#GUYS THIS IS IRONIC. THIS A JOKE. IM GOING HAHA CAN U SEE ME GOING HAHA…

[quotidianish]

Day 0 of my goofy silly bluey/tlou au

Second post

#bluey #tlou #GUYS THIS IS IRONIC. THIS A JOKE. IM GOING HAHA CAN U SEE ME GOING HAHA… #tlou au #bluey heeler #bandit heeler #bingo heeler #bluey cartoon #bluey fanart #art #Quotidianish

[gigglz]

The live

A/N: Hii this is my first fic so please be nice! Also sorry if its short!

Reader X Tom Holland

FT: some of the Avengers cast.

Warnings: this is a tickle fic (no its not sexual), bad grammar.

Prompt: You just finished shooting a scene on set with your friends, and you found Tom in your trailer, you decided to go live.

Word count: 1,305 

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You had finally wrapped up a pretty long scene with Robert Downey Jr and Chris Evans. aka Iron man and Captain America.

You had been working on the set with the Avengers for a little over 9 months  now, so you havent been in any of the movies yet. Tho you have become really close with all the cast members. 

You had an especially good bond with Tom Holland.

“Hey, Y/N!” Chris called out to you, “wanna come get a coffee with us?”

“No, im good! Thanks! I have tea in my trailer, ill just go there and relax.” You replied with a kind smile.

“Suit yourself! Were going out, we’ll be gone for a while!” Robert tried to change your mind.

“Im good! You can go!” You assured him.

“Kk.” He said trying to copy your language.

“Hey! I dont talk like that!” You fake whined.

“Mhm, okayy! Can we just go now? I want coffee!” Chris was already out the door.

“Coming!” Robert scoffed, and went with Chris.

You started heading for your trailer, you opened the door and saw Tom sitting on  the couch.

“Y/N! Finally!” he whined.

“Oh! Tom! Hi, sorry had to retake the scene too many times.” You flopped on the couch next to him.

“Are they annoying you? Cuz that wouldn’t be suprising, they sometimes drive me crazy! But theyre fun to work with!” Tom said with a chuckle.

“No, no! Its fine, just wanted some tea.” You said as you stood up to go warm up some water.

“Hey! I already made tea!” he showed you the two cups of tea that were sitting on the counter.

“Thanks!” You flopped down on the couch and took the mug in hand.

“So... i’m bored! Wanna go live?” Tom said already opening instagram on his phone.

“Sure! I mean we got nothing else to do!” You said as you scooted a little closer to Tom.

“Alright! Let’s not make it too long tho, I wanna rest a little after this.” Tom said starting the live.

You nodded.

“Hey guys! We have a small break from shooting! So me and Y/N decided to go live!” Tom said nugging you.

“Hey! Don’t spill my tea!” You exclaimed, slapping his shoulder with one hand.

“Haha! Sorry!” He chuckled. He picked up his cup of tea and took a sip.

“Oh! Right! You don’t know who Y/N is yet! Maybe some of you do, that check the cast member list.” He talked to the camera while you took another sip. “Shes playing the role of the new character “Z” in the movie, shes a bit younger then me! So i finally have a friend here, unlike those old men and women.” He giggled, of course he was joking. He loved his other cast members.

“Rude! I like them more than you!” You said sarcastically and laughed at the face that Tom made.

His mouth was wide open and eyes big, he was just looking at you with disbelief. “Z! You can’t say that!!” He turned to you and fake whined.

“Did you just call be by my hero name? Hah! Okay, Spider-man!” You teased him.

The live was filled with the laughing emojis, they seemed to love you already!

“Don’t talk to me like that! I’m the mighty Spider-man!” He called out with pride.

You chuckled. “Okay, Spider-Boy!” you laughed.

He fake gasped while putting his hand to his chest. “How dare you! I could beat you in any battle!” Tom said getting into his Spider-Man character.

“Hah! Yeah right!” You scoffed and he looked at you with a glint of playfulness in his eyes.

“Watch me!” He exclaimed and tackled you to the couch.

He seemed to act if there were no people watching you do this.

“Hey! Tom! I-AGH!” You let out a squeak.

Tom looked at you. “... you ticklish?” He had a small smirk on his face.

“well.. I.. No?” You said with a stutter.

“So.. you wouldn’t mind if i..  DID THIS!” As he said that, he dug into your sides with both hands.

“AGH! TOM! NO! Stahahahap! Nohohooo!” You arched your back while trying to pry his hands off of your sides.

“Ha! You lied! It isnt wise to lie to Spider-Man! TAKE THIS!” He said as he dug into yout stomach.

“AAAAAGH! TOM! TOOOM! Ahahah! noOOo!” You cried out.

“Who is Tom? I’m Peter!” Tom said with a smrik that you could not see.

“OKOK! PETER! STAHAHAP! Nahahaaa!” You laughed your head off, and his teasing didn’t help very much.

“Hey, what’s so funny? Did I miss a joke? Tell meee!” Tom said as he dug deeper into your belly.

“NAHAHAHA! STAHAP! IM GONNA DIHIHIHIE!” You fell into histerics.

“Hey! You didn’t answer my question! Why are you laughing?? Z? Hello?” He teased you, he knew exactly what he was doing.

“PEHEHETER! YOUHAHAHA! YOU’RE TIHIHICKLING MEHEHEEE!” You screamed hoping he would stop, but you also didn’t.

“Ooooh! So that’s why you are laughing, huh? Didn’t take you for the type to be ticklish, Z!” Tom teased as the live was filled with laughing emojis and comments about your cute laugh.

“TOHOHO- I MEAN PEHETER! STAHAP! IHI CAHAHAN’T TAKE IHIT!” You were being pushed to your limit and Tom felt that, he started slowing down but not stopping completely.

Someone entered the live.. it was Robert Downey Jr.

Tom looked over at the live while he was still attacking your ribs, and saw Robert’s comment.

Robert wrote: “Hey, Y/N! You should’ve come with us! Regret it yet? Anyways.. were coming to save you.”

Tom read the comment and let go, “No, wait! You what? Robert!” he scrolled through the lives comments.

You were finally free and you could finally breathe. “Ehehh.. huff..”.

The comments were filled with “OOO!”, “You better run, Spider-man! Iron man is gonna get ya!”, and “OOOOH!”’s.

You sat up and looked over to Tom, when u saw his face in the camera you couldnt help but laugh. “Haha! what happened now??” You saw the You better run comment and realized.

“Hey, no! Y/N help me! He’s gonna actually kill me!” Tom looked over to you.

“Well.. i sujest-” KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.

“Come in!” You said with a laugh, Tom looked at you like you had just stabbed him.

“Heyyy! Y/N, you alive?” Robert and Chris entered your trailer.

“Yeheah! I couldn’t say the same for Tom tho!” You said while turning to Tom who just looked confused and scared at the same time.

Tom was still live, you grabbed the phone from the table and turned the camera, you knew what was going to happen.

“Hey... uhm- I have to go..” Tom said while slowly standing up.

“no can’t do, sorry kid.” Robert said as he grabbed Tom and tackled him to the ground.

“HEY HEY HEY! NOO! Rohobert!! Plehease don’t!” Tom said trying to fight back.

Chris just sat next to you and enjoyed the scene that was about to play out.

“Kid, i’m not even touching you yet!” Robert laughed.

“Whyhy are you talking like Stahark?” Tom said giggling.

“what do you mean? Peter? Are you alright?” Robert said in a sarcastic tone.

“Noho doHONHAHAHAA! ROHOBEHEHERTTT! NAHAHAHA!” Tom broke out in laughter for his fans to see.

Robert dug into his belly, that was one of his worst spots.

“Who’s Robert? I’m Iron Man!” Robert laughed to himself as he quoted the same thing Tom said to you.

Rest of the 10 minutes were filled with Spider-Man’s laughter, as Iron Man wrecked him. Captain America and Z watched the scene with amusement.

After sometime had passed and it was time to go to lseep, you opened Instagram and saw that a lot of people had tagged you and Tom in videos of you getting tickled.

You smiled and went to sleep.

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I hope you enjoyed the fic! I tried really hard to not make any mistakes, but theres probably a shit ton LMAO- That was it for now! I’ll be writing new fics as often as i can! Hope you liked it!

#!ticklish reader #tom holland tickle #marvel tickle fic #tickle fic #marvel tickle #!ticklish Tom Holland #tickle #tickle community #movie tickle #spiderman tickle #mcu tickle #marvel cinematic universe tickle

[mythologyfolklore]

Ares has a bad day

.

“WHY THE FUCK WON'T YOU DIE???”, the war god shrieked furiously, while while stabbing a random mortal soldier like there was no tomorrow.

Dammit, that little fucker should have been long dead by now! Instead he just lay on the ground screaming and crying in agony like a bitch – but he just wouldn't die!!!

“I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE, JUST KILL ME, OHMYGODS-”

“I'm trying, alright?!”, Ares snapped. “Now shut the fuck up! I gotta think …”

But that was kind of hard with thousands of mortal warriors lying around the battlefield similarly screaming and bleeding out.

Which both aggravated and confused the war god; why were they all still alive?! Where was the fun in war, if no one died?!? How was that even possible, most of them should have died of their wounds.

Why was no one dying?!

Where were the Keres? Where was Thanatos?!

Wait … exactly! Where the fuck was Death?!

He would have to give Hades a call. Surely, the King of Erebos would have answers.

“Ares … Ares … ARES, PICK UP THE CALL, DAMNIT!!!”

The war god jumped, but groaned in annoyance and produced his far-speaker.

“Hello, this is Ares, god of terrible war, what do you want?”

A sigh on the other end: “Ares, it's me. Your uncle Hades.”

“Oh, hey! Yeah, listen, there's a problem up here …”

“No one is dying?”

“Yeah. Uncle, where is Thanatos?!”

“Tartaros, if I know!”

“What the fuck?!”

“Yeah. No one has died in over a year! Listen, Ares, I can't leave Erebos because of my work, so you have to help me out – please. I have quotas to fill!”

“What, so you don't lose out to Ereshkigal and Hel again?”, Ares teased.

There was an annoyed grumble at the other end of the line: “Haha, very funny, you git! Just go and get Thanatos back! The last time I saw him was when I sent him to get the criminal Sisyphos. He still hasn't returned and many people in need of the relief of gentle death are suffering. And the Keres are suddenly burdened with work they can't handle. Just yesterday they collapsed from exhaustion. And that disgusting mortal is still alive.”

“Oh, that guy! He killed his guests and cock-blocked my dad, didn't he?”

“NEPHEW!”

The war god winced and held the far-speaker away from his ear.

“What the fuck, don't scream into my ear! Alright, so that explains why no one's dyin' here. Yeah, I'll have found 'im by the evenin'. Expect me in your halls by the end of the day, with Thanatos and that fucker Sisyphos. See ya.” Then he ended the call.

Ares huffed in frustration and went off to find … wait. Where did that motherfucking arsehole live again? Oh right, Corinth …

Just an hour later, a very pissed-off war god burst through Sisyphos' front door.

Upon finding him (a mousy-looking man in his late 60s), he seized him by the tunic and roared: “ALRIGHT, YOU SON OF A BITCH, WHERE THE FUCK IS THANATOS?!”

Sisyphos stuttered: “U-uhm, y-you seem a bit upset, how about a drink fir-”

He didn't get to finish his sentence, because Ares knocked him out.

Scornfully the god looked down on the unconscious mortal. “Never mind, I'll find him by myself. Nice try though, but that has never worked on me!”

Then he searched the whole palace, until he got to the king's bedchamber. There he found a closet, which was unnecessarily covered in chains. Bingo.

With ease he tore the chains away, opened the closet and the weakened death god dropped before Ares' feet.

The war god grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him. “Thanatos! Oi! Can you hear me? Wake up!”

Finally, but oh so slowly, Thanatos opened his eyes and blinked disorientatedly. “Wh-what … happened …?”

“Ya dumb fuck let that ugly bastard getcha drunk and lock ya in a fucking closet, so I had to come here to save ya 'cause no one's dying! What the fuck, man! You had one job! How am I supposed to have fun, if no one is d-mhmph????”

Ares froze, when Thanatos pressed his chapped lips to his own.

“Thank you”, he croaked, before passing out.

For a few minutes Ares was paralysed.

Then he snapped out of his shock, vehemently wiped his mouth and stared at the son of Nyx in horror and disgust.

“Ewww! What the Tartaros is wrong with you! Damn, I feel like I'm in some cheesy romance play by Dionysos, where I have to save the damsel in distress or some weird shit. Now, where's your scythe … oh, there it is!”

With a huff he grabbed the death god's scythe, threw him over his shoulders and dragged the mortal, the death god and the scythe straight down to the underworld.

There he throttled Kharon, until the old geezer gave him and Thanatos a ride and from there carried the poor god to the throne room, where Hades and Persephone were waiting.

“Ares!”, Persephone exclaimed and rose from her throne. “Welcome, my brother! Oh, you found Thanatos! Praise to Ananke!”

“Yeah, didn't take as long as I thought. Anyway, I think death boy here needs medical attention.”

Hades came over, shaking his head. “Really, nephew, I'll never get over how you talk about Thanatos like he isn't older than even myself. But let me see, wha- by the gloomy mists of Khaos!”

The war god had placed the unconscious Thanatos on the floor before the thrones.

The personification of death was – ironically so – more dead than alive.

“Found 'im stuffed and locked in a closet”, Ares told the royal couple. “Arsehole obviously didn't give him food or drink either. Speakin' of that mofo, he's waitin' outside the palace for someone to call him in to be judged and junk.”

Persephone nodded and waved over a few attendants to fetch nectar, ambrosia, a litter and some medical equipment. Then she bent over to examine Thanatos.

“Stretch his wings, so I can get a better look. Ares, what happened exactly?”

So he recounted everything in detail and Hades and Persephone were astounded, when he told them about that kiss.

“How odd”, Hades remarked. “Usually he only kisses his siblings and his mother.”

“I don't care, to whom he does it, as long as it isn't me!”, Ares snapped angrily.

“Now, brother”, Persephone tried to soothe him, “he was starved and dehydrated. Certainly he didn't actually mean to do this. He must have been delirious.”

“Whatever”, Ares grumbled. “I don't want him to do that ever again. Tell him that, when he wakes up. And give him my regards.”

Hades grinned: “Aw, you're leaving already? Don't you want a little snack, before you go?”

“Hades! That joke is getting old!”, cackled Persephone.

Ares just glared at the both of them – he really wasn't in the mood for this!

“No, thanks! I'm not stayin' here any longer! Bye!”

He returned to Olympos in a really bad mood and everybody took care to avoid him, while he was in that state. Grumpily he went to bed and hoped that tomorrow would be a better day.

Well, at least that came true: humans were dying again, just like they were supposed to.

He also received an apologetic letter from Thanatos. The death god wrote that he didn't remember much, but faintly recalled thinking that his twin-brother Hypnos was holding him in his arms.

Okaayyy … still, who the fuck kissed their twin on the mouth?!

Not even he and Enyo did that!

The children of Nyx were so weird!

#Greek Mythology #ares #thanatos #hades #persephone #sisyphos #ares just wants to see people kill each other

[kaneshiroflms]

Endgame things and thoughts

Nebula and Tony hanging out was so adorable they have my heart :<

Carol singlehandingly bringing a wholeass ship back to earth ?ugh her mind

Thanos just chilling and cooking and Carol just fucking going for him is poetic cinema

Thor saying “I went for the head”

5 FUCKINF YEARS?!

Scott being saved by a rat? Iconic.

Scott panicking when looking for Cassie’s name then seeing her all grown up and ok was heartbreaking specially knowing he didn’t get to see her grow up

Scott giving all he could to get the others back and trying his best not to breakdown when mentioning Hope

“She’s my.. she was my..”

Scott saying he lost someone very important to him :((

I dont rlly ship them but the Carol and Rhodey interaction was cool of them to reference

Carol and Nat’s hair is sending me

Tony as a father is so adorable and i love morgan already

I’ve read posts saying that Tony rejecting helping them with the time heist was sefish, but he just didn’t want to risk losing the people he loves again. He didn’t want his daughter to lose a father or lose Pepper since him being back was already a second chance for him

Peter being his motivation :((

Morgan is so much like his dad uwu Tony is such a great dad

Valkyrie in midgaurdian clothes

KORG

Thor having a beer belly made the entire theatre gasp lmao

I also think they did him dirty. Specially since he clearly had ptsd and it seemed like they just turned it to a joke

Scott turning into a baby and Tony knowing he turned to a baby lmao

Bruce giving Scott tacos after his first one fell

Scott being friendly to Nebula :<

Scott giving 2012 Tony a cardiac arrest and 2023 Tony shouting for help lmao

“I could do this all day” “I know”

“That’s America’s ass”

Loki mocking steve

Loki’s lil wave at hulk in the elevator :< i miss my bitch

I really thought they’d make the elevator scene a parallel to the one in tws and we’d see a fight again

2012 Steve letting go of 2023 Steve when he told him that Bucky was alive

Steve and Tony in the 70s!

they should’ve had Dominic Cooper play Howard again.

Tony talking to his dad about his daughter

Peggy still having Steve’s photograph just like he has her’s :((

Steve seeing Peggy :((

JARVIS MY MAN

Nat and Clint being happy and giddy in space makes me cry now knowing whats gonna happen next

Peter singing without music lmao

Fuck thanos for hurting both nebulas

When Clint and Nat’s foreheads were together:( i love their friendship

“Please let me go” :(( Natasha deserved better

The fact that this film values family is so sweet

Thor and Frigga’s interaction and Thor saying his last goodbye to Frigga :((

Thor wanting to be the one to hold the gauntlet so he could do something right :<

Clint’s reaction when his wife called

Why does thanos always let the others do his work smh

Cap wielding mjolnir lemme tell u everyone in the theatre sCREAMED

The shot where Steve was ready to fight thanos and his army alone even before he knew the others would come is just-

“On your left”

Everyone who were gone appearing was so powerful

When peter appeared everyone cHEERED

The fact that everyone was there, Wakandans, Wong, the guardians etc iCONIC

“Avengers, assemble.” C h i l l s

Peter telling Tony what happened and tony hugging him

“Oh this is nice”

T’challa finally saying Clint’s name lmao

Captain Marvel’s entrance

Carol really just flew through a fucking battleship and managed to come out without a single scratch

“Hi im peter parker” “hey peter parker, you got something for me?”

HOPE VAN DYNE

“Is that everyone?” “Like you wanted more?”

“I don’t even know who you are” “you will” Amen sister

And the fact that Wanda singlehandedly nearly killed thanos and thanos had to recruit his army cos he got threatened by a woman

When Peter met Gamora and said “I thought I lost you”

Gamora kicking his balls HAHA

The all women scene was so powerful the entire theatre cheered

It upsets me tho that Natasha who brought them together wasn’t there

Hope and scott teaming up again oh god we dont deserve them

Captain marvel going for thanos the second time and when he tried punching her and she didnt flinch

Tony looking at Stephen was the time he knew what was supposed to be done

When tony had the gauntlet

“I’m inevitable” “i am iron man”

Peter going for tony “mr stark, can you hear me? It’s me peter.” “We won Mr. Stark. We won. You did it”

Pepper gently putting peter aside :((

The fact that pepper said “but will u be able to rest” back in their home when tony told her about the time travel thing and while he was slowly dying she told him “it’s okay, you can rest now”

Also when pepper was trying so hard to pull herself together and even said “we’re going to be okay.” And when she gave him a final kiss in the cheek but breaking down when Tony finally died

Tony’s last message while we see Clint reuniting with his family, T’challa, Shuri and Ramonda watching over the city, Hope, Cassie and Scott watching the sky and being happy

When hologram Tony looked at Morgan and said “I love you 3000” :((

the fact that Morgan lost his father at such a young age and that she wouldn’t get to grow up with a father. She probably doesn’t even understand what was going on

Morgan hugging her mom,, she must be so confused

When everyone was there for the funeral :( even Harley

Carol in those pants? G a y

Bucky in that jacket and jeans? Also gay

VALKYRIE AS THE QUEEN OF ASGARD? Iconic

Peter still searching for Gamora :((

“Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone” “ur bringing all the stupid with u” THAT REFERENCE

“I’ll miss you” “it’s gonna be alright buck” Bucky knew what Steve was gonna do and that he wouldn’t come back

IM LIVING FOR SAM AS THE NEW CAP

“Wanna tell me about her?” *looks to the view and slowly smiles* “no, i dont think i will” HE CLEARLY HAD A HAPPY LIFE AND HE DESERVES IT

Steve and Peggy looked so happy and content and they deserve it

I still didn’t get why some didn’t like Steve’s arc,, Steve created a different timeline in which he comes back to Peggy and they both chose to get married and live together. So there is a different timeline where Peggy moved on, but in this timeline Steve and Peggy gets to be happy and grow old together. Steve is happy and he deserves to be :)

Also do u guys ever wonder if steve came back to the same date and place Peggy told him when he was about to crash the plane :((

The way the movie ended tho,, when right after we see Steve and Peggy dancing and kissing it cuts to black and the lyrics of the song start as the credits start rolling too. It’s such a beautiful way to conclude the phase :”( they ended it with Steve in the 40s, the very first avenger and the decade it all began.

Also the credits where they had their signatures :((

Anyway thats all thanks for coming to my tedtalk,, also feel free to add some more of ur thoughts from the film :)

#avengers #endgame #avengers endgame #avengers spoilers #avengers age of ultron #tony stark #steve rogers #natasha romanoff #bruce banner #thor odinson #clint barton #ironman #captain america #black widow #hulk #thor #hawkeye #antman #paul rudd #scott lang #hope van dyne #the wasp #nebula #karen gillan #guardians of the galaxy #gamora #peter quill #loki #peggy carter #bucky barnes

[sparklyicecube]

Houseki No Gift Exchange - A Gamer’s Christmas

 To: @diisuke

From: @sparklyicecube

Merry Christmas~

“A Rutile, nice! Here Phos, take it. You could use a boost.”

“Nah, I know you’ve been eyeing that gem for your collection anyway.”

“Phos. You have 13hp left.”

“But Moony, it’s a Rutile though, I know you wanted to get at least one of these~"

“Fine! I’ll take it.”

“Yes, take it! I know you want it.”

“It is a really amazing item though; it can heal your hp and it’s super valuable…”

“Exactly, so take it!”

“I will!”

“Phosphophylitte! Are you flirting with your Moony-chan again?” Antarcticite’s voice rang out from beyond Phos’s headset.

Phos went red from the comment, even though Moonwalkerpatrol and them decided to date they had not gotten used to it all. Antarcticite leaned down and pulled the mic of the headset to their own mouth, pressing their ear to the side of the headset.

“Hello Moonwalkerpatrol, as much as I enjoy seeing Phos spend time with other, respectable people, they do have an exam tomorrow and they need to sleep.”

“Oh, no problem, I have an exam tomorrow too. Phos watch out-! “

Antarc and Phos watched the screen flash as Phos got killed by a stray monster.

“I told you to take the Rutile.” Came Cinnabar’s amused voice. “Goodnight Phos, sweet dreams.”

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­(Houseki No Kuni Gift Exchange!)

“I’m going to ask to meet them today, we can meet up in real life!” Phos was skipping down the pavement on the way to school, Antarc following close behind.

“No gaming in class.” Reminded Antarcticite.

“Haiiiiiiiii.”

As they entered the classroom through the back door Phos saw Cinnabar look up at them, through their bright red hair their eyes made eye contact, Phos hid behind Antarc, hiding from Cinnabar in way any onlookers would describe as comedic.

The class was still incomplete, and students were openly talking, gossiping and laughing, Cinnabar was vaguely aware of dying in the game they were playing.

“I told you Phos hates me.” Bort looked up from the notebook they were writing in at Cinnabar’s statement.

“They don’t hate you Cinnabar,” Cinnabar looked dejectedly at their own notebook, “They’re just scared of you.” Cinnabar slumped slightly lower.

“Way to go in making me feel better.” No one in class had anything against Cinnabar, they just weren’t close to them, no one but Phos it seemed.

Bort put down their pen, a slightly guilty expression on their face. “Look, Phos just doesn’t know you well enough, which is fair since no one really does, but maybe if you make more of an effort to talk to them, they’ll like you more?”

Cinnabar thought for a while, then took their phone and opened an app, a game to be precise. “You know this game?”

Bort leaned over to look at the game. “Yeah, of course I have, you play it all the time in chemistry.”

“Well, this is the mobile version, at home I play it on my PC, but either way, I’m dating this- “

“You’re dating?!” Bort wasn’t loud enough for the whole school to hear but it certainly was loud enough for most of the class to turn around. “Sorry. They’re a real person right?”

“Yes to both, I mean, I think so. We act like we’re dating, and we say we love each other before we go offline, and we send virtual kisses, but we’ve never really said we were dating? I mean except that one time but I’m not sure whether it was a joke. Anyway. I’m 99% sure I know who I’m dating.”

“You know they could be scamming you, or catfishing you, or trying to kill you…”

“Okay one, you are paranoid, and two, look at their username!” Cinnabar pointed to the username that read: Phos3.5.

Bort slowly looked at Cinnabar, then at Phos who was sitting nearer the front trying to balance a pencil on the back of their pinkie finger, back to the username, they let out a small chuckle.

“This is funny to you isn’t it.”

“I don’t know it just seems like a cheesy drama, either way if you’ve managed to date Phos in the game you definitely can date in real life, right? I mean I don’t get your taste but if you guys are already dating it won’t be that hard. Find out whether they are really the same person though, otherwise it’ll be awkward.”

“I- “Cinnabar got cut short by their chemistry teacher coming in, Bort immediately switched focus to the material and the lesson while Cinnabar took out their phone to text the number that Phos gave them a while ago.

Moonwalkerpatrol:     Hi 😊

Phos3.5:                    Hiii!!! 😊😊😊

Phos3.5:                    What’s up?

Moonwalkerpatrol:     Nothing, just wanted to see how you were doing

Phos3.5:                    Im doing fine!!! Class is boring though…

Find out whether they are the same person.

Moonwalkerpatrol:     What class are you having?

Phos3.5:              Chemistry I think?

Moonwalkerpatrol:     You think?

Cinnabar looked up and stretched their neck to look at Phos, who was, in fact, typing under the table.

“Cinnabar, you seem excited, could you tell me the last step of crystallisation?” Cinnabar immediately shrunk back, looking at the board in hope that it would offer some sort of help.

“I-in an experiment for salt? O-or for gemstones?”  

“In an experiment to obtain salt.”

Cinnabar stuttered for a bit when Bort subtly slid over their notes. “Uh, turning off the heat and letting the rest of the water evaporate naturally.”

“Correct.” Cinnabar shrunk back into their seat, face burning after a having to speak in front of the whole class, sinking their head into their arms.

*Ping* *Ping* *Ping* *Ping*

Cinnabar looked up at their phone, which was dinging quietly with notifications. If that new fighting game that they downloaded was the culprit then it could be deleted, it wasn’t that interesting. It wasn’t, indeed, the new fighting game, instead they were looking at 35 new messages from Phos3.5.

Phos3.5:                    MOONY      

Phos3.5:                    Are you there?

Phos3.5:                    R u ok?

Phos3.5:                    Where are you?

Phos3.5:                    Answer me I’m getting worried

Phos3.5:                    You could see my messages then you couldn’t, are you ok?

Moonwalkerpatrol:     Srry

Phos3.5:                    OMG are you okay???

Moonwalkerpatrol:     I’m okay, just contemplating why I’m alive

Phos3.5:                    ☹

Phos3.5:                    Is it smth I said?

Phos3.5:                    Im sorry

Phos3.5:                    I love you tho

Moonwalkerpatrol:     I’m sorry, it’s not your fault!

Phos3.5:                    You’re alive cus you’re an amazing person

Phos3.5:                    And you probably are an amazing person in real life too

Phos3.5:                    You’re great at gaming but you’re also really good in making me feel good

Phos3.5:                    And you’re probably really pretty too

Phos3.5:                    But even if you aren’t you’re beautiful inside and I know that for a fact.

Cinnabar stared at the texts that had overwhelmingly positive compliments that were flowing in unprompted and unconditionally.

Moonwalkerpatrol:     Sorry… just thinking of stuff and got distracted so I didn’t see your messages

Phos3.5:                    Haha, there was some poor kid who got picked on by Sensei to say the answer, I would’ve helped them but I didn’t really know the answer either…

Moonwalkerpatrol:     …I feel sorry for them

Phos3.5:                    Yeah… they’re sorta scary but they are sorta pretty too. I’m sure you’re pretty too tho

Cinnabar mentally processed the fact that Phos called their real self pretty, giving them the confidence that spurred them to text their next message.

Moonwalkerpatrol:     About real life tho, do you want to meet up sometime? Like, in real life?

Phos stared at their phone in awe, with wide, wavering eyes, ignoring the teacher entirely.

Phos3.5:                    AAAAAAA I was thinking the same thing!!!

Phos3.5:                    Wait that wasn’t a typo right? You don’t mean the Ruby Stadium on level 5 right?

Phos3.5:                    Or the Shackle Ruins that we usually meet at

Moonwalkerpatrol:     Nope

Moonwalkerpatrol:     Uh actually

Cinnabar took a deep breath, ironic as they were texting and not speaking.

Moonwalkerpatrol:     I go to a school called Gakuen Houseki, we could meet at the gates at some point?

Phos3.5:                    OMG!

Phos3.5:                    I GO THERE TOO!

Phos3.5:                    THIS IS AMAZING!

The bell rang, signalling the end of this period and the start of the next one, Bort was flipping through their notes trying to memorise as much as possible. Antarc lightly smacked Phos.

“What?” Phos questioned, still on a high.

“Class, as you – should – already know we have an exam today. Books aside, pencil cases out and phones away, I’m looking at you Phos.” Phos reluctantly put their phone away as the class plunged into a concentrated area of fear and concentration.

(Houseki No Kuni Gift Exchange!)

“So, they go to our school, and they want to meet you.” Antarcticite confirmed, walking back home after school.

“Yep! We just have to decide on a date.”

“Where are you guys going to go?”

Phos hm’d for a while, staring up at the sky. “I don’t know, maybe… the Waffle House?”

“Not the place I’d go for my first date, but I won’t judge.” Phos reddened at the statement, only really registering the ‘meet up’ aspect and not considering that it might be their first legitimate date.

Once they got home Phos rushed to the computer and started it up.

“Hi Moony-kun,” chimed Phos as they connected their headsets.

“Hi Phos. How was your exam?”

“I’m pretty sure I bombed it, you?”

“I don’t pay attention in Biology so...”

“You had a Bio test too? Do you have Alexandrite sensei too?”

“Yeah, that sensei is tough, they give tests all the time.”

“So, when do we meet? Wednesday?”

Cinnabar considered this, it was Monday, but the Waffle House Cinnabar was thinking of going to only served their favourite dish on Sunday.

“Sunday maybe? I want to take you somewhere, but the best dish is only served on Sunday.”

“I have somewhere I wanna take you too! We’ll take turns then.”

The game started and they both turned from discussing their Sunday plans to screaming strategy.

(Houseki No Kuni Gift Exchange!)

The days went by a little too slowly, Phos was sprawled on the grass tearing apart flowers while Antarc was trying to help teach them the homework, inside the classroom was a very different atmosphere.

“Cinnabar, are you okay?” Jade looked at them in concern, Cinnabar was killing zombies on their phone, letting off some steam.

“Yeah, it was just a dumb argument anyway.” Cinnabar mumbled.

“Well… Dia is crying in the janitor’s closet right now and refuses to come out so I was wondering whether you were okay. It’s okay to not be okay.”

Cinnabar suddenly felt the world’s eyes on them, like in a click of the switch, or the reality of Jade’s words just crashing into them like a bullet train. If Cinnabar were to be honest with themselves, they legitimately did not feel bad about the argument, it was dumb, they should apologise, and they felt slightly ashamed for running their mouth like that, but not hurt. That scared them. Now Dia, one of the softest, kindest students in the class was off crying in the closet because of something that they did. It should hurt. Cinnabar should be feeling sadness, or anger, but all they’re feeling is guilt. This overwhelming guilt and a gnawing voice that tells them that everything they touch crumbles and dies, is stained or shattered.

Cinnabar noticed a soft *ping* from their phone.

Phos3.5:                    Heyyyyyy

Phos3.5:                    Im bored

Phos3.5:                    You’re not in class right

Cinnabar thought about it, about seeing Phos and knowing and being with them in person, not just behind a screen or from across the classroom. Phos was pure, innocent and kind. They wouldn’t want someone like them anyway.

Moonwalkerpatrol:     Actually, I’ve been thinking that this isn’t really sustainable.

Phos3.5:                    Busting out the big words? Haha

Moonwalkerpatrol:     Phos, I think it’s best if we don’t see each other on Sunday. This wasn’t going to work out anyway.

Phos3.5:                    I don’t get it, are you cancelling our date?

Cinnabar bit their tongue at the word ‘date’, forcing tears back into their eyes.

Moonwalkerpatrol:     Not just the date, I think we should break up.

Phos stared at the words in disbelief, everything was going fine, they didn’t have a fight or anything! Moonwalker couldn’t just… they couldn’t just leave like that.

Phos3.5:                    But why?

Phos3.5:                    What happened?

Phos3.5:                    We can work this out, talking is always the best, keeping everything inside isn’t going to help.

Phos3.5:                    Moonwalker?

Cinnabar couldn’t bear to look at the messages, turning off their phone and packing their things.

“Cinnabar!” Cinnabar spun around, trying to break the grip that Bort had on their arm, “It’s only lunch time, you aren’t going home are you?” Cinnabar bit back tears, forcing them to stay in their eyes and not drip down.

“And if I am? You can’t stop me.”

“Look, Dia is sensitive and cracks easily, but that doesn’t mean you can just run away from it.”

“This isn’t about Dia okay? Let me go!”

“No, I can report you to the teacher for trying to skip class and they’ll have record of it, do you want a black mark?”

“Oh, now you’re threatening me?” Cinnabar felt a trickle slowly make its way down their cheek. “Just leave me alone.”

Bort sighed and let go. Cinnabar didn’t bolt or run, just sat down and put their head in their arms.

“It’s okay to talk about it you know. I’m really bad with people but I won’t judge.” When Cinnabar turned their head slightly to peer at Bort the other had sat down and was looking at them with almost reassuring eyes, their words echoed Phos’s too much to ignore. Phos.

“I-I broke up with Phos.” Bort looked taken aback.

“Before or after the fight?”

“After. It’s just, whenever I do anything it just hurts everyone around me: Dia, you – I don’t want Phos to be the next one.” Cinnabar rested their cheek on their arms, eyes almost but not quite closed.

“Well firstly, it’s going to take a lot more than being a bit angry to hurt me, so I can be taken off your list of victims thank you very much.” Bort paused, sensing that it might not have been the best thing to start with. “But secondly, you have been nothing but kind to Phos. You’re a bit rough on the edges but it isn’t a guarantee that they’ll get hurt because you’re there, if that was true you would’ve hurt them by now from how long you tell me you’ve been together.”

“Phos deserves better than me.”

“I would actually argue that you could do better than Phos.” Cinnabar glared at Bort, who managed to get the point. “Either way, aren’t you hurting them way more by dumping them?”

Cinnabar felt like the world was sucking out their soul, slowly reeling it into the darkness.

“It’s better that I hurt them now rather than have them be hurt by me many times in the future.”

(Houseki No Kuni Gift Exchange!)

Phos was crying, while Antarc hugged them, seething with rage but trying their best to have a reassuring, comforting aura. They bit back insults towards Moonwalker as they knew it wouldn’t make Phos feel any better, but they sit were angry that anyone would hurt Phos like that.

“I-I don’t know *sniff* why they would do that. I- *sniff* I didn’t say anything wrong, did I?” Antarc handed them a tissue.

“You didn’t do anything wrong Phosphophylitte, in no way was it your fault.” Antarc bit back the unsaid ‘It was Moonwalker’s fault’. “Come on now, wipe your tears and toughen up. We can learn from this that unexpected things can happen, even if they are unpleasant. We can’t fight it; all we can do is stand up afterwards. So get up, that’s it.” Antarc helped Phos get on their feet, still blowing into the tissue. The warning bell rang, Antarc shouldered Phos’s things for them.

Cinnabar watched them walk into the class, Phos with red eyes and sniffing and Dia being quiet and down. They buried their head in their hands.

Antarc scanned the classroom, for once not paying attention to the lesson as much. There was only one class having a Biology test on Monday and that was their class, if Moonwalkerpatrol was from their school (which most likely they were telling the truth as they could chat with Phos about a particular teacher) then they would be in this class. Antarc heard Moonwalkerpatrol’s voice before, they could remember hearing something similar in one of their classes, but they couldn’t remember who…

“Could Bort’s group present next?” Bort nudged Cinnabar, who was the other member in the group.

“Is Cinnabar okay?” The teacher looked mildly concerned.

“They just,” Bort hesitated, “Didn’t get much sleep last night.”

Cinnabar sat up, “I’m fine,” they said quietly.

The two got to the front of the class and presented, Cinnabar said the information they needed to, in as loud a voice as they could since the teacher interrupted them several times to say they needed to be louder. The entire class’s eyes were on them, they could feel it. They could feel the stares, the whispers, Cinnabar glanced towards Phos, who was staring at them with slightly narrowed eyes, Cinnabar broke eye contact and looked away guiltily. That made them feel worse. The other groups did their presentations, they had another class, and finally the bell rang to signal the end of the day.

“Phos, you walk home first okay? I have something to do first.” Antarc said after class.

“Oh, okay.”

Antarc walked to the back of the classroom where Cinnabar sat.

“Hey.” Cinnabar jerked their head up, looking Antarcticite in the eye, that was another reason they knew it was Phos, because they were sure it was Antarc’s voice through the headset sometimes as well. They averted their eyes to their notebook. “You’re Moonwalkerpatrol aren’t you.”

Cinnbar nodded, with only the barest of movement to indicate confirmation.

“Are you trying to pick on Cinnabar?” Came Bort’s voice, with Bort glaring at Antarc, the two locked in a fierce battle with knives and swords and saws clashing.

“Cinnabar just dumped Phos over text with no indication why after they were the one to ask them to meet in real life. If that doesn’t sound like asshole material, I don’t know what will!”

“Cinnabar might seem like an ice queen, but they can’t be because you obviously claim that throne. They feel really bad about it, and literally only did that because they are an insecure person who for some reason doesn’t think they’re good enough for someone as lame as Phos!”

Cinnabar was surprised that Bort was standing up for them but with every word from either of their mouths they sunk lower into their chair, wishing they could disappear, wishing they could go away, wishing-

“SHUT UP! Both of you!”

Cinnabar looked up to see none other than Phosphophylitte them self, arms straight out beside them after stomping their foot.

“Phos, I thought you went back.”

“Well after I figured out who Moonwalkerpatrol was, did you really think I’d go? Antarc, I get that you care about me, and that you’re angry but this has nothing, nothing to do with you.” Phos grabbed Cinnabar’s hand, who was still in shock, and pulled them out of the classroom.

(Houseki No Kuni Gift Exchange!)

Cinnabar breathed out, with their breath appearing as a misty steam in the cold, winter air. They were still holding onto Phos’s hand, which wasn’t pulling at theirs anymore, there was no point for their hands to be linked except for the fact that it never felt right for them to let go. The silence was rather comforting, there was a hint of frost on the pavement and a cooling breeze. Cinnabar felt Phos shiver.

“Are you okay?” Cinnabar realised that Phos’s hand was cold and stopped.

“I’m fine, just a bit cold, I didn’t bring my jacket…” Cinnabar considered this, they hadn’t brought a jacket either, but something caught their eye.

“C’mon, let’s go inside.”

Both stepped into the Waffle House, the warmth washing over them.

“Ah, I have some money in my pocket, let’s get something.” Cinnabar hadn’t used their lunch money; they had decided to skip today, and lunch had been a bit hectic.

After both were seated with warm wraps and a milkshake, Phos decided to break the silence.

“I’ll pay you back.” They blurted, after having taken a bite and feeling a bit warmer.

“You really don’t need to; they don’t cost much anyway. Besides, I owe you.”

Phos put down their wrap. “Moony-kun, you don’t owe me anything, you know that right? Yes, I was upset, but not with you, just the fact that I didn’t know why. I understand now, and I still love you just as much.”

“Ah, see that, right there. You forgave me so easily. I don’t deserve that.”

“Yes, you do. That isn’t arguable. Now eat your wrap, it’s going cold and you look underweight.”

Cinnabar obediently bit into the wrap, it was genuinely delicious and filled Cinnabar with a warmth that coursed through their body.

“When did you become so responsible?”

“What do you mean? I’ve always been more mature than my age.” They both laughed, Phos trying to drink the milkshake and getting whipped cream on the side of their mouth due to not being able to stay still.

“There you go, being soooo grown up.”  Cinnabar said, using their thumb to wipe the whipped cream off, then promptly licking it off their thumb.

Phos gasped, “Moony-chan! - Cinnabar - that was an indirect kiss!”

“Well firstly, you can still call me Moony if you want to but my name is Cinnabar so you can call me whatever you like. Secondly,” Cinnabar leaned closer to Phos, “Aren’t we dating already?”

Phos turned as red as well, a Cinnabar, and made a failed attempt at hiding behind their wrap.

“So we are dating again. Good.” Phos lowered their wrap and looked at Cinnabar, “I’m really glad that Moonwalkerpatrol turned out to be you, you look prettier than your avatar in the game, and Aurora is pretty sexy.”

Cinnabar stared at Phos with their mouth agape, slowly flushing red. “You-you- when did you get smooth?!” Phos laughed at that and they continued chatting and talking as the clock moved its hands.

“I was planning on taking you here, they only have the blueberry delight waffle on Sunday,” mentioned Cinnabar.

“Same! For the exact same reasons! I guess if we went out on Sunday, we’d wouldn’t know what to do after Waffle House.

Just then the bells at the door dinged as it was opened, the two looked up as the shop had been fairly quiet. The two who came in were none other than Antarcticite and Bortz, bickering while holding twice the number of bags they should have been.

“Why would they come to the Waffle House?!”

“Well maybe not everyone is an ice queen and has warm blood running through their veins and so need some warmth!”

“That makes no sense, if your point is that humans are warm blooded creatures then that proves my point that your body can regulate its own body temperature.”

Antarc spotted Phos and Cinnabar, who were watching in amusement.

“There you are! You left and walked all the way here without your bag, money or even your jacket!”

“I’m fine, Cinnabar paid for the wraps and we talked things out. Everything is okay now.”

Bort and Antarc shared a look that wasn’t of pure hatred, and after putting the bags on the seats they both bowed.

“I’m sorry I got mad at you and yelled without knowing what happened.”

“I’m sorry for calling you lame and for yelling back without watching my tongue.”

Phos and Cinnabar looked at each other in pure amazement, then started to whisper to each other.

“I’m sure Antarcticite was the one who got Bort to do it, Bort has a ton of pride.”

“You clearly don’t know Antarc because when they think what they did was right they will never apologise.”

Phos noticed Bort and Antarc standing there awkwardly and pulled away, clearing their throat.

“Ahem. Cinnabar, should we accept their humble apology?”

“I believe we should.”

Bort sighed in relief. “Can we please get something to eat, those waffles are smelling really good right now.”

Antarc grabbed their wallet, “Yeah sure.”

(Houseki No Kuni Gift Exchange!)

“Hi Cinnabar~ Ready for Christmas break?”

“Yep! Ready to be done with school and finally try out that new action game.”

“You mean you haven’t tried it yet?”

Cinnabar looked at Phos in amusement. “We had like, four tests in the past week, where did you find time?” Cinnabar chuckled as Phos sputtered.

“Hi Cinnabar, hi Phos.”

“Good morning Dia,” Cinnabar greeted, Phos just waving as a reply.

“Where’s Antarc by the way?” asked Cinnabar.

“Something about making sure that the term-end project was the highest quality, they slept over at Bort’s place.” Phos grinned, “Isn’t a ‘class project’ the oldest excuse in the book for hanging out with someone?”

Cinnabar shrugged, “Hey, knowing those two they probably spent all that time actually doing the project.”

Right on cue Bort and Antarc arrived, panda-eyed and bickering as usual.

“Oh Phos, good to see you made it to school on time, hi Cinnabar.” Cinnabar waved and Phos greeted them back.

“Remember the rules,” reminded Bort.

“No flirting at the desk. We weren’t flirting though,” Cinnabar defended.

“Yeah, we were just wondering if you guys managed to complete your project.”

Bort and Antarc looked at each other, “Well we did, at 5am.”

“Who was it who wanted to add the history of it on top of everything?”

The two started bickering yet again, with Phos just shaking their head in mock disapproval and Cinnabar laughing.

“Those two just go into their own world don’t they.”

“Yep. Hey I came up with an experiment!”

“You and experiments. What is it?”

“Experiments are the only fun part of science okay? Anyway,” Phos took Cinnabar’s neck in their hands and they both kissed, deep and long with the warmness seeping in, enveloping both of them in a cosy feeling. When they were devoid of oxygen they broke apart, gasping for breath, simultaneously turning around to check for reactions.

“Aaaaaaand they’re still bickering.”

“If they didn’t notice that then they are definitely whipped.”

“Phos?”

“Hm?”

“I love you.”

“I love you even more.”

#housekinoexchange #cinnaphos #phosphophylitte #cinnabar #hnk #Antarcticite #Bortz #bort #I stayed up until midnight writing this #sorry there's a lot of angst but I added as much fluff as I could! #implied antarcbort

[magpiewords]

Sugar and Snow

This was way too much fun to write. Text-talk style is my guilty pleasure. The title isn’t my best, but half the story is about a ski trip and half of it is about sufganiyot.

It was the sixth night and no one was home. Steve shouldn’t have been surprised, they were all busy people. The fact that nothing alien or super powered had threatened the world in the past few weeks was a miracle all on it’s own. He was grateful for the peaceful days they had together, but he was left wanting more as he stood alone in the kitchen, mading a single sandwich out of leftover brisket. There weren’t even any latkas left to heat up, and he really didn’t feel like making more if he was just by himself.

He was on the last bites of his sandwich when his phone buzzed. A lone text message from Tony. [check snapchat]

Steve was just happy with was in actual English instead of whatever amalgamation of emojis the genius was prone to communicate with. Bucky had picked up on that new language fast enough, which seemed to give everyone else clearance to speak solely in pictures on the team group text. They were having so much fun and Steve didn’t have the heart to tell them he felt left out.

Snapchat wasn’t as bad. It took him a little longer than everyone else to figure out, but once he did, he loved it. It was still more pictures than words, but it was pictures of real life. Usually it was selfies or sneaky pictures of Clint asleep at a stakeout. The stickers were really fun and everyone seemed to enjoy the drawings Steve could create after Natasha had given him a stylus.

He opened the app, noticing several notifications waiting for him on the team thread. A video of Sam walking past some birds on his way to meet with an advisor for his master’s degree, a series of photos in which Bucky braided Thor’s hair, and finally, one photo from Tony.

The geo-filter said Los Angeles in a fancy type, and the image was of a giant donut sign above a building. The caption must have been what he wanted Steve to see.

[THEY MAKE SUFGANIYOT AND IM SCREAMING want some???]

The rest of the picture was filled with heart-eye emojis and what looked like water droplets. Steve chuckled to himself and snapped a photo of his open palm. It only took a minute to doodle a cartoon donut on the image.

[I would love one.]

Tony didn’t reply for a while, but Steve had already put his phone away and made himself comfortable in the living room. Everyone else had missions and meetings and “Thor’s never been skiing so we’re going upstate for the day”, but Steve had things to do too. Important things like…

Well, he had his sketch book and some podcasts. That was fine.

It could have been five minutes or a few hours, but Steve’s phone turned on and didn’t seem to stop. He scrambled to pull it out of his pocket; it would only go off like this if he was getting a phone call which probably meant villainy had finally stopped taking a vacation. If that was the case, though, wouldn’t Jarvis be alerting him too?

Instead of a phone call, he was rapidly getting a string of text messages.

TStark: buck how could u fail us like this???

Bucky: wut im skiing i literally did nothing

Widow: winter soldier sucks at winter sports btw

Bucky: fuck off

Hawkeye: haha i want pics

TStark: no shut up

TStark: steve’s never had Sigmund Freud

TStark: i mean stuff and yaks

TStark: autocorrect bullshit i cant do this while flying

Col.Rhodes: DON’T TEXT AND FLY

Col.Rhodes: We talked about this

TStark: S U F G A N I Y O T

Widow: omg bucky how could u

Steve had barely caught up with the string of texts when his snapchat notified him again. It was from Natasha’s account, but someone else was filming. Likely Thor, if the camera half being covered by a thumb was anything to go by. The video featured Natasha and Bucky, both on skis at the bottom of a slope they must have just come down. With one solid shove, she pushed him into a snow bank. There was shouting and laughter before the video cut out.

Bucky: tony i need a new phone tash got snow in mine

TStark: haha nice

TStark: but seriously

TStark: every1 get home asap so we can eat these

Hawkeye: dont u have an AM meeting tomorrow?

Col.Rhodes: Pepper is not going to be happy about this.

Another snapchat notification, this time with a photo taken from the Iron Man armor’s outside cameras. Tony didn’t just have a box of donuts, he had a crate, carrying it on the suit’s shoulders like he would carry building materials. The photo was surrounded by thumbs up emojis and a small bit of text in the corner. Steve leaned in, just barely reading it before the image timed out.

[I told Sir that I do not approve]

Steve chuckled again, glancing up at the ceiling. “He giving you too much trouble, Jarvis?”

“At least I got him to stop texting and flying. The trade off is I have to type his messages for him. And he is very particular about the placement of those emoticons.” The AI sounded the closest Steve had ever heard him to exhausted.

Another video came in, this time from Sam. The camera was facing him as he walked across campus.

“I was in a meeting,” He sounded furious, but it was too over the top. Steve knew what a truly angry Sam sounded like, so this must be played up for a joke. “In a meeting with my graduate advisor and my phone sounds like the end of the world. She asks me if it’s Avengers business and I have to look her dead in the eye, with all you still texting me, and tell her to ignore it.” The camera rapidly moved as Sam seemed to throw up his hands. “Now she thinks I value my studies over saving the world and you know what, right now I think I do!”

The video ended, followed with a short text message.

Falcon: You guys suck

The rest of the team replied with a series of different emojis, ranging from laughing symbols to something with birds that was probably a Falcon related joke Steve didn’t quite get.

Falcon: T I want those donuts when I get home

TStark: what’s that birdy? i should go faster??

Jarvis: Sir is already breaking several interstate flight regulations, please do not encourage him.

Col.Rhodes: damnit sam

Widow: save some for us!

“Iron Man should be landing at the tower in fifteen minutes.” Jarvis reported. Steve could hear the coffee machine in the kitchen start to power up. “Mr. Wilson will be arriving in twenty. Agent Romanoff, Sergeant Barnes, and Thor are leaving the ski lodge and are due home in just under two hours.”

“You work way too hard, Jarvis.” Steve slid his phone to silent, knowing Jarvis would tell him if there was anything important, and went back to sketching.

“Captain, you have no idea.”

Exactly fifteen minutes later, Tony was on the landing platform outside the tower windows. He all but dragged the crate into the kitchen, opening it and pulling out smaller cardboard boxes. He walked into the living room with a spring in his step, pastry in one hand, cell phone in the other.

“Those don’t look like your usual donuts, Tony.” Steve said. It looked more like a small cake with powdered sugar on top.

Tony didn’t say a word, just kept the camera on Steve as he shoved the pastry in the soldier’s face. Steve took a bite, jelly gushing around the sides as flavor overwhelmed his senses. His eyes must have been comically wide as Tony started laughing before lowering his phone. A few seconds later, as Steve was cradling the donut to prevent any jelly or crumbs from getting on the couch, his own phone went off. He let out a sigh, half annoyed despite the something warm curling inside him, knowing the rest of the team would get to share the moment of his first sufganiyot with him.

<prev> <next>

#hanukkahprompts2017 #happymcuavengers #Avengers #team as family #Steve Rogers #jarvis #an embarrassing amount of text-talk #food #Holidays

[filmery]

Stream of Consciousness

from Iron Man

****WATCH OUT FOR LOTS OF GRAMMATICAL ERRORS****

fav marvel opener- flipping comic book pages -never read any whoops

no one is wearing black- back in black

sexist- driver woman

rdj is =iron man

peace sign kid holds- he dies so thats why tony does peace sign

"older guy cant work camera" clishe

uggggh shaky camera

why was he with the troops/ not in helicopter?

zoom into bomb fast- GREAT fast comedic moment just before sadness

he shud not have been conscious after explosion that close

WTF IS THAT UNDER HIS SHIRT WTF- IFITS ARMOR IT SHULD PROTECT HIM

al quaeda to soon

so hes steve jobs- made a frikin computer in his garage

ewww rbj with no beard- bad cgi :( cant u just shave and get over urself?

yes weapons are the key to peace hahahahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahaha

rip terrence howard as rhody

"too cool for award" cliche

"bald guy is bad" cliche

"hes always working" uhhh besides a few montages.... no he really just parties

only talks to cute girls....... uggggh

military funding? ha more like military debt ahahahahah 20 trillion is iron mans fault

jarvis is wing man after one night stand???? idve thought hed think tony was cheating lol

"girl wakes up with just guys shirt" cliche

"guy wakes up and leaves before girl wakes up" cliche

cat fight ha+2 points

literal and figurative island haha

so tony aint smart, he just uses jarvis

he obvi doesnt know how t4he faa works

i was gonna get REAL mad if tony didnt buy a painting cuz it was "too expensive" but we good

tonys a dick

yet pepper finds him attractive

ksorry

yaaaas rhody calling him a baby cuz he FING IS

im pretty sure laser shows in airplanes are illegal

"im not drinking them gets drunk" cliche

in my opinion from what ive collected, you cant be feared AND respected. fear takes over and you do things based on fear, not fromrespect - also how will blowing up people help them respect you? unless youre talking about getting respect from those u protect and those u kill cuz thats completely differeent then

"i respectfully disagree" or do you "fearfully disagree"

starts out as all techno talk, then turns into baby talk wtf

that shock wave conviently stopped right after it hit them

montage of painful surgeyr cliche

ewww that pipe in his nose as groooooooss

"dont do that but dontexplain" cliche

the dude cant understand english how did he know that tony refused????

why tf wouldnt u test it ANYWHERE BUT THE MIDDLE EAST?????

why cant they just wait and order the missile

k so this scene is srs and all but WATCHING HIM CARRYING THE CAR BATTERY IS SOOOO FuNNY I CANT

"no he wont" OK NOW U CANT UNDERSTAND U POS

"theyll never find u" cliche

why is his friend here?

how does he know how to build it? tbh he probs just had jarvis do it back home

how does the gov not know hes selling weapons to terrorists? we cant be that corrupt can we?

so hes building his ring thing but they DONT FING NOTICE THATS THERES NO MISSILES AT AlL??????

and they didnt question them the entire time

lemme peek but not go in and investigate

"i have steady hands" and then he crashes his car and LOOK! Doctro strange!

when a speech starts with a history lesson, u know its been rehearsed u poser

honestly... hot coal in mouth- worst way to die fml

props to marvel for not telling how fast theyre moving so i cant bust them for not being able to get it done

why the circle around the chest thing

wouldt one of their rules to be able to see u at all times

ctrl i is italicize hahahaha

why did the lights shut off but no the clearly hookedup laptop?

i enjoy the rock music as background music- not ur stereotypical ( yet awesome) hans zimmer score

yaaaaaas bitches run

gun shootsthen rebounds onto him- pretty sure thats not how physics work

if anyone should die, its tony tbh that whiny bithc

-2 for killing an actual good guy

how does not one of those bullets penetrate his suit?

----not enough use of the word penetreate

k no theyd keep shooting

tony: everythings on fire and im dying

ouchie that giant fall

how does he know hose helis are good?

DONT TOUCH HIS SUNBURNT AND BLISTERING SHOULDERS RHODY EWWWW

+2 for cheeseburger yas

-2 for burger king ew

doesnt sheild deal with aliens not terrorists?

newsreels? hes not THAT old

+10000 for ACCOUNTABILITY AND RESPONSIBILTY WOOOOO

k hes obvi doing the best thing here and now everyone gets pissed for him TRYING TO SAVE PEOPLES LIVES EHY IS THAT BAD?????? HE ALREADY HAS a shit otn of money LET HIM BE

fuck u and ur segway obidiah

the other thing..... dont put ur name on it

jokes on u! it was alqueade

+100 for mad money reference!!!!!

...so pepper didnt know about it so whyd he blame her for .3 seconds?

pepper is useless omg PUT YOUR HANDS IN HIS CHEST

why did he say dont take out the magnet but all of a sudden u dont need it?

i wonder if they actually built robots for tonys btterfingers

rhodeys we need pilots speech was just proven again by the aircraft landing in the hudson

so non military= humanitarian now? and if so why that bad?

honestly surprised that jarvis isnt some hot lady voice

k raza with sunglasses= morpheus

why is the mask the most vital part for raza?

tony crashing into wall is why u should ALWAYS WEAR A HELMET KIDS

obadiah is NOT playing the piano

+2 for not trusting obidiah

daaaamn if thats 1% whats 100% capacity

and he still doesnt wear a helmet

k his eye holes are so small how can he actually see?

run before walking leads to lots of problems later in life tony

at leaast he checked atc

goddammkit u made smol child drop ice cream

beginners luck

rip that baby grand he probs didnt know how to play

+2 for that fire extinguisher

+50 for Pepper being a cutie with that gift

how does tony not have his liscence revoked? hes a shit driver and can hire a chaffeur

STAN LEE BABE

RIP COLESON OMG :'(

so just fire pepper and marry her

pepper is totally right and tony should seperate who actually matter to him

how is a lot of olives 3?

im not my company- THEN TAKE UR NAME OFF HOE

no, modern day hell s walking those 15 miles and watching a car and heli and camera lady who are fine and can get there in 20 minutes

i sincerely hope that these footages were planned and not real

is this the news or a documentary?

just realized he never gave pepper her drink lol

yeah, let the kids watch their dad get shot thats fine omg

after that hit, he looks like a lion

why did he say colonel rhodes form weapons development? that name isnt that common

there was 0 time for radio contact omg

the only thing i could think during this scene was SERPENTINE SERPENTINE SERPENTINE

k now im getting a lil tired of the electric guitar

finally obi has been outted geez

im feeling some west side story WITH snaps

why is raza telling obi what he ALREADY KNOWS CUZ THEYVE BEEN IN CONTACT

how has no one noticed that obi just GOES TO THE MIDDLE EAST LIKE ALL THE TIME

this scene between pepper and tony is THE MOTHER of cliched lines

WHY DIDNT SHE SHUT DOWN THE COMPUTER STUPID WEIRDO

he tried to push his hair back hahahaHAHAHAHAHhaha

not scraps obi.... he had his own stuff

im just imagining obi hidig under toys couch haha

that dick took his shirt!!!

yaas beethoven reference

props to makeup people for his paralysis on point!

sorry but paralysis seems to me like U CANT FING MOVE TONY

i thought the old reactor needed a magnet

OF ALL THE CARS TO STEAL RHODY YOU STEAL THE AUDI

goddman all these chains

JUMP SCARE COMING HAHA I KNEW IT

-2 awful jump scare

yes middle age mom- honk at the GIANT FING ROBOT

nooo not the hydrogen powered bus!

gooood iron freezes before stainless tell

daaamn obi is a real bad shot

and radiation now floods the malibu land area and thosands are illed thanks to tonys reactor

sk glad hes corrected the mediait aint iron

coleson never briefed tham

that was longer than 90 seconds

iron man- STOP TRYING TO BE BATMAN

great ending 10/10

affter credit scene: 10/10 avengers yay

#film critic #tony stark #iron man #filmery #stream of consciousness

[swearronchanel]

As per request, 2.05

You guys have been so freaking sweet and kind  to me with your feedback since I started making these ridiculous posts, it’s insane but I love it!❣️ I literally started these as a joke because my one friend who watches call the midwife didn’t pick up the phone (and bc I was under the influence whoops hahaha it happens) but now I have so much fun posting every week! I’m sure I won’t stop these any time soon (what will I do when this series is over until Christmas? Yikes lets not talk about it yet)  Anyways @marialujan22 requested I rewatch and post for 2x5 & shit it’s been a while since I’ve watched series 2 but I couldn’t say no! Besides Im in a good mood because I have 10 days till spring break & only like 8 weeks left in the semester so here we go ..

idk if I’m mentally prepared for this

THE BIKE SONG I LOVE IT

“Somewhere far away, scientist we’re working on a magic pill, rumored to make pregnancy a case of choice..” Hell yea birth control, deff a magic pill in my opinion

Crazy that it took 3 series for the pill to become a thing & then there was still lame ass government guidelines

Jenny Lee! lol I often forget about her sorry not sorry, I liked her but she left. ya no importa

I love how “mature jenny” still narrates even though her character is never even mentioned anymore #letmenarrate lol jk I like Vanessa Redgrave’s voice

“Meanwhile other scientists were trying to send humans to the moon” fuck yea Hidden Figures

If CtM went up until 1969 that’d be lit, like the episode on mad men when they watched the moon landing! Just replace them with nuns and nurses and babies & replace the liquor for tea 😂

Shit I’ve said typed so much already

SISTER MJ💕 I wanna smack myself she’s brushing her teeth & I thought of that stupid toothbrush song from last week’s episode kill me

Nora’s pregnant again uh oh

Cynthia! SISTER E! Jane! It’s been so long

My bby Trixie 💕😍 I miss her pin curls! But now she’s serving those 60s looks so I’m here for it all

“Take that off this minute before you go to hell” LMAO TRIX YOU CANT TELL KIDS THAT

lol who am I kidding I would’ve said the same

I love sister Monica Joan, id quote everything she ever says but that’s too much work

Vicar’s wife? But who was the vicar?

LMAO WAIT DOESNT SISTER MJ FAKE A HEART ATTACK??

YES SHE DID IM DEAD I LOVE HER, WELL IT WAS LIKE ANGINA BUT IDC STILL FUNNY CAUSE SHE DIDNT WANNA GO

PRECIOUS SISTER BERNADETTE 😭💕

I STILL CANT BELIEVE MY BBY SHELAGH WAS A NUN, ITS SO STRANGE TO GO BACK AND SEE HER IN THE HABIT, LIKE YOURE PREGNANT NOW, WITH DR TURNERS BABYYY!!

anyone else really wanted to know how she was going to tell Sister Julienne “um i was already done with being a nun and now im love sick, I can’t stop thinking about Dr Turner so  I gotta ditch this habit”

damn I feel so bad like she did not want another baby & had no choice but to deal with it

No Jenny, tea is not gonna help right now

And heres the lady that scammed her

How much is 2 guinnis ? Idk how to spell that u already know I’m an ignorant American

Did she really tell a married woman keep her legs closed? It Doesn’t even matter if she was married or not like who are u anyway?? I would’ve bitch slapped her too, good for u Nora

Sister MJ saying her horoscope was right, we are the same😭

Wtf is spotted dick? Also I laughed because I’m immature Lmaoo

Sister J eating the pudding, she knows how to get to sister MJ 😂 I love them

Trixie teasing Jane about the Reverend lol aw

“I can’t knit I had a heart attack this morning” ME TRYING TO GET OUT OF THINGS

8 kids in one bedroom though yikes

Cute and classic bedroom moments 😭💕

“Naughty version of eggnog” like coquito? Lol nah, coquito is the bomb

IM CRYING SISTER BERNADETTE LOOKING IN THE DOORWAY

THIS BREAKS MY HEART EVERYTIME

THEY FUCKING CLOSED THE DOOR ON HER, MY BBY. I WANT TO HUG HER 💔💔💔 she deserves the world

Who is this irrelevant ass vicars wife? “Cherrio”

I’m so sorry Nora

Ew wtf a rat just bit the baby?

“Just tell me what you want sister” SHE WANTS YOU DOCTOR

THE WAY THEYRE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER OMG IM SHOOK

WHAT THE HELL TIM WHY DID YOU RUIN THE MOMENT ?!

sister MJ wants to roll bandages, make it happen! lol I love that Cynthia and Jane unwrap them all for her 😭

Aww i love babies !! but that one with a funny nose uhh

SISTER BERNADETTE BLOWING THE WHISTLE AND CHEERING 💕 MY HEART SHE IS SO ADORABLE

Aw I wish Trixie could have another scene going through old pictures and maybe share old stories with the new nurses💔 unlikely but you know I can hope. SHE DID HAVE THAT PHOTO OF HER AND CYNTHIA ON HER MIRROR LAST SUNDAY💕

“I’m a woman on a mission” beatrix, light in my life

Curly locks lol, when I was younger I  was called Shirley temple and when I dyed my hair I was called Goldie locks.. mind u that lasted into high school 😂 I’m staying blonde for good though, I don’t think I can pull off anything else

DONT GO OUT WITH HIM TRIXIE, HE’S TRASH

Laura Main’s angelic voice ✨👼🏼

who am I kidding she’s an angel

you know what would be fun and a dream? to go out with the ctm cast and get drunk and take trashy snapchat videos singing

Gin & a hot bath??

Trixie looked him up lol, good move

BUT HE’S STILL TRASH and an asshole

Pickle knife ?

again, this irrelevant vicar’s wife? vete ya

Everyone thinks Sister MJ is senile but she knows what’s up with Sister Bernadette..

“..but is all blank sadness and continued tears”  MY HEART💔 sister Bernadette/Shelagh has spent the majority of this show crying/being sad/distressed ugh!! Laura Main plays is beautifully but I CRY!? Let her be uninterruptedly happy please 😭💕

she (and helen) ruined me tbh, I used to have dignity

Is Jenny really naive or is she just pretending not to understand??

SEE SISTER BERNADETTE IS ON SCREEN AGAIN & IS UPSET

“I almost wish I was physically ill..” okay bRb CRYIN. THIS IS WHY I CANT WATCH THESE OLDER EPISODES I CRY TOO MUCH, I DONT LIKE TO SEE HER UNHAPPY

Remember when I started the show and didn’t know it was gonna ruin my life? Or before I grew attached? Yea me neither lmaoo those were the days when I thought downton killed me. I Didn’t know what was coming 😂 still love downton though rip #downtonmoviepls

Knitting needles?? aye dios mio

HA GREMLIN TIM AND JACK

Again how much is a gunniea and how do I spell it? I could google it but I’m busy here

She was willing to sell her wedding ring and risk her life for an unprofessional abortion. DO YOU SEE THE ISSUE? This isn’t just the a period drama either. Shit is real

“Are babies more valued because they can survive or do they survive beside they are more valued?” good question sis

lol Jane was so sweet and just bounced with no word

AT LEAST I KNOW WHERE SHE WENT THOUGH, THANKS FOR THAT NZ CUT SCENE

Trixie being a babe and getting ready to do her nails 😍💕 I wish I could do mine well but I’m trash and so I pay to get them done

The cross cutting in this scene is crazy but so well done (& yes look at me using real terms lol, I took a Music in film class last semester and had to know editing techniques 😂, I did fairly well too)

I really don’t know how she survived this

My bby trixie looking gorgeous as per usual. I love her so much, Helen u kill me

NO COÑFIO TRIXIE, HE’S NO GOOD

Haha why did I not remember the Gone With The Wind reference? Cynthia was so cute, I miss her carefree and happy

FRECO MOVE YOUR DAMN HAND, YOU ARE TRASH.

HE’S FICTIONAL BUT ID STILL FIGHT HIM

my poor bby😭💔 it is not your fault , he’s trash!! But this moment between the nurses warmed my cold heart

“Matrons in charge, virgins of iron” 😭😭

Aw Earth Angel playing, ✨🎼 I highkey pop to 50s/60s pandora stations

Jenny yes it’s illegal but do you think that matters rn??

TIM AS MAID MARION LMAO

Sister Bernadette looking at Dr Turner ah omg 😭they’ve come so far.

It’s not your fault Jenny but you should’ve told someone

Sister B & Tim won 👏🏼

LMAO ALL I CAN THINK OF IS THAT POST “WOAH CALM DOWN IM JUST TRYNA DATE YOUR DAD”

and she’s down, and the glasses flew

“You’ve hurt your hand” “well I’m sure there’s no need to amputate” ah sister b/shelagh lowkey has some of the funniest lines she just slips them in and people miss them !!

Here it comes ..

THE MOMENT..

“Would you like me to have a look at that?” UHM YEA

No but seriously I can barely remember what I thought when I first watched this but I knew something was gonna happen because a nurse can handle her own damn cut & well you know, she was in love with him

HE KISSED HER HAND. A fucking doctor kissed a nuns hand people, how scandalous & this was THE MOMENT I KNEW I WAS CORRUPT AND WAS GOING TO HELL, I AM SATAN I WANTED THE DOCTOR TO KISS A FREAKING NUN ON THE MOUTH LIKE WTF WHO RAISED ME? MY MOTHER WANTED IT TOO SO IDK BUT THIS KILLED ME, LIKE R.I.P HERE LIES GABBY, I WAS IN THE GROUND DECEASED. I’m actual trash. Someone dispose of me in the proper bin #recyle

for real, this is when I really knew that I was never going to love any other show like this and I allowed it to ruin me

BUT HONESTLY WHAT THE HELL WAS HE THINKING? THATS A BOLD MOVE

BOLD IN GENERAL BECAUSE YOU DONT KNOW IF SHE LIKES YOU BUT BOLD x1000 BC SHE IS A NUN, YOU KNOW MARRIED TO GOD, VOW OF CHASITY AND ALL THAt??

What if she would’ve freaked tf out or told sister Julienne? I don’t even know. I’ll just be grateful for how things turned out

“At this moment I only know I’m not turning my back on you because of you but I’m doing it because of him” AHHHH, DONT WORRY BBY GOD LOVES U AND UNDERSTANDS YOU LOVE HIM AND THE DOCTOR, LOSE THAT HABIT AND GO PROPERLY KISS PATRICK 😭

Sister MJ judging the baby contest is the purest thing & I need it to cleanse my disgusting soul that wants a dr to get with a nun #notsorrythough

“In Nonnatus we were good at tending other’s wounds and there were times I felt we were all each other’s children..” brb I’m crying I love that they’re like a family 😭💕💔

I’m so happy they didn’t kill Nora and she actually was happy in the end. I really wasn’t sure for a moment (obviously when I first watched lol)

“ Free reliable contraception came too late to help her, but in time the scientists triumphed. Her daughters and granddaughters lives remained transfigured, long after man left fleeting footprints on the moon.” Vanessa always knowing what to say in the end.

Lets see how the pill is going to be reintroduced this series, I’m interested  in how it’s going to play out.

I’ve said that so many times though so I’ll be done

The End.

#call the midwife #im actual trash #I love this show too much #my thoughts #and rambles #lets get it 1962 #protect my bbys at all costs though #my commentaries™

[the-origin-story]

Origin Story Character Text Posts +Cyra, Jean and Kira and The Squad

Kira: Someone: *tries to guilt trip me* Me: the jokes on you!! i feel guilty 97% of the time for Everything I Do!, if i didn't have have depression no one could fucking stop me. i only have depression because otherwise im too powerful., please don't flirt with people i secretly like it's rude and disrespectful, i have three moods: fuck off, fuck you, fuck me., im cute and small and ready to brawl, "talk about" hahah, no no, i prefer to internalize all my problems so they eat away at me from inside until im unable to function in any way, no offense @life but can a have a breather...a break...some slack..., yea boys are cute but they disgust me and constantly disappoint me, she's beauty, she's grace, she'll punch you in the face, 5'2 but my attitude 6'2, "If I don't have calves of steel or abs of iron by the end of this trip, I'm going to feel so cheated.", "No offense, but I just can't process the fact that someone might actually care about me.", night time would be so beautiful and fun if all men had a curfew. me?? using sarcasm as a defense mechanism???????? what?????, When a girl says she has experimented with girls, that does not necessarily mean she's bi. She may just be an evil scientist., the bible said adam AND eve so i slept with them both, list of people i'm going to fight: everyone. put your fists up i'm coming for you, stale cinnamon roll, been in this world too long, too cynical

Jean: i don't have a nervous system. i am a nervous system., pick your battles. pick...fewer battles than that. put some battles back. that's too many., Wakey wakey eggs and social anxiety, enough about sex positions has anyone discovered a reading position which doesn't get uncomfortable after 5 minutes, i'm actually pretty cool just me like 5 tries to get it right, i love freckles theyre skin stars, never underestimate my ability to find shit out, "I don't feel that sore right now, but ask me again tomorrow and I'm sure I'll have a more colorful answer for you.", my life is constantly an inner monologue of "why do i do this to myself", 90% of my day is me being nervous., every friend group has the mom friend, if you don't who it is you're it.

Cypress: biology more like BYEology because I'm out, Highest form of art: girls, i don't want to look "pretty" i want to look otherworldly and vaguely threatening, things that make every video game better: give me nice outfits to wear, let me be gay, give me a pet, yoU THINK YOU'RE REAL CUTE, DON'T YOU???? REAL FUCKING CUTE RIGHT???? i think so to, "Your aim's a little off - now look at that. You just smushed the ant. Now it can't crawl anymore.", appreciation post for broccoli, thanks for being so tasty you tiny trees, there are people out there that are the embodiment of the sun like the things they say and do light up the world and make you feel warm they are human sunshine, I slept for 8 hours straight and then 2 hours gay, fuck dating girls who are "naturally pretty". date girls who are supernaturally pretty. date a hot ass ghost. date a fucking alien., Current mood: wanting to have a hooded cloak and to be in misty forest., You Want To See Some Goddamn Optimism?, "guys prefer-" that's nice i don't care, how to look cute but like you could kill someone

Liam: ive been annoyed ever since i was born, members of my squad: me, I may seem like an asshole but deep down im a good person and even deeper down im a bigger asshole, I came out to attack people and I'm honestly having such a good time right now, me, introducing myself: it is i, your local asshole, my kink is when everyone shuts the fuck up, *at a job interview* Oh yes, my criminal record? The only illegal thing I've done in absolutely KILLIN it on the dancefloor. Haha, just kidding! I have killed a man., The worst part about kissing a perfect ten is the cold feeling your lips get from touching the mirror., i don't want a friend w/ benefits i just want the benefits keep your friendship away from me, Ur what we call in the scientific community a "lil bitch", have u ever met the human version of a headache, *barges out of coffin at funeral yelling sike*, i'm permanently emotionally damaged, but its chill, I'm chill, no addressing our problems we downward spiral like men, I'm wasting my youth and beauty being a mysterious eccentric loner and I wouldn't have it any other way, im alive out of spite

Beckett: world's okayest friend, Do you ever look at someone and you're like how, "What are you twelve" Yeah on a scale of one to ten bye, having 3 friends is a lot of work, "Yeah I'm going chug four servings of this entire energy drink so I can crash later and actually get some sleep.", when you see a person smile and it's like...holy shit...what is this magic...please do that again, Stop taking advantage of people with good hearts & who are emotionally vulnerable, "you're so sweet!" thank you i have abandonment issues, IF YOU'RE THE KIND OF GUY WHO KISSES A GIRL ON THE TOP OF THE HEAD WHEN HUG THEM THEN YOU ARE DOING IT RIGHT MY FRIEND, beautiful cinnamon roll too good for this world, too pure, why is everyone so mean. How aren't you tired

Cyra: When a grumbly grump who hates everyone and sees the world as dark and cold and unforgiving loves a sunshiney optimist. When a sunshiney optimist who sees the best in everyone thinks the grumbly grump is the best thing out of the whole beautiful world., do you like sleeping because so do i we should do it together sometime, love yourself so we can have something in common, how many eye contact until date, beING SUPER IN LOVE WITH YOUR FRIENDS BUT IN A FRIEND WAY but also a little bit in a gay way but also in a friEND WAY, anyone have that friend that you REALLY wanna fuck but you're never gonna say anything about it, listen i didn't come here to ship it lightly ok i came here for it to consume my soul, you could take me on a date anywhere and i'd be happy. like it could be the movie theater, or watching a movie at your house. fuck you could take me outside and we could look at clouds and climb trees i do not care as long as we hold hands or something at some point., my mom thought otp meant "oh, the pain." what's the difference., My way of flirting is looking at the person I'm attracted to and hoping they're braver than I am., i;m feeling...what's the word...........gay, I AM GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH WITH MY OWN MOUTH Softly Because I like you

Jean and Kira: i would follow you to the ends of the earth with only mild complaining, does anybody else have that friend that your pretty sure is your soulmate but in a friend way, friend(jean): fuck off stop punching me me(kira): it's called platonic bdsm, when ur best friend says something weird and ur just like...I love you but what have I gotten myself into with this friendship, do you ever look at your best friend and just "who the hell blessed me with this dork, i am the luckiest loser in the galaxy."

The Squad: "what are the chances of EVERYONE in a friend group being queer" do you realize that we all tend to flock together like penguins huddling for warmth in a cold heteronormative, world right

[tune-collective]

A Full Timeline of Iggy Azalea's Beefs, From Azealia Banks to Halsey

A Full Timeline of Iggy Azalea's Beefs, From Azealia Banks to Halsey

Although she hasn’t released an album in three years, Iggy Azalea’s name hasn’t been forgotten. Known for causing controversy — usually having to do with racial appropriation — the Australian rapper has beefed with everyone from Azealia Banks to Snoop Dogg.

We put together a complete history of all of her celebrity feuds from 2011 all the way up to Azalea’s latest beef with Halsey. Check out the timeline below.

September 9, 2011

Days before the release of her debut mixtape Ignorant Art Iggy releases a video for her song “D.R.U.G.S.” In the video she sings over the beat of Kendrick Lamar’s ‘Look Out for Detox’, “When the relay starts, Im a runaway slave… Master, hitting on the past gotta spit it like a pastor.” This is an allusion to the lyric from his song, “When the relay starts, I’m a runaway slave.”

September 13, 2011 

Iggy begins one sided beef with Kreayshawn on Twitter. She later responded and retweeted more negative statements. 

October 9, 2011

Iggy claims that getting booed offstage at Canal Room in New York was the driving force for her career. After the show, she took to Twitter to address the alleged female haters. “It was kinda awkward cause this girl stood in the front row my entire set screaming ‘your pussy suckssss!!!’ ! Lol #whyyoumad.” The video from the show that night tells a different story however or a particularly happy crowd with only one male booing her at the 6:26 mark.

October 19, 2011 

In a tweet that was later deleted Azealia Banks wrote, “how sexy is iggy azalea?? it’s kind of ridiculous … *tugs collar to let out steam*.” Starting out as a girl crush the feud with Banks will become one of Azalea’s worst. 

October 20, 2011

Azealia Banks tweeted, “once wrote a song called ‘Barbie Shit,’ but nicki minaj blew up like the week after so i took it down, lololz. i felt corny. Also wrote a song called P-U-$-$-Y before Iggy Azalea.” Iggy responded with, “its NEVER been about who did it first… its ALWAYS been about who did it better.” Banks retweeted Iggy’s insult and wrote back, “i know right?? lmfaooo. haha.” And the beef begins. 

In an interview not long after the tweet, Iggy reflects on the tweet claiming Banks said, “I’m next level, I had a song about being a Barbie before Nicki Minaj had a song about being a Barbie. Here’s the link to my song. And fuck Iggy Azalea, I had a song called ‘Pussy’ before she ever did. Here’s a link to my song. It’s better.” …essentially nothing like the original tweet.

October 21, 2011 

Notorious for picking fights with anyone from Kedrick Lamar to Zayn Malik, Azealia Banks subtweets about Iggy. “I smell beef.” 

December 2, 2011 

When someone tweeted “Iggy Azelia Banks iz weird” Banks was fast to respond with “We’re two COMPLETELY different people hun. :-.” Iggy did not respond. 

December 9, 2011 

Iggy announces her new album’s title, The New Classic. Possibly directed toward Banks. 

December 19, 2011 

A$AP Rocky and Banks are spotted holding hands in New York. This puts fuel in the fire with Banks who grew up with A$AP and his crew in Harlem. 

January 13, 2012

Iggy responds to claims about feud with Banks, “I have no deal with her. I don’t know her personally. I said it about Kreayshawn, too. If I don’t know you personally, how could I have a problem with you? What would I have a problem about? I don’t know that person … I don’t know you. I truly don’t understand it. I just keep making my own music, and I’m deaf to that. What is there to say? Nothing.” 

January 17, 2012 

Azealia Banks tweets, “Iggy Azalea’s hair looks really great in her new video. How long do you all reckon that hair is? 40″ in?” 

January 18, 2012 

Azealia Banks reportedly signs to Universal.

January 27, 2012

Iggy told Billboard that she signed to Interscope saying, “I’m super happy about it.” She made statements about other labels, mentioning Def Jam specifically, claiming they would’ve made her their “guinea pig.” She later claimed that Jimmy Iovine called her “the new Tupac.” She later tweeted, “Get used to me + jimmy [Iovine] smashing shit, cause thats the plan.” Keep in mind Interscope Records is owned by Universal, this will be relevant later. 

January 31, 2012

Azealia Banks tweets, “You can never be a young BLACK girl enjoying her life and having fun. There’s always some shady, dishonest cracker looking to assassinate your character. No offense to anyone.” and later, “Ok. i apologize to anyone who was offended by that tweet. I shouldn’t generalize my personal issues. forgive me.” and later, “Why am i being criminalized for being myself?”

February 7, 2012 

Iggy is the first female to be featured on the cover of XXL magazine for their Freshman List. Azealia was not having any of it, tweeting, “Iggy Azalea on the XXL freshman list is all wrong. How can you endorse a white woman who called herself a ‘runaway slave master’? Sorry guys, I’m pro black girl. I’m not anti white girl, but I’m also not here for any1 outside of my culture trying to trivialize very serious aspects of it.” 

Iggy later tweets “You can’t block my blessings! Today I’m celebrating! Get with it or kick rocks!”

March 2, 2012

Azealia Banks announces she’s signed to Interscope/Polydor, take a guess who is also coincidentally signed to the label.

March 10, 2012

On DJ Drama’s radio show in Atlanta Iggy is asked about Azealia’s reaction to the XXL cover, “This is my day and it’s my achievement.” She said, “You have to work to have your own achievements, with all due respect.” TI who is now Iggy’s boss adds “Strategically if she really cares about a freshmen cover maybe she could hope that she’ll suck enough to get shelved and then next year when the freshmen cover comes back around, maybe she’ll still be a freshman.” 

March 12, 2012 

Iggy writes an open letter apologizing for her “runaway slave-master” lyric “It was a tacky and careless thing to say and if you are offended, I am sorry. Sometimes we get so caught up in our art and creating or trying to push boundaries, we don’t stop to think how others may be hurt by it. In this situation, I am guilty of doing that and I regret not thinking things through more.”

March 25, 2012

Azealia Bank’s releases alleged dis track about Iggy called “Fuck Up the Fun.” 

March 27, 2012 

Iggy’s then-suspected boyfriend A$AP Rocky says, “They got to cut it out. That’s some bullshit. Iggy is not racist. Trust me. Trust me. That’s petty for Azealia because … don’t pick on her cause she white. That’s a low blow.” 

May 18, 2012 

Rumors of Iggy being dropped by Interscope surface. Iggy claims that she was never on Interscope just manged by them despite a tweet on February 7 2012 that says “im managed and signed to Interscope.” Many had suspicions that Azealia was behind it. 

April 23, 2013 

Iggy shares the news of signing to Def Jam on Twitter. Take a look at a January 27, 2012 Billboard interview where she claimed Def Jam would’ve made her their “guinea pig.” 

June 18, 2013 

Iggy is questioned by radio host Sway Calloway about possible plastic surgery. She responds with, “Yes, eyelashes are real. I’ve heard a bunch of crazy things: that it’s my underpants. I heard I have implants, I hear all kinds of crazy stuff. It’s my flesh. It’s my butt.” 

June 2013

Fans begin to uncover old racist Tweets and Iggy receives massive backlash. She claims that it is unfair because she was able to “joke” but because of her celebrity she is no longer able to. See a few of the tweets below: 

September 13, 2013 

When asked about using a “black voice” in an interview for the cover of Complex she responded with, “If you’re mad about it and you’re a black person then start a rap career and give it a go, too. I’m not taking anyone’s spot, so make yourself a mixtape. Or maybe if you’re black, start singing like a country singer and be a white person. I don’t know. Why is it such a big deal?”

May 15, 2014 

Tyler the Creator is asked on 106 & Park which female artists he’d sleep with. When prompted about Iggy he says, “She stinks. She got shots in her thump. I want real booty. You feel me?” Iggy later tweeted, “Tyler the creator is beyond immature. I’ve always believed you had something more to offer the world, Shame to see you be so rude,” she said. “People that make enemies and talk shit about ppl they’ve never even said hi to trip me out. I see it all the time… Strange world.” Iggy’s then-boyfriend Nick Yong also had something to say: “If ppl dnt hate then it want be [email protected] smell good to me”. Tyler apologized in his typical fashion with: “SUCCESSFUL, TROLL SUCCESSFUL, IGGY I DIDNT MEAN TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS.”

June 6, 2014 

Iggy criticizes Lorde in an interview with Billboard for her collaborative performance with the surviving members of Nirvana at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony. Iggy said, “Nothing against her, but I think when you’re doing a tribute to someone that’s dead, generally it should be the person’s peer,” Azalea commented. “Lorde is not Kurt Cobain’s peer. No matter if she killed the performance or not, I just don’t think it’s appropriate.” Lorde responded with: “I enjoyed it. I had a good time. That’s all that mattered.” Iggy later apologized on Twitter, “I consider lorde my very talented friend. I find it ironic 2 girls tell the media theyre full of shit & weeks later supposedly I dislike her.” 

May 26, 2014

Love & Hip Hop star K. Michelle tweets, “How can you be from another country and rap like you’re from Memphis, TN?”

June 29, 2014 

In Nicki Minaj’s acceptance speech for Best Female Artist at the BETs she allegedly took shots at Iggy who had been criticized for suspicion of using ghost writers. Minaj said, “What I want the world to know about Nicki Minaj is when you hear Nicki Minaj spit, Nicki Minaj wrote it.”

July 3, 2014 

Iggy responded to the speech in a screenshot of a letter from her notes page on Instagram. She wrote: “I have to say the general explosion of pettiness online in the last few days is hard to ignore and honestly…lame. If I had won the BET award, that would’ve been great but it wasn’t my year and I don’t mind – so you shouldn’t either. Generally speaking, I’m unbothered by anything that ‘happened’ at the BET Awards and just feel worn out by everyone trying to make me have wars with people all the time. Anyone who wishes me well is welcome in my life, and those who don’t can’t get any more of my time. I hate to see everyone exhausting themselves on my behalf over things that I’m still not 100 percent sure even exist and don’t matter. Just let it go.” Nicki later backtracked and responded with “The media puts words in my mouth all the time and this is no different. I will always take a stance on women writing b/c I believe in us!” on Twitter. “

July 9 2014 

In the wake of the BET Awards, Madd Mary releases direct dis track, “Eff Iggy.” Notable lines include: “Ignorant, impudent child of wealth and white privilege who benefits from the oppressive agenda of white supremacists,” “You just too damn afraid to engage in intelligent conversation about misappropriation of hip-hop,” “Prejudiced trash, send you back to Aussie land strapped for cash.” 

July 10 2014 

Allegedly Iggy posted a photo of her, Drake, TI and B.O.B captioned “Me and Ma Nigg’s.” Public Enemy’s Chuck D tweeted, “a new straight path to slavery Here comes a endorsed sanctioned CORPlantation artist with A line straight out of 1853.” After it was discovered that she never captioned the photo that Chuck D wrote: “True or not the IGGY thing is a reality when you call yourself with the slaveass term that was branded on skin & today marketed, sht happens.”

September 24 2014 

In an interview Rah Digga calls Iggy out, “Don’t come to America and try to convince me that you’re Gangsta Boo … Personally, I don’t consider [Iggy] Hip Hop. I listen to her album. Everything that I hear on there is everything but that. And I feel like Hip Hop is Hip Hop.” Iggy responded to the comment on Twitter with, “I honestly don’t really mind if I’m described as rap or pop. My passion is purely making music and entertaining.”

October 12 2014 

A photo of Azalea without makeup went viral and Snoop Dogg even joined in. He posted this photo on his Instagram and the feud began. 

Iggy responded to the Instagram with a string of tweets calling him out for being two faced and about how her bodyguard “stopped the fire truck that saved your friends life in canada when he almost burnt down the hotel.” Shortly after, TMZ ran a story about Iggy being “fuming mad over Snoop’s insta slam.” The two went back and forth with Azalea tweeting her feelings while Snoop continued to post memes on his Instagram clearly not bothered by the incident. 

October 12, 2014 

Iggy and her friend are followed into a grocery store by paparazzi. Clearly extremely angry her friend spits on the pap. The photographer going on to call the spit assault because he may contract AIDS or Ebola Iggy says, “Okay, I hope you have Ebola. I hope you die. You’re a fucking cunt.” The fight continues and Iggy even tried to ram him with her shopping cart calling the grocery store a “private place.” 

October 15 2014 

After a call from Iggy’s manager TI, Snoop squashed the beef in a video. 

October 27 2014 

Snoop is asked by a paparazzi if he will ever collaborate with Iggy. He responds singing the chorus of “IDFWU.” 

November 18 2014 

Eminem releases a dis track about Iggy where he jokes about raping her. Iggy responds in a tweet saying, “im bored of the old men threatening young women as entertainment trend and much more interested in the young women getting $ trend. zzzz.”

December 3 2014 

Unlike the majority of the members of the hip-hop community, Iggy is absent at protests supporting the Black Lives Matter movement and does not speak on the issue of police killings of unarmed black men. Azealia Banks is the first to call her out on it, “its funny to see people Like Igloo Australia silent when these things happen… Black Culture is cool, but black issues sure aren’t huh?” Iggy subtweets, “we’ve all read the script 49584068408540 billion times now, find a new game plan.” 

December 5 2014 

Iggy is nominated for Record of the Year, Best New Artist, Best Pop/Duo Performance, and Best Rap Album for the 2015 Grammys. 

December 18 2014 

Azealia Banks calls out Iggy during a Hot 97 interview for appropriating black culture as well as discussing race relations in America eloquently. 

December 19 2014 

Iggy goes on a Twitter spree. “Special msg for banks:” she tweeted, “There are many black artists succeeding in all genres. The reason you haven’t is because of your piss poor attitude.” She went on to call Banks a “bigot.” 

 December 20 2014 

Q-Tip tweeted attempted to enlighten Iggy in a string of tweets one of them read “@IZZYAZELEA Hip-hop is a artistic and socio-political movement/culture that sprang from the disparate ghettos of NY in the early 70’s.” He goes on to discuss how the connection between hip-hop, social and political issues will never be detached. Iggy did not respond. 

An anonymous hacking group claimed that they would leak rumored sex tape pictures if Iggy did not apologize for her actions. They wrote, “You are guilty of misappropriating black culture, insulting peaceful protesters, and making light of Eric Garner’s death”. Their account was then suspended. 

December 22 2014 

Iggy chimes in in a string of tweets stating, “i find it patronizing to assume i have no knowledge of something I’m influenced by, but I’ve also grown up with strangers assuming that.” She goes on to say, “how you feel about me blending musical genres together doesn’t bother me, no one is making you support or buy pop rap albums.”

January 30 2015 

Iggy has another Twitter freak out over some unapproved shots for her upcoming shoe line in collaboration with Steve Madden. One of the tweets read, “Tainted with these God awful images that Steve madden took appon themselves to create and share without my knowledge. Gross gross gross.” She later apologized on Instagram claiming she loves the company and “artists clash sometimes.” 

February 8 2015 

Probably the most random of all of her feuds… Papa Johns Pizza! Apparently her delivery man sent her personal phone number around so she tweeted at the chain and they responded lightheartedly and Iggy was not having it. “I don’t think data breach is funny.” She continued, “I expect you to contact me to explain how you are going to rectify your breach of my personal information in a satisfactory and professional way or lawsuit will be filed.”

February 18 2015 

After returning home from vacation to see people criticizing her body in paparazzi photos Iggy announces that she will no longer run her social media accounts. 

June 29 2015

Iggy called out Britney Spears and her team for their lack of promotion for the duos collaboration on “Pretty Girls”. She tweeted, “its difficult to send a song up the charts without additional promo and tv performance etc. unfortunately I’m just featured”. Britney responded on Instagram posting a photo that read “DONT LET IDIOTS RUIN YOUR DAY.”

August 10 2015

ComicBook NOW! tweeted ‘The Last Airbender’ is to movies what Iggy Azaelia is to music.’ Of course Iggy could not help herself and responded with “think its another one of those jokes only middle aged men who get boners over comic book movies understand.”

September 16 2015

In a Hot 97 interview, TI said that he no longer speaks to his former protégé Iggy. He says he walked away from the relationship after Q-Tip tried to teach Iggy about cultural appropriation in hip-hop music and her response was not ideal. Iggy responded by saying, “I don’t think the radio is the right place to talk about personal issues.”  

October 12 2015

When Rita Ora named Iggy as a potential collaborator for a Lady Marmalade remake Azalea quickly shut her down tweeting, “Please leave me out of the whole Lady Marmalade conversation. I have nothing to do with ritas ideas & agree it should be left alone. Thanks.”

November 29 2015

Erykah Badu hosts the Soul Train Music Awards and throws shade at Azalea during her opening monolog. She pretends to receive a phone call when when she answers it says, “Uh yes? Who is this? Iggy Azalea? Yeah, hey. Oh, no, no, no, no, you can come, ’cause what you doin’ is definitely not rap.” The audience seemed to love the joke but Iggy once again took to Twitter posting, “We are days from 2016, but i came online today and saw its still cool to try and discredit my 2014 accomplishments. LOL, fucking hell.”

December 4 2015

Badu responds to Azalea linking to her tweet and writing, “Well that’ll be the LAST time I send an uber for you! I can guaran DAMN tee you THAT.” 

Jan 22 2016

In his song “White Privilege II” Macklemore calls out himself, Iggy, and other for cultural appropriation. He raps, “The culture was never your to make better. You’re Miley, you’re Elvis, you’re Iggy Azalea.” Iggy, very upset by the fact that old friend Macklemore did not even warn her about using her name in the song, tweeted, “he shouldnt have spent the last 3 yrs having friendly convos and taking pictures together at events etc if those were his feelings.” 

Brooklyn hip-hop artist Talib Kewli was bothered by Iggy’s reaction to the reference. He tweeted, “The [email protected] Macklemore song was a diss to her, instead of actually listening, is proof of her privilege. Fuck Iggy Azalea.” The two continued to beef back and forth on Twitter with Iggy posting, “still tweeting i see? I thought this was about macklamore? rap is global now and it has sub-styles. pop-rap is part of that.” No apology has been made.

March 2 2016

After Iggy spoke poorly about Azealia Banks in an Elle cover interview, Banks calls out Iggy’s recent plastic surgery saying, “Mentioning me is the only thing that will get you attention. Because ur music and nose job are trash.”

March 30 2016

D’Angelo Rusell posts a video of Iggy’s finance Nick Young openly implying that he was cheating on her. Iggy sarcastically tweeted, “hmmm i see D Angelo Russell is trending… I actually liked his film. Thanks bro.”

June 9 2016

Iggy announces breakup with fiancé Nick Young, “Unfortunately although I love Nick and have tried and tried to rebuild my trust in him,” Azalea wrote on Instagram, “it’s become apparent in the last few weeks I am unable to. I genuinely wish Nick the best. It’s never easy to part ways with the person you planned you’re [sic] entire future with, but futures can be rewritten and as of today mine is a blank page.” Young had a less kind response simply tweeting, “Single.” 

June 30 2016

It shortly after came out that Young’s ex-girlfriend Keonna Green is pregnant with their second child together. In a string of tweets, Iggy detailed her feelings on the incident. One read, “I broke up with Nick because I found out he had brought other women into our home while I was away and caught them on the security footage.” While another said, “I find it baffling anyone would make the choice to bring a child into the world under these circumstances + want attention and $ for it.” 

June 19 2017

Addressing Iggy as “Igloo” Azealia Banks jokes about a possible collaboration on her new song, “What if… Igloo [Iggy] was on Anna Wintour.” Iggy took this as a peacetime gesture and posted videos on her Snapchat about squashing their beef.

June 22 2017

In an unrelated interview, Halsey has some not so nice things to say about Azalea. “There’s a lot of people I wouldn’t put on my record” she said. “Iggy Azalea— absolutely not. She had a complete disregard for black culture. Fucking moron. I watched her career dissolve and it fascinated me.”

Iggy responded on an Australian talk show saying, “I thought it was a bit of a strange thing to throw that out there, but she’s young and I hope she learns maybe to be a bit less judgmental when she’s kind of in the same shoes.”

This article originally appeared on Billboard.

https://tunecollective.com/2017/07/01/full-timeline-iggy-azaleas-beefs-azealia-banks-halsey/

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