#Cross would be a big-ish scary looking dog

[somegrumpynerd]

The most labrador coded guy, somebody call him a good boy

#UTDR #UTMV #Cross Sans #Consider this a small apology for all the awful dad stuff I am doing to this guy #I wanted to draw more but I am so tired today -A- #Thinking about how if they were animals or wereanimals or something like that #Cross would be a big-ish scary looking dog #Who wants to be pet so bad but doesn't let people near him #And when he finally lets someone pet him he probably whines the whole time and his tail thumps around furiously #Also Killer is a cat who can't purr unless he's in stage one #Anyway do you think Nightmare learned how to bake in his half a century? #I hope he makes cookies every once in a while and they're super nice

[fortunatelyhauntedblackcherry]

Moonshine - A Beetlejuice Fanfiction 05

Warning: Swearing, mention of mental illness, Beetlejuice being smut and creepy... As always.

Ari was sitting on the side of her bed, head in her palms, breathing heavily.

- Either you are telling the truth or I'm going crazy. Or I'm tripping. Even though I don't do drugs. - Beetlejuice rolled his eyes. He was standing before her, with his hands crossed across his chest. His hair was in a light green shade with some light pink streaks in it.

- As I said previously, down in the living room you idiots, on purpose, bought a haunted house. - Ari looked up and nodded sarcastically. He was right, after all. - Seriously, what did you think, that you'll get unicorns?!

- Ghosts! - shouted Ari in a muffled voice. She didn't want her sisters to hear that she was talking to herself... But the hissing and scratching of Minerva before the door surely made a helping white-noise.

- Well I'm the leveled-up version of those suckers. - said Beetlejuice proudly and sat down next to Ari. - You might say I'm the ghost with the most! - the girl chuckled.

- Okay, if you really are the improved version of a ghost... - she shrugged - ...prove it!

- EEEEEH! - out of a sudden Beetlejuice imitated the sound of a siren which made Ari jump a bit. - Can't do that.

- Why?

- I can't interact with the human world. Only ghosts can do that. I can posess electronics and appear as smoke in mirrors, max. - Ari stood up and went to her full-size mirror.

- SHOW MEEEE! - she said in an excited voice. Even though she would really loved to talk to a demon, she thought this action would prove the fact that it's just her consciousness playing games with her and that she had to see a psychiatrist again, but a slightly human-shaped, green-ish white-ish smoke-shape appeared behind her and her lights started twitching.

- Helloouuu... - whispered Beetlejuice into her ear in a funny voice which didn't make her jump at all... No, it actually made her giggle. Beetlejuice raised his eyebrows. That was a first. Someone actually liked his jokes and funny voices. Weird.

- Ohmygodsthisissocool! - Ari was talking very fast and in a very high-pitched voice. She acted like a little girl, excited for her Christmas present. That made Beetlejuice smile. Nobody was that happy for him... Like... Ever. Ari turned around to where the voice came from the last time. - Gee I can't believe I am actually talking to a spectre. What are you doing normally? Just float around the house? Also, most of the time why do you sound like you just swallowed a cheese grater? - she stopped for a moment and continued in a more serious voice. - Also why do I hear you exactly? That bugs me a bit... to be honest.

- First: yeah, mostly I just follow you guys everywhere I can, floating around you. Watching. - he lowered his voice, his lips could almost touch Ari's ear. - I know. Very creepy. - Ari shivered like something just ran across her back. She hated being followed. She had bad experiences with that in the past. She noted to herself that she had to tell this demon not to do that oh so silently. - Second: you can't ask why does somebody sound like that, Karen! - he said sarcastically then went back to normal voice. - Also I'm dead, rotting, lower your expectations to that. Third: I have no idea but it's gonna be so much fun! - now he sounded like a child. He started to run around Ari in circles and clap little claps while he was talking. - It surely is interesting, but eh, who cares, the important thing is that now we can talk properly! And you can answer! And you can sing the songs I request! And react to my lewd comments! And we could have sleepovers and shit since now I can come in! - he changed into a more seductive tone and leaned closer to Ari. - Obviously R rated sleepovers cause I am a very sexual handsome being who you could totally not resist. - the girl blushed a little which made Beetlejuice even more horny than usual. But since he knew he couldn't do anything with her at the moment, he changed back to normal voice. - By the way I like what you did with the room, seeing it for the first time and I am shooketh how many stuff here is relating to the whole being dead thing. Babes, you have a problem. A cherishable, cute problem, but still a problem. - Ari laughed. Very loudly.

No surprise Beetlejuice liked her room. Although she followed her own path, she really liked the whole (kind of mainstream by now) witchy-gothic aesthetic and since horror was her sweet spot since she was a child, she had to decorate her bedroom in a certain way. Starting from the chandelier, which was basically a huge glowing pumpkin with wrought-iron tendrils all over it, the color of the ceiling changed from light orange to a pretty pumpkin colour, then continuing on the walls it slowly turned into a dark coppery reddish-orange. The hardwood floor was fully covered in soft grey carpet with little bats on it. There was a fake bat-skeleton, a fake raven-skeleton and little felted dolls in the form of the three witches from Hocus Pocus hanging from the chandelier. To the right of her door (which, by the way, was painted dark grey and had a "Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc" plaque on it), there was a big, wall-to-wall cabinet painted black with a full-size mirror on the right, and a dressing table in the middle embedded in it. Her makeup brushes and eyeshadows were already scattered around it 'cause she was messy. To the left of her door there was a shelf in the shape of the triple moon, with horror-movie figurines, crystals, Funko Pops and random skulls on it. Around it, family photos. Next to that, in the corner, there was a black, coffin-shaped shoe cabinet with pumpkin-coloured insides and leds in it, and with a sign that said "Dracula" on top of it. On the opposite wall, below the window there was Ari's sewing-corner with 2 sewing machines on the table. On the wall, opposing the wall-to-wall cabinet there was a ram skull, engraved with Edgar Allan Poe's s silhouette, with huge black horns curling backwards. Under it, on the wrought-iron bed there was a blanket with the bride of Frankenstein painted on it, and many pillows. On the two sides of the bed, there were little "nightstands" which were basically cages. One worked as a cat-prison for Minerva, padded with a soft mattress, with a night-lamp grabbed by a zombie hand on top of it. The other held Ari's favourite books, and had a little altar on it for her "weird witchcraftsy shit", as Rei said many times before. In front of the bed there was a black chest, filled with random pieces of fabric and patterns for clothes, the top of it covered in soft black and white striped velvet. Next to that, there were 2 Paris dolls, one on each side.

- Thanks, I am the breathing, living version of Halloween. - she sat down before her dressing table, looking directly into the mirror so she could see the shape of the demon again. - And... Yeah, please stop the creeping around. At least when you come into a room where I'm at, just whistle or something so I could know that you're there. - she turned around, facing the middle of the room and blinked sweetly. - Please? - Beetlejuice sighed with resignation. He couldn't say no to those pretty, living eyes.

- If your pets even let me near you, then okay. Your stupid cat always hisses at me and won't let me come into your room... I mean I could float above her but I'm legitimately afraid for my afterlife around her, it's weird, I don't get it either. And your actually scary dog... I'm not even sure that's a dog, that looks like a wolf, so yeah, that mongrel almost ripped my arm off last week! You have to convience them that I'm not trying to hurt you! -  begged Beetlejuice. - I could only come up with you now cause I was faster than those suckers. - Ari stood up and went to the door where Minerva was still scratching the door into pieces.

- You know in many ancient cultures, dogs and cats were considered as guardians of the underworld or bodyguards for their owners against demons. For example in the Aztec religion, dogs were associated with Xolotl, the god of death. Or in Egypt cats were used as protectors against evil spirits.

- Thanks for the history lesson, miss-know-it-all. - said Beetlejuice sarcastically with a snort. Ari rolled her eyes.

- So I suppose they can see you, right?

- Yeah... I thought I'd use them to get you guys' attention but... - he stretched his arms out in Ari's direction. - ...I have you!

Ari smiled. She was still not sure he was not malevolent like those spirits from The Conjuring, but he didn't feel like someone with a super evil plan going down.

- You know maybe they just love me and want to protect me. - she sat back on her chair. - You know, Sirius is a tamascan, a guarddog, a wolf-type. He looks like he could rip you in half but actually he's a sweetheart. Yeah, his teeth are sharp as needles but he only uses them to chew up his toys. - Ari shrugged. - He doesn't even know how enormous he is. He looks very fierce and heisty but mostly he just sits on people's laps. - Beetlejuice floated right next to the girl again. He was so close Ari could feel that icy coldness on her skin again.

- You should sit on MY lap. - he said in an arousing voice. Ari looked the way the voice came from.

- Shut up. - she said in a sharp voice. BJ rolled his eyes and went a bit further. - Minerva would totally kill you though. She should be a very social breed, but she basically hates everybody and wants to kill everything that moves. So yeah, beware of the claws. They hurt more than you can imagine. - Ari held up one of her hands with a huge scratchmark on it. Beetlejuice chuckled.

- I don't feel pain.

- Oh you'd feel that, trust me!

Ari looked at her clock. It was almost 2 in the afternoon.

- Oh shit, man, I gotta go to work. First day, I can't be late. - she went to her bed and started to pack her sheet music rapidly into a red bag. Beetlejuice walked up to her and with hope in his eyes and fully green hair, he asked:

- Before you go... Can't you... Say my name 3 times? - Ari looked at his way with a raised eyebrow.

- Why do you want me to do that?

- Cause that would lift me out of this weird alternate state and I could roam earth while being seen! Now I can't leave this house but once being summoned, I could! And I haven't been out since literal decades! - he sounded so desperate. - Please don't make me beg... I will... I just... Okay you know what, I'm begging. - he threw himself on his knees and tried to grab Ari's trousers, but his hands went right through them. - I'm just so sick and tired of being invisible! - Ari made a weird little sound of shock.

- I don't even know your name, and you seriously think I would let you roam free? I just met ya...

- PLEASE! JUST DO IT!!! I WOULD DO ANYTHING, SCARE ANYONE, JUST PLEASE SAY IT! I SWEAR I'LL LEAVE SOON AFTER!!! - he was nearly crying, his hair started to turn into fully purple. Ari was thinking about her options. She could either let a wild entity roam free, or have someone murder her father or one of her exes and then just leave. That sounded good.

- That's a flattering offer so... Kay, what's your name then?

Beetlejuice stuttered.

- I... - he sighed. - I can't say it. - he said with total hopelessness in his voice and tears in his eyes. He sounded so miserable. Ari squatted down to him. She didn't even know, but she was looking straight into Beetlejuice's eyes. Her warm smile made him feel a bit better, but he was still miserable.

- Then how could I help you, Bug? - he stayed silent. That nickname actually sounded cute. - Yeah, I heard you munching on them. So let's stick with that name until I find out why do I hear you and what is your actual name, shall we? - she would've just pat his head if she could see him. He sounded so alone. She knew exactly how that felt.

- Kay. - said BJ in a repressed voice as he viped his tears and nose in his jacket. Ari wrinkled her nose at his direction, snapped up her bag and headed for the door. Beetlejuice got up quickly and floated before her, if nothing would've happened. - Wait, what am I supposed to do while you're gone? - Ari shrugged her shoulders.

- I don't know, haunt my sisters' electronics? Find out if they can interact with you too? - there was no answer so she just waved goodbye. - I'll be back at 11-ish. - and with that, she went to work.

But Beetlejuice was still there. He rubbed his hands maniacally and talked to himself in a very evil, raspy way.

- Oh I would love to do that. Of course, I might have to get a little... Mean... I might have to get a little... Nasty... But if you want me to act like a demon... Then I'll be a demon 😈

#alex brightman #beetlegeuse #beetlejuice #beetlejuice fanfiction #beetlejuice oc #beetlejuice the musical #fanfic #fanfiction #lawrence beetlejuice shoggoth #musical!beetlejuice

[maximvms-blog]

HEY HOW’S IT GOIN’ GUYS. it’s ya girl aura and i’m back for veritas: quarter quell edition ! i’m a 20 year old garbage can ( she / her or they / them pronouns plz ) from pst timezone. as you can clearly see, i am a mess, but i’m here to have fun and get to know all of you guys !! i can’t WAIT to unlock the mysteries of this rp, and i know for a fact its going to actually destroy me, so heads up: i’m diagnosed babey and cry over everything all the time. that being said, i also love pain so while i may be crying, i am also THRIVING !! i’m also an artist so i hope ya’ll are ready for me to occasionally draw the shenanigans that happen here. it’s gonna be a TIME !

anyway, enough about me ! click the neat little read more button to get to know my baby boy, maxi-pad. if you like what you see, also feel free to hit that ♥ and i’ll pop into your tumblr or discord ims to aggressively keysmash a plot out. sounds good ? GREAT !! can’t wait to talk to you all asfkalsdjfasfd i’m so excited !

skeleton: the ace faceclaim: froy gutierrez name: max thomas gender & pronouns: cis male ( he/him ) age: twenty-two major: zoology clubs: captain of the track & field and football team ; student government secretary living arrangement: auberlin apartments / apartment 01 employment: unemployed, but occasionally volunteers places & does odd jobs for those that need it

[ GENERAL ]

first off, some links. you can find his dossier HERE ( featuring a bio / some stats ) & his pinterest board HERE !!

his name is maximilian anthony thomas ( if he turns out to be the killer i’m gonna laugh because i really did give him 3 first names ) but honestly just max is fine ^^

he’s the child to two ABSOLUTE UNITS of women. both of them are olympic medalists in the athletics category. even his sperm donor dad ( who, yes, also helped raise him ) was a big time baseball player who now coaches one of the best international teams, so to say that he is SPORTS BOY would almost be an understatement.

his sport of choice is easily track, but he also really enjoys baseball, basketball, soccer, and, later on in life, football. if it’s got a ball or allows him to run, chances are he plays it.

he was winning medals as early as 7 years old and had enough for a full wall by the time he was 10. boy is a legacy and it SHOWS.

he doesn’t like it when people try to give him things just because of his name or who his parents are. he would much rather get things through his own hard work. at the same time, he hates losing and is willing to do not so great things in secret if it means he’ll win.

captain of the track & field team during the spring / summer and captain of the football team during fall / winter. he also might be in the student government too so rifp his schedule. boy is ALWAYS busy.

LOVES HIS TEAMMATES SO FUCKING MUCHHHHH !!!!!! they’re his family.

he also does a lot of charity events cuz his parents raised that shit in him ( they literally met at a charity triathalon ), so he goes to quite a view galas and whatnot. LITERALLY HE’S SO BUSY THIS BOY NEVER HAS FREE TIME.

is surprisingly really well versed in art & art history due to one of his moms being a HUGE art history buff. literally his family did an art tour vacation once where they just went across europe & went to a bunch of galleries. basically he may seem like a dumb jock, but if you mix up a renoir & a monet, he WILL call you out on it.

absolute sunshine boy !! loves to smile & laugh & love !! is so passionate about everything !

however, he has some really bad jealousy and pride issues, as hinted at earlier. they’re easily his greatest vices in equal measure.

he’s emotionally fragile so if he snaps, it can get pretty scary, but he’s really good at hiding that side of him. granted, bottling it all up probably isn’t the best either . . .

THAT SAID, HE’S STILL THE TOWN’S GOLDEN BOY !! his coach keeps talking about the 2020 olympics and he’s SO PSYCHED !! everyone in town knows his name bc he really out here being nice to everyone he meets & helping little old ladies cross the road on top of everything else he does. he’s just That Guy.

[ DAISEY ]

he had known her since they were wee babies, and they were definitely friends first. whenever they played house, he was always the dog looooong before he played her husband.

the two were always real & honest with each other, and it’s safe to say that he knew the true her before she got all caught up in her loneliness and secret hoarding.

SHE was the one to ask HIM out not long after starting middle school, making them each other’s first like . . . actual relationship. ( though tbh, she moreso DEMANDED he be her boyfriend, rather than properly asking him aslkfjasdf he could never say no to her though so it didn’t really matter )

they wound up having an off-&-on relationship for SIX YEARS. in late-ish high school, he could feel her drifting away so he told her his secret, thinking it would stop her from being bored of him. unfortunately she ended up breaking up w/ him the next day.

[ STALKING TW ] before long she was already seeing someone new. that triggered his jealous streak, and between that and his fear that she was going to tell someone his secret, he started stalking her. at first it was just lining up their schedules so he could always keep an eye on her, but eventually he got access to her social media logins and started keeping tabs on her private conversations. she’d shown him some of her own hacking tricks when they were still together, so even when she changed her passcodes, it was a simple crack before he was snooping through her shit again.

eventually she confronted him about the fact that she was constantly seeing him everywhere, though still unaware of the fact that he was the one that was hacking into her accounts. he played it off, and while she did tell the authorities about it, that was about the end of it. he stopped stalking her for a couple of years after following her to st ettienne, and things mellowed out between them.

he joined student council that year, and after that him and daisey started to talk a lot more again. they even kinda became friends again. one night, she was having a rough time so she called him. after a quiet night of talking and looking at the stars, she kissed him. it was really great, up until she shoved him away and said it was a mistake, going right back to ignoring his existence the very next day. this caused him to fall back into his stalking habits, finding them a comfort.

this time, she finds out that its HIM going through her social media, and she pulls him aside privately at the homecoming party to yell at him. she even says that she’s going to expose his secret for being such a creep. it’s then that he sees her for what she really is, rather than the rose-colored image he’d been seeing before.

that’s the last he ever sees of daisey rutherford, and he can’t tell if he’s grateful or heartbroken for that.

[ WANTED CONNECTIONS ]

okay listen i’m . . . honestly garbage at coming up with wanted connections because i genuinely want everything. friends, lovers, enemies, family — the whole shebang. i’m always down to brainstorm, so if you’ve got any ideas, even if they’re whacky, hit me with them and we can come up with something phenomenal and unique, yeah ? yeah !

the biggest actual idea i can think of is like . . . half siblings through his biological father. i think the dichotomy of that could be fun since his dad is still VERY MUCH in his life along w/ his 2 moms. TAKEN BY CASSIDY

rivals in sports could be fun ! as w/ rivals in general !

people he tried hooking up w/ to make daisey jealous when they weren’t together ? maybe ??

he doesn’t drink or smoke or do anything fun so like ?? a bad influence type connection mayhaps ?

HE NEEDS A TUTOR !!!! HE NEEEEEDS A TUTORRRRR !!!!!

bro squad bro squad bro squad bro squad bro squad. did i mention bro squad ?? ( ed is his best fucking friend so any mutual friends,,,,,, let’s squad it up )

maybe i’ll edit this later if more come to me, but for now that’s what i’ve got !! hmu if anything strikes your fancy or if you’ve got any other ideas !

#veritasintro #insert a shaky eyes emoji here #EDIT: added some additional stats

[impromptu-breakdancing]

All the odds 😈

How dare and at the same time thank you

1. If we’re being realistic here, I would like a cat or a parakeet. Being unrealistic, I think it would be so cool to have like a big cat or some form of wild dog as a pet. THEY LOOK SO CUDDLY! Deadly but cuddly

3. Oh god, that’s a hard one. There are certain rock songs that I will full-on dance and lip-sync to. And then in public, I’ll just tap my foot and sometimes unconsciously lip sync. Weirdly enough anime intro and outro songs get me hyped up too. I think it’s just the fact that they are so catchy and high energy (depending on the show). I was actually listening to Weezer while writing this...

5. Does dessert count as a meal? If not my favorite meal might be dinner. I feel like that’s when the best stuff is served.

7. Fruit candy. Chocolate may be really good but I want my gummy bears yo

9. I think the worst way to break up a fight is to yell at the people as I think that’ll only increase the anger/tension. But sometimes yelling is necessary to grab their attention. Also taking a side and saying someone is right/wrong is a bad way of breaking up a fight as that might make things worse.

11. My bedsheets are either blue or light green depending on the season. But the overall design is like hand-drawn circles-ish that are different colors. It’ s from IKEA. 

13. My mom had these really cool mason jar classes and I loved those things. Still do. Otherwise, I would drink everything out of a mug if I could

15. My favorite board game is CLUE. Hands down best game ever.

17. Dude I have to keep the heat on and have multiple layers on. I am always cold and for some reason, my feet are always blue. Heat is essential to my survival and I will use everything to keep myself warm.

19. My favorite song to belt out when I’m alone would have to be Don’t Stop Me Now. No one can stop me when that song comes on.

21. I have no idea when I first found out how awful alcohol tastes. I think maybe 8? I’m basing this off of the size of my glass. I set my glass of coke down and my dad set his glass of whiskey down next to it. When I came back to get my glass I didn’t know which one was mine and just took the glass I thought was mine and just took a HUGE swig of the whiskey. Whiskey is nasty don’t ever drink it.

23. I think the most amount of money I’ve ever spent on a piece of clothing was maybe $30. It was probably on that shirt I got when I went to see Twenty One Pilots perform when they were on tour.

25. My guy, I have many favorite memories. One of the best would be when I spent a week up at my friend’s mountain house. it was a lot of fun but the memories that pop out most would have to be all the times we played Just Dance and when we went on a hike and ran into a bear. Later that night we went stargazing. Gillian and I kept hearing noises while we were out stargazing but didn’t tell the other as the other person didn’t hear the noise. Once we both heard a noise we ran inside as fast as we could and locked all the doors and closed all of the curtains.

27. My favorite shoes would have to be either my poor converse that are begging for death or my Doc Martins.

29. If I don’t style my hair, it will dry weird and I’ll look like an emo from the early 2000s

31. I have no idea. I’m not the person to seek out dangerous stuff for thrills. Maybe that one time I went on the canyon swing in Glenwood Springs in Colorado. That was fun but also scary.

33. yep nope not answering that one

35. Mac. Definitely Mac. I am typing this on my Mac.

37. Natural. Definitely Natural. I never wear makeup and when I do it’s for some special occasion and people look at me weird.

39. I love winter! It’s such a cozy and warm season! I love being curled up in ten layers of blankets with a cup of tea while it snows outside and the soft glow of the Christmas tree and the fairy lights just give off this warm and soft glow fills the house. Sure all the seasons are great, but I definitely recommend winter.

41. Have I ever fallen out of a tree? I’m sorry but who do you think you’re talking to? As a kid, I was wild and always getting scratches and bruises and I loved climbing trees. I don’t climb trees anymore unless I have to like for photography but as the clumsy dumbass that I am, of course, I would fall out of the tree.

43. I try and go to bed around 11. I’m an insomniac and my meds keep me up so I try and get to bed early. I normally end up falling asleep as 2.

45. I don’t like pink. I only like certain shades of pink and those shades are really light. Sure there are gross colors out there but I hate pink.

47. Both? But if I had to choose between sweet and salty, I’d go with sweet.

49. Salt and Vinegar. Those are always my first choice of chips.

51. I really like to create art. So making any form of art is a hobby of mine.

53. NONE OF YOU ARE ALLOWED TO YELL AT ME FOR THIS!!! My favorite kind of pizza is Hawaiian. If you think that pineapple doesn’t belong on pizza, I respectfully disagree.

55. HANDFUL OF FRIENDS!! I’m not the type to have a lot of friends. That seems exhausting to me. Plus if I had a lot of acquaintances I wouldn’t really have that group of close friends who I can tell anything.

57. Really I don’t know any labels I have. I know people have called me really nice and charming so do those count? I like being called those

59. That’s a tough one... I like staying in with friends but then again I find it fun to hang out in public with friends but it depends on where in public we are. If we are hanging out at Comic Con, bro count me in. I hate people but Comic Con is full of nerds and amazing people. 

61. I think maybe my favorite thing about myself is how I try and make everyone happy. Well, that’s a lie. If I like you, I will go out of my to be super nice to you and please you.

63. Nope. I’m still single and always have been.

65. I love fruit! You can’t do this to me! For now, I’ll just say my favorite fruit is pomegranate

67. uh... cucumber? Yeah that’s my favorite vegetable...

69. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (come on, what did you expect?) Um I can eat maybe two plates at a buffet. I get full easily.

71. I do not play any sports. I do archery and ice skate for fun.

73. When I used to go camping with this group, I was the designated scary-story teller. One year I brought a story called The Purple Bishop and hyped it up as it took place in my home state and the setting of the story wasn’t too far from where we were camping. The kids didn’t think it would be scary at all and just wow they were so convinced it wasn’t scary. Anyways the time came to tell the story around the campfire. When I read the story and got to a part where I could do a dramatic pause, I looked over the papers to see some of the kids had moved from their individual chairs to either sit with their parents or just with other kids. Not scary my ass.

75. Don’t know how to answer that one

77. I would really rather watch a tv show than a movie. It really depends as I’m always down to watch a Studio Ghibli movie.

79. I really love it when people compliment my hair or my clothes. 

81. When I was younger I always ordered the same thing when I went to restaurants. Now I’m trying to be more adventurous and switch it up.

83. Oh my god, anything? I would definitely want to learn how to speak and understand every language. That would be so cool and I could travel all over the world and I wouldn’t have any trouble with language barriers.

85. I have a love-hate relationship with a birthmark on my neck. I think it’s unique and adds to my weirdness, but at the same time, people always mistaken it for a hickey

87. A B S O L U T E L Y! I am 5′5, but I was supposed to be 5′7. Then ya boy got epilepsy and some of the meds I was taking made me not eat and so they stunted my growth. I would definitely change my height. Maybe 5′7. Maybe taller >:D

89. Flats. Fck heels. I like how they make me tall but from every time I’ve worn them (messing around in stores or with my mom’s heels), they have butchered my heels. 

91. Eeeehhh. I don’t know. I feel like being famous would be exhausting. But I mean if I was famous I would get a lot of money and I could donate all that money to charities and research for epilepsy. I don’t really need a lot of money. I couldn’t be trusted with it. I’d go and spend it on merch from my favorite fandoms, expensive art supplies, stickers from Redbubble, and games for my PS4 and Nintendo games. (Dude I am so excited for Animal Crossing New Horizons to come out I just oh my god I can’t wait)

93. Spirit animal? Um... I am loyal and loving like a dog. 

95. Organized mess. I may be a mess but I know what I’m doing for the most part.

97. I like to be planned. I’m flexible but if I don’t know like a general idea of what’s going on/what I’m doing I will kind of stress

99. I really hope the relationships that I have with my friends never change. I love them dearly and we have been through some sh*t, so in my mind, it would be really sad if we weren’t friends anymore.

THERE I MADE IT! 

#asks #ask list #get to know me #jesus this was a long one #send a number

[loverscreation]

2- FIRST DATE-ISH

Here's to V-Day, the start of a beautiful relationship. It took me forever to write this, but it's finally here. Thank you for all your patience!

About a month had passed since I met The Second, and we scheduled a movie for this evening. It was going to be just the two of us this time. No family, no friends. Just us… The intentions weren't set in stone, but that didn't take away from the joy.

This was by no means a formal event, but choosing an outfit was still stressful. I stared blankly at my closet, suddenly hating every choice.

Ping.

My music was interrupted by a message, causing me to check it in a hurry. Great, he was on his way, and I hadn’t even gotten dressed! Why must I be so indecisive?

The thrown-together outfit was something simple but cute. A long sleeve, tucked into high waisted jeans, topped off with casual black vans. You couldn't go wrong with that as a go-to, right? It was put on at record speed before my attention was set on makeup. The basics and a lipstick were enough for the occasion.

Hurrying to the bathroom mirror, I took in my appearance. It wasn’t bad! He’d never be able to tell I threw it all together in half an hour.

The other half hour was torturous. All that rushing was for nothing, now all that was left to do was wait. I should’ve taken longer getting ready.

But soon enough, there was a knock. My dog barked away and crowded the door at the intruder's beckon, but sliding through without her was a success. With my back to the now closed door, I smiled nervously at The Second, who had witnessed the struggle.

Hi,” I greeted with a breathless laugh.

He paused to take in my body language. The uneven breathing and tense muscles indicated I was nervous, however, he didn’t mention it. “Hello. Shall we go?”

Brushing off the awkward start, I straightened my posture. “Yes! We shall!”

He then offered me his elbow, which I happily looped my arm into. We strolled down the porch steps together like a princess being taken away from her prison.

Could you blame me for feeling that way? I was leaving to spend a night with my sharply dressed charming prince, who I was hooked arms with for all to see. This was far beyond the social status of my neighborhood too, the wandering eyes from across the street said as much. It didn't help that the man inhabiting the house across the way and I used to see each other (take that, Anthony). But still.

Upon our arrival at the vehicle, our arms unlinked and the back door was opened for me. A smile of gratitude was flashed his way before hopping in. He rounded the car and sat in the seat next to me.

The air was still as we took off. The radio was muted and no conversation took place for a good couple of minutes. Some higher power was to thank when The Second broke the silent spell.

“Could you turn the radio on?” The chauffeur did as requested, right hand reaching over to mess with the device. “Thank you.” A calm ballad carried through at a comforting volume.

Humming emitted from The Second, swooning my very being. My shoulders took on a less tense form as I not-so-secretly listened to the rich tones coming from him. His eyes looked to the side to see as much.

“You sing, correct? That is a requirement of musical theatre.” Looking me head on now, he lifted a curious eyebrow.

I nodded as I refused the urge to avoid eye contact. “I mean, sort of. I love to, but I've never taken lessons or been in a production before.” A chuckle slipped past my throat. “The most I've ever done was a karaoke contest in middle school.”

With continued interest, he continued his questioning. “Why have you started now instead of earlier in life? It is clearly a passion.”

“I guess I never had the opportunity, I was too busy learning how to dance,” my voice trailed off. That was a topic of shyness for me, though my lowered guard let it slip.

He gave a single nod of his head. “Ah, I see. It all makes sense now.”

“What makes sense?” It was my turn to raise an eyebrow. Whatever he was speaking of went right over my head.

A hand gesture up and down my body. “You clearly take excellent care of your body…” My cheeks set fire. “And your posture is very proper. Would I be in the presence of a ballerina?”

I tucked a curl behind my ear. “Not an experienced one, I only started ballet a few years ago. I've been doing hip hop.”

His eyes held a glint of skepticism, which only half surprised me. This reaction wasn't a first time offender. “Intriguing. How long have you been dancing?”

Having to think back, I made a quick count. “I started in sixth grade so almost seven years now.”

The remainder of the car ride went a similar way, poking and prodding at my musical background. He seemed to notice my reminiscent attitude, taking advantage of it to keep me speaking since I was so quiet in our first encounter. Seven years of dancing shifted to eight years in band class, which turned into the fears of what theatre held. He just kept me talking like no other.

The vehicle pulled over to the curb right in front of the mall, idling as the driver waited for us to leave. The two of us climbed out, and like earlier, our arms hooked together.

The mall was overflowing with shoppers and viewers alike. The ticket line for movies was massive, but that was acceptable as we hadn't picked what movie we wished to watch.

Studying the board of options, we chatting lowly about what seemed interesting. Chick flicks weren't an option for either of us and the action movies seemed dull.

The horror movies proved to be of common acceptance.

Though I had agreed to a horror movie, I gave a disclaimer. “I do like horror, don't get me wrong, but I'm also a huge wimp about it. I just wanted to warn you now.” My cheeks heated in embarrassment.

The Second removed his sunglasses and pocketed them.“Oh?” He raised an eyebrow with a teasing quirk of his lips. “Will I have to protect you, dear Alys?”

My eyes rolled before I dramatically leaned against him. “Please, hold me, Emeritus! I don't know what I would do without your protection!” my tone was slightly sharpened with humor.

The first taste of my attitude made him draw a blank for a quick moment. He gave a weak shake of his head and chuckled.

The sweet sound of his enjoyment in the form of a laugh made me uncontrollably smile. “I'm glad you invited me out tonight,” I blurted. “It's just that I'm very thankful you're giving me a chance to get to know you.”

Heart to heart confessions was never his strong suit, though he managed a reply. “If you are anything, it is sweet.”

His tone may have been a bit hard for the subject matter, but I chose to believe he meant it. No coherent reply presented itself to my mind so I opted to give his arm a slight squeeze of endearment.

By the time I tuned back into reality, we were at the head of the line and The Second was ordering our tickets. The young boy running the booth gave us a look that could only resemble shame. It was about our ages no doubt. Yes, I'm an adult, but he is still much older than me. I released my company's arm out of anxiety, and my eyes drew downwards to study the tiled flooring.

Moments later we left for concessions.

I tried to blow off how small I felt from that uncomfortable interaction. My Emeritus of the evening seemed to notice my shifted behavior.

“People fear what they do not understand,” he stated. He was right, though unwanted feelings never make things easy.

I gave him a start of a smile and a nod. “It's hard but true.” He wasn't a spoonful of sugar type, but his logical thinking was comforting. Who cares about some ticket booth boy with a narrow understanding? I didn't need his approval.

The Second put a hand on my back, giving it a small rub before retracting. “What would you like to get? My treat.”

Having someone else pay for my things always made me feel guilty, but I pushed it aside. “Just a small drink and some popcorn sound alright.”

Once it was our turn to order, we stood at the tall counter, big enough to come close to my shoulders. This elicited an upward tug of my date's lips.

“A large popcorn and a medium coke,” The Second stated. The staff got to work, meanwhile, I was too busy being entertained by the idea that we'd be sharing our treats. As small of a deal as that was, it had an oddly romantic feel to it.

We were sent on our way a few moments later, him with the popcorn and me with the coke. The medium size was larger than life, having to occupy both my hands. I sipped from the straw every now and again as we walked down the long hallways to our stop. He held the door open for me, which I thanked him for with a sweet smile.

“Where would you like to sit,” he whispered in my ear with a hand on the small of my back.

Leaning into him, I replied with a sure answer. “The middle right behind the bar. It's perfect viewing level.” Maybe I'd seen too many movies in the cinema when I was younger, but I knew it to be true. Seemingly pleased with my response, we sat exactly where I suggested.

He must have been studying me like an anthropologist that night, always giving an entertained chuckle or quirk of his lips. How I took my seat was no exception. While he sat with a mostly proper posture with both feet on the ground and leaning into the seat slightly, I sat criss-cross in my seat with a straight back. Most people aren't small enough to do so comfortably, but I was.

Just like always, there was the longest wait imaginable for the movie to begin. The screen destroyed our patience with advertisements, though we got by with light conversation and popcorn.

I was overflowing with excitement when the movie began. It was moderately scary, but the movie itself actually wasn't that good. It was all jumpscares and a half assed plot, though most newer horror movies had the same fault.

The best part about it would have to be The Second's arm finding itself resting around my shoulders. During the first scare, I flinched and he pulled me into him. I could've sworn I was dreaming because it was too good to be true. But it was real, and it stayed there until the lights came on at the end.

“They do not make them like they used to,” he commented on the way out as he threw the empty popcorn bin away.

Following his lead, the drained cup was thrown out as well. “I couldn't agree more.”

There was no purpose of stopping at the any of the stores since they would be closing soon so we started to head for the exit.

He looked over at me with calm eyes. “Was tonight's movie a waste?” The wording of his sentence led me to believe that he actually wanted to ask if I enjoyed going out with him, though he didn't wish to say it.

Returning the gaze, I gave him a soft smile. Despite the quality of the movie, I wouldn't take it back for anything. “Not at all.” Judging by his silence, he was pleased with my answer.

Talking my anxiety down, I made the next move. I didn't have the will to look at him, though my small and slightly shaking hand meekly slide into his all the same. He gave my hand a squeeze of endearment to my surprise.

The way back to my house was very much the same. Our hands were locked, my soft humming and his singing lacing the air in the vehicle. I felt besides reality, off in my own world, though it soon came to an end.

The Second walked me to the door. After unlocking it, I turned to him.

“Thank you. Maybe the movie was a little laughable, but I had a really good time.” My eyes glistened with infatuation. “Is there any chance we can see eachother again?”

He nodded. “Yes, of course.” Thinking that was that, I was about ready to turn around and bid him goodnight. His voice stopped me. “Be mine,” he blurted out.

“What?” I blinked a few times in surprise. “Are you sure?” There were at least a million people on this earth that would be better than me, but his expression remained unmoved.

“I am sure.” He took both my hands in his, my heart fluttering about in my chest. “Tonight has opened my eyes. I want you to be mine, nothing less than that. What do you say?”

I tried to push the smile away, I really did, but there was no stopping it from spreading across my lips. Cupping the back of his neck, I got on my tip toes. he was still just out of reach. “Come here,” I said softly.

Leaning down like I requested, he was in my range. The softest of pecks was placed upon his cheek. I pulled away and opened my door. “I hope that answers your question.”

We shared a smile. “Goodnight, Alys.”

#stories #self ship #f/o #oct 21 2018

[xoxoendoh]

A Prickly Pair

Prompt: Temari Week / Month 2018, Day 1: Hourglass ⏳ (Sorry I’m late!)

Summary: Shika tries his damnedest to ensure Tema’s first birthday they spend together is perfect…but life has a way of turning the best intentions upside-down. ;) Ninja-verse + all the Naruto crew!

Also, if my god-awful 🌵 pun of a title didn't give it away, lemme just say this: prepare yourself for a long fic with major fluff and cracky humor! 

Rating: T; colorful language, birthday booze, some suggestive themes 😏 There are two f-bombs—two!—but they are well-deserved, so I'm leaving this fic as T.

Soundtrack: “Magic in the Hamptons” by Social House (ft. Lil Yachty)—it's so damn catchy!

Also: Hanakotoba is the art of conveying messages / sentiments through flowers. For example, you might send yellow camellias to a SO who's been away on business as a way of conveying "longing." 💐

Read on FF.net here + this will have a Part II / continuation...soon-ish!

Shikamaru knew he was in trouble. One way or another, he knew he was going to have his ass handed to him. As that notion wasn’t exactly incentivizing, ...his lazy ass had procrastinated: now he had one day.

“What a drag…” He pinched the bridge of his nose, both elbows resting on his thighs.

If there was one thing he knew about the other troublesome women in his life—his mother, Ino, Sakura, even the Godaime—it was that their birthdays might as well have been national holidays.

But if he did what his troublesome woman claimed she wanted, he’d literally be doing nothing. For her birthday.

When he’d seen Temari last month, he had manned the hell up. He’d gritted his teeth, grumbled out of the corner of his mouth, and eventually inquired about her looming birthday. Her response, of course, had been less than helpful. She’d crossed her arms in a huff and flicked her blonde head in the opposite direction. He couldn’t see her face, but he heard her loud and clear: “Shikamaru, you idiot. It’s just a birthday. Don’t make a big deal out of it, okay?”

Easier said than done, you impossible woman! he thought, shaking his head.

Because what if she was just saying that? What if she wanted the whole dog and pony show and he was just supposed to know? What if she was playing at one of those stupid female mind games?

Even worse, this wasn’t just any birthday. Oh, no. Of course not!

This year, she’d be stuck in Konoha for the next Chunin Exams planning conference—far away from her family and working on official Suna business. On top of that, this would be their first ‘big event’ or ‘anniversary’ or ‘milestone’—or whatever the hell it was birthdays actually were!—since they became a couple. It had only been three months since they’d made it official, …and that feat had been a special sort of excruciating in itself.

At the memory, Shikamaru face-planted into his folded arms, a feeble effort to hide from the lingering embarrassment. Taking her off the market should’ve been the hardest part! How the hell was he supposed to know it only got more confusing from there?

Because what if she really wasn’t big on birthdays? What if he wrecked it by going all out? Did she want it to be just the two of them? Did she want to pretend birthdays didn’t exist?

“Damn it, I’m hopeless with this stuff…” he grumbled into his elbow, before letting out a long groan. “I’m so screwed, I should have just sent word to her brothers and asked!” He felt a drop of sweat bead under his ear and trickle down.

Too late for that now, genius.

But he was a genius, and there had to be a way to not screw this up! He couldn’t afford to, not so early on in the relationship, not when he didn’t have enough—or any—romantic capital stockpiled to make up for it! But no matter how many different scenarios he ran through, they all played out the same way—painfully. He could see it all so clearly:

Temari backhanding him into next week. Temari grabbing him by the collar and chucking him out a window. Temari launching him airborne with a single swish of her fan. Temari summoning Kamatari to bite his ear off.

Damn, his girlfriend was scary. The thought made his frown falter….

That huffy little pout. The way her blonde pigtails bounced when she stomped over to him, her little hands twitching and ready to slap some sense into him. Her eyes getting that scary teal-fire glow…

He sighed and shook his head, utterly defeated.

Damn her, he thought, grinning despite himself. She’s beautiful even when she wants to wring my neck. He sat up to look across the Nara land, noting the sun’s angle in the melting sky.

If he was going to get his teeth kicked in no matter what he did, he might as well try to do something nice for his girl, …right? He seized the moment of motivation, forming an oval with his fingers, and closed his eyes.

Take her at her word and just find a happy medium! he ordered his brain. Surprisingly, the conclusion came to him a moment later: Dinner with the crew. No one hates a dinner party, and everyone loves her. Done. Easy.

Shikamaru let out a satisfied yawn and crossed his arms, pleased to have settled the matter.

Hold up, genius. Her birthday present!

His hands flew back together.

Damn it, jewelry?

No, he’d never seen Temari wear any, and jewelry would probably breach her “big deal” rule.

Chocolate?

No, they were going to a dinner party. Food on food would be stupid, right?

What do you want, woman?? he wondered bleakly. This is worse than getting Naruto and Hinata’s wedding present! He’d be willing to shell out whatever it took if she would just like what he got her….

Losing the iota of motivation he’d mustered, he lowered his head in another trademarked Shika-sigh.

Times like these, he wished Asuma were still around.

He wished the same for his dad, of course…but Shikaku would have just shrugged noncommittally and told him to ask his mother, anyways. He’d already tried that. His mom, however, had been no help at all. All she’d done was gush about how ‘talented’ and ‘lovely’ Temari was until he’d fled the damn house! Like he needed reminding...

But Asuma…

Well, he would have loved Temari, too. But he would’ve had at least something helpful to offer!

Who am I kidding? Shikamaru couldn’t help the chuckle he felt in his chest. Like Asuma had any moves, anyway! Kurenai-sensei just took pity on the guy. He’d just tell me to get Temari flowers, like it was that simple.

Shikamaru sat up straight, struck by the sheer simplicity of it. Maybe it was that easy, maybe Asuma had it right! Flowers wouldn’t be too flashy or too much of “a big deal” or whatever Temari had called it.

Alright, Dad, Asuma-sensei..., he thought with a faint smile, standing to shrug his hands into his pockets. Let’s see if that famous ‘Ino-Shika-Cho teamwork’ can conquer this.

Game-face on, he trudged his way to the Yamanaka Flower Shop.

If he had thought he’d be prepared for Ino’s excitement, he’d have been dead wrong. Of course, he knew Ino better than that.

“So, uh, do you have any, uh…” he trailed off, unable to look her in the eye, feeling his entire body go tomato-red. Clearing his throat, he tried again, but every word combined into one: “DoyouhaveanyflowersfromSuna?”

Somehow, she deciphered the question he’d asked his feet.

“Shikamaru!” she screamed. “I have been waiting for you to drag your lazy ass in here and get her something! You really know how to wait until the last minute, huh?”

He could hear the haughty smirk in her voice.

“But really, Shikamaru, it’s so sweet!” She sighed dreamily. “You and Temari are perfect together…. And flowers from her home country…”

He looked up just in time to see her eyes glassing over as she clutched at her heart.

“Of course we’ll help you!” Abruptly, the honey left her voice and she traded her doe-eyes for her signature scowl. “Right, Choji?” she growled, smacking Choji’s hand as he reached for the last morsel in her bento,

“Y-yeah, Shikamaru!” he piped up, his red hand floundering until it landed on the back of his neck. “We’ve got your back, bud. You know we love Temari.”

Shikamaru felt relief surge through his system: these two would always save his ass.

Not wasting any time, Ino leapt over the counter, apron strings trailing behind her, and bodily dragged Shikamaru after her. Ignoring his grousing, she wound them through the rows of greenery and fragrant blooms until they reached a partitioned-off portion she called “The Suna Section!!”

“We actually have a pretty good variety of desert plants,” she declared proudly, sweeping a hand out before four tables overflowing with vegetation.

As Shikamaru bent his knees and gaped at the selection, his teammate prattled on, getting more excited with every question:

“So what else are you going to do for her birthday? It’s tomorrow, right? When does she arrive?”

Shikamaru knew she needed answers, but all he could do was gawk at the array of…things…in front of him. There were some squat little plants with ungainly, fat leaves…but they were kinda pretty in their own way: the stupid little leaves fanned out like petals, and they came in purple or a greeny-blue. Above those, he was pretty sure he recognized aloe stalks. Then there were a series of lethal- and ugly-looking things—the sort of things Shikamaru was positive would end up impaling him if he dared to present them to Temari. Spiky barbs, serrated leaves, deceptively plushy-looking fluff guaranteed to needle under the skin… There was nothing even remotely attractive about them….

“Helloooo? Shikamaru?” Ino flicked his ear. “Don’t ignore me when I’m trying to save your ass! What are your plans for Temari??”

“Oh,” he jerked his head up to face her. “Uhh…”

Her hands were on her hips, and he’d learned long ago that was never a good sign.

Laughing nervously, he rose. “Heh, I was kinda, ya know, hoping you’d help with that, too, Ino....”

Exasperated, she groaned. “Ugh, remind me to kill you later.”

Waving his hands in placation, he tried, “But you’re so good at this sort of thing!”

She got that creepy feline grin on her face again—the one that meant she saw through his lame ploy, the one that meant she was plotting—and gave him a wink.

“Fine, I’ll bide my time,” she conceded with an innocent smile. “But watch your back, ‘kay?”

Shikamaru shrugged and rubbed at his neck. He’d worry about her vengeance after he solved the birthday equation.

“Yeah, yeah. So anyway, Temari told me not to make a big deal out of it, but I figure I can’t do nothing.”

“Damn straight, Shikamaru.” Ino nodded sagely. “Damn. Straight.”

“So I was thinking just a simple dinner with the usual group…?”

“That’s perfect!” she squealed.

Shikamaru sighed, grateful for Ino’s stamp of approval.

“Casual and low pressure, but it shows that you thought about it and planned ahead. Well...,” Ino paused to throw him a glare, “that you should have planned ahead—but whatever!”

Ino turned on her heel, clearly satisfied with the intel she’d gleaned.

“W-wait! Ino!” Shikamaru had never sounded so desperate in his life. “Hey, c’mon! Don’t leave me with the plants!”

“Oh, calm down,” she smirked from over her shoulder. “Look them over, read the little descriptions, and just choose one you think she’d like! But actually read the tags, Shikamaru. ‘Cause some flowers have special meanings…and some species are poisonous!”

“Poisonous??”

He gaped at her.

Ino giggled at his appalled expression. She was enjoying his pain. So much.

She’d started out the night as his second favorite blonde…but Naruto had just made the leap up to silver.

“You’re a ninja, you can handle a few thorns! …And it’s not like the poisonous ones are fatal or anything.” With that, she was off, sliding open the screen and skipping through the rows and rows of flowers. “Oh, Chooooji!” she sang for the whole shop to hear. “We’re going to make Shikamaru look real good for his girlfriend! You’re in charge of the dinner reservations, and Sai and I will call everyone to get them on board.” She clapped her hands together like she’d never been so delighted in her life.

“How about that place with the little courtyard in the back? Best barbecue pork in town, great for a party!” he heard Choji offer.

Were they inviting all of Konoha to this thing, or were they just aiming for death by embarrassment?

“Oh, perfect! You’re their best customer, they’d totally pull some last-minute strings for you!”

Shikamaru could almost hear her bouncing in excitement. So maybe she was still his second favorite blonde, but did she have to be so loud?

“Shikamaru,” she called on cue, “we’re off to go plan your girlfriend’s party! Just leave the cash on the counter once you decide, my mom will be down in a bit to close up!”

Shikamaru grimaced as the door slammed. Choji wouldn’t let him down, and Ino was undoubtedly his savior…but he didn’t know a damn thing about plants. He didn’t want to know a damn thing about plants. Griping to himself, he knelt before the green things, cautiously shifting a few pots out of the way to see the full assortment, …waiting for a scorpion or something to lunge at him.

“Pick a plant, pick a plant…,” he droned miserably to himself.

Something not-hideous at the back caught his eye. As he reached toward it, the mesh of his sleeve dragged against some spikes. Glancing down at the culprit, he realized it was a furious-looking—yet somehow beautiful—cactus. Complete with a single, white bloom of multilayered petals, it looked rather like someone had glued a lotus to some wild desert thing. The more he looked at it, the wider his grin grew. It was just like Temari—as gorgeous as it was troublesome—and it was like it had chosen him! As he tried to disentangle himself without catching the spines of any other friendly Suna flora, he knocked over the small ‘Hanakotoba’ card in front of it.

My bad, Yamanakas. Like he was going to risk life and limb to pick up a scrap of paper!

But as he rotated his arm to dislodge the thorns from his shirt, he nicked his wrist.

“Damn,” he muttered, finally succeeding in freeing himself. It wasn’t a grumble this time: “Oh, shit!” Is this one of the poisonous ones?!

He extracted the cactus from the deathtrap of a display and snatched up the description tag staked near its base, frantically scanning for the mention of ‘poisonous’ or ‘toxic.’ Thankfully, it just said ‘See reverse for Hanakotoba Symbolism: Saboten’ and listed the care and lighting instructions. Relieved, he backed away with his hard-fought prize.

“’Symbolism’?” he scoffed, tucking the tag back into the pot. “Pffft. Like Temari cares about that!”

Mission completed, he marched triumphantly to the cash register, slammed the appropriate bills down on the counter, tore off several feet too many of red cellophane wrapping, and vowed never to set foot in the “Suna Section!!” again. 

Temari was all the desert he needed.

–

Temari’s birthday evening was off to a solid start. She’d arrived safely and seemed genuinely pleased with the dinner party idea.

“So you do pay attention every now and then, huh?” she’d purred, smirking at him. Then her lips had softened. More quietly, she’d said, “It’s just what I wanted. A nice evening with my friends and my idiot boyfriend.” She’d kissed his cheek then.

Blood rushed to his face, pride swelled up in his chest: he hadn’t let her down.

Not yet, at least.

But as he went down the ‘gentleman boyfriend checklist’—a set of rules Ino had long ago hammered into her male teammates’ heads—things seemed to keep going smoothly.

They’d parted ways so she could settle in and clean up after her long trek. He’d meticulously mummified her present in that red florist wrap. And he’d done it in a way that would preserve the flower at the top, protect the recipient from the spines, and lead to easy unveiling. Then he’d shown up on time and remembered to bring the stupid plant, just like Ino had instructed. He was actually feeling pretty proud of himself….

And when she exited her hotel, he’d managed to compliment her with a straight face—no fumbling for words or blushing or inappropriate glances!

“You look amazing, Temari.”

It had been no easy feat, however. Seeing her there in the soft glow of the streetlamps… She’d gotten all dolled up in a jade sundress, simple but stunning against her eyes and sun-kissed skin, clinging to the perfect hourglass of her body.

“And you clean up pretty nice yourself, kid,” she retorted, clearly hoping the jab to his sternum would distract him from her rosy cheeks.

It didn’t.

“Glad you didn’t wear a tie, though, or I’d be underdressed!”

Her dark eyes spotted the bright package resting in the crook of his elbow. She quirked an eyebrow and couldn’t quite keep that half-smile of hers from surfacing.

Her voice dripped of sarcasm as she pointed at it: “Should I be scared?”

“Yes,” he said smugly before offering her his arm, like a gentleman.

Hand in hand, they started off for the restaurant. For once in his life, he stood up straight, rolling his usually-slouched shoulders back. He was escorting a bombshell to dinner, so he should at least try to look the part, right?

Halfway to the restaurant, the wind picked up. Shikamaru mentally crossed ‘chivalry’ off his checklist and shrugged off his blazer to drape over her shoulders. She blushed prettily up at him with a sweet smile on her lips.

Keep it up, Shikamaru, he told himself, grinning down at her, and you might just live to see tomorrow!

At last, that lingering sense of dread was fading, and contentment rose to take its place: if there was something he hadn’t thought of, he was sure Ino and Choji had.

When they walked through the courtyard gate, they were greeted with woops and calls of Happy birthday! Temari squeezed his hand and beamed up at him.

Ino rushed over, towing Sai along by the hand, and kissed Temari on both cheeks. “Happy birthday, Temari! You look beautiful—teal is definitely your color.” Not waiting for a response, she snatched the birthday cactus, wrapped shiny and red, from Shikamaru’s hands and transferred it to Sai, who accepted it with a pleasant smile. “We’ll put this with the others. Now, come on and get something to eat!”

“Okay?” was all Temari had time to manage as Ino dragged her off.

As he and Sai followed Ino under the string lanterns, Shikamaru noted his team’s handiwork.

Choji had been right to choose this venue; it was perfect for a private party: the stars were shining, the moon was bright in the sky, the spread was mouthwatering, the barbecue tables allowed for easy mingling and warmed the cool night air. And the turnout was impeccable, considering the literal last minute notice of it all. Everyonewas there. Then again, he knew better than most just how difficult it was to refuse Ino. No doubt, she had personally corralled any stragglers.

“Shall we get a beer, genius?” Sai offered mildly, placing the cactus with the other gifts.

“Beer?” Shikamaru questioned and followed along. He was no longer fazed by Sai’s odd nicknames, but beer piqued his interest. Temari won’t mind, right? Nobody will go too crazy, …right?

On cue, Kiba and Choji appeared, frothing cups in hand, and regaled him with the tale of their labors:

Like mushers with a sled dog, they’d actually strapped a keg of beer to Akamaru, transformed it to look like a crate of sparkling cider, and casually hauled it through the streets. Clever, convenient, and a party trick in itself—Shikamaru approved, giving them sequential high-fives before raising a glass to his girl across the courtyard.

Ino had led her to a yakitori table, and she was immediately surrounded by some of the world’s finest kunoichis. Hinata and Sakura brought over the grilling meat, Karui—who must have been in town for the conference, too—took care of the veggies, and Tenten delivered the all-important beer. Assorted plates of barbecue fodder and plastic cups before them, they were more than prepared to catch up, drink up, and chow down.

Over the foam of his beer, he couldn’t help but appreciate how she was swimming in the blazer he’d draped over her shoulders.

She gave him a little wave, and that was all the permission he needed to take a hefty swig. Kiba and Choji were the true geniuses, he decided. But it wasn’t just Team 10 and Kiba’s keg: despite the last-second notice, everyone had gone all out for his girl. Thanks to them, this was going better than he could have hoped.

As Temari was chatting with her girlfriends, Shikamaru walked with the beer smugglers towards the central fire pit, where Naruto, Shino, and Lee had set up camp.

“Shikamaru, Sai,” Choji sniggered, pausing before they got into earshot of the others, beckoning them closer conspiratorially. “So we’ve got this thing going.”

“Oooh, I forgot!” Kiba butted in, barking out a laugh. “It’s brilliant.”

“We’re calling it ‘Did You Hear Naruto Got Married?’: The Drinking Game.’”

It was Shikamaru’s turn to snicker. Oh, this was going to be good.

“So every time Naruto says something about Hinata or being married or in love or whatever,” Kiba explained, “you have to take a swig.”

“I like games,” Sai agreed happily.

“Everytime,” Kiba emphasized seriously. “Them’s the rules.”

Any idiot could see this was going to go sideways and fast, but Shikamaru just shook his head and let a stupid grin fall on his face.

–

And sure enough, they all would’ve gotten hammered off Naruto’s marital bliss…if Sai hadn’t eventually asked why Naruto himself wasn’t drinking every time the blonde started mooning over his wife. But as it stood, they were all pleasantly buzzed. Naruto—who was somehow closer to plastered than those actually playing the drinking game—had almost fallen out of his cushioned patio chair when Sai had burst the bubble. Lee had a proposed a toast to “YOOOOUTH…ful love!” and even Shino had chuckled behind his turtleneck.

I’ll have to thank Sai later, Shikamaru thought, chuckling to himself. Could’ve gotten troublesome otherwise.

From there, Shikamaru was content to slowly sip his drink and just enjoy the company. He could see Temari was enjoying herself, she didn’t need him attached to her hip. So he watched the evening play out from his overstuffed armchair, foot occasionally tapping to the summery, chill tunes Lee had put on. Lee, he noted, had really good taste in music.

Two beers later, the mountain of barbecue fare had diminished, the groups had dispersed and mixed, Tenten had changed her camera’s memory card at least twice, and everyone had paid their respects to the guest of honor.

By the time Naruto brought him another sudsy cup, Shikamaru looked up to find his girl standing before him, hands on hips, an eyebrow arched expectantly.

“Didn’t save the birthday girl a seat, huh?” she teased, a faint alcohol flush on her cheeks.

He grinned and patted his thigh. “There’s room for both of us.”

Her mouth fell open.

Oh, shit.

He’d just said that. Out loud. This blew right by simply putting his foot in his mouth! No, she was going to put his foot in his mouth! “Tema, I—“

His jacket flew from her shoulders and hit him square in the face.

Someone gasped from behind him.

‘Liquid courage���? More like ‘liquid stupid’ in my hands!

A punch was sure to follow. He braced for impact.

I should have known I’d find a way to screw up tonight—it was going too perfectly!

A second went by, then another, …but nothing happened. All the warning he had was a sweet smell on the crisp air, and then he felt the weight of something warm and toned on his lap.

Wait, really?!

Stunned out of terror, he yanked the blazer off his head, and, sure enough, there she was. Arms and legs crossed, lips pursed, and blushing like mad—but she was perched on his knee.

A few Awww’s rang out from around them.

It must have been the liquid stupid or maybe their friends’ encouragement, but he decided to push his luck a little further. Flinging his coat out like a matador’s muleta, he let it fall over her legs—he was nowhere near drunk enough to risk revealing a wardrobe malfunction—and he pulled her up into him.

She let out an indignant yelp and flailed in momentary surprise…but she stayed put.

“Idiot,” she grumbled, fidgeting with his blazer blanket.

Yet she rotated in his arms to cuddle into his chest, tucking her legs up under his coat.

“Maybe, but I’m your idiot,” he laughed, tightening his arm around her bare shoulder. Apparently, beer turned him stupid…and really sappy. He was better off changing the subject. “You having fun?”

“Mhhmm.” She nodded against his shirt.

“Good.”

Basking in the glory of success, he ran his hand up and down her bare arm, keeping the chill off, and looked up to the cloudless night. Sitting there with his girl, fighting off a contented yawn, he realized he could get used to this. Maybe ‘Did You Hear Naruto Got Married?’: The Drinking Game’ was catching up to him in more ways than one….

A touch on his chest drew him back to the present.

“Shikamaru,” Temari murmured, tugging shyly at his dress shirt, “This is perfect. Thank you.”

Was she pulling at his shirt or his damn heart?? He could practically see it in her little hands! …And he knew he wasn’t getting it back.

Damn it, why am I so lame tonight??

Smiling despite himself, Shikamaru did the only thing he could: he tilted her chin up, thumb running along her jaw, holding her eyes for just a moment, …and stole a quick kiss.

Woops and catcalls and flashes exploded from all around them. 

The hell? he thought, startled out of their kiss. 

Temari almost jumped out of her skin when she looked up to see Tenten clicking away on her camera just a few feet away, but Shikamaru only grinned and hauled his girl into place for the picture. He was too damn happy to bother with the awkward, even when he realized all of them must have been watching his every move with Temari, ninjas lying in wait…. He chuckled and released his favorite blonde, who launched herself at Tenten to threaten her into handing over the camera.

“Teten, I swear I’ll—!”

Ino, socialite extraordinaire, stepped out of Sai’s arm to diffuse the situation.

“Presents!” she proclaimed loudly. Since Temari was conveniently already in the center of the party, she added, “Temari, stay right there!”

Ino’s order seemed to have startled the blushing birthday girl into obedience.

“You have to open Shikamaru’s last. Actually, open ours”—with a wink, Ino thumbed at Sai, who waved amiably—“after Shika’s! But the rest can go in any order.”

Tenten took advantage of her proximity. “Me first!” Beaming, she held up her camera. “My gift will be the prints, of course! Temari, they’re so cute, I swear!”

Tenten’s announcement was met with Aww’s…and few knowing smirks. She’d already captured some solid gold, and she was bound to get some more, if Kiba had anything to say about it.

Reluctantly, Temari acquiesced with a shrug, …one corner of her mouth barely rising. “Fine, fine. But for my eyes only.”

Next up was Shino, who emerged…from somewhere…to stand before Temari. He extended a small box.

Shit, it’s probably a live scorpion or something! 

Shikamaru leapt from his patio chair, preparing to weave a Shadow Possession and intercept the container. He wasn’t about to let Shino ruin her night with some creepy-crawly thing!

But Temari’s dark eyes glimmered with interest, and she shucked off the brown paper wrapping before Shikamaru could act.

Damn it, too late!

But to his surprise, she gave Shino a broad smile.

“Antheraea yamamai,” he declared proudly, erudite.

The evening crickets chirped their entomological approval…but no one else made a peep.

“Shino, c’mon, man!” Naruto whined good-naturedly, arm looped around Hinata. “Translate!”

“A silk moth,” he sniffed, pushing his sunglasses up the bridge of his nose. “It perished naturally, so there is no harm in appreciating its beauty behind glass.”

It was then Shikamaru realized that his desert girl wouldn’t have been fazed by a damn scorpion—or any other of Shino’s insects, probably—in the slightest. He rubbed the back of his neck and tried feebly to make like he’d lurched up for some reason other than saving Temari…from a bug.

“It’s lovely, Shino,” Temari said, holding up glass-top box for everyone to see her moth’s impressive wingspan. “Thank you.”

Sitting back down, Shikamaru had to admit it was pretty classy gift. Maybe I’ll go to Shino for next year….

From there, Kiba and Choji took credit for the ‘Konoha hospitality’—the keg—and Choji dragged Karui out by the hand.

“She made a chocolate cake for everyone! Trust me, you’re gonna love it. Sooo let’s hurry up with the presents, guys!”

“Yeah, his ‘taste test’ left me just enough batter for the cake!” Karui grinned and poked her boyfriend in the stomach.

Hinata rose to offer Temari a book on Konoha’s history and customs, stating with a smile, “From Naruto and me. Since, umm, your work brings you here so often, we hope Konoha becomes your home away from home.”

“’Home away from home,’ huh...?” Temari flipped through it with a sly smirk. “Thanks, Uzumakis.”

Shikamaru felt like he was missing something, but he wasn’t about that troublesome life.

“You’re already wearing my gift!” Sakura yelled from her post near Akamaru, sending over a wolf-whistle.

So that’s where she got the dress. If Shikamaru had been wearing a hat, he would’ve tipped it to Sakura; he made do with a grateful nod. Might have to send a thank-you note for the first and only time in my life…. He smirked.

“My gift will compliment Sakura’s!” Lee shouted with a thumbs-up, tossing her a small package. “What luck!”

A moment later, Temari held up a pair...of violet legwarmers. 

Somehow, she managed to keep a straight face—even as Lee lifted his pant leg in a wild kick to demonstrate just how versatile a garment legwarmers were—and thanked him, placing them with the rest of her bounty.

Shikamaru, on the other hand, had to pretend he’d choked on a nonexistent bite of beef. Tenten gave him a solid thwack on the back, but the reproachful look on her face told him she wasn’t particularly concerned about food being lodged in his throat.... 

But he's wearing legwarmers under slacks, Tenten! Shikamaru pled silently. 

Temari’s words, however, dissipated Tenten’s glare.

“Everyone, thank you.” Temari was looking down, suddenly shy again. “I’m really… I’m feeling the Konoha Hospitality, I guess!”

His girl looked so happy, just in time to unveil the cactus.

Choji was closest to the bench where Sai had left it. “I got it, Shikamaru,” he said and set it on the yakitori table nearest the birthday girl.

Temari raised an eyebrow at her boyfriend, fiddling with the note he’d slipped between the twine, but he just shrugged with a grin. She seemed so pleased with the rest of the night, it probably didn’t matter if his stupid plant didn’t wow her like Shino’s moth had.

“Read the card!” Naruto shouted, another beer in hand.

Shit.

He’d forgotten about that. And how was Naruto still observant with all the alcohol he’d knocked back?

“Uh, maybe not?” Shikamaru tried sheepishly.

Ino had told him to, but nobody else had gotten her a card. On top of that, she’d told him it would be ‘so, so, sooo cute’ to use a ‘term of endearment’ in it. Shikamaru grimaced. He hadn’t exactly planned on everyone hearing it...but maybe it wasn’t a big deal. They were at that point in their relationship, right? It wasn’t weird to call her a petname after a few months, right??

“Read iiiiiit!” Naruto bellowed.

“Alright, alright,” Temari laughed, either not hearing or simply ignoring Shikamaru. “Pipe down, blondie!” She cleared her throat and opened the simple Nara stationary. “’Happy birthday, babe!’” she quoted, smirking around babe. “’I’m a lucky man to have you in my life.’”

Hoots and Awwww’s echoed through the assembled ninja. A peach flush coloring her high cheekbones, his girl blew him a kiss with a wink. Lee clapped him on the back and sparkled a thumbs-up at him.

Shikamaru definitely hadn’t imagined Babe trying out her new petname…on herself—his ears were still burning to prove it—but he nodded in calculated appreciation:

Temari and the girls approved, and the guys were having fun with it. At his expense, sure, but fun nonetheless. He let out a sigh. Even if her brothers couldn’t be there, even if she was in town for work, even if he’d put it all off until the last possible moment… Temari was laughing and surrounded by friends. Was it too early to call the night a success?

Well played, Shikamaru. Best boyfriend ever, he congratulated himself with another satisfied nod and a swig of beer. “Careful unwrapping it, babe!” he called, letting out a smug chuckle after babe. He liked the sound of it.

She untied the twine holding the florist wrap together, peeled back the ruby plastic he’d so carefully arranged to spare her skin, and revealed the pretty plant he’d picked out just for her.

He swished his beer and waited for the sort of reactions all the other gifts had gotten.

But there were no girlish giggles, no excited coos. Even the legwarmers had gotten a warm reception, …but his plant couldn’t even get a cricket chirp?

And Temari… She was just staring down at the cactus, ominous in her silence. Her bangs were hiding her eyes; he couldn’t see her face.

Doesn’t she like it? he wondered nervously.

Then, all at once, static surprise gave way to dynamic reaction: Hinata fainted against Naruto with a squeak, her face beet-red. Sakura’s mouth fell open, and a The hell? slipped out. Karui was alternating between coughing up the drink she’d just inhaled…and snickering as Choji patted her back.

“Hina!” Naruto wailed, cradling his passed-out wife.

What’s happening?! Why are the girls freaking out, and why are they looking at the plant like that?? Shikamaru’s eyes narrowed as he tried to puzzle it out through the alcohol haze. Temari’s skin was turning pink! Oh, no! Was it poisonous?! He sprang up, ready to slap the offending thing out of her hands. No, wait. I would have felt it earlier, and I checked the tag!

“Tem…ari?” he tried, no hint of smugness left in his voice. Sweat was pooling between his shoulder blades.

Temari didn’t respond, still gaping down at the prickly plant.

Where the hell had Ino gone?? She’d know what was happening, and she’d tell him!

By then, Kiba had eagerly sidled up to a cherry-red Sakura for an explanation. Shouldering his wife’s limp form, Naruto hurried to follow suit.

To his left, Tenten was pink in the ears, trying and failing to stifle her giggles with her hand while Lee begged her for enlightenment.  

As he tried to shake the truth out of his teammate, Lee voiced what every male in the place was wondering: “What!”—shake—“Is!”—shake—“Happening!” Shake.

The brunette only laughed harder.

Damn it! What is it?!

Sakura, however, finally found the words to describe the indescribable. Once the breathless secret left her sniggering lips and hit their eager ears, Kiba howled, a wolf at the moon, and Naruto boomed a guffaw, nearly losing his grip on Hinata.

What? No! It was a thoughtful gift—even Ino said so!!

He felt panic welling up in the pit of his stomach as his fingers dug into the wood of the nearest table.

What. The. Hell. Everything was perfect until the girls saw the stupid cactus!

Akamaru joined Naruto and Kiba’s barks of amusement.

Et tu, Akamaru? he thought dismally.

Without a word, a glance, or a discernable emotion, …Temari grabbed the nearest beer and sank it, downing it in one go.

Oh, no.

He didn’t need to be a ninja to sense the danger in the air.

Though on opposing sides of the courtyard, Sakura and Karui gave into fits of uncontrollable mirth at the same time, well past words.

Damn it, no help there. This is bad. This is so bad!

He turned to Choji, who—judging by the tears streaming down his face—had clearly been filled in by his girlfriend. …Yet all Choji could manage was to mouth Dude! through hoots.

Some ‘best friend’ you are!

Shikamaru gritted his teeth, nerves eating away at his composure.

“Guys, come on,” he begged.

At his pitiful plea, Kiba fell to the ground, gasping and rolling in delight. Naruto, on the other hand, retained just enough self-control to recline his fainted wife safely against Akamaru…before he completely lost it and doubled over with Kiba.

“Shika—haha! …Shikamaru!” Kiba rasped out from the grass. “You-you—haha!”

Spit it out, man, jeez!

Since breathing was too much for Kiba and Naruto, Shikamaru turned to Shino, who only shook his head and shrugged, sunglasses glinting in the lantern light. Beyond desperate now, Shikamaru turned to Sai, who just smiled placidly, happy to see his friends enjoying a joke…even if it flew miles above his head.

Temari’s hands clenched into tight little fists of rage, snapping the emptied plastic cup in half.

What did I do?!

“Beautiful!” Sai cheerfully announced Ino’s return, pulling out her chair.

Shikamaru did a full 360 and finally found the person who could clue him in. Lips freshly glossed, she must have just come back from the bathroom inside.

As Ino’s blue eyes scanned the scene, all she could manage was: “What…the hell?”

“Ino—somebody—please just tell me what I did!” Shikamaru shouted, nearing his wit’s end. But his request only sent a fresh wave of hysterics through the party.

At last, Ino was by his side, yanking him to her by the ear. “Shikamaru!” she screeched in a pitch high enough to shatter both eardrums and glass. “I told you to read the descriptions on the plants, you idiot!” she hissed through clenched, white teeth.

“But it’s not poisonous, I checked!” Shikamaru defended weakly.

At that moment, another woman recovered her verbal faculties.

It was Temari, growling low and fearsome: “Shikamaru…”

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.

“Hanakotoba, moron! I told you some flowers have special meanings!” Ino ground out mournfully. “It says it right there on the tag.”

“Says what?!” Shikamaru demanded in a moan, drowning in trepidation.

He heard a sudden clickclickclick and dimly realized Tenten had recovered enough to start snapping photos through the giggles, forever preserving his abject horror. To her side, Lee’s complexion had changed to match the green of his dress shirt, clearly informed and clearly scandalized.

“It’s a plant! What the hell can it ‘say’ that’s so terrible?!”

It was then that Sakura regained the ability to string together a sentence: “Shikamaru, you-you gave her a—!”

Kiba’s snort from the ground, however, cut her off and sent her stumbling back into giggles.

So Kiba took it upon himself to fill in the blank, a roar of rapturous merriment:

“A sex cactus!” He choked on another howl of laughter, eyes tearing up in sheer joy, unable to believe the words as they left his mouth. “Y-you gave her a fucking sex cactus, man!” he wheezed.

Convulsions took him once more, his fists beating the blameless grass flat.

“The fuck?” Shikamaru breathed, brain backflipping in despair.

Someone must have spiked the beer, he was tripping. That was the only explanation for what he’d just witnessed.

“Damn it, Shikamaru!” Naruto yowled before joining Kiba in breathless grass-slapping. “At her birthday party, too?! She’s…she’s going to end you, bro!”

Shikamaru couldn’t take it anymore. High or not, this obviously wasn’t something he was capable of decoding! He lunged at Ino, hands grasping her shoulders like a lifeline.

“Ino, please!”

She shook her head sorrowfully. “Saboten, flowering cacti, are given as sexual gestures! Like, with that”—pointing with one hand, she squished up his cheeks in the other to wrench his head back toward Temari…and the obscene cactus—“you’re telling Temari—and anyone here with eyes and half a brain!—that you want her.”

“Whuh? Nwoh!” Even with Ino’s fingers distorting his words, he could hear the shrill of panic in them.

Ino released his face to massage her brow, wholly disappointed in his stupidity.

No longer obstructed, his voice was no less hysterical: “But that’s not a thing! How can that be a thing if only girls know about it?!”

Another reverberation of laughter.

Ino just groaned and face-palmed.

Shikamaru dared to glance back at Temari’s face, imploring. “Tema… I… I…!”

He couldn’t make the words happen. What could he say to erase a screw-up of these proportions?! They’d only been together for a few months—a few long-distance months! They hadn’t had the chance to get anywhere close to sex—they hadn’t even made out yet! Tonight had been the most physical they’d ever been!!

And I just propositioned her…for birthday sex…with a cactus…in front of half the village?!

His fingers rose to rake at his scalp, eyes widening in true realization.

“Oh,” Temari began darkly, taking a predatory step toward him, fingers tightening around the rim of the vulgar cactus’s pot, “it’s a thing, babe.”

This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening.

Oh no.

There was fury flaming in her eyes.

Oh no.

He felt his stomach fall through the earth’s crust: she picked up the indecent cactus.

Oh no!

He felt his stomach hit the earth’s core and combust: she was coming at him with the cactus.

OH NO.

This was it. He was a dead man. He was going to die a virgin…because his girlfriend was going to eviscerate him with a plant. A spiky, evil plant.

But then another thought hit him. A thought even more horrific than the obituary reading, ‘Cause of death: proposition by cactus’:

She’s going to break up with me—she’s never going to speak to me again!

Just then, Ino bravely flung herself between him and the wrath of his sex-cactus-wielding girlfriend.

“He didn’t mean anything by it, Temari! Your boyfriend’s just a moron and didn’t”—she turned to give him the full force of her glare—“read the damn tags like I told him to, so he had no idea! He just wanted to give you something pretty from Suna, you know, to be sweet. Since you had to spend your birthday away from home and all.”

Temari’s glower softened, but only slightly, the sex cactus still firmly in her grasp.

Laughing to herself, Ino continued in practiced sarcasm: “Of course, I figured he’d get you a tiny desert rose or a little echeveria. You know, something you could actually take with you after the conference.” She turned to scowl at Shikamaru again. “I mean, really. You expect her to take a cactus with her on the three-day hike back to Suna?”

Shikamaru moaned, the heat of shame was melting him into the grass. “Temari, I’m so so—“

Realizing she had accidentally fanned the flames, Ino cut him off: “I know! Why don’t you open your present from Sai and me? I can guarantee it’s better than Shikamaru’s.” She chirped out cheerfully, “Sai, darling!”

Sai materialized from the darkness, gift bag in hand, and smiled serenely.  

“Happy birthday, Temari!” he remarked and extended the bag, blissfully unaware of the murderous tension surrounding him.

Slightly stupefied, Temari lowered the x-rated cactus to the table at her side, and Shikamaru let out a quiet, shaky breath.

Ino, grab it while you can! He glanced frantically at his teammate, begging her to hear his thoughts, but she was focused on Temari.

Peering around Ino, he could see Temari raise an eyebrow.

As she accepted the proffered gift bag and parted the tissue paper, revulsion spread across her face. “Another one?!” She dropped the bag to the table with the rejected, dirty cactus in a heavy thud.

Ino, what the hell?!

“No, no…” Ino grinned, eyes twinkling gleefully back at Shikamaru. “You see, this isn’t traditional hanakotoba….”

Genius intellect or not, this was beyond Shikamaru’s understanding. How could he have foreseen any of this? All he knew was it was a miracle that he didn’t have a hundred new piercings to accent the ones in his ears. Hell, it was miraculous he still had a head on his shoulders! No... The true wonder was that Temari hadn’t shouted “We’re done!” and stormed off ages ago. He’d rather Temari skewer him with the stupid, debauched cactus and throw him on the yakitori….

Curiosity got the better of her, and Temari reached in. She slowly, gingerly retracted her hand, revealing something green and plant-y.

What is that thing?

Between Temari’s forefinger and thumb hung a frilled stalk of leaves…attached to a spiked, oblong fruit. She lifted her prize for all to see. 

Ire and mortification forgotten—perhaps replaced with utter confusion—his girl’s black-emerald eyes met Ino’s.

“And what, exactly, are you trying to say with a pineapple?”

The question was saturated in sarcasm, but Shikamaru detected the slightest hint of playfulness coloring Temari’s words. He felt his lifespan slowly extending, not even noticing as Ino attained the sweet vengeance she’d promised….

“Oh, it’s simple…. Don’t you see it?” Ino waved a dainty hand, only just able maintain her casual façade, brimming with barely suppressed anticipation. “It’s Shikamaru, of course!”

It took only a second for the joke to hit, before the outburst of obnoxious, tipsy titters echoed through the night. 

Ino nodded to herself, clearly satisfied with her delivery.

A fruit? Shikamaru thought dumbly, genius brain fogged with beer and total humiliation. She named a fruit after me?

“It-it’s perfect!” Naruto choked out from the lawn. He ripped up a handful of grass—dirt clods, roots, and all—and held it to Kiba’s head, miming...a ponytail.

Then a sidesplitting cackle rang out over the din. It was Shino, he’d finally cracked.

I am…a pineapple?

If Shikamaru had any blood left elsewhere in his circulatory system, it joined the rest in his face then.

Temari bit down on her lip, face twitching slightly. She closed one eye and slowly raised the fruit until it was perfectly parallel with her distraught boyfriend…and his pineapple-shaped head. Her teeth sunk in further. Her hand quaked, ...then her whole body.

Aliens had failed to kill Naruto, …yet Shikamaru was beginning to think the Child of Prophecy would laugh himself to death before the night was over.

“I chose a really green one, so it should be perfectly ripe by the time you have to head home,” Ino piped with yet another wink. “Figured a memento would keep you from missing him too much on the road!”

That was it. It finally happened. 

Temari laughed. 

And it wasn’t a snigger or a chuckle. Oh, no. It was a full-blown belly laugh. It bent her spine and sent the Shikafruit bouncing to the ground.

“Careful, you’re going to bruise him!” Choji roared, fueling the chorus of guffaws.

Shikamaru was too relieved to notice the embarrassment. Temari was laughing, and she couldn’t hate him if she was laughing! Hell, he’d answer to ‘Kiwi’ if that meant she’d forgive him! The corners of his lips started to turn upward.

From the corner of his eye, Shikamaru could see Lee was crying tears of youthful jubilation, and Hinata had finally awoken to Akamaru licking her face, blinking slowly.

About damn time for someone else to be the clueless one, he thought dimly.

Temari straightened halfway and wiped at her eyes, gasping out, “G-get over here, idiot!”

Shikamaru had already accepted that he had no retort, no defense. It was probably better to just get it over with, so he did as she commanded and loped over.

“Temari, I’m so sorry! I—“

She slapped him upside the head, latched onto his collar, yanked him close…and kissed him.

He had not seen that coming. He’d expected—at minimum—a bloody nose or Kamatari to join the party…. But this…

Just as he realized what was happening, just as his hands rose to cup her face, …she leaned back.

“No more plants,” she deadpanned under the catcalls, fingers tightening menacingly in his shirt, ocean-blue eyes glaring up into his.

“Never again,” he vowed in a murmur, trailing a set of knuckles down her flushed neck.

“Good!” she huffed, releasing him and swatting his hands off her skin. “Now hand me my pineapple.”

Finally, it was Shikamaru’s turn to laugh: “Yes, ma’am!”

Shaking his head, he stooped to retrieve his stand-in. Troublesome woman… he thought, placing it in her expectant hands.

He realized then that they were standing in the middle of the uproarious group—they were the literal center of attention—and he decided to give in to the liquid stupid just one more time.

“Alright,” he grumbled, face caught between a frown and a smirk, “you’re coming with me.” It’s not like I can get into any more trouble, right? I mean, I set the bar pretty damn high….

Before she knew what was happening, he had her scooped up in his arms, stupid pineapple and all. Careful to hold the hem of her dress in place, he carried his indignant girlfriend back to the abandoned armchair and sank into it.

Temari punched him in the shoulder but couldn’t keep a scowl in place…and collapsed into giggles.

“Okay, show’s over, folks! Someone cut the damn cake!” he announced, leaning one elbow against the armrest and finally allowing himself the solace of a nice face-palm. There was only so much humiliation a guy could take in one night, and he was never going to live this down—this was the stuff of legend around here!

Once she caught her breath, his girl scooted herself from his lap and up to the open armrest. Reclining against the backrest, she crossed her legs...and extended them to the opposite side, one foot dangling. 

Peeking out between his fingers, there was a mile and a half of leg stretched out before him….

NopeNopeNope! he chided. Look alive, idiot! You’re living on borrowed time as it is!

He jerked his chin up…and found her smiling wickedly down at him.

It was a devious purr: “Attaboy…”

Fear slapped his face the in the opposite direction, eyes wide and cheeks flaming.

ShitShitShit!

“Birthday girl needs some cake, I said!” he crowed to no one and everyone.

“Chill, Shikamaru,” Ino teased, already on the move. “We’re on it.”

Temari flicked his ear but draped her arm over his shoulders. “What am I going to do with you?”

Moping and mortified, Shikamaru’s right hand returned to shield his burning face, while his left slid around Temari’s waist.

Then—as if the heavens had decided to prove to Shikamaru he wasn’t the only one capable of humiliating himself that night!—Sai opened his mouth:

“Beautiful,” Sai inquired of the woman in charge of dessert, “when would you like a cactus? Perhaps there’s a hanakotoba book you c—”

“Oh, Sai…” Ino groaned, flushing crimson, and pulled his wrist.

Shikamaru allowed himself one snicker, but just one. He figured suffering through her stupid pineapple revenge had earned him that much.

“We’ll talk about this later, handsome,” Ino assured, kissing Sai’s palm. “Now let’s shut them up with sugar before some other calamity happens out here!”

Then, only a few steps closer to Karui and the cake, she grumbled, “Well, your odds are a hell of a lot better than Shikamaru’s are right now….”

“Okay!” Sai concurred agreeably.

Temari’s laughter vibrated through her body directly into his.

Yup, Shikamaru concluded, the universe definitely had it out for him….

As he tried to disappear into the cushions, he heard something interesting off to the side.    

“Hey, future hokage,” Sakura started, offering Naruto a hand off the ground. “Do you believe me now?”

The terrifying look in her seafoam eyes, the sarcasm in her voice—maybe the universe had moved on to another target, after all!

“Believe what, Sakura-chan?” Naruto squeaked out, one hand trapped in her vicelike grip, the other scratching nervously at his head.

“Wasn’t I just saying the Academy needs to teach cultural practices—like hanakotoba!—to all students, not just the future-kunoichis? Just think, we could have avoided this whole idiotic display…if”—her eyes blazed dangerously, her deathgrip tightened—“the curriculum were...corrected.”

Sheepishly, Shikamaru’s third favorite blonde gave the only response he could:

“You right.”

Against his better judgement, Shikamaru decided to run with Sakura’s reasoning, pivoting his head towards his girl with a smirk.

“See, Temari? It’s not my fa—“

Another slap upside the head cut him off. “Don’t even try, pineapple,” she scoffed.

Birthdays, women… They were all so troublesome.

...But maybe he liked a little trouble?

–

The Chunin Exams were planned, the conference was over, the sun was only just starting to rise…and Temari was standing at the village gate, about to depart for Suna.

“Guess you’re gonna tell the kazekage and Kankuro about your birthday, huh?” Shikamaru asked, hands stuffed in his pockets, absently kicking at a rock.

The days after her dinner party had gone by smoothly and without incident, but now that she was leaving….

“What, and start an international incident? Nah.” She winked. “They’re definitely getting a slice of Ino’s pineapple, though—don’t get too many of these babies in the desert!” Grinning wide, she patted the bottom of her overstuffed backpack. “Besides…” She lowered her voice, narrowed her eyes, “I’m sure they’ll hear all about your exploits soon enough on their own.” She shrugged theatrically. “Shame your present couldn’t travel, huh? Then I could’ve shown them how it all began….”

“Yeah, yeah…” Shikamaru pouted and scratched the back of his head, knowing he’d be catching shit for her birthday for the next decade or two. From Temari, from Konoha, from Suna… Hell, even from Kumo since Karui was there!

“Oh, don’t be such a baby! And speaking of my present... It better still be alive the next time I’m in town!” she snarked. “Anyways, I’ve got something to show you before I hit the road.”

She smiled that wicked smile of hers as the ascent of the morning sun cast a golden halo around her face. It made for a surreal combination….

“Tenten brought you the prints, didn’t she?” he groaned, throwing out an unimpressed hand. Why, Tenten, why?

“Sharp as ever.”

She withdrew a thick envelope from her weapons pouch and slapped the first two rectangles into his hand, one on top of the other.

“We don’t have time to go through all of them—whether you like it or not, we’re going to someday!—but these two are my favorites.”

Of course she’d organized them by favorites. No doubt, in order of how stupid he looked. Grudgingly, Shikamaru looked down. There was no point trying to avoid it, no matter how much he might have wished to forgo reliving his disgrace….

“First, we have the ‘Before.’ Like Tenten’s caption?”

Shikamaru had to smirk, he couldn’t help it. The ‘Before’ showed him grinning big with his arms wrapped securely around a pink and pouting Temari. Her tanned legs were tangled up in his blazer as she fought to escape his grip…and destroy the camera.

Beautiful, he thought, and deadly.

Underneath the photo, Tenten’s neat handwriting read:

‘Yeah, I’m the man.’

Shikamaru nodded in appreciation. He had to agree with Tenten’s assessment: he sure as hell looked the part. He slid an arm around Temari’s shoulders and leaned in to admire his handiwork. Even knowing what the next picture would show, he had to tease her: “Look what one little kiss did to you, you’re all flustered and sulky!”

Not even bothering to glare at him, she deadpanned: “You know you’re about to eat those words, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” he muttered, sullen again. “I know….”

“Let’s take a look at the ‘Post-Cactus’ photo, shall we?”

Gleefully, she brought forth the monument to his eternal shame.

He wasn’t mentally prepared to look at the actual image yet, so his eyes fell on Tenten’s caption:

‘The Queen and her Pineapples’

Yup, he conceded, that sounds about right.

“So what do you think, Shikamaru?” she goaded, looking up at him so sweetly. “Personally, I think it might be Tenten’s magnum opus. I just don’t think she can top it!”

Oh, grow a pair, he scolded himself.

Grumbling and fighting off a blush, he finally looked at the image. They were in that armchair again but…

Whoa.

Temari looked like a goddess gracing a mortal with her presence. She was smiling triumphantly in the firelight, showing off her perfect teeth. Perched elegantly on the armrest, she had her long legs crossed demurely.…

Hello.

And he’d thought they���d looked good in the first photo! He was afraid she’d somehow catch him staring like a perv, so he tore his eyes away and finally faced the first jab to his ego. Temari had one hand proudly supporting that menace of a cactus in her lap. The second jab, of course, was dangling the damned pineapple above his hunched shoulder…for comparison. 

He sighed. She looked amazing…and then there was him.

He, a mere mortal, was slouched over, hiding his red face in his hand. Though only a grimace and a single eye were visible, it was more than clear he was glowering at his fruit look-alike.

He’d seen enough. He closed his eyes, shaking his head with a reluctant grin.

If I didn’t have that arm around her, I’d look one-hundred percent whipped…instead of, ya know, just ninety….

He reopened his eyes at the sound of Temari’s voice.

“I almost forgot. Tenten left a little note with the pictures,” Temari went on, voice noticeably softer.

Evidently, she’d decided she’d tortured him enough for one trip.

“Look, everyone signed it.”

She withdrew a slip of paper from the envelope and unfolded it for his eyes:

‘We’re all so sorry about the other night, Temari! We weren’t laughing at you, just at your boo! You guys are ~perfect~ together and all of us ship you so much!! Please don’t be mad. We love you. Come back soon.’

Smiling faintly, she carefully folded it up, slipped it in the envelope, and stowed it safely in her pouch.

Shikamaru rubbed her shoulder, unsure of what to say.

Even though they literally cackled at his misery…documented it in photos…and would never, ever let him forget it… He had the best friends around. 

And they’d become her friends, too.

Damn it, she’s turning me into such a sap!

As if on cue, it finally hit him:

There was no way all their friends just happened to have Temari’s birthday off! And the gifts they’d supposedly gotten or baked or whatever with one day’s notice…!

Ino and Choji… He shook his head with a grin. And probably Sakura, too.

They must have known he’d eventually get his act together and had just planned around it!

“Anyways,” Temari continued, “those two are for you to keep, but don’t worry: I have my own copies.” She snatched the pictures from his hand and slowly unzipped his vest. Slipping them into the mesh of his undershirt, she whispered, “Keep these close to your heart, babe.” She gave his chest a firm pat, clearly recalling how much she loved to torture him.

He was the least manly shade of magenta, he was sure of it. Troublesome woman…

Noting the sun’s position in the sky, she sighed, resigned, and looked away. “I have to get going.”

“Yeah, okay,” he frowned. 

One week was only enough to make him miss her. At least they’d both be in Suna at the same time next month.

“But before I go, I have a favor to ask, Shikamaru….”

Her voice had brightened, it sounded…dangerous. Her stormy-hued eyes were wide with contrived innocence, looking up at him so fondly.

Shikamaru stiffened. He knew the signs, he just didn’t know what was coming.

Temari leaned into him. Standing on pointed toes to reach his ear, as if to whisper sweet-nothings, she placed a gentle hand on his cheek.

“Kill my sex cactus,” she threatened in a honeyed coo, “and I’ll kill you.” With a firm pat on the cheek and a kiss on his lips, she turned on her heel. “Bye, boyfriend!”

As his hand rose to where hers had been, as he watched her stride off toward the desert, a chill ran down his spine. 

Damn, his girlfriend was scary.

Birthdays, man! So troublesome! ;)

🌵 Sooo this was my first time writing Temari or Shikamaru...or ShikaTema...ever! And fluff is new for me, since my default setting is dark and twisty…. I blame the sangria that 💯 fueled this marathon of a speedwrite. 🍷

🌵 I tried really hard to do them justice, and I hope this turned out okay!! If you liked it please let me know! ‘Cause that reblog / comment button is actually the “validate button.” ♥ Thank you for reading.

🌵 I hope to write a very NSFW continuation of this, also for Temari Week / Month. Let’s just say Shika manages not to kill the birthday sex cactus.... 🎂

🌵 Might continue this fic if there's interest! Beyond the smutty/fluffy Part II, mean. I do have several ideas! Might also be tempted into a possible SaiIno spinoff...?

🌵 Find my other fics on FF.net here; I write mainly SasuSaku + ItaSaku.

🍍 Shout out to @toondoon1010​, @angrypisces​, @thepiestperson for their support! Thanks, guys! ♥

–

XOXO

Endoh

🌵🍍🌵 UPDATE 11/16/18: NSFW SEQUEL COMING FOR SHIKAMARU WEEK 2019! 🌵🍍🌵

#TemariWeek #Temari #ShikaTema #Shikamaru #Fluff #Naruto #Humor #TemariMonth #TemariWeek18 #Nara #Fic #Fanfiction #EndohWrites #Crack humor #Suna #fanfic #Subaku no Temari #SaiIno #Ino #Sai #Choji #Karui #ChoKarui #Rock Lee #Shino #NaruHina #Team 10 #Kiba

[xkwritingx]

FOREPLAY ☾ two

pairing: mafia!EXO x reader genre: angst + smut  warnings: cursing; various kinks; smut(ish) 18+; mafia!au  word count: 2.5k A/N: it took me a long time to post this thingy but here it is; hope it was worth the wait~~

Dead or alive, you’re coming with us..

The floor was ice cold and you were starting to visibly shake. It didn’t go unnoticed by the boys, who were still standing close to you, just not in the circle-like shape. They were scattered all around the room, but pretty near you. You pulled your legs to your chest and tried to keep warm.

In seconds, Kai appeared in front of you. He crouched down to your level and scanned you with a hungry look. His eyes were a bit too dark to be just worried about you. Since you were still cuffed, your options were limited. Kai knew that, but this was more amusing to him. A smirk appeared on his lips and you started to feel angry.

Suddenly, you started feeling a strong need for physical contact, a touch, friction - anything. „I’m not going to be their little slut“ you scolded yourself and redirected your thoughts. „I won’t.. I.. won't“ „You can’t even convince yourself, let alone them“ your devilish side laughed at you and you knew she was right.

„Need some help?“ Kai asked you sarcastically, breaking your chain of thoughts. You wanted to punch him in the face but you didn’t exactly have a free hand to do that. You nodded somehow unwillingly, which amused him even more. He didn’t say a word nor let you adjust to what he was about to do.

He pulled your legs by your ankles fiercely, catching you off guard. He chuckled when he saw your frightened facial expression. You were inches away from his face and his hands were still holding your ankles. The current situation you two were in caught the eye of the other boys.

Kai let go of your legs and took a hold of your hands now, which were still cuffed. Out of nowhere, he pulled the handcuff key and freed your hands. You took them back from him, rubbing your wrists softly. Then you remembered he was the one who handed the handcuffs to Chanyeol, so logically he took the key with him too.

Your eyes were focused on your wrists and you didn’t even notice that the boys have come really close again. Kai was still crouching, watching you hungrily. You didn’t want to lift your eyes because you knew his look would be too much for you at this point. „Stop drooling, you dog“ Chanyeol growled as he stood right behind Kai. Right after he said that, he kicked him with his leg just bellow his rib cage.

Kai made an angry hiss as he quickly stood up to face Chanyeol. You were still sitting down, watching the whole situation go wild in seconds. Before the two had a chance to choke one another, Lay stepped in between them, separating them. „Ladies, ladies calm down. We don’t want to scare our new sweetheart, now do we?“ his hands were still on their shoulders, but his eyes looked down to meet yours.

You blushed intensely and to make things worse, Lay winked at you. You looked away, feeling your heart race. „No you dumbass, stop it“ you scolded yourself. Lay’s words actually worked and Chanyeol, as well as Kai, stepped down. Lay turned his head back to the boys and they all started to talk amongst eachother, completely ignoring you. That’s when an idea crossed your mind. „Let’s play, shall we?“ your devilish side chuckled.

You quietly got up and started to move backwards, to the stage with the poles which was in the back of the club. In the dim room, nobody even noticed you moving – yet. They were still talking about something that was obviously so important that they’ve forgotten about you. You already reached the stage, that was a few feet away from them. You actually weren’t planning to escape, like every other person would normally do.

You took off your coat, even though it wasn’t that warm in the room that obviously had no heating. You placed it on the floor, right next to the stage. You took off your shoes as well, placing them in the same spot. You turned around to look at the situation with the boys. The air was clear, they seemed to have a bit of a heated argument.

You climbed on the stage and immediately got a hold of the pole. The hard, cold, silver metal touched your palm and you took a deep breath, closing your eyes. It was as if you’ve done something you were forbidden to do, the little devil inside you jumping with joy. All your life you have been denied to do anything you truly wanted to do, but not anymore.

„Where did she go?!“ a voice yelled from the other side of the club. It pulled you out of your thoughts, making you aware of what was going on around you. „I swear if she left I will personally kill h-“ „She’s right there you idiots“ Chen was pointing at you. You realised the one who spoke before him was Kyungsoo, whom you didn’t hear until now.

Someone approached you who you didn’t recognise at first, but you did when he came really close. It was Chanyeol. You sat down on the edge of the stage to be at the same level as him. You were both calm, to your surprise. For some reason you didn’t feel frightened anymore, just slightly amused. Maybe it was your devilish side that has taken over now.

„Let us get something straight here. You’re ours now. You can’t go anywhere without asking us first. We will be good to you if you are good to us. Understood?“ he asked softly, but there was something cold in his voice. „Yes“ you said quietly.

„Good girl“ he said with a light smile which faded away almost immediately. „Get off the stage“ he ordered. You got off and left your coat and shoes where they were. Chanyeol moved aside so to give you more space. „Put your clothes back on and come over to the boys“ he started moving away but stopped, as he realised you didn’t put anything on.

He turned around and gave you a warning look. „You have 3 seconds to put it on“ the red neon lights around the room were making it double the scary. Your rational side yelled at you to go put your clothes on, but your devilish side told you he didn’t mean it. You watched him cautiously, not moving. „One“ he said angrily. You tilted your head at him and put your hands on your hips. From behind him, you could see that the boys redirected their attention to you two.

„Two“ he almost growled. You still didn’t move but even your devilish side told you it would be better if you did. „Three“ he whispered. He took a deep breath, watching you like he’s going to eat you alive. You started to move backwards and that made him lose it. „Oh you’re not going anywhere“ he rushed towards you, appearing in front of your face in seconds.

He grabbed your hand, pulling you towards him. You were so close to him you could feel his heart racing from the adrenaline and anger. He picked you up and threw you over his shoulder, as if you were light as a feather. He put his hands on your legs now, a bit too high on your inner thighs, but he didn’t seem to care. His grip was so tight you could feel your blood pumping in your thighs.

He started moving towards the boys, who were laughing and chuckling. It was amusing for them, unlike Chanyeol. „You should’ve just listened to him“ Xiumin chuckled. „Go get her shit“ Chanyeol growled back, Xiumin not thinking twice about what he said. He was the only one whom you didn’t see til now, and just like the rest of them, his appearance didn’t disappoint.

As Xiumin went to get your stuff, the rest followed after Chanyeol. You realised he was going towards the corner in the back of the club. That’s when you remembered. The apartment. And you were right. Chanyeol was climbing up the stairs that led to it, just like you remembered from the old photo you saw in the newspaper ages ago. Xiumin also started climbing up with your coat and shoes in his hands.

There was no door to lead into the flat, they obviously removed them. You watched from upside down ahead of you. You had to admit it was gorgeous, almost like your dream apartment. The floor was in dark-chocolate and wooden and the walls were white mixed with the entire nude palette with a few modest, plain, probably real, gold details. There was a huge fireplace built into the wall to your left, where also two big sofas were placed. You would continue to analyse the beautiful flat if Chanyeol didn’t literally drop you down onto one of the sofas.

Xiumin entered last and he hooked your coat on the wardrobe hanger right next to the entrance as well as put your shoes down next to it. Chanyeol went away to what seemed to be a corridor with their rooms. It was right next to the sofa you were sitting on. On the other side of the flat, the right one, there was also a smaller corridor with rooms, maybe bathrooms. And right ahead when you enter the flat was a big, spacious, made out of white marble kitchen. All in all, the place had a warm, homey atmosphere. 

You were sitting with your legs pulled to your chest and your eyes were glued to the floor. You knew they were all watching you as they sat right next to you or on the opposite sofa. You heard a door open and close and as you lifted your eyes to look who it was, a soft, fluffy thing hit you right in the face. You grabbed it and realised it’s a blanket. You looked up from it and saw Chanyeol standing in front of the end of the sofa, right next to the fireplace.

„Come here“ he said softly, but the anger was still visible. The others just watched with amusement if you’ll disobey again. But you didn’t. You realised all of this isn’t a game and you shouldn’t play with your life. You literally crawled on all fours til you reached the end of the sofa as well as Chanyeol.

You sat down and put the blanket over you, cuddling into it. You knew exactly why he put you here, he didn’t want you to be cold. You found that cute but you didn’t want to say anything about it. „Listen here Cupcake“ Chen said as he reached your side of the sofa, crouching down in front of you. „This is your new home. You can do whatever you want. When we ask you to do something for us, you will do it. But more about all of that tomorrow. It’s late now“ he said calmly.

„C-Can I ask something?“ you cleared your throat before your voice cracked. Everyone stopped whatever they were doing and turned to look at you. „Whatever you want“ Suho cooed. „Can I uh..“ you didn’t know how to ask the question right. „Go to my car and take some clothes?“ „No. We’ll get something for you from downstairs. You said you wanted to come and work here so I suppose being dressed in stripper clothing won’t be a big deal for you right?“ Baekhyun said with a dark look and you knew what he was aiming at.

„Whatever you want“ you repeated Suho’s words. You didn’t want to fight against it, at least not now. You were already dozing off. „I’ll go get you something from downstairs. You can go and dress in the bathroom which is to the right from the kitchen. Or you can do it here“ Baekhyun emphasized the last word, his intentions clear as day. He chuckled to himself as he ran down.

You rubbed your head and eyes, feeling blessed for not putting make up on. Having to take it off right now would be living hell. It seemed like seconds and Baekhyun was already in front of you, holding a piece of clothing that seemed to be a pastel pink leotard. „Here, go get changed“ he handed it over to you and you stood up, heading over to the bathroom immediately. You were so tired you just wanted to get all of this over with and sleep.

„First door to your right“ Chanyeol grunted. You just nodded your head as a „okay“ and reached the bathroom door. You entered and locked the door. You turned around to look into the mirror. „What’s going to be of all of this?“ you thought worryingly. „I already fucked up so now it’s time to face the consequences and get out of this alive”

You took off all of your clothes, including underwear, and replaced it with the pretty leotard. You were right it was a leotard, but not exactly a usual one or like the ones you used to wear on ballet. It was like a stripper version of it, with the ass on display and a deep v-line cut on the boobs area. Right now you would’ve put anything on just to be able to go to sleep. But you couldn’t really say that you didn’t like the leotard, at least a bit. Surprisingly it was very comfortable.

You put it on and took one last look into the mirror before leaving the bathroom. „Woah this is.. not really covering much of my skin“ you gasped when you saw your reflection. But you had to put it on so it might as well be now. You turned around and exited the bathroom. You closed the door behind you and held your clothes in your hand. You went up to the sofa and as expected 9 really tense, hungry and almost evil pair of eyes were staring at you.

You blushed intensely and rushed to your spot on the sofa. You finally sat down and put your old clothes on the floor beneath you. They were still watching your every move but now you could at least cover your butt and body in general with the blanket. You laid down and covered yourself with the blanket, turning your head away from them.

„Get some rest, you’ll need it“ were the last words you heard before dozing off.

#exo #exo smut #exo oneshot #exo x reader #kpop #exo fanfiction #mafia exo #mafia!exo #baekhyun smut #chanyeol smut #suho smut #kai smut #jongin smut #d.o. smut #kyungsoo smut #chen smut #xiumin smut #sehun smut #yixing smut #lay smut

[tenaciousarcadeexpert]

Criminal Minds-The Good Ol’ Days

@marvelfanlife, @itsmeedee, @stunudo, @veroinnumera​, @derekmorgansoffice, @dontshootmespence, @cynbx, @jaqren, @literallyprentissstwin, @gabriellewritermua, @blitzz11, @beenthroughalot, @princesswagger14​

Special Thanks for @princesswagger14 for helping me

Chapter 5-Just A Simple Crush

It has been days since the teens returned from their trip and things were back to normal as usual. Since these past few days, Hotch and Matt seemed to get pretty close to one another. The more they hung out together, the more Matt saw Hotch smile and they had all kinds of inside jokes. Hotch started to get a better knowing of Matt, seeing that he was a pretty decent guy as opposed to the typical obnoxious jock. The same goes for Matt, who was able to get Hotch to open up as he was more that the “stoic” and serious one. As time went on though, Matt kept talking about a girl around campus he likes, much to Hotch’s interest, given that so many girls fancied him and other guys like him, though he never thought that there would be someone he truly likes.

“Wow, she sounds nice.” “Yeah, you have no idea. Too bad I rarely see her nowadays.” Matt groaned while he stirs his coffee.

“Hey, who knows, you might see her again.” “You really think so?” “I know so.” “Yeah. Well, I gotta get going.” Matt said as he got up and grabbed his backpack. “See ya.” As Hotch was heading to his class, he was looking down at his to do list for the day when he suddenly collided with girl with auburn-ish hair.

“Oh my goodness I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you.” “It’s fine.” The girl gently pushed a streak of hair to the back of her ear. “I wasn’t paying attention. I’m so sorry again.” She says as she walks off.

Hotch quickly walks to his class without anymore incidents. When he finally gets to his class, he was surprised to see the same girl he saw earlier, which was odd given that a few days have passed and he somehow did not recognize some of his classmates. As everyone got seated, he sits next to her and she looks up and smiles at him.

“Oh wow, I didn’t know we share the same class.”

“Yeah, what are the chances huh?” He then extends his hand out. “I’m Aaron, by the way.”

“Kristy. It’s nice to know you, Aaron.” The two shake hands while getting out their books for class. Just as Kristy puts her notebook down, Hotch’s eyes drift down as he sees the notebook cover with markings of M+K and Mrs. Simmons. Hotch couldn’t help but squint his eyes as he took a better look at the markings on her notebook. Before he could do anything, Kristy put her notebook to the side, taking out her textbook just as their professor arrived. While writing, he couldn’t help but think about the marking on her notebook. He would ask about them but, he would do it at the end of class.

Soon, class was almost over and Hotch was about to leave when Kristy drops her notebook. When Hotch picks it up, he uses it as an excuse to ask about the markings. He then makes his way up the stairs just to catch up to her.

“Kristy, Kristy!” He shouts. She stopped just to see Hotch run up to her.

“I uh, think this belongs to you. You dropped it just as you were heading out.” “Oh my god.” Kristy gasped in relief as she clutched the journal. “Thank you so much.” She was about to walk away when she she asked him. “You didn’t…….” “Oh uhm...no.” He scratched his head.

“Oh okay.” “But I do have one question.” “Yes?”

“Did you at some point, just maybe….. Talk to a guy named Matt Simmons?”

“Uhhh what makes you say I do?”

“Idk, your cover is filled with markings of ‘M+K’. Plus I’ve seen you write ‘Mrs. Kristy Simmons’ a couple of times during class. And I’m pretty sure I know a guy who’s name starts with an M and whose last name is ‘Simmons.’”

“Oh uh….wow, what a coincidence.” She awkwardly chuckled. “Yeah. Look, I don’t know what’s going on, but I do sense there’s something going on between you and Matt. Are you sure you don’t…….”

She groans and sighs. “Okay, maybe I like him a little bit. But I don’t see him much anymore.” She looked around and walked a little close to Hotch. “You don’t happen to know him, do you?”

He nods. “Yeah, he’s my…...roommate.”

Her eyes widen. “What?! Really?! You dorm with him?”

“Yes.”

“Oh my god, oh my god! Can you please, please, please put in a good word for me? Please?!”

“Okay, okay! Just calm down. I’ll uh, say that you were looking for him and you want to talk to him. Okay?” “Oh, that would be sooooo nice.” She pulled him into a hug. “Thank you.” She gushed as she squeezed him tightly and skipped away to her next class.

“Ahh.” Hotch groaned as he walks away. “Damn that girl is strong.”

                   -------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Meanwhile, Haley Brooks was outside sitting near the fountain where she was reciting lines from William Shakespeare’s Othello

“My dear Othello! Okay...that wasn’t so bad. Let’s see…..” She murmured as she skims through the book. “The heavens forbid…….That our love and comforts should increase,….Even as our days do grow….Okay, I think I got it. She licked her thumb and skimmed through pages. Although the play was only four weeks away, she couldn’t help but worry about possibly forgetting her lines as Desdemona.

“Amen to that, sweet powers!”

Haley looked up to see Stephen Walker standing in front of her just as she goes over her lines.  “Stephen?”

“I cannot speak enough of this content; ……...It stops me here; it is too much of joy:.......” She smiled as he continued to recite lines from Othello while approaching her.

“And this, and this, the greatest discords be…….That e'er our hearts shall make!”

“Ohhhhhh.” She clapped. “That was so good.”

“I know. You weren’t so bad either.”

She waved her arm. “Oh please, I can barely memorize them without going back to the book.” “Oh, if you want, I can help you.” “You could?” “Yeah, just tell me which scene you’re on.” “Oh, well I-”

“Haley! Haley!” Both Haley and Stephen suddenly turned around to see Kristy eagerly running towards them.

“What sweetie? What is it?!” She asked as Kristy constantly shakes her. When she stopped, she noticed how big her smile was and her eyes all filled up with glee.

“Oh god, let me guess…… Matthew?”

“YES!!! Well no not Matt but Matt’s roommate!! He said he’d talk to Matt and that I wanted to meet with him. AHHH I’M SO HAPPY!!”

“Uh, what’s going on here?” Stephen asked as Kristy jump around like a five year old.

“Well my poor poor, boy crazy friend has talked about this guy named Matthew who helped her when Kyle tried to get with Kristy in the library when school first started.”

“Ahhhh, boy crazy huh?”

“Yep, poor Kristy.”

“I see.” Stephen took sight of Haley’s friend as he waved to her. “Uh Haley, who’s your friend.” “Ah Kristy, this is Stephen. He and I are taking theater together. We’re performing in Othello.” “Wow.” “I know, you better be there when it starts.” “I will.” “And who knows, you might bring Matt with you.” She chuckled. “Yeah, will do.” Kristy then wiggles her shoulders. “I hope he really does get the message.” “I hope so too.” She sassed. Haley and Stephen watched as Kristy leave. “Man, Kristy’s so lucky. I wish I was able to find a guy like she did.”

“Who knows, you’ll find someone.” She scoffed. “Yeah, I’m sure Matt has a roommate that’s just as equally attractive and gentleman-like.” Stephen chuckled in amusement. “Who knows, he probably does.”

“Yeah and I’ll just hold my breath.” Haley laughs.

               ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

      At the dining hall, Reid looked around as he tries to locate Marissa just so that Derek and Luke know what she looks like.

”Okay pretty boy, so what does Marissa look like?” Derek says as he looks around.

“Well she's black, with long brunette hair, dark brown eyes, tall.”

“I see........” Derek says, again looking around. “ Is it that one over there? In the purple tank top?” Luke asks.

Spencer squints his eyes, only to widen them just as he took took sight of her. “Oh goodness, yep that's her.”

“Woah easy pretty boy, you got this.” Derek then rubs Reid's shoulders.

He sighs. “Okay okay, what do I say?”

“Don't overthink. Just go and say hi and try to get the conversation going.”

Spencer: ok, i can do this.” He then gets up and walks to her table, giving both Derek and Luke a thumbs up.

“Good luck out there.” Derek clapped.

“Yeah, you can do this.” Luke cheered.

“H-h-hi Marissa.” Spencer stutters.

Marissa: Oh hey Spencer! What’s up?”

He rubbed his head. “I uh.....oh dear......”

Marissa: do you wanna hang with us?

“Oh uh, yea sure. I'd love to.”

“Cool! So we gonna play scary games, wanna join?

“ Ooo scary games. I'm in.”

“OH GOD THE DOOR IS OPENING!” Marissa’s friends, Tez and Jezzy shout.

“Wait, what?!” Reid asked, confused. All he could hear was Marissa’s friends randomly freaking out.

“I'M SCARED MAN!!!” Jezzy screams.

“WE AIN'T NO BITCHES THO!” Tez tries to convince himself and Jezzy that they were okay.

“Wha-what?!” Reid croaked, still confused by the madness that goes on with Marissa’s friends. He then tapped her shoulder. “Marissa, what is going on?”

“Jezzy and Tez are both afraid of clowns so we're having them play a game with clowns.” Marissa explains while Tez and Jezzy are still screaming in the background.

“Oh uh clowns?” He asked, curious.

“Yea, you’re not afraid, are you? should i get you to play with them?” Marissa teases.

“WHat me?! Afraid of clowns? No way, I'm not scared of any clowns.” Reid tries to act tough.

Marissa smirked. “Ooohhh i think you are! Tez, Jezzy I think Spencer wants to play!”

“Wait wait wait wait! No I don't, I don't want t-”

“Spencer! Spencer! Spencer!” The three chant.

“Uh wait, I change my mind, I don't want to play anymore!”

“Come on man you can do it! Do it!” Reid hears from everyone at the table.

Reid looked away and crossed his arms. “No, I wo-”

“Please Spencer?” She begged. “For me?” *=She then starts to give him the puppy dog eyes, much to his dismay.

He then whimpers and sigh. “Uh..............okay.”

“Yay, so what you need to do is collect 10 owls in 5 minutes. But for every owl you get, The 3 clowns chases you even faster. Got it?”

“I uh got it.” Reid says as he sits down.

"Okay, the headphones are on full volume. So get into it.”

“Okay.”

As Reid starts playing, it is very apparent that he might’ve regret his decision at that point. As he walks around in the dark he sees an owl and picks it up. He sees the clowns a few times and avoided it successfully. But when he picked up the 5th owl, the clowns all jumpscare Marissa and Spencer and a few of Marissa's friend, prompting the two of them to both run and jumped out of their seats. “Fuck, shit, fuck fuck fuck shit.” Marissa blurts out. “I told you guys that you fucked up!” Tez and Jezzy screamed at Marissa and Spencer. “WHY DID YOU BUY THE GAME!?” “IT WAS FREE!” “YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO BUY IT!” “IT WAS STILL FREE DAMMIT!” “Ughhhhhh. Free my ass, now I won't be able to sleep tonight.” Tom says, sinking back into his seat. “What the hell was tHAt?!” Reid yelled bent over his chair, catching his breath. “The bitch is trippin!” Spencer and Marissa both laugh. “My god.” Reid says sitting down. “That was freaking awesome!” Marissa yelled. “Agreed.” Tom said high fiving Marissa. “Awesome? I had no idea what was going on in that game, no offense.” Spencer said, confused. “That's how scary games are supposed to be!” Tom explained. “Ohhh ohhhhhhhhh!” Reid says in understanding. “Tom wanna play another game?” Marissa asked. “Oh Really? And have more nightmares tonight?........ Of course!” He says rushing to what had been Reid’s chair. “Hell yea!” Tez and Jezzy yell.

As Marissa puts on Outlast, Spencer takes a seat behind Marissa and Tom. As Marissa puts on the headphones her face says she's scared fuckless but she keeps ‘screaming she ain't no bitch’. When she gets fairly far in the game, she and everyone else gets jumpscared.

“RAAAAPPPPEEEE.................oh god........... WHY!!!??” Tom screams as he runs out of his chair. “Man, I'm done!” Tez says. “MAN I told you to go right miss ‘ITS NOT THE WRONG WAY IN MY EYES’!" Tom screamed.

“Shut up Tez! I Told you I had something in my eye!” Marissa said. Tez rolled his eyes. “Whatever.” “WHY WAS THERE A PIG?!” Reid asked, baffled by the pig’s presence. “There was a pig?” Tom asked. “There was ha!” Tez said.

Just then, Marissa and rest of the group wanted to hang at her dorm for the rest of the game night they were having. Just as they were about to leave, they turn to Reid.

“Hey Spencer are you coming with us?” Marissa asked. “Uh sure, would love to!” He said, excited. “I mean, yeah, I am.” “Nice! Wanna bring the friends you were sitting with? The more, the merrier!” “Oh uhm, let me go ask them.” Spencer said as he starts walking over to his table. “Hey pretty boy how did it go?” Derek asks. “Pretty well, and she's asking me to come over to her dorm, along with some friends. You guys wanna join?” “Are you ok with that?” Luke asked, wondering if Reid was okay with him and Derek joining him along with Marissa and her friends. “Yeah, I'm okay with that!” Reid says “Ok, im game! What about you Derek?” Luke said looking at Derek. “Let's see.......Sure, anything for my special boy!” Derek laughs. “Uh, ok lets go!” Derek and Luke get up from the table as Marissa runs up to them. “Hey yall coming? We are going to go crazy tonight! Woooohooo!” She screams as she grabs Reid’s hand and runs.

      --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  Later that evening, Garcia was waiting for Courtney to get back from the showers. While she was waiting, she got more and more anxious for Courtney to come back. Finally, She walks into the room Garcia waved at her.

“Hey Courtney!” Garcia said cheerfully.

“Hey Garcia.” Courtney walked inside as she grabs a comb and starts combing her hair. “You seemed pretty worried, you okay?”

“Yes, well, kinda. Um, can we talk for a second?”

“Uhhhh okay.” She then sat down on her bed. “Let’s make it quick, cause I have a still life painting I need to work on tomorrow.”

“Sure thing. Um, do you remember that letter couple days ago i had you read with me?”

“Yes, I remember. Oh I almost forgot, how was the trip?”

“Um, it was… interesting. But thing is, it turns out, we were never supposed to tell anyone about it and i told you. I’m just wondering, could you just keep that between you and me?”

Garcia watched as she scrunched her eyebrows. “I’m sorry, you weren’t supposed to tell me about the trip?”

“No. Please don’t tell anyone! My Professor told us that if we told anyone, and it gets around, we could all get in trouble!”

“Woah, did you say ‘in trouble’?!” Courtney blurts out as she leaped up from her bed.

“Yes! Please don’t tell me you told anyone!”

“N-no, I didn’t.” Garcia then glares at her. “I’m serious, I didn’t tell anyone. Besides, secret or not, I don’t gossip about my roommate’s life with any of my friends.” “Okay, okay, this is good. So this stays between us, right?”

Courtney sighs and crossed her arms. “Yes, just between us.” She then pats Garcia on the shoulder. “Don’t worry, I won’t say a word.”

“Okay, good. Thanks. I owe you, big time.”

“Yeah you do.” She joked as she walked up to her bed.

“You’re not mad at me?”

“No, I’m not. But maybe next time, give me a warning or something.”

“I promise I’ll make it up to you. Tomorrow, I buy you anything you want.”

She raised an eyebrow at her. “Anything?”

“Anything, just say the thing. You like cupcakes or donuts? Cinnamon rolls? Frozen yogurt? Beignets?” She chuckled. “Garcia, you do-”

“Shut it. What do you want? I want to make it up to you!”

She sighs. “Hmmmm. Well, I always wanted to go eat at that Pancake house just near the mall. I heard they made really good chocolate chip pancakes and red velvet waffles, but I don’t know. It’s seems expensive and most of my money are for my art supplies.”

“Nonsense! We will go to that place Saturday morning for breakfast, my treat. What do you say?”

Courtney scratched her head. “I’d love too, but I can’t let you do this. I don’t want you to spend too much money because of me.”

“What did I say? Come on! Really Courtney, it’s free food that I’m offering you!”

“Okay, but that’s it! Nothing too big, just us eating tasty pancakes and waffles.”

“Okay! It’s a date!”

“Uhhh date?!” She asked confused.

“No no no! Not like that! Unless you want want it to be a date.” Garcia says as she winks at Courtney.

“Ehhh…” She blushed. “It’s just brunch and thank you. I’ll try to make it up to you.”

“No hun, this is my treat.”

“Okay. Well, be better get some rest. Don’t wanna wake up miserable tomorrow. Night.”

“Night!”

#aaron hotchner #matt simmons #kristy simmons #haley hotchner #stephen walker #spencer reid #luke alvez #derek morgan #penelope garcia #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds au #the good ol days

[lil-loucifer]

ONE OF US MUST CHANGE AND IT AINT GONNA BE ME YOU FOOL. Ps 1-100 on the ask away tumblr asks

Hayden you f u c k

1. What have you eaten today?

A shit ton of pizza

2. Who was your last kiss with? Was it pleasant?

The most intimate touch I have ever felt was a hug

3. What color shoes did you last wear?

Black. Boots :P

4. Who has made you laugh the hardest in the last week?

Probably my sister??

5. What is your favorite scent?

Freshly baked stuff

6. What is your favorite season? Why?

Winter, because most if not all of my clothes are fucking winter sweaters and coats

And also because I like the cold

7. Can you do a handstand or cartwheel?

Nope!!

8. What color are your nails?

Natural?

9. If you had to get a tattoo on your face to save your life, what would it be?

A tiny star near the corner of my right eye, behind the mole so I could just hide it under my hair if I had to

10. What is something you find romantic?

Fucking flowers??? I dunno dude pretty much anything you devote some time and/or effort into doing for someone else in the name of affection?

11. Are you happy?

I dunno tbh

12. Is there anything in particular making you happy or sad?

For one thing, I did a fucking bomb-ass job on a presentation I had to do in front of a class, even though I couldn’t log into google drive and couldn’t access my fucking notes for the presentation and had to improvise it

13. Dogs or Cats?

Both!!!

15. Which do you prefer:a museum, a night club, the forest or a library?

A tie between a library and museum, but it depends on the museum. 

15. What is your style?

Scruffy as fuck, with some degree of hipster/punk, but mostly just slobbish.

16. If you could be doing anything you like right now, what would it be?

Affording material possessions I want to buy

17. Are you in a relationship or single?

“It’s complicated”

18. What makes you attracted to the person you like right now?

Emotional dependence???

Also probably mutual trust and care

19. If you could replace your partner/best friend with a celebrity of your choice, would you? Who with?

I don’t think I would??

20. Are you holding on to something you need to let go of? If so then what? 

Certain text conversations and shit my last ex and I had. It didn’t end well between us.

21. How did you celebrate last Halloween?

I stayed home and handed out fuckin candy

22. Have you recently made any big decisions? 

I dunno.

23. Were you ever in a school play?

Nahhh, I’m not a good actor

24. What movie would you use to describe your life?

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

25. Is there something you have dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

HAVING FRIENDS BUT I CAN’T BECAUSE I HABITUALLY ACT LIKE A HUGE BITCH ALL THE TIME AND AM INTIMIDATED WHENEVER I’M INTRODUCED INTO GROUPS AND YET I’M STILL CLINGY AS SHIT

26. Complete this sentence, “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”

Video games. I dunno man I just like playing games with people

27. What are two things that irritate you about the same sex?

A lot of guys are really gross and shit, and also sexist or alpha male-like. I catch myself exhibiting similar behavior sometimes and hate it

28. What are two things that irritate you about the opposite sex?

I’m too immature to understand anything

29. What is the best thing that has happened to you this week?

Pretty much reached a lvl 2 friendship with someone after we both let it slip that we were bi within three minutes of each other

30. What is something that makes you sad when you think about it?

Sad friends

31. How long was your longest relationship?

One business week

32. Have you ever been in love?

You know? I dunno 

33. Are you currently in love?

I think so?

34. Why did your last relationship end?

We were both in really bad mental places and decided to break up so we wouldn’t hurt each other

35. What jewelry are you wearing right now, and where did you get it

I’m not wearing any???

36. When was the last time you cried and why?

I don’t remember when, but it was definitely over feeling super alone

37. Name someone pretty.

Deborah Ann Woll??

38. What did you receive last Valentines Day?

I didn’t do shit last valentine’s day

39. Do you get jealous easily?

Kinda, but I don’t let it fuck up my relationships

40. Have you ever been cheated on?

Maybe?

41. Do you trust your partner/best friend?

Yeah!!

42. Ever had detention?

Kinda? I don’t remember it well but I think I talked my way out of it

43. Would you rather live in the countryside or the city?

I don’t know to be honest, probably the city if I could afford it

44. What do people call you? 

LUCIFER, THE DARK LORD OF THE NINE HELLS

45. What was the last book you read? 

The Ship of the Dead, by Rick Riordan

46. How big of a nerd/dork are you? 

Huge, but I don’t look the part. Someone once asked me “Hey, do you watch One Punch Man?” and his other annoying friend hastily whispered “Does he look like he watches One Punch Man?? Don’t annoy him bro” and they never asked again

I was, in fact, fully caught up with the anime at that point

47. What kind of music do you listen to?

All fuckin kinds bruh, mostly punk rock, metal and hip-hop tho

48. How tall are you?

5′10′’ I think??

49. Do you like kids?

Not really

50. Favorite fruits?

Grapes, apple and watermelon

51. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

I haven’t owned a pair of sweatpants since I was ten

52. What’s your earliest memory?

I was still really young, maybe two-ish?? Either my sister or my mother--she was female--put me down on the floor in what would become my sister’s room, long before we moved most of her new furniture in and repainted her walls, next to a belt she would keep for the next ten years and an old comb she still has now. It was mid-day. 

53. Ever had a poem or song written about you or to you?

Nope!

54. Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind! Photography is fun~

55. Do you have a collection of anything? 

Video games?

56. Do you save money or spend it? 

I suck at saving money ffs

57. What would your dream house be like?

Simple and clean, full of my stuff

58. What top 5 things make you the angriest?

1: Maliciousness

2: Oppression

3: Bothering my crew

4: Bothering me

5: Losing repeatedly in video games

59. What top 5 things always brings a smile to your face?

1: Things that make me laugh

2: Writing a story easily

3: Pretty much anything to do with you ngl

4: Friends!!

5: Seeing an asshole get what’s coming

60. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Y o u r e g o n n a h a t e m e i f I a n s w e r e d h o n e s t l y

61: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

Honestly I’d probably tell everyone I’m dying and face it with open arms

62. Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

Beat

63. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

I dunno???

64. Do you like the beach?

I like the aesthetic appeal of the beach?? But I hate water and heat and sand, so... 

65. Ever sleep on the couch or a bed with someone special?

Never had a chance

66. Do you have a middle name? If so what is it!

Mayor

67. Do you talk to yourself?

I think out loud sometimes, but otherwise, no

68. Describe your hair.

Floofy

69. What is the meaning of life.

To find one

70. What is your ideal partner like?

You ;)

But for realsies, someone I can trust and feel comfortable around

71. Do you want to get married?

Not really??

72. Do you want to have kids?

NOT REALLY???

73. Like or dislike your family?

Neutral

74. Are you Chunky or Slim?

Chunky?

75. Would you consider yourself smart? 

No

76. What would you change about your life? 

My drive do do literally anything

77. Religious or Not?

Kinda?

78. You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

The cop that pulls me over for drunk driving

79. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

I dunno man depends on how long I’m alone there

80. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

You

81. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

Either cuddling or legitimately fighting each other over who changes outfits in Animal Crossing

82. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

They are already here

83. Do you like when people play with your hair? 

Yeah, if I let them.

84. Do you like bubble baths?

I dunno, I haven’t ever had one.

85. Have you ever been pulled over by a cop?

Nope!

86. Have you ever danced in the rain?

Yeeeaaaah! And I didn’t get sick!

87. Do you trust anyone with your life?

Not really

88. What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?

As usual, “whhhaat fucking time is it??”

89. If money wasn’t an issue, what top 10 places would you travel to? (You get to stay at each place for a week) 

I’m not really into travelling???

90. How was your day today?

Average

91. Play an instrument? 

I suck at anything musical

92. Describe the what you think of the ocean.

Boundless, infinite. Terror beneath. 

93. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

Both!!

94. Honestly, are things how you wanted them to be? 

I can’t really say. I had a goal in mind, and just planned to improvise until I got there, so...

95. Do you have a mean bitchy scary side?

Yes and it is my default demeanor for most of the time

96. When are you vulnerable?

...All the time

97. How much free time do you have?

Too much, honestly

98. Do you like to go hiking? 

Hell no

99. Odd or Even Numbers?

Even?

100. Would you ever go sky diving, bungee jumping , cliff diving, wing suit gliding, parasailing, snorkeling, or other extreme activities? 

The most extreme thing I’ve done is knife fighting, does that count?

#asks and shit #punk-rock-pixie

[whos-dogs-is-this2-blog]

Orgins of dogs

   Some of us who own dogs or want one have or have not asked themselves this question: Where did dogs originally come from? Though truth be told, it is still a mystery what their origin is but I will be able to provide really where they came from and how they became our best friends. Before all of this technological advancements, before the industrial revolution, before anything we know now. Humans somehow formed an unlikely partnership with an animal which was the grey wolf. Like us on how we look now from long ago, wolves underwent a lot of changes along with us and both of our fates braided in a way. 

The wolves changed in body like: their skulls, paws and teeth shrank, their eyes flopped from being up, they gained a docile disposition which made them less scary and fearful. They even learned how to read the complicated expressions on human faces. They turned into dogs. Ever since then they have become our very close companions and best friends, they were also the first domesticated animal. We raised puppies way way before we raised kittens, chickens. Before we started to herd pigs, cows, goats. Before we planted wheat, barley, rice and corn. Before how we made the world or ‘remade’. 

Along with the origin, they have domesticated so long ago that scientists claim that they have been tamed 10,000 years ago while others say 30,000 years ago. Some scientists say that it occurred in Middle East while others say like Europe or East Asia. Some have said that hunter-gatherers have tamed them and bred them but then others would say they domesticated themselves. Scientists even said that they have been cross-bred so much that their past or genes are like “a completely homogenous bowl of soup”. Around the Eastern edge of Ireland lies Newgrange, a 4,800 year old monument that anticipates the stonehenge and the pyramid of Giza. Underneath this place, lies a sort of circular mound which contains hundreds of animal bones. This man named Dan Bradley from Trinity College Dublin found the petrous bone of a dog. If you were to use your fingers and feel the back of your ear, the hard-ish part is the petrous bone and it contains a whole lot of DNA. So Bradley was very lucky to find this, but then if you were to try to extract DNA from the fossil a few percentage of DNA from the actual owner will come out, but with the petrous bone has at least a 80% of the owner's DNA extracted. With much research and learning they found out that the oldest dog fossils in both eastern and western Eurasia  are actually quite older than that which then could mean that those type of eastern dogs migrated to the west into Europe, but then there were already dogs there. Its all in a big loop and yet today it is very hidden where dogs exactly came from but you can ready more on :  https://www.theatlantic.com/video/index/499340/the-origin-of-dogs/ 

[fawn-and-fellow]

Journal Entry #17

Prompt: Your favorite memory

This prompt isn't fair; I have many favorite memories.

I suppose I'll just write about one-ish: playing around the neighborhood as a kid. When I was a kid, I ran around the neighborhood with an ever-changing group of kids; sometimes it included Jeremy or Chynna or Zana or Jodi or Kaylee or a mix of all or none or other kids I can't remember. 

On a typical summer day, you could usually find us at the "Tire Swing." This was the yard of a longtime neighbor. I believe he coached my dad's baseball team as a kid. And no, nothing creepy ever happened between us and him, at least not to me or my friends. He usually didn't bother us when we were playing in the yard.

His yard was the best; there was the tire swing of course and other playground equipment. His yard was full of apple trees and a grape vine. Later in the summer, the apples would fall and most of them would rot on the ground; I remember the smell of rotting apples and sometimes the stench was too much and we'd have to find another place to play. Of course, we would pick apples off the trees and eat them. 

Between his house and the neighbors were these huge trees that were perfect for climbing, which I did climb. It's weird how I did that as a kid and the thought of climbing that high in a tree scares the crap out of me now. The threat of falling or getting yelled at by my parents didn't scare me.

We also took trips to the "Big Hill" which was a road on a steep hill that we liked to ride our bikes down. It was dangerous because you couldn't see oncoming traffic at the intersection at the bottom. It was awesome to feel the wind as you ran down and put your feet out in the air. I would usually turn into the open lot at the bottom to avoid cars and to help slow myself down. 

Chynna's grandpa Ralph lived across the street from me and in the summer we would go over to his house and buy junk food; ice cream sandwiches, candy bars, popcicles, sodas, chips... We would pick out what we wanted and he would tell us how much he wanted it for each. Usually he asked for 5 or 10 cents, sometimes a quarter. We could fill up on sugar for less than a dollar.

One summer we got really interested in building a treehouse in the brush of woods near Chynna's aunt's house. We asked her uncle and my grandma for scraps of wood and tools we could use to build it. We built and re-built the treehouse many times. One time, I went over to see the progress and stepped on a nail through my foam Adidas sandal. Some other kids got hurt over there and Bonnie, Chynna's aunt, decided to tear down the brush to avoid liability.

Sometimes we would pick cherries from my next door neighbor's cherry tree and bag them to sell to the neighbors. Most likely to get money to buy snacks from Ralph. To no surprise, hardly anyone took us up on it.  

One time we mixed the cherries with some cheap perfume and tried to sell that too. 

Once or twice, my dad took me and some other kids on a hike by the railroad tracks. It was kind of scary and I remember my dog, Snowball, wondering around and I worried about him. My dad assured me Snowball was a smart dog. Back then, Snowball ran around the neighborhood without a leash. He would follow me and my friends on our bikes. He would only abandon us to impregnate the neighborhood dogs. Another popular place was our trampoline, which was a permanent staple in our yard until my little brother broke his arm. Me and my friends would play "party down" which involved counting to 3 while bouncing and yelling "Party Down!" and landing on your butt. Usually, someone would "steal" the others' bounce and bounce higher in the air. We also played "popcorn" which involved having one person sit in the center with their legs crossed and their hands on their knees and everyone else had to try to bounce the person out of their hold. Then there's the more embarrassing games; like pretending we're filming a skateboard movie (special thanks to Rocket Power and Brink for giving us the idea). I remember performing it in front of my sister and one of her friends and them laughing and making fun of us. We never played it the same again; too self-conscious to play freely. 

We also spent a lot of time playing Mario Party on the N64. We wouldn't usually finish a game because we'd get bored, or someone had to go home, or someone would get pissed and leave.

And some days we'd walk or ride our bikes to Meade Park, which was close to the elementary schools most of us attended. We would play on the playground and eventually go "hiking" through the woods behind it. There was place back there that we called "The Waterfall" which was just a rain drain pipe that rain into a small creek in the woods. You could climb around and on top of it. I remember feeling cool and mighty up there. There were rumors about murders and teenage sex happening up there. No idea if any of those stories were true.

If it was too damn hot outside and I didn't feel like going to the local public pool, I would sit inside and watch TV. Classic Nickelodeon, Disney, and Cartoon Network. My grandma would make me Ramen noodles and I would drink way too much pop.

Okay, so more than one memory but I look at those days fondly.  

#journal entry #long post #personal #childhood #tw: child molestation #tw: food

[sand-rose]

Finally got around to drawing and writing Ezzy’s and Luna’s character bios! I’ve started playing their household a little alongside my others in Sims 4, so I’ll have a lot more photos of them to share in the future. I’m hoping that the more I play, the more they’ll grow on their own as characters like Reim did. They’re just too cute together!

                                Character Bios Below

Full Name: Ezlyn

Gender & Sexuality: Female, Lesbian

Pronouns: She/Her

Ethnicity/Species: Ego Entity

Birthplace & Birthdate: Ego World (specifically the city Gavron), December 20

Guilty Pleasures: listening to punk/rock/heavy metal music, energy drinks (she insists the caffeine crash is worth it for the rush), playing electric guitar and writing song lyrics despite her inability to sing, sweatpants and hoodies when at home with Luna, playing any sport that gets her blood pumping

Phobias: It might sound silly at her age, but Ezzy is afraid of losing her hearing. She never used to think much about cranking the volume on her headphones all the way up when listening to her favorite music, but after a relative warned her about it she became a little scared. She may be in the fashion biz with Miss Pan and Luna, but music is her true passion. She shudders at the thought of never being able to listen to her favorite songs again, and the thought of never hearing Luna's cheerful voice again really upsets her. So she takes care now not to turn the volume on full blast when she's listening to music, and she makes sure to give her ears plenty of breaks when listening for long amounts of time.

What They Would Be Famous For: She's part of Miss Pan's entourage in the fashion industry. She and Luna are always at her side, ready to offer advice and opinions on whatever crosses the boss's mind. When it comes to Miss Pan's clothing lines and fashion amusement park exclusives, Ezzy handles the more tomboy-ish designs for women's clothing, as that is her style. One day she would like to be famous for her song lyrics and guitar skills, but it's a dream she's kept on the downlow.

What They Would Get Arrested For: Probably skateboarding where she's not supposed to and then arguing with the cops about it. lol It hasn't happened yet, and hopefully it never will. And while it's not technically an arrest, before she moved in with Luna she had the cops called on her more than once for blasting the stereos full volume.

OC You Ship Them With: Luna. Luna is her best friend, the love of her life. She didn't mean to fall in love with her, but she did. For years they were Pan's assistants, best friends, inseparable. They were always together, two peas in a pod. Luna was dating a guy from the amusement park's makeup department at the time, and Ezzy realized after a while that she was kind of jealous of him. She didn't say anything, of course, and just pushed the feelings away, because Luna was her best friend and she was a little confused herself why she felt that way. After Luna and the guy broke up, it took Ezzy some more time to work out her feelings and finally work up the nerve to confess to Luna how she felt.

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: No one, really. She's pretty chill, relaxed... She's easy to get along with, and if someone does have a problem with her, that's their problem, not hers.

Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: She's honestly not too into either. She doesn't really watch movies or read books unless Luna urges her to check out something she's obsessed with at the moment. She'll happily oblige because she knows it'll make Luna happy. But if she had to pick... She likes superhero movies. The action is cool and she assigns theme songs to the characters. As for books, she likes comics because she can listen to music while she reads them and it adds to the story. They also tend to tie in with a lot of movies, so it's easier for her to get involved with the plot, trying to connect the dots.

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: She loathes musicals if the music is too bright and cheesy. She can deal with them if they're in the vein of Sweeney Todd, but upbeat musicals just annoy the crap out of her. She wants music she can bang her head to, damn it! And she's not much for what's called the classics. They had to read both Real World and Ego World classical literature in school and she hated it. She's not dumb, but looking up what certain words and phrases meant sure made her feel like she was. Fuck that Charlie Pickens guy, or whatever his name was!

Talents and/or Powers: She's a pro with the electric guitar, largely due to the fact that she started playing the instrument when she was 5. Her older brother Jax got one for his birthday that year and she pretty much stole it when he got bored with it. She's great with other instruments, too. And Luna thinks Ezzy's ability to assign a song to someone within minutes of meeting them is a talent, but that might just be some sweet flattery. lol Aside from music, Ezzy's pretty athletic and adapts to a new sport very quickly.   

Why Someone Might Love Them: She's the chill pal, the one who rarely loses her cool. If Luna is freaking out over something she might get caught up in the moment and freak out with her, but with anyone else she'll keep her cool. She's just a cool person in general. lol

Why Someone Might Hate Them: She doesn't put up with rude people, which is just one of the many reasons why Pan loves Ezzy being her assistant. She keeps people in line and makes sure they know their attitudes aren't welcome in Miss Pan's presence. She's not the violent type, but she will unleash verbal hell on a person and publicly humiliate them if they don't act right. So in short, she has zero customer service skills, so anyone who gets on the receiving end of her backlash probably will hate her. lol And you would think that because of this It might hate her, but they actually get along. They do bicker, but it's like friendly arguing. There's some people he hates because they don't put up with his attitude, and then there's people he respects for the exact same reason. She just happens to be one of those that earned his respect. lol

How They Change: As one of Pandora's assistants, she's a side character, so she really wasn't all that fleshed out when she first appeared in my old comics. She and Luna showed up a few times here and there and I really loved drawing and writing them, but there just wasn't much to their characters. Now that they're in my Sims game, I get to see how they act and evolve on their own, kind of like how Reim did. The main thing that did change was her and Luna's relationship. They were best friends and that's all I intended them to be. But looking back on the comics when I was making their characters in Sims, they just seemed so perfect together. And growing up in the conservative rural environment I did, 8-9 years ago it just didn't really click that they could be a couple. Now that they are, it feels right and I'm super happy for them! <3

Why You Love Them: She's the rocker chick of the gang. lol She's a total tomboy, the type that rarely wears dresses or skirts, and she's not afraid to get dirty in the mud while playing sports. She was always friends with the boys, and she'll speak her mind without a problem. She's the exact opposite of Luna, so they remind me of the whole yin and yang concept. Together they create the perfect balance, which is why they might work so well as Pandora's assistants!

Full Name: Luna

Gender & Sexuality: Female, Bisexual

Pronouns: She/Her

Ethnicity/Species: Ego Entity

Birthplace & Birthdate: Ego World (specifically the town Fairton), June 11 Guilty Pleasures: clothes shopping, buying dresses and shoes, and having mini at-home fashion shows so Ezzy can see her latest buys; going to the dog park and watching all the cute doggos (since their apartment doesn't allow pets), listening to Ezzy play the electric guitar, watching Ezzy jam out when she's listening to music through her earbuds, facial masks and hot tea

Phobias: Horses. When she was 6, her family visited a relative's farm and Luna accidentally spooked one when she wandered too close and shrieked in delight. The horse stomped its hooves and whinnied and the shriek of delight quickly turned into a shriek of terror. Looking up at the horse in that moment suddenly made it seem very very big and very very scary. She's fine with pictures of horses, but seeing them in real life or on tv or in a movie makes her uneasy. 

What They Would Be Famous For: As one of Pandora's assistants alongside Ezzy, she loves to design the girlier clothes in Miss Pan's clothing line or the amusement park exclusives. She already has her dream job designing clothes, so while Ezzy might venture into the music industry at some point, she's content to work with Miss Pan for many years to come. So if anything, her fame as a designer might continue to grow.

What They Would Get Arrested For: Nothing. Luna is very sweet and pure, so she wouldn't really do anything that might get her arrested.

OC You Ship Them With: Ezzy! They're just so perfect together, the sweet cheerful girly girl and the cool chill rocker chick! At this point I can't imagine either of them being with anyone else. When Luna and her ex broke up (they ended their relationship on good terms; they're still friends and coworkers) and after some time had passed, she was surprised when Ezzy confessed her feelings for her. She was nervous to think of Ezzy as anything more than her best friend, because she didn't want to ruin their friendship if things didn't work out, but after their first date she realized she might have already been in love with Ezzy too. Needless to say, it wasn't long until they moved in together and now they're happily married!

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: I doubt even It would want to murder Luna. Her cheerful personality might annoy him, but she's always nice to him and thinks his weird t-shirt designs are 'so badass!' And unlike Aurora, she doesn't scold him when he swears.

Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Like Pandora, she loves the sappy romantic movies/books. There's a spot on the coffee table in front of the tv in their living room that is always occupied by a box of tissues. lol

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: She doesn't really like the 'based on a true story' movies/books. Her dad loves them, and growing up watching those types of movies sometimes got her mixed up on whether the story took place in the Real World or the Ego World. Which led to her getting events and people confused when learning about both worlds at school. The Ego World basically 'copies' material things from the Real World (like books, movies, video games, merch, etc), but of course has its own original products, so it's not uncommon for kids to get confused with which world has what. (History, religion, ethnicity, and world culture can also be very confusing, as the countries in the Real World don't exist in the Ego World, but they share cultures and other aspects because of Egos learning them from their Hosts. It's... complicated. lol) And because Luna's dad loves learning about the Real World, it was especially difficult for her to keep facts in order.

Talents and/or Powers: Her dad and younger brother Seren call her 'Miss Moonshine', a play on 'Miss Sunshine' using the meaning of her name. (As a side note, this was before her dad learned the Real World meaning of moonshine, but by then the nickname had caught on and they found it hilarious.) They like to say her power is that she's always got a smile on her face and can always cheer them up when they need it. She also loves interior design and Ezzy gave her full control on decorating their apartment because of this.

Why Someone Might Love Them: She's the one who genuinely cares how your day was, if there's anything she can do to help, to make you feel better. She's just a happy person in general, and she likes to make others happy. Sometimes it wears her out, being the one to make everyone feel better, but Ezzy's taught her that it's okay to take a step back and stop being 'the mood fixer' all the time. She's just a nice, caring girl that loves to laugh and smile and her mood is contagious!

Why Someone Might Hate Them: If anyone hates Luna, they deserve to never be happy again. Luna is a precious ray of light in the world, and as Ezzy would say, 'any haters can fuck off'.

How They Change: Again, she showed up with Ezzy a few times, but never really enough for me to think about her in detail. That's why I really loved doing their bios like this! It really helped flesh her character out a bit. The main thing that changed was the fact that she and Ezzy are a couple now, and it feels so right! They complete each other. <3

Why You Love Them: She's a good, kind person and the world needs more kind people. She and Ezzy have a loving relationship and she's got a strong heart full of love for her dad and brother. And I LOVE the antics she gets up to at work with Ezzy and Pan. They're a playful trio that make work fun! And I wish I had a sister like Luna. She's such a sweetheart!

Other OCs Written Bios Here

Other OCs Drawn Bios Here And Here

#egos #my ocs #i want to do this with the other side characters now #i'll have to make them in sims first #so who knows when i'll get to that

[melimoe]

I forgot how long it really takes to get off the island I live on. On Friday I left work at 10:45, early thanks to my principal letting me go. I followed what had to be the slowest drivers that live in my area, all doing about 80km/h in a 100km/h area. I passed each one as I had a chance until I picked up Amber on the highway at Port McNeil. No time to even go into McNeil, no we were determined to reach Duke Point Ferry for the 3:15 sailing, rather than wait for the 5:45 sailing.

It’s like everyone else on the road was not really trying to get anywhere. People drove from ten over to twenty under. I passed then and continued on the drive. We ran into snow on the side of the road on top of the mountain but the roads were still clear.

We texted Grandma from Campbell to let her know we were an hour(ish) out. She was driving with us to the ferry and then driving my car back to the house where it will be parked for the duration of the trip. We swung in off the highway to get her and then back we were to driving. We made it too the ferry at 3:00, a little more than 4 hours after I left, not bad time on the roads at all.

The first thing we did on the ferry was go up to the cafe. We’d missed breakfast (travel stress, couldn’t eat) and lunch at this point. Food was standard and expensive, like it always is on the ferry. Then we decided to find some seats, use some data, and watch Netflix. We figured we have 10 days together, no need to say everything at the beginning, also I only had 2 episodes left of the anime I was watching; Magi: The Kingdom of Magic.

On the mainland Amber’s cousin picked us up and we headed to her place for the night. She and her partner have two kids, 2 and 6, who were super cute and happy to share their toy cars. They have a Bull Dog/Mastiff cross. A huge dog that is super gentle with the kids and also very defensive. He growls to warn you but never went farther than that. Once the kids went to bad he was friendly and wanted love and cuddles.

We all spent the night taking and drinking green beer to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. Then it was off to bed so we could be up again to travel in the morning. Not really bed though. Amber and I shared a L-shaped couch. We each took one arm of the ‘L’ and our feet met in the middle. The couch was comfy, the feet fighting for room less so but we didn’t care once we were asleep.

In the morning we were up and headed to the airport at 7am. Amber’s cousin was kind enough to drive us, luckily not far. We checked in to our flights and dropped our bags. We headed through security and then we found breakfast. It ended up being a small cafe. I had an egg white and spinach omelette on a whole wheat croissant. It wasn’t bad but it wasn’t made fresh to order either. Then we waited not to long at our gate before we boarded the plane and began the next step of our vacation, air travel.

The flight to Toronto was nice. Amber was seated behind me, not beside me. We both decided not to bother other people to switch seats and just made use of our seat back entertainment systems. I watched Dr. Strange and Moana. Both good movies. Then it was time to land.

We travelled through Pearson Airport from the domestic to the international terminal. We had to keep an eye on the clock because our layover was only an hour and twenty minutes. The airport was easy to navigate and there were people placed to guide you. We didn’t have to go through security a second time so we managed with lots of time.

So much time that we stopped for our second meal of the day near our gate. We had good Thai food from one a the restaurants. We took that food and sat at the airport bar. We ate and drank quickly before our flight was to board. We cut it a little close but we weren’t the only ones. We joined then end of the line that was present but by the number of people that boarded after us I am sure they were summoned by name in the terminal.

We did have a bit of an adventure figuring out seats in our little block of the plane. We were 19D and 19E, aisle and middle seats in the Emergency row (though there was no extra leg room for either row). There was a guy in my seat insisting it was his. The row 18 seats were missing the window seat and the lady sitting there was a standby passenger with a tiny little baby, she couldn’t sit in the exit row and would have to move. We offered to take her seats. Then as were trying to figure things out the person in 19F arrives. We weren’t expecting this because I had 19D, Amber had 19E, and the other guy I assumed was is 19F, but not so. I don’t know where he was supposed to sit. We shuffle to let 19F into his seat and the lady with the baby moved to 19E and guy in my seat stayed there. No one came to claim either seat in row 18 so we took those two. The lady with the baby, who had begun to scream, had to move from the seat in row 19 because it was still and exit row and she was unable to assist with a baby. The man sitting next to her husband and daughter was nice enough to change seats with her. They baby went farther away and seats were settled into for take off

This flight did not have seat back entertainment, sadly. They did let us know that we should download their app before takeoff to watch movies in flight. Amber and I did that. My app was successful hers was not for an unknown reason. They had a terrible selection of movies, like they were the last airline that choose movies for their app and they ended up with what no one else wanted. We ended up watching Frozen, doing some crosswords and watching some Big Bang Theory. Then it was time to fill in our customs cards and make the final decent into Cuba.

The airport in Cayo Coco is small but handled us efficiently. We arrived at just after 10pm and went in to customs. When Amber and I compared notes I’d been asked a few more questions about what I did for work, probably because it took a bit of flipping through my passport before he found a clear place to stamp my passport. Then we waited for our checked bag, which took seemingly forever. After it was off to find the person with an Air Canada sign to direct us to the bus that would transfer us to the resort.

The bus sold beer, not my drink of choice but there were some rowdies that bought it all for the ride. There were a few other hotels to drop off in the area, then it was off to Tyrp Cayo Coco, our destination for the week. It was just after 11pm on the clock at check in, it kind of felt that late, later, and earlier all at once.

There were about a dozen of us that got off the bus for this hotel. I went to the front desk to begin check in and Amber waited for the bags. Check-in what chaotic but painless. We were given a map of the property and a quick overview then we went on an adventure to find our room, we could have waited for the Bell Hop but he was guiding other guests at the time.

We found building 4 and up we went to the third, top, floor. No elevator on the property, so even though I forgot my runners to use the gym, I’ll still get a work out going up and down the stairs all day. The rooms are nice, we quickly turned off the A/C in our room and took the top blanket off the bed. There was a bottle of water left for us. We had large bottles of shampoo and shower gel. There is a fridge and a safe in the room. We stripped the sheets and checked for bugs and things but there was nothing (none of the reviews for this hotel mentioned bugs but reviews for nearby hotels did. Better safe than sorry). In our nice clean room we unpacked and then we went exploring in the dark. We walked to find the 24hr snack bar and have a burger (the other option was ham and cheese sandwiches). We had only had two meals that day and were very hungry. The burger wasn’t bad, it wasn’t good, but it was needed. Also, the bread it was on we great. We also got a drink. I got a Vodka and Sprite, not to my taste at all, tasted too much like cheap Vodka. Have to take some time to find a drink I like.

We sat down to eat and were approached by a lady who had been on the bus to the resort with us, so she had also been on our flight with us, in business class I learned later. She asked where we were from and told us a bit about herself. She seemed slightly crazy, randomly talking to people, but nice. Also talking to strangers and making friends is what Canadians do when travelling abroad. Then she left to find her husband.

Fed and with a drink in hand we headed down to the waters edge. There were a few bright lights along the path and then everything faded into darkness. I dipped my toes in but it was cold. We headed back onto the resorts grounds to have a look around. Amber stopped to pet a cat and made a friend that followed us as we walked the paths. Some were well lit and some were dark and scary. We found a path that lead down under the lobby. We thought we could connect to the bar or the disco but while we could hear the music there were winding paths and some offices and storage but no through path. If someone was going to jump out and kill us it would have been down there. We now know what path not to take.

We made our way back to the lobby and from there down to the disco. The music was good but the place was empty so we just made our way back to our room.

We lay around and read until we went to sleep somewhere around 2am.

via Daily Prompt: Fortune

Travelling just to Travel: Getting to Cuba I forgot how long it really takes to get off the island I live on. On Friday I left work at 10:45, early thanks to my principal letting me go.

#Cuba #Photography #Travel

[rainright]

So I’m in pain now yay

So on Thursday night we were cooling out at the end of my riding lesson. I had my reins all long and loopy so she could stretch her neck down. Some snow fell off the roof of the arena and made a loud noise, and my fave horse spun and bolted. Usually she just takes off, and it just takes a minute to slow her down, but this time the spin and the lack of reins to hold onto was enough to send me out of the saddle. And for a very scary second . . . I knew it would be bad. It crossed my mind that the way I was falling would be really bad. 

So it ended up being the worst fall I’ve had in my 14 years of riding. Including that time I broke my elbow. But hey I tried to do what you’re supposed to and stay on the ground, stay still. I even let them call me an ambulance. So I had my first very bumpy and painful ride in an ambulance, and then waited in the hospital with my mom from 10pm-ish to 3am-ish. Had some tests done, saw a doctor, x-rays. My back was in a lot of pain. Luckily it looks like it’s just really bad bruising and the only thing to be done is rest and painkillers. 

I don’t blame the horse, of course. It was Mercedes, that big draft mare that I love more than any other horse. She was just scared. It made a really loud sound. She’s usually not really spooky, but I think she was on edge because she’d had a smaller spook earlier when there was a loud noise behind her from my instructor putting the jump standards up on the wall. I’m not the kind of person to be put off of riding by this. Though I will admit that I will probably be a little nervous. It was scary. Like, ‘life flashes before your eyes’ scary. 

Also while I was at the hospital I had a very sudden attack of sweating, blurred vision, ears ringing incredibly loudly, nausea . . . I knew if I closed my eyes I would black out. That was super scary. It only lasted like a minute, but that could be because they gave me a shot while it was happening. 

Mostly I’m pissed because I have to miss work, and probably my dog’s agility trial that I paid a lot of money to enter. Money I probably won’t get back. So I have to decide if it’s worth it to go anyways, and try to run, and be in a lot of pain. Or lose $100. There is a stipulation in the contract for the trial for if your dog gets injured . . . but I think if it’s the human they just say “well fuck you I guess.”