#(i was reading boots meta it's not my fault) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

stylographic-blue-rhapsody · 7 months

Text

been thinking abt the in-world mechanics of healing magic, and exactly what it is that makes espen Good At Healing. besides the standard boost to hp, I figured her magical healing was more thorough/easier on the body/reduced scarring and itching in an immediately noticeable way to her patients

obviously a ficlet was in order bc the only thing better than textwalling in discord is pairing the meta with another lil glimpse into The Beforetimes

scene: bazzoxan, 60 years ago. the taskhand's personal apartments

...

Espen looked up from her paperwork as the door to the apartments opened with the clattering sound of heavy boots and clinking metal. She smiled to herself as a string of increasingly-nonsensical curses echoed up the stairs and into the bedroom, heralding Fyrna’s safe return: she was only ever quiet coming off duty when something had gone terribly wrong.

“Do you want assistance?” Espen called.

While the reply was unintelligible over the clamor of platemail being doffed and dropped onto the floor, by tone it was a declination. Espen turned her attention back to the stacks of parchment spread before her on the bed: the accounts and inventory wouldn’t finish balancing themselves.

Some time later, when the stocklist requests were almost compiled, Fyrna arrived and collapsed onto the reading chaise with a sigh. She was clad only in soft breeches, hair damp and tousled from the bath she had apparently taken while Espen was engrossed in the task of finding a miscalculated purchase record.

Looking up, Espen saw Fyrna start to drag her nails along a freshly-healed wound beneath her collarbone before restraining the urge with a grimace. Fyrna muttered to herself, “Light help me, this itches something hellish.”

“You could ask me.”

Fyrna lolled her head back on the chair and smiled apologetically. “I’m just whining to myself. No need to interrupt you while you’re busy.”

Espen gave her a dry look, shutting the journal and shuffling the papers into a stack to set aside. “Martyrdom isn’t becoming. Come here, firefly.”

Chuckling at the reprimand, Fyrna hauled herself from the chaise and clambered onto the bed. The acrid tang of healing poultice and mild florals of Fyrna’s soap hit Espen’s nose as her wife settled before her. Espen cataloged two major lacerations along Fyrna’s back in addition to the one on her collarbone: all three scabbed and showing the shine of young scar tissue. With a muttered incantation, Espen frosted her hand and ran the pads of her fingertips along the one on her chest, avoiding scratching it with her nails.

Fyrna groaned in relief at the cold. “Oh, that is fucking brilliant. You are so sexy, did you know that? Do you want to get married?”

“Sure, but you’ll have to ask my wife first.”

“Oh? The handsome Taskhand? Maybe I’ll ask to marry her, too. She seems like a catch.”

Espen snorted. “Turn around so I can get a better look at your back.”

Comfortable silence settled over the room as Espen made methodical passes over Fyrna’s skin to soothe the newly-healed wounds. Based on their orientation and jagged course, Espen guessed that the skirmish had been against something with nasty claws—babau, perhaps. There had been more of those emerging from the Rise, and it could be a pattern—

“Can you teach Elexi how to make his healing not itch, like yours?”

Fyrna’s question pulled Espen from her thoughts of demonic incursion. She said, “No, unfortunately. It’s not their fault, though. It’s very rare to have the ability to heal perfectly.” “And why’s that?”

“Do you want the quick answer or the correct answer?”

Fyrna sighed contentedly as Espen pressed her magically-chilled palms fully against her back. “I want the long winded, technical answer that will make you use your excited academic voice. It’s cute.”

“You are the only person in all of Xhorhas who thinks it’s endearing.”

“Everyone else has poor taste. Please instruct me well, Captain Danlys.”

Espen huffed and leaned forward to place a brief kiss on the nape of Fyrna’s neck. “As you wish, Taskhand Beltune.

“In arcane theory, it is understood that every spell, whether formally taught or accessed innately, falls into one of the eight schools of magic. Contrary to the layman’s understanding of the Weave, these schools are not different types of magic so much as they are the different forms magic can take, or the constraints by which a mage may safely channel its volatility.”

Fyrna hummed. “It’s using a saddle to ride a mount instead of riding bareback.”

“Yes, schools are like tack.” Espen pushed gently at Fyrna’s shoulder to encourage her to turn to face her again. “And ‘healing’ is not its own school because the desired outcome changes the channel required to accomplish it. Returning the deceased to life is necromancy because it is a manipulation of the spirit and not the body. Curing poison is abjuration because it is negation of something extant in the system.

“The healing of wounds is almost always accomplished via evocation, which is, essentially, indiscriminately pumping creation magic into damaged tissue to fill the gaps. However, this does not seamlessly blend the whole and healthy tissues in the body with the recreated flesh, instead creating a border that the body must finish integrating. Because this integration is biologically the same process as natural wound recovery, magical healing itches just as the end stages of natural healing does.”

“Makes sense to me.” Fyrna’s eyes drifted closed as Espen attended to the wound on her chest. “What about you, though? Why doesn’t your healing make me want to rub against a scrub tree like a moorbounder with a face full of bee stings?”

“There is technically another way to magically heal a wound: speeding along the body’s natural process of converting its resources into new tissues via transmutation. This is, however, exhausting and potentially dangerous to the patient depending on the severity of the wound and the energy availability of the body. Transmutative healing also requires a very sensitive caster to manipulate the magic correctly at that small of a scale.”

“So your healing combines evocation and transmutation, to restore the flesh and then integrate it with the body?”

Espen hummed in affirmation. “Most people can only manipulate the Weave using one school at a time, but very powerful arcanists have the skill to cast through multiple channels simultaneously and accomplish this. I do not have that sort of power, of course, but the Luxonmark attunes me to body-magic in a way that allows for dual-channeling while healing. To use another riding metaphor, if channeling two schools is trick riding on two mounts, the Mark is a yoke keeping the two together so I do not have to control them both independently.”

A smile began to pull at the corners of Fyrna’s mouth, her eyes sparking with mischief. “ ‘Attuned to body-magic’? That sounds…”

Espen raised an eyebrow. Amused, she asked, “Would you like me to wait for you to make the joke, or shall we assume it’s been made so we can carry on?”

Fyrna barked a laugh and leaned forward to kiss the tip of Espen’s nose. “I was only going to say that you didn’t need to tell me you’re ‘attuned to body-magic.’ “

“That wasn’t as crass as I had expected. You’re losing your edge, Beltune.” Espen flicked her cheek playfully.

“That shouldn’t be a surprise. How could one not soften in the presence of your loveliness?”

For all the flirting, for the suggestive banter, that is what finally elicited a blush from Espen. “What a cliche. Have you been borrowing Bas’s trashy romance novels again?”

Mercifully, Fyrna allowed her to deflect. “I still think you’d enjoy them if you’d give them a chance.”

“And give Tars and Jin that ammunition against me? I can’t risk it.” Espen said. “Do the lacerations still itch?”

Fyrna stretched gingerly, spine popping with the effort. “No, they feel much better, thank you. Do you have work to finish?”

“I think it can mostly be left for tomorrow.” Espen extricated herself from the bed and scooped up the stacked paperwork. “I have a set of infusions steeping that I need to filter and store first, but I’ll retire once I’m done. Wait for me?”

Fyrna snatched Espen’s free hand before she could get too far from the bed and placed a kiss on her knuckles. Releasing her, she made a shooing motion. “Until the mountains sink into the sea, my love, but I hope it won’t take you quite that long.”

“No, it shouldn’t,” Espen replied with a soft laugh. “Maybe only until the Barbed Fields turn green.”

“Oh, that’s not so long. See you soon, starshine.”

#espen danlys #weird eyes and pronouns #my ocs #finally some longer form fyrna voice....#I just love a character who is a lil ornery in casual company but Intimidating And Serious while doing their job #prior to writing this I did not realize that fyrna was big on affectionate pet names while espen doesn’t really use them #also if u think i forgot to give her a shirt u are wrong. that was on purpose #I am doing my part to represent casual toplessness in sapphic households 🫡#anyway hey spotify play me and my husband by mitski on loop

7 notes · View notes

moka-suwi · 3 years

Text

2: Osteoclast

102 notes

As the agents were rummaging through an empty wagon for better clothes, the continuum suddenly blinked out of existence. The pair reached out to grab each other; that sort of thing happened sometimes, a return to pre-fic space—

Everything came back in an instant, and they found themselves in the exact same spot as they had been. This was accompanied by a strange sound, as if someone had just swapped the reel of the universe.

Anis unfocused their eyes in a quick glance at the Words. “Hah! Copy-paste error. That’s a lot of line breaks.”

Mallory sighed as she finished wiping the blood off her chest. “‘Oh, I don’t need betas, my writing’s just that good—’ Hey, did you find me a bra?”

Anis shook their head, before remembering Mal wasn’t wearing her glasses. “Nothing that you’d be willing to wear.”

“Fuck’s sake. Think that’s the fic’s fault, or is it one of those schlocky fantasy settings?”

“Bit of column A…” They handed Mal the most covering tunic they could find, along with a leather riding jacket. “At least whoever lives in this wagon has some common sense. Have you seen how many of those guys are riding shirtless? In shorts?”

Mal cringed. “You’re the horse-riding expert here, but… Yyyyeah, that can’t possibly be comfortable.” After putting on the shirt, she retrieved her glasses. Anis had found themself a vest and a pair of trousers – both leather, they sure had a thing for that over there. Mal noted that they had kept the boots. “Anything fun going on in the Words?”

“Apparently our Sue was sent there by a goddess, to Set Things Right,” Anis replied. “By uh, killing everyone.”

“Huh. That’s… Kinda meta, in a way. Let’s go see that by ourselves, shall we?”

The agents climbed to the top of a wagon, and watched from above as Systlin made her way to the center of the camp. “Her power curled within her, and oh but the lure of it was a powerful thing, as her blood ran hot and the red rage misted her vision,” Anis enunciated. “But that was a dangerous path, and for now she kept her power under tight rein.”

Mal tilted her head. “Well, can’t fault her for not burninating the whole camp, slaves and all. But that sounds vaguely like a Dangerous Special Magic Only I Can Control kinda deal.”

Anis nodded in response. “Magical sword named Ice, by the way. That’s… A bit generic.”

“Well, least it’s not fake Elvish.” The agents looked on as Systlin made a girl-power pep talk at a slave, and threatened a man for interfering.

"How dare you!" The man was furious. "She is mine! I will do with her as I like, I am her master!"

“Charge for making literally every single man a complete idiot?” Anis quipped as the man stubbornly insisted at swordpoint.

“Yeah I think that’s safe to put in,” Mal answered. “Wait, so is her other power literally just… Breaking things?”

Anis grinned, showing just slightly too many teeth. “Bold words from Miss I Can Log In To Wifi With My Mind.” They stuck out their tongue at Mal, before looking on at the subsequent murder. “Oh! Eighteen,” they said in near unison with the Sue.

“Give me one reason, woman.” Kamchak was deadly serious. “Why I should not order you slain where you stand.” “Because you said that you would take me to this Kutaituchik.” Systlin shrugged one shoulder. “And go on and do it. I would be delighted to kill some more of you.”

“And then they all stabbed her. The end!” Mal said with a chuckle.

“I feel like that wouldn’t really—” The warriors’ lances all simultaneously shattered. “—work.”

A beat.

“So, uh,” Anis meekly added. “Portal into the sun?”

“We’ll… Have to think real hard about the assassination method there.”

Anis simply kept reading the Words.

She did not tamp her power down and lock it away; she kept it to hand, a constant itch under her skin, a temptation to crack the femur of the man ahead of her just to hear him scream. She did not. She’d long ago mastered her power, as perhaps no other Breaker had. She ruled it, not the other way around. She felt the temptation, but discarded it, and kept the terrible boon of her power close at hand.

“Hah!” Mallory yelled; the agents ducked behind the curvature of the roof as a few of the men startled. “Super Special Dangerous Power Only I Can Control! Called it!”

“She’s not even really concerned about using it too much. She’s planning to— Oh, backstory. A warrior, a conqueror, a queen who’d fought two wars against people and one against a god. She’d won all three.”

“Damn,” Mal answered with an eye-roll, “leave some achievements for us mere mortals.”

“This feels…” Anis took a second to find the right word. “Masturbatory. I feel like I’m reading something that got written in one evening and then spent years on an old thumb drive.”

Another head tilt from Mal; right behind her partner, she could see the Sue gently reassure the freed girl. “I hate that I know exactly the vibe you’re talking about.”

“Yeah. So do I.”

The agents portaled on top of another wagon, next to what the Words described as an open area behind a wagon of exceptional size and make in front of which Systlin was brought. Eventually, an older man, apparently named Kutaituchik, was brought out.

“Alright!” Mal grinned at her partner. “Lemme guess.” She lowered the pitch of her voice somewhat, making it echo against the roof. “How dare you kill our warriors –” and raised it into a falsetto – “How dare you keep women as slaves! – But that is their rightful place as a clumsy metaphor for patriarchy! – How dare you, slavery is wrong, and also girl power! –” a return to her normal voice – “and then she kills everyone.”

Anis read ahead into the Words. “Oddly specific, yet also oddly accurate.” They listened to the conversation, which did indeed play out along those lines, if even more weirdly fetishistic. They at least did learn that they had been pronouncing “Gor” wrong the entire time.

The actual inciting incident for the fight was seemingly going to be a refusal to unconditionally surrender to her. A frankly ridiculous amount of soldiers was amassed around her, with a few creeping up from behind. “She’s noticed them,” Anis said. “We won’t be able to sneak up like that.”

And then Systlin shattered the men into piles of bloody meat, and Mallory discovered the truth of the rumor about energy drinks tasting the exact same on their way back out.

The bloodbath continued beyond the extent of the narrative, in the space between the chapters. Anis would have reflected on what that implied about the strength of the fic’s pull on canon, but they were currently too busy trying to distract Mal. The agents had portaled quite a ways away from the camp, beyond the sounds of slaughter, and were now sitting on the ground, facing directly away from any possible action. They had their hands on each other’s shoulders.

“So,” Anis said as they read the Words of the next chapter, “we’ve got another quote, this one about the Great Crimes. Murder, rape, slavery. They’re all automatic death sentences, of course. Ah, Angry Sue Justice.”

Talking about the mission at least helped Mal stay focused. “I wonder what happens when you rape and murder your slave. Does she kill you three times?”

“I assume she’d make it three times as bad, but—” Ah fuck, there she was dry-heaving again. “Oh gods I’m sorry. Uhh— I love the way the description of murder has all those qualifiers! You wouldn’t want your own protagonist to get executed for capital crimes, right?”

Mal gave Anis a weak smile. “Of course. Imagine implying your beloved cisfeminist power fantasy did anything wrong. Can’t have that.”

She reached out with her other hand, and the two silently hugged for a while.

Anis eventually broke the silence. “Portal to the next chapter? It’s still pretty bad, but they describe it with that awful first-person writing, so… Just focus on that?”

They felt their partner nod.

“Kutaituchik, the Ubar of the Tuchuks, was dead,” I said as the agents listened. They had decided that the conditions inside the camp had to be less than sanitary, and that it was probably better to just sit right there and check on the Words of the fic through Me. Anis appreciated not having to repeat everything, especially that awful narration, to Mal, whose visual impairment prevented her from seeing the Words.

“Okay, okay, I take it back –” Mal was twitching a bit, but she had definitely calmed down somewhat – “He is supposed to be an asshole.”

Anis nodded. “She’s setting up a redemption arc, I think. Only reason to keep one of those guys alive.”

Mal replied hurriedly, as if she expected them to beat her to it: “Love interest, calling it now.”

A beat. “Eeeeew.”

The woman flopped down onto the grass, looking up at the stars; she was pretty sure she recognized some of the brighter World One constellations, despite the three moons. “I’ll never get the I-can-fix-him fantasy. I’ll extra never get it for, uh. Whatever the fuck is going on with those guys.”

“I dunno.” Mal could definitely hear the amusement in Anis’s voice. “I’d fix them.”

She smirked. “Orchiectomy is probably counterproductive to romance. Unless she’s taking that subplot in a very, very weird direction.”

“I could see it. Self-hatred and internalized transphobia turning into—”

“God broken and healing don’t speak that into existence.”

I concluded my, er, colorful description of the dead bodies, and went silent as a third-person segment took over. Anis continued: “So, she’s taking a cold bath, with more exposition about how Breaking works. Apparently it’s pretty addictive.”

“Oh come on! I can quit Bone Explosions any time I want!”

If Mal was joking about that, Anis assumed she was pretty much fine. They continued: “She gets interrupted by the girl she rescued earlier, and— Wait, the sword stays on?”

“Wh— That sounds bad for the metal?”

“It’s kind of unclear, actually. Might have been on the riverbank? We could check, but…”

“Yeah, let’s not peep on the bone exploder.”

“Agreed.” They lay down next to Mal. “The rest is more ‘slavery’s bad and women can fight for real,’ and then she realizes she was sent here by that one goddess to Set Things Right. And that’s basically it for tonight.”

“Nifty. We… Didn’t pack the sleeping bags, right?”

“Well, I thought we’d be able to find some place to sleep indoors, but… Um.” Anis sat up, and picked up the Remote Activator. “You know what? Just stay right there and I’ll go steal some blankets.”

Mal lifted a hand, giving them a thumbs up.

Previous chapter — Next chapter

#systlin #gor #the queen who ate the enemy

29 notes · View notes

softyoongiionly · 4 years

Text

BlackHeart Bakery

Who says Halloween can’t be romantic?

Pairing: Emo! Jungkook x Reader

Word Count: 3.7k

Genre: fluff

A/N: HI OMG IM SO SORRY THIS IS LATE. I love you, I hope you like it. I’m sorry it isn’t longer but, I still can’t wait for you to read it.

-you never imagined that the quirky lil bakery down the street from your university would change your life

-But it did

-“Omg shut up, you’re so dumb.”

-“Rawr xD”

-“Did you just say rawr xD out loud??? That totally defeats the purpose of its existence...”

-“Don’t cite the deep magic to me witch, I was there when it was written.”

-“And now you’re quoting the chronicles of narnia- alright just go back to sleep you big dummy...”

-“Mmm but you married a big dummy so what does that say about you”

-“Jungkook don't spoil it oh my god!”

-“Like they don’t know what’s coming already- spoiler alert losers! I get the girl.”

-“I hate you...”

-“Mm yeah- I love it when you talk dirty to me baby. The last time you said that- we ended up fuc-“

-“Ok! That’s enough! Our story begins...”

-Jungkook’s bakery was quite famous around your city

-If people didn’t come for the gaudy Halloween decorations

-They came for the music

-Exclusively pop punk, if you’re wondering

-It was like 2009 everyday

-Which was comforting, considering the world has gotten a little

-Tricky

-Since then

-But anyways

-If they didn’t come for the music or the decorations

-They came for the AMAZING espresso

-And the spooky themed treats

-But if you’re being honest

-You think the main thing that keeps them coming back

-Is Jungkook

-If his sweeping black hair didn’t get you

-Or the adorable cheeky twinkle in his eyes

-It was the tattoos and the piercings

-He looked like he walked right off of a black veil brides music video set

-He was hot

-This was obvious

-But he didn’t seem to think so

-You had come to the conclusion that he was oblivious

-he shoved his feet into his big black doc martens every morning

-Slipped on his beaded bracelets and studded chokers

-Pulled his fall out boy t-shirt over his

-Massive

-Tattooed

-Biceps

-And just thought hm

-I’m pretty average I guess (lol)

-That’s a direct quote from him btw

-Men truly are hopeless

-Jungkook opened the bakery two years ago

-He had mentioned to you that he had saved up money from his 3 part time jobs to put a down payment on the building

-Which was wedged between a sex shop

-And a thrift store

-And honestly his bakery

-Blackheart Bakery, if you’re being specific

-Fits right in

-Jungkook refuses to hire new staff

-“They won’t do it right.” He whined to you one day

-“One time I tried to hire this guy and he put the sugared googly eyes on the cookie skeletons ALL WRONG”

-“How do you put googly eyes on wrong?” You had giggled

-“you just do- i- See? This is exactly why I can’t hire anyone...”

-You had started chewing on the end of your pencil in the midst of your laughter

-It was an unconscious habit

-And it makes Jungkook shift uncomfortably, his hands moving off of the top of your table

-“Don’t do that...” he had muttered, smirking to himself as he walked back behind the counter

-he did that a lot

-He’d mutter something

-Mildly flirtatious under his breath and then

-Just walk away

-It was quite confusing

-But honestly you had a feeling he was just a filrty person

-You certainly weren’t the only girl he smirked at

-Not that you pay attention

-Ok

-Maybe you do

-Kinda

-Pay attention

-but it’s not your fault!!!!

-You just

-Can’t help but feel a little jealous

-You kiiiiiinda have a little thing for him

-Ok

-Maybe it’s a big thing

-Maybe it’s a massive

-Gigantic

-Towering

-Crush

-But look at him!!!

-You simply couldn’t be blamed

-It was his fault

-Yep

-That’s what you’re going with

-It was Jungkook

-And his tight t shirts

-His ripped jeans

-His dangly earrings

-His tattoos

-His big

-Stupid boots

-Ugh ok

-Focus

-You have work to do

-The whole reason you began coming to Jungkook's cafe was so you -could find a consistent place to study for your exams

-You were in school to become a teacher :)

-And teachers have to study very very hard

-Educating the youth is no easy feat

-Jungkook had asked what you were studying during the first week you arrived at his spooky house of baked goods

-“Oh I’m an education major”

-“Ahh so you’re getting an education about...education.” He concludes

-“I love it.”

-“So meta.”

-“Are they educating you on the disparities between impoverished children and wealthier children?”

-His wide eyes were brimming with genuine curiosity

-You kind of got a kick out of how candid he was about such heavy conversation topics

-“Not as much as they should be but, I’m actually writing a paper on a similar topic right now...”

-This caused a brilliant grin to come over his face

-It was almost blinding really

-And it made your heartbeat all wonky

-“Of course you are. You look smart like that...”

-He had backed away from your table then, seemingly satisfied

-Had you passed the vibe check?

-“I’ll leave you to your paper.” He nodded to your laptop but as he walked away, he pivoted back towards you on and the heel of his combat boot, “welcome to Blackheart Bakery by the way, let me know if I can get you anything.”

-Another brilliant smile is sent your way

-“Thank you.” You had smiled back, sending a tiny wave his way

-Which in turn, made HIS heartbeat all wonky

-You’re cute

-Like really cute

-And despite how often it may seem like his eyes are elsewhere

-They are ALWAYS on you

-Every chance he gets he is glancing your way

-Smirking to himself at how endearing you are

-Brow furrowed

-Lips pouted in concentration

-Completely oblivious to his gaze

-He has to remind himself to look away

-He doesn’t want to be a creep

-“Creepy men deserved to get kicked in the teeth...”

-He’s said this to you before when another patron had made you uncomfortable

-Jungkook kicked him out immediately

-“If you don’t leave, I’ll have no choice but to kick you in the teeth. One, because I can’t compromise my personal philosophy and two because you’re making my favorite customer uncomfortable.”

-Oh look there goes your heartbeat again

-WONKY

-The guy leaves in an angry rush, flipping Jungkook off in the process

-Saying something about leaving a bad Yelp review

-He doesn’t care tho

-He definitely doesn’t want to be a creep

-You’re just so

-Pretty

-Ugh

-He rolls his eyes at himself behind the espresso bar

-The latte in front of him neglected

-In need of a bit of foam

-“Focus Jeon, she’s just a chick...”

No wait

-“She’s just a woman. A woman who I respect, like I respect all women...”

-He’s been watching a lot of feminist theory on YouTube

-He likes staying educated

-And also fuck the patriarchy

-The man waiting for his drink has arched a brow at this point, wondering if his barista has lost his mind

-“Uhhh medium...” he checks the cup for his awful hand writing, “ghostly toasted marshmallow latte!”

-“Thanks.” The guy mutters, throwing a judging look Jungkook's way

-He gives him a lazy salute as the guy struts away with a briefcase in tow

-“Thaaanks.” Jungkook mocks him, his face scrunching up in annoyance

-Stupid man

-With his stupid briefcase

-As Jungkook is pulling out a batch of cream cheese frosting stuffed pumpkin muffins

-Or as Jungkook calls them

-PUNK-in Muffins

-Movement at the counter catches his eye

-is that

-”oh shit...” He grunts, hastily wiping his hands on his apron and rushing over to the counter

-normally he would meander

-stroll

-or even slump to greet any new guests at this hour

-and by this hour

-he means 45 minutes before closing

-Jungkook’s bakery is open til midnight on weeknights

-9pm on Sundays

-and 3am on Saturdays (for the culture of course, gotta keep it spooky)

-tonight happens to be a Friday night and the person awaiting his assistance is

-you

-”You’re still here?” He gawks, the black polish on his nails glimmering as he punches in a few keys on the register

-You offer him a tired and slightly amused smile, “No. Y/N died around 4:30, you’re speaking to her ghost. Please leave your message after the tone.”

-Jungkook cracks a smile, his palms resting on flat on the counter, “Do ghosts check their voicemails?”

-“Oh of course not but, I will be checking yours because you have access to caffeine.”

-Jungkook laughs

-no...he giggles

-and it’s fucking cute

-but you digress

-“I feel like I should cut you off...this is your 4th latte; I’m pretty sure you’re 80% caffeine at this point...”

-“Noooo, don’t do that.” You whine slumping against the counter, “I just need to finish this one page...”

-He quirks a brow as he scribbles something on your cup, unimpressed with your statement, “You said that three hours ago. I’ll make you another one but I’m not putting an extra shot in.”

-Your face turns up in protest but he click his tongue against his teeth , shaking a manicured finger at you

-“Ah ah- nope. I don’t want to hear it. You either take that or I’m making you a hot chocolate and shutting the buildings power off.”

-With a dramatic sigh, you concede

-“Ugh fine. Here-” You go to hand him your debit card but he shakes his head

-“Put that away.”

-You want to protest but given the fact that he’s made the rules thus far during this interaction, you doubt you’d be able to stop him.

-A smile appears on your face then, appreciative of his generosity

-“Thank you.”

-He merely grins, waving you off before rolling up the sleeves of his black Blink 182 shirt

-as soon as his tattoos are out

-all the moisture leaves your mouth

-you try your hardest not to stare at him

-expertly, he eases the espresso shots into the milk, tongue poking between his lips in concentration

-and you

-being sleep-deprived

-and a little loopy

-decide to

-flirt????????

-if you could even call it that

-which you could but you shouldn’t

-“For the record, when I finally dig my way out of this of mountain of death I’m stuck in, I will definitely take you up on that hot chocolate...”

-Jungkook’s brow quirks at the tone of your voice, his hands suddenly itching with nerves

-was that

-was that flirty?

-should he flirt back?

-“My hot chocolate is legendary. You won’t be disappointed.” His lips display a small grin as he places the lid atop your finished latte, “Also mountain of death is a great name and I WILL be stealing it.”

-You giggle

-again

-“and I WILL be suing you for copyright.”

-He laughs now, wiping up the bit of milk he spilled

-the sinewy muscles in his forearm tensing and untensing

“Good luck getting me to show up to court.”

-and that’s kinda how it was between you and Jungkook

-for like six months

-it was a little bit flirty but never anything to push either over you over the edge.

-and speaking of being on edge

-recently, you had gone from vacationing in your timeshare on the edge

-to signing a 35 year mortgage contract

-4 bedrooms

-2.5 bathrooms

-of pure

-unrelenting

-stress

-you could feel it in the middle of your back

-shoving itself up between your shoulder blades

-your body seemed to ache with it

-the worst part being

-it was Halloween

-You should be out with your friends, having fun

-wearing itchy costumes and drinking sugary drinks

-but instead, your headed towards the bakery to work

-Jungkook was behind the counter, smiling happily at a family dressed like the cast of scooby doo

-from what you could see he was wearing a skeleton onesie

-his jet black hair tousled perfectly above his head

-he looked adorable

-(and hot)

-He notices you instantly, his face turning up in surprise

-you offer up a small wave and head over to your table

-you know he’s going to say something about you being there but

-you don’t really have much of a choice

-this work has to be done

-it takes him a second to spot you but when he does

-he seems to perk up

-his smile brightening as he looks back towards his customer

-as you’re setting everything up, you feel a presence (not the spooky kind) at the end of your table

-it’s Jungkook and he has your regular order in one hand, along with something wrapped in skeleton-patterned parchment paper

-“I know, I know.” You acknowledge before he’s even able to chide you for being here

-He smirks “What are you doing studying on the holiest day of the year??”

-You giggle

-“The holiest day of the year huh?”

-“Of course. Halloween is the one night a year that the homies can dress like total -sluts and no one can say anything about it.”

-This makes you giggle again

-“And you went with slutty skeleton huh? I love it- it’s like as naked as you can possibly get.”

-He chuckles, gesturing to his costume

-His floppy black hair getting in his face

-“Damn right baby.”

-The way he grins tells you the pet name is a joke

-But the deepening of his voice gets to you anyway

-“Thank you for this. I promise I’ll get out of your hair early tonight.”

-“The only thing I’m worried about getting out of my hair is this white spray paint. You’re welcome to stay as long as you want.”

-He’s put a streak of white spray paint in his raven locks

-Why? You’re not certain

-Does it look good on him, like everything else does?

-Absolutely

-Its been a few hours since your night of studying began

-Jungkook’s dropped off two free lattes since you’ve arrived

-As well as a slice of his ‘I write cinnamon not tragedies’ bread

-Which was equally hilarious and delicious

-You caught him glancing over at your table a few times but you didn’t think anything of it

-He’s probably just checking to make sure that no one needs your table

-His bakery is packed most nights but Halloween is a special night at Blackheart Bakery

-He has a trick or treat counter set up with free (homemade) candy

-A photo op complete with a fake haunted house backdrop

-A Halloween playlist

-And a bunch of discounts on his signature lattes and food

-you watch him amongst the chaos

-He is completely unfazed

-He seems elated at the amount of customers he has

-he grins and laughs at something a man dressed like Thor says at his counter

-he seems entirely in his element

-you realize that the denial tactics you’ve been trying out haven’t been working

-because this floppy haired, tattooed, slutty skeleton/baker kind of has a hold on your heart

-you’ve been friends for a long time now

-he always makes sure you’re taken care of

-he always asks if you’re ok

-he always gives you this little grin

-it feels like a secret sometimes

-but maybe it’s been his way of letting you know where he stands

-he’s been bringing you lattes and pastries for months now

-he never charges you full-price

-he always reminds you not to work too hard

-he

-fuck

-he likes you doesn’t he?

-you look back over at the counter to see him bending over and handing a skeleton cookie to a little girl dressed like Captain Marvel

-he laughs at something she says

-his eyes focused entirely on her and whatever she seems to be proclaiming to him

-your heart goes wonky again

-alright

-enough is enough

-you’re doing this

-Jungkook’s done so much of the work thus far

-it’s time for you to seal the deal

-and if he rejects you, well…

-you can just crawl into a hole and never come out again

-easy peasy

-You can feel his eyes on you as you get up to take your place in line

-luckily there isn’t anyone else behind you

-rejection with an audience would certainly be worse

-Jungkook has his witty comment ready for you as you approach the register

-“I know for a fact you haven’t finished your third latte and I’m not making you another one until-“

-“I’m not here for another latte.” You laugh, trying to ignore the thrashing of your heartbeat

-“No? Well, are you finally going to try my Welcome to the Blackened Chicken Parade Burger then? I’ve been asking you for like three weeks…”

-god he’s fucking cute

-“I’m here to ask you out.”

-Jungkook swears he feels his heart stop

-“You’re here to…”

-He repeats the first part of your response as his he didn’t hear you

-his black fingernails anxiously tapping against the countertop

-“I’m here to ask you out- on a date.”

-Jungkooks face seems to go through various stages of confusion before a shy smirk presents itself on his pretty mouth

-“Me? You’re asking me-“ He places a hand on his chest, “-out on a date?”

-“Yes!” You laugh, slapping the counter a bit too hard, your nerves getting the best of you, “Are you down?”

-He shakes his head but his answer contradicts his movements

-“So down, beyond down. There is no one on Earth who is more DOWN than I am. Yes. My answer is yes. 50000% yes.”

-you can’t help the smile on your lips

-“great. So are you free next Friday then?”

-He grins with his teeth this time, nodding emphatically

-“Consider the shop closed.”

-and so it was

-you returned to your table moments later

-feeling on top of the world

-you did it

-you asked Jungkook out

-and he said yes

-and now you

-NOW YOU HAVE A DATE WITH JUNGKOOK

-LOOK AT YOU GO

-TAKING CHARGE

-you try your best to engage with your studies but with Jungkook on your mind

-its really hard

-roughly two hours later, things at the bakery have finally started to slow down

-“Hey uh- Y/N?”

-Jungkook's voice that pulls you out of your studying trance

-he’s standing at the entrance of his back room, waving you over with his hand

-and who are you to deny him?

-you make your way over there, annoyed at the instant increase in your heartrate

-he stands awkwardly to the side and gestures to the boxes on the metal rack

-“I just remembered that I’ve never given you a tour of the place. I give all my regulars a tour of the stockroom and my office and uh-”

-he cuts himself off and clumsily cups your cheek

-he pulls you into a kiss

-a really good kiss

-his lips are so warm

-he smells like cinnamon

-you could literally die happy

-The ridiculous nature of his first attempt to kiss you, makes you giggle into his mouth

-you feel him smile, his hands smushing your cheeks together as he pulls away

-“Ok I lied. There is no tour. I’ve just been watching you focus on your computer for the last two hours and you’re just really fucking cute and-”

-this time, it’s you who cuts him off

-“You better give me an actual tour next time. How else am I going to steal your secret recipes?”

-he scoffs in mock offense

-“Ah ha! So that’s the only reason you asked me out huh? Should I be calling you Plankton instead of Y/N? Ew no wait- that would make me Mr. Krabs and he’s a dirty capitalist...”

-You laugh, “Oooh good point. Guess you’ll just have to be Karen, my computer wife.”

-This makes him laugh now and the sound warms your soul

-“I could live with that- I like your last name better anyways.”

-with another kiss, your adventure with the emo baker of your dreams begins

-It may have been Halloween but it sure felt like Christmas to you

386 notes · View notes

pandoraimperatrix · 3 years

Text

Cockblocked by Batman’s son

BatCat | Humour/Romance | 1,4k

The fucker was on her for a while, and as much as their cat and bat game was fun, it was beginning to get in the middle of her business. There was this tiny small Brazilian island with her name on it, and unfortunately it was hard to steal whole islands than jewellery, so, of course, to steal some of the latter to get her island. She was calling it her retirement plan.

She was so close to her goal 12 million goal, only 10k to go, the job had been a god send, a rich collector had just acquired an Edwardian aquamarine and diamond brooch that have been on her client’s list for ages, thank goodness it was not her style at all, so she wouldn’t be tempted. It was easy enough, the security system was not what she expected from her research, but it had been fun to crack it, it was good to be surprised sometimes, she thought, kept her on her toes.

Her prize was already safely inside her bag, and Selina was ready to leave, when he appeared dark and broody, cape flowing behind him like a vampire on a silent era movie.

“Put it back.”

“Oh for Bastet’s sake!”

She ran, he went after her, and to be fair she was having fun taunting him, but there was something odd about that night, usually he gave her a little more of work, he seemed to be lagging. She even looked behind a few times to see if he was still following her, because there was nights in which would just leave to take care of an actual life threating crime. Selina thought that was the case and stopped to look, as much as the danger of him actually catching her and taking her prize back was not null, it almost felt like a let down when he’d just leave like that without a proper goodbye. He had no manners! Have no one taught him how to treat a lady?

Not that she was one.

She turned away and head back small rooftop apartment on East End, she had just entered her home, and pulled the cowl off her head when she felt a massive weight smash against her back throwing her on the floor. Fear struck her even harder, had the celling just fallen? She screamed for her cats to find safety before she managed to wiggle her body around enough to get an idea of the situation.

“What the actual fuck!”

The celling was intact and what was currently pressing her to the floor was the wall of meat known as the Batman.

“Put… it back.”

And then his eyes closed. She had never been close enough to notice before, but they were blue.

Read on AO3

It was embarrassing. She was tied up to a bomb. Heist gone wrong, well, it was good that he appeared since it was his fault that there was a heist at all. After leaving her flat while she napped after playing his personal Florence Nightingale all night, he repaid her by stealing her brooch!

Can you believe it?

The ingratitude?

The disrespect?

It was entirely his fault that she was obligated to break into that stupid warehouse to steal her new mark – an art deco diamond bracelet with an asscher cut, totally her style, she was already planning how to get it back, for free, of course. It was not her fault that the intel that got forgot to inform her that it was the same warehouse that had been used by Don Malone to hide drugs. And that when she broke in the place was no empty and Malone’s goons thought she was working for Falcone. Of course, no one believed her when she told them that she didn’t have anything to do with that.

You know, that’s why Selina had no trouble lying, because the truth hardly matters when someone wants to fuck you up, they will just do it for good measure, for fun, because sometimes you bloody deserve it for being the fool that nursed the fucking Batman back to health and were robbed by him.

But then, just as was she was about to accept that was how she’d meet her maker, a little leprechaun fell from the roof and said in a squeaky voice that she’d be okay.

“Geez, freaks are getting younger every day!”

Until Batman appeared and started defusing the bomb she thought she had already died and was having a very weird afterlife.

“He’s not a freak.”

“Oh… he’s with you!”

Maybe she was having a very weird afterlife. But why the hell her afterlife included the fucking Batman?

“He’s my… hmm… son.”

Wait, that was too weird for an afterlife.

“Your son? And his mother is okay with that? Jesus, isn’t he afraid of falling down?”

The boy had limbed a rope hanging from the roof and was hanging upside down by his pixie booted feet.

“He doesn’t have a mother,” Batman muttered as he still worked on her bomb, well, not hers. She owned no bombs, your honour. He was awfully talkative that night, that Batman. “Robin, behave!”

Oh my god, he was the leprechaun’s father! The information was just too good and at the same time she had no idea of what to do with it. It was the kind of prize she’d keep for herself.

“I’m behaving!” the high pitched boyish voice shouted back, but he did a flip and landed on the floor. She could say she was impressed. How old was that kid? Less than ten, she’d bet.

“Poor kitten, is she…”

“She died” he said so devoid of feeling that she raised an eyebrow. Of course Batman tended to be stoic, but, that was cold even for him.

“I’m sorry for your lost” she tried lamely.

He sighed. Batman actually sighed. What the hell was happening?

“I didn’t know her. He’s adopted.”

That night was one shocking revelation after another, wasn’t it?

“So… There isn’t a Mrs. Batman, then?”

What kind of lame line was that? Urgh. But was he… Nah. She was imagining it. He had not, in fact, sniffed her neck.

Of course, she couldn’t see, he was behind her, and although she could see Robin at the entrance very well because the light coming from outside reflected his little yellow cape as he amused himself by doing what looked like very dangerous acrobatics, where she was sitting, tied to a chair that was chained to a bomb, was completely dark. She could only hope he was really some sort of vampiric meta that could see in the dark otherwise letting him disarm the bomb was not the best of her decisions.

“It’s done.”

He released her. Selina rotated her wrists and stood up, relieved.

“Robin, let’s go!”

She watched as the boy let out a happy yelp and ran ahead, they could use that one as a limitless energy source and end climate change.

“Wait” she said walking around the chair to meet him in the dark “let me say thank you first, you just saved my life.”

“There’s no n-“

He couldn’t end the sentence when Selina blindly pressed her lips against his.

She meant to be a small playful peck, but Batman’s gloved hand slid to the small of her back, pulling her close and before she could think clearly about what she was doing, her arms were around his neck, hoisting her body up to fix their huge height difference issue. He parted her lips and slid his hot tongue against the roof of her mouth, the hard pointy part of his mask that protected his nose biting into her cheek.

“Ewww,” they broke the kiss to look at Robin’s small face wrinkled with disgust, but still remained in each other’s arms for a moment. And then, slowly, they turned their faces back forward.

Selina swallowed down, she still could taste him. And he was not letting her go, she had to be the one to pull her arms back, her hells touching the floor again.

She never thought she’d ever see Batman acting awkward but there was no other word to describe the way he grunted and stepped back before nodding to her and left, taking his little killjoy with him.

She stood there for a while.

She almost died.

She kissed the Batman.

Was cockblocked by Batman’s son.

Batman’s son??

What the fuck!

------------------------------

The rain made the power go out and I was looking through my WIPs. I really don’t remember writing this story lmao. But now It is finished and you can read it!

Please tell me what you think of it.

Kisses, see ya.

#batcat #brulina #baby batcat #gotham #selina kyle #bruce wayne #catwoman #batman #my fic #dick grayson #robin

16 notes · View notes

alittlebitmaybe · 4 years

Text

making concessions

so i, uh, maybe wrote the nichest, dumbest cracky au ficlet in the world. i blame @yoursummerfrost who is possibly the sole audience for this. i hope you’re happy.

anyway, this is what i described in this post, aka “Geralt and Jaskier meet at a Magic: the Gathering tournament that Jaskier has no business being at but somehow he beats Geralt and then they try to have sex in the bathroom”

featuring a complete disregard for like, legal cards or real decks or any actual knowledge of MTG tournaments beyond living with someone who plays it a lot

rated M for like frottage and marking and stuff

“Fresh meat,” Yen mutters, perched against one of the folding tables, knees spread. She punctuates it with a snap of her bubble gum.

Geralt folds his arms across his chest, eyebrow raised. “This is a low-tier Magic tournament, Yen, not a grade school playground.”

“Doesn’t make him not fresh meat. He’s gonna last five minutes, tops. Someone is gonna OTK that poor bastard.”

“We’ve all got to start somewhere.”

“That kid, Geralt,” she says, “is starting nowhere.”

The man Yen calls that kid does look more like he should be at Coachella than at a Magic: the Gathering tournament—bandana, loose tank top, cuffed jean shorts, and all—but, Geralt thinks, clearing his throat, he’s definitely no kid, not with the definition in his arms and the chest hair and the light scruff along his jaw. He is, though, going around and asking people to show him their decks, which he takes from them and riffles through clumsily while oohing and ahhing.

“Good for me, at least,” Geralt adds. “One less actual competitor to knock out.”

Yen punches him lightly in the shoulder. “Sure, if you can keep it in your pants. You just went all googly-eyed. Those baby blues suck you in already?”

He drags his gaze back to her. “He’s alright. If he touches my cards like that I’ll kill him. They’re worth more than his life.”

“I know, dear. I know. Well, gird yourself, because if you both win your first matches you’re against each other.”

Geralt smiles. “No problem. I’ve been playtesting against every meta deck for weeks. My win ratios are favorable against almost anything. This whole thing is mine.”

“Nerd,” says Yen.

Geralt tugs at the hem of her vest, and she kicks out at him with her boot heel. “You’re literally a judge here. You’re certified.”

“Exactly. I’m in a position of power, but you’re just here to show off. Nerd.”

“Keep it up and I won’t share the prize.”

“Half the prize money would barely buy me dinner at Applebee’s, but thanks anyway, darling. You can keep it, I think I’ll manage.”

And well, that’s fair, actually.

“It’s not about the money,” Geralt protests.

Yen snorts. “Obviously, or no one would be here. We all just bow to the whims of MTG. And thank them. And hand over our credit cards.”

Coachella man has dropped someone’s deck all over the floor and is apologetically gathering the cards back into a haphazard pile. The spectacle has drawn stares.

“Who’s the fool, really?” Yen asks. “Him, or us?”

“Hm,” Geralt replies.

“Geralt,” says Geralt. “Bant ramp.”

“Jaskier,” says Coachella man, smiling brightly and taking the proffered hand as he settles himself across the table. “Was that last bit English?”

“It’s…my deck,” Geralt explains dubiously. “Bant ramp? Green, white, blue?”

Jaskier pulls an impressed face. “They’ve got names for things like that? You really know your stuff, Geralt.”

“Uh,” says Geralt, nonplussed. “Yeah, thanks. What are you playing, then?”

“Oh, I’ve got this great deck! It’s got all the colors because I couldn’t pick just a few, and all the cards have such pretty art, you know? I had to put in the best ones. A few of ‘em are even shiny. She’s treated me well so far, this deck. I love her.”

Geralt scans down the list of players on his tourney pamphlet. Next to Jaskier’s name it says only Five color aggro???

Geralt huffs out through his nose. That is nonsensical, and—most importantly—not something he ever playtested against. But no matter what is in that deck, Geralt’s got this in the bag. There’s no way this Jaskier guy has the land base needed to support five colors. Especially if he chose his cards, apparently, based on the art.

Jaskier begins slowly pile shuffling his deck of utterly unsleeved cards. Not even inner sleeves, much less double sleeves. Geralt’s blood pressure ticks up.

“So, uh,” he begins, “you’re new to this, huh? What got you into Magic?”

“Ah, my friend Essi plays here and there, she mentioned this and it seemed like it’d be a lark. New experience and such. And hey”—Jaskier looks up and grins—“maybe I’ll win!”

Geralt thinks about the hours and weeks and years he’s spent studying cards and losing games and analyzing pro matches. “Good luck,” he says.

“Thank you, you’re sweet.”

Jaskier continues placing each card meticulously on its own stack. Geralt shuffles his own deck again and again as he waits.

“Do you want me to, uh.”

Jaskier looks up and says, “Oh, would you? That would be so helpful. I’ve never quite got the hang of the—,” he makes a riffle shuffle gesture, “—whole shuffling thing.”

He loses the coin toss, which, he realizes a few turns later, is not an auspicious beginning. But even with Jaskier on the play and him on the draw, certainly it won’t make that much of a difference. Not when Jaskier has to squint at his hand like he’s reading all the card texts for the first time ever. At one point he even goes “Oh, that’s an interesting one,” as if surprised. It cannot make that much of a difference to go second.

And it doesn’t. Because he can’t draw shit to save his life.

While Geralt draws white mana after white mana, Jaskier throws down creature after creature, ignoring effects and the stack entirely in favor of big numbers and building a “board aesthetic.” Whatever the fuck that means. He drops a land on every turn and his mana costs curve out perfectly, despite the stretch over five fucking colors. It’s nothing short of miraculous.

Finally, Geralt is staring down a board of attackers against the lone creature he’d managed to play, and Jaskier says “Ooh, I’ve got enough of the land thingies to play this fella!” and drops—of all fucking things—a Craterhoof Behemoth. Like Geralt isn’t already nearly dead on board.

Geralt eyes the board wipe in his hand that—for fuck’s sake—requires blue.

A single blue mana needed, and a stack of Plains in front of him a mile high.

“It resolves,” he grumbles.

“Woooooo,” says Jaskier. “I mean, that’s good, right?”

“Yes,” says Geralt. “For you.”

He’s got one more draw step to try to dig for an Island. One fucking Island, a fetch land, a mana-producing artifact, anything. He’s spent way too much money on his mana fixing for this to happen.

On his draw, he takes into hand a worthless green creature.

“Fuck!” He scrubs a hand over his face, drops his hand onto the table. “That’s the game. Good one.”

Jaskier looks confused. “What do you mean? You mean I win? But I didn’t get to, you know.” He mimes pushing his attackers across the table like an advancing army. “Kill you.”

“I’m dead on board and have nothing.”

“But I wanted to attack with my big fella!”

Geralt sighs and faintly hears Yen laughing her ass off down the table. And they play out Jaskier’s turn. In which Geralt immediately dies.

As Jaskier celebrates and gathers his cards, Geralt levels him with a tired stare. “Look, be straight with me. Is this a fucking hustle?”

Jaskier laughs brightly. “What, didn’t think I could play, eh?”

“You can’t,” Geralt says. “Obviously. Unless it’s a hustle.”

“No hustling here!” Jaskier then wiggles his eyebrows lasciviously. “Unless you’d like to hustle me later. If you catch my drift.”

Geralt does. “That is not a real come on.”

“Sure it is, since you know I’m coming on to you.”

“Let’s just play out the match,” Geralt says with finality.

He’s down one, but he just needs two wins. Two wins against a deck that will, eventually, be inconsistent and impractical. He shuffles his own deck—tested and massaged until its consistency holds up to real life statistics—four times, just to make sure.

Then Jaskier holds out his deck and Geralt begrudgingly shuffles that, too.

“You have nice hands,” Jaskier comments, following his fingers on the cards. “Big. Strong. Capable.”

“Shut up,” Geralt mumbles, and pretends to ignore it when Jaskier says, Yes, sir.

He loses the match on game two, and it’s his own damn fault, this time, because Jaskier drops an infinite combo and doesn’t even realize it until Geralt opens his dumb fucking mouth.

“There it is,” he groans, resigned, as Jaskier lays down the last combo piece. “Lucky draw.”

“Eh?”

“You comboed out?”

“Eh?” Jaskier says again, fingers still on the card like he’s thinking of taking it back, face utterly perplexed.

“You—holy fucking Christ.” Geralt throws his hands in the air. “You don’t even know you have that combo, do you.”

“I—do not, per se, know that, no.”

“That effect will untap your artifact, which lets you—oh, who cares. Fine. You win. Congrats.”

Jaskier’s expression brightens. “I win? Really? But I didn’t even attack!”

“You win. Really.”

Geralt wants a beer.

“Oh!” Jaskier is now beaming. He glances at his watch, a gold-trimmed gaudy thing. “Well, that was quick. We’ve got some time before the next round, if you wanna—uh—”

“Yeah,” sighs Geralt. Heat curls in his belly alongside the mingled anger (shame? embarrassment?) and disappointment. “Whatever.”

Might as well.

Geralt shoves Jaskier back against the bathroom door as he locks it, and Jaskier promptly wraps his legs around Geralt’s waist. Without a moment of hesitation Geralt leans in, biting at Jaskier’s lips, feeling arms circle his neck and hands weave themselves into his hair. Their bodies align perfectly and when Geralt thrusts forward, Jaskier gasps into his mouth.

“Yeah,” he breathes, “yeah, like that.”

A growl leaves Geralt in response, frustration with this stupid, clueless man bubbling up within him. Jaskier tastes like red Gatorade and smells like that body butter Yen keeps on her bathroom counter.

It’s less off-putting than it should be.

He keeps going like that, not because he was told to but because it’s infuriatingly good, Jaskier’s body warm and firm and pliant against his as he rolls his hips.

“Oh, God,” Jaskier groans on a thrust that results in a particularly good drag, which separates their mouths enough for Geralt to redirect his attention. With one hand he drags down the idiotic bandana tied around Jaskier’s neck and starts to suck harsh marks into salty skin. Jaskier keeps up a noisy litany of gasps and muffled, bitten-off encouragements. “Oh, that’s—good, fuck—your mouth—like it rough, don’t you…”

Geralt doesn’t particularly like it rough, actually, when he hasn’t been fucking hustled at his own game, but Jaskier still doesn’t seem to have caught on to the part where Geralt is sort of fucking furious about this whole situation.

Instead of explaining himself, he just bites down on Jaskier’s pulse point and curls his hand around Jaskier’s waist where his shirt is rucked up, nails digging in.

“Yeah—” Jaskier says, and tugs at Geralt’s hair, and then there’s banging on the door.

“We can hear you, assholes. There’s a line out here and we gotta piss,” an angry voice calls from the other side.

“Use the ladies’!” Jaskier yells hoarsely. “There’s never anyone in there. This one’s occupied.” Geralt moves against him again. “Oh, that’s—more.”

“No,” says the angry voice. “No more.” Another round of banging. “We’re calling property management. They’ve got a key.”

“Shit,” Geralt says, dropping Jaskier, who makes an indignant noise. He unlocks and opens the door.

There is, in fact, a small crowd around the men’s room, headed by a red-faced man half a foot shorter than Geralt.

“Can’t you mind your own business?” Geralt says.

“Can’t you keep it in your pants?” the man sneers back.

“Technically,” Jaskier pipes up, straightening his bandana and swiping at his hair, “nothing ever came out of any pants.”

“Jaskier,” says Geralt, “don’t help.”

An official-looking group of people rounds the corner, accompanied by Yen, who spots Geralt and nearly falls to the floor in a mirthful fit. He rolls his eyes.

The officials don’t like that at all.

A few months later, Jaskier kneels on the other side of Geralt’s coffee table, considering his hand. He licks his lip and taps a few lands to place an enchantment, which Geralt promptly counters.

“You and your fucking—control decks,” Jaskier sighs. “Let me play one some time.”

“Make your own,” says Geralt. “You can use my collection.”

“Ah, maybe I will, and then you won’t be able to play anything at all, ever, and how would you like that?”

“Do you have anything to get rid of my flyers?”

“Unfortunately, no, Geralt, I do not, or I would have played it by now.”

“Then you should probably concede.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” He picks up his cards, sleeved properly, and slides them over to Geralt’s side. “Shuffle please.”

Geralt shuffles them.

“Shame we can’t go to the tournament today,” says Jaskier wistfully. “Banned. What rot. We didn’t even get off that day. Rudely interrupted.”

“Yeah, well, someone had no business being there, anyway.”

“I still think I could have gone all the way. Beat you, didn’t I?”

“Haven’t since.”

“Only because you learned my tricks.”

“Jaskier, you don’t have tricks.”

“Exactly.” He smiles, and Geralt can’t help but smile back. When he places Jaskier’s deck back on the table, Jaskier’s hand rests on top of his. “I am, though, Geralt, absolutely thrilled that we met. Whatever the circumstance. Or consequence. If it needs saying.”

It doesn’t, but Geralt meets his eyes and says, “Yeah, me too.”

#LAKSDGLKDFJD #yes this is how i spent my day #my fic #geraskier #the witcher #the witcher fic #geraskier fic #i might post this on ao3 later idk #just for the hell of it #dear brain can i please work on the zombie au now #WHY is this 2200 words

114 notes · View notes

scream-into-the-voiddd · 4 years

Text

this looks like fun! [I can’t seem to find the og poster but i got it from @lizzaroona]

September 1st: Favourite s1 episode?

Honesty a super hard pick, and i think there are better episodes in the season but the one i go back too most often is ep 10 “The Sear of Selene”

It just has some of the best character moments (for me) and is truly funny and interesting. And has some real insight into Donald and Dewey’s feelings about Della and her being gone. we saw glimpse of this in ‘dime chase’ and ‘woo-woo/Atlantis’ but here we actually see the pain Della left in her wake. And what it means going forward.

Plus stokeulse is a big sweet boi and i love watching him and Donald ‘re-connecting’ speaking of witch it is also the frist time Scrooge and Donald have a form of re-connection to

“just like old times ah lad”

look at that face.

its a strong ep and lead the way for bigger ‘emotional hits’ down the line (the last crash of the sun chaser)

September 2nd: Favourite triplet?

I don’t really have one as they are all fleshed out and well rounded, that being said I am looking forward to more of Huey this season. But i don’t have a fav.

September 3rd: Favourite member of team magic

Webby, but i don’t know if that counts as she is main cast so i see her more often then any other Team Magic characters. The girl is fun and filled with so much love and she is to be feared. and I love her faults to she is awkward and hyper-fixated on Mcduck history to the point that its scary. and is a fun loving social shut in.

She is just so multifaceted and complex that i love her with all my heart.

September 4th: favourite three caballeros

I am bias on this one as i love José Oliveira (the og José) and anything involving that funky little parrot makes me happy. But in DT17 I do love that there is elements of that Og Jose in his characterisation

like in s2 ep 4

when he calls over and hugs Donald (so sweet), and that he knows how to claim Donald down so fast (by making him dance and then getting him to sing) and to my knowledge he is the only one to do this in the whole show not just once but twice, so it shows that he has a deep understanding of Donald that most just don’t, and i have always loved that about their friendship.

plus from what i can tell from that ep as well it was Jose’s idea to meet up and he planned the trip (as he payed for it) so the fact he made arraignments for Panchito, Donald and THE BOY’S (+ scrooge) shows how much Jose really loves his friends, and plays an umbrella as an trumpet.

September 5th: favourite ep of season 2

This was a hard one as most of the eps knock it out of the park, but i’m going to have to go with, ep 16 “the Duck Knight Returns” its just such a good ep and has so many wonderful layers to it, and i was actually caught of guard with the final Jim Starling twist. like i can’t even remember the lat time a twist hit me that hard (i got side swiped) I actually had to sit in silence for a solid minute or two and then watch the whole ep again.

they wasted no detail big or small in this ep (like that Jim was already wearing an unbuttoned DW suit and had the hat in the box next to him, or the sound drake made being thrown into the bathroom just like og DW, and the meta jokes and the animation, the whole ep just went so hard)

and it was a really fun way to ‘pass the torch’ from one actor to another, especially playing with the idea of someone just not being done with the character yet and not wanting to let go, (as a lot of audiences have that issue, with re-boots and relaunches, and especially when a version of a character has an unfinished story left, think Andrew Garfield’s spider-man for e.g.)

i could honesty talk forever about this ep but i’ll spare you all.

September 6th: favourite hug?

Honesty its a three way tie...

1) Scrooge and Della when she first comes home. Just they way he scoops her up like a kid and holds her tight, makes my heart full.

2) this one with Louie, just the mother son embrace was really earned here.

3) and this one with Jose and Donald, its rare we see Donald so happy to see anyone (who is not his family) and just how naturally he ran into his arms was so nice. And Jose dropping his umbrella right away show how he knew what was coming. Plus i am a big fan of men showing their love and friendship in sweet fun ways like this, so a win for non-toxic masculinity here.

September 7th Gizmoduck or Darkwing duck?

this is a hard one as i do like both of these hero boy’s and i have talked about how they have conflicting views of their own success through the other (basically, Drake has is personal life together, but Fenton has his hero life together, and i think it would be a point of envy for both characters) And I love Fenton and Drake for different reasons, but at their core they are somewhat the same just two people who want to help others for no other reason then it is the right thing to do.

And i Love what the show has done for both characters but...I will have to give it Drake by a fraction of a hair (feather?).

As unlike Fenton I only needed one ep to be 100% on board with Drake and i know everything i need to know about him from that. As DW had a whole ass show for a reason and that one ep showed it. As Fenton is a wonderful character and he is a very well done character, but one of his defining traits is that he is all over the place (like in his life, work, the way he specks ect) but that can get messy from time to time as it can be hard to be ‘on board’ with someone with no clear ‘goal’ persay (they did cover most of this in “who is Gizmoduck” but some of it still lingers now that can be a tiny bit jarring at times) But like that is SUPER Neat-picky, tho.

And Drake has that chaotic feral energy that Fenton just don’t have (Fenton has more Bi panic energy), but Drake also has tired dad energy (like how he growls at GD in moonvation and when he calls to LP before the set explodes) and i love that about him.

Get this man his Gosalyn already so he can be the dorky dad he is destined to be.

September 8th: Favourite duck cousin?

I’m going to have to go with Gladstone, because he is a HUGE prick, but in a way he is not fully aware of. He is generous (he literally offers the boy’s a bucket of diamonds, just because they came by)

And I love that half hazard nature about him, he is true neutral, things just happen to him and for him and he just takes it, and that is actually really interesting, (don’t get me wrong i love Fethry, Della and Donald) but Gladstone is such a wild card in the duck/mcduck family when compared to everyone else that its a nice change of pace from the rest in a way (all of them good hearted and well meaning people) I generally have no idea what he might do when presented with an actual problem/ choice, so to see that will be fun and this crews take on Gladstone in that regard.

As i think out of all the cousins he has the most growing/changing to do.

September 9th: favourite ship?

Ok here is the thing.

in general fandom

I don’t really have any strong feelings about most ships one way or the other. I think a lot are nice and I enjoy seeing others enjoy themselves and all the wonderful art and time they put into it. That being said out of all my years of being in fandoms I have had a grand total of 5-10 ships i am super passionate about and that is over the span of 10+ years.

and one of the things i love the most about ducktales is how much it focuses on family love and pure platonic friendships (for both kid and adult characters). And that makes my ace heart happy. So basically I’m saying is I have no strong feelings about most ships in general beyond “aww” or “man i love how much the fandom loves them” and “that is some great art/ fic / creative output I’m happy for them.”

But with that out of the way, the question at hand.

I’m going to have to go with Donald and Daisy, as from a writing sand point it was so well done and sweet and cute. And it gave a new perspective on a relationship that has been around for 70+ years, so that was impressive all on it’s own, and it is going to be a loving, interesting relationship going forward.

September 10th: Favourite season 3 episode

I am going to assume that this is out of the 7 eps so far (duh), which again is hard cause this show is just so damn good. But I would have to say it is ep 6 “Astro B.O.Y.D”

now cue story of me as a kid in 3...2...1...

when i was a kid, I was obsessed with Astro boy, i was maybe 6 years old and i loved it. I was a relatively poor kid so in the early/mid 2000′s i would get a lot of my reading/watching materials from my local library. This included 4 VSH tapes of Astro boy episodes for the 80′s series and i would watch the 2003 anime dub on Saturday mornings TV (one ep a week if that), The library also had the first 2 vols of the og manga that i read so many times that i could probably re-sight it from memory. anyway, the reason i love astro boy so much was because it gave me a feeling i had not felt in my young life before that point, even if i did not full understand it at the time.

Its a feeling i still can’t fully put into words, but i will do my best. Astro boy goes right for the heart in every way possible, but it always twist the knife when it goes for, grief, regret and longing agony. specifically when in looks at lost love, usually platonic love (Tobio and Tenma e.g), the feeling these story’s gave me was the complexity of pain that losing love can bring, but it is most effective because it is through the lens of a child (astro/ tobi) and an innocent, loving child at that. The child is (somewhat) untouched by the tragedy (via memory loss) but is still shaped by the love that was put into them, despite the grief's overall out come (the abandonment of said child). So the feeling is a bitter-sweetness that comes from a place of innocents but also personal understanding of the self Astro was made by Tenma, but he was not what tenma made him to be (his lost son) but astro became his own person who loves and is loved by others, and is a whole person on his own outside of what he was made for (and is in a way still A son to tenma just NOT Tobi). and there is that sense of a child just wanting to be heard and understood for who they ARE and not what others what them to be, regardless of their “potential” (in other words personal choice’s and passions that the child actually wants for themselves)

I just love Astro Boy ok...and i never get a chance to talk about it, so i thought i would here, as this list was foolish enough to give me an opening.

Moving on to the DT17 ep.

The Astro Boyd ep. hit all of these notes, the longing agony of lost love (Gyro and Boyd) the regret that came from Gyro for boyd’s creation.

Boyd’s innocents and loving nature coupled with his wants and identity not being fully understood (gyro thinking he is evil, Fenton wanting him to be a hero, Akita having him be a tool and Tesuka thinking he is just a mindless robot) and just wanting to be seen for what he truly is “a defiantly real boy” and he gets that conformation from Gyro at the end!

and Gyro has is own actualisation, about his own grief, after thinking his love was “misplace” for years on end in a way that made him shut down his heart almost completely. Only to find that he was right to let himself love and that love is actually what helped Boyd help himself. Gyro in essence realising that both him and Boyd are not mistakes or failures but two people who lost the one they loved (each other) and have finally found a way back to each other so they can both begin to fully heal.

So it was a good episode *wipes tear away from eye*

September 11th : favourite villain?

I don’t really have a favourite villain as the show don’t tend to focus to heavy on them and when they do it is somewhat short lived, (like Magica in season 1 and Lunarus in season 2) and since this season has a group of villains (FOWL) and not just one main one like the last 2 seasons, I have a feeling that one of the up coming FOWL members may take the top spot later down the line.

but if we are going off the one i find most entertaining...

I’m going to have to give it to

Magica she is played as scary, funny and damn relatable on occasion (the funzo scene), and i am never disappointed to see her. I think she is very different from comic magica in a lot of ways, but i enjoy this version for different reasons. And i think this magica has room to grow/ change (for good or for worst). So safe to say i am looking forward to the first ep in the line up.

September 12th : favourite character?

why must you make me choose...

seriously all of the characters major or minor is shown in a way that makes them feel very real and well rounded even if they have very little screen time. for god sake the ottoman empire guys get character development (one left the show to pursue acting and they fight with scrooge in the moonvation). So this is not an easy pick to say the least.

but I will be judging it by the one i ‘get the most out of’ so to speck....

and I have to say its a tie...

Donald Duck

I love him ok. He is very small and very angry and he will fight god(s) for his family safety. Anyway, I have always love Donald Duck shorts and everything else he shows up in he is always my fav.

I have always been able to relate to Donald as i too have a bit of a disability that makes it hard for people to understand be (in writing) and i have a ‘voice issue’ that makes me different from everyone around me. So i really understand the feeling Donald have and the anger that comes from being misunderstood in the most basic ways. Its not fun

So Donald has always been important to me in a sense,

The thing about Ducktales 2017 that i love is that it fleshes out Donald’s already established characteristics, by giving them context (e.g. using his outbursts to protect the boys). this gives him something that me has been missing (in animation) for awhile now, and that is how functions outside of himself.

what i mean by that is that Donald is kind of unique when it comes to the Disney sensational 6, unlike the rest is/ can be

-selfish

-cowardly

-rude/ mean spirited

-a loser

these things are what make him different to the rest but in animation for a while he has been shown by himself (without his family or even Daisy) so all of the above characteristics are not “diluted” or held to any standard outside of Donald’s personal misery.

So he can be super selfish and an all around ass cause, yeah, if your life was one pain after the other no matter what you did and you were all on your own all the time, then yeah, your going to be a miserable little shit.

But by reintroducing the boy’s and giving him a more defined role (father/ solo care giver) at least at the start of the show, it gives Donald a reason to “fight off” his less than noble parts of his personality. It also makes his action have more weight as everything he does or fails to do effects the boy’s. So that makes him more appealing overall as what he does (or doesn’t) do now matters, and all the tragedy in Donald’s life are also given weight (Della being gone for 10 yrs, and what that did to his relationship with Scrooge) so his pain is now REAL and even tho he is funny and reckless, he is now a person with flaws and failings but also victory's (getting Della back and his family being close again) and dreams (the three caballeros and his relationship with Daisy)

I do love this little Rage machine

the other fav is

Drake Mallard

(maybe I just like single duck dads? idk, lol)

I have already talked a bit about his intro ep,

but as of right now i am more in love with the potential i see in the character. As we have not really seen to much of him like maybe 4 ep’s total. But Drake is the character i am most hyped to see more of (and the people who are around him, Gos and LP etc.)

as i find him really interesting and he is (ironically) one of the more “normal” people in the show as a whole, He is not rich (high society rich anyway) he is not an explorer, not a scientist, he don’t have a ‘crazy’ backstory (like Gyro in Tokyok) and he doesn't have a direct connection to Scrooge himself (he never worked for him directly, and is not a family member)

so he is just a random guy, who thought “I’m going to do this crazy shit just because a handsome pilot man said i could if i wanted to”

and honestly that’s cool.

he is fun and goofy in an engendering way, and his ego is the right amount of controlled (ish) but still over the top. the character is full of story’s that can be taken from the og show and mixed in with the new show (like his intro ep),

Drake is a just fun to think about, and how his world relates to the world of ducktales in general, as they were separate for such a long time, so seeing it come together in a new way is super existing.

I was already blown away by his last solo ep I can’t wait to see more of him (and his how he will be with his Gos, and how that adventure will unfold)

September 13th Favorited actor/ actress

now this is just an unfair question, this is a star strutted cast and everyone is amazing. There is a pop culture icon and a Disney legend in the cast (and the fact your not 100% sure which one’s i’m talking about proves my point)

So i am going to cheat a little here, I’m not going off the actors and actress themselves per say but rather I’m going to talk about my favourite performance in the show.

I judge this on two things

1) how much the act ‘disappears’ into the character (as in i don’t see the human person when there talking, even if its still just their normal voice)

2) I can’t see (/hear) anyone else being able to do the role

So on those two things in mind i will have to go with.

Paget Brewster

she just plays Della with this fun life to her, she can switch on a dime from crazy adventurer to comic foil to herself and then have moments of deep self refection. And she had to carry the introduction to the character all on her own, as Della was isolated, so if she didn’t sell Della to us (the audience) then the whole mystery/ build up to Della would have fallen apart. So that was not easy but she pulled it off (with great writing as well).

and she was/is amazing as Della, she is just awesome and I love listening to her and how she plays Della.

September 14th Favourite song

Oh for me it hands down has to be “not good enough” I love a good Bond ballad and Ben kills it. Plus it plays a big part in the episodes theme’s for LP,

youtube

its perfect, it fits the story, character and the parody.

September 15th: Favourite scene from favourite episode.

well out of my top 3 episode (that i have already listed) I’m going to not talk about ‘the dark duck returns’ as there is a scene in there that i will talk about later. my favourite scene out of the other 2 episodes i have picked, i would have to go with...

The ‘Defiantly real boy’ scene from Astro BOYD

(i have already talked about my love for Astro boy and this ep in relation to that) what i love the most about this scene is that not only did Gyro and Boyd ‘find’ each other again, but they found themselves again.

youtube

Boyd turned back into the real boy Gyro ‘made’ him to be (the boy Gyro always believed he was/could be) and that not only was that ok, but the best way for Boyd be himself. Thus his reclaiming of the word Boyd, he is still ‘the same’ but now has a clear sense of what it actually means to himself, mixing both 2BO and Boyd into one. With the love given to 2BO by Gyro and the life experience he has had as Boyd, so Boyd didn’t have to change everything about himself to be complete he just needed to understand that he was loved for being himself and to get confirmation that he is what he believes himself to be a ”Defiantly real boy” (T-T)

as for Gyro, he realised that his love, care and idealism (as he put it) was not misplaced (on Boyd), as when the little boy he loved so fully seemingly turn on him, that broke his heart and his spirit in a way that just would not fully mend. (thus his cold and rude behaviour through out the show so far...) But when Gyro fully embraces his idealism and loving side again (by embracing Boyd) he realises that he can bring his true feeling to the surface again as it was never a mistake for him to do so. thus why he embraces Fenton as an equal, by calling him Doctor and showing the respect he actually always felt for Fenton.

They found themselves through each other, and it melts my heart (T-T)

September 16th: Favourite moonlander

Penny.

September 17th: Favourite Beagle Boy

Black arts Beagle,

I mean he is the reason we have Duckworth back so thats got to count for something.

September 18th: Favourite scene of your favourite ship

I have to say its this little moment here...

youtube

Donald spent the whole episode wanting to impress this woman (Glamor), but after spending time with Daisy decided that Daisy’s dignity was more important then his Big Break. And Daisy returns in kind like ‘yeah i shouldn’t be treated this way’ and its just really sweet. It also got Daisy noticed and most likely jumb started her career and Daisy (again) returned in kind (most likely) by having the three Caballeros perform on stage right after.

so its a small but very insight look into the new dynamic Donald and Daisy are going to/ do have in this show.

[plus this screen shot was funny to me,

i think it has meme template vibes]

September 19th: Favourite scene of your favourite character.

oh my, where oh where to take this?

every character in this show is so good so this is just hard man....

but I will go with “The Duck Knight returns” one of my favs, and honesty i could talk about this episode all on its own (and I just might after “Lets Get Dangerous” airs) but for me one of the scenes that really stuck out to me (that others have not really touched on) Is when they have the “meeting” with Alister, Jim, Scrooge and Dewey and then Drake comes in (and then immediately gets his shit wrecked by Jim).

As a film student, I feel this scene on a personal level.

the old(er) man who knows nothing but wants to take control.

the Pretentious “artist” that thinks “making it dark” makes it meaningful.

the person who pretends they know what there talking about but is to stuck in their ways to really change their mind.

and a child or child like understanding (its more common then you think)

(tho i would place LP in the audience position, which is the point of this scene) This scene hit me where I live, and is a really good commentary on Corporate meddling. As there are three ‘battles’ happening in this scene

1) Scrooge Vs Alistair

this acts as a money vs art argument, that is seen all to often in movies and shows, as I can guess we can all name at least one movie or show that has the “the record studio is changing your sound its not authentic...”

but Dt 2017 shows the other side to this and asks

authentic to what? like its one things when its your own creation but what if its was someone else's (like a reboot)

is it better to be authentic to what was before (the og material), or is it best to take a new direction because its more ‘comfortable’ for you to do (fits your style / sensibility's)

thus leading to

2) LP Vs Dewey

or a young audience vs the older audience, now Dewey and LP don’t really clash in this ep per say but, they act as a more “aggressive” views on audience backlash now they are Not Malicious but they do act as conflicting presences. Dewey (understandably) doesn’t get why it has to be dark and gritty, or what was happening at all as Alistair is going for a high concept film, but guess what, kids aren’t always great at picking high concepts up (at least not right away) and they can be easily bored by it, if its not engaging in a way that can appeal to them.

and LP as an older audience member does know what the show/ movie is “meant to be” so seeing these high concepts added in a way that is not in the sprit of og material can be unnerving. And high concepts can miss the point or main message/style of the og material to the point that unrecognisable (*cough*Live action, Titians *cough*).

both of these points are legitimate concerns for audiences to have, as if something is so different its not unrecognisable then why not just make something original? and not draw a comparison.

and if your main audience is meant to be younger, they how are you going to engage them in way that matters to them or in a way they can understand (youth culture or ‘young truths’ i.e. things kids deal with/experience when growing up)

speaking of which

3) Jim Vs Drake

this one is kind of the mix of the pervious two, or nostalgia vs update? (i can’t think of a better word),

Jim is so determined to be in the spot light that he is willing to ‘throw away’ is morals (as seen at the end), his ‘artist integrity’ no longer matters as long as DW gets to come back, he just wants some sense of being back that it doesn’t actually matter how (*cough* Teen Titians Go*cough*), so he losses a big part of what made it DW to begin with and not because he don’t care about DW but because he places his value of it in one spot (himself as darkwing)

as Drake on the other hand. understands that changes need to be made but he knows the movie is off base (he says so himself later), but he puts the value of DW in more then himself, as he has felt it be bigger then what was just on screen (Jim) and has carried that with him here. And since he is set up as an ‘enemy’ here (Jim jumps him) new is seen as an enemy as well, but he literal gets attached for just existing, so yeah not a great move by Jimbo there, and due to nostalgia (both in and out of the show due Jim starling/cummings) most may not of have pick up on it right away.

so yeah, this is an underrated scene and i wanted to talk about it a little as it sets up the rest of the episode.

September 20th: Favourite friend group

hmmm....

I have a feeling that this is going to change after the new wave of episodes (i like how team hero is shaping up) but for now i will have to say team science. They just have a nice balance of personalities and ability's, plus they the most team (ish) as they literally have to work together (most of them)

huey, gyro, fenton, manny and lil bulb

and all have their own style and smarts

Manny and Lil blub don’t even talk but they have big personalities and now with the addition of Boyd this little group feels well rounded.

I love them nerds

#ducktales #dt17 #ducktales 2017 #text #gladstone gander #darkwing duck #drake mallard #Donald duck #jose carioca #webby vanderquack #will edit as i go #gyro gearloose #boyd gearloose #daisy duck #magica de spell #della duck #jim starling

36 notes · View notes

pokemon-strategy-dex · 4 years

Text

Who needs banned?

Of the new and returning Pokemon to OU, here is who I think should be banned or kept in OU with a bit of reasoning for each. I’m obviously not going to talk about something like Altaria, that’s kind of obvious. I’m just going to cover the Pokemon who were unbanned and the returning Pokemon who were once Uber. since this is a pretty long post, I’m just going to put the names here and then put a read more with my reasoning for each.

Needs Banned Immediately:

Genesect

Melmetal

Naganadel

Zygarde

Will Need to be Banned:

Cinderace

Kyurem-Black

Magearna

Tornadus-T

Can Stay in OU:

Blaziken

Glastrier

Landorus-I

Pheromosa

Spectrier

Needs Banned Immediately:

Genesect:

Genesect gets released into OU every generation and then gets rebanned in like a week or two. This generation shouldn’t be any different. This bug boy is still insane and just rips through Pokemon it shoulldn’t be able to. It does everything, and then some more. It has few reliable answers, and absolutely no reliable ones which can handle all of its sets. Please get rid of this thing as soon as possible.

Melmetal

MY BOYS BACK...and should probably be banned. I love this thing so much. I put it on every team I can and it always puts in so much work. It knocks out everything and tanks every hit thrown at it. Literally nothing takes more than a couple of hits from Melmetal and he just eviscerates Pokemon who are normally quite bulky. It has its checks, but its just so overwhelming for most teams that those checks become mandatory and restrict building. No matter how much it pains me to say it, he needs to go.

Naganadel

Beast Boost is one hell of an ability and now Naganadel gets Spikes! As if that wasn’t broken enough on Ash-Greninja last generation. It sets up and just blows everything apart. Just like in gen 7, Tyranitar is like the only thing that can check it and now Tyranitar is kind of horrible. Even though I love this thing almost as much as Melmetal, Naganadel also needs to go.

Zygarde

Zygarde is one of the scariest Pokemon in the tier right now. It sets up on everything with the sub-coil set and it breaks through everything with the Choice Band set. Its nearly impossible to deal with since common checks last generation like Tangrowth and Landorus lost HP Ice. We also don’t have Gliscor who could kind of handle it. Zygarde is a menace who terrifies me in game and in the team builder.

Will Need to be Banned:

Cinderace:

Cinderace is still an absolute menace in the tier. With the release of the 2nd DLC, a lot of offensive Pokemon were added, but not too many defensive ones. The only real major defensive threats are Landorus-T, Heatran, and Tapu Fini. Cinderace rips all three of these to shreds just like it did all of the other defensive walls the tier had before. The only way Cinderace got worse was the speed creep which came with the dlc, and Cinderace no longer outspeeds the entire meta-game. Even so, I still think that Cinderace has no hard counters and its checks are very limited. As such, it restricts team-building and should return to Ubers.

Kyurem-Black

Kyurem-Black is pretty much the same as Cinderace. It eviscerated the tier’s defensive checks and that hasn’t changed. Kyurem-B is worse at sweeping thanks to things like Melmetal, but it needs banned too. Kyurem-B is still incredibly good and needs banned. I would probably focus on some of the more broken Pokemon first, though.

Magearna

Again the same as Cinderace and Kyurem-B. Magearna was banned because there weren’t any defensive answers to it and nothing has changed. Sure Heatran is pretty great, but Magearna runs Focus Blast. It still sets up and still blows everything apart. The only reason Magearna doesn’t seem completely broken is because of broken Pokemon like Melmetal.

Tornadus-Therian

Tornadus is probably the most unassuming Pokemon on this list. Well Tornadus got a few new tools that make it absolutely broken. Tornadus has Heavy Duty Boots now, which makes the bulkier sets even better than they were last generation. That’s saying something because Tornadus was ridiculous. It also gets Nasty Plot now, making the offensive sets better than they ever have before. Tornadus hasn’t been popping up too much because everyone’s playing with the new toys, but I promise that once the dust settles and a few of the most broken Pokemon get banned, Tornadus will become overcentralizing. For context: it was banned in the national dex meta which is way more ridiculous than the normal meta because it has everything we have plus megas and z-moves.

Those that should stay in OU:

Blaziken

This might be the first generation since it got Speed Boost that Blaziken can stay in OU. Blaziken has one of the worst cases of four-moveslot-syndrome. It needs both of its stabs for obvious reasons, it needs Earthquake for Toxapex, it needs Knock Off for things like Latios, it needs Protect to get the Speed Boost against offense, and it needs Swords Dance to break against bulky teams. If you run the protect set, then you’re going to struggle against bulky teams and probably can’t break Toxapex. If you run the SD set, you’re near useless against offense due to Blaziken’s fragility. You’re also walled by the Lati twins who are really good this generation. I could see Blaziken needing banned in the future, but it certainly doesn’t need to be banned right now.

Glastrier

I’m only including Glastrier because its new. It has a good movepool and a solid attacking stat. But its so incredibly slow and has a terrible defensive typing. It’s insane on Trick Room teams, but its not great otherwise. Its no better than Stakataka.

Landorus-I

Landorus-I isn’t broken yet. And I mean yet because it will be. Losing HP Ice hurt, but I don’t think its enough to make it not broken. It will do what it does every generation. It’ll start off slow and then absolutely destroy the metagame once it settles down. It thrives in a metagame that is fairly uniform and consistent, but struggles in the early stages when it doesn’t know what to run. Give it like three months and this will need banned, but for now it can stay.

Pheromosa

I don’t think Pheromosa is all that good. It’s decent, but without Z-moves, it’s nowhere near what it once was. Close Combat was nice, but it certainly doesn’t make up for its faults. It just doesn’t hit hard enough without a Beast Boost in an attacking stat, and then its kind of slow with how insane the speed creep is. I could see it being broken in the future when a lot of the more broken stuff is gone, but for now it’s just kind-of average.

Spectrier

Spectrier is pretty cool. Pure ghost is always great and its got a pretty great stat spread....but that movepool is atrocious. I know we joke that ghost types only need to click Shadow Ball, but we didn’t mean it literally. The thing runs Mud Shot for gods sake. Its pretty strong and ghost is ridiculous, but it just can’t do enough on its own.

Things like the Tapus and the new galarian birds are good, but they aren’t near ban worthy. Tapu Lele may become suspect in like a year, though.

#pokemon #competitive pokemon #crown tundra #ou #i really hope people don't mind me mentioning the horses #if you think I should avoid them for the next few weeks please let me know

11 notes · View notes

fallintosanity · 4 years

Note

Number 3 for meta asks plz!

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

(idk about “always” because I only recently came up with this but shhh)

“Go get something to drink,” Cloud told the boy as he closed the door of their rented room. “You’ve been playing all day.”

“Yessir,” Luca said. He kicked off his sandals and ran barefoot over to the nightstand to retrieve one of the glasses sitting there, his hair shining almost blond in the dim golden light of the room’s single lamp. As Cloud bent down to untie his own boots, Luca darted into the bathroom toward the sink. The boy was too small to reach the faucet even on tiptoe, but he’d managed it last night by standing on the closed toilet lid, so Cloud wasn’t too worried.

Then Luca yelped, and the sharp sound of shattering glass crashed through the room.

Cloud stood back up, managing two whole steps across the room before Luca called, “I’ll clean it up! I’m sorry!” From here, Cloud could just see into the bathroom: the tile floor covered in glittering glass shards, and Luca lifting one bare foot to step directly into them.

“No!” Cloud yelled. In the next heartbeat he was across the bedroom and halfway into the bathroom, glass crunching under his boots as he reached out to stop Luca--

--only to freeze himself when Luca flung his arms up and cringed down, clearly bracing himself for a blow.

“Whoa,” Cloud said. “Hey, whoa. I’m not going to hurt you.”

Bright green eyes peeked warily at him from between Luca’s forearms, the set of the boy’s shoulders radiating skepticism.

Cloud didn’t know how to process that, or what it implied about how Luca had been treated before now, and he didn’t have the energy to try. “Just... stay there. I’m going to get a broom--”

“I can do it!” Luca interrupted, dropping his arms. There was a familiar stubborn set to his jaw, strange to see on a three-year-old’s face, and again he started to take a step forward.

“No!” Cloud snapped again, and Luca went still, though fearful tremors shook his tiny frame. Cloud sighed, and tried to gentle his voice. “There’s broken glass everywhere. If you step on it, you’ll get hurt.”

Luca studied him for a long, silent moment, but didn’t answer. Cloud said, “Don’t move. Not an inch. I’m going to go find a broom.”

Luca nodded once, short and sharp, but at least he seemed to get it. Cloud yanked his boots off without bothering with the laces, depositing them in a relatively clear spot in the bathroom so he wouldn’t track glass through the rest of the room. To his surprise, Imogen - the woman they were renting the room from - was just cresting the stairs when he pulled open the door. She held a broom and dustpan in one hand, and another glass in the other.

She smiled when she saw Cloud. “I heard the glass break,” she said. “Are you both all right?”

Cloud nodded. “I can pay--”

“Oh, my dear, no,” Imogen interrupted gently. “Don’t worry about it. Kids that young break things, and I’ve got plenty to spare.” She pressed the broom, dustpan, and glass into Cloud’s hands. “Do you need any help cleaning up?”

Cloud shook his head.

“If you’re sure,” Imogen said. “I’m right downstairs - holler if you need anything.”

“Thanks,” Cloud said, and headed back into their room.

Luca stood exactly where Cloud had left him, in exactly the same pose; apparently he’d taken that “don’t move an inch” literally. As Cloud bent down to start sweeping up the glass, Luca said, “I can help.”

There was a tiny quaver in his voice, a note of fear, and rage surged hot and sharp through Cloud as he realized why. Hojo would have expected the boy to clean up the mess. Hojo would have expected a three-year-old to walk barefoot through shattered glass to get a broom and dustpan and sweep up the shards all on his own. Hojo would have probably taken notes the whole time about his specimen’s pain tolerance, or his accelerated rate of healing, or his ability to follow orders like a good little soldier.

Cloud barely stopped himself from swearing out loud. Luca was still trembling, and Cloud didn’t want the boy to think Cloud’s anger was directed at him. Instead, Cloud threw himself into cleaning up the broken glass, sweeping carefully around Luca’s feet, then dampening one of the spare hand towels and wiping over the floor, and finally cleaning the glass out of his boots.

Luca didn’t move the whole time, though his sharp green eyes followed Cloud’s every motion with the caution of a rabbit who knows a hawk is nearby. When Cloud was done, he crouched in front of Luca and held out his hands. The boy hesitated, but then lifted his arms so Cloud could pick him up. Cloud rinsed Luca’s feet in the sink just to be safe - he’d broken enough glasses in his own childhood to know that shards found their way to the worst places. Then he filled the new glass with water from the sink, carried boy and glass over to one of the room’s twin beds, and sat down with Luca on his lap.

“Here,” Cloud said, holding out the glass.

Luca took it in both hands and drank carefully, still keeping one eye on Cloud from under his long bangs. When the glass was empty, Luca started to reach to set it on the nightstand, then hesitated, throwing a fearful glance at Cloud. It took Cloud a second to realize the boy was worried about dropping the glass again - or more specifically, was worried that Cloud was going to yell at him for risking dropping the glass again.

Making his voice as gentle as he could, Cloud said, “It’s fine. Go ahead.”

Luca hesitated a heartbeat or two longer, then leaned the rest of the way to set the glass carefully on the nightstand. Curling back in on himself, he folded his hands in his lap, his pale hair falling around his face. In a voice so quiet Cloud almost didn’t hear it, he asked, “Do I have to go to the punishment room now?”

Cloud bit back all the questions that jumped to the tip of his tongue: what’s the punishment room? and Hojo punished you for things like that? and what did he do to you? He said, “No. It was an accident. It wasn’t your fault.”

“I should’ve done better,” Luca muttered in a tone that suggested Hojo had told him that, repeatedly and often.

Since Luca was still looking at his own hands like they were the most fascinating things in the world, Cloud let himself roll his eyes. “Accidents happen.”

“Not in Project S,” Luca insisted. “I have to be perfect.”

Cloud shifted Luca on his knee so he could look the boy in the eye. Face to face like this, it was uncomfortably easy to see in the boy the man he would grow up to be - would have grown up to be, if Cloud hadn’t fallen back in time. But Cloud shoved those thoughts aside. The boy sitting in front of him was Luca now. Not Sephiroth, not anymore.

"Hojo’s dead,” Cloud told him. “You don’t have to be perfect anymore. Not for him. Not for anyone.”

Luca stared at him, his slit pupils almost round in the room’s dim light. “Promise?”

“Promise.”

Luca considered that solemnly, then nodded once. His body relaxed, and he snugged into Cloud’s chest. “Can you read me a story again tonight?”

“...Yeah,” Cloud said. “Yeah, I can.”

#sanity replies #ask meme #fanfiction #ffvii #okay look i know it's cliched as fuck #but i got this thought in my head #and then ageofzero encouraged me #and then you asked this #so here you go #1265 words of ffvii timetravel fluff #r3zuri

12 notes · View notes

cardboardqueen · 5 years

Text

so Billy’s dead and I have some thoughts

hey. hey guys.

Billy’s death was tragic and beautiful and I cried, but now I have some thoughts that I simply cannot ignore. so here’s a long meta post about it

First, a few Facts™

Indrid predicted that Billy would be important

the mimic abomination referred to him as “the partition”

When Ned was in that digital dreamscape, he read the words “Duck” “Pizza” and “Run” on the command line thing

In Billy’s TV dust illustration of earth and sylvain, he depicted himself as from a place/planet between the two, and then drew dozens of other circle pairs with his place/planet between the two

All of the abominations, regardless of form or function (Billy was technically a minion, I think) have been the same kind of four-armed light-creature

The mimic compared humans to spiders, and itself to a boot, and implied that there was a bigger picture that Ned didn’t understand

we have significant evidence that those creatures are intelligent, but also that they don’t necessarily mean humans harm. Before the water elemental dies, Griffin says “And you instantly know that this being, whatever it is, it means you no harm”

Eugene claims to been sucked into a wormhole by “ephemeral beings”

Minerva, when she names Duck a Herald of the Astral Mind, says “By the light inside, between, and around”

so I have a theory

Billy (and the other creatures of light) are from the liminal space beyond reality, and are connected in some way to the magic of the archway. It’s been a long ass time since I read The Subtle Knife, but kind of like how whenever Will made a cut, he released demons? Because clearly the archway has magic that can disregard spacetime and reality, and the easiest way to thread a needle through opposite ends of a piece of paper is to fold the paper in half, ie, go between/ beyond our plane of reality.

Minerva knows at least a little about this. She found earth and sylvain because she was doing research on her own planet’s archway, and nothing says “liminal dimension of light” more than the combination of the phrases “astral mind” and “the light inside, between, and around”.

The abominations aren’t wreaking havoc for havoc’s sake. The mimic had a goal, made complex plans, and was frustrated when they didn’t work. I think it was Aubrey who said that there was no better way to start a war with sylvain than to convince a bunch of scared earthlings to storm the gate. I don’t know if they want to destroy earth, or sylvain, or both, or the connection between the two, but they have a specific goal and a specific plan

and here’s where I pull out my tin hat

All planets have an essence. The essence of earth is a suitable substitute for the light of sylvain in a pinch. Sylvain and the quell have a yin/yang kind of relationship, implying that earth may also have a quell type essence, it’s just well balanced, so we don’t notice any negative effects. Every other life bearing planet probably also has a life/death pair, and most are probably in good balance. But sylvain’s isn’t, and it’s earth’s fault. And, if I’m right, then a constant between all planets, and all these connections, throughout all of reality, is the four-armed light creature. If they’re filling all the space between reality, then they’re probably pretty invested in an imbalance like sylvain’s, and they would be invested in fixing it.

What if the abomination’s presence on earth is trying to find sylvain, or punish earth, or destroy the worlds so that at least everything is balanced again, even if this two little worlds have to die? So much chaos has been caused by the earth/sylvain connection, from the shattering of the crystal, to the “draconian” laws and whatever caused them, and now the shattering of Mount Kepler, in addition to whatever the fuck happened on November 15, 1988 (ephemeral beings through a wormhole sure seems like the light creatures). The mimic, when it confronted Ned, seemed to have orders from a higher authority, and implied that there was a larger plan being carried out. What if they’ve been trying to fix the chaos, or at least stop it? That’s why the abominations have been getting smarter recently, because the quell’s been getting stronger, and they’re trying to stop the quell too, in their own way.

#taz #taza #The Adventure Zone #taz amnesty #taz meta #the quell #i do not know how to tag this #taza meta #taza episode 32 #taz spoilers #cardboard text #cardboard meta #taza spoilers

65 notes · View notes

takeyourcritique · 5 years

Text

Makoto Niijima: Good Girl, Bad Writing.

In video games, movies, TV, and books, there are always characters who receive copious amounts of praise. In Persona 5, it is no different. Some characters deserve the hype they get, and some.. do not. In my humble opinion, Makoto Niijima falls into the latter category and in this essay I will explain why, as well as delve into what I as a writer would do to improve her character. Because this is not a hate meta, it is merely me articulating my issues with her character and getting my thoughts in order. (She has potential, it merely needs to be utilized and with P5R coming next year, a girl can hope.)

1. Underwhelming Design

The cast of Persona 5, in contrast to the casts before them, are vigilantes, a band of misfits if you will. The entire theme of the game is rebellion against society and fighting the norm, and the characters should reflect this in their design. The only exception is the protagonist himself because he's on probation and attempting to keep a low profile: that's why he follows the dress code to a tee and appears as gentle as possible, because he's already in enough trouble as is. The first party member, Ryuji, has been a rebel for a good amount of time: his hair is a stark blond (which Kawakami-sensei does not approve of) and he wears a very casual version of the school uniform; substituting a bright yellow shirt for the white of the uniform, wearing sneakers instead of dress shoes, and not wearing his suspenders (they're attached though, at the waist).

Ann Takamaki wears a white clover hoodie under her blazer, red leggings under her skirt, brown lace up boots, and earrings; not to mention her hair, while a natural blonde, is pulled back into cutesy pigtails almost like a teenage Harley Quinn. Yusuke doesn't even go to the same school, so his attire stands out in stark contrast with the main trio. Futaba dyes her hair red and she doesn't go to school at all due to severe anxiety; Haru wears a poofy pink sweater over her uniform with Mary Janes and polka dot tights. They all stick out like little sore thumbs. Except Makoto. She basically also follows the dress code, with a few subtle changes:

•She doesn't wear a blazer, instead wearing a black halter vest over her turtleneck

•Black tights

•Brown boots

That's literally it. Nothing about her stands out, and even in her casual clothing she wears a lot of whites and blacks. There's a monochromatic vibe to her, perhaps alluding to her strong sense of justice and distinction between right and wrong which in and of itself isn't bad! But it doesn't fit with the theme of the cast, Makoto fits in too much with the rest of the world to fit in with them. Just by looking at her, you cannot tell she's supposed to be part of the crew and in all honesty she'd fit better working with Akechi due to their very similar views of justice and morals. Hell, some NPCs are more vibrant design-wise than Makoto is.

2. Her Metaverse design, Persona and codename are contradictory.

Makoto's Persona, Johanna, is based most likely off Pope Joan, (after doing research online and reading Johanna's profile on SMT wiki it seemed the best fit) who was a woman that pretended to be a man in order to rise to power in an otherwise male-only role in the Catholic church. And while the story is intriguing, it doesn't fit Makoto at all: she never pretended to be what she was not and while she's "the voice of reason" she's not the leader of the team; Joker is. This makes her codename, "Queen", even more confusing. Nothing about her costume design looks regal whatsoever; it makes no sense. It feels like writer's favoritism, in all honesty. A better name would've been something more related to the fact that she looks like a biker/executionist hybrid; like "Crusher" or something of more..violent nature.

Even a name related to her wanting to go into the force would've worked well: Chief, Lieutenant, etc. Queen is nice, but it doesn't click with Makoto at all, unlike literally everyone else's Persona and codename. Ann's Persona, Carmen, is a femme fatale that kills men. Captain Kidd is a pirate, an iconic symbol of rebellion; Milady, Haru's Persona, is a reference to a villainess of the same name in the 3 Musketeers; Goemon was essentially a Japanese Robin Hood which fits Yusuke's entire kitsune/warrior aesthetic. Joker's Persona, Arsene, is a direct nod to Arsene Lupin; who was one of Sherlock's rivals and a gentleman thief who left calling cards to the people he robbed and a direct parallel to Akechi.

3. Her introduction as a whole, and to the team, is abysmal.

When Makoto is first introduced to the player, the entire school is in turmoil over Kamoshida's abusive actions towards the volleyball and track team. Many people don't know the truth about what's going on, and others simply turn a blind eye because as an Olympic medalist, the gym coach brings in a lot of popularity for the school. Being the student council president, Makoto has power that many other students do not have; so one would assume that upon learning that a victim was in danger she would spring into action, no?

Wrong.

When Ann confronts Makoto about her inaction, she turns the question back on the blonde, asking "What have YOU done for Shiho?" as if it's Ann's fault that Shiho had been jeopardized (which it was not, Ann allowed herself to be blackmailed by Kamoshida in order, so she thought, to protect her best and at the time, only friend). And she doesn't do anything about the situation, claiming that "It has nothing to do with me." (This is how abuse victims DIE.) Even worse, her elder sister is a prosecutor, she could've easily gone to Sae and asked her to look into the matter. Goro Akechi later calls her out on this, as he should; telling her that she is a "good-girl pushover". And when Kamoshida is punished for his crimes, Ann, who was bullied and outcast, goes to Makoto and apologizes to HER to make amends, as if she were wrong. Makoto then replies "We both made mistakes" in a sorry apology (she doesn't even say "I'm sorry" iirc), and asks if she can call Ann by her first name and without honorifics, which in Japan is a symbol of close friendship. (Edit: this apology actually takes place after Kaneshiro's arc, not Kamoshida's, I misremembered.)

You see, calling someone by their given name, even if you are the same age, has a ton of meaning in the culture. Just a year difference between two people can separate them as senpai and kouhai, and while the senpai can call their kouhai by their first name without raising any eyebrows it's not the same for the younger person. Calling someone by their given name in Japan is a privilege, not a right; it represents trust, respect, everything that Makoto and Ann did NOT have.

Now, let me get this straight.

Makoto did nothing when everybody called Ann Kamoshida's hoe, allowed her, Shiho, Akira, Ryuji and Mishima plus many others to suffer abuse (and Shiho attempted suicide!), gave a laughable apology, victim-blamed Ann; and now she wants to be buddy-buddy? What, in any reality, about that is okay? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. But of course, because the writers want us to love Makoto, they have Ann forgive her and let her call her by her first name. And after all that, Makoto is still president, despite her clear nonchalance to the matter. She also does nothing to help the Kamoshida victims after his crimes come to light, when there was literally no excuse anymore not to assist them and help them get back on their feet. Even if she felt powerless with Kamoshida around, that doesn't explain her inaction after he's gone.

Flash forward two Palaces later, when she joins the team. Makoto stalks the protagonist around to gather evidence that he is a Phantom Thief, and then blackmails her way into the ranks. The team of course, is not happy about this at all. Makoto gives them the target; Junya Kaneshiro, who's basically forcing people into debt. The problem here is she has literally no personal ties to him; unlike the main trio all having connections to Kamoshida and Yusuke being Madarame's essential foster son. Tired of Sae calling her useless, Makoto jumps in front of the mob boss's car in desperation (and Ryuji gets her out of the way JUST in time, but he very easily could've died) which puts the entire team in danger and later on is literally pinned down by the mob and the crew have to go and save her because she was so determined to take this dude down she walked into the lion's den without any form of a plan. (He was also going to sell her into prostution to pay off the debt he'd given the Thieves.)

Her Awakening is also really weak: the speech from Johanna is extremely short and then Makoto stomps the ground to avoid falling over, rips off her mask with a bunch of overdramatic screaming (iirc we don't even get to see blood) and whoop-di-doo, she's got a motorcycle! And suddenly, despite all she's done, everybody loves her and thinks she's a total badass when she literally just threw an adult-sized tantrum. The motorcycle itself is also very lazy, it's just a motorcycle with a face. That's it. That's Makoto's Persona. A motorcycle. With. A. Face.

And from then on, everybody's suddenly a-ok and buddy-buddy with Makoto. It's ridiculous and just makes her come off as a Mary Sue because if somebody endangered my life I sure as hell would not be rubbing shoulders with them and I'm quite sure most people feel the same way. And again, after all this, Makoto does not get in trouble or even harshly reprimanded by the school for her extremely reckless actions; when she should have, and had the power to, just call the police or Sae. And all the Thieves somehow are now her friends and she gets to become a superhero.

So let me see if I understand. This girl stalks these people, blackmails them and forces them to go after hardened criminals (she was going to snitch on them if they didn't comply to her demands), goes in guns blazing by HERSELF to attempt to take down the mob boss, has to be rescued..

And gets praised and dubbed a badass for this???

And before you accuse me of having bias against Makoto, let it be known I in no way, shape or form condone Yusuke stalking Ann or Futaba blackmailing the Thieves either. It's. Still. Wrong.

Also, if you unironically think Makoto's stalking is cute, you're wrong. Stalking is creepy, regardless if it's a girl or guy doing it; no one gets a pass.

In addition, Makoto couldn't be bothered to help out at school but then goes after a MOB BOSS and puts herself in unnecessary danger? What's up with that?? If she felt powerless against Kamoshida, why in the world would she take on the Yakuza?

4. Her backstory doesn't mesh well with the rest of the team.

The gang are all outcasts and misfits in one way or another, and their pasts are less than savory.

Protagonist: Falsely accused of assaulting a woman, expelled from school and sent to Tokyo on a year probation despite his innocence, victim of nasty rumors by other students at his new school; abused by his gym coach, no contact with parents.

Ryuji: Abusive, alcoholic father who beat him and llater left him and his mother, abused by his gym coach, leg broken by his gym coach and labeled as a delinquent because his coach lied and acted like Ryuji attacked him, thus alienating him from the track team and by extent; the entire school. Losing his track scholarship because he can't run anymore, ruining his academic career.

Ann: Two parent household but they're never home, leaving her with a caretaker. Faced bullying and isolation due to being biracial (she's a quarter American), only having one friend before joining the Phantom Thieves. Blackmailed by the gym coach and sexually harassed in order to keep this one friend on the volleyball team, labeled as a slut because no one took the time to find out the truth of the matter. Friend is later raped and attempts suicide, Ann attempts to get help from the student council president but is blamed herself for Shiho's predicament. Also judged just for her looks, which she despises.

Yusuke: Biological father died presumably before his birth, biological mother had a seizure and died due to his mentor's negligence. Said mentor then takes Yusuke, a very small child at this point in time, and raises him in isolation. Psychologically (and very likely emotionally) manipulated, Kitagawa grows up in an abusive household and when confronted with the truth, is unwilling to believe it is so (as many abusive victims realistically behave). Later learns the truth about his mother and his mentor's plagiarism and detaches himself from him, but is extremely socially awkward out of touch due to isolation and as a result is isolated at school because no one wants to talk to him.

Futaba: Was blamed for her mother's death (whom she lost at 13-14) and lived with an extremely abusive uncle who underfed her and didn't even let her bathe herself. Developed severe anxiety and became suicidally depressed for over a year, refusing to even come out of her room. Had a friend who was abused by her parents and upon finding out the two fell out and only reconciled years later through the Internet. Bullied in school for her intellect.

Haru: Lost her mother at a young age, engaged against her will to an emotionally abusive, selfish fiancé for the sake of her father's company. Has deep-rooted trust issues due to people being kind to her solely because of her status; or mean for the exact same reasons. Later on lost her father as well at the age of 17, leaving all the responsibility of the company to her as she was the sole heir.

Morgana: Has no memories of who, or what, he used to be and suffers existential crises; suffers from vivid nightmares. Puts up a façade of arrogance to hide insecurities.

Makoto: Mother died when younger, father died in the line of work, older sister forced to become caretaker and work her rear off to provide for the both of them. Pressured into perfection by Sae.

That's.. literally it. Yes, she has no friends at school, but that's by her choice; she isolates herself in her studies and as a result is socially awkward and doesn't know how to interact with people (which makes her even less suitable to be put into any type of leadership position so how she became student council president is beyond me.) Makoto's life is heaven compared to the other Thieves and most of her issues would go away once she gets to college: the rest of the team doesn't have that luxury. By the way, please don't think I'm saying she doesn't deserve to be on the team because she doesn't have as deep a sob story, I'm not saying that at all. It's just that her backstory isn't really utilized as well as it should be and often times conflict is used to try to get the player to feel sorry for her (i.e. Sae calling her useless)

5. Her Confidant is abysmal and cliché.

So Makoto's Confidant actually starts out not half bad! You take her out to play video games and help her come out of her shell initially. But then it shifts to Eiko, an old friend of hers, who is a bad relationship. And this is when the Confidant begins to suffer, because it's not even about Makoto anymore. The president tells Eiko about the danger she's in, and her old classmate does not listen; declaring that since the older girl does not have a boyfriend she couldn't possibly understand. This logic is very flawed; it's like telling a smoker to stop smoking and they tell you "You don't even smoke, you don't know how bad it is". Yet Makoto listens to Eiko and comes to you, the protagonist; and asks you to pretend to be her boyfriend in order to convince her friend that she DOES understand. But it's so awkward Eiko's boyfriend and the girl herself can tell you're not genuine. And you have to keep this up for the rest of the Confidant, not to mention MAX Charm is required from Rank 5 onward in this route. Why?

Because apparently you're not attractive enough otherwise. And it's not even for Makoto, it's for Eiko, to convince her that you're hot enough to compare to her boyfriend; Takase. (Geez, shallow and childish much?) And then at the end of the Confidant, the romance angle comes off as very odd because you're literally treated like an afterthought the entire time and then suddenly Makoto turns around and wants you as her actual boyfriend?? Uh..where was her falling for you during the time spent together? It just feels like it comes outta nowhere, not to mention she wants to be a cop which the law literally ruined Joker's life soooo why is he getting into a romantic relationship with someone who wants to be associated with a source of his trauma? That's like a metaphorical slap in his face.

"Hey, I know you were literally beaten and drugged up, manhandled, falsely accused and put into solitary confinement by the law enforcement, causing you to suffer severe anxiety and you to possibly be scarred forever but I wanna be a cop even though I don't think straight in stressful situations and act on impulse and don't take insults or criticism well; and I want you to stay by my side even though I blackmailed you, stalked you, and endangered your life and did nothing while you were being abused by your gym coach."

(Let's not forget she also didn't say anything about Sae having a Palace until it was almost too late and Joker almost lost Futaba as a result.)

For Valentine's Day she declares "I've been waiting for you for so long" and that genuinely bewildered me because you don't really see her pining at all during her Confidant, nor during other events (the closest thing you get is her clinging to you in Sojiro's house but that's honestly not even romantic that's just her getting frightened and needing assurance in a very unnecessary "ship tease" moment). Same with the scene in Futaba's Palace, while Joker saving Queen was very sweet, he literally would've done that for anybody of his teammates. Makoto is not special in that regard.

6. How to better this character

•Introduce her to the Thieves in a better, more plot driven way, or remove her from the team completely.

Kaneshiro's arc should honestly just be scrapped, it was a sorry attempt to get Makoto on the team. A better time for her to join would be Sae's Palace since she actually has emotional ties to the Palace owner and by this time in the game could've developed to be a better person from the Kamoshida arc, wanting to make things right. This could also be a good start for her and Ann to begin to be on better terms- not even necessarily friends (because after what happened I honestly don't think Ann would want to be friends, at least not close), but learning to at least be civil. That, or she joins out of desperation because she doesn't want anything bad to happen to Sae and as the infiltration continues gets more and more nervous and ultimately rats their plan out (because Makoto as the traitor would be much better, writing-wise).

Alternatively, Hifumi joining instead of Makoto would also be very refreshing with Makoto covering up for them at school and supporting them on the sly.

•Treat her flaws as actual flaws, she's not perfect.

Makoto does have some bad traits, a few being:

•bad tempered

•reckless

•stubborn

•nosy

•hypocritical

•bossy

•socially awkward

But these are almost never treated in a negative light. With the Kamoshida arc and Kaneshiro arc, all is simply forgiven, same with her smacking Eiko across the face in a moment of anger. Even when wrong, Makoto is never wrong per say and this makes it difficult for her to be believable as a character. To fix this, having her suffer the consequences of her actions will make it more realistic. For example, getting Eiko to break up with her boyfriend but cutting ties with her too as a result would give Makoto the rude awakening that you can do the right thing the wrong way and people will not always forgive you for the mess you put them through (nor should they).

Her being punished for unnecessarily putting herself in danger with Kaneshiro would also be understandable (she should've been at least suspended, she could've gotten herself killed, plus all the then existing Phantom Thieves); as well as actually apologizing for the hell that was Kamoshida's drama. And not just to Ann, but everyone who suffered. That would show maturity and a willingness to change, and put her in a better light.

I want Makoto to get mad and she's fully in the wrong and she acknowledges she's wrong, have her recklessness get her or a teammate wounded in battle, etc. And have the others call her out when she's wrong and refuse to let it slide. Have them talk it out, grow as a team. Just..make Makoto fallible, flawed, broken even. She's an orphan, I want to touch more on her having to grow up quickly, feeling lonely and unsure of how to connect with people; talk about how her father is a driving force in her values and morals and how she wishes to honor him by following in his footsteps.

Delve into how she feels less than worthy if she does not achieve excellence but do it in a way that does not demonize Sae unnecessarily and try to make the reader/player feel sorry for her. Have Makoto spend more time with people in her team outside of team duties and while being awkward, genuinely interested and actively working to better her relationships. (She barely interacts with anyone besides Joker, Futaba, and on occasion, Haru) When Makoto is realistically flawed, she then becomes relatable and much more likable.

I want her fears to be plot relevant, not just slapped on for the sake of making her look "cute". Her being scared of the dark was never relevant, unlike Rei from Persona Q who was scared of the dark and had to go through a pitch black room in order to find key cards to help her friends escape a locked room or Yukari being terrified of death and having to come to terms with that. Same with her fixation for Buchimaru, it's cute but it doesn't add any depth to her character whatsoever or even her apparently knowing aikido? We never see Makoto fight outside the Metaverse unlike Chie or Akihiko so it feels like a character trait just slapped on to make her 'cooler'. It feels lazy, because it is. It's like the writers wanted her to be this strong, independent young woman but at the same time a scared, awkward little girl and the two ideas often clash; coming off as contradictory as if they couldn't make their minds up as to who they wanted Makoto to be.

Again, this is not an attack on Makoto fans. If you like her, that's valid and I respect that. I'm merely explaining why I don't and how I feel the writing failed her character and what I believe she'd be if her potential was maximized.

That's all, have a good day.

#meta #critique #persona 5

43 notes · View notes

veroticker · 4 years

Text

The librarian’s vampire assistant book 4 - Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

You can buy the book on Amazon.

Summary (from Mimi Jean Pamfiloff’s website)

SHE’S MINE. BUT HAS SHE FORGOTTEN?

A crazy vampire has stolen my librarian. And if that’s not bad enough, it is my fault. Because I, too, am an ancient, deadly vampire, and it was my job to protect her. I failed.

Now, just as I have reason to hope I will get her back, the situation turns into the biggest mystery of my existence.

Apparently, this evil vampire has brainwashed her into thinking she belongs with him. I do not know how. I do not know why. But I will get to the bottom of this and win her back.

Because I am the motherf*!$%ing librarian’s vampire assistant, and she belongs to me. Or, at least she used to?

Blurb

““Michael, please come home,” Lula whimpers through the other end of my cell phone. “I’m begging you. It’s been over a year. This. Has. To. End.”

Why the hell is she telling me this? I know. I goddamned well know! I am the one who is dirty, tired, underfed, and at the end of my rope.

“I’m sorry, Lula,” I say, gazing out across the turquoise blue waters of the Marmara Sea from my suite in Istanbul, “but nothing has changed. I will never stop looking for Miriam.” I’ve traveled to the caves of Borneo, searched every oasis along the Sahara Desert, and combed through every major city, remote island, and five-star resort. I have flipped over thousands of rocks and followed hundreds of leads from vampires who’ve interacted with the legendary, ruthless, and one-lightbulb-shy-of-a-functioning-table-lamp vampire, Mr. Nice.

Wherever he’s taken my librarian, it’s somewhere off the grid. My heart sinks into my dirty leather boots. I miss Miriam more than words can say. I cannot breathe without her.

Lula sighs remorsefully. “You’re my brother, Michael— but in a non-creepy way since we aren’t actually related and did sleep together once. What I mean to say is that you mean more to me than just a best friend or sharing the same maker, which is why you give me no choice. I have to put my foot down and tell you the truth: You’re never going to find Miriam, and it’s time you face it. She’s gone.”

I turn away from the sherbet orange sunset melting into the deep blue ocean, the sound of crashing waves to my back and the cool December wind whipping through my dark unkempt hair. It is a surprise this hotel gave me a room because I look like I rolled out of a dumpster. Or clawed my way from a vegetable garden. I think they did not want to upset me. I carry an ominous vibe these days.

“Lula, she is not gone. Miriam is hidden. By a very powerful, delusional vampire. I could no more cease looking for her than I would for you if you were taken.”

“You say that, but at some point you have to accept reality and throw in the towel.”

“Never.” I am over four hundred years old, and Miriam is the only woman who’s ever managed to pierce my cold heart with love’s arrow. She made me see what life could be like if I faced my demons and let down my guard. Now that I have had a taste, I cannot go back to the hollow, emotionless vampire I once was. I need her in my life. Her, and her first-edition books. So. Many…”

(review under the cut)

Review

I doubt I’ll be able to do justice to the book in my review. I felt so strongly while reading it, and I can’t get out of it, I can’t write an objective review.

So let’s just say that, if you got attached to the characters in the previous books, especially Michael, you’re in for an adventure, and it’ll be both joyful and painful. So many things happen to them, they go from high to the very low.

Even with all that, you’ll still find the meta humor that you surely loved before. But although it isn’t the darkest book in the series, it’s still intense.

I really don’t know what more to say without giving away some plot. So... I’ll be waiting for the next book.

Quickie

Series: The librarian’s vampire assistant #4 (it’s a serial)

Hashtags: #paranormal romance #romantic suspense #vampire #surprise pregnancy

Trigger: vampire violence, drug use

Main couple: Miriam Murphy & Michael Vanderhorst

Hotness: 2/5

Romance: 5/5

+ so many strong emotions

- Michael’s journey seemed a bit too much (although necessary)

Stalker mode

You can suscribe to Mimi Jean Pamfiloff’s newsletter on her website.

You can also follow her on Facebook.

#Mimi Jean Pamfiloff #The librarian's vampire assistant book 4 #paranormal romance #romantic suspense

1 note · View note

bellamygateoldblog · 4 years

Note

the 100 ofc!

— this gets a little rant-y and may or may not be coherent- currently pulling an all-nighter and it’s literally 5am- that’s it. That’s my excuse.

all time favourite character

IDK man IDK…I wanna say Jasper, maybe Raven

a character I didn’t used to like but do now

I’ll stick Octavia in this one. I actually did like her at first, then i didn’t then i did then i didn’t then i

a character i used to like but now don’t

[ insert every single character here ] Clarke and Bellamy. Clarke lost me very early season 3 and Bellamy is dead to me as of season 6. I’m throwing Miller in here- when he was that delinquent that wears the beanie I could go for that, but now i’m just straight up annoyed by his presence and want him to go away forever. My reluctant liking of Abby turned sour pretty fast, too. Arming a group of children and sending them out into a warzone to find your daughter, then abandoning them once she’s back is really SOMETHING. And hitting Raven while she’s acting Chancellor…i should beat your ass, Abby

a character i’m indifferent about

Wells: poor treatment of MoC and very valid anger aside, truely I don’t see the facination and borderline obsession fandom has with the character himself- he barely existed. Are you all in love with the idea of him, rather? Or the guy from the book? He was literally in this thing for three episodes, we never actually knew him, nor was he even given the chance to develop or have any sort of story. I see so so much hate about Echo and her lack of development and yet in the same breath y’all are talking about missing Wells and oh what a wonderful character he was. Spare me. He was a character full to the brim with potential and unfortunately that’s all he’ll ever be.

Anya and Lexa, too. I don’t really have opinions formed on either of them, nor do I really care to

a character who deserved better

I mean with that minor Wells rant aside and half a step into my hypocrisy boots…Wells did. Lol. I think he absolutely deserved better than to be killed off in order to push a white woman’s story forwards. I think he deserved better than to have been all about Clarke, his entire character about serving her character, even in death. This show has a history of criminally underusing/sideling/killing their most compelling characters, i think Wells would’ve been such a fun addition to the main band, i wonder how his personality would’ve expanded, what could his arcs have looked like? i think about how his dynamics would form and fair, what might he think of Clarke now?

Jasper deserved better than to have become a nihilist’s wet dream. I have mixed feelings about the whole thing, i really do. The creators, some of the fans even, chat about how it’s a gritty reality, sometimes it’s just Like That, and in some ways that’s absolutely right, but in a show of such loss to have this bleak ending for a character like this is just…a bit of an overkill? What’s wrong with hopeful endings? I mean we literally already had a similar scenario occur with Luna a mere episode(s) before. A woman who strives for nothing more than peace loses her faith in humanity and so fights for death. Why they felt the need to kick a dead horse by doing the same thing with Jasper is beyond me.

Listen many character have demonstrated suicidal tendancies at some point or another: Clarke, Murphy, Bellamy, Octavia, Harper and so on, but Jasper is the only one that gets the actual suicide? The character who’s canon mental illness has been more on the explicit and expressed side, the first victim of the ground, the very character who we’ve watched struggle his way through four seasons with an inconsistent or otherwise absent support system, his story ended with suicide. It’s devastating and, frankly, disrespectful. As if he was too far gone to find his way back into the light.

We saw clearly Monty’s reactions to Jasper’s death, but we didn’t see him grieve- he was busy rushing to survive the end of the world. This show loves sidestepping the consiquences of big events they write- there’s always a new threat to face which means everyone gets to move on abnormally quickly. Nobody asked about Jasper in Becca’s lab, we never actually saw anyone except for Clarke find out about this, nobody in the bunker either, not Octavia, and no mentions of Jasper in season five besides Monty begging him to be wrong about humanity. This show isn’t great with handling their deceased either. They want to focus on a fresh plot and not be stuck dragging around that dead weight. Finn isn’t mentioned in relation to Raven despite his importance to her story and of the fact this specific death shook the whole show. Wells’ has been removed from memory despite Clarke being the protagonist who we should know most intimately. I feel most detached from her, honestly. We’ve had a fair amount of Lincoln, though, and a consistantly aggressive reaffirmal of Lexa’s existence. But Jasper just isn’t here. He isn’t talked about. Jasper suffered, and Monty was right there in front of him trying to hand him that peaceful life he always dreamed of, ready to lift him (literally) out of that pain, and he died. Harper got to change her mind last minute, so did Raven, but not Jasper, no, his body went up in flames with the rest of it. The way they filmed the scene was gut-wrenching because of the hopelessness and coldness of it all. And i think he deserved to be spacekru, to heal somewhat up there, and oh what fun would he have been in season five. What would he be like now? What would he think of what became of everyone else? Of Clarke and of Octavia? Again, such wasted potential.

Jasper was one of The 100 on a show named after them, his death brought that to 4, and i can’t emphasise to you enough how big a mistake it was to craft a show around a certain group of people and then abandon that idea entirely. Your show is named something that it isn’t even about!!

Lexa deserved a more respectful death.

Bellamy deserved better than to be murdered brutally by the writers during season 6.

a ship i’ve never been able to get into

Bellarke. Braven. Murven. Clexa. Wicken/Ravick(?). Octabriel. Kabby

a ship i’ve never been able to get over

Becho. Memori. Jasper and Octavia were very sweet

a cute, low-key ship

Linctavia. It was always more of a background ‘ship’ for me. And Marper!

an unpopular ship but i still enjoyed it

Becho and Murphamy

a ship that was totally wrong and never should’ve happened

Flarke

my favourite storyline/moment

favourite storyline(s): delinquents finding a way to live on the ground and mount weather!

Favourite moment: i don’t think i have one TBH

my first thoughts on the show

It was exactly what i was looking for; a post-apoc teen drama, a little corny, a little gritty. I enjoyed season 1, and then 2, but with the constantly rising stakes to absolutely obscene levels eventually, my interest dwindled. By season 4 there was an almost desolate feeling and all the potential this had was dead and buried. They could’ve gone so many ways, done so much more, but for reasons unknown they chose possibly the weirdest and least interesting route available. I really thought they’d exhausted all their story by the end of 4 and i was, of course, absolutely correct since s5 was…more of the same…a literal recycled storyline that had been done not once but twice before it. In season 1 and then again in season 2. Since joining tumblr and fandom and seeing things from a various new angles, reading of social implications and meta on how sections of the writing are flawed, i’ve crafted a more informed and complex opinion than i had as a casual viewer and now see most aspects of the show in a completely different light.

my thoughts now

I’m over it. I think it could be safe to say i hate what it became. Most of my opinions of it now are negative, or at the very least have a critical component to them. I haven’t genuienly enjoyed it since season four and it hasn’t been actually decent since season two. It has a lot of deeper issues engrained into it’s writing, and there was a before when you could criticise those choices and obvious flaws and still be able to enjoy the show as it’s own entity because it existed as one at that time. But now it feels like an empty shell void of all life. With how broken and goofy the writing has become i just can’t take it seriously anymore. Characterisation and consistency have been thrown out in favour of serving the plot many many times before, but season 6 brought this to a whole new low. Dialogue was clumsy and there was a LOT of information dumping, it focused much too heavily on new characters nobody cared about, things were swinging from one extreme to another in terms of character arcs (see: Octavia’s full redemption and transformation basically overnight, and Bellamy switching from set to commit genocide in Clarke’s honour and ‘[we let these people die because] it’s not my fault their delusional’ to ‘let’s do better for Monty i am suddenly King of morality’) and in relationships (see: Bellamy instantly forgiving Clarke and then abandoning everyone and everything to save her, meanwhile he’s demonising Octavia like he’s getting paid for it). The characters just aren’t people anymore, they’re wheels that move the plot forward (in any way that’s required regardless of whether or not it’s actually in line with canon), and let’s not even talk about the science that pushes the envelope too far and Clarke’s insane plot armour. I’ve beaten this rant to death at this point so I won’t get any more into it. But just know: what was once a genuine fondness of this show has turned poisonous since.

#the 100 #rosie tag: share with the group #tw suicide #anti tag: clarke griffin #the 100: we ask we answer #the100meta

3 notes · View notes

prairiedust · 5 years

Text

Jack the Friendship-Killer

Jack Kline can be refracted through several folkloristic lenses to get a deeper understanding of his character. The first lens is that of the Jack character of English and American folklore-- sometimes a giant killer through his innocence and good intentions, at other times too cunning for his own good. How do we understand Jack now that he’s burned off an unknown quantity of his soul?

Jack of “Jack and the Beanstalk” and Jack from “Jack the Giant Killer” are subtly different heroes. Beanstalk Jack is not particularly clever-- in fact it is his naivete that starts the whole escapade in the first place. He believes that he’s been given magic beans, whereas common sense (personified by his mother) says that Jack was just conned and in fact had impoverished his family beyond recovery. Beanstalk Jack’s adventures don’t stem from him being particularly smart or strong-- while he is able to climb down the beanstalk with various treasures and then chop it down and thus kill the giant, his main skills seem to be his ability to sneak around and run fast, and to be really, really lucky

Jack the Giant-Killer, however, is a deadly clever and impressively strong young man-- the son of a farmer who sets out to kill a local giant and upon finding his first success, makes that his vocation. In the story of the Giant Killer, Jack meets a series of giants, and defeats them through a combination of brains and brawn.

The fourth giant Jack GK meets is a two-headed giant in Wales. Let me make sure I have my Jack Giants in order…yeah that’s giant #4. This giant plans to do him in by poison, but Jack outwits him and foils his plan. In the morning, the giant serves him a hasty pudding. Jack takes a sack and ties it to his waist and fills it with the pudding. Standing up, he shows the giant a trick-- he slices the bag under his shirt and all the hasty pudding falls out, but Jack is obviously unharmed. Not wanting to be outdone, the Welsh giant slices open his own belly, but falls down dead. Jack the Giant-killer has established himself as a professional liar at this point.

In another “episode,” however, he befriends the son of King Arthur, who is a paragon of generosity and gives away his last twopence in order for a dead man to be put to rest. Jack is so impressed by the prince that he becomes his manservant and in order to procure a meal and a place to sleep, he rides ahead to the home of another giant. To this giant he tells a half-truth, that the son of King Arthur is on his way with a force of a thousand men. The giant is so terrified that he has Jack lock him up until King Arthur’s son had passed, and Jack GK and the prince spend a fine night in the giant’s castle. The giant was so grateful that he hadn’t been slain that he offers Jack anything in his possession, (much as the gods of Olympus gave Perseus gifts in Clash of the Titans.) Jack takes a coat of invisibility, a cap of knowledge, a sword that could cut anything, and peculiarly speedy boots. These items help Jack and the prince out in their next set of adventures.

Jack Kline is poised as Jack the Giant Killer in his story, now. He has gifts-- his unusual nephilianic powers-- and has discovered a new one: the power of deceit.

Jack GK’s adventures shift, however, once he has befriended the son of King Arthur. Instead of wandering the countryside looking for giants to slay, with the prince he encounters a lady who has been enchanted to serve the devil himself; it is she whom the prince set out to save in the first place. Jack commits himself to his prince’s quest, and uses his giant-gifts to save her, and she in the end marries Arthur’s son and Jack goes on to have more adventures. During the rescue of the prince’s lady, Jack uses his giant-gifts to best Lucifer but it’s important to realize that he does not resort to any of his old tricks-- while the magical items do give him an advantage, he doesn’t cheat nor lie in his typical manner to help his friend the prince. Once the prince’s quest is over, Jack is made a knight of the Round Table and strikes out on his own again and gets back to his old tricks, and soon finds a lady of his own to rescue and marry.

Our Jack, however, has no superlative companion to serve. He has father figures, true, but it’s a key point in the Giant-Killer story that the prince is a companion, a friend-- as Jack is introduced as the son of a farmer and the prince as the son of a king, it can be argued that they are of the same age. With Maggie gone and the Lebanon Kids alienated, Jack has no companions to look up to to keep him in line. He has no peers. Even God was not a singular entity (barring the time that he had Amara locked up.) This innate isolation may be his salvation, or his undoing.

We were offered a second lens through which to analyze Jack. As Donatello said, he’s the most powerful being in the universe (absent Chuck and Amara I guess?) and his mind is impossible to know. The MOTW that we were given in an episode about Jack trying to make friends was a singular creature, perhaps the only one of his kind at all, who had devoured his family and been turned from an ordinary, human kind of monster into an extraordinary, supernatural one as a punishment, because Henry Parker, who cannibalized his family, had felt no remorse for what he’d done. In fact, he continued to do it even after the winter had passed. Since he felt no remorse, the elders of the tribe who punished him imposed remorse upon him in the form of eternal hunger, a hunger that would literally destroy him if not assuaged.

Interestingly, There seems to be no remorse in Jack-- in fact, he chose to lie about his time alone in Lebanon rather than face any consequences that might be imposed upon him by his elders. He seemed to feel that Stacy’s encounter with his angel blade was her own fault, and the way I read the scene was that after he healed her he expected the group’s complete approval (even adoration?) once more. His mistake did not seem to impact him.

The third and most complicated lens through which we can try to divine Jack’s new nature is one that was invoked many times. Perez seems to have totally made up his Native creature rather than draw further from Native mythology or legends. I can find neither hide nor hair of any such thing as a Kohoka; Perez appears to have created it based on the Wendigo, although Kohoka is a place name mentioned in the Journals of Lewis and Clark, and there is a Kahoka, Missouri, which was named after the Cahokia tribe of the Illinois confederacy, so I suspect he came across something SOMEWHERE? At any rate, the Kahoka can be classified as “probably made up,” but Sheriff Romero obliquely invoked Coyote many times in the episode. So many times that I’ll bet that seven more mentions of coyotes were left on the editing bay floor after this episode was filmed. I’m not going to do a big meta about Coyote, but here are some very important and relevant stories. Despite what you might read, Coyote was not monolithic. Coyote was for some nations a trickster, for others a fool, and for many he was the old man who made the world. In my opinion Coyote stories are among the best you’ll ever read. Many if not most stories about Coyote are religious in nature.

How Coyote Got His Cunning

https://www.firstpeople.us/FP-Html-Legends/HowCoyotegothisCunning-Karok.html

Coyote Secures Fire

http://www.sacred-texts.com/nam/pla/jat/jat17.htm

Why Coyote Stopped Imitating His Friends

https://www.firstpeople.us/FP-Html-Legends/WhyCoyoteStoppedImitatingHisFriends-Caddo.htm

In some nations’ stories, Coyote was paired with Rabbit, who among other things, kept him humble.

Coyote Misses Real Rabbit

http://xtf.lib.virginia.edu/xtf/view?docId=Apache/uvaGenText/tei/Chi13.xml&chunk.id=CN13&toc.id=CN13&brand=default

And then this one because it’s just really, really good (and I’m fascinated with Mount Shasta):

Why Mount Shasta Erupted

https://www.indigenouspeople.net/mountsha.htm

Just to give a little taste of the Appalachian Jack that I grew up with, a Jack who is even more wiley than his British forbear (it’s hard to find Jack Tales because they’re rarely written down, but many have made their way into books) here is Jack and the Varmints:

https://www.ncpedia.org/culture/stories/jack-tales

Tl;dr: Jack needs a peer.

See you all again on Thursday!

#the folklore of supernatural #jack kline #14x16 #don’t go in the woods #jack the giant killer

35 notes · View notes

manifestoonmoralmanlove · 6 years

Text

Jealousy Rant

Hello you Rotten Folks,

Due to real life stuff I have been posting less frequently but in particular that long-form stuff. So have this big olde rant on jealousy in BL I may or may not edit more, and may or may not make into audio.

Triggers: for discussion on abusive behavior including physical violence, stalking, controlling behavior, and sexual assault.

Why jealousy is a bad trope:

1.) It’s toxic

2.) It’s non-conflict

3.) It doesn’t actually deal with the roots of jealousy

Are you a fan of Fap’s furious fujoshi fumes, but want a meta-analysis of the genre as a whole instead of specific titles?

Oh no it seems literally no one is asking for that…no one except Faps and FUCK YOU I DO WHAT I WANT HAHA!

So that brings me to “Trouble with Tropes” or heh heh TROUPLES!

Anybody who’s ANY fan of romance has had to stare into the unrelenting green eyes of this trouple. I speak of no other than Jealousy. While I think some of what I’m going to say will resonate with how jealousy is used in fiction on a whole, I’m going to focus on how it’s used in BL…which I feel is a very potent and distilled version of it. Also heaven forbid I read about anything beyond nasty gay tonguings.

What better place to start than What IS jealousy?

Jealousy can cover a variety of topics but in the case of romance here I will be talking specifically about romantic and sexual jealousy.

Dictionary.com states that - feeling or showing suspicion of someone's unfaithfulness in a relationship.

Seems to be the one best suited for a romance but I’d argue that the definition that suits BL’s brand of jealousy is more like

fiercely protective or vigilant of one's rights or possessions.

Why do I say this?

Well because sometimes they literally say their partner is a possession. And even if not outright stated, it is heavily implied in the script.

(examples: Cute Devil + lamb project + Radical blood monster + Others)

There’s also the fact that very rarely is infidelity even considered a legitimate thing that would occur. As I said, the jealousy in BL is very, very POTENT and therefore has escalated beyond a suspicion of COULD BE UNFAITHFUL to a PERSON IS MY PROPERTY AND MY PROPERTY IS NOT ALLOWED TO INTERACT WITH OTHER HUMANS!

Getting real

Before I start ripping through this topic like a repressed teenage boy rips through a heavily populated street in Grand theft Auto… allow me to say that jealousy is a valid emotion to experience. When I rip on this trope it is not my intention to invalidate people who do struggle with jealousy in their relationships. However if you experience an emotion it doesn’t give you carte blanche to behave in any way you please. It’s the same as regular old anger. It’s normal to be angry if a partner forgets to let the dog out so the dog pees on the rug. However beating the shit out of that partner is NOT the right way to handle the forgetfulness or your own anger. Same with jealousy, it’s not unusual to get jealous of someone close to their partner. However that person responding to that with physically removing them, and screaming threats at them is SUPER NOT OKAY! Yet that is not uncommon in BL.

One must also maintain an acceptable amount of jealousy in order to maintain a healthy relationship. It’s not wrong to feel really angry or sad when you’re jealous…but if you get these feelings ALL THE TIME and due to things that are not a threat to your relationship, then that’s something to manage rather than something to blame on your partner. Capice?

TOXIC

The main problem is that the jealousy that is common in BL is HELLA TOXIC! Jealousy is regularly tied to deeper issues of personal insecurity yet the fact there is any kind of insecurity is very rarely mentioned in the text or even subtext of the story. Instead of this becoming a problem that one has to deal with on a personal level, it becomes a problem of the other having to obtain unrealistic standards. Sometimes the source of the jealousy is not a feasible such as a TODDLER NEPHEW or the fact that strangers GLANCE AT THEM when in public and sometimes the source of the jealousy isn’t even human. I have seen characters throw jealousy tantrums over pets, work (school or career orientated), and even the vague concept of a SPORT! So if you’re trying to avoid jealousy in a BL make sure you don’t go to school, don’t have a job, don’t own pets, don’t have family, don’t go out in public, and DEAR GOD don’t have hobbies either! Woah faps those things aren’t humans so it’s not like romantic or sexual jealousy. That’s a fair point…but the thing is the romantic/sexual jealousy functions the exact same way in those non-sexual/romantic scenarios. HOW COULD THAT BE???? Well the jealousy that we see here is in part about being left out when a partner does other things but is in large part about dominance. You got no other man to posture against? Well then just posture at a child, a puppy, or at a basketball why not?

Not only does jealousy crop up to unreasonable situations, an unreasonable amount of time (I’d estimate it occurs in 80% of BL mangas) but the way it’s handled is usually problematic as well.

The most common response I’ve seen to jealousy is the seme grabbing the uke by the wrist, dragging him away from the source of jealousy, pinning him to a wall, explaining that the source of jealousy is bad for the uke or that the uke is behaving poorly/stupidly by simply interacting with the source of jealousy, and they a fit of forceful jealousy induced make-outs or sex occurs that range from consensual to downright very non-consensual. Sometimes the uke will protest this treatment or the characterization of the jealousy fodder but this is pointless because it doesn’t become a conversation. It is simply about the seme controlling the uke and asserting his dominance.

Stalking is also extremely common if there is suspected jealousy. Troubling jealousy behavior can range from as tame as going through someone’s phone without permission to drugging, kidnapping, and nearly killing a partner for one of these trespasses.

HEY HEY HEY NOW! You man-hater! Ukes can be super creepy jealous too! …but ukes are men too… THAT’S NOT THE POINT! You’re acting as if only dominant partners experience jealousy!

No, no, no, you’re right. Ukes get jealous too and sometimes to the same batty degree. Yet, as a whole, uke jealousy tends to be less common and less destructive than jealousy of the seme variety. The most common situation where an uke gets jealous of what a seme is doing is, the uke is pushed into a corner to admit he’s jealous. The seme will reassure the uke he’s misunderstood and they make up. On one hand you can argue that this is a much healthier way to settle a jealousy problem. On another hand you may view this as something of a double standard.

If the uke’s jealous…it’s the uke’s fault and it’s nothing to worry about. If the seme’s jealous...it’s the uke’s fault and it’s deadly serious.

This double standard even extends into how we view violent reactions for either side. If a seme hits an uke for a trespass it will usually be framed as serious and scary. If the uke hits the seme for a trespass it will usually be framed as a silly, and harmless outburst of tsundereness.

…Yes that’s right, the patriarchal set up of the seme/uke dynamic doesn’t just take a shit on ukes….though 9 times out of 10 it’s the ukes that do get the short end of the stick here.

Okay but let’s get the root of the problem…why is jealousy used?

If you’re a person who is not a bitter feminist killjoy who says aggravating SJW shit like, “TOXIC MONOGOMY CULTURE OPRRESSES MY GENDER NEUTRAL GENITLES” you may argue that jealousy is romantic. I personally don’t think it is, but you’re fully allowed to view jealousy, as a concept, as a touching display of vulnerability and investment in a relationship.

However if you’re a cynical over-thinking fujoshi brimming with resentment to the genre you’ve mistakeningly dedicated your free time to, you may say the frequent use of jealousy is simply because it’s EASY WRITING!

It’s handy throw-away drama you can use in an established relationship that won’t have deeper ramifications for the relationship even if it’s on-going. You can solve this pretty easily at any given point or decide to reintroduce it despite it previously being wrapped up. You can use this almost TOTALLY regardless of either of the characters’ personalities or back stories. It’s good for a quick antagonist, or to tantalize fans with a different flavor of sexual tension. This is usually dependent on the gender of the jealousy fodder.

Ugh I’ve heard you use the term ~jealousy fodder~ like a billion times. Why do you call it that?

Because these characters rarely have anything going for them besides the fact they’re the conflict du-jour. You’d be hard pressed to learn an interest of the fodder’s outside of “TRYING TO BANG PROTAG!” and they rarely do anything else in the story besides create this shallow drama. Sometimes the jealousy drama is totally auxiliary to the main conflict of the story to boot. If you’re lucky and ONLY if you’re lucky the fodder will be shuffled into another couple. Sometimes you won’t even see this jealousy used in a love triangle way. It’s usually pretty obvious from the beginning that the protag is going to choose even if the other option is an objectively better person and choice for them.

In my years of reading BL I have only encountered 2 instances of a character being jealous and the other character ACTUALLY cheats on him. (Zetsuai Bronze and Totally Captivated.) Now people have different standards of what “cheating” is. Some goes so far as to say that “Thinking about cheating” is CHEATING. Even by that (pretty ridged standard) I would still say only the above.

Despite this low, low number, I see jealousy used in manga 80% of the time. Are you picking up what I’m putting down here? A breach of actual trust is not actually going to happen…99.99% of the time. Oh but what if the jealousy is something a character has to work through to feel less anxious? Excellent idea! I’ve seen that approach FUCKING ONCE! (Café Latte Rhapsody) So if there is no actual threat of trust breaching and it’s not something either of them has to work through on a mental or emotional level….WHAT KIND OF CONFLICT IS THAT?

NON-FUCKING-CONFLICT IS WHAT!

I’d be much more entertained by staring into my own fucking bellybutton….but faps obviously you would since you navel-gaze as if you have a gemstone there. IF I BELIEVE HARD ENOUGH I’LL BECOME I CRYSTAL GEM OKAY!?!?!?!?

Eh-hem!

But you will see jealousy commonly used in one instance of actually plot important drama. And that is the ever, important, cementing of a couple’s relationship. I call the use of jealousy in this instance:

TOY TRUCK CONSUMATION

Da fuck is that? Toy truck consummation is a character will only realize he truly cares romantically for someone because he experiences jealousy. He didn’t want that toy truck until somebody else was going to play with it. Thankfully I don’t see this often outside of high school settings. A grown-ass man who is that fucking blind to his own feelings and childish enough to throw a tantrum out of it, can fuck RIGHT OFF! ….Though honestly teenagers behaving that way is still deeply shitty.

This is not an auspicious beginning to a loving relationship, if it’s formulated over single-mindedly hating a 3rd party, a 3rd party that is typically on good-terms with the target of affection. So, a relationship we’re supposed to root for is predicated on a dude swooping in and ripping a valued person away from them for entirely selfish reasons. I wouldn’t consider it dreamy if a seme threw an uke’s beloved play station 4 out the window because it holds the ukes attention sometimes. I consider it even less dreamy when it’s something even more valued like yanno a friend. (Though of course this can happen from the uke to the seme as well.) While sometimes, this individual is romantically interested in one of our leads…I’d say a good half the time if not more…they’re not at all.

“Why are you losing your mind over someone, you’re not dating, hanging out with their friend? Even if the friend very obviously has 0 romantic or sexual interest in them? Is it because you’re an anal fungus that causes people to shit their pants for no reason? It’s probably because you’re a parasitic ass mushroom that makes people poop uncontrollably”

This, also, is pretty damn lazy. Writing someone coming to grips with a difficult emotion is hard in itself. Writers will usually use 3rd parties to help bounce information back to a struggling individual to help give them insight. And that can be used in this case as well! Interacting with another couple, talking to someone who’s an out LGBTQ person, or even just a friend or relative that can relate! However all of that is harder to pull off as melodramatically as a petty fuck-lord gut-punching a jealousy fodder out of the blue. Hoo boy sonny! We should have a parade in his honor cause golly isn’t that the way to handle your problems!

But what if the jealousy fodder was really after them?

Then I would say the story may feature the trope….

Irrational jealousy magiced into rational jealousy!

What I mean is that there is a dominant that appears to be irrationally jealous. There is no indication in the text the jealousy fodder is not on the up and up and the dominant is not privy to classified documents that make him secretly suspicious. However turns out the harmless friend, acquaintance, co-worker, boss, mail man etc is actually a heartless rapist just trying to lower the submissive’s guard.

This trope makes me foam at the mouth because not only is it cheap, cliché, and annoying but it justifies abusive behavior. It states that No matter what crazy shit that lunatic boyfriend of yours spouts he’s fucking infallible. If he tells you that the atmosphere has become poisonous to you and the only breathable air is in his testicles, you better clamp down on that cocktail wiener like a pit-bull because any damn self-serving nonsense he spews must be followed to the fucking letter. Why? Because he is a mind-reader, a genius, and a clairvoyant with flawless judgment by nature of being born a DOMINANT MAN! TA-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!

May I just add this is not a trope specific to BL but a trope that makes me want to drink into a stupor each time I see it.

Well if you’re so fucking relationship savy, how would you handle jealousy in stories huh!?

…By actually tackling the causes of jealousy which are very rarely acknowledged in BL. As far as I can tell there are 3 major roots of jealousy.

1.) Insecurity – I am not a good enough partner so my significant other is going to drop me as soon as they find somebody better.

2.) Distrust – My partner does not respect our monogamous agreement and will sleep with other people if they can get away with it.

3.) Missing out - I feel left out if my partner is doing something without me.

I have seen all three roots play a role in fictional jealousy outbursts and they’re usually tied intimately together. However the 1st two are the keys here.

Mistrust is an interesting situation because 99% of the time the mistrust is not that the partner will sleep around given the chance. However the mistrust is shown as more of a, “I cannot trust my partner to avoid situations where they’ll be sexually assaulted.”

While this is framed as a jealousy issue at times, I don’t think it should. Why? If a character is sexually assaulted it is NOT the victims fault. But haha welcome to the 50 foot deep pit of backwards sexual politics that is BL. YOU’RE WELCOME!

Insecurity plays a large role in BL jealousy…but I have only seen it addressed directly as a failing of personal confidence once. (Café Latte Rhapsody)

Most of the time characters that are subtextualy highly insecure are portrayed as powerful and that their jealousy tantrums is just ~how strong men act~ rather than ~they obviously hate themselves and fear their partner would find someone better.~

I’ll be quite frank, a lot of the time…they’re correct the uke could do a lot better than the jerkass seme they’re saddled with. However, instead of changing their negative behavior for the better they just control the uke’s every movements which is yanno not doing the uke OR the seme any favors. Sometimes this functions realistically in a story like in Space Between where Riki is an unwilling sex slave and Iason keeps him under his thumb. However the majority of them treat this like a normal and healthy relationship…but

Wouldn’t it be better if one is not constantly wracked with fear over their partner leaving them?

Wouldn’t it be better if the other can have friends and leave the house?

I’m not saying the two can’t struggle with issues of jealousy…but I mean…can’t we treat jealousy like something they work on together instead of just,

“I can’t believe you talked to them! I DIDN’T MEAN TO!”

That sound clip? Just play it on loop

“WELP LET’S HAVE THIS SAME EXACT PISSING CONTEST FOR THE 90TH FUCKING TIME! IT’S NOT GOING TO BE DIFFERENT NEXT TIME BECAUSE WE’RE NOT GOING TO TREAT IT LIKE ADULTS WOULD!”

So the problem with jealousy as a trope in romance and BL fiction is thus:

1.) It’s toxic, doesn’t treat it as toxic, and sometimes justifies the toxicity.

2.) It’s pathetic, cliché, non-conflict

3.) It doesn’t really even understand what jealousy is.

#trouples #trouble with tropes #rant #my rant #jealousy

10 notes · View notes

dukeofriven · 7 years

Text

Frisk on the Road to Damascus: A Pseudo-Essay on Converting to Undertale

So 664 days after it was released, and 382 days after I purchased it, I finally, finally, finally beat Undertale.

And... I loved it. Controversial opinion: it’s really good.

But it took me a while to love it. Let me explain, because I’m sure y’all are super interested in me doing so.

I had about five false starts playing Undertale, and all five of those false starts was how fucking irritating I found the sound of Flowey and Toriel’s dialogue. I have a hypersensitivity to sound, especially frequencies, and the sound of Flowey and Toriel’s dialogue is... not pleasant, especially at first aural blush. I got used to it when it when I finally powered through it, but if there were any major changes I would make to Undertale it would be better sound controls - being able to cut the audio down on the dialogue by even 25% would make a big difference to it on an accessibility ability level* ** It was Undertale that first ‘inspired’ me to get Tumblr Saviour - first because I didn’t want to be spoiled by a game I heard was good and wanted to play relatively unspoiled, and later because I didn’t want to be reminded of the game I was having so much trouble with.

What was it that made me pick up Undertale long enough to get through it? As usual, it was podcasts (there’s a small paper to be written on how podcasts got me interested in pro wrestling, but that’s a whole other story.) The superlatively good Let Me Tell You About Homestuck podcast relaunched a little over a year back (shoutout to excellent co-hosts @yuri-librarian and @betgirl ), and when I found out I dived back in, and in the process rediscovered my love of Homestuck. Homestuck and I had a falling out during the gigapause and Homosuck - at the time it felt like the webcomic’s author was pissed at his own comic and actively self-sabotaging it, and even though I caught up with the comic before the ending I was still disgruntled with it and not willing to engage with it much.

But listening to LMTYAH re-ignited fandom joy within me - a euphoric Road-To-Damascus re-conversion I can only describe as ‘George Bailey coming back to existence at the end of It’s A Wonderful Life.' I gleefully snatched-up the pesterlogs and clutched them to my chest. I waved cheerfully at [S] Descend and [S] Cascade. “Merry Christmas you old mspaintadventures!” I shouted at the top of my lungs as I pelted through the snow to hug my beloved Beta Kid family again.***

You can’t discuss Homestuck anymore without discussing Undertale, which was so clearly fed by Homestuck, which was in turn fed by Undertale, because media is an incestuous slurry. Part of the issues with coming back to the Homestuck dialectic table is that you can’t ignore that big ol’ bowl of Undertale sitting between the roasted trans-media experiments and the mashed potatoes. If, every time that bowl gets passed around, you put your hands over your ears and and scram ‘LA LA LA LA LA I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT’ then the other guests are going to look at you funny and your nearest neighbour is going to conclude that they’d rather sit through that pompous lecture by the vegan on the other side of them after all.

It’s not a great dining experience, is what I am trying to explain with this increasingly overcooked analogy. I wanted to eat with the rest of the guests - I wanted to watch @revolutionaryduelist’s video on Undertale themes and Homesick themes. I want to suck it up, be an adult, and eat like a goddamn grown-up.

So I grit my teeth, grabbed the bowl, and started shovelling large spoonfuls down my throat. I think this is how grown-ups eat right?

I didn’t like the taste at first. What brought me to Undertax more than anything was the idea of the pacifist run. The games that have this as a legit option are few and far between, and some of them (e.g. Dishonoured) get downright nasty about it. Undertake wasn’t nasty about being helpful, but it didn’t make it easy, either.

Some of you may feel the need to note that ‘the pacifist route isn’t supposed to be easy,’ to which my response would be ‘shove it up your bum you git-gud wankeroos.’ There are two types of ‘hard’ in video games - one of challenge, and one of ability. The excellent puzzle game The Witness doesn’t greatly challenge ability (for sighted people, at least) - by and large almost all of its puzzles just involve drawing a line. The Witness is hard because the puzzle are so tortuously, mind-bindingly challenging. By contrast, a platform like VVVVVV doesn’t preset much mental challenge - it barely has anything like a puzzle that I can remember, but in terms of ability it requires lightening-fast reflexes and great timing (Somehow I beat that game -I still don’t know how).

Undertale is not a hard-challenge game, it is a hard-ability game, and I flat-out suck at its bullet hell mechanics. All my frustrations with the game were met at the bullet board - if I could make one other major change to the game it would be slightly improving the speed of the heart cursor. Time and time again I violently cursed because I had just missed getting out of the way of something with a cursor I found sluggish and unresponsive, as though my keyboard was laggy. A poor skill level coupled with what felt like hardware problems made for an increasingly difficult experience, one in which I felt like the game was almost taunting me: “oh, you want to be a good person, huh? Too bad - you lack the skills to be a good person. You’re not going to get through this without resorting to killing, you intrinsically violent, terrible person."

Staying alive through the confrontation with Undyne drained me, and by the time I was on my second iteration of Mettaton being a shitheel I just felt burned-out. The story still felt pretty flat, and wasn’t really drawing me in. The hardest decision I had had to make was at the very beginning of the game - Toriel’s home, and Toriel herself, were so lovely and sweet that I still resented the game for making me have to break her heart. I didn’t want to leave her house, I just wanted to stay and live a nice life with her in the Underground. But no - the game wanted me to have heroic destiny and shit so fine, guess i’ll go back to the surface I don’t have much interest in seeing. Since leaving Toriel’s house all I had wanted to do was return to that tranquility and warmth, and instead I just got more monsters trying to kill me. The stuff with Papyrus had been very funny, but the game still wasn’t sinking its claws into me - it was a quirky but light RPG, funny, but not funny or deep enough for me to understand why a big bowl of it was sitting at the Homestuck dialectic table other that Toby Fox had worked on both things - which seemed like a weak reason to include it. (Remember the Homestuck dialectic table? That didn’t stop being a thing or anything)

So I walked away again and did other things over several weeks, possibly months. I finally came to terms with the fact that my vision is permanently damaged and got myself a Kindle so I could read again. I read a book on the Apollo programme and took another crack at Bleak House. I watched an episode or two of Lucha Underground, got caught up on The Adventure Zone, and went through every post ever posted on @revolutionaryduelist’s Tumblr. I fantasized about buying a new computer. I told myself to watch the Little Witch Academia TV series and forgot every single time - and so on.

And then I watched Car Boys.

Car Boys is one hell of a ride, no pun intended, a strange mishmash of video game fault testing and emergent meta narrative that ends up surprisingly emotional and affecting - and as the credits rolled I made the always unwise decision to wander down into the Youtube comments, where I discovered the fun ‘Car Boys is just like Homestuck’ argument which, natch, led me back to thinking about Homesick and Video Games - and, ultimately, Undertale.

“Fine,” I told myself, “I guess I’ll beat it, at least to finally have one thing in my over-glutted Steam Library I have actually seen-through to completion.”

So last night I booted up my Steam, made the conscious decision to stop trying to get my just-bought 360 controller to work with Sonic Adventures DX via wine (it keeps crashing), and booted up Undertale.

For a while it was just fine again. I don’t like Alphys, even after beating the game: she reminds me of a lot of shitty people I’ve known in my life, and the story uses her lack of self-confidence as sort of a moé defence - ah, look at how cute she is, isn’t that adorable, she feels bad about what she’s done - without ever actually examining that behaviour in any critical detail. Alphys being an adorkable anime fan and her relationship with Undyne are all great character traits - but it doesn’t make her a good person, and the game never truly calls her to the mat in much the same way that it sort of glosses over Asgore having condoned the murder of six other humans (but he comes into the story so late I find him less of a character and more of a symbol.) Alphys gets a whole ‘trip to the dump/romance role-play’ subplot after being revealed to have deliberately ordered a bunch of monsters to at least make a pretence of killing you in order to make herself look like a hero - and that's before you get to go into her basement and learn the really shitty shit she did with dying monsters' souls. I mean Jesus Christ Alphys how come nobody calls you on this!

But I’m getting ahead of myself. I helped Mettaton’s ratings, left him to be patched upped by Alphys, and made my way to the castle walls - and the writing started to get really good. I loved meeting with Sans and his talk about the true nature of EXP and LOVE, loved walking into the throne room for the first time, loved the moment when I realized Toriel was the Queen-in-Exile - coming upon the New House was genuinely moving… but then I reached Ashore, and it wouldn’t let me TALK to him, and I didn’t like having to fight him after a full pacifist run, and also he was really hard.

So I swallowed my pride a little and googled vague hints for ways to make the fight easier. I learned that yeah, I absolutely had to fight him, and then I went and ground Cloud Glasses back and forth to the Temmie Store to unlock the Temmie Armor and earn the cash to stock-up on my beloved Bisicles. So equipped, I went and fought Asgore for the final time, thus beating this game that everyone raved about for reasons I could not understand.

Then the game ended and suddenly started to get really, really, really good. Much like Homestuck in Act 6, Undertale’s starts pushing the boundaries of games themselves, using save files against you and deliberately crashing the game. Omega Flowey is a goddamn nightmare, a visual headache who rails against you and the concept of friendship, and while he was a frustrating fight for the first time I felt like this was less a reflection of my shitty skills and more a deliberate choice of the part of the game to show what monstrous power he wielded.

As I was sent back into the world, I was eager to go find Undyne. I had to look-up where she lived because I had totally forgotten that her house existed - in fact, I had forgotten Papyrus had ever said anything about meeting up at Undyne’s house, so I never befriended her in my original run. The moment Undertale moved from a game I was starting to enjoy to one I knew I loved was the moment Papyrus leapt out Undyne’s window - late in the process to fall in love with a game? Perhaps, but so it was.

Missing Undone the first time through felt so narratively satisfying to me that it wasn’t until writing this that it occurred to me that it was something that didn’t have to have been missed - the run-in with Undone hardly ends on a high-note: after a miserable shield-fight and a whole lot of fleeing you give her a cup of water and she slinks-off into the night. It wasn’t something that exactly screamed ‘She’s Ready For A Friendship Lesson.’ I kept expecting her to show back up somewhere in New Home Castle for Round 2: Redemption Boogaloo, but it never happened. Then Sans got Anubis on my ass, the King of All Monsters got murdered by a flower and my game crashed on purpose - sort of forgot about her no-show appearance.

So there we were: breaking windows, sipping tea, making the worst goddamn spaghetti it’s ever been my misfortune to make**** and having a wonderful time. Other than my general misgivings about Alphys being let-off way too lightly by the narrative*****, after that first reset Undertale was practically a perfect game for me. The ending made me feel mushy and sappy, the epilogue where you get to pace around and talk to just about everyone felt so unbelievably RIGHT - if you want to head out and make one last personal connection with everyone you’ve ever met, you can pretty-much do that. Ben Croshaw wrote quite elegantly that Undertale represents “the triumph of kindness, reminding people of who they were before tragedy twisted them.”****** That kindness is what makes the game so compelling - what makes reading-up on the Genocide route feel so legitimately horrific and transgressive. It’s going to stick in the back of my mind every time I am needlessly rude to someone, overly sarcastic, or just my usual ‘less kind than I wish I was’ self. Homestuck wallets just went on sale today and I immediately bought one and then felt bad for all the Tumblr posts I saw for worthy causes - I SHOULD GIVE UP ALL MY WORLDLY POSSESSIONS TO THE POOR AND GO PREACH THE GOSPEL OF ACTING WITH MERCY as Undertale teaches.

It’s the kindness that will stick with me - and dear God, reading about the Genocide routes makes me nauseated. I’m the guy who claims that this time his Mass Effect play through will be Renegade and then goes 100% paragon again except for being rude to Anderson (because screw that dill weed - oh, geeze, I have failed Undertale again.)

Anyways, long, convoluted, not-very-coherent opinion: Undertale is a good game. Sorry it took me so long to learn that.

*but if we’re going to talk about accessibility in video games we’ll be here all year: an especially big fuck you to all those games who don’t let you change the font size for all of us with really poor eyesight (which is to say essentially all games).

** And what is it with games being embarrassed to have their text dialogue scroll past without some kind of irritating sounds? Undertale at least uses the noise as a form of expanding character identity, but the world is littered with sprite JRPGs who think dialogue is best accompanied by a garbled, repeating beep.

*** Re-experiencing the comic multiple times gave me so many more insights I never used to have. Revisiting Act Six and Homosuck, especially through @betgirl‘s eyes, I found so much to love. Which there is some serious problems in it (The Dancestors and Abuser Gamzee), there’s so much more joy, depth, and thought then I remember. I don’t know if, at the time, with the broken pacing, it was possible to see the shape of the narrative arc that Andrew Hussie was trying to tell - the deconstruction of the nature of storytelling, video games, and the ‘Problem of Mario.’ It’s really good, you guys, and you do yourself a disservice if you have never read it.

**** Undyne is right, by the way: homemade pasta is unquestionably the best and super easy; its only major flaw is that it’s just time-consuming, especially if you’ve got to hand-crank an antique pasta machine to roll it out. KitchenAid sells a pasta roller attachment for their mixer for an amount that justifies a class uprising all on its own.

***** I’m not some weirdo going ALPHYS MUST BE PUNISHED but Alphys should really, you know, actually apologize for the shit she pulled. Yeah, she says ‘I got scared of my amagalgamtions and cowardly didn’t tell their families about it,’ but not being honest about it is the most insignificant issue here. Much more pressing and things like Experimenting On A Human Soul, Actually Making the Amalgams In The First Place, Setting Up A Bunch Of Death Traps So She Could Insert Herself Into Your Life As A Hero. I can forgive Alphys - I think she is a genuinely good person who made misguided and out-right foolish mistakes and should never have had the job she had (I hear Toriel fires her in one ending which fuck yeah Toriel, only one with sense.) Undertake doesn’t need to re-write a damn thing about Alphys - I would just like one more scene in which Alphys admits culpability for the original problem rather than just an aspect of the fallout.

****** And it should be stressed: Alphys deserves kindness (and a good therapist). I don’t want a kangaroo court or anything like that - my issue is with the narrative, not Alphys personally.

Asgore, though… dude kinda murdered six children? Do people talk about that, because they ought to.

#Undertale #Homestuck #Alphys #Asgore #Homosuck #Car Boys #lucha underground #Flowey #Toriel #it's a wonderful life #Let Me Tell You About Homestuck #LMTYAH #The Witness #vvvvvv #long post #homestuck analysis

9 notes · View notes