#And dating in my community is hard

[poettheythem]

A Shoebox Covered with Little Pink Hearts

Do you remember being a little kid and doing Valentines day

Making a shoebox covered in little pink hearts and stickers

Buying cards with your favorite characters on them

And little candies taped to each one

Going around the classroom dropping valentines into each box

And seeing who passed out the coolest cards.

But now you aren't a little kid

You don't get to make a shoebox with a little slit for cards

Covered in little pink hearts and stickers

You have to be in love

And give roses and chocolate and go out to dinner

I miss it, the shoe boxes

My valentines for my best friends and theirs to me

The love of little kids and friendships that last years beyond

Or the love that fades after a month

All dropped into a silly little shoebox

Now the love has to shown in a different way

A way I don't have

All I have is my shoebox covered in little pink hearts

#poetry #original poem #valentines #I hope yall like this #I like making poems but don't do them too much #especially cause school sucks #but here it is #I have never dated any one #And dating in my community is hard #people are very complicated about queer people #even if they're not homophobic lots of people don't see me as an option #But i miss it for your friends so much #I remember to this day who had the best cards

[aqqleshiqqing-archive]

the besties and their awkward boyfriend 💥💥💥

featuring my beautiful baby boy markus (@ttimecode) (pls follow him he's my son)

#i did this while i was shopping KAHEHAKJDJSD #I KNOW MILO WOULD BE SLEEPING BY NOW BUT I STILL WANNA POSY THIS RAAAGGGH #I LOVE MARKUS IM GIVIGN HIM MWAMWAMWA im so glad you fixed him since my red BRAINROT got hard #NOW WE REALLY FEELIN JT #ALOLA CRINGE DOUBLE DATES LETS GO!!!!!!!! #blue and jaide would get so excited to hang out together #i think red and markus would get along just for being more laid back #also 🤝 i love my loud mouth partner #WOOOOO FRIENDSHIP #pokemon selfship #selfshipping #selfship community #self ship #milo tag #♥️ appleshipping #~ art #blue.plat #jaide (gameverse).insert

[champagnemoon]

Men who hit on everyone turn me off so bad like there’s always one dude in a city who has tried it with everyone to the point that it’s almost a right of passage

#and then I feel bad for the women who say yes and don’t know the lore #and people end up talking bad about her because she becomes the girl desperate enough to say yes #bad vibes all around #that’s why I tell my friends to whole hold off dating people in a space or community before you know the tea #because if you date a lewser you suddenly become the lewser dater and that stench is hard to shake unfortunately

[bluesidedown]

.

#this just in: moving to another continent to live and work with complete strangers for six months #incredibly distant from every important person in your life and your supportive community #is in fact. incredibly difficult. #like idk it's hard to describe because it's also been amazingly cool and i'm so thankful i get to do this #and like i can see God's hand in so many things that have happened and are happening #and He's providing what i need in such amazing ways #but also i'm exhausted and really really homesick #and i miss my people #and i miss going to chapel at school #and honestly just attending church in a language i understand #and rn i'm dealing with a crisis at least every day about what i'm going to do with the rest of my life #and long distance dating is really hard and need i reiterate i am exhausted and when i get tired and sad i self isolate. which is unhelpful #and generally i'm in that weird state of being where i genuinely have no clue how to persevere and i feel deeply deeply out of my depth #and also God is just. so present. #tbh i'm terrified that the rest of my life is just going to be Like This #and i'm also terrified that the rest of my life is not going to be Like This #because the last 5ish years have been Like This to varying degrees and i've learned and grown so much and i've come to know God so much mor #but i'm so tired. #and i'm tired of getting up every day and dealing with things that are scary. #but i'm scared of a life where i don't because i'm most scared of stagnating #anyway wow congrats if you made it this far into my venting #on the bright side yesterday i experienced one of the weirder (in a good way) social situations i've ever been in #walked into my language learning partner's mother-in-law's house (who i'd never met before) at 10pm and was instantly given two plates #of beautiful homemade (culturally appropriate dumplings) and a cup of tea #and proceeded to stay for 40min listening to a conversation where i understood about 3 words out of every 50 #couldn't have experiences like that if i stayed in my comfort zone could i

[girlcrushau]

#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/ #but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment #i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating #there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2 #months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it #not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him #in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to. #until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if #he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone #and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think #there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy #your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you) #and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly #so last night #i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text. #i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart #until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent #that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real #did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart #and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about #and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in #which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever #it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in. #just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the #reason that he went away on me. #im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying #not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me #that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest. #and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs #he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am

[larrylimericks]

6Nov22

In true cryptic rainbow-bear styling, A pic of a phone has us dialing; At numbers we’re guessing And 3-6-9 stressing, While two scheming husbands are smiling.

#larry #louis #louis tomlinson #fitf #fitf promo #cryptic larry #louis posted a photo of a rotary phone via youtube community #moody and black and white and with an ashtray #the numbers 3 6 9 are photoshopped onto the dial #people are going in all directions trying to crack the code #some think it's giving 'all along' lyrics #some people think it's a date teasing chicago as the 3rd single on 9 november #some people are calling the handwritten number on the face of the dial #but it's hard to make out so results are varying #including some miffed wrong numbers #some people are making something of the 'police' emergency number #tying it to my policeman #i haven't a clue #just lemme listen to the fookin' music lou #some people think louis' rotary phone is harry's rotary phone #from hs3 promo #but i think vintage is just in right now #limerick-lt #november 6 #2022

[citrine-elephant]

claire telling leon in infinite darkness that his suit basically clashed with who he was makes me think that she'd see him in his re6 outfit whilst in china and just go, "yeah alright that's close enough"

she sees his slutty chest and nods. that's leon. that's mr slut kennedy

(as a disclaimer, "slut" is used as affectionate. as a man i'm uncomfortable using the term for women, but i will never use the term derogatorily. slut shaming ain't cool, any gender can be a slut. just be safe and practice consent!)

#resident evil #i want to add the disclaimer a lot because intentions can be hard to understand via text #and i don't expect people to scroll through my blog to see my stance #i dont really ship claire/leon but i will be down for them being very comfortable with one another when it comes to stuff - #- traditionally reserved for relationships and dating #imagining claire asking leon to check that a mole/wound/whatever and neither feel uncomf about where it is lol #i ship aeon and chreon where it's an open relationship lol #like leon has a more involved relationship with ada despite the common absences from her #and chreon is sorta like 'bro flirting' but clearly communicated that it's gay and awesome #i guess ada/leon dating and chris/leon friends with benefits + a little more than friends #jill and claire 1000% i'd ship #chris and jill having a platonic relationship fills me with happiness butterflis #rebecca ace spectrum idk i dont know enough bout her just yet! #i mean i still see leon as ace spectrum too but rebecca maybe strongly demi #idk why i went on a shipping rant in the tags but uhhh

[naquey]

yk i didn't find out i was on the aromantic spectrum until like, literally this year because I thought being on the aromantic spectrum was about not having romantic feelings. But. That is farther from the truth. I had so much trouble and struggled a lot in relationships because I didn't realize I was mixing up romantic attraction with wanting to be friends.

I thought that by wanting to get closer to people, I just wanted to date them and do a couple of things, but then when I ended up dating those people, I put myself in a world of misery because it didn't turn out the way I wanted, or we broke up, and they were no longer in my life. It turns out this entire time, I just wanted friends because I was a lonely child and only ever had 1-2 friends my entire life. And this isn't to say that arospec/acespec ppl can't feel romantic attraction, but sandwiching my feelings into the the stereotype box of what alloromantic ppl felt was what ultimately hurt me in the end.

Now, I know I want friends when I talk to people and start thinking they're cool or pretty because my brain is trying to tell me, "Hey, talk to this person more. Get closer, and exchange dumb memes."

TLDR; society's standards of love and romance can suck it

#aromantic #aromantic spectrum #arospectrum #idemromantic #that being said i am very oblivious #and literally had to pause when i started talking to this guy in my creative writing class because I needed to think about my feelings #and i did the same when i saw this dude in my personal communications class #i am also horrible in relationships #and typically forget people exist until they message me or like repost/reblog something #aromantic rant #like when i say ppl are attractive #my brain DOES NOT need to immediately go #kiss kiss fall in love #also dating as a trans man is hard asf #dating as trans in general is #but like im not gonna rant ab that because I don't need to elaborate

[wild-wombytch]

Not the sunny weather giving me the confidence to walk as if I'm in my natural lesbian pride territory, until I'm out-dyked by another butch with a dapper mane haircut.

#if you try hard to squeeze the positive out of living in a rural area with no LGB community #it's that I have more girls to rizz without their exes also being my exes lmaooo #Tañ ha Gerioù #lesbian dating #sapphic yearning #wlw

[neverendingford]

.

#tag talk #anytime my friends point out that something I say is good advice or express that they see me as aspirational I'm always just like.... #wtf how am I am example to look up to I'm just an idiot bumbling his way through life trying to avoid hitting her head on cabinet corners #honestly it's mostly just seeing mistakes others have made and going “I will not make those mistakes. I will make weirder mistakes than that #like. it feels a little like the “I'm eighty years old I'm done with putting up with everyone's bullshit” except it's #it's “I didn't kill myself so I'm not gonna put up with bullshit anymore” #like. I chose life. I'm not about to half-ass that decision. I'm not gonna walk back that decision. I'm not going to flinch away from it. #that fuckin... “what do we have to fear but fear itself” quote or whatever. like.. I died. you think anything else is gonna scare me? #if I'm going to be stuck here on this planet you bet your ass I'm gonna make the most of it. I'm not gonna be embarrassed. no shame. #we're all living here until we die and the things that matter are your own life and then the people around you. #I'm not going to miss out on a chance to find community and connection just because I'm afraid. I'm done being afraid. #though... I have been feeling shrimp emotions for the past two weeks and my stomach has tied itself up in knots over it. #I'm so detached because I'm afraid of feeling my emotions too strongly. so letting go and experiencing emotions is a lot for me. #and agghfffgghh I'm going to make it through this I'm going to make it through this but damn it's really rough #allowing yourself to get close to someone again after solidifying your position as unassailable is so hard. #especially because I've gotten so used to shielding the emotions of other people. hard to be honest when your honesty will hurt them #it's wild being around someone who's not wildly insecure because I can be genuine and honest and not worry about what I say hurting her. #I could say “I'm leaving in a year do you still want to date?” and trust that she would actually think it through and give a reliable answer #like. I can handle just my emotions because she's able to handle hers. #being in mental health spaces for so long I'm not used to interacting with emotionally stable people lmaooo #do you think I'm emotionally stable? I don't think I am. but then I meet other people who are wildly more unstable than I am and hmmm #like. sui wasn't an emotional choice it was a cost benefit analysis. I get emotionally unstable sure. but I contain myself until it's over. #I know enough to not be impulsive because I recognize impulsive behavior in others and thus in myself as well. #so like. I'm unstable but I'm not externally unstable. I know how to isolate when I'm in a wounded lashing out state. #anyway I've been processing so many emotions this past week because I'm wildly out of practice with allowing myself emotional honesty #instead of just bricking myself up behind my defensive apathy. I want to hold onto this. I want to continue to channel these emotions. #I want to be unafraid to tell people when I love them #though with her it's more of a Nerevarine situation. you are not someone I love but rather someone who might become that. #like. I haven't known her long enough to really say I love. but I very much think if things continue how they are I will be confident in it #and not even romantic love per se. I have some old friends who I genuinely love. several siblings who I love. most people I know I do not.

[notjanine]

i am in suuuuuch a weird headspace rn, my brain is like. i want half a boyfriend i want a husband i want an easy carefree hookup i want to have sex with only one more person in my entire life i want to have a slut era i want someone to fall in love with me i want to ruin a man's life. who am i

#like okay i said that guy was messy and maybe i am messy too #but only internally! i can at least be consistent and honest in my communication and behavior #but idek what is going on with me #is this a belated quarter life crisis is this being thirty is this what happens when grad school and an internship scramble your brain #scramble your brain so hard that your emotions and physical desires also go haywire #this month is gonna be so weird for me and like i'm depressed enough to not care if i live or die which is when i do my best flirting #and i (theoretically) will have enough time off to take care of myself and get good sleep and do skincare and hair care and work out #and do all the little things to make myself feel more confident #anyway all i know is. i have baby steps initiated progress on some things. #but also the mutually agreed upon six-month post-breakup communication moratorium with my ex is almost up and i am half tempted to call him #i am also half tempted to mess with the OTHER guy in our internship cohort even though that would be THEE messy bitch move #(do not let me do it physically stop me from doing it if it seems like i'm going to) #(but y'know he's. nice. nearby. single. quietly hilarious and has full lips and a similar schedule to my own. pls stop me) #(we might hang out next week. i will not WILL NOT invite him over. i repeat do NOT let me invite him over) #earlier this week i talked to a close very cool and fun and social friend about wanting to start dating again and she was like #Oh i know like ten guys for you lemme have another party and invite all of them and you #and i'm thisclose to being like. actually just fucken see if any of them will go on a blind date with me next weekend. #what the FUCK is wrong with me rn #ANYWAY lemme go work out and finally start the vampire show #bc exercise will distract my body and that toxic relationship bullshit will put a damper on these desires right. right?? #starting to understand why so many religions are like watch out for sins of the flesh or whatever. like how they're like temptation is bad. #lizzo_boys.mp3

[carrotpiss]

🐰🧡🐻

#in stark contrast to most of my personal posts this is about me being happy and gay #because i need to just get it out my system bc otherwise i am just going to grab a friend by the shoulders and scream (in joy) in their face #i am dating someone and its really really nice and sweet and cute and like nothing ive ever experienced before #and instead its like every tiny little dream about this kind of thing ive managed to hold onto despite every experience otherwise and ahhhh #the lack of focus on just sex or sex appeal is so nice its like there but as a side thing so its nice and i dont feel like an object #i feel like a human person with thoughts and feelings and interests outside if that and feel safe in that and feel safe that everything wont #just be discarded if i dont want to do that like i feel like boundaries and stuff are an option! without jeopardising everything #and el likes me as much as i like them and wants and sees and communicates that they want something long term and ahhhhhhhh #i just want to cry like holy shit this is everything ive ever wondered about like i have spent so long wondering what this feeling would #actually feel like and its so good and so indescribable and ahhhhhhh #waking up on monday night and seeing them in my bed and cuddling me was just so nice i felt wanted i felt... loved #this all seems so out of left field still i still feel like i just never saw it coming but its so welxome and nice and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #my pessimism is still there but its less loud now its more learning to accept this may not be perfect forever but letting me enjoy the now #crouch speaks #it feels so nice to not be scared and to feel secure and ahhh #also it made me laugh El remembered me hitting on then at the Dgoals release show making them blush lol #i only remember the time i hit on them later at the groles show so its funny i pretty much used the same line twice and it still worked #i cant wait to see them again i cant wait to hold hands in public again i cant wait to be idiots who keep blushing too hard and accidentally #kissing eachother on the nose instead of the mouth because we are stupid and gay and pathetic about it hahaha #just ahhhh i could gush forever how perfect the 2!!! dates weve been on were and the fact they want more and more and ahhhhh #this is so lame i know i just haven't experienced anything remotely like this before and its just... wild #like wow holy shit what on earth i have been so increasingly miserablely depressed and insecure from the shea stuff last year and then this #just absolutely removed all of that i actually feel like a human person again with value

[guinevereslancelot]

why do i have an almost date tomorrow 😬

#its a video call but i metna guybin a dating app i joined today #we're probably not very well matched he's clearly a genius and an overachiever #he lives really far away but he's moving close by to get his PhD next year #and he's a lawyer #i didn't ask but he's probably getting his phd at one of the fancy ivy league schools in the area 😭 #he sent me an op-ed he published and everything #he's two years younger than me and achieved more than i ever will in my life hopefully he doesn't think im lame and dumb lol #i probably couldn't make it work bc of how badly ive done in school and life he will probably think im stupid :( #but he seems nice so far tho he was clearly disappointed my eyes were brown 😆 #anyway lawyer doctor may be out of my barely graduated high school and community college now currently unemployed league #lol #but we'll see #in all seriousness he's probably too intense and overachieving i need a laid back chill person lol #also he's moving a tiny bit fast? hard to tell but i dont have much experience online dating idk lol #anyway wish me luck i wasn't expecting an instant date after joining the app lol ✌️😅 #also he works forna charity #and i garuntee he's going to harvard or something for his phd thats the only reason to leave his current area to do it in massachusetts #i was literally like this guy cant be real but he is lol

[everything-is-crab]

The urge to stay in your country cause you grew up here and this is your home no matter how flawed vs the urge to leave your country so you can make your own home as a gay person.

#there's no way to live a peaceful life here if you're middle class and gay #especially if you're a lesbian/bi woman #dating in itself is so hard my dreams of making a family with a woman is just unreachable #that's why I wanna leave #but it's the question of prioritizing yourself vs prioritizing your people and your community #and idk which to choose