#(i say as i have a good 18 half finished or procrastinated fics in my tabs)

[transingthoseformers]

Is this why i love Decepticons and autobots work together situations? This is why i love Decepticons and autobots work together situations.

#don't ask why my autocorrect capitalizes Decepticons and not autobots #i don't know why #maybe my phone just likes the cons more than the bots #same thing happens with dinobots and Insecticons #i should reread domestic affairs #(i say as i have a good 18 half finished or procrastinated fics in my tabs)

[the-ravening]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you @zsparz and @six-demon-bag for tagging me! ❤️

1. How many works do you have on ao3? Only 12, because I am a baby writer.

2. What's your total ao3 word count? 86k

3. What fandoms do you write for? Winterbaron, or more accurately, Zemo/everyone

4. Top five fics by kudos: Let's do a top 3, since top 5 would just be like half my fics.

Something Sweet to Eat (142 kudos) Extremely underage Halloween fic, bunny boy Zemo shows up trick or treating at Bucky's house Adopt, Don’t Shop (123 kudos) Omegaverse, bratty teen Zemo is for sale at an Omega kennel and Alpha Bucky goes shopping Gift-Wrapped (113 kudos) This was the first fic I ever posted (just a few years ago) and I'm still pretty proud of it. Just a silly Winterbaron rimming PWP, but it's hot

5. Do you respond to comments? I try to, I always mean to, but I think I'm a bit behind right now. I know there are some amazing comments on Home to Me from last year that I still haven't replied to and I feel bad about it all the time.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Probably Under Lock and Key (what a mess we’ve made), the Heinrich/Helmut Zemo dadcest fic I wrote for @ex0rin where I followed her hurt/no comfort philosophy of leaving him on the floor crying.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I don't know if I really do happy endings? I have PWPs where the happy ending is they both come, if that counts. 😅 Let's say... Ink Kissed (with violent precision) where tattoo artist Bucky gives his client Zemo a dick tattoo, and Zemo ends up quite happy with the tattoo as well as the rest of the service.

8. Do you get hate on fics? I've only gotten one or two of the world's mildest hate comments. I guess my ships are sufficiently niche that no one cares about them.

9. Do you write smut? Yeah! Do I write anything other than smut? No.

10. Craziest crossover: I've only written one crossover, A Suitable Course of Treatment, Bucky Barnes/Laszlo Kreizler from The Alienist, which isn't crazy at all because as we all know, Laszlo has Zemo's face. (If it counts, I once started a Dir en grey x Sailormoon fic where the band members magically turned into Sailor Scouts, but I did not ever get far on it.)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes, the aforementioned Adopt, Don’t Shop was co-written with @violenciorp and @tales-from-a-maphia-don, because Vio lovingly bullied us into it, despite me and Mel ostensibly not being into Omegaverse.

14. All time favorite ship? I've jumped ship a lot over the years, but it's gotta be Winterbaron, since this is the ship that finally got me writing and posting and getting really involved in a fandom.

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? The first serious attempt I made at writing in this fandom was this teen Zemo necrophilia thing, and I wrote the necro part but none of the plotty stuff leading up to it. I still dream of finishing it, in an abstract way where I have no motivation to ever work on it.

16. What are your writing strengths? I think I'm pretty good at rhythm and flow and making my prose sound musical? That's something I focus a lot on and I tend to read aloud while editing to make sure it sounds good to my ear.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Probably plot and dialogue, and figuring out how to include technical details of things I know nothing about. But most of all procrastination, my arch-nemesis.

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language? I personally avoid it, because I find it annoying to have to look up the translations in the middle of reading. I prefer to just say they're speaking in whatever language but write the dialogue in English.

19. First fandom you wrote in? J-rock RPF in the early 2000s, but I mostly just did a bit of RP and never got far with any fics I started.

20. Favorite fic you've written? Sometimes it feels like every new thing I post is my new favourite, haha. But I thiiiink my fave has been Something Sweet to Eat since I wrote it (the Halloween fic mentioned earlier), because it's probably the most self-indulgent thing I've written to date. I am truly the main audience for that fic and I'm very happy with it.

No pressure tagging: @violenciorp, @tales-from-a-maphia-don, @thepiper0fhameln, @ex0rin, @unlikelymilliner, @evenmyhivemindisempty, and anyone else who sees this and wants to join in!

#this was fun but wow I ramble #tag game #writer asks #ravening writes

[spaceofentropy]

20 questions for fic writers (and artists)

I was tagged by @dragonflylady77 and, why not? Why not procrastinate a bit? :P

1. How many works do you have on ao3(Tumblr)?

14.

2. What's your total ao3 (Tumblr) word count?

253,035 as of right the fuck now. Holy moly that's a lot.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I've written for Why R U? and now for Stranger Things.

4.What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Of soulmates and colors (a chonky metalsandwich soulmates AU)

What happens in Vegas... (a WhyRU? canon divergence with Tor waking up in Vegas, married to his ex)

I just came to say... (modern era Harringrove meet cute)

Amok (modern era Harringrove thing about Billy meeting his mom by chance and being conflicted as fuck)

Like a curse (the WhyRU? heist AU nobody had asked for but they still had to face)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try. Sometimes I'm slow as fuck and sometimes I'm perched on my inbox like a starving hawk, but I always try.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably What doesn't kill you makes you a monster, which is an angst fest built around body horror and body mutation which ends with Steve having basically no hope about the future. But then, months after, I went and wrote a follow up fic where Steve gets to find another monster and fall in love with him and have a HEA, so I guess it only half-counts ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Uh... I honestly don't know. I mean, I mostly write fics with a good ending or at worst a hopeful ending (like Come Close) and I honestly don't think I can't rank which of my HEA fics is the happiest, so, all the happy ones? I guess?

8. Do you get hate on any fics (Art)?

So far, never.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yep, I do, even if it's hard as hell and I always feel like it sucks. As for what kind... uh... I don't know how to answer... The smutty kind? Sometimes it's soft. and sometimes it's hurried, and sometimes it's filthy monsterfucking because monsters, too, deserve to get laid.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

My heist AU is a crossover between one show, a different show, and an AU of the first show. Two actors from the first show play minor parts in the second show. It's a wild, wild thing.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Harringrove.

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Probably that one Gallavich thing I wrote 90k words of because I had to put it out of my head and is close to the end but when I look at it makes me feel eh because Ian's part of the plot feels to passive and NOPE!, that's so fucking wrong, vade retro Satana!

16. What are your writing strengths?

Plotting and dialogue. And wild ideas.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions. Smut.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

To quote Guin, "get it checked by a person who speaks that language before you post". Preferably a native speaker who can tell you if it sounds like your easy going teenager was possessed by the ghost of a stuffy academic from the 1820s. Also, it's a hard balance to make it not too distracting, to make sure it doesn't kill the pace of the story, so good luck in your endeavours, fellow writers!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Honestly no idea.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

I love them all, they are my self-indulgent nuggets of entertainment and I won't pit them one against the other trying to choose a favorite. I reject this question. U_U

I should tag people, theoretically, but honestly I don't have the brain power for it tonight. If you read this and want to do this, consider yourself tagged. Have fun! :3

#tag game #my fanfic writing

[hephaestiions]

Hello! 18, 24 & 29 :)

thank you for the ask, anon, these were fun!!

18. if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic.

from Every Breath You Take, an earlier cut, when the relationship between harry and draco, in the aftermath of an already failed marriage wasn't total silence, but relentless arguments about nothing. i scrapped it (and then changed the dynamic in general) because the dialogue felt both clunky and chunky, neither of which i try to go for when writing people speak:

“Do you find joy in being this hateful? Did this stupid fucking hold-up— I have a job, Draco, Merlin, what was the goddamn point— at least tell me it made you happy. That all this rotten rubbish I put up with every day is worth something in that twisted little head of yours, that you smile for a second thinking, yeah, I ruined Harry's breakfast, pat on my fucking back." “Fuck you! Happy? Happy, really, Harry? I haven't been happy in years! Not in years! Is that— is that good enough for you? To know I am just as miserable here as you, I get nothing out of any of this—" "Why do it at all, then?" Harry asks, throwing his hands up and spinning on his heel. He goes and rests his head against a pillar in the living room. If he weren't furious, he'd appreciate how ridiculous he looks right now. Muffled into the wall, he says, "If you're so fucking miserable—" "There's one thing," Draco says with a watery laugh that doesn't carry much humour at all. He stalks over to where Harry's standing and tugs on his robes until he's facing Draco and his endless, endless rage, always his rage, never— Jesus. Draco leans in and jabs his pointer finger into Harry's chest. "There's one thing I've been good at all my life, and it's riling you up. You think— what? A marriage fails, and I just— what? Let the opportunity go?"

24. how do you recharge when you're not feeling creative?

the short, unhelpful answer is i try to go out and live my life. the slightly longer, still probably unhelpful, but wordier answer is: i go out on the lawns and spend the late afternoon fading into dusk reading books on the grass, i go to town with my friends and enjoy how the world looks when we're all giggling and tipsy, i focus on finishing things i've been procrastinating on, i clean my room and my desk and my wardrobe and i throw out half my things to make space for new ideas, i pick up new hobbies and i hyperfixate on some new fascination and find out everything i can about it, i sit in cafes and public transport and art galleries and take little notes on what people are doing and what they're saying and how they're living their lives, i write bad poetry and laugh about it, i sing terrible songs and laugh about it, i start some embroidery wips and look at them with great affection knowing i'll never finish them. and after months, or maybe even years of not sitting at the keyboard or picking up a pen to do more than write two lines of floating ideas, i think to myself— imagine if that thing was to happen. and imagine if that other thing was to happen right after. imagine, imagine, imagine, and suddenly the imagination can't be contained anymore, spilling out all over my hands.

29. how easy is it for you to come up with titles?

quite difficult if i'm trying to find a title from within the fic— i'm awful with wordplay of the smart & referential kind that makes for good titles. but usually, i have some song on repeat while writing a fic or a poem that comes to me in fragments, and i pick a lyric/line from there and it's the easiest part of the process.

send me some more fic writer asks while i procrastinate on my assignments!

#thoughts on these ones are that to write is to live #and sometimes when you're stuck with writing you have to remind yourself to live #thank you for the ask! #ask games #geets.txt #lovely anon

[baronetcoins]

Tagged in 20 questions for fic writers, by the dearly beloved @chiropteracupola

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

94! So far.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

169,588

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Uh that's a good question innit. At the Moment, I'd say I have destiny wips, DSMP wips, 3rd life wips, Henry V wips, and Temeraire wips.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

May Your Days Be Merry and Bright

I will never say the word "procrastinate" again

Who's on first?

I'm something else when I see you

I felt a Funeral, in my Brain

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! A, I know that when my comments get responded to it encourages me to leave more in the future so I try to do so from the other end as well. B, my mom used to yell at me for not replying to her texts because she wouldn't know if I'd read it, and that attitude has carried off into the rest of my life.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Okay for this one I polled my friends because I’m not a good judge of how angsty something is. M, the beta for Oberth Maneuver and half my other works suggested that one, because “you’ve made me cry multiple times w it so”. Kangoo suggested Ophiocordyceps.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oh pshh I dunno—I’m only counting stuff that’s longer than a single scene for this, because otherwise it’s not really an “ending”, is it? Gonna nominate either You'll always be my favorite ghost or I felt a funeral.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Oh thank god, no. A kind of pushy anon once who wanted to know about the next update, but not hate.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

uh. no. i'm. i'm Very ace. i don't remember people have sex unless I'm reminded of it. I can barely bring myself to write kissing.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

SDKLFJJDSKLFJKSDLJ yeah i write crossovers. My first ever longfic was/is a crossover. I love crossovers. what if I put the guys from one situation in a different situation? Craziest… either Oberth Maneuver for length and investment, dawn breaks (like a fallen vase) for sheer obscurity factor, or then i don't want to be me anymore for mixing perhaps the most incongruous source material.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No! But I really Want to translate I've no language left to say it because that fic is all about language barriers, and I think that would be a fun layer of meta. Someday I'll feel confident to take a stab at doing it in spanish.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yeah! Let my memory live (but darling, carry on) with Kangoo and Kingstealer.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Henry V/Montjoy, Probably. But IDK.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

oh eugh I dunno I don't like giving up on Anything but probably the desert duo star wars AU? I liked it and I have ideas for where I want it to go but just..... there are ideas I'm more excited about. You know how it is.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue! Dialogue dialogue dialogue. The playwrights I've worked with have mostly given kudos to my ability to write natural-sounding dialogue, and I'm very proud of it.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Eugh what isn't. Plots, description... but mostly, like... not rushing through things? I'm bad at letting stuff Linger.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Double check your work but otherwise, it's fine? Shoutout to my buddy Kangoo for being very willing to translate French for me.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Destiny! Please don't go back and read those first fics. Don't. they're awful.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Ahhh my answer to this changes depending on the day! Right now I'm going to say I'm still here (but all is lost) because I love the way it plays with the metatext of a play. It's Fun.

Tagging, if you wish, @ranababamboo, @bidoofenergy, @jaz-it-up, @kangoo, and @arcaneglitch

#ask the baronet #talking about words

[itllsetyoufree]

fic writer review!

thank uuuu for tagging me @sapphic-luthor!

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

there are six of them but more on tumblr probably because i haven’t put all of the little things on ao3

2. What’s your total ao3 word count?

34,286 on ao3 and now that you’ve asked, apparently an extra 7,807 across six minifics on tumblr that i haven’t posted on ao3... i should probably get around to doing that, huh

3. How many fandoms have you written for?

oh jesus. i think three buttttt let’s just go ahead and say one :)

4. Top 5 fics by kudos?

what do you know about quantum theory?

truce

she shines me up like gold on my arm

please don’t go

i always had the best intentions, babe

5. Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

only sometimes and i think about it a lot. most of the time i’d just be saying “thank you” which sometimes seems kind of insincere to me, but it’s not insincere at all, and each comment makes me genuinely happy but each comment is different so saying the same “thank you” to everyone feels weird you feel me?

6. A fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending

oh this one for sure

7. Do you write crossovers?

sure don’t

8. Ever received hate on a fic?

negative

9. Do you write smut?

i mean in my head definitely but down here for people to see, nooope

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i’m aware of

11. Ever had a fic translated?

yes! someone translated one of them into russian

12. Have you ever co-written a fic?

i have not, i think it would take two very special personalities to do that and i don’t think i’m one of them

13. All time fav ship?

i mean i think lia’s spot on that every ship feels like The Ship when you’re in it, and i do think supercorp could be it because i don’t read about/care much about any of the others any more. however i think my answer, even more unlikely than supercorp itself, is supercorp/good writing, thanks for asking

14. WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

ohhh i have a couple. i have a blind date one that i haven’t touched in months and i have dreams about a midvale one too. SIGH maybe someday

15. Writing strengths?

procrastinating, gaining momentum at 2:30am, whining to @sapphic-luthor and @battenthecrosshatches

16. Writing weaknesses?

RUN ONS. good lord why end a sentence properly when you can write one with six separate clauses instead

17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

listen i speak a wee (oui) bit of french but if i’m putting any language in there i’m probably running it by a native speaker before i post it. english included.

18. First fandom you wrote for?

i was at my parents’ house a little while ago and found a notebook with lizzie mcguire fanfiction in there and made an actual audible choking noise of disgust. i’ve hidden it but not burned it and i need to figure out what to do with it thanks for asking this too

19. What’s your fav fic you’ve written so far?

it’s absolutely got to be this one, which i only wrote because i became so completely livid watching season five that i needed to try to fix everything and made this whole tumblr just so i could post it. it was a bitch and a half to write and it’s almost a year old at this point, but i think it’s the best one i’ve written and i’m proud of it

tagging @littlemousejelly @msdanvers @i-am-robie

#this was v fun thank u lia #tag game

[mithrilwren]

Fanfic ask game for procrastinating on writing, which as of this week is actually accurate, since I’m finally writing again! (or, more specifically, editing what I wrote two months ago so I can get back to writing.)

Tagged by @essektheylyss! Thank you, this is exactly the kind of activity my brain needed tonight.

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

72! I was hovering at 69 for quite a while, sad to break the streak haha

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

~550K, which is somehow both more and less than what I expected

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Many, lmao. According to my Ao3 (omitting any blanket tags) I’ve got 22 there, plus at least two more over on ff.net from back in the day, and probably a couple more just on Tumblr. Most of them I’ve only written one fic for, though. I think the only fandoms where I’ve written more than one are Critical Role (35), Supernatural (15), Haikyuu!! (3), The Exorcist (2), Dimension 20 (2), and Yu-Gi-Oh! (2)

4) What are your top five fics by kudos?

Pick a Number, Any Number

Surprisingly, my number one is NOT a Critical Role fic, nor is it even one of my longer multi-chapters! It’s actually a one-shot I wrote for Haikyuu!! back in the day that took off far beyond what I expected. I wrote it for DaiSuga week, which was a ship I (to be completely honest) wasn’t even terribly invested in, but I had a fun idea and people seemed to like it! (It’s also much fluffier than what I usually write, which might be part of its broader appeal ;))

A Winter’s Ball

Unsurprisingly, the next four are all CR ;). This one was a M9 x VM crossover that I primarily wrote between the hours of 3-8am over the course of two insomnia-wracked nights and honestly, I think it shows in its uncharacteristically unstructured format (compared to my typical style, which tends to favour shorter scenes with very intentionally-placed breaks between, as opposed to scenes that flow into each other without pause). That’s not to say I think it’s a bad thing! The story, which follows Beau as she drifts through a party in Whitestone and observes the interactions between the various guests, actually flows better without that kind of interruption. This was also my first Beaujester piece. I started writing it right before Beau’s confession aired, and published it the week after, which definitely pushed me to make what had been only subtextual in the first half of my draft into the emotional lynchpin of the story.

Only the Nightingale Sings

I’m really glad this one still ranks as high as it does, because this story is absolutely my pride and joy. At one time (though I’m not sure that’s true anymore) it was the longest gen fic in the fandom, which is pretty cool! Plot-heavy, twist-heavy, angst-heavy, with seven points of view to follow and multiple interwoven storylines, it was a beast of a thing to write, and took almost exactly a year to finish, but the long process was oh-so worth it. Literally nothing makes me happier today than seeing a new comment or kudos on this story.

Closer Still

One of my earliest shadowgast fics, this one asks the question “how can you make the ‘stuck in an elevator trope’ fantasy?” The answer is, as always, demiplanes. This fic, perhaps more than any of my other shadowgast fics, is interesting to revisit, because it was written before the ep 97 reveal, but literally everything Essek does in it would suggest otherwise. It reads like I already knew he was a spy working with Trent, and yet I was firmly in the “Essek is NOT the spy” camp at the time. Gotta chalk that up to Matt telegraphing his growing guilt into the preceding episodes - even if I couldn’t see it, it was clearly there.

your dust from mine

My other novel-length CR multichapter, this fic brought me so much joy in the otherwise bleak summer of 2020. Most of my best memories of those four months come from working on this story. A Fjorclay adaption of The Goose Girl (my favourite fairytale) this story is about healing, growth, and figuring out what happiness means to you. While I know most people don’t read stories for this pairing anymore, for obvious reasons, I still cherish your dust from mine for how much of my heart I poured into it, and I look back on it with a huge amount of fondness.

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do my absolute best to respond to every comment someone leaves on a story of mine, even if it occasionally takes a month or two. Replying to comments is one of my favourite parts of the fic-writing process - it gives me a chance to revisit peoples’ kind words and (often, incredibly insightful) observations, and I hope it also shows how appreciative I am of each and every one. 

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Though I write a lot of angst, I honestly tend more towards bittersweet endings than straight-up sadness. The only one I can really think of is What You Own - mind the tags if you follow the link, this is definitely one of the gnarlier things I’ve written for CR - whose ending is, admittedly, bleak. But this story so far removed from canon that I don’t think it’s the kind of angsty ending that lingers with you, as much as it packs a punch and then lets you go on your way.

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I tend to enjoy thinking about crossovers moreso than actually writing them. I’ve brainstormed a few, but none have ever made it much farther than the first page.

8) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

A few times! Not often, thankfully. Only one time in particular really sticks out to me, mostly for how it rocked my confidence in a way that I don’t think any comment could now, since I’ve had a few more years to build up faith in my own writing.

9) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Very, very occasionally.

10) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not! 

11) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

12) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Oh man, back in the Glee days... yeah. Yeah, I have. Nothing that ever got published, though ;)

13) What’s your all time favourite ship?

Not sure I have one! Ships come and go with the seasons, and sometimes they’re best left in the era you found them.

14) What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

The Shadowgast figure skating AU. It’s never going to happen, but I wish it had.

15) What are your writing strengths?

I would say probably structure, in terms of constructing narrative arcs and through-lines. I’m organized with my writing in a way that I am in few other areas of my life, haha. I’d also say my sense of place - I think I’m pretty good at constructing living, breathing settings and exploring how my characters interact affect/are affected by them.

16) What are your writing weaknesses?

I have a tendency to be wordy (which you might surmise from the length of this post, lol) and repeat myself, usually by going over emotional beats that don’t need the extra reinforcement. On the other hand, I tend to underexplain certain elements (particularly, important plot details in fic, and character motivation in original writing), which can lead to confusion.

A couple years ago I would have said dialogue, but I’ve put a lot of practice into it and I honestly think I’ve improved a lot, which is pretty cool!

17) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I’ve never done it myself, and it’s not generally my favourite thing to read (like @essektheylyss said, it makes me hyper-aware that I’m reading words on a page, especially if I have to follow a footnote somewhere). That said, I’ve definitely also seen it used effectively, so I think it’s more down to whether it suits the particular story!

18) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Yu-Gi-Oh!

19) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

As mentioned above, Only the Nightingale Sings.

#tag meme #this took me about an hour and i dont regret a minute of it #personal

[thedumpsterqueen]

Standards of Performance, Chapter 4: Misjudgments and Saviors

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

AO3 Link

Sorry it's later than normal! I procrastinated the fuck out of the last half of this chapter and just got it finished. This chapter was originally going to include way more than just the interrogation, but the word count got away from me. Not a ton of Hotch in this chapter, but fear not, you will be fed next week ;) Also dark!Hotch hits different, you cannot change my mind. I hope you enjoy, thank you to everyone who takes the time to follow me, share my fic, and send me such kind messages. It means the world! <3

Summary:  You’re the BAU’s newest intern, desperate to prove yourself amongst an established team of much more experienced profilers. Agent Hotchner, the seemingly infallible team leader, sets strict expectations for your performance. He commands your respect without even trying, but is there something more to your relationship than a simple desire to impress your stony-faced boss?

Chapter: 4, Misjudgments and Saviors

Chapter Summary: The team interrogates Ellory Matthews and discovers that just because a killer is easy to catch, doesn't mean he's easy to predict.

Words: 2929

Rating: Explicit, 18+ (REMINDER: I don’t use chapter warnings to avoid spoilers. Assume violence, smut, etc. are possible in all chapters. Check AO3 for more exact tags <3)

Pairings: Hotch x Reader, Hotch x You

You threw on your work clothes and clambered into the back of the SUV in the dark, silent hotel parking lot. Morgan and Hotch were sitting up front, Morgan looking as exhausted as you felt and clutching a steaming cup of coffee like it was his lifeline, Hotch looking as startlingly unfazed as ever.

You caught a glance of the car’s clock up front between them and shook your head. Two in the morning - not an optimal time to interrogate anyone, much less try to force a confession out of a man desperate to avoid the consequences of a triple murder. If you were lucky, he’d fold quickly and the bulk of the paperwork could be pushed off until tomorrow when you’d all had more than a few hours of sleep.

After a blessedly brief drive (Hotch had a habit of ignoring speed limits, even in non-emergencies) and arriving at the police precinct, the three of you stood in the windowed room looking into where Matthews was being held. A police officer - you forgot his name, but he was one of the same ones who briefed you when you’d first arrived - gave you the rundown of his arrest.

“He was back on campus,” the cop said. “We stopped checking everyone in who entered through the gates after 10, so he must have waited until after then. Campus police were on a patrol when they heard screaming. He tried to grab a girl walking home from the library and got his ass pepper sprayed.”

You suppressed a snort at that. For someone who’d gone to such over-the-top measures to subvert the authorities after murdering three women at once, he was continuing to prove your initial theory, unprofessional though it was - he was an idiot.

Hotch thanked and dismissed the officer, who left after shooting one more glance of barely-suppressed disgust through the one-way window. Just the three of you now, you stepped forward, looking at your subject.

The first thing you noticed was his youth - he was young, around your age, which shocked you despite already knowing that information. He was big, too; not overly fit, but he certainly looked strong enough to have had the upper hand on nearly any female victim he chose. His face, inflamed and dripping with tears from the effects of the pepper spray, was his defining feature in that it wasn’t particularly defining at all. The structure was mildly unattractive - too-big nose, downturned eyes - and the symmetry just off enough that the absence of a stellar personality to compensate would render him nearly invisible to the opposite sex. That, you supposed, combined with a predisposition towards instability and a repeated lack of success with women, had created the perfect storm of obsessiveness and delusion that produced the three (almost four)-time rapist and murderer that sat on the other side of the glass.

“We need a confession,” Hotch said, breaking you out of your internal analysis, “but we also need to know if he’s done this before. Garcia put together a list of missing women that fit the victimology here as well as in Arizona and Nevada. Considering he dumped bodies there, we can assume he has some degree of comfort with those areas.”

Morgan grabbed the aforementioned list from Hotch and shook his head. “There’s dozens of names on this list.”

Hotch nodded in acknowledgement. “I know. That’s why I’d like to get closure for as many of the families as possible. But first, let’s focus on the three we know about.” He turned to you. “Morgan and I will go in first. We may have some success with intimidation from male authority figures, but I don’t see us piquing enough interest to get a confession. Normally, I’d send Prentiss or JJ in a situation like this, but I have full faith you can handle it.”

He paused, inspecting your face, no doubt gauging your reaction. “How do you feel about interacting with him?”

You felt sick, to tell the truth, knowing you were an exact match for his preferences. More than that, you felt woefully unprepared to conduct your second-ever interrogation under the scrutiny of two of the BAU’s experienced agents, including your boss. Especially your boss, whose gravelly voice and piercing eyes seemed to be occupying much more of your mental real estate than you were comfortable with.

You reassured him that you’d be fine, though, because looking like you were scared of interviewing a serial killer cast doubt on your ability to actually, you know, do your job . And if you watched Morgan and Hotch enter the interrogation room while really hoping that Hotch was underestimating their ability to crack him, well, no one needed to know.

Morgan swung the folding chair around, sitting with his arms propped on the backrest, directly across from Matthews. Matthews’ gaze, however, was glued to Hotch, who was standing with his arms crossed diagonally behind Morgan. You couldn’t see Hotch’s face, as his back was to you, but you knew what it looked like - jaw taut, lips pressed tight, frown even more pronounced than usual. Intimidating to anyone he came across, probably even more so if you were someone he was about to interrogate on suspicion of murder.

They made their introductions and began.

“Listen, Ellory, I’m gonna be straight with you here,” Morgan said, leaning forward. “This is not looking good for you, my man. We got you on attempted kidnapping at the same school three murdered girls attended. We have friends of these victims say they talked about a creepy teaching assistant in their classes. You’ve got piles of criminal psychology textbooks hidden in your house with notes that match what happened to these girls exactly. Put this in front of a jury, you’re getting convicted no question. At this point, it’s a matter of whether or not you wanna work with us and make this a little easier on you. You feel me?”

Matthews mumbled something indistinct, looking at his feet.

“Speak up,” Hotch commanded. You’d seen this before, what Morgan jokingly called the “good cop, bad drill sergeant” routine, but it always amazed you how easily they slipped into the roles.

Matthews looked up then, defiant. “They’re not mine.”

Morgan scoffed. “What aren’t? The books? C’mon man, they were under your mattress. In your house. No one’s buying that.”

“Well, it’s true,” Matthews mumbled, looking back down at his hands. “Don’t know how they got there.”

“And the girl?” Morgan asked, obviously unconvinced. “How you wanna explain you trying to kidnap a girl who fits the exact profile of three other girls who got kidnapped and killed in the same week?”

He whipped his head up at that, furious. “I wasn’t kidnapping her. She needed a ride. It was late.”

Hotch spoke up, his tone cutting. “Then why did she taze you?”

“She didn- look, she was confused, okay? I don’t know.”

“Sounds to me like she was pretty fuckin’ ungrateful,” Morgan offered. You cringed. You knew what he was playing at, but it was hard to hear nonetheless.

He continued, “Pretty girl like her, it wasn’t safe walking around that late, right? And you try to be a gentleman, try to help, and she freaks out and attacks you. That’d piss me off too, man.”

“Yeah. I guess,” Matthew responded, eyes flicking between Morgan and Hotch, seemingly unsure.

“Don’t worry about him,” Morgan said. “He’s just here cuz he has to be. Listen. We’re on the same page here. I’m you, I’m nice to these girls, I offer them rides, I treat ‘em like a gentleman. They turn around and act stuck-up, like they’re too good for me, right? That makes me mad.”

He paused, waiting for Matthews’ reaction. Matthews nodded, hesitant.

“So, what? Maybe I see them after they graduate or leave the college and confront them or something; tell them off for being such assholes to me when I was their TA. Maybe it gets heated, I gotta defend myself, someone gets hurt. Now, that’s not my fault, right?”

Matthews nodded again, more enthusiastic this time.

“Is that what happened to those girls, Ellory?” Hotch asked.

The room fell silent, waiting on his response. You leaned forward, nose almost pressed against the glass, praying it would really be this easy.

Matthews opened and closed his mouth, unsure. Morgan had worked him up, you could tell - his face was red, his hands balled up into fists on the table. He took a deep breath…

…and shook his head.

You cursed, stepping away from the glass. You heard Hotch and Morgan exit the interrogation room and come in behind you. You turned to face them.

“I thought you had him for sure,” you groaned to Morgan.

“Me too,” he replied, “but we got close. She going in next?” he asked Hotch.

Hotch looked at you. “He’s close to cracking. Act like he’d be doing you a huge favor by confessing, like you’d be in his debt. He wants to feel powerful, important. Convince him he can be.”

Catering to a man’s ego was a skill you’d fine-tuned after years of studying under, working with, and existing alongside them. Most men you’d had to flatter didn’t inspire quite so much disgust, however.

Just pretend he’s another idiot at a bar.

You straightened your cardigan and nodded. “I’m ready.”

“Remember,” Hotch said, “we’re right here. If you get too uncomfortable, just leave. This is a lot to ask of you so early in your position; I won’t blame you if it doesn’t go to plan.”

You nodded again and tried your best to smile. “Gotta learn sometime though, right?”

Morgan held out his fist to bump, and you obliged. “That’s my girl,” he said. “Go get ‘em, tiger.”

Hotch looked much less enthusiastic, but opened and held the door for you anyways. You took a deep breath and entered, plastering what you hoped was a convincing smile on your face. Matthews looked up, surprised, and returned your smile. He looked so normal in that moment, it was hard for you to reconcile that this was the same man who stalked, raped, and murdered three women and led authorities on a purposeless goose chase to divert suspicion.

Taking a seat directly across the table from him, you introduced yourself. “I’m the new intern at the BAU. I asked my boss if I could come talk to you. I just don’t feel like they really understood you, ya know?” You grinned, hoping the flattery would stick.

It appeared to, as Matthews leaned forward and spoke in a hushed voice, as if he was confiding in you. “I know how guys like that are. They think they’re the shit. Women always fall for that, though.” He looked at you intensely, and you started to realize very quickly why his victims had found him unsettling. “You don’t fall for that, right? That alpha male stuff?”

You forced out a laugh. “No, I prefer more sensitive guys. Ones that you can have a conversation with.”

“Are we having a conversation?”

“Wh-what? I’m sorry?”

“Are we having a conversation?” he repeated, still holding intense eye contact.

“Well, yes, I would say so,” you replied. “On that note, um, I wanted to be honest with you. It would really mean a lot to me if the families of -” you paused, choosing your words carefully, “- the three girls we’ve been talking to you about could get closure.”

“How do you mean?” asked Matthews, leaning back and crossing his arms.

“I just mean, they don’t know what happened to them, you know? And if we could tell them that whatever happened to them, it was a misunderstanding, and the person who did it feels bad, I think that would help a lot.”

Matthews’ beady, swollen eye twitched at that. “Feels bad?”

Oh, fuck.

“Sorry, I don’t know if bad is the right word, just that they didn’t want that to happen. For them to die.”

He paused. Seemed to make a decision.

"Who said I didn't want them to die?"

You had misjudged him - in that moment, you knew that. You had assumed the fatal ends to the encounters with his victims were born out of shame. That he felt remorse. That he didn’t want to mutilate and discard their bodies, and that the purposeful distractions from his true psychological profile had been a desperate attempt of an unintelligent man to throw the police off his trail. He was a creep, he was a stalker, he was obsessive and dangerous, and he was unintelligent. But he was also a sadist.

Realizing how pathetically unprepared you were to deal with this new diagnosis, you pushed back from the table and moved to stand - slowly, like you were trying to avoid startling a wild animal. Trying. But it all happened so fast.

Matthews shot up from his seat the instant you did - uncuffed, because he wasn’t supposed to be a threat, not like this - and grabbed you by the neck, dragging you across the table, scraping your legs against the hard metal edges. You screamed for help (really just screamed Hotch’s name over and over) until he had you too tight and you couldn’t anymore. Your hair was in your face, obscuring your vision, but you heard the door crash open seconds after he moved. He wrenched you closer to him, trapping you in the crook of one elbow, cutting off your breathing. More than cutting off your breathing, he was squeezing, much harder than he needed to simply choke you, and amidst the haze of your hair in your face and the blood rushing in your ears and the muffled sounds of Hotch and Morgan yelling, you had the wild thought that he might actually detach your head from your shoulders.

They can’t shoot, you thought, your last clear notion before your mind started to go fuzzy. He had you too close; the space was too small. A loud crash, presumably the table being launched against a wall, cut through the pounding in your head. You felt a sharp jerk - Matthews trying to move away - a sickening, dull crack, and the vice holding your throat was released. You dropped forward onto your hands and knees, hacking desperately, tears streaming onto the ground.

Morgan grabbed you by the shoulders and sat you up. “You ok? Hey, look at me, you ok? Can you breathe? Breathe for me, ok, come on.”

Coughing out a raspy, “Yes,” you pushed your hair out of your eyes and wiped your sleeve through the snot and mascara streaking your face. You looked to your left, trying to see what happened to Matthews, and nearly stopped breathing again.

He was dead, collapsed into a pile on the floor like sodden laundry. There was no blood, no apparent evidence of what happened, until you looked to his head and saw how grossly contorted his neck was. You looked up at Hotch in shock, who was standing over the body, hair askew, breathing heavily.

He broke his fucking neck.

Morgan could’ve done it, of course, but by the way Hotch looked up and met your eyes, you knew that wasn’t the case.

They gathered you up and wrapped you in a jacket. You saw paramedics almost immediately who cleared you medically (“No permanent tracheal damage, just expect bruising and soreness.”), met with internal investigators who questioned you about the incident, spoke to the rest of the team on a video call, spent 20 minutes on the phone with Garcia trying to reassure her between coughing fits that you were all alright, and finally, you were cleared to leave. The whole time, though, you were paying less and less attention to what was going on around you and more time thinking about the way Hotch looked when you looked him in the face.

You knew he had to have killed before; working this job for as long as he did made that a certainty. What you didn’t expect to see on his face was a complete lack of remorse. Disgust, even. He looked down at Matthews like he was scum, his lip curled and his jaw set. It was only when you made eye contact that you saw the slightest bit of emotion, of panic, before they whisked you away.

Morgan interrupted your cyclical musing. “You need someone to stay with you?”

Right, he was dropping you off at your hotel room.

“No, thank you Morgan,” you whispered, throat feeling more raw by the minute. “I’ll be okay.”

Morgan looked unconvinced but refrained from debating you. “Alright, but you know to call if you need anything, right?”

You nodded and managed a small smile. “Thank you.”

____________

Later that day, you took a commercial flight back, alone. Morgan and Hotch were staying for a few more days to finish closing the case, but they insisted you go home and rest. You were too drained to argue.

When you closed your eyes to sleep that night, in your own apartment, you expected to see Matthews, jeering at you from across the table. You expected to feel his arms wrap around your throat, to smell his stench, to wake up in a cold sweat thinking he was standing over you, ready to attack you again.

None of those things happened. In fact, when you closed your eyes, Matthews wasn’t the man you saw at all.

#hotch x reader #hotch x you #aaron hotchner x y/n #aaron hotchner x reader #agent hotchner #hotch smut #hotchner fanfic #aaron hotchner imagine #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds smut #criminal minds headcanons #thomas gibson #thomas gibson fanfic #jennifer jareau #emily prentiss #penelope garcia #david rossi #spencer reid #mgg #criminal minds #dom!hotch #sub!reader #d/s dynamic #fanfiction #writing #ao3 #slow burn #slow building romance #daddy!hotch #standards of performance

[duhragonball]

Nanwum V Update: 44,346

Oh-kay.   I decided to try to break my all-time one-day record today, and I actually pulled it off.   As of November 14, 2021, the most words I’ve ever logged in one day is 7023.  I could probably keep going tonight and pad that out a little more, but... no, I don’t think I will. 

A lot of stuff has gone right for me with this year’s Nano.  I had a strong start, I built up an early lead like I usually do, and somewhere around Day 4 I noticed that it just seems easier than it’s been the last couple of years.   Not that it’s effortless, but even back in April of this year, I would sit down to write, and three hours would go by and I barely had half of my goal for the day.   For whatever reason, I find the words are flowing better this year.   I mean, the numbers don’t lie.   I’m less than 6k away from winning the event, and I should be able to reach my actual goal a week later. 

The main thing, I think, is that I don’t seem to be feeling any writing fatigue.   The main reason I would always try to finish early with these things was because I would get so frustrated and exhausted with the writing, and the obligation to write on a schedule, and I wanted to get past that and just goof off as painlessly as possible.  But now, I don’t feel such a strong temptation to just blow off a day.   Which is good, because usually when I blow off a day, it becomes two days, which can become three, and when I finally do get back on the horse I have a harder time building momentum. 

I remember saying in 2017 that I felt like completing Nano helped me understand me a little better.   Like, I hadn’t defeated all of my bad habits and procrastination tendencies and my creative ruts.   But I had gotten a handle on what I could do to combat those things.   And I feel like I’ve been fighting that battle ever since. 

I would submit that this Xenoverse leg of my fanfic is just easier to write than the older material.  And maybe that’s helped speed me up, but I had that same advantage in 2020, and I feel like I’m doing way better than I was then.  I mean, 2021 is shaping up to be my best NanoWriMo ever.  Even if I burn out right this minute, I’m still doing really, really well, and the month isn’t even half over.   I’m not trying to brag, I’m just... I’m not sure what clicked for me, and I’m trying to figure it out.   I wish I could bottle and sell it.

Outside factors may be a contributor.   I feel like I sloughed off a number of psychological distractions this year.   I made it my business to focus on writing this fic, and that’s what I’ve done, and maybe that focus is paying off.  I always felt like I should try to have other things going on to engage with people who weren’t into this stuff, but maybe that’s been a mistake.   Writing can be a lonely hobby most of the time, and maybe the isolation was what scared me out of committing to it this fully, but dammit, I’m good at it, and it beats the hell out of trying to engage with anons who want to know what I think of Popeye cartoons.  My job sucks less than it did 18 months ago, and maybe that’s improved my mood more than I realized.  

From here, I’m just going to stick to writing 1668 words per day until the 30th.   If I can pull that off, I’ll add  26,688 to my total, and that would add up to 71,034.    That’s 11k more than I wanted, but I’ll take it.

I don’t know, I’m just feeling really good about how this has been going.  I’m not sure how to express it properly, but it’s just nice. 

#nanwum v #one day total record is 7023

[iknowyouthinkimbulletproof]

18- Ashton Irwin

A/N: another 5sos fic! Ashton Irwin x y/n. Y/n’s gender is female for this fic, it just made it easier to write, my apologies to anyone it might upset, but you can always request. Feel free to correct any mistakes! Requested by @suchalonelysunflower​ for my writing challenge: Lizza my darling, for the writing challenge I shall ask the song 18 by One Direction and any of the 5sos boys ❤️ my heart needs fluffy/angst or whatever you chose to do 💕🦋. i was supposed to post it a while ago...whoops.  *=song lyrics 

not my gif

1535 words

-

*I got a heart and I got a soul

Believe me, I will use them both

We made a start, be it a false one I know

Baby, I don't want to feel alone*

For as long as they can remember, Ashton and y/n were always parts of each other's lives. Their mothers had become friends around their time of pregnancy since y/n’s mother had just moved in next door. Despite that, Ash and y/n barely talked. When they were 10, Ash had scared her off by bullying her. It wasn’t intentional, he just had a crush on her and like most young boys, he became slightly rude towards her till it progressed to the point where he was seen as a bully.

It wasn’t until they were 17 that they became close. y/n’s father, who wasn’t really in the picture, had passed. It hit her hard. Though they were never close, when he passed y/n realized that even if she wanted to fix her relationship with her father, it was too late.  Ashton knew what it was like to grow up without a father, so he took her under his wing. The first couple months together Ash had tried to get her to go out more often and join some clubs at school, but she refused. Soon their friendship grew to the point where they felt most happiest next to each other.

When Ashton joined the band, 5 seconds of summer, he begged y/n to meet the boys. It took until their third performance together for y/n to meet them. Though she was closed off most of the time, she had grown slightly close to Ash's old band member in “swallow the goldfish”. She didn’t want to get close to them if they weren’t going to be in their lives for long. Seeing as the boys of 5sos were younger, she didn’t think that Ash would be there for long. Especially since Micheal had only asked him to join because they needed a drummer for their first jig. 

After the band had taken off, Ash had asked y/n to go on tour with them. She did, and while there she grew even closer to Ash. she got to know him more, she helped him through everything and never questioned when he needed a shoulder to cry on.

*So kiss me where I lay down

My hands pressed to your cheeks

A long way from the playground*

Their first kiss was magical, but they pretended it never happened. Ash and the guys had just gotten to the hotel after a performance. It was their first concert for the Youngblood tour and the excitement had gotten to him. He wanted to see y/n, so he rushed his goodbyes to the guys and rushed to the elevator. Of course she had gone to the show, but she had some work to catch up on. She wasn't a teen anymore. She had a job, it was pure luck that when she went in to ask for a week or so off that her boss was in a good mood. He walked in on her lying in bed, computer open next to her.

“Procrastinating?” he asked, spooking her as he leaned on the wall. 

“I guess you could call it that.” she teased “ i finished most of it, but i can’t seem to figure out the rest of it and i’d rather do it with a big cup of coffee in the morning.” 

“Well, I'm happy you’re done for the night. Only because that means I get to binge watch criminal minds with you.” It had been a long day, nothing could be better than watching a show and eating a big meal with your best friend. “What did you want to order?”

“Well there’s room service, but i’ve been craving chinese food for a while.” she answered while pausing the Grey’s anatomy and looking up at him.

“Guess it’s chinese then.” he winked and pushed himself off the wall. Shoes were thrown off and a big jump was made onto the bed. “The usual?” He questioned, not noticing that she was staring.

“Yep, and-”

“-Don’t forget the egg rolls” he interrupted as he typed into his phone. She blushed. She knew that he knew her well, but sometimes even the little things can make her heart beat faster than if she were to go skydiving. Focusing her attention back onto the laptop, she figured now would be the best time to change the show. 

After dinner they laid on the bed, computer in between them, season 8 of criminal minds playing. As the fifth episode they watch that night ends, Ash looks over at her. She felt the stares, so she looked over. Before anything could be spoken, he places his hand on her cheek and brings her closer. y/n’s breathing picks up speed. Once their lips met, their eyes shut. y/n leaned closer, fingers inching towards the back of his head and pulling slighting on the hair that was at the beginning of his neck. The kiss was passionate. In the movies, they always describe first kisses like fireworks. This was better. It was as if the whole world disappeared. Or as if they have finally been able to hold something that seems too far away, but just as fast as the kiss started...it ended. In a matter of seconds whatever it was they held in their grasp, it was gone. 

They pulled away and Ash started mumbling to himself. He left the room, leaving his shoes and phone. That night y/n cried, all night. Her protector was gone and her heart was shattered. He shattered it. 

The day afterwards, she went to Ash and Calum’s room. Ashton was still asleep, so Calum opened the door. She gave him Ash’s belongings and then went down to breakfast. When the band joined her, the pair of forbidden lovers acted like normal. They joked around and the boys didn’t suspect a thing.

*And all I can do is say that these arms were made for holding you

And I wanna love like you made me feel

When we were eighteen*

Now, in 2020, both Ashton and y/n were in quarantine….on opposite sides of town. It had been forever since they last saw each other. It had given them time to grow separately and to think about what they really wanted. y/n knew for years that what she wanted was Ash. she knew the moment he walked into her home asking if she needed anything. It was a lot of work throughout these months for her to figure out that what she needed was him. She had him, but not fully, not the way she wanted. During the months of 2020, Ashton had gone through a break up. It didn’t hurt him as much as he thought. As much as anyone thought. If he was being honest with himself, it didn’t hurt at all. Ash used his time off making music. Some of which anyone could listen to. Specific songs though, they were meant for one person. y/n. He had never been the best at expressing his feelings, unless it was through music. 

That led him to where he is currently. Sitting at his desk, listening to the song he wrote for her, over and over again. He was going to send it, he had to. He wanted her completely. He wanted her in his arms, like she was meant to be. He press sent, then waited. He only took his eyes off the screen, to grab water. He waited, but nothing ever came. Nothing but the word “seen”. He sent another message to clarify that it was to her...and about her. After about half an hour, tears started to pour down his face, the anxiety won. He broke down. 

When y/n received the text she just finished showering. It had been sent 5 minutes ago. She sat and listened to the melody that played after pressing the link he had sent. Going back to the messages, she wanted to compliment the song, she saw the new text he had sent. Tears started to fall down her eyes, but they were tears of joy. Instead of texting back, she rushed up and grabbed her keys. She needed to see him just as much as she needed air.

When she arrived, her legs became like that of a cat’s. Fast. she knocked on the door, listening to her thumping heart. The door opens. Everything clicks together perfectly, all initiated by y/n.. First their eyes, then their hands, and finally their lips. It took a second for Ash to realize what was happening and when he did the kiss took a turn. It turned sloppy and desperate, somehow the passion could still be felt. Ashton pulled her inside the house by her waist, closing the door with his foot and pressing her onto it. They pull away, still close with their breaths mixing together.

“I love you” y/n whispers tugging his hair again.

“I have loved you since we were 18” 

#ashton irwin imagine #ashton x reader #ashton x y/n #5sos fics #ashton fic #@suchalonelysunflower #writing challenge

[revengerevisited]

Maddie talks about depression.

Talking about depression is kinda hard because every time I do, I start to feel guilty because I know there are so many other people who have it worse than me. It’s not like I’m starving or abused or homeless. All my problems are just in my head, and a lot of it is my own laziness.

My depression comes from my anxiety and stress. While certain stressors are no longer part of my life —school was hell, and I’m very glad I don’t have to be there anymore— there are still many things which stress me out. First is my general incompetency and fear of never accomplishing anything.

Truth be told, I kinda suck at... everything. I can’t cook anything complicated, I don’t know how to pay taxes or bills, I can’t learn to drive because I’m terrified of death, I suck at social skills, and I’ve never had a job. In other words, I’m not independent, and it’s honestly really embarrassing and makes me feel guilty.

While I could learn how to do those first two more easily than the others, I really am genuinely scared of driving and I don’t know how to fix that. Quick candid run-down, I’ve tried antidepressants and therapy, but the only thing that’s helped is anti-anxiety medication (buspirone, for the curious). Even then, it’s not a magic fix.

For social skills... That’s a tough one. I have trouble making a keeping friends. Just a couple months ago I had a falling out with a friend, and it’s really bummed me out. I feel lonely a lot of the time. I don’t really know if social skills are something that can be learned. It doesn’t help that I have social anxiety on top of everything else.

As for a job... Just thinking about it causes me anxiety. I know it’s both a social obligation and (supposed to be) a point of pride, not to mention the money, but I’m terrified of feeling trapped again in the same way I did at school. Plus, to have a job I need to drive, which brings us back to my fear of death.

I’ve realized the only thing that can partially help that fear would be having children, but I don’t know how I’m going to manage that either. I’m not attractive, my personality isn’t that likable, and what’s worse I’m running out of time to find a husband. If a woman is over thirty, chances of her children being born unhealthy start to increase. That’s only five years away for me.

Of course before I can even start thinking of marriage and kids, I have to get my own life together, because how am I supposed to care for kids if I can’t even care for myself? Which brings me back to getting a job. The only thing I’m really good at is writing. My art is still too lacking for me to rely on it. I’m both a perfectionist and a procrastinator, which makes me feel even more guilty for being lazy if I’m not constantly working on something.

My greatest accomplishment in life is a half-finished rarepair fanfic featuring a character who— Well. I don’t even know if I know him anymore. For years I poured everything I had into Vanitas, and... I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say this whole KHUX situation has broken my spirit.

I know that it’s ‘just fiction’ and I keep trying to tell myself that, but I know the truth is that Vanitas means so much more to me than ‘just fiction’. I’m not sure I could say exactly why he’s so important to me —though I have tried— but he just... is. 

I’ve already gone over my stress from online harassment. In some ways that, combined with the TOS on every website telling me that my art isn’t allowed, has really worn me down. Overall, everything combined makes me... not really want to create Kingdom Hearts content anymore. Which isn’t something anyone wants to hear. Trust me, I don’t want to stop, either, but... sometimes I wonder if I need to stop.

I feel like I need to stop thinking about Kingdom Hearts, about Vanitas, and focus on my own original writing, since thinking about what’s happening to him is making me so miserable. With original writing, there wouldn’t be any stupid retcons because I could control the characters. I could make all the characters 18+ to satisfy the stupid antis and TOS. I could sell my work and maybe that could become my job. I wouldn’t need to drive yet because I could do it in my own home.

But...

But if I abandon my fanfics, even just to go on a hiatus, then I’ll disappoint everyone. That’s my rock and my hard place. That’s guilt.

My mom paid $120,000 on my college tuition, and I wasted it and four whole years in a tiny dorm room on an animation degree that I’ll never use. That’s guilt.

Guilt is stress and stress is anxiety and anxiety is depression.

Everything, everything here, is just too much for me to handle and my mind gets overwhelmed and collapses and swirls into this abyss of grey. I just feel stuck in one place that I can’t get out of.

For the last couple weeks I’ve been a depression blob. That is to say, laying around and not doing anything. Not working because it’s too much effort. Not doing anything fun, because it’s too much effort. Not getting up to eat until I’m starving, because it’s too much effort. Just typing this all out is almost too much effort.

And this is where I come across as lazy and a complainer, because as I said, it’s all just in my head, and the guilt from that just makes me feel even worse. Other people handle life just fine. Why am I so bad at it?

...My biggest stressor right now is finishing this Venqua fic and making sure it’s perfect. It’s supposed to be funny and sexy but I feel like neither right now. But I really do want to finish it, and as soon as possible, because I know everyone’s excited and waiting on me.

I want to be able to have fun when I write. I don’t want it to feel like a chore. I think if I could just get through this one fic, then I can start on my original work and learn the life skills I need. But even then, chapter thirteen of A Heart and a Half would be next, and then fourteen, and so on. I don’t have time to do all these things at once.

I just don’t want to feel trapped.

#depression #stress #anxiety #vent #rambles #personal

[happygtyhvf]

Fic Writer Review

Thanks for the tag @redvanillabee

It gets a little long so I put it all under the cut

1. How many do you have on Ao3?

I have 15 and honestly I thought it would be less. 

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?

15,957, which I’m kinda surprised by cause the first fic I posted was less than half a year ago and most of them have been pretty short.

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Just Agent Carter for now.

4. What are your top 5 five by kudos?

Shirt, Blue, Nervous (980 words) which is really just Peggysous established relationship fluff and some unplanned pregnancy.

Soft Towels, Gold, Stressed! (1,208 words) Daniel making sure that Peggy actually takes a break from work, fluff. 

Alarm Clock, Green, Irritated! (574 words) Peggy doesn’t like waking up early, more fluff (are you seeing a pattern yet?)

Ring, Light Maroon, Lucky! (634 words) Peggy’s thoughts the night after Daniel’s proposal, early morning fluff (there is definitely a pattern here)

Book, Lavender, Excited! (617 words) Before her and Daniel’s first date Peggy is too excited to focus on her book.

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yes, sort of. I try to, but sometimes I overthink what i’m going to say and then I have to make it perfect and then I feel like it has been to long for me to reply, so I end up not doing it. But if you have commented and I didn’t reply please know that I love you and your comment and that you are amazing.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Definitely Keys, Tan, Heartbroken! It was the first time I dipped my toe into Major Character Death and I don’t think I’m doing that again, it hurt.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I haven’t done any crossovers.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Thankfully no.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

omg no. In my 5+1 fic for Peggysous week I wrote something that could be considered smutty I guess and re-reading when I was editing I cringed so hard, never again. Even now, just thinking about it I hate it.  

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope, not that I know of.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes actually! Ring, Light Maroon, Lucky! was translated into Russian.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope :(

13. What is your all time favourite ship?

Peggysous! With Phrack close behind.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

The main one is basically what if Micheal never died, Peggy didn’t go to war and actually married Fred Wells. It would mostly be set after the war and in America. I also worked in some peggysous, because my brain just ✨does that✨.  Anyway, I love the idea but I just don’t really have the motivation or time to actually do it. 

I also have a mythical creatures AU, but that’s literally like two sentences, not a real fleshed out idea and I don’t think that I’ll go anywhere with it. 

15. What are your writing strengths?

Umm, I’m not sure. I like to think that I can get the emotions good? maybe? I really enjoy what I’m writing?

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Procrastination. 110%. I’ll tell myself in the morning ok, we’ll start writing at 3, ok? and then 3 comes and I’m in the middle of a video or something and I’ll say to myself, just til the end of this video... 5 hours later, crap.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I think that it’s an interesting topic and really depends on how much of another language is being said. I don’t think its bad, it’s nice to see bi/multi-lingual people speaking their other language, just sometimes when you don’t know what id being said it can kinda pull you out of the flow of the story a bit. If you’re just using it for swears or pet names or something, just one or two words then I think that’s easier? more natural? for the reader to read because you don’t need the translations right away. However if full sentences are used and since most people are reading in english the author often translates it (in the footnotes or parentheses next to the sentence), it can start to pull you away from the actual story.

okay, this got a bit long and I used to many words but you get the gist of it right?

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Agent Carter

19. What’s your favourite fic you’ve ever written?

Umm, I think that A Sweet Proposal is probably my favorite, I loved writing it and think it turned out great, but I’m pretty happy with most of my fics.

No pressure tags: @peggysousfan @midnight-clover @agentamethystelf (some of you many have already been tagged and if so, sorry)

[pearlll09]

Fic Ask Game!

Did you say procrastinate my current wip by filling out one of these games? Thank you @lurlur for the tag!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

57! That’s a lot more than I thought lol I might have to look through my fics again to remember them all.

2) What's your total AO3 word count?

537,626 - half a million. Since 2018. That’s a lot

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Well, some of my fics are tagged as multiple fandoms - not because they’re crossovers though, just because some fandoms (like marvel) are split into so many different tags on ao3. So, the condensed version is nine - Marvel, The Witcher, Good Omens, BBC Merlin, Detroit: Become Human, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard, and Mass Effect

4) What are your top five fics by kudos?

I almost started writing this out by hits - the first four are Good Omens, the last is the Witcher!

There Is Always Tomorrow; Love Of My Life, Don’t Leave Me; What Your Name Is Else, I Know Not; The Bookshop Scandal; Witchers Can Date Bards, Too

5) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do not always respond to comments. I try my best, I really do, but sometimes I just get backed up with so many that I feel it’s been too long to actually answer. I do read and cherish them all, however!

6) What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

 Okay I know I love angst but I don’t like angsty endings I have even gone as far as to ignore or rewrite angsty canon endings. I will always leave it on happy or hopeful. So sorry, but I don’t have an answer for this one!

7) Do you write crossovers? If so, what's the craziest one you have written?

Not often, but yes! I know I have one or two in my wips that will probably never be finished, so that leaves one that I’ve published. It’s uh from my early writing days so it’s not one I like to think about but. It’s Detroit: Become Human and Marvel. You can find it here if you’re really that interested.

8) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

The most I’ve gotten is someone saying things like “oh I would have done it this way” or the one fic where everyone was getting on my case about tagging for a character I hadn’t introduced yet, even though I kept saying he was coming in a later chapter.

9) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I don’t. I don’t have anything against it or anything, it’s just not really my thing. Who knows, maybe eventually it’ll happen, but I don’t see that happening any time soon.

10) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of

11) Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I wouldn’t be opposed to it!

12) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

A friend and I have started series together that we both kinda fell out of rather quickly, but that’s the most I’ve got to offer here

13) What's your all-time favorite ship?

You want me to pick a favorite?? Did you see how many fandoms I write for?? And that’s just what’s posted there are others in my drafts I never finished either aoisdfdh I may have a favorite ship for each fandom but you can’t ask me to pick one overall.

14) What's a WIP you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Ah, that’d probably be my if the mcu was just a big game of dnd fic. I started it once, dropped it, came back to it and didn’t like it, started rewriting from a different point, and well my other projects keep interesting me more than that.

15) What are your writing strengths?

That is a hard one to answer, honestly. I can say I enjoy my writing now, but I can’t tell you what my strengths are. I just kinda... write and don’t think about that.

16) What are your writing weaknesses?

Hmmm probably tenses. I usually have an issue with tenses. I will say that sometimes pov can mess me up too, mainly if I’m focusing on the pov of one person instead of omniscient.

17) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I personally will probably not do it, especially because I don’t know much of any other language and don’t want to mess it up. When reading it, however, I do appreciate it when an author offers a translation of it in the notes or something

18) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Marvel, and my first ever fic has actually been abandoned. I will not link it here because I do not want to see it asjdfds

19) What's your favorite fic you've written?

Oh no, more favorites. Alright, I give you three - first two are Good Omens, last one is the Witcher. Help Could Come From An Unexpected Quarter; The Truth is Rarely Pure (and Never Simple); That Man Is Not Truly One

I’ll tag @riv-ika, @a-thousand-wasps-in-a-trenchcoat, @synopsisofel, and anyone else who is interested can hop in!

#tag games #ask games #my fic #i wish I could put a wip as one of my favorites really #cause it is my favorite but it's not finished

[spideesenses]

For I Have Sinned [3] →

pairing: fratboy!peter x reader

warnings: there’s no smut (yet) but the fic is 18+. innocence kink.

prompt: peter came home for the holidays and much to his dismay, you were the new girl next door.

<<two

Winter break went by too quickly for Peter’s liking. He spent most days with you, if not every single day. Maybe that’s why he dreaded for it to be over, he didn’t want to miss you. Half of the days were spent doing casual activities, taking you ice skating, to the arcade, subway trips downtown, more ice skating. You were a pro ice skater by the end of the week. And when it was too late to do anything, you spent every night on your balcony, Peter on his as you guys talked until either one of you got tired. Aunt May wondered why you guys didn’t just have sleepovers at this point; Peter was quick to remind May that you guys weren’t eight and would your mom allow it? Probably not.

He got you a christmas gift, and you got him one too. He got you a pair of ice skates, so you could go regularly while he was back at school. You almost fainted; how did he know this would be the perfect gift for you?

You actually made him a winter care package. You packed a sweater with a matching hat and gloves, along with your favorite tea and candle. You even packed tissues, the ones with Vicks in them, so he wouldn’t get rashes along the underside of his nose.

Peter perched against his desk, his chin being held by his palm. He missed you, that was a no brainer, but why was he not able to get you out of his mind? Before he knew it, his teacher had finished the lecture and everyone was packing their things for the next class. Luckily for Peter, he didn’t have any. He had his mind set on going to see the girl who’d been wandering his mind all week. Until he saw a familiar face waiting at the door for him.

“Mr. Stark?” Peter squinted. This was a surprise.

“Hey kid,” the retired man had greeted. He still got it though, the flare and cleaned up man he was. He rocked the dad-bod pretty well too. Peter could make out more of the grey flakes that became more evident in his appearance.

“Hey? What are you doing out here?” while they walked side-by-side to the parking lot, they chatted a little bit, made small talk. Morgan was just starting school and Tony let Peter know that he was more than welcome to come over for dinner in between all these exams and finals.

Once they got seated in Tony’s car, Tony took Peter for a cruise.

“I know we left the suits in the past,” Tony jumped straight into it, not hesitating to get to the point. “But there’s a matter at hand. It’s a situation that cannot go unnoticed.”

“Mr. Stark?” Peter questioned with furrowed eyebrows. After all, it was Tony who initiated everyone to lay low. Sure, Tony had many near-death experiences, but he had a family. He couldn’t fit the superhero life anymore without jeopardizing them. And Peter? He was still a teenager. Steve was gone. Settling down was probably the best option for the Avengers. But here Tony was years later, asking to save the day again.

“There is someone,” Tony took only a moment to shut his eyes and sigh deeply. “Someone from my past. Someone I couldn’t takedown. And I thought they were gone for good. But they just popped up on my radar and I think they can potentially be dangerous for our city.” Tony explained.

“Okay... Okay? But- Mr. Stark, why me?”

“I don’t have anyone else to call. Natasha went to finish unsettled business elsewhere, Birdman went west with the Winter Soldier. Plus, you’re a native of New York and that’s what I need right now.”

Peter thought about it. It overwhelmed him to be in his suit again. It’d been so long since he went by the name Spiderman. He knew Tony wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important, hell, he’d probably face it himself if it wasn’t that big of a deal.

“Okay, Mr. Stark. I’ll do it.” Peter reluctantly agreed.

“Alright.” Tony began tapping buttons on his car and holographic reports appeared in front of Peter. His stomach turned. “So, we’re looking for Leslie Cain.” he knew. Of course he knew. He hadn’t even realized he had tuned Tony out. How could he have not known? This was the woman who lived next door to his aunt, his only family.

“Mr. Stark? I think I’m gonna be sick.” the feeling was overwhelming. The superhero duties coming back all at once; he wasn’t focused on fighting crime anymore, that wasn’t his thing anymore. He was only worried about the essay he had procrastinated on and the carton of eggs he left in his mini fridge before the holiday break. Maybe that’s why his spidey senses weren’t working.

He was spending time around that lady too! Of course, it wasn’t as much as he was spending with you but- holy shit, what was he going to do about you? Did you know about your mother’s tendencies? Did Mr. Stark know Leslie had a child?

“Mr. Stark?” Peter’s voice wavered. “How do you know Leslie?” he wanted to know. Their past couldn’t have been too deep, right?

“She...” Tony sighed, rubbing his temples. “I had a one-night stand with her a long ago, before I even met Pepper. We eventually started seeing each other and then I found out she was crazy, saying the gods would be upset if she had settled for a mortal like me or whatever. She was a devil worshiper or whatever, so I ran for the hills.”

Holy shit, holy shit. What the fuck? So, she was a witch of some sort? Is that was Mr. Stark was trying to imply? What the fuck are the odds that an old flame of Tony’s moved in next door to his prodigy? New York was huge, so why settle for Midtown? Did Leslie know that Peter was Spiderman? Was May in danger?

“Leslie’s my aunt’s neighbor.” Peter’s face paled as Tony stopped the car with an abrupt halt. “She knows, right? Leslie has got to know I used to work with you, otherwise, why else would she and her daughter be living next door to Aunt May, right?” Peter panicked and thought out loud, running his fingers through his hair.

“Wait a second, what?” Tony did a double-take at Peter. “She’s got a daughter?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s impossible.” it wasn’t normal to see Tony like this. Normally, he was a few steps ahead, knew all the facts. But he was rusty.

“No, it’s not. I’m her friend, she’s like, my age.” Peter managed to get out, tugging at the sides of his hair.

Tony cursed under his breath.

“What Mr. Stark?” Peter grew more and more concerned. He should have waited for the terms and conditions before agreeing.

“Nothing. I need to do more research. I’ll reach out to you when I know more. In the mean time, stay away from Leslie. Even if that means inviting your aunt out here.” Tony instructed sternly.

“Are you kidding me? I’m not going to invite my aunt to my frat house where I live with my frat brothers.”

“Okay, then get coffee or something. Just stay away from Leslie. She’s bad news.”

“But Mr. Stark-“ the door was opened and Peter was shoved out of the car.

“Remember what I said!” and he drove off.

#shit’s going down! #peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker x reader #alia writes

[fireproofkings]

The making of a sweater series

Part 1 || Part 2

Two things before we start: First, this is a long one and it has a few photos so buckle up if you’re reading. And second, I apologize in advance for the state of my nails in any of the pics, I know they are incredibly awful, but I promise I’ll do them tomorrow.

If you know me, you know I am the worst at keeping up with things, and if not, the fact that I have 7k drafts can give you a pretty good idea.

Last Saturday (July 11th) I went out and bought everything just as I expected, but while I was out shopping, Louis decided to attack us.

That’s one of those things you will always remember what you were doing the moment the news hit. I was buying all the supplies to make Harry’s sweater when Louis announced he was finally free.

My phone was blowing up, and when I went to check why, all of my group chats were screaming, and the lovely Ed (@literlarryreal) was sending me long voice notes telling me all the thoughts she has and let me tell you, it was a ride.

Yes, I cried in public and no, I am not ashamed to say it was not the first time I have done so with something Louis related.

Anyways, getting back on track, I spent way more than I was expecting to, but it’s alright lol. I am confident it’s all going to be worth it.

Under the cut you can find a summary on everything that happened this week with the process, and more pictures of Jack, my dog.

Here’s everything I bought that day. The quantities are exactly what is in the pattern in JW Anderson’s website (plus an extra colour I bought but then found a better match for, which I might use if I run out of any colour). I did end up finding everything, but I had to go to a few different stores to do it. There’s kind of a shortage due to the current situation and the fact that these aren’t essential goods.

I wanted to start that same Saturday, but I decided to finish that scarf I was making before, just so I wouldn’t have to go through all the trouble of changing needles and storing it away where it would probably get messed up, so I finished it and here’s a photo of it:

I ended up doing an infinity scarf, and have some yarn leftover, maybe I’ll do a hat or something like that in the future. Yes, those are my PJ’s don’t judge me.

Then I procrastinated starting the actual sweater for all of Sunday and Monday (12th and 13th). That’s something I tend to do, if you haven’t noticed.

One thing I hadn’t thought of as particularly hard, ended up being something out of my nightmares (I also tend to over exaggerate, if you’re reading this, you’re really getting to know me lol).

That green square is incredibly awful.

The pattern itself isn’t that difficult, but if you have to undo some lines it completely falls apart and you have to start over. This happened to me like three times the first time I attempted it.

Usually it takes me half an hour to 45 minutes to do one square, this one took literally two hours and a half. But it was so much easier and quicker the second time around. Putting in a lifeline and doing tallies in a notepad every time I finished a line helped a lot.

Jack did end up making it better. Even if him laying directly on top of it made it difficult to work.

On the other hand, the black and red jacquard squares were something that had me slightly worried. The technique is kinda confusing and is very easy to mess up if you are not paying attention.

The first few lines I did wrong, but then I learned how to do it properly and while the handling of the multiple strands of yarn is difficult, you get the hang of it pretty quickly.

But then, horror struck.

I realised that for some reason I was doing the squares 12cm long and not 14cm like they are supposed to be. So that panel was going to end up being 6cm shorter than the others in total, which doesn’t seem like much but was definitely going to show.

Here you can see the mess. I had to undo basically two whole squares, since the first one was 14cm (I really don’t know what was going on in my brain) and the second one, which was a jacquard pattern one, could be continued, but those two squares cost me about a whole day of work.

I was so frustrated I decided to stop for the day and take a long hot shower.

I came back to it the next day and Jack made it all better (can you sense a pattern -no pun intended- here?).

So, to wrap it up:

They are lined up in the way they go in the completed sweater. The little notes on top help me keep track of which one is each of them. The numbers in blue show the order in which they were done.

The first one was pretty easy except for the green square I talked about before, I started that one on Tuesday (14th) and finished on Wednesday (15th). That same day I started the second one which I finished early on Thursday (16th), it was really uneventful which I appreciated a lot, apart from my pointer finger hurting from pushing the needle, so I decided to invent some kind of protection with tape and silicone, which failed extremely, because it rides up and falls off.

Here you can see my failed attempt at some kind of protection for my pointer finger. I basically need a thimble, but I can’t find one online.

Maybe the uneventfulness of panel number two was to make up for the absolute nightmare that was the third panel that I had started that same day, the one I talked about being 6cm too short. It threw me off the loop for the rest of the day, which meant I only finished it late on Friday (17th) and by then I was too tired to do anything else.

Yesterday, on Saturday (18th) I started the fourth one, but I didn’t have the energy to work that much, and today, Sunday (19th), I haven’t done much more than a couple of rows.

By this point I have 3 completed back centre panels and another one 3/4 of the way done. I just have that 1/4 and the two side panels (that include shoulder shaping) left to finish the back, and then I have the front, sleeves, cuffs, collar, ribs, and button band to finish the knitting. Then it’s all ready to sew together.

Just as I did with last post, I want to close this off with some pointers for what is coming, just to keep myself on track and look back to later:

This week I want to finish the back and leave it all ready for sewing when I’m done with the rest of the knitting.

I have to write for a fic exchange I wish I had started earlier but I’m still confident on the time I have left, so that will be my priority, and not knitting.

I start classes again on August 3rd and I hope to be finished by then (with both the sweater and the fic lol), I am kinda confident I will be able to do it since I’m kind of 1/3 of the way through, so if I keep the same pace, or an even better one, I’ll be able to make it.

Something I’m not looking forward to is doing the shoulder shaping, I have no idea how to.

I have been worried the yarn I bought isn’t going to be enough (it might be just my anxiety talking), but I think it’s going to be okay since I am nearly 1/3 of the way through on the squares with one of the colours, but I haven’t gone through that amount of yarn yet.

I have made the executive decision to not do the tassels with the left over yarn and to sew the panels and ribbing together right sides together (so the seams will be on the inside) to give it a more polished look, but this might change in the future.

I’m starting to see it take shape, even if only the back, and I’m really excited!!!

If you want to see the other posts in these series go to the top where the other parts are linked or go to the tag here.

#the making of a sweater #mine #jack #harry's patchwork sweater #louis is free #sorry for all the dates #it's just so i can keep track of the time it's taking #thank you if you read this lol

[digimondestined]

1-50 :D (for xxx: Blurred Lines; 42: Aokise Songfics (Need You Now); 46: Try- and Keep Trying; 47, made up title: In the man behold a child) ❤️

1) How old were you when you first starting writing fanfiction?

Oof.  12 ish? FFNet But we don’t speak about it; the site or the writing :P

2) What fandoms do you write for and do you have a particular favourite if you write for more than one?

Right now, I’m more invested in aokise / knb fandom and well, once invested, it’s hard to pull my focus :P Other fandoms I’m interested in writing in as of the moment are Owari No Seraph (Gureshin :P) and Seven Deadly Sins (man, that’s lovely hell)

3) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

Probably OCs? I haven’t written OC’s in a while but heck, reader inserts sounds kinda of awkward to write :P

4) What is your favourite genre to write for?

…is angst with a happy ending a genre?(Otherwise maybe coming of age?)

5) If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi chaptered stories, which would it be and why?

Blurred Lines is the only one that has an actual plot :P and is multi chaptered :P. It’s also got a couple of my favorite tropes such as mutual pining & simultaneous obliviousness. To be honest, I normally don’t edit my works before I put them out (sometimes I’ll get a loving friend to look at it tho :PPPPPP) because I can’t bear reading what I’ve written without cringing, but yeah, I thought Blurred Lines was pretty good :D in terms of writing skill because I’ve been able to read it again aha and I thank all the wonderful people who showered me the work with compliments.

6) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?

LMAO WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I HAVEN’T ALREADY? If I delete stories, it’s always for the reason I’m disappointed with it in hindsight, or xD embarrassed I produced such poo.

7) When is your preferred time to write?

Night time becuz I like to procrastinate, it’s quiet and the dark is cozy.

8) Where do you take your inspiration from?

Other writers/stories, canon material, music, random insights at odd times, prompts sparked by single words or little phrases, prompts from sites or book quotes or from friends and epiphanies, and then mostly I don’t :P 

9) In your Blurred Lines fic, what’s your favourite scene that you wrote?

Chapter 5, the (two I guess?) scene where Aomine’s really upset and Kise makes it his job to take his mind off of it; it’s a memorable moment for both of them because Kise’s determination and hard work really gets to show (SEIRIN GAH; jskghjkghg sg lgsg gsjlsd) in front of two people that mean a lot: himself and Aomine, and for Aomine, it’s an example of how he can be weak and injured too, and is so much more than some give him credit for.

10) In your fic, why did you decide to end it like that? Did you have an alternative ending in mind? Nah, I really liked how it ended actually :) Happy after endings are my favorite :)

11) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

I’ve only gotten harsh criticism once or twice and man, you should’ve seen me RAWRR in their faces :P. Sometimes self criticism- ex: dislike of plot- will get me to edit though; and then there are just times where I’ve been lazy but reading the work, I’ll see flaws that definitely have to be changed and will proceed to do so.

12) Who is your favourite character to write for? Why?

Aomine and Kise are the most fun imo. I go wild with both because of the complexity to both their characters and simply, the inspiration you can see from different works of other authors (Ex: MoustachePenguin wrote JustBreathe with Kise who had crushing depression and KaijosCopyCat wrote When It Rains, It Rains Bullets, where Kise is actually more jaded than Aomine is); point being said, there’s enough material to make a lot reasonable.Kise is fun for his masks and layers; Aomine is great for his relativity. And of course, you can always find a way to knit in angst of some sort :P 

13) Who is your least favourite character to write for? Why?

Lots man. Kuroko, Murasakibara-

14) How did you come up with the title for the xxx? - You can ask about multiple stories. 

SO. Remember how it was planned as a one-shot aha :P I’d gotten 3 chapters and ½ written out before I said screw it and posted them before gradually working on the rest :P 

Anyways, I’d only then finished on a final summary, and with one of the parts being “Lines Blurring”, I thought heck let’s roll with that.

Oh also! Had a hard time getting that summary out. gotta thank my special, one and only snowflake.

15) If you write OC’s, how do you decide on their names?

- Likes to indulge myself; I’ll base OCs of some real characters, then twinkle with the name little bit, maybe adding extra letters or finding names with similar meanings?

- It also has to do with how the name tastes. You know how some words just flow better? (Connotation and all that :P) but like, Jewel over Gem, Crystal over Jewel, Ruby over Everything, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.

16) How did you come up with the idea for xxx?

Was a prompt- (voldetort :P)

but i was given an open ending option and then i took it and ran with it and turned it into angst with happy ending :P

17) Post a line from a WIP that you’re working on.

Kise stuck out his tongue, Aomine smirked, and they let Momoi laugh herself dry.

18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

Yah, who doesn’t? :PP (atop of the temporarily abandoned WIPs :PPP) Either loss of enthusiasm, lack of ability (time, but mostly procrastination :P) to write, or post-insights that lemme realize the story is unsatisfying to the point of repulsive :P

19) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?

Maybe Blurred Lines? Struggle them through 2nd year of school, relationship where it’s so much more precious than a regular, “we-just-began-a-”relationship” because of the stakes. (But then I’d have to like write a conflict???and my inability to be creative would hinder that :P)

20) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?

I haven’t really “ended” any stories of worthy length, but for Blurred Lines :P. Which had an okay ending in my opinion, though maybe hurriedly carried out XDI imagine when I do get to finishing more/other stories, I might? Because I can be impulsive. :P But then again, I take a heck long time to procrastinate; and sometimes that means more time to think about how a story wants to go- in these cases, I don’t, usually :)

21) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

I am heck into lots of writers.

Roch; VanillaDaydreams22 (tumblr) and just VanillaDaydreams (ao3) is a great friend and writer :P with a lovely, descriptive style of fluid writing.

A famous one would be moustachiopenguin - wrote lots of heart wrenching stories; aha we both know :P So, imagination, use of plot, detail, etc.

And then there’s an up and new coming one; her name starts with a Y and ends with a U.

22) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?

Literally all of them. :P Anything from over 4-6 months in particular is a bit of, no thanks :P

23) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?

I prefer music, even though sometimes it’s not helpful and actually, is a hindrance :P but music always helps the mood~

24) How do you feel about writing smutty scenes?

Laughs.

25) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?

Writing? Nah. Reading? Heck, few times.

26) Which part of your Blurred Lines fic was the hardest to write?

All of it cause I didn’t want to write it, I wanted to waste time~

- In the later chapters, carrying out Aomine’s realization for feelings was a little difficult; I had Satsuki sort of catalyze his action, because he’s pretty heckin determined to get Kise in his unconscious mind; Satsuki’s rejection just enforces the feeling he needs to express himself, though hard. But I occasionally would wonder whether Aomine was made too soft, or OOC in general.

27) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?

My impulsiveness pushes me towards flow; but for fics requiring detail, general outline help XD no matter how “general”.

28) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fanfiction?

Maybe just the fact that the fandoms I’d get to were in existence :D like how some of us talked about, would have been pretty cool to write with the other gazillion of fan- tho, then again, wouldn’t trade them for you guys aha

There’s a lot of things I’ve learned from it and only with the actual writing action have I come to understand the things :P

29) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?

Maybe Lazy or No Questions Asked. Lazy, because it was the first time I’d written something short but with a bit of story to it still, y’know? :P And then No Questions Asked because I just love the trope of uncertainty and obliviousness and pining in the middle of aokise.

30) In contrast to 29 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?

Honestly? Say It. It was short and okay but like, plot-wise? Not sure if it deserved all the kindness it/I got XD

32) Are any of your characters based on real people?

I haven’t written any OCs in a while! I imagine one I get back to doing so, they could be :P

33) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?

Not quite sure. I have shit memory sometimes aha, but all the support is good :D

34) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?

On one of my first fics, which I’d written 24 chapters / 40K (GASP I KNOW :D IT’LL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN *SMILES THROUGH THE TEARS OF SAD*) I was told the other chapters should be deleted because it was so bad. But like, the reader had posted said criticism through at least half of the work so :P and a couple of chapters later, said, “This is better! But change everything before this.”I actually got a lot of help/reviews becasue I’d asked for them from various authors aha and fandom was popular and lively; the criticism just went straight through my ears I think. XD

35) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?

I like getting a second opinion if I’m insecure about the idea (often, you guessed right

36) Can you give us a spoiler for one of your WIP’s?

No.

jkjk :P I currently have 4 active WIPs. 1. SECRET (for fanzine :PP), 2. As Long As You Love Me (CJ’s prompt) 3. Some Stuff Has Actually Changed 4. Oops I Did It Again

37) What’s the funniest story you’ve written?

What is humor explain??!?!?

38) If you could collab with any other writer on here, who would it be? (Perhaps this question will inspire some collabs!) If you’re shy, don’t tag the blog, just name it.

- You silly.- Roch + CJ- You, super lovely

39) Do you prefer first, second or third person?

3rd for the most of it. I’ve never written with 1st before but I’m considering it for a work that’d require an extensive cast. 2nd also strikes me as fun though, because of this angsty story I’d read where Kise was the narrator but done through 2nd? 2nd also seems very poetic and I’d like to try it out some day for fun :P

40) Do people know you write fanfiction?

Yeet :P

41) What’s you favourite minor character you’ve written?

Nijimura, Jellal, you name it XD all of them??? You know my tendency to avoid protagonists :P

42) Song fic - What made you decide to use the song Need You Now

It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone and I need you nowSaid I wouldn’t call but I lost all control and I need you nowAnd I don’t know how I can do without, I just need you now

Angsty and perfect for pining ships.

43) Has anyone ever guessed the plot twist of one of your fics before you posted it?

LMAO I’ve never written a fic long enough for a plot twist to occur; B) I DON’T WRITE PLOT?? XD

44) What is the last line you wrote?

A victory, Kise should think, should be thinking. What is there instead is empathy, but sadness anyways. Oh Aominecchi…

45) What spurs you on during the writing process?

Not much. There are periods of time when I don’t want to write at all and I will find excuses of any kind to get off my laptop, or stay on, and just not write aha. What helps is typically at night when I feel semi-tired, I’ll be motivated to write enough to be a pleasant thought before bed.

46) I really loved your Try and Keep Trying fic. If you were ever to do a sequel, what do you think might happen in it?

GoM have a Winter Cup Banquet and there’s alcohol there. AoKise has done a lot more pining and both gotten better at hiding it. They meet awkwardly at the event becuz of their friends talking to each of their friends and then suddenly disappearing while AoKise are startled, staring at each other. Cautious tense talk tried to be made easier by both of them; Kise makes a joke like, “Alcohol would make this a little easier, right Aominecchi?”

And Aomine blurts out stupid becuz high strung, smth like, “Is that what you thought the last time?”

AND THEN, Kise is also high strung right, so his reply is probably something dumb; maybe a few more lines and then:

KISE ACCIDENTALLY CALLS HIM ‘DAIKI’ AND THEY BOTH JUST FREEZE AND BLUSH PROFUSELY BC THEY’RE REMINDED OF THE KISS AND FDSJFS AHO REALIZES KISE DID N O T FORGET - and he’ quick to press Kise for an explanation but Kise is sure this is going to lead to heartbreak, that Aomine’s frantic (heart beating at 12432 beats a second) and desperate (to know becuz becuz if Kise- if Ryouta-) demands of Kise to tell him the truth are from a place of piss/fury. When Aomine realizes Kise is only shying away from his emotional cornering/words more and more, Aomine does the only thing he can think of and kisses Kise again and again and again.

Kise realizes he means it, Aomine is almost heartbroken over how Kise couldn’t understand he meant it; both are overwhelmingly overjoyed becuz c’mon. MUTUAL pining, not just pining :P and then THAT turns into cautious, hopeful, cautious prompts for dating.

47) Here’s a fic title - In the man behold a child

(Uni AU)Aomine pines after Kise’s ass and he constantly sends him is inviting him: “C’mon Kise, kiss me and I’ll shut up forever.” and “C’mon Kise, I’d be a great fuckbuddy. No string attached but sex. I’ll be gone immediately.”, lots of, “C’mon Kise. I’m fun. I’ll give you want you want, what you need.” and more earnest and genuine stuff, “I know I sound like I’m kidding, and maybe parts of me were…but I meant it when I said I love you. And I’ll wait until you finally hear I’m fully serious.”

Eventually, Kise comes to realize he is serious. The fact that Aomine really has matured as a person over time and that he really loves Kise.  Who also realizes maybe a little bit of the fact that he’d never needed a real relationship because Aomine sort of checked off all the boxes; and so, (poetically aha; i thought of this at last moment XD) child Kise is also revealed in man Kise for being oblivious and little bit scared (because that’s what teens/kids are good at Aha?)

Ofc, then Kise finally says yes, though hesitant still; Aomine takes him slowly through love and all the good stuff :P

48) What’s your favourite trope to write?

Angst with a Happy Ending, Mutual Pining/Obliviousness & Uncertainty, Friends to Lovers, Friends to Lovers to Enemies to Friends to Lovers, anything with a slight of it’s hard and if we’re not being told we’re gonna make it through, how can i be reassured now that we will; but you’ve got friends to rely on so it’ll be okay OTHERWISE KNOWN AS Angst with a Happy Ending :P

49) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?

Something from Warrior Cats

50) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

(Both both is good)

YOU CAN’T MAKE ME CHOOSE.

But like, if angst with a happy ending counts as angst??? Than that :PFluff is good but you have to have a reason that makes it even sweeter :P

#ruyota~ #sourinralia #answered asks #stuff about me #:P #aoki