#*heavy pained sigh*

[haru-chi]

Okay, let's talk about the recent Natuyuu chapter for a little bit ... and something that just moved me to tears ><

let's ignore that the appearance they teased was for the cats and not what I wanted and wished for which's fine I'm fine I knew it was impossible .. yet hoped nonetheless

the chapter was really cute indeed, but I was shocked that the Reiko's pic was gonna be addressed right after the reveal !!! that took me by surprise yet a very happy one to confirm what I was saying back then ...

but before that, the way Natsume started to realize and know for sure that that might've been Reiko by remembering his father was too much for me ...

this chapter was such a good demonstration of how much our little sunshine has grown so much emotionally ... I was tearing up seeing him trying very hard to remember that blurry memory of his father taking him to an amusement park T^T

the boy who forced the memories out of his system so as not be broken down by it .. the same boy who refused to see the only parents' picture he had so that he won't be hurt or cry when he sees them ... who always pretending to be fine talking about his real family .. who ran away from any mention of them that he just purged any faint memory he once had till the point he really forgot everything related to them despite how this act of itself was hurting him deeply ...

this same boy right now is doing his best to remember his own father .. to remember a said precious memory .. he was trying really hard something the past Natsume would never do .. but sadly, all he managed was those blurry images .. he no longer remembers his father's face .. yet he wasn't broken down or sad .. he was actually happy as if he holds something dear to him .. that even if it's blurry, even if he no longer remembers it much ... the fact that it exists no matter how faint it was was enough for him .. he does have such a happy memory inside of him afterall .. he was content by this alone .. not pain or sadness but happy to know it was there ..

I can't say it well enough how much he has grown up now ...

and when by the end he did remember this faint memory very clearly .. he didn't cry or was sad (I sure was tho) No, he was very happy as if he was above the clouds dreaming something nice ... even Madara comment that he was weirdly happy and daydreaming ...

this was just ... how to say it ... it just moved me to tears with happiness ..

and his father ... his father was such a kind loving father which just break my heart even further .... Natsume didn't cry but I cried in his place ... even tho I was also happy and proud of him so much ..

Now to Reiko ...

I really was happy how Midorikawa-sensei proved my point when I said that Natsume lacks the ability to recognize a happy Reiko because he just never seen her like that, so even when that picture was indeed Reiko Natsume's mind was like "a girl that looked like Reiko" ... I won't dig deeper for this since I already did for a bit in a different post.

"if that picture was indeed Reiko, is the reason I didn't recognize her because that was an expression I have never seen before ?? I think that smile perhaps was ...."

the way Midorikawa-sensei let Natsume realize that through his father's memory was clever yet cruel to me .. while also proving that that smile was indeed toward someone she loved (her husband) .. a kind of smile that you show to someone dear to you like the loving smile Natsume's father showed to him in that memory ...

now was the artist her husband ?? or was it a 3rd party who knows both of them, so they only captured the moment ?? in the first place why was her picture in an exorcist auction ?? I guess that the next question that Natsume needs to address now that he confirmed she was indeed Reiko :)

slowly but surely, the grandfather reveal is upon us and I'm here for it and all the pain he will bring with Reiko's full story :)

PS : a funny thought that occurred to me when Natsume was thinking " what kind of person will buy that picture I wonder?" and my mind went "who knows, maybe he will be Yorishima as plot twist" as if that shut-in exorcist will go to auctions or even leave his house for that matter xDD

#natsume yuujinchou #natsuyuu #now back to the long wait ...... #-heavy sigh- I'm fine #why isn't it monthly at least ??? #I'm scared with any future plot point in the future ... #no matter who will it be next ... I know it will be big and painful or full of emotions ... #now that Natsume is indeed more emotionally strong and stable .. I guess ... now he can face any harsh truth or situations #the kind that no way he could handle it in the past ... #be it about himself ..his family... Natori... Seiji etc etc ... #but I'm just proud of him ... this chapter alone is a good demonstration of his character development of the personal level

[juleteon]

thinking about the werewolf twins and their (second) adoptive dad...

#skyrim #Farkas #Vilkas #kodlak whitemane #kodlak #werewolf #The Companions #TES #TES: Skyrim #TES: V #Sketch #[ That piece of dialog when Farkas described himself and his brother as 'pups' ] #[ Being the youngest members to join the circle must've been really hard ] #[ Imagine you hit puberty but it's a different kind of 'getting hairy in all of the wrong places' ] #[ I can imagine Kodlaks heavy sigh seeing these two turning for the first time.. Frowning witnessing their initial pain ] #[ This is not their first full moon in the sketch - I imagine Farkas being really untamed in his first time with Aela having to turn just - #- to chase after the young werewolf to keep up with his absolute feral behavior and howling ]

[crimeronan]

i keep being like "i bet hunter's nervous system is Fucked after the possession, he's almost definitely feeling phantom pain in his scars because of the damaged nerves underneath & he 100% thinks it's psychosomatic. this kid is gonna go years without getting his underlying shit sorted because of his complete inability to tell when pain is 'a problem'" & then i google neuropathic pain so i can indulge these thoughts accurately & google is like "heyyy girl. how's it going haha. so, like. have you scheduled an appointment for your bum leg yet,"

#autoimmune tag #hunter toh #toh #i've actually done this several times but just did it fresh tonight #the pain i am experiencing tonight is. in fact. because my nervous system is fucked. me handshake hunter #woe horrific agony be upon yeeeee #have i scheduled an appointment about my leg?? no. #like i should. but i've just kind of accepted that it's fucked forever. when symptoms progress i'm like 'eh. it be like that sometimes' #(to partners reading this who are about to yell at me: YES i will schedule a doctor's appointment. HEAVY SIGH.)

[playitagainmyjohnny]

#far cry #far cry 5 #fc5 #virtual photography #hope county #holland valley #guitar posting #recently figured out that it's john's region that's the one with all the shit in the air and that it's specifically a bunch of fucking bugs #flying around so #that makes taking photos in his region a bit of a fucking pain the ass lmao #at least out like in the more wilderness parts of his region #it's really frustrating #heavy sigh #anyway #rambling once more #lol #jg

[mexashepot]

One of the executed hostages the other day was a friend of a uni friend of mine...

#heavy sigh. #threw me back to the first days when news of people you know losing their beloved ones wouldn't stop flowing. #2 of my distant relatives were murdered as well on Oct the 7th. #it's just... tough. you never learn to properly live alongside the pain the grief and the horror.

[maudlintrash]

Peter Bonnington and Lewis Hamilton making me Unwell

#im actually in excruciating psychic pain #i Will not be receiving visitors at this time #lewis hamilton #peter bonnington #heavy sigh as I type this ficking smoosh name into these tags #blewis #f1 #formula 1 #loads the photo into a cannon and fires it at everyone in range #STAY AWAY #bono

[sassmill]

I haven’t looked in on the unfinished side of our basement in a while and… my dad’s hoarding has actually gotten significantly worse. And we just heard from my grandfather last night that he’s pretty sure my grandmother is going to pass soon. And when that happens, my father’s hoarding is absolutely not going to get better. So. That’s a lot. I brought it up to my mom and she told ME to research psychiatrists that specialize in hoarding. It’s a very eldest daughter kind of day.

#it will be a relief when my grandmother passes mostly because it has been causing my grandfather so much pain to care for her like this #she’s been in decline since 2016 and has been in basically a vegetative state for the past 2 years #so we’ve already made our peace with that and started that grieving process #but I am the most worried for my father #he’s been in therapy for a couple of years #but he still doesn’t have many coping skills #his binge eating has gotten worse his hoarding has gotten worse #so we’re absolutely headed for a breakdown if intervention doesn’t happen NOW #and my mother has kind of resigned herself to it happening which means it’s all on me to make sure it doesn’t #because apparently I’m the only one in this house that actually gained coping skills #‘your parents trauma isn’t your responsibility’ i can hear my therapist saying #but Ashley I still have to live in their house so if I want to stay sane while living here #it has to be somebody’s responsibility #and like many times in my family history: nobody else is willing to do it so if I don’t do it it won’t get done #thank you for coming to my ted talk #taking a friend to see a movie later because his mother just had emergency spinal surgery and can’t walk #and she’ll be in a rehab facility for over a month #*heavy sigh* #eldest daughter syndrome

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#bleh. dont burn yourself out kids #everything ive been a part of for the last 4 years in this lab has to b published eventually #and i just had my 1st paper published. probably the most interesting thing i worked on and how do i feel abt this? i dont feel anything #but bitterness. every congratulations i hear i just wanna say fuck off. dont encourage this. do u kno what i did to make that data exist #as u see it? i mangled something within myself beyond repair. enjoy the information if u want but i wont #all i see is a symptom of an illness im doing nothing to treat #everything i did in this lab will be seeped in anger and pain #it has to change. i wont let it be the same in my next lab. no more fucking timed experiments #i cannot b trusted to b normal abt them #ugh. i just feel bad bc i finished my measurements for the week and i have a 2 day lul until i leave on vacation #and i kno i have to get 3 heavy instruments to fedex tomorrow bc i didnt do it today #sigh. i csnt focus. i spent so much time today tryint to remember what im supposed to b doing. then i made myself mad writing out the #hypnoses for an experiment i didnt fuckinf design and i dont care abt. like y did we do this? idk i just fucking do what u tell me #maybe ill go run again. i dont wanna do anything #my dad yesterday: ready for vacation? me: yea 😭😭😭😭😭 #just gotta not crash my car on the drive to the airport bc i have to drive myself there 🙃 #unrelated #i hope the instrument manufacturers appreciate the unicorn tape i got specificly for shipping those things #bc how could i not when given the option?

[somedaytakethetime]

Riveting content 😌😮‍💨

#will i *ever* get a selfie from him again? #no i won't #*heavy pained sigh* #Kasper Schmeichel #king thicccness #Danish Royal Pain in my 🍑

[haru-chi]

Do you ever think about how Seiji's sister was jealous of him because of his innate talent and strength somethihg she can never have, but on the other hand Seiji might've also been jealous of her ? Because of how free she is to the point of casting her family away to pursuit what she believed in not fearing or caring what anyone think, that she wasn't bound and refused to be bound by the same shackles that bound him ??

Or do you think about how his sister leaving might've left him with no choice but to accept being the Matoba's leader with no running options anymore and put him under huge pressure like no other since if he too run away, who will keep the Matoba clan together ?

Or do you think about how one of the reasons Seiji wanna do a good job being the Matoba's leader might've been his feeling of guilt or responsibility toward stealing the dream of his sister ?? So he can't complain or treat this matter half hearted or it gonna be rude and add to the pain of his sister if she sees that ??

Just me casually thinking about the Matoba siblings :)

#natsume yuujinchou #natsuyuu #matoba seiji #I'm thinking about them alot lately #and many ideas circling my mind .... #I'm digging things way too much .... #hmmmmmmm #I seriously should stop thinking about those siblings #it's getting painful the more I think about them -heavy sigh- #WHY AM THINKING THOSE IDEAS IT JUST ADD TO THE PAIN !!!! #JUST STOP ME PLZ !!!!

[ponds-of-ink]

You ever get a character spinning in your head that you really want to draw for fun/challenge, but there’s no official guide online to help you get started?

Um..

This isn’t even for any AU purposes. I really just see animation tests using characters and my brain goes “hmm no one does Quasimodo so can I?”. Too bad I am now starting to see one reason why. :/

#quasimodo #the hunchback of notre dame #hunchback of notre dame #pond’s sketch #pond’s art #i am in pain #heavy sigh

[random0lover]

About to have a mental break down in the shower… I’ll let everyone know how I feel after <3

#feels like I’m speaking to a void lmao #why are parents such a pain in the ass. #dude literally gets me to the point of crying and then treats me like I’m the one that started it all #like… #oh and you can’t forget that he can never be wrong #heavy sigh #for the first time in months I felt the signs of falling into another age regression episode #I can’t stand that he is able to tear me apart like this :/ #random0lover emotional dumps

[theresa-of-liechtenstein]

saw an instagram reel from a physicist at cern and it was like a punch to the gut all over again

#i was just talking about him with his colleague who i work with now. who took over the class #was wondering why he taught gauss’s law and current prof didn’t #he didn’t have to teach it. it’s not in the students’ textbook. he just wanted to tell them about it #the fondness is still so strong. it hurts a little #so strange seeing the slide deck he used when he had to commandeer the class that awful painful last week #i cannot imagine losing a colleague like that #sigh. heavy thoughts. i think it’s time to sleep. #iskul bukol: undergrad edition

[brightlotusmoon]

Oh! It's screaming knee weather. Got it. Time for some good 50/50 hybrid strain.

#heavy sigh #all two dozen disabilities #weather related chronic pain #the boadicea method of chronic pain management

[theoutcastedartist]

Quick stupid story from today...

Nothing to put the fear of God in my gay ass like being trapped in a car in a Walmart's parking lot that I legit thought was gonna explode lmaoo

So,

My dad earlier was telling us for the 1000th time that if the car is asuddenly rising in temperature/about to explode, then you get tf out as quickly and as far away from the car as you can (duh)

Then later when we got to the Walmart parking lot, my mom accidentally pressed some emergency button by the wheel that made this loud ticking noise that kept speeding up really fast and oh my god my anxiety spiked up straight through the roof so much that my chest still hurts as I type this lmao

The second I heard that ticking noise go off, and then SPEED UP, my brain just immediately thought that it meant the car was about to fucking explode with me and my younger siblings still trapped inside (and the door of the car wouldn't open, despite being UNLOCKED) our parents just looked at us like "wtf is wrong with you???"seeing us panic hearing that noise. When the ticking noise stopped I just kinda flopped over and almost fell asleep immediately and my chest and collar bone area were in immediate pain.

The entire car ride up until that point I had been anxious about being in the car itself since the car we were in (my mom's little Kia) has a tendency to sometimes just... shut off while we're in the middle of the road and that "car exploding" thing from earlier just kinda had me more on edge than usual + my dad's bitching over insignificant stuff the entire time while being stuck in a small enclosed space with him (thanks dad for making me feel more anxious and stressed than I do on a normal day) so I was on very high alert for literally anything awful to just happen at that moment. But my god the aftermath of that false alarm, the immediate sense of relief to be followed by chest pain... which still hurts, but not as much as it was earlier (which is the 2nd time I have ever felt fear that invoked such an intense physical response ugh)

I was legit a second away from putting my bare foot through the car window l when I couldn't open the unlocked door and was looked at like I was being silly and overdramatic by my folks lmao

#text post #stupid stuff #just me talking #I need to stop almost dying istg lmao #some of my friends are apparently lowkey concerned im gonna die one of these days #death and I like to tango baby~ #but no fr #i need to get my shit together #and manage my stress better because its starting to manifest as intense physical pain jesus fucking christ #heavy sigh #oh well lmao #rambles

[capitalismwasamistake]

Chapter 11 of Welcome the Dawn of Day is now up!

A canon-compliant, post-canon story for The Batman (2022), a Dick Grayson Robin origin story and a brand new take on Poison Ivy as an antihero.

In this chapter we have emotional suffering, corpses (a lot of corpses), murder arts and crafts (derogatory) and unhinged murder (affectionate). A lot of pain and hurt/no comfort for a very unsettling, very unhappy chapter because things have to get worse before they get better.

Bruce cannot catch a break.

With this 9.5k word chapter the total wordcount of the story so far comes up at about 132k.

#the batman 2022 fic #as an angst writer this chapter was pure indulgence #a lot of corpses and pain and suffering and emotional trauma - my kind of jam #no comfort in sight just conflict and decisions we'll come to regret *sighs in bliss* #it is also very plot heavy - a lot of lore coming to light #ivy gets to kill a second guy 'on screen' and she's fabulous about it I love her #something dark and sinister has reared its ugly head onto this heinous earth