#BUT I really don’t like how the fandom depicts the dynamic where there is nothing but hatred and abuse

[koalaforlife]

Happy Birthday, Hange Zoë

This is a story of how Hange became one of my favorite characters now after so long, and how I think they are one of the most underrated characters, always pushed aside (probably due to a lack of an emotional backstory and lack of the relatability factor). 

For starters, I will note that I will most likely end up referring to them as she/her because in my mind (thanks to the anime), I can’t help but see this character as a female and honestly, I’ve been struggling for Idk, all my life? to find a female character in any media that ticks all the boxes for me (I have plenty of ultimate faves in terms of male characters instead) and to my utmost surprise now, I think Hange just might be the one so allow me to fulfil my long-time desire of finding a great female character that I can call my ultimate favorite.

Also, it's important to mention that for the longest time, my favorite AoT characters had been Levi (ultimate bias) with Erwin coming in a veeeery close second. 

Let me start with the beginning. When I first saw her in the first season of SnK, the exaggerated reactions that were meant to be comic relief only made this “mad/obsessed” character more cringe to me. Not to say I hated them, I just…got second-hand embarrassment from watching them. I didn’t quite get a good grasp of the character and probably like 90% of the fandom, I just saw them as just another character fading in and out of the background, that at times helps the plot advance with some new bits of info.

Then, at some point, I probably saw some cool scenes of them that gave me a pleasant surprise (eg. when she threatens to push Pastor Nick off the wall) but as I was getting distracted by other, more impactful and shocking scenes, I wouldn’t really think much of it and I didn’t actually use them to form a full character portrait/depiction in my mind. These scenes, few and far between, were forgotten in the end.

When I became a more active reader and passionate fan, about 4 years ago I would say, somehow I ended up learning about the pair LeviHan, and it really won me over with their dynamics. Whether people choose to ship them romantically or not, there is nothing that can deny the fact that they had a special friendship in canon AoT. 

In any case, to my shame, I have to admit I started paying attention to Hange because of that ship, and though I didn’t realize it at that time, I liked her for the most part because of that ship. So basically, I liked her because of my favorite character, Levi. Of course, I still liked the legendary trio, Erwin, Hange, Levi, but again, I don’t think I was that attached to her as a singular character.

Soon after, I dropped out of fandom when the manga took a really weird turn for me. I started disliking it and it went on for a while. I lost my hope in it getting any better. I don’t know why it affected me THIS much but I can only assume it had something to do with my mental state back then. 

Now, after almost 4 years, I reprised the manga and watched the final season of the anime. I felt differently, way more tolerant and accepting of whatever direction the story was going to take. And I can’t say I am unhappy with it, I just think that certain parts seemed like cliches and overused tropes, which is not very characteristic of Isayama, but oh well. I think the poor man was exhausted and wanted to finish it asap, and I can’t blame him. 

Speaking of mental health, a few months back I had gone through a major shift where I started thinking more positively overall. I think this is important to mention because it’s probably why I also saw Hange with such different eyes this time. 

And, I think this is also why I finally got ready to read the rest of the manga, despite knowing she dies. That was the only spoiler I got, and when I first heard it years ago, I was “disappointed, but not surprised” - at that time like I said, I had lost all hope in the manga. And once again, I had felt more sad about it because of Levi, who’s lost everyone he cared for deeply and who understood him. Once again, I had failed to see Hange as a singular character with massive importance in the story, instead of just a convenient accessory to Levi. 

So why is this character important? There are many reasons why she was integral to the story, and inspirational to us readers, so I will try to summarize all that.

1. Open-mindedness

I don’t think most people remember (I know I didn’t) how she was the only one who first tried to challenge our perspective on titans. 

For decades, we've tried to fight the Titans with hatred in our hearts. I want to try and see them from a different angle than the current norm.

Call it maybe foreshadowing, or just Isayama trying hard to come up with a unique, arguably crazy character (that’s what I thought at the time), but when you think about it, it’s something that was desperately needed. When you don’t understand and know something, try to look at it from a different point of view. When you are afraid of something and the situation is dire, try to dare to hope there might be something good in it.

Armin: They decided we're devils without knowing our intentions? Why won't they consider a path of peace?

Mikasa: I think...because they don't know. They fear us because they don't know what we are.

Hange: That's right. They won't trust people whose faces they haven't seen. So let's meet 'em! If you don't understand something, go figure it out! Isn't that what we Scouts do?

That positivity, openness, and exuberance shines throughout most of the scenes we get with Hange in the first season, and when things get serious in Season 2, we also get a glimpse of their duality: though they were someone that faced titans with excitement, they were not to be messed with when it came to protecting people.

2. Humanity  / Emotional Intelligence

That duality becomes more apparent in Season 3, where we see them shine on their own. And btw, one of my kinks in this season/arc was the fact that the OP, goated trio, EruRiHan, were each on their own having to call the shots and contribute to the team’s success with little to no communication at times. Fills my heart with warm fuzzy feels and pride :D Anyway back to Hange. :D 

Hange displays some nice people skills as she is trying to tie the “reputation” loose end and clear their names and seek answers, truth, and justice, by collaborating with Flegel, Roy, and Beaure.

Some notable quotes here are the following:

[speech to flegel] Well, you have a point. The thing is, that doesn't sound like living to me. Look at it this way, Flegel. Instead of scampering around like a scared little mouse your whole life, wouldn't you rather face up to your enemy, even if it means risking your life--?

and one of my most favorites,

“What are you talking about? Defeat is all the Survey Corps have ever known. (said with a fucking sunshine on their face, because they are literal sunshine)

And when all is cleared up,

Levi: Looks like the gamble paid off.

Hange: Yeah. It wasn't just Erwin though. The lone choices of many managed to change the world.

This sentence  just made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside because it sounds inspirational to me: it's the small things we can all do that help shape the world, and it's not just the more inspirational, brave, and special people that bring change, it's all of us.

If for some reason the previous scenes weren’t enough to see what an empathetic and people-oriented person she was (eg. when she tries to befriend Eren, Levi and his friends, when she gives Sasha a potato as thanks, when she admits she wasn’t going to harm Pastor Nick, and was visibly disturbed by his death)….well this line I think perfectly shows how Hange encompasses teamwork, people’s unity, compassion, friendship. 

3. Mental Strength

However, at the same time, they are not afraid to get their hands dirty. Just like pretty much every relevant character in this story, they have to kill (or torture) to survive or to help humanity. That ability to know what needs to be done and get it done comes with a certain life experience and maturity that a lot of our main characters still have to achieve, which is probably why Hange gets overlooked as she already is a matured, developed character for the most part of the story, who doesn’t really need to make any life-altering decisions that shape their personality in one way or another.

But for me, that was a plus, actually. Don’t get me wrong, I love Armin’s growth, Conny’s development, Reiner and Annie’s inner conflicts, Historia’s whole arc, and some other minor character developments (Sasha and Ymir). But I can’t help but admire Hange now when I look at a more complete picture: a person with love for knowledge and love for life, but with a feral instict and strength to protect that same thing she loves - the lives of innocent people and the access to truth and knowledge.

There are people I want to bring back, too. Hundreds of them. I've had to say farewell since the day I joined the Scouts. But...You know, don't you? No matter who it is, there comes a day to say farewell. I know it's impossible, but you have to accept this. There will be times you can't keep your sanity. It's tough. Very tough. I know. Even so, we have to keep moving forward. 

4. Honesty and Accountability

Hange is blunt ("I agree. I thought it should've been used on Erwin...") and always takes responsibility for her decisions especially when she knows it might affect someone's mental state. ("The decision was mine. You were just a factor."/"I said the decision was mine."). I don't think people appreciate how important this is.

5. Flaws

When she gets overwhelmed with politics, responsabilities, and stress, and overpowered by the Jagerists, it is almost humiliating to see her cuffed and rendered useless, unable to do anything but follow the stronger ones. You can see how she slowly realizes that this surpasses her abilities to tackle the politics and the grim reality that the world most likely wants them dead. Defeated, she says

Erwin, you only made one mistake in your life. Why did you make me a commander?

I am sure some people would agree with her, but honestly, I disagree. First, there was literally no better option. Second, Erwin had an ability to see, understand, and manipulate people. If he nominated her, he must have believed in her enough, just as he believed in Levi and Armin when he entrusted them with crucial tasks. And third, some may argue that Erwin would have handled the situation better. But while Erwin might have probably been less stressed and overwhelmed with the political discussions, the reality would still be the same, and he would have had to work with the same equations and factors: world wants them dead, eren doesn’t want to sacrifice historia, eren wants the rumbling, what’s there to do? what could have Erwin done better in these circumstances? 

This new side of Hange’s character is really sad, but it makes her relatable in my opinion. I know a lot of people find other characters relatable instead, but for me this part right here speaks more to me than others. This sort of impostor syndrome (which Armin also suffers from), and the clear showcase of a character’s flaws and failures for the first time (when did we see Hange fail before?), all these things bring her down from the sort of “great character with no mistakes” pedestal and make her seem more like…us.

How many times did we not get some huge responsibility that we felt we were not good enough for, and doubted ourselves? Be it a project at work, leading a team, parenting, or even simple things like not being good enough at some hobby that you want to pursue, or good enough to be in a relationship with someone. These doubts are human and okay to have, and there's nothing wrong with that, but...

6. Resilience 

But what’s important is to keep moving forward and do your best, do whatever you can to change the outcome for the better, and if you fail, don’t go too hard on yourself. Hange knew that she did all she could, and she kept moving forward, even though she felt so down at times and almost as if she wanted to give up. 

Looks like my turn has come...even though I thought I did the right thing. Times change and you end up in a cell....What do you say we live out here, forever?

[a few moments later]

Levi: There's no way in hell you can stay out of the action.

Hange: Yeah, I can't. (bittersweet smile)

She does what she does best: she moves forward. She saves Levi and nurses him back to health, risking both of their lives in the process (I guess she was possessed by Erwin’s gambling spirit? :D or she was just THAT determined to ensure their survival). She seeks to form an alliance with the remaining survivors, including the Marleyans. 

In the forest scene, you could say that she is the one presiding over them, and the funny thing is, she does it while cooking dinner. It’s kind of symbolic if you ask me, as food is crucial to our survival, but it’s also something that brings people together. 

7. Integrity

One of the most powerful quotes in my opinion, is this one

I’ll be damned before we justify genocide somehow.

[manga: There is nothing anyone can say to change my mind about that.]

It really showcases her determination to save human lives and a core belief that makes her just more admirable in my opinion: genocide is wrong.

But I'm sure none of them would have been so selfish as to say..."as long as the island has freedom, that's all that matters."

Her demise is so characteristic of her - she’d always been fascinated with titans, but that never stopped her from killing them in order to survive and to save people’s lives. Her goodbye words to Levi and that lovely chuckle of hers once again reminded us of that familiar “all sunshine and rainbows” energy she always had. And then she fell like a burning star. 

The music choice couldn’t have been more perfect. I admit I didn’t even remember this song before, but now it’s one of my all-time favorites, and I can’t help but feel all kinds of bittersweet and nostalgic when I hear it now.

Hange is now my favorite character, up there with Levi, and irrespective of Levi and their relationship. I love her because to me she is relatable, because she encompasses pure things such as willingness to understand and accept things and people she doesn’t know, exuberance, love for life, and curiosity. I love her because of her duality- both flawed and strong, both sweet and menacing, and I love her because she never loses her integrity as a human being. Hange brought more to the story than most of us think, she wasn’t just comic relief or a vessel to share information about the lore, she brought our beloved characters together and nurtured them, and she was the embodiment of what the Survey Corps represented: exploration, understanding, and bravery. If Erwin was the mastermind that pushed them forward, and Levi the one that protected them the most, I like to think Hange was the glue that kept them together, and kept them going with her positivity and passion for life.

#levihan #hange #notforbrenda #hange zoe #hanji zoe #attack on titan #snk #aot #shingeki no kyojin #hange is underrated #hange is the best #hange for president #thx for coming to my ted talk

[theredhairedmonkey]

I’m curious on your thoughts I’ve seen from a certain side of the tdp fandom. The idea that Callum hasn’t lived up to his duty as Ezran’s protector. (This being what was in narrows letter) and eventually they’ll have a big fight stemming from this. Personally I’m not against seeing Ezran and Callum have a moment where they’re at odds..but I don’t like this narrative that callum hasn’t been there for Ezran or something …thoughts?

I'm generally with you, nonny. Not opposed in principle to Ezran and Callum having a disagreement, but the way that this headcanon seems to come seems to not stand much against scrutiny.

The version I've heard is that either Callum isn't fulfilling his duties as a protector, or that Ezran merely feels/thinks that Callum hasn't been fulfilling his duties as a protector. Doesn't matter much since this is wrong on both counts.

I noticed on reddit someone who saw 6x01 elaborating on their dynamic, and it's quite clear they're a unit even when they don't agree on everything.

"they are an actual team" // "they are communicating effectively"

We have 5 seasons +1 episode of show, and there is not a single scene - not a one - where Ezran is suggesting that he even thinks that Callum is falling short of his duties.

As for whether post-timeskip Callum is fulfilling his duties as Ezran's protector? Here are the receipts:

So in short no, Ezran doesn't think Callum is failing in his duties, nor is Callum actually failing in that regard. Nor do I think (as has also come up with this argument) that Runaan is going to wind up being a sticking point between them - remember, Callum really doesn't like Runaan. At all. But he doesn't have to like him in order to think that he doesn't deserve to be trapped for all eternity in a coin (and even then he also seems to specify that he's doing this for Rayla's parents, not Rayla's family). Now, does anyone seriously think that Ezran - moral paragon Ezran - is going to vehemently disagree with that sentiment? Even in (justifiable) anger, Ezran has never been that pointlessly cruel, which really shows how far this headcanon has to reach.

And that leads to another question: where are all of these "angsty" headcanons coming from? Because this is like headcanon #10 that is centered entirely on the perception or implication that Callum is being incredibly shitty to everyone except Rayla. First there as "Callum doesn't return to Katolis" Then "Callum dooms the world for Rayla." Then "Callum only cares about his inner circle" and "Harrow, Soren, and Amaya somehow aren't in his inner circle" and "Ezran is barely in Callum's inner circle."

In totality, this reads less like a desire for some angst and more like a really pointed depiction of Callum as being nothing more or less than an extension of whatever Rayla wants or needs.

So whichever side of the tdp fandom these headcanons are coming from, it's pretty clear what they want, and it's not just angst...

#tdp #the dragon prince #callum #ezran #rayla #rayllum

[somewhereinthepines]

hi hi! been curious about .. will you ever write a non-murder hector?

i suppose, i might do it at some point? but then, if i’m being completely honest, i kinda dig the canonical hector / du’met’s attire the most. *twirls fingers together* so in a way, it’s not easy for me to separate his murderous intent from him completely. in the back of my mind, i will always make a mental note about how it's smth, that he's capable of.  

besides, i generally love deeply nuanced characters. their mental struggles & misery is a good food for my brain. and their flaws are usually very precious to me. i tend to play into it vs making the characters overcome it. i usually don’t make my favs better, than they really are. in fact, i often make them give into their worst traits/impulses, bc it’s the most fun for me.

i’m also not the kind of author, who writes good-natured ‘fix it’ stuff tbh. many things (media), that i like on this acc are tied up to a narrative, that is written to be both disturbing & tragic. so instead of giving the characters a ‘happy ending’, i just try to give them smth nice in the middle of all the mess. or just make their situation even more shitty, haha. depending on the idea, that lies in the center of my story, anyways. but in most cases, the final goal isn’t to make the characters get better in some ‘fully healing’ way or smth, but to consider a variation, where they can get what they want without being ‘saved’. naturally, it can differ in the level or in how far the narrative can go with it, but in the end, i kinda love ‘fixing’ smth very messed up & sad in canon by changing the tone, rather than overwriting everything.

and when it comes to hector, i’m very enamored by the possibility of him still having charlie’s love, even when it’s all gone too far & he can no longer turn back. i mean, if charlie can accept hector munday like that, at his very worst, then what else can hector realistically ask for? this is the maximum level of devotion, that someone can show to a person. sticking with them, even when everything goes awry & wrong. charlie isn’t there to act as hector’s savior. he’s smart enough to know, that he can’t truly change him at that point. but maybe, he can make it easier & offer him a distraction. a hand, that doesn’t chastity or punish, but that keeps one grounded. 

i guess, what i’m saying is that it’s easy to imagine charlie being in love with hector munday, who’s just well, a sad, lonely dude with a traumatic past. but it’s more thrilling for me to imagine charlie, who would still love hector, even when he poses as granthem du’met. their canonical dynamic is predator/prey, after all. and i rarely see it being executed in tasteful ways in the media, so starting from the demo of the game, i was just like ooooh, that’s so pretty & intriguing. their first meeting made my heart go doki-doki lol. so like maybe, this is also why i’m kinda mentally unwilling to fully let go of this imagery? it was more, than i could have hoped for. and then, i’m historically weak in my knees for captor/captive stuff, when it’s done ‘right’. and now, i have one of such kind and it’s supermassive too! *girly giggle* for me, it’s like a present on bd tbh. i'm so happy to unwrap it.

but honestly, it’s a mere personal pref. a whim. and nothing stops me from eventually giving hector a story, where everything goes more smoothly and somewhat ‘normally’ for him. well, to a degree. so at some point, maybe i will write smth like that. but atm, all ideas that i have for du’lie are tied to du’met being a murder. the themes & visuals that it implies are very appealing for me, when it comes to the horror genre, and i’m a simple fella. i just do what feels ‘natural’ to me. 

sorry for a long answer, i guess, i just wanted to kind of explain my current view on this topic. everybody depicts things differently, and tbh, this fandom offers a fair share of different outlooks on du’met & charlie. and thankfully, there are a few authors/creators, who provide fics with set-ups, where hector is just a man with issues. so it’s not like this au doesn’t get covered. 

as for me, i’m a weirdo who tends to play in their own sandbox. so at times, if the wind blows, i might write smth unexpected, but well…usually, there is still a murder or some disturbing stuff looming in the background lol. i have very little understanding of 'naked' gentleness or pure fluff, or like…well, just nice things being nice without smth surrounding it, like a slowly closing fist. so usually, i just sit on side, watching how other folks do it. so this isn't like i don't like those set-ups. i'm just isn't the person, who can easily conjure smth like that, haha.

#asks

[dykefever]

thoughts on jegulus ? <3

hellooo umm!!! this got unforgivably long and i’m not sure it makes much sense but it’s all under the cut x

i have written them as a side pairing before (really their relationship is v important to the plot of here we are, again) and i had a lot of fun i won’t lie! we have very little canon information on either of them and in particular regulus but there are bits that make the idea of them interesting to me!! however i don’t really see how they could’ve dated at hogwarts AND that james would have kept that a secret from sirius?? that seems insane to me given their relationship.

sirius and regulus as a brothers dynamic i think is deeply interesting to unpick and i really enjoy exploring that relationship in my own writing! i tend to agree with how it was depicted in the nothing left series on ao3 and then in turn how james also wants to some degree save/help regulus from that household as he has done with sirius. and that’s where his investment begins (and perhaps, ends, for many people lol) but i simply cannot see them together in hogwarts when regulus is sinking deeper into fascism because that is so deeply against all of james’s beliefs and what makes him such a Good character, he would in my opinion find it abhorrent to be with someone that held those beliefs. HOWEVER! in my fanon-ish view of regulus i can see him being drawn to the goodness in james and james wanting to unpick all regulus’s defences etc etc (in some kind of au)

with regards to regulus’s character i agree a lot with what ridi says and just am so bored of the uwu-ification of him and being a knock-off remus character! that’s so boring! like, it’s exceedingly interesting to me to explore how someone comes to fascism and begins following a fascist leader, and then how they come to resist that and risk their life in such a way to stop that leader than whatever seems to often happen with regulus where they make him somehow a Total Good Guy with no agency in the process. okay and final words! i was kind of into the idea of jegulus when it first started gaining traction but whatever the fuck happened and is still happening in the fandom really puts me off reading and/or engaging in the fic! there seems to be such strict ideas of how regulus and james can be written that feels worlds away from how i see them and write them. everyone is really intense about it all and it’s just! not for me! i prefer my little corner of the r/s fandom

but long and short of it: i can enjoy them together, there’s just caveats to that :-)

#this is sooo long and only sort of about jegulus i’m so sorry !! #i also feel perhaps. people should understand fascism more before writing the kind of fics they do . esp when it comes to regulus #but anyway these are not all my thoughts but um yeah!!! #this isn’t a complete hate of jegulus i do enjoy them and can find them interesting !!! but yeah just lots… around it that frustrate me #rollercoasterwords aka rae aka loveliest person ever wrote about the issues in the jeglus fandom so check that out ! i think it explained #my thoughts i have had on it too!! #ask game

[rollercoasterwords]

completely agreed thoughts on the prank, the way that a lot of the fandom interact with it shows a lack of key understanding in what literature is and what it is intended to do and also a lack of ability to critically think about and engage with the topics and issues that are presented in literature (and also with literally any other kind of issue outside of literature but that’s another conversation).

i think that cancel culture and the idea that if someone does something Problematic they are automatically Bad, irredeemable and deserve punishment has definitely played into this as well.

a lot of people have completely adopted this mindset and are obviously applying it to literature in the exact same way, inevitably leading to ‘antis’ and the belief that characters should serve as some kind of moral blueprint. first of all that would completely defeat the purpose of literature, if reading about a character doing something Wrong leads you to the conclusion that that character is now Bad and you don’t put any further thought into the issue, you are really missing the purpose of literature itself!!!!!

the belief that literature that depicts Problematic topics should not exist or should be shunned is such an incredibly un-nuanced take and is so so harmful (i have so many more thoughts on this specifically but i am trying to keep this short ish).

(also i’m very aware that i am literally parroting your essay back to you and my points are by no means new takes that you did not cover, i am more just trying to explain why i agree sm with your essay)

yeah no i think your point about cancel culture is definitely true--online spaces are often not conducive to nuance, because algorithmic social media actively works to polarize us. and i think a lot of online culture is really rooted in the dynamics of like...a surveillance state, where we are constantly meant to police each other's morality, and where calling someone out when they slip is a way to reify your own public performance of moral purity. at the crux of it, we're all being dragged into this social investment in Punishment (especially public punishment) as a vehicle for the betterment of society. and this is a fundamentally flawed premise, and part of the reason that i really encourage anyone and everyone to engage with some abolitionist theory (angela davis is a great starting point)--because Punishment is not a vehicle for the betterment of society, it's a vehicle for reifying systems of power and ongoing social control.

anyway. yeah, it sucks to see this mindset infecting the way people engage with literature! my personal perspective on art (including literature/writing) generally is that it's meant to be a conversation; it's meant to make you think, and reflect, and ask questions. and if you are coming across a piece of literature that's just presenting you with a set of moral guidelines and telling you to follow them, i think you should be very wary of that!! nothing is created in a vaccuum, and anyone telling you "this is how you should live your life" is going to have an agenda beneath the surface of what they're saying that you need to learn to recognize. it is much less frightening for me to see writing that asks "how do you think you should live?" than to see writing that says "this is Morally Correct."

#once again my religious trauma comes to the forefront in influencing my current beliefs lmao #like...i spent years in a community where i was constantly being told what was Moral and Right #and where i was actively discouraged from thinking critically about it #don't fall into the same trap!!! #ranting and raving

[eviltothecore13]

New Wednesday fans--welcome to the Addams Family fandom!

I think this fandom has at least doubled in size over the past few months and it’s great to see so much appreciation for the Addams Family and for Wednesday as a character! (I feel like she’s been written off as someone who’s just cruel for no reason in popular culture for far too long--even though the 90s films already demonstrated that she has a strong awareness of injustice and cares a lot about her family--so seeing people truly appreciate her as a character and realise that she’s not actually a terrible person is honestly such a relief.)

I really enjoyed the new Wednesday show (it has its faults--but I also think SOME of the criticisms of it I’ve seen from some people in the Addams Family fandom are...not actually accurate or fair and are just based in nostalgia/distorted memories of previous versions) and I love several of the new characters it’s introduced, and I also love the show’s takes on the Addamses (I was particularly pleasantly surprised by Fester, who I all too often find annoying but was genuinely very funny in this).

I was somewhat caught off-guard by Wednesday/Enid having (last time I checked) twice as many fics as Gomez/Morticia (in the Addams Family category as a whole, not just when specifically looking at fics for the Netflix show), because I hadn’t realised how many people would start writing Addams fic who hadn’t written any before the new show--but at the same time, Wednesday/Enid is a great ship and I love their dynamic, so I’m not exactly complaining even though Gomez/Morticia will always be my favourite relationship in the series.

I also realise that when a lot of people enter an old and established fandom, especially when the new people outnumber the old fans, there’s a risk of the fandom becoming divided or the two groups being hostile to each other, and I REALLY don’t want that to happen.

Sometimes when this happens it’s caused by old fans being judgemental and unwelcoming. So, to my fellow Addams Family fans: please don’t do that. This includes if you see a headcanon or fic that’s clearly written by someone who’s only watched Wednesday and that you think gets things wrong about the Addamses...there’s A LOT of Addams media out there and it’s not fair to expect anyone to be an expert on all of it before writing their fic, especially if they’re hyperfixated on a new character like Enid. If you want to talk about misconceptions etc you can feel free but please can everyone be polite about it and not start yelling YOU’RE WRONG and FAKE FAN etc at people?

That being said, I do have a couple of pointers for new fans as well...

1) This fandom has historically not really been big on ship wars and “your ship vs my ship” teams, mostly because the canon tends not to be focussed on any romance other than Gomez/Morticia. Many of us enjoy having a fandom where people don’t constantly yell at each other over ships, so we’d...really appreciate it if Wednesday/Enid vs Wednesday/Tyler vs Wednesday/Xavier vs Wednesday/Bianca...didn’t turn into angry arguments and personal enmity and insults. Also, while I have nothing against people headcanoning Wednesday as a lesbian...please don’t tell people who see her as bi that they’re wrong, homophobic, OOC, etc. A bi character is not somehow a “lesser” form of representation than a lesbian character, they’re not “half-straight”, they’re still fully LGBTQA+. Wednesday has had relationships with guys in previous versions of canon, including the musical version of her marrying one--though since there was one production of the musical that portrayed that character as a woman instead, you could argue that she’s canonically bi in that she’s been depicted in relationships with guys and with women? either way saying “the idea that Wednesday would ever be interested in a guy is wrong and OOC and unthinkable and you’re homophobic if you even suggest it”...honestly just feels biphobic imo. Personally, I think Wednesday had more chemistry with Enid than with Tyler or Xavier, I don’t see Wednesday as into Xavier at all, and I don’t SHIP Wednesday/Tyler or think she was deeply in love with him--but she was into him enough to want to kiss him and I have a hard time seeing that as just comphet because I’m not sure anyone raised by the Addamses would really have comphet. Other people are always welcome to interpret things differently but just let’s not get hostile over it?

2) I’ve seen a MINORITY of Wednesday fans making some...really odd assumptions about Gomez. Assumptions that don’t really come from anything in the show--such as people portraying him as a bad husband and/or father even though he was literally willing to go to prison to protect Morticia, and Wednesday (not known for being easy to get compliments from) makes it very clear that she sees him as a good father. Or suggesting that Morticia doesn’t actually love him, which imo is pretty unfair on BOTH of them. The show’s version of Gomez doesn’t get a huge amount of screentime, but from what we’ve seen he really doesn’t seem that different to previous Gomezes to me (the main difference seems to be that he met Morticia as a teenager instead of in his 20s, and so generally had a better time at that age--he talks about Nevermore as “the best days of your life” etc when I can’t imagine previous Gomezes seeing school that way and most of them were to varying degrees an angsty mess before meeting Morticia--but that’s not THAT drastic a change in the grand scheme of things), but I’ve seen some people assuming things about him that were very rarely assumed about any previous version. I can’t help but feel like people are being unfair and harsh in their assumptions/headcanons about a character of colour in a way that they weren’t about versions of the character who are played by lighter-skinned actors, and some of the headcanons I’ve seen (I am not going to name names or call out anything specific here especially as some were clearly only intended as jokes/memes, especially the alignment chart ones and similar) felt like they played into stereotypes. (Also, Gomez and Morticia were the protagonists of many previous versions and so older fans will generally love them. If you go out of your way to portray them as horrible people...don’t be surprised if some people do get a bit defensive, especially as the show really doesn’t give you any reason to think that of them.)

Finally--I realise that some people might want to know more about previous versions and not know where to start, or might be overwhelmed by the amount of different stuff there is out there. I can’t promise to always be 100% objective because I do have versions I prefer over others, and I also can’t claim to be an expert on all versions (I haven’t really watched any animated TV shows, though I watched a few episodes of one of them once and had mixed feelings on it, and I haven’t finished watching the 90s live-action reboot TV show either), but...I do really love infodumping so...if people DO have questions about previous versions I would actually be really happy to try and answer them? And while I can’t make the time commitment to being a full beta for SPaG, writing style, etc...I am very happy to volunteer to do a quick characterisation check or general “person who knows lots of random facts about previous versions” check on fics if anyone wants that. Of course sometimes the answer to a question might be “it’s varied wildly between versions so it’s down to your personal preference” (and I would never try and force anyone towards my headcanons or even my own favourite versions--even if I MENTION them in my answers you’re obviously free to completely ignore anything I say), but other things ARE actually pretty consistent between versions--and since Wednesday has a lot of subtle callbacks to previous versions (especially the 60s show and the 90s films), I feel like there’s a lot of fun potential to include more stuff from previous versions in fics and headcanons.

This isn’t me trying to set myself up as some sort of Dictator Of The Canon because there’s so many versions that canon can only ever be loosely defined--I just feel like there’s a lot of fun stuff from older Addams media that I think people would enjoy knowing about but that can be easy to miss because of HOW MUCH stuff there is and how hard it can be to know where to start.

#wednesday #wednesday addams #wednesday netflix #the addams family #gomez addams #morticia addams

[rhysands-rightknee]

You're seriously defending Madschofield's SA artwork??? It's so fucked up. She literally said that it was fun for her to draw... A scene where Rhys had been r@ped. She's not doing to portray emotion or awareness, she's doing it for the shock factor and attention. There are different art pieces that portray Rhys' emotional turmoil without depicting his SA. It's 2022, don't normal or praise her choices.

All I see is an artist using her art to depict a scene she wanted to draw from a book she and all of us read. We know what happens between these two. Why are you surprised this is the interaction between Rhysand and Amarantha? Is their dynamic in this not similar to that in the book?

Nothing regarding these two will ever be light and will cover heavy themes just like the books do. As this series blows up with the show coming, you will see more artists drawing these two and using their art as a medium to convey these two. It’s not furthering SA. It’s putting pictures to what words made them feel and using it as an outlet. This fandom is already hectic but are we really going to come after every artist now that decides to draw something we don’t like? She put her warnings out and y’all were made aware. There are different ways to depict turmoil and this is how she decided to do so with Amarantha. Her interpretation isn’t wrong you just don’t like it. Scroll down to read my posts about this matter. It’s strong imagery and I believe there’s a lot of symbolism behind the artistic choices she made. You don’t have to agree with me. If you don’t like her art piece that’s up to you. Say your opinion respectfully and move along. As for the whole doing it for “attention” that’s just you making shit up. If you truly believe that ask her. She’s on tumblr and you can quickly send her a message. Anyways, I will defend anyone who’s religion, god, and morality is brought into play because it’s complete bullshit and has nothing to do with the topic.

#asks #rhysand #sarah j maas

[grapecaseschoices]

Representation in IF (or the lack thereof)

In recent days, the topic of race and ethnicity - as well as treatment of marginalized communities within IFs and their fandoms - has been the premier point of conversation. It has become paramount for people of color, lately, to advocate for themselves in regards to issues of white washing, stereotypes, and white people (...and sadly, other people of color) feeling too comfortable using slurs.

Nothing new there.

As I saw someone recently point out, this is something that crops up every two months. And if you’ve been on tumblr for that length of time, in more than more than one fandom, this is likely something you’ve had to deal with several times within that space of time. It’s an unfortunate byproduct of being a fan of color. (And, often, any type of minority, period.)

We don’t get to escape within the internet into fantasy the same way the “majority” gets to do so. If it isn’t toxic people in the community, it is being disappointed by content creators - either through their comments (or lack thereof) or what they put out in their work.

I can’t speak for every black person or every person of color, however, my fandom experience is one of hyper vigilance. And I’ve noticed that sort of attitude in others.  We have to cut away from certain parts of the fandom. Or cut out work we used to love because of certain outlooks or behaviors.

It is a protective attitude that I’m unapologetic about. By curating my content consumption, it’s pushed me to find, and support, artists that care enough to see people like me as people.  Someone mentioned to me that “as marginalized communities, we have a right to be choosy about our representation in media.” And I agree. We do and we should never, ever feel guilty about it. 

That being said, it can feel kind of alienating.

As I mentioned before, there’s been a continued - one I am glad for - movement in the IF/VN community in calling out bad representation (and treatment of fans).  Fans have pushed for accountability and gotten it. However, I’ve noticed - or at least, I feel - the call for change is sort of limited. There’s a hesitance in our community to ask for that same change of ‘indie’/smaller creators as we do of companies or more established writers. And, honestly, this hesitance has left me with a feeling that the IF/VN community isn’t really one for people of color, particularly black people.

Now, I’m one who tries to give credit where credit is due. The creation of ~interact-if … is probably one of the best things I have ever seen in any community (and I’ve been in fandom/written rpg since HS). I’ve also noticed an increase of writers of color feeling comfortable in writing for their culture or having characters of their culture as well as white creators holding themselves accountable. All of that is what keeps me hopeful about improvement regarding IF works but motivates me to one day do my own. That being said, there is still a lot that needs to be addressed regarding the whiteness of IF work and the depiction of characters of color.

I am going to start off by saying something that may come off as kind of harsh. If you know me, you know what I’m going to say, so you can clock out. If you don’t, take a deep breath, feel frustrated, and then let it go to move on: I don’t think uncomfortability with writing about a marginalized group or unfamiliarity with said group is an excuse. I don’t think “well it’s my work, this is what I know/this is what I want to write” is an excuse. 

IF works in the year 2021 are uncomfortably, awkwardly white (and able-bodied, cis, thin, etc). And I do not think there is ANY excuse, ANY actual reason for it to be that way.

I am sure there are several excuses coming to mind (as I said, I’ve been in RP and fanfic for years, I’ve seen them all—heck, I’ve thought them all. I still do think them at times). However, I’ve always held to the belief that every work that is put out into the universe matters. Everything has an impact.  NO work is too small, nothing is too insignificant. Every art has an effect. And if you’re writing a story, telling a tale, something from your heart to share with others you’re trying to affect your environment in some way, you’re trying to say something.

I feel a lot of us—as I said, I include myself in this too—do not consider what we’re saying to our audience when we create works that are mostly white (or when we can’t have a single character or work with numerous characters that are disabled, fat, mentally ill, trans, I can go on). 

If you’re writing a story, I don’t think you can give yourself any pats on the back for having one or two characters of color. I think we’ve moved beyond that type of ‘diversity by numbers’ … especially when the numbers are often piss poor.  I’m seeing IFs where there are three characters of color to six white ROs. Not only is that ‘ratio’ (for lack of a better word) shitty on it’s own, people don’t consider that the actual dynamic is 1:1:1:6. People of color are not a monolith. I, as a black Haitian-American woman, may have similar experiences as an indigenous woman from Canada and a persian person from Iran …. But we are not the same. Yes, it is great to have a diversity of characters. I’m not saying you shouldn’t include people from different backgrounds in your works.

But please consider why it is never the case that there are two Japanese-Brazilians, three black people from Manchester, and a mixed-race Indigenous/Afro-Latina from Queens, and one white person. It is extremely rare to see multiple of one race or ethnicity in an IF if that race isn’t white.

I feel not only is that problem, I believe it is a conversation that needs to be had. Both as a community and as something writers discuss with themselves, as they review their work. 

And that is the tip of the iceberg. We need to have discussions on the tendency of characters of color to have light colored eyes, or the preference of East Asians (and light skinned ones at that) over any other Asian, or the ambiguously brownness of descriptors. We need to talk about white-washing in face claims that directly oppose established descriptions, or how Artbreeder being bad at black people is NOT an excuse for your black character looking similar to the one in three different other IFs (put the effort in). 

We as a community need to have several discussions or else I feel it will be another five years before we’re dragging our feet toward better representation. And that shouldn’t be the case. At all. 

#interactive fiction #interactive novel #visual novels #representation matters #racism #fandom racism #in short i think a lot of people thinks criticism of representation and racism equals judgment / concrit regarding what is there rather tha #observing and commenting on what is NOT there and HOW it is not there #does anyone sit and ask themselves 'why did i not picture a dark skinned indian man as this ro?' #'why did i feel this character needed to be white rather than black?' #'why do i continously put / see only a certain type of black character or a certain look of latin@ as a ROMANTIC option?' #asking these questions are ways to press for better rep AND to challenge our own bias #and most importantly accountability isn't just for the big players -- we need it for our friends and ourselves (myself included) or else we #as a community and as a type of art are going to fall into the same wholes that other media before us are / have (ie video games and films #and television and etc) when i feel IF (like RP and fanfiction) have a very unique position and perspective #and i think that is why it is maddening to see us fall into the same traps we condemn when there is NO reason to do so #long post #longpost #grapecase posts

[accidental-host]

ppl have valid reasons to dislike redpastry tho—some ppl are just tired of seeing women who hate men suddenly getting paired with those same men out of nowhere, esp when there are ppl who won’t even give the same courtesy to much healthier wlw ships like chilirye with the same dynamic. plus that one person who like months ago wrote a long thing abt it had a point—it’s creepy people want to fetish pastry’s religious trauma into something red velvet can “fix”, as if he isn’t also being affected by the very same people she worships and would probably die for instead of giving up her beliefs

I fully understand people just not liking Redpastry, nobody has to like it and I’m never going to try and hold anybody at gunpoint to force them to enjoy it. And I understand what you mean, but I do disagree for the most part.

I don’t understand how you say Chilirye is “much healthier” though when they are SO similar. Rye wanted to kill/apprehend Chili Pepper. You could argue that within their character stories, Chilirye actually goes through LESS development. At the end of the Cake Tower cutscenes, Pastry actually admits cakes are just like her and she doesn’t understand why she’s ordered to destroy them.

With Chilirye, Rye still says at the end that she wants to apprehend Chili Pepper. Nothing changes between them.

So I’m not sure what you mean by Chilirye being “much healthier” ??? I like both ships a lot for the exact same reasons, I think actual Enemies To Lovers is interesting. And it’s just a statement of fact that Chilirye is not Much Healthier. I really think it just appears healthier because it’s a much more cartoonish lighthearted take on a very similar dynamic.

And with your point about fetishization, I also think that it’s gross to have Red Velvet completely fix Pastry. That’s just a bad interpretation of the ship. They are both being heavily manipulated, Pastry’s Order is very clearly framed to be a bad thing, but so is Enchantress’s entire group. The appeal for me is the idea of Red and Pastry reaching a mutual understanding and respect for each other despite what they’ve been taught for their entire lives, and each being able to think for themselves.

Red and Pastry do not hate each other for their own personal reasons that they came up with on their own. Pastry hates Red because her Order taught her that Cakes are disgusting creatures. Red hates Pastry because Enchantress promised him a world where Cakes would be respected, and her Order hated him first. Neither of those are personal reasons, they were taught that by the people who raised them. And that’s WHY I think them each realizing the other deserves respect is a very realistic thing to happen as they get to know each other.

I understand your points and I see where you’re coming from. But I just don’t agree with most of it personally. I do agree that fetishization is bad of course, and I hate when the ship is depicted that way, but I don’t think it’s really fair to judge an entire character dynamic based on how some people in the fandom portray it badly. That’a just them not doing it right.

#asks #this ended up being longer than I planned it to but I just had a lot of shit to say #preemptive apology if this comes off as aggressive because I don’t mean for it to and I actually do very much understand your points anon #redpastry #chilirye

[psychewritesbs]

Jujutsu Kaisen 157: Megumi needs and Yuji is needed + the power of friendship trope

I decided that, while I cannot avoid sharing manga spoilers (mostly because I don’t want to since I am keeping up with the manga), I would avoid sharing leaks. So I’ve been holding back on posting about chapter 157 until today wondering what I wanted to say about the subject. 

First, chapter 157 has got to be one of the saddest chapters in JJK so far and it hit me in the gut almost as hard as the chapter when Mechamaru says goodbye to Miwa (I honestly didn't know I was a Mechamaru x Miwa fan until that chapter).

Second, as a Megumi fan, my favorite panel in chapter 157 was, of course, when he bows down and asks Kirara to listen to what they have to say. It felt so earnest and painful at the same time.

The reason Megumi doing a dogeza bow is a big deal is because this level of bowing is loaded with symbolism.

From what I understand, dogeza is equated to “begging”, thus denoting a certain level of desperation. 

But dogeza also sends the message that the person bowing is both ashamed to ask for help, AND, being aware of that shame, are still choosing to bow as a way to tell the other person that they do not care about their self-image as long as the act of bowing accomplishes the bower’s intention.

Truly an act out of desperation.

Now, I could be missing some cultural nuances here, but that’s my understanding of dogeza. Please don’t hesitate to let me know if I’m missing some important detail about dogeza.

Looking back, this panel actually reminded me of Yashiro from Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai doing dogeza on behalf of his love interest, Kageyama.

Yoneda Kou, like Gege Akutami, is a very talented artist in their ability to portray emotion through their art. 

But back to JJK.

This whole interaction between Kirara and Megumi struck me because it clearly depicts both Megumi’s desperation and conviction to save Tsumiki.

Let’s not forget that Megumi wasn’t one to ask for help just prior to the Shibuya arc and would always choose to rely on himself for the most part. Which makes his emotional and psychological growth all the more impressive. 

Despite the growth he achieved in terms of his power up, how incredibly smart he is, and manifesting a Domain Expansion, by bowing, he is basically telling Kirara “even though I easily defeated you, I am not strong without you. I need your strength.”

Megumi’s true growth is thus his ability to put aside his trust issues in favor of his greater goal: Saving Tsumiki. 

In other words, he needs others to save his beloved sister.

WHICH brings us to Yuji’s growth. 

Third, Yuji went from typical Shonen Protagonist's larger than life aspirations, to a humbling down as a result of everything that took place during the Shibuya Arc. 

But what I loved most about this change in Yuji is that he sees himself as part of something bigger. He is now needed as opposed to him fulfilling his own needs by saving others.

It’s like before he had a grandiose idea of what saving others would do for him, instead of taking into consideration what saving others would do for them. 

Now that he has done quite the opposite of saving people thanks to Sukuna’s rampage, he’s come back down to the real world and realized that saving other people has nothing to do with him. To put it in “spiritual” terms, Yuji recognized he’s a “channel” for the greater good, not the executioner of the greater good.

Seriously, Gege Akutami loves breaking down Yuji’s ego through really cruel and painful experiences. But it is precisely because Yuji is so naive that he needs this kind of Psychological growth.

Yes, it’s heartbreaking Yuji sees himself only as a “cog” (it feels as though he only sees his worth as utilitarian), and yet, this change in perspective shows just how much he’s matured. 

So where Megumi desperately needs help and is not ashamed to admit it, Yuji is desperately needed and is proud of the fact-to the point that he would challenge Hakari by asking him about his place in the machinery.

This is, quite arguably, the best play on the “power of friendship” trope that I’ve seen and I’m here for it. Although not a pairing I personally ship, I can see why the fandom loves Megumi x Yuji x Megumi. 

Megumi and Yuji have an incredible bond bordering on bromance that many of us wish we had in our lives. Relationships like that are not easy to come by and are always to be cherished, especially if you are a victim of trauma the way many of the characters in JJK are.

Other honorable mentions: 

This chapter really cemented the fact that I like Kirara as a character. Gege Akutami is very good at bringing characters to life, even seemingly minor ones

As with everything JJK, it’s all about the character dynamics, and I am really loving Kirara and Hakari’s dynamic

Ah! Feels good to get all of this off my chest.

So what did YOU think?!!!! 

I love chatting with others about JJK, so don’t hesitate to share your thoughts.

#jujutsukaisen #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen manga #fushiguro megumi #megumi fushiguro #Itadori yuji #yuji itadori #jjk chapter 157 #jjk ch 157 #hakari kinji #kirara hoshi #anime analysis #manga analysis

[takaraphoenix]

Ship game!! What about Nico and Will?? It’s pretty popular, but I don’t think I’ve seen you write much of it…

That's an interesting one in that I have vocalized my reasons for disliking it way back when it first became popular but instead of just linking that, it has been years so I think it's time for an updated version.

Firstly: This post is gonna be properly tagged and not crosstagged so if any shipper comes across it and feels the need to bitch about it, just don't; your lack of curating your own tumblr experience is not my problem! ;D

Now, there are three key factors that play into my dislike of this ship: How it was written, what it represents, how the fandom around it acts.

1. It’s rushed and uncomfortable

In BoO, it was incredibly rushed. They had literally five sentences of interactions before they walked into the literal sunset together. Five. It was just entirely born from Riordan's Noah's Ark Complex, where he just can't let people be single. The series was ending and he needed Nico to have an endgame so he rushed into some random romance with zero build-up.

The way their interactions went down was also severely uncomfortable for me. Will was acting so offended by Nico not wanting to go to camp and be friends in an entitled way that he had no right to be, he downright guilt-tripped Nico about how he had wanted to be friends. Nico has been just so severely traumatized at such a young age and his coping mechanism, as unhealthy as it was, was to run away and hide. Will acted like Nico not wanting to form attachments to people who could potentially leave him again was somehow just an Edgy Emo Decision and not a direct reaction to his trauma. His entire approach to Nico was basically all these hippie posts of "Don't have depression!! Just go out into the sun and stop being depressed!", which is already a bad take with non-medical people but he's supposed to be a doctor (and let's not get into the shadiness of him technically being Nico's doctor).

There is also an inherent "I can fix him" angle to this ship and to me, only few ship dynamics are more uncomfortable than that. If you want to fundamentally change a person's behavior and personality, you... don't actually want to be with this person.

Now, here's where my points overlap, because the following parts of their writing that bothers me also stand for what this ship fundamentally represents.

2. Solangelo is a queer ship written by and for straights

I'm a queer woman and as a queer woman, I want queer wish-fulfillment, not what straights want out of queerness. I'm kind of tired of that, I've been sitting through it for enough decades now. That's, of course, not to say that no straight writer can give proper queer representation, but far too often do straight writers - even the most well-meaning ones - project straight desires of queerness into their queer representation.

Let me explain that closer through this ship.

Nico's been in love with Percy for years and I'm going to do my best to not hijack this post with some Percico agenda; that's not what this his about, this isn't some "my ship is better than your ship" ship-war nonsense. It's simply a canonical fact that Nico has had romantic feelings for another character for years.

A character who, in this medium, is heterosexual. And if you're queer, you've been there. In love with your straight best friend. It's a cliche, but it's a cliche for a reason.

We have also all been well-meaningly rejected by said straight friend.

And here's the straight desires for you: The queer person who was in love with a straight person just immediately stops having those feelings and will then as quickly as possible fall in love with the next queer person they meet to be happy and no longer uncomfortably in love with a straight person, because that thought makes the straights uncomfortable.

Queer wish-fulfillment would be for Percy to return those feelings, for the queer character to get his first love, to not be rejected. That thing queer teens always dreamed about for themselves.

Aside from the wish-fulfillment angle, the pacing is another problem. Let me repeat, Nico was in love for years. But a five sentence conversation with Will once causes a crush on Will and we see him physically turn away from Percy and toward Will just immediately to rebound and actually fall out of love with Percy and in love with Will. Anyone who's ever been unlucky in love will attest to just how unrealistic and ridiculous the pacing here is.

It's also straight queerness in another respect; Nico has been the first ever queer character we meet in that world. He loves a straight guy - and to get over that, we introduce the second queer character. Because heaven forbid there are multiple queers to pick from. No, in straight-written queer romances, there is always that one main queer and then they introduce a second one and the two just immediately hit it off and develop a romance like all a queer person needs to form attraction to someone is the confirmation that the other person shares your sexuality.

Also the notable gay guy on gay guy ship here, whereas the more queer-wish-fulfillment option would have also included more nuance to the queer experience, because Percy doesn't have to be heterosexual just because he has only been with girls so far. It's a very old-fashioned - think 90s and early 2000s - kind of straight-written queerness that there are only exactly two homosexuals and that those two homosexuals then pair up.

And, listen, I'm not immune to these outdated straight-written queers entirely, I have many such ships that I grew up with that I am still fond of because they were groundbreaking at that time and they weren't outdated yet back when they happened in said 90s and early 2000s. I am however a grown woman now and just like I have grown, so has queer rep so I am not as easily baited into falling onto my knees in gratitude for canon rep. You have to go with the times. And this ship, by all that is given to us, is just entirely outdated straight-written rep.

Which, I mention earlier that even straight-written rep can be good. If the author tries. Riordan doesn't really try though; he does the bare minimum when he writes any of his rep - and there have been many, many more qualified voices being very vocal about his depiction of people of color and, as a woman, I've been vocal about his depiction of women. I don't want to derail this post with all of that, but I do think that it bears mentioning that Riordan doing rep but only doing a bare minimum and not putting in the necessary work to deepen the representation he wants to give is a repeating pattern that has been pointed out many times by now.

(I’d also like to point out that no, it is not just the ship and not just the listed instances that make it straight-written rep for straights. It’s Nico’s entire queer arc, starting with his forced coming out. A severely traumatizing event that is completely brushed over because the straight author doesn’t understand the impact this has on queer people. Not to mention the framework; Nico’s coming out isn’t Nico’s story, it happens in Jason’s POV, it is given to us through the POV of the straight bystander who gets to be Best Ally by assuring Nico that being gay is okay. This kind of coming out is not a queer wish-fulfillment, it’s a straight wish-fulfillment of getting to be the straight savior, the ally to show the gay the light of acceptance. And, additional to the ridiculous pacing of how fast Nico gets over his love for Percy, Nico also gets over years of internalized homophobia just because of, I don’t know, Jason’s few encouraging words and the fact that Will paid attention to him? For a gay kid who was in the closet all his life, the nonchalant way in which he publicly confessed his crush to Percy at the end made absolutely no sense and was written as basically a joke, finished off with Nico literally high-fiving Percy’s girlfriend despite those two never having seen eye to eye before but this is straight wish-fulfillment so all straights are Super Allies, because that’s the way straights want to see themselves, even though Annabeth has shown before just how jealous she can be and she most definitely wouldn’t go around high-fiving people who confess to her boyfriend. Nothing about Nico’s queer arc in HoO felt natural or queer or satisfying.)

Sure, Solangelo on a surface level is big because it's a canon queer couple in a YA book-series and kudos for that and yay for the kids who get to grow up seeing queers in YA books, but I actually do think that kids growing up with books written in the 2010s shouldn't grow up with 1990s levels of representation, because the 2010s overall are actually at a far more nuanced and better level of representation when it comes to queerness. And I do reserve the right to quit on too straight-written and too outdated queer rep in a landscape where I can get more satisfying representation elsewhere; we don’t live in times anymore where you necessarily have to love every bit of rep because it’s the only one you get.

Now that we've gone through my first two gripes, let's wrap this up with the final point, because it also directly ties into this.

3. The new wave of antis hiding behind this ship

A huge part of the fandom is so busy kissing Riordan's ass solely for giving them queer rep at all they think that both the author and the ship are beyond flawless and that kind of attitude is not good. Just because an author includes rep doesn't make either perfect. Absolutely no one is beyond critique - especially not when said critique comes from the very people the author is representing. And even beyond any "valid" critique on the ship, quite frankly, someone should also be allowed to just not like it, without any reasons given at all.

But there is a certain... protective obsessiveness about this ship that doesn't allow a not liking. Very similar to how PJO bore this mindset around Perc/abeth already. It's okay to have OTPs, even OTPs that you have a blindspot for and just don't want to see any flaws in. It is however not okay to then go around attacking people who don't like the thing and mind their own business.

Solangelo's bred a new generation of antis in this fandom. And, particularly with the fact that this post too receives an "anti" tag, I feel like there needs to be a clarification (because tumblr likes to forget what actually makes an anti). Not liking something doesn't make you an anti, venting in properly tagged posts doesn't either; it's the people who harass others, who seek out the content they dislike to then complain that it even exists and who actively try to make others stop creating for it - those are antis.

And with Solangelo's popularity, there was a high rise in Percico antis, who sought it out, were unnecessarily nasty about it, harrassed creators and tried to enforce some kind of "Solangelo supremacy" that won't allow other ships for the characters.

I've been in fandom long enough to be perfectly aware that not all Solangelo shippers count into this category and that there are completely normal and nice Solangelo shippers, but this is a Venn diagram where the overlap between Solangelo shippers and antis is too large to not widely associate the nasty people with the ship itself. (I've been there myself, shipping the very ship behind which a fandom's antis all hid. The second-hand embarrassment of having these people give the ship a bad name is horrendous and I do feel bad for all the normal Solangelo shippers.)

The more often I encountered these people, who made Percico bad (sometimes in wildly ridiculous manners that bent and deliberately misinterpreted canon) and who in the same breath praised Solangelo high, the more tired I grew of that ship. It's a simple game of association, really. You see that linked to the gross and nasty behavior and you start associating the ship itself with that gross and nasty behavior - and with all the things I said before that already weighed into my dislike of the ship, this just was the final tipping point, really.

And that's it. That sums up why I dislike Solangelo. It was hastily rushed, uncomfortable in its execution, it is outdated rep that very much feels as straight-written as it factually is and it does not feel aimed at me as a queer person but rather at the straight audience and it has gathered a cult following of quite uncomfortable people who on their own would be reason enough to avoid it so you can avoid them.

Send me a ship and I will explain why I do or don't ship it

#Anti Solangelo #PJOverse #Riordan Critical #Shipping #Ship Ask Game #send me asks #it IS both a positive AND negative game #and I gotta admit #it is nice to put these things #into proper words #every once in a while

[the-insomniac-emporium]

Bound Blood (Cassandra Dimitrescu/Reader, Soulmate AU) Pt. 4

Fandom: Resident Evil: Village Rating: T+ for language, nudity (but, like, for art), and violence Warnings: Unhealthy dynamics, including violence between the shipped pair, leaning heavily into the "enemies" part of "enemies to friends to lovers" Summary: Local vampire discusses art, depictions of certain anatomy, and enjoys the company of her feral soulmate for 4.5 minutes. Then it goes to shit (as things tend to do). 0-60 Real goddamn quick. Previous Chapters: 1: Sharing Is (Not) Caring; 2: Bloodbath, Baby!, 3: Haunt Me Dearly

4: Portraits For Ghosts

“Am I really supposed to just… stay here? Did she honestly think that I, of all people, would behave? The universe gave me two good hands, and by God, I intend to make that someone else’s problem,” you mutter to yourself as you get dressed. It’s not that you necessarily had anything in mind, rather that you hated the idea of waiting around for who knows how long for Cassandra to return. Especially considering what she had done prior to leaving. Sure, you had laughed, but that hadn’t meant much in the end. At this point, you hadn’t even been out of the dungeon for a full day yet, and the memories of what happened there were fresh in your mind. Nightmares, too, even if you had pushed them aside to deal with Cassandra’s. Why did I bother? You wonder, frowning. There was hardly any point to comforting a monster, no matter the way they trembled.

Or at least that’s the lie you sold yourself.

Soon enough, a knock at the door brings you out of your head. Daphne, maybe, you think, remembering the maiden from yesterday. When you open the door, however, you’re met with an unfamiliar woman. She’s a few years your senior, at the very least, and appears surprised to see you. In her hands is a very enticing tray of food.

“Lady Cassandra wanted me to bring this to you. I am… I am glad to see you are feeling better already,” she says, voice shaking. What was with these maidens and assuming you were anything like your soulmate? Though that last part did catch your interest. Something told you that she wasn’t at all referring to your time in the dungeon. If you had learned anything from Daphne, it was that the best way to get information was to be indirect. So you graciously accepted the food, before speaking, dodging your way around your ignorance.

“Yes, it’s amazing what a bit of meditating can do for the soul- and body, that is,” you start, watching closely for any veiled reactions. Even within the first few words you can tell that this stranger wasn’t expecting you to be pleasant. “Out of curiosity, what did my Lady say about my condition? There are, uh, a few details that I hope she did not share. I’m sure you understand.” As soon as the words leave your mouth, the maiden is nodding, appearing eager to satisfy you. Maybe a hint of fear can be useful, after all.

“No worries, Lady Cassandra did well to respect your privacy, and we would not dare question her further. She simply explained, to her family, that you were dealing with a migraine. I only heard this because I was helping serve breakfast,” she explained, smiling softly. You’re quick to nod, mimicking her expression for maximum empathy. “Do you require anything else? I am here to serve, you must only ask.” Ah, perfect. Would she have offered this even if you hadn’t attempted to be charming? Probably, but your politeness certainly didn't hurt.

“Well, there is one thing… as long as it’s no trouble.”

---------------------------

It had been a risk, asking the servant to take you to a room you weren’t sure existed, but one that had paid off brilliantly. Even if said room was nothing like you had anticipated. Who would have thought that Cassandra, you think, would be an artist? What’s far less surprising is the fact that the studio (or ‘study’, as you had called it) is a disorganized disaster. Discarded papers lie scattered around an overflowing trash can, a cabinet with an attached tool rack is missing pieces, and in one corner there are literally random shards of broken glass lying about. What is this, performance art? Part of you feels tempted to clean up the mess, if only to occupy your time. Instead, you decide to examine some of the pieces within the room. Maybe somehow they’d tell you something noteworthy about your soulmate.

First, you move to your left, where a workbench houses strange sculptures. For the most part they’re abstract, jagged edges contrasting with gentle curves, but there is one you think you understand. It’s very clearly a bust… of someone’s ‘bust’. Guess that solves the age old question of ‘boobs or ass’, you think, stifling a giggle. Moving on, you shift your attention to the exposed section of the cabinet. One row is dedicated to small vials, each labeled with a concerning ‘blood’, despite the fact that it’s clearly not refrigerated. Still, you have heard of artists painting with blood before, but you seem to recall them mixing it with something else. Perhaps Cassandra had done the same? Though you did wonder if she had any difficulty resisting the urge to drink the blood, at least prior to mixing it.

Shrugging, you continue to the other side of the studio, squatting to get a closer look at the broken glass. As expected, there’s no discernable pattern or purpose. Huh, you think, wonder why she doesn’t clean up. Maybe she’s waiting for a servant to do it? Guessing her reasoning was rather difficult, especially considering your lack of context, such as how long the mess had been here. Deciding that this was a pointless distraction, you move on to the only other thing of note in the room: An easel, in the center, with a canvas nearly as tall as yourself. So far, there’s little on it other than pencil lines, a sketch marking where to paint certain details. Only the (start of) the background has been colored. Understandably, it’s hard to make out what exactly the finished project would end up representing. Based on what you know of Cassandra and her family, however, you infer that this- with four figures, one larger than the others, protective- is a painting of the castle residents.

“Family means something to you, hmm?... I hope that mine does not miss me much, for I will never see them again,” you say to yourself, instinctively reaching out towards the art. Before you can touch it, or think better of it, the door to the studio is flying open. In storms Cassandra, fists clenched at her sides. As soon as she sees you, she’s rushing forward, pulling you away from the easel. “Hello, darling. Glad to see me feeling better, yes?” You teased, smiling wide at her. Feeling a bit emboldened by your earlier success, you go a step further, leaning in to give her a quick kiss on the cheek.

“I swear to fuck, if you touched any of my stuff-” Cassandra starts to say, intentionally ignoring the kiss, even though her cheeks get flush at the contact.

“Nope, not a single thing. Not even the broken glass. Nice touch, by the way, makes the whole space feel a helluva lot cozier,” you interject. For a few moments she holds you by your shirt collar, staring you in the eyes as if determining whether or not to believe you. Somehow, some way, she declares you innocent, releasing you with an irritated sigh. After pretending to dust yourself off, you return your attention to the central canvas. “Do you do a lot of art of your family? I passed by several pieces on my way here, though they were certainly in a different style.” Another pause, with Cassandra waiting for you to spring a verbal trap.

“Some of those are mother’s work,” she answers, tentatively, eying you closely. When you merely nod in reply, expecting her to elaborate, she starts to relax, little by little. “I doubt you passed any of mine. Mother tends to keep those closer to her quarters, or near the main entrance.” Interesting, you think, why hasn’t she addressed my original question?

“It sounds like she’s very proud of you,” you muse, still facing away from your soulmate. There’s a slight shakiness to your voice, as your mind starts to dwell on memories of your own family. Perhaps noticing this, Cassandra takes a few steps closer, one hand hovering over your shoulder, not quite sure if you needed (or perhaps deserved) any comfort. In this moment, you feel far more vulnerable than you had the day before. Taking a deep breath, you try to center yourself, before perfectly ruining whatever trust you had just established with Cassandra. “Something tells me she doesn’t know about the titty sculpture though, right? Can’t quite imagine that one being displayed where everyone can see it.”

To your immense surprise, Cassandra gives you a blank stare.

“You… you really don’t know anything about my mother, do you?” She says, after several awkward seconds. It feels strange to think that she had been furious, merely a handful of minutes ago. “If you actually behave for a while, I can show you some of her favorite pieces around the castle. Then maybe you’ll understand.” Intrigued, you debate how exactly to respond. On one hand, you did want to see the art, but on the other hand… misbehaving was your goal of the day.

“Sounds like a nice date to me. Why not start the tour right now?” You suggest, hoping to meet your ‘politeness quota’ earlier rather than later. Still, it is in your very nature to be chaotic, and you find yourself giving Cassandra an affectionate shoulder touch. It’s not at all genuine, but the two of you blush nonetheless. How could you not, when your blood was bound together, hearts made to race in sync?

“Don’t get friendly with me,” Cassandra stammers, unadjusted to the way her pulse pounded. “This isn’t a date. We’re just- it doesn’t matter, actually. As long as it means getting you out of my studio, I don’t care.” With that said, she takes your hand in her own, pulling you towards the exit. If she has any feelings about the soft touch, she hides them well… unlike yourself. Cheeks flushed, you’re half tempted to yank yourself out of her grip, hating the way your heart skips a few beats. Would I still feel this way if I didn’t know we were soulmates? You wonder, biting your lower lip to prevent any unwanted comments from slipping out. Soon enough you’d have art aplenty to distract yourself with. Hopefully.

---------------------------

“My God, you were not kidding. I don’t- I can’t even think of anything clever to say,” you chime, staring dumbfounded at the several statuettes of naked women. They seemed to fulfill some other purpose, one you couldn’t parse at the moment, but you could hardly think about the details right now. “I mean, good for your mother, for sticking to a theme, I suppose,” you continue, tripping over your own tongue, uncharacteristically quiet. Clearly amused by your flustered display, Cassandra lets out a hearty laugh.

“Good to know some things can shut you up. I’ll have to keep this in mind for next time you bother me,” she teases, light-heartedly. Her words only fluster you more, though they quickly give you room to counter, much to your joy.

“Is that so? Planning on carrying around a busty bust for the rest of your life, or thinking of going the more au naturel route?” You asked, briefly sticking your tongue out at Cassandra. It takes her a moment to understand what you’re getting at, but as soon as she does she’s smacking your arm with an offended huff. Despite her irritation, the blow is relatively soft, and you swear you can see her fighting to hide a smile. “Starting to go soft on me, are you? I hardly even felt that one.”

“So you’d prefer I hit you harder? And to think you called me kinky,” Cassandra fires back, without a hint of hesitation. Now both of you are laughing, softly, like old friends sharing fond memories. It’s… weirdly nice. A warmth fills your chest, even as you try to remind yourself that you shouldn’t be happy right now. Damn it, you think, suddenly frowning, hands clenching. We shouldn’t be having fun banter, back and forth like a real couple. Not when I’ve still got wounds from her hands on my skin. Instinctively you reach up to your face, thumb running over the marks Cassandra’s nails had left behind. The touch stings, bad, no matter how gentle you try to be. Noticing your shift in expression, your soulmate inches closer. “If your wounds are bothering you, I can have one of the servants get more ointment or whatever it is we have around. I don’t want you to-... There’s no reason for you to suffer more than you need to, besides, I don’t want you complaining all day.” Of course she couldn’t bring herself to imply that she cared. Of course. It wasn’t like the two of you were actually capable of being soft for each other, obviously. All of your confusion melts down, boiled by the warmth in your chest, turning to a familiar, albeit painful, rage.

“Right, right! Because you care so fucking much, yeah? What the fuck am I doing? Why am I-” you jab a finger towards her chest, accusatory- “talking to you? Why am I pretending you're not the one who did this to me? You’re the fucking reason my face hurts, my shoulder hurts, my brain-... I can’t stop thinking about everything that happened down there. I can’t get those goddamn images out of my head, every time I close my eyes, every time I look at you. I…” You trail off, chest heaving a little, tears pricking the corners of your eyes. Cassandra’s standing tall, unflinching, but there’s a noticeable regret in her expression.

“What. Are. You… going to do about it?” She asks, through clenched teeth, fighting back the full force of her emotions. You can’t tell what exactly she’s feeling, but you know that you want her to show you. Every part of you is itching for a fist fight, regardless of how stupid you know the idea is.

“Depends, dickwad, on whether or not these statuettes are properly secured,” you snap, already moving, fully abandoning all impulse control. By the time your hand grips the first sculpture, Cassandra has put you in a headlock, forcefully tugging you backwards. Panic sets in, making you try to jam your elbows into her stomach. Before long both of you are tumbling to the floor, bodies already aching, limbs flailing wildly in an attempt to hit a target, any target. In the end the air is knocked from your lungs as your head smacks against the ground. “Shit, shit, shit,” you grumble, coughing, finally processing just how much of a dumbass you were. It’s clear that at least one of the previous day’s wounds has reopened, and you feel something wet and sticky on your shirt.

“Finished, asshole?” Cassandra wheezes, sounding dazed, roughly pulling you up by your shirt collar. You nod, refusing to meet her gaze. Then she’s sighing in relief, letting you lean on her for support, holding you surprisingly close, considering the circumstances. “Let’s get you cleaned up. Again…”

#cassandra dimitrescu x reader #cassandra dimitrescu #resident evil: village #re8 village #enemies to friends to lovers #blunt teeth sharp tongue #got some fun banter in this one! #followed immediately by heartbreak #they want to be soft so bad #but they do not know how #i promise they will eventually be soft #you have to remember that this is still less than 24 hours after part 1 #the reader is traumatized

[bookofmirth]

The english side of me REALLY jumped out with this one lol

Possessiveness, jealousy, and overprotectiveness are staples of the romance genre, especially when it comes to paranormal romances, so much so that it’s expected for people to overlook the problematic aspects of possessiveness, jealousy, and overprotectiveness because these concepts in the romance genre are meant to be viewed not only as hot and sexy, but indicators of love and showing that the person cares. Despite their tendency to fall in the yellow flag zone, these concepts are meant to further the romance itself. And when you begin to question these concepts as they appear in different romances, there’s almost always pushback with people saying the books are “just fiction”. But what happens when there’s evidence that shows why these three concepts aren’t always healthy or hot/sexy in a romantic pairing? What happens when the narrative is using these concepts to show how they can be detrimental to a character and those romantically associated with that character?

Possessiveness/Overprotectiveness

In romances, it’s always in the man’s nature to be possessive and overprotective. These two concepts are usually used to show that a character is protective of their partner and we see that happen with almost all of SJM’s endgame ships, but they’re almost always portrayed as good/healthy because of the equal partnership that is present in those relationships. Thinking about acotar, a relationship where possessiveness and overprotectiveness were depicted in a negative light was between Feyre and Tamlin. Their relationship was imbalance and Tamlin’s possessiveness/overprotectiveness of Feyre stood out in the barriers he placed on Feyre when they were together: not letting her leave the house/keeping her in the house; saying everything is for her “protection”; only letting her talk to Alis and Lucien/limiting her interactions with others; telling Lucien to back off from Feyre because Tamlin saw him as a threat and that she could fall for him instead; having Feyre be dependent on him by not teaching her how to fight/learn how to use her powers; controlling every aspect of Feyre’s life at the beginning of acomaf; among other things.

Males in acotar feel an intrinsic sense of entitlement to their mate and are described as being protective and possessive over their mates. When people say that A is exhibiting “mate behavior” towards E, obviously there is a positive connotation associated with that phrase because of how the males act around their mate. But the thing is A isn’t E’s mate. A’s possessiveness of E is treading on the waters of Tamlin-ville because: A speaks for E, which is oddly similar to what some of E’s stans do in fandom discussions (as if E herself reached out of the book to personally tell them things that no one else knows); he makes it known that E shouldn’t help with the Dread Trove, which is an example of A attempting to limit what E does; and he subtly expresses a sense of entitlement over E in the bonus chapter during his conversation with Rhys when he questions if the Cauldron was wrong in pairing E with Lucien. A’s “mate behavior” is completely different from Rhys and Cassian because Rhys and Cassian are canonically mated to Feyre and Nesta, which plays a role in how they act towards them. Also, neither of them attempt to limit what Feyre and Nesta do even if they worry about their safety. To say that A is exhibiting “mate behavior” towards E would have the same effect as saying Tamlin was exhibiting “mate behavior” towards Feyre. I think that the reason A’s actions towards E are described as mate-like is because thinking otherwise calls his actions into question. I assume some people aren’t ready for that conversation because he’s been portrayed as the sad bat boy in the fandom for so long that it’s probably hard for people to come to terms with this not being the case.

When people say A being overprotective of E is similar to Rhys and Cassian being overprotective of Feyre and Nesta, the comparison becomes incomparable because A is overprotective of E to the point where he goes against what E wants to do (E stating she wanted to help find the dread trove, a scene in which A was present and later A said E shouldn’t be exposed to its innate darkness), while Rhys and Cassian know Feyre and Nesta are capable of fending for themselves in dangerous situations. It’s just ironic that A’s overprotectiveness in this moment contradicts E’s “choice” of wanting to help, yet I don’t see that being mentioned in those “choice” arguments.

Jealousy

Jealousy in the romance genre is always meant to further the romance between the love interests and we see that happen with rowaelin and chaorene (and probably other SJM ships too). But when the jealousy and the romance are disconnected from each other, that’s meant to show something about the character who is jealous and what they’re jealous of. On the second page of the bonus chapter, it’s established that A is envious of Cassian and Rhys and that the reason he remained downstairs by the fire was so that he didn’t get swallowed up by his jealousy in his room. Then on the third page, it’s revealed that the reason he stayed by the door at Solstice was because “he couldn’t stand the sight of it, the scent of their mating bond, and needed to have the option of leaving if it became too much”. There is a blatant reimagining happening with A’s bonus chapter to make it seem as though his jealousy is romantically coded when the jealousy has nothing to do with his relationship with E and more to do with him. This reimagining has to be a case of people seeing what they want to see because I highly doubt people are out here failing literature class.

The Romance Genre & SJM

A and E’s interaction in the bonus chapter is frequently compared to Wings and Embers. The only similarity between these two chapters is the sexual undertones, which is part of the reason why I think people compare them in the first place because everything else (the structure of the chapters, their contents, and the amount of characters involved in them) is different. I think people are hiding behind the sexual undertones of the bonus chapter in hopes that it somehow overshadows not only the oddness of A’s interaction with E, but the ending of the bonus chapter as well. And even more than that, A giving away the necklace is compared to Cassian tossing Nesta’s present in the Sidra. Since A is able to give the necklace away that should tell you about the significance of the necklace’s connection to E herself (if A can easily give it away to the next person on the street) whereas Cassian regifting Nesta’s present would probably be meaningless to someone else because it was Nesta specific.

We know that acotar is more romance heavy compared to tog and cc so I can see why people lean more on the conventions of the romance genre as a basis for their arguments. And this is fueled by SJM saying this new trilogy will have one couple per book. However, the downfall of these arguments is that oftentimes the plot, narrative structure of this new trilogy in particular, and individual character progressions are secondary or afterthoughts to the romance they support. These arguments lack any real substance because acotar has proved time and time again that both the romance AND the plot work in tandem, going against the broad strokes of the romance genre formula where the romance is primarily in the spotlight.

Basically, why do you think A’s possessiveness, jealousy, and overprotectiveness of E is romanticized? Why do you think A and E’s dynamic is constantly compared to feysand and nessian? And why do you think people take issue with A being compared to Tamlin?

I think that the reason A’s actions towards E are described as mate-like is because thinking otherwise calls his actions into question.

THIS

I hate the whole discussion of "mate behavior" because the series doesn't even explain that very well. Rhys can't explain why people are mated, if it's for reproduction or being "equals" (in what sense, who knows), the courts all handle acceptance/rejection differently, the consequences of rejection are unclear and make it seem like the woman is beholden to accept on pain of... causing someone else pain.

I agree 100% that people (maybe unconsciously) try to ascribe "mate behavior" to Azriel in order to excuse what would ordinarily be inexcusable. He doesn't have some magical thing making him act this way. Neither did Tamlin, and we know how people view his behavior. And that's another thing with "mate behavior" and the bond. Why would Tamlin and Feyre not be mates, if all it took were these extreme possessive and protective behaviors? Why aren't Az and Mor mates?

And it's not even about Elain! Az acts like this with Mor, and we know there isn't a mating bond there. Azriel has zero reason to behave the way that he does, not in the same way that the mating bond gives Rhys and Cassian an "excuse", flimsy as it is, for the way that they act around Nesta and Feyre. Even that excuse is crap, because we have Rhys out here leaving Feyre's abusive ex alone, and then we have Lucien doing the same with Graysen. The definition of "mate behavior" that some of the fandom is working with... is sus.

The fact is that no matter how "overprotective" and possessive Rhys and Cassian were, they never prevented Nesta or Feyre from doing what they wanted. They might have gotten their hackles up, but then they backed off. Rhys sent Feyre into the Weaver's cottage. Nesta went to war. There is a balance between caring deeply and passionately for these women, and recognizing them as individuals whose autonomy should be respected.

The jealousy is 100% not about Elain. It's not about Elain being with Lucien. It's not about Mor, because we know that it's not really about Mor sleeping with Helion. Azriel has 99 problems, and 98.5 of them are about his childhood and his loneliness. The other 0.5 problem comes in the shape of a snowball.

The only similarity between these two chapters is the sexual undertones

You know I haven't done a full blown comparison between these chapters, but I'd agree. The entire Wings and Embers short was about Nesta and Cassian. There were no other characters and they learned a great deal about one another. What did Elain and Az learn about one another as people in the first third of his POV? Nothing. There was no tension between them other than sexual. Cassian thought Nesta's name over and over, thought about her as a person and her personality and how she made him feel. Azriel literally only thinks about fucking Elain. There is nothing wrong with fucking, obviously, but that's not love. (Maybe I should fully compare them idk.)

It's when we look at everything he doesn't say in conjunction with how he treats Elain and Mor in other scenarios... that's troubling. People can misread our 😬 at his behavior all they want, but the fact is that Az didn't have a single kind, original thought about who Elain is. His POV gave us zero extra insight into who Elain is as a person, which is... startling, if we are supposed to think that they know one another so incredibly well and have such intense feelings for each other. Why would we not get additional insight into her character? We get a lot of insight into Az's character for sure. But following his POV, if he loves and knows this woman so well, we should feel that. We should know why he loves her, what he knows about her, we should... just get some more damn insight into her character, if we are in the POV of someone who supposedly knows her so well!!!!

You know it's funny though, because the Az and Elain interaction in his POV mirrors when Nesta imagined a threesome with Az and Cassian. Close, and potentially pretty hot, but it never really happened because then it would mess up sjm's plans for the future.

Okay now to your ACTUAL questions haha and not just my reactions to what you said.

I agree that romanticizing Azriel's behaviors is the better option for people who ship it because otherwise the alternative is to accept them for what they are, which is not about Elain at all. Az has an even longer history of being all "mate behavior" on Mor, but no one thinks that's odd? I think that some people pick and choose their evidence, which is a big reason why I keep shoving Mor into these conversations. If the "mate behavior" argument was genuine and had a solid foundation, then the people making these claims would still ship moriel.

The whole thing with Az and Tamlin comparisons.... oh boy. I think there is a lot there.

I think that people don't want to see Az as anything less than perfect sad boi that Elain can fix with her love.

I think that people have a difficult time seeing emotional abuse IRL, to the point where even people who experience it directly struggle to come to terms with it, so why would we willingly embrace its presence in fiction? It also flirts with a lot of the ideas you mentioned being present in a lot of romance, though I'd argue a lot of those elements are becoming passé.

I think that Tamlin is Fandom Enemy Number One while Azriel is Self-insert Book Boyfriend Number One, and maybe people don't know how to reconcile those things. (This is quite literally true, I checked AO3 for reader fanfics and compared numbers between the bat boys, Az/reader fics win by a landslide.)

There also seems to be a refusal to see or accept nuance. I'm not even talking about moral complexity because I don't think that either Tamlin or Az intend to behave the way they do. They aren't villains. It just reminds me of people who somehow don't think Nesta was absolutely horrible through much of the series, even though a huge focus of her arc in acosf was coming to terms with how she had treated people. Anyway...

People see "gwynriel shipper" or "elucien 💕" in a bio and just dismiss arguments before trying to understand them

People try to justify their actions of their faves, which I understand!

People don't understand how subtle emotional abuse can be, and how there doesn't have to be clear intention.

I still plan on pulling out evidence from the book about times when their behaviors mirror one another. But it's like I've said for months - Tamlin is a cautionary tale. I don't think Azriel will go that far, but the foundation is there. The fact that acotar/acomaf was so, so explicit about how Tamlin's behavior was not okay, and yet people can see that same behavior in another character one book later and want to try to excuse it... sigh. Way to miss the point, fandom.

#the brielle tag #ask #not even gonna tag these characters #my stalkers will love this post though #💋 #antielriel

[djhedy]

what is canon and should we respect it (a not-essay on aftg fandom)

i want to write an *entire* essay on this but i am between meds right now so exhausted and suffering a HEAT WAVE (uk?? why! we are normally so temperate) and also there's always a risk of sounding patronising when trying to put your opinions/experience across, so i'll try to write briefly and wotnot

what is canon:

"the material accepted as officially part of the story in an individual universe of that story" or, as we'd probably all put it "wot the author wrote"

why this matters, and why the author matters - our characters wouldn't exist without them

beyond a basic respect for the author, which i would define as like not being a bitch to them (because every human being has feelings, and this is something easily forgotten on the internet), we land on the question "should we respect canon"

well... maybe?

it sort of depends why you're here. the experience of literature/art can be defined a few ways: what the author intended, what the reader experiences, the impact on society.

what nora intended: if you care, she's written a lot of extra content on tumblr. but given that the majority of people who read the books probably won't care enough to find the extra content, this isn't canon. it isn't canon because it isn't in the books of the story. calling it canon is gatekeeping. but it's SUPER FUN and i enjoy seeing what nora's interpretation of her own characters are. thanks nora we luv u.

the impact on society: people get SO UPSET about this question. and it's a reasonable question for sure. art does impact society and vice versa. i just kind of don't think this is the big deal you think it is. people are always hunting for signs of homophobia, sexism, transphobia etc in fandom works. and like... sure, you can do that if you'll enjoy it. this essay isn't really about this, and i don't want to ramble. but aftg is an indie publication. its impact is so insubstantial. maybe chill out. the people who are like AARON IS HOMOPHOBIC BUT ANDREW THE MURDERER IS UWU or, opposite, SETH DESERVED REDEMPTION AND MATT IS ABLEIST - my guys it's a book. these characters are flawed. literature isn't meant to be a pinnacle of morals (unless... it is) and we're supposed to love these characters because they work through their flaws and settle into who they are. are they still dicks at the end? sure! it's fun. not everything has to be light and perfect. and you'll have more fun with art if you stop hunting for homophobes in the fandom of an independent publication with a few thousand readers. that's not how to succeed at the gay agenda. we're on it, i promise.

WHAT THE READER EXPERIENCES: this is the big one! you know when you read a book or watch a film and say "oh wow so it was about THIS, THIS was the important bit!" and someone disagrees? well, they're not wrong and you're not wrong. experience is a whole thing. what someone has experienced in life before they come to the art, what they experience during the art itself. art is a communication from the creator to the audience and that communication is subtle and will be different for *every* single person.

this will upset a lot of people, but it isn't canon that neil is demisexual. the label isn't mentioned once in the books. can it be inferred? ABSOLUTELY. he's demi in all of my fanfics because i personally love it. but nora mentioning it in extra content does not make it canon, in the same way that jkr telling everyone she saw dumbledore as gay after the books, does not make it canon. #theauthorisdead (but let's still be nice to them. ...unless you're jkr. fuck jkr.)

my point is just that canon doesn’t always matter. collectively most of us have decided neil is demi, which is important rep to a lot of people without rep. how sexy of us.

and experience matters. there will be people to whom it's important to write neil as not-very-demi. there will be people to whom it's important to write neil as super ace. be kind to each other.

i've decided i need to add another heading.

WHAT'S THE POINT OF FANFICTION?

to preserve canon? no, because... nora already did that. there's a huge amount of fun to be had trying to write neil and andrew as *accurately* as possible - but this *accuracy* will be different from person to person. because a work of literature is complicated and writing is hard and - individual experience. we've already gone through that. but like, have you ever tried to write andrew's dialogue accurately, the way he speaks like he's half-high half-shakespearean?? it's DIFFICULT. i have tried.

you know what's also fun? experimenting. what would their relationship be like if neil was an alcoholic. what if andrew liked wearing dresses. what if one of them cheated. what if matt died of a drug overdose.

in my head the point of fanfiction is EXPLORATION.

sometimes you're exploring the characters as accurately to your experience of them as possible, sometimes you're adding a new element in to see how they would react. let's be honest, that new element is usually something you're obsessed with in your own life. gender presentation? why people cheat? why people relapse? why relationships break down?

anyway, back to the list.

WHAT'S THE POINT OF FANFICTION?

to dick around and have a nice time? yes.

to work through your own identities/traumas/what have you? probably if you're anything like me and basically everyone i know in the fandom lol.

i think this is everything i want to say.

no wait i lied! final point.

if you've ever studied literature or philosophy the first things they teach you is to question *everything*. for example: what is fanfiction, what is canon, "we have to respect canon" do we??

if you've heard someone using the word "feminisation" to mean "make neil soft uwu", rather than repeating the word, question why it's being used here. what does feminise mean, what does soft mean. maybe you love the dark side to neil, maybe other people like the side of him that can heal.

there's nothing wrong with playing with sexual dynamics and relationship dynamics. sometimes you might be writing something cliched, homophobic, sexist - if you work out you are doing that, maybe stop it. on the other hand lots of couples *do* play out the dynamics of - trousers on in the bedroom, trousers on in the relationship. it's not homophobic to depict a homosexual relationship where one is subby and one is dommy. it exists. so like, chill a little.

and remember you are not always right and everyone is different?

man did i accidentally make this patronising?

woops.

lots of love hedy x

#aftg #fanfic #a whole fucking essay #yes im gay and my gf is sub as shit #it's fucking hilarious #i'm also an ex-lit student and i miss it #be gay do crime #etc #if you're mad at me come tell me #conversation is cool #just be nice to each other plz

[leamy-world]

Reaction to The Devil Judge (spoilers for ep. 9 & 10)

It’s been a while since i’ve last been on tumblr, but i got invested in this drama every week & the fandom’s analyses to not talk about it sometime! (Last time i was hooked, it was with Beyond Evil and i watched it by the time the finale already aired so i didn’t suffer from the weekly wait!)

So here i am, this is mainly self-indulgent with essay-long interpretations of some scenes in a totally random order, but i’d love to interact with whoever reads this if they want to react!

I’m sorry for the potential awkward phrasings, english is not my first language!

- The recap was nicely done and tied everything together, it made me realize so many things happened since the beginning! The repetition didn’t make me skip it, the narration was dynamic & fun.

- The ‘power display’ & threat Yohan showed to Soohyun (by lashing out at Juk Chang and strangling him, as proxy for Soohyun, in front of her while staring at her) were something …! She answered in the same fashion, passing by him saying she will ‘arrest Juk Chang’. I wonder how their next encounters will unfold.

- Many people already pointed this out, but Soohyun’s decision to leave Elijah, a minor, alone in her car (with its doors open, daring to tell her to stay there when she has no other choice anyway) + stop the gang alone and unannounced off duty was irresponsible. Anyways, i wonder if she will interact again with Elijah because they were adorable, i would miss it!

- The conversation between Soohyun & Gaon at his apartment (ep. 10) was interesting on both parts: 

It sounded casual, but Soohyun wanted to see where he stood in the Kang family and make sure he wasn’t in Yohan’s plans (i hope she didn’t seriously mean the ‘weird’ comment about Elijah, it’d be sad since Elijah enjoyed her company!).

Gaon was anxious professor Min told her about their last conversation (i think she’ll talk to him in the next eps). He also indirectly defended the Kangs by associating himself with them (« I’m pretty sure i’m just as weird ») and voiced his concern about Yohan, speaking more to himself than following the conversation at hand. 

When Soohyun changed the subject with the ‘i’m jealous’ bit, maybe it was to brighten the mood with a light-hearted comment, hoping Gaon would follow. And by the look of her pause right after, it seemed she was also expecting GO’s ‘positive’ reaction to her jealousy, giving in to the kind of teasing/flirt they have in their friendship. But deep down, it was also to voice her true unease about Gaon’s involvement with Yohan she had since the beginning and ep. 8. 

It’s obvious to us she meant she was jealous of Yohan. And GO could’ve understood it this way too, since she confessed to him multiple times and her feelings must be known to him (i think he takes it as a ‘joke’ given how many times she confessed and each time when he was crying, so maybe he thought, very reasonably, it was to cheer him up? I also guess he’s too absorbed by his current worries about the Kangs and her potential suspicion, to notice her attempts). 

But instead of that, he’s not in the same line of thoughts at all and picks up on the « rich », musing on what makes one’s existence rich, thinking Soohyun was envying Yohan’s position and life and proving her he’s indeed in a whole different world, empathizing with Yohan. 

She then looked like her face fell, until her eyes lit up again when he was about to admit she was precious to him along with his family.

By the way, this scene picks up right where we were left off in ep. 8, when Gaon tends to his plants:

« - Are you back for good? - Not really. They need some looking after. - You should come back, not drop by. This is where you live. - Someone there needs some taking care of too. - Take care of your own self, please. - What about me? I’m living a shamelessly comfortable life. Soohyun. - Yes? - What are you thinking about? - Nothing. By the way, Gaon … » (i wonder what she was going to say!)

Lost in thoughts, Gaon’s mixed emotions when he said Yohan was not rich (« he’s not rich. If you get to know him, Kang Yohan is really poor. ») were very well depicted by Jinyoung’s acting: the soft voice and the ghost of a smile that convey understanding and endearment, leaning on his counter in a relaxed stance, but also at the same time the stare lost in the space, maybe to all the memories tied to the Kangs and Yohan, and the tension in his left lip corner by the end of his sentence which betray his sadness and empathy with Yohan’s life. After this, when he became aware of Soohyun’s gaze, it’s like his bubble popped. He looked surprised with his eyes widening, and was fidgeting a little, then changed the subject to himself.

And « I have you, Soohyun » sounded truly grateful but also sad and conflicted, GO lets his worries show when she’s gone, maybe wondering if they would be bound to be against each other one day as he continues to side with Yohan, menacing to jeopardize their friendship to the point of no return. In these kinds of stories you expect these kinds of twists, but i grew fond of the cast send help

- I loved how Yohan’s confession to GO about his brother was filmed: the camera faced head-on his pain, slipping unbeknownst to him through the façade he always showed to protect himself. But this time, despite his (late) attempts to dismiss these feelings both for him and Gaon to regain composure (the hand gestures to hide his tears, pretending to be tough with the  « there’s no such things as innocent people », drinking away his sorrow with a bitter laugh that rings hollow), all this façade fades out in front of Gaon literally by being blurred out in the shot, as if he clearly sees his pain through (his silhouette appearing clear-cut between Yohan’s gestures). I know it’s a pretty classic shot but it fit well with this scene. He clenches his jaw in the next shot, moved by Yohan opening up. 

- The dinner scene was really moving …! Especially when you put the colder tones the kitchen had when we first saw Yohan have dinner by himself next to this scene, full of light in contrast! I wonder when the OST playing will be released, it was so beautiful and reminded me of My Mister’s OST (especially Rainbow!). I look forward to the lyrics, because most of the time the OST gives more layers & depth to the story and the characters! (please don’t let it be about Yohan’s budding feeling of a true ‘home’ ;;) I didn’t realize it upon my first watch, but Gaon really took the cutlery hostage, it cracked me up!

- The parallels in this show will be the end of me: Yohan went from the « i’m so sick of this place » (ep. 5) to asking K to drive him « home » with a delighted smile. 

- I liked the parallel of Yohan’s reaction to GO/Sun-Ah sitting in his office chair, impeding on his space (he reminds SA to stay out of it, the first time politely, the second time almost grimacing, his jaw clenched: « Just because you’re the head of the OSC doesn’t mean you can barge in like this (…) So please stop barging in like this. », while he says nothing to GO)

- At the beginning of ep. 10, we have Yohan saying he doesn’t like «  hanging out with people » & by the end of it, Soohyun saying « My childhood’s best friend is hanging out with a rich guy ».

- These two episodes gave more insight and nuance into Sun-Ah’s character, which was very nice ; and also Cha Kyung-Hee’s comeback (and her last confrontation with Sun-Ah!!!!)

- The people following Juk Chang also targeted sexual minorities according to the subs i had, i wonder if it will be addressed again sometime in the drama. 

- I loved Elijah’s « hacking » technique scene, i felt proud too! I always look forward to her scenes (and Kkomi’s too haha)! And her reaching out Gaon’s shoulder for the first time ;;

- The ‘humans lose their minds when they think they’ve lost what they have’ ……… repeated twice by YH ………… It will hit hard and all those lines will come right back at us viewers, but i’m not prepared haha! And also for the ‘if you want revenge, don’t hesitate’, i hope it doesn’t foreshadow a future revenge Gaon will execute without hesitation aaaaaa

Also, what lawyer Ko said about himself in ep. 8 may apply to Yohan’s case by the end, will he atone for what he did someday? (« I’m no longer a lawyer. I’m just a criminal. When all this comes to an end, I’ll pay for what i did. »)

- I really loved Yohan’s efforts to take into consideration both Elijah’s (he refrained himself from acting rashly like the last time she went out and listened to her) and Gaon’s feelings (stopping him from endangering himself recklessly, not forcing him onto the revenge path lest he’d regret it afterwards, and helping him to face the truth rationally). 

- « She’s hungry for affection. No matter how much you hate the world and the people in it, you can never live alone. You always need someone to rely on. As long as you’re a human being. » Many people commented on it, Gaon must speak from his own experience and empathizes with both Elijah and Yohan’s situation. These two episodes showed how Gaon cares for the Kangs more openly, and i live for it! 

- Give me that domestic scene where Gaon plays cards with YH, the nanny and Elijah! And also more K and lawyer Ko scenes!

- Jinjoo’s and Gaon’s intervention in the trial were gold! And Satie’s Gnossiennes rearrangement playing in the background during Juk Chang’s speech, it’s the cherry on the cake haha

- By the way, there was also an arrangement of Rachmaninoff’s piano concerto no. 2 during the first charity event Yohan went with Jinjoo in the earlier episodes, it was also beautiful!

- GO’s Awkward Smile. I have no words, it is now forever imprinted on my mind.

Have a nice week and take care!

#the devil judge #tvn drama #my ramblings

[themonotonysyndrome]

REDACTED verse - The aloof Bombay & wounded Border Collie

Summary: They say you are what you are in the dark. So you prove just who you are when there's only you and Frederick in a dark house, with no one else around. 

TW: [Swearing], [Profanity], [Angst with a happy ending] & [Mild panic attack]

So, first thing first, a little backstory about this oneshot. I had already written out the first scene a week before Redacted announced the discontinuation of Frederick & Bright Eyes series. Although he mentioned that it’s fine to continue on writing headcanons about the two, I was hesitant to continue writing this fic. 

But I’ve been missing them terribly so I sat my ass down and finally completed it! Yay! Fred & Bright Eyes had one of the most interesting dynamics in this fandom so I wanted to give it a go based on my headcanons of them. 

-

There's a strange sort of energy hovering around Vincent and Sam lately. 

It's not subtle either. Its anxiety, stress and uncertainty all roll together into a heavily dense fog that makes you itches under the skin. 

This has been going on for days now. 

Vincent constantly has thick textbooks with him whenever he comes over to Sam's place. They would exchange short pleasantries before Sam hurried off to his Werewolf beau (it's sort of funny the first time Sam returns home, and you spotted courses of wolf's hair stuck onto the hem of his clothes and jeans. You figured that this man's main hobby was tussling with Wolves, but when Sam would sneak back into his own fucking house like a teenager, it wasn't hard to put two-and-two together). Vincent would then make sure that you and Frederick are fed, settled in for the night before he completely ignores the two of you in favour of his school work. 

As if the two of you are a pair to toddlers. You'd laugh if it didn't annoy you. 

Fred, ever the gentle sweetheart, attempted to make small talks at first. Tentatively asking if he's stressed out over exams and if there's anything he could do to help - the result was expected. With pen in hand, notebooks and the two hundred and one pages depicting the foundations of magical healing, Vincent rather absentmindedly shooed him away. 

Sam is arguably the worst. Ever since he stepped outside of the house during their crash course of the Empowered creatures in Dahlia to answer a phone call, he returns with lines on his forehead and shoulders tensed as hell. 

Their impromptu lesson ended just like that when another Clan member had to babysit the two of you after Sam stormed out of the house. 

You don't know whether they realise how taunt their strings have been, and you don't really care, honestly. Just curious; you're pretty confident that something big will happen soon. 

At least there's something exciting to look forward to other than Sam's disapproving frowns and Fred's frustrated attempts at making you bear your heart and guts out. 

And something big will happen soon. Apparently, there's something equivalent to a magical Olympics that occurs every year called the Elemental & Energetic Games, and this year, the local supernatural academy would be the one hosting it in Dahlia. Interesting. 

Speaking of which, you could hear Vincent talking to his lover outside your bedroom through his phone. "Sam's on the way... yeah, he just texted me." A short pause. "Yeah, I can do that. Hey, hey, Lovely - listen to me. Everything's going to be alright. You've been practising non-stop for the Games. You deserve a special night for a change. So here's what we're going to do: I'll pick up some of that blueberry pie you love so much on the way back, we'll watch some movies after dinner and then have an early night so you'll feel better tomorrow. Sounds good? Nice. Oh wait - I think I can hear Sam outside. See you in a little bit. Love you too, Lovely." 

You tune the outside world after that. It makes sense now why Vincent was stressed out; he's busy playing the good boyfriend. 

With a tired sigh, you try your best to occupy your mind. It's three hours to midnight, but to Vampires, that's practically early morning, and you're already so bored. You don't want to step out of your little sanctuary if it means having to deal with Sam, Vincent and Fred tonight. 

Or ever. Forever sounds good. 

Not knowing what else to do, you pushed yourself out of bed and padded towards the window sill. The cool night air greets you as well as the trees and shadows that stretch on for miles. Once you and Fred were officially brought under Sam's care as his Progenies, you quickly realise that his house is located on the outskirts of Dahlia. Where the forests sprawl behind the abode and the city lights are just far enough not to pollute the night sky. 

A perfect place to raise a pair of unplanned Newborn Vampires. You conclude that either Sam enjoys living by himself in a secluded property or that this house was given to him by Mr. Solaire. 

Either way, you would've love to sneak out and explore the forest if it weren't for the magical wards that Sam had warned the two of you. The moment you or Fred steps out of the immediate area, Sam would know right away that one of them disobeyed his rules. 

So despite the pleasant night air, there's a strum of anxiety and restlessness stirring within you. Is it because of Sam's recent behaviours or the upcoming Games? You can't tell, not when no one is bothered enough to tell you what's going on. 

You take a deep breath and take your sweet time to exhale the air out. There's no use in working yourself up; not when you just need to get through this Newborn phase. It's better to think of the future. 

And that bastard's mangled corpse at your feet. 

"You should've listened to your friend, little mouse." 

Ironically, the monster's voice is the only thing keeping you sane during this whole happy house facade that Sam and Frederick insist on playing. Late-night fantasies of ripping that smug's asshole to pieces are the only thing that keeps you going, sad as it is. 

It's not revenge; it's justice. It's your atonement for hurting Frederick. What good would apologies serve when you can present that monster's head to him? You're not deluded enough to play the victim; you're the reason why the two of you are the way you are now, but you'll be damn if you admit that to Sam. 

Sam's already blamed you for what happened to Fred. Even if he never says it. His lingering glances and furrowed brows are telling enough. There's no need to give him more ammunition against you. 

You breathe in and out again; willing yourself to calm down. So you start to distract yourself by planning to gather enough money and resources to leave the Clan once Mr. Solaire deems that you're safe to be on your own and to others. His kind smile and knowing eyes should've made you uncomfortable, but all you can feel is genuine compassion and understanding coming from that ancient Vampire King. 

So. Priorities: Passing the Newborn period, gather enough money, clothes and anything else that's important, thank Mr. Solaire for taking you into his Clan, and if it's not too presumptuous, ask him to continue to care for Fred. 

A knock on the door startles you from your train of thoughts, but you keep your gaze on the dark forest laid before you. 

You heard the door creak as it slowly swings open and then, "Bright Eyes? Is... Is everything ok?" 

It's Fred. Of course, it would be Fred. 

"Mm-hmm." You reply absentmindedly. You didn't even have to look at him to know that he doesn't believe your bullshit. And him being your Sire makes it impossible to lie to him, so you often gives out vague responses. 

Most of these days, your interactions with him are curt, with doubt thrown into the mix. Fred is hesitant to press you when you brush away his questions, and in return, you hide as often as possible so you wouldn't step on any emotional landmines in this house. 

"Are you sure? Because I can kind of sense that you're upset..." Fred said after a brief moment of hesitation. Ah, it's going to be one of those nights. 

The bond between a Sire and his Progeny once again proves to be a fucking nuisance. Not only could you not lie to Fred, but he could also sense phantom emotions coming from you. So much for privacy. 

"It's fine, Fred. I was just thinking." There. Not a lie but not the total truth either. 

"O-Oh." From the doorway, Fred bit his lower lip. Why is it getting harder and harder to approach Bright Eyes nowadays? He hates this distance between them. He hates how they rarely left their room. 

He hates how it feels like he's losing his friend as the days go by. 

"Do you, uh, maybe want to play a game or something? Vincent hooked up a Playstation 5 before he left. I think he also left some video games - "

"I'm not in the mood to play tonight, Fred. Maybe tomorrow." 

Fred sighs at the clear dismissal. It honestly hurt; Bright Eyes constant rebuff is getting sharper and sharper. Without another word, Fred left Bright Eyes to their thoughts. 

As usual, nothing is absolved tonight. 

-

It's a boring rainy Wednesday night. The gentle pitter-patter of raindrops against the shutters promises an incoming storm when you hear the sound of rumbling thunders approaching the city from a distance. 

Tonight, Vincent is too busy at D.A.M.N to babysit you and Fred. Sam already left the house an hour after the sun had set with his usual instructions not to go beyond the wards and that a Clan member would be coming over to supervise them. 

Why does this feel like you and Fred are the unwanted children from a divorced couple? Oh well, all the more reason to leave the clan ASAP. 

You plan to brood in your room as usual after draining your share of the blood bags in the fridge. However, the moment you take three steps out of the kitchen, lightning flashes across the sky. 

The power trip, hurtling the entire house into total darkness. 

"The circuit breaker," You murmur, inhumane eyes quickly adjusting to the darkness as you look around the area in 4K HD. "Did Sam ever mentioned where it was?" You tried to recall the house's layout from Sam's words alone, but you tend to tune out his voice whenever he speaks more than twenty minutes. So it looks like you better start from the basement.  

Just when you're about to head downstairs, a whimper froze you. You tilt your head towards one of the bedrooms. 

The sound is coming from Fred's. 

You stood your ground for only a few seconds of hesitation before you quietly approached his bedroom and slowly opened the door as to not startle him — concern creeping into your heart. 

Just like the rest of the house, Fred's bedroom is completely dark. Lightning flashed once more to illuminate Fred's huddled figure on the floor near the window. He's breathing very hard and rapidly with his head in between his knees. 

Your heart twisted into a knot at the sight of a frightened Fred, and you couldn't help but wonder if this is how he looked like when that monster hurt him. 

You forcefully put that thought away. You're horrible with words, but there's one way you can still comfort him. 

Fred's breath hitches when your back lean against his. "B-Bright Eyes?" He calls out with a choked sob, head slightly raised in surprise. 

When you said nothing, Fred let out a ragged sigh. "What are you doing here? I thought you couldn't stand the sight of me." 

You blink and turn your head to give him a side-eye. Say what? 

"Don't give me that l-look." Fred snaps after a sniffle. "You could hardly look at my face lately, and you only leave your bedroom whenever you have to eat. If it weren't for that, you'd happily pretend that Sam and I don't even exist." 

"That's because whenever I'm around, you keep wanting to talk about Wonderworld, and Sam keeps shooting me looks as if I'm a shitstain underneath his fucking boots." You shoot back reflexively. 

Much to the surprise of absolutely no one, your words upset Fred even further. "You can't talk about Sam like that! He's been nothing but kind to us. To you and you just - "

"He blames me for what happened to you!" Fred can't be this oblivious, can he?

Behind you, Fred went stiff.

"You're his Progeny, and I'm the deadweight that he's stuck with because you Turned me. He knows it, Vincent knows it. Fuck it, everyone in the Clan knows it! So why should I give a damn when I'm unwanted? And that's alright! That's totally alright! You want to know why that's alright, Freddy?" Lightning split the night sky. A rather powerful thunder shakes the house, but at this moment, nothing exists except for you, Fred and the tension that has been brewing between the two of you the moment your humanities were forfeit.  

"I'm not planning to stay here any longer than I have to! The moment Mr. Solaire give us the green light, I'm out of Dahlia! Buh-bye! You and Sam can do whatever the fuck you want, but I don't want to stay in this city any longer! I don't have anything left here!" 

Silence enveloped the bedroom. What are you even doing here? Why did you even think you could comfort Fred when all you've been doing is hurting him. Even now! This was a mistake. You should've - 

"I was right. I'm losing you too..." 

"Uh, what?" 

Fred tucks his head in between legs tighter as if he's trying to hide from the world. "I think I always knew that you were going to leave me when you started to pull away from everyone. That's why I wanted us to talk about that Halloween night so badly." His voice is ragged, tears stream down his face. "Y-You said that you don't have anything left in Dahlia, but... you're all that I have left and if you leave... I..." Fred sighed and quietly continued, "I thought I was your friend. I thought I meant something to you." 

"I've hurt you." You reply, just as quietly. "I've been hurting you since Wonderworld, and even tonight, I'm hurting you. I didn't listen to you that night, and because of it, we're here. You lost your family, friends and future and for that I'm... I'm so sorry, Fred. You didn't deserve anything that happened to you." 

"Thank you, Bright Eyes. I-I needed to hear that." Fred reply. When he reaches for your hand, you squeeze it back. "What happened was... fucked up, but none of us knew about that Vampire. Or that Vampires actually exist. So it's stupid of me to blame you for our d-deaths." 

"But I didn't listen - "

"Yes, you didn't listen but will you listen to what I have to say now, Bright Eyes? Please? I want us to move on from this together. I want us to be better." 

Perhaps it's how raw and near begging Fred sounds that both of your walls are down tonight. Perhaps, tonight, you finally realise that it's you that doesn't like confrontations and that despite Fred's gentle and reserved nature, he has no problem mending the wounds between the two of you with force if he has to. Huh, who could've thought? 

The two of you talk for hours in the darkness. It feels so awkward to bear your heart to Fred after everything, but to your immense surprise and relief, he listens to you patiently, and once you're done, he let you into his heart. All the fears, insecurities, regrets, shame and horror are laid between you and together, you address them one by one until the storm lets up. 

And when the silver light of the moon peeking through heavy clouds, you found yourself snuggling with Fred on his bed. Your head tucks into the crook of his neck while Fred's arm is around you. It's strange how lighter your heart is now. 

"Have you stop crying already?" You ask, wondering if you'd need to run to the kitchen to make a simple bag of ice for Fred's red, puffy eyes before they swelled. 

Fred snort. He sniffles and squeezes your body in assurance. Being slightly taller than you, it feels sort of nice to be held like this. Despite their heartfelt conversation and confessions, the trauma they both carry is still fresh, but now, it doesn't feel like an overwhelming miasma threatening to drown you in guilt and sorrow. "Yeah, yeah. I'm alright now. It feels good to finally cry after... after everything." 

"Can't relate." You bluntly interject. "I usually get pissed off after a crying session." 

"I can actually believe that." Fred giggles. "I'm beginning to understand you a lot better, Bright Eyes. Thank you for listening; I know that words are hard for you, so I'm very grateful that you want to work things out as much as I do." 

"Mn." 

Outside, the rain has become a gentle drizzle, and the stars ushered a bright full moon. It's too lovely of a night to brood; you might as well take a nap with Fred. 

"Bright Eyes?" Fred suddenly speaks up, bringing you out of your sleepy haze. 

"Mn?" 

"Do you... I mean... are you still planning to leave Dahlia?" His voice returns to its timid and hesitant state. 

"Well... yeah. After our - urgh - mushy talk, I realise it's all the more reason I need to do it. You're the only thing I have left in this city after all." 

"You want to leave me despite just saying that all you have is me? Uh, I don't... don't get it. Can you please explain it to me, Bright Eyes?" 

You hold back a groan. It looks like Fred has discovered the magic of 'please' and your weakness to it. "I'm planning to kill the Vampire who killed us and use his skull as my apology gift to you." 

Unlike you, Fred groans in disbelieve. You yelp when he manoeuvres you so your body can lie on top of his and trap you in his arms. "No... Bright Eyes, no... no hunting that asshole, OK? You don't need to give me a skull; just stay here with me. Skulls are gross anyway." He whines like a needy toddler, which, surprisingly, makes you feel fond instead of irritated. 

So you roll your eyes and press your face into Fred's chest. Perhaps you can try to convince Fred to leave with you in the future, but for now, nothing matters but the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest and the faint scent of wet grass outside. 

They're going to be alright. 

#redacted asmr #fanfic #second pov #they/them pronouns #bright eyes (listener) #frederick #vincent solaire #sam collins #will is mentioned