#‘why we going so fucking fast bro’

[scholliski]

AFTG is the only series where it would take 3 books for the couple to finally kiss and yet would still be described as unbelievably fast-paced

#‘why we going so fucking fast bro’ #-me after reading 3 literal books of just eye contact and insults #we were both given nothing and everything #all for the game #aftg #neil josten #andrew minyard #the foxhole court #andreil #tfc #all for the gay #aftg shitpost #shitpost #kevin day #all for the idiots

[moeblob]

Windy at my house + power flickering = no comm work = quick laptop doodle

#my characters #i genuinely hoped the wind would die down but like ??? nah? #and the last time we lost power without an actual storm it WAS bc of wind #and so i just get so panicked over please dont fry my tablet with a power surge #if it calms down by tonight i really wanna work on art since i spent almost all day yesterday struggling with a pose and i finally #think i thought of something that could work and then (gestures to the wind) fuck me #also in regards to these two you have seen me drawing deacon a lot recently and i only drew armya once so far #she is a devoted follower to fulj which is really rare since fulj no longer has a large following nor a temple #so when fulj finds her its comforting and reassuring and she adores armya a lot #however the fact that fulj relentlessly teases deacon and calls him names is like..... ok wait would you really be mean to me if it wasnt #for her ? like would you still pick on me? :c and shes like lol yeah dude absolutely #deacon is just constantly dunked on by the lightning group and hes so sad because he wanted to be friends :c #but also the guy wouldnt really recognize the followers if it wasnt for the traces of lady fulj #so if they would wander into the city without having been possessed recently he probably wouldnt even cast a glance their way #nothing personal he just straight up doesnt decipher looks fast at all #he could think they look familiar but then not know why ESPECIALLY if they wear something he's not used to them in #like if armya showed up in something other than her loose white jacket he would not be able to go AH YES ARMYA immediately #he identifies people by hair or clothing details so it kinda messes him up if people remove whatever identifying trait they have #long hair getting a hair cut? suddenly a whole new person #and armya knows this very well since he never looked her way unless fulj was possessing her or trailing her #so she does like to tease him as just. we are both in servitude to a deity and same rank but like. bro youre too easy to mock #(fulj agrees)

[oatbugs]

pls i need to provide updates

#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year #and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire #and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f #friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl #acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what #are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and #friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me! #LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after #everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to #invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me #i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother #and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids #so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo #any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷‍♀️ #but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd #and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk #THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date #w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a #few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay #scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK #like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl #like is that even doable #but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much #.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us #god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x #but it would be soooo funny #I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed #popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x #i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like #its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe

[lecliss]

I'll never be able to take the theory that Vincent is Sephiroth's real father seriously cuz I cannot stress enough how important I think it is to the plot that Vincent wanted to fuck Lucrecia and did not get to.

#once again i jest but now i have to actually talk about it #like. okay we have no proof of any actual timeline for the dirge flashbacks other than. it was at least 30 years ago #so who knows how long they were at the manor. could have been weeks before The Incident. or months. or maybe a full year! who knows #but to me a timeline of like. they fucked and like a week later vincent found The Evidence and lucercia had her little breakdown #AND THEN EXTREMELY QUICKLY SHE AGREED TO THE EXPERIMENT AND IT COULD GO ONE OF TWO WAYS #1. she knew she was pregnant and thats why she agreed to the experiment cuz there was already a usable subject #and therefore she must have fucked hojo like a week after she fucked vincent AND THATS STUPID FAST FOR THESE EVENTS #or 2. she didnt know. agreed to the experiment. fucked hojo. and therefore thought seph was hojo's and NOT vincent's #AND BY THE WAY. i dont even actually believe hojo fucked either!!! cuz theyre both scientists so why wouldnt they think IVF was the best way #okay. well.... hojo is canonically a fucked up little freak. so. he might have taken the opportunity to... get in there. #also when did ivf even start being a thing? cuz that may play a factor into this if nomura even considered that #well either way lets just unfortunately assume hojo got in there #ITS STILL AN ODDLY FAST TIMELINE #also. fuck man doesnt lucrecia have a later line in dirge where she actually says shes in love with hojo? or something along those lines #IMPLYING ITS BEEN AWHILE SINCE SHE HAD THE FALLING OUT WITH VINCENT. YOU WOULDNT FUCK THE GUY AFTER ALL THAT SHIT #AND WHILE CLAIMING TO LOVE/CURRENTLY FALLING IN LOVE WITH HOJO!!!! LIKE CMON MAN!!!! SHE SUCKS BUT SHES NOT THAT KIND OF A MESS #i dont think vincent would fuck her until they sorted out their issues anyway and that CLEARLY didnt happen. #its VITAL that that did not happen!!!! #its just. if vincent and lucrecia fucked. everything would have had to happen EXTREMELY fast within like a 2 week timespan #and im just talking about up to when vincent learns shes partaking in the experiment. it was probably another week or two until vincent died #SO. logically it must have been like #fall in love->learn about the gimoire incident->refuse to speak to vincent->get obsessed with hojo->fall in love(?) #and then thats where i think its ambiguous on did the experiment become an idea before or after seph started to exist? #like chicken or the egg ya know. experiment idea or sephiroth zygote? #that feels fucked up to say. im so fucking sorry to seph to talk about this. yeah sorry i have to debate who fucked your mom bro #god imagine telling him that. like not even as a reveal thing cuz he knows who his father is. just like as a sick joke. your mom joke. #NO OH M Y GOD I HAVE A QUESTION NOW #in accordance to him having a photo of lucrecia in ever crisis. after he reads that jenova is an ancient (incorrect btw) #does he think that picture is still her? what about when he takes jenova's body from the lab???? #oh my god 30 tag limit. FUCK. i need like a rant blog for all this vincent talk now. my brain is going a mile a minute

[fingertipsmp3]

2024 if you fuck me up I will never forgive you

#why did i chip a filling i’ve had for two years. at least it’s only Chipped i guess. not fully gone #but what the fuck bro. why #i was eating the softest food in the world too. literally chicken korma and rice with a naan. SOFT #maybe the naan was chewy and the sauce was sticky and it created a lethal combination idk #i have to call the dentist tomorrow and for what #i love spending money i don’t have on dental work 🫠 y’know i really.. i really love seeing that money come in every week #and thinking ‘you know what i’m going to spend that on? having teeth’ #if anyone younger than me is reading this brush your teeth right now. then floss them. please #i’m not going to tell you to use mouthwash because i don’t use mouthwash because it’s a horrible sensory experience for me #on like 3 different levels. but like. whatever you do just don’t end up like me #i’m just so Annoyed because it’s literally a tiny bit of tooth that’s come off but because it’s like.. the edge of the molar right where it #touches the next tooth; it feels Really uncomfortable. and i know i’m going to get in and they’ll be like ‘but did you floss it?’ #NO i didn’t floss it. for fuck’s sake. why do you think i’m back here after two years #i hope they can fix it fast this time. last time what happened was i went in and they were like ‘okay wow.. so your tooth has chipped #and the part that came off has basically embedded itself in your gum’ so they had to basically dig it out (sans anaesthetic #because i refused it because it doesn’t work on me anyway) and then my gum was bleeding so much they were like ‘we can’t fill this’ #they gave me a temporary filling. fell off within 4 weeks. gave me another one (no charge for that one) it again fell off in four weeks #at which point it was late 2021 when there was no official lockdown but medical professionals were refusing to see anybody whatsoever #you were hearing about people removing their own teeth at home. it was wild. anyway i finally got a proper filling 4 months later #and then today i ate rice and it fell off. probably because i don’t floss. possibly because it just wasn’t a good filling #most of it is definitely still on there but i’m now prodding it with my tongue like ‘are you going to bail on me too?’ #i feel like i need to look in there and make sure it’s not in my gum. i don’t want a repeat of last time #fix me the same day i go in to get it looked at or so help me #personal

[witchcraftingboop]

Eye Doctor: You work at a computer, right?

Me: Right.

Eye Doctor: And you're not like closing one eye for an hour or two and working one-eyed, right?

Me: Right again.

Eye Doctor: Right. So... what are you doing??

Me, shrugging: Bees, man.

Eye Doctor, sighing: Right. [Sighs again] Bees.

#mf is swan diving into 'should we make her a case study' territory #like bro why are we going so fucking fast??? #the race is Over my man #lemme go back in time find the bee bush and just shake it until another pops out to sting me in the other eye #cause that bih is already off the rails #might as well double it and give it to myself #boop's rambles #our annual exchange of pleasantries

[skxrbrand]

How is it already February?

#wtf bro #why we going so fucking fast wOAOOOAH #ooc

[devotedlystrangewizard]

the corpse of king minos is very fucking big and Scary but you can parry his punches pretty easily and thats the easiest way i can explain how good ultrakill feels

#but even when the game is actually hard and kills me several times i dont feel like quitting? #i turn it off after 2 - 3 missions because thats the amount of time it takes for my body so get so Over Excited it stops aiming right #but i havent actually felt like ragequitti g #because the game just feels so good #i can ramble about how good ultrakill feels for HOURS bro #ramblings #switching between guns. the variants. coin tossing never gets old. accidentally exploding yourself with your own shotgun #fucking. SOUND EFFECTS #that too like when you parry. that sound?? makes my autism happy #THE SLIDING SOUND AOUGH #the fact that it does sound like ur made of metal but not in a bad screechy way that makes me want to cry #in a world where realistic movement physics are the norm having this much control. god #the witcher 3 is one of my favorite games ever. just as an example. but i DREAD playing that again knowing how walking around feels #yes sometimes in ultrakill you overshoot something because youre Fast but thats also just me needing to stand perfectly right for terminals #'look we have realistic physics' ok COOL BUT ARE THEY ACTUALLY FUN TO PLAY WITH #hyperrealism is impressive in videogaming YES but its also led to this monolith. in triple a #i do want to give credit where its due once i got used to the destiny warlock jumps (blink especially) that game felt really good too #but ultrakill doesnt force me to socialize and has a much more pleasant community so im fine where i am rn. actually #ive done all totk dungeons (I THINK) except for the final chasm and let me tell you. i dont want to fight any of those bosses ever again #why js that relevant? ive already beaten 1-4 twice and will probably go for my second 3-2 run tomorrow. THIS GAME. BOSSES. AAAAAAA #i love totk but those bosses were a fucking nightmare #thats gonna be a separate post

[tragicomedys]

nge is so

#Anyway i started watching nge like a couple days ago #watching nge is such a particular experience bc like. the reason why im hooked on it isnt necessarily bc i need to know what happens next #or because its super suspensful or anything. the reason why im hooked on watching the next episode is bc im just desperate for the next bit #of shinji or rei emotion to be shown dog. Like every episode is like Ok. Anyway When r we going to talk about shinjis deteriorating mental #health. #also i dont really like the writing style somehow. like. something about the way nge is written is very tedious to me i cant put my finger #on it. but the story is nice and i really like some characters. shinji and his two buddies r everything 2 me. #but anyway the fucking. white haired dude showed up and like second scene in Boom hes like shinji i love you. #Bro? OK? HELP #HELP ME #thats where i am in the show so far #also im like. lost. for the most part. Like most episodes im lost cuz i think a big way suspense is written in #is by showing some shit happening or whatever and not give the full details so like the audience would be super interested on whats goin on #and so we try to find out whats happening. but im like a little too confused at times. so it doesnt feel suspenseful it just feels like. Oh #What . what just happened whats that mean #which is unusual for me usually i pick up on whats happening in a show fast but IDK #I HAVE LIKE. SIMULTANEOUSLY 0 THOUGHTS AND ALL THE THOUGHTS ON NGE SO FAR #ITS STRANGE. STRANGE LITTLE SHOW THUS FAR. NOT WHAT I EXPECTED....? #💭.txt #Idk none of my friends are into nge so. i would love to talk 2 somebody about nge

[strwbrymlkshake]

really. for real. deadass. on god. are you kidding me. if these problems aren't my fault then why am I always in the center of them

#mine #🎸 #😀😀😀 are you fucking kidding #bro does NOT care what is happening rn. feel sick to my stomach<3 aha #genuinely what is the fucking problem i am trying to eliminate all the sources of problems but they keep coming up #what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!! #if im not doing anything wrong then what is the problem. seriously seriously seriously im going to punch something #im going to kill something even. why me huh why me i care so much and this is what i get #ahaha if im everything you wanted what is the FUCKING PROBLEM #cant help but crying now what the fuckkkk can this stop happening to me already #im trying the hardest possible ever yet this happens. even when im not fucking trying at ALL this happens i seriously cannot win dude #i was happy to finally fucking be able to tell everyone about us and not have it just be a 'oh.. we arent friends anymore' situation AGAIN #some higher power has it out for me i am 100% sure. how many horrible things can happen to one guy #really. really. really. for fucking real. really. really? really. i cant wait to murder god #😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 #my heart is beating so hard and fast #He does not feel the same any more. #ok i cried for a long while im so annoyed. send me insane stalker asks to make me feel better and fuel my ego

[bazelgeuce]

Jeez opportunities really do just happen to people huh

#it wasnt for me by the way why would it have been lol #it was for bf and he's gonna take it #but that means in like 4 months we're moving like 6 states away from where we are now #which isn't bad but like... what do i have going for me? #i dont have any degrees. i dont have qualifications in anything #what even is the minimum wage in florida?? willing to bet it aint 15. im not working for less than that fuck you all #like i gotta get my shit together or else i'm gonna be so fucked #getting my servesafe is probably a good start #but i just wanna write. but to make writing my job i actually Have To Write #but like i'm so sick of doing fast food and i refuse to do retail. what do i even do???? #okay as much as i hate living in connecticut i genuinely think florida will be worse. #we're gonna end up being in a very urban area and it's gonna make my anxiety really bad #'but jay why dont you just not go?' my hometown is cursed. explaining why will be a whole post on its own #i want to leave the fucking nest and honestly i dont think it'll be a permanent move anyway #i mean idk i'm going back and forth but like i gotta get the fuck outta here bro like i'm not even joking i have to leave ct so bad

[mrwavellswaps]

Step-Bro Switch Up! (Re-Upload)

Instead of a new story this week I’ve decided to re-upload an old favourite instead. As some of you may or may not know, the original version was completely wiped from the surface of the internet by Tumblr to the point where there wasn’t even a trace of its existence. I wasn’t even notified of this when it happened which feels like it’s own separate issue considering it was my biggest ever story but I digress. I thought that now might be the appropriate time to re-unleash this story upon the world and allow those who loved the original to enjoy it once again and for those who never got a chance to read the original to discover it for the first time. That said I’m hoping to come out with some new and fresh content very soon but in the meantime I hope you all enjoy this return of an old classic!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I found myself waking up at 6:30am in the morning which was rather unusual for me but not so much for my body. I soon realised why though as a low rumble came from my stomach. With a sigh I slid out of bed, trying not to wake the other sleeping jock beside me in the process. I didn’t even bother putting on underwear, instead walking to the kitchen buck naked.

I waltzed up to the fridge, opening it up before pulling out a carton of juice. After taking a few huge gulps I lick my lips and let out a deep belch. Next thing I’m rummaging through to see what I can make for breakfast. Had to make sure I kept this big body fed after all. Can’t let all my step-brother’s hard work go to waste. Confused? Well let me start at the beginning…

———

A few years back not long after I turned 20 my mom met a guy named Devin who she soon started dating. Pretty big guy with a bearish ex-jock physique. He was 45 at the time so a similar age to my mom and they seemed to get along great. I certainly didn’t mind having some extra dilf eye candy around the house every now and then. I soon learned however that Devin was also a single Dad with a 22 year old son which certainly peaked my interest.

When I first met him I almost couldn’t believe my eyes. He introduced himself as Sam but I was almost too hypnotised by his looks to notice. He was the perfect image of a star college jock with enormous well rounded muscles that bulged under his clothes while standing at an imposing 6’3, practically dwarfing my lean 5’8 frame. And of course he was devilishly handsome too because the hot body wasn’t already enough, even having a great full beard that I was jealous of. I even remember how I had to hide my pulsing boner after he pulled me in for a quick bro hug, his manly scent getting caught in my nostrils.

After that Sam became a frequent part of my jerk off fantasies. Could you blame me? Not only was he the epitome of masculinity but my god did he have an incredible ass. Whenever Sam had his back turned I couldn’t help but have my eyes glued to those massive globes, no doubt stretching whatever pants he was wearing. Honestly I felt truly blessed to be able to spend time around such a man.

Anyway fast forward about two years and my mom had already gotten married to Devin. It was an amazing ceremony but for half of it all I could think about was how me and Sam were now Step-Brothers. We were truly intertwined now. I didn’t think the idea of that would turn me on as much as it did. That fucking hunk, my brother.

Shortly after the wedding however, the roommate Sam had been sharing an apartment with decided to move out and live with his new partner. At first Sam had been considering downsizing to a smaller apartment but when he brought this up I knew this was my chance. I pounced on the opportunity and told him I’d been thinking of moving out for awhile and that it’d be cool to spend some more time with my new brother if he was down for that. To my excitement he actually accepted and the next thing I know I’m moving my stuff out of my moms house and into Sam’s apartment. I was surprised at how clean it all was for the most part. Then again Sam wasn’t your typical dumb jock either, he always seemed very mature and put together.

The two of us got on pretty well living together. We tried to respect each other’s space and chatted a lot as good friends. Luckily I did well to hide my excitement whenever I saw him walking around shirtless, showing off his huge hairy chest, or god forbid only a pair of tight boxer briefs. The day I first saw that was the day I nearly creamed myself on the spot. Oh and while I respected his space when he was around, whenever I was home alone I couldn’t help but give into the devil on my shoulder before rummaging through his room. I tried not to take anything but every time without fail I’d sift through his dirty laundry, pulling out whatever sweaty clothes I could find and relishing in the smell.

For about 6 months that’s how my life was. Living under the same roof as my hot step-bro while trying not to let him see my dirty secret. That is until I found a certain little spell online. Pretty much I’d been searching up some fetishy body swapping stuff online and ended up stumbling across some weird body swapping ritual. Of course I didn’t believe it but the masses of comments on the page claiming it to have worked peaked my interest.

Next thing I know I’m up in the middle of the night waiting until I was certain that Sam was asleep before sneaking into his room. It didn’t take long for me to find the pair of yellow underwear he’d had on that day, giving it a quick sniff before stuffing it in my pocket and retreating back to my room. Once there I was able to start the ritual. I placed the underwear in the middle of a circle I’d drawn on the floor surrounded by candles before chanting some magical phrases that were supposed to enchant them. I can’t tell you how stupid I felt at that moment but I continued on anyway, finishing everything I needed to say before grabbing the underwear again. At that point all I had to do was wear it.

I yanked on Sam’s ‘enchanted’ yellow briefs with the hope that my wish would come true but as I’d expected, nothing happened. With a sigh I cleaned up the mess I’d made with this ritual stuff, feeling like an idiot as I did before heading to bed. I decided to keep Sam’s oversized briefs on though because just wearing them was making me hard even if I was still myself. I remember I’d begun to jack off in them, imagining how hot it’d be to see him wearing them after I’d stained them with my cum. That is until a wave of tiredness swelled across my body and before I knew it I was fast asleep.

It seems I must’ve underestimated that ritual because overnight something truly magical took place. When I awoke I already knew something was off when I noticed my feet hanging off the edge of my bed. I sat up in confusion only to feel much heavier than normal while looking down the bed to see a pair of much larger feet. Next thing I yank off my bed sheets only to find a massive, hairy, muscular body that certainly wasn’t my own.

Right away I was running my hands along the ridges of my abs before grasping the heft of my giant new pecs, loving all the fur as I was previously rather hairless. Jumping out of bed I was quick to discover that my lower body was just as hairy and impressive with huge quads, and impressive calves. And then it started to hit me. I didn’t realise it at first as I’d never seen it from this angle but these giant legs, these bulging arms, these bulbous pecs… they all seemed exactly like Sam’s! I was even still wearing his briefs which now clung tightly to my form as I didn’t fail to notice the familiar bulge in the front. Only… it was my bulge!

At that moment I knew what must’ve happened but my rational mind pleaded that it was impossible. Still I burst out of my room and made a beeline for the bathroom and what I saw in the mirror made me want to cheer, shout and most of all cream my new underwear. I saw none other than the sexy bearded face of my step-brother staring back in disbelief.

As you can imagine I spent the next 20 or so minutes inspecting every inch of my new muscle bound body. I did all sorts of poses to show off my physique in every way, pulled different kinds of weird faces in the mirror, relished in rubbing my hands through the full beard I was never able to grow before. Having the body I’d been lusting over for these past years at my disposal felt like some kind of lucid wet dream. But it was real! From my brother’s handsome face, to his giant muscle ass, to even his fat cock! All mine!

Soon enough I’d yanked off the underwear and started pumping my dick in ecstasy, loving how my hand only just fit the whole way around. Waves of pleasure cascading across my new body as I used my free hand to grope at my hairy pecs, the deep groans I let out only making me hornier. Before I could shoot my new seed however, I heard a scream come from what I can only guess was Sam’s room. Up until now I hadn’t even thought about the real him but judging by that scream I had only one guess as to what’d happened.

Instead of slipping the boxer briefs back on I decided to grab a towel instead and wrap it around my waist. I didn’t want him to think something was up to see me already wearing his clothes after all. With that I turned to the mirror one last time, scanning my face and upper body again with wonder. I still couldn’t get over it.

Upon entering Sam’s room I was somewhat surprised to see an exact copy of myself stood freaking out at his body. I should’ve been expecting it but it was still extremely weird nonetheless. Then, as he saw me stood in the doorway, he went silent. Naturally he was in shock for a good moment or two but as soon as it passed he began shouting a bunch obscenities at me. Demanding who the fuck I was and how I looked like him. He even tried to punch me which I’ll be honest wasn’t all that scary considering I was now twice his size.

Right then I knew I had a few ways I could go about this. I could admit that I caused this to happen, I could tell him that I had no clue how any of it happened, or even pretend to be completely oblivious and act as if I was really Sam. The horny devil on my shoulder told me to rub it in his face that I now had his irresistible jock body and that he was stuck with my unathletic one but I couldn’t. Sure we weren’t super close or anything but he was always friendly towards me and was never a dickhead so I decided to take it easy on him.

I pretended to be just as confused as he was, saying who I really was but not having any idea how this happened. I think I was pretty convincing. We ended up sitting in his room and discussing it for what felt like hours, going over everything that happened last night as Sam tried to comprehend the situation. Of course he only went on and on about finding a way to fix this and I had to pretend as if I cared, trying not to get distracted by my own body. In fact there were multiple points where I had to keep hiding the tent starting to grow under my towel because of how hot it was to look down and see a shelf of muscle sitting on my chest.

Eventually I was able to convince him that we weren’t going to figure this out any time soon so we had to start thinking about how we were going to live each overs lives. As you can imagine he wasn’t all that fond of this idea, protesting it at first but eventually came to see reason. I suggested we should start discussing all the important details we’d need to know but before that I wanted to get some actual clothes on. I had to try not to grin while telling him to get out of my room while I changed. Though I couldn’t help dropping the towel just before he left and showing off the meaty cock and impressive ass he used to have. I caught him glancing back with a look of envy, the very same look I used to give.

Of course getting dressed in Sam’s clothes was an erotic experience in itself. All of these large shirts, pants, briefs and socks that would’ve swamped my former body now fitting me perfectly. I must’ve spent at least 15 minutes or so just trying on different clothes while jerking my cock a little in between until I heard a knock at the door and my former voice asking what the hell was taking so long. With a sigh I tucked my new toy away and waltzed out in what I was currently wearing. A pair of well fitting black shorts and a large pair of black and white socks. I didn’t bother grabbing a shirt since I just couldn’t help but show off this bod. Could you blame me?

When he asked what I’d been doing I simply said I was trying on clothes. He knew there was more to it than that but decided he didn’t really wanna know. Instead we opted to both take a seat in the living room and start discussing things. I told him everything he needed to know about my retail job, which wasn’t a whole lot to be honest, as well as my friend group and what my daily routine was like. Afterwards Sam begrudgingly did the same for me, telling me all about his part time job as a fitness instructor at the local gym and that if we were stuck like this then I’m gonna need to learn how all gym equipment works and fast. He also gave me some inside info on his own friend group as well as walking me through what his football practice is like with the team. Part of me was worried hearing all this as I was beginning to wonder if I could really pull off being Sam but at the same time I was excited beyond belief to get into these social situations and convince people of the new me.

Thankfully it was Sunday so neither of us had a whole lot going on that day which gave us plenty of time to think and adjust without stressing. I spent most of it half naked and I loved catching glimpses of Sam glancing at his former body as I showed it off, even getting a little cocky by flexing every now and then which he didn’t appreciate all that much. Honestly I was surprised at how hungry I was as well and just how much I was able to eat. I mean I guess it made sense since a body this big needs a lot of fuel. Sam helped me a little with my meals though, making sure there was a bunch of protein and healthy calories to make sure I was feeding his body correctly. Later that day he also got me to head out for some cardio which I wasn’t too thrilled about at first but I actually kinda enjoyed it once I got running. I especially enjoyed my new sweaty scent that produced during it, not being able to help sniffing my pits when I got back. Of course Sam told me to go get a shower but before I did I couldn’t help swiftly grabbing him and shoving his face into my musky pits, laughing as he squirmed for a moment before letting him go. I apologised after through my laughter though I couldn’t help but smirk subtly as despite his face looking disgusted, the slight bulge in his pants told another story.

The next day however was when the real challenge started. After breakfast Sam gave me a list of what exercises to do at the gym. I’ll be honest I didn’t know half of them and had to look them up on the way. That walk to the gym however was the first time I noticed the difference in my interactions. Before people wouldn’t pay much mind to me but now as I passed people on the street I’d get some smiling and glancing at me, some giving me an envious once over, others even saying hi to me in a bit of a flirty way. Mostly from girls which even though I was gay I still enjoyed the flattery. Once I was at the gym though, I was in the zone. It’s weird but it was like muscle memory took over. I performed each and every exercise perfectly while loving the pump I was getting. Once again I was having to hide my boner at many points since I couldn’t help but get off to how fucking strong I was now. It did and still does feel absolutely incredible!

Later that day I headed to Sam’s usual football practice with a bunch of his jock friends. Initially I was worried I wouldn’t fit in but I somehow found myself easily slotting into the jockbro mindset and was soon laughing and joking with the boys. It was the same when we started playing, right away it was like my body just moved on its own, knowing exactly what to do and how to play. It was then that I realised I must’ve somehow absorbed a lot of Sam’s skill, know-how and personality when I took his form and I was gradually unlocking it all by putting myself in these situations. Although I don’t think I was playing as well as Sam usually does, not because of a lack of skill but because I was constantly distracted watching all those jock butt’s and bulges squeezed into those football uniforms. Surely at least one of them had to be gay right?

After getting home I found Sam sat on his laptop looking up all sorts of body swapping theory stuff. Of course most of it was fake but he was clearly desperate to get his body back. Sure there might be an off chance he could find the site I used but that a one way transfer according to the spell. Knowing this I told him to not get his hopes up and to just try and make use of the hands we’ve been dealt. As you can imagine he didn’t take that very well at the time.

From then onwards though, I’d say things were pretty easy. I easily convinced my new dad and former mom, now step-mom that I was their good ol hairy jock of a son. I was able to pull off being a fitness instructor with relative ease after going around the gym and using each piece of the equipment to trigger the memories of how to use it properly. I’d convinced all of Sam’s friends inside and outside of the football team that I was him. I’ll say that it took me awhile to fully get used to hearing my new name but whenever I did it was like music to my ears.

I’ve gotta say though, living with the former Sam was more fun than I thought it’d be. I figured it would’ve been weird initially after the switch and that we’d have to go our separate ways but even after just over a week of being Sam I was having so much fun messing with him. For example I almost never wore a shirt around the house, always showing of my huge hairy pecs and whenever I’d catching him staring I’d give a little pec bounce until he looked away in annoyance. I’d frequently pull him in for ‘brohugs’ where I’d either squish him against my chest or trap him under one of my pits until I saw him getting a semi. He’d alway deny having one though which is why I decided to set up a fun little experiment.

Turns out that Ian, one of the other jocks on the football team, was in-fact gay. Wasn’t hard to decipher after noticing his frequent glances at my ass in locker room, not that I can blame him, and how much he blushed when I gave his jock butt a slap after practice. Next thing you know we’re making out under the locker room showers while groping up each overs bodies. It was insane since before I would’ve considered Ian to be light years out of my league but now I had him on his knees with his lips wrapped around my shaft to which I then soon returned the favour. It was here that I got my experiment idea.

Yesterday after practice, I pulled Ian aside and asked him to come back to my place. He was quick to agree and before you know it we were stumbling into mine and Sam’s shared apartment. My former body jumped up off the couch and asked what Ian was doing here. ‘To have some fun’ I believe my response was being making out with Ian in front of him and dragging the other jock back towards Sam’s-well my bedroom. As Ian and I stumbled onto the bed, kissing along each overs bodies as we slowly undressed, I made sure to leave the door open just a crack.

One thing lead to another and before long Ian had his face buried into a pillow as I buried my cock in his ass and I made no attempt to be subtle about, groaning and grunting and my balls smacked against that supple butt. Throughout our amazing fuck session I made sure to keep glancing back at the door and finally I caught exactly what I was waiting for. I saw none other than Sam peeking through the crack in the door and lightly tugging at my former dick. That was all the confirmation I needed that my little bro was just as much of a homo as I was no matter how much he wanted to deny it.

———

And that more or less brings us up to the present, waking up early in the morning with Ian fast asleep beside me and being called into the kitchen by my growling stomach. As I searched through the fridge to see what else I could find to satisfy my hunger, I heard a cough coming from behind. Whipping my head around I saw none other than Sam with a judgmental look on his face.

“Don’t gimme that look, you’ve seen all this before.” I say, shaking my hairy ass a little before flexing. Sam rolled his eyes. “No no no don’t act like you don’t love seeing me show off your body, I saw you peeking in on me and Ian last night.”

Sam’s face went bright red. “W-w-what? N-no I didn’t!”

Immediately I shushed him, not wanting to wake Ian before stepping closer. “Oh come on don’t lie, I know you jacked off to it. So what was your favourite bit? The part when you got to see me using your body to pound into another buff dude and fill his ass with your cum? Or the part where you watched Ian totally dominate me afterwards and go to town on your former hairy bubble ass?” By this point Sam was completely speechless knowing that he’d been caught.

With that I lifted up an arm, exposing one of my pits to him but this time I didn’t shove him in it. “Go on, you know you want to. You can try and hide it all you want but you love seeing me show off your body, you love watching me adopt all your little habits, you love watching me slip perfectly into you jocky lifestyle. Just embrace it lil’ bro” He stares at me then at my pit. I could see it in his eyes. Pure lust. And then just as I’d hoped, he gave in to it. I couldn’t help but grin ear to ear as he voluntarily presses his nose into my pit, huffing my musk like a drug. I was even more surprised when he pulled away and immediately dropped to his knees, drooling at the sight of his former cock.

“C…can I suck it?” He asked while grasping it gently in his hand.

“Only if you agree to only address me as Sam from now on, even when we’re alone.” I state looking down at his hungry eyes. He nods in compliance and with that I put a hand on the back of his head and press him down onto my dick, letting him slobber all over it. “But don’t get too used to this. I’m planning on making Ian my boyfriend in the future and I wanna be faithful ya know. So enjoy it while it lasts.”

With that everything has finally fallen into place. The old Sam has finally accepted our new roles, I’ve assumed my new identity perfectly and I might even have a hot new boyfriend soon. My life couldn’t be anymore perfect right now…

#male body theft #male body swap #stepbro #step brothers #brothers #identity theft #male transformation #age progression #straight to gay #musclegrowth #muscle theft #male muscle growth #hairy #jock #magic #permanent

[ew-selfish-art]

Dp x Dc AU: That one episode of teen titans where they all dress up as Robin + Tim being a gremlin about his legacy + Danny look alike/twin AU.

So there is that episode of Teen Titans where Starfire, Cyborg, Beast Boy and Raven all dress as Robin (Dick) while he's out and it's admitted that the outfit makes them feel cool. Imagine a young Tim hearing that story mentioned in passing by Dick while trying to manage what becomes Young Just-us. And then when Damain becomes Robin?? Gremlin mode activated.

Tim hosts regular 'Robin' Parties, where the idea is that you come in Robin colors, get a mask at the door and everyone gets to basically hang out in civilian clothes without the identity crises for those just getting started. "age appropriate" drinks, games, and good music are all staples. The parties become more frequent once Damian becomes Robin and he pointedly doesn't attend Tim's parties which... Neither of them are really happy about. Family is complicated, but finally, after a few years of cooling off, it's decided that Robin will actually host this years Robin party.

Meaning Tim shows up in casual clothes (MIT sweatshirt) and a mask, and Damian is actually dressed as Robin when the party is starting to get into the swing of things. The point of it is to make sure all the young heroes get to come and start to befriend each other, so there are a few people who show up and have to actually say that they're *insert alias* and this is met with basically "Dope, nice to meet you Robin" etc.

Insert Danny Twin AU (Or just look-alike fuckery) (for either brother but my brain is on Tim Twin au mode).

Danny decides to show up as his human self, grabs a mask at the door before coming in, and is slowly integrating himself into a conversation when someone grabs his arm- "Hey Red your brother is fighting with a newbie about meat products again-"

And Danny doesn't have a brother but my god has he heard this fight too many times with Sam and Tucker- He's going in and he's defusing this situation because he cannot handle the thought of this argument taking over his new friend group. He deals with it enough, okay?

Robin (like, the real one) looks at him curiously while Danny is talking down the other hero Robin (insert here), and the whole room notices when Robin doesn't take the opportunity to dismiss or belittle his older brother (Lmao because its danny). Damian cannot place his unease about Drake (again, Danny, who is not hiding his identity beyond a mask), and simply decides that this isn't worth the effort.

The party moves on but now instead of everyone calling themselves Robin, Danny is distinctly being called Red. It confuses him a bit, he didn't even know Red Robin was going to be at this party (he hasn't met the guy and doesn't know the lore), but he rolls with it because he's made fast friends with Robin (Bart), Robin (Cassie) and Robin (JON). The kid was full little bro energy and it made Danny laugh, he was so surprised when the real Robin joined them and fell into easy conversation with Robin (Jon).

Danny is playing games with a few others when someone goes to grab a broom to clean up- Turns out Red Robin and his boyfriend Kon had been making out in the closet for most of the party- and the whole room looks at Danny like he's tried to trick them. Tim is at first uneasy that so many people mistook him, but once he's in front of his dupe, puzzle pieces start to move around in his head.

"And who are you again, Robin?" Tim asks carefully, though he suspects he has his answer.

"Uh, Phantom, but you know, a lot of people were calling me Red tonight and I didn't get why until just now." Danny laughs nervously.

"Yeah I bet- Find me monday and we can see about a geneology test."

"That leaves us the whole weekend, to do what exactly? Fuck with people by pulling a parent trap style swap?"

"Nature vs. nuture and all but I don't know how you could be anything but my brother with a question like that." Tim grins and they get to scheming.

#dcxdp #dpxdc #dc x dp #dp x dc #danny phantom #dc crossover #dp crossover #long post #tim drake #danny and tim are twins au #robin party au #dear god someone please write this fic for me #its been rattling around in my brain for ages

[clairellie]

STREAMER ELLIE ! HEADCANONS

a/n: i loved writing this so i might actually make a fic on it?!? but not guaranteed.. WE LOVE STREAMER ELLIE!!!

warnings: ellie loves you dearly,

streamer!ellie who literally makes her streams fucking 4 hours long. she won't stop yapping, she's always asking questions and making polls and this and that.

“chat, should we play this game” “oh shit, ... made a new video, chat, should we watch it?”

the chat starts spaming yes’s and no’s. “i cant read allat. its going too fast— pause.” then she makes a poll

speaking of that... streamer!ellie will NOTTT stop saying pause after every little thing. if she doesn't say pause, shes look at the camera with that little smirk she has.

streamer!ellie who easily gets annoyed when they keep saying she sounds “hot” or whatever. she was too nervous to do a face reveal at first but then chat had to hype her tf up.

gf!streamer!ellie who had to hide your identity at first because she wanted to keep the fans from spamming you in the comments about her— but the hiding didn’t even work like chat found out 3 days later…

the reason why is because she kept forgetting to mute or get out of frame when she was speaking you.

but she also started playing random games that she normally wouldn’t play with this “other girl” she met… hm.

like dress to impress, royale high, bloxburg, and others. but okay pretty pink princess!

gf!streamer!ellie who kept on getting bugged about her promise ring.

she was showing her fit (because she does fit checks on stream) and chat would not shut up about the ring they kept spotting.

the next day she went on twitter and the first post she saw was:

“OMG ELLIE IS MARRIED?!?!!?”

she had to tell chat that, 1. its on her left hand, 2. you and her “weren’t in a relationship for that long yet” but its been fucking 1 year ellie. stop lying!!!!! and 3. she wasn’t “ready” even though she kept saying she was gonna marry you any day now.

streamer!ellie who gets BASHED in chat bro.

“what the helllll, oh my god.”

“uhm ellie, those dont match…”

“please tell me ur gf didnt pick that out..”

or when she keeps shooting at the wrong team… like babe those are ur teammates. (me too els..)

“ELLIE WTF ARE U DOING?!”

“can she read..?”

“she MIGHTT be a bit color blind.. 😬😬”

#tlou 2 #wlw #fluff #ellie x you #ellie x fem reader #ellie the last of us #ellie tlou2 #ellie williams tlou #headcanon #headcanons ellie #ellie tlou #ellie williams #ellie x reader #ellie x y/n #the last of us part 2

[sanspuppet]

☆ mdni - smut

☆ synopsis - Your boyfriend Wooyoung proposes you to fuck his bestfriend in front of him

☆ bf!Wooyoung x fem reader x friend!San

☆ W/T: voyeurism, blow job, fascial, cum eating, unprotected sex, San has a big dick and… he’s kinda into your ass “-“

Wooyoung already told you time ago that he was curious to see how hot would it be to watch you having a sex act, with someone else. You couldn’t help but giggle at first:

“Baby, we can just record us two”

“No, i wanna be in front of you, watch how you tear desperately while you get your ass clapped from behind”

You never thought it would really happen, but now that you were laying on your bed wearing only a lingerie, and his best friend San was taking off his sweater next to you, you realized that Wooyoung really meant it. Not that you complained though, he chose San because he trusts him blindly and honestly talking, you also find him very hot, getting fucked by him wouldn’t be a bad idea for sure.

You looked up at Wooyoung, sat comfortably on the armchair in the corner of the room. He bit his lip, resting his head on his palm, silently staring at you and the man next to you.

“Look at her Sannie, isn’t she so sexy?” he smirked. You could already feel your cheeks burning from the embarrassment, but at the same time the thought of having another man watching you half naked was making you wet. You turned around on your stomach, noticing how San’s gaze immediately landed on your ass.

“Yeah… absolutely gorgeous.” he was already with only his boxers on, looking at him from one side you could easily notice the fabric of them tensing around the shape of his crotch. Damn, he was pretty big.

“Then kiss her body, cover it with hickeys. But don’t you dare on the lips, she’s still mine” Wooyoung led.

San nodded, you kneeled next to him, facing Wooyoung so he could have you on complete display. You quickly got distracted when you felt San’s lips attached to your neck, sucking on your soft skin, his hand holding your jawline still. Your head rolled back slightly, exposing more of your neck. His hot lips planting intense kisses made your body shiver, you moaned lowly, enjoying the pleasure. You gripped San’s arm when he suddenly bit hard on your shoulder, a louder whine left your mouth.

“Come on San, put in good use those hands” Wooyoung chuckled, biting on his nails seductively.

The man next to you looked deeply in your eyes searching for a rhetoric approval, before moving his hand down your chest. He groped your tits, sucking continuously on your neck, until it was covered in purple marks.

Wooyoung raised his palm. “I think it’s enough. Y/n, honey. Why don’t you show him how much of a good girl you are?” You nodded, actually excited to show off your skills. You quickly got off the bed and kneeled on the verge of it, San followed your moves and sat down in front of you. He looked up at Wooyoung, asking silently what he was supposed to do now.

“Go on baby, suck his dick. It’ll be a little more difficult with him than when you do it to me, but i’m sure you’ll make it.” You turned around perplexed, not until you saw San taking his dick out of his boxers that you understand how big he really was. You looked up at him with doe eyes, he could tell you were a little scared. San patted slightly your head before grabbing it and moving it down his length. It wasn’t really long, but fuck if it was fat. Your cheeks felt sore not long after you started sucking him off. You moved as fast and as deep as you could, his hand kept guiding you. You couldn’t see his expressions, too focused on not choking around him.

“How does it feel bro? She’s good, isn’t she?” Wooyoung smirked at the sight of San melting under your touch, he had his head thrown back, his hand gripping your hair helplessly. You pulled away to look at him replying, stroking him quickly with your tiny hand compared to his girthy cock.

“Fuck— yeah. Imma cum— so bad, oh god” San furrowed his eyebrows from pleasure, his mouth hung open as if he wanted to moan, no sound came out though.

“Then do it on her face, bet she’d look so pretty covered in your cum”

Wooyoung didn’t even get to finish his sentence that San pulled your head back by the hair, his other hand pumped his dick with force and desperation. You closed your eyes and sticked your tongue out, giggling once you felt warm ropes landing on your face.

“Ughh fuck yes— she’s so cute like this” San smirked at the man who was looking at you two. He turned your head over him, showing off his work of art.

“Too bad that you can’t see yourself now baby” Wooyoung said to you. You rubbed away some cum off of your closed eyelids to open your eyes, you licked your fingers while making eye contact with the man standing in front of you. “Mmh— delicious” San couldn’t help but bit his lips at that, which made him hard again in a millisecond.

You jumped onto the bed, on your hands and knees. “Can he fuck me now?” you asked your boyfriend, eager to take his best friend’s thick cock. Damn if you wanted to know how it feels to have such a big one fucking you dumb.

“If you want it that bad you should at least beg for it” Wooyoung rested his elbows on his knees, looking at you with hooded eyes. “I taught you how to behave, baby”

You blinked a few times, confused. “Who… should i beg?” the man on the chair chuckled joyfully.

“Darling it’s San’s dick, i think you should beg him”

You nodded slightly, your gaze moving up to the man at your left. Without him expecting it, you sat on his lap. The feeling of his hard member pressing against your soaked panties thrilled you, making you unconsciously rub them against him.

“P-please San… i did so good- for you… C-can i take you?” you stuttered, taking sharp breaths between every few words. The friction only grew higher. San smirked, his hand moved down your ass, groping its cheeks.

“Mmh yeah i would love to” a harsh slap hit your hips, getting a little chuckle from him right after your surprised whine.

“Get on all fours, you have such a nice ass y/n”

You did as he said, holding on your forearms with your hips up. Wooyoung was biting his lip hard smirking at you, he whispered good girl while San positioned himself behind you.

Both men looked at each other, lust glowing in their eyes. You tried to muffle a moan when the one behind you rubbed his tip against your folds, right after pulling apart your soaked panties. He pressed your back, making you arch at the right angle. Pushing himself slowly into you, in a few seconds he reached the deepest he could be. You were about to tear at first, but when you got used to his length, having him inside you was nothing but pleasant.

“Don’t go easy with my baby, fuck her senseless” Wooyoung sat closer to the bed, facing you.

San meanwhile, started moving at a mid pace, just to stretch you out better. He held your hips still with a strong grip when he sped up. His thrusts sharp and deep that felt like a fucking bliss. You bit your lower lip, your hair obstructed your vision while you looked at Wooyoung, as you got hammered with force.

“Stop holding back darling, moan for us” he lowered himself to make eye contact with you easier. You hold your breath for a fee seconds before letting out a loud, desperate whine, San finally hit your g-spot.

“Fuck—! Right there- yeah!”

“Yeah you like it, don’t you? Fuck- so tight. Woo, you’re a lucky one for having her.” San hissed from pleasure, his thrusts getting sloppier as you squeezed around him.

Wooyoung chuckled. “I know. Untie the bra now.”

Without even a second passing, San untied it with one quick move, exposing your bouncing tits. The man in front of you smirked proudly.

“The hair, i can’t see her face properly” he added. Getting your hair pulled right after, raising your chin and forcing you to face your boyfriend. Despite your sight was already foggy from pleasure, words barely reaching your mind as the two spoke.

San kept rolling his hips into you, your wetness making already a mess of the sheets. He was also struggling not to loose his control from how good you felt, so desperately that you could notice it by how his fingers dived into your back as he smacked your hips against his pelvis by himself.

Wooyoung did nothing but watch at that point, he was rock hard and even though he was highly enjoying it, he also needed to be inside you as soon as possible. He was palming himself, trying to find enough friction to distract his real need.

Meanwhile, you and San were a moaning mess, your moves messy, focusing only on reaching each own orgasm.

“Please— I’m gonna cum!” you whined out, barely standing on your wrists from the rough friction you were getting.

“Fuck, me too” San groaned. He looked at Wooyoung, expecting him to say what to do.

“Pull out, she’s mine. You can cum on her ass you kinky man”

As said, San slided out and started stroking himself quickly until reaching his climax. On the other side, you buried your face into the mattress m, frustrated by the negation of your own high. Wooyoung caressed your head, feeling you.

“Don’t worry baby, i’ll take care of you now” he looked up at San, sat down trying to regain himself.

“Man, thank you so much. Although, it’s my moment now. You can leave, so i’ll get my girlfriend fucked by myself”

Thank you for reading! :3 I know i haven’t posted in quite a while buuutttt duh i can say i’m pretty busy lmao

—

taglist: @bunnyluvr25 @xonga @bro-atz @wisejudgedragonhairdo @therealcuppicake @hongjoongswifefr @sugarnspice630 @stolasisyourparent @kaimisutra @jyunhosbby @pancake-freckle @cherrycel @haebaragisworld @interweab @softwsan

#ateez #ateez smut #ateez fanfic #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez hard thoughts #ateez fic #ateez povs #ateez hard hours #ateez x reader #ateez fanfiction #ateez wooyoung #wooyoung x reader #wooyoung fic #wooyoung fanfic #wooyoung smut #wooyoung imagines #wooyoung hard hours #wooyoung scenarios #wooyoung #ateez smut drabbles #san ateez smut #san fic #san x reader #san scenarios #san smut #choi san smut #ateez choi san #choi san x reader #choi san fanfic

[astonmartinii]

a spoonful of sugar | oscar piastri social media au

pairing: oscar piastri x fem chef!reader

cheffing it up all over the calendar

MASTERLIST | TIPS

yourusername

liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri and 124,509 others

tagged: oscarpiastri

yourusername: WOAH WHAT IT'S OSCAR'S HOME RACE WEEK? that mean's it's time to whack out the aussie cook book mama piastri got me for christmas and man this fish has a cool name. BARRAMUNDI is a fish very commonly used in aussie cuisine (real ones know it from masterchef australia). so here i've pan seared it with some herbs and some lemons and take it from me it SLAPS, but you know what i hope slaps more? oscar this weekend... LET'S GO BABY

[as always this recipe is on my website and will be in my 2024 f1 calendar recipe book coming out soon]

view all comments

user1: FAVES OMG PARENTS

user2: my favourite thing is where i read intently all of y/n's recipe and continue to make pot noodles

yourusername: pot noodles are good i can't even be mad

oscarpiastri: can confirm it did in fact SLAP

yourusername: oh wow piastri stamp of approval that's basically a michelin star

oscarpiastri: tbf i would eat a roll of paper towels if it was you who gave it to me

yourusername: okay.... I'LL TAKE IT

user3: can we please study these people cause why is saying you'd eat paper towels is the pinnacle of romance

user4: i NEED the recipe book STAT

landonorris: i was on board with this whole cooking thing but FISH IS WHERE I DRAW THE LINE

yourusername: oh boy we got a BABY ON THE LINE

landonorris: i'm allowed to like what i like my MUM said so

yourusername: bro is an elite athlete and exclusively eats chicken nuggies

landonorris: @oscarpiastri tell your girlfriend to stop bullying me

oscarpiastri: i'm on her side buddy maybe explore the culinary world

landonorris: that's it i'm going to HR

yourusername: try it girly the mclaren HR team LOVE my food

user5: the dynamics since oscar and y/n got comfortable in the sport are my favourite things

oscarpiastri

liked by logansargeant, landonorris and 793,288 others

tagged: yourusername

oscarpiastri: first time on the podium at my home race and the feeling is unreal. so thankful to have my family and love of my life around me, lets keep building on this !!

view all comments

user7: THANK THE LORD MCLAREN KEPT THEIR SHIT TOGETHER IN 2024 OSCAR FIRST WIN COMING IN FAST

yourusername: I AM TOTALLY FINE ABOUT THIS AND I AM NOT SOBBING UNCONTROLLABLY BECAUSE I AM SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU AT ALL TIMES I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

oscarpiastri: I LOVE YOU TOO SO MUCH AND I LOVE SHARING THIS WITH YOU AND SEEING THE WORLD WITH YOU AND REACHING OUR DREAMS TOGETHER

user8: are they good?

logansargeant: from the man currently waiting for them to go to dinner and can hear them yelling this stuff to each other... no they are not okay and i don't think they ever have been

yourusername: LOGIE BEAR I AM SORRY I CANNOT CONTAIN MY LOVE FOR OSCAR

oscarpiastri: jealous bitches gonna be bitter

logansargeant: ??? excuse me

oscarpiastri: i'm sorry i got excited... love you logan (just not as much as y/n)

user9: this comment section is once again making me want to sneak into an F1 after party :(

user10: they're just going to dinner they've not even started drinking yet 😭

landonorris: i am proud of you mate - why is y/n dancing around in the kitchen in an apron that says "this chef FUCKS"

yourusername: fashion. (it says oscar piastri in small print right under that)

landonorris: i didn't need to know that

oscarpiastri: let her dance it makes the food taste even better

landonorris: there's definitely no fish right?

yourusername: no fish by order of the fussy child

landonorris: bullying online and in person @maxverstappen1 @charles_leclerc @logansargeant STEP IN

maxverstappen1: eh i'm good i'm looking forward to dinner

charles_leclerc: you're on your own with this one lando

logansargeant: i've learnt not to cross y/n

user11: the piastris invited lando, logan and the rest of the podium? i am soft

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1 and 162,994 others

tagged: oscarpiastri

yourusername: a big post podium celebration dinner at the piastri house to celebrate oscar's home podium. first off, super duper proud. second, since it was a strictly no fish evening, i decided to go for classic aussie meat pies and grilled kangaroo LOL but there was only clean plates at the end so i'll defo consider adding it to the recipe book

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user12: i am getting a sugar rush this is so sweet

logansargeant: thank you for having me, a solid 9/10 - one point docked because kangaroos are cute

yourusername: wait until you run into one on a cold, wet evening

oscarpiastri: they are actually very scary and have a stealing problem

yourusername: tbf i think we all have a stealing problem

oscarpiastri: you definietly do ... cause you stole my heart

logansargeant: EW NOT ON MY COMMENT THREAD

user13: i'm so lonely

maxverstappen1: i definitely did not think i was going to eat kangaroo this week but here we are

yourusername: did you like it?

maxverstappen1: i was shocked at how much i did

oscarpiastri: babe get that on the review cover of the recipe book this guy got three championships that has to mean something

yourusername: good idea i'm on it

maxverstappen1: ???

landonorris: you fed me kanga and roo from winnie the pooh? Y/N YOU FED ME KANGA AND ROO FROM WINNIE THE POOH?

yourusername: you eat chicken all the time and you don't feel sorry for chicken little

oscarpiastri: she ate you up there PUN INTENDED

landonorris: i've learnt my lesson i'm giving up here

charles_leclerc: i for one had a blast and will be asking for y/n to cater my birthday party

oscarpiastri: FOR A PRICE

charles_leclerc: you her guard dog or something?

oscarpiastri: duh? have you seen her?

yourusername: i would love to (idk monagasque cuisine though so give me notice)

yourusername

liked by danielricciardo, landonorris and 152,339 others

tagged: oscarpiastri, logansargeant

yourusername: IMOLA, IMOLA MY HEART LIVES IN ITALIA AND MY STOMACH LIVES WITH ITALIAN FOOD. for real. the track is cute and whatnot but the real star is the pasta, the pizza, the gelato but most importantly the PASTA. here is two dishes that'll feature in the imola chapter: a burrata dish and a ragu !! oscar (and lando) certified so you know it's good, oscar even helped so it's defo beginner friendly!!

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user17: is it a collective f1 driver experience to be ass at cooking

danielricciardo: yes

maxverstappen1: yes

oscarpiastri: yes

landonorris: yes

charles_leclerc: YES

oscarpiastri: if i'm slow this weekend it's because i couldn't stop eating the ragu sorry mclaren

yourusername: i made sure no gelato until sunday so please don't take me out back and shoot me over giving him pasta

mclarenf1: bring some pasta for social media admin and no one has to know

yourusername: deal

landonorris: this is a public instagram comment section

charles_leclerc: why is mine always so darn crunchy

yourusername: inpatient, common amongst you drivers. oscar was once so impatient when boiling an egg he got it out and it was just watery egg

oscarpiastri: you said you wouldn't tell anyone :(

yourusername: no babe i'm proud !!! you've come so far

oscarpiastri: it's true i made my own omelette the other day :)

yourusername: and it was yummy

oscarpiastri: and it was yummy :)

user18: the positive affirmations in this relationship really keep me going

yourusername: he IS the MOST beautiful racer in all of the lands

oscarpiastri: she IS the PRETTIEST chef in all of the kitchens

oscarpiastri

liked by alexalbon, yourusername and 775,431 others

tagged: yourusername

oscarpiastri: not the race we wanted in spain, but we're still in good spirits and in the conversation at the top of the standings! also helps that when you get taken out of the race your girlfriend shovels the BEST paella ever into your mouth until you finally smile

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user19: bro got a girlfriend and personal chef all in one

yourusername: food is my love language and when babe gets twatted into the barriers by SOMEONE i will personally feed him some of his favourite food

user20: she's holding back

yourusername: PR said i couldn't say anything...

oscarpiastri: i love youuuuuuuuu and i love your paella i think it's laced with crack

logansargeant: @fia GET HIS ASS

yourusername: LOGIE BEAR?

logansargeant: i'm sorry, we're pretty desperate for the p7 here at williams

yourusername: i respect that

oscarpiastri: Y/N????

yourusername: MORE PAELLA

carlossainz55: big respect for the paella, definitely looks authentic

yourusername: OBVIOUSLY IT'S AUTHENTIC DO YOU THINK MY QUALIFICATIONS ARE A JOKE

yourusername: lol sorry thank you actually SPANISH F1 DRIVER APPROVED PAELLA

oscarpiastri: @fernandoalo_oficial can we get another good review please and thank you

fernandoalo_oficial: looks good, need a taste to be sure

yourusername: it's coming your way (please return the tupperware tho please)

mclarenf1: you'll come back stronger oscar 💪

oscarpiastri: fuelled by love and paella

yourusername: fuelled by VENOM AND THE WILL TO WIN AND CRUSH THE COMPETITION

oscarpiastri: and that 🫶

note: here's a short and sweet one that MAY return to finish out this fictional season ... i also just love this kind of set up for an imagine. it's a lil short i know but the CHRISTMAS CRAFTS ARE COMING IN FAST AND THE CROSS STITCH CHRISTMAS CARDS ARE SLAYING THE HOUSE DOWN

#f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 instagram au #f1 x you #f1 #f1 social media au #oscar piastri instagram au #oscar piastri x you #oscar piastri imagine #oscar piastri