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gothgengargirl · 11 months

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The Works

You came to the new salon mostly on a whim. It was a Sunday, so it’s not like you had anything special in mind for the next day. Just work. Boring, dreary, work. But you thought that feeling pretty might help the work week go a little more smoothly. Give your colleagues something else to talk about besides meetings and progress updates. You wanted to feel seen for once.

For such a nice place, it was a pleasant surprise that you were able to get a walk-in appointment. Fern’s Grove, it was called. Cute name. The ceilings were high, and the place felt remarkably open and airy for being just another building in a strip mall. A fountain bubbled away cheerfully, a variety of exotic plants growing alongside it. The air was even perfumed, floral and berry-like, but in a way you couldn’t quite place. And the woman at the counter, who set your bag in a drawer and got you settled into a astonishingly comfortable chair, was gorgeous. Everyone who worked here was gorgeous. If this was how they took care of themselves, you felt like you were in good hands.

Your cosmetologist came up to you just as you were getting settled. She was just as beautiful as everyone else, maybe more so, with her dramatic cat eye makeup, purple hair and generous curves. She handed you a laminated list of your options, and you could hear her whistling cheerfully in the background as she got her instruments together and you looked over your choices. Hair cut, hair color, hair extensions. Face wash, moisturizing treatments, full makeup. Permanent makeup? That sounded intriguing. Manicure, pedicure, they even offered waxing services (presumably those were in another room). And one thing at the bottom stuck out to you, drawing your attention like a light in the darkness.

The Works.

“I’ll take The Works, please,” you said, almost instinctively. You wanted to see what this place could do.

“Sure about that, doll?” Her voice was sweet like honey, with an edge of something in it. Condescension? Anticipation? Both?

“I’m sure.”

“Okay, then, The Works, coming right up. Lift your arms.”

You did so instinctively. You were always good at following directions. And you thought you knew what was going to happen. She would put an apron on you to protect your clothes, you would talk about what cut and color you wanted for the hair, maybe get your shoes off and your feet soaking for the pedicure.

That’s not what happened.

Cables descended from that high, airy ceiling, and wrapped themselves around your wrists. You tried, briefly, to pull away, but you were held in place. Like a puppet on her strings. Clamps emerged from the chair to do the same to your ankles. You were stuck.

A momentary wave of panic was replaced by a curious fear, as you could feel something seeping from your new restraints. Soaking into the skin of your wrists and ankles. It felt GOOD. Like you were being polished from the inside, like all of the tension in your body was replaced with pleasure. And as you sank back briefly, She placed something over your head. A visor. You tried to close your eyes, but the flashing colors shone through your eyelids, and you opened them out of curiosity. And once they were open, you never wanted to close them again.

At first the messages were simply soothing. Telling you to relax, to sink, to accept all of the new feelings in your body. And there were new feelings. You couldn’t see anything but the swirling colors, couldn’t hear anything but the whispered suggestions from that set of headphones that must have come on just after the visor. But you felt good. Hands nimbly massaged your scalp. The waves of whatever it was from your restraints spread all the way through your arms and legs, making them feel limp and loose and silky smooth and perfectly plastic.

Plastic?

Perfect. Plastic. Puppet.

Pretty. Programmed. Plaything.

This was what the suggestions in your head were saying now. And you kind of liked the sound of it. On some level, you knew that you had work in the morning. You were a Busy Woman With Important Things To Do. But you always hated it. There was another way now? And at least for this afternoon, you could enjoy being a

Perfect

Pretty

Plaything

...

Time passed. You couldn’t tell how long. Minutes? Hours? Days? Time felt less and less meaningful, paying attention to the sensations running through your body. It was almost like an orgasm, but orgasms came and went much faster than this. This was a slow build, leading to a great flowing tide of ecstasy. You didn’t want it to stop. You never wanted to stop being a programmed plastic puppet.

But then, as suddenly as it started, it ended. The visor and the headphones were pulled off. The restraints at your arms and legs snapped open, your arms dropping into your lap. Your hands moved automatically, one of them grasping a breast, the other rubbing at your crotch shamelessly.

As your eyes focused again, you were amazed with what you saw in the mirror. She… you… was different. Your clothes didn’t fit the same way—blouse swollen and buttons open, skirt disheveled and riding up over thicker thighs. Your mouth was hanging open, lips larger than they were before, and your tongue was hanging out. It was pierced! A blue gemstone sitting in your pretty pink mouth, its color matching your new long nails, your thick eye shadow. Your gleaming metallic hair. And the place on your neck that didn’t even look like flesh anymore. It was seemingly embedded in your skin, blue circuits tracing out from a thick black band.

A Collar.

You didn’t even look human anymore, did you? You looked like…

A Doll.

“What do you think, hun?” said the voice behind you. The voice you now instinctively knew as Owner.

“I don’t think. I just obey.” Automatic.

“Good girl. Stop touching yourself.”

You did, immediately. Arms limp at your sides. Awaiting further instructions.

“What are you?”

“I’m just a doll. An empty-headed plaything.”

“Excellent! And what do you want me to do next?”

“Please…” these words felt like they were escaping from your soul. They were your soul. All you had left was this one thought.

“Please play with me”.

You saw Owner’s luscious mouth open into a wide toothy grin as you said that, watching her and you in the mirror. And then you didn’t think anything else. Not for a long while. Dolls don’t think, they just obey.

Good Doll.

#this story literally came to me in a dream #i was half asleep and held my arms up #and thought hey i can work with this #dollification #transformation #brainwashing #hypnosis #robotization #femcorp #dollify yourself #some of the verbiage is borrowed from hypno files i enjoy #ask nice and i can send you some links #💙💙💙#💙💚💜

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franciya · 1 year

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Blue's Big City Adventure (2022)

#Blue's Clues #Josh Dela Cruz #Steve Burns #Donovan Patton #💙💚💜#Nickelodeon #Blue's Clues movie #Blue's Big City Adventure

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hoodie-buck · 2 years

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thanks @911halloweek for putting this event on! i have an entire week of spooky fics written out, so let’s kick things off with some fluff and girl!dad buddie 👻

halloweek day one: costumes

rated: g | words: 2.7k | read on ao3

summary:

Halloween was just a few days away, neither of them having had the time or energy to shop for costumes as of yet. Chris was seven this year, their daughter just having turned two.

Looking down to her, Buck cooed, “what do you wanna be for Halloween baby girl?”

“Kitty!” she hollered out, poking at Buck.

Both him and Eddie chuckled at that, Eddie reaching out to grab her hands. “Ok, we’ll get you a kitty costume. Chris, what do you wanna be?”

Chris shook his head, with an eyeroll, one that was all too familiar to Buck. If Chris got his love for random facts from him, then he definitely got his sass from Eddie.

“She doesn’t want to be a kitty dads, she wants to be Boo.”

Buck looked back to Eddie then, his husband frowning in just as much confusion, Chris exasperated as ever.

“From Monsters Inc!”

Oh.

tagging squad below, lmk if you wanna be added or removed <3 (if anyone’s changed their url lately and i missed it, just let me know so i can fix it!!)

@buddiextarlos @swiftiediaz @mansikkaomenabanaani @confetti-cupcake @boohooweewoobuckaroo @swiftiebuckleyhan @loveyourownsmiilee @justsmilestuffhappens @swiftiebuckleys @honestlydarkprincess @ @zainclaw @vampirebuckleys @djdangerlove @bifirefighters @mr-and-mr-diaz @blaidddrwg1982 @buddierights @crazyfangirlallert @monsterrae1 @dickley-buddie @moondiaz @princessbb @jacksadventuresinwriting @prettyboybuckley @rogerzsteven @eddiediazisascorpio @daughterofbuddie @gayhoediaz @screaminghowls

#911HW2022 #halloweek 2022 #buddie #buddie fic #evan 'buck' buckley #eddie diaz #christopher diaz #buckley diaz family #established relationship #girl!dad buddie #fluff #buddie moodboard #halloweeen costumes #monsters inc #💙💚💜#kel(s) writing

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demi-shoggoth · 1 year

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Portrait of the Artist as a Young Enbie

This is going to be a Very Personal Post. You have been warned.

I have not had an easy life. I went to graduate school, thinking I wanted to be a research scientist. I got suckered by a con-man who could see that I was smart but that I was naïve, and that he could use me. Turn me into an absolute slave. And he tried. And he got really close. But he failed.

One of the reasons he failed was because of the woman in my life at the time. She was a childhood friend, and we played games together for years. We had drifted apart, and then drifted back together, and were so happy with each other. And she helped me realize that that bad scientist wasn’t going to control my life.

But she had had a bad life too. Worse than mine. She was basically Cinderella, forced to act as the sole responsible member of a household by an abusive parent whose parents had abused her. And she, my girlfriend, realized that she liked being in charge. And that I was weak, and that she could take advantage of that.

When things were good with her, they were very very good. But when they were bad, they were Awful. We liked to play games with each other, right? But those games now had a nasty edge to them. She always had to win. Always. And that included at games like “who’s right about what happened six months ago?” “Who does more chores?” “Who gets to make all of the decisions?”

And she had a trump card she could always use. My sexuality.

I’ve always been a weird kid into monsters and magic and stuff, and as my sexuality blossomed, that interest became an erotic one. The first time I got erect, it was to a picture in a Monster Manual. The first time I realized that you didn’t have to stay a boy? Was by accidentally putting on a Girdle of Sex Change in Baldur’s Gate. And on some level, I think that she recognized that I was genderqueer and didn’t know it yet. So that was something she could hold over my head. She controlled me with gaslighting, and she controlled me with bullying, and she controlled me with sexual shame.

But I got out. Thank goddess. It was hard, and it took literally a year of living apart before I realized that I never never never wanted to live together again. But I did it.

And the next year? I openly admitted that I was nonbinary to one of my coworkers. After crying in a staff meeting and she was the only one who noticed or cared.

I was doing better by that point, but I was still sad. I thought that maybe I was a bad teacher who didn’t deserve to have a good job, and I took the first job that was offered to me the next year because it seemed Good Enough.

It wasn’t

The commute was miserable, for one thing. And the pay very low. Low enough that it didn’t cover everything I needed it to. Some weeks it felt like I was pouring my entire paycheck into my gas tank, and had no time for anything but work, drive, sleep, repeat.

And the people there. There were definitely a few good people there? But they were outweighed by the bad. Petty little crooks who made you feel like a wretch when you tried to assert yourself. Teachers who casually made transphobic jokes and thought that gender neutral bathrooms were a stupid idea. I was bullied there. I was bullied by my bosses, by my coworkers, and even by my students.

I turned to alcohol to help me sleep, to help me cope. I always like trying new things, so I experimented with what beers I liked best. And, like any mad scientist, I drunk too deep and started changing myself. In bad ways.

It got so bad that I realized, I want to kill myself.

Not “it might be better if I were dead”. Which I had done before, with the bad boss and the bad girlfriend. But “I could make that happen”

And I realized that that was a bridge too far.

There’s a version of this story that ends with me drinking myself to death. That’s what happened to one of my grandfathers.

But you know what happened to my other grandfather? He got out of a bad marriage, found a good one, and was happy for decades.

So I realized that actively wanting to kill myself was an important decision in the Good End/Bad End version of my life, and I got out of that Bad Place.

It was hard. My medical insurance made it as annoying for me as possible. I had panic attacks about missed appointments and phone trees. But I eventually found someone. A psychiatrist, who was also a weird queer woman, just like I was trying to deny that I was.

She told me, as soon as she walked in the door and looked at my blood work, “so it looks like you’ve been binge drinking”

And I could have turtled up. Gotten defensive and lashed out. But instead, my response was, “really? Tell me more”

And she did. And the prescription she gave me wasn’t for pills, wasn’t for drugs. It was for apple cider vinegar and for Vitamin B-12. “This will clean out your liver,” she said.

And I thought that that was a little woo woo. But I did it anyway. Because I felt like I could trust this woman

The apple cider vinegar was tasty. I always liked sour flavors, and I could experiment with how much vinegar to water I could push myself with before I didn’t like it. And, doing all that kept me from buying and drinking so much beer. Vinegar is much cheaper than beer, which meant I could afford more gasoline, and I was able to keep from going broke while working at a shitty job. And so even though it was very clear that that my bosses were just looking for excuses to fire me, I was a good teacher until the day I walked out the door. And the lesson I tried to teach as many people as possible before I left?

You have choices. Don’t make the easiest ones. Make the right ones.

Here’s how the biochemistry of this all worked. Because I am a scientist, after all, even if I don't have a PhD. The liver processes many things, including signals from the bacterial community of the large intestine, and drugs and toxins. Alcohol is both a drug and a toxin, of course. Having so much beer awash in my guts and awash with my blood was changing the bacteria inside me. Only the gut bacteria who could survive regular doses of poison were hanging on. And to deal with that poison, my liver cells were prioritizing making smooth endoplasmic reticulum instead of any other job. And my DNA was being modified, just a little, with epigenetic markers that helped it make more smooth ER and survive the constant alcohol poisoning.

That’s what fatty liver disease is. There are healthy ways to be fat, and unhealthy ways, and fatty liver disease is one of the unhealthy ones. Fatty liver disease is when liver cells have so much smooth ER that they don’t work right. And if that kills too many of them, it eats holes in your liver. Your liver is pretty durable, but not infinitely so. And your liver falls apart. It’s called cirrhosis.

But by drinking apple cider vinegar instead of beer, I was not only reducing the amount of poison, but also reintroducing critters into my guts. My microbiota was stressed and scared, and had a lower diversity. Diversity is strength, on every scale. By drinking apple cider vinegar, I was bringing in new bacteria to my guts. Fermented foods have living critters in them. And as my guts became less hostile and my liver was better able to do its job, some of those friendly little monsters stuck around. And started pushing out the weedy bacteria to a safer, lower, population level. Turning a vacant lot into a beautiful meadow.

And my liver responded in turn. Making less smooth ER and more enzymes and signals that would help it talk to that meadow, and take care of it. And the Vitamin B-12 helped to lock those changes in place. Vitamin B-12 is what the body uses to make methyl groups, which are used to turn off parts of the DNA that the body doesn’t need right now, in that cell, in that tissue, in that organ.

And I lost weight, and I started sleeping better, and my skin improved. And I didn’t want to kill myself. And I got more comfortable with my sexuality, and my gender, and started telling people I was trans and now just thinking about transitioning. And when I got a bad girlfriend again? Another weird gamer with trauma who wanted to lash out? I made it very clear that she couldn’t manipulate me, and she was in and out of my life in six weeks. Six weird weeks, with some good sex. But I realized that I could do better, both from a romantic and a sexual perspective.

When I went to see that psychiatrist again, she told me that, looking at the latest blood work, I had the liver of a teenager. And then she told me about herself.

She was an immigrant. And queer. And she thought that the United States would be a land of acceptance, and her homeland wasn't. So she left the homophobia there and she found racism in Reagan’s America. And the AIDS pandemic. And she was sad, but she coped. And then helped people survive racism, survive Reagan, survive a pandemic. Helped people with AIDS die better in a loving environment, and help the survivors deal with their trauma.

And now she was happy

Seeing a Cool Weird Science Witch who fought through hard times and survive inspired me. She was a role model, even if I couldn’t admit it to myself.

I nearly killed myself, the easy way or the hard way, but I got out of it with the help of understanding my own biology, my own desires, and my own goals.

I found the love that I needed and deserved.

And I want to share that with you.

#personal post #long post #not putting this behind a read more #deal with it #about the author #suicide tw #gaslighting tw #emotional abuse #biology #biochemistry #queer #lgtbq #trans #💙💙💙#💙💚💜

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