#God above. i am AROMANTIC. and not an artist. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jisungffs · 3 years

Text

coffee breath - felix.

words: 5.1k

reader: gender-neutral

genre: fluff

tags: best friend!felix x aromantic!reader, coffeeshop au, non idol! au, implied lgbtq!felix, minho is a minor character, minsung is mentioned. this whole thing is strictly platonic, none of this is meant to be romantic. just a cute fluffy fic honestly. the end has a little tension but not a lot.

warnings: THIS WHOLE THING IS PLATONIC, DON’T READ IF YOU WANT ROMANCE, swearing, multiple descriptions of food.

requested by @aritodla, check her out, she’s an amazing artist and a really sweet person overall.

Lee Felix was a sweet boy. He had kind eyes, freckled cheeks, and an air of infectious happiness around him. He always tipped generously, he never got angry at the staff, and he always cleaned up after himself. Lee Felix was a sweet boy. And it was a shame all you knew about him was his first name and his coffee order.

Even though Felix only started visiting your coffee shop a few weeks ago, you could tell he was a genuinely nice person. Everything about him was lovable.

Like the way he always said thank you after you took his order.

Or like the way he gripped his coffee cup with both his hands when the weather was cold.

Or the way he had a billion stickers on his laptop, adding a new one every week.

Or the way his eyebrows furrowed when he wrote something down..

Or the way he nodded along when he heard music he liked.

Lee Felix was a sweet boy. And even though you didn’t know much about him, you really wanted to. Because Lee Felix was sunshine. And you were in need of warmth.

It was a sunny day — one where it was warm enough to find solace in cafes and under the awnings of fashion stores, but not warm enough to make you want to curse out everything around you. The perfect weather, really. It was on this day that Lee Felix decided to wear his Twice t-shirt. It was barely noticeable — just a little white logo on the breast. It looked like a regular black tee from a distance. But you noticed. Because not only did you want to get to know Felix, you were also a huge fan of Twice.

Felix gave you his usual order of a cappuccino and a chocolate scone and went back to his seat. Felix liked Twice! You wondered who his bias was. Or what his favourite song was. It was really cool that Felix liked Twice right? You finally had something in common.

You drew a little Twice logo on the coffee foam. You didn’t even realize it. It was pretty usual for you to draw about what’s on your mind, and your cafe didn’t exactly have strict rules about foam art.

Felix was once again on his laptop today. You could recognize the colourful sticker-covered laptop from a mile away. His brows furrowed as he typed away, only getting up to collect his order. He was back in his seat and was about to continue whatever he was doing when he noticed the logo on his coffee, drawn on foam. His eyes widened slightly, his mouth broke into a grin. You noticed him getting his phone out and taking a picture before you had to attend to other customers.

It was a windy night. Felix was already in the cafe by the time your shift started, and was peacefully nibbling on a muffin while doing something on his laptop. His eyes never left the laptop screen. He checked his phone from time to time, but never spent more than a few seconds on it. From the looks of it, he was unaware of everything outside his screen and his table.

The closing shift never had a lot of customers. It was just Felix, you, and a couple of regulars in the little cafe.

And the regulars had already left by the time you were done cleaning up. It was five minutes until closing time, and Felix was still there, probably not knowing he was the last one there. You knew you had to tell him he had to leave soon, but you didn’t know exactly what to say. You weren’t the best at the closing shift.

You approached his seat awkwardly. “Excuse me…? Sir…?”, you said tentatively before gently tapping on the table.

Felix jumped slightly at the interruption. He quickly looked around the cafe. “Oh”, he said smally, “Am I the last one here?”

“Yes, and the cafe’s closing soon”, you said with a patient customer service smile.

“Sorry, I didn’t even realise”, he laughed. “I was working on some music and I guess I got carried away”

“Well,”, you struggled to find something to say,” If you like to sing, we have live music on Fridays”

What was that??? Who says that??

“I’ll keep that in mind”, he laughed, shutting the tabs on his laptop.

His phone screen played the Fancy MV, connected to headphones lying on the table. He was probably streaming it, and your mind raced at the conversation starter.

“You’re streaming Fancy!”, you said without thinking. You immediately cursed yourself for not spending more time thinking about what to say. He barely knows you, for god’s sake.

Felix didn’t seem to mind. “You like Twice?” Felix said with raised eyebrows and a goofy grin.

“I do”, you replied, mirroring his grin, “Chaeyoung’s my bias.”

Felix's eyes widened. “Wait a second!”, he said, “Were you the barista who drew the logo on my coffee yesterday?”

“That was me!”, you said laughing.

---

It was a sunny day - the kind where you technically could go out, but it was just a lot more comfortable staying inside. You started mixing Felix's drink as soon as he came to the counter. Felix looked pleasantly surprised. “Guess I don’t have to order anymore”

“I mean,” you said with your eyebrows raised, “You do have to try other drinks at some point, you know? You’ve ordered the a cappuccino and a chocolate scone everytime you came here, and they’re not even that good”

“Hey!” he cry-laughed. “Don’t you dare say that about my cappuccino.”

“By the way,” you added, “I think you’ll like the music today”

Felix raised his eyebrows. His lips quirked up when he realised a lo-fi playlist of Twice songs played through the speakers.

It was an average day -- the awkward phase between afternoon and evening, the weather so ordinary there was nothing to comment about it. Felix shaked his head as he reached the counter and saw you start to make his drink. “Oh I’m not having that today”

You raised your eyebrows, “Oh?”

“Yeah”, Felix said, fixing his posture and smirking. “I’ll have a black coffee, please”, he said in an over dramatic voice.

“Brave today, are we?”

“Yes, and” he said like a child boasting about his most recent tag game, “I won’t add any sugar to it”

“Oh boy”, you sighed, shaking your head.

Five minutes later, Felix’s (black) coffee was ready. Five and a half minutes later, Felix’s black coffee was at his table. You watched as he took his first sip. His entire face scrunched up at the bitter taste. He noticed you looking at him. He gave you a thumbs-up, still wearing the most pained expression known to man. Felix should not drink black coffee.

It was a windy day, the thick grey clouds above threatening to spill over during the night. Felix apparently wanted to prove a point, seeing as he once again ordered a black coffee (no sugar).

“But you hated it yesterday!”

“Clearly you didn’t see the thumbs up”

“Yeah, I was too busy looking at the agony on your face”

He pouted, “But I want a black coffee~”

You sighed. “This will be your villain origin story”.

Not surprisingly, Felix had the same expression of disgust as soon as the black coffee touched his lips. Still not surprisingly, he kept up the cool-edgy-guy-who-drinks-black-coffee schtick.

It was a cool yet humid day - the most polarising weather possible. It was a lonely afternoon with hardly any customers in the coffee shop. It was a weekday afternoon, after all. Felix came into the store wearing a black hoodie and a smug grin.

“Please don't tell me you want a black coffee”, you said even before he fully got to the counter. The boy clearly hated the bitterness, but wanted to prove a point anyway.

“Hey, this was your idea!”, he laughed.

“We have more than cappuccinos and black coffee, buddy. We don’t have to go into the extremes right away”

“Well I’m hoping that if I keep drinking the black coffee, I’ll get used to the disgustingness.”

You shook your head and laughed. “Tell you what,” you clapped your hands together, an idea hitting you. “I’ll play around with some ingredients and make you something I think you’ll like.”

“Ohhhh”, Felix said. "That sounds fun"

"Yes and maybe it'll help me add drinks to the menu too", you grinned.

"I shall not show you mercy, O worthy opponent". Felix spoke with a British accent, bowing to add some flair.

You played around with steamed milk, vanilla syrup, espresso, chocolate powder, and sugar. Plus whipped cream for good measure. A few minutes later, the drink was ready. Felix came up to the counter and looked at the drink in mock apprehension.

"I call it the Felixir", you said, . "Get it? Like Elixir?"

Felix let out a laugh.

“I know. It’s dumb. But!”, you said, "I played around with a bunch of stuff I know you like. It has chocolate, espresso, whipped cream and some other stuff. I have no idea how it tastes, but my barista senses told me this would be nice".

"I trust your barista senses". Felix took a sip of the Felixir. Whipped cream made a button on his nose. Felix's lips curved into a smile. His half-moon smile shined through. "Your barista senses rock", he said, punching the air.

"Do you like it?"

"I LOVE it. I don't know how you got my favourite ingredients so spot on."

You laughed. "Barista instincts, my friend".

Felix took another sip, holding the cup with both hands.

"Anyway," you continued, "this one's on the house. You deserve it for enduring the black coffee".

"This is so much better than black coffee", he babbled. "Black coffee has so much caffeine in it?? I was practically vibrating all of yesterday".

"Black coffee is for people with a lot of shit to do and not enough energy to do them", you agreed. "This one has espresso too, and also a shit-ton of sugar, so you might still vibrate today, just letting you know."

"I'll take being a popular kid's iPhone if it means I can have whipped cream and caramel and the other stuff".

It was a sunny day. Ladies in sundresses waited for their dates outside the cafe.

“Not a lot of people here, huh?” Felix commented.

“It’s a weekday afternoon, what do you expect? Only teenagers on their lunch breaks come here. And you, for some reason”

“How could I stay away from my favourite barista?”

You rolled your eyes. “Since you’re here anyway, let’s talk. I’m bored.” Was that too blunt?

“Cool, what do you wanna talk about?”

“The meaning of life, God, or Twice. You pick”

“Trick question, Twice is God and the meaning of life”

“You’re too smart”

Felix stroked his hair back, “I know”

You roll your eyes. “What are your favourite songs by them?”

“Literally their entire discography, but Fancy or TT if I had to choose”

“Fuck yeah. Those songs are queens”

Felix looks at you approvingly. “We should hang out sometime”

It was a clear day. Trees danced around in the wind. Another afternoon where there was hardly anyone in the little coffee shop. Felix ordered his Felixir once again with a cheery tone. You spent some time cleaning up the kitchen and rearranging the items on display. Felix was waiting near the counter once you got done, absent-mindedly checking his phone. He put down his phone and gave you a bright smile when he noticed you coming back.

You smiled back. “What’s the occasion, bub?”

“Nothing, I’m just a little bored and I wanted to hang out with you”

“Well, there aren’t a lot of customers so I guess that works out perfectly”

“How’s your day going so far?”

“It’s pretty boring, to be honest. Maybe I’ll watch a movie when I get home. My shift ends in like half an hour.”

“Whaaat? I was planning to watch a movie too! I live right upstairs, actually”

“Really? That explains why you’re always here”, you laughed.

Felix laughed back. “I have nothing to do today”. Felix gave you an expectant look.

Oh.

“Me neither”, you said casually. “Do you think we should watch something together?”

“Yes!” He giggled. “I know I’m not the best with invites, but I’m glad you picked that up”

“Honestly, I’m surprised I got that. I’m really awkward with invites too”

“More reasons to be friends, then”

“We live closer than I thought, by the way. I live across the street. It’s a five-minute walk.”

That afternoon was a pleasant one. Breeze played with the little children on the street. Felix and you were sprawled on the couch, mindlessly watching the trashy movie on TV. An orange cat ㅡ his roommate’s apparently ㅡ decided to laze around on Felix’s lap, his hand absentmindedly stroking its soft fur.

“Why are early 2000s movies so much more dramatic than they need to be?” Felix commented.

“Right? I remember watching this as a kid and it wasn’t half as bad”, you replied

“So it’s true then. Adulthood only makes things go downhill”

“Hey now you’re the one being dramatic”

“Wrong, I’m always dramatic”

“Your apartment is pretty nice, by the way.”

“Thank you. You’re free to come over whenever”

“Won’t your roommate mind?”

“Not really. Minho’s out most of the time and he brings over his friends all the time too.”

You smiled. “Hey also,”, you said. “Since we live pretty close by, we can hang out at my place some time too!”

“That sounds great”, he smiled widely.

It was a cool day. Most of your patrons huddled themselves in hoodies and cardigans. Felix ordered his drink before giving you a curious look. “Did you come to the cafe yesterday?”

“No, I didn’t have a shift. why?” you asked, slightly thrown off.

“Oh that explains it”, he said, “I came in yesterday and you weren’t there. The other barista didn’t know how to make my drink. Or even what it was, actually. And," he paused, "I missed talking to you”

An embarrassing smile crept up your face. “That’s so sweet”, you said, barely audible.

Felix was about to walk back to his table when you said “Hey actually,”

Felix turned around.

“I downloaded a really awful movie yesterday. Wanna make fun of it together at my place?” you said, just a little hint of nervousness in your voice. “My shift ends soon. But like, you don’t have to if you’re busy or something, we can always-”

“I’d love to,” he smiled.

The evening was breezy as you and Felix laughed over the hilariously, excruciatingly bad movie. Felix and you bonded very fast, apparently. Felix was resting his head on your shoulder. It felt so… natural. It was effortless. And comfortable. It was as though your bodies just did what felt familiar to them. You felt Felix’s body shake every time he laughed. You added sarcastic retorts every now and then, Felix joining too. The movie was terrible. But this moment with Felix was beautiful.

It was a breezy summer day, about a month after Felix came over.

Loving Felix was easy. It was second nature. Felix just clicked with you. The line between friends and best friends blurred quickly. And based on how much he spammed you with messages and how much he visited the cafe and how diligently he memorized your schedule and how many times you hung out, he loved you too.

Your phone buzzed.

felix:

are we doing anything today?

maybe

im in the mood for hot dogs i think

oooooo should we go to the park then?

yes !!

after my shift sounds good?

yesss

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

You used to find those emoticons cringey until Felix started using them. Now, it was just fucking adorable.

(｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

The park was a few streets away. It was a big one. Preteens ran around and played frisbee with their friends or their dogs or their parents. But the two of you luckily found a park bench ever-so-slightly away from the noise and the chaos.

As you sat there talking about nothing and everything, you quietly took in Felix's features. His skin was radiant in the setting sun. His freckles, darker from the sunlight, looked like little flecks of chocolate. His eyes lit up whenever he talked about music. Or cooking. Or you. His cheeks rose and fell with his words, his eyes crinkling up when he smiled.

It was a beautiful moment. You lay your head on Felix's shoulder, half lost in thought. The sun painted the park in a subtle shade or orange. The kids around the park laughed and jumped, being loud and being kids. Felix had stopped talking by then, too busy taking in the sunset. His head rested on yours, your hands almost touching. It was a beautiful moment. But moments with Felix were always beautiful.

It was a cold night. You snuggled into your blankets, intently watching something on your phone.

Your phone buzzed. Felix sent you a meme.

you:

???????? why are you awake

it's 2am

go to sleep

why are YOU awake ????????

im watching something 👉👈

im just reading fics and stuff akdkkdj

what kind of fics 👀

they're fluffy stop making everything dirty

i can't stop me (by twice)

sjskksksjjd

oh also

do you make the brownies and stuff?

or is that someone else

in the cafe i mean

that's me babeyyyy

why tho

i like them :D

:"D

baking w you would be fun 🥺

🥺🥺🥺

im good at baking

and so are you

but maybe we should yeet away the recipes and do whatever

baking is supposed to be precise tho :(

if it fails we eat the cookie dough and erase the whole thing from our memory

nice

i mean

im supposed to be precise with the cafe stuff too but the Felixir wouldn't exist if i followed the rules

now you're getting it

when are we doing this?

buddy

we live five minutes from each other

just come over whenever

fuck planning

im *this* close to straight up giving you my keys

me too tf

hell yeah

also this isn't distracting me from the fact that you need to sleep soon

i feel kinda sleepy actually ngl

sleep.

okay 👉👈

gn !! ily

and please sleep soon aksndn

ily2

okay :]

It was a clear, pleasant afternoon, your curtains swaying in the breeze. The smell of freshly made cookies wafted through your apartment. Felix sat on top of your counter, his legs swinging. Felix took one of the newly-made cookies into his hand and regarded it intently. “Looks pretty good so far. It’s a little bit hard but that’s obvious, we added a lot of ingredients and didn’t adjust the flour properly”

“So much for experimentation”

“We did add a lot of fun stuff though, so my money’s on it tasting good”.

You both bit into a cookie. It was… alright. It wasn’t bad, but you expected it to taste a lot better or a lot worse. You both gave each other disappointed smiles. “Underwhelming.”

“But hey! It wasn’t bad!” Felix added.

“True. Still thought the cookies would be more… more. You know?”

“I know. But who cares about that?” Felix put his arm on your shoulder, “Making this with you was the most fun I had in a while and I couldn't care less what they ended up tasting like.”

You let out a small smile. “I love you”

“And I love you”

You looked up at him. His soft brown eyes were warm with affection.

“Now,” Felix continued, “The cookie dough’s gotta be better right?”

You laughed. “The cookie dough is chocolate sludge at this point”

“Yeah, maybe using M&Ms as chocolate chips was a bit much”

“Probably. But let’s race. Whoever finds the most M&Ms in the dough wins.”

“I already know I’m winning”.

It was a drizzly night. Streetlights reflected on the wet asphalt outside Felix’s apartment. Felix and you had decided to have an impromptu sleepover. It was almost 3am, both of you slightly delirious from the caffeine and the staying up. You were yelling at the TV, desperately trying to get your character to do something, damn it. Felix just smirked beside you, his character easily attacking yours. He was choosing not to kill you quickly, which was almost more annoying than dying straight away. It wasn’t long before Felix won the game. You pouted in annoyance.

“Maybe I should start killing you quickly so you won’t be loud and Minho won’t yell at us for making noise”

“This game sucks”, you pouted.

“You’re just new to it. Did you know you can do twice as much damage if you press B after you attack?”

“Really?”

“Yeah! And do you know how to dodge?”

“No” you said like a kid admitting to breaking something.

“Why did you make me skip the tutorial?”, Felix laughed.

“The past is in the past, Felix. How do I dodge?”

Felix spent a few minutes teaching you which buttons do what and which attacks are effective when. It only took a few slightly frustrating runs before you almost came close to beating him. Maybe he was going easy on you, but that didn’t matter. It was fun.

“You are learning, my protégé”, he said approvingly.

It was a chilly evening. Old white sheets lay spread out on your bedroom floor, your furniture haphazardly moved to the living room. Felix had texted you earlier that day, promising to help you paint your room. You were almost done painting half a wall when you heard his familiar deep voice. “Hey! Missed you.”

“Missed you more”, you smiled.

“What do you need me to do? How may I be of assistance?” he curtsied.

You rolled your eyes. “Just grab a paint brush and do that wall over there. Just make sure it's even and don’t get any on your clothes.”

“You say that with a million paint splatters on you”, he laughed.

Felix got to work. Neither of you really talked. It seemed that Felix was lost in thought, letting his hands do the painting. But it was fine. Because moments with Felix were always beautiful, even the silences.

You were finished with your first wall when you decided to play calm music on your phone. Soothing guitar chords filled the silence.

It was hard to keep track of time. Five songs? Six songs? Maybe an hour? Both of you had made a lot of progress with the walls. It didn’t matter. What did matter was Felix. Halfway through the third or fourth song, you noticed Felix singing to himself.

It was barely audible, he probably wasn’t even aware of it. But his voice was soothing. And soft.

You had never heard him sing before. You wished you did. You could listen to it forever. Felix’s singing voice felt like sweaters and cozy winter days.

You didn’t say anything. You knew he’d be embarrassed if he knew you noticed. But the rest of the painting session gave you butterflies, to say the least.

It was a chilly day. Felix was hunched over his stovetop making ramen while you dramatically read out a fanfic to him from the table. You just finished the kissing scene when Felix let out a disappointed sigh.

“I know right?” You commented.

“I don’t get it. Don’t you think they’d make way more sense as just friends?”

“Waaaay more sense. I feel like the kiss scene is just so unnecessary.”

“I don’t get why writers think everything should have romance in it. I mean, love is friendship right? I mean, for me, it is.”

Your heart stopped. A smile crept up your face. You continued reading out the fanfic, but you didn’t focus on it at all. Because Felix said love is friendship. Love is friendship. Love is friendship!

It was a cold night. You were all bundled up in bed with a hoodie and a blanket. Felix was on the phone with you, refusing to hang up despite being half-asleep.

“Seriously Felix, you can’t even keep your eyes open”

“Mm. But I want to talk to you”, he yawned. His half-asleep voice was deeper than usual and very quiet.

“Alright bub. What do you want to talk about?” You started to feel sleepy too.

“I don’t know. Maybe how amazing you are?”

You laughed. “Fuck off”

“No but… your hair is so soft. And your coffee is really good. And you’re awesome. What the heck. I love you.” he said. He spoke slowly. You could tell he was almost asleep.

“I love you too you beautiful bastard”

You were met with the sounds of soft breathing.

Felix was very endearing when he was half-asleep.

It was a rainy day, rain knocking against Felix’s living room windows. Felix shared a blanket with you atop the couch. You leaned on Felix, your head on his chest. His heartbeat synced with the rain on the window. Felix’s arm draped your side. Both of you focused on the movie in front of you. It was a good one so far. The plot was well written, and the actors were doing a good job.

A door creaked open behind you. Felix and you turned to look at the source.

Felix's roommate, Minho entered the living room. He looked well dressed in a leather jacket and chunky black boots. "Do you think Jisung will like the jacket?", he asked Felix.

"He's gonna love it", Felix replied, smirking.

“Alright, I gotta go”, Minho said, picking up his umbrella and walking to the door. He looked at you. “Sorry we couldn’t talk today, y/n, but have fun with your boyfriend”.

He was already out the door before either of you could protest. Felix looked at you awkwardly before turning back to the TV. Felix was not your boyfriend. And clearly he wasn’t very comfortable being called that. To be fair, neither were you.

“I’m sorry about him”, he sighed. Both of you looked everywhere but each other.

“Don’t be," you said, “ I know people think we’re dating because we’re comfortable with each other and stuff.”

“Right. But hey, you’re my best friend and you always will be.”

You smiled. “You too”.

It was nice being best friends with Felix. Everytime you’ve been this close with someone, they all seemed to expect more. They all seemed to expect romance. But that just didn’t work for you. Romance was weird.

You’re my best friend and you always will be.

Felix wouldn’t mind, would he? Probably not. But what if he’s mad you didn’t tell him yet? What if he thinks you don’t trust him? Or maybe his whole view on you will change and maybe he won’t like you after that. What if that happens?

You’re my best friend and you always will be.

You’re his best friend and you always will be. It’ll be alright. It’ll be harder the longer you wait right?

What if he really will be mad at you though? He’s your best friend, why haven’t you told him yet?

A mere few seconds passed before you shifted off his chest. Felix sat up, sensing your tension. He paused the movie. "Y/N?"

Fuck it. It’s too late to ignore this now. You looked into his eyes before turning away. “I’ve been holding off on telling you something.”

Felix’s voice filled with concern. “Tell me.”

You took a breath, trying to keep yourself from panicking. You were too nervous to look at him. “Minho joked about us being together and I know neither of us see each other in a romantic way, but I just… I don’t know why I haven’t told you this yet. But… it’s not just you. I don’t feel romantic attraction to anyone. I’m aromantic.”

Felix put his hand on your shoulder and moved closer to you. Your thoughts were still racing, your heart rate still high, your breath still shaky. You were still too nervous to look at him.

You kept going, “I haven’t told you this. I know. And I’m sorry. But you’re still my best friend and I hope you don’t think I don’t trust you or something. I love you, okay? I just… I guess I just don’t like coming out. But I just had to today for some reason. I’m sorry if this makes you view me differently.” You thoughts were still racing after you said what you wanted to say. Your hands shook slightly.

And Felix noticed all of that.

He put his hand on top of yours. “Y/N”, he said gently.

You hesitated, then looked at him. His eyes were warm. His smile was understanding - the smile of someone who’s done this before. The smile of someone who’s already dealt with the emotions you were having. He gently pushed your head back onto his chest. “Breathe with me.”

His chest raised as he took a breath. You closed your eyes and took a breath too. He let it out in a few seconds. So did you. He took in another breath.

Felix spoke softly. “Coming out is hard. Even if it’s to someone you love. What you just did there takes so much courage. And I’m so, so proud of you. I love you so much. And our love doesn’t have to be romantic for it to be deep. I love you. And nothing will change that.”

You buried yourself in his chest.

His chest rose and fell with every breath he took. You breathed with him. His heartbeat was calming.

I love you. And nothing will change that.

“Thank you.” you said. “For everything.”

“You don’t have to thank me.”

“Felix?”

“Yeah?”

“Is it weird?”, you said quietly, “That we’re always so close together? I really like being with you. And hugging you. And cuddling you. But I won’t do it if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“No. It’s not weird. Not to me. I love this. And we can do this all day long without it meaning anything more than friendship.” Felix gave you a forehead kiss. “Besides,” he said, “What good are best friends if they don’t give you hugs?”

You hugged him tighter. “I love you so much”

“I love you so much too.” His voice was warm and kind and understanding. You didn’t bother holding back the tears.

Lee Felix was a sweet boy. And Lee Felix was the sun, giving you warmth and love and reasons to wake up. Lee Felix was a sweet boy. And the universe was a thing of beauty to let your love shine through.

a/n: this took a really long time to write bc of personal stuff im sorry, but this req made me realize i was aromantic skaskdlkdlk :’D. remember my requests are open so feel free to request stuff from me and i’ll try not to take eight years to do it. take care yall

#felix #felix x reader #felix x male #felix x gender neutral reader #skz x reader #skz x male #skz fics #best friend!felix #best friend fic #felix fluff #aromantic #coming out #coffeeshop au #skz #stray kids #skz fluff

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drjackandmissjo · 4 years

Text

Roses are Red, Tattoos are Forever

Chapter 3 --- previous chapter

Feysand masterlist

The Sherlock Conundrum

Florist and tattoo artist Au, Modern Day

“Can you please stop with this madness? Hugh Laurie is clearly the best Sherlock ever!”

They were both sitting on the couch of his living room. Really close to each other. She had her left knee under her body and was fully facing him. He had been throwing glances at her way the whole time she’s been there, and now was admiring her everything as they bantered lovingly.

After a particularly rough client, that had taken her nearly seven hours to finish, she came into his shop claiming: “We’re both closing earlier, I need to rest and so do you.”

At his attempt to tell her off, cause “I don’t need to rest I am in pristine fit every second of every minute”, she simply replied with an elongated ‘Please’ and a pair of puppy dog eyes that would’ve put a Labrador to shame.

Useless to say, they ended up on his couch half an hour later, a marathon of the fourth season of House M.D. on the television and chips and popcorn all around.

Feyre is harder than she looks, tougher. She likes to drink whiskey and burning liquor and beer.

Rhys, on the other hand, is a refined rosé man. He drinks fruity drinks and cocktails and vodka. He tried the same stuff that she drinks, once, when they went out with the rest of the inner circle after Az had received a promotion. It didn’t end well.

Feyre and Cassian will forever tease him about it.

Since their taste in alcohol was on such a wide spectrum, they decided to settle for some sparkly Coca-Cola for that fine night.

About halfway through episode six, the debate had begun. The show was soon forgotten and left as a white noise machine that lulled them into their silliness.

“Feyre Darling. You are being delusional. Dr House’s got nothing on RDJ’s Sherlock. Just cause the character was inspired by Conan Doyle’s work it doesn’t mean it can be considered a Sherlock.”

She laughed. A delicious sound that was filling his days more and more each morning. “Do you know that Conan Doyle based Shelly on a doctor, right? Also, yeah Jude Law’s better than Wilson, that is true.”

“Can we just agree that Cumberbatch and Freeman are equally amazing.”

“Yeah, duh! But, controversial opinion: I don’t actually ship Jonhlock romantically.”

“More like platonic soul-mates? Makes complete sense. They are not interested in each other at all. You are right, Fey-ruh Acheron.”

‘HOW DARE SHE...’, he thought severely displeased.

“Oh please don’t be pissed at me. I like them together and everything, but in my mind, Sherlock is pretty much ace-aro. I mean, Cumberbatch was also Smaug. Which in the books is described as a dragon while the movies decided to portray him like a vixen...” He solemnly nodded.

That is, indeed, a severe problem in mainstream media.

“That is, indeed, a severe problem in today mainstream media. We live in a world where people don’t know the difference between one another! Daenerys Mother of Dragons? More like Dany The Soccer Mom of three cool lizards. That would be more appropriate!”

“Don’t talk to me about Dany, I’m still pissed about Jonerys. I mean, fan-service much? Okay, I can deal with that. But don’t freaking kill Viserion and try to make us all believe that HIS MOTHER WOULD FUCK HER NEPHEW THIRTY MINUTES LATER!”

She laughed again.

‘Gods above and below,’ he thought, ‘how much can a person love another?’

“Agree 100% on Viserion, though Jon after Ygrit should’ve just zipped up his pants and close business. You experience that kind of love once in your screentime. And when you do, Martin kills the counterpart off immediately after the big scene. You know that sadist is gonna kill you off, so just spare him the dirty deeds to write.”

“The dirty deeds are the reasons he is taking so much to finish that freaking book. Also, salty much?"

"You dare calling me salty? It’s been years and you still weep over Robb’s body.”

“Excuse you, it is a very fine body. Have you seen Richard Madden lately? With that kilt at Kit and Rose’s wedding? Fine AF.”

She was now scooting over, moving closer to his face to find a reaction.

“Fine, you’re right. But Darling, you know damn well I am attracted to that man, you can’t just casually throw his name around! That would be like me, saying that Misha has aged like a fine whisky.”

“And where would a lie hide in that sentence?”

“ANYWAY. We were talking of something terrifically important.”

He decided to add a Meaningful Pause to give himself some dramatic effect...

“How can you say you don’t ship Jonhlock romantically?”

‘Honesly I love that woman. She is my other half, I would die for her and with her. My life without her has no meaning.

But if her answer doesn’t please me then so help me God I will suffer through a meaningless life with the strength of my ships.’ His mind said.

“I told you before the 'The Hobbit/Game of Thrones' parenthesis. When I read the books I thought of Sherlock as a madman who cared about Watson profoundly, but mostly cares about himself and his work. Someone who doesn’t dwell into feelings, doesn’t really enjoy sexual times and, truly, a modern-day asexual and aromantic asshole with a kink for unofficial police work. Yes, He and Watson are amazing together, and especially with RDJ and Jude Law I saw the sexual tension, which then I also saw in the BBC’s version. But for me, since I read the books first, Jonhlock will always be the exact relationship shown by House and Wilson. Sorry to disappoint.”

She was so close to him, he could smell her shampoo and count the freckles across her nose. She was staring directly into his soul. Rhys was fully clothed in an old tee and some pants and yet he’d never felt more naked.

“You never disappoint me. As a matter of fact, you never cess to amaze me, Feyre Acheron. You are perfect and beautiful both on the inside as well as on the outside. Here I was, looking for a polite way to kick you out of my apartment after you say you don’t ship one of my OTPs and now, here still I am trying not to be drowned into you and trying not to get lost into your eyes and I love you so fucking much that it physically hurts.”

His inner monologue at the time? ‘Fuck. FUCK. What the fuck did I just say???’

She had managed to fry his whole brain with her smart reasoning and perfect voice and now he had ruined a perfect moment by saying cheesy stuff to a girl that didn’t particularly care for cheese.

That was the end of Rhysand Sphera as we all know and love him.

Cause of death: killed by Feyre Acheron as result of saying something completely idiotic.

Only...

“Do you really mean that?”

She sounded hopeful and scared at the same time. The horrors she had to face in the past came running back to her and were written all over her face. Rhys took her hands in his. They were both trembling.

His mouth had probably never been that dry and yet aching to speak at the same time. He could only nod and pray she reciprocated.

That was the moment of truth.

“Of course I mean it. All of it. Each unsaid sentence and each shared glances. Every time I bring you coffee or a send you a picture of a dog that walks into my shop with its owner even though I’m terrified of them. The dog, not the owner. Even though some owners of dogs are terrifying. I have been in love with you for so long, I forgot how it feels not loving you. I look back at those times when you were not in my life and even back then I knew I was missing something. And when he-who-must-not-be-named showed up and swept you off your feet away from me, I was broken beyond repair. But you came back and made me hope that maybe, maybe all my dreams could become true. But you were hurt and also broken, and you needed time to heal. You still do. I shouldn’t have said anything, but you’re just so fucking amazing that I struggle to not scream ‘I Love You’ every time you breathe. I am utterly in love with you and hopelessly devoted to you. I understand if you still need time to heal or would rather be with someone else. But I said it, and I do not intend on taking it back.”

She was kneeling on the couch, her hands still clutching his, tears streaming down her face.

“Don’t take it back.”

Rhys thought he had heard what he wanted, so he had to ask, “What?”, a dumbstruck disbelieving-his-luck expression plastered on his face.

“I said don’t take it back. I feel the same way. I am utterly in love with you and hopelessly devoted to you too. I thought you hated me after, well, Tamlin. It is pleasant knowing we reciprocate each other’s feelings.”

Feyre laughed again, breaking the spell between them. Only, now the deed was done. Neither of them could hold their emotions in any longer. Feyre leaned in and so did Rhys, and their lips met halfway in a once in a lifetime, epic romance, Full on Princess Bride type of kiss.

After they both ran out of breath, they simply remained connected in every way possible given their awkward position. Foreheads never leaving each other, hands clasped together, lips barely touching. That spell, though, didn’t last for long. Soon they yearned to touch each other’s skin and feel each other’s bodies.

They were never going to have enough of each other.

12 notes · View notes

fire-fira · 4 years

Text

Nonbinary Awareness Week Day 6: Nonbinarity in Relation to the World

What is my sexuality and how do I relate to the terminology around sexuality?:

I’m asexual and aromantic, which probably simplifies things for me by a lot.

More specifically, I’m a sex-repulsed ace and a romance-neutral aro-- but I am in a mixed queerplatonic/romantic committed relationship and am engaged. (It’s queerplatonic on my end and romantic on hers, and I love her to pieces and want to explode anytime someone implies our relationship ‘isn’t real’ because of my being an aroace. She’s the single-most important person to me and anyone who dares to say I don’t love her can fuck right off.)

My fiance is a lesbian, but her being primarily attracted to women has no bearing on me. She loves me and wants to spend her life with me, and to me that’s all that really matters (as in I have absolutely zero feelings of inadequacy over the fact that I’m not a woman when she’s generally attracted to women).

Even if I weren’t aroace, I don’t think I’d ever call myself ‘straight’ or ‘gay’. 1) Because (nonsensical as it is) I still have it ingrained from when I was a kid that me being the type of enby I am makes it impossible for me to be straight, and 2) to my mind in order to be gay I’d have to be attracted to someone of the same gender (and considering how specific my gender is, that’s kind of a difficult possibility). And yes, I know that’s me taking said terms in way too narrow a definition (tbh I don’t apply said terms so narrowly to others and interpret them as far more broad in that context), but that’s just kind of how it works out in my head specifically in relation to me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Does my nonbinarity influence my relationship with my body and the terminology around it?:

Unquestionably, yes. I have an educational background that has made me comfortable with saying accurate terms for specific body parts without any cutesy or crude colloquialisms, but I find that applying some of those terms (regardless of how accurate another person may view them to be) is dysphoria-inducing and uncomfortable as hell. A breast is a breast on a woman, man, or enby regardless of tissue and fat placement, but I can only ever bring myself to refer to my chest as my chest. The same is true for other parts of my body, and I think a large part of it is due to how ridiculously over-gendered some body parts are. That, and it took me a long damn time to be able to look at my body and see it just as a nonbinary body.

And seeing my body as just a nonbinary body? That has helped immensely with some of the dysphoria I have (and had). (And thank gods for having gotten past some really unpleasant dysphoria-based impulses, because those thoughts were HELL.)

What’s my relationship with gender roles? Do I fulfill a more traditionally feminine or masculine role, both, or something else completely?:

I’d have to say it’s something else completely for me. I know there are things I do and ways I behave that could be interpreted as either feminine or masculine, but I honestly don’t think of myself or my behavior in those terms.

Then again, I’ve spent a large chunk of my life picking apart internalized unnecessarily gendered crap and throwing gendered ideologies to the side. I know how to sew, crochet, and do embroidery (I’m not the best out there, but I do passably well) and when I’m in the mood for any of those things it’s enjoyable, but I don’t see those things as inherently feminine. Just like how I know how to throw a punch, can generally figure out how something is put together if I have to take it apart, and am a giant freaking nerd who isn’t above cackling over impressive explosions on tv or in movies-- none of which are things I interpret as inherently masculine (though I know a lot of people might).

Ultimately the concepts of femininity and masculinity are really weird to me. I just am how I am, do what I do, and enjoy what I enjoy regardless of any concept of whether it’s feminine or masculine. That said, there are some things that feel ‘too’ feminine or masculine for my tastes as something I’d want to do (or wear since it’s usually in relation to clothes), but those are usually cases of something just not being for me and that’s okay.

I will say that for my perspective on my ‘gender role’ I feel like a big part of it is in educating, mediating, and being helpful. Me helping others understand things around my areas of knowledge is as much a part of it as me knowing more first aid than most and being able to use it when needed. Which may sound a little strange, but it’s the way I feel and it is what it is. (Plus green and nature. Those tie in really strongly for me as well, in that same sort of association of pink and blue to binary genders.)

How is my presentation (e.g. clothes, makeup, (body/facial) hair, mannerisms) related to my nonbinarity?:

Whoo boy. This is probably going to get longer than I want it to. idk.

Clothes-- it’s a complicated mix of trying to be read as nonbinary and not-white as possible, which means for a long time it was a lot of just t-shirts and pants. It still mostly is that (it’s changed a little and gotten a little more sophisticated as I’ve gotten older, but it’s still pretty relaxed), and most people can pick up pretty quickly that I’m not what they’d consider feminine.

Makeup-- I generally hate having anything on my face, especially anything I would have to concern myself about smudging, but when it comes to cosplay or Halloween (or acting, or drag shows, etc) then I’m all in. (And I am so freaking grateful that my fiance may as well be a makeup artist, because while I can avoid looking like a clown, my skills aren’t anywhere near her level.)

(Body/facial) hair: - Body hair I generally leave alone aside from my pits and minor landscaping to keep things from getting out of hand; otherwise I don’t care. - In terms of facial hair I have a very light fuzz pretty much all over my face (though you wouldn’t know it unless I decided to take mascara to all of it, and if I did I’d have a pretty obvious-- though thin-- mustache), which I’m completely comfortable with and leave as is. - As for the hair on my head, it’s long (down to about my mid-back currently, though I have had it down to just past my butt plenty of times before) and the most I do with it is basic upkeep (washing, brushing, occasionally pulling it back when warranted, and braiding when I feel like it). I don’t see my long hair as feminine-- I see it as the most obvious external signal I can give that I’m Native, so that’s what I do.

Mannerisms-- Uhhhh... I’m unintentionally too aggressive and intense to be read as remotely feminine. But at the same time I make a genuine effort to be as gentle, comforting, educationally informative, and understanding as possible and I’m ‘too’ comfortable (no such thing in my book) with expressing my emotions, so I’m also unlikely to get read as masculine. I also have a subconscious habit of speaking in a short and clipped manner verbally (which unfortunately can make me come off angry when I’m not), and most of the time my body language is strong, confident, and I allow myself to take up space. I’m sort of a mixed bag of loud and impossible to miss, and yet also quiet and able to retreat and disappear into the background. A lot of people find me intimidating in person before they get to know me, though I try not to intimidate anyone. (Also doesn’t help that when I’m reading or concentrating on something my eyebrows subconsciously pull together, which makes me look-- in my fiance’s words-- like I’m about to murder someone.) So yeah, I’m all over the place.

How often do I think about my gender?:

I would say not all that often these days, but I do think about it when it gets brought up or when I get misgendered. Basically when it’s relevant I think about it, but when it’s not I don’t.

---

[Day 1] [Day 2]

[Day 3] [Day 4]

[Day 5]

#NBWeek #Nonbinary Awareness Week #NonbinaryAwarenessWeek #nonbinary #non-binary #my life #long post

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aethryos · 4 years

Text

Scionic Cycle Series Intro - Entire PPT presentation

Scionic Cycle: A New Aeon: Life – Plot Basics

[Image: Scionic Cycle: A New Aeon

AEthryos (logo)

AEthryos.com]

Scionic Cycle: A New Aeon book series

Scionic Cycle: A New Aeon: Life [image of cover]

Scionic Cycle: A New Aeon: Death [image of cover]

Scionic Cycle: A New Aeon: Rebirth [image of cover]

Available on Amazon.com for Kindle or paperback

[AEthryos Logo]

About the Author - AEthryos

Asexual, Aromantic, Agender Author and Artist

Graphic Designer

Volunteer with PFLAG

Scionic Cycle: A New Aeon: Inspiration

5 years ago the thought in my head was “What if the Avatar was trans?”

Wrote fanfiction about the next Avatar

Started with trans woman main character

Where are the trans men in pop culture? MC is now a trans man

Possible because Korrasami is canon

Narrative choices

I wanted characters like the people around me

Lots of queer people

I am surrounded by trans/non-binary people, queer people, autistic people, asexual people

I really wanted to show that we are people with wants, needs, hopes, and desires

It’s a fantasy story, not a queer story

[image of the Scionic Cycle globe]

Contemporary, Urban, Fantasy Inspired by Avatar: the Last Airbender and Legend of Korra

1940’s-50’s tech

Primarily in cities

Magic users

Martial arts based

Not wands, staves, staffs or books

4 types of elemental qi [magic]

Earth, Fire, Air, Water

If a person has magic, they only have 1 of these types

the Scion (the chosen one)

Scion has access to all the magic

Reincarnation of previous Scion

Switches between elements every life

[image: drawing of globe, enlarged with location names]

Scionic Cycle: Characters – Scion Wan Yamazaki

1 of 2 main characters

Cisgender, heterosexual male

18 years-old

Original Element: Fire

Conflagration citizen

He is a celebrity

Body type

Medium height

Sinewy muscles

Japanese

Japanese Bruce Lee

[image of a slide with info above. collage of: Tony Stark, arms wide, with text- Keep Calm Cause I Am the Chosen One, Aang from Avatar the Last Airbender with fire behind him, Bruce Lee, Japanese Flag]

Scionic Cycle: Characters – Dr. Tupilek of the Imaq Tribe of the North

Cisgender, heterosexual male (You can’t have just 1, otherwise it’s tokenism)

25 years-old

Element: Water qi

Specialization: combining healing qi and blood qi

At forefront of new medical knowledge

From North Pole, Imaq Tribe

Body type

Medium height

“Dad bod”

Inuit

[Image collage: 2 Inuit people in the snow wearing parkas, Dr. James Makokis in an office, Staff of Hermes, open hand with water floating over it, Flag of Nunavut.

[drawing of a dark skin man with a toque, glasses, blue bow tie, and blue polo shirt

[photo: Anthony Johnson and James Makokis are an Indigenous, two-spirit couple won The Amazing Race Canada (Sept. 11, 2019)]

Scionic Cycle: Characters – Ayya Aloma

Butch lesbian with a crimson mohawk

Mid 30’s?

Element: Air qi

High ranking monk in the Zephyrs

Tibetan monks

World peace keepers with quasi-military

Mayor of the Village

Small neighborhood in Attla City

Self-made, safe space for LGBTQ+ individuals

Advocate for queer rights within city

Body type

Medium height

Thin body from flying

Tibetan

[collage: woman with red mohawk, Tibetan monk, person flying in a full body wing suit, Tibetan flag, Philly pride flag, Lesbian flag - orange to pink

[drawing: dark skin woman with red hair in a mohawk smiling and holding up peace sign in front of the lesbian flag]

Scionic Cycle: Characters – Noble Zifen, a.k.a. Fen

Autistic, demisexual, genderqueer person.

They/them pronouns

Inspiration – Genderqueer Nicola Tesla

17 years-old

Element: Electricity

Subtype of fire

Has no fire qi, only electricity

Inventor

Born in Conflagration. Now lives in the Village

Body type

Medium height

Japanese

[image collage: background is the ENIAC computer, man with prosthetic arm holding a drill, grant imahara, nicola tesla, japanese flag, rainbow infinity symbol with “autism acceptance” written overtop, genderqueer flag, demisexual flag

[drawing of a light skin person with glasses wearing overalls and yellow shirt in front of nonbinary flag]

Scionic Cycle: Characters – Sun Ching

Asexual, gender non-conforming woman

18 years-old

No qi

So fascinated by qi that she dedicated her life to learning the martial arts of the elements

Master of Earth qi martial arts

Proficient at Fire and Air

Former citizen of city-state Yaosai Jin

Body type

Short, stout

Thick muscular body

Biracial: Chinese and Indian

Binds her chest

Magical world = magical binders (author note: don’t bind and exercise)

[collage: martial artist posing with bo staff, Becky Lynch of WWE holding arms out wide with text “Come at me bro,” Indian Olympian Mary Kom flexing with right hand out in victory, Indian Olympian Karnam Malleswari lifting weights, China/India flags, man wearing binder, asexual flag]

Wait, you are missing the trans character. Where is he?

Scionic Cycle: Characters – Kun Ching

Asexual, transgender man

18 years-old

Light Scion - All the qi

So fascinated by qi that he dedicated his life to learning the martial arts of the elements

Master of Earth qi martial arts

Proficient at Fire and Air

Former citizen of city-state Yaosai Jin

Body type

Short, stout

Thick muscular body

Biracial: Chinese and Indian

Binds his chest

Magical world = magical binders (author note: don’t bind and exercise)

Kun is a trans man.

In denial of his gender identity in the first book

The first book doesn’t bring up his dysphoria directly.

Second book subplot is him reconciling his gender identity.

Third book - his coming out

drawing: dark skin man with bandage on right cheek, wearing an open, green button down, shirt and a green shirt underneath, in front of transgender flag and wearing asexual button]

Scionic Cycle: Secondary Characters – Chetana of the Zephyrs & Bao of Deserete

Chetana

Military Police with the Zephyrs

Element: Air

Bisexual

Indian

Bao

Percussionist in Qi Stones

Element: Earth

Bisexual

Chinese

[drawing: Chetana -dark skin woman in red sleeveless shirt holding peace sign and in front of the Philly pride flag and bisexual pin on shirt

drawing: Bao -dark skin woman with green hair, wearing green shirt and black vest, in front of bisexual flag and wearing Philly pride pin]

Scionic Cycle: Main Cast & Relationships

Here is our main cast: Wan, Tupilek, Aloma, Fen, Kun, Chetana, and Bao

Relationships: Kun and Fen, Aloma and Bao, Tupilek and Chetana

[main cast images: previous drawings of Wan, Tupilek, Aloma, Fen, Kun, Chetana, and Bao

[relationship images: previous drawings in pairs: Kun and Fen, Aloma and Bao, Tupilek and Chetana]

Scionic Cycle: Dual Protagonists – Wan and Kun

Set up as yin and yang to each other.

Wan privileged. Kun has worked for everything

Wan is the Scion. Kun wishes he had qi

Wan is flashy and charismatic. Kun is gruff and calculating

Wan is naive. Kun is worldly

Equal in overall strength and skills

Kun is the Light Scion, Wan is the Dark Scion

Unintentional pop culture equivalents

Superman (Wan) and Batman (Kun)

Scionic Cycle: A New Aeon: Life – Plot Basics

Fantasy Murder Mystery

Wan and Sun are both sent to the South Pole to learn water qi.

There Wan gets mind controlled

Find who did the mind control and why

Themes

Horrors of mind control

Respect

Humility

Friendship

LGBTQ

[image: Book cover -silhouette of a head in profile with a lightning bolt running up their neck, person standing holding a bo staff, also in silhouette, on yellow background. Title on top: Scionic Cycle: A New Aeon: Life, author name, AEthryos, on bottom left]

Scionic Cycle: A New Aeon: Death – Plot Basics

Fantasy Spy Thriller

One year has passed since the climax of Life

New info from the climax

Who was behind the Big Bad of Life

Why the mind control?

Themes

PTSD

Depression and suicide

Biological Families

Found Family

Abuse

Kun’s Trans Identity

[image: book cover -three-sided pyramid with shadow to left, color washed out beige, title: Scionic Cycle: A New Aeon: Death]

Scionic Cycle: A New Aeon: Rebirth – Plot Basics

Heroes Journey/Corruption

Happens immediately after the climax of Death

Themes

PTSD

Healng from Trauma

Kun’s coming out story where he struggles— and he’s done.

Kun’s heroes journey where he learns to unlock his potential

Wan’s abuse and how it makes him do horrible things

Light Scion and the Dark Scion

Love, romantic and brotherly

[image: book cover -yin/yang style emblem with light green face on left side and dark red face on right on a beige background, title: Scionic Cycle: A New Aeon: Rebirth, AEthryos logo on bottom right]

Scionic Cycle: Quick Stats

Life is Small Gods (Terry Pratchett) long at 82,000+ words

2 total rewrites [3 versions total], 3 major edit changes in V3

22 Chapters

Average 3,700 words/chapter

Death is Good Omens (Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman) long at 106,000+ words

3 total rewrites [4 versions total], 4 major edits of V4

31 chapters

Average 3,400 words/chapter

Rebirth is Small Gods (Terry Pratchett) long at 86,000+ words

2 total rewrites [3 versions total], 3 major edits of V3

33 chapters

Average 2,700 words/chapter

Original names: Avatar, Student, Water, Air, Fire (Wan, Kun, Tupilek, Aloma, Fen)

Scionic Cycle: A New Aeon book series

Scionic Cycle: A New Aeon: Life [image of cover]

Scionic Cycle: A New Aeon: Death [image of cover]

Scionic Cycle: A New Aeon: Rebirth [image of cover]

Available on Amazon.com for Kindle or paperback

1 note · View note

goth-giraffe · 4 years

Text

Not-so-quick guide to my OCs that I sometimes talk about here! xD So... Echo and Meredith, really. Plus a bonus one! Plus new art! :D

Warning, this is gonna be long so I put it under a cut :)

Anyway, because he’s the one that will definitely be mentioned most here, let’s start with..

Echo~

(I didn’t say anything about the quality of the new art xD)

Echo is my persona/self insert character..... he’s really just an alternate version of me (I like to think he’s my Alola form :3)

And like me he’s lonely so he has imaginary friends to keep him going, his current one being Loki ‘cause my current obsession is Loki

Echo is kinda hard to explain because everything about him fluctuates depending on my mood.. there are different versions of him and he doesn’t exactly have a set story or universe.. (For instance I didn’t create him specifically to hang out with Loki, but when I needed a friend I gave him Loki as an imaginary one)

Anyway! Some basic facts! He’s ace/aro, and agenderfluid (questioning?), with he/him pronouns (they/them is safe too though)

Kinda short, 5′2″ ish

Around my age, 17-20, but the mental age of anywhere from 8-17 ish.... he’s always kind of childish but how extreme varies from moment to moment

He’s AFAB but I usually draw him flat-chested because I use him as a way to combat dysphoria so, should anyone else want to draw him, best to draw him flat-chested

Loves trying on clothes! (Mainly because I like a lot of clothes but pretty much exclusively wear pajamas so... yeah I use my OCs as models)

Quiet, non-verbal in some versions (in which case he’ll write in a notepad to communicate), very shy

Sometimes makes clicking noises to calm himself

Daydreams a lot, also sleeps a lot

Gets upset over dumb things... and he’s scared of everything

Doesn’t really like being touched but sometimes snuggles Loki when he’s upset

He’s probably autistic

Probably also has borderline personality disorder.. but I’m unsure about giving him the disorders I think I have, because I don’t actually have a diagnosis (scared of doctors).. nonetheless, a lot of the symptoms that come with those disorders, he has

Likes to draw and his muse is Loki

Likes bugs, especially butterflies

Collects rocks

Eats goldfish crackers

Has really bad posture

Okay at this point I’m just adding random facts about me which is probably weird idk xD I don’t know what more to say about him soo yeah... this is my weird persona

aand next up-

Meredith~

(I liked how this art turned out tbh and I might repost it on my other blog..)

Meredith is an OC insert specifically for Marvel Cinematic Universe

She’s dating Loki, and you’ll find a lot more about her and Loki at @cuddly-loki! (It’s my blog specifically for them! :D)

Buuuut I do mention her here occasionally because I love her (and there are definitely traces of her from when this blog was cuddly-loki), so I’m including her in this :3

She’s not really into labels but she is kinda gendermeh, I think of her as a nonbinary woman (...or soft butch, but I call her that mostly when Loki happens to swap genders), but she just uses she/her pronouns

Again, meh about labels but she has dated both feminine and masculine people, and she doesn’t really experience physical attraction the same as most people

Kinda goth, dresses mostly in greyscale colours and in kind of goth/punk clothes I guess (also, she prefers androgynous clothes)

Really affectionate with people close to her, close friends and her boyfriend of course :3 (mild PDA does not make her uncomfortable but it sure does irritate Loki)

Quiet, but not shy- she’ll talk to anyone probably but she’d rather watch them until it makes them uncomfortable xD

Once you get past the being weird or goth to creep you out though, she’s very soft and pretty nice (even if still a little dark)

She’s an aspiring musician.. sorta. She plays violin and loves music.. but also has a weird relationship with music, we’ll just leave it at that for now

Works night shift as a bartender

Likes horror movies

Favourite food is pizza

Loves birds

Doesn’t like technology very much

She has a lineup of mental disorders too I’m sure, she’s an ex junkie for one and likes to feel numb to things..

Also has persistent insomnia, either related to her depression or depression meds, who knows

Lives in her apartment with a couple plants and Loki, who is still adjusting to Earth life

Like mentioned above you can find more of Meredith at my blog @cuddly-loki and if you ask questions about her or her and Loki I will probably be very happy :)

Side note: Meredith is not meant to be a self insert but we do have things in common, and I’d probably get along with her. She’s pretty chill and gets along with most people though haha

A little bonus one, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned her here before but just in case

Gwyneth~

(Okay this turned out a little messy but ehh. It was kind of just from memory, I might have still had references for her but I lost them when my jumpdrive quit so meh)

She’s a dead character that I don’t use anymore and won’t be using anymore but on the off chance I’ve mentioned her or do mention her, I’ll go ahead and add her to this as a little bonus

I created her when I first started obsessing over Loki, and she was a self insert I used to selfship romantically with him... it was okay for a brief time but in the end I hated it. It’s hard to explain, kind of personal.. but for one thing, I’m pretty sure I’m aromantic. I love soft romance stuff but I don’t really want to be part of it.

...And that’s why I killed Gwyneth and created Meredith ehehe

I’m gonna talk about her a little anyway, for one, she was an artist/painter

She liked to take pictures of strangers to paint them and I’m pretty sure that’s how she met Loki (AKA the weirdo on the sidewalk in the all black suit)

I honestly don’t remember what her actual income came from, maybe she was on disability, Idk

Anyway she was a mess. Severely depressed. Couldn’t really keep herself together.

She hid behind jokes and sarcasm though, so no one really knew how bad she was (even Loki, for a time)

She would climb trees which annoyed Loki a little bit, turns out trickster gods don’t enjoy having to climb trees just to talk to their girlfriends

Wore a trench coat as kind of a comfort item (because that’s what I did at that time)

Often got lost in daydreams...

Scared of most things...

Yeah you’ll notice she’s a lot like Echo (even the hair- pbbt). I’ve had a lot of self inserts over the years, killed off when my anxiety convinced me I was being cringey or when they didn’t feel like me anymore.. with Gwyneth it was maybe a tiny bit those things but also other stuff, like being aromantic questioning. Creating Echo was a new start for me because it was more of an exploration of where I’m comfy gender-wise... and, unlike most of my other self inserts, I don’t really age him up. But most importantly... he’s very emotionally messy but he doesn’t hide it (or else he doesn’t hide it well) because one of my things is I need to at least pretend that people would still love me if they knew how sad and broken I am. So.. yes, Echo is a sensitive character, he upsets easily and he’s usually pretty sad.. but that’s kind of the point, because he’s still loved.

.....Anyway sorry for going back to Echo. I don’t have a lot more to say about Gwyneth - she’s dead and not coming back - but she was a stepping stone to where I’m currently comfortable so, RIP Gwyneth I suppose :)

On the page I drew them on it’s kinda funny because it looks like Meredith and Echo are very uncomfortable that Gwyneth is there (which was only semi-intentional ehehe)

Echo looks cautiously curious but Meredith looks very awkward like “Oh.. so you’re back...” ..she’s hiding something... And Gwyneth’s like “So... how’s Loki been?” xD

All these characters are obviously kinda similar which is part of why I put them all here (....clearly I have an obsession with blue hair but shhh), also their connections to Loki, haha.... Meredith is definitely the most connected, Echo’s Loki isn’t real and Gwyneth is dead, so... yeah.

Anyway hopefully this was a little helpful. I might make better guides for Meredith and Echo sometime but for now this works. Also, always feel free to ask questions about them!! :)

#I had to keep adding stuff for echo to make up for the fact that I CANNOT stop myself from rambling about meredith xD #oh you wanna hear about echo? LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MEREDITH #pffft #but seeing as how echo will be on this blog a lot more I tried to give him the longest description thing #also I think I'll make a proper profile/reference thing for meredith sometime so I'm not gonna worry about putting this on cuddly-loki #...maybe the meredith drawing though :3 #giraffe rambles #long post #my ocs #echo #meredith #gwyneth

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wahoo-stomp · 5 years

Text

I’ve never really been a big listener to One Direction.

Okay. That’s a lie. I literally don’t listen to One Direction. Got nothing against them – just never really had any interest, and my music tastes are…limited. So I was more than a little surprised when my Spotify playlist led to a 1D song in the Year of Our Lord 2019. I know Spotify can sometimes select a song that it thinks you’ll like based on what you listen to – but the artist I’d been listening to wasn’t even in the same genre. So imagine my surprise when I’m greeted with—

You're insecure Don't know what for You're turning heads when you walk through the door.

Okay first of all, what?

This is roughly when I reached for my phone to change the song, but then my brain did that thing where it went “eh what the heck” and I let it play a little longer. It didn’t take long for me to see that this is one of many songs with a theme of the singer talking to someone and telling them they’re more attractive than they realize. It’s not the most original concept, but there was nothing particularly offensive to me about this iteration of it, so I let the song continue further. I admit I like pop styled tunes, probably because of a whole bunch of stuff a music theorist could better explain than I can, so it was fun to listen to – and then suddenly something jumped out at me.

I hardly believe I’m saying this, but I’m going to recommend listening to the song to see what I’m talking about if you don’t know it, and NO, this isn’t a plug for a defunct boy band.

Okay, you’ve listened to the point where they go “If only you saw what I can see—” you can pause it there.

So far the artists have stuck to what I would call pleasant but superficial comments. Hair flicking is…not really anything that stands out to me, since frankly I care more about eyes and anyways we’re talking from the perspective of a guy who might be asexual and aromantic (can I say that? I’m still trying to figure it out, so I’m not sure I’m right anyway and hopefully I didn’t irk anyone just now). Lighting up the world, yada yada yada. Heard it all before, will hear it again. But then, when the line mentioned above played, my attention was instantly grabbed.

Now before I explain why that is the case, I’m gonna let ya’ll in on a little secret. I’m super, super duper, super duper duper insecure. I know, right? You never would have guessed*. Nah, but all joking aside, one of the things I struggle with most is a feeling of…worth. Now I do have people in my life who tell me they love me – I have friends who (I think) think pretty highly of me, and I have a job and am overall doing okay for a millennial trying to survive as a liberal arts major in this economic nightmare we call “capitalism.” But even all that granted, I struggle everyday with the idea that I’m really worthy of love or interest or anything along that line. This is largely because I am acutely aware of my faults, including the ones I (gasp) try to hide from others. Fact is, I have a scrolling list of ways in which I bungle things, sometimes daily, and it’s not all that easy to see myself as valuable when I have said list.

*You literally guessed after three seconds.

I can hear you saying “no one is perfect, Josh.” Yeah, I know. Heck, the characters in my other blogs are learning that as we speak (even though I think Rocky is pretty darn close). Still doesn’t keep me from berating myself. Sometimes, if we’re totally honest, the internal and external pressures I face are nearly enough to make me give up on myself as a lost cause.

“Okay, um, this is depressing. Does it get better?”

Well, I have one more thing to add. I’m a Christian.

*cue sirens*

Christians are a scary bunch to some folks, and, uh, I don’t always blame them. Some people claiming to represent Jesus suck immensely at it and there is an extensive list of people who do so that I wish I could just tell to shut up. But, with your permission, we’ll skip over the common stereotypes associated with radical Christianity and, for now, summarize my faith perspective as the following statement – I see God as my friend, and I believe the converse is true.

Good. We’ve got that out of the way.

Here’s the problem. If my faith is to be believed, God knows me inside and out – meaning God knows what an idiot I can be. That’s disconcerting. That’s unnerving. That’s freakin’ terrifying – not because I expect God to drop a bolt of lightning on my face (again, not that kind of “Christian”), but for the same reason I don’t tell all of YOU how messy I can be – I don’t want you to hate me or give up on me and decide I’m not worth it.

Okay. That’s a lot of laundry, but I promise I’m getting to a point.

When I say I see God as a friend, I recognize how that might sound. Many faith traditions not only disagree with that statement, but disagree on the nature of God, period. I’m not here to argue with those folks. Disagreement and respect are compatible. If you don’t mind hearing me out, though, perhaps my perspective on God in relation to a 1D song will provide you with either (a) some encouragement or (b) the final confirmation you need that I am in fact a lunatic. We shall see.

If only you saw what I can see You'll understand why I want you so desperately Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe You don't know You don't know you're beautiful!

Okay, that rolls off the tongue well. What does it have to do with what I mentioned above? Well, if I may be allowed to withdraw a sample (emphasis on sample, I strongly encourage reading the full context of this thing) from the pre-Christian writings of Scripture, more specifically the book of Psalms, chapter 139, verses 17 and 18:

“How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you.”

“Okay, great. Where’s the connection?”

Well, although this particular piece doesn’t mention it, there are a variety of instances in scriptural writ where God’s thoughts towards people, be they individuals or nations, are referenced as positive. (Yes, there are negative examples too, often stated as part of a judgment passage, but I am not skilled in the subject of God’s judgment and will not attempt to go into depth on it right now). The chapter at large acknowledges God’s presence throughout the writers life, even predating birth. For the record, the writer of this particular Psalm, was, uh, messed up. David did some stuff right but whoa nelly he really did some screwball stuff (to put it incredibly lightly) – so we’re not looking at someone who’s perfect when he talks about God’s thoughts.

If we take this piece of writing, therefore, and slightly change the perspective of the speaker…we might end up with a (rather less cliché sounding) 1D song. Now before someone burns me at the proverbial stake, let me clarify what I mean. (NO, I’m not equating holy writ with pop music, promise.)

Let us assume, that these positive examples of God’s thoughts, can be applied to ourselves – or to you and me, to bring it home. If this is the case, when we regard ourselves as unworthy of love, or not valuable, or ugly (a struggle for me personally) or whatever else, is it entirely unreasonable that God’s reaction might be something along the lines of the chorus above?

I think that if we refer back even earlier to that venerable writ in the Torah known as Genesis, we can encounter God’s initial thought on the creation of humankind. Essentially, “It was very good (1:31).”

(For the record, it goes downhill from there as far as the whole “being good” thing goes, but for that moment, at least, God was pretty excited with the state of humankind.)

So let us now take the (limited) textual context and apply it to the, song, taking some creative license (and removing any romantic preconceptions).

Dear one I’d light up the world for nobody else To see a smile on your face makes me smile as well No matter what you may think it’s not hard to tell I still know, oh oh You are just so beautiful If only you saw what I can see You’ll understand why I care for you constantly Right now I’m looking at you and I can’t believe You don’t know – you are just so beautiful.

Okay, now here’s something I feel obligated to clarify. I’m not a fan of fluffy faith. I’m also not a fan of reducing suffering and emotional struggle to a single sentence. Band-aid solutions and glib encouragement irk me. So I am not pretending for a moment that I know what anyone reading this is going through. Really, I’m just writing something for myself and hoping that something in it provides encouragement for others.

Essentially, I believe God’s perception of our value is not tied to ours, and I’m encouraged by the idea that someone smarter than me knows just what I’m capable of, and loves me despite all my dirty laundry.

That doesn’t mean I recommend using 1D as a source of spiritual encouragement.

I do recommend considering the possibility that your favorite love song or the things that encourage you could very well be used by God to try to communicate God’s thoughts to you. Furthermore, I do recommend acknowledging your value is not caught up in only your perspective, and that there are so many ways in which you are valued…beautiful, that you may not even see.

After all, perfection isn’t attainable – but if you don’t dismiss something because it’s imperfect, why would God?

Everyone else in the room can see it, Maybe it’s time you did too.

#josh's journals #long post #faith?#1d #if that set of tags isn't strange i dunno what is lol #but i've had a week™#and this stuff just...came to me

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fawncyfeline · 6 years

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2017 in review

What did you do in 2017 that you’d never done before?

I took a plane by myself. I’ve been on one before but always with someone just following what they do. This year I did the entire thing by myself, got myself there, printed my ticket, went through security, boarded the plane. It was intimidating but validating.

Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I didn’t really make any concrete resolutions that I remember. I’m always in a state of “you should do better”.

Did anyone close to you give birth? Nah.

Did anyone close to you die? No.

What countries did you visit? None this year. I went to Oregon though.

What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017? For the love of god a car please god a car. A certificate in Web and Mobile Development. A new job. A doctor and maybe a therapist? My mental health could really use some work. A Cintiq?

What dates from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? I’m hilariously bad at remembering dates. The only things that come to mind are April 1st which was when I uploaded TRNDSTTR , and November 6, which was my first day starting my technical course in web and mobile development. Oh yeah also july 24th when my sister and I got t-boned on our way back from our parents

What was your biggest achievement of the year? damn uh. See above? navigated airport and started technical college I guess.

What was your biggest failure? I’ve really let my dental health go this year. I’ve always been kinda bad at brushing my teeth but this year its been wore than usual and I know I have a lot of work upcoming that I feel really shitty about. I know it’s going to cost a lot.

Did you suffer illness or injury? tooth got infected and had to get a root canal. the temp cap they put on was too tight and caused a lot of pain for a while

What was the best thing you bought? My character Zephon was designed by and purchased from a good friend of mine and I love him a LOT.

Whose behavior merited celebration? Might be kinda silly but the entirety of Polygon following what happened with Nick. I had just come from a fandom where the content creators handled an eerily kind of situation so poorly that the majority of the fans packed up and moved to other things. It was such a relief to see it handled how it was.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? The aforementioned youtuber, and Honestly??? The entire country. Everything’s been so unbelievably surreal and awful.

Where did most of your money go? besides general living expenses, I’ve spent a lot on art commissions and I don’t regret it. Just look at this gorgeous piece

What did you get really, really, really excited about? Holy shit Ace Attorney. I finally played through the original trilogy and have worked my way up through dual destinies and I’m so in love. I didn’t expect to fall this hard but I have.

What song will always remind you of 2017? SIAMÉS - "The Wolf" because of it’s beautiful video

Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c ) richer or poorer? same as it ever was, fatter, richer by a little

What do you wish you’d done more of? exercised and animated.

What do you wish you’d done less of? nothing. As in I spent a lot of time dissociating on my bed doing nothing instead of getting shit done.

How did you spend Christmas? I stayed at my parents for the majority of the day hanging with my family. It was nice to spend time with them without worrying about when I needed to go to work.

Did you fall in love in 2017? Only with Ace Attorney. I don’t really have any romantic inclinations and I’m ok with that.

What was your favorite TV program? I don’t really watch a lot of TV. Not even Netflix. Steven Universe is always great, and

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Hate is a strong word. there are people I dislike but it’s against a fundamental part of my personality to hate people. I’m too

What was the best book you read? The only literature I’ve read was fanfiction. It’s kind of really sad. I have a lot of good books to read, but I always feel guilty and overwhelmed sitting down with a book.

What was your greatest musical discovery? I’ve really enjoyed Mother Mother and their music this year, and I’ve reintroduced myself to U2 and Collective Soul, which were two bands i grew up on and bring a sense of home and nostalgia whenever I listen to them.

What did you want and get? My aunt was super generous and gifted me the funds to purchase TV Paint, which is a hardy animation program

What did you want and not get? A car, but no surprise there.

What was your favorite film of this year? There weren’t really a lot of movies I liked this year. Wonder Woman was nice

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 20 this year. I didn’t have anything major planned, I went out of town with my mom and little sister and had a good time, and came back to a surprise party with my friends.

What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Not being dependent on my parents. I technically moved out in 2016, but spending the entire year not dependent or beholden to them was a huge relief

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017? 1. Is it clean? Wear it.

2. Overwatch. I own way to many varieties of Overwatch apparel and I always end up wearing at least one of them.

What kept you sane? My friends, internet and IRL, my relatives who have been super supportive of me, music, and my cat Kuvira who I love more than anything in the world.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I don’t really get celebrity crushes. I’m kind of aromantic. I really resonate with Travis McElroy though, for a lot of silly reasons. I’m a middle child too and I relate to a lot of aspects of his personality and feelings towards things and he’s just a really genuine and lovely person.

Who did you miss? I’ve lost contact with a lot of old friends over time, and I’ve found myself really missing them this year.

Who was the best new person you met? I became acquainted with Knyuo , who’s a brilliant artist and a super nice person

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017. 1. Be careful burning bridges, because once the deed is done you can never cross them again. No matter how angry you get, it’s worth it to be the civil one.

2. Be confident. things aren’t as scary as they seem.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Cut My Hair - Mounika

Often I am upset That i cannot fall in love But I guess This avoids the stress of falling out of it Are you tired of me yet? I'm a little sick right now but I swear When i'm ready I will fly us out of here

I won’t tag anyone because I don’t want to.

#fancy speaketh #long post

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