#BLESS U FOR GIVING THE WORLD MORE LIS CONTENT !!

[imasimpforshanks]

Hiya ! Could I request Marco from op and the fluff alphabet ??? Thank you so much and hope you’re doing well 💕💕💕

Fluff Alphabet - Marco

a/n: hiiii!! Thank you for requesting! I hope you enjoy this 💗 I absolutely adore Marco 😭

A-Activities (what do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?)

Marco enjoys to anything domestic really. Just spending time with you in any way, shape or form is enough for him. The two of you could be lounging about on the deck of the Moby Dick or you could be exploring a new island – if it’s together, he doesn’t mind what it is you’re doing.

B-Beauty (what do they admire about their s/o? what do they think is beautiful about them?)

Your heart is one of the most beautiful things about you. It’s so kind, always filled with empathy and a selfless desire to put others before yourself. He’s never met someone like you and every time he looks at you he can’t stop thinking about how blessed he is that you chose to be with him of all people.

C-Comfort (how would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?)

Marco undoubtedly gives the best advice. He is amazing with words and always knows exactly what needs to be said. He also makes it abundantly clear that you are not going through this alone – he is there to lean on any time you need it.

D-Dreams (how do they picture the future with their s/o?)

He doesn’t envision his future as being any different from how it is now. Sure, he can see you two settling down eventually, after his time as a pirate has come to an end, he can also MAYBE see a child or two if that’s what his partner wants. But other than that, he’s enjoying things just as they are, and honestly, he doesn’t really want anything to change for a while.

E-Equal (are they the dominant one in the relationship or rather passive?)

If needed Marco can be more dominant, putting his foot down and being the decisive one. However, more often than not, he tends to just go with the flow of the relationship - he’ll openly and actively listen to what you have to say and if it doesn’t sit right with him then he will communicate that to you.

F-Fight (would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?)

Marco is great at holding his tongue and remaining calm during any kind of fight or disagreement with his s/o. He doesn’t want to say or do anything he might regret. Also, he’s extremely quick to forgive. Life is too short to fight with the ones that you love.

G-Gratitude (how grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?)

Not a day goes by where Marco doesn’t thank you for being a part of his life. Sometimes he just outright tells you how thankful he is. Other times he performs little acts of service to show his gratitude. He is always making sure you know how grateful he is.

H-Honesty (do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?)

Marco is one of the best people ever at communicating in a relationship. Honesty is extremely important to him. He shares practically everything with you without hesitation and he trusts you to do the same.

He only keeps a secret if it involves some sort of a surprise for you.

I-Inspiration (did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?)

He’s an extremely easy-going individual who likes to take things as they come. So, throughout your relationship Marco has taught you the joy and pleasure that lies in going with the flow.

J-Jealousy (do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?)

It takes a lot for him to get jealous. In fact, I’d say Marco rarely gets jealous – honestly, it’s practically NEVER. There’s no reason for him to be jealous because he doesn’t doubt your loyalty and love for him at all. Occasionally, he teases you and asks, “oh so you don’t love me anymore?” but there is absolutely no truth behind it. He knows with his whole heart that you love him, and you know that he loves you more than anything in the world.

K-Kisses (are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?)

He’s definitely had a bit of experience, so it’s safe to say he knows what he’s doing. Even if he lacked the experience, I view Marco as someone who is just naturally a great kisser.

Your first kiss was practically like one from a romance anime. The two of you sitting outside looking up at the stars and talking about anything and everything. There was a brief pause where the two of you looked at each other and you smiled so brightly. Marco couldn’t help himself as he leaned in to place a soft yet deep kiss to your lips.

L-Love confession (how would they confess to their s/o?)

Marco makes the mistake of telling Thatch, Izo and a few others of his feelings for you. They try to convince him to do some big elaborate confession with candles, flowers, and everything of that sort. But, to their dismay Marco shot down all of their ideas, instead opting to go for something a little more low key. It’ll happen near the end of one of the Whitebeard Pirates’ big parties. Everyone’s either passed out or passing out, and the two of you are just sitting together giggling to yourselves about it. After a moment or two he’d just come right out and say it.

M-Marriage (do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?)

Marco is in no rush to get married. He loves you and you love him. That’s all he needs to know. He doesn’t need a ceremony or a piece of paper to tell him what you both already know. Not to mention you guys practically already act like a married couple. That being said, if marriage is something you really want, then he is all for it. If it makes you feel more confident and secure in your relationship, then he will propose to you as soon as you want.

N-Nicknames (what do they call their s/o?)

He likes to use the classics ‘babe’, ‘love’, ‘sweetie’. But he also has a teasing nickname that you absolutely hate, it’s from an inside joke between the two of you.

O-On cloud nine (what are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?)

When Marco first falls in love he starts randomly whistling the tunes of some love songs (HOW CHEESY I KNOW). He doesn’t notice he’s even doing it until Thatch or Izo point it out to him (not without teasing him about it first). After it’s been pointed out, it’s as if the whole world finally makes sense to him.

P-PDA (are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?)

Marco is pretty chill when it comes to PDA. He doesn’t mind standard PDA like a peck on the check, a kiss on the lips, hand holding (etc.), but he’s definitely not going to have a pash right in front of everyone. HOWEVER, if his mates are complaining about how single they are he is more than happy to rub in how happy and in love he is by giving you a massive smooch on the lips right in front of them.

Q-Quirk (some random ability they have that is beneficial in a relationship?)

As a matter of fact, Marco is quite the handyman. You never have to seek out someone to fic anything because Marco is there to fix it for you. Although, he does still recommend that you don’t use his work as a permanent solution.

R-Romance (how romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?)

I think his love language/s is acts of service and quality time. He uses these to express his love and affection. Sometimes his expressions of love can be cliché (e.g. a bouquet of flowers), but other times they could be creative and very specific to the dynamic of your relationship.

S-Support (are they helping their s/o achieve their goals do they believe in them?)

Marco is by your side every step of the way. But he wants to make sure he doesn’t overstep any boundaries and achieve your goal for you. So rather than getting involved, Marco is that unwavering support from the side lines – constantly uplifting you and providing reassurance that you can do it.

T-Thrill (do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship or do they prefer certain routine?)

Marco is content with the way things are. You have a comfortable routine, and it works for the both of you. He feels no need to spice out your relationship, mainly because life as a pirate does that enough. However, if either of you ever expressed any desire to spice things out even more, then he would welcome that idea with open arms!

U-Understanding (how good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?)

It’s almost unbelievable how good he is at reading you. When it comes to you, he just knows. He needs to be able to just know, so that he’s ready to help whenever you need him.

V-Value (how important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?)

The relationship is very important and it’s up there with being one of the most important things in his life, possibly the most important thing. The only possible competition your relationship has, is his loyalty and responsibility to Whitebeard, but even then, Whitebeard is happy so long as his family is happy. And since you make Marco happy, well that’s pretty self-explanatory.

W-Wild card (a random fluff headcanon?)

He’s the type of person to keep a photo of you and him in his wallet, and he loves when he’s out and about paying for something and someone happens to point it out because it gives him a reason to brag about you.

X-XOXO (Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?)

Like I said, he likes to show affection (but no big acts of PDA). He’s most cuddly and affectionate in the early hours of the morning though. He peppers lots of kisses all over your face and cuddles you so tightly that you have to tap him on the shoulder and warn him that you can’t breathe.

Y-Yearning (how will they cope when they are missing their partner?)

Most of the time he copes by involving himself in little shenanigans with a few of his crew mates. He finds it to be a great way to distract himself, while also continuing to be surrounded by his loved ones.

Z-Zeal (are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind?)

Most of the One Piece characters are willing to go the extra mile for their relationships. Marco is no different. We need to remember he is a Whitebeard Pirate, so we already know how much he values any of the relationships in his life. He joined the battle against the Marines to get Ace back, so just imagine the lengths he would go to for your relationship.

#one piece #one piece x reader #one piece headcanons #one piece imagines #marco one piece #marco the phoenix #fluff alphabet #one piece alphabet

[straighttohellbuddy]

World building is the best tbh. I’m forever world building and now I have several worlds to play in and my neurodivergent brain cannot stay still enough to focus on one lmao. SLOWBURN ROMANCES ARE MY LITERAL JAM LIKE PLS!!! I LOVE THEM!! Also!!!! Concepts!!!! Pls share!!!! I love learning about the worlds of my fave fics and I can hands down say right now that this fic will literally shoot to the top of my list of favourites which means you’ll occupy the top three spots. Sorry to hear that ur feeling rough, so am sending u the biggest hug. I’m not okay but I’m taking care of myself today so that I will be 🧡-🐈‍⬛

alsjfsldkjf i have too many worlds TBH, literally one of the best parts of my 2020 was writing for the classic rock fandom and writing one of my good friend’s ocs alongside mine, like there’s so many different worlds that our two characters have now, i’m like 26k deep into a high school au that i need to get back to at some point, and then i wrote a oneshot abt the high school au but they’re adults, and then there’s also the original timeline, and then there’s the present day in the original timeline where they have kids and i probably care too much about people who aren’t real...... hahaha

OKAY OKAY OKAY HERE WE GO I’LL GIVE KIND OF AN OVERVIEW OF THE ALBUMS AND A FEW SONGS BUT IF U WANT ME TO GO IN DEPTH ON ANY OTHER SONG JUST ASK!!!

yes i have a playlist for each, if you wanna hear how i interpret the vibes of the songs. if you interpret them differently, thats awesome!! i’d love to hear y’all’s opinions on them!!

testing one two - the first ep they release, the song titles are mostly themed (fast forward, press play, pause, rewind), but are mostly things y/n has been working on for a while but never got around to finishing, things they are rather proud of. i see you shiver with... is the first song they wrote specifically for the album, and it’s the last song on the EP because it’s a Rocky Horror reference; i see you shiver with...

a n t i c i p a t i o n - first full album!! the vibe is Hopeful But Hesitant it has all the songs from the ep, plus some new ones!! collabs with youtube musicians troye and dodie, and y/n’s label sets up a collab that turns into a genuine friendship. the breakout dance hit is what else is there to say ft. Troye Sivan, which is about not knowing what to make content about when it feels like you’ve already told the world everything. it featured the prechorus and hook

You, know, ev-ery-thing about me / gave it all for free / my life in HD / So, let’s dance, let me see your hips sway / we’re gonna be okay / what else is there to say?

So say that you love me, say that you love me, say that you love me / let’s die hand in hand. / I’ll tell you I love you, tell you I love you, tell you I love you / supply and demand. 

personally, i also conceptually enjoy srs bsns which is a really upbeat song about how they don’t care if people don’t take them seriously because they know in their heart that what they’re doing is good

hyperfocus - 2nd EP, a pretty substantial departure from their usual style, but also happens to quietly be Corpse’s favourite, and is actually y/n’s most polarising, because it has both the Grammy award winning HEARTBURN and the o brother where art thou which was written partially as a joke to capture a fond moment of them and 5SOS dicking around together in a hotel. written while on tour wit 5SOS, im writing the reader as having ADHD (because I have ADHD and i can do what i want), and the backstory is that they’d changed the medication/dosage they were taking, and as it’s their first full tour, they were under a lot of stress and were in a weird place mentally and emotionally, and hyperfocus is the result of that. i’m going through some stuff has HUGE agoraphobic vibes. 

HEARTBURN has the same vibes as Florence + The Machines’ Howl. It’s about being a demon without saying that or directly implying that unless you know demons real well. This is when the pressure for them to confirm their identity got real bad, and it was their way of working through those emotions.

tear in existence in the shape of a person / when i’m seeing clearly i can’t see myself / world can’t swallow what it can’t get it’s teeth into / got everything i wanted but i ain’t got my health

Got heart-burn--- / I’ll tear me apart / I’ll tear you apart / I’ll tear me apart. 

SCREAM gets rereleased as a remixed single featuring Fall Out Boy the following year. It won the MTV music award for best collaboration in 2018. 

In the time between hyperfocus and working on it, Y/N releases several singles, including a cover of Tell Him by The Exciters to be featured in To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. They also take time to sort out their health, do a little bit more YT stuff, and travel internationally to do festivals. 

working on it - is kind of a middle ground between their original stuff, and hyperfocus, like pop-punk meets horror-pop meets whatever you’d classify halsey as. the first three songs were mostly written before the fic starts, so before they’re getting back to YT, but the last three, nightmare scenario, designed to hurt (touch me), and not scared were all written after they’d started hanging out with sykkuno and corpse. 

in-universe, imposter syndrome was originally something else, along the same lines of tired that they’re hiding that they’re a demon, but after meeting corpse nd sykkuno and having people who know, and lowkey being influenced by corpse’s music, the song changes directions, and YO OKAY YO::

I literally am so fucking flattered, my darling friend @bingusmode​ wrote lyrics for imposter syndrome and I’ve been yELLING about them ever since i’ve read them!! (also bunnie is fantastic and lovely in general 10/10)

if you thought you saw me 

i’d think about it twice

cuz while i know i’m naughty

everybody thinks i’m nice

cutest giggles get me

places that i long to be

but it’s not long before

everybody hates me

when you figure out i’m fucked up

you’ll probably think that can’t be right

but babe my image runs to save me

cuz i’m ugly day and night

nothing good about me

not the angel that i seem

cuz i’m a piece of shit

and i’ll ruin your fuckin dreams

i’m an impostor babe

you better run for your life

cuz there’s a bloodlust runnin through me

and you’re dripping off my knife

there’s no one here to save you

cuz you ate up all my lies

so beg me while you can

and draft up all your goodbyes 

if any of y’all are inspired by anything i put out, feel free to take it and run!! you have my blessing!! i am so overwhelmingly flattered by people who like my stuff enough to create because of it, directly or indirectly! lyrics, art, songs, anything!! legit! I love you!!

okay so designed to hurt (touch me) has big House of Memories by Panic! At The Disco vibes, and YES it’s about Corpse. YES it sends mixed messages. YES it has greek myth imagery and YES that imagery is confusing. not sure if any of these sets of lyrics actually go after each other but also idk??

will my fall from grace be graceful / as each move i see you make? / propped up on pedestals side by side / beneath our feet they shake / i’m the only one to hear you ask  / “What have they done to me?” / My boy, your wax throne is sun-drenched / you’ll fall in the name of your legacy.

eyes like yours watched rome burn / while hands like mine lit the pyre / we both heard me say we’d go down in flames / now you’re turning me into a liar / since you smile like that, like you can’t feel the sting / and we both know i can’t feel the fire

been telling myself i’m designed to hurt / but, baby, aren’t we a sight? /

check your reflection, your angles, apollo / you’re icarus in the right light /

we’re on the edge, i’m not scared to fall / we’ll take refuge in the night /

been telling yourself you’re designed to hurt / but, baby, doesn’t this feel right?

also, albumtouralbumtour is a reference to Bohemian Rhapsody.

OKAY AND FINALLY

n o s t a l g i a - the album the reader’s working on during the fic.

literally as i was writing this, bunnie sent through some FIRE lyrics for how the light gets in, (@bingusmode) i am going to be thinking about these on REPEAT for the next MONTH BRUV

little bit of darkness, treat me like a toy 

i got my hopes up and got them destroyed

bitter taste of regret sitting heavy on my tongue

can’t believe i let you convince me that you were the one

sitting here in silence, fabric running thin

petals burning in my lungs and stealing oxygen

embers from a cigarette falling to the floor

god i can’t take anymore

so i stumble to the window and pull the shades

and the moon pours in like you threw a grenade

i can’t understand why

i keep trying

cuz i never seem to win

but having any hope is how the light gets in 

from there, moment before impact ft. Billie Eilish is a club anthem along the lines of bad guy or COPYCAT, bass heavy with a drop that’s out of this world.

powdered pain, i’m in your veins / i’m the sting, the drip, the thing / you’re craving, but you hate to see me misbehaving / i heard my breakdown got you high / it’s true, but baby i can’t lie / i never got that rush, that burn / that makes you feel alive, i had to learn / to pick the slippery slope down which i fell / plan my pitstops on the way to hell / to pick my padding before i spiral / so if i break it’ll be in style

watch my misdirect, now freeze, / notice you can’t see the forest for the trees / you’re so desperate for my demise / but baby, i’ll make you watch me rise.

this is the moment before impact

controlled chaos, crash land / take a breath, trust the plan / i know you hope i’m not okay / you get off on my audio misery

controlled chaos, crash land / take a breath, trust the plan / i need you to know i want it this way / my breakdown won me a grammy

and this is the moment before impact

ur my favourite - interlude ft. sykkuno is probably one of my favourites, it’s just really soft, just a snippet of a conversation between the reader and sykkuno, maybe one of them told a joke and they both just sound real happy and sweet. its nice. it’s a nice moment.

means something is also for sykkuno!! it’s about how good-strange it is to be open and honest with friends, and how they usually aren’t but they’re glad they can be open and honest with him!!

meanwhile, i don’t think about u - interlude ft. CORPSE is a phonecall between corpse & the reader right after they announce they’re going to feature on acting like that, where corpse asks if they do this sort of thing to spite him, to which the reader responds ‘do i consider you when i’m making decisions about my career? no, corpse, actually i don’t think about you at all’ which then directly contrasts the song that ends the album, which is (how it feels to be) beautiful fireworks, which is essentially ‘i know how hard it is to exist like this, to be the centre of attention, to give off light and bring people joy, even when you’re in pain. i’m here for you. i love you.’

okay, i swear im done now, i’ll get back to writing the fic! (also i cannot BELIVE i managed to figure out how to embed those playlists but im so happy) edit: it didn’t actually work when i posted the ask, so anyways im sorry but y’all are abt to be spammed with playlists because i care too much abt this fic

#Anonymous #how the light gets in #corpse husband x reader #black cat anon

[spaceskam]

The Golden Boy

hey look i finally finished that fic i’ve been giving sneak peeks about for months

warning: past child abuse, sexual content

ao3 

In Bacchus Year 9 (Earth year 1782), Antar and Earth signed a peace treaty.

The treaty meant requiring many social gatherings on either planet, kind gestures between royals, and many public statements against prejudice of each other's people. It even led to Earth assisting the rebels during the Antarian Civil War in Bacchus Year Final (Earth Year 1834), stating proudly that they signed the treaty for the people, not the monarchs. As one would assume, that line went over fantastically with the public.

They heavily supported the rise of King Atlas Gudrun, a man of great people skills and desire to help, in Gudrun Year 0 (Earth Year 1844). The Gudrun family (which had been anglicized on Earth to Guerin) had been ruling on Antar ever since and had always done their best to keep up their loyal companionship with Earth and its leaders.

It all led to this moment in Gudrun Year 176 (Earth year 2020) where Prince Michael of Antar, fourth of his name, son of King Heinar, known for his charm and wit, had Prince Alex, first of his name, adoptive son of King James Valenti, known for his intellect and beauty, completely strung out and naked against sheets made of the finest Antarian silks.

"How long until the little pest makes you leave?" Michael asked softly, trailing his fingers over the dip of Alex's slightly crooked collarbone. Alex's eyes were closed and his lips were parted and if Michael didn't know any better, he'd think he was asleep. But he did know better and he knew he was simply in a state of bliss that only occured in moments like this.

Their one off tryst had actually occurred more than once, but it wasn't frequent enough to call it a thing. They saw each other a few times a year if they were lucky and could steal a few hours each time to sneak away. If they were supremely lucky, they could even take a night. They weren't this time.

"He said we have until six before we have to be taken to get ready for dinner," Alex whispered, not bothering to correct him for calling his brother a pest while slowly turning onto his side and letting his forehead hit Michael's shoulder. Michael pouted.

"I miss you already," he admitted stupidly, combing through Alex's long hair. He'd seen a picture of him with it all shaved off and had met him when it was short, but apparently he hadn't cut it at all since he'd been given the title of prince. Michael didn't mind.

"You come to Earth in a month, don't you? Ask to stay longer, I’m sure we could easily explain away a reason you should stay in my home," Alex whispered, pressing a kiss to his shoulder.

"If you come up with a good reason for me, I'll do it. I'm bad at excuse making," Michael grumbled. Alex smiled and lifted his hand, his cold fingertips pressing to Michael's cheek and his lips.

"I'll cause a national disaster if it means getting you alone for one night," Alex said. Michael stared for a moment before grabbing him and rolling him into his back, stealing a series of slow, deep, open mouthed kisses that only came so easily because they were with him.

Michael adored the way Alex grabbed at him, hands never staying one place too long because he wanted to touch everywhere. He wanted to remember everywhere. He wanted him in his entirety. He could never find the words for how it made him felt to be wanted so strongly if only for a night.

"Please never leave," Michael begged against his skin. Alex said nothing.

Instead, the bedroom door was very rudely and unceremoniously thrown open. Michael instinctively covered Alex’s bare skin and looked towards the doorway. On the other side, Michael's guard, Adonis, stood with his back to them in some silly act of respect while Kyle stood with his arms crossed while looking really irritated. He walked in farther and closed the door behind him. Or, tried. Adonis stuck his hand to block it from closing entirely. He trusted Alex to be alone with the prince. Kyle was still earning that.

"Get up, we have to go get ready," Kyle said. He had no shame, truly, as he sat on the bed. Michael fell face first into the pillows and groaned. "Excuse you, I'm doing you a favor."

"You're interrupting," Alex corrected, tan fingers idly rubbing over Michael's shoulder.

"I disagree. I think I just lied to two fucking monarchs that we three princes were going to be hanging out and doing princely things when, in reality, I was playing some fucked version of Go Fish with Adonis while you two snuck away for your intergalactic booty call," Kyle explained. Michael groaned even more.

"How vulgar must you be?" he asked. Kyle raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, you wanna go there? I've seen your U-Mails to Alex. 'Oh, how I long to get your mouth on my–'"

"Enough!" Alex silenced him, shifting to a sitting position. Michael wanted to cry that it was over so soon. Especially when they still had to sit across the table from each other and pretend he hadn't just had him to himself. "Leave and let me get dressed, then we can go."

"Finally," Kyle groaned, patting Michael on the back before he went, "Good to see you, Prince Sexual Frustration."

The door closed if only because Adonis insisted on the prince being kept away from anyone who might catch him in a vulnerable state. Alex took the opportunity to move back for a few more kisses, all of them feeling more and more like goodbye. He remembered a time when he didn't mind goodbyes. Now they felt like a death sentence.

“Stop pouting,” Alex told him softly as he slowly weaned him off his lips, “This isn’t the end of the night. I’ll still see you at dinner and I still don’t leave until tomorrow morning.”

“But you leave so early,” Michael whined, “And at dinner, there’s people.” 

Alex traced a finger from Michael’s temple down to his jaw, moving his thumb up between their mouths. He gently grazed Michael’s bottom lip before pushing down on the sore skin.

“I’ve read countless articles about all the wondrous things you say, how well spoken you are, how you can charm anyone to their knees in four languages,” Alex said, voice hot, “If only they could see the way you beg.”

Michael huffed a sad laugh, knowing Alex was trying to distract him from his sad thoughts and deciding to play along. Alex pushed his face away and went to get up. Michael pushed himself off the bed and caught Alex’s bicep, unskillfully pulling him down on top of him.

“You are the only one allowed to see me beg,” Michael said. Alex smiled at him, honest and bold as ever. He laid his weight on Michael completely, trusting him not to treat that little act with anything but kindness. It was the most beautiful thing Michael had ever been given. 

He went to move up for another kiss, but he was horrifically sidelined when Alex dodged him and pushed him back into the bed to get himself up. Michael remembered the first time Alex had pushed him. His first reaction had been anger that a silly little Earth man would dare to touch him that way. But his second reaction had been absolute delight when he realized he’d only been pushed because Alex wanted him against the wall. They were so young then. Somehow, things hadn’t really changed.

Alex got out of bed and grabbed the prosthetic leg that he somehow didn’t mind Michael seeing him without. He moved with agile fingers to put it back on in record time before he stood and stretched his body out in objectively the most unfair way that existed. He was long and lean, muscular and tan. And he was covered in scars. No two scars were more than a hands-length apart, Michael had tried. He kept them hidden usually and he kept their origin firmly to himself (including how he lost his leg), but Michael had been blessed with the sight of them. They were 16 the first time they kissed in the halls of the palace, but 18 before he saw Alex’s body in its full glory. It was a small gift, but one that he treasured on nights he felt more alone than he could bear. 

“Stop staring at me like I’ve just ruined your entire day,” Alex laughed as he pulled on those ugly clothes that Earth called formal. His pants were a stiff, tan fabric and his shirt was an equally stiff white thing that buttoned up all the way up to hide his collarbone. The clothing was ugly, but the man inside was beautiful and it simply made him look neutral. How decidedly boring.

“Oh, what the hell is that?” Michael scoffed.

“Don’t act like you don’t know what a belt is,” Alex said, giving him a fond smile as he pulled the folded thing from the deep pocket of his pants. He hadn’t been wearing it when Michael got him alone.

“Yes, but where did it come from?”

“Bold of you to assume I wouldn’t remove it so I wouldn’t waste time when I saw you,” Alex said, flashing a cocky little smile and it reminded Michael all over again why his people had been so okay with making him an eligible heir despite his lack of birthright. How could anyone deprive a face like that of the entire world? “But don’t worry. You and your mother both find Earth clothing to be a personal insult, so I’m sure they’ll have something nice and alien for me to wear.”

And they did. Michael had gotten his sister to see to it that they put Alex in gold if only for his personal enjoyment. Soon, he’d be in loose, silk pants and a long-sleeved, knee-length tunic that happened to be a very specific shade of gold that would probably make it difficult to focus at dinner but it would be worth it. Typically, their tunics would have a deep v-cut neckline (Michael’s in particular going to his navel as a show of both his age and his marriage status) but he knew Alex and he knew he didn’t like his scars on display, so he made sure they knew to keep it more modest and to also have an option to put something beneath it if he wasn’t comfortable. It was the least he could do.

With a flick of his wrist, Michael fastened the upper half of the buttons on Alex’s shirt so he could steal a few more seconds to kiss him. Alex rolled his eyes, but he went along willingly as Michael got to his hands and knees on his mattress and crawled over to him. Alex shook his head and caught his face in his hand, guiding him up and giving him a kiss that truly was too explicit to mark the end.

“After everyone goes to bed, I’ll get Luke to sneak me to Adonis,” Alex whispered, ignoring the sound of Kyle’s sudden annoyed knocking. Michael nodded in his grasp and turned his face to press a kiss to his palm. That should’ve been an unscarred place, but there was an unmistakable line of discolored, raised skin down the middle. Michael kissed it without fear or disgust and Alex pressed his hand against his mouth in approval. “I plan to make it so you won’t be able to walk in the morning.”

Michael laughed, “People will talk.”

“Let them.”

“You know,” Kyle said, busting in again and Adonis quickly stood in the doorway after his entrance to shield whatever incriminating position Alex and Michael might be in, “You two take more time to get dressed than it takes a majority of people in existence.”

“Blame the leg,” Alex said simply, his smile cocky as he pulled away from Michael. He kissed the tip of his nose and patted his cheek in the most loving way he could. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Not soon enough.”

“Never.”

“I’m gagging,” Kyle said in a monotone voice. Alex rolled his eyes and let his hands slip off of Michael, leaving him cold and lonely despite being far from alone. “Let’s go. I don’t want to be asked questions I can’t answer without incriminating myself.”

“We’re going,” Alex said, already following him to the door. He spared Michael one last look and a wink before disappearing with Luke, the final person who knew what was going on between them. 

Luke, Adonis, and Kyle only knew out of necessity. It was sort of an unspoken agreement between royal bodyguards and the royal children they looked after that they cover up every stupid decision they made as long as it wasn’t hurting anyone. Michael figured he could actually make an argument that this did hurt him, but that seemed frivolous at best. 

“Get up, little prince, you’ve got to get ready for dinner,” Adonis said as he entered the room once Alex and Kyle were gone. Michael pouted and dramatically fell backwards against the bed. Adonis chuckled under his breath. 

“Don’t call me little,” Michael said half-heartedly, easily slipping out of English and into his native tongue.

“I’ve been watching over you since you were small enough to get lost beneath your bed,” he said, “You will always be little to me, little prince.”

Michael glared at the ceiling. While he knew Adonis was right, he didn’t feel little. He knew, objectively, he was nearly 21 and he was nowhere near getting any kind of responsibilities outside the ones he had. Max was the one joining the military, Isobel was the one training to be queen, Michael was the baby who was left to do little more than indulge in his desires without consequences and be the face of the younger generation. He was friendly and charming and had women and men alike all screaming their appreciation for his face and his body and his smile all over the internet. He liked that attention and he liked just being able to go to parties and have fun and have people he met make posts about how fun it was to hang out with the prince. His father didn’t exactly approve, but it didn’t matter when the people did. They liked that he was young and real and approachable.

But there was something about Alex that made him feel more like a man than he could put into words. Alex was a few months younger than him, but he had seen more than Michael could imagine. He didn’t party, he didn’t drink, he didn’t do anything that could be a sign of weakness. He was beautiful, but he was a brilliant strategizer and worked closely with his adoptive father for many important decisions regarding the ruling of the kingdom. Kyle was the one who was approachable; Alex could barely spare a kind smile to the press and adoring people. People still liked him, but it wasn’t a secret he was straight-edged and hardened. Michael seemed to be his only vice. It was so… adult.

“Must I affiliate myself with foreign monarchs over food?” Michael asked helplessly, “Isn’t it enough to simply blow his son in my free time?”

Adonis sighed, but he seemed as amused as he always was when it came to Michael.

“Words to live by, little prince.”

-

“I’m judging you so hard right now.”

“Like I care.”

Kyle groaned and rolled his eyes as Luke followed them to their quarters. The Antarian royal family had a lot of land they resided on that had a secure gate around it, but they didn’t really believe in castles. Instead, it was a bunch of houses and special rooms, all connected by paths that were lined with well tended to gardens. 

“What’s even the point? Like, is this gonna amount to anything, or am I expected to die with this secret?” Kyle asked. Alex shrugged his shoulders dismissively. He and Michael didn’t talk about serious things. They were princes and dealt with so much bullshit. They kept each other as a safe place to unwind. “Great, I am expected to die with this.”

“It comes with the title, Your Highness,” Luke said simply. Kyle tilted his head back as he groaned again. Alex simply shook his head in amusement.

When they got back to the visitor’s quarters, three people were waiting for them to help them into their Antarian garb. There were a few different styles for different royal occasions, but, as visitors, they were typically given standard tunics. He remembered one visit when Michael had him sent special robes and wraps his way, ones like he wore when he was feeling extra, and he’d gotten so confused in trying to put it on that they now always sent an extra hand to make sure they wore it correctly. As confusing as they were, though, Alex was sure he would know how to put them on now. He’d taken them off Michael enough times.

“Thank you,” Alex said graciously as he accepted the fabrics. He went into his own room to change and would return back to let them make their adjustments. He wasn’t a big fan of people seeing his body. That meant questions and he wasn’t keen on answering those.

He laid the fabrics out on the bed so he could see what he was working with. As always, since he was 18, all of it was golden. Michael had some weird obsession with him in gold, but he never asked why. He thought it looked nice enough on him. 

The tunic had intricate leaf-like patterns embroidered into it that Alex couldn’t even begin to understand how long it took to achieve, but the pants were thankfully plain. Then there was a golden silk wrap and he smiled at whoever paid that much attention to detail. He grabbed it first and stood in front of the mirror as he wrapped it around his chest, covering any scars the low cut tunic might expose.

There were very few people who had seen those scars, most of which were purely out of an inability to hide them. If someone had told him when he was being tended to after losing his leg that one of those people awarded the visual of his skin would’ve been an Antarian Prince, he would’ve laughed in their face. His father had hated the Antarians more than he hated Alex. He was supposed to stay away.

But then the king got involved, Jim Valenti creating a huge uproar as he worked to change the rules that would mean Alex could be an eligible heir. And now he was. Which meant he had to work with Antarian officials at the ripe old age of fifteen, suddenly going from a maimed soldier to a pretty little prince. The first year seemed to be full of rigorous re-training of his brain to be good at the social part of things. The second year he was brought to Antar for the first time.

He distinctly remembered the first time he saw Michael, young and carefree and absolutely shameless. He had outwardly chosen Alex to fawn over for the extent of their stay, constantly sending smiles and winks and batting his eyelashes. He leaned too close when they talked and kept offering to show him where things were. Alex had disliked his abrasiveness to the point that, the closer he got, the more it set off his fight or flight reflexes. He almost hit him three times before Michael seemed to get the memo.

When the Antarian royal family traveled to Earth for their public appearances, Michael was much more tame. Unlike the rest of his family, he’d opted out of donning more of Earth’s style of clothing. There was something so bold about the way he walked around in his wraps and robes, all of it loose and seemingly hanging onto him just barely. It had exposed a good portion of his chest and his arms, even his thighs if he walked a certain way. Earth was too hot to cover more, he’d said. That’s when Alex really saw him. He was annoying as all hell, but he would be damned if someone tried to shame him into changing himself even for a moment. Alex had kissed him before he went home which was absolutely Alex’s fault. It was his favorite mistake.

“Gold always looks good on you,” Fides said as Alex walked back into the main room. He smiled his thanks and she led him to a chair to fix his face and his hair. She was the only one he trusted near him with all the tools that it took to make him look nice enough for the queen.

It seemed to be an hour before she was done, but it was worth it. Alex’s hair was braided into intricate six-strand braids that made a makeshift crown around his head and other tiny ones throughout the rest of his hair while the majority of it stayed down and was loosely curled where it rested against his shoulders. His eyes had thick and bold black eyeliner that seemed to bleed into gold eyeshadow which led to a leaf-like design that matched the pattern of his tunic that stretched to his sideburns, over his cheekbones, and above his eyebrows. His lips only had a thin layer of gloss over them, but he looked good and a part of him wondered if Michael would agree.

He knew he would.

“Thank you, Fides,” Alex said. She gave him a sweet smile and packed up her things. It was in Antarian’s blood to touch, but Fides respected Alex’s taste for it and, although he gave her permission to do his makeup, didn’t push him for more. It made her one of his favorite people.

It seemed achingly long before Kyle was done. He had a similar get-up to Alex, but his short hair was left alone and his face was more of just glittery and not in any particular design. It wasn’t long before their stylists excused themselves and went to do whatever they did in the main house. Alex and Kyle collapsed on the couch in time to Alex’s phone dinging to signify a U-Mail. He flipped through fabric to find which discreet pocket he’d slipped it into.

Eventually, he found it and he put effort into keeping his face straight as he sat Michael’s screen name cross his screen.

definitelynottheprince: My bed is cold and yet smells like your skin. It is the cruelest combination that has ever existed. How am I expected to be presentable at dinner while being mocked by the fabric that refused to keep your body in it’s grasp? My heart aches.

Alex somehow managed to keep his face seemingly uninterested despite the fact he wanted to both smile and make fun of him for being melodramatic.

HRH.AMV: You’re incorrigible.

Michael’s response wasn’t in English, but Alex was thankful it wasn’t if the few words he could pick out from his shotty language classes taught him anything. He understood the words floor, bed, week, and what was technically spoon but was slang for something that Alex knew had to be vulgar. Michael had a way with words in all four languages he knew and all of those ways were melodramatic and raunchy.

HRH.AMV: Does a moment ever pass where you’re not thinking about sex?

definitelynottheprince: Who says I’m thinking about sex?

HRH.AMV: I know you.

definitelynottheprince: You do. Then you should know the things I want to do with you aren’t all sexual.

It was one tiny word that made Alex’s blood run hot and he locked his phone so he didn’t have to think about it. With. Not to. He couldn’t explain why that was so exhilarating.

“Are you seriously making plans to get laid again already?” Kyle asked, “Literally how? Who has the stamina for all that?”

“Clearly not you,” Alex shot back. Kyle made a face mockingly.

“I just don’t get it,” Kyle sighed in exasperation, “Like, if it was Isobel, I’d get it.”

“So you’re homophobic?”

“No, let me finish,” Kyle scoffed and Alex waved him on while Luke watched with a bemused expression from where he leaned against the wall, “Isobel, I get it. She’s hot and could probably crush me. Max, I kinda get it, he’s nice and has that whole good-boy-soldier thing going for him. But Michael? The dude is known for being chill, I get it, but he loses all the charm when you see him five minutes after a party and he’s throwing up in the garden. Or how about the fact that he refuses to learn my name and just refers to me as the pest.”

“In his defense, you are a pest to him,” Alex pointed out.

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“Sorry, I failed to hear a question.”

Luke snorted and Kyle fixed Alex with a look. He wasn’t quite sure what he expected to get out of him. Alex had never been a secret-sharer, even when they were young and played toy soldiers in the little yard outside the palace. That had only gotten worse as Jim Valenti became king and, instead of listening to his former right hand man Jesse Manes, had him publicly tried for war crimes. His tight-lipped nature extended to his personal relationships, much to Kyle’s dismay.

“The question was how did you get involved with him in the first place? Because I’ve been trying to figure out how you two even get along since you started hooking up two years ago,” Kyle said, voice so honest Alex didn’t bother pointing out that it had been much longer than two years and Kyle just hadn’t noticed. “Just… make it make sense.”

Alex rolled his neck and tried to think about what exactly it was about Michael that made it hard to look away from him but also made it easy to go so long without speaking. As attached as they were when they were on the same planet and as much as they communicated in the weeks before and the weeks after, there were typically multiple days they went without so much as a word between them. They did their own duties and this thing they had found themselves in wasn’t a part of that. Michael spun romantic words for him, but Alex wasn’t his only pastime and probably never would be.

“He’s…” Alex trailed off, trying to find the words and settling on something that did the man no justice, “Simple.”

“Simple as in stupid?” Kyle asked dully.

“Simple as in not a problem,” Luke corrected.

“Simple as in he doesn’t ask questions,” Alex finalized. He meant it to be sort of lighthearted, but Kyle turned to him with concerned eyebrows.

“What do you mean?” he asked, but quickly decided to answer himself with another question, “You mean he doesn’t know about‒”

“No,” Alex said dismissively, carefully pushing himself to his feet and subtly checking his balance, “And he never will. We have dinner to attend to.”

Alex sort of checked out mentally for his own good after that, the walk to the dining hall and finding their seats completely a blur. He only seemed to come back to consciousness when Michael made his grand entrance. His robes and wraps were a dark red, hardly hanging onto his body as always. It exposed his chest more than anything else, the dangerous placement exposing the beginnings of the trail of hair beneath his navel. His head was held high, a thin gold band sitting atop his perfect curls. His eyes had cloudy red makeup surrounding them and his lips were painted gold. Alex smiled carefully to himself as he admired him.

Kyle was really the only one who actually looked forward to the food Antar had to offer. Alex didn’t hate it, but he would choose a pot of mac and cheese over the under-cooked meat of an animal that had no English name. Michael had tried to teach him how to say it, but it had way too many syllables and way too many consonants that Alex just couldn’t keep up. He’d just laughed and kissed him and never brought it up again.

“So, Prince Alex,” the smooth voice of Michael’s mother, the queen, said in her thick accent, capturing his attention. Queen Celeano (Lady No if she liked you) was a beautiful woman, but if that’s all someone took her for, they’d be sorely mistaken. 

She ran things more than her husband did, her iron fist impossible to ignore. She was fiercely protective of her children and rightfully skeptical of everyone who entered her home. But she seemed to like Alex. She never raised her voice or gave him that demanding tone she used on everyone else. The tone she used on him was motherly and made him eager to please her. When he was alone, he envied that Michael got that tone of voice from her all the time. 

“Michael said you were in school. Are you going to classes with other people or do you have a tutor?”

“Oh,” he said, shifting in his seat and hoping he was presentable enough for her, “Both. I go to only one class in a school every week, typically. I do like being there, but it’s difficult to balance everything with adding travel time and dealing with the stress of being in a crowded area.”

“Of course,” Lady No said, smiling, “And you’re doing well? It’s not easy I'm sure."

"I'm doing well. I'm studying poly-sci and I'm focusing on international relations right now," he explained. Alex's eyes involuntarily slid to Michael, watching him hide his smile by shoving food into his mouth with a two-pronged fork.

"Good. And languages, are you working on learning ours?" Lady No asked, seemingly oblivious to her son's antics. When Alex said he was, she followed it with a sentence in her own tongue that Alex could hardly decipher.

"...no?" he answered half-heartedly. Every Antarian in the room chuckled to themselves and Alex tried not to be offended by that.

"I asked if you were interested in becoming fluent," she said, still smiling easily, "I'm sure it'll come eventually."

"If he was here more often, I could make him learn,” Michael said boldly. 

"But obviously that's a bigger discussion to have," Alex covered quickly, hoping for an underlying message of ‘I care about your son but I’m not trying to destroy his innocence I swear’.

"Yes, a bigger discussion," Lady No said, nodding. 

"Maybe you could convince him into doing more schooling. I'm sure it'd sound better coming from you," King Heinar said gruffly. Michael gave an award-winning smile to his father which just earned a sigh.

The rest of the dinner went by slowly, but Alex's mind already started coming up with ways to make that suggestion a reality.

-

Michael was giddy after dinner and he found himself pacing his room while waiting for Alex. 

Within the hour, there was a knock on Michael’s bedroom door and he opened it to find Adonis and Alex.

“Thank you!” Michael told Adonis dismissively as he grabbed Alex by the bicep and tugged him into the privacy of his room. Both of them laughed, but Michael didn’t care as he immediately went in for a kiss. 

Alex was still decked out in his pretty clothes and his pretty makeup and Michael was high on everything. He was going to get to go to Earth and he was going to get to spend every single night in bed with him. It softened the blow that he would be leaving in only a handful of hours.

“Do you think we can set an alarm?” Michael asked through kisses, “So you can sleep with me for just a little while?”

“Yeah,” Alex agreed, nodding his head. Michael smiled.

“Yay.” 

“Before you get carried away, can we get this off my face so I don’t stain your pillow?” Alex asked, pulling out of the kiss a little breathlessly.

“Yeah, of course,” Michael said, leaving Alex with a simple kiss as he went to his vanity where he grabbed a cloth and makeup remover. 

He went back to Alex who had sat on the bed. He had the tunic bunched up and was slowly pulling it over his head without getting any makeup on the fabric. Michael grinned and helped get it the rest of the way off with a simple move of his eyes. Alex acknowledged his act with a shake of the head.

Alex scooted back just a little and leaned back on his hands. Michael perched himself on his lap and spared a simple kiss to the spot on his chest right above the wrap he hadn’t removed before getting to work on his face.

Michael had vivid memories of the confusingly slow process that was getting Alex to trust him with his body. He wasn’t sure why, but the search results that came up when Michael looked up his birth father told him it wasn’t due to a loving childhood. Still, he didn't look too far into it because that seemed like an all too obvious breech of Alex's personal boundaries.

Their first kiss had ended in Alex pinning his wrists to the wall whenever he tried to grab his waist. After that was years of every meeting involving gradual progress in Alex’s comfort levels. Hell, they were still making progress. It started with Michael not being allowed to touch him anywhere, his hands always being tucked behind his back or pinned down as Alex kissed him or touched him where he wanted to be touched all while fully clothed. They were seventeen the first time Alex had stripped Michael bare and yet kept himself covered. It was the most vulnerable Michael had ever felt in his life. As a reward for that trust, Alex let him touch his biceps when they kissed and his hair when Alex went down on him.

On Michael’s 18th birthday, Alex had taken his shirt off for the first time. Michael hadn’t been allowed to touch his scarred body with his hands, but he got to be chest to chest with him while he touched himself which had absolutely solidified his infatuation with him. 

The next time he saw him, after sharing pictures and conversations from the safety of being on separate planets, Alex had gotten completely stripped too (with the exception of his prosthetic). That time had been a little different in a few ways. There was no touching at all, but Michael got to watch him get himself off and Alex had watched him right back. Then Alex had locked himself in the bathroom for 30 minutes. But, when he came back out, fully dressed, he’d crawled into bed and they cuddled for the first time. 

Even though Kyle had ruined it by busting in, Michael remembered that night as the moment things really changed between them. It no longer felt like a game that made Michael feel giddy. It’d taken him a long time, too long, to fully realize the weight of what Alex was giving him and that it wasn’t a game to Alex at all. It never had been. That’s when Michael started laying on the sweet talking as thick as he wanted.

Two years after that realization, Michael was given free reign of Alex’s body with few restrictions. He could touch designated places with his hands: his face, his biceps, his thighs, his upper chest, and his hips. Michael could go down on him, but his hands had to be in visible areas and Alex typically chose to pin them down during it so he didn’t have to think. More often than not, Michael would still lay on his back with his hands tucked beneath him while Alex took over his mouth. No questions asked other than ‘is this okay?’. It made every step hold more weight than his casual hookups had. There was not a single thing boring or pointless about having Alex Manes in his bed.

“Up,” Alex dictated when Michael finished with his face and Michael listened without argue.

Alex removed his pants and got to work to take off his prosthetic. Instead of making Alex uncomfortable by staring, he turned the cloth to a clean corner before pouring a little remover on it and beginning to wipe at his own face. Alex took over when he put his prosthetic to the side.

“So, I may have thought of an excuse on how to get you to stay longer on my planet,” Alex said cooly, holding Michael’s chin in his hands as he wiped his face clean. His eyes were closed while Alex cleaned them, but that didn’t stop him from smiling so wide his cheeks hurt.

“Go on," Michael said, unable to hide the giddy tone in his voice. Alex hummed.

“You could do a semester of schooling there,” he suggested, "More if you like it."

Michael peeked open the eye that Alex wasn’t working on. “School?"

“School,” Alex said, his voice still controlled and face stoic despite literally sitting in nothing but his briefs and a wrap, “You could stay in the palace.”

"That's a long time."

"Yes, well," Alex sighed, "One semester is a few months. Then you could go home. And there's plenty of people who I'm sure would love to get their hands on an Antarian prince."

"Plenty of people?" Michael huffed, "What about you?"

"I'll be there when you want me," Alex said simply, but it was clearly an open invitation.

Michael wasn’t quite sure why Alex was trying to give him the option to opt out. The whole reason he wanted to go to Earth was to be with Alex. Michael already had his mind set on spending all of his free time with Alex while he was there. It would be difficult navigating being Princes from different planets while keeping their relationship a secret, but they could do it. Michael could make anything happen if it meant having Alex. He didn't know why Alex didn't see that.

“I would spend every night in your bed,” Michael said, leaning closer. Alex leaned back and held his face at bay. Michael knew better than to take offense to that and just kept smiling. “Don't be so scared of me.”

"I'm not scared of you." 

“You are,” he teased which Alex really didn't seem to like because he glared, "It'll be okay. No one's going to find out. Your home is a safe place for a foreign Prince, all the security. Perfect. And Luke and Adonis will help cover our tracks. We're safe and I want you.”

“You seem so confident that things will work out,” Alex said skeptically. Michael grinned.

“If I’m with you, I’ll always make things work.”

Alex let him come closer for a kiss and he pressed in hard right back. Michael could feel the tension radiating off him and cautiously reached his hand out to place on his thigh. He didn’t add any pressure, but he rubbed his thumb in circles until Alex stopped stressing so much.

“This is good,” Michael told him, “Isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it’s good,” he agreed, breaking the kiss only to get a good view of his face to make sure he hadn’t missed anything. Alex tossed the cloth off to the side and cupped the side of Michael’s neck in his hand. They stared at each other for a moment as Alex let it sink it. It was easy to forget how nervous Alex was to accept anything good. But Michael was going to make sure he finally started accepting that he deserved them. “Wouldn’t you miss your random one night stands?”

“Why would I when I had you with me all the time?” Michael asked. Alex scanned his face again.

“I’m temporary,” he said. Michael shook his head.

“I want to be with you,” he said honestly. He’d said those words in a lot of different ways, but that was the first time he’d said them so directly. He saw Alex swallow harshly before just going in for another kiss. Michael didn’t mind.

Alex laid him back into the bed, his hands slipping easily into the wraps around his body to get to his skin. Michael put his hand on Alex’s cheek and kept it there. The prospect of getting more of him than little moments a few times a year was exhilarating. Imagining his bed smelling like him at all times was almost too much. Things were going to be better than he could’ve dreamed.

He carefully moved his other hand to the wrap on Alex’s chest.

“Can I take this off?” 

Alex agreed without hesitation.

-

Things happened extremely quickly.

The door slammed open and Alex woke up in defensive mode. Too many nights his father had come into his bedroom as a test, making sure he was alert. That wasn’t something that could ever be un-taught. So, just like his father taught, he grabbed the knife that he always kept within reaching distance and threw it at the doorway with unparalleled precision.

It was only when Adonis dodged it by using his telekinesis that Alex even realized it wasn’t his dad or an intruder. He didn’t apologize, though, and he didn’t feel guilty. Who just busts into someone’s room? So he reached for his prosthetic and started to quickly put it on even though he didn’t know what was going on.

Michael woke up at that moment and lazily started rambling in Antarian. Adonis had already locked the door behind him and was in the process of moving Michael’s armoire in front of the singular window in his room. All that told Alex was that something was wrong and so he picked up the pace.

Adonis answered Michael in clipped Antarian, his voice rugged in a way that it never was and chills covered Alex’s skin. He grabbed the pants that he’d worn the night before and the wrap, putting them on as quickly as he could.

“What?” Michael asked, still in a different language but Alex understood that much. Alex started towards the door to retrieve his knife. 

Adonis answered him in that same rough tone, sparing Alex a glance as he did so. Most of the words flew over his head, but he’d overheard enough Antarian’s speak about him that he caught one word. His whole body froze and he looked over at Adonis, feeling every bit of that soldier his father had raised slowly build back up inside him. He’d tried so hard to not be that person anymore, but at the simple word ‘Prince’ there was no keeping it at bay.

“Kyle?” Alex asked carefully, voice devoid of emotion, “Is he alive?”

Adonis sighed and turned to him, an apologetic look in his eyes.

“Yes,” he answered in English, “He was shot at, but the bullet just grazed the side of his head. From where we think the shooter was standing, it looks like it was meant to be a direct execution-style shot, but it was swerved at the last minute when they realized they had the wrong prince.”

Alex lifted his chin.

“How do you do know it was because they had the wrong prince?” Alex asked. Truthfully, he knew he was right. No one wanted to assassinate Kyle. On both planets, the Valentis were well loved. Jim listened to his people and accommodated them and that made him easy to respect and appreciate. Kyle was an extension of that and he was loved even more. Alex was like, sure, but he had one person who would be willinging to put a hit out on him and he couldn’t be shocked to discover it finally happened.

“It’s a theory, but we don’t know why it would’ve missed if it hadn’t been and then there wasn’t a follow up shot,” Adonis explained.

“Right,” Alex said, nodding curtly, “I’ve got to go.”

“What?!” Michael nearly squeaked and Adonis shot him a look to tell him to be quiet, “You’re not going anywhere when there’s someone out there that wants to kill you!”

“I already know who it is,” Alex said, “Or, who paid them. My father isn’t stupid enough to do it himself.”

“Your father?” Michael asked, “Why would the king‒”

“Michael,” Adonis said sharply. Michael looked up at him and then back over to Alex.

“You aren’t going anywhere. Stay here. It’s safe here,” Michael said. Alex huffed a laugh.

“And willingly put you in danger? Absolutely not. You’re already in danger by being affiliated with me.”

“But why would it be your dad, Alex?” Michael asked, slowly stumbling out of bed, “I mean, you got adopted years ago, why the hell would he wait to do it now? And on a different planet? That doesn’t make any sense.”

Except it did make sense. If Michael knew the first thing about his father, then it would make complete sense. But he didn’t. Because Alex didn’t share. He didn’t share anything. He’d enjoyed so much that Michael never asked any questions or prodded, but now it seemed he waited too long for an explanation and all the questions were coming at once.

“It doesn’t matter, I need to go,” Alex said.

“Wait,” Adonis said firmly, his eyes closed as he honed in on whatever other guards were telling him telepathically, “They found the guy. Hired assassin. Give up your dad’s name easy.”

“I believe that,” Alex said. Michael was still staring at him, still waiting for him to explain or do something worthwhile. Alex didn’t have anything to give him.

“Alex,” Michael called softly, holding out a hand to him in hope he’d come back to bed. But Alex was awake and needed to go be with his family. “It’s alright.”

“We’ll talk later,” Alex said, nearing him and giving him a kiss on the forehead, “Luke should be waiting to walk me back.”

“No,” Michael argued, grabbing his hand and holding him in place. Fear shot through Alex’s body at the act, that siren going off in his mind that told him he was trapped. He yanked his hand away and glared at Michael who looked pathetic. Maybe Alex was wrong to think being with a man who’s issues paled in comparison to his was a good idea. He would never understand. “Alex, there could be more than one assassin. Stay until light. Someone could hurt you.”

“Let them try,” he said cooly and he left Michael’s room. Adonis followed to make sure he would be okay, but Luke was waiting at the door. His face was stoic, but he had bags beneath his eyes and a set jaw that told him it’d been a long night.

He led the way back to the visitor’s building where Kyle was being patched up by the medic that resided on the royal’s grounds. They were both on high alert the whole walk, but Alex assumed it was probably for drastically different reasons.

“His Majesty is handling the assassin with Lady No and Sir Heinar. They’re trying to see who failed so spectacularly at their job,” Luke said. Alex breathed a tight sigh as he sat on the bed. Kyle was leaning back in bed with drugged eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” Alex told him.

“Why? If you were here, you would’ve died,” Kyle said, voice slurred by whatever they’d given him. Alex shook his head.

“I would’ve preferred that over you getting hurt in my absence,” Alex said.

“Oh, fuck off,” Kyle scoffed. Alex managed a smile. “You getting laid is clearly a lifesaver, so that thank the prince for me, will you?”

Alex’s eyes widened at his brazen statement in front of  ears that didn’t deserve it. He glanced at the medic who was stitching up the side of Kyle’s head. They seemed unphased by the admission. 

“Do not worry,” they said, voice thick with an accent that made Michaels’ seem nonexistent, “I am a royal medic for a reason.”

Alex took that as a promise of their lips staying sealed. He turned his attention back to Kyle.

“Where is Prince Boy Toy anyway? Is he all worried about you?” Kyle mocked. Alex rolled his eyes. 

“I don’t care about that,” Alex insisted. Kyle quirked a lazy eyebrow.

“Huh? You don’t care that he cares about you?”

“He was a bad idea,” Alex said simply. Kyle snorted.

“Well, yeah, at first, but he’s good for you. Makes you less of a rock,” Kyle said. Alex barely had time to process that before Kyle changed the subject. “Can’t believe your dad tried to kill you. I knew he was an asshole, but, damn.”

“I just can’t understand how he got an Antarian to go through it. Isn’t he still in prison? How did he even pull that off?” Luke asked. Kyle scoffed and they both started brainstorming ways. Alex slowly tuned out the conversation.

His entire life, his father had haunted him. He trained him to be a soldier in all the ways he knew how: tying Alex down and making him figure out how to escape, wrapping a rope around his stomach and having him lug objects like cattle, tying weights to his ankles to make sure he could always run even in times in distress, and that only scratched the surface. He put his hands on him when he didn’t act like he was taught and he had since was little. It only got worse as Alex got older, covering his body in scars until he got to the worst of them all: his leg. During a training session, he’d tied thin wires to each of his limbs. It took Alex hours to get them off, but, by the time he got to his last leg, it’d been virtually impossible to salvage. His ankle had already been broken three times and now it had a severe loss of blood flow. They said they could try to save it, but he’d probably be in pain forever. They made the unanimous decision that it had to go. Which is when Jim finally had enough.

But the damage was done. Alex had already been littered with scars that would never heal, mentally and physically. Alex still remembered his father mocking Antarians for the way they dressed and everything they showed. Part of him wondered if that’s why he was so deliberate about the scars‒with them there, he would never show off his body like that and never get the attention he wanted from other boys. He still got it though. That only seemed to make his father more angry. How dare his only son have an interest in other boys, who would carry on the family name? 

The thing was, Alex had biological brothers. None of them really survived his father’s torture like he did. They either broke under the pressure or they really didn’t survive. Alex was resilient though, he was his father’s favorite, he was the golden boy. And wasn’t that just impossible to comprehend? How could he be the favorite and yet still treated that way?

It was even harder to think that he was lucky. Sure, he still couldn’t look at himself in the mirror and he got uncomfortable when men gave him attention and he still couldn’t let Michael touch him in so many places, but he was lucky. And his father knew that. And he was angry.

And his voice was still in Alex’s mind. It made it impossible to accept Michael’s sentiments that he wanted him for more than something temporary. That was painting a target on his back and Alex knew it.

“Alex,” Luke said, pulling him out of his head, “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Alex said simply, blinking away the memories that made his blood run cold, “But do you think we could arrange a private meeting between me and my dad when we get back on Earth?”

Luke eyed him strangely.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“Do you have a better one?” 

And he didn’t, so Alex slipped back into his mind.

-

Michael’s mind stayed on Alex for so long that it was becoming a problem.

They’d never parted on such tense and negative terms before and Michael had convinced himself that Alex hated him and never wanted to see him again. It was just not good. He’d messaged him twice, but he got nothing in return. It really felt like he hated him. He didn’t know whether he was angry or if something bad had happened. Surely someone would’ve told him if another assassin had gotten to him, right?

“Come here.”

Michael lifted his head to see his mother in the doorway. Her face was as unreadable as ever, just like Alex, and her dark hair had been slicked back in a low bun. She wore all black wraps, inches of her stomach and arms exposed. They were tighter than usual which told him she’d been sparring. Despite that, he obeyed her and stood from the table to go hear her. She placed her hand on his cheek and looked into his eyes as if that would betray all of his feelings. And maybe  it did.

She guided his head to rest in the crook of her neck and she hugged him tight. She had a few inches on both him and his father, but Michael didn’t mind. He quite liked knowing she would always be taller than him. She would always be so clearly his mom.

“Did the assassination attempt really scare you this much?” she asked, combing through his hair like she’d done as long as he could remember. He relaxed into her and shook his head. “Then what’s wrong? You’ve been quiet.”

Michael didn’t know what to tell her. He was a terrible liar, nothing would sell as well as the complete truth. But the truth was scary too. What he and Alex were doing wasn’t really allowed. Antar and Earth being friendly was one thing‒but their young princes having an affair? He couldn’t imagine his mother, or the people of either of their respective planets, loving that.

“Alex won’t talk to me,” Michael offered, hoping that would be enough.

His mother breathed slowly and controlled. He didn’t move.  She was thinking and probably piecing everything together. Michael said nothing.

“Was there a reason Prince Alex wasn’t in the building when the shot was fired?” Lady No asked, but it was clear she already knew the answer. Michael sunk into her more.

“He was with me,” he confirmed. She sighed.

“Oh, baby,” she whispered, clutching him tight, “What have you done?”

“I didn’t mean to,” he insisted, his voice cracking, “I swear, it wasn’t on purpose. I can’t help it.”

“I know you didn’t,” she murmured, “But you still did it.”

“I want to go study on Earth,” Michael said firmly. He felt his mother suck in a deep breath. “I want to be closer to him.”

Lady No pulled away and grabbed his face in her hands. Michael let her stare and gauge how serious he was being. Because he was serious. Deadly. It didn’t matter that Alex wasn’t speaking to him. If he was on the same planet, he could get him to talk.

“Alex is the son of a very hostile man, Michael. He put a hit out on his own child, do you understand that?” she said. He nodded and she harshly let go of him. “Do you have a deathwish?”

“No,” Michael said firmly, “But I know what I want. I want Alex.”

She scoffed, shaking her head, “You have no idea what you’re saying.”

“Yes, I do,” he insisted, “I’m not a child, I know what I want.”

“Do you know anything about Alex? Do you know why he was adopted or why his father is imprisoned? Do you know anything?” she demanded. Michael swallowed as he looked at her. She was angry.

Michael very quickly realized that he didn’t know much. He and Alex avoided talk of anything of substance and he didn’t ask. The only time he’d asked anything real or they spoke of anything real was that last night they were together. Otherwise, he really didn’t know Alex that well.

But that wasn’t fully true either. He knew Alex. Maybe he didn’t know his past, but he knew did well in school and had great aspirations to be a good ruler. Maybe he didn’t know how he got all of his scars, but he knew which ones upset him the most based on what he could stand being touched and what he couldn’t. Maybe he didn’t know what Alex’s father did to him, but he knew he hated him and that was enough to make Michael agree. He didn’t know him enough to write a biography, but he knew enough to love him and wasn’t that enough?

“I know he’s unhappy and probably scared,” Michael said, “And I know I want to study on Earth.”

Queen Celeano took a step away from her son and closed her eyes. He waited patiently, fully expecting her to pull him into his mindscape so he would be easier to mold. But that didn’t happen. Instead, she opened her eyes and looked at him straight on.

“You are my child. My duty, above all else, is to keep you safe. I can’t do that if you’re on Earth. I’m sorry, but no,” she said simply, shaking her head, “Not while I know you’re affiliating yourself with a man who has a target on his back.”

“We’re discreet!” he insisted, “No one knows and no one will know! It’s no one’s business but mine and his!”

“You’re young, you’ll change your mind. You’ll find a nice Antarian and‒”

“No,” Michael said, firmer this time. He could feel Adonis hovering close by in case he needed to interfere. “I want Alex. And maybe it’s not forever, but if you force me to give him up, I will always feel forever about him and I will always blame you.”

She stared at him, long and serious. He wondered if this was why he liked Alex so much. His mother had instilled something in him that took that controlling seriousness and made him love it. It was never an insult. He took it as a silent ‘I love you’. 

“I will talk to your father and I will talk to James,” she said. Michael’s eyes widened.

“Wait, don’t tell them about‒”

“I won’t,” she said firmly, “But we’ll discuss schooling. And I’m sending you with more than just Adonis because I don’t trust Alex’s father.”

“But you trust me?” he said. Lady No took a deep breath and stepped back up to her son.

“I trust you,” she agreed, “But I don’t trust his father and I refuse to have my son return to me in a body bag. So I’ll see what I can do, but please, please be safe.”

Michael nodded in agreement and kept his smile at bay despite the fact he wanted to run through the halls screaming his joy.

“Always.”

-

“Are you sure about this?”

“Absolutely.”

Alex waited as the guards hesitantly unlocked the doors to the interrogation room they had his father in specifically for this meeting. He was being put on trial again for attempting to assassinate a member of the royal family, but that didn’t mean it would be impossible for Alex to get him alone. Jesse Manes had been patted down and checked over multiple times to make sure he had no weapons and he was handcuffed to his chair, but Alex still felt on edge.

On edge, but more powerful than ever.

He had been spending the last week trying to think of what he was going to say to finally sever this tie to his father, but, when he saw his face, all of that went out the window. But he had to do this. He had to if he ever wanted something good in his life. Something like Michael.

“Hello, son,” Jesse said as Alex stepped inside. Luke was close behind him. Alex had tried to get him to stay back, but he insisted he was going to be right there with him so he wasn’t alone. Alex didn’t know how to say no to that. 

“Dad,” Alex greeted, waiting until the door slammed behind them. Luke leaned beside the door in quiet solidarity. “Took you five years.”

“Not from lack of trying,” he said simply. It was surprising, but Alex still felt that pang of hurt. “You’ve stopped training, I know you have.”

“I haven’t, actually,” Alex said, “I spar every day that my leg allows. I just don’t endure torture.”

“What I did to you wasn’t torture. It was what you needed to become a good soldier, to rise up and finally end that fucking peace treaty. There’s nothing peaceful about it. It’s complacency,” he said. Alex shook his head and stepped closer.

“It isn’t,” Alex said, “They’re good people.”

“They aren’t people.”

“No, you aren’t a person,” Alex shot back, “What kind of person tries to kill their own son?”

“He wasn’t really meant to kill you,” Jesse offered, “You were supposed to kill him when he tried.”

Alex huffed a laugh, shaking his head, “Why am I not surprised that you think that’s better?”

“I spent fifteen years dedicating my life to you, Alex, you’re my son and I love you,” Jesse said. Alex held his chin high and tried not to let those words hit like they so desperately wanted to. “What don’t you see? You’re my pride and joy. Look at you. Infiltrating the royal family on both planets. Do you know what you could do at this rate? You could do wonderful things if you just stayed on track like I raised you.”

“Bold thing to say with witnesses,” Alex said. Jesse shook his head.

“I raised you,” Jesse repeated, “There are only witnesses if you let them be.”

They fell silent for a moment as Alex stared at him and tried to come up with the right thing to say. This was supposed to be empowering, but instead it felt more like he was just opening himself to more manipulation. But he refused. So, instead, Alex unbuttoned the jacket he was wearing and let it fall to the floor. His father eyed the gold wrap made of Antarian silk that was wrapped around his torso.

“What are you doing?” Jesse asked slowly. Alex took a deep breath.

“My entire life you shamed me for the scars you left on my skin. You taught me to hide from them and from what I wanted. But I refuse to listen to you. I refuse to let you stay in my brain, taunting me and making it difficult to let men touch or admire me. Because I want them to touch and admire me. How does that feel, Dad?”

Jesse’s jaw clenched at his words, but Alex felt no guilt. He felt quite the opposite. There was something freeing about getting under his skin.

“That doesn’t make me weak,” Alex continued, “I’m far from weak. I survived you. I can never be weak.”

“If you’re not weak, then you can ignore disrespectful desires,” Jesse said. Alex huffed.

“Disrespectful to who? Not me. And if it’s disrespectful to you, then I don’t care. I refuse to care. I spent so many years of my life trying to be the perfect son, trying to make you proud. And the sad thing is that I did. I was the son you wanted. Except for one little thing,” Alex said. His fingers skimmed the silk, begging it to give him strength. And it did. It felt like laying in Michael’s bed, like being wrapped up in a place where no one could hurt him. He felt invincible. “And I’m done being ashamed and scared.”

“I disagree.”

“Good luck with that,” Alex said, “Because I’m putting in a good word to have you executed.”

“My father is dead and he still lives in my mind, Alex,” Jesse said, smiling a smile that looked too much like Alex’s, “You can kill me, but I’ll never be dead.”

“Maybe not. But I’ll sure as hell do what I can to make sure I never end up like you,” he said simply, “I’m going to be a good king. I’m going to be kind. I’m going to love and be loved. I’m going to have a man in my bed, Antarian men in my bed. And there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Spite only lasts so long,” he spat.

“Don’t wait and see how long that is.”

Alex decided he was over the conversation and turned to leave, hoping Luke grabbed his jacket on the way out. He didn’t notice his hands were shaking until he got around the corner and Luke draped the jacket over his shoulders.

“Did you get the closure you needed?” Luke asked. Alex sucked in a deep breath and looked up at him. He didn’t really feel that different other than the fact that he felt like he needed to throw up.

“I guess I’ll just have to wait and find out.”

-

Michael arrived on Earth after three weeks of not hearing from Alex, but that was alright. He was going to take advantage of his time there.

The main reason for coming was for some big party that Michael didn’t really care about, but it was doubling as a time to enroll him in a school on Earth. The same school Alex was going to. He would be returning in a few months at the start of the next semester and, if he and Alex weren’t on good terms by then, then he would spend all of his free time trying to get them on good terms.

What he didn’t expect, however, was for Alex to give him a bright smile when they pulled up to the palace. There were cameras around so they didn’t hug, but Alex greeted him with a handshake that made his mind feel like fireworks were going off.

The next few hours were agonizingly slow and full of small talk. By the time Luke was leading him to Alex’s bedroom, he was already losing his mind trying to figure out what exactly was about to happen.

He was welcomed into Alex’s room and then they were alone. Alex was clothed in his stiff dress pants and his stiff white button up, but he looked nice. He always looked so nice.

“Hi,” Michael said.

“Hey,” Alex said right back. He stepped up to him and gave him that sweet smile that he always had for him. It was jarring considering their last encounter.

“I’m sorry about the last time I saw you,” Michael said, “I shouldn’t have grabbed your hand when I know you don’t like that. I know I sent you a U-Mail that said the same thing, but I keep thinking about it and it makes me feel worse every time. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright, you were scared,” Alex said simply, eying him. Michael waited for him to say more, but he didn’t. So he finally asked a question.

“Alex… What’s going on?” he asked, “With us, I mean.”

“Last time we spoke, you said you wanted to be with me. Do you still feel that way?” Alex asked. Michael’s eyes widened, but he nodded. It seemed too deceptively easy, but it was Alex and he would jump into an endless pit if Alex thought it was a good idea. “Then I think we should talk.”

“Talk?”

“Talk,” Alex confirmed, nodding to his bed, “About anything. I think I owe you some honesty. I felt I had too much baggage for you, so I never shared, but you were kind to me for four years not knowing why I acted that way. So I think it’s time I let you in a little more.”

“Seriously?” Michael breathed. It felt too good to be true.

“Seriously,” Alex laughed, “I’m so tired of hiding from you.”

The two of them sat down on the bed facing each other and not touching. But then Alex held out his hand. Blood pumped in Michael’s ears, but he slowly reached out his hand towards Alex’s. Alex carefully laced their fingers together and rested it on his knee. They didn’t do that. But this was progress. So much progress.

And all Michael could feel was pride.

#malex #malex fic #michael guerin #alex manes #roswell new mexico #my fic #ITS FINALLY HERE #IVE BEEN GIVING SNEAK PEEKS ABOUT THIS FOREVER

[ephemeralgalaxies]

Loki Ep4 Spoilers below (once more bc I just can't help myself, can I?)

It's been a while since I've had a character as interesting as Mobius to analyze and I have no chill. Spoilers start below:

Also some spoilers for WandaVision but it's been months so hopefully y'all have seen it

TL;DR Mobius really trying to connect back with Loki in order to try and bring the TVA down (and also bc "oops, Loki was right, guess I gotta own up to that bitterness") and it works but it hurts so much. Also see: I can't stop watching this scene over and over trying to understand Mobius' subtle actions bc his reaction here is so different than in all other scenes where he's usually calm or trying to delve deep into Loki's mind for information. Now he's just desperate.

Ok so I know I made a post talking about Mobius' jealousy in that interrogation scene but I also want to touch on when he comes back again after seeing the footage from C-20's interrogation scene bc man is so desperate here and I'm crying

(I'm sorry, I can't get gifs to work for me today so we just using images. But I got these from this post)

Mobius was so hurt last time we saw him, Loki being thrown back into the time cell with Lady Sif, hitting our dear agent with "out of all the liars in this place... you are the biggest... for the [lies] you tell yourself." Mobius has been pushing down all these doubts, hiding all his questions and curiosities of the TVA for a while. He's teased Ravonna, but could never really get anywhere. Then after speaking with Loki about Sylvie, about "you're all variants", Hunter B-15's suspicions, the oddness of C-20's "death" (M:"she was just fine before." R:"well, then she suddenly wasn't fine."). Mobius is finally allowing himself to realize things, to question truly what is going on. (R: "Is that what you wanted to hear?" M: "Yeah, if that's the truth." R: "You've been around Lokis too long.")

In this scene, when he comes back to the time cell for Loki, he's frustrated, he's angry, he's desperate. Everything is a lie. He can't pretend anymore. Loki has bonded with Sylvie (actually caring for another human being without the trauma of Thor: The Dark World and Thor: Ragnarok) ((I'm begging you, pls let him see a variant of Thor in this series and get to bond again, I miss them)). C-20 is likely pruned and gone forever with no answers. B-15 is getting anxious and unfocused. Ravonna is snapping at him and manipulating him with those long speeches (please, Mobius has heard enough from Loki's videos to know when he's being manipulated by fake sentimental words). He's tired, no longer patient enough for all the little quips-- he just need answers. For once in his "life" at the TVA, he just wants the truth. Something to safely hold to.

He's just put Loki through this timeloop of Lady Sif, of someone from home someone that could've been close to him under different circumstances, someone his brother cared about, kicking him/slapping him/ berating him with "you deserve to be alone, and you always will be." Loki's whole "Sacred Timeline Life" marks him to "always be alone", to finally get close to people before being torn away (whether in his own volition or by someone/something else). But with Loki caring for Sylvie, maybe even loving her, this changes everything for this Loki. He could finally care enough to save someone, to go out of his way in order to help others at his own cost. And Mobius knows this.

He asks again, desperate, pleading, hoping. Loki has to believe in himself, has to love himself enough to think to believe that he deserves a family, love, security from his greatest fear. He has to have changed because if not, then he'll either get pruned or wind up just like Mobius. Either way, gone from existence-- life erased, precious memories of "what if", "what once was", obliterated. He has to believe, or it'll happen again and again and again. To everyone, to the whole universe, unless something someone could do the impossible and shatter all reality.

With Wanda (specifically in WandaVision, final episode end credits), with her searching for her children and Vision, attempting the impossible and blending her realities in order to give them life because she needs them, she loves them. (M: "If you really care about [Sylvie]..."). This threat to the Sacred Timeline, pushing closer and closer to the MCU Multiverse, because they have to, because they want to.

(sorry again for bland picture, I love his expression in this gif but it wont load)

Mobius knows Loki is hurting-- from Lady Sif, from his past, from failing to protect Sylvie on his own, from Mobius not believing him and calling him "just a bad friend". He knows Loki could learn to believe, but he doesn't yet. Only Frigga ever told him she believed in him, he needs to hear it again. He needs to know he deserves love because he is loved. Mobius does, "believe, stupidly" (ep2) that Loki has this potential.

When I first saw this scene in the trailers, I was nervous it would be in the context of Mobius trying to get Loki on the TVA's side, "someone good". But here, this is so much better-- he knows the TVA is lying, is manipulating, is destroying lives. (L: "No one bad is every truly bad, and no one good is ever truly good" ep2 again lol). Loki knows he's not "truly good", that he's hurt people-- whether he planned to or not. But he can still be good. He can still choose to love, to care, to believe.

He can be what he's always wanted, what Frigga promised him, what he's always feared. He can be known, be loved, be safe-- Loki doesn't just fear being alone, he fears people choosing to leave him. That's why the memory of Lady Sif instead of Thor reaching for him on the Rainbow Bridge or Thanos threatening the Asgardian refugees or even Odin trying to explain why he "saved" Loki when he fought Loki's homeland. This memory was casual, simple, unnecessary. But it's always the smallest moments that truly impact us the most-- the slight changes.

When Mobius says this to Loki, he freezes-- he's confused, hesitant, scared. No one tells him this, why is someone telling him this, how can I believe this?

And then:

.And the little shrug Mobius gives here

It's so casual, so simple, so nonchalant. He just wants to reassure Loki that he still cares. He just spent a whole interrogation hounding on Loki for finding love with Sylvie, for changing with her (jealous boi be jealous), for lying to him and betraying him (M: "You don't do partners... unless ofc it benefits you and you intend to betray them at some point"). But now, now he's stopped lying to himself. He knows he cares, that Loki has a chance, that they have to burn this place down. Mobius wants stop this from ever happening again, from someone ever having to go through what Loki's gone through, being told they can never be loved because that's just how the Timeline goes. That a kid would be taken away from their family (probably because Sylvie presents feminine?? Idk, feel like MCU Odin wouldn't be so good with that). He has to reassure Loki, he wants to, because no one should ever feel that way again.

(and frick I really hate this, please look at the gifs from the linked post above, u gotta see his precious smile grow)

LOOK AT THIS SMILE, LOOK AT HIM HE'S HAPPY. And it was such a small, subtle apology from Mobius but it made all the difference bc he told Loki that he believes in him. And then they walk back out of the time cell, side-by-side, looking at each other. Content, safe, prepared to face the world together. He's no longer alone.

... And then ofc this happens...

*cue my heart shattering* (bless Hiddleston's acting).

The fact that you can even hear the hitch in Mobius' breath as he realizes this is the end of the line for him, that Ravonna knows and there's no going back--he's not making it out of this.

"One last desperate trick from the desperate trickster."

He talks about the jetski, about what his life might have been, he knows this hits Loki, being ripped from your timeline, losing all that potential. More importantly, it gives Loki a reason to fight. A silent, "Don't let this happen again. Don't let them get away with this. Please, remember me, don't let me disappear." But it doesn't work, because the one thing Mobius didn't account for, is that Loki cares about him. That now, the fight drains out of him. They pruned Mobius, ofc they'll get to Loki and Sylvie. They didn't even hesitate. Loki just lost, once again, the only other person who ever told him they believed in him. "You can be whoever, whatever..." "She told me I could do anything..."

Loki is less of a narcissist and more of a person desperate to fill that hole inside-- he's been neglected, cast aside, told he should want this and then never getting it. A "Glorious Purpose" to always hide in the shadows, to cause suffering, to give others a reason to unite against him. But for once, just once he hoped that he didn't have to do it alone-- that he could unite. And then they crushed those beautiful few seconds of hope like it was just another tedious, burdening purpose of the TVA.

(credits of images/gifs to the original posts linked, none were mine as I can't figure this out at all lol)

#loki spoilers #loki ep4 #wanda marvel #loki #loki series #mobius #mobius m mobius #agent mobius #dear god he has so many different name tags #sylvie #hunter b 15 #c 20 #queen frigga #ravonna renslayer #lokius #but not really #angsty #bc I can't help myself #character analysis #pls save me #im too deep into this episode now #there's just so much to unpack #long post

[fwoopersongs]

何必诗债换酒钱 - Notes

Clean version here and thoughts under the cut.

I saw the song translation notes made by @shelterfromrain​ a while back and thought, wow! what a fantastic idea it is to share the results of the rabbit holing (that you inevitably end up engaging in when doing this) and leave a record for your future self while at it too! Currently some of the song and poetry translations on fwoopersongs do have little notes, but those were casually written on the fly and after so long, the thought process behind certain choices often get forgotten, which is such a waste... Long story short - I’m doing it this way from now on!

This song was requested by @peerlesssqq on twitter - which may or may not have bumped it up by like a year on my list (yes, I’ve been sitting on it since 2018 and you’ll see why) - and I had WAY more fun than expected, so 谢啦 ~ It was a delight to receive your DM request. I was happy for days!

Some background: 《何必诗债换酒钱》 is the theme song of 【文定乾坤】- a collection of musical works that feature notable contributors to Chinese literature in ancient times, poets and the like. Oh, and I did notice that the MV on bilibili looks like it could be a promo for a webtoon or game. Who knows? I’ll be checking out the rest of the songs, that’s for sure!

The following part of this post will be my thoughts for first the title, then each section - the intro, verse 1 & 2 and the chorus, ending off with some final comments.

Disclaimer first though (otherwise later you read already then feel like beating me up): Everything in this post is only my interpretation of the song. I have quite limited familiarity with mainland literature and culture, so of course don’t expect much xD Here you’ll only find a story-loving banana who jiak-ed kantang too much in her youth and now regrets it a whole lot. 说好了哈 I’m pants at analysis, worse at Chinese, and am not at all good with words ok?

Title

So《何必诗债换酒钱》, let’s start off with the word here that’s unfamiliar to most of us:

诗债 | shī zhài or a debt of poems/poetry debt is a legit thing! - All you authors and artists out there might be familiar with it - It’s what you call the resulting debt when a poet promises to write something for another person but hasn’t done it yet. Procrastination has apparently always been the curse of content creators.

In fact, in the Bai Juyi’s poem that came up on the 诗债 baidu page《晚春欲携酒寻沉四著作先以六韵寄之》- possibly addressed to a friend he owes - he was complaining of illness, old age and writer’s block. But then oh, he goes on and then I passed by a party where they had drinks, and was quite up to my gills & totally out of it for some time, and THAT’S why I’ve done you dirty and owe you ever so many poems. I don’t really understand the last two lines but apparently he then offers to bring a drink for this person he’s talking to, mentions a wish to meet a winter goddess (????? pretty girl? or the snow? idk which), and starts reminiscing the times that were like a precious string of pearls they had singing at Yang Pass. Most likely farewells, but without context I just don’t get it. Anyway bribery and misdirection huh? I see what you did there bro, and I’m sure the person you attempted to distract saw it coming too...

何必 | hé bì, is a rhetorical question of Must you really? In the case of this word, 何 functions as roughly ‘is it that’ and 必 as ‘it must be so’.

换酒钱 | huàn jiǔ qián is of course, exchange for money to purchase wine.

‘Must you really promise poems in exchange for money to buy wine?’ then is the literal translation of 何必诗债换酒钱.

So here is the question: Is alcohol worth a poetry debt? Onwards to the answer!

Intro

生就诗骨 算来三百篇  Born and already a poet to the bones, (with) three hundred works counting up to now. 

浪掷秦淮长安 风流李杜王白  Spending lavishly in Qinhuai and Chang’an, free/unrestrained as Li and Du, Wang and Bai;

余下十分 便随意肩上担  whatever left is divided in ten parts, casually thrown over a shoulder

权作金玉铜板 相谢好人间  and taken for jade, gold and coin, a big thank you to this good world!

I interpreted the 生 in the first line as 天生 i.e. innate, natural born talent, so this first line describes someone born with a gift for poetry with ‘three hundred’ works to their name. Although... that three hundred should not be taken too literally, it’s more likely to be an allusion to collected works like the 16th century anthology of poems, Three Hundred Tang Poems. After all, Li Bai, Du Fu, Wang Wei and Bai Juyi are the most famous Tang Dynasty poets… and they were all name-dropped in the next line!

浪掷 | làng zhì was a new phrase for me, and means something like spending freely and lavishly or willfully wasted. Of course Chang’an was the capital during the Tang Dynasty and it was the world's most populous city at the time. One can only imagine how prosperous it must have been… and what fun things were there to spend your money on! The banks of Qinhuai river and that general area was once a gathering place for noble/wealthy families, scholars looking for a good time (and some say, the red light district xD). Though by Sui/Tang, that area was no longer doing as well due to political shifts. So the mental image I got from 浪掷秦淮长安 is of someone gallivanting through places of interest, from the bustling and prosperous to the dilapidated.

风流 | fēng liú is as always, hard to translate with no full equivalent in english. The feel it gives me ranges from, ‘cool, dashing bloke on a galloping horse with their cloak/robes/hair flowing elegantly in the wind’ to ‘pleasure seeking dandy who totally knows how to enjoy life, all the courtesans know him by courtesy name!’.

The third line started with 余下十分, which will not make any sense - why leftover? Divide what by ten? - until its put in context with the following:

Three hundred poems 算来三百篇 + 权作金玉铜板 pretend they are gold/jade/money (权作 | quán zuò just means to take one thing for another temporarily.)

The load thrown over the shoulder 肩上担

Spendthrift behaviour on tour 浪掷秦淮长安

The TITLE: bro so u wanna promise poetry in exchange for money to drink? why.

Let’s take those precious poems that can be exchanged for gold - a whole bagful of scrolls, and now I’m so rich I can scatter my money down the streets of entertainment districts and the capital! The very image of a 风流 poet, reckless and free spirited.

// Folks, please learn from this silly girl and do not read songs (or poems) line by line. They need to be appreciated at a distance, not one inch from your eyeballs.

Verse 1

两分与月 劳烦身前打点 Two parts to the moon, (may I) trouble you to take care of me while I’m alive.

哪处巍峨峰峦 当借我悬来观 Wherever there are majestic peaks and ranges, do lend me (your light) to hang and see by.

三分典高楼 好与长风赴宴 Three parts pawned for the tall building, good for attending the banquet alongside the wind,

遍寻可爱星子 唾手一把玩 searching for charming little stars, easily caught to play with.

Now we get to see how the poet is spending his ‘wealth’. This verse is a lot more literal as compared to the introduction, so there’s not much to say.

打点 used here is so interesting! Because it’s what you call bribing someone in a superior position to smoothen your path ahead (so to speak). Thanks to a childhood of tvb drama, I vaguely associate the type of people who would 打点 with rich merchant or minor noble fathers who want to give their sons an easier time at court. Either that or lower ranked officials with less moral scruples. Anyway, what’s being said in the song is something like: here is 20% dear moon, I’ll have to trouble you to bless me for the rest of this lifetime, and also please lend me your light to see by when I have need of it at scenic spots *for art*. The moon is a muse for many poets in all its forms after all… 明月, 圆月, 孤月, 残月, 冷月, 江月, 秋月 and so on.

Actually that whole sentence 劳烦身前打点 is so playful and fun that I put it in quotation marks to emphasize it. We’ve only just begun. Is the speaker already drunk?

And with the third line, 30% has been spent. Just noting here that 典 | diǎn can be read as pawn or mortgage. Another interesting thing to note would be that this imagery of ascending a tall building 高楼 and reaching out for stars 星子 in the last two lines of Verse 1 brings to mind one particular poem, famously attributed to Li Bai. Following translation by yours truly.

《夜宿山寺》- Overnight at the Mountain Temple 危楼高百尺 | dangerously towering a hundred feet high 手可摘星辰 | the stars are within reach 不敢高声语 | one dares not raise their voice 恐惊天上人 | for fear of disturbing the deities

Though the two probably have nothing to do with each other, doesn’t the reverence in the tone of this one bring out the playful irreverence of the other? So. Much. Fun. I adore the whole feel of 遍寻可爱星子 唾手一把玩 SO MUCH.

Verse 2

两分与桥 歇脚南北行船 Two parts to the bridge where travellers on foot and by boat from the north and south can rest,

欣然八方风物 闲话半日茶碗 delighted by the scenery all around, idly chatting half the day away over bowls of tea.

三分典流水 润色枯瘦石山 Three parts for the running water, moistening the gaunt stone mountains

又将天地一展 伸手 试浓淡 and again spreading heaven and earth wide, reaching out to test the viscosity (of the water).

It took a few listens, but in the end I really enjoyed the aesthetics here. And again, this verse is quite straight to the point albeit with two things I cannot understand.

The first point of confusion for me is why the lyricist chose to use 桥 | qiáo, a bridge as the place for people to rest on their journeys. I assumed here that this in reference to a pier or dock, assumed also that he is donating funds for this structure to be built or repaired. However, if that were the case 坞 | wù would have been enough - 船坞 was supposedly invented only in the Song Dynasty though, so maybe that’s why another word was chosen. But it’s not like there is any incidence of 桥 being used to mean ‘dock’ either!

The second thing that confuses me is the use of 典 for 流水. In verse one, that 典 was referring to the poetry works sold to reserve the venue for a banquet. That usage was apt. Here I suspect it might be for parallel structure, because there is no alternative reading for 典 that might allow one to use their 30% 三分 to do anything to flowing water 流水. That’s the literal reading, of course.

If we’re taking this a little less literally, it can be interpreted as borrowing the scenery (figuratively, since the place would not belong to anyone in the way you might own a property) to admire. It also expands on the second line’s mention of the surrounding view 欣然八方风物; there is running water which completes 润色 and brings the appearance of the gaunt and rocky mountains 枯瘦石山 closer to perfection.

润色 | rùn sè means to polish, to bring to greater heights. When you say something has been 润色 it is made more brilliant and closer to perfection by that addition. It can also mean moisten.

We always hear ‘rivers and mountains like a painting’ 江山如画 - originating from Su Dongpo’s《念奴娇·赤壁怀古》- used when the scenery is wonderful, because how often is real life as ideal as what we can imagine and depict? And that is exactly what is described here. The feeling out if the ‘water’ is concentrated or diluted 试浓淡 is used in answer to 一展 unfurling. 浓淡 of ink to 一展 of painting scroll. The land and sky seem like an ink wash painting, so beautiful that the viewer cannot help but reach out to run their hand through the water.

Chorus

Chorus Part 1

若趁游兴直到酣 If we take advantage of our wanderlust and go roaming till it is sated,

千字文章不值钱 classics and essays shan’t be worth a coin.

诗换花 词换雪 A poem for a flower! A song for snow!

再作檄文斗天官 Another denunciation for those heavenly officials!

Starting off with three new terms for me: 游兴 | yóu xìng means enthusiasm for travel. 酣 | hān can mean having a great time drinking, or being very satisfied and satiated. 檄文 | xí wén is a type of official document written for important announcements, declaration of war, or denunciation and condemnation of certain people or actions.

While I still feel this need to go out to see the world, I shall keep on the road until I am satisfied. Who cares about writing, who cares for study, it’s all worthless to me. I do what I want. And what I want is to write a little poem in exchange for a flower, some lyrics for a flake of snow. I’ll even write a denunciation against those officials in heaven (immortals). Fight me!!!!

I point again at Verse 1 with climbing the tower to play with stars. It’s no longer just playing nearby, now he wants a go at the gods.

Among the four parts of the chorus, this one is the simplest for sure. The lines mean exactly what is said. It also feels the most chaotic and mischievous. Is the speaker drunk? Is he high on something? One thing’s for sure. He’s out of money.

Chorus Part 2

何愁不得一样我 Why feel troubled that (I) cannot have another just like me?

知交尽向话中添 for one who understands you and is understood, look entirely towards stories to fill that place

唐解元 嵇中散 people like Tang Bohu (first in provincial examinations) and proud, upright and stubborn Ji Kang

且驰大梦任疯癫 Just chase that great dream, allow yourself to go mad.

I feel like the first two lines are quite straightforward, though they might not appear so on first reading: How could there be a need to feel sad or troubled that I have no like-minded equal. To find a true friend who understands you without need for words, and whom you understand in return, all you need to do is turn to those tales and stories 话中 for people to fill 添 that place.

唐解元 - People like Tang Yin, courtesy name: Bohu 唐寅, 字伯虎 (1470–1524 AD), noted painter, calligrapher and poet of the Ming Dynasty. Tang Yin led a life full of ups and downs that really cannot be covered in a paragraph’s worth of song translation notes. You can check out his wiki page if you’re curious though! There’s a little more on him where I cover the last line of this section. He is addressed as 解元 | jiè yuán here which is the term for the top scorer of the provincial examinations (second stage in the Imperial examination ladder). It is also an honorific for scholars. Tang Bohu is both.

嵇中散 - People like Ji Kang, courtesy name: Shuye 嵇康, 字叔夜, (223–262 AD), one of the Seven Sages of the Bamboo Grove - a group of friends who wisely kept themselves aloof from the dangerous politics of the Court, and devoted themselves to art, refinement and debate, of the Three Kingdoms period. He was a Daoist philosopher, musician, writer and poet.  

An accomplished musician, the qin composition 廣凌散 | guǎnglíng sàn is attributed to Ji Kang, though some versions of the story claim he learned it from a ghost while stopping at a pavillion on his way home. 嵇中散 was one of the names he was known by because of his appointment to the position of Attendant Counsellor, 中散大夫 | zhōng sàn dàfū, a civil official unspecified duties in the court of Cao Wei.

When Ji Kang was sentenced to death for his attempt to testify for a wrongly accused friend, three thousand scholars petitioned for his pardon to no avail. It’s said that at the execution ground, while they waited for the appointed hour, he had his favourite qin brought out and played a brilliant interpretation of Guanglin San that is now forever lost.

Do go read about them both if you have the time!

I would like to point out for the last line that 任 is to allow, to indulge, and it’s just such a heady sensation to say 任疯癫 - indulge in the madness! throw yourself in and don’t look back!

There is an easter egg here too. A nod to a poem by Tang Yin which can be read as his stance on his lifestyle choice after the alleged accusations of bribery in the final step of the Imperial examinations left him disgraced, and unable to pursue a civil career. Thematically the line does not call back to the poem at all, similarities end with the choice of words: chasing the dream 驰大梦 and indulging madness 任疯癫.  I leave an excerpt below. Translation again by me.

《桃花庵歌》- Song of a Plum Blossom Cottage // 若将花酒比车马 | if tawdriness and wine were compared against fine carriage and steed 他得驱驰我得闲 | he would have to drive and work hard for speed whilst I have my idle rest 别人笑我太疯癫 | others mock me for my madness 我笑他人看不穿 | i am amused for they do not perceive 不见五陵豪杰墓 | can’t you see that at the Emperors’ mausoleums and heroes’ graves 无花无酒锄做田 | there are no flowers, no wine, only land ploughed for farming

The second part of the chorus isn’t related to the first, but it has the same theme of showcasing the untamable (unhinged xD) spirit of the speaker. This time, the people he admires ‘intellectual equals’ and kindred spirits are featured, the 任性 feeling here has been pushed to greater heights.

Chorus Part 3

敢夸洒落何须酒 If one dares to boast of carefreeness, why, they hardly need wine.

不煮黄粱也称仙 Even without brewing millet they would still be called Immortal.

镜湖桌 白梅盏 The tables in the mirror-like lake, white plum blossoms in the cups,

等来春风恰开宴 await the spring breeze which arrives just in time for the feast to start!

Li Bai is regarded as both the god of poetry 诗仙 and god of drunkards wine 酒仙 because he wrote some of his greatest poems while drinking. The first two lines seem to be gently poking fun at that. Like hey, if you dare to claim to be all groovy, surely you have no need for alcohol? Just like how an immortal would still be an immortal without wine, your writing talent should not need any stimulants. This would be the time to mention that 黄粱 | huáng liáng is also known as millet, a type of grain that can be used to brew wine.

洒落 | sǎ luò has a few meanings, like shower down or blame, but the relevant one here would be 洒脱 generous, uninhibited and open. For me it feels similar to 风流 in that there is that ‘free, and exhilaratingly unrestrained’ element. 洒落 is in the most positive sense, being always open to having a good time, but without that dissolute or vaguely whirlwind-romance like connotation of 风流.

It feels like the intensity is letting up a little here - this is a light-hearted and frivolous song all the way through, but the words 洒落, 称仙 and imagery of a clear lake, white plum blossoms and the crisp spring breeze are grounding and sweet. Spirited in a different way from before.

Chorus Part 4

四角天地也醺然 The four corners and heaven and earth are also tipsy,

醉极自有桃李搀 when I’ve overindulged, my students will be there to help.

快意只 笔下讨 Gratification can only be claimed from beneath the brush;

何必诗债换酒钱 is falling into poetry debt worth that money for drink?

New words: 醺然 | xūn rán just means drunk. A new word for me though! 桃李 | táo lǐ is literally peach 桃 and plum 李 (李花, also known as 玉梅) flowers, and is a metaphor for students. The term originates from a story in 《韩诗外传》which was set in the Wei Kingdom of the Spring and Autumn period (771 to 476 BCE). There was once a highly ranked official who was sacked from his post and left for the north. He met another gentleman and remarked that the people he helped before did not lift a finger when he was in need. This person replied that, if someone were to plant peach and plum trees in spring, he could relax under their shade in the Summer and taste their fruit in the Autumn. But if that person were to plant weeds, nothing can be done with their leaves in Spring and there would only be burrs to hurt himself on in Autumn. Clearly the people the unfortunate gentlemen had helped before were not worth his effort. Students ought to be carefully selected and carefully cultivated as one would a tree.

Reading the four corners and heaven and earth 四角天地 are also tipsy 也醺然, I imagine the world sort of spinning around the speaker because he is drunk. But that’s okay, because his students (or the trees xD) will be there to support him.

快意 | kuài yì is the feeling of sudden relaxation, and then lightheartedness and joy. In this line, I felt like the intention would be closer to 畅快，爽快 and so chose gratification, because really writing is like scratching an itch isn’t it? Pleasure from satisfaction of a desire. Phrasing it as 笔下讨 is so very fitting though, because 讨 can be interpreted - somewhat contradicting - as either to demand or to beg. What could be more gratifying than having squeezed out the perfect sentence or word under your figurative pen?

So so so after all that, 何必诗债换酒钱? What do you think, is alcohol worth the poetry debt? Is Mr. Poet actually drunk and about to dig himself a deeper hole of owed poems to get even MORE drunk, or has he just been thinking about it all along? :)

Thoughts

This has been such a fun adventure following our madcap big spender from the shining Chang’an to the inviting Qinhuai, shadow of great poets in tow and all. We’ve done everything from talking to the moon and seeing the sights by her light, to boating down a river, dragging fingers through the water. It was sort of like being on a backpacking tour, except with with someone contemplating opening (or perhaps regretting opening this can of worms?) poetry commissions instead of singing in the streets?

Dear reader, if you’ve reached this point of my post, thank you. I hope you enjoy the song as much as I do now!

#何必诗债换酒钱 #translation notes #i made a new years resolution and this is step one #i had so many more things to say lol but it's like 1 am and i need to go to bed #this took way longer than i thought it might

[madfantasy]

1) Oh, dear Mani, it's so devastating to read what you're writing about yourself. You're a loveliest person and a beautiful artist, and you deserve all the very best in the world. Sorry if it's dumb (I'm from Russia and maybe it's like asking if there're bears everywhere in the streets here) - but is it common in your country or it's just your family? Is it legal to prevent you from socialising etc. or is i just a tradition ?

You are so precious, thank you for your kindness.. I'm so sorry to have to trouble you.. but I can't seem to filter anything lately.. and no, it's not a dumb question at all. One is not expected to know everything, that without mentioning other people's cultures, tbh I hardly know much of mine but what I have encountered..

The simple answer would be— it is common; but it varies.. my family is probably at 8 or 9 out of ten in the extreme levels, I guess this is me numbing it down again, but... anyway, It's not even a religious thing, it's more of old cultural habits and practices—before religious times. It's even -what my family's doing- against what is considered common habits, here. As people are normally extremely, suffocating-ly sociable and curious and inviting and probably won't leave you alone if you haven't made it clear.

I don't know if it is legal or not, I'm sure it is illegal based on human rights alone? I'm always told (as a way of threatening) how parents can call the authorities on their misbehaving children. And it is a thing here, usually if the kids be abusive to their parents (as in beating up their elder parents) or troubling, police escort them to where ever. And I don't want to think of the anti...

As I am assigned at birth this gender- female- automatically I'm shut down by my family of fear of shame and whatever but told it's out of "honourable" protectiveness of their reputation and mine.

Tho they know I am far from being associated with the traits of being that gender (or any) I disliked dress, spoke with no gender pronouns, hated hair styling, make up and all.. I was still been treated as if I am a shame that needs to be kept private in all possible legal ways. As no one of any kind should be..

(Without mentioning that having female child is considered a way to heaven— religiously speaking— and in ancient times, they used to burry their infants females out of shame. How did they still exists is beyond me)

Anyway, to me it meant no contact with the opposite gender at all cost, only sticking to matchings. That means no hospitals if the doctors weren't females, no school trips, no malls, no visiting my schoolmates (next door or not), no public places, no house yard if the fence built too low, no windows (blocking them with cardboards and textured stickers). Was gonna share a pic of baby Mani in a house that has that, but. Literally I remember imaging z hanged picture with cottage in flowery field as the view outside our window, and day dreamed happily about it. (I have no pictures of me in my teenage years, cuz it was shameful to have them, even with smartphones arrived, mine was constantly searched for them) while we received pictures of the extended families children in all of their age groups..

I had to constantly come with excuses to everybody why I can't come see them or why I can't go. I thought being poor was the main reason and it was shameful, and I was embarrassed by my charity cloths and unfurnished homes, I was always told to lie about it, because people would laugh at me if they found out. So I did. And everything made sense until I grew more brain cells and realising nothing have changed, either we be dirt poor or not. People actually offered to pay me food, trip costs, give me coats for the winter, rides to school, to beat off my misfortune when they are able just to include me, yet it was still being rejected.. and I couldn't understand why anymore.

I seen married couples, when ppl forced fam to take me somewhere to enjoy and have fun, the wife is the one running the house, goes out shopping, or just go out for rides, calls the workers for repairs, go places on her own, took taxis, and it was... Normal?!

A cousin of fam came to visit and asked why your children don't go out, why don't you give them money and let them shop their heart's content? They answered, they fear society.. a lie at that time

Maybe it's not something noticeable for outsiders, but cloaks speak of the area's culture and age too. When I came 'of age' I had to cover up in the extremist of ways, ways consider only elderly ppl did, and I always got funny looks when I wore my cloak.

I was never allowed to show my eyes, specially that I wear glasses and can't see with the cover. So I tripped alot and was humiliated for in the streets, trying to make me understand that anything I do is an ' invite' for their eyes..

I was beginning to see the flaws, the lies, the holes in reasons I was offered.. linked together the constant misery that I didn't understand it's reason, since as further as I remember.

Maybe it's not spoken in plain words (until yesterday that is) but all that is just because that I am born under that title..

Women now can drive.. can be their own legal guardian without the need of a male to confirm everything she does (which was what it used to be) she can travel abroad alone if she's over 21.

I'm fighting so hard to exist, and to have basic needs satisfied..

It almost took my soul out begging to have my ID card, until the gov announced fine to those who don't register their females.. I should had my ID 16 of age. Got it 27.. and their excuse is that I didn't have a reason to get it anyway.. as everything goes in my life I asked for... I don't need what I think I need. I don't need to drive.. I don't need to work.. I don't need clothes- I'm fashion thirsty- I don't need to have fun.. I only need to do exactly what they wish. Which drives me crazy as it contrasts with the sacrifices they made themselves for us and everything that we gone through together..

I have to fight and argue and plead to get anything.. I was able to draw while I was furiously I could not, I could speak English as I please while it offended them, still-- they can't speak it--.. and it obviously the only way to express my shut off mind without their interference..

it feels I'm losing a chunk of myself each year nothing changes... And this year everything was tossed backwards so hard I'm constantly dipping into extreme depression.. not to mention how the whole world is suffering too...

Even if I found psychologist, it wouldn't do me any good, remaining under these conditions..

it pains me to share this but I can't see no more point to hide anything or act as if I'm okay..  specially if my art reflects it... It's what I'm able to offer for now.. and I'm so sorry... bless your days with fortune.. all of u..

#ask #personal

[msjr0119]

50 Living Your Best Life Dialogue Prompts 30 and 31

Thanks @kacie-0156 can always trust you to send me prompts/requests👍🏼

So, I’ve decided to combine this with my ‘We Belong’ series. It begins from the ending of the last chapter- however this isn’t the beginning of the next chapter.

Book: The Royal Romance

Pairing: Drake Walker (belongs to Pixelberry) x Evangeline Bruley (belongs to me.)

Prompts:

30- “I’m a little drunk, extremely happy, and so in love. Life couldn’t get any better.”

31- “I love wedding receptions. Nothing beats free booze.”

Warnings: *Please only read if you are over 18* Fluff! ❤️, some adult language, mention of shooting (past tense), mention of stabbing (present tense).

Word Count: 1,646

Tags: @pedudley @kacie-0156 @loveellamae @annekebbphotography @kingliam2019 @bascmve01 @drakewalker04 @texaskitten30 @i-bloody-love-drake-walker @kimmiedoo5 @walker7519 @lodberg @cmestrella @hopefulmoonobject @addictedtodrakefanfic @angi15h @liamxs-world @rafasgirl23415 @notoriouscs @yukinagato2012 @nz1091 @cordonianroyalty @custaroonie @seriouslybadchoices @rainbowsinthestorm @princess-geek @jared2612 @desireepow-1986 @twinkle-320 @queenjilian @forthebrokenheartedthings-blog @princessleac1 @scarletreesex

**********

Hey guys, myself and Evie aren’t returning to the apartment.

We are going to a hotel, I am spoiling my fiancée. D x

That night that Drake had proposed to Evie in Paris, still felt like a fantasy. Even if it did take two attempts for her to accept the proposal, he couldn’t help but feel blessed. Every morning since returning to Cordonia, he woke up feeling anxious- paranoid, that she could leave him at any minute. Deep down, he believed that she was far too good for him. Not quite believing that she could love him back as more than a friend- especially when she had the opportunity to marry Liam from such a young age.

This morning he woke up alone for the first time in weeks. Today was their wedding day. He had spend decades of loving her in secret, today was the day that he was officially making her his. And much to his disgust, the day that he became a Duke. Even though he had grown up around nobility, he had hoped that he would make Evie proud- not fail her as a Duke. Support her as best as he could do.

Walking down the aisle with Liam, his best man- the guests greeted them as they made their way up towards Leo who was officiating the upcoming nuptials.

“What’s up with you? I have never seen you this nervous before.” Continuously taking deep breaths, he couldn’t prevent the shaking.

“Li, it’s just....You know Evie....She always runs away. I mean, I had to ask her twice to become my wife. What if she just thinks ‘fuck this’.. would you blame her? All the shit we have been through. The miscarriage. My mom. Myself getting shot again- because you’re a fucking dumbass.”

“And you’re the fucking dumbass hero all the time. When Olivia rings, I am going to go and collect your bride- and if I have to drag her down the aisle I will do.”

“You’re my best man! Why are you walking her down the aisle?”

“Maxwell was driving her crazy.” I can imagine. “I can still do my best man duties, soon to be Duke Walker.”

****

Liam made his way to the room that Evie was getting ready in, Olivia winked at him as he walked in.

“For today, only- I give you the most beautiful Duchess in Cordonia, your Majesty.”

“What if one day isn’t long enough, Duchess Olivia?”

“Don’t push it, Evie. I’ll give you both two minutes.” Liam nodded, as Olivia exited the room.

“You look breathtaking, Evie.” Finally turning around to face him, he noticed tears trickle down her face. “Why are you crying?”

“Olivia is going to kill me if I smudge my make up. I never thought that this day was coming.” Knowing exactly what she was referring to, he caressed her cheeks- smiling softly towards her.

“Your fiancé or should I say soon to be husband, is a strong man Evangeline. He wouldn’t leave you again, he fought hard. He’s shaking like... what do they say? A shitting dog. He’s worried that you are going to runaway, he adores you so much.”

“There’s still time to do that, right?” Liam was attempting to study her face, not quite knowing if she was winding him up or not. “I’m joking Liam. Are we okay?”

“Of course we are, why wouldn’t we be?”

“Oh, because. You know....You’re walking the bride down the aisle, the bride that was supposed to be yours once upon a time.”

“Oh, Evie. I’m honoured to be walking you down the aisle. You’re my best friend. We’d have never worked out anyway. Come on, let’s make this a better wedding than mine. Let’s turn Drake into a Duke and you’ll become Duchess Evangeline Walker- Mrs Drake Walker.”

****

Evie didn’t know how tightly she was holding onto Liam, the nerves had gotten the best of her. It’s Drake. My Drake. I’ve found the love of my life and my closest, truest friend. Reaching closer and closer towards Drake, she could tell how nervous he was. His hands were physically shaking. Liam kissed her on the cheek, I love you, Evangeline. Look after him for God’s sake! Evie let out a nervous laugh, before reaching for her fiancés clammy hand.

“Evie, you look beautiful. You’re always beautiful... I mean... fuck. I love you, Lina.”

“You look handsome, Mr Walker. You’re always handsome to me though. I love you, Drake.”

****

During the reception, Drake never wanted to leave Evie’s side. He was in awe with his best friend, his now wife. After much ‘peer pressure’ from their friends, especially Maxwell- Drake wrapped his arms around Evie’s waist in the middle of the room before beginning a speech. He didn’t want to. He didn’t know exactly what to say. He wasn’t sure what people were expecting from him. Maybe some slurred garbage with the amount of whiskey that he had consumed.

“The hardest part was admitting my true feelings after years of wishing that you was mine. Everybody else knew, I just regret not telling you before I eventually did. I’m a little drunk, extremely happy, and so in love. Life couldn’t get any better. Until my beautiful wife, gives us another blessing, hopefully. We’ve been through enough surely? We deserve happiness. I’m going to shut up boring you all. But thank you all for coming. Evangeline Grace Walker, I love you so much. My, Lina.” Picking her up -unexpectedly, he held onto her tightly. Never wanting to let her go.

“I love you too so much! My husband.”

“Put her down Walker! Wait for the wedding night! Oh by the way, I do believe that I deserved some recognition in your poor drunken speech. If it wasn’t for me, she wouldn’t be back and you wouldn’t be so crazy in love.”

“Thank you Duchess Olivia, for being an interfering bitch!” The Duchess perked her eyebrows up towards him, whilst fumbling in her bag. Showing him the contents of her bag, he gulped knowing that he had to be grateful towards her before she potentially stabbed him. “Your interference worked out well this time. Thank you, Liv. I appreciate you for bringing Evie back into my life, into all of our lives.”

“No problem- DUKE Walker. May I steal my best friend for a moment? I’m sure Maxwell could entertain you instead?”

Drake met Maxwell at the bar, he felt as if he was floating on cloud nine. With a whiskey in his hand, his eyes were still focused towards Evie and every movement she made. Needing to make sure that she was safe from harm, after the disastrous Royal Wedding.

“I can’t believe that you are married!”

“Neither can I.” Blushing, Maxwell pulled him in for an over dramatic bromance hug.

“I love wedding receptions. Nothing beats free booze.” He said to his friend, as he slowly sipped the brown liquid.

“Erm, Drake....”

“What, Max?”

“The booze isn’t free. You and Evie paid for it remember... you put a ton of money behind the bar, Evie’s idea. I mean it’s free for us, but not for you two...so cheers Drakey!”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Maxwell’s eyes widened as Drake climbed over the bar- scrutinising for the money. Panicking, Maxwell backed away- needing to find Evie, hoping that she would distract him. Somehow.

****

Fuck

Drake woke up in a sweat. Looking around, they were in the Parisian hotel room. The place that Drake had escorted her towards after his second proposal. The successful one. Sitting up, he couldn’t wait to marry the love of his life. However, he was horrified with the possibility that he may have to contribute to the bars float. It was just a dream. He wasn’t a tight bastard, or maybe he was? But their mutual friends were all nobles- surely they could afford their own drinks? Calculating the number of guests in his mind, he was then attempting to work out how many drinks the guests would each have. Maxwell and Adelaide would be the biggest burdens if there was a free bar, taking advantage. At least Brooks is pregnant- that’s one less person, he thought to himself.

“Drake?” Evie stirred, wondering what he was doing. “Are you okay?” She asked softly, as she attempted to wake up properly.

“Yeah...” Laying back down, he pulled her into his embrace and held her lovingly.

“Evie? You know when we get married...”

“Yeah?”

“Do we have to pay for the booze? For everyone?”

“Of course we do, Drake! You can’t be a sponger all of your life. It’s that or the wedding will be alcohol free....”

Drake’s eyes widened, realisation that there would be no whiskey or any alcohol for that matter if he refused to pay upfront. “Or we could pay, then send Maxwell or someone around with a bucket and if anyone is willing to pay a donation they can do. Besides, what’s a bit of money for alcohol- people will buy us wedding gifts. It’s the least we can do.” Snuggling into his chest, she loved seeing the horror written across his face. Trying not to laugh, she knew exactly who was paying for her wedding, and for the drinks of course. They remained in silence for a while, content in each other’s company.

“Did you love my parents Drake?” That was random. He thought to himself. Why is she asking that?

“Yes. Of course I did, they did everything they could for myself and Sav. They took us in when they didn’t need to. They were the most amazing people, that I’ve ever known. I am thankful for everything that they did for me, for us.”

“Good.”

“Good?”

“When they died, they left me an envelope... You can thank them for paying for our wedding, including the drinks. I love you, Drake.”

#we belong #drake #evie #TW: Adult language #TW: mention of shooting past tense #TW: mention of stabbing present tense #prompts

[peirates]

Photo taken from [Baalbek Roman Temple]

Latin was originally spoken by an eponymous group of ancient Italians. One of these Latin cities, the Romans, spread the language by conquering all of Italy, later the Mediterranean, then much of Europe and the Middle East. Although rarely spoken now, it is the mother of all Romance languages and contributes to about a third of English vocabulary. Its influence has since spread across the world through European imperialism; there are few places left that are completely unaffected by the Romans’ language and culture.

This particular post serves as both a beginner’s guide and a taster to what Latin is, with some common vocabulary along the way. Especially since many people are currently stuck at home due to Covid-19, and may like to stay occupied by learning a new language. Hope you enjoy!

N.B. Anything beginning with an asterisk (*) means that you may hear differently elsewhere, for example on Duolingo.

General

Latin is fundamentally a very difficult language, even for academics, and even if your native tongue is Romance. But I am not saying not to try, I am saying it is normal to struggle! 

All ‘U’s were then written as ‘V’s, and all ‘J’s as ‘I’s. Modern Latin-learning tends to replace some ‘V’s with ‘U’s in order to facilitate reading. We have lost the exact pronunciations of classical Latin, not to mention differences between dialects, but the following explanations are some of the strongest estimates.

*‘V’ should be normally pronounced as /ʍ/, when between consonants as /u/. 

*A standalone ‘I’ before another vowel becomes /j/ or /dʒ/.

Iuppiter servum in exilium pepulit. 

[ Ivppiter servvm in exilivm pepvlit. ]

[ Yoo-pi-ter ser-woom in e-xi-li-oom pe-poo-lit. ]

Jupiter drove the slave into exile.

Iuppiter, Iovis (3, m.) - Jupiter, king of the gods servus, servi (2, m.) - slave  in + acc. - into, to  exilium, exilii (2, n.) - exile  pello, pellere, pepuli, pulsum (3) - drive out, push, repel 

Latin generally follows a SOV (subject, object, verb) sentence structure:

rex regnum amat.

The king loves his kingdom.

rex, regis (3, m.) - king regnum, regni (2, n.) - kingdom; power  amo, amare, amavi, amatum (1) - love, like

There are no definite or indefinite articles (a/the) - normally, you must add them to your translation yourself depending on the context. There are relative pronouns (e.g. qui/quae/quod - who, which), demonstrative pronouns (e.g. hic/haec/hoc - this; he/she/it) and many other pronouns/determiners, but they are not required for every sentence.

*Unlike English, you do not capitalise the sentence’s first letter UNLESS that first letter is part of a name.

Most meanings are conveyed via changes in word endings (i.e. it relies on conjugating and declining) rather than word order. This makes Latin an inflected language.

Nouns

While English uses word order to show how nouns and adjectives relate to a situation, Latin uses endings and cases from different declensions to do the same. Latin uses 7 cases, but 2 of them (vocative and locative) are rarer.

nominative (nom.) - subject

vocative (voc.) - addressee: often follows ‘o’

accusative (acc.) - object

genitive (gen.) - possessor (of/‘s)

dative (dat.) - recipient (to/for)

ablative (abl.) - movement away (from) / instrumental (by/with) / location (at/in)

locative (loc.) - location (at/in)

Here’s an example with all 7 in action:

pater, o Attice, donum Iovis matri cum comite Romae dedit.

Atticus, my father gave Jupiter’s gift to my mother with his comrade in Rome.

pater, patris (3, m.) - father donum, doni (2, n.) - gift, present  mater, matris (3, f.) - mother  cum + abl. (only used for people) - with  comes, comitis (3, m/f.) - companion, comrade, partner Roma, Romae (1, f.) - Rome do, dare, dedi, datum (1) - give; surrender, hand over

Noun endings change in case, gender and number. There are three genders: masculine (m.), feminine (f.), and neuter (n.). The two grammatical numbers are singular (sg.) and plural (pl.). A noun will abide by the endings of one of five possible declensions.

In dictionaries, like above, you will see a noun given as ‘nominative, genitive (declension, gender) - English meaning’. The genitive is always featured because it is the only case whose ending is specific to its own declension (other endings may be seen across declensions but have different cases each time). Therefore, if you know what a noun’s genitive is, you know what declension it is, and vice versa. 

Adjectives

An adjective agrees with its related noun in case, gender and number. However, they do not always have the same endings; all adjectives decline as either 2nd m. / 1st / 2nd n. (also seen as 2-1-2) or 3rd. 

Here, every adjective agrees with the adjacent noun in case, gender and number, but none has the same ending:

omnis puella, mulier pulchra, homo sapiens, puer stultus

every girl, the beautiful woman, the wise man, a foolish boy

omnis, omne (3) - every, all; whole puella, puellae (1, f.) - girl mulier, mulieris (3, f.) - woman pulcher, pulchra, pulchrum (2-1-2) - beautiful, handsome homo, hominis (3, m.) - man; human being sapiens, sapientis (3) - wise, knowing puer, pueri (2, m.) - boy stultus, stulta, stultum (2-1-2) - stupid, foolish

N.B. With exceptions, most Latin adjectives follow the noun.

However, that is not to say that nouns and adjectives can never have the same endings. They often do: Roman writers used this frequently as a literary device known as homoioteleuton.

equus magnus, feminae parvae, homines sapientes, dona laeta

a big horse, little women, wise men, the happy gifts

equus, equi (2, m.) - horse magnus, magna, magnum (2-1-2) - big, great, large femina, feminae (1, f.) - woman parvus, parva, parvum (2-1-2) - little, small laetus, laeta, laetum (2-1-2) - happy, cheerful, blessed

Sometimes you see an adjective without a noun. When this happens, translate the adjective as an adjective AND a noun:

fortis horrenda diu passus est.

The brave man suffered horrible things for a long time.

fortis, forte (3) - brave, strong, bold horrendus, horrenda, horrendum (2-1-2) - horrible, terrible, horrendous diu (adv.) - for a long time patior, pati, passus sum (3, deponent) - suffer, endure; allow, permit

N.B. horrenda is in the accusative neuter plural, hence ‘things’. 

Verbs

The doers of verbs are shown by verb endings, unlike English which requires personal pronouns. Nominative personal pronouns can support a verb in Latin, but they are not required. They are best used to show contrast, unity or general emphasis - as if someone were pointing a finger at you - and this is why they are not seen often. Both sentences below are grammatically correct, but the second flows better:

ego dormire amo, tu dormire amas, nos amici apti sumus.

dormire amo, dormire amas, amici apti sumus.

I like to sleep, you like to sleep, we are suitable friends.

dormio, dormire, dormivi, dormitum (4) - sleep ego, me, mei (pers. pron.) - I, me, my tu, te, tui (pers. pron.) - you, you, your nos, nos, nostri (pers. pron.) - we, we, our amicus, amici; amica, amicae (2/1, m./f.) - friend aptus, apta, aptum (2-1-2) - suitable, apt, appropriate sum, esse, fui, futurum (irreg.) - be; be alive, exist, live

Latin uses the following tenses: present, future, future perfect, perfect, imperfect and pluperfect - and each comes with its own set of endings. There are also participles, supines, infinitives, imperatives, gerunds, gerundives, actives, passives, deponents and other structures to show contemporary, previous, subordinate or hypothetical events - these also come with their own stems and endings, but they often work like adjectives and so are not entirely unrecognisable.

Dictionaries present verbs as ‘present active, present active infinitive, perfect active, supine (conjugation)’. There are 4 conjugations, which are different sets of verb endings.

All Latin verbs come as either 1. active (I kill), 2. passive (I am killed) or 3. deponent (passive in form, active in meaning). Each comes with its own set of endings.

1. hic homo me interficit!

This man is killing me!

2. hic homo interficitur!

This man is being killed!

3. hic homo me interficere conatur!

This man is trying to kill me!

hic, haec, hoc (pron.) - this; he/she/it interficio, interficere, interfeci, interfectum (3) - kill, destroy conor, conari, conatus sum (1, deponent) - try, attempt

N.B. While most verbs can be active or passive interchangeably, deponents never switch. They are never seen with active endings or passive meanings.

The indicative (1) and subjunctive (2) moods distinguish expectations from reality. The indicative presents facts, while the subjunctive anything hypothetical from questions to wishes to fears. Each mood comes with its own set of endings.

1. vir dives me cupit.

The rich man wants me.

2. vir dives me cupiat.

May the rich man want me.

vir, viri (2, m.) - man; husband dives, divitis (gen.) (3) - rich, wealthy; wealthy man cupio, cupere, cupivi, cupitum (3) - desire, want, long for

Learning ancient versus modern languages

I’ve seen language-learners new to Latin comment on the difference in tone and content, sometimes even being discouraged by it.

Learning an ancient language which is no longer spoken today, i.e. ‘dead’, is very different from learning a modern foreign language. Some basic techniques don’t change, such as how to memorise vocab. However, the overall approaches are different because the overall goals are different - unless the goal is simple pure enjoyment, which is in fairness the best reason to learn!

Modern language studies are to encourage international communication and many other reasons.

Ancient language studies are almost entirely to study the ancient world, how it led to the modern world, and this is mostly done through analysing ancient sources in their original languages.

When studying Latin, you therefore are more likely to learn heavy vocabulary such as ‘die’ or ‘sacrifice’ before you learn ‘take a bath’ - some of the examples I use in this post aren’t cheerful. Classicists learn how to translate heavier content first because it is more commonly mentioned in the ancient sources which the entire subject relies upon - death comes up much more frequently in Caesar’s Gallic Wars than greetings. 

Recommended resources

- Duolingo Latin course - if you want to learn Latin as you would a modern language.

- Memrise Latin courses - almost infinite number of vocabulary and idiom lists.

- Massolit Classics ($) - online lectures covering Greek and Roman history, culture and literature.

- Amazon page for John Taylor ($) - esteemed author of Latin textbooks from beginner level up.

- William Whitaker’s Words - reliable vocabulary translator in both directions.

- Perseus Digital Library - public archive of ancient texts in their original languages and many different English translations.

- Logeion - online dictionary for Latin and Classical Greek.

Final Word

Absolutely do not fret if anything confuses you; like all things worth doing, understanding and applying it will take time. I am making more in-depth posts on various aspects of Latin grammar and vocab, with exercises, in the very near future, so hold on tight. Thank you for reading!

#latin #tagamemnon #polyglot #langblr #language #learning latin #latin language #latina lingua #classics #classicsblr #rome #languages #roman #tagammemnon #mine #classics: language #latin: vocab #latin: grammar #latin: resources #beginner's guide to latin #classics: resources #peirates

[ficsrus]

fic recs: bts

this one’s a bit lengthy folks. have fun reading. make sure to give kudos and comments and lots of love to the authors!

namjin—

*prudence in the face of adversity: rated E, 7k

“But we’re not a girl group, hyung, there’s like…” Namjoon waves his hands in the air as he explains, “identity issues and gender issues and how are we supposed to dance with b—our bodies in this condition,” he finishes weakly. “And we can’t do publicity like this, or rehearse, and I don’t want to call the president and Seokjin-hyung is bleeding and I don’t know how to pick these things out from the store so could Hobi and I please just take a bit of money to the store to get things for Jin-hyung because he’s crying…”

[In which the entirety of Bangtan wakes up as women, and Namjoon is confused and put-upon.]

ch4otick gayz: rated T, 17k [includes vhopemin & yoonkook]

[EM0 CRAKHED]

jeon can't kook: jfc,,

jeon can't kook: sorry guys i took care of it,

jeon can't kook: i gave him like 3 tablets of Benadryl he's out

hobi-wan kenobi: kook, you're supposed to only take 1

jeon can't kook: ......

jeon can't kook: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess he'll die.

yoonmin—

hands down: rated T, 43k

Hoseok wouldn’t stop talking about him. It was Jimin this, Jimin that, Jimin was so cute, Jimin was so talented, Jimin danced so well and he was so nice- Yoongi had to control the impulse to roll his eyes the minute his name came out of Hoseok’s mouth.

So, yeah, maybe Yoongi was already predisposed towards disliking Park Jimin for some very valid reasons but this? This took the fucking cake.

the songbird and the sea: rated M, 256k [minor taekook and namjin]

In a world where dominance of the sea is an endless battle between pirates and mariners, Park Jimin is content living in his little village on a small, uninteresting island by the eastern mainland. He wants nothing to do with the bloodshed of good and evil, the heartless killing of both innocents and condemned, the constant establishment and disruption of order. What he wants is peace, to live his life in the same town he was born in, to spend his days in the beautiful forest, and to use the powers of his Blessed Rune to nurture the home he loves so dearly.

But when his island is attacked by pirates, Jimin will have no other choice than to do as they command and leave all thoughts of peace behind in favor of boarding the Agust, a pirate ship captained by the infamous Min Yoongi, Black Fox of the East.

*flashflood: rated E, 15k

A handjob a week is not much for Jimin to live off of.

Jimin thinks it’s sort of like the equivalent of feeding someone nothing but peas for all three meals of the day: sure, peas are all well and good, but eating peas and only peas for any extended period of time is going to result in some serious vitamin deficiencies. And probably some other bad stuff, although Jimin doesn’t actually know all that much about it.

composure: rated E, 131k

Everyone has secrets.

Everything in Jimin's life changed the day he presented as an Omega. It's as though the world were grabbed out from under him, launching him into a special hell not meant for someone with as much fire and potential as him.

This is why when Jimin is given the opportunity to stop being an Omega, he takes it.

What Jimin hadn't anticipated, is meeting his roommate, Yoongi, or realizing his entire cover will be blown if he can't stop going so crazy over that cinnamon and mint scent he has.

Too bad that is the least of his worries...

*(This is a story containing serious and dark themes with disturbing elements which become more prevelant as the story progresses.)

jikook—

*On Patrol: rated M, 130k [includes yoonseok & namjin; read the sequel here]

Officer Jeon has his eyes on Mr. Adorable.

Officer Min has a strange neighbor he can't seem to keep out of his life.

Captain Kim finds comfort in his son's homeroom teacher.

Well, cops need some loving too, right?

under the mistletoe (with you): rated G, 5k

Jimin and Jungkook try to get Yoongi and Hoseok together during the holidays but it doesn't really go as planned.

The White Wolf’s Shadow: rated T, 41k [includes yoonseok, namjin, & taekook]

Jeongguk, a powerful Alpha in line for his father’s throne, needs a mate to wear the crown. When Jimin, an alluring Omega and foreign Prince, comes to re-cement their alliance everything seems to fall into place… against their wishes. Jeongguk, forced to decide what's more important, his own happiness or his people; and Jimin whose carrying deadly secrets that place the fate of everyone on his shoulders, are forced to come together. With enemies on all sides will they be able to overcome their struggles and do what has to be done?

Or

Jeongguk and Jimin’s wolves have liked each other from the start, but when they are forced into an arranged marriage both parties are unhappy about it for various reasons. Neither wants to admit it, but both find themselves falling for the other as time goes on.

yoonjin—

heists and hearts: rated T, 95k [minor jihope and vmon]

"Give me a number,” Yoongi says when Namjoon finally turns around in his computer chair. Namjoon looks at him and sighs.

"One."

It's not the first time he's stumped with one plan. Namjoon looks at Yoongi, eyes trained on him like a hawk. “One?” Yoongi asks, voice low. “One,” Namjoon repeats, “and you’re not going to like it.”

There’s a hint of curiosity in Yoongi’s eyes and a question attempts to come out from his lips. But instead, Namjoon hears the order from his partner.

“Call them in.”

a little water clears us of this deed: rated T, 4k

All Yoongi wanted was to read Macbeth and pass his Literature class in peace, not catch the attention of Kim Seokjin.

*best served cold: rated E, 16k

[They say when you / embark on a journey / of revenge, dig two graves. They underestimate me. (mr state trooper. please don’t stop me. please don’t stop me.)]

After Yoongi's parents get killed by the mob, Yoongi sets out to avenge them. No matter what it takes.

he’ll come back for the honey and you: rated E, 18k

“Cooking is attractive. Like playing guitar, it demonstrates your prowess with your hands, your sophisticated knowledge of an art form... But it goes deeper than that. Cooking is a shared experience, a way to express yourself to someone you care about.”

Or: Seokjin is no stranger to a little sugar. However, Yoongi is the sweetest thing he’s come across in a long time, and there's no recipe telling him exactly what he should do next.

a ballad for you: rated T, 3k

tumblr prompt from anon: "Hi, do you take requests that aren't smut? I'd like to see YoonJin where Jin mistakes Yoongi for his blind date."

[At this point, Seokjin only has one thing to say about his date; he needs to show the hell up.]

everything i need: rated M, 12k

“Sorry I’m late, babe. Traffic was awful,” the man is saying. He flashes a bright, gummy smile at Seokjin and nods apologetically at the waitress. “I’m sorry. Can we have five more minutes to look at the menu?”

He waits until she is gone before he leans across the table and says in a low voice. “I’m Yoongi. Just play along okay? Whoever didn’t bother to show up is a dick.”

Or, the one where Seokjin is a single dad. His son is in love with the music their first floor neighbour plays on the piano, and the last thing Seokjin expects is to fall for the man behind the music.

déjà-brew : rated T, 7k

according to his employees, seokjin has a crush on the cute guy that comes around and orders an americano every single day. what they don’t know, and what seokjin hasn’t told them yet, is that they’re actually married. (he has his reasons, okay?)

yoonseok—

same damn hunger: rated E, 40k

When it comes to fucking around with his best friend, Yoongi follows two rules:

1. They must be inebriated.

2. They must not kiss.

the daily grind: rated E, 8k

hoesock87: I refuse to believe that u didn’t just google “cute asian twink” to get that selfie

yoongay: i am a cute asian twink. r u tryna fuck me or no

(or: yoonseok meet on grindr)

and one musn’t tell lies: rated M, 46k

Yoongi wants to fly so bad he's ready to break the rules for that. Jung Hoseok is the worst collateral damage possible. (Stop lying).

*days to weeks to months: rated M, 10k

Yoongi’s just trying to date the possible love of his life, Jung Hoseok. But the package deal includes five asshole friends and a theoretically infinite number of disasters.

Basically: a series of moments where Yoongi wonders why his friends and also god hate him.

see, i’ve got plans (to get to you): rated T, 11k

Yoongi and Hoseok have a game plan.

(Or: The one where Yoongi takes three tries to propose to Hoseok.)

single pringle: rated T, 7k [includes jikook and namjin]

Where Yoongi owns a restaurant that is a date hot-spot and he is single and salty at all the couples streaming into his restaurant on a daily basis. Not only that, but somewhere along the way he's gotten himself a couple of gay regulars who won't go away. And maybe someone who makes him a little less salty at the end too.

**halcyon: rated M, 27k [includes minjoon]

The only explanation for how two demons have found themselves on Earth is a simple one: Jung Hoseok loves to gamble and Min Yoongi can't resist a good game.

junghope—

blue flame special: rated E, 106k [minor vmin]

hoseok just got dumped and now a clearly under aged bartender is refusing to serve him a much needed round of shots.

("can you do this teenage angst thing some other time? my ex just walked in with his new boyfriend and i could really use some liquid cowardice."

the kid narrows his eyes in the direction hoseok had nodded toward. "seokjin hyung's your ex?")

hoseok nods. "you know him?"

"yeah," jeongguk glares at hoseok and begins stepping away, definitely refusing to serve him any drink at all. "he dumped me for you.")

yoonjihope [?? essentially yoongi/hoseok/jimin]—

**good things always belonged to everyone: rated E, 9k

Yoongi is trying to accept his part as the beta in a polyamorous relationship with an alpha and an omega. Little by little he notices just how unfitting that role is.

yoonkook—

soft melodies and softer touches: rated E, 11k

[22:39; I see the way you look at me, hyung.]

Yoongi's world stands still, and in that moment, he wants nothing more than to wring Jimin's neck. It's Jeongguk, it has to be Jeongguk, who else would it be? Yoongi knows many dancers--unfortunately Jimin's one of them--but there's only one that he's on close terms with, and whose number he doesn't have.

Jeongguk. It's Jeongguk. It's fucking Jeongguk.

(OR: Jeongguk's a contemporary dancer, and Yoongi is his academy's pianist).

take me out (the date way or the assassination way): rated T, 7k

jin [8:01] theres a mysterious hot guy on campus that yoongi keeps running into like a damn romantic drama but every time they meet he ends up nearly killing yoongi

tae [8:01] kinky

with a bang (stunted plants can bloom): rated M, 24k

what not to do when you find yourself falling for the guy you almost slept with but then didn’t because he turned out to be your friends’ roommate: a guide by min yoongi

flower boys: not rated, 3k

“it was pretty,” namjoon protests, trying to defend himself. “and it was a gift from a fan. wouldn’t she have been troubled to have to take it home?”

“and you brought it back to let it die?” yoongi interjects, dry as sand. he rises to his feet, dusting off his jeans. “you gonna take care of it, namjoonie?”

“how hard can it be,” namjoon says, but he sounds hesitant, like he knows his own annihilatory powers will trump his determination. “it’s a small plant. it needs water, sunlight, and air. we can provide all of those. piece of cake.”

(yoongi and jungkook take care of a plant together.)

i know i’ll fall in love with you, baby: rated T, 31k

The soulmate/soulbond au where Yoongi is part of a famous rap duo and Jungkook is his diligent fanboy, they meet at a fansign and things escalate from there

(alt. Yoongi didn’t sign up for this)

i blow up buildings (but i’d blow you): rated T, 8k

“Yoongi,” says Namjoon, his tone allowing no argument. He holds the boy an arms length in front of him and smiles painfully. “Meet Jeongguk. He’s your new bodyguard.”

Yoongi sputters and decides to argue anyway, because fuck no. “I said I don’t need a bodyguard, Namjoon.”

(Or, the AU where Yoongi has been receiving death threats from an enemy organisation known as Skeletal, and Jeon Jeongguk is the lucky bastard brought in to be his bodyguard. Yoongi tries to hate him. He really does.)

all the light we cannot see: rated T, 64k

“i’m not your servant!”

“you are on my ship now, and anyone on my ship does what i say,” snaps yoongi, and when he takes a step closer to jeongguk, jeongguk realizes that he’s actually taller than yoongi. strangely, he hadn’t noticed it before, because yoongi doesn’t seem like a small man. especially now, with that fiery look on his face, he seems larger than life—but jeongguk refuses to back down. it’s a bad idea to argue, he knows, but jeongguk has never been very good at stopping himself from doing something he’ll regret.

(or: when jeongguk finally gets his chance to sail the cosmos, it’s onboard the ship of an aggravating man named min yoongi. he thinks it’ll be extraordinarily dull—but the universe, and the legend of treasure planet, have other plans.)

gusto d’italia: rated E, 64k

Jungkook turned towards the kitchen - and walked straight into the icy glare of Min Yoongi.

“Are you always this late?”

Jungkook tried to bite his tongue. “I was talking to – ”

“I don’t care who you were talking to,” Yoongi snapped. He had both arms crossed firmly over his chest as he continued to berate Jungkook in front of the rest of the staff. “How am I supposed to trust you to get my food out on time if you can’t follow a simple direction that I gave less than five minutes ago?”

Jungkook stared at his feet. “It won’t happen again, chef.”

“Better fucking not.”

-----

[Jungkook always dreamed of becoming a chef in the future. When Yoongi, a culinary genius with unusual social skills, shows up in the kitchen of Gusto d'Italia, Jungkook becomes awestruck.]

taegi—

the less i know the better: rated E, 41k

Yoongi shifts uncomfortably in his seat, avoiding making eye contact.

"I might’ve… invented a boyfriend," he finally mumbles to the glass in front of him

i want to believe: rated G, k

Taehyung starts an astronomy club.

my heart flutters from the sugar high: rated M, 6k

Yoongi and Taehyung sneak around together, cheating on their diets. The group? They've drawn different conclusions.

over the winter lake: rated E, 9k

There’s a small alcove along the outskirts of Daegu, not too deep in the woods, that lead to a lake of still waters and peaceful surroundings. Yoongi isn’t entirely fond of it—the body of water itself being named Death Lake by locals who’ve lived there long enough to tell the tales of the disturbing amount of murders, suicides, and disappearances that are linked with it.

Yoongi sees something in the water. Something inhuman.

abracadon’t: rated M, 7k

"i don't understand why you hate taehyung," hoseok always asks.

yoongi doesn't really understand either. but he's just so...hate-able.

or, taehyung never learned that annoying the fuck out of someone isn't actually a healthy way to show you like them.

namgi—

you could give it all (but it’s never enough): rated E, 46k

yoongi imprints with an alpha he's an alpha too

again again again: rated T, 8k

Yoongi takes a deep breath. Runs through the facts. 1. Namjoon is really fuckin drunk. 2. They made that dumbass pact well over ten years ago when they were both sad and weird and lonely. 3. His heart definitely did not seize up a little bit at the thought of marrying his best friend. It just didn’t.

vmin—

it’s not about reciprocation (it’s just all about me): rated E, 34k

“Taehyung and Jimin broke up.”

“It’s bullshit—”

“We were all rooting for them.”

“It’s complete bullshit—”

“Everyone actually thought they had a chance, you know?”

(Alternatively: Taehyung’s a problematic idiot who fell in love with the right person at the wrong time.)

jinkook—

*knowingly, i drank from the poisoned chalice: rated m, 22k

In captivity, Seokjin learns that you cannot have both love and life without sacrificing something important.

namgikook (namjoon/yoongi/jungkook)—

*the kinky encounter at the auto-erotic asphyxiation house: rated E, 6k

"The last owner of this house died too.”

“How?”

Jeongguk looks over his shoulder at them, his front teeth poking into his bottom lip as his nose scrunches and the corners of his eyes crinkle in a delighted grin. “Auto-erotic asphyxiation! Honestly, what a way to fucking go. Do you think he came before he died?”

“Christ, Jeongguk.”

Namjoon drops his head into his hands, letting out a long-suffering sigh as Jeongguk elbows him playfully.

“It’s a valid question!” Jeongguk snickers as both Namjoon and Yoongi give him a painfully withered look. “We can only hope his last moment was a pleasurable one.”

taekook—

**fading brilliance, fire on silk: rated E, 26k

Jungkook spent his life studying angels and demons, but none of his imaginary portrayals of them can even come close to Taehyung’s mystical, almost poetic beauty: sun-kissed skin and full lips, lashes so long that Jungkook feels the brush of it on his skin when Taehyung leans in to dip his tongue in the hollow of his throat.

Jungkook wonders if he’s already too far gone. The guilt doesn’t eat him up anymore, the shame only serving to heighten his arousal instead of extinguish it. Jungkook has no hope of salvation now, and he doesn’t even care, not when damnation tastes this fucking good.

#namjin #taekook #namgikook #namgi #yoonjin #vmin #taegi #yoonkook #yoonjihope #junghope #yoonseok #sope #yoonmin #jikook #bts #bts fic recs #bts fic rec #fic recs #bangtan boys

[cancatervation]

favourite music 2017

The affording of enormous weight to barely concealed fragility and vulnerability; when I pore over the contents of my iTunes from the last twelve or so months it’s plainly apparent that this is the hill I’ve elected to die on. Almost all the albums I found myself infatuated with at some point or another in 2017 meditated upon desire, the transience of romance, and the anguish that often accompanies its pursuit.

I’m acutely aware of how oddly this contrasts with my own life, which for the past almost-two-years has been romantically fulfilling in the way that my previous 25 absolutely weren’t. On this, I would say two things. First, that stability is elusive even (maybe especially?) for the most outwardly rose-coloured of us, and that maintaining relationship hygge takes compromise and is not easy, and for those reasons feelings of vulnerability are never far from the front of my mind; and, second, that it’s testament to the skill of certain songwriters and performers that their work was able to make this gay-ass conventionalist really feel something every now and again last year.

I wouldn’t want to suggest that I only just worked out that the theatrical presentation of desire is something I’m drawn to, but certainly there were some things in the past year that I really did begin to understand. Theatricality is often used in a critical sense as pejorative; something that is too extra, that goes too far, that is all tell and no show. Despite its predisposition towards excess, musical theatre has, for instance, always played out as sterile and spurious to me. (Sorry. And look at it this way, you don’t ever need to worry about getting me tickets to Hamilton). It’s so dramatic that it becomes too dramatic; your self-awareness isn’t allowed the chance to be suspended, even for a moment. An album like Lorde’s Melodrama makes its intentions apparent before you’ve even heard a note of it, but its theatrics (and there are many - think of the wailed chorus of “Writer In The Dark”, the gory car crash of “Homemade Dynamite”, the bridge in “Supercut” that accelerates like you’re on a bike rushing down a hill) are as easily consumed by sitting silently in tears as they are dancing, or walking, or lifting heavy weights, or running up a hill (to make or not to make a deal with God), or lying in blissful supta baddha konasana. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that hyperemotional vulnerability is for all seasons and for all hours of the day and I am now happy to welcome it into every aspect of my life.

I wrote over fifty blurbs for various songs on the Singles Jukebox last year. Some I loved, some I hated, what’s new. I wrote a blurb for “Praying”, Kesha’s first solo single in nearly five years, which turned out to be both the highest scoring song on the site for 2017 and the champion of my personal “list”. I sort of said all this already on the Jukebox, but my love for “Praying” lies nearly entirely in the way Kesha leans so heavily into her aphorisms, finding new ways to bring profundity to ostensibly simple lines like “I’m proud of who I am”. (Contrast this with most of Taylor Swift’s 2017 work, which forewent specific detail in favour of portentously loaded maxim, but forgot about nuance and came up mostly dry). When Kesha punctuates her sermon with a thunderous kick drum, it’s basically game over. As the stories of survivors of sexual assault, abuse and harassment began to dominate news media in the second half of the year, the song only gathered further resonance.  

Lorde’s album held court as my favourite for most of the year. A promo image released by Kelela at the beginning of August threatened a coup. The odds shortened a few days later upon the release of its lead single and the arrival of the full album at the beginning of October marked the tangible takeover. Take Me Apart is all juxtaposition, which when applied to albums is often code for jumbled quagmire, but here there’s too much attention to detail, steadfastness of narrative, and, er, feeling, to get mixed up in anything like that. It see-saws between playful flirting, introspection, self-acceptance, control, loss of control, falling slowly through the sky, and falling fast through the abyss. I love it so much. It’s also very queer and very Black. Support Black queer art! Especially when it’s this well crafted.

Aside from all THAT, my favourite things in music last year were Moses Sumney’s Tiny Desk Concert, attending the Lorde show in the Botanic Gardens,  the line “every single day I fight another war; every single night I feel more powerful!” in Rina Sawayama’s “Take Me As I Am”, and Rihanna telling Diplo his music sounded like a “a reggae song at an airport”.

My ten favourite songs of 2017 were:

1. Kesha “Praying” - as above and here;

2. Lorde “Green Light” - see here. The score given, however, is wrong. Add another point.

3. Sigrid “Strangers” - see here. I can’t wait until she’s everywhere and everyone knows her; her potential to me scans as “unlimited / infinite / fucking enormous, if it must be quantifiable”.

4. MUNA “I Know a Place”. The album version is acceptable but I’m also partial to this live one, which involves some changes to the lyrics.

5. Tove Lo “Disco Tits”. Like a wonky, filthy Kylie B-side played underwater.

6. Kelela “Turn To Dust”. Refer also to the first set of songs below. She didn’t play this at her concert this week, which is lucky, because otherwise its title may have proved prophetic.

7. Nilüfer Yanya “Baby Luv” - see here. See also dirgey diatribe above re: vulnerability.

8. Rae Morris “Do It” - I’ve become more and more besotted with this as time has passed and am not sure whether I’m most impressed by a) the wordplay b) the ping-ponging percussion in the second verse c) the subtle yet giant switch-up halfway through d) the soaring vocals or e) managing all of the above in less than 3 and a half minutes.

9. Rina Sawayama “Alterlife” - it did not take me long to request for lamination of a stan card for a popstar who loves key changes and here deftly incorporates influences as diverse as the Need For Speed soundtrack, Samantha Mumba and Madonna at her glassiest.

10. Tove Styrke “Mistakes” - see here. I’m ready for her to run away with 2018, in or out of a wedding dress.

Aside from those, here are some other songs I enjoyed in 2017, variously categorised and (with the “top 10″) collected in a Spotify playlist, located here:

Songs that can make you feel like you’re floating slowly heavenward

Björk “Arisen My Senses”

Charli XCX “Track 10”

Julie Byrne “Natural Blue”

Julien Baker “Appointments”

Moses Sumney “Quarrel”

Rae Morris “Do It (Nico Muhly Dance Remix)”

Sampha “(No One Knows Me) Like The Piano”

Sevdaliza “Loves Way”

Slowdive “Slomo”

St. Vincent “Slow Disco”

Susanne Sundfør “Undercover”

Dance music that I barely pay any attention to throughout the calendar year and then become unusually enthusiastic about come end-of-year-list season

Bicep “Vale”

Gerd Janson x Shan "Surrender”

Honey Dijon “Catch The Beat”

Jad & The “Strings That Never Win”

Kink “Perth”

Minor Science “Volumes”

Octo Octa “Adrift (Avalon Emerson’s Furiously Awake Version)”

Shanti Celeste “Make Time”

SW. “Untitled B2”

The xx “On Hold (Jamie xx Remix)”

Yaeji “Raingurl”

Songs for the summer gloaming

Charlotte Day Wilson “Doubt”

Daniel Caesar “Blessed”

Frank Ocean “Chanel”

Jessie Ware “Stay Awake, Wait For Me”

Ladi6 “Guru”

Rachel Foxx “Happen To Me”

Sampa The Great “Bye River”

Sevyn Streeter “Before I Do”

Syd “Body”

Tyler, The Creator “Garden Shed feat. Estelle”

Plaintive songs for grey afternoon walks

Alvvays “Dreams Tonite”

Amandla Stenberg “Let My Baby Stay”

HAIM “You Never Knew”

Kehlani “Advice”

Khalid “Winter”

Lana Del Rey “Love”

Laura Marling “Next Time”

Paramore “Forgiveness”

Perfume Genius “Die 4 You”

St. Vincent “Happy Birthday, Johnny”

SZA “Prom”

Taylor Swift “New Year’s Day”

Best bangers

Amber Mark “Heatwave”

Charli XCX “Lipgloss feat. Cupcakke”

Charli XCX “Porsche feat. MØ”

Charlotte Gainsbourg “Deadly Valentine”

Charly Bliss “Glitter”

Drake “Get It Together feat. Jorja Smith & Black Coffee”

Dua Lipa “New Rules”

Haiku Hands “Not About You”

Ibibio Sound Machine “Give Me A Reason”

ionnalee “Samaritan”

J. Balvin x Willy William “Mi Gente feat. Beyoncé”

J. Hus “Did You See”

Jessie Ware “Your Domino”

Jorja Smith x Preditah “On My Mind”

Kah-Lo “Fasta”

Kelela “Truth Or Dare”

Kendrick Lamar “LOYALTY. feat. Rihanna”

Kllo “Last Yearn”

Leikeli47 “Miss Me”

Lorde “Sober”

Maliibu Miitch “4AM”

Miguel “Banana Clip”

Nite Jewel “2 Good 2 Be True”

Paramore “Hard Times”

Phoenix “J-Boy”

Rina Sawayama “Take Me As I Am”

Ronika “Better Than Ever”

Rose Elinor Dougall “All At Once”

Sigrid “Don’t Kill My Vibe”

Stormzy “Big For Your Boots”

The Horrors “Something To Remember Me By”

Tove Lo “Shedontknowbutsheknows”

Whethan “love gang feat. Charli XCX”

Wolf Alice “Don’t Delete The Kisses”

Finally, here are thirty albums I loved last year. Onwards and upwards!

1. Kelela Take Me Apart

2. Lorde Melodrama

3. SZA Ctrl

4. Fever Ray Plunge

5. Charly Bliss Guppy

6. Wolf Alice Visions Of A Life

7. Rina Sawayama RINA

8. Jessie Ware Glasshouse

9. Tove Lo Blue Lips

10. Charli XCX Pop 2

11. MUNA about u

12. Moses Sumney Aromanticism

13. Sevdaliza ISON

14. St Vincent MASSEDUCTION

15. Susanne Sundfør Music For People In Trouble

16. Ibeyi Ash

17. Sampa The Great Birds & The Bee9

18. Kink Playground

19. Daniel Caesar Freudian

20. Bicep Bicep

21. Sophia Kennedy - Sophia Kennedy

22. Miguel War & Leisure

23. Laura Marling Semper Femina

24. Ibibio Sound Machine Uyai

25. Jen Cloher Jen Cloher

26. Dua Lipa Dua Lipa

27. The xx I See You

28. Honey Dijon The Best Of Both Worlds

29. Kesha Rainbow

30. Leikeli47 Wash & Set

#music #musicwriting #2017 #2017music

[vonseal]

what im weak for this week

so it’s been two weeks AND I APOLOGIZE FOR THAT!!! next week, i probably won’t actually deliver anything either, as next week is when school starts back up and i need to prep for that!

for now tho, pls enjoy this! its long. 

edit halfway through: ITS VERY LONG. READER BEWARE.

clumsy touch by sarangway

i like fake boyfriends. i really like fake boyfriends. it’s a cliche that i am proud to embrace (tho, tbh, i embrace all the cliches). and who better to write socky fake boyfriend than @revetoile!!! it’s a nice, quick oneshot that i was so happy to read! <3

his ray of sunshine by SummerSnowflake

yet another really short drabble, but OH MY GOSH if it isnt just the cutest fluff you’ll probably ever read in your entire life! i loved reading it, and even if it’s short, it really made my heart all fluttery and warm!

sugar and fluff and all that good stuff by jimblejams

whats not to love about this fic??? it���s got the holy trinity of ships, binu and myungjin and socky, all wrapped up in one deliciously sweet oneshot that i’ve read at least three times since it’s been released. @jakganim came into the fanfic community with a bang, and i hope they never ever ever leave <3

where soil lies, a new beginning blooms by parkjinwoes

i’ve probably already recommended this fic before, but im going to do it again because it is the true love of my life! it’s based off of witchcraft, and i’m honestly still so so happy that @vocalpmh decided to write this for me! the myungjin is adorable, and minhyuk’s deadpan delivery is golden! thank you once again!!!

to kiss a rock by jinwoosmile

i, too, stand by the belief that myungjun would be the best kisser, bc have you seen those lips. this fic, tho, is really really fun. i like the creative ways in which minhyuk has kissed every member, and i like the CUTE SOCKY I LOVE CUTE SOCKY. @jinwoosmile blesses us with her fanfics. (go send her love and encouragement to get through these coming school days!)

im a mom by heybinnie

BOY IF YOU CANT SEE THIS HAPPENING THO. it was such cute fluff!!! i always love the creative ways in which @heybinnie writes; it leaves me melting into a pile of goo and happiness. this one’s a little shorter and features moonbin as the title character and it’s worth every single second of reading.

not an ikea story by Maye_C

@maye-c has always been able to capture myungjun’s dorkiness, childness, and yet maturity (sexiness, too, hOLLA) in her fics and this one just swung right into my heart very very very very quickly. it’s adorable and funny (I LAUGH SO MUCH) and every single bit as perfect as all of mayec’s other works, i love her and her writing!

ferris wheels series by aloharoha

i think i’ve recommended the first one in this series; if not, i definitely should have at this point! binu and ferris wheels and absolute precious fluff and it’s one of my favorite things??? also my sweet anon child wrote it, whom i adore, pls go love on all this writing <3

because it’s you by marojehca

did i like the myungjin at the end??? yes. i did. myungjin trash CONFIRMED. but all in all, this WAS a really fun story, and i’ve definitely been keeping up with it since it first came out. good job, sanha, good job.

take a picture (click, click) by floatingquietly

i believe the tumblr page is @floatingquietlyfic, but correct me if im wrong and just tagged someone random lol. THIS WAS REALLY CUTE! it was soft and nice and i loved reading it ;A; let jinwoo live, he has nasal inflammation 

mahogany by yehetno

@yehetno strikes again! she comes when i least expect it and when i most need it, it’s uncanny. this was really PAINFUL TO READ ACTUALLY it made my heart ache, but we have been gifted with the Happy Ending, and i couldn’t be more excited over that! great binu by a great human being!

the cat’s out of the bag by aloharoha

some more from my sweet anon! she’s such an amazing writer and im always in awe of the works! this socky was definitely no exception; i felt really giddy, and i was cheering BOTH sanha and minhyuk on the entire time. bless the cat for causing our two boys to confess ;D (when will my cats get me a cute boy)

hit me up by lee_dongminhyuk

my star anon has arrived! @lee-dongminhyuk wrote some amazing bullet fics (i’ll recommend those a little further down, getting A03 fics out of the way first!) and then this one is just SO GOOD. also it reads like an actual chat convo, with the topic at hand escaping once or twice before it’s reeled back in. also jinidiot. 

insomnia by parkjinchu

i can relate, dongmin! this is written so well and just so nice and pleasant to read??? but then again ,every single fic from @parkjinchu is my new favorite fic, i swear. it’s like god’s gift to earth lies in mary’s fics. bless u <333

the slushie disaster by Lunapie

i need to keep writing sad socky so luna can keep writing happy socky, AMIRITE, LUNA??? nah fam @moonbinpie SRSLY does have some really cute socky up in this here joint; just two teens being teens in the summer, and i loved reading a nice snapshot into their lives!

i want to keep these feelings forever by junhoonie

i like the socky we have recently. i mean, dont get me wrong, im always myungjin trash, but socky is soft and pure and i need this purity to cleanse my soul. THESE LITTLE CHAPTERS ARE THE MOST PURE OF ALL and i love love reading them <3 @donghyucklees is the incredible driving force behind these fics! 

out of the closet by jimblejams

i requested this. i am so happy i requested this bc i cried when it was published haha im weak. BUT SERIOUSLY, MYUNGJIN WEARING EACH OTHERS’ CLOTHES??? WHAT MORE DO U WANT. jordan strikes again with their amazing writing im going to die.

socky coffee shop au by @jakganim

tagging ur main blog BECAUSE I CAN AND NO ONE CAN TELL ME OTHERWISE (but linking your fic blog so ppl can request, go go go request!). i loved this fic. i would give my life for this fic. it was perfect, from minhyuk’s infatuation to my fave part, jinwoo’s ring (keels over) and i need everyone to read this pronto.

puppy love by @jinwoostro

i love me some domestic astro adopting puppies because of sanha. also hiding puppies bc they’re weak for dogs. come on, it’s the purest premise in the world, written by lanna-kokobanna. 

bowling blues by @maye-c

i think i state every day (and multiple times in here) that im myungjin trash, but i REALLY LOVE just astro familial fics. just fics when they’re ASTRO, when they’re friends, when they’re just enjoying life together! and mayec delivers, once more, something pure and gorgeous! also bowling is hard.

college myungjin by @jakganim

i ghost-requested this. i was ghost-gifted this. tbh i was gifted this, along with the rest of the aroha community. I LOVED IT. I LOVE THIS WRITING SO MUCH AND I HOPE WHEN IM ON MY DEATHBED, JORDAN COMES AND JUST BURIES ME WITH ALL THIS WRITING

kid!myungjin bullet fic by @lee-dongminhyuk (part 2, part 3)

to be honest, i actually teared up at this one. especially part 2. gosh i loved it all but it was so rough sometimes, but it had such a nice, sweet, happy ending and i just wanted to clap and yell really loudly because i loved it so much! thank you for sharing it with me, my sweet star anon!

fashion designer binu by @astrofireworks

this was just complete perfection! it was cute and fun and short and also i am 100%$ behind the myungjin at the end. dO YOU HEAR ME, IM HERE FOR THIS SORT OF QUALITY CONTENT

Updated:

dream come true by TheOrgasmicSeke

THIS LAST CHAPTER HAD ME REELING HOLY COW MYUNGJUN GAVE HIM A HEART

stray romance by Alette

tbh if you havent heard or seen this fic, idk where you’ve been living, but there is GOOD REASON why it’s so popular, i cry

hot-line bin by peachybean

i laughed a lot. dongmin is all cool and composed to bin but he’s a literal mess to jinwoo, perfection!

full bloom by peachybean

I JUST NOW REALIZED ITS THE SAME FANFIC AUTHOR, NO WONDER BOTH FICS ARE SUCH AMAZING FICS

centaurus a by astrobinu

reading this always makes me feel like im floating around in space and clenching my teeth in excitement!

and if you ever have anything you think i need to check out, hit me up with that fic, fams. i dont even care if it’s your own. i check a03 regularly, so if it’s something posted elsewhere, pls let me know!

#what makes me weak this week #aka for the past two weeks haha #lots of quality content recently!

[ghosty-schnibibit]

first taz liveblog of 2019! woohoo! ^u^

i’ve missed taz so much omg, i’m very hyped for this lunar interlude. also i'm doing this liveblog without the use of my mouse because windows ten hates me and keeps doing this to me after system updates, so if any of the formatting is wonky that’s why :///

god i nearly forgot how much shit went down in the last arc, god i've gotta relisten to it at some point

ron "the white" tattersalad

that's so good omg

it's still so weird that they're still calling it lunar interlude since there's no moonbase, idk why but it feels off to me

that means the next hunt could potentially be near valentines... give me the wlw content griffin, blease

aww yikes, nearly forgot about that, poor old car :(

whistles the autoguy

duck's lies just have the power to grant life lol

clint ilu omg

"that's a pretty wack way to meet somebody" god bless you griffin

ned you're a worse liar than duck

it's jesus's car

is ned going to get a minivan???

griffin i know nothing about cars why must you do this to me

transformers: cryptids in disguise

WHAT THE FUCK NED

crepes by monica

clint's stealing justin's naming random kepler citizens steeze lol

god i love these boys

oh fuck that is so good

do you mean the pine guard clint?

that sounds sick as fuck

oooooh good move, that's good

termineder

wouldn't that counteract the surveillance though?

"his name's plural, right?" idk griffin, what's in your heart

“enchilada adventures” loving this

COMMIT GRIFFIN, COMMIT TO YOUR NEED FOR BRITISH MEN TO MURDER YOUR DAD

aww :(

griffin you slid from the kravitz voice into the klaarg voice, why

yes, describe how hot he is clint, 

YES, I LOVE THE ACCENT, BRING IT BACK

jesus ned, jump right into it there, yikesa mikesa

"life has a funny way, as alanis would say" i love boyd already

who??? there are so many npcs in this game, i need a flowchart

... griffin is that sloane and hurley’s tree

that's a word for it lmao

OH MY GOD ITS MAMA, OH FUCKING SHIT

whoop, on to aubrey

i'm trying to remember what janelle looks like and i keep picturing the goat soothsayer from kung fu panda 2, idk why

oh dang, ned didn't have to roll at any point during his scene :0

aubrey is so sweet, i love her so much

oh no... oh no, this is going to make me cry i can already tell

"i'm fine with that" travis please, give me the girlfriends

aubrey my baby i love you whaaat

this is going a hell of a lot better than i thought it would

oh no, vincent's going to be upset :(

griffin how much of this season is based off atlantis: the lost empire, that was my favorite movie growing up and this is so similar

aubrey my precious baby

... who is the entity then?

"pine guard chronicler" wait, thacker???

well that's... not that reassuring

is aubrey the entity????? holy shit holy shit holy shit

more confirmation that aubrey's pendant is part of the crystal... that makes me wonder if the crystal barclay had in the first arc and the one indrid has are reclaimed pieces of it

jesus fuck this is extremely dark 0_0

okay wait one fucking minute... vincent was extremely adamant that aubrey not touch the crystal when the guard first came to sylvain, did he know something like this would happen? i have so many questions

"this is not your world to save" holy fuck i'm gonna cry

yeeee! can't wait to see my magic boy in graphic novel format!!! :D

the spooky violins are back

does this mean leo was the guitar dude? oh snap :0

duck what the hell

justin this is so good, bless you for this

this is so very good holy hell, god this is some good worldbuilding omg

GRIFFIN YOU DO NOT GET TO USE THE PHRASE "SHE'S JUST GONE" WHILE USING SUCH A BARRY-ADJACENT VOICE, I JUST BROKE OUT IN A COLD SWEAT WAITING FOR JUSTIN TO SAY "WHO" 

i cannot wait to see this drawn omg

oh ewww, duck why :(

wait so is duck completely powerless now? is he not the chosen anymore??? holy shit how is this going to affect his class typing?????

if i were duck i'd be reassured knowing i wasn’t the only one tbh

holy fuck this is terrifying

good damn i love duck

holy fuck leo!!!

aww duck baby :(((

oh jeez, that's not great

"okay, we're fucked" aww, have faith in our boy leo :(

oh snap, this is amazing omg

... so duck is princess peach now basically

duck the helper boy! :D

he is going to get so much experience omg

oh my god what

this is so weird omg

... oh fuck, duck no longer has chosen resurrection plot armor, oh i'm so worried for my boy 

yay, the heathcliff music!

awwww :3

travis is consistent at least lmao

WHAT, WHY

oh sweet :0

damn that's a good idea considering how fucked up ned got last arc

oh shit, that's cool as hell

oops lmao

duck just needs any help he can get

don’t be mean to heathcliff!!! :(

"at least i can wear that to work" mood

in conclusion: i am extremely worried for my no-longer-chosen son and have a ton of theories about stuff that are pretty dang dark! this is fine :))) 

#taz #taz spoilers #taz amnesty #the adventure zone #ghosty liveblogs taz #can't wait for the new arc! #here's hoping duck doesn't die

[lingeringscars]

ALL OF THEM

i knew you’d do this and i appreciate u for it 

♥ What’s the absolute best experience you’ve had in RP?

already answered

♦ What’s your favorite thing about RP, generally?

i want to say world building again, but it’s also just interacting with people from all over the world and forming bonds and friendships with people through a screen as we write and love our muses. and how like..it usually doesn’t matter who you love or hate because it just matters who and what you’re writing??? 

♚ Have you ever made any lasting friends through RP? 

I’ve known @loveisaviolence @magicsiphon @karnifek @veriisimilitude and @stcrmdoors for years now and wouldn’t trade one moment

⚜ Have you ever met anyone from RP in real life?

already answered

✮ Do you think you’ve improved as a writer through roleplaying?

as a general rule i’ll go with yes? writing with other people definitely pushes me to want to be better and write better to be worthy. i think it’s definitely pushed my creativity bc i swear i am the least creative person in the entire world and that’s ... really hard for the life of a writer lmao. but tumblr rp definitely inspires me to be a better..content writer. when it comes to grammar.....that has significantly decreased but that might also just be my laziness hahah 

☄ Has roleplay positively affected your life in some ways?

short answer: absolutely. despite how horrible this website can be at times, tumblr rp has positively impacted me because i’m surrounded by like-minded people bound together by their love of wrting, and i think that’s beautiful. i’ll always be grateful for tumblr bc it’s giving me some of my closest friends from all over the country or world, and there aren’t many people who can casually in conversation say something like “my best friend lives in vegas” or “my friend from new Zealand” and you find a way to make it work even with time zone differences and yeah. 

☯ Tell us all about your favorite muse you’ve ever written and why they meant so much to you.

technically already answered but let me rant about my boy bellamy blake now and my girl jessica davis because both are hated and i love them both with all my heart.

anyway bellamy blake deserves the world and really just needs a long ass nap. his entire life from the moment o was born has been dedicated to her ( thanks mom ! ) and he’s taken that role so seriously even when it’s wrong, even when it’s weird. and pretty much every action he does is a direct result of his love for her?? but also he has this fierce loyalty streak and is completely enamored with his people. and that’s really why he means so much to me. bellamy has such a good heart and he loves so fiercely and when it comes down to it: bell is loyal to people not causes. also he’s one of the best shots like..ever?? and that alone is just really impressive like your fave could never. anyway, bellamy blake is really important to me. 

jessica is also really important to me because she’s so imperfect. and it’s almost inspiring because it’s so easy to hate her for these flaws. but she’s such a product of her society and she’s truly embraced this idea that she needs to fit in, which is funny because when we met her, she didn’t want that. she didn’t want attachments or to be popular because she was so used to her dad getting stationed elsewhere and her having to leave an say goodbye to whatever friends she made, and it was hard. and like, i’ve been completely stationary my entire life and can’t even begin to imagine what that is like nor would i try because until college, my biggest move was from one town to the next, a whole whopping 7 minutes. anyway, as i was saying, it’s really easy to jump to conclusions and hate jessica because she’s rash and strong and believes that she’s only as good as what people see her for ( she’s only worth something if she’s popular and liked, she only matters if guys want to have sex with her, it matters that people find her pretty, etc ) and when things start going downhill and she doesn’t know whether to trust her false memories and a girl who used to be her best friend or her boyfriend and what was easier to believe, she was allowed to be angry. she was allowed to be resentful, but more than that, she was allowed to pretty much pull a gun on her abuser and she’s allowed to be angry and resentful and tell justin that she never wants to see him again AND BASICALLY SHE’S ALLOWED TO BE HUMAN AND HAVE FEELINGS AND BE ANGRY AND LOSE IT AND TAKE A DOWNWARD SPIRAL AND SHE’S ALLOWED TO TELL HER EX WHO LIED TO HER FOR MONTHS AND CHOSE HER ABUSER OVER HER OFF. SHE’S JUST ALLOWED TO BE REAL AND STRUGGLE AND PEOPLE BLAME HER FOR HER ACTIONS AND HER RIGHT TO BE ANGRY BUT GOD IT’S SUCH A BLESSING TO SEE AND IT’S SO IMPORTANT FOR ME TO SEE THIS REP? BECAUSE NOT ONLY DO WE GET SOMEONE SO TERRIBLY FLAWED AND PRONE TO LASHING OUT PHYSICALLY AGAINST PEOPLE ( SHE SLAPPED HANNAH AND BEAT JUSTINS CHEST AND THREW METAL PIECES AT HIM AND DESTROYED THE LIGHTBULB WHILE PRETTY DRUNK ON SCHOOL GROUNDS ) SHE STILL REALLY CARES ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE WHEN ALEX WAS HURTING AND SHE WAS ACTIVELY WORRIED ABOUT HIS SAFETY AND WHETHER HE WAS OKAY, BUT SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENS TO HER AND IT’S ABOUT HER. IT’S ABOUT HER ANGER. IT’S ABOUT HER TRAUMA. AND SHE DOESN’T NEED TO FORGIVE HER ABUSERS AND BE NICE TO HER EX BECAUSE ~~HE WAS TRYING TO PROTECT HER. and basically i resonate with her really well and people have told me that i need to chill and forgive and i’m just really glad to see someone who isn’t told that, whose narrative isn’t about that cough pll cough. 

☼ Have you learned any new skills from being involved in RP (coding, editing, making GIFs, etc)? 

already answered

☀ Have you ever joined a new fandom that you only discovered through RP?

i don’t think so? not rp specifically at least. like tumblr turned me on to tw and t100 and sense8 but i don’t think rp ever did? 

♨ What unlikely, ‘only possible in RP’ ships have you enjoyed writing with your muses?

pretty much every ship i write is only possible in rp lmao. the big ones that come to mind are deff like...everything I write with @loveisaviolence love u boo bc like where else am i gonna get bellamy blake and tasha ozera or bellamy blake and rose hathaway? not to mention christian and lissa actually acknowledging that lissa has to kill tasha lmao. not to mention anything with ocs like yours or @coldgirled and i love it?? writing only possible in rp stuff bc it’s one of the best things about this. being turned on to characters you don’t know and creating relationships, not necessarily romantic, with them. 

❀ What is your favorite thing about your current fandom or RP community?

i mean everyone’s general salt toward the pll finale was nice lmao. my fave thing about my pll dash for sure is the fact that everyone would die for spencer hastings and like, i relate. also the anti-ezra dash i have is also pretty amazing because I RELATE. so yeah basically bless you for that

✉ Say something nice about someone you follow!

@bloodruined just so you know, you’re great and i hope you have a fantastic day and life and that you get everything you want, even if it goes against all logic like lexie coming back from the dead. 

but really like if you read all this what’s wrong with you, and if you didn’t, and you only see this message 

i hope you all have a great day and that even if it’s bad you remember ily bc it’s 1am and i’m sappy. 

#long post for ts #abuse mention tw #thank you for this ily #starsforged #thanks for asking #answered

[ecstaseagayle]

In Admiration

We were, at that time, fighting, quarreling, skirmishing, arguing, every word synonymous to that,

We were talking about how everything was, about how we evolved into this, from my selfishness

About how we got here, about how we were arguing, about how we were talking about that one Thought that she thought about, that one thought I never did. How did she ever thought of it? How did? Here, I’m,

In front of my laptop, my acer, how lucky I was that my father did give it. Here, I am tainting

My fingers, not with ink, but with keys, keypresses, the dust on my keyboard. For her, the sand shall be swept,

For her, I will write this poem, a poem of a hundred lines, and with a quarter of it as syllables

The poem she requested, I shall bestow, for no matter the sun rises and sets, she is my queen, yes

For her this poem is written, for my queen, for her, just for her. Solely hers is this poem to be written

Heed closely, for there is love, there is death, there is confusion. There is everything Everything she asked

How did this poem, of a hundred lines and a quarter of it as syllables came about? How did it?

You see, I the author, stupid, wretched, foolish, I became a monster. I was very, a trouble

“It can’t be that bad” You see, I had done what even death could be acceptable over that hell deed

It was always hell day for her, for I created her hell, and how strong she is to make it heaven

She is a complete hurricane, for she drove me insane whenever I see her, her beauty, herself

With her, I have never felt the urge to die more than when I was with her, for I was dead over her

Yes, she was-and is-my everything, my ecstasy, me insanity, my drug, the beads on my wrist,

But how could I have messed up? Well, I promised her I’d never hurt her, I lied, I was such a huge fool

She wrote it down, I pulled her heart out, and ended up losing it. I killed her, thinking we were happy

I was a snake, venomous, a traitor, an epitome of lies, the epitome of lying

Even if I did everything to revive her, I could not erase it from me. She was at death, but

breathing, confused but aware. She was living , while dying, through the lies I fed her, those daggers of pain

I grabbed her by the neck and choked her thoughts of peace, for her, I destroyed her world by being the liar

I left her alone to die, for I had done something grave, and with the hurt, she thought, “suicide is good”

With it, they all started to unfold. The shattering of her from his heartbeats, from the lies out of his

Mouth, filled with filth, filthier than dung, filthier than criminals, filthier than genocide and all

Quiet whispers hold the loudest pain, and her cries destroyed every cell in my body, for I had tried

to do better, be contented and accept, but the damage is clear, and I, my entirety of

stupid destroyed my treasure. It seemed, to her that I would leave her as a pile of nothing, it ached her

She thought that I can walk away, and with it, to her kitchen, she got and held the knife close to her chest

She was ready to leave, for the rejection and judgement is a fragment of her memory, it hurt

That never ending misery, that burning passion to just explode like a grenade inside a body

That addiction to suicide just came out of nowhere, from the deserts of pain, hurt and misery

It fogs the mind, drove her mad, she was hurt, for for all the people that could’ve did, it was her lover

Fortunately, she dropped the knife, she contemplated, “I am strong, and I can walk away” and she stayed

She wanted to erase it from her, from her memory, her clouds, her thoughts, her hard drives, her pictures, movies

She wanted nothing to ever bother her again, she wanted nothing of me, she wanted nothing

“I will be with someone else” she could not say it, however, for she loved me, anchored me to her ship

“I can’t seem to let you go”, she thought, furious for she still loved me no matter what, for her love did stay

She was astounded, but enraged. Engulfed with fury, but mesmerized, for her thoughts of love came forth

Even if I was killing her from the inside out, she stayed strong, her words and her blood was of her strength

Through all the pain and the loneliness, she was still on her feet, fighting, getting back up from the ashes

However, what I couldn’t see, was that my tongues had turned her thoughts into this monster of lamenting

And then again, those thoughts came about, and for the seconds, minutes, it seemed like death was calling her forth

He wanted to engulf her, into his eternal embrace, his eternal sleep, and he was waiting for

Her to join in his world of eternal slumber, for her to forget, to dislodge herself from myself

She started to cry, she started to weep, and as she looked to her right, she found a blade, a sharp rusty cutter

She picked it up, examined it, grabbed it up from her wooden floor and held it near her delicate wrist

Again, she thought, “the damage is clear, I should leave”, and started to place the rusty blade upon her palms

But then, as she was about to slit the skin from her, she had thought about someone, “I should say farewell”

She reached her phone, clicked that blue square with an “f” on it, and searched through the screen for the button with a logo

But when she clicked on the name, and saw the picture, she dropped the blade and started to weep, for it was him

It was the guy, the guy who lied to her, the guy who broke her, who stabbed and shot her, the fool, himself

She just could not bear it, the thought of the romance planted on her heart with his image glued to itself

“I never knew I could love someone who has done nothing but hurt me” she said, furious about her thoughts

She can’t stop crying, for the demon on her left said “kill him along with you”, he wanted her to die

However, the angel, with the halo on her right, replied “no, revive yourself along with him, live”

She gave them both an ear to listen, however, with much fortune, she listened to the angel so kind

She gave it, *blink* and slowly, the thoughts of hope and love consumed her emotions and her determination

She’s addicted to a broken, or should I say breaking, person, but she did the last the she would do

She gave him a chance

Thinking, I am, “I can never fix her”, for I had just lost her, killed each good memory from her mind

I had just ran her over, bloodied her with the speeds of my endless train of cruelty, that murdered her

Her lungs, were so fine, until I, the deadly secondhand smoke, invaded her, it was like every

Deadly inhale of intoxicating cigarette, I was the reason why she was breaking, dying

With the sadness, destruction dealt, I had concluded; “everything turns out to be almost like nothing

However, as I was demeaning, degrading my entirety, a message popped on my phone, *beep*”

“Fine, I’m gonna give you a chance” I had read, I was confused, blended with emotions, for I had read

A profounding message from the girl I broke, wanting to fix what I had destroyed, with me, together

It felt like the utopia I can never have in this reality, the only difference,

It was just real, and it was perfect

So here I am still in admiration, of how strong she is, and how she could bear what seemed like never-

Ending misery. Despite what was an addiction to suicide, she still manages to be well,

She had slit the strings of despair, the strings that puppeted her, and started to write her own happiness

All her secrets, her secret strength, her secret faith, could not be consumed. And the demons ponder upon;

“Why can’t it be official? Her loss, her death?” her tears fool you, her frown disguises her strength within

Even though it seemed that our love left like a wrecked ship, it still sailed the harsh sea and returned, stronger

As if our bond was now lovely, herculean, unbreakable, great, rather than broken and empty

I will be happy without her, happy to die. If she is to leave , I would be a tribute to death

If she was a blind heroine, I am of luck, for she saw me despite my flaws and rescued me

Yes, she is a suicidal dove, for she killed herself by loving me again, but she made life seen

to the both of us

And here I am, the author, proud of my babe, my fierce, fighting Jaguar, who never gave up on her love

Here to explain, what my fingers have typed through the night with the acer, with the keys and those keypresses

My dear, you have asked to never bother you again, to erase myself from you, to be with someone,

Someone better than a girl with suicidal hands, desperate to take away everything from life

You said that I will be happy without you, without your foolish heart. To be a grain of sand, dispersed

Honey, of all the things you would ask me to do, all these saddening, deathly matters, I cannot do

For this poem, is about how you, the girl I had damaged, hurt, destroyed, and stabbed without your knowledge

Became the girl that had stood firm, be the rose among her thorns, and welcomed me into her arms despite

The blood that I have shed and the daggers that I have said, you have remained faithful and proud towards me

And my dear, I cannot simply think of anything, besides adore on how you have remained for us two

I cannot be of negative thoughts, seeing and feeling the warmth of your love, tasting your sweet, sweet care

And doubting your own value, do not, for you are of value to me, having written this poem of a

Hundred lines, and a quarter of it as syllables. Love, I am not perfect, and I have died reaching

The end of my time that I couldn’t have finished this story for my queen, in her desired hour

But please know that this poem is for you, my princess, the woman of my life, the faithful damsel of mine

The poem that I thank you in, for latching on to me, despite all the storms that have arrived to destroy

You are my prime, my first, you are the sole soul who can put a smile on my face when it rains heavily

The woman, whom I’ve been ungrateful towards, and whom I have been blessed enough for being the woman

Who has been thankful for me, and with me, ever since we have met, and until now, when we are reading

And writing our own stories, poems, epics, adventures. To my dear, in admiration, I love you

And if at one point, you have told me “God bless you”

I would thank God everyday

For blessing me with you

- a poem i told you to write for us not to fight (January 7, 2016)

[ravitawishes-blog]

Cute Happy Diwali Wishes

Diwali is Indian celebration broadly celebrated by Hindus in India. Diwali gathering and gatherings are orchestrated by the Hindu young people where they do Diwali move, trade Diwali endowments, and Diwali welcome cards. Diwali implies (profound = light and avali = a column i.e., a line of lights) With the cutting edge pattern some youth have supplanted Diwali cards with Diwali SMS welcome and Diwali SMS wishes. Diwali celebration is additionally called Deepawali celebration.

happy deepavali pictures

>>Happy Diwali HD Images Wallpapers Pictures Photos Free Download<<

Here are the Diwali Wishes, Status, Quotes. Happy Deepavali WhatsApp messages, welcome, SMS. Send these to your companions, relatives and friends and family.

Happy Diwali Wishes SMS:

With glimmer of Diyas

What's more, the Echo of the Chants

May Happiness and Contentment Fill ur life

Wishing u a happy and prosperous Diwali.

Joy is noticeable all around

Its Diwali all over the place

Lets demonstrate some affection and care

What's more, wish everybody out there

Happy Diwali!!!

Recollections of minutes celebrated together

Minutes that have been joined in my heart, until the end of time

Make me Miss You significantly more this Diwali.

Expectation this Diwali gets Good Fortune and Abounding Happiness for you!

In all actuality presence needs your life to turn into a celebration… since when you are unhappy, you likewise toss misery all around.

May the glow and magnificence, that are a piece of this propitious event, fill your existence with bliss and brilliant cheer, and bring to you happiness and thriving, for the entire year.

Ye Diwali aapke jeevan me khushiyan laaye

Aap sadaa yun hello deeye ki tarah jhilmilaayen!

Diwali ki hardik shubhkamnayen!

Deepon ka yeh tyohaar

Laaya khushiyan hazaar

Mubarak ho aap sabko

Diwali ka tyohaar

Happy Diwali!

happy diwali

Deepavali ka yeh pyara tyohaar,

Jeevan me laye aapke khushiya apaar,

Lakshmiji viraaje aapke dwar,

Shubhkamna hamari karein sweekar!

Diwali Ki Bahut Badhai!

Diye ki roshni se har andhera dur ho jaye,

Dua hai ki jo chaho wo khushi aapko manjur ho jaye!

Diwali Ki Haardik Shubhkaamnayein

Harmony

Thriving

Delight

Great Health

Long Life

These are my wishes to you this Diwali.

Happy Diwali!

On this celebration of light, I supplicate that your satisfaction is duplicated and your distresses isolated. May this promising celebration bring you and your family wellbeing, riches and achievement. Happy Diwali.

This Diwali, may you be honored with

Good Fortune – As long as Ganeshji's trunk,

Riches and Prosperity – As large as his stomach,

Joy – As sweet as his ladoos and

Inconveniences – As Small As His Mouse.

Happy Diwali!

On Diwali, I need to send you wishes for a year loaded up with thriving, wellbeing and heaps of fun! Expectation you have a happy Diwali!

happy diwali welcome

One more year will be finished, one more year will come.

I trust and supplicate that the lights of Diwali enlighten the new section of your life.

Happy Diwali!

Hopefully that the celestial lights of Diwali bring to your life harmony, thriving and great wellbeing. Happy Diwali!

Diwali Quotes Greetings:

May the happy festival

Of this awesome celebration

Fill your heart with

Ceaseless bliss and joy!

Happy Diwali

For This, Is A Special Time When Family

Also, Friends Get Together, For Fun.

Wishing Laughter And Fun To Cheer Your Days,

In This Festive Season Of Diwali And Always!!

May the light of the diyas direct you while in transit to satisfaction and achievement. Happy Diwali to you and your family!

A celebration loaded with sweet cherished recollections,

A sky loaded with lights,

Mouth loaded with desserts,

What's more, the heart brimming with delight.

Wishing You All A Very Happy Diwali!

May the magnificence of Deepavali fill your home with satisfaction, and may the coming year give you everything that brings you delight!

Mata Saraswati Ka Sath Ho,

Mata Laxmi Ka Haath Ho,

Bhagwan Ganesh Ka Niwas Ho,

Maa Durga Ke Aashirwad Se,

Aapke Jeevan Mein Prakash Hee Prakash Ho!!

Happy DIPAWALI!!!

happy diwali welcome

On this Diwali, I am sending you a diya of my affection, I trust you will keep it lit for eternity.

Give this Diwali a chance to consume all your terrible occasions and enter you in great occasions. Happy Deepavali.

Celebrate on this favored event by spreading happiness with your companions and friends and family.

Laksh Divyani Ujalali Nisha Ghevuni Navi Umed,

navi asha Hotil purna manatil sarva Iccha,

Diwalichya Tumhala Khup Shubheccha…

* Happy Diwali *

On the promising event of Diwali, I implore that God satisfies everything you could ever want. May you get heaps of blessings, desserts and great wishes this Diwali.

Diwali ke subh apsar per

Unimportant sab des basiyo ko subh kamnaye.

Ish tyohar per apko hazaro khusi hasil ho

Asatya per hamesha satya ki jeet ho

Chahe aap kahin bhi rahe

Hamesha apno ka sath

Mata Saraswati Ka Sath Ho,

Mata Laxmi Ka Haath Ho,

Bhagwan Ganesh Ka Niwas Ho,

Maa Durga Ke Aashirwad Se,

Aapke Jeevan Mein Prakash Hee Prakash Ho!!

Happy DIPAWALI!!!

Happy Diwali Status For FB and Whatsapp:

I Pray to God to give you Shanti,

Shakti, Sampati, Swarup, Saiyam, Saadgi, Safalta, Samridhi,

Sanskar, Swaasth, Sanmaan, Saraswati,

Wish you and your family Shubh Deewali.

Gul ne gulshan se gulfam bheja hai,

Sitaro ne aasman se salaam bheja hai,

Mubaraq ho aapko Diwali ka tyohar,

Humne dil se yeh paigam bheja hai.

On this promising celebration of lights,

May the sparkle of happiness,

Flourishing and joy

Light up your life and your home.

Wishing you a Happy Diwali

happy diwali wishes

Satisfaction is in air It's Diwali wherever Let's demonstrate some affection and care And wish everybody out there Happy Diwali!!

May all of you achieve full internal enlightenment! May the preeminent light of lights edify your comprehension! May all of you achieve the boundless profound abundance of the Self! May all of you flourish radiantly on the material just as profound planes!

One more year will be finished, one more year will come. I trust and supplicate that the lights of Diwali enlighten the new section of your life. Happy Diwali!

Om Bhoor Bhuwah Swaha

Tat Savitur Varenyam

Bhargo Devasaya Dheemahi

Dhiyo Yo Naha Prachodayat

Wish you an euphoric and prosperous Diwali.

On this promising event,

May satisfaction, flourishing, and joy

Light up your life and your home.

Wishing you a Happy Diwali

The Sun Does Not Shine There,

Nor Do The Moon And The Stars,

Nor Do Lightning Shine?

Every one of The Lights Of The World

Can't Be Compared

Indeed, even To A Ray Of The Inner Light Of The Self.

Consolidation Yourself In This Light Of Lights

What's more, Enjoy The Supreme Deepavali.

Candles of Hope are consuming Bright,

Filling our hearts

With interminable enjoyment

Expectation, happiness, flourishing and wellbeing

Wishing you joy and Peace

Happy Diwali !!!!!!!!!!

A celebration brimming with sweet recollections,

sky brimming with firecrackers,

mouth brimming with desserts,

house brimming with diyas and heart loaded with happiness.

deepavali messages

cho of Chants…

May flourishing and joy fill your life

Wishing you a happy and prosperous happy Diwali.

The celebration of light is brimming with joy

Give me a chance to twofold the appeal of your Diwali night!

Happy Diwali!!!

Diyo ki roshni se…

Jagmaga rahi hain raat…

Patakho ke jadu se saj gaya aakash…

Rangoli me bikhra hain…

Rang khushiyon ka…

To nacho gaoon jashan manao.

Deepawali ki subhkamnaye!

ya Deepawali chya! Sampurna Maharashtra chya!!

Janatela hardik subechhya!!!

Diwali aai, khushiya laye

Bichda tha jinke saath bachpan mein,

Phuljadiyan unki yaad laaye.

Kya hua agar saath nahi aaj unke

Unki yaad liye ye diwali to aaye.

Diwali Whatsapp Messages Funny Status:

God Bless you with enough capability

So you prevail with regards to irritating

Each neighbor in your region

Happy Diwali!!

Diye to har saal jalaate ho

Is saal apne dimaag ki baati bhi jalao

Phir khushi-khushi Diwali manao

Happy Deepawali!

diwali pictures

I wager you sit tight for this celebration consistently

When you can bet transparently before your better half

Happy Diwali!!

Diwali is around the bend

So I figured I will initially wish

A mind-blowing pataka

Happy Diwali!!

Longing that you can hear the sound of saltines

Well beyond your better half's gab!!

Happy Diwali

Wish you and your family a pretentious Diwali!!!

Have some good times and heaps of masti!!

Happy Diwali!!

This Diwali let individuals go hard of hearing

With the sound of your chuckling and bombs

Happy Diwali!

Diwali Par Sky Saja do

Firecrackers Se Dhoom Macha Do!!

Happy Diwali To All!!

Diwali Ki Light

Karay Sab Ko Delight

Pakro Masti Ki Flight Aur

Dhoom Machao All Night

Happy Diwali!!

Motaape ki tum vidaayi kar do

Simple ghar ki safaayi kar do

Dekho phir sab kahenge pataakha

Diwali ka ye kharch bhi kam kar do

diwali wishes

Raah me diye jalen hazaaron

Maa jholiyaan bhar de

Isse bhi mann na bhare

To minor ghar ki safaayi kar lair

Laddu hain..please yahin kha lena

Ghar aane ka kasht tangle karna… .

Happy Diwali Greetings:

Diwali ke subh apsar per

Minor sab des basiyo ko subh kamnaye.

Ish tyohar per apko hazaro khusi hasil ho

Asatya per hamesha satya ki jeet ho

Chahe aap kahin bhi rahe

Hamesha apno ka sath

Aapke life mein Mithaas ho "Cadbury" Jaisy

Rounak ho "Asian Paints" Jaise

Mehak ho "Hatchet" jaise

Tazgi ho "Colgate" Jaisy

Aur strain free rahe"Huggies" Jaisy

"Happy Diwali"

I Pray to God to give U

Shanti,

Shakti,

Sampati,

Swarup,

Saiyam,

Saadgi,

Safalta,

Samridhi,

Sanskar,

Swaasth,

Sanmaan,

Saraswati,

aur SNEH.

SHUBH DIWALI…

Zindagi me sab vaapis mil jaata hai

Lekin toote daant vaapis nahin aate

Is Diwali jo kanjoos dost baithe hain laar tapkaaye

Unke liye vishesh soochna

Kar li humne Diwali ki saaf-safaayi

Apne versatile se program history, recordings aur talk hataayi

Is Deepawali apne padosiyon ki neend haraam karen..

Ye aapka janmsiddh adhikaar hai

Shubh Diwali!

Jugmug kare mera ghar

Bijli ka bill sarkaar ke sar

Phooljhadi, pataakhe khoob chalaayen

Alcoholic

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Daily Reading and Meditation

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Daily Reading and Meditation

Daily Reading and Meditation Wednesday (March 21): “The truth will make you free”

Gospel Reading:  John 8:31-42 

31 Jesus then said to the Jews who had believed in him, “If you continue in my word, you are truly my disciples, 32 and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” 33 They answered him, “We are descendants of Abraham, and have never been in bondage to any one. How is it that you say, `You will be made free’?” 34 Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, every one who commits sin is a slave to sin. 35 The slave does not continue in the house for ever; the son continues for ever. 36 So if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed.

37 I know that you are descendants of Abraham; yet you seek to kill me, because my word finds no place in you. 38 I speak of what I have seen with my Father, and you do what you have heard from your father.” 39 They answered him, “Abraham is our father.” Jesus said to them, “If you were Abraham’s children, you would do what Abraham did, 40 but now you seek to kill me, a man who has told you the truth which I heard from God; this is not what Abraham did. 41 You do what your father did.” They said to him, “We were not born of fornication; we have one Father, even God.” 42 Jesus said to them, “If God were your Father, you would love me, for I proceeded and came forth from God; I came not of my own accord, but he sent me.

Old Testament Reading: Daniel 3:14-20, 24-25,28

14 Nebuchadnezzar said to them, “Is it true, O Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, that you do not serve my gods or worship the golden image which I have set up? 15 Now if you are ready when you hear the sound of the horn, pipe, lyre, trigon, harp, bagpipe, and every kind of music, to fall down and worship the image which I have made, well and good; but if you do not worship, you shall immediately be cast in and who is the god that will deliver you out of my hands?” 16 Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. 17 If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace; and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. 18 But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image which you have set up.”

19 Then Nebuchadnezzar was full of fury, and the expression of his face was changed against Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. He ordered the furnace heated seven times more than it was wont to be heated. 20 And he ordered certain mighty men of his army to bind Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, and to cast them into the burning fiery furnace. 24 Then King Nebuchadnezzar was astonished and rose up in haste. He said to his counselors, “Did we not cast three men bound into the  fire?” They answered the king, “True, O king.” 25 He answered, “But I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire, and they are not hurt; and the appearance of the fourth is like a  son of the gods.” 28 Nebuchadnezzar said, “Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, who has sent his angel and delivered his servants, who  trusted in him, and set at nought the king’s command, and yielded up their bodies rather than serve and worship any god except their own God.

Meditation: Do you know the joy, peace, and freedom which God offers to those who trust in him and obey his word? God sent his Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, to bring us God’s kingdom of righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit (Romans 14:17). Jesus came to rescue us from our sinful pride and slavery to sin. He came to rescue us from Satan’s snares and the clutches of hell, and to free us from the world’s temptation to empty glory and lust for greed and power. Only Jesus can truly set us free and reconcile us with God – every other way falls short of God’s plan to save and deliver us from death, corruption, and sin.

Why did the religious authorities reject Jesus’s offer of freedom, forgiveness, and new life in the kingdom of God? Despite Jesus’ numerous signs and miracles, the Jewish authorities could not accept his claim to speak and act in the name of his heavenly Father. They were blinded by their misguided ideas of how the Messiah would restore Israel and rule the earth. And Jesus revealed to them how Satan had led them into temptation – both to reject him as the Messiah and to thwart his claim by killing him.

Jesus met their opposition and hostility with courage and determination to do his Father’s will. He willingly embraced the cross in order to destroy the works of Satan and to save both Jews and Gentiles through his atoning sacrifice for the sin of the world. Jesus shows us the way to the kingdom of God – through faith and obedience to God’s word and will for our lives. To be a follower and disciple of the Lord Jesus requires faith and obedience – they are two sides of the same coin. The word disciple literally means one who learns from the Master and who listens to the voice of the Teacher. And the word for obedience literally means to listen under and be subordinate to the one who has rightful authority to teach and command what is just and true.

The free gift of faith How can we grow in faith and discipleship – by faithfully following the Lord and obeying his word. Faith is a free supernatural gift of God. It is more than just a belief in the truths of God. It is first and foremost a personal relationship of trust and obedience to the Lord and his word. The Lord is worthy of our complete trust and wholehearted devotion because he is utterly reliable, just and true, and he is faithful to his word. That is why we can entrust our lives to him and submit to him without reservation.

God does not leave us in the dark or remain distant and silent. He reveals himself to all who earnestly seek him and hunger for his truth. God, in fact, first seeks us out and draws us to himself. We could not find him if he did not first seek to reveal himself to us. That is why we need to respond to God’s gracious gift of invitation with an open and receptive heart that wants to listen, learn, and receive what God wishes to give us. Saint Augustine of Hippo (354-430 AD) said, “I believe, in order to understand – and I understand, the better to believe” (Sermon 43:7,9).

The test of faith In the Old Testament Book of Daniel we see a remarkable example of faith being put to the test in the midst of trial and adversity. When Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, the three young companions of Daniel, were commanded by the king of Persia to bow down and submit to the pagan idols of his nation, they unhesitatingly said, “We will not serve your gods or worship the golden image which you have set up” (Daniel 3:18). They knew God’s command, “Do not worship false idols”(Exodus 20:3-6; Deuteronomy 12:29-31). They decided it was far better to obey God and entrust their lives to him rather than give in to the threats of others. God gave them courage to take a bold stand for their faith. They willingly accepted the King’s punishment as they were bound and thrown into a burning fiery furnace.

Daniel tells us how God was very present to these three young men as they proclaimed their faith in him. God showed his presence to the three men and walked with them in the fiery furnace. As a remarkable sign of God’s power to the pagan rulers of Persia, God kept the three men from harm and delivered them from death (Daniel 3:25,28). Do you trust in God to give you his help and strength when your faith is put to the test?

True and false sources of identity The scribes and Pharisees, who were the religious authorities of the Jews, questioned Jesus’ authority to speak and act in God’s name. They questioned Jesus’ claim to forgive sins and to set people free from slavery to sin. They understood that only God had power to forgive sins and to release people from their burden of guilt and shame. They refused to accept that Jesus’ authority was given to him by his Father in heaven. Jesus tells them that they think evil of him and desire to kill him because they are under the influence and power of the “father of lies” who is opposed to the one true Father and Creator who made us in his image and likeness (Genesis 1:26-27).

Jesus explains that he is speaking of two different senses of “fatherhood”. The first is a physical identity through natural fatherhood. And the second and more significant identity is a self-chosen one that is the result of being led and formed in a moral way of thinking and living one’s life that has been shaped through the example, words, and influence of someone we are consciously or unconsciously following and imitating.

We do not grow or learn in a vacuum. We are shaped for better or for worse by those we choose to imitate and follow. Sin leads us away from God’s truth and the help he gives us to follow him. Slavery to sin is ultimately rooted in the father of lies (John 8:44), whom Scripture calls the devil (Luke 4:1) and Satan (Luke 10:18), the ruler of this present world who is opposed to God (John 12:31; 2 Corinthians 4:4).

True freedom comes from God The freedom which Jesus offers his followers is freedom from the power of sin, Satan, and the worldly influence of those who oppose God and his ways. We are powerless to set ourselves free from bondage to Satan, sin, and death (Romans 3:23; 5:6). That is why the Lord Jesus took our sins upon himself and nailed them to the cross (1 Peter 2:24; Isaiah 53:5-6; Colossians 2:14). His death on the cross has won victory and pardon for us, and peace with God. Through Jesus’ sacrifice we are not only forgiven and reconciled with God – we become the adopted sons and daughters of God (Romans 8:14-16). We can call God our Father because the Lord Jesus has reconciled us and redeemed us from slavery to sin and Satan.

A redeemed slave is not entirely free until all of his chains and weights have been broken and destroyed. The Lord Jesus alone has the power to release us from every chain and burden that would keep us in bondage to sinful habits and hurtful desires. Are there any chains – any sinful patterns, harmful attitudes, and addictive behavior – that you need to be released from? Allow the Lord Jesus to unbind you and bring you healing, pardon, and freedom to walk in his way of love and truth. The Lord Jesus sets us free from slavery to our own selfishness and sinful desires in order to set us free for a joy-filled life of love and service for his kingdom. Paul the Apostle reminds us that Christ has won freedom for each one of us – not to serve ourselves or do as we please - but rather to please the Lord and to serve our neighbors in love for their sake (Galatians 5:1,13). Do you accept and believe Christ’s word of truth, love, and freedom for your life?

“Lord Jesus, write your words of love and truth upon my heart and make me a diligent student and a worthy disciple of your word.”

Psalm 18: 25-27

25 With the loyal you show yourself loyal; with the blameless man you show yourself blameless; 26 with the pure you show yourself pure; and with the crooked you show yourself perverse. 27 For you deliver a humble people; but the haughty eyes you bring down.

A Daily Quote for Lent: The upright of heart, by Augustine of Hippo, 354-430 A.D.

“Do you know who the upright of heart are? They are those who wish what God wishes. Therefore, do not try to twist God’s will to you own but correct your will to that of God. The will of God is a rule of conduct. By it you have the means of being converted and of correcting your evil ways.” (excerpt from Commentary on Psalm 93,18)

Scripture

quotations

from Common Bible: Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright 1973, and Ignatius Edition of the Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright 2006, by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.  Citation references for quotes from the writings of the early church fathers can be found here. 

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