulled his head back.
Without uttering another word Sendak freed his hands, using one to angle his cock, and the other to hook Shiro’s leg over his shoulder so he couldn’t dislodge himself, leaving him wide open.
Sendak’s cock was so close, so close. Shiro bit his lip, toes curling, resisting squirming even though it was all he wanted to do.
“C’mon,” he begged. “C’mon, come on, plea—”
Sendak cut him off before he could plead anymore, sliding inside with a wet squelch.
Shiro’s resulting moan was pure, utter relief. He hadn’t realized how badly it had gotten until he finally got what he’d been craving, what he needed. He tossed his head back, biting down on his lip, awash with pleasure as Sendak’s cock filled him all the way and then some.
Sendak’s mouth was back on his throat again, teeth hanging right above the jugular, like he knew it was where humans were most fragile. Shiro moaned as quietly as he could manage, which wasn’t much when he was speared on Sendak’s cock.
Sendak groaned in his ear, low and deeply satisfied, and then he started fucking him, wasting no time in working up to speed.
And he was big. It made Shiro’s head buzz with satisfaction knowing that the alpha that had caught him was as big and strong as he’d hoped. He was vaguely aware of some pain, but that was washed away quickly by the euphoria.
“God, yes,” Shiro breathed, barely aware that he was speaking. Each thrust sent Shiro skidding along the wet undergrowth, punctuated by his pleasured yelps. “Yes, yes, yes yes yes!”
Sendak growled deep in the center of his chest, curling forward, the new angle burying him that much more firmly inside Shiro. He kept fucking him, pulling Shiro down onto his cock, like it was that easy, like he could crush Shiro under his hands, but he was choosing to fuck him instead.
Each powerful thrust sent lightning bolts of heat straight to Shiro’s cock. It felt like he’d come once already. He reached up to curl his hand around Sendak’s shoulders, maybe give himself a little breathing room, but Sendak caught his hand and pinned it to the ground. It wrenched at Shiro’s shoulder—not enough to hurt, but enough that it forced his back against the ground while Sendak was still pistoning in and out of him with no sign of slowing.
Then, in an unexpected move Sendak pulled all the way out, followed by a hot flood of Shiro’s slick.
“Wait—no! No no no!”
Shiro let out a panicked whine. In a heat-induced daze, thoughts too muddled to think properly, he mistook Sendak’s movements as an attempt to pin him down without giving him what he needed, leaving him empty and aching. He jerked his shoulder to try and escape Sendak’s iron grip to no avail.
“Please, keep going, please, please don’t stop—”
Another growl, this one less threatening and more coaxing. It sounded warm in his chest, almost like a purr, and then Sendak pinned both of Shiro’s hands to the ground and nudged his thighs underneath Shiro’s legs, silent encouragement to wrap them around his waist.
Shiro was blind to it. He didn’t understand why Sendak wasn’t fucking him; he was so wet he was dripping, and he wanted to be knotted so badly. Didn’t Sendak want him?
He didn’t realize he was still pleading with Sendak until he pressed his mouth to Shiro’s throat, licking long, hot stripes up the length. He kept doing this, licking at him and rutting against the inside of his thigh until Shiro quieted.
“Calm yourself,” Sendak rumbled. His hand landed on Shiro’s hip, tugging at it. “Release me. I can’t mate you if you won’t let me.”
Shiro frowned, but he followed Sendak’s command, understanding dawning once Sendak fed his cock back inside him now that he had the room to do so. The position urged him even deeper, right at the hot core raveled tight inside him.
“Oh god, I’m—right there.” Shiro broke off as Sendak thrust all the way inside, grinding the base of his knot up into him roughly, and the following cry that came out of Shiro’s mouth was close to a sob. Sendak was so big and so deep inside him, and when he came, Sendak kept him pinned to the ground and didn’t stop fucking him, even when Shiro started screaming.
Whatever Galra cocks were made of, it was driving him nuts. Shiro squirmed, digging his feet into Sendak’s back, and in a powerful display, Sendak shifted into a low crouch, bending Shiro nearly in half to better fuck him.
Shiro’s voice nearly gave out when he came the second time. Sendak threaded their fingers, pressed up against his front, claws digging into the soft earth underneath the back of Shiro’s hands. He nuzzled Shiro’s throat, growling when Shiro’s moans reached new heights. He couldn’t keep quiet for the life of him, and when Sendak knotted him—god.
Shiro had taken a dozen knots in his life, of all varying sizes. But Sendak was on an entirely new level. The first knotting was usually the worst, and this time Shiro was almost certain they were going to send someone eventually to check on the noise. His throat felt raw.
“Such lovely squeals,” Sendak said, rolling his hips to seat the knot in place. Shiro sobbed a little as he lodged it right up against his prostate. "It’s a good thing I found you before someone else encroached upon what was mine.”
In heat, it was hard to focus on anything other than Sendak knot and fucking him. His words registered, but they didn’t really matter. He watched Sendak lift his head and sniff at the air, but his eyes followed the line of his throat, shifting down to stare at the way his pecs flexed in the moonlight.
“C’mon,” he whined, groping at his waist, not sure what he was asking. “C’mon, come on.”
Sendak turned to him and growled again. He raised his hand, and for a wild moment Shiro thought it was headed for his throat. But it landed over his mouth, keeping him quiet.
Shiro’s eyes flickered to the left. He could hear the voices now; Sendak had probably heard them way further off. It should have bothered him that he could hear them, but he was mostly unphased, focused entirely on Sendak, the alien with a big cock and a gorgeous knot that was slowly driving him insane.
Shiro shifted subtly, trying to rock down onto Sendak’s thick knot, but the position made that difficult. He couldn’t get a good angle, and each time he failed he whined a little louder, a little needier.
After a time Sendak swore, moving his hand away from Shiro’s mouth and down to his waist. He hooked his chin over Shiro’s shoulder and brought his hands around his ass, hiking him higher against his chest.
“Grab onto me,” he commanded. Shiro instantly obeyed, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. Sendak braced his feet and then lifted the two of them. “Hold on,” he added, as if Shiro wasn’t clinging desperately. Moments later, the knot slipped out of his body and Sendak burst into motion, taking off towards the cabins.
“Direct me to your cabin,” Sendak declared. It took a few seconds for Shiro to understand what was being said, and by that point Sendak had already started approaching each cabin, searching for his name.
“Thir-third from the end,” Shiro managed. He buried his face in Sendak’s throat, inhaling. God, the scent on the man. “Black name plate.”
Sendak hurried to the cabin, bursting inside like they were being chased. Considering how Shiro hurried him along, pressing open-mouthed kisses and hasty pleas into his fur, he couldn’t blame him.
They made it to the bed in record time. Sendak threw Shiro onto the sheets, using that same incredible strength to shove Shiro into place, spreading his thighs so he could bury himself inside his wet heat.
Had Shiro been of his right mind, he might have been terrified to have a stranger mandhandling him and pinning him down while he fucked him, but by that point, he didn’t care. He didn’t care that Sendak fucked him with a specific kind of ruthlessness that he knew would leave bruises all over his hips and thighs, and he didn’t care that he could feel Sendak’s claws burying themselves into his skin.
Everything about Sendak was alien. The way he looked, the way he acted, the way he fucked—and Shiro loved it. He loved every second. It was like a dream.
By the third time being knotted, Shiro was so deep in heat that when someone knocked on the door, he clung to Sendak’s shoulders and begged him to make them go away.
“Don’t let them take me away,” he pleaded with him. “Please, please, I need you. I need you more than they do. You’re my alpha. They can’t have you.”
“Mine,” Sendak said, as much a claim as it was affirmation of Shiro’s current state of mind. He turned, eyeing the door with distaste, and growled that same low, deep growl that Shiro had heard when he’d first found him.
Submit.
Shiro shuddered, biting down on his knuckles. He felt like a live wire, overheated and constantly on the edge. Sendak’s cock was lodged fully inside him, filling him with his come, and Shiro himself had come half a dozen times already, but it wasn’t enough.
It would never be enough.
Eventually they left, quiet murmurs disappearing. Shiro could finally breathe—though it didn’t last long.
Shiro hadn’t been prepared for a heat. Exhaustion crept up on him quicker than he’d like. It got bad enough that Shiro lost his voice completely, moving on fumes alone, and Sendak forcibly held him down against the bedsheets, laying his hand over Shiro throat each time he tried to beg.
“Please?” he croaked, sounding close to a sob. “Please? I’ll be good, I’ll be so good. Please!”
“You are resting. Then you will eat and drink. And then we bathe. And only then will I fuck you.”
“Fuck me now and I’ll let you mate me.” Shiro tried to wriggle onto his cock, desperate to get out of his hold and fuck himself, but Sendak merely blinked at him placidly. “You know how to mate an omega, right? It’s easy, you just have to bite—”
“I have no interest in marking you,” Sendak interrupted. Shiro’s mouth snapped shut, and heart sank in an instant. Sendak cocked his head, stroking the side of his face with his large hand, and said, “You are already mine.”
“Oh,” Shiro said, quietly elated. Maybe not so much when his heat was over, but for now, that was the best thing he’d heard all night. “Okay. So you’ll fuck me?”
Sendak breathed through his nose. He changed positions, pushing Shiro back against the sheets. It wasn’t obvious what he was trying to do until he nuzzled Shiro’s cock with his mouth and dragged his fingers through the slick still gathering.
“Be still,” he warned, tongue darting out to brush over the tip of his cock. Shiro shuddered.
They fucked long into the morning, long after Shiro was supposed to have checked in. He was filled with come over and over, stuffed so full he worried there’d be no end to it. Sendak didn’t seem bothered by Shiro’s lack of refractory period, and even though he forced him to rest occasionally, refusing to even touch him, Shiro never felt neglected.
He felt sated. He felt good. He never wanted it to end.
****
He felt like shit.
The end of Shiro’s heat was always marked by a splitting headache, and this time was no exception.
A full day after he’d started his heat, Shiro woke up and felt like himself for the first time. At first, he lied in bed, staring at the ceiling, trying not to look directly at the big purple alien lying beside him, but eventually his bladder won out and he slipped out of bed. Or rather, he tried to.
Crumpled may have been a better descriptor; thanks to Sendak, Shiro’s body was covered in bruises, scratches, and scars. When he attempted to walk to the bathroom, he had to pause and hold onto the edge of the bed while his legs screamed at him in protest.
God, everything hurt.
“Jesus Christ,” he hissed, planting one hand along his hip. In the heat of the moment it hadn’t bothered him, but maybe he should have warned Sendak to be more careful of his frail human skin.
He glanced over at the body lying still in bed. Even curled on his side, Sendak appeared gigantic. Shiro swallowed, thinking about the teeth against his throat.
This had to be one of the stupidest things he’d ever done in his entire life. Once he spoke to those in charge, he was probably going to receive a serious reprimand. If he wasn’t immediately given the boot for endangering everyone involved.
After using the bathroom, Shiro took stock of his surroundings. Observing the cabin had been the last thing on his mind when he’d been in heat, but upon inspection, there wasn’t anything too impressive about it. Other than a bathroom and a small kitchen, it was unremarkable.
“Where are my clothes?” Shiro wondered aloud, realizing a moment later that Sendak had ripped them off his body. Right.
He glanced at Sendak again. As far as he was aware, he was still sleeping. Did the people here provide a change of clothing? How often were they supposed to check in on couples? The more Shiro thought about it, the more he realized he’d hardly paid attention to anything that had truly been important. He didn’t even know what time they were supposed to return.
Shiro’s phone buzzed on the end table. He wasn’t aware Sendak had retrieved it for him.
“Hey…uh, Sendak?” he tried, surprised when Sendak rolled over and met his eyes. “Um. Did I—did you get my phone for me?”
“While you slept,” Sendak confirmed. “You left it where I caught you.”
“Oh. Wow. Thanks.” Shiro shuffled over to the left, towards the doorway, then back to the right when he remembered he wasn’t wearing anything clothing. He stopped, because he didn’t know what he was supposed to do with himself. He was in the post-heat state, fragile and still seeking comfort from his alpha.
With no other options, Shiro turned away from Sendak and went back into the bathroom. The space was small, a far-cry from the one Shiro had to himself at the Garrison. He stared at himself in the mirror, grimacing at the sight of hickeys and bitemarks all along his neck and throat. A good number of them were concentrated where Shiro could have been marked. Could being the operative word.
Sendak hadn’t marked him. The revelation was as relieving as it was disappointing.
A hand that wasn’t his own slipped over his shoulder, near the base of his throat.
Shiro watched Sendak shuffle in behind him, his size made even more extreme in the tiny space. He didn’t bother to ask permission as he bent down and peppered Shiro’s throat with kisses, paying special attention to where Shiro’s gaze had lied.
“You begged me to mark you,” he said into his skin. His hands landed on Shiro’s hips. “You begged me to make you mine. You did not understand when I explained how it works for the galra.”
“I remember something like that.” Shiro laid his hand over Sendak’s, trying not to blush as he worked his way over his shoulder. “I think. How does it work again?”
Sendak met his eyes in the mirror. Inexplicably, he smirked, and then shuffled past him to use the bathroom.
Shiro never did get an answer out of him. Not long after, there came a knock at their door and they were preoccupied with the situation Shiro had gotten them into.
The only reason that they’d been left alone was apparently because of Sendak. He explained that he had deterred anyone from entering by claiming he went into rut, and that it had triggered a latent heat in Shiro. It was flimsy as far as excuses went, but Shiro was grateful he didn’t have to try and explain what he was doing in heat when he had explicitly denied it from the beginning.
“Why are you helping me?” Shiro asked while he gathered his things, including the clothes provided for him. It was a simple black tank and a pair of shorts. They didn’t feel great on his post-heat skin, but he didn’t have much of a choice.
“I have no reason not to help you,” Sendak replied, which wasn’t much of an answer at all. Shiro watched him get dressed, turning away only when he made a phone call and began speaking in a language Shiro didn’t understand.
They barely spoke as they gathered themselves and then met up at the facility. Shiro was examined and questioned to ensure that he was alright, but he assured them that he had enjoyed his time with Sendak, and that it was entirely consensual.
“I realized I was going into heat and decided to do it even after I figured it out. Sendak’s a nice guy.”
He didn’t actually know that, and based on the way he was limping around, he wasn’t sure anyone bought it. But because he didn’t seem outwardly stressed, they let them go without further questioning.
All Shiro knew was that for the galra, mating was different. No bite-marks were involved. At least not the kind Shiro was thinking of.
Had he been mated? Shiro wasn’t sure he was ready to know that answer, so he didn’t ask. Instead, he stood by Sendak while he waited for his ride to show up (he’d called in a favor with Hunk), and Sendak watched over him.
“Will you be all right going home on your own?” Sendak asked. His expression didn’t change, the but inflection in his voice suggested he did care. Shiro felt a little better thinking about it like that.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Thanks for looking out for me. I know I didn’t exactly…ask.”
Sendak scoffed. “I understood the rules, and I also understand how you yearned to break them. You are a fascinating individual for it.”
Shiro rubbed his forearm, oddly uneasy at Sendak’s assessment of him.
“Well,” he said, spotting Hunk’s car turning the corner. “I’ll see you later, I guess? Do you have a phone number I can reach?”
“I will find you,” Sendak promised him. Shiro blinked.
“What—”
“Hey,” Hunk interrupted, rolling down his window. “Shiro! You ready, buddy?”
“Hunk, hi! Yeah, I’m ready.” He glanced back at Sendak, noting the way his eyes followed him on his way to the passenger side door. “Thanks again, Sendak.” He paused with the door still open and offered an awkward wave. “Have a good one.”
Have a good one? Really?
Shiro wanted to wince. Instead, he slid into the car, mentally beating himself for giving Sendak such a terrible goodbye. Thankfully, Sendak didn’t seem bothered; if anything, the smirk on his face told Shiro that he was amused. And maybe he’d see him again if Sendak’s words weren’t all talk. Whatever they meant.
Smiling, Shiro turned his gaze out the window.
“So who was that guy?" Hunk asked, eyeing him. "And why do you smell like you drank his bathwater?”
Shiro’s smile turned into an embarrassed grin. Fascinating indeed.
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ah hello everyone !!! i’m jules and wowow i am so excite 2 meet u all and interact w all of ur dope charas :’) this is my Messy intro where im gonn a scream abt mira!! ok thank u for reading if u got this far jsdjfh
[ & ; * - cindy kimberly / pansexual / she/her ] isn’t it weird how close { amira 'mira' jenkins } resembles {cindy kimberly }? damn, i heard they are a { twenty } year old { undergraduate } and a member of { delta psi delta } studying { nursing }. outside of class { mira } participates in { soccer, photography & art} and their party anthem is { good as hell } by { lizzo }.
amira was born on January 1, 1999 in Kona, Hawaii. she is actually the first baby born in the new year in Hawaii. her parents, dane and stella jenkins, were high school sweethearts & only 20-year-olds at the time of the birth of their daughter.
her younger years were great, her parents spoiled her by taking her on trips and buying her whatever she would want. they treated her like a princess and soon anought she sorta turned into one.
but unfortunately when mira was 10 years old, her parents had filed for divorce and were currently fighting over who would she would live with. ultimately, amira’s father got custody of her during the week and she would visit her mother on weekends.
dane jenkins, her father, is the co-owner of jenkin bros industries, which is a construction company. dane & his brother inherited it from their father and now run the business together. after the divorce, dane turned into quite the workaholic but still made time for his daughter
stella jenkins was a college student at the time, in which she decided she would drop out of school to become a full-time mother. during her time with dane she remained a stay at home mother but once they got divorced she started taking to online classes to finish getting her degree in social work.
she prefers to go by ‘mira’ instead of amira & will def give you the evil eye and a lil attitude if you call her by that. amira only allows close friends & family to call her that!
amira is daddy’s little girl & she wouldn’t have it any other way. her father treats her with everything she wants & give her all the money she wants to make up for not being home as much as he should. obvi one she will stop taking advantage of it but she is going to enjoy it while it last.
amira’s relationship didn’t really get much better after the divorce. sometimes she wouldn’t even go to her mom’s house on the weekend bc she was “busy.” eventually amira found out the truth, her mother had cheated on her father and was seeing some other guy instead of hanging out with her. what made it worse was she found out that he had a son, it made her feel as if her own mother would rather spend time with her son. amira never let her mother know that and still holds it against her till this day.
growing up with a decent amount of money had it pros and cons on mira as she grew up. she has grown to have a very luxurious taste. always has to the best of everything lol
ever since amira was younger she was always very bubbly and outgoing. she was actually vry into school bc she would get to see her friends.
she wasn’t a bad student, getting some A’s but mostly B’s but she really didn’t mind. she knew she couldn’t be the best at everything but at least she tried her hardest.
when amira started high school, her grades did improve but she herself got wilder. she was the biggest partier & pothead in the high school she attended. but no matter how wild she was, she kept up her grades & eventually made it to the honor roll.
also during high school, amira got really into creating art, whether it be painting, drawing or taking photographs. she also joined the soccer team to keep her busy but mostly to look good on her college application lmao
in her senior year of high school, amira decided to take a risk and apply to college she dreamed of going to, yale, doubting they would every accept her. but quite to her surprise, she was issued a half a scholarship at yale. she also turned out to be the valedictorian of her graduating class.
it broke her heart to leave her family. mostly her dad, in Hawaii but she wanted to pursue her dreams and she knew that they have her back no matter what happens
in her freshman year amira didn’t know what she wanted to do until she took some biology & anatomy classes & realized that she wanted to be in the medical field, ultimately deciding on nursing as her major
amira also continued to play soccer in her college career & joined the photography & art club to help her mind stay focused throughout the year.
amira also rushed the delta psi delta sorority & decided to join when they offered it her. at the beginning she thought it would be a waste of time but she fell in love with her sisters & couldn’t imagine not being in the house with them.
ANyways i’m totally rambling rn so i shall stop her and move on to the next thing !!
PERSONALITY
she paints liKE ALOT !!; usually having something to do with the landscapes or people or flowers bc those are all her fav things. she does draw as well but prefers to paint. amira also has a passion for photography & often paints some of her own photographs
she’s vry protective of her friends and of herself
even though she is protective af she is very open to new people in her life! never wants ANYONE to feel left out when they around her.
she def puts up a front when sharing stuff about herself and her emotions unless she rlly trusts you
she likes to think she is badass as fuck but in reality, she is loser lmao!! ( laughs at her own joke)
speaking of jokes lbr, she pretty funny and sarcastic so she isn’t the only one laughing
however sweet she seems, she can also be very manipulative when she wants to be. knowing she can bat her eyelashes and get the world.!!
she tends to try to avoid most direct confrontation even though she’s really good in social situations and appealing to people uwu
always thinking, always learning, always caring
an actual flower
loves tattoos but only has like two!!
she looks at life in terms of opportunities and has lots of wishes and goals !!
she wants to live a vry luxurious life when older even though she is now. but she wants to be able to say she earned it herself
vry romantically compulsive which can be a problem lol!!
she constantly longs for partnership; whether it’s romantic or not
when it comes to money, she can be frivolous in her spending habits one day, and frugal the next
she is a problem-solver and will spend a lot of time helping others solve problems if needed
v good at talking and well-liked
while her spirit’s lively, it is also cunning & she often acts without thinking, throwing herself into things
loves to party obvs !!! tries to go out every single night bc why tf not lmaoo
honestly she is the life of the party. whenever the party is dying down or just getting started she is the first one on the dance floor. or she is walking around making people take shots with her
she is also very open about smoking pot and is def down to try other shit even though she hasnt been offered it yet
she doesn’t have a good sense of organization but she loves life and all it has to offer <3
but some cool ass plot i’d like to see is GIRL SQUAAAD, best friend, high school friends, exes, rommie, enemies, fwbs!! , party buddies or literally ANYTHING THAT SMELLS LIKE DRAMA and just anything bc i’m plot trash!!!
#yale:intro#just drippy droppin this here before i knock tf out#i shall be on mobile during the day tomrrow#so like or slide into the dms to plot#:~) <3#this is so long im srry omf
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maybe a promnis proposal fic bc I Like Sappy Shit
It had been about nine years from when they first officially met, Ignis didn’t count the research going into Prompto’s background as meeting him. As anxious as he was, his smile was still blinding. Then at about eight or so years ago he had finally asked him out, at the behest of Noctis and Gladio who were apparently tired of them pining after each other. Prompto was now 18, graduated from high school, and training to be a crownsguard. He approached him after a training and asked him to dinner. He had expected to be turned down, but Prompto gleefully accepted. They had their first kiss a week later.
They didn’t move in together until about six years ago, getting Prompto out of that Gods awful house was one matter, but the apartment Prompto had chosen for himself had been just as wretched. However Ignis did not push the issue, and instead waited for the time to be right to ask Prompto to move in with him. He accepted, and he’s lived in their home together ever since. A few months later, the King died, and it had been nothing but busy work since. Preparing Noctis for the throne, arranging the Coronation, doing all the necessary paperwork day in and day out, helping Gladio to officially take the role of shield from his father. Not to mention Prompto had to kick himself into high gear to finalize his position as Noctis’ crownsguard. He had trained so hard day in and day out, Ignis would often have to come and collect him during his breaks because had passed out in the locker rooms. While he appreciated his effort, he had wished that Prompto would take better care of himself. True, Ignis himself worked non-stop as well, but acting as a secretary, pouring over paperwork was nothing compared to the hours of physical activity demanded of Prompto.
Eventually Noctis was crowned King, their lives became somewhat more stable, but nonetheless still busy as ever. Ignis tried to make time for Prompto as much as possible, but more often than not, the only time they had together was the wee hours of the morning, and in the late evenings. Sometimes they would get a day or two to spend together, or at least have lunch together, but it wasn’t often. But despite it all, Ignis cherished every moment together, leading him to now.
Everything had been arranged. Ignis conspired with Noctis to give them a three-day weekend, but distract Prompto during the majority of Friday, who agreed and gave Prompto “the royal command to play video games” or something of the sort. Giving Ignis plenty of time to spend the day shopping for fresh ingredients and preparing a lavish dinner and dessert. With an hour to go before dinner was complete, Ignis sent the text.
“YOU LOSE!”
“Augh, shit, not again,” Noctis whined, flopping backwards on the couch, dropping his controller next to him. “How do you keep beating me? Where do you even get time to practice?”
“That’s for me to know and for you to cry about!” Prompto laughed. “I really don’t practice much though, maybe you just suck.”
“You’re going to talk to your King like that?” Noctis teased, putting on a monk indignant tone. “I could easily have you stripped of your rank for that.”
“And who would you play with then? Cor? Gladio?” Prompto snickered. “Maybe Cor could hold his own, but I think the number of buttons would confuse Gladio.”
“Hey, I heard that!” Gladio grumbled from the bedroom, poking his head out from where he was toweling off.
“I don’t hear you denying it!” Prompto prodded. “Come on name five video games.”
“Don’t be mean to him,” Noctis interjected. “Go pick on your own boyfriend.” Prompto’s smile waivered.
“Right, my boyfriend,” he responded glumly. He set his controller down and leaned back into his corner of the couch. “So, has Ignis said anything to you guys?”
“What do you mean?” Noctis asked, keeping his tone as neutral as possible. If there is anything he’s learned since being King, its how to keep a poker face.
“Trouble in Paradise?” Gladio teased, walking into the room after dressing. Prompto shrugged.
“I don’t know, maybe?” Prompto sighed and crossed his arms. “We haven’t talked as much this week, and I can tell he’s been planning something, but he hasn’t talked to me about it. We’ve both been so busy that we hardly see each other. I think he’s…. Has he said anything to you guys about us breaking up?”
“No, he hasn’t,” Noctis easily responded. “He really loves you, you know that right?”
“Sure he does, I guess-“
“You guess, or you know?” Gladio egged on. “Do you need me to talk to him? Because I’ll talk to him.”
“Knock if off,” Noctis snapped. “I’m sure its-“
Wa-KEWH-woo Wa-KEWH-woo
“Are you ever going to change your text tone?” Noctis laughed.
“I have!” Prompto defended, pulling his phone out from his pocket. “That was for Ignis, I only use the Chocobo for Ignis now, because I love them both.”
“You don’t love me?” Noctis gasped. “I’m shocked and appalled. Gladio, can you believe this?”
“Has the Princess been offended?” Gladio teased.
“Excuse you!” Noctis huffed. “I’m clearly a Queen.”
“Oh no…” Prompto spoke out softly. “I’ve got to go.”
“What is it, what did he say?” Noctis asked.
“’Could you please hurry home as soon as you can? There is something I must speak with you about.’,” Prompto relayed. “I don’t know what’s going on, but… If it doesn’t go well can I come back?”
“Of course you can,” Gladio nodded. “We’re always here for you.”
“But it’ll be fine, okay?” Noctis grinned. “I’ve got a good feeling about it. You know Iggy, he can be a little dramatic without meaning to.”
“I hope so,” Prompto smiled back. He grabbed his coat and keys and headed for the door. “See ya!” The door closed and Gladio plopped down on the couch where Prompto sat prior.
“So should we text Iggy and let him know Prompto is freaking out?” Gladio suggested. Noctis waved his hand dismissively.
“Nah, those two can figure it out on their own, besides its their night, why interrupt the fun?”
Just as Ignis finished setting the table and lighting the candles, the front door opened.
“I’m back!” Prompto called from the front, stopping to remove his shoes. Ignis round the corner, two glasses of Chardonnay on hand.
“Welcome home,” he smiled softly, handing a glass over to him. “Have fun at his Majesty’s?”
“Yeah, kicked his butt so hard it was almost unfair,” Prompto grinned taking the glass. He looked over Ignis, who had his button up slightly undone, with an apron overtop. “You’ve been cooking?”
“Of course,” He grinned. “I wanted it be a surprise, so I had Noctis distract you in the meantime. You’ve arrived just in time actually, everything is just about done.” Ignis took Prompto by the hand and lead him to their dining table, pulling his chair for him.
“My, what a Gentlemen,” Prompto teased. As he pulled himself close to the table he gave a sniff of the air. “It smells amazing in here!”
“I would hope so, I made your favorite,” Ignis explained as he disappeared into the kitchen before coming back with a serving tray. “I hope you’re hungry.”
“I’m always hungry when you’re cooking!” Prompto beamed. Ignis chuckled lightly before serving their food. He dropped a bowl down first, which Prompto recognized immediately as Creamy Bisque. Then on the plate there was a healthy amount of Triple Truffle Risotto, next to, his favorite, Spice Long-Bone Rib Steak! “Oh my Gods Iggy, this is incredible! What’s the occasion?”
“Do I need an occasion to spoil my dearest?” Ignis smiled coyly as he took his own seat, setting down his food. As he settled, Prompto took a bite of his food, starting with the bisque. Gods it was creamy! And the Karlabos so fluffy! He practically moaned as he finished it off. Next, he took a few bites of the Risotto, taking in the pungent smell of the Truffles before taking a bite. How much did this cost to make? Then again with their salary… Finally, he looked over to the Spicy Steak Ribs. The knife glided into the meat like butter, practically falling off the bone. Ah!
“Its sooo good!” Prompto moaned after taking a bite. “If you weren’t Noct’s advisor you totally could’ve opened a restaurant.”
“I appreciate the sentiment,” Ignis smiled before taking a bite of his own risotto. “Its nice to have someone around that appreciates my cooking.”
“Noctis still refuses to eat his vegetables!” Prompto laughed. “He’s never going to get any better.”
“Afraid not,” Ignis grinned. Once they were finished with their meals, Ignis collected their plates and came back with Chiffon Cake, with a scoop of homemade Vanilla ice cream on the side. Prompto took a bite before shuffling nervously.
“So, um, you said you had something to discuss?” Prompto asked meekly. “Is everything okay?”
“Of course, why wouldn’t it be?” Ignis responded lightly between his own bites.
“I… I don’t know…” Prompto set his fork down. “Maybe I’m just being anxious, you sounded upset when you texted me, but you don’t seem like you are. And this… we haven’t had a meal together like this in months. I was getting worried that maybe…” he blinked back his tears as much as he could. “We’re okay, right?”
“Oh, darling,” Ignis cooed softly as he got up from his chair and knelt next to Prompto’s. “I know we’ve been busy, but the way I feel about you has never changed.” He took Prompto’s hands into his. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Ignis,” Prompto smiled despite his trembling lips. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to freak out like this.”
“Its okay, I was expecting it a little bit,” Ignis said back. “As you pointed out earlier, I do have something important to discuss. For as long as we’ve been together, I’ve come to realize that we need to make a change.” He let go of Prompto’s hands and reached into his pocket. “I’ve been a fool to take this long, and I do hope you can forgive me for that.” From his pocket he pulled out a small velvet box, opening it to present the matching rings inside.
“Iggy…” Prompto sobbed, his hands going up to his face.
“Prompto Argentum, will you do me the honor of marrying me?”
“Yes!” He fell out of his chair, wrapping his arms around Ignis and burying his face into his neck. “Yes, yes, yes!” He pulled back from his neck to dive back to his lips, kissing him hard and earnestly. “Ignis, you beautiful, perfect man!”
“So that is a yes then?” Ignis asked in between kisses of his own.
“Duh!” Prompto laughed. “Come on, put it on me!” He held up his right hand for Ignis to take, who gently took slid the shiny, silver ring onto his finger. Prompto couldn’t help but to choke in glee at the sight. “Okay, my turn.” He took the box from Ignis’ hand and watched as he lifted up his own. Prompto removed the matching ring from the silk lining, sliding onto Ignis’s shaking hand. “Wow.”
“Wow.” Ignis repeated. He took Prompto by the hands and got back on his feet. “Well, now that we’ve got that settled, I propose we move to our next event for the evening.��
“Oh, what would that be?” Prompto asked, smirking. “We haven’t even finished our dessert yet.” Ignis only gave a similar look before swiftly lifting Prompto up and into his arms.
“I can think of something far sweeter than cake, can’t you?”
This took me all day and its not even good, whoops! Hope you liked it anyway.
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College And Anxiety
When I was in high school, I had a friend who went absolutely everywhere with me. We would sit in the morning and wait for classes to start together, we would meet up between every class. She would skip into my class and I would skip into hers and this kind of mutual co-dependency can be scary but for someone who has severe social anxiety, it was actually pretty comforting. Somehow we kept up this act of class-dodging, teacher-fooling acrobatics for nearly four years without being caught and still managed to graduate with 3.5 GPAs. This ill-advised scheme we had developed between the two of us kept us from being overwhelmed by schoolwork, the school itself, and the people in it. While I have moved around a lot, somehow, I always found another companion with the same issues of being alone in public as I had and that made the struggle somewhat easier.
However, we ended up going to different colleges so there I was on the first week of school facing a few facts that I had avoided for 19 years of my life:
I did not know how to make friends and I had held myself back from ever developing this skill through chronic shyness and awkward platonic attachments along with the near agile aptitude that I had developed for never having to speak unless it was utterly necessary.
I had no idea how to go places alone. (My over-protective family had this social handicap covered entirely.)
It is not so easy to find an anchor when you are dropped in a place with thousands of other people who don’t know you and have absolutely no motivation to talk to you.
I had gotten through school by barely forming any lasting social bonds.
Fortunately for me, I am only 19 and so I took it upon myself to correct these inadequacies before I reached an age where they would be irreversible. I looked at social interaction in the same way I look at posture: If you can fix it before you're thirty, then you're not too late. Some people never catch themselves on this. When I asked my grandma, for example, “how do you make friends?” she promptly replied to me with “I don’t.” and while her response was met with a ton of laughs from myself, I was slightly worried that I would find myself in the same place at her age. That being said, Here are my top 3 tips for making friends in college (when you know no one and just don't want to be alone):
No one cares. Okay, so this tip may seem counter-intuitive to begin with since one of the main worries of anxiety for some people is that you're alone and no one cares about you or no one likes you, however, I mean this in the best way possible. During my first week of college, I saw a boy wipe out on his skateboard on the wet breeze-way just after a light shower. While I remember this happening, I have absolutely no recollection of who the boy was or what he looked like. If he were to walk up to me today, I would have no idea that was him. This is one of the big differences between high school and college. Unless someone knows you personally or you do something like commit murder (don't commit murder for notoriety. I've gathered that it typically doesn't go as planned.) no one is ever going to know that you tripped over the third step in front of the library and spilled your dunkin' donuts or that you dance in the elevator on your way to class when you're alone or that you locked yourself out of your dorm room once when you went to take a shower before a talent show. (all of these things have happened to me and a cute boy saw me doing the last one but team #noshame) In high school, things were majorly a popularity contest and while you will encounter this same primary, predatory hierarchy somewhere else in life, college probably won't be that place. At least, not during your first year. The thing about college is that while high school was about being better than everyone else, college is just about being the best you that you can be. In high school, everyone was worried about being pretty or cool or...whatever the kids want these days but in college, people are mainly just worried about getting their shit done on time and well and graduating. Whether or not some dorky girl dances on her way to do her laundry, doesn't matter to them. In college, no one cares and everyone minds their own business and it is beautiful. Sure, every now and then you will come across with spiteful people who will go out of their way to be awful but it's rare and they should be given no merit since they are simply being spiteful because of their own issues. Pull an old lady move and offer them some hard candy and move along.
Join a club. This one seems like a no-brainer but it can be a pretty daunting task. If you have social anxiety, walking into a room full of people who are probably close to each other and don't know you, at all, can be utterly terrifying, however, joining a club will help. In high school, people make friends due to obligation and proximity, but in college, there's no obligation to spend time with anyone unless they're in a club with you. This may seem to defeat the purpose of making lasting friends in college but it isn't. If you choose the right club with something you genuinely care about or are interested in then you're more likely to make lasting friends with them. Another factor that will help you make friends is the fact that friendship tends to be a chain reaction. If you make friends with people, you will most likely make friends with their friends and so on and so forth.
Live On Campus. There’s two reasons for this. Partially because you can't be late to class if you're already there and partially because everyone loves those apartment building cute-meets and that's exactly what a dorm building is, a slightly smaller apartment building. Now, I’m not saying that you’re gonna meet the love of your life or your future maid-of-honor here since it’s (like I mentioned before) a friend of circumstance situation but you’ll definitely meet some pretty good people here, especially if your school has a roommate matching service. Since international students most likely live on campus, you’re also more likely to meet some new and unique people here that aren’t necessarily from your country or area which is really nice because new things are great! (This also means you won’t be late to class and will bump into people in your classes more but that’s less of a focus.)
Show Up To Class Early. Showing up to class early can put you in some different situations. In high school, you had less than ten minutes between each class every day. College is not like that, at all, the time between classes varies but normally, colleges won’t schedule two classes in the same room back to back and even if they did, your classmates will be outside. Something important to remember is that college is costing everyone there money, so people will normally be on-time to class or they won’t show up at all. While the few minutes before class where you may have passing conversations with your classmates seems super insignificant and like it doesn’t matter, I assure you, that’s probably not the case. These small conversations can lead to other things and you may even have more than one class together (this is more likely if you’re an undergrad).
Be open about your interests. This one is a little difficult. It can be trecherous territory trying to balance talking about yourself and finding more out about the other person but this is the only way that people find common interests. A good way to think about it is to tackle every conversation like the popular improve game: Yes and? This is a good thought to use when you try reciprocating most things. Basically, when someone asks you a question, you respond with your answer + a little something extra as your “Yes” then ask them something about themselves as your “and?” Here’s an example conversation:
A Person you just met: What classes are you taking?
You: Oh, Basic Philosophy. I was really inspired by a book I read called Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe. Do you read a lot?
Obviously, you don’t want to do this for a long time and in every conversation, but it should be enough to get you started!
These tips are just something to get you started in your journey to making more friends and exploring adult life! Until next time, signing off!
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