I’m noticing how the more that I feel comfortable in holding space for someone else by completely accepting them as they are in that moment without trying to create any change, I am allowing them the room and space to create the change themselves that they truly need. And, as I feel comfortable and present in my heart space in these moments, it nourishes me, it fills up my cup and it makes me feel even more alive. I am grateful for the opportunity to continue feeling more comfortable holding space without offering solution. I trust that solution will always come to be in the most aligned way. I trust that I too will feel nourished.
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Holding space / safe space for Desi Atiny, if anyone would like to vent, talk, rant, or just need a distraction from the situation rn, my asks and dm's are open! I am here to listen and talk if needed
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Tallullah
by Michele Sommerstein
Tallullah, I’ve decided, that the word tumor, is just too damn heavy
to have to keep repeating, and repeating and repeating
Tallullah, so often to ears, who don’t know what to say
so they say, nothing at all
those who are left speechless
those, whose go to response for all things medical is
“Well, at least it’s not cancer”
until it might be, and then they just turn away.
Tallullah, some days, I want to hit them over the head with a book marked compassion
all those sales reps, with their pyramid schemes of toxic positivity
those who preached for years “be grateful, it’s not worse”
when I got a brain cyst benign
react to this, that is now possible, like it was never said
those who tell me stories of their uncle who had cancer and now he is dead
for fucks sake, these moments,
unsolicited, contributions to this towering trifle of fuckery.
Like a punch in the chest, fuck off
and so, because the word tumor. Too more. Tooooo mooooooore
is too heavy, to repeat,Tallullah
because I deserve lightness and relief, Tallullah
because I deserve time and space to grieve this change
I’ve named you, my resident, this fellowship
Tallullah & The Possible Cancer
This that low key sounds like a band name
This that low key sounds like a poem
Tallullah, Captain of The Crimson Tide
Tallullah Of The Pelvic Volcano
Tallullah, who throws seemingly random lightning bolts of pain
from the hill tops of Uterus Valley because she wants out
Tallullah who is tired of being blamed
Tallullah who wanted to be a rock in a pond in nature
instead of a mass met with disdain.
Tallullah, the bizarre-ness of it all
nearly drowns me at times,
when doctors say words like cancer & operation
in a tone used to convey, what one might have for lunch.
Perhaps a casual tuna sandwich (cancer) with a side of (operation) fries.
Tallullah, I feel it, the rising of, trauma and trust issues inside & valid
the doctors who came before who have caused me such harm
the doctors of now that even with good intentions,
who at best, of times don’t fully understand my body
so how can they help me?
Tallullah, I need their help
Tallullah, their go to treatments are not accessible, safe nor designed
for this alien body, divine.
Tallullah, this added dollop of ableism, this draining of my heart, and time
and I am crying
Tallullah, when I ask the universe why, is this part of my journey,
Tallullah, I don’t get an answer
even if this knowledge is not yet mine, to know, nonetheless what the hell
as I go, down-ward spiraling, unraveling, stuck there and stress
Tallullah.
when I call you by this name
know, that I am not down-playing the situation
I am, defiantly, creating, art, stories, beauty from this fuckery & pain
this, that breaks my heart
a heart, still healing (reeling, grieving, rising)
for a year ago in August, my thyroid became inflamed
and it stole my light, my poetry, my art & most of my sleep.
I’ve worked so hard, to get them back, Tallulah, please let them be.
Tallullah, when I write you, these words
they are, powerful in a time
where I feel, overload, overwhelmed, and not in control
but this poem, is something, is mine, a protest, a release, a reclaiming
this vulnerability, with no apologies, your name,
this open door and flowing waters, flooding
this power, this moment, this free-ing,
to choose, to speak, to rise.
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Becoming the Villain; Learning Your Importance
“Then allow me another question. You accept darkness, yet choose to live in the light. So why is it that you loathe us who teeter on the edge of nothing?”
— Xemnas, ‘Kingdom Hearts II’
There it is again, that funny feeling.
Today I do not care. Not about the problems people’ve caused themselves. Nor about petty bullshit at my job. I’ve cared so desperately for so long over a million little…
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