#EVEN MADE CONNECTIONS TO ANOTHER MOVIE AND PULLED QUOTES SHE WAS SO SERIOUS ABOUT LETTING ME RAMBLE

[sunnibits]

y’all asked for my Izzy Hands thoughts here you fuckin go >:) it got a wee bit long sorry

here’s some ‘meta’ that was living in my head rent free about Izzy’s role as Blackbeard’s designated killer and other stuff. some of it is probably bullshit <3

HELLO not to be overly dramatic about Izzy Hands on this good day but. I think a lot about how Ed tells Stede that he’s never actually killed people directly. And like, we can debate how true that is - particularly because honestly, Ed doesn’t seem to have any hesitation when it comes to killing people except for the case of Stede - but taking that as legitimate, he also mentions that he always ‘outsources the big job’. Now, I’ve already seen it pointed out by other people that the person who usually takes this job instead of Ed is Izzy - but, god, the implications of that are making me insane, I need to think about that more…

Because like yeah, it’s obviously not exclusively Izzy that’s doing all the killing, considering Ed has his whole crew and everything. And of course Ed is fine with maiming (love a good maim). But because I am of course crazy about Izzy Hands, I think about how Izzy is elevated above the rest of the crew. Yes, the whole crew is probably fine with doing all of Ed’s killing, but Izzy is Blackbeard’s first mate. His right hand man, his immediate second. By the time we start the show, it almost seems like Izzy is representing Blackbeard at this point - it’s kind of implied in other moments that Ed doesn’t even really get that involved in too much fighting anymore (they just see the flag and run away), and even in the third episode we see Izzy go to invite Stede to the ship on Blackbeard’s behalf. Ed specifically wants him to handle that personally, presumably because Izzy is the closest to Blackbeard. He doesn’t even feel the need to tell Stede who his boss is, because it’s just implied with his own title (but it course, Stede doesn’t know that). I know it’s reaching a bit, but I’m really into this concept of Izzy Hands as like, the primary representative of Blackbeard at this point. He’s Blackbeard’s right hand - and he does the murdering bit.

Because, of course, Izzy is heartless enough for it. As Izzy would see it, Ed is soft hearted. He doesn’t want to kill, but he wants to maintain this terrifying image, so Izzy does it for him. We even see this directly play out in The Art of Fuckery - Ed has to kill Stede. Ed doesn’t want to kill Stede. Izzy, very quickly, volunteers to do it. He’s not even shaming Ed for it, he’s just offering his service. Which like, a little off topic, but that actually ties perfectly into this whole rambling I sent to my friend about the idea of Izzy killing Stede as an act of service. His comparison of Stede to a dog is what really gets my brain churning - because they directly compare killing Stede to putting down a dog, and that’s not an act that is made out of hate. It’s something you don’t want to do, but you do it out of mercy, and you try to get it over quick. (Of course, Ed literally didn’t have to kill Stede, but the way that he saw it and Izzy saw it, it was this inevitable thing he couldn’t avoid it anymore). So by offering to kill Stede, obviously there’s a little bit of personal satisfaction because Izzy hates Stede, but it’s not just that for Izzy. At the heart, it’s an act of service. He’s saying ‘here, I’ll take the gun, you look away’. And in the end, when Ed can’t go through with it, Izzy takes initiative. (‘You’re not doing this - I am’). He’s so sure that this is what Ed needs, and obviously it’s not - (and obviously, like I said, duh Izzy is a bitch and he just wants to kill Stede BUT-) but hey, it’s not unreasonable for him to think that, considering even though he protests at first, Ed doesn’t even try to stop the duel once Stede accepts! He doesn’t intervene, he just sits by and lets Izzy do his job, even though it hurts, because that’s what he’s always done.

It just makes me wonder even more about how many times this has happened between them… Like, I wouldn’t be surprised if this exact thing has happened before! Ed gets attached to people, he falls in too deep, and Izzy has to carry out the kill. And Ed goes back to being Blackbeard, and Izzy goes back to being his right hand man. Maybe Ed cries alone in his room, but Izzy just ignores it, and stands outside the door until he’s done. He tells everyone that the captain is fine, and protects his reputation, and stands in for Blackbeard, like he’s always done. (Just like he does in the finale).

Basically, what I’m saying, if you want to be really poetic; Izzy is the one who gets his hands bloody just so Ed can keep his (mostly) clean. That’s what Izzy Hands does, and that’s probably why Ed needs him and keeps him around!

Gosh, which is just making my brain go off the rails AGAIN because that’s probably why Izzy is so shocked when things change! When Ed refuses to kill Stede, and he just lets Izzy go. Izzy’s like, what the fuck! You need me! You can’t be Blackbeard without me! But that’s just the thing. Because Ed doesn’t want to be Blackbeard anymore. Leaving Blackbeard behind, and not killing anymore, means leaving Izzy behind. He doesn’t need him anymore, he doesn’t need this gritty evil guy to do his evil things for him, and Izzy can’t believe that. (And oh boy, I have a whole fucking thing in my head about Izzy wanting to be needed, but I’m trying really hard to keep that separate because this is already too long). Even in fucking Episode 9! After Ed has literally given him up by just letting him be banished from the Revenge, Izzy still comes back to him and expects Ed to accept him! Hell, he didn’t even need to go to Spanish Jackie’s, but he’s still trying to execute the plan! He’s so fucking deep in denial that Ed has changed! He arranges for Stede Bonnet to be dead, and he arranges to get Ed out, he even says to Ed that this is a quick, humane way to do it!!! Oh my god!! He’s still just offering to put down his dog!! He’s still just trying to make it easy for Ed! He’s not even considering the possibility that maybe Ed has moved on, because Izzy can’t move on, he is going to push until the last minute to make things go back to the way they are. But damn if he isn’t going to try to make it gentle for Ed.

Izzy Hands has fully accepted his role as Ed’s tool to kill, he gladly makes himself into a monster for him, to protect his soft little heart: But then Ed just… gives it up. So all of that was for nothing - all of the killing, all of the years protecting Ed’s reputation, this whole identity that Izzy has constructed around Blackbeard and serving as his right hand man. Ed can leave Izzy behind when he wants to, but Izzy is literally nothing without Blackbeard. He’s just an angry, bitter little man with lots and lots of blood on his hands.

#i wasn’t even gonna put that last bit in but I was literally talking about this with my mom AND SHE SAID THE EXACT SAME THING #SHE BROUGHT UP A LOT OF THE SAME POINTS I MENTIONED I LOVE HER LMAO #EVEN MADE CONNECTIONS TO ANOTHER MOVIE AND PULLED QUOTES SHE WAS SO SERIOUS ABOUT LETTING ME RAMBLE #izzy hands #israel hands #ofmd #our flag means death #besties this got so long and off topic… #i swear I was trying to focus #THIS ISNT EVEN THE META I WAS SPECIFICALLY THINKING AB WRITING EARLIER #I KINDA GOT INTO IT BUT THATS A WHOLE ‘NOTHER THING #anyways yes. talked ab this w my mom and she was so great #she reached like the same points about Izzy doing all that for nothing - Ed discarding Izzy when he discards the image of blackbeard - #also the idea of Izzy’s identity being so tied up with Blackbeard that he’s nothing without it #also!!! she added a helpful point that it’s kind of implied that Stede will die eventually just from being a bad pirate #which I wasn’t even thinking about but that rlly makes it make more sense why Ed and Izzy treat his death like something unavoidable #she also brought up the question of who Izzy was before he worked for Blackbeard and ‘what he sacrificed to become that person’ #engaging in my Izzy meta… she’s the real one

[nothing-but-dreamy]

ON THE EDGE ~ Pt. 2

Characters: Gavin Reed x fem!Reader; Connor; Hank Anderson;

Warnings: cursing

Words: 2.643

Two days later, yn was back in the DPD. After a quick talk with Gavin and greeting Hank and Connor on her way, she sat in the glass office of Fowler. She was always good with her Captain. There was barely a problem between them. And yet, she was nervous in the way Captain Fowler skimmed through her file. His serious expression made it impossible for her to read him. She could feel Gavin's eyes burning on her back. Beside herself, he was the next in the row of the most nervous people.

"It's good to have you back, yn.", Fowler said and gained her attention back.

"Thanks, Sir. I'm also happy to be back. I've missed this beautiful hellhole."

"I have all the results and I have to admit, everything looks pretty perfect. The test results of your shooting training are amazing and the doc report gives you a go. Then, there's nothing else for me to do than to give you your weapon and badge back. Welcome home.", Fowler said proudly and handed her the mentioned things.

"Thank you, Sir.", yn stood up and took her gun, she had missed the feeling of the typical weight, and the badge. The shiny golden badge was her pride and joy. A sign of her hard work.

As yn took the badge, Fowler held the other side in his hand and waited for yn to look at him, "But, keep it slow. Get to know the new cases. There are some. And look after yourself."

"Of course, Sir.", yn promised and then, she took the badge into her hand. Finally, she was back in the game. Yn left the office and stepped into the middle of the room to raise her badge in the air like a trophy. Everyone was clapping and cheering with applause.

**

Like Captain Fowler had advised, yn took it slow. She returned to her desk opposite Gavin’s. Her desk. The small island in the middle of the DPD where she had her place among all the tough guys. The day after she got her badge back, she sat at her desk, studying some file about a Red Ice case as someone placed something in front of her. It was a small flower pot with a smiling face on it. A small green plant grew out of it.

Yn smiled broadly as she saw this small gift and looked up to see Connor standing next to her desk with a soft smile, “What’s that?”, she asked.

“I saw it this morning on my way to work and thought about you. The smile matches yours. It’s a small welcome back gift.”, Connor explained proudly.

“Oh, thank you. That’s so cute of you! I really like that. This desk missed something green and joyful.”, yn said and took the small flower pot carefully in her hands to take a closer look. Proudly, she raised the plant up to show it to Gavin, “Look, Gavin, what I’ve just got! Isn’t that cute?”

Gavin looked at her sparkling eyes and the broad smile but all he could do was to shoot her a small acknowledging nod, “Yeah, wonderful. I’ll get some coffee.”, he said and stood up.

Yn looked surprised at Gavin who just walked away with a sullen expression. She frowned, wondering at what it was that seemed to have bugged him this time. But then, she just shrugged her shoulders and turned back to Connor who was happy to see her smiling about his gift.

On his way to the kitchen, Gavin threw the greeting card into the next trash bin. Gavin had brought it the day before as he thought it would be a nice idea to give her something for her return but unfortunately, he had no better idea than this card. Since he had entered the DPD, he had searched for the right moment to give her the card. He even had written something in it, it was a quote from one of her most favourite movies. And then, the android had thwarted his plans. There was no way his silly card could keep up with the small plant Connor had given her.

The longer the coffee needed to be done, the more anger rose inside of him. Gavin clenched his fists until his knuckles turned white. He had been cool with the android because he had to but this move brought his anger against Connor back. As the coffee was done, Gavin took the cup, turned around and walked through the kitchen. On his way, a young officer bumped into him and let his files fall because of the impact.

“Watch it, stupid prick!”, Gavin grunted angrily.

“S-sorry, Detective.”, the officer said, totally scared and gathered the papers from the ground with shaking hands. Gavin glared at him angrily before he left the kitchen.

“Was that really necessary? You frightened him to death.”, yn asked, crossed her arms and watched her partner sitting down.

“Yes! Now, he knows where his place is!”, Gavin grunted angrily.

Yn looked at him with raised brows. Most of the time, such an outburst was triggered by other things than just a newby who ran into him, “Wow, you’re in a bad mood. What’s the matter?”

“Nothing. Everything’s fucking wonderful! If my mood is bothering you then, why don’t you go somewhere else? No, wait. I'll go. I need some air anyway!”, Gavin said with a fiery glance, stood up, grabbed his jacket and left the DPD without another word.

Shocked and slightly taken aback, yn looked after Gavin.

*

Yn studied some of Gavin’s open files to get back on track with the work. There was one case of prostitution but it was nothing too severe. It was just a girl who tried to come buy in these tough times with all the unemployment. She would be still there later. There was one file that caught yn’s attention. It was a statement from a junky who had snitched on his dealer to get off the hook. As yn read the statement, the name of the dealer: Joseph ‘the Joker’ was so stupid and silly that it burnt itself into her mind.

But the name rang something in the back of her head. Yn searched on her desk, plastered with different files, to find the one case file she had read half an hour before. As she skimmed through the papers, she found the same name, Joseph ‘the Joker’, mentioned again. It was an older statement but yn was sure that these cases had a connection.

“Gavin, where the hell are you?”, yn cursed annoyed. For hours, her partner was MIA. She had tried to call him several times but he never answered. All the messages she sent stayed unanswered. But yn needed someone to talk about the discovery she had made and to get a second thought about it. She let her eyes roam through the office randomly until her eyes landed on the other side of the room. She spotted one very helpful person for such a case.

“Hank, can you look at something?”

“Of course. What is it?”, Hank asked interested. Connor also stood up from his seat and joined them.

Yn sat on top of the free desk with the files in her hand. She gnawed on her lower lip. Somehow, it felt like betrayal that she was discussing this with Hank and Connor instead of Gavin but as she looked back, his desk was still abandoned, “I have three different files. A bunch of different statements. But in all statements, the same name gets mentioned. It’s a Red Ice dealer. I guess it’s just a small-time villain but… something tells me there might be more. Could you check that?”

Hank looked behind her at the abandoned desk and was annoyed that Gavin went away and let yn alone where she was just back after the long enforced break, “Sure, kiddo. Let me see what you have.”

Thirty minutes later, Hank looked up from the files, “You know what, you’re right. This Joseph is some dealer but his district seems to be very small. And I don't think he's the type of guy who's able to 'play' boss. He gets his stuff from someone. Wait a moment, I might have a statement about this guy, too."

"Does Gavin know about the connection?", Connor asked but as yn was about to answer, a loud voice caught all their attention. It was the hooker yn had seen in one of the other case files. Chris walked beside her to bring the woman in chains into a cell.

Yn jumped from Hank's desk as she saw Gavin walking right behind the couple, aiming for his desk. First, yn was mad, he had gone far too long without a word, then she saw his face and hurried over to him, "What the hell happened to you?", she asked, concerned and surprised as she saw the bloody lip and the red color on his cheek, maybe from a slap. Yn guided his chin more into the light to have a better look at his face.

Gavin moved his head out of her grip, "It's nothing. This hooker was a bit … rough as I tried to arrest her."

"You bastard! You tricked me! First, all flirty and then- bang! Some silver!", the prostitute yelled. Chris struggled to keep hold of her as she was about to jump at Gavin.

"Chris, lock her up for fuck saken! And throw the key away!", Gavin yelled and finally, Chris moved her through the DPD. Gavin slumped down on his chair, taking a file to note something.

Yn stood next to his desk with crossed arms, tapping with one foot, "So, wanna talk about this?"

"About what? That I do my job?", Gavin asked and looked up. He saw her glance and felt guilty but then, his eyes landed on Connor and the former anger was back.

"We're partners! You could have answered a call or at least, one fucking message-"

Gavin shot up and stared down at yn who didn't seem to be impressed at all. That was something he liked on her the most, that she never backed off of him, "Sorry, mom! I was busy, okay? Now, excuse me, I have some paperwork to do."

Once again, yn was surprised about this kind of outburst. She stared after him. A sad feeling spreaded through her. During her recovery, all she wanted was to go back to Gavin. To work with him. Now, as she was back, he seemed to be on the edge all the time. She wasn’t sure if it was her fault, that it was still because of the shooting or … if there was something else that Gavin bothered.

"Yn?", a soft, smooth voice pulled her out of her thoughts. Connor stood next to her and offered her a bunch of case files, "Your files. Hank added his one. Is everything alright?", he asked as he saw her glance.

"Yeah, yeah, everything's fucking wonderful. Thanks for the files...and for the help.", yn said and went back to her own desk.

Gavin left the cell area and watched the interaction between yn and Connor. Ice cold anger and fiery rage shot through his veins again. But he knew, he was his own worst enemy. Like always.

As Gavin saw yn sitting at her desk, studying some files, he felt like shit for treating her like this. Of all the people, yn was the last one who deserved his temper tantrums just because he couldn't be honest about his...

He had two options: one, he could tell her the truth or two, he would pull himself together. At the moment, option two was the only thing Gavin had. So, he had to make up for his latest behavior as best as he could.

Yn studied the file Hank had given her. She read the second statement from a guy who said 'Joseph the Joker is ticking drugs in Liberty park' and so on. Obviously, the junky had been on drugs as he had made his statement because yn had to read the same paragraph for the third time to understand what the guy wanted to say. She just started the fourth try as a cup of coffee appeared slowly in her field of view. A well known, tanned hand shoved the cup in front of her.

Without a word, Gavin walked to his own desk to sit down opposite of her. He had seen her observing glance and the one raised brow but she stayed silent. He knew her well enough to know that she tried to ignore him as a punishment. So, he did something he barely does, "I'm sorry for yelling at you. And I'm sorry for not answering the calls and messages. And for...leaving you alone.", Gavin said softly.

Slowly, and somehow disbelieving, yn raised her head to look at her partner. She blinked several times. A soft, lopsided smirk played on Gavin's lips and his green eyes, rimmed by dark shadows, were looking hopefully at her. Yn leant back in her chair and crossed her arms, "Alright, who are you and where's my partner?"

"I'm serious!", Gavin said but still with a smile.

"Me too! Gavin Reed never apologizes. What did he say once? Oh, yeah: "Apologies are for chickens…". And I have seen enough movies to know what is going on. So, tell me, alien from outer space, where's my partner?"

"Okay, I get it. You're mad.", he said and leant back.

"Yes, I'm mad. Just like that, you storm out of here without a word to do- what? Arresting this hooker? I read her file. There's nothing important in her case. Is it because of me? Did I do something wrong? Because, somehow I get the feeling that all this bad-vibe-thing from you is related to me."

Gavin felt how all the color drained slowly from his face. He feared she would notice something but not that fast, "No! No, it was not because of you. Look, this...girl was getting on my nerves, okay? Yes, the case is simple and I guess we let her go anyway but…", Gavin stopped and waited. He didn't need to wait long to get the reaction he hoped for. The sign that she was distracted with his lame excuse.

"But, what?", yn asked impatiently.

"During the last weeks, I tried to arrest her three or four times and each time, she escaped-"

"Oh, bloody hell! It's an ego thing? Seriously?", yn asked and started to laugh.

Gavin raised his shoulders as an apology. Glad that his trick had worked out.

"You will never change, I guess.", yn said, still grinning as she looked down at the file again, "Thanks for the coffee, idiot."

"Always, shorty.", Gavin answered and grinned as he saw her face.

"Don't call me that!", yn said serious.

"Stop calling me 'idiot', then.", Gavin fired back.

"Nope. It suits you perfectly."

"Then, you have your answer.", Gavin grinned. They touched their cups with each other to seal this mini fight as over.

"How's she doing that?", Connor asked as he watched yn and Gavin talking about something before they touched their cups in a silly way. In one moment they were fighting and in the other they seemed to be fine again.

"Who is doing what?", Hank asked, slightly confused, what Connor was talking about.

"Yn and how she's acting with Reed. How long are they partners?"

"Two years, maybe a bit longer. But don't get tricked. They weren't always like this.", Hank said but he raised his hands as he already saw the next question in the android's face, "I will tell you the stories one day but not now. Come on, we have work to do."

#detroit connor #gavin reed x reader #gavin x reader #gavin reed #dbh gavin #hank anderson #connor dbh #dbh #detroit become human #detroit become human aesthetic

[consumedkings-archive]

things you were afraid to say + elliot x john xx

tysm babes!!! i had fun finagling this one a bit--set in a pre-cult (or maybe no cult?) au and with a splash of christmas for the holidays 💖 ~1.7k (i’m sorry it’s so long these two idiots share one brain cell and they use it entirely for talking shit to each other)

blue, baby ✤ no-cult au

honeyseed + things you were afraid to say

word count: ~1.7k im sorry

warnings: none! just these two fools being themselves

It was exactly the time of year that John Seed liked to come and get in her way.

Elliot was not a woman easily won over, especially after a breakup; these things were gravely permanent to her, sometimes in a fatalistic way that Joey often said was too hard to be constructive anymore. The only exception to the rule had been John Seed���wealthy, spoiled lawyer who spent maybe a little too much time in front of a mirror to be the kind of guy that Elliot usually went for. They had dated on and off non-seriously for a few months, and then “seriously” (which Elliot always put in quotes, because the only person who seemed to take it serious was her) for another six months, followed by a series of get-togethers and break-ups that were instigated by both sides in equal amounts.

So, yes; John Seed was not the kind of man that Elliot usually went for—and this meant that he was the exception to all of her rules, across the board.

His favorite time to come sweeping back in was the holidays. She had her theories as to why; they included, namely, that John would be attending family dinners with his brothers and sister, and couldn’t stand the idea that he’d be showing up alone. He also knew that Elliot’s mother would be hounding her to come and celebrate Christmas at her house—which was fine (“fine”), but made her acutely aware of the parental failings of her absentee father and alcoholic mother.

This was why as soon as Elliot opened the front door of her house and saw John standing there in his stupid turtleneck and dumb fucking shades, and he said, “Hey there, beautiful,” she slammed the door in his face.

Or rather, tried to; John knew her as well as she did him, now, and he jammed one booted foot into the way before the door could get closed. There was that infuriatingly charming, boyish grin on his face. “Was it something I said?”

“More your existence in my space,” Elliot snipped back, narrowing her eyes. “If anyone else stuck their foot in my door they’d be incapacitated.”

“I know,” John said in the way that she hated—because he was right. He did know. “But you wouldn’t do that to me.”

Elliot made a non-committal noise, to leave room for uncertainty. John hesitated, just for a second, and he inched his knee past the door.

“Invite me in, baby, it’s freezing out,” he purred. Elliot hated the way that his voice made her skin prickle with a strange anticipation, a craving. It was why John had become her exception; everything he did, his pet names and the way his hands had to always be on her, reverent, covetous—they were things she had never known that she wanted until John did them, and now if anyone else did those things, they felt cheap. Nothing like the real deal, John had said once, when she’d muttered it into his neck at night.

“What are you, a vampire?” Elliot scoffed. “Use your two grown man legs and walk in yourself.”

“Just trying to be polite.”

She released the pressure she was holding on the door and let him in; a chilly breeze had wafted in, bringing with it some dredges of snow as well, and goosebumps prickled along her skin. John shut the door behind him, shrugging out of his coat, taking a quick glance around the living room. The details of her evening were laid out quite clear; a bottle of wine, a barely-touched bowl of popcorn, the paused Christmas movie on the TV. As soon as he stepped out of his shoes and sidled after her, Boomer barked from his bed in delight. His tail wagged excitedly, but he waited—ever obedient—until Elliot said, “Alright, then,” and he went racing to John.

“Exciting night?” John asked casually, knelt down to rub Boomer’s ears with as much politeness as he could muster. “I see you’ve invested yourself into Hallmark Christmas.” The words left his mouth with a degree of disdain, which was not lost on her. Stupid fucker couldn’t resist being a pompous asshole even in her own house, huh?

“Actually, yes, I was having a very nice evening,” she huffed, tucking her legs up under her as she settled on the couch. He laughed, giving Boomer a few of the big pats that the dog really liked and she continued, “What do you want, John?”

The question made the brunette pause. He looked frustratingly attractive, in his black turtle neck and slacks, his shades tucked up into his hair. He came and sat next to her on the couch; Elliot turned so that her back was against the arm and she was facing him head-on. No room for shenanigans.

“I miss you, El,” John said, and she groaned, rolling her eyes.

“Shut the fuck up.” Her cheeks felt red already; the earnestness in his voice was enough to make her heart stutter painfully in her chest. “You don’t know how many times you’ve said those exact words to me in this exact situation—”

“Four or five,” he admitted. He propped his arm up on the top of her knee and leaned into her a little bit, until her eyes narrowed. “Don’t look at me like that. Didn’t you miss me too?”

Yes, she thought, but the idea of saying the words out loud made her stomach lurch with dread. It was too easy for John to do that to her—plunge her straight into the kinds of things that wadded the fear up high and desperate in her throat, things like I missed you and I want you and I love you.

So she didn’t say any of those things, even though they were all certainly true and even though she certainly felt them, regardless of whether they were broken up or not. Instead, she said, “What is there to miss, John Seed?”

Of course I missed you.

One of his hands went to cover his heart. The silver rings that he favored glittered, reminding her that she had also never liked a man who accessorized quite like John, either, until he’d come along. Now, she found herself hopelessly attracted to brunettes with ear piercings and Gucci shades and silver rings and tattoos that answered to the name John.

“Elliot Honeysett, you’ve mortally wounded me. I hope you’re happy with yourself.” He leaned back against the couch, watching her with his eyes—infuriatingly blue—before he cracked that boyish grin at her. “I mean it, El, I did miss you. I meant it those other times and I mean it now.”

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes again. “That’s nice of you to say, but I don’t know what you want me to do with this information.” Warily, she eyed him. “And you are notorious for saying nice things.”

John flashed his teeth in a wolfish grin that did very little to inspire confidence in her. “I want,” he replied, the pad of his thumb dragging along the inside of her knee, “for you to say it back.”

“No,” Elliot replied instantly, out of instinct. “Fuck you.”

“So prickly.” He leaned in, having sidled between her legs, and reached up; his fingers traced the slope of her jaw. “I know that our undeniable and instantaneous connection is scary for you—”

She warned, “You are within perfect punching range.”

“—but more than anything,” John continued, voice pitching low into a murmur, “all I want is to hear you say you missed me too.”

They were all there, inside of her—collected up, gathered up and packed away for later, those things that would have made him happy if she said them. I missed yous and I love yous and I want yous. Collecting dust from misuse, because the only person that made her want to say those things was also the person that made her afraid to say them at all.

“El,” John murmured. “I can hear those little gears of your turning.”

“You make me so fucking mad,” she replied, the words trying to stick in her throat on their way out of her mouth. Her chest felt tight; all of the alarm bells in her head kept ringing, screaming at her to stop, but John was close and leaning closer and he was so warm and the smell of his cologne was washing over her and—

It didn’t matter how many times he said the words. They always hit the same chords within her, and they always made her want him with every inch of her being. It was all Elliot really ever wanted; for someone to want her, to crave her, to jealously covet her like she was something to be treasured. John was always very good at that—unpacking her, pulling her thread until she unraveled, to dig down into the nitty-gritty of what she actually wanted the most.

But Joey, Elliot would have to say when inevitably this came up in their next phone call, he smelled so good when he said it to me, and he called me baby, and held my face the way he knows I like.

“I did,” she managed out, feeling that little adrenaline-drop she got every time she let herself even start thinking about saying something like this to him, like the plunge of a rollercoaster. “Of course I missed you, you fuckhead.”

John leaned in and kissed her, and she could feel him grinning against her mouth; his fingers carded through her hair and then gripped at the base of her skull so he could kiss her again. Mistake, something in her said. Big fucking mistake. But it was too late; she knew how this song and dance went.

“Of course,” he agreed, and sounded quite pleased with himself. “I know how hard it is for you to admit it—”

“I’ll take it back.” She pulled back to narrow her eyes at him, even though she was sure she didn’t look very scary at all, knowing that he could hear how fast her heart was beating. “If I find out you tell one single person—”

“No need,” John assured her against her mouth. “I’ll keep it just between us.”

#ask games #faithchel #!!!!! still can't believe u even go here stella like i am a goblin #take some fluff #and john being a shithead #(what's new) #christmas au?? #ch: elliot honeysett #ch: john seed #otp: death keep off; i am your enemy #my writing #i spent so much time being like what's john like if he's not a psycho cult leader lmfao

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #365

“i’m numb to the pleasure, but still feel the pain”

Are there palm trees where you live? No. Do you own any Hello Kitty stuff? If so, what? No. What’s your favorite flavor of ice pop? Blue raspberry. Do you like animal print? What’s your favorite print? Not really. I think animal "print" only really looks nice on, well, animals. Does your dad have any facial hair? Yes. What do you think of foot tattoos? They're not my favorite, but some look nice. I myself wanna get "11121" (a Silent Hill 4 reference) "carved" onto the top of my feet. Do you like bugs or do they scare you? Some do. I've gotten more into them though as my passion for tarantulas expanded to other inverts, like mantises. Ever seen the movie Chernobyl Diaries? If so, did you like it? If not, do you want to see it? I haven't, but I'd be willing to watch it. I find the whole Chernobyl incident to be extremely fascinating, so I'd probably like it. Did your senior class in high school have a class trip? Where did you go? Bitch I wish. :/ Do you have an instagram account? What’s your username? Yeah, two: brittanymphotography and eldritch_obscura. Do you like Gir from Invader Zim? I think he's cute. Do you or would you ever own a gun? Why or why not? No thanks. If I'm not mistaken, I can't legally obtain one anyway because of my suicidal history. I'm fine with having like, pepper spray and a bat handy by the bed, lol. If it was offered for free by a professional, would you get your hair dyed platinum blonde? For FREE? Fuck yeah I'd try it. What do you normally order at Dunkin Donuts? A chocolate frosted donut, and sometimes a plain/cake one. Do you watch football? Favorite teams? No. What about WWE? Favorite wrestler? That's an even bigger no. Funniest thing you’ve ever heard a teacher say? Okay so this is hard to actually explain and it be funny. I had this amazing, kinda charismatically awkward history teacher in high school, and when talking about some legal stuff I can't remember, she deadass quoted "Without Me" by Eminem ("if the FCC won't let me be...") like so casually and everyone fucking died, just from knowing her and her personality. It was just very unexpected. Do you wear a lot of makeup? What do you think of girls who do? No. Girls can wear however much makeup they please. Do you have a savings account? Are you good at saving money? No. I can't really answer the second question because of me never having a steady flow of money. Would you rather have a relationship or casual flings? Relationship, 100%. I would never have a casual fling. Do you know anyone that’s part Native American? Yes. Who was your favorite Spice Girl? I remember none of them. Have you ever tried to poison someone? Yikes, no. Have you ever saved anyone from a fire? No. Have you ever had a seizure? No. I've had sudden spasms, but never a full-on seizure. Have you ever had an out-of-body experience? No. Have you ever had a black eye? No. Have you ever had a tooth pulled? No. Have you ever had pneumonia? I have not. Have you ever had tubes put in your ears? Yes, as a baby. Have you ever been shot with an arrow or bullet? Thank god no. Have you ever had kidney stones? No. Have you even been bitten by an venomous animal? No. Have you ever thought about being in the military? Fuck no. I wouldn't qualify, anyway. Have you ever been sedated or put under anesthesia? Yeah. Have you ever used shrooms or any other hallucinogen? No. What upcoming event are you most looking forward to? I can barely believe my tat appointment is almost here lakjsd;ajwlej;rwe What was the last song you heard? I'm currently listening to Motionless In White's synthwave edit of "Voices" they just put out. I looooove it. What time did you wake up today? Maybe like, 5:20? Is there a vase in the room you’re in? No. Have you recently been insulted? Yes. Compared to someone else of your age and gender; do you feel that you have a lot to offer someone? N O P E How many days a week do you work? I'm unemployed. Is there ONE person you feel more connected to than others? Yes. What is your worst relationship quality? I obsess over the person probably leaving, so especially at the beginning, I'm paranoid and distrustful. I want to emphasize that I'm not the asshole that snoops through her partner's phone out of distrust, but still, the fear is just there. What was your most recent serious injury? A serious one? Man idk. I've had a lot or negligible and smaller ones, but a big one... *shrug* What were you most recently happy about? I was happy to see "synthwave" in this video title, haha. Are you a fan of cake? Oh yes. What is your favorite insect? Butterflies. Is your town beautiful? Ew, no. Do you prefer the city or the country? THE COUNTRY. Have you ever witnessed an eclipse? Lots of lunar eclipses. Do you wear lipstick often? No. You’re going on a date with someone you like. What would you like to do? Considering the pandemic, probably just like... grab fast food and sit and eat at a park. That'd be cute. You’re hanging out with your best friend. What would you like to do? It'd be nice to get back to Avatar: The Last Airbender while hanging out with Doris (her beardie that I adore), too. Have you ever written or considered writing a play? No. Who is considered the “black sheep” of your family? Why? Ha, me. To begin, I like all the "dark" stuff, I'm the unreligious one, the one with political beliefs unlike most of my family, I'm not doing what I should be... Why is your favorite movie your favorite movie? It's just a masterpiece. I love love love animals, African one especially, and I find it to be an amazing story of courage and dedication to family. Plus I shamelessly love all the songs, haha. What’s an odor you hate? GASOLINE. FUCK. What’s a sound you hate? Fingernails on a chalkboard. Or screech-y noises in general. If money was no issue, what would you like to do right now? I was initially gonna say go to Yellowstone, but fuck that hot weather this time of year. So, this brings us back to Venus' terrarium; I'd want to get a new one and better materials. What’s something you’re so good at that you take pride in your skill? I wouldn't say I'm "so good" at it, but I do take pride in my writing. What’s something you’d never ever dare to ask another person? Hm. Under ANY circumstance, I guess "are you pregnant?" There's almost like... no situation where I'd be comfortable asking somebody that. What’s the worst/best thing you’ve done without your parents knowing? We're not getting into that lmao. Do you know anyone who has a hearing deficit? No. What is one thing stopping you from becoming a veterinarian? I could never stand seeing so many hurt and dying animals and still be okay at the end of the day. Are there any opinions you used to have even a few years ago that you look back on and think, “I can’t believe I ever thought that way”? THERE ARE!!!!!!!!!!! A LOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The last time you cried, what was wrong? I fell and skinned my knees when stepping over this barrier Mom made to keep the damn dog out of the hallway and thus my room to fuck with the cat and eat his food. I previously twisted my ankle, fell backwards, and had one other accident with it despite moving stuff, and I didn't cry from pain, just massive frustration. I want this dog GONE. Do you like multi-choice tests or tests you have to write out? Multiple choice. Who last called you ‘beautiful’? Couldn't tell ya, bud. Have you ever caught a firefly? Yeah, I did that lots as a kid. Do you own any camouflage? No. What’s the stinkiest pet you’ve ever had? Uhhh I dunno. Have you ever been on the news? For what? No. Have you ever seen one of your friends get arrested? No. Do you put sprinkles on anything? No, I hate sprinkles. How do you like your steak? Medium well. Long hair on guys: yes or no? Yaaaaaaaas. Is there a basement in your house? If so, what is it used for? No. When was the last time you started a new medication? It's been a while. What is your favourite type of nut? Cashews, I think. Where did you eat the best pizza you’ve ever eaten in your life? I'm so fuckin basic, like my genuine answer is Domino's lmaooo. Did you ever watch The Rugrats when you were a kid? Yeah, I loved that show. I even had the two video games; I was obsessed with the first one in particular. Do you know anyone who was adopted? Yes. Do your parents’ professions match their college degrees? No. Do you write shopping lists on paper or just remember it in your head? I don't do the shopping, so. But I would definitely need to write it down. Have you ever used a lawnmower? No. Have you ever consumed so much alcohol that you vomited? No. Can you tie balloons? No, actually. My hands are just too shaky. When was the last time you were at a pet store? A few weeks ago when we got rats for Venus. Ugh, it is SO overpriced; they come in a box of two, and as I feed her twice a month, it's honestly quite a bit of money. Like if I remember correctly, it's around $16. FOR TWO. SMALL. RATS. I've recommended we just buy them in bulk NOT from an overpriced chain pet store, but the problem with that is then we have *too* many, and the nutritional value of frozen rats apparently does degrade with time, so I don't want to feed my snake poor food. So it's just an annoying thing we have to do. Have you ever taken a pregnancy test? Not like, an at-home one. I've been tested before surgery, but that was just a safety protocol. Does your ex still think about you? "The" ex, probably not. Honestly, who is the last person to tell you that they love you? My mom. What is the last state you were in besides your own? Virginia. Would you go down to see the Titanic if given the chance? Man, that's kinda tempting. Maybe. It'd be super cool. Have you ever seen the Hollywood sign in real life? No. Did you ever see a scorpion in the wild? No, they don't live here. Do you type the proper way? Have you ever typed on a manual typewriter? Yes to both. What was your maternal grandmother’s first name? Cecelia. Name a word that people use locally that outsiders probably can’t pronounce. Conetoe. You said it wrong.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''voices'' by motionless in white

[dalekofchaos]

The Luke Skywalker that was wasted and the Luke fans deserved.

For the last two years I have shown my displeasure with how Luke Skywalker and I still hate it.  Let’s talk why I hate it and why I think it could have been better

What the hell was with Luke Skywalker in The Last Jedi?

Why did Rian Johnson and Kathleen Kennedy depict him as a grumpy, pathetic hermit and a weak failure? Don't give me that crap about 'b-b-b-b-but he did a Force Projection and that's hard'. You can't shit on a character for 99% of the movie and consider his depiction as worthy because he did something useful for the remaining 1%.

Lucasfilm and associates prior to Disney's acquisition of the franchise spent 40 YEARS building the character of Luke Skywalker through the movies, comics and novels. The Star Wars fandom has spent 40 YEARS delving into the lore of the Star Wars universe and its characters. Why would Rian and Kathleen go in the opposite direction with his character? They went as far as making him a depressed, hopeless loser when the very essence of his being is hope. "How did the most optimistic, hopeful character in the galaxy turn into this hermit? ... A Jedi is optimistic, a Jedi has tenacity, he never gives up" - A quote from Luke Skywalker himself: Mark Hamill. When Luke Skywalker himself voices serious concern about the depiction of Luke Skywalker, Rian and Kathleen should have immediately started over.

The annihilation of Luke Skywalker's character was intentional. It's preposterous to suggest that they accidentally ruined one of cinemas greatest hero's. This was a planned character assassination.

Why was Mark Hamill exempt from the marketing of The Force Awakens and forced to stand on a mountain with no lines?

Why was Luke given nothing for The Force Awakens and anytime Mark went to JJ with his great ideas for Luke, JJ just smiled and patted him on the back just to shut him up?

Why did Luke toss the Lightsaber? The Lightsaber of his father, the lightsaber that Obi-Wan gave to him, and the Lightsaber he lost on Bespin after losing his hand to Vader. Such an emotional connection to Luke, he casually tosses it in such a stupid, cold and unemotional matter. Why not allow Luke an emotional reaction to holding this particular lightsaber again after all these years? Why is a sight gag preferable in this situation? Even if Luke being a bitter, detached old man is essential to TLJ, that’s still no reason not to pay even the slightest respect to everything that lightsaber represents from the original trilogy.

Why is Luke not allowed to show emotion, grief or empathy for the death of Han Solo? His best friend, his brother, Leia’s love and the father of his nephew?

Why does Luke not care that his sister’s life and The Resistance is in danger? Why was he willing to abandon his sister in her time of need?

Why does Luke and Chewie never have a moment of forgiveness and reconciliation?

Why was Luke made to fail as a Jedi Master? Luke should have changed the Jedi for the better as he did in Legends. Luke did not negate his emotions, but found a synthesis between both. Luke definitely showed that selfless love and compassion don’t lead to the dark side. Anakin is the Last Jedi of the old order, not Luke. Luke became the first of the New Jedi realizing that attachment made him stronger not weaker. For the new Jedi were attached to the entire universe through the Force. This is why Luke reformed the Jedi for the better.

Why was Han and Leia made to fail as parents and leaders in the NR and Resistance? Why were Luke, Han and Leia’s achievements and victories made invalid?

Why was it necessary to show Luke drink from a giant alien tit? Oh yes, we can show that, but we can’t show Luke mourn for the loss of his best friend 😒

Why did Luke not teach Rey ANYTHING? He did not impart wisdom to Rey at all in the entire movie. They did not have a great master/apprentice relationship, despite it being advertised that their relationship was the beating heart of the movie! That was a giant lie and false advertisement!

Why does Luke give up on the Jedi. Jedi do not give up. You might say that Yoda and Obi-Wan also gave up. But for those two, the Sith took over the galaxy, they had to go into hiding to protect and guide Luke and Leia. Obi-Wan wanted to save Leia and guide Luke. Yoda always wanted to train Leia as a Jedi and bring Anakin back to the light. He was reluctant to train Luke but he still did his duty as a Jedi Master. They did not just give up and wanted to die and they did not betray their characters at all.

Why would Luke Skywalker even think of killing his nephew in his sleep? Why would he even think of igniting the Lightsaber? Luke Skywalker would not even think of trying to kill his nephew in his sleep. Luke decided the Jedi and Sith were both wrong and believed that his father was still good and he was right in saving him. He would try to talk to Ben and try to pull him back to the light. His sister brought Ben there for protection and guidance. Even if that did fail, you did not need to make Luke attempt to murder him. You did not need to make Luke, Leia and Han at fault for Kylo Ren. Kylo is a grown ass man, he is responsible for his own actions. Kylo was going to murder the Jedi and younglings regardless, he already fell to the dark side. No one is responsible for Kylo’s actions but Kylo Ren.

Why does Luke just give up? Luke Skywalker is a beacon of hope and optimism and love against all odds, and the fact that that was twisted into being depicted as some foolish youth naivety, and that the only way to make him “human” was to retract all that and make him a bitter, jaded man is so fucking disgusting. Even more disgusting is in TLJ novelization had him dreaming of never leaving Tatooine and having him live under the Empire’s dominance. He does not even care that his sister’s life and the Resistance she is leading is in danger. He doesn’t connect with Rey on any meaningful level, doesn’t impart wisdom or knowledge, and never reasserts himself as the powerful Jedi he once was. A brief physical duel against Rey ends with her as the undisputed victor, completely killing his deserved mythos and her potential character arc in one fell swoop. It’s clear in that moment that he has nothing to teach her, and nothing to contribute to the overall narrative. The boundless potential that seemed poised to explode at the end of The Force Awakens fizzles here but never ignites.  And without any training at all, Rey defeats Luke Skywalker and Luke acts all cowardly and begs her to leave. He does buy The Resistance time and saves his sister, but it was ultimately pointless. He wasn’t even there and he dies pointlessly. What we got was not Luke Skywalker. Luke Skywalker is hope and optimism. Luke Skywalker is showing that no matter what, compassion, faith and love will always prevail. Luke is the hero that inspired an entire generations to aspire to be better, aspire to be heroes. Luke is what we wanted to see and what we got was not Luke Skywalker. Luke is someone who thought Doctor Aphra was a good person, she proves him wrong but he still had that hope for her. Luke believed that Darth Vader of all people still had good in him and was willing to die and he was able to reach his father. In Battlefront II’s Story, Luke saves Del Meeko because he asked and he offered Del a better life, a choice. Inferno Squad has committed atrocities in the name of the Empire, yet Luke still gave Del Meeko a chance. Canon Luke Skywalker is a kind hearted hero who will never run from a fight or knowingly leave a loved one in danger and will even save his enemy. This is Luke Skywalker. Luke is compassionate, adores his family, would never leave them. The Luke Skywalker I knew would never even think about killing his nephew in his sleep when there is always another way. Luke believes in the light and was willing to die to save his father. Darth Vader committed atrocities for decades, Luke still believed there was good in him. He would never give up on his family nor would he even consider killing his own nephew in his sleep just because he sensed darkness there. He would never abandon his sister at death’s door when she needed him most. The Hero’s Journey that he was following was ignored completely and he just gave up and wanted to die. And he dies instead of reuniting with Leia properly. Mark Hamill wanted Luke to live until Episode IX where he would pass on what he learned to Rey. No big battle with Snoke, no passing on, instead Luke dies and all we’re getting is force ghost Luke. Luke Skywalker was a hero to an entire generation.  Luke was the true heart of Star Wars. His was the journey we followed from idealistic farm boy dreaming of adventure, to reluctant warrior, and finally to savior of the entire galaxy. The original trilogy built him up, and The Last Jedi finally broke him down. I for one mourn my hero’s passing. 

Why is Yoda the one to convince Luke to return? It should have been Anakin

Why does Luke not appear for real and have a real genuine moment with Leia? The final moment between Luke and Leia was ultimately pointless when you realize Luke wasn’t even there, it was just a projection?

Why did Luke not have a worthy final showdown and showing his power as a Jedi Master instead of disappearing and not being anything more than a distraction? Why did he die without passing anything on to the next generation?

These were supposed to be, or should have been completely replaced with extremely powerful moments with emotional weight. These moments should have been mandatory. Yet the creators didn't deliver.

THE LUKE SKYWALKER THAT WE DESERVED

What a missed opportunity. I mean, look at this artwork. There's such potential for greatness and compare that to the steaming pile of shit Rian Johnson / Kathleen Kennedy served in The Last Jedi.

What we should have got to see of Luke in the Sequel Trilogy

First and foremost, the same Luke Skywalker who actually exists in the Star Wars universe.

His Jedi Academy and respectful showcase of Ancient Jedi artefacts.

A mention of a close relationship of his students and most importantly to Ben and how Snoke turned him against Luke and the Jedi

Flashbacks to training his own Ben and his padawans and scenes of Luke training Rey

Reuniting with Han, or at least mourning his death.

Have Luke tell Rey he left the map behind so Leia can find him when the time is right, he did not give up, but he realized Leia sent him someone he can train and give guidance to. Luke and Rey indeed are the beating heart of this story

Lifting his old X-Wing out of the water and flying to the Supremacy to face Snoke and his nephew and to save Leia.

Luke and Rey together fight the Praetorian Guards. Luke faces Snoke, while Rey faces Kylo. Luke kills Snoke, while Kylo wins the fiight against Rey and cuts her hand off

Physically appearing, a beautiful reunion with Leia that has meaning with Luke actually being there

A true moment and showdown against The First Order and Kylo Ren. Kylo Ren orders every ship to fire on Luke. All the AT-M6’s all firing but to everyone’s surprise, all blasts have no effect via protection of the force. Luke wipes the salt off his robes and with a simple wave of his hand, brings the walkers, transports and Kylo’s shuttle down, one by one.  Kylo descends from his crushed shuttle, throwing a tantrum and preparing preparing to kill his uncle. We have a real lightsaber battle between Luke and Kylo. Luke has his green lightsaber. Their blades clash. The battle is emotional and raw. Luke is there. The dialogue is emotional and impactful. Despite all that his nephew has done, Luke asks him to return. Kylo refuses, he embraces who he is and that he is the new Vader. Luke will retort “oh Ben, you are no Vader.” Luke is toying with Kylo, similar to how Vader toyed with him on Bespin. Luke and Kylo’s exchange remains the same. “I failed you Ben, I’m sorry.” “I’m sure you are! The Resistance is dead. The war is over, and when I kill you, I will have killed the last Jedi.” “Amazing. Every word of what you just said was wrong. The Rebellion is reborn today. The war is just beginning. And I will not be the last Jedi.” Kylo will lunge at Luke with all his anger with the intention to kill his uncle, but luke dodges and cuts Kylo’s hand off.  Luke gives his “see you around kid” but Luke does not die, he leaves to board his X-Wing. Leaving the new Supreme Leader and The First Order a mess

Luke passes on what he knows to the next generation. Hope has returned. Rey has given Luke’s faith and hope back. The Rebellion is alive. Luke will not be the Last Jedi. Brother and sister reunited and the Resistance stronger for it. Master and apprentice together once more. Smiles and tears and happy to see each other again. Rey, Luke and Leia together. Both siblings holding their hands together on Rey’s hand. Telling her “We have everything we need. It ends how it begins With Rey grabbing the Lightsaber Rey extended to Luke. Tears in Rey’s eyes. The Millennium Falcon and Luke’s X-wing take off side by side into into lightspeed.

The next movie would be about Luke training and preparing the next generation of Jedi. Rey, Finn, Poe, Rose and Jannah, the new Jedi, The Skywalkers. As they stand to face Kylo, Palpatine and The First Order. Luke will sacrifice himself to give his students a chance to destroy The Emperor once and for all

The thing that perplexes me is that both the casual moviegoers and hardcore fans would have loved a depiction of Luke more akin to Legends. Yet Disney chose a depiction of Luke which casuals are indifferent to and the hardcore fans absolutely fucking hate. Why? Why not show the character which majority would love? There's nothing to hate about a powerful and wise legendary hero, while there's everything to hate about some broken hermit that gave up on his family and friends and doing what’s right who reflects nothing of what we've been lead to believe about his character by the creators of Star Wars itself for 40 years.

What a waste of potential. What a slap in the face to George Lucas, Luke Skywalker and the entire SW legacy. I cannot believe the sheer amount of disrespect shown by Disney, Lucasfilm, Kathleen Kennedy, JJ Abrams and Rian Johnson. Luke deserved better.

Mark Hamill tried to warn us

#Star Wars #Luke Skywalker #Anti Rian Johnson #Anti Lucasfilm #Anti TLJ

[ilovereadingandilovebreathing]

Sorry to ask lol but could you do a teacher AU where the students find Roman or Virgil on Tumblr and just freak out

Lol you’re good; I haven’t done teacher stuff in a while. This is a very real fear, soo...this’ll be fun.

I’m not sure if you want the kids or teachers to freak out, but trust me, there’d be way more freaking on the teachers’ end of things.

I went back and forth on this because on one hand Virgil might be too paranoid to have a tumblr as a teacher but on the other hand if he had it in high school....Roman doesn’t have time for tumblr these days, tbh, but I’ll include him since you asked for him specifically!

Idk if this is as freak out as you wanted; I’m boring and went for realism so sorry if it’s not up to standard lol

That Tuesday started out like any other:

His Tuesday/Thursday homeroom kids were as chatty and apathetic to announcements as ever.

His first two classes of Honors American Lit. kids were as attentive as always, offering brilliant and insightful connections between themselves, society, and The Crucible.

By all accounts, it was a normal Tuesday.

Until his Mythology students came trailing back from lunch, some of them barely hiding giggles and elongated stares from their desks.

“Alright.” Virgil began teasingly as the final bell rang. “Do I have something on my face? My shirt?” He threw a glance behind his back. “Did Randy tape something to my back again?”

Half of the small class exploded into laughter, but the other half gazed between their teacher and peers wondering what great joke they’d missed out on.

“It’s nothing, Mr. Anderson.” An outspoken and bright student named Cam spoke up. “Kya just made an interesting discovery last night and shared it with the whole lunch table.”

“I’m sure I don’t even want to know.” Virgil grinned and rolled his eyes as he passed out their class set mythology texts to each of his 15 students.

“Today we’ll be tackling a classic story: Baucis and Philemon. It includes love, hospitality, and a couple of God’s playing make believe.”

A choral snicker ran through a certain side of the room again, but Virgil fixed them with a look and pulled up an interactive PowerPoint.

The rest of the lesson went off without a hitch, and the students seemed eager to jump into their assigned tasks to teach the class (finding allusions to Jupiter’s and Mercury’s roles or Baucis and Philemon’s roles in movies, books, or TV shows.)

Partway through work time, though, Cam sauntered up to Virgil’s desk and perched there for a minute before cupping a hand over his mouth with a conspiratorial glint in his eye.

“So, Mr. Anderson, I have a question.”

“Sure, Cam; what’s up?”

“Well, I’m wondering: is ‘student A’ in ‘A Crazy Halloween Story’ referring to Jessica Simmons or Kaley Aldrin? Because both have you for honors and dressed up as Harley Quinn for Halloween.”

Virgil’s brain stuttered to a halt, and he took all of his energy to school his expression, making certain his eyes didn’t give away the screaming anxiety erupting within his chest. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about, Cam.” Virgil cocked his head to the side in an effort to lighten the tension only one of them felt. “What do Jessica or Kaley and Halloween have to do with Baucis and Philemon?”

“Oh, right. You gotta play it cool. Can’t let the kids know about your social media. I gotchu.” Cam nudged Virgil with an elbow and a stage wink. “Secret’s safe with me, Anxious Orpheo-I mean, Mr. A.” Cam pushed off of the side of his desk and went back to his group, the other members having abandoned their work to stared wide-eyed and open-mouthed at Cam’s boldness.

“I told you-”

“Holy crap-”

“You’re full of it, Cam; he never confirmed it.”

“You heard me, Emily! He can’t!”

Virgil inhaled and exhaled deeply, hands gripping and releasing under his desk as he fought to keep the fear from his features. Thank god he had planning after this.

-

When the bell rang some time later, Virgil let out a huge sigh, smiling at his last student, Kya, as she meandered toward the door, paused, and rushed over to his desk.

“Mr. Anderson. I’m so sorry I told everyone about your Tumblr. I mean....everyone in this class. Well, really on that side of the class, but anyway, I haven’t told anyone else I swear! And I didn’t even mean for Cam or Emily or anyone else to find out; I was just showing your posts to Liam at lunch, but Cam was being nosy and overheard. I’m so so sorry, and I’ll try to make sure he doesn’t tell anyone so you don’t get in trouble! Oh my god I’m just so sorry.” Kya took a deep break, and Virgil let his guard fall just a hair, his eyes turning down at the sides.

“It’s alright, Kya. Students have spread far worse rumors about teachers before. Me having a Tumble isn’t the worst thing someone can say.”

“Tumblr.” Kya corrected.

“Right.” Virgil smiled. “I appreciate your apology, Kya, but don’t worry about it too much, okay?”

“Okay. Thanks, Mr. Anderson, and I really am sorry.”

“I know. Now go on before you’re late.”

“Oh, yeah, right. Bye!” Kya waved and sped out the door.

As soon as she was definitively gone, Virgil slumped into his chair, eyes staring dejectedly at his dark computer screen before sighing and running a hand through his hair. Well, this was certainly not how he expected things to go today.

-

“Oh, Virge, you’re in here!”

Virgil’s head shot up to see Roman peeking around his doorway.

“Yes, it’s shocking to find me in my own classroom.”

“Well usually Ortega is in here during planning.”

“They’re in the computer lab working on a paper.”

“Oh, nice...Anyway, your copies have been sitting in the work room since this morning.” Roman strutted into the room revealing the large stack of copies against his hip.

“Thanks, But...Roman....you’re not on planning right now.”

“As per usual, you are correct, my dear darkling, but you also know that those kids are pretty self-sufficient. Plus Remy is staying all day today since our first show is tonight.”

“They might as well not have a teacher at all.”

“Take that back! Remy is a great co-teacher!”

“When he’s working. He’s not even on the clock now. He’s probably on his phone.”

“Fair point, but you’re not Logan, so why are you pointing all of this out?” Roman set his stack on a nearby desk and pulled up another, sitting on the hardtop as he looked Virgil up and down. “What’s up? You’re tense.”

Virgil sighed. “Shut the door first?”

Roman scurried to the classroom door and made a show of closing it quietly. “Ooo something juicy?”

“Kind of. Not really. More horrifying and embarrassing.”

“Oh joy which was it this time?” Roman asked dramatically as he perched back on the desk, his feet in the chair and hands steepled over his knees.

“....one of my mythology kids found my tumblr and accidentally told half of the class about it.”

“1) That sucks. 2) How do you ‘accidentally’ tell 8 people about something?”

“Another kid was being nosy.”

“Unnamed kid you tell me about?”

“One of them.”

“Ah.” Roman considered for a moment. “I mean there are worse things.”

“I know. That’s what I said too when the bean spiller apologized, but...I’ve had that thing since I was their age, Roman, who knows what kind of shit they can dig up! I can’t remember half of the emotionally charged stuff I posted on there, and I know there’s posts about my sexuality on there, too.” Virgil froze. “Oh god, what if they find my old fan fiction?!”

Roman couldn’t contain a small chuckle at that. “Then they’ll know you’re a legit writer.”

“Ro, this is serious.” Virgil folded his legs into his chair and leaned back, sighing again and staring at the speckled ceiling. “What if they find something...objectionable and tell their parents? And the parents tell the principal? What if I get fired?!”

“Did you post anything that bad?”

“Probably not....but I did post stories about stuff that happened in class.”

“Oooo...yeah that can be tricky territory. Did you get super specific?”

“In the story part, I guess.”

“Did you drop names, kids or the school or anything someone could use to identify?”

“No.”

Roman sighed. “Well, I mean what can you do, you know? You didn’t explicitly give names or the school or any concrete identifying information, right?”

“Right, but all they’d have to do is look at my phone.”

“What reason do they have unless the kids complain about it? You can always put a lock or something on it, right? There are private accounts.”

“I don’t know if I can at this point, but I guess I can try. Don’t know how much good it will do when I already have a few hundred followers.”

“Just 300?”

“Almost 1000.”

“Ooo yeah that is a little more significant. Geez tumblr has millions of followers, and somehow they stumbled on you.”

“Yeah. It sucks.”

“I mean....the initial kid apologized, right?”

“Yeah. She claims she won’t spread it anymore and will keep blabbermouth kid quiet, but we’ll see.”

“Don’t stress about it too much. They seem like good kids, so I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“God, I hope so.”

“Well, it’s probably about time I get back to my little rugrats. You’re coming to our show, yeah?”

“If I don’t self-combust first.” Virgil pulled out a small smile. “Yeah, I’ll be there.”

“Great!” Roman vaulted off of the desk, grabbed his stack of papers, and made for the door. He paused for a moment in the doorway and turned, his expression softer than Virgil ever remembers seeing. “It’s gonna be okay, Virge. Don’t let it get you too worked up, okay?”

“I’ll try. Thanks, Ro.” Virgil waved him off and sighed before sitting back up to try to get something done.

“Uh, Mr. Anderson?”

Virgil’s jaw clenched involuntarily at the familiar tone, and he looked up to find a familiar blonde in the doorway. “Cam. I thought you had chemistry this period.”

“I do, but I finished my lab already, so Mr. Harris let me ‘go to the bathroom.’” He accentuated with air quotes. “Um but I really came here to apologize.”

“What for?”

“Kya kinda ripped me a new one during chemistry. She has this really scary way of being really angry and really quiet at the same time. It’s freaky.” Cam made a show of shivering violently. “But yeah she chewed me out during lab because of what I did during class, so....I just wanted to say I’m sorry if I freaked you out. I promise I won’t tell anybody. It was just kinda crazy to hear that our favorite teacher is like us, you know?”

Virgil forced up a smile. “We are human, as crazy as it sounds.”

“So....is it you? Wait, I probably shouldn’t ask that, so there’s no evidence or whatever....I’m just gonna assume. Scientific method.”

“Apology accepted. Go back to chemistry before he sends someone after you.”

“He won’t, but I’ll do it just for you, Mr. A. See you tomorrow!”

“Bye, buddy.” Virgil calls as the kid disappears. He pulls out his phone and sends Roman a quick message.

[Virge]: Blabbermouth just came and apologized. Promised not to blabber. I don’t know if I trust it, but I guess it helps.

[Ro]: wow

Nice

It’ll be okay

And if it’s not I’ve got your back, okay? Don’t stress.

[Virge]: Thank you, Roman.

Virgil sighed for the last time and put his cellphone away. He picked up his favorite dark purple grading pen and pulled out the American Lit. kids’ written responses, gearing himself up to grade by playing his Grading Playlist from Spotify on his personal laptop.

Everything will be okay.

Again, sorry if it’s not as crazy as you wanted or is really too neat, but a lot of students I interact with as was around as a student were chill, so. Yeah.

#asks #replies #teacherau #literally such a scary thought lol #i think about this a lot and consider deleting my blogs like daily #tss #mine #tsfanfics #virge #roro

[octannibal-blake]

love me in whatever way

rating: Mature (language)

words: 2,943

(ao3)

One of the first rules they teach you in medical school is that you are, by no means, supposed to have any attachment to the patient.

And of course, Clarke breaks that rule within a year of her first real job.

It’s not that she had planned to grow attached to Bellamy Blake. It just happened. He’s been there for her worst moments, supportive and calm and strong. Without him, she’s almost sure she would have fallen apart, nothing left but a pile of broken pieces and dust.

It goes like this: Clarke moved nearly 3,000 miles from home for a job as an Emergency Room Doctor at Arkadia Memorial. Why? Because there was nothing left except an ex-fiancé and her best friends grave in her home town and this was her chance to start over. Exciting as the job was, settling in proved to be difficult. Until it wasn’t.

The Meeting: a new doctor believes in the privacy and respect of all humans, even one’s who have committed a crime. And yes, even if the crime was within the same two hours that they arrive at the hospital. Enter the cop: Bellamy fucking Blake who is argumentative and the epitome of the Big Dick Energy™ in the worst way. She convinces him to leave after an explosive argument that could have very well gotten her fired, because professionalism is often synonymous to kissing ass, but karma seems to be very, very real. The patient somehow manages to slip his bed restraint and stab her in the arm with a pair of surgical scissors. Good thing there was a cop around, huh?

Despite the less than stellar circumstances that brought them together, she makes her first friend that day. Bellamy sits with her to take the police report once the patient is restrained, and even waits while one of the nurses removes and cleans the small wound in her arm. She learns that he’s new to the policing thing and she’ll never forget his answer when she asked him why.

“Things are weird right now for cops,” his leg was bouncing anxiously as they waited, his eyes watching as each nurse passed by, “And I asked myself how to make it better? How to stop all the fucked up stuff they keep doing and still bring justice to those who deserve it. The answer was easy: Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

In any other situation, Clarke would have found quoting Gandhi to be a tad bit pretentious, but something strange fluttered in her stomach. By the time he left to haul the patient off to jail and fulfill his duty, he was smiling at her and she found herself hoping to see him again.

As it turns out, the hospital was mostly his beat, so she began to see a lot of him. Responding to security threats. Bringing in forms. Mostly, being on guard for arrests who were on the fast track to jail but needed some sort of treatment first. So they talked. Sometimes for minutes. Sometimes for an hour – their lunch breaks weirdly coincided on almost a weekly basis.

What She Learns: Bellamy grew up under difficult conditions. A single mom in a poor neighborhood who later became absentee working three jobs to provide for her kids. A younger sister, five years younger than him, three years younger than Clarke, who relied on him and who he felt responsible for taking care of. He raised her, essentially, and she’s off now somewhere in California living a nomadic lifestyle with her hippie boyfriend. He has a dog. His best friends name is Miller. He likes history and baking and gardening. He also played lacrosse in high school. She learns everything about him.

Fuck him for that. Honestly. Because now, she’s standing in front of him as he lies in one of the sterile hospital beds and contemplating smacking him on the forehead and falling into his arms in tears.

She’s not emotionally unstable. Not really. He just brings out something in her she had forgotten existed.

“Fancy seeing you here.” He jokes, but it falls onto the hideous tile floor between them with a thud. She blinks at him, trying to find some semblance of professionalism. Her hand is slightly trembling as she grabs his chart on the wall.

The words are blurry. She can hardly make them out, but she catches enough. Gunshot wound. Right arm. Significant blood loss. No vital damage.

“You know, Princess,” she can hear the hope in his voice, like the stupid nickname will somehow erase the severity of the current situation, “This was really just an elaborate scheme to see you. I figured I would change it up, you know. I love a good roleplay.”

She has to remove herself from the room, finding her nurse and requesting the needed supplies.

“Oh, I can do that. There is a car accident in room seven.” Maya tells her, starting to move towards Bellamy’s room.

“I’ve got this.” her voice is surprisingly stable, “Won’t take long.”

She thinks about waiting outside the room until the supplies arrive. She’s not sure she can look at him again without breaking down because, fuck, he was shot. And with that understanding comes a myriad of emotions, the first of which is: what if he had died and she never told him how she felt?

The Most Recent Development: She and Bellamy became fast friends, spending more time than probably necessary together. Including, but not limited: trivia night on Wednesdays, Movie Night on Saturdays, and frequent daily texting. He was her first connection in the new town and she attached to him quickly. Except, then they weren’t just hanging out. They were making out because they’re two single objectively attractive adults and of course he’s good in bed. It’s been a thing for a couple of months and she just saw him four hours ago for fuck’s sake. Naked and happy and in one piece.

She pushes open the curtain and reenters the room, checking all the wiring and tubing to make sure it’s hooked up right. A bag of O negative is hanging above his bed, next to the bag of morphine. His eyes flutter open at the touch of her hand.

“You should see the other guy.” He smirks and she hates him at this moment. He must sense it because he sighs. “I’m fine, Clarke.”

The gunshot wound says otherwise.

She’s saved from the projectile word vomit she was about to spew on him as Maya shuffles into the room, pushing the cart with her requested supplies. She thanks the nurse and dismissed her with a nod, turning back to organize the tray. She wraps her foot around the chair and pulls it to her, sitting at his bed side.

“It’s not even that bad.” He continues, and she can feel his eyes trying to find hers. She keeps hers focused on the computer, typing in his name and birthdate. She shouldn’t have that memorized. She shouldn’t actually be treating him because the rules say not to. But she sure as hell won’t let anyone else do it.

“Really, the silent treatment?”

Clarke finally makes eye contact, glaring at him as her fingers peel back the blood-soaked bandage from his bicep. The blood is, luckily, beginning to clot and there is an exit wound almost straight through. In and out. A clean shot and if she were objectively speaking, she would tell him he’s lucky.

But it’s not really that lucky considering he got shot in the first place.

She packs and presses a thick set of gauze to the wound as her other hand begins to organize the items around her tray. She calls out to the Maya for an extra dose of numbing agent but continues to look anywhere but directly at him.

“Clarke…” he groans, leaning back against the flattened pillow.

“Don’t move.”

“You can’t actually be mad about this. I’m a cop. These things happen.” He tells her softly and she can feel his eyes on her. She hates it. She hates that she’s mad about it because a) it’s a complete violation of boundaries as a professional and b) it means she cares more than she should.

The Ugly Reality: They aren’t just friends. Never have been. Things are messy and complicated and in the midst of all of it, she could have lost him. Just like that.

She knows what his job is. She’s not naïve. It’s dangerous and crazy things happen all the time and maybe she’s being unreasonable. It’s another day on the job. Another risk that always has to be taken.

She removes the gauze once the bleeding has stopped and wipes around the area with a sterilizing solution. She hears him suck in a breath at the way it, undoubtedly, burns. She grabs the numbing agent and finally glances up at him, “Deep breath. This is going to hurt.”

He closes his eyes as she injects it, scrunching his nose in pain as the fluid enters in. She does one in the back and one in the front, and he lets out a shaky breath when she finishes. She massages the flesh around it as it kicks in.

“You’re really not going to talk to me?” he sighs. His eyes are watery when he opens them and she hates herself for looking. It causes something uncomfortable to rise in her chest, and she feels something beginning to burn behind her eyes.

“What do you want me to say?” she grabs the suture that Maya has prepped and begins working. He doesn’t flinch as it penetrates his skin, instead focusing on her so intently that she begins to feel like she’s under a microscope.

“Shit, I don’t know.” He grumbles, “But you aren’t looking at me and I don’t know what to do.”

It comes out before she can stop herself, “Not get shot, for starters.”

He snorts, “Yeah, I must’ve forgotten to not do that today.”

Sewing a person back together is strange concept. The body, delicate as the pair of jeans that rip or the tear in your favorite pillow. She concentrates on the next suture and silence fills the air once more. It’s not tense, just tired. He’s tired from the blood loss. She’s tired of tip-toeing around the truth.

The Conclusion (as of ten minutes ago): she’s in love with him. Completely. Recklessly. It wasn’t supposed to happen. They made rules about it because he made it clear he doesn’t date, and she wasn’t looking for anything serious. Except things got very serious and she knew it should stop, but she couldn’t bring herself to stop it. She didn’t want to. Doesn’t want to. But how does she tell him that when this is his life? And he’s made it clear.

“I’m sorry,” he says finally as she clips the last thread, “For what it’s worth.”

She sits back on the stool and peels off the gloves, finally allowing herself to look at him. He’s alive, his cheeks are rosy, and his chest rises and falls with each breath. He’s here and things can continue like normal.

They can’t.

“I can’t do this anymore,” she whispers, and something wet trickles down her cheek and she swipes at it quickly, hoping it’s just a fluke because damn it, she isn’t going to do this here. She steels herself, blocking every inch of her that screams at her not to.

“Do what? You’re a great doctor, I barely felt a thing…”

“No.” she closes her eyes for a moment, willing the emotions back to their cage, “This. Us. Whatever this is. I can’t…”

The bed squeaks as he leans up, and he grips the side rail for support. His eyes, despite the morphine induced haze, are incredulous as he stares at her, “You cannot be serious right now.”

She presses her lips together. Her nostrils flare.

“Jesus, Clarke, you couldn’t have done this earlier? If you wanted to break up with me, you didn’t need to wait until I got shot for an out.” He’s swinging his legs over the bed before she can stop him and grabbing at the tubes attached to his arm.

She rushes over to his side to swat his hand away, “What the hell are you doing?!”

“You treated me. I’m leaving,” he says matter-of-factly, “I can’t be here right now.”

She grips his hand as he tries to peel at the tape holding the IV to his arm, “Stop. You need to rest.”

“Rest? Clarke, you’re trying to break up with me in a hospital room!”

“How can we break up? We aren’t even together! You made sure of it!”

He stops pulling then and she lets out a sigh of relief. “What are you talking about?”

Her hands drop to her sides. “You’re the one who said that this couldn’t be more than it was.” He still looks lost, eyebrows knitted together, and face scrunched in either pain or confusion or both, so she continues. “I understand why, now. This job is dangerous and being attached to someone, you have to worry about more than just yourself in the field. But I got attached and I just need some space because I really don’t know what else to do…”

“Clarke, I’m in love with you.” It comes out as a half-groan, half-plea and she nearly swallows her tongue.

“What?” she manages to choke out. She thinks maybe she misheard him. She heard what she wanted to hear instead of what he actually said.

“I was half in-love with you when we met,” he confesses again, shaking his head derisively.

“Then why…” her brain still can’t form coherent sentences.

“Didn’t I tell you before?” he finishes, “I guess we were both on the same page. You thought I didn’t want anything serious and I didn’t want to rush you into anything serious. But fuck, Clarke. When I got shot, you were the first person I thought of. All I could think about was you. How would you react? How could I have gone this long without telling you how I feel? What if the shot had hit me somewhere else, you would never know.”

It takes a moment for everything to sink in, for the fact that Bellamy loves her to hit. But when it does she laughs. Covering her eyes with her hands she moans, “We’re a complete fucking mess.”

“Yeah, well…”

She realizes that he’s laid himself bare before her, but she has yet to do the same. Something catches in her throat as she looks at him. “I’m so scared.”

He must know what she means because he steps into her space, reaching up with his good hand to tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear. His thumb caresses her cheek gently, “Me too.”

“What if something worse happens? Next time the shot is deadly. Or the person you’re arresting decides to hurt you. Or you, I don’t know, get hit by some asshole who hates cops? God, Bellamy, I can’t lose you.”

He pulls her into his chest and she buries her nose into his neck, wrapping herself into his familiar scent. Musk and sweat and just, Bellamy. She tries not to let her mind run away with all those thoughts, tries to be here in the moment but the reality is so much greater than both of them.

“This is my job, Clarke,” he murmurs into her ear, “Just like being a doctor is yours. The world is dangerous and all of those things you said, could happen to anyone. But just because the danger is there doesn’t mean we can put our lives on hold ‘just in case.’ If you can’t look past that, I understand. But I needed you to know how I feel.”

The Future: When she closes her eyes, he’s there. When she imagines her life years from now, he’s standing right there.  She can’t let that go. Bellamy Blake is her future.

She pulls back, curling her fingers into his white t-shirt and pulling him forward. The kiss is soft, a bit sloppy because he’s still weak and dazed from everything. She pulls back quickly and he tries to follow her but she just smiles. He leans his forehead on hers instead.

“I love you, too,” she finally whispers, “In case I haven’t made that clear.”

He smiles, “Yeah, I was hoping you did.”

She helps him back down to the bed and he grabs her hand, pulling her down for another kiss. “Just so we’re clear. We’re like, a thing now.”

She giggles, “Yes, we are.”

“So, will you go to dinner with me tonight?”

“Sorry, Officer Blake. You’re on strict bed rest orders for the next couple of days.” The doctor in her can’t let that one go, despite wanting nothing more than to go out with him on an actual date.

He huffs, “It’s just a scratch. I can handle a date…”

“You need to rest,” she tells him, “But I’ll come over and cuddle later if that helps convince you.”

She leans down to kiss his cheek just as the curtain is pushed back.

“Shit, sorry Doctor,” Maya squeaks, “I’ll just…uh…”

Clarke laughs and gives Bellamy’s hand a squeeze, “If I get fired, I’m coming to your house and mooching off you.”

He calls out to her as she leaves, “Hope you get fired, Doc!”

The End: She doesn’t get fired. But she does go to his house. And she doesn’t really leave after that.

#bellarke fanfiction #my writing #hurt + comfort

[joyofcrime-elinorhigh]

Teen Titans Go To The Movies REVIEW:

 Ahem

 "I DON'T KNOW WHO CREATED...TEEN TITANS GO!....BUT I'D TRIED TO FIGURE OUT HOW WE GET THEM TO HAVE TEEN TITANS _GO. TO. THE. POLLS." _  *Beat*

 "I'm with her!"

**  **Hello everybody, my name is JoyofCrimeArt, and it's time to finally put this to rest. I've already gave my very...very...very extensive thoughts on Teen Titans Go! in my last two reviews.

 Oh my gosh, why didn't I call those reviews "Teen Titans Go! is Garbage and Here's Why?!" It was probably long enough and would of gotten way more views!

 But back on topic. To summarize my thoughts though I think Teen Titans Go!, while I do think that there are some good elements and even good episodes of the series, I didn't end up finding it to be a very good series on the whole. However, it is a series that I do enjoy watching in a weird, ironic kinda way. It's a very love hate relationship. It's a bad show, but I will be sad when it ends, cause it has impacted my life that much. So when word of a movie came to be, it immediately grabbed my interest as well as my curiosity. What could a show like Teen Titans Go! possibly do with a movie? Teen Titans Go's! whole "thing" is that it DOESN'T do big superhero stories. Wouldn't making a film kinda go against what the whole show was about? And the show typically had trouble stretching there plots out for eleven minutes, let alone ninety. But as more trailers came out, I started seeing a lot of people genuinely getting excited for the film. Even I had to admit I was kinda getting a little bit hyped by the trailers. And when the film finally did get released it actually succeeded in getting over a ninety percent on rotten tomatoes! Yes, you heard right, CRITICS WERE LIKING TEEN TITANS GO! Could this movie actually be....good? Or would it end up being as obnoxious as the series that it was based on? Well, it's time to find out. Consider this your  **SPOILER WARNING, **as we dive right to Teen Titans Go To The Movies.

 I both love and hate that title.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9WhJyyTtqo

 The film begins with a giant balloon monster attack Jump City. And right off the back, I wanna praise the animation of this film. I admit, compared to other tv to film adaptations, it's nothing that _fantastic. However, there is a definite improvement from the series. The backgrounds are very fleshed out and detailed, chock full of little references and Easter eggs here and there. And the animation on the actions scenes (Yes, this film has those) is actually really good and surprisingly fluid. I admit though, this may just be slight bias because I'd pretty much praise any form of theatrical 2D animation now of days because COME ON, HOLLYWOOD! WHY WON'T YOU MAKE MORE 2D FILMS ALREADY!!!

_  We get a scene that manages to, in a very quick and effective manor, establish the films tone as well as show off all five of our main characters and establish there powers. Really impressive stuff. Is what I would say, If it didn't also includes an overly long fart joke, and a rap. Wow, six minutes. Is that a record for "kids film?" Guinness..can we verify?

 When the Titans, in typical Titans fashion, fail to stop the villain. This results in the Justice League to show up and stop the villain for them. And NICHOLAS CAGE plays Superman! YES! Okay movie, you get points for that. I'm fair here. That's also another thing this movie has over the series. Not all the side characters are played by Scott Menville or Tara Strong! They have like, MORE than five voice actors to pull from. Amazing, I know. The Justice League chastise the Titans for there general incompetents at everything, and bring up the fact that if they were real heroes they would have there on movie by now.

 As I mentioned in my previous reviews, Teen Titans Go! is at it's best when it's meta. And with so many superhero movies now of days, the Teen Titans Go! movie not only acknowledging this trend, and incorporating it in it's plot feels like a natural progression from the type of plots featured in the show. So I think this was a good direction for the film to take. There are a ton of jokes bashing not just DC films, but Marvel and Fox movies as well. And these jokes tend to be the highlights. When I first saw the trailer I was worried that these jokes would quickly get old, seeing how many of them are in the trailer. But in the film proper, they mix it up and spread them out enough to keep them enjoyable. So kudos on that.

 The Justice League fly off to go to the world premiere of Batman's newest film and the Titans decide to sneak into the red carpet premiere themselves. As they show up the films director, Jade Wilson (played by Kristen Bell), get's up on stage and starts revealing the slate for the next several DC movies. And just like in real life, there all Batman spin-off properties! Robin sits there in anticipation, hoping that a movie will be announced. But we get this, instead.

See, the thing about this that is funny is that THERE ACTUALLY DOING THIS. I doubt the people making this movie knew that at the time. But neither the less, it's happening, and I have proof.

 After a few more trailers Robin ends up jumping on stage thinking that his movie is going to be next only to discover that there is no plans for a Robin movie. All the other heroes laugh him off stage until all the Titans run out of the theater. The other Titans try to consul Robin, but Robin is adamant that if he doesn't get his own superhero movie he'll never be seen as a real hero. Raven suggest that if he wants a movie, first he'll need an arch nemesis. And just as she says that a crime occurs and the Titans go to investigate.

 The crime is being committed by none other than Slade, now voiced by Will Arrnet instead of Ron Perlman. And he is there to steal some kind of "mind gem." I like Slade in this movie. Sure, he's absolutely NOTHING like Slade from the original series, but that's okay cause he is his own unique take that fits the tone that the movie is going for. Also Will Arrnet is great casting for a more comedic take on Slade. I mean the creators of the original Teen Titans show said in interviews that they wrote Slade to be an evil Batman. So who'd be better to voice him than Lego Batman himself. My only gripe, and it is a minor one, is that while the film makes a big deal about Slade being a "serious villain" that only a "serious superhero" would have as an arch enemy. But he's only _slightly _less silly than the Titans. And while this isn't that big of a deal since Slade is funny here, it does seem to kinda go against the narrative that Slade is suppose to representing.

 Also, when Slade and the Titans meet, and neither seem to know who each other are, with the Titans believing that he is Deadpool. Even though in the series the Titans have acknowledged Slade in the series before, and even battled him before. (off screen, but still.) How does this all fit-

 Slade easily defeats the Titans, and mocks them for there incompetence. The Titans go back to there tower where Robin begins to feel sorry for himself, believing that he will never be a real hero. What? _Character conflict?! _The next morning the Titans get Robin and bring him to a "world premiere" of a Robin movie they made for him, complete with a cardboard limo and everything. _What? Something touching...no, that's not right. WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THE REAL TITANS!?

_  I do wanna touch on this. In this movie the Titans act very out of character from how they do in the show. But that is actually a good thing, cause the Titans in the series...are awful. In my previous Teen Titans Go! review I talk about how the original series Titans felt like a family, while it felt like the Go! versions just hated each other. But in this movie all the characters are way more likable. (Mostly, we'll get to that later.) And there feels like a real sense of connection between the characters. Sure there still goofy, and they make fun of each other, but they really do feel like a family. And this goes a LONG way with making me feel invested and actually rooting for our heroes to succeed in there goals.

 Robin watches the film, but turns it off when the movie makes fun of his "baby hands" (A running "joke" from the series.) The other Titans try to get him to finish the film but he's uninterested. _Man, I'm sure that won't be brought up again. In the films climax when the characters are at their lowest point! _Robin is hard set on believing that he'll never be seen seriously as a hero, but the other Titans encourage him to buck up and head down to Warner Bros. and DEMAND that they make a movie about him. And they do so in song.

 This seems like a good of a time as any to bring up that this movie is a musical. Possibly the first superhero musical? The song themselves, while nothing THAT amazing, are a step up from most of the songs in the series. i.e) They actually seem like they were written. (And that's not me being hyperbolic. A lot of the songs in Teen Titans Go! are made up on the spot! Look it up!) But what I really appreciate is how for several of the songs there is an art style shift, and that's really neat to see. Especially with a theatrical budget.

 The Titans go down to Warner Bros and go up to Jade Wilson and demand for a film. But she turns them down, saying that she would only make a movie about them if they were the last heroes on Earth. And that's exactly what the Titans decide to do! They decide to use time travel to go back in time and undo all the other superheroes origin stories so they'll be the only superheros.

 Yeah, this is the direction we're going. It's Spongebob: Sponge Out of Water all over again.

 And they can't use there time machine from the series cause it's "broken." So Raven just magic ups some time tricycles. WHATS THE POINT OF THE TIME MACHINE EVEN BEING BROKEN THEN IF RAVEN CAN GET MAKE NEW ONES NO PROBLEM? They could of made some joke where they like, steal Booster Gold's time machine at least. You just wanted a dumb "Back to the Future" reference didn't you? DIDN'T YOU! And while playing "Take on Me" makes me forgive you A LITTLE BIT, this whole situation is still stupid.

 In fact this whole "bit" is still stupid. And I say "bit" cause this whole time traveling section contributes nothing to the plot, and is only like, ten minutes long. The Titans go back in time to undo all the superhero's origins. (And end up murdering Aquaman as a child.) They come back to the present to see that villains have taken over the world. And then they go back and undo everything they already undid. (Including blowing up Krypton and frickin shoving Bruce Wayne's parents into Crime Alley as young Bruce watches!)

_That's his adoptive grandma he's watching get shot down... _  And I know you can say "Oh, it's comedy" or whatever, but this movie was actually doing a good job making me like the Titans. And maybe it's just because I've always had issues with the "main characters nonchalantly murder people" trope. But considering that this whole time travel thing literally adds nothing outside of stretching the film up _just _enough to reach ninety minuets, I can say it does nothing but hurt the film.

 Also, Baby Superman gyrate his infant crotch while pointing at it, in this film aimed at children.

 As someone who's defended the Powerpuff Girl reboot's twerking scene numerous time I suppose it be hypocritical to complain. So instead, I'm just going to list movies that have a lower rotten tomato score than Teen Titans Go to the Movies. For...unrelated reasons. Ahem

 _Lilo and Stitch. The Kung-Fu Panda Trilogy. Princess and the Frog. Tangled. Frozen. Coraline. The Lego Batman Movie.... _

 Anyway after all that, the Titans go off to try to stop Slade from committing another robbery. And this time the Titans are sure they'll beat him. We get an actually good fight scene and some Raven-Beast Boy ship tease that comes out of nowhere and contributes nothing. I know it's a thing from the show, but nothing in this movie setting it up. And it doesn't lead to anything. The Titans are able to get the "Mind Gem" that Slade stole earlier away from him and they put it in the Titans tower vault, but Slade still escapes.

 But the next day, the Titans are suddenly seen as real heroes for stopping Slade's plan. They head back to the film set and are greeted with a much warmer welcome. Jade decides that she does want to make a Teen Titans movie after all, and Robin is ecstatic. However, the other Titans don't take the gig as seriously and all go goof off, getting Robin into hot water with Jade.

 It all comes to a head when the other Titans see the Justice League building some kind of doomsday device, and assume that Jade is up to no good. Which is dumb because they have no reason to assume that it isn't just a prop for the film. But whatever. However, Jade reveals that this doomsday device is actually just a machine to launch there new streaming service. The device would broadcast DC films across all screens all over the word, with the Teen Titans movie being the first film they would release for the service.

 You're telling me that Jades launching a DC superhero based streaming service, and the only thing it will have at launch is Teen Titans? Pfft! _That's totally ridiculous, and completely unrealistic..._DC Universe didn't have Titans at launch!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJF7k5cFQEQ

 Jade gets angry and decides to fire the Titans. But says that she would be willing to make a solo Robin movie, since he didn't do anything wrong. Robin chooses to go with Jade and leave his friends behind. I admit, this is where the movie does start to become a bit predictable. You've seen this story arc before, the friends vs fame thing, and it goes exactly where you think it's gonna go. But I do like how there isn't a huge fight like you'd see in other movies. Both sides are upset that it's come to this, but clearly don't wanna hurt the other. Again, outside the earlier genocide of an entire planet, the Titans are pretty likable in this film.

 Robin and Jade begin working on the film, and it ends up being everything Robin wanted. But he's still beginning to feel some regret. However, Jade convinces him to buckle through it and film the last scene. A reenactment of Robin putting Slade's mind gem in the Titans vault. But right as he's about to enter the code a stage light knocks him out. He awakens and decides to finish the scene anyway. Jade telling him to make the scene look authentic. And again, it's pretty obvious where this is going.

 Robin puts in the code and the safe opens. Jade took Robin to the real tower while he was knocked out and reveals herself to be Slade in a Lupin III style latex mask! Okay, maybe that last part wasn't too predictable. But even ignoring the name JADE WILSON, It was telegraphed pretty obviously that Jade was evil since the scene where she made Robin chose fame over his friends.

 But hey, it's still a better twist villain than Frozen.

 Slade steals the mind gem and plans on using it in tandem with Robins film and the streaming service to mind control the entire planet to do his bidding. He handcuffs Robin to the tower walls and activates a series of bombs, leaves him to die. But Robin escapes thanks to his baby hands. A twist that is just as unexpected as it is stupid. The tower is destroyed but Robin survives, and realizes the error of his ways. He calls the other Titans and all is forgiven because they are a team.

 The Titans now head to the film studio to stops Slade's plan, but they are unable to stop him before he uses Robin's movie to mind control the entire Justice League. Robin goes after Slade while the rest of the Titans have to face down the Justice League. There's a short action scene that could of been longer in my personal opinion. Then Raven just uses her OP magic powers to trap the entire Justice League in a portal.

 **NOW YOUR THINKING WITH PORTALS! **That's..that's the meme, right? I-I haven't ever played_ Portal._

 Robin confronts Slade, but Slade surrounds Robin with monitors all playing his movie. Robin becomes tempted to view his movie and gets mind controlled. In a nice (though juries still out of if it was intentional) callback to the original series, Slade commands Robin to attack his friends and he complies. But wait, remember that obvious Chekhov's gun from earlier in the film? It's time to pull the trigger! The Titans play the movie they made for Robin, but this time they get to the end where they all talk about how much Robin means to them as a leader. The power of friendship frees Robin from Slade's mind control.

 But Slade has a mech now! This was not set up at all, but who cares at this point. _Mechs are cool damn it! _Slade once again mocks the Titans, asking how a team as goofy as them could possibly stop him now. But Robin and the rest of the team realize that they don't need to be "legitimized" or seen as "real heroes." They just need to stop the bad guy in there own way. We get a reprise of the rap song from the beginning as the Titans defeat Slade in their own silly way. They destroy the mind control device and the Justice League go back to normal. The movie ends with the Titans realizing that they truly are heroes and...wait a minute...something is off here. It's 2018...and this movie doesn't end with a dance party! Teen Titans Go!, the show that is known for random dance sequences, is actually one of the few modern films not to end with a dance party ending?! What the hell?

 But we do get our post credits scene!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F06HJTyB17c

 Is this it? Is this the preview for Teen Titans Season 6?!

 Not quite! Rather it's just setting up an upcoming "Teen Titans Go! vs Teen Titans" crossover, that's rumored to be heading direct to DVD with a new crew working behind it. You what that means right? It isn't over. My job isn't done yet. There's still more to talk about! THE RIDE NEVER ENDS, BABY! I'M GONNA KEEP TALKING ABOUT TEEN TITANS GO! UNTIL THE DAY I DIE! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwDIZT3XbjQ

 While Teen Titans Go To The Movies didn't do that great at the box office, the film had a low enough budget to end up making a pretty substantial profit. Which is more than most DCEU films can say. I doubt we'll see the Titans on the big screen anytime soon, but it wasn't a bomb critically or financial. But what is my final verdict here?

 The film in a lot of ways solves a lot of problems I had with the series. For one, the Titans are all a lot more likable, which goes a long way in helping me get invested. And while the show seems to conflate "conflict" with "serious" this film manages to have a plot and story while still keeping it's comedic tone the entire way through. More technical issues the show had like animation and reusing voice actors are near non-existent here. And the film manages to do what I think episodes like "The Return of Slade" tried and failed to do. It celebrates it's own silliness and imperfections, but does it in a way that isn't just "attacking the haters." Like I said, Teen Titans Go! is best when it's meta.    But the film has it's problems too. The plot points at times can be kinda predictable. There are a lot of scenes that really don't add anything to the story beyond stalling for time. And there are a lot of points where the humor falls back into the same loud, juvenile, mean spirited jokes that the series is known for. Also, while Robin is my favorite of the Titans, I would of liked the other characters to have a larger role. For a film that's whole climax is hinged on the idea of a Robin solo film being a bad idea, but that's what the film can kinda feel like at time.

 Overall, the film is about what I thought it would be. It's okay. It's up there with the best of the episodes of the show, but not really going that far beyond it. (In fact, I'd say their are a few episodes from the main series that are better than this film.) It's good, but I wouldn't call it 91% on rotten tomatoes good. If you like Teen Titans Go! you'll like this movie if you're willing to put up with a little more drama. If you hate Teen Titans Go! you'll like the movie if you are able to just turn your brain off and put up with some more childish jokes here and there. And if you can't do either of those things...watch Lego Batman. It's better than this film anyway, regardless of what rotten tomato says, and has a similar vibe about it.

 And with that, I can finally put Teen Titans Go! to rest**. For now! **What did you think of the movie? Was it "You're new favorite film?" or was it just as bad as the many people said it would be? I'd love to hear your thought in the comments down bellow. Fav, follow, or comment if you liked my review or have a suggestion on what I should talk about next. And tune in next week as deviantcember continues! Have a great day.

(I do not own any of the images or videos in this review all credit goes to there original owners.) 

  https://www.deviantart.com/joyofcrimeart/journal/Teen-Titans-Go-To-The-Movies-REVIEW-774742614 DA Link

#Teen Titans Go To The Movies #DC Universe #Teen Titans #Teen Titans Go #review

[harryimaginedstories]

unscripted - part1

Hello, friends! :) Finally back with a longer story I hope you’ll enjoy!

Summary: how to feel when the man of your heart is talking about one night stands.

This is based on a request! x Also: Lovely picture isn’t mine.

His fingers traced along the small words printed in black. A soft smile graced his features and his breathing hitched as he continued to read the words painting the picture Harry was excited to act out and make a pretend reality.  They described the kind of connection between two people Harry himself knew well enough: the passion of two bodies discovering each other when the minds have yet to know anything of the other’s. 

Harry sighed. It had certainly been a while since he’d allowed himself to forget about the fear of vulnerability and instead let himself give in to the exhilarating feeling of sharing a bed with somebody he didn’t know. And though Harry didn’t pride himself with having spent nights with strangers, there was a sense of excitement - something almost dangerous about opening himself up to a person he sometimes didn’t even know the name of. It was an excitement he sometimes found himself missing. Perhaps also because he wasn’t getting laid much recently, not really at least. Sure, he had some pretty acquaintances who were willing to help him out in a moment of desperation and weakness one way or another - but those encounters couldn’t give him the same kind of satisfaction as being with a woman who was gone by the morning did. There was nothing like waking up with her name being nothing short of a distant memory.

Sex. Familiar with the act of it, Harry found himself blushing at the thought of getting naked in front of a camera and in a room that was filled with friends as well as a big production team. Though Harry was to appear in a short film and not a big hollywood movie, he was aware of how much work went into such a project and didn’t for one moment doubt there would be a few dozen people present to see him bare and sprawled out under a female scene partner’s body. 

“M’fucked.” 

He grinned. Harry, though nervous, wasn’t at all less excited for the filming to start as he’d been when he’d agreed to it earlier that week. Even though it had brought him one of the roughest arguments he’d had in a while with somebody close to him. 

Any kind of news for Harry meant calling Y/N the moment he was alone. Even when his phone was at 5% or he was expected to be somewhere shortly or it was the middle of the night where either of them were in that moment, it didn’t matter - without any verbal agreement they were used to always call the other when something important had come up - and there was an excitement that was only really there when Y/N knew what he was up to. Only that this was one of the seldom occasions where hearing her opinion wasn’t great.

. . . four nights before . . .

When Y/N entered Harry’s flat her body was shaking and the exposed skin of her hands and cheeks were red and frozen. Even her teeth chattered. Harry cooed upon seeing her blue lips, his heart melting at the sight, and hurried into the hallway to help her take off her hat, coat and the two scarfs she’d wrapped around her neck in an effort to block out the cold, before he moved his hands up and down her arms to warm her.

“Would’ve come to pick you up had you told me you weren’t coming with a cab. Poor lovely.”

She shrugged before standing on her toes to press a kiss to his soft cheek in a way of greeting. “I can manage just fine, Har. The tube is wonderfully warm when it’s this busy.” 

“And miles away from m’house,” Harry continued to scold her, though his rant was soothed by him wrapping her shoulders in a short embrace.

Y/N smiled at him and began to make her way towards his kitchen where she was happy to find a cup of her favorite tea steaming and ready on the counter. Harry followed her and went to sit at the kitchen bar, listening to his favorite friend talk about her day and something funny she’d read online recently while he sipped on his glass of red wine.

“Anyway,” Y/N too sat down at the narrow counter opposite of Harry’s chair and curled her fingers around the warm cup, “You called, I’m here. What’s up?”

Harry reached for the bottle of red wine and poured himself another glass, then he grinned widely, making her excited for the news he had to spill. He looked like a young boy, Y/N found herself thinking and it pleased her to see Harry blushing and excited for something. Even his fingers seemed to shake with delight.

“I got cast in a film, Y/N.”

She gasped and clapped her hands together with a cheer. “Really? That’s amazing! And your first one wasn’t that long ago!”

“I mean,” Harry shrugged, dimples appearing in both cheeks, “it’s a short film and not a massive production or anything. Don’t get your hopes up, you’re not going to get to hang out with Leo DiCaprio on set anytime soon. But m’reallly happy about it, Y/N.”

Y/N squealed and shook her head. “I’m so happy for you, Har. Genuinely.”

“Thanks, love,” he sighed and his heart jumped in his chest when her fingers wrapped around his to squeeze them, “It’s directed by Gilles, remember him? He’s great, I think.”

“The visuals he showed me last time I saw him were absolutely stunning,” she agreed, gave his hand another short squeeze and released him, “And you’re going to be in a film of his? How come? And what’s it about?”

His stomach fluttered at her joy and eagerness to support him and he grinned when she moved her hand to take his glass from him and have some of his wine as well. 

“He wrote a story that really - just spoke to me, you know?”

Harry got up to grab a plate with various snacks and placed it in front of Y/N, aware that she’d probably skipped dinner in order to be with him quicker. She flashed him a grateful smile. “Thanks.”

“You’re more than welcome,” he hummed. “Anyway. How was your day?”

“No, no, no,” Y/N grinned, “You have got to tell me more! What’s the film about?”

He wasn’t going to say so, but Harry was charmed by Y/N’s apparent interest in what he was doing. 

“Well,” his throat cleared, “it’s about this person who chases what he calls ‘flashing connections’.”

Y/N’s brows knotted at his air-quotes. Harry went on. “He sort of enjoys meeting a person and being with them for a short moment before they leave and he’s alone again."

That was nicely put. Basically the PG version of fucking with strangers. And something Y/N of course noticed.

“Being with them?” Y/N tilted her head, “As in have sex and then bail? And you relate to that?” 

Harsh. Harry had not seen that coming. Surprised, he straightened his posture. The small hitch in her voice was as unexpected to him as his words were to her. All excitement for him was gone in her expression and he could read in her features that she was finding it difficult to wrap her head around him being anything like the person his friend created for a film. The faint judgmental replacing the joy in her tone didn’t go unnoticed either. He sighed and took another big gulp of his wine, finishing the glass. His next words he made sure to choose well. 

“In a way I do, yeah. I can relate to that.”

Harry watched his friend’s lips press together tightly and replayed the memories he had of women spread out beneath him or with their arms wrapped around his body. Women whose faces he couldn’t see now that he tried to.

“So far I’ve never wanted a serious commitment,” he continued to explain, "and still do enjoy a woman’s company for a moment or two every now and again. S’normal, isn’t it?”

Probably yes. Still, the air around them thickened and Y/N’s chest felt heavier with every breath she took. Her mind raced and the blood in her veins froze. The mere thought of Harry laying bare in front of women he didn’t know, women who took his body in and kept the sight of him naked in their memory - it made her uneasy and brought her the ugly taste of a jealousy she had no right to feel.

She couldn’t let it show though, and a well composed indifference took over her still features. Harry tilted his head to one side before grinning, because there was no fooling him.  Y/N had been his best friend, closest companion and most favorite person for a long time. Too long as that she could’ve hidden something from him. He bit his lip so he wouldn’t enjoy taunting her too much. 

Y/N’s mouth stretched into a smile. “Well, sounds like you’re perfect for the part, then.”

“You’re annoyed by that, aren’t you?”

Innocent eyes met his. Y/N pulled out her phone and absently began to scroll through an app, feigning to no longer be interested into the conversation. 

“By what would I be annoyed?”

Harry shrugged. Watching her fiddle with her hands and biting her lip to maintain a straight face had his stomach flutter and toes curl as he suppressed a laugh.

“Seems like me fucking a woman I have no emotional connection to doesn’t rub you right, lovely.”

Just as he’d expected, the words made her jump back and a deep frown drew itself onto her forehead before she slid off the stool and turned her back to him so she could go grab a glass of water. Harry’s home was familiar enough for her to not need him telling her where she could find a glass and even though he offered her some of the sparkling water he kept in the fridge, she filled it with tab water and drank it right where she stood - a safe distance between herself and the smugly smiling Harry.

“Why are you not answering me, Y/N?”

She groaned. “I’m not annoyed. Congratulations, Har.”

“You sound awfully annoyed for somebody who claims not to be.”

His words infuriated her and she threw her head back and turned to her friend with anger burning her eyes.  Y/N dropped the glass in the sink, slightly cracking the rim by doing so. When she spoke next, her tone was strong and hid the growing discomfort she felt the longer Harry enjoyed his joke with her.

“I don’t give a shit about what you do in your bedroom, Harry.”

A lie, of course. She did very much care. Harry had had her under his spell ever since they’d first met. And though she knew she’d never tell him about just how deeply her feelings for him ran and he therefore couldn’t know how his jokes affected her mood, with every millimeter that his smile grew, her stomach dropped further down. 

Harry decided to worsen the situation. “Not only in the bedroom, love.”

“Okay, gross,” Y/N grimaced and shut her eyes briefly, blocking out the image her imagination was trying to paint, “You’re in a short film, I’m happy for you. Is that good enough to you? Can we change the subject now?”

He shrugged and finally his smile shrunk. “Fine with me.”

They didn’t look at each other like they usually did. Neither of them had eyes full with adoration and care for the other, but instead his were searching her expression for any sign that explained her displeased reaction to his words, while Y/N looked for anything that explained how a persons she’d believed to be a lover only, claimed to find it easy to sleep around.  Seemed like that self-given description of his didn’t suit him at all. 

What is a lover without love?

It was the first time she couldn’t understand where he was coming from. Not one part of her saw how what Harry searching for emotionless sex with strangers wasn’t sad. Being with somebody so intimately - How could he call himself a lover if he didn’t allow himself to find a person who was one too?

Harry swallowed hard as he watched her lips press together as if she was holding herself back from saying something he might not like and that alone sufficed to make him uneasy. Perhaps pushing her wasn’t a good idea.

“I have biscuits.” 

His lips curled into a genuine smile when hers did, too. 

“Where?”

Harry slid off his stool and walked over to his kitchen cabinet, one that was too high up than what Y/N could’ve reached herself. The plate with biscuits was practically full since Harry had made himself choose between cheese and chocolate a long time ago (he’d gone for cheese) which resulted in him allowing himself close to no sweets at all. The moment he held the plate out for Y/N to take one of the chocolate chip ones, he knew he’d won her back over, but just to be sure he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to her cheek.

“You’re my favorite,” he admitted quietly, “Don’t want any serious commitment with anybody. The one I’ve got to you is enough. And more important than any other could be. One I want to keep.”

She sighed against his skin and let her forehead brush his shoulder.  A whimper left her mouth when he pulled away. How he could make her melt only by purring into her ear confused her still, even after years of Harry having that effect on her she still couldn’t quite understand. But she’d come to terms with the fact that he was magical. 

“And all I want is what makes you happy, Har.”

He dropped a kiss to her head. “Thanks, lovely. I feel the same when it comes to you, of course. Now c’mon. Have a biscuit.”

She giggled. “Making me sound like a child.” 

“Yeah I heard it just now as well.” He grinned. “Sorry.”

The chocolate biscuit tasted better than it looked (just like practically everything Harry baked himself) and when Y/N finished her first and reached for another, Harry moved to sit back down. They continued to chat about what they’d been up to and slowly Y/N began to forget what he’d told her only moments ago. “So anyway,” Harry said after telling Y/N what him and Nick had planned for next week, “You mentioned things are busy for you right now. Want me to cheer you up?”

“Gladly.”

Harry crossed his arms. “I though I’d ask Gilles if it’s okay for you to be on set and watch me be an actor and all. Might be quite cool, don’t you think? You’d see the plot and everything before anyone else and-”

“What? No way.”

What was meant as a joke came out a lot harsher than what she’d intended and just how she truly meant it.

Watching her Harry pretend to sleep with somebody in front of a camera couldn’t be much more painful for her than watching him do it for real. It would be difficult enough to see the film, going on set however was completely out of the question.

“No way?” he bit, voice rough and deep.

“Well, you can’t expect me to show up, can you?”

“What? One minute you claim you’re happy for me, the next you act as if visiting the set would be - I don’t know. Unimaginable? Why?”

She rolled her eyes, something she was aware pushed his buttons.

“I thought you were still joking.” Y/N leaned her back against the stove and, too, crossed her arms over her chest, “You’re mood changes awfully fast today, Har.”

“No, m’serious. You’ve had this look on your face ever since I told you what the film’s about and I want to know what’s going on in your head.”

“I don’t think you want to.”

“And now what’s that supposed to mean?”

Y/N sighed. In her chest her feelings were running wild. As a good friend, she wanted to be as loyal as always and tell Harry that she was happy about how happy he was to be doing this film. She wanted to ignore and push away any sense of jealousy and displeasure she found her mind clouded by at the mere thought of him laying on the bed they’d prepare for him.

Harry shook his head and slid off his stool again so he could stand in front of Y/N, looming over her easily. That, combined with his deep and hoarse voice would’ve been enough to be intimidating, had he not been her best friend. Still, though not exactly worried, Y/N swallowed hard as a sense of unease crawled up her back.

“You don’t want me to do this. I want to know why.”

“Harry-”

“Tell me.”

She took a deep breathe. It wasn’t the moment to tell him she would rather scratch her own eyes out than having to see him naked with another woman. She didn’t want him to learn that he owned her heart - not via an argument. So... Y/N decided to lie. 

“I’m just a little worried for you, Har. You did a couple risky things over the past year, you know?”

His forehead was drawn into a deep frown and he took a slow step closer. For the first time looking at Y/N filled his head with questions, when normally all he saw when meeting her eyes was an answer to whatever was going on in his life.

Y/N knew he wouldn’t let things go soon when his arms crossed over his chest, and so she reached for another biscuit, hoping it would bring back the smile he’d worn just a moment ago. His face remained frozen.

“What are you getting at exactly?”

“Just...” she reached up her hand to scratch the back of her neck as she waited for appropriate words to form on her tongue.

“Writing a song about a fling you had and mentioning her name... was kinda a big deal, wasn’t it? You practically bragged with getting into a girl’s pants. A girl you met only once, I might add. Then you have a song that’s been linked to your ex girlfriend over and over again and then even more songs who mentioned all kinds of different women and your relationships with them... it’s just- a lot.”

“A lot?”

Her throat closed up. A hesitant nod followed. “I worry for you and about what people will think if you now do a film about sleeping with random people. It might harm your image and bring back the whole ‘skirt chaser’ prejudice. I mean, c’mon you don’t want to live up to that reputation you got yourself, do you?”

“Wow.”

Utter disbelief put a shadow on his face and Harry felt himself fall back to rest against the counter, bringing distance between himself and Y/N. The gasp falling from his mouth drew goosebumps onto her skin and she raised her hand to reach out for him, a gesture that was ignored. Hurt wrote itself all over his features and regret instantly made Y/N’s heart sink.

Harry’s eyes filled with harsh tears that burned his orbs and he quickly blinked them away.

“Har-”

He shook his head and raised a warning hand, demanding silence from her.  Never in his life had Harry felt this kind of deep betrayal. Big news meant calling Y/N. Important events meant telling Y/N.  Her opinion - her support - it mattered to him as much as his family’s did and to know that she disapproved of so many things he was genuinely proud of without ever telling him... that hurt. She even thought of that terribly ugly name he’d been called before. And the reputation he had got himself? She blamed him for people calling him a dick who had no respect for women? After everything they had been through, Harry had believed she would know better and to hear that she actually believed and agreed with people claiming he liked to brag with his conquests, hurt him more than what words could explain. His songs were meant to be a map to his heart. They were important and beautiful to him. His Y/N, a girl he’d considered part of himself, should know that.

His hands balled into tight fists. “You liar.”

“Harry don’t overreact.”

“Overreact?” he threw up his hands, “Great, Y/N! You fucking admitted that all my album’s about is how I weasel my way between women’s thighs and then dump them again! Can’t imagine why that would upset me!”

“C’mon, I didn’t-”

“And now instead of appreciating that this film is something I’m excited for, you have to ruin it by making it dirty and take away any of the depth behind it! You’re just such a hypocrite!”

“Oh yeah right, first a liar, then a hypocrite!” Y/N threw the half eaten biscuit back on the plate and took a step forward, standing strong and determined before him, “If anything - that’s you! And a prick, as well. You wanted me to tell you what I think and when I do you have the nerve to insult me!” 

Harry stepped closer and Y/N bit her tongue harshly when she noticed his arms tighten. 

“Sure, play the victim here!” he bit, “Anything so you don’t have to apologize for being a shit and above all selfish friend!”

She gasped. That was a blow she hadn’t expected but hurt all the more. 

“How am I being selfish?”

“I support you!” Harry finally shouted, his voice no longer just slightly above his normal volume, but loud enough to make Y/N flinch and move back against the counter immediately. Unfazed, Harry went on: “I give you everything you could possibly need and when I give you the chance to do the same for me, you’re being inconsiderate as hell!”

They let the words ring and Y/N gave him a moment before she continued.

“You asked for my opinion Harry.” Though her voice was quiet, it didn’t quiver and she tried to keep it as soft as possible in an attempt to soothe him, “I’m sorry... I wasn’t aware that wanting to look out for you would sound like such an insult and-”

“Look out for me?” Harry gave a dry laugh, “M’not a fucking kid, Y/N! And you’re not my mother. Don’t need you looking out for me, especially not when you’re being as much of a bitch when doing so as you are now!”

Silence.  Her eyes stared into his and he watched how the orbs he knew and loved filled with terrible tears. 

“B-bitch?”

Teeth pulled at his bottom lip harshly. He swallowed hard, took a deep breath and then shook his head.

“Y/N, no, m’sorry. Didn’t- fuck. M’sorry, alright. You’re not a-”

“No, I get it,” she shook her head with disappointment weighing down her heart. When she spoke next her voice was hardly above a whisper. “Go fuck yourself, Harry.” 

The hand reaching out for her couldn’t stop Y/N as she stormed past Harry and into the hallway. When his footsteps followed all it did was make her move faster and slid into her shoes quickly so she could avoid hearing him speak again.  Y/N brushed the tears off her cheeks harshly and when she reached for her coat a heavy sigh left her mouth because the material was already grasped in Harry’s hand. 

“M’sorry.”

“You’re not. Now give me my coat.”

Reluctantly Harry gave in and watched as she pushed her arms through both sleeves and turned to the door. 

“Y/N. C’mon. You got to see my point of view as well. You basically just used what you know s’a big insecurity of mine against me. M’sorry for calling you a bitch, but-”

He had a point and it made Y/N stop in her tracks and face him momentarily. Harry’s eyes mirrored the hurt she had written all over her face and guilt was quick to make her skin crawl and fingertips buzz. She knew what she’d said wasn’t okay, especially since he cared so much about his music and poured his heart into every song.

“No, Harry,” she swallowed hard, “just- let’s just leave it be for now, okay? Have fun with your film.”

. . . the next day . . .

Regret. All Y/N could think about was Harry’s expression of sorrow when she closed the door to his home right into his face. The green practically swam in a mixture of the same hurt her eyes held as well as his own feelings of betrayal and anger. She shouldn’t have done that, not after she’d said just as many things that were unfair to him as he had to her. Leaving him was a mistake.

to H. : 1:45pm I’m sorry for yesterday. You know I’m proud of what you’re doing and of what you have done so far. x

to H. : 1:51pm After yesterday you might not know for sure anymore and I get that. But I am happy and want to support everything you do, Harry. Again, I’m sorry.

Y/N’s heart carried a heaviness she didn’t manage to shake all throughout the day and even though she gave up the idea of Harry replying to her texts after six pm struck, the ache didn’t lessen. At this point it didn’t matter anymore that she tried to cover up her jealousy by saying she was looking out for him. Even when it wasn’t all untrue, she never should’ve phrased it the way she had. And yes, calling her a bitch was anything but an alright thing to do, she should’ve just accepted that it was in the heat of the moment and that he really had more of a reason to be angry than she. Just when the first tears fell to her cheeks her phone lit up with the much awaited message. She sighed with relief upon seeing his name. 

from H. : 8:09pm I’m not going to lie to you and say that things are okay between us, Y/N. You hurt me yesterday and knowing that you kept your honest opinion to yourself for so long disappoints me. But I am also aware that I reacted all wrong and I am sorry for calling you the b-word. I didn’t mean it, not even in the moment and hope you can accept my apology for saying it regardless. Maybe you’re right and we should leave each other alone for a while... I’m still going to do the film just as I still would’ve released all of the songs you say are bad for my image. I appreciate you wanting to support me, even when you disagree and therefore don’t really feel all supportive. Thank you for apologizing. Talk to you soon. x

The sobs leaving Y/N’s lips were loud and desperate and she sank to the couch and clutched her hands to her mouth in a failing attempt at quietening them. It was as if her lungs turned inside her chest. Her skin crawled and the front of her head began to pound with a steady pain. Almost as if he knew what was happening her phone lit up with another short text.

from H. : 8:13pm Please don’t feel too guilty, okay? We’ll work things out eventually - let’s just give each other a break.

She whimpered and shook her head. Reading Harry’s messages... it was like hearing him say the words into her ear and she could imagine the pain in his voice with a clarity that was agonizing. With trembling fingers she reached for her phone. 

to H. : 8:19pm I don’t want a break from you, Harry.

Perhaps desperate. Maybe whiny. But the truest thing she managed to say in that moment and under tears Y/N couldn’t feel the embarrassment she was probably supposed to be experiencing.  Even if Harry would reach out for her and make things up, that could take weeks to happen for all she knew. And to be without him and without hearing of him for an unknown amount of time... it seemed impossible to bear. Ever since they’d met they’d gotten closer and closer until they didn’t go two days without talking. It had been like this for almost a year and now that was just going to go away again? Y/N could feel her eyes and cheeks become puffy and tender from all the crying her pained heart forced her to endure. 

from H. : 8:22pm Y/N, things will be okay. I promise.

from H. : 8:24pm Please don’t be upset anymore. I just can’t shake the words you said yesterday and I’m sorry for taking it to heart even after you apologized - and I do believe you’re sorry - it’s just that at the moment I don’t know how I’d be around you... I’m worried I’d be a dick just ‘cause I can be so unforgiving even after I already accepted an apology... it’s difficult to explain. Please tell me you’re no longer beating yourself up over this. xx

to H. : 8:27pm Hard not to, but I accept what you want. I’m so sorry. Hope to speak to you soon. I really do. x

Y/N couldn’t even try to be okay and typing the message felt wrong. But it was true, she had to accept what he wanted, even when it was time away form her.  To clear the soreness in her throat, she walked over to her kitchen and got herself a glass of water. She hoped the distance from her wouldn’t become normality and her stomach dropped when she remembered a former friend Harry had had a disagreement with, which turned into distance, which turned into them not being friends anymore. Though kind, sweet and with a heart of gold, Harry’s unforgiving side could be ruthless enough to cost him friendships.

from H. : 8:31pm Won’t be like what happened between me and Jerry. We’ll be okay. Soon. xx

She almost smiled. How he knew her like the back of his own hand wasn’t even surprising anymore. Relieved Y/N emptied the glass of water and set it back into the sink.

to H. : 8:32pm Okay. xx

Harry put his phone away and leaned his head against the headrest of his couch. His stomach was in knots and it hurt knowing that Y/N was most definitely feeling absolutely low because of him. But what he’d said was true - he couldn’t be sure that he wouldn’t make things worse if he saw her or spoke to her over the phone. Still, he could almost hear Y/N crying and it crushed his heart.

His finger hovered over the tiny phone at the corner next to her contact name, but he refrained from calling her anyway. But he promised himself silently to speak to her again in less than three days. Not only for her, but for himself, too. She was, after all, his best friend.

. . . present . . .

Harry reread the page he had before him for the 5th time. So far it seemed as if he was actually one of two actors who were to participate in the film. It fascinated him that though the only scenes he was to play out were love scenes and the movie still held so much depth and back story. A good written script could truly be a magnificent thing. The smile still danced on his face and the excitement for starting to shoot the film in two days flooded his veins with happiness. He felt at ease and calm, certain that this project would be an amazing thing to do. Harry reached for his phone. He hadn’t heard her voice since she slammed the door in his face and as he’d asked her to over text, she’d left him alone after their short exchange of messages. Three days. How was it possible to miss somebody so much after 72 hours? 

Time to put himself and perhaps her too, if she still cared, out of their misery. Picking up his phone Harry began to type the word Hey, then changed them to Hi and than even to one of those lame waving emojis. Fuck’s sake why was it so difficult to talk to his best friend? Finally Harry chose to snap a picture of a paragraph of the script (aware that he wasn’t necessarily allowed to do so) and sent it to her with a short caption.

to Y/N. : 3:23pm

and you said one night stands can’t be romantic. x

He hoped starting their conversation with what had initiated their fight wasn’t pushing his luck, but when his phone lit up only one minute later, he smiled with relief.

from Y/N. : 3:24pm You would know, huh? xx

He chuckled.

to Y/N. : 3:25pm You’re hilarious. xx

from Y/N. : 3:26pm Sure am. xx

from Y/N. : 3:26pm So what are you up to?

to Y/N. : 3:27pm Practicing lines actually - don’t want to talk about that though. Listen: tonight’s Grayson’s birthday party, remember? We said we would go together.

to Y/N. : 3:27pm So are we?

Please let it be a yes, Harry thought. Please don’t be busy with something else already. All of a sudden he was more than desperate to see her again, talk to her, hug her and make up for the time they’d spent apart. 

from Y/N. : 3:29pm Pick me up at 8pm? x

Harry was quick to tell her that he would be there and was pleased with himself when he put his phone away and set it back on the table before him. It was less than five hours away until he would be with her. Would she allow him to hug her hello? He hoped it wouldn’t feel awkward.

. . .

The minute the clock struck 8pm Y/N closed the door to her flat behind her, hurried down the stairs and rushed outside the building where her eyes searched for the familiar black vehicle that belonged to Harry. He was already here.  Y/N raised her hand in a wave and crossed the road quickly. As she approached, Harry opened the door and stepped onto the pavement. Her heart leaped when his arms opened to invite her into an embrace. 

“Hi.”

“Hey,” he hummed, breath fanning over her neck as he buried his nose into her skin.

Though only separated for few days, Y/N could’ve sworn the curls at the back of his head had grown and she sighed when her finger scratched his neck and pulled them gently. 

Harry groaned and pulled her tighter against his chest. “Don’t.”

“What?” she giggled. 

She felt him shrug and shrieked when he hoisted her up and off her feet. 

“Feels good. Putting me right back to sleep when we’re supposed to go party.”

“Great,” she cheered softly and nuzzled his collar bones. 

Harry released her with a kiss to her cheek. Both hands swiftly caressed the skin of her neck. When his eyes locked with hers both of their breathing hitched and their lips were simultaneously pulled into a smile. 

Y/N nodded to his car. “We should get going.”

 “Yeah.” Then he smiled and nudged her shoulder with his. “M’happy to see you.”

Though when Y/N closed the car door behind herself and turned to look at her friend, an awkward tension settled over them both. Harry who gripped the steering wheel tightly, sent her a smile, then he turned onto the pavement and she switched on the radio to bring some noise into the sudden and uncomfortable silence.

. . .

Grayson turning 27 had all of Harry and Y/N’s friends, their acquaintances, their distant acquaintances and the even further distant acquaintances gather at a fancy italian restaurant in the west of London. Everywhere Y/N looked she saw people who were smiling and some raised their hands in a wave while all Harry could see when he entered the restaurant was the dress hugging Y/N’s figure so perfectly. He almost forgot that he should still be somewhat pissed off with her. Then again, missing her for three days and wrapping them both into an embrace the moment they reunited probably made it look to her as if things were close to normal again.

And though he wanted that, something in his chest kept him from forgiving her just yet.

“M’going to say hi to some people.”

Surprised, Y/N turned to look at her friend. Harry’s lips were pressed into a thin line and a frown had taken over his previously so relaxed face. Knowing him the way she did she could practically see the wheels in his head turning and overthinking everything he’d done since texting her this after noon. Maybe he was still mad at her, even when he’d acted overjoyed to see her only moments before. Y/N’s forehead creased into a frown. The car ride, though short, had been terribly tense. Cold fear had her shudder with the worry of Harry changing his mind and deciding that he needed more time away from her still. Y/N gave him a small smile. “Sure, yes. I saw Carrie over there so I’ll just talk to her for a bit. I’ll see you later?”

“Definitely, yeah,” Harry nodded, “If we don’t get to talk during dinner just text me when you want to go and I’ll give you a ride home.”

“Okay, thanks.”

Harry disappeared in the group of people gathered in the middle of the restaurant and it only took seconds for Y/N’s stomach to drop and her hands to become sweaty. 

Dinner was served at a grand table that somehow managed to fit all of the guests. Harry sat at the far end of where Y/N was and they therefore didn’t interact again. Y/N tried to catch his eye but only succeeded once, earning a small smile from him before he returned back to the conversation he was having with Grayson’s cousin who sat close by his side. Grayson’s cousin.  Y/N hadn’t had the chance to talk to her before and now she wasn’t eager to either. The girl was very obviously pretty and looked practically alike to the other blondes Harry had had by his side throughout the past. A bitter taste settled on Y/N’s tongue. The taste of jealousy. Probably another model he could sing a song about later. She cursed herself and looked away. Thinking like that of her best friend... well, made her quite the shitty friend. Swallowing hard Y/N tried to ignore the sting Harry giving his attention to another female caused in her heart. And for a moment she managed to remain calm and to not overthink, however once everyone got to their feet to sing Grayson a happy birthday, her eyes widened.  Harry wasn’t at his end of the table anymore, nor was the blonde woman.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” Y/N informed her friend Aileen quietly.

Her eyes continued to search for Harry’s figure with no luck. He wasn’t at the bar. Not by the kitchen. And he wasn’t by the jukebox either.  Strange.

Though when Y/N turned into the hallway leading to where the bathroom was located, her stomach dropped to the very bottom of her body and she wished with her entirety that Harry’s whereabouts would’ve stayed unknown to her.

There he was. With her.

The blonde’s thin frame was pressed to his chest and her fingers scratched and clawed at the front of his silk shirt. His mouth was open and though mid gasp, Y/N recognized the hint of his cocky grin as he enjoyed having a pretty woman’s lips pressing kisses and bites to his neck and jaw. 

Y/N was certain she would throw up the food she’d just consumed. 

Harry rested his hands low on her hips and Y/N watched with tears burning her eyes as he pulled the woman’s body closer so he could grind into her. It wasn’t just the sight that was breaking her heart though, the noises were just as bad.  The blonde moaned and whined when his teeth bit her collarbones while Harry gave low groans from the depth of his throat. 

Y/N watched as the girl pressed a kiss to the lips Y/N secretly wished would be reserved to her alone. 

“Ready to act out that script of yours?”

A hand pressed shakily to her mouth to stifle the noise of distress ready to burst from her throat and Y/N turned to leave before either of the embracing pair could’ve noticed her presence. 

Hope you liked this (very much scripted haha) story. I’m quite happy with it, especially since it has taken me forever to finish it in a way I like it.

Masterlist

#harry styles #harry #styles #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #harry styles preference #harry styles prompt #harry styles blurb #harry styles drabble #harry styles imagines #harry styles one shots #harry styles prompts #harry styles drabbles #harry styles blurbs #harry styles story #harry styles stor #harry styles fanfi #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry one shot #harry one shots #harry imagine #harry imagines #harry blurb #harry blurbs #harry drabble #harry drabbles #harry prompt #harry prompts

[bornofdragonstone]

So I've never shipped Steve and Natasha before, nor have I ever really understood this ship. But you know what - I do believe that you have started to convert me. They really do have a special connection, don't they?

Omg, I’m so sorry I didn’t see this until now! But I am ALWAYS happy to have shared my love for a ship/fandom/character and the fact you sent this is really heartwarming, so thank you very much.

And I really do feel as though romanogers is quite an overlooked relationship in the mcu by several fandom members so I get why you missed their connection with it being such a large fandom.

And this is kinda like an essay on why I ship romanogers, that you totally don’t have to read, so I’m going to put it under a cut!

(This is a huge ass expatiation, so be warned)

I think the reason a lot of us ship Steve with Natasha is because Natasha has always - and continues to - struggle with seeing the light inside herself. She is the notorious Black Widow, several characters have struggled connecting with her and that has kind of made her, I feel, stick in a mindset and opinion of herself that isn’t true.

I love her bond with Tony, the banter, the playfullness. But one thing that has always stuck with me is the fact he has said more than once that she can’t be trusted and that she will always be who she is - a double agent. The very reason Bruce/Natasha was so overly rejected by the fandom was because she openly called herself a monster, opened herself up to him and seemingly all of her character went completely out of the window.

It wasn’t in character, no matter how many times people want to say ‘seeds were planted in the first avengers’ (if that’s true the same can be said for Steve/Nat as they fought together, had each-other’s backs and had a good connection that seemed to say they knew what the other was thinking - let alone Clint/Natasha which they openly promoted - like they are with Natasha/Steve for Infinity War), it isn’t Natasha’s character to put herself into a position to feel vulnerable when there’s no cause to. And to have Bruce, kind of reject her advances, but kind of give in, but not tell her she isn’t a monster, that her past doesn’t define her, really left me feeling sick in my gut.

Another thing with Natasha’s character is she is constantly looking for approval and loyalty from someone, anyone - she thought she had that with shield, she thought she had that with Fury (someone who is a father figure of sorts to her) but she later found out she wasn’t clued in on his plans in CATWS because “I didn’t know who to trust?” ouch.

I am honestly not bashing these characters, I love them, but you can not doubt that the things they say, the way they ‘handle’ forming relationships/trust with her is honestly disheartening and so sad considering her backstory.

Then you have Steve, who is in my opinion, the embodiment of everything good and noble and heroic in the MCU. I can only imagine that’s how Natasha probably viewed him. They exactly didn’t hit it off. But they had a playful relationship entering CATWS, she not only went out of her way to flirt with him, play with him and see how he would react but she also spent the better part of the movie trying to see if he had “anyone special” and went on to try and find that ‘perfect’ someone for him.

Scarlett has said Nat sees versions of herself in Steve, but she wants happiness for him (isn’t that what love is supposed to be?) something she doesn’t think she deserves (which is why I feel she thought she could settle with another ‘monster’). So Natasha has this kind of vision she wants for him, but she goes about it in a very Natasha esque way and that’s why, I feel Steve shrugged it off at first and thought she was trying to annoy him.

Then they go through quite a lot of traumatic things together - being hunted by people they thought they could trust, having buildings dropped on them and having to learn to trust each-other. Through this, Steve is kind of made to see that Natasha is deeply conflicted about her past and her place in the world, when he sees this he sees she isn’t just that flirty double-agent and that she is a woman who has gone through some deep shit that left her quite isolated and mistrusted/misconstrued by the world.

And in a moment of vulnerability, she chose to open up to him. In a second, he sees how vulnerable she is and he quotes herself to her (something that shocked and amazed her because she obviously didn’t think he picked up on those serious moments) and she is made to feel a part of something, a small piece of something - since the rug that kept her up since the red room had been pulled from underneath her.

That is the scene that made me turn my head and think ‘oh’. Because to have the human embodiment of everything that is good in the world tell you “I trust you” and “I finally get you” to the girl who feels she is the human embodiment of everything that is bad is such a big deal, especially because it is Nat.

From there on out it was a relationship I believed in, even just as friends. But then I saw the look in her eye when she said “call that nurse, Sharon.. she’s nice” and the look in Steve’s eye when he pushed her towards Bruce because he thought they “both deserve a win” and it made me convinced there’s more to what they feel for each-other even if they don’t understand/know it themselves. 

Then lets speak of how they never leave each-others side (except briefly during the mess that is Civil War but even then she ends up going against her head and follows her heart by siding with him). Tony leaves the avengers, so does Thor at the end of Age of Ultron - as does Clint. Steve also has a conversation with Tony saying he doesn’t think he will have a family and stability because that isn’t who he is anymore - he says this in the same movie Natasha says she is infertile and can’t have that kind of life either yet he still says (even as Tony and Thor and Clint leave to lead the lives they thankfully get to live) “I’m home”.

Who does he go to the scene after? Natasha. And she is already upset and in a emotional place as her best friend has left the avengers, as have her other friends and the guy she ‘adores’ (ugh, no thank-you) but Steve is still there, he continues to stay because they, somewhere along the way, became each-other’s home. The avengers was their home, but even Nat says to Steve “Stay home, please”.

These are two people who have been let down by friends, family, enemies and have lost a hell of a lot. They fight in sync, never leave the other’s side, want what’s best for the other and throw in flirting “there’s plenty of room on the jet” & “I bet you look terrible in them (bikini’s) now”. Everyone loves (the shippers who ship Steve with two certain guys - which I get) to brand Steve and Natasha as a brotp and with everything I have explained I honestly don’t get it. I don’t get why they made br*tasha a thing or why they made romanogers the embodiment of everything you would want in a partner/relationship whilst paring her with a guy who is the complete opposite (though I love Bruce individually).

I could go on all day, you’re probably like “wow girl, I was just trying to say I appreciated how you introduced me to something” but these are some feelings I have had on the pairing for a while.

I’m also bummed that Chris Evans (who ships romanogers) and Scarlett Jo said there is no time for romance in Infinity War even with all the promo content and images we are getting of them always being by each-others side after being underground together for three years (and nothing happened? I honestly don’t believe it). 

But I am honestly just happy with the pair and how great they are for each-other. Any fellow shippers should just hold onto that, no one can take their bond away. If there’s no romance, there’s always an open ending we could potentially get. And they may have no romantic scenes but they are compatible (given all I said, their differences and all), never leave each-other and could have hints to be something more or could even have a statement of them being together but no actual romantic scenes as there is gonna be 60+ story-arcs to tie together.

But I wouldn’t go anywhere or lose hope. And I would wholeheartedly still believe in the pair.

#romanogers #capwidow #captasha #steve rogers #natasha romanoff

[cb-143]

Xeno-T Reaction: Their s/o is obsessed with Harry Potter

@huis-totally-innocent-smirk:  Guten Abend meine Liebe❤ Can I please have a ToppDogg reaction (ft. Jenshe) to their gf being a huge Harry Potter fan? Like she sometimes just randomly says some spells or wears a HP houses cape (yano what i mean i hope) etc etc

P-Goon

The TV was heard in the background, some commercial for dish-soap was on, but Sehyuk didn't really mind, as he was typing away on his phone. You were currently in the kitchen, cutting tomatoes for the salad you'd have for dinner. So as Sehyuk was doodling around on his phone, he focused on the rhythmic sound of your cutting. He didn't know why, but those sounds sounded so domestically.. reassuring to him. So when the sound suddenly stopped, he looked up, meeting your dreamy eyes with his confused ones. Still holding the knife that was now dripping tomato-juice, you walked into the living room and pointed at the TV that now showed the Warner Brother's Opening sequence, and was loudly playing Hedwigs Theme. "Harry potter" you whispered, happy and mesmirised.

"What did I marry?" whispered Sehyuk back in a shocked voice.

Jenissi

He was annoyed at you. He wanted to go on a date with you, but all you wanted to do was watch those darn movies. It ended up with him leaving out of anger, and you crying your eyes out in the shower. When you came out of the shower and went back into your bedroom with only the towel on, you were surprised to find Jenissi sitting on your bed.

"I-I'm so-" you went to apologise, but Taeyang stopped you. He pulled you towards him, the towell sliding off in the process, and you fell on your bed. Pinning your hands down with his large, strong hands, he immediately started to attack your body with his mouth, kissing and licking in all the areas he could reach. He aggressively nibbled on your neck, determined to leave a mark there. You were so overwhelmed, felt so good. Your head felt so cloudy, you didn't even notice when Jenissi reached below your bed to pull out something from below. You only noticed when even more pleasure ran through you as Jenissi turned on the vibrator he held against your clit//the head of your cock.

"Who needs Hogwarts when you can just get a hitatchi wand?"

Hojoon

"Tell me again why I have to do this?" It was a while back, before Xeno-T even debuted as Topp Dogg, when you had dragged him with you to be one of the first ones to buy the new book. Since Hojoon loved his pottery glasses, you had made him fully dress up as Hojoon Potter, had even drew him the scar and bought him the full on outfit, with wand, broom, and co. Now you stood in front of your local book store, all dressed up, and waiting. While it was cold, and it was late, and there are several other things he could be doing right now, Hojoon thought that this had something cute. He got to spend time with you, do something with you that's connected to something the both of you love. He might be freezing to death,  but at least he was going to die with his favourite person... if only they let them into the bookstore!!

"Can we really not get in? They have to know how cold it is, right? Have you tried alohomora?"

Sangdo

He knew what a big fan of Harry Potter you were, so when you went to London to spend your holiday there, he took you to the 'Making Of Harry Potter' Warner Brothers Studio Tour. You had a blast going through it, and Sangdo enjoyed it too: He took so many pictures of the things they had on display, or of you in front of certain things, or of the both of you. What seemed the most beautiful and amazing to not only him but you as well though was the big model of the Hogwarts Castle in the last room of the tour. It was gigantic, there were stairs leading all around it as you walked from top to bottom. Sangdo thought it looked best from below, and went to capture the castle from this angle – dropping his camera in the process. You were shocked, hoping he didn't break his camera. When Sangdo stayed on his knee for a moment, just staring at the camera, you were even more worried. You asked him about the camera, but all he did was to look at you, a blush on his cheeks, and smiling shyly. He took your hand in his, fishing something out of his pocket with his other hand, when he asked you the question. "Y/N Y/L/N.. Will you marry me?"

Nakta

For your birthday this year, Yooncheol went all out. He knew how much you love Harry Potter and that you've always loved it. So he got many, m a n y decorations. He used empty toilet roll things and covered them up in tissue, making candles out of them, which he then hung onto the ceiling in your kitchen. On the inside of the toilet lid, he put a picture of the moaning Myrtle. He printed out lots and lots of pictures, some random ones like a picture of the Hogwarts Express, some ghosts of Hogwarts, and some pictures you'd find in the lovely castle of the school. There were so many things, it took him hours to plan, to make/build, and to put everything in it's place, he almost forgot to make you a cake (which was in the shape of a snitch). When you finally got home to all of this, you were so shocked, so overwhelmed. You were speechless, and Yooncheol didn't know if it was good or bad. He stood there kind of awkwardly, until you jumped onto him, hugging him tightly to thank him for what he had done. "Do you like it, baby? Happy birthday..."

Byungjoo

When you first suggested having a movie night or a full on movie marathon, Byungjoo didn't think of something like Harry Potter. He knew you loved the series, and how often you had re-read the books, but he didn't think you'd actually do a Harry Potter marathon. He had imagined a shorter series, something that didn't have 8 films, and wouldn't take up so, S O many hours. When it finally came to it, and you told him about your actual magical plans, he was still really hyped for it. Watching movies was fun after all, so, what should go wrong? Well, he found out how it could go wrong shortly after.

Not only did you whisper every single word the characters said when they said it, which was kind of creepy to him, but you also hummed the music, the melodies and everything, when they were heard. He was freaked out enough by that, but managed to fall asleep nonetheless. When he later woke up, you were on the 6th movie, still wide awake, eyes glued to the screen, and a piece of popcorn on the corner of your mouth. How were you even doing this? ”Wow..” Byungjoo decided to change the course of the evening. He leaned forward, capturing the piece of popcorn between his lips, pulling it into his mouth with his tongue, before kissing you.

"Let me show you the magic I can do."

Xero

He was playing one of these quiz-duel-games on his phone, but since he's definitely not the smartest, he needed your help. The fact that he didn't know the answer to the current question made you ask yourself why you did not break up with him yet: "What's the address of the Durselys in Harry Potter? A) Privet Drive 4, B) Linguster Way 7, C) 221B Baker Str, D) Privet Drive. 10." "Are you serious?" you'd practically yell at him, "It's literally in the first line of the book! 'Mr. And Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much' it's basically history! Basic knowledge!" you went on a full on rant, Jiho zoning out about half way through, only coming back to you mentally to hear "[...] and if Ron had never tried to make Malfoy spit out slugs, then obviously he wouldn't be with Hermione now, and also..." Honestly, by now Jiho just wished he had never asked you. The time for his game had run out already. 20 years had passed since you started ranting at him.

"I.. I only wanted to know the answer to the question?"

Sanggyun

You had a discussion (more like heated argument) about which movie is the surperior, Harry Potter or [insert any literally any other movie title, hp always wins]. Sanggyun was behaving almost ignorant, not understanding your point of view, and not wanting to understand that Harry Potter was, is, and will always be one of the best book and movie series. "I just don't get," he started, sighing, "what you like so much about it? It's seven books. My series only has like 3 and it's enough to tell the whole story." - "oh, oh you want to know what I like so much about it?!" Sanggyun nodded frantically. "Well aren't I glad you asked! Give me a second!"

You came back an hour later with your laptop, on it a Power-Point presentation with 64 slides, detailed graphs, examples, animations, fancy effects and everything. You proceeded to show Sanggyun everything you had written down, everything you found out, to show him just how great Harry Potter is. Sanggyun found it both hilarious and cute that you went through so much, went to such lengths, just for a few fictional characters. He couldn't even be mad at you. He had to let you win.

"I love you, babe. You're even more extra than me."

Sangwon

You dragged him to a convention near your home. You were so excited for it, as was Sangwon, it was the first convention you'd go to, and it was all based around Harry Potter! You cosplayed as [your favourite character] and made Sangwon cosplay as Newt Scamander.

At first, you both had so much fun looking at all the other people cosplaying, looking at all the booths with merch and other kinds of things.. then after a few hours, Sangwon asked to go home the first time. His feet hurt. But this was a one time thing, and you couldn't come back to this again. Sangwon understood how much you loved Harry Potter, so he agreed to stay a bit longer.

Then, you came to another big thing with merch on it, and it had the coolest, cutest, and just best merch out of any of the booths you had seen! It had t-shirts with some really rare quotes (ones out of the books, even!), had figurines and plushies, different kinds of sweets... there were so many things, and you felt pumped, like you were in heaven. You were smiling so wide, felt giddy, as you pointed out one thing after the other to Sangwon.

"And that, that quote on that one, is from the second book, and it's something Ginny said to Harry, and it's sooo legendary, and oh!! Do you see that cat over there? Oh my god that is Crookshanks!! That is soo adorable! Oh my god we have to get that! Please please please??"

Sangwon felt so exhausted, his feet hurt so much, and he just wanted a bed, a nice drink and some sleep. But in his tired state, he found you even cuter than usual. He smiled softly, nodded, already pulling out his wallet. He loved that you were so passionate about it, and your smile was so cute to him that he couldn't even be annoyed at you.

*too tired and awkward to speak, shhh*

#xeno-t #xeno-t reactions #xeno-t scenarios #xeno-t edits #kpop #kpop reactions #kpop scenarios #kpop edits #p-goon #park sehyuk #hojoon #jeon hojoon #nakta #kinda #shin yooncheol #kim byungjoo #xero #shin jiho #a-tom #kim sanggyun #seo sangwon

[sophygurl]

Okay I am done with the panel write-up posts and I apologize to all my followers who don’t give a fuck about that kinda thing but WisCon is a big part of my life so I get to totally indulge in it once a year so there. [For anyone wondering this amazing con I keep going on about is a feminist Sci-fi/fantasy con right in my home town and I’ve been going for close to ten years now and it’s like HOME to me]

Gonna post some about the panels I was on, my general con experience this year, and some other stuff under this next read more thingum here. It’ll be more of a personal post than the others. Anything else I write now will be more about fandom-ey stuff that I got up in my feels about and need to hash out. 

BTW though. Hi new followers!! If you’re coming to me due to WisCon specifically or due to my write-up of THAT panel, feel free to introduce yourselves. I use tumblr the most frequently with twitter and FB being a sort of tie for second and DW much more rarely just as an FYI. I’m sophygurl everywhere but FB which is my real name. I’m easily findable and love talking to people! 

So my panels this year were all very different in tone and experience, but all went pretty well? I had fun anyway? I had 4 panels about TV in some way or another and one about Star Wars. Some hinged on serious-ish topics, but I wasn’t on any Serious Business panels this year. 

I wrote up a crap-ton of panel ideas and a lot of them got through. So many that panels I wrote up and wanted to go to were often up against one another and I had to make lots of choices. But it feels really good to me to be involved in that way - in writing up panels, and in being on them, and in going to them and taking notes and writing them up after. There is a lot that I CAN’T do for the con due to my disability stuff. But this is stuff I both can do and enjoy doing so it works out well. I also volunteered to a few people to write up panel descriptions from ideas they have but don’t have fleshed out, so that’s an exciting new thing for me to try out.  So but yea, all five of the panels I was on were panels I also wrote up. 

My first panel was about Women Loving Women on TV. It was me, another panelist, and the moderator. I was a little worried about this panel because the moderator said she was put on the panel by mistake and doesn’t even have a TV (she did fine as a mod - not all mods have to also partake in the talking, they can just ask questions of the panelists), and the other panelist never contacted either of us or showed up for the panel.

Fortunately, I am a well-prepared panelist and felt comfortable talking about this subject for the whole 75 minutes. But then the panel was scheduled against a panel on a similar topic and so anyway - three people showed up for the panel. Fortunately they were kinda fun and engaged people so it became more of a conversational panel than a formal presentation kind and I think it went well? This was my only panel this weekend that I wasn’t the moderator of. 

My next panel was about intersectionality on TV. I was also a lil worried about this one because it was just me and one other panelist, although we had some good chats online before the con so I wasn’t too worried. Fortunately, she convinced a friend to come sit on the panel with us so there was three of us - and both of my panelists had lots of awesome things to contribute. We also had a decent size panel for an evening time slot and got the audience involved too. I pulled one of my goofball tricks and made the audience do a lightning round question of a show they think does intersectionality well and everyone was able to come up with something, which was fun.

Right after that was my panel about SFF sitcoms which was a blast. This was even later in the evening, so we were all really punchy! It was me, a good friend, and another panelist I knew casually before. We wanted lots of audience participation and we got it - getting so many more recommendations than any of the 3 of us had even considered. And since it was a panel about comedies, we really just kinda relaxed and had fun with it.

That was all Friday. Big Day for me.

Saturday night, again a late night slot, I had my Bisexual Representation in TV and Film panel. This one I was not too worried about because I was asked to hand-staff it, since I had strongly suggested the panel be filled with Bi+ folks. So most of the panel was people I already knew and had paneled with before but also I snagged a couple of people I hadn’t previously talked to but who were also awesome.

The panel was in a large room and was fairly full, which I thought was really neat. I had a lot of my own notes on the subject, and did go off on a huge bit about the amazingness of Sara Ramirez and her two bisexual characters, but I also knew from previous convos that my fellow panelists had a lot of interesting things to say and they did not disappoint. It seemed like the audience had a lot of fun and the # for the program was pretty lively, so that’s always a good feeling.

Sunday afternoon was the panel I was MOST excited about. It was all about the themes of The Last Jedi. Like how cool is that? A whole panel not just about the movie in general, but specifically about the THEMES of the movie?! I was pumped that this panel even got through, much less that I got to be on it, much less that I got to moderate it.

And let me tell you something. My panelists? Were amazeballs. Like, the email convos we had ahead of time were already so smart and so nuanced and so full of different ideas and perspectives I was like !!!

And the panel went SO WELL. Like, there was such an equal exchange of like flow and information going back and forth. I feel like I really organized my own thoughts and questions for my panelists well and we all spent the whole panel making grabby hands for the mic because we were all so excited to respond to one another’s thoughts. 

It was FUN and THINKY and I could tell the audience was really engaged and we all laughed and discussed and disagreed and laughed more and it was probably the best time I have ever had on a panel. The #TLJThemes on twitter is just chock-full of both quotes from my awesome panelists and thinky-thoughts from the very smart audience who I sadly did NOT end up having time to get questions or comments from because literally the moment we finally had a pause of any kind? It was right on the dot time for the panel to end LOL. 

So yea, wow, that was just exhilarating? IDK, I am such a nerd.

But yea, so I had everything from 3 audience members to packed rooms and no fellow panelists to crowded tables of excited panelists struggling to get a word in and everything in between and I feel sort of confident that I did well with all of it? So that’s neat. 

Last year I didn’t moderate any of my panels and I found I really missed it, which is why I volunteered to do more moderating this year and it was a Good Life Choice and I plan to do more of it in the future. I adore WisCon for being the kind of place that a basic nobody like myself who has done nothing with her life besides watch a crapton of television can sit on panels and moderate panels and contribute to panels and do things like this that I enjoy and feel like am good at and it’s just such a good. *cuddles the general idea of WisCon*

And beyond the panels - both that I attended and sat on - I had a really wonderful con this year. I was very social and decided to get over my awkwardness and just kinda Utilize my awkwardness because, like, we’re all geeks here so just stop worrying and be a dork and have fun and it worked? I talked to so many people, introduced myself to so many people, made so many connections, hung out more specifically with some of my favorite people, and just sort of made sure to hang out in public spaces and smile a lot and that helped? Who knew. 

There were really only just the three bumps in my otherwise good experience.

1. The panel. If you didn’t already see about this, I attended a panel that very unfortunately derailed into Nazi apologism and it was super gross and upsetting but lots of people spoke up against the panelist in question and the con acted quickly to ban her and are continuing to discuss if she can ever come back so at least that part is good but UGH UGH UGH that was so gross.

2. My laptop broke on me. Fortunately, I have amazing friends and the one I was rooming with doesn’t use hers a ton so she let me use it a lot so I didn’t have to be off-twitter much because a lot of the con happens in the twitter tags and I would have been very sad to miss out on that. I got home and my other amazing friend and roomie helped me get my laptop into the shop quickly and it’s back now which is a huge relief because as a mostly homebound and frankly mostly sofabound extrovert? I need my laptop. I NEED my Laptop. 

3. Life with chronic illness sadly does not stop when you are at an event you love. Even when you save up all your spoons, and spend weeks building up your stamina after a winter of mostly hibernating, and use all of your meds, and allow yourself more caffeine and different foods than usual, and work really hard on self-care. Still, you are chronically ill. 

I am able to push myself a LOT at WisCon because of how it fuels me socially and intellectually and creatively and in so many other ways. But that still only goes so far. And especially with having two late nights on panels - I did not make it to any parties or other late night social events this year. Nor did I make any early morning panels - and there were some I really Really wanted to go to. 

But that’s life and I still got to cram SO MUCH in and spent lots of time in the hot tub soaking and also having poolcon with some amazing folks and had lobbycon and actually made time to have meal/snack times with people instead of just the usual “we should totally make sure to ...”

There were a lot of people I only saw briefly or missed entirely that I’d have loved to have had more time with, but I guess when we finally invent the time turners I can have all that plus go to ALL the panels. 

Oh! And I did go to an amazing reading this year. I often skip readings but I knew a bunch of the people at this one and adore them so I went and it made me feel and think a lot of things and adore these people even more, so there’s that. 

And PHEW I think that’s it. I have tons of thoughts about like, found family and female friendships and stuff mostly about my own amazing platonic poly tribe - some of whom come along to WisCon with me and we get to like BE together in shared living space and then go off and have our own adventures and bond with other people and then introduce one another to those people and it just enhances the whole thing and YAY MY PEOPLE. And uh, yea, one of said peoples who sadly no longer lives in the area just came back over to my place from our other friend’s house and is only going to be here for another day and a half so I’m gonna go run off and spend time with her while I can. 

#wiscon #wiscon 42 #long post sorry #i don't have a tag for this #extroversion

[yourcroweater]

C o r r u p t 

Summary: Giulia grew up without knowing her real father’s identity. And now, after 25 years she knows his name and exactly where he is. She leaves everything behind as she heads to Charming to get to know him -- Alexander “Tig” Trager. She didn’t receive the welcome she expected from him, or the Sons of Anarchy and it’s enough to make her want to go back to Oakland, her hometown. But a certain Scot convinces her to stay for a little longer. Will she stay and hopefully create a relationship with her real father? If not with him then with Chibs Telford?

A/N: Yet another Sons of Anarchy fic -- also another Chibs fic (no, I never get tired of those). Keep in mind that this story takes place in season 5 of SoA, which means spoilers if you haven’t finished the series. I know the summary is pretty vague but I didn’t want to reveal too much of Giulia’s story there. The first chapter is set in Oakland, giving you a bit of backstory on her and her connections. She may not have been raised by Tig but there’s a lot of similarities between the two. Somewhat of a freak with a love for bikes and inappropriate jokes. The quote in the beginning is from a David Bowie song, Cat People. I altered it a bit so it could fit better with the character.

Tag list (I’m tagging everyone I tag on A Little Wicked, if you wish to be removed of this taglist tell me, same goes if you want to be added): @telford-ortiz-teller @telfords-glasgow-smile @jaaxsoadeaanspn @i-was-made-of-nutella @i-am-the-luna @teller-telford-old-lady @make-things-beautiful2 @meggzz21 @sam-samcro @dmagicreality @telfords-glasgow-smile @i-like-it-heavy-so-i-can-panic

Chapter 1

“see these eyes so blue

I can stare for a thousand years

colder than the moon

well it's been so long”

“Happy birthday!” people said in unison as I opened the door to my parents house. I blinked, my jaw going a bit slack as I took in the view before me. I turned to my mother, finally piecing together why she insisted we dropped by her house before going to the restaurant. She used the excuse that she wanted to change her dress -- she insisted with me that her outfit was ‘too casual’. Safe to say I had never -- in all my 24 years, well, 25 now -- seen my mother dressed as anything close to casual. The woman walked around like it was damn fashion show.

My mom grinned, white teeth and red lipstick before pulling me into a hug.

“Surprise, principessa,” she said in the hug. I hugged her back, a smile spread over my face. “Hope you don’t mind the detour.” Her italian accent was faint after so many years in America. She was true italian, unlike my stepfather. His family came from Sicily, where my mother was born, but he was born and raised in America.

“Are you kidding me? I love it,” I reassured her, pulling away to show her my smile. I didn’t love it to be completely honest, but my mom did, and, although it was my birthday, I wanted to see her happy. I wasn’t one for extravagant parties and those were very common, seeing as I grew up among the Italian Mafia.

I walked into the packed living room with my mom on my side so I could greet everyone who had bothered to come to my birthday. It wasn’t a surprise all the families were there -- Abruzzi, Buscetta, Palermo -- it would be disrespectful if they didn’t appear to Jimmy Cacuzza’s stepdaughter’s birthday. Jimmy was the head of the families, people owed him respect. I wasn’t mafia, not officially, but I owed him respect too, unfortunately.

Jimmy may have raised me but we didn’t exactly get along. We never got that father-daughter relationship, not even close to it. My mother had me before she met Jimmy and they got married right when I turned two years old. I never met my real father and my mom, despite my insistence over the years, had never told me who he was. I gave up when I was 16, thinking that well, if my mom didn’t want to tell me who he was and he never wanted to meet me, he wasn’t worth it anyway.

So I had Jimmy growing up. He never allowed me to call him dad -- I tried when I was around 10 and he shut me down fast. I should only refer to him as Jimmy or sir. I always chose to call him Jimmy. I’d be caught dead if I gave him the satisfaction of addressing him as sir.

Still, shitty father figure or not, I owed him a few things. Like a roof over my head, good food, the clothes, the makeup, I even bought my bike with his fucking money. No, I didn’t have a Mafia Princess credit card (that’s what I chose to call it) -- though I knew the Palermo daughters had them -- but I worked for Jimmy on the regular and he payed me a large amount of cash for my services. I lived very comfortably for a woman my age -- I owned a large loft in one of Oakland’s tallest buildings. My room had a view for the whole city, my clothes weren’t expensive but they were of good quality. All bought with blood stained mafia money. Ain’t life fun?

“Happy birthday, Giulia,” Jimmy boomed, crossing the living room with my half-brother on his ankles. He opened his arms to me and hugged me, planting a kiss on my cheek.

“Thanks, Jimmy. Really, this means a lot,” I smiled after he stepped away. I don’t know whose idea it was to throw me a surprise party but I wasn’t lying when I said it meant a lot.

I may not like mafia parties but having one thrown for me was impressive, especially one thrown on Jimmy’s home. I was his stepdaughter indeed, but I didn’t carry the Cacuzza surname -- all I had to show was my mother’s maiden name, Lucchese -- Jimmy didn’t have to do this for me, especially not at his own house, and the fact that he did showed that he appreciated me. If not me, then the things I did for the mafia.

“You’re almost as old as Mom now,” my brother said as way of greeting, stepping forward and wrapping his arms around me. He had turned 18 only two months ago but he was already taller than me. Being 18 meant that he could get involved in mafia affairs now, he’d be on his way to become a made man.

“Show some respect, Vito,” my mother complained but she smiled as she spoke. My brother and I laughed but we soon stopped when Jimmy smashed his lips against my mother’s mouth.

The night carried with women talking, wives and daughters separate from their husbands and sons. Laughter only got louder after too many glasses of wine, we only shut up to stuff our faces with food -- which I was more than happy to do, Jimmy owned a few italian restaurants and the food in these parties were magnificent seeing as they always catered.

I was on my way to the bathroom, already a bit tipsy, when my mom pulled me into a corner of the corridor. I knew she had something to tell me the moment I set eyes on her. It wasn’t gossip though, her brows furrowed differently. It was serious. I noticed she had also chosen an empty hallway to do this -- she didn’t want anyone to hear what she was about to say.

“What is it?” I blurted out.

“I needed to give you this,” she held out a folded napkin between her long red nails. I took it, frowning as I moved it around to unfold, but my mom covered my hands with her own. I looked up questioningly at her. “This my birthday gift to you. I only decided to give you this 10 minutes ago and I’m still not sure if I’m doing the right thing in doing so. But you deserve to know, Giulia.”

I stared at her, trying to figure out what the hell she was talking about. My mom stood very close to me as she spoke and she was giving me this look, like I was supposed to understand what she said. Like she was sharing a secret.

A little too late, it clicked.

“Why now?” I asked, my hand closing around the napkin.

“I tried to keep you away from the things your father is involved with. Your real father,” she added, indicating the napkin with her chin. Hearing her confirm what was on it made my heart jump with excitement. Twenty five years later -- too long, but I finally had my father’s identity in my hands, quite literally. “Didn’t make much difference,” she scoffed, “I know Jimmy pulled you into the mafia, he won’t tell me shit and I’m smart enough not to ask but I know you… take care… of some things for him. I can’t change that anymore, you’re a woman, you make your own choices. But I tried, Giulia, I did try to keep you away from violence.”

“You married a mobster, Mom,” I replied lightly. “Plenty of violence there.”

She shook her head, a few strands of her light brown hair falling from her hairdo.

“Yes, I know. But at least with Jimmy I can pretend it doesn’t exist. I get to hide in this house and play housewife, wear Versace and drink wine. That’s not how it works on the kind of life your father leads,” her dark eyes wandered away from me, as if she was remembering something. Apparently, my real father was as much of a criminal as my stepfather. Great. Crime runs in the family. No way was I gonna come out normal. Not that I ever thought I was normal. Most people thought I was a freak. “One more thing. H-He doesn’t know about you. I never told him I got pregnant.”

The truth sank in slowly. I grew up asking my mom about my real father. Asking her who he was, how she met him, why he wasn’t around, why he didn’t reach out. Only thing my mom had told me was that I looked like him, which wasn’t really a surprise -- I looked nothing like my mother. I simply had to look like my dad. While my mom’s skin was naturally bronzed, mine was pale; her eyes were of the darkest brown, while mine were from a very clear electric blue; my lips were wide and a bit shapeless, while hers were defined and small; my hair was dark and thick, always cascading down my back on large curls.

All my life I pictured what my real father looked like of off my own appearance and now I’d get to meet him. I had wondered about him, what was he like? Was he gentle? Funny? Did he make dad jokes like dads so often do in movies? Was he stern? How tall was he? And most of all, why did he ignore me? That’s what my mom told me -- that he had never wanted to meet me. Turns out it was a lie.

“You let me believe he didn’t want me,” I finally declared, cutting daggers with my eyes as I stared at my mother. I put out the coldest exterior I could manage, not wanting to show her how hurt I really was. Acting cold was well within my set of skills, but that was it, only a skill. I was cold about certain things, had to be with what I did for a living, but feelings? I couldn’t be cold about them, I felt everything. But right now, drunk and still startled and angry, I could only manage cold. Otherwise I’d explode into yelling and crying.

My mom winced as if my words stung. I hoped they did.

“I’m sorry, Giulia. I really am. Shouldn’t have kept this from you. But try to understand… your father and I… we didn’t date. We, um, had sex a few times and that was it. He was in the middle of a divorce, his ex was trying to keep his daughters away from him, things were difficult. I couldn’t tell him I was pregnant. I didn’t want to do that to him and I’d seen enough of his life to know that I didn’t want the same for my child.”

“I have sisters too?! What the fuck, Mom. You kept a whole family hidden from me,” I accused, trying to keep my voice down. “You lied to me! Jesus. Fuck.” I stepped away from her, shaking my head. My mom and I were the greatest of friends, we shared everything with each other. Having her lie to me about all this made me feel incredibly betrayed.

Her eyes welled with tears as she looked at me, her lips trembling.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I thought you’d like to know. Jimmy loves you in his own way but he’s not your father. Never could be,” he pressed her lips together when her voice faltered. “I wrote where you can find him. His name is there, too. I hope you two can get along better than you did with Jimmy.” She leaned in and kissed me on the cheek before disappearing down to the hallway.

Alone in the hallway I tried to summon the tears that had been threatening to spill but they didn’t come. I took several breaths to calm myself before opening the napkin and reading it. Teller-Morrow Automotive, Charming, California. Alexander Trager.

Wow, was my first thought. My dad has a cool name. I suddenly felt like I was 10 again. Trager. That was my last name. I smiled, despite my anger. It also sounded like my father was a mechanic, besides being a criminal, that is. My mom had hinted enough at it.

I wasn’t disappointed that he was a criminal, to be honest. Didn’t matter to me. I grew up among criminals, I myself was one, and I knew they could be good people. It’s not like I ever imagined my dad to be something cool like an astronaut or a rock star (I totally did).

My mom deprived me of 25 years without a father, I wasn’t wasting any more time. I was taking my bike tomorrow and heading to Charming, wherever that was.

“Giulia,” Jimmy called from behind me. I stuck the napkin down my dress’ cleavage and turned around to meet him. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, great. You need me?”

“I do, actually,” he cast me a meaningful look. Really? On my birthday? “Meet me out front in five.”

“Watch your feet,” Jimmy warned, grabbing my elbow and pulling me back slightly. I stopped myself just in time from stepping on a puddle of blood. Would have ruined a perfectly good pair of heels.

I looked around the scene and sighed.

Jimmy had broken me away from my party only to take me to a warehouse on the other side of Oakland. It was dark in there, except for one yellow light that dimly illuminated the two corpses lying right in front of me. They didn’t stink and their skin still looked rosy -- dead in less than an hour I’d say. The blood was still probably warm. Both men lying on the ground had received gunshots to the head, large caliber by the looks of it -- their heads were practically blown off.

Mafia business truly never stopped. Jimmy had been on the party the entire time while these two men were gunned down -- probably on Jimmy’s orders, or maybe their deaths weren’t supposed to happen, not now, not here at least. Didn’t matter. What mattered is that Jimmy wanted them gone and that’s why he brought me to the crime scene. I was a cleaner.

I’ll admit that wasn’t my first career choice. I wanted to be a doctor growing up, but my grades had always been shit and I didn’t put too much effort in my studies. Couldn’t get into med school even if I wanted to. Veterinary was my second choice -- I loved animals and I was never squeamish about blood. I got into college, was in my second year, things were going well when it happened. It was an accident, but it happened.

My mother accused the maid of stealing her jewelry and they got into an argument at the top of the stairs. According to my mom, the maid tripped and fell down the stairs, breaking her neck. Jimmy was out of town with my brother, my mother and I were the only people at home. I called Jimmy to explain the situation and he sent his cleaner.

This cleaner, Tommaso, was an old guy -- he had so many wrinkles that it was hard to distinguish his mouth from the rest of his face. He could drop dead at any moment, all frail and weak looking. I knew he wouldn’t be able to, erm, dispose of the maid without help -- she was a very a large woman -- so, despite my mother’s protests, I volunteered to help. Tommaso explained the process to me and he was pleasantly surprised to see how unaffected I was by the whole thing.

I understood I should be affected by it and the fact I wasn’t affected, meant that, perhaps, there was something wrong with me. My logic was pretty simple, though: the body was just a shell, how it was disposed of wasn’t important. Tommaso took it upon himself to teach me how to clean -- after having Jimmy’s approval. Tommaso was dying, he knew that, and he wanted to leave someone capable of doing his job after he was gone.

Tommaso died three years ago and I’ve been doing his job since. I dropped out of college, figured veterinary school could be put on the background for a while.

I knew people thought I was freak for doing a job like this and I knew it was wrong. I never came up with excuses for the shit I did -- I could be arrested for it and I knew that by cleaning bodies I was depriving a lot of families of proper goodbyes and of peace. To be honest, I avoided thinking too much about this part.

Sounds easy when I put it this way but I had dreams about talking corpses sometimes, blaming me for their restlessness. Only thing keeping me levelheaded was going to church and asking God for forgiveness. If no one could forgive me, then I hoped He would.

“Nothing says ‘happy birthday’ like dead bodies,” I muttered, crossing my arms and  glancing at Jimmy.

“Yeah, hoping this could compensate the dead bodies,” Jimmy said, pulling an envelope from inside his tailored suit and handing it to me.

I accepted the envelope and opened it. There was a large quantity of money inside, way larger than I usually received.

“How much is in here?” I asked, unable to conceal my admiration.

“12k. I know you charge 4k per body, the other 4k are my birthday gift to you,” he replied.

“Wow,” I stared at Jimmy, still awestruck. “Thanks, Jimmy. You needn’t have.”

“Course I did. You help this family a lot. You keep quiet and you don’t go nosing around. My way of saying thank you, Giulia,” he smiled approvingly. I rarely ever found myself on the benevolent side of Jimmy Cacuzza, not that he was an asshole to me but he tended to be indifferent. This was as close as I would get from a real compliment. “Now, what do you need? I’ll have my guys go pick up whatever you need,” he pointed at the three guys stood by the entrance.

I looked at the scene before me again. This would take a good few hours. I’d have to clean all the blood and make all traces of it disappear, pluck out the teeth from both corpses and finally dissolve the bodies -- the longest part of the process. I’d get out of there by the crack of dawn. I’d get bored and hungry while I worked but at least I’d become 12k richer by the end of it.

I listed all the materials necessary to dispose of the bodies while one of Jimmy’s men took notes on his phone.

“I’ll also need a change of clothes, cheap ones that can be burned later. Shoes too. And oh, if you could stop by Taco Bell and grab me something to eat it’d be great, I’m starving,” I finished, placing a hand over my stomach.

Jimmy and the guy gave me funny looks, glancing quickly between me and the dead bodies. Bet Jimmy was regretting giving me that extra 4k.

“It’s just work. Like having lunch on your desk. Except I don’t have paperwork,” I tried to explain. Judging by their faces, it only made them think I was an even bigger freak.

Well, I didn’t care. It really didn’t bother me. Part of me detached while I cleaned so I didn’t have to think about what I was doing. I got back to being myself after I was done. Easy-peasy.

#sons of anarchy #soa #tig trager #chibs telford #soa fanfic #fanfic #fan fiction #gemma teller #jax teller #bobby munson #happy lowman #opie winston #jessica de gouw #corrupt #clay morrow #italian mafia

[theresnosafeharbor4myships]

December 12, Christmas Caryl

my newest fic: Carol tries to guess Daryl’s favorite Christmas movie (also on 9L)

It’s a Wonderful Life

“Now look here,” Daryl instructed, pointing to some wires underneath the hood of the mustang and holding one between his thumb and forefinger. “This one connects here...” He fiddled with the wire as Carl leaned in close.

Pulling her coat tightly around herself, Carol watched from the opposite side of the hood. She’d learned a lot since Daryl had offered to show them, in rotating shifts, how to check, fix, and up-keep their cars—and sometimes his motorcycle. Just another way they all made each other stronger and bolstered their community, especially now that they had gates and walls and beds and weapons.

Glenn and Maggie continued mapping the tombs, Michonne and Sasha strategized escape routes and employed test runs, Hershel taught Rick farming and gardening, and Daryl educated them on vehicle maintenance and weaponry. Thankfully, they’d raised the outdoor kitchen just before the cold weather hit, and now they spent their days maintaining what they’d acquired. The council had even decided to celebrate Christmas, which had made Carl antsy the past few days.

Carol watched the kid bounce up and down on the balls of his feet as Daryl instructed him on the finer points of car care. He’d already asked Daryl to dismiss him twice, but the man took his teaching role seriously. “Soon’s we’re done, you can head back in to work on your Christmas gifts,” he’d told Carl, ruffling his hair good-naturedly. Carl had sighed but resigned himself.

Daryl’s voice drew her back to the present. “…and the car won’t start if it ain’t connected.” He looked at Carl, who nodded, then flicked his eyes to her, eyebrows raised with a question.

With a small smile, she mimicked Carl, and he bent over the car again.

“Now, Imma take it out, and you can try.” He reached down to undo his work.

“Carl?”  

Carl and Carol watched Mika approach just as Daryl cried out.

“Son of a…nutcracker!” he finished, his eyes on the young girl.

Carol turned back around to see Daryl, whipping his hand back and forth, clearly in pain but no worse for the wear. She sucked her cheeks in to refrain from laughing, facing Mika again in order to hide her mirth.  

“Carl, Rick said it’s your turn to watch Judith. He needs to check his traps before dark.”

“Go ahead. We’ll pick this up again later,” Daryl affirmed, his voice laced with pain, when Carl looked to him for permission to leave.

The kids ran off together, and Carol sidled up to Daryl. “What happened?”

He peered down at her, mirth in her eyes, though she sounded concerned. “Ain’t nothin’” he assured her, holding his right hand in his left.

“Come on,” she coaxed, reaching for his hand. “Lemme see.”

Daryl watched helplessly as Carol, a force of nature he’d already succumbed to, drew his hand toward her with a commanding but easy pull, her gaze inspecting his smashed fingers, her lingering touch light but sensual.

He cleared his throat, trying to reign himself in. “Will I live, Doc?”

Carol turned his hand over, her fingers grazing his palm, and continued inspecting his hand intently. “I do believe so,” she murmured, slowly dragging her fingertips along his skin as she let his hand go.

He stared at her intently, praying his boiling blood would cool in time not to make a fool of himself, as she looked up at him.

“So…Elf, huh?”

“Pfff,” he puffed out, embarrassed she’d caught the reference. “What’re you talkin’ about?”

“Oh, come on. ‘Son of a nutcracker’?” She chuckled. “Wouldn’t have pegged you for an Elf-watcher.”

“What’s Elf?” he tried again to play ignorant.

She smiled gently, a look of nostalgia crossing her face. “Sophia watched it for the first time a few years ago. She laughed through the entire thing. And then watched it on repeat the entire Christmas season. I considered breaking the DVD just so I didn’t have to watch it anymore, but it would’ve destroyed her little Elf-loving heart.” Carol came back to herself, focusing on Daryl. “I’d recognize a quote from that movie anywhere.” She smiled at him. “So really…Elf?”

“Dammit,” he muttered under his breath.

“Was that your favorite Christmas movie?” she prodded, leaning one hip against the car and crossing her arms, a teasing smile lacing her tone.

“It ain’t ‘cause I wanted ta see it,” he defended himself, frustrated, and snatched the red rag from his back pocket to wipe the grease off his hands.“Damn Merle…every time he’d get high or piss-drunk between Halloween and Christmas, he’d put that idiotic movie on and laugh like a fool. Used ta irritate the hell outta me. Til he’d laugh so hard I couldn’t help joinin’ in.” He shook his head in derision. “Bunch a damn hyenas, we were.”

He looked up at Carol to see her smiling, not at him, making fun, but with simple pleasure at his story.

“So…is that your favorite Christmas movie, then?”

He huffed. “Not in a million.” He motioned for Carol to move as he prepared to close the hood of the car.

She stepped around to stand next to him as the hood fell and latched into place. “What is it, then?”

Daryl glanced down at her, not deigning to answer, though one side of his mouth quirked up.

“You’re not going to tell me?”

“Ain’t got a favorite,” he stated, cupping his hands around his mouth and blowing warm breath on them. “Come on, let’s go inside and warm up.”

He ambled toward the prison, slowing his gait to match hers.

“Come on, everyone has a favorite Christmas movie. Even a Scrooge like you,” she added playfully when he remained silent.

He chuffed, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye, and kept walking.

“Is that it?” She hopped along sideways, facing him, eagerly awaiting an answer. “Is your favorite movie A Christmas Carol?”

Daryl glanced around the courtyard, finding it empty, and took her hand in his. He lifted it to his lips and murmured, “Carol is always my favorite,” before placing a sweet kiss on top of her hand.

Carol blushed, overcome by the sincerity in his tone, the tenderness of his touch, and a shy smile bloomed on her face.

Though they hadn’t spoken any type of commitment to one another, they’d grown closer recently. Close enough she’d almost call them a tentative couple. Even still, she felt much more comfortable with teasing and tempting him into embarrassment than being the object of his compliments and direct but searing affection.

She eased her hand gracefully out of his, willing her heart to calm down, and tried to re-command the conversation. “Nice try, Romeo. So it is A Christmas Carol?”

He shook his head, half-amused. “Here I am spoutin’ romantic shit, and all you wanna talk about are Christmas movies.”

“Some Christmas movies are ‘romantic shit’,” she mockingly chided.

He gave her a doubtful look.

“The Holiday, Love Actually, every single Christmas movie the Hallmark Channel aired each year.”

Daryl chuckled good-naturedly. “Di’you buy into that romantic shhhowcase of Christmas love?” he corrected himself mid-sentence at her look of disdain.

“I didn’t ‘buy into’ it. But it was a nice escape from the Christmas tragedy I lived.”

She watched sorrow and regret tinge his expression.

“None of that,” she reprimanded gently, cupping his face with one hand. “Besides, not all Christmas romance is shit.”

She stood on tiptoes as she guided his head down until their lips met. Shivers ran down her body—and not only from the chill of the air.

“So…” she murmured as she pulled away. “Clearly those movies weren’t your favorite.”

“Carol is, like I said,” he muttered, chasing her lips for another kiss.

She smiled against his hot, eager mouth and sunk into his warmth as he slid his arms around her. She tangled her fingers in his bed-head mess of hair, letting him play out a few moments of his favorite Carol.

“Hmm,” he hummed when she eventually pulled away. “Maybe you were wrong. Maybe I do like romantic Christmas movies.”

She withdrew from his arms, a cheeky smile on her face. “Maybe we can make one of our own then,” she murmured seductively, backing slowly away from him. She watched a light blush grow on his cheeks and eagerness fill his eyes. “As soon as you tell me your favorite Christmas movie.”

“You’re a damn tease,” he growled.

Carol shrugged, slowly walking backwards toward cell block A. “Are you complaining?”

“Right now I am. I told you: I ain’t got a favorite.”

“I don’t believe you for a second,” she admitted cheerfully. “What about Charlie Brown’s Christmas? Or the old claymation movies: Frosty or Rudolph?”

The look of disgust on his face had her giggling.

“Something more spirited like Miracle on 34th Street or White Christmas?”

Daryl shook his head, eyeing the ground where he toed the crack in the cement. “Alright, fine,” he sighed. “But you cain’t laugh.”

Carol signed a cross over her heart with one finger. “No more than you did learning my love for romantic shit Christmas movies.”

He glared, but she just continued smiling cheekily at him. Finally, he spoke. “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

Carol glanced around the prison yard. “I wouldn’t say it’s wonderful, but we’re doing better than we have since the Turn.”

He stared blankly at her, her deadpan expression nearly convincing him she’d missed the reference, but he knew better.

“I’m serious.”

“Aww, really?” she gushed, pleasantly surprised at his answer.

“Yeah. ‘S just…that man had it so tough.” He shuffled closer to her as he spoke. “Born into a life he didn’t want, got trapped by his family. He kept pushin’ on but didn’t get anywhere. Didn’t know people cared about him. Thought everyone he knew’d be better off with him dead. I ain’t at all as good as him—never did things to help others like him—but…I know that feelin’. Couldn’t help sympathizin’…”

Carol had closed the remaining distance between them as he spoke and placed a hand against his chest, over his heart.

He peered down at her, at the ache in her eyes for him. “Saw it for the first time when I was…probably 14. My nana used to watch it. Made us watch it, too. Some years, when Merle wasn’t around, she’d tell me…” He swallowed hard, and she stared up at him, riveted by this piece of Dixon history. “She’d tell me he reminded her of me. She’s the only one who thought I was smart. Could do more than just…follow in Merle’s footsteps. She knew I felt trapped, and…well, she’s the only one who saw me as more than another male to carry on the Dixon legacy of tragically failin’ at life.”

“Oh, Daryl,” she sighed with a mixture of ache and love, her heart hurting with each beat at the pain in his past.

He stared down at the woman before him, this woman who’d coaxed a silly memory from Before from him with a few teasing words and her heart of compassion.

“Turned out okay in the end though,” he assured her, “Everyone pulled together. Helped him back on his feet. Made him feel whole again. Let him know they cared about him, that he had more value than just what he could do for them.”

She nodded, understanding the depth of his words carried far beyond the movie she’d so loved.

“He got his ‘Mary’ Christmas,” he punned, sliding a hand through her hair to cup her head, a small smirk on his face. “An’ I got my Christmas ‘Carol.’”

He kissed her again, tenderly, gently, imbuing his affection with all the love that he’d never received.

Though her eyes slid closed, they stung with tears for the man in her arms, this man whom no one had treated kindly but whose arms held her fragile heart like a treasure.

He really was the redneck George Bailey of the apocalypse.

#caryl #carol x daryl #daryl x carol #christmas caryl #caryl fanfiction #christmas caryl 2017 #personal #my writing

[mystical-flute]

Black Coffee & Pumpkin Pie Ch. 2

Aiden Gold let out a sigh as he sipped at the tea in front of him. He normally hated coming to Granny's, but Gideon had insisted on it upon bringing home the confirmation of his acceptance into Storybrooke's accelerated science program, which was led by Dr. Hyde… which frankly worried Aiden more than the freshness of Granny's lasagna, but if it made Gideon happy, well, he couldn't resist.

"So Gideon, are you excited to start your science program?"  he asked weakly as the boy practically inhaled his dinner.

 The boy nodded eagerly, licking a bit of beef from his lip. "Yeah, sure am! It'll be great. And I'm really glad Roderick got accepted too!"

 "That worries me," Belle said with an amused shake of her head. "You'll actually pay attention to what Dr. Hyde is saying, right?"

 Gideon's eyes nearly rolled, but stopped as Aiden shot him a look. "Yeah, I will," the boy grumbled, poking at his chili with a spoon.

 Aiden smiled as he watched his wife and son, but there was still pain behind his smile. His elder son, Neal, should have been here with them, celebrating, but that horrible woman he'd first been married to had spirited his son out of Storybrooke in the dead of night with her bastard of a new husband, and Aiden hadn't seen him since, despite Aiden's exhaustive efforts. His fingers gripped the tea cup just a bit harder as he glanced up at an unfamiliar face who had just entered the diner.

 "Who is that?" he asked with a small frown.

 "Oh, that's the new firefighter. I overheard him talking to Emma last week when mom and I were here," Gideon explained with a shrug. "Don't know what his name is though."

 Aiden frowned slightly, looking over at the firefighter, feeling some sort of odd connection to him. But why? He'd never seen the man before in his life.

 "Aiden? Are you okay?" Belle asked with a tilt of her head.

 He blinked, turning to his wife and smiling. "Yes darling, I'm just fine. Sorry. My head was in the clouds for a moment."

 Belle smiled and turned back to her sandwich. Aiden returned the smile, but he still felt a strange pull toward the stranger that was dashing out the door with greasy bags in his hand… and whenever Aiden Gold set his mind on something, he always got his answers.

 When he parted ways with his wife and son after lunch, Aiden made his way back to the pawn shop, flipping the sign back to open and making his way into the back room as he pulled out his cell phone, dialing the familiar number.

 "Hello, Zelena? It's Aiden. I would like you to start looking into some files for me again," he said when the woman picked up on the other line.

 "The ones about your son?" Zelena replied with a sigh. "Aiden, we've been over this with so many people. Lawyers, private investigators… you even harassed Mother Superior about it!"

 "Because that blue-dressed woman knows more than what she's admitting to," Aiden thought bitterly, before speaking into the phone. "Zelena, please. I need you to look into the files again It's my son's disappearance. I just want an answer."

 Zelena exhaled on the other end, and Aiden could see her leaning back against her high-back leather chair, pinching her forehead in annoyance. "Okay. Fine. I'll have the investigators open the case again. I'll call you if anything new comes up."

 "That's all I ask, dearie. That's all I ask…" he said, ending the call and smirking, sitting back in his chair. Whoever that man was, Aiden Gold would get his answers.

 -----

 Though the only photograph Neal had seen of his father had been from a decade ago, he recognized the man anywhere, even without the help of seeing his step-mother and half-brother. He'd felt a cold chill go down his spine at the quick look he'd gotten of the man, even though he knew this was exactly why he had wanted to come to Storybrooke. So many things had whirled through his mind: did his father recognize him? What would the man's reaction even be to seeing his long-missing son again?  Hell, even how he would react to seeing his father again wasn't something Neal was sure of.

 He forced himself not to shiver as he made his way back to the firehouse, clutching the bags of takeout in his hands. Being the delivery boy for lunch wasn't something he'd thought he'd be doing as a firefighter, but he supposed that, being the low man on the totem pole meant running around doing these errands when there was downtime.

 "Cassidy! Well done! And you got back in the time allotted," Chief Hood said with a wide smile as he took the bags out of Neal's hands.

 "Thank you sir," Neal replied with a smile.

 Being hired in as a firefighter had been one thing, but it was another thing entirely once he'd actually gotten started at work. Then the real test began – impressing the boss in person, and quite frankly, that was more terrifying than finding out information he didn't want to know about his father, because Chief Hood could fire him if he wasn't careful.

 "Now go on and enjoy the rest of your lunch," Robin told him with a squeeze of his shoulder.

 Neal nodded and made his way over to one of the free seats in the dining room, taking a bite of the club sandwich he'd ordered.

 "Why is a raven like a writing desk?"

 He almost choked, looking at the source of the voice. "Did you just quote Alice in Wonderland to me?"

 "On the contrary, I quoted The Mad Hatter to you," the man replied with a smug look on his face. "So, rookie, do you have any guesses as to why a raven is like a writing desk?"

 Neal blinked in disbelief. Was this guy serious?

 "Jefferson, are you torturing the new guy with your stupid riddles again?" another voice cut in, the man taking a seat next to Neal. "You don't have to answer him. He just does this to try to freak out the rookies."

 The first man – Jefferson – rolled his eyes. "Do you have to ruin my fun every time there's a new person? It's not like we get them very often!  So what do you think, new guy?"

 "Uh… I don't know. Raven wings could be used to make a quill that someone uses to write with at their desk?" he suggested weakly.

 Jefferson's eyes widened, seemingly impressed. "Wow. That's actually a good one. The going theory has something to do with Edgar Alan Poe, but I like your guess better. I'm Jefferson. Welcome to the department."

 "Ali," the second man said, holding out his hand. "We heard about you. You're Neal, right?"

 He nodded. "Yeah, I just started today."

 "It's nice to have a new face around here. Just stick by us and you'll be perfectly fine," Ali said with a grin that suggested Neal was instead in for a wild ride with those two. "So if there's anything you wanna know about our charming little town, just let us know."

 He had no idea what he got himself into, but he smiled anyway. He should probably make friends in this town, right? He was far from New Orleans and the friends he had there after all… and he was here for answers. Maybe these guys could help him out with those answers.

 "Hey, do you guys know anything about Mr. Gold?"

 The two men's faces changed in an instant, dropping in surprise and… was that a bit of fear Neal noted on Jefferson's?

 "Why do you want to know about Mr. Gold?" Jefferson asked.

 Neal paused, taking the time to chew and swallow a bite of his sandwich before answering. "I saw him staring at me when I was picking up the lunch orders today. Does he… do that a lot to people?"

 Jefferson and Ali exchanged another look, but it was Ali who finally spoke up. "Well… he is a bit of a suspicious guy. He always has been as far as I know. Apparently his kid went missing years ago, so every time someone comes to town he's immediately on alert. At least, that's what they say around town. I was only a baby when it happened. But there's probably some information on it in the library."

 "Which just so happens to be run by his wife," Jefferson added. "But Mr. Gold's been suspicious way before his kid was taken. It's just sort of his thing, you know? Gold is the big bad brooding shopkeeper, Mrs. Nolan is the principal who can go from either giving you a unicorn sticker to kicking your ass in the parking lot after school. You know, normal small town things, right?"

 "Uh… I guess? I came from New Orleans though so I'm not sure. This is the smallest town I've ever been in. But from what I've seen in movies I guess that sounds right?" He'd never heard of the ass-kicking principal before, but he knew he should probably try to avoid her if he could.

 "The Big Easy? And you came to a little dump town like this?" Ali asked, staring at Neal as if he'd grown a second head.

 He shrugged. "Peace and quiet. And after a while the humidity in New Orleans got to be a bit much."

 "You went from one extreme to the other. The winters here are awful," Ali said, shivering a little at the thought. "And it's already late summer. Ugh, I can feel the cold already!"

 Jefferson rolled his eyes. "And I'm the dramatic one? God Ali. Ignore him, Neal. He just wasn't made for the cold. It can get bad here, but you'll grow to love it."

 Ali let out a snort before the alarm began to screech over their heads, causing them to jump from their seats and run for the truck as they pulled on their equipment. Neal had to admit, he didn't think that his first fire in a small town like Storybrooke would happen on his first day on the job.

 "There's been a cave-in at the old mines. Some teenagers were down there and the roof caved in around them," the dispatcher said over the radio as Jefferson and Ali both swore loudly as Jefferson silently climbed in the back. Whatever this was, it was obvious that it had happened before and seemed to be a major thorn in the sides of his superiors.

 The bright red truck streaked down the road, causing the few pedestrians to turn their heads in alarm. A few of them had their eyes widening when they realized what direction the truck was heading in.

 "Alright men, you know what we have to do," Chief Hood said with a small sigh as they stood in front of the mine, the sheriff and a few other officers already trying to block people from getting too close.

 "Who goes down this time, Chief?" Jefferson asked. "I went last time."

 Chief Hood looked conflicted as he glanced at the men surrounding him, before finally sighing. "Ali. This time it's on you."

 Neal noted irritation on the man's face as he silently nodded as walked off to get ready. Biting his lip, Neal carefully made his way over to the chief, who was already looking as done with the day as someone could possibly be.

 "Is this common? Teenagers going into those mines?" he asked.

 The older man pressed his lips together, thinking. "It happens more often than I'd like it to, I'll say that. But I wouldn't say it's extraordinarily common. But every time we go down to rescue them, I think this will be the last time and it never is. Teenagers never learn."

 He nodded slowly. "Well, I just hope that with this cave-in, it won't be possible for them to get down there anymore," Neal said.

 "Start hoping that everyone down there is alive instead," the older man snapped before walking off to Neal's confusion.

 "Don't worry. That wasn't personal. Last time we were called to go into the mines, his son, Roland, was part of the group we pulled out of there. He's worried that Roland will be down there again," Jefferson said from behind him.

 Neal winced. "I'm sorry I asked about people going down there then."

 The other man waved him off, leading him in the direction of the opening of the mine. "Don't apologize. It's not like you know this town like the rest of us do. I bet Chief Hood's already forgotten about it. Besides, all that we need to focus on is saving the kids and not dropping Ali down there with them and running the other way. Now come on. Let's go see if we can make contact with them."

 Neal and Jefferson managed to clear a free spot to lower Ali down, Neal shining a light down to one of the frantic teens below. They seemed to be standing on some sort of elevator. How did they even get down there?

 "Oi! How many of you are down there?" he yelled to a blonde boy who was shielding his eyes from the light from the sun and the camera Neal was slowly lowering down into the dungeon.

 "T-there's only two of us! Please hurry!" the boy replied, coughing as dust rose into the air from some unstable rocks around them.

 Two was way too many in Neal's opinion, but he nodded. "Okay, just hold on. We're going to get you guys out of there!" he called down to them before looking at Chief Hood. "There's two of them sir!"

 Chief Hood approached them. "Sir, we're all ready," Ali said, tugging anxiously at the harness around his waist and looking uneasily at the  hole.

 "Good. Let's start then."

 Neal watched on a video screen as Ali was lowered down into the mines, repressing a shiver. How could people be so stupid to go down into an abandoned mine? And not just once, but repeatedly? He had a feeling that this was going to be what the majority of his calls were going to be for.

 "Okay Ali, we're right on target. You're about ten feet out," he said into the walkie-talkie on his shoulder. He could hear the anxious whispers of the gathered public, chancing a glance at them and spotting his father almost instantly. He tore his eyes away, looking at the camera screen again.

 "I've got one of the kids, pull us up!" Ali's voice said. "And make sure there's a paramedic nearby. He's going to need some help."

 He stood, waving over the paramedics as a woman dressed in a black business suit walked up to the sheriff, her lips pulled down into a frown.

 Ali emerged with one of the teenagers a few moments later and the paramedics wasted no time in lifting the boy onto the stretcher and running back to the ambulance, hiding themselves from the prying eyes of the crowd as Ali went back down into the mine to get the other teenager, Neal continuing to monitor the cameras.

 Something inside the mine suddenly creaked, the sound of the metal groaning sending a collective chill down everyone's spines. Neal saw Chief Hood's eyes widen as his hand reached for the walkie-talkie on his shoulder.

 "Ali, get the kid as quick as you can. That elevator is going to go at any minute!" Chief Hood shouted.

 "Chief, you're not going to like this. It's Bobby," Ali said on the other end of the line. "And he doesn't look like he's doing so good. I've got him hooked up, so bring us up."

 Neal knew that the kid being named by Ali wasn't a good thing, and he was worried as the rest of the squad seemed to freeze for a moment before working frantically to get the duo up and out of the mine.

 There was another crash, this one much louder, and caused the ground to rumble beneath their feet before Ali and Bobby were pulled up, and Neal's eyes widened in fear, but the machine kept pulling. Something was coming up, but what?

 "Someone grab him, now!" Ali's voice shouted from the cavern before his black hair and the blonde hair of the teenager peeked through the smaller opening of the mine. The paramedics wasted no time in snatching the teenager up and running to the second ambulance they had on the scene. The first ambulance's doors opened and the teenager stepped out, having gotten a clearance from the paramedics inside, while the second ambulance sped away.

 "Who was the other kid we rescued?" Neal asked Ali as he watched Chief Hood's somber form go over to the sheriff and the woman in the black pantsuit.

 "Robert Nolan," Ali explained as the sheriff's car went speeding down the street, "he's the sheriff's son."

#swanfire #neal cassidy #rumplestiltskin #belle french #gideon gold #jefferson #aladdin #robin hood #black coffee and pumpkin pie #fanfiction

[honeylikewords]

In a perfect world where you were hired to help write and direct the final movie of the new trilogy, how would you want Rise of Skywalker to go? What adjustments would you want made to either address anything from the previous films, or to avoid what has thus far been hinted at in trailers and interviews?

Oh, man, there’s SO much to think about here. Let’s start with, I think, things I’d want to change from previous films (either retconning them in RoS or providing context that makes them fundamentally changed)…

So, to that effect, here’s an itemized list!

Just as a precaution, I make some assumptions or pull from information I’ve seen around the internet. Some of these MIGHT turn out to be close to canon, so if you want to avoid anything, just steer clear of this post. I’m trying not to theorize too hard, and thus avoid spoilers myself, so I don’t know anything with any solid confirmation, so I could be wrong. Just wanted to cover my bases!

Without further ado, here’s the list!

1. I think I’d retcon out the idea that Luke would ever hurt Ben as a padawan. The general characterization of Luke felt very… off in The Last Jedi, and I wasn’t sure why the writers went in the directions they did for that. 

I’m not saying Luke can’t have a darker side– we know he struggled with a call to the Dark side during his training and feared it would overtake him– but the idea that he’d go as far as to even imagine killing a sleeping child, much less the son of his two most beloved people in the universe is… weird. And wrong. 

So I’d retcon that out with it being a false memory planted by, let’s say, Snoke or Palpatine, in order to create a rift between them and bring Ben to the Dark side. I think that would make a great deal of sense, frankly, and bring some much-needed closure and relief to the idea that Luke would ever hurt someone so defenseless.

2. On a similar note, while I understand that the thesis of TLJ was “making mistakes and learning from them”, I felt like most of the “mistakes” engineered into the movie didn’t actually make sense for the characters making them. Poe being “selfish” and “glory obsessed” doesn’t at all match with what we’d seen of him in TFA, nor does it match with any of the extended (and canonical) material about him.

He left the Republic Navy because they were too accepting of the idea of sacrificing their soldiers. In the military, that’s called “acceptable losses”: the amount of cannon-fodder that the military’s willing to wave off and accept as the “expected amount” of dead soldiers. If that idea enraged Poe enough to leave the Republic Navy, why would he be so accepting of the same idea for the Resistance? As far as I’m aware, the only life Poe is ever willing to sacrifice is his own; he wants everyone else safe. So why write him like he doesn’t care?

Here’s a direct quote about him from his official Star Wars Wookiepedia entry: 

“… Dameron developed a strong sense of commitment and duty, but had trouble with the line between his commitment to the Resistance and the commitment to his comrades, willing to disobey a direct order from his superior, General Organa, to make sure that the Millennium Falcon safely left Starkiller Base before its imminent destruction.”

Oh, yeah, that definitely sounds like the kind of guy to blindly let HUNDREDS of his comrades die. Yeah. For sure.

And then to act like he’s a bad person for not trusting a leader who isn’t making themselves clear in a time when clarity is of the utmost importance? To act like he’s a narcissist for trying to take the lead and help as best he can in a chaotic and, for all intents and purposes, leaderless situation? To frame him like he’s a bad guy for not trusting Holdo immediately, or acting like his distrust comes from a place of sexism or self-interest? Absolute rubbish.

So while I can’t retcon the whole “insubordinate bad listener self-obsessed narcissist” behavior that got written into TLJ, I’d try my best to re-contextualize Poe’s frustrations that he expressed in the film by showing why it would make sense for him to take the lead, to demand answers, to do his best to destroy the Dreadnought. 

For example, showing why it was important to take down the Dreadnought: he’s constantly concerned about civilian casualties at the hands of the First Order. With a Dreadnought still active, millions of people could be killed at the First Order’s whims; by taking the ship down, he saved millions of lives.

Another good way to dispell the idea of him as a self-centered hotshot willing to throw away lives is to show just how much he values the lives of others and wants to keep them away from harm; show his own self-sacrifice. Show him being willing to take the damage to protect someone else. Show him telling someone to get behind him, to stay safe, telling them “I’m not going to lose you, too”. I think that would be a helpful step away from the perception of him as a glory chaser; show that his self-sacrifice is genuine.

Honestly, I’d put so much effort into fixing the fallout from the Poe mischaracterization that I could go on forever about it, but I’m sure you all want to read other stuff, too, so let’s move on for now.

3. Absolutely retcon the shit out of the idea that the Force connection between Rey and Kylo was anything more than platonic or an intervention of Snoke. Sure, you can indicate that there’s still a lingering connection, but clarify that it’s more about the battle between the Light and the Dark, and the inherent connection that such mirror images will have to each other, but don’t get it twisted as some kind of galaxy-spanning love story. 

I’d put a lot of emphasis on Rey clearly expressing frustration with Kylo and saying “He’s failed himself. His pain is his own choice now; I tried to help him, but he rejected it, so it’s up to him to stop himself or we’ll do it for him” or something to that effect. And having her definitely avowedly denying any kind of “attraction” out loud. That’d be nice.

4. In a parallel train of thought, we gotta talk about Rey’s parents. While I’m certainly fine with the idea of Rey Nobody, because it’d be so great to have a Star Wars story where someone NOT from the Skywalker bloodline is just as strong as one of them, and is just as worthy and important, regardless of their bloodline or heritage, I’m also concerned that leaving her a Nobody would give credence to all that bullshit Kylo was spewing about her “not mattering” to anyone but him, ugh.

And it’d leave a door open for R*ylos to be like “WELL THEY’RE NOT RELATED SO OBVIOUSLY THEY CAN HAVE SEX!”, ew. 

So we’d have to give her some kind of actual backstory, and finally clear up what that is. It’s not something I actually want to do all that bad– I’m genuinely totally happy to not know everything about Rey’s parents, and the story would be fine without ever knowing anything about them– but I feel like so many people would demand it, and ensuring that Rey and Kylo are somehow related would finally put a cork in that insufferable bottle.

I don’t really have any great suggestions for how to deal with it, but I think there’s definitely the potential for a cool twist where Ben isn’t actually Leia and Han’s biological son, but Rey is their biological daughter. A sort of switched at birth idea, if that makes sense, and while it might be hard to believe (wouldn’t a mother know if she gave birth to a boy or girl?), there are lots of ways to work around it, and I think it could be a cool twist, though it does leave the loophole of them still not being related…

Hm. Well, at any rate, I’d have to iron it out with some other brainstormers, but I’m sure there are ways to fully cap off and prevent R*ylo from ever happening. Don’t worry, I’ll name some later in the list.

5. I’d also do my best to take away any lingering ideas about Finn being “goofy” or “cowardly”. TLJ decided to present him as this selfish weirdo more interested in wealth and himself than in the greater good, which was… odd. While he’s certainly careful about self-preservation, he also has a good heart, so I’d do a lot to emphasize his strong, heroic nature, and not just use him as a guy for all the gags to bounce off of. He deserves serious, thoughtful moments, heroic moments, AND silly, light-hearted moments. 

6. While on the topic of Finn, I’d also put FinnRose to rest and just… not have that be a ship. I’ve talked about it before, but I’ll summarize my basic issues with it: they just didn’t have any chemistry, it was a very forced and hasty relationship, and it didn’t make sense for either party.

Rose has a problem with hero worship; that much is evident. So why indulge her in it by pairing her with someone she childishly idolizes? Why not have her character arc be about finding her own personal bravery, not being reliant on others or their stories, but forging her own?

As for Finn, I’d love to see him end up staying close to Rey, possibly even beginning to walk the road towards their own relationship (though I do also value the idea of Rey not needing to have any romantic relationship in the saga at all), at the very least as friends. 

The whole “what we love” line in TLJ made no sense (except as a shoehorn to explain the validity of R*ylo in future films?), so I’d just have her explain in RoS that she was talking about “what we love” being belief systems that we fight to protect, like defending human decency, freedom, and peace, and that the kiss was a weird, juvenile decision that she’s embarrassed about in the same way one might be embarrassed about a childhood diary entry about a crush. It was just a fleeting moment of weirdness, but now that she’s more grown up and sturdy in her own personality and life, she doesn’t have to rely on the childish ideas of heroes and romance to keep her going.

I think that’s a long enough list of the retcons for now, so I’ll move into things I’d like to see happen in the movie and things I’d rather NOT see in the movie (i.e. things from the trailers that are being hinted at that I want GONE).

1. I’m just gonna get out in front of this: I don’t think I’m gonna like Zorri Bliss. I don’t. I’m really tired of “badass female characters” in that “badass female character” is such a boring stock trope by now. Skinny white woman who engages in violence and is flippant and emotionally removed, oh, joy, I’ll hold for applause. But what I’m really concerned about is the angle they’re trying to push with her and Poe; specifically, that Poe may not be “that good of a person” because he used to hang out with her, and she’s implied to be a smuggler or mercenary of some sorts.

Look, I get it. We don’t like “perfect” characters. I know that I love characters with oddities and quirks and flaws, and who make mistakes. But there’s a difference between that and fundamentally re-working a character so that they’re “not so nice” anymore. 

Poe already has flaws to work with and explore. Why make him have a “dark” backstory when he’s already interesting enough? And why make it connected to a “past relationship” with this random new woman?

I’m also concerned about them pushing a romance, which we simply don’t need, especially because it looks like it’s being done to finally quash any perceptions of Poe as queer. Which is just so shitty on so many levels, but I don’t have time to unpack them all.

So what I would do is probably just… cut Zorri altogether. We’re already introducing new characters in this film, and specifically adding Jannah to the roster, and tossing in new characters to an already crowded roster won’t really help. None of them will get enough screen time to properly reach catharsis in their arcs, so we just have to nip the least helpful bud, and Zorri’s seems like it’d be the first one to go, in my opinion. 

Maybe she’ll turn out to be great in the film. Who knows. But if it was up to me, I’d drop the whole subplot of her, and making Poe’s backstory a sullied one. I don’t need that.

Instead, I’d use that time to allow the main trio to DO THEIR THING. We need to see THEIR character journeys: not random newcomers.

2. No Bendemption.

This is gonna be a slightly controversial take, I guess, but I think a redemption for Kylo would be kinda hackneyed and forced.

That’s not to say I don’t think villain redemptions are possible, fun, interesting, or worth exploring. But I’m saying that I think this particular one just… wouldn’t work. 

Kylo doesn’t seem to be at all legitimately sorry for the things he’s done. He seems to be aware of his choices and capable of making them independently. Sure, the writers might force the idea that “oh, it was PALPATINE controlling him all along!”, but I feel like that would be so counterintuitive to the point of these stories.

The whole point is about choice: who we choose to be, what we choose to do. We can all choose to be kind, or we can choose to be cruel. We can choose to put others first or serve ourselves. We choose the Light or the Dark, and we get to decide what we do with that. Everything we do is a choice, and the Star Wars saga is about becoming out better selves and choosing to help those around us because it’s right.

So making the baddie secretly mind controlled would be… dumb. And hollow. And devoid of substance. So that’s out, not an option (if they want to tell a valid story).

So that just leaves us with Kylo Ren, Ben Solo, whatever, has been CHOOSING to be this way. And while he’s certainly felt pained by it, he also keeps making his choices; he’s now Supreme Leader, and he could choose to destroy the whole thing, leave, fight for good, but he doesn’t. 

So he can’t BE redeemed. Because he doesn’t want to be.

I mean, I’d honestly have to write a whole essay on just this singular topic to accurately convey my point, but here’s a shortened version of it:

I think a Bendemption wouldn’t be prudent at this point because he just doesn’t have the time to make a satisfying arc in one movie without it feeling forced, rushed, and out of character. So, to tie off the saga, he has to go out like Vader did: he has to die to be redeemed.

He can either die a villain or die a hero, but regardless, I think he just… needs to die in order to properly close the book on him. It needs to end with sacrifice, and either he sacrifices himself or someone else makes a sacrifice of him. Only then do we reach the catharsis.

And, look, I know the Bendemption is gonna happen. But if I was writing it, I wouldn’t let it happen: he’d have to have his Vader death. At the very best, it could be a noble one. At the worst, he’d die as he deserved to. But it would finally be over.

3. No grey Jedi Rey.

I don’t really love this whole cultural direction we’re taking with our movies where “the bad guys are secretly good and the good guys are secretly bad and the real truth is just to be in the middle!” because it’s so unhelpful.

Yes, extremism is bad and blindly believing any one group is the best and most moral, without ever questioning that, often prevents people from critically analyzing their choices, but it’s not that there isn’t an objective truth in the world; there is. There are objectively good and evil things to do. So we can’t pretend that relativity is universally applicable, because it isn’t.

So having Rey “accept the Dark and the Light” would be… difficult without seeming clownishly college-philosophy-student-y. 

While it would be important for her to accept that the Dark can exist in all of us, and that it’s not inherently evil to be tempted or to acknowledge it, the difference is in choice. She shouldn’t be allowed to have the best of both worlds because that isn’t how it works in real life, either. 

Indulging in our worst impulses, darkest desires, or lowest cruelties doesn’t make us more “real”, it makes us worse people. So having her “use the Dark side” would also just feel like this weird attempt to allow her to love Kylo or accept evil as “alright because we’re all bad inside”.

This isn’t to say she has to live in a world of harsh absolutes, but rather that she should, ultimately, choose the Light, kindness, and a journey towards making sure that she is keeping herself in check, as well as making sure that she is doing her best work for herself and others. 

So I’d write a clear moral line in: anyone can change, yes, but the important part is to change for the better, not just to accept the worst and stagnate in one’s most awful, darkest qualities. 

The idea would be lenience by extending kindness, which anyone can choose to accept, not just “you’ve been evil but I love you anyway”. Nah. We can’t just tolerate people’s evil behavior and let it continue: we have to extend the possibility of mercy and tell the person they can come to the Light if they so choose, but we won’t descend to them. They rise, or they fall, and it’s in their own hands.

4. On a less philosophical note, DON’T make Finn, Jannah, and Lando all related. 

A lot of the content I’ve seen circling for them seems to imply a familial relationship, possibly that Finn is Jannah’s lost brother, and that Jannah is Lando’s daughter. And, yes, while I’d love to see Finn reunited with his family and given a chance at a happy life… it’d be kinda cringey and bad to imply that the few black characters in Star Wars are all related.

I get that Star Wars is a dynastic story centered on families and genealogies and inheritances. But holy shit, it’s kinda racist to imply that the, like, only three black people in the series are going to be related.

It’s a galaxy full of people.

Not all of them have to be related just because they have similar melanin.

5. As for the overall plot, I think what I’d just want is the final triumph of good over evil. I really need to see that. I don’t need an ambiguous ending, I don’t need a dark one, I need one where the Light wins out, because that’s what we need to see, what we need to believe, and what we need to strive for.

The First Order NEEDS to fall. Kylo NEEDS to be out of power. And there NEEDS to be an emphasis on the value of lives, on the importance of taking care of the people in our universe, and on the belief that good does prevail, even when it doesn’t necessarily seem like it will. 

I’m not too bogged down with details– planet-hopping is fine, traveling to new worlds and seeing new people is all cool– but more concerned about the overall message. The MESSAGE is what I’m most interested in. And we all know what my message would be.

6. Oh, and just focus on keeping the trio together. Structurally, I’d just need to see them working as a team; we’ve had way too much time of them apart, so it’d be nice to see how they interact and function as a group. I’d like that.

Anyway, this is just a short-list of things. If I were to actually talk about this, I’d need, like, a whole essay just to unpack my thoughts. Oh, and I’d probably prepare a full alternate script. Just because.

I have plenty of other ideas for things I’d love to see happen, but this is just a list of things I don’t want or things I’d do to prevent things I don’t want. LMAO.

I’ll come back to this idea, this list-ish format of thoughts, after the film is out and after I’ve seen it, in order to talk more about things I’d have done differently or changed (provided there’s anything I would have done differently or changed), but for now, this is just a handful of my ideas about things I’m concerned with. 

Let me know what you guys are thinking; I’d love to be able to discuss this and kinda get a feel for what other people are thinking about, concerned about, worried about, or excited about. 

#long post #gif warning #messages #anonymous #k reviews #(Sorta!!)