#<- the still stick to liking (more like admitting to myself to liking) men was the whole religious aspect of this i tbink btw it has nothing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lau219 · 2 months

Text

Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

Part 3

Previous part here

…………………………………………………………………………….

“Is everything ok? You seem like something’s bothering you the last couple of days.”

Y/N looked over her shoulder as she stood in the large supply closet and saw Melissa assessing her with her hands on her hips.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Y/N answered her as she retrieved a few boxes of gauze and rubber gloves from the top shelf. As she turned around and made her way to the door, she continued as she and Melissa headed back out into the hallway. “Just feeling a little frazzled.”

“How come? Do you wanna talk about it?” Melissa took a few of the boxes from Y/N’s hands and helped her restock the cabinets as they moved from bay to bay in the ER wing.

“I just haven’t slept very well the last few nights,” Y/N shared. “It’s so hot lately and my AC is still broken. And then, when I was covering for Tammy at the kids’ baseball game a couple nights ago, Emmett had a stick up his butt about something and we got in some pointless argument.”

“Wait a second,” Melissa said as she stopped and turned around to face Y/N. “Emmett? As in your neighbor, Emmett?”

“Yeah,” Y/N replied, looking at her quizzically.

“I didn’t know his kids played on the baseball team,” Melissa said. “If I had known he was gonna be there, I would have volunteered to cover for Tammy. He is so hot!”

Y/N couldn’t help but laugh at Melissa’s expression.

“Well, after how things went, I would have been happy to let you take my place.”

“That’s easy for you to say. He’s your neighbor; you get to see him all the time.”

Once they’d moved into the next bay that was further away from the nurses’ station, Melissa spoke again, her voice just a little lower.

“One time, when I was working, he came in here with some sort of cut on his side, and he had to take his shirt off so that we could take care of it for him. I swear to God, I have never had such a hard time keeping my hands to myself!”

Y/N laughed again and shook her head.

“You cannot honestly tell me that you don’t think he’s gorgeous,” Melissa countered.

Y/N neither agreed nor disagreed.

“Try having him as your neighbor and then see how you feel. His looks only make up for so much when he’s waking you up at the crack of dawn every weekend with the lawn mower.”

“So you do think he’s hot!” Melissa smiled.

Y/N just rolled her eyes. Of course, despite their rocky relationship, she never failed to internally swoon whenever she saw Emmett, but Melissa didn’t need to know that.

“And isn’t he a mechanic?” Melissa continued, now really just talking to herself. “God, can you imagine what he can do with his hands?”

It was something Y/N had thought about more times than she’d ever admit. But again, something no one else needed to know.

“Ok, that’s enough,” she said as she turned and exited the bay. “I’m worried I’m gonna have to hose you down.”

“Wait, so what were you guys fighting about?” Melissa asked as they returned to the nurses’ station.

“He got all bent out of shape because I bought his kids something to eat at the game,” Y/N explained. “He was running late, and they were hungry.”

“Why would that make him mad?”

“I don’t know, but before I knew it, he was demanding to reimburse me a dollar fifty and accusing me of showing him up in front of his kids, or some nonsense like that. I’ve actually never seen him get that worked up before.”

Melissa raised her eyebrow.

“Maybe he was embarrassed,” she offered. “Men don’t like us to think they need any kind of help or that they aren’t prepared.”

“I bought them a couple of hot dogs; I didn’t donate a kidney,” Y/N replied.

“Doesn’t matter,” Melissa said.

Y/N sighed.

“I was just trying to take care of the boys. But, of course, we just ended up fighting. That’s how it always goes. But this was especially tense.”

Melissa smiled mischievously.

“All I know is that if he was my neighbor,” she said, “I’d do anything I possibly could to get on his good side.”

Y/N just rolled her eyes again.

————————————————

That afternoon, Y/N had just placed a vase of fresh flowers on her kitchen island when there was a knock on her front door. She wiped her hands on a dish towel and walked through the kitchen towards her entryway. When she opened the door, she found Henry and Max standing on the welcome mat.

“Hi guys,” she said as she smiled at them. “What are you up to?”

Henry looked a little embarrassed as he spoke.

“Hi, umm...sorry, but we just got home from camp and I don’t have my house key. I think I left it in my pocket in my clothes from yesterday. My dad never gave you a key to our house or anything, did he?”

“Oh,” Y/N replied as her smile faded slightly. “No, he didn’t. Did you call him to see if he can come home quick and let you in?”

Henry blushed.

“I...umm...I left the cell phone he gave me in my pocket, too. It’s not like the phones my friends have – it’s old and I’m only allowed to use it in emergencies, so I don’t always remember it.”

Y/N slowly nodded.

“Well, you can use my phone. Do you wanna call him?”

Henry shifted awkwardly on his feet, and then Max suddenly spoke up.

“Henry doesn’t want to call him because he already forgot the key once last week. He thinks Dad’ll be mad if he has to come home to let us in the house again.”

Y/N tried not to smile in amusement at the pride on Max’s face from telling on Henry, or the glare Henry shot Max for ratting him out.

“Well,” Y/N began. “How about this? Why don’t you guys camp out here until your dad gets home? You can leave your stuff here while you play outside, or you’re welcome to hang out in the living room and watch TV.”

“Really?” Henry looked at her with appreciative relief.

“Yeah, but let’s leave your dad a note on the door so that he knows where you are when he gets home.”

Henry nodded.

“Thanks, Y/N,” he smiled.

After taping a note to their front door, the boys came back and spilled their stuff on the floor of the living room. They then proceeded to make themselves comfortable on the couch, watching a movie while Y/N went about her afternoon, occasionally checking on them. She’d made them a snack when they’d first arrived, but when 5:30 p.m. rolled around and Emmett still wasn’t home, she checked in with Henry.

“What time does your dad usually get home?” she asked him.

“Usually by now, but he’s had to work late a lot the last few weeks.”

“What do you do for dinner when that happens?”

“We have stuff at home that I can make, or he brings something with him when he comes home. He calls me on the cell phone to tell me what we should do.”

As soon as he said that, the color drained from Henry’s face as he realized that Emmett may have been trying to call him on the phone he’d forgotten. He looked at Y/N helplessly.

“It’s ok,” she shook her head to encourage him not to worry. “You can call him right now using my phone.”

“Could...could you do it?” Henry asked. “I don’t want him to be mad at me. I mean, he never gets mad, really, but I already forgot once last week and...” he trailed off.

The thought of calling Emmett suddenly had Y/N as uneasy as Henry looked. Not only had she and Emmett never talked on the phone before, but they hadn’t spoken to each other since the baseball game. It would be so odd to call him. But how could she say no to Henry?

“Sure, don’t worry; I’ll call him. Do you have his number memorized, or should I call the shop?”

Fortunately, Henry knew Emmett’s number, and he wrote it down for Y/N before returning to the living room. The piece of paper in one hand and her phone in the other, Y/N dialed the number and waited for the ring tone, her heart pounding. Why was she so nervous?

After a couple of rings, Emmett picked up the call.

“Hello?” she heard his voice on the other end of the line.

She cleared her throat.

“Emmett? Hi, it’s...it’s Y/N.”

Clearly taken aback, he paused a beat before speaking.

“Oh, uhh...”

“Um, I just wanted to let you know that the boys are over here at my house. Henry forgot his house key and the cell phone, and so I told them they could hang out here until you get home. He didn’t want you to get upset with him, but he was afraid you might have been trying to call him to tell him when you’d be home.”

“Uh, I was just about to call him, actually,” Emmett replied, still sounding a bit taken aback.

“Oh, ok, well, when do you think you’ll be home?” Y/N asked him. “I can make them some dinner if you’ll still be a while. Henry said you’ve been having to work late recently.”

As soon as she said that, she regretted it. She worried it would trigger the same reaction he had the other day at the baseball game – that he’d think she was trying to show him up. But to her relief, his tone was calm as he answered her.

“I’ll, uh, I’ll be home in about 30 minutes. I’ll bring something with me; you don’t have to make them anything.”

“Are you sure?” she asked him. “I don’t mind.”

“Yeah, I’m sure. I’ll be a half hour.”

“Ok,” Y/N replied. Then she lowered her voice slightly so that the boys wouldn’t hear her. “Henry feels really bad because this already happened once before. Don’t be too upset with him, ok? It was an honest mistake, and they’ve both been angels the whole time they’ve been here.”

“Ok...yeah,” Emmett answered her. There was a brief silence before he spoke once more. “Thanks. I’ll be there soon.”

“Ok,” she replied. “Umm...bye.”

Then she ended the call and set the phone down on the counter, letting out a deep breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding.

Part 4

@nyxxie-pooh @febris-amatoria @xsweetcatastrophe @alltoowellbeneaththemangotree @hannibellector @devotedlyshadowytheorist @aphroditeslover11 @natalie--rushman @garrison-girl-08 @fuseburner @neonpurplestars89-blog @strangeanchorbird

#emmett x female reader #emmett a quiet place 2 #emmet a quiet place x reader #emmett a quiet place #emmett fic #emmett smut #cillian murphy #cillian x fem!reader #cillian fic #cillian murphy smut #cillian smut #18+ only

73 notes · View notes

heavenlymorals · 18 days

Text

The Tragedy of Dutch Van Dir Linde

Warning: spoilers ahead for both Red Dead games.

Dutch Van Dir Linde is one of the finest characters I've ever come across and that I think about a lot because in many ways, he is represents the dreams that people have and the awful reality of it too.

Heytham, what the hell do you mean that this manic, selfish, delusional piece of shit is like you or me?

Here is an example. When you were a kid, did your parents tell you that your dreams will come true if you worked hard? And did you believe it? I know I did. I studied often, got a great SAT score, joined many extracurriculars, did volunteer work regularly, got a part time job, had all high grades in advanced level courses and in AP/honor programs and I had one goal. To get into my dream college.

I made my resume. I did everything right. I listen to what people better than me told me to do and I waited for that acceptance letter- so confident that I would get into the university. Never once did I imagine that I'd get rejected, but I did. For a 17 year old kid, it felt like the world was ending. I remember sobbing myself to sleep, waking up, and then just laying on my bed disappointed in the world and the lies it fed me. In a perfect world, I'd have gotten accepted. Worst people than me got accepted, why couldn't I?

But I moved on. Life continued and I was fine. I was bitter, sure, but I managed to get over it and work towards better paths and a better future.

But what if I didn't? What if I got hung up on that forever? What if I fought the rejection? What would I have done? What would I have not done?

This little experience, one that many people have gone through, is kind of a microcosm of the much bigger human truth that the world will never be an ideal place due to the human nature.

If I was like Dutch, I would have fought the rejection- I would stick so diligently to the ideal that I believed in so hard, even though that failure was more than likely a guarantee. I wouldn't find an alternative to be better and do better things. I'll get hung up on a dream and never move past it.

That's his dilemma. He believes in the ideal, like we all do, but he will fight tooth and nail to make that ideal real while we will sigh and realize that life will never be the way we want it to be.

Dutch feels betrayed by the world, or at least by his vision of the world- especially America.

America was a country built on the promise of all men being born equal under God and under the law. All men.

That was the dream, the hope, and the promise.

What happened instead? The continuing of the institute of slavery, the massacre of natives, the monopoly of magnates, and the constant discrimination of those not considered 'white'.

It was disgusting and awful and it should've never happened- but it did and people tried to remedy it in ways that were gradual but real. They found different paths and different dreams and though there is still much work to be done, people are finding a way.

Dutch couldn't do that though. He refused to do that. He wanted the ideal and he wanted it immediately, even though it was impossible. He killed for his ideal, he robbed for his ideal, and he led people to hell for his ideal.

But it didn't matter. His ideal will never exist and he couldn't accept that- which leads to his end.

He won't be caught. And he didn't get caught by commiting suicide- a final fight. He wouldn't surrender to John or the Pinkertons, because that would mean admitting that his entire life was a struggle for nothing because his vision will never be realized if people like Cornwall or Favours or the professor continue to exist. Life was hell because of those people and the American dream did not exist because of those people.

"What a beautiful dream. So poorly rendered," - Dutch to Arthur.

And Dutch is right! From the very beginning that this country was created, it relied on an ideal that turned out to be a lie.

And Dutch couldn't handle that and wanted a perfect world that can never be realized and he tried to get that perfect world by lying and stealing and cheating and killing. What a depressing dichotomy.

Now, of course, when it comes to the personal motivations of Dutch, whether pride, hubris, narcissism, or any of that, they can all by factors to Dutch's pointless battle, but his motivation has always been clear and it never changed-

"Yeah, I know it's tough. You like Dutch. He's a charming fellow. He makes sense. He's like one of those nature writers from back East. Only he takes things a tiny little step too far. Rather than just loving the flowers and the animals and the harmony between man and beast, he shoots people in the head for money. And disagreeing with him. Now, I'm not a great intellect, but the metaphysical leap from admiring a flower to shooting a man in the head because he doesn't like a flower, is a leap too far." Edgar Ross to John Marston.

Dutch lived and died to create an ideal that would never be real because he could never accept reality and that is one of the saddest fates a man could have.

#Dutch's story makes me so sad #because his dream is such a beautiful dream #but he fails to realize that it is only a dream #and can never actually happen as long as people exist #how foolish he was #how valiant #and how terrible for he damned people for this dream like Arthur and John and Molly and so many others #dutch van der linde #arthur morgan #john marston #rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #rdr #red dead redemption #character analysis #story analysis

67 notes · View notes

gentlebeardsbarngrill · 4 months

Note

PoC and queer people, and queers of color are not out here being mad at everyone for no reason. Did you guys think it was just a group of cishet white men who probably don’t even watch the show? We have begged all these years for aid, but it’s dystopian-like to see you guys come together and pay over $21 thousand for a billboard within a few hours. The “charities” aren’t listed, and even then seeing fans tell the organizers use all the money for advertisements is horrifying to say the least. Even more so adding on the creator is a Zionist and antiBlack, which again White people arent gonna give a shit about as they continue to show so in all fandoms. It’s the people affected that calls this guy out, and y’all don’t listen. Do what you want, but stop diminishing our voices as the “angry crowd” have some damn compassion

CW: Racism, Anti-Semitism, Zionism, This is a save space ship so please do not read if you don't have the spoons because there's heavy shit in here today. ------ Hi friend! First of all, I want to say thank you so much for reaching out and giving me some more information! Personally, I don't think what you're being mad about is "for no reason". For me, that's not where the issue lies, and perhaps you could provide me with some further insight. So far, the only kinds of responses to this campaign that I've encountered that are negative have been "Taika is a Zionist", and I have not encountered that "queers of color " we're having a problem. Now, that could be that I just haven't seen them and now that my reach is out a little further it's coming up-- which is great, I want to have a conversation about it. I am newer to the fandom so it's possible I just haven't been around for a lot of this in the past, I admit that. I would be more than happy to hear more about what it is that "Queers of Color" have a problem with regarding the show.

------

In regards to "Even more so adding on the creator (I'm assuming you're referring to Taika here as opposed to David Jenkins?) is a Zionist and antiBlack, which again White people arent gonna give a shit about as they continue to show so in all fandoms."

So, I can see why you feel that way. I've heard a lot from many people of color who feel as if they aren't being considered in a lot of fandoms (not specifically this one but general scifi , fantasy, etc). I am white, so I know that no matter what my background is culturally, I cannot understand the full extent of what our friends of color go through so I try to amplify the voices of those people when they bring information to the table. I do think this fandom cares, and would love to hear more if you're willing to provide it.

My First Question is, where is the narrative coming from that Taika is AntiBlack? He's of Te Whānau-ā-Apanui, an indigenous person, with jewish heritage. I did some googling (yes I realise that's not the most efficient or accurate tool, but I did try to find independant sources). The thing that sticks out most to me is regarding the 2020 following the death of George Floyd. Here is one of the articles I referenced:

Taika's tweet was "Watch the whole thing. Eloquent. Clear. Everyone is angry but there is a way to direct that anger." in response to Killer Mike's message asking “not burn your own house down” and instead “fortify your own house.” and to "Plot, plan, strategize, and organize" as he said in the video.

Now, I see a lot of reactions from people of color specifically stating "don't police my anger" and that is a 100% valid take. No one should be telling you how to channel your anger when as a society you are being murdered and you have to fight back to survive. I do think that everyone still has a lot to learn.

I am going to give you a little background on myself (not to toot my own horn, but to provide a little perspective on how much we are still learning). I am whiteyest white person there is, like I go outside and my skin practically lights on fire from my irish/eastern european ancestry, but I also have a black biological grandmother from Guayana who had ancestry back to many years before when slaves were brought over during the Atlantic Slave Trade. So growing up, even though I was white, I thought I had it all figured out on racism because my grandma was black. The narratives taught in US schools were that "racism was in the past" because schools had been white washed, and I grew up in Northern Virginia, where it was supposed to be "multicultural center of the country" since we were so close to DC. Over time, I started finding out from friends of color and indigenous friends that they were still experiencing racism towards them. I never knew, because I wouldn't have, it wasn't faced towards me. And I knew some-- but I didn't know enough even then 15 years ago. Roll around to 2010-12ish, several things occurred that made "black face" become more prominent and I had more discussions with my friends about what kind of racism they dealt with in their day to day lives. I used to color my arms when I was a kid with a brown marker because I wanted to look like my grandma. I found out at the ripe old age of 24 that was basically black face for a lot of people and that it wasn't ok.

2020 came, and George Floyd, and Brianna Taylor, Stephan Clark, Botham Jean, Freddie Gray and so many others were murdered by police and white supremacist shitwads, and suddenly, not just me but so many more white people started to get the slightest inkling of just HOW BAD it really was for black people in this country. That was the year honestly I started to question the systems of our government, and all the racial inequalities that I THOUGHT I had understood before.

Our government, our society culturally has tried its best to sweep racial inequality under the rug, and pretend like "racism is gone" when we still have systems built on racism, that benefit from racist systems of the past. (This is why it's so important that we keep fighting against people who want to white wash history books in a lot of the southern states like FL and TX) Is that an excuse? Of course not. But I believe in change whole-heartedly, and while I am still ashamed of the vast ignorance I had for so many years, and worry about the ignorance I still don't know I'm ignorant of, I do try to be better. I am trying to take that shame and continue to learn and chip away at my ignorance not only through others but on my own. I am not asking for you to pity, or to forgive me or any other white person for that kind of ignorance, what I'm doing here is trying to make a safe space to share and so you can see that people can actively change. Is it enough? Probably not, but it's a start.

-- Now, All that to say, regarding Taika... that tweet from 2020, as I said, quite a lot of people (of all colors) had their eyes opened that year to some pretty systemic racist horrors, and if that is the tweet that sparked the idea that Taika is "Anti-Black" I think, while you don't have to forgive him, it would be something to consider that quite a lot of people were well intending during that time but did not fully comprehend exactly how bad it was. I would however, if you'd be willing to chat with me in DMs about it, or send another ask, like to hear more if there was more evidence of it somewhere I didn't see.

-------- In regards to Taika being a Zionist... which I have heard from others quoting the letter he signed asking for the release of hostages in Gaza. I'm including a link to a copy of the letter just so people can read it, I realize the hollywood reporter isn't an amazing source, but it has the letter included, so thats why. Once again, when that letter came out back in October, quite a lot of people didn't actually know what was going on in Gaza.

We all heard brief things in our day to day news feed, but just like how everything is on the internet right now, information isn't "complete" it's broken up in fragments and it takes a really long time to compile them. There is misinformation galore, and it's incredibly easy to not hear the entire story. I know in October, I was dealing with health issues and I was completely just not paying attention what was going on (we all have our lives and as much as I'd like to say we can all be omniscient and fully present for all things it's truly not a reasonable expectation of any human being nor should it be, the world is a very large place, and we should help where we can but there's a limitation on human ability).

In my opinion, as someone who has tried a lot of their life to "do the right thing" and made a lot of mistakes and tried to learn from them, that letter, and Taika signing it seemed like a "Good intentions" situation again, hoping that he could help in someway. Am I making excuses for him? No, I'm expressing my perspective. I'm not here to change your opinion on him, I'm here to express why fans are still fighting for this show. Do you have other resources regarding his support of zionism?

What concerns me though as a whole, is people throwing 'Zionist' around very liberally these days. I am not an expert on the situation and I don't claim to be. However, growing up in DC when 9/11 happened, I can tell you that labels like that can get dangerous very VERY quickly. Muslim families I grew up with had their windows shattered with bricks on the night of 9/11 (and labeled terrorists) despite being pillars in the community and never having hurt a soul.

Right now, Zionist is a word that is being used to label someone in a very intense way, and it invokes dangerous responses in people. I do believe we really need to make sure we are labeling these situations properly because those kinds of labels CAN and WILL get out of hand very quickly and get people hurt.

I'm going to link to this article from the Anne Frank house to define Zionism. I am also going to list this article from the American Jewish Committee regarding racism and anti-semitism. Once again I'm not an expert on the situation going on in Gaza, and I'm happy to hear more regarding it.

-----------

In regards to your comments on the charities: There are some charities listed in a few places, they just aren't all part of the advertising campaign one:

The main one for Rainbow Youth is here: The Renew As a Crew Fundraiser (not the advertising one) https://ry-community.raisely.com/renewasacrew/ **The Advertising Campaign / Charities**

You mentioned in your ask "even then seeing fans tell the organisers use all the money for advertisements is horrifying to say the least".

I can understand why that would be horrifying to someone who is feeling raw the way that you are. It's completely valid. I would like to offer up the perspective that some people are very invested in this show for their own reasons (some people have never felt represented in major networks) and they too are allowed to feel excited and say things that might be in their own best interest. We are all allowed those opinions, and I think the more we shame people for wanting something, the less discussion we're going to be able to have. That said, I think the @renewasacrew leadership team made a good decision to stick to their original $10K for advertising, and the rest going to charity because of the confusion. It does the most good, and still allows the original intent -- to show the world how much Our Flag Means Death means to many people.

In regards to which charities they are going to -- I had seen somewhere that they were going to a charity Samba and Vico Ortiz had chosen but I asked the leadership team on twitter and this is what they responded with (which I think is fair, they're trying to take their time to make a good decision with the help of everyone involved).

-------------------

I would also like to point out however, that we do have the ability to care about more than one thing at once. One thing that makes life worth living is the little things that make us smile. I have a lot of stuff at home that makes life rough, and my escape is this gay pirate show, and this beautiful, compassionate community that supports it.

We are allowed to have things that we love as well as the things we fight for. I do a lot of my activism on facebook and in person, I don't bring it to tumblr much because this is the safe space for a lot of people to dream and have dreams. It is important for everyone's mental health to step away from the realities of life sometimes (which I know some people like those in Gaza or Ukraine can't do) or else we all burn out and can't help anymore.

I hope this helps a bit in showing you we do care about queers of color, and we do want to know more how we can help, and we are willing to listen. There's a lot of compassion in this community, and I think a lot of people would be willing to talk about it if things are done in a safe space. I do apologize that you feel like we've "diminished" your voices, that was not the intention. If you would like to use that voice to provide more examples and your views I'm happy to listen. I do think we need to allow people to enjoy things too though, because life's not worth living otherwise. Nothing is perfect, but we continue to try and improve.

I would also like to recommend that if the OFMD fandom renewal campaign is bothering folks, please feel free to block us. We don't want to make anyone feel bad, but we also want to express ourselves in a healthy manner. Much love your way Anon.

#ofmd #our flag means death #asks #anon asks

50 notes · View notes

pumpkin-writes · 8 months

Text

good girl

sanctuary!negan x hyper fem!reader

warnings: 18+, nsfw, a little bit of plot but mostly smut, established relationship, age gap ( negan is in his 50s & reader is mid-20s ) f!receiving oral, fingering ( thinking about negan's hands PLS ) praise kink, lotta petnames, lotta dirty talk, daddy kink, some crying but like happy tears, maybe slight degradation kink, uhh, light slapping & choking, some soft cute shit toward the end there but this is some dirtyyy smut so buckle up

word count: 1.9k

notes: i haven't published any fics, let alone smut in forever, so please bare with me if this is subpar but i've been itching to read something like this and couldn't find it so i just got inspired to write it myself lol anyway i hope y'all enjoy <3 any feedback is welcome & let me know if y'all would read a part 2!

you had been at the sanctuary for a few months now, having been found by negan and his men one day when you were having a particularly hard time getting away from walkers that had already killed the group you were traveling with, and you would've been next had the saviors not come across you. from the minute negan laid eyes on you, he knew he wanted you. and it didn't take much for him to have you. the saviors were you family now, they'd taken you in and protected you. negan had personally made sure you got whatever you wanted, and you spent most of your days now lounging around the spacious room you shared with him, reading mostly.

when you first arrived at the sanctuary, you'd heard from plenty of people about negan's reputation. the brutal killings, the public humiliations, the wives, but since you'd been there, things were different. yes, negan was still a monster in the eyes of most, but you chose to see the good in him. he had been loyal to you since you got there, that being your main condition of being with him. he dropped all his wives in a heartbeat for the chance to be with you. it sure was nice to have a sweet young thing like yourself to come back to after a long day. you were so naive and hopeful even in a world gone to shit, and he got a hell of a kick out of it.

you'd been sitting on the queen sized bed you and negan shared, back against the wall while you read your book. you'd just taken a nice warm shower and slipped into some pajamas; silky pink shorts and a white cotton camisole top with a lace trim. you hadn't worn clothes like this since before, but you always loved the more feminine things in life. now that you were with negan, you were spoiled with gifts of the sort. you had lit some candles across the room, and the lamp on your bedside table flickered on so you could read comfortably as the night came to an end, and negan would be coming in any minute now.

as if you'd telepathically summoned him, he came through the door, beaming at you instantly. "there she is," he began, pulling his iconic leather jacket off and tossing it on the back of the chair in the corner of the room. "how's the book, baby doll?" he asked, sitting on the same chair for a moment to unlace his boots, kicking them off his feet so he could climb onto the bed with you. "just starting to get good." you admitted, sticking your bookmark in the small paperback before shutting it and setting it on the table to your left. he'd crawled up beside you, his feet still hanging off the end of the mattress, his hands snaking around your waist, allowing him to bury his head in your lap, taking a deep breath. your sweet smell flooded his senses, and he let out a primal groan. his day had been so long and stressful, but it all seemed to wash away now that he was alone with you for the night.

a giggle escaped your lips when he began to litter the soft skin of your bare thighs in kisses, the scruff of his beard tickling you and driving you crazy. "negan," you whined, trying to pull away from his grip, but you grew weaker with every kiss, and were no match from his strength. "oh, come on, kitten," he pleaded against your skin, his hands starting to explore your body, making your heart beat harder in your chest. he kept one hand firmly planted on your hip, using his thumb to rub soft circles into your skin while his other hand slipped under your tank top. when he reached your breasts, he couldn't help but squeeze, and you noticed his breaths got heavier as well. by now he'd kissed every square inch of your thighs, and his big brown eyes looked up at yours, pleading to take your shorts off. "let daddy make you feel good." he almost sounded like he was begging, and you nearly fell apart, unable to speak because your breath was caught in your throat, so you simply nodded.

without second thought, both of negan's hands came down to eagerly pull your shorts off, quickly discarding them off the side of the bed, his eyes never leaving your body as he did. the look in his eye was predatory. you drove him wild. not only did he find you physically attractive as all hell, he also enjoyed that naivety of your's. it was fun to get to be one of the first men to corrupt your innocence. it was an honor. "look at my pretty little angel." he cooed, the nickname he so often called you sending chills down your spine, lust building at your core as he took in how delectable you looked like this. he pulled himself up off his elbows, sitting up to bring his lips to yours. his hand ran up your thigh as you opened your mouth into his. your tongues danced for a moment, savoring the taste of one another while his fingers slowly made their way down the inside of your leg, finally meeting the soft, damp fabric of your panties.

"fuckkk baby," negan moaned into your mouth, pleasantly surprised at how wet you'd already been, making your cheeks fill with a hot blush. his big fingers rubbed circles into you through the thin fabric of your underwear, that were starting to soak completely as his lips made their way off yours. he left a trail of wet, sloppy kisses along your chin and down your neck, only stopping once or twice to suckle at your soft skin, inciting a whimper to escape your lips. your needy sounds only fueled the fire raging inside of him, and he made that clear with the almost mean smile he was sporting. "tell me what ya want, sweetheart." his voice was low and demanding, sending another wave of chills throughout your body. you gulped hard, "i want you, daddy." now you were the one begging, and negan loved it.

his head dipped back down to meet your crotch, forcing your legs open to either side of him, and he took another deep breath; just the smell of you putting him in a trance. "damn, princess," he teased, biting his lip before he finally pulled your panties to the side, revealing your drenched, pink folds, "so fucking wet for daddy, you're such a good girl." he growled, not allowing another second to pass by before ravaging your sex. the moment his tongue met your skin, your eyes rolled to the back of your head. "n-negan," you gasped, your hand reaching for a fistful of his hair, causing him to smile hard against you. but he never let up, tonguing figure-eights around your sensitive bud before letting it roll down to lap you up good and proper, lapping at your hole as if it was his life force.

negan's hands ran wild with his head between your legs, he couldn't just stop and touch you in one place, he wanted to touch all of you. while one tugged at your soft nipples, the other wrapped underneath you, cupping at your ass and pulling you closer into his mouth. you were putty in his hands, literally unraveling right here as he sent pleasure like you'd never known before through your entire body. just when you thought you felt the warm, fuzzy beginnings of an orgasm building up in your belly, he pulled from you with a 'pop,' and you let out what negan thought was the most pathetic, adorable little whine.

"what's the matter, darlin'?" he encouraged you to speak. he loved watching you try to pull together coherent sentences when you were so drunk on sex, it was a little fucked up but that was just part of the fun. "tell daddy what you want, sugar." he now used one hand to grab your face, forcing you to look at him, while the other still rubbed sloppy circles into your slick, making you whimper. "i want to cum, daddy." you managed to implore, tearing swelling up in your eyes as you looked up at him, desperate for him to keep going. "yeah ya do," he laughed at you, at how much of a slut he could make you, for him. he squeezed your face in his hand before hooking two of his fingers deep inside of you without warning, causing you to unravel all over again. the look on your face made his eyes light up, and his dick throb even harder in his pants, and he started to get carried away with you. his fingers slammed mercilessly into your center, and his other hand found it's way around your throat. not being able to breathe for just that first initial moment evoked a sense of fear from you, but that only made the wires in your brain cross even more. the feeling of his fingers working at the plush flesh deep inside of you was taking over your whole body, and once your legs started to tremble, negan played into you. "come on angel, cum for daddy." he released his grip on your throat only to slap your cheek lightly in encouragement.

negan treated you in a way that you never had been before in the bedroom. he made you so needy for him, he made you crave his touch, and you never wanted him to stop. when your orgasm finally flooded your senses, you let out euphonious symphony of moans. the entirety of the sanctuary knew more than they needed to about what happened in your bedroom, but negan loved to boast about making your scream for him. something about the hold he had on you made him feel untouchable, though he already knew he was without it. "i know, it feels good, huh? what a good girl," he praised you as you rode out this high, his fingers still knuckles deep inside of you. when he finally pulled from you, you were a sopping mess. he brought his fingers to the entrance of your lips, which you quickly opened for him to stick them inside, sucking your juices off of him. a guttural groan erupted from negan's lips, throwing his head back at how bad he wanted you right now. your legs slowly shut while negan palmed at the bulge of his pants, laying back in bed beside you, pressing a kiss to your bare shoulder.

"you okay, honey?" he questioned with a chuckle, noticing your eyes were shut and you hadn't moved or said anything since he'd finished dishing out your pleasure. you simply nodded, a small giggle slipping from your lips. "never better." you cleared your throat, finally moving only to stretch your arms and legs out with a yawn. negan pouted, his eyes looking at you like that of a puppy dog, "don't fall asleep on me now, baby." he reached to grab your knee, his touch sending shivers down your back and making the hair on your arms stand right up. you were still trembling from the intense orgasm he'd just delivered, trying to reel yourself back in before hearing his next words.

"i don't think i'm quite done with you."

#jeffrey dean morgan #negan smith #negan #twd #the walking dead #negan smut #negan x reader #the walking dead smut #twd negan #mine

79 notes · View notes

msallurea · 6 months

Text

Funny astrology moment:

As we know virgo is a known as a stereotypical "obsessive" sign.

Scorpio is also known as an obsessive sign

Scorpio is ruled by pluto/Mars while virgo is ruled by mercury

For a very long time I think even still now I was always very obsessed with the thought of being the most beautiful, popular, fame, etc I was literally OBSESSED with just being perfect..

Now mind u I have mars libra 1° in 12th house. Now subconsciously I absolutely am obsessed with all things beautiful and sensual BUT when I seen me I feel like the exact opposite and feel entirely more masculine (even tho that isn't what I wanna go for at all)

I have a Scorpio ascendant 19° which is also ruled by libra and I have always been attracted to that "cute and sexy" look I'm not entirely cute but not entirely sexy I'm a mix of both(or at least that's what I want)

I also find myself being both extremely dominating and extremely submissive depending on who I'm around. If the person is more softer I find myself more dominating and vice versa

I also kinda feel like this can apply to my moon as well. I have an Aries moon in 28° which is cancer sign. I find myself when in super stressful situations I cry when I'm upset or when I can no longer remain passive. While my body is in a state of being super emotional on the inside I'm thinking of like a gazillion different ways to beat somebody up and also find self imagining very vivid violent visuals when upset or stressed.

Side note: I am in LOVE with a soft femme look moon is also related to beauty. My moon is in 6th house ruled by virgo I love makeup looks that are soft but bold and doesn't have too much going on so it's subtle. Adding on, doing makeup or self care actually is VERY therapeutic for me. Things like head/scalp massages, breast massages, or just listening to a calming voice will literally reduce my stress immediately..mind u the head is ruled by Aries so if u stress prone like me I highly suggest HEAD MASSAGES. Also because my aries moon is in 6th house I find myself not really sticking to routines very often BUT if I don't have a certain routine that makes sense to me and everything is all controlling around me then I definitely get irritated and stressed out

Also music highly affects my moods. Since cancer is ruled by moon and moon are our emotions, music highly affects my emotions and can change my moods very easily. In my moon pc I have a taurus moon in 24° which is ruled by pisces. My moon in my moon persona chart falls on 5th house, my 5th house in natal is ruled by pisces, taurus in my natal falls in my 7th house..girl when I tell yall I am one the most hopeless of hopeless romantics out there 😭😭😭. And while I don't enjoy admitting it or at least that's not how it'll appear first hand, when I'm genuinely in love, people have told me I have a "fairytale" vibe to me and down to earth energy. Also when I'm in love or love themes in general actually make me GLOW literally and I find myself in the softest state ever (which is what I actually desire to exude) when in love, it awakens my suppress themes of sensuality, helps balance my aggression and so much more.

Side note: I am highly attracted to people who happen to have taurus, pisces and Scorpio like energy. Also if someone radiates that popular energy like a leo does I find myself extremely attracted to them as well..which is ironic because my midheaven is in leo

Also going back a little to my Mars libra 1°, which I think can also determine the men you're attracted to, I find myself extremely attracted to men who are gentlemen but give off "don't fucking play with me" energy. Like they the type of men who are like sweet to me but mean to everyone else type of energy. Men who cam give me princess treatment but still radiate king like energy towards me is like my kryptonite I be WEAKKKK also since it's in 12th house I find myself being attracted to men who are something like a fairytale but unfourtanetly I also tend to attract men who use my naive mind to manipulate me in other words "don't practice what they preach" they may say one thing but there actions be the complete OPPOSITE. Or I attract people who may seem sweet and nice but are actually aggressive and/or abusive asl. Other than that I find myself being attracted to men who are masculine but not excessively aggressive as if they have some feminine energy to them (like they're gentle, communicative, grounded, etc)

Now let's go back to my pluto for a moment, my pluto trines my moon (if it isn't obvious already I have a grand fire trine), I find that my emotions and how I feel about myself are directly link to how I may feel about myself. So does the environment I'm in it affects how I feel about my self worth. Moon rules over home, my pluto is in 2nd house and 2nd house has themes of self worth, security, etc. Growing up my self worth was based off materialism (and kinda still is) also my self worth and self esteem was linked to many and determined through lots of emotional and intense situations I went through in life. For example, my dad had left when I was young I also caught him cheating with the woman my mom didn't know of at the time but he told me to keep it a secret. Pluto is a planet of secrecy, I find I'm extremely good at keeping secrets..but maybe that's because of my Scorpio rising(also would like to mention that my Scorpio 1st house also has jupiter Scorpio 14° in 1st house and beauty and stability was a very reoccurring thing for me that i needed to figure out) anyway back to pluto, if I look at my pluto pc I have pluto in 4th house..my pluto pc also has a 4th house stellium in Sagittarius. My home has definitely determined a lot of how I may see myself, whether or not I'm beautiful, etc unfourtanetly this turned into a negative way. My pluto also squares my sun, mercury and Mars. When expressing myself I tend to seem very aggressive my voice is also deeper than most females and thats something i fibd myself insecure about, for my sun I also appear as if I'm more dominating or intimidating then what I'd like or at least that's how people think of me at first, my ego I'm ngl is a little fragile and I can get offended kinda easily when in low self esteem, as for sexual expression it's suppressed n I've had some traumatic sexual experiences, my sexual expression and sex appeal has also determined how I see myself and my self worth. Actually since I spoke a little on family in my natal I have Aquarius over my 4th house and my chiron and neptune sit there. Many of my inner child would have stem from family and lack of emotional connection/empathy. So many times I find myself fantasizing about being with a family that is much nicer and more emotionally available. I also tended to assume that male figures or family members in my life who weren't good people would end up staying in my life but they ended up leaving without giving an explanation thinking they would come back hut didn't left lots of foggyness around Honesty and promises. Also..Neptune rules over drugs, my main family members I live with all at some point have used drugs such as smoking and drinking and these drugs they cover it by saying it "helps with there mental health"....but I am easily influence by things that could potentially help my mental health or stabilize it even if it's bad..drugs being one of the many occurring things within my home, they are something I should highly stay away from since addictiction is probably likely possible to trigger me..did I mention my neptune is in retrograde LMAO and so is my chiron and mental health and family has been something I've had to work with in therapy for a very long time because my family and bonds are very impacting on me more than anything else.

Side note: I always find myself either being attracted to or want to embody the dark feminine energy and light feminine energy at the same time I literally cannot be one without feeling like I wanna exude the other

Back to my virgo side. I have virgo stellium in 11th house as I've mentioned before, I find that I talk much more online then I would in person. My mercury is in virgo 26° which is ruled by taurus, many people say that when I speak I sound very humble and down to earth. Also between all of my friends many of them admit that I tend to have this "good girl" or "shy girl" appearance and that I'm quite humble even if I do get a little loud every now and then (VIRGO ENERGYY) many people who I have become close to also mention that I appear as a "mom friend" or that friend that's always making sure everyone is in line and ok. Something I find that happens constantly is that I'm putting my friends in check like a mother would LMAO (I think this relates to my aries moon tho, I'm loving but tough) I also have a TERRIBLE habit of being judgemental and nitpicking and also extremely perfectionist especially when it comes to who I'm around and my social circle. Mind you my south node is in virgo 11th house..my north node is in pisces along with my Uranus in Pisces retrograde in 5th house. While I do criticize a lot I find myself behind close doors wanting to not do any of those things. I find myself wanting to make my own little path instead of crawling or being dragged into someone else's. While I do want to be accepted by everyone else deep down I definitely want to be able to make my own mark or be like one of those unforgettable it girls such as wonyoung where I literally am my own trend instead of having to ask for spotlight I'd have my own. Me being empathetic and sweet would actually be the thing that sets this off.

Side note: 11th house rules over manifestation and so does 12th house. My virgo being over 11th house I actually LOVE affirming..bow ofc not all the time but affirming and writing have made the most sense to me in manifestation. In 12th house I have mars, while I do have my visuals of violence and aggressiveness when it all comes down to it I definitely feel I embody that one Marilyn Monroe line where she said something like "I dreamt of myself being so beautiful" cuz I LITERALLY have had dreams of me being undyingly beautiful (haha libra 12th house energy libra rules over beauty) also since my Mars is in 1° I have also seen myself being somewhat of like a trendsetter because of my beauty or being famous from my beauty. Also mars is fast paced. While I am still working on it when I really buckle down n actually apply I tend to manifest pretty fast but on another side note I also tend to be pretty forgetful especially if my mind has been stressed from too much aggression or when there's too much on my mind I quite literally forget what I did 2 hours ago. Also north node in pisces bro literally everything I ever wanted tho it hasn't passed yet I have literally SEEN the life I wanna live, from my love life, to fame, etc plus it's in 5th house and 5th house rules entertainment. And recently I have also seen me one day having children..mind you for a very long time I was against it but for some reason this year lately I've been slowly accepting maybe wanting one baby. I'd like to add that my virgo sun is in 17° my neptune is also in 17° and neptune rules over dreams, the moment I turned 17 I had the most vivid dream of my dream self even tho it was for like 5 minutes I literally cannot explain it, now in whole sign I have it in 11th house and I literally seen myself being so mf popular for my beauty and I was GLOWING (leo having themes of glowing like the sun) now my Uranus being in pisces 12° in 5th house manifestation is highly possible for me, Uranus rules over originality. At around 11-12 years old is when I found manifestation and it was around that same time I had my first vivid visualization of my dream self n that is when I decided to start manifesting. I literally saw my dream self but she was like no one I've ever seen before. My north node and mc are in Aries degree (25°) and Aries is a pioneer, when I dreamt this I radiated this leader like energy pr main character energy

Anyways that's all I got for now sorry this is a little long tell me what u guys think or if any of u have any observations with my placements of your own

#msallurea #my blog #astro observations #astrology #astro notes

33 notes · View notes

so-many-fandoms-here · 5 months

Text

(English isn’t my first language so feel free to correct any mistake you notice.)

• Characters: Levi Ackerman, fem!Reader

• Genre: smut, fluff

• Warnings: explicit content, sexual content, sensual sex, kinda ooc Levi

Worship

۵ ─────⊱۵⊰───── ۵

Only in underwear and with an aching heart I view my reflection in the mirror in front of me. I can’t help but to compare myself with the other women my age. Their bodies aren’t full of scars and flaws, while mine is clearly painted from the war. I don’t even know why I keep making such a big deal about it, after all I am not some young thing trying to impress men. I’m the mother of a six month old, in her late thirties and happily married for about a decade now. I fought a war, saw people die and was on the brink of death about a dozen of times myself. But still I feel like some 20 year old that never had to face all this stuff, leaving her appearance her biggest problem.

„She’s finally asleep“, I hear Levi saying, snapping me out of my thoughts. I didn’t even hear him coming into the room. „Everything okay, dear?“ he asks while limping towards the bed and sitting down.

I turn around, arms wrapped around my belly. It feels pathetic to admit it. „Not fighting for my life everyday made me notice my looks“, I admit quietly, tears welling up in my eyes. Levi looks at me, his nose scrunched like I told him about a talking pile of dust. „What do you mean?“

„The war disfigured me.“ Tears are streaming down my face now but Levi still looks at me, like he doesn’t understand a single thing. He scoots over and pats on the mattress. „Lay down.“ Now it’s my turn to look confused. „Just do it“, he insists, and so I make my way towards the bed too and lay down, just as he told me. My hair, still wet from the shower I just took, tousles all over the pillow and it’s like I can feel the knots tying themselves back in.

Levi is on the foot of the bed now, his eyes softened as he looks at me. „Stop talking shit“, he says. „The war didn’t disfigured you. Quite the opposite. How can you not realize that this makes you even more attractive? The way you survived the impossible?“

His hands sneak to my feet, massaging them, before lifting both and kissing my ankles. „Your feet walked you so many miles, you ran right into your death just to serve humans you don’t even know personally, to make sure they’re safe.“ He kisses my ankles again. „And they’re never afraid to kick my ass if I need it.“ A soft smile crawls upon my lips.

He moves up to my clean shaved legs. „It’s impressive that your shinbones never broke“, he mumbles against my skin, placing kisses all over my lower leg. „How often and how hard you fell during battles.“

Then he moves up to my thighs. „And don‘t get me started on your thighs“, Levi speaks, kissing them too, even marking them like he did sometimes when we were younger. „So muscular from all the horse riding. And so perfect around my hips and head.“ I couldn’t suppress a giggle, which earns me a bright smile from Levi.

I shriek as he moves his hand under my body, massaging my ass. „How many hours did you sit on your pretty ass in this boring meetings that never brought us anywhere?“ A rhetoric question, but I answer anyways, playing along. „Enough.“ „And yet, it never gave up“, Levi says with a teasing smile, letting go of my bum. I wait for one of his typical jokes and look at him confused as nothing comes. „Wow, no joke about taking a shit?“ I ask jokingly, to which I earn a roll of his steel-blue eye. „I try to be romantic and sexy, brat.“ With a giggle I lean back again, letting him continue.

His next stop is the already wet area between my legs. His fingers caress over my panties and both of us feel the damp spot on it. He hooks his thumbs in the hem of the piece of clothing, searching for consent in my eyes. „May I?“ Instead of answering I raise my hips so he can take it off. Levi understands and pulls my white underwear down, the way it sticks on my vagina gives me a feeling of how incredibly wet I am already.

„Your perfect pussy“, he whispers after placing the piece of fabric next to him on the bed. „Making me feel things I didn’t even know were possible. And making you feel things with only a light touch.“ To prove his statement he placed a kiss on my clit, making me shiver. „And not only this. It was the door to this world for our babygirl.“

After a few strokes through my wet folds he makes his way further up to my tummy. „I know how much you despise your stretch marks but they show how well our daughter grew in you.“ Sweet kisses are placed all over my stomach. „You created life, dear. I didn’t thought you could get any more beautiful, but then I saw you becoming a mother.“ New tears sting in my eyes, but this time they are tears of joy.

As I feel his hands move upwards I instantly sit up to unclasp my bra, throwing it next to the bed before laying down again and with a pleased smile Levi cups my right breast while kissing my left one. He takes his time with them, moving his lips back and forth between them so he gives both equal attention before he speaks again. „Not only are your boobs beyond sexy, they also feed a living being.“

With that Levi moves further up again, now kissing my throat and neck. „I was always allowed to hide from the world in the crook of your neck.“ Another kiss. „And your throat a) always takes my cock so well and b) protects your vocal chords that create your beautiful voice.“

With this lewd, yet pure sentence he moves to my left arm, kissing it’s whole length down do my hand. „Your shoulders, always willing to stem the weight of others too, no matter how bad it hurts you as long the other one has it easier and your strong arms, always giving out the best hugs.“ Then he kisses the palm of my hand. „And your hands, making me realize that the world provides more than violence.“

His kisses come back to my face and start to cover my cheeks. „I love the tiny wrinkles next to your nose when you smile.“ My nose gets a kiss too. „And the way you scrunch your nose when you’re embarrassed.“ He travels up the bridge of my nose until he reaches my forehead. „Your smart head“, then left again to my ear. „And your open ear, always listening when someone needs it.“ Then under my eyes. „Those beautiful eyes of you and all the lovely ways they look at me.“

And then finally, Levi kisses my lips. „And your lips, curling up to the most beautiful smile in the world and giving the best kisses.“ I rarely ever see him like this. So soft and vulnerable without him having a beak down.

„Your scars and flaws make you even more beautiful“, he reassures once again before diving into another kiss, this time adding his tongue too.

His healthy hand sneaks down between my legs again and starts to please me by sinking two fingers in my dripping cunt. A moan leaves my lips while I roll my hips against his hand to feel him deeper inside of me. Chapped lips on mine muffle my moaning while I chase my high on my husbands fingers.

„I want your cock“, I whine breathless as I feel my pleasure increasing. „Cum on my fingers first. You’re so close, I can feel it.“ That’s all it needs for me to fall apart. With a dizzy feeling I watch Levi stripping, placing his clothes on the floor next to the bed while stroking his boner.

In awe I look at his body. Even though Levi can’t walk properly anymore he tries his best to stay in shape, even with his almost 40 years. Especially his arms are still fine toned due to the weight lifting he does. The scars on his body tell the story of Humanities Strongest, making him even hotter in my eyes.

I think I understand what he tried to tell me.

My mind goes blank as his cock finds my pussy, pushing his whole length into me. As I moan louder than intended he quickly places his lips on mine again, not wanting to wake up the baby. Or the neighbors.

With his lips on mine and his cock deep inside me, I am able to let go off my worries and I only concentrate on the feeling of his tongue and the feeling of my second orgasm building up while he moves in and out of me. Our mixed moans and the sound of skin against skin create a lewd symphony inside of our bedroom.

„Fuck (Y/n), I‘m cumming.“ My legs close tighter around him so he’s even closer. I want to feel him cum inside me. And that’s exactly what happens. I can feel his cock twitch and with a hiss, followed by a loud groan I feel the warmth of his sperm inside of me, which takes me over the edge too and has me trembling under his body and clenching around his cock while I embrace my heavy orgasm.

Goosebumps raise as Levi falls on the mattress besides me, his hair messy and his back scratched by my nails. „I love you so much“, I whisper in his ear, petting his head. „I love you too

#fanfiction #x reader #attack on titan #attack on titan levi ackerman #levi ackerman attack on titan #attack on titan x reader #attack on titan levi #levi attack on titan #Levi Ackerman #shingeki no kyoujin #shingeki no kyoujin levi #shingeki no kyoujin x reader #aot #snk #fluff #smut

21 notes · View notes

smiley-babe · 2 years

Text

What You Need

Draken x Reader

Nsfw/ MDNI 18+

⚠ Warning: body worship, infidelity, mentions of abuse, mentions of pregnancy/ forced pregnancy, mirror sex, pet names (pretty, baby, beautiful), soft sex with Draken, overstimming, cunnilingus, pussy drunk Draken, slight angst, Kisaki slander, time skip Draken

Summary: Draken tries to help a close friend in an abusive relationship but is stupidly in love with her.

Wc: 4.3k

An: Happy Papi’s day to Draken 💕

——————————

There’s a knock on his door. It’s late and he wasn’t expecting any visitors. But just to be safe, he tucks his glock in his waistband of his shorts.

He sighs when seeing you. Hair disheveled, lip stick smeared and black trails of mascara on your cheeks. Draken moves aside to let you inside.

Obsidian colored irises watch you sit on the couch. He sets his gun back on the table near the door. “What happened this time?,” he asks calmly.

Your head hangs in shame over yet another argument with your boyfriend. It seems like he never has time for you. But when he does he’s being condescending and controlling. It’s surprising how well you’re able to hide the fact that Draken is a close friend. You’re not allowed to have friends. What would you need them for when you have Kisaki Tetta, your loving boyfriend?

“He’s doing it again,” you mumble, not needing to explain. He knew what that meant. The control Kisaki has over you is slipping. He thinks if you two have a baby it will keep you tethered to him forever.

Draken knew all too well that your relationship with the man is abusive. You just can’t see it because he love bombs you after every argument. Expensive shopping trips, getting your hair and nails done, and taking you on a bunch of lavish dates. It’s the only time it seems like he gives a fuck about you.

“Gonna leave him yet?” He sits next to you on the couch, keeping a good distance between the two of you.

“I- I don’t know. I love him Draken. Honestly I can’t see myself with anyone else.” He tries not to show how hurt and angry he is. The hope that one day you would leave Kisaki and love him instead was fleeting.

He quirks a brow. “Even after all the shit he does to you, how controlling and toxic he acts, you still want to stay? Geez y/n I always thought you were a smart girl.”

Your lip quivers a bit. Draken is right and it’s hard for you to admit. The truth burns like a knife digging through your skin. Kisaki doesn’t love you but he loves controlling you. “You- you know what he does?” He nods his head as to say to continue. “He mounts me like a fucking dog. Barely any foreplay. And when he’s done I have to lay on my back for about ten minutes so ‘it can take.’ I just feel like an object at this point. Not a person...”

The male has to keep his composure while hearing your story. The blood in his body is boiling. How such a pretty vibrant woman got mixed up with an egotistical maniac like Kisaki is beyond him. He wish he met you first but he’s stuck drying your tears and bandaging your wounds like the good friend he is.

“Y/n you’re only adding more evidence as to why you should leave him. You know you can always stay here if things get too much for you.” He’s begging you in his mind for you to stay. To let him protect you from the awful world full of men who will hurt you.

You shake your head, eyes downcast. “I don’t want to put you in danger Draken. I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.”

He smirks. “Callin’ me weak girl?” On the inside he’s happy that you care that much about him.

Finally you meet his eyes. You can’t help the butterflies that stir in your tummy when looking into them. “Of course not. I know how dangerous Kisaki is Draken. He’s not to be taken lightly.”

He chuckles, showing his pretty white teeth. “I’m just as dangerous sweetheart. I just never show that side of me to a woman so special.”

Your gaze holds adoration as you smile at him. “You’ve always been so sweet Draken. I appreciate it a lot,” you mumble the last part, hugging your jacket tighter around you as you look away from him.

By now Draken feels as though he’s overthinking, He wants to finally admit his feelings for you. Finally convince you to leave the man who wouldn’t fully give you what you want. What you deserve.

He plays with the silver ring on his finger, twisting it while his brow furrow in thought. “I know he’s what you want y/n but he’s not what you need.”

You feign confusion, head cocked as you look at him. “What is it I need then Draken?”

He scoots a little closer to you, his knee touching yours. “You need someone who’s going to treat you with respect. Respect your space, your friendships, and your choices. Someone who will take you on dates that you both will be interested in, not just to show off their wealth. And after that date will make love to you and worship your body. Someone who will listen to and comfort you during your time of need.” I’m what you need, he wants to say. He attempts to gently wipe your face but instead smudges more of your mascara.

“Draken... I think I need you. At least just for tonight. Then we can go back to being friends.” You lean into his hand that’s caressing your cheek.

“And what if... I don’t want to go back to being friends?” For a tough man he was scared of your answer.

The sudden confession is a little bit of a surprise to you. But you also had a feeling this was the case. His wandering gaze that he tries to hide was still picked up on. His usual stoic demeanor seems to soften around you. It was all tell tale signs that he possibly wanted more.

“Draken I don’t know if we can pursue something. If Kisaki finds out-”

“For once y/n think about yourself. What do you need?” You chew your lip in thought before meeting his narrow eyes.

You’re leaning close to him, lips parted in pure desire. When bumping into him, literally, a year ago, you didn’t expect to fall so damn hard. He seems so intimidating at first with his height and tattoo inked across his left temple. But his grin said otherwise.

Your hand runs up his chest, feeling the hard plane of muscles under his black tee. “Please Draken. I need you.”

He closes the gap between you two. Pecks turn into interlocking of lips. Your arms wrap around his neck to bring him deeper into the kiss. He holds your cheek gently and swipes his tongue on your bottom lip. Your lips part more, inviting him in. His tongue strokes against yours and you moan softly.

After that the kiss got a little out of control. Fueled by pent up desire and constant pining. The feelings you two share are mutual. Since the day you met. If Kisaki didn’t have you so tightly wound around his finger you would pursue your strong feelings for Draken.

It’s hard for him not to leave marks on your exposed neck and breasts. He knew it was best for this to be kept a secret for now.

Your clothes have been ditched on the floor by now. Meanwhile Draken is still fully clothed. “That’s not fair Ken,” you pout a bit. “I want to see you too please?” He tugs his shirt over his head with a smirk. “Shorts too.”

“So impatient mama. We have all night.” Despite his small protest he still slid off his shorts. You can’t help but stare. Sure Kisaki is a well built but he’s not as well endowed. Even though he’s still wearing his boxers you can tell it’s big.

“Does that thing touch your fucking knees? Geez Ken.”

He damn near bursts into a fit of laughter. “I’m sorry. Is it too big for your liking?,” he chuckles.

You shake your head and giggle. “It’s just... it’ll be the biggest I’ve taken.” The skin on your face heats up and you avoid his gaze. God I sound so pathetic, you think to yourself.

Draken cups your face and makes you look at him again. “Hey don’t be nervous. I’ll go as slow as you need.” You nod and get up. His eyes follow you as you start walking to his room. He immediately gets up to follow you to the room.

When in the room you finally free yourself from your damp panties. His eyes eagerly soak up your nude figure. Your bra is tossed on the floor next to your panties. “C’mon Draken. Don’t be shy,” you almost mimic him.

The brunette’s tongue pokes his inner cheek. He wants to make you eat your words. Before you know it you’re on your back on the bed. Draken is on his knees in front of your thighs that he holds open.

You gasp when feeling his tongue make contact with your clit. He flicks over it slowly, watching you squirm in his hold. “You’re so pretty sweetheart,” he mumbles into your slit.

His tone is soft and you can tell he means what he says. He dips his tongue between your folds and groans from the taste. “So so pretty,” he murmurs in between his licks.

“M- more Draken... pleaaaase.” Your hand caresses his head as he presses his tongue into your fluttering slit. He stiffens his pink muscle as he slides it in and out of you.

Your thighs shudder under his hands as you struggle to close them. He lets go of them and lets your plush thighs close around his head. He pulls his mouth away and rubs his fingers through your spit soaked pussy.

He starts with one finger, pushing it through the first tight ring of muscles. The digit is thicker than yours, already stretching it a bit. “Doing okay?”

You nod. “You can add another one. I can take it.” He smirks and adds another, thrusting them deep into you. “Fuck Ken~” His other hand holds one of your thighs on the bed. While his fingers pump into you, his tongue is busy on your clit again. “Hah~ Ken- oh my god,” you moan and grab his ponytail for some type of support.

His dark eyes close, listening to every whimper, curse and moan. The pads of his fingers press the spongy spot on the roof of your cunt.

It’s hard not to see stars right now. No sound comes out of your mouth as you start clenching down hard on his fingers. “There you go baby. Let it out.” You tremble and cry out when he keeps thrusting his fingers slowly into you.

“T- too much Ken...” He removes his digits and stands up finally. Now he can see the fresh tears on your cheeks. He disappears for a bit and comes back with a wet cloth. He cleans up your face, removing the mascara streaks and smeared lipstick. “Thank you Ken,” you say smiling softly.

“Of course baby.” He tosses the rag somewhere and removes his boxers. You gasp when seeing it standing up, looking so pretty but intimidating. It’s long but not super thick. You wanted so badly to run your tongue over the two fat veins running up the underside of his length. The tip is flushed bright pink. He sits on the edge of the bed. “When you’re done staring come sit up on my lap.”

Without hesitation, you crawl over to him. You straddle him and lock lips with him. He kisses back, nipping at your lips to hear you whimper. His hands touch everywhere, squeezing your ass and hips.

When he pulls away he moves you so your back is against his chest. In front of you is a large mirror. “I want you to look at how pretty you are while I fuck you. Think you can do that?”

You can’t even focus with him kissing over your pulse point. “Y- yes please.”

“Go head and sit on it. ‘s all yours.” You didn’t even hear him after he said to sit on it. Immediately grabbing his cock, you raise your hips and line him up. He sighs when feeling his tip rub through your soaked folds.

Slowly you sink down on him. “Fuck,” you whine out when feeling him stretch you open. At first you struggle to take him even with all the prep. “I- I can’t Ken.”

“Go all the way down. I’ll do the work baby.” You do as he says, cursing when his tip presses against your cervix. His hands go under your thighs pushing them up so you’re wide open for him. “Look at that,” he coos, already moving his hips up to push himself deeper.

“K- Ken ‘s so big,” you pant and whine as he stretches you open more.

The black haired male grunts as you squeeze him tightly. “Fuck baby you’re tight.” He nips at your neck and speeds up his thrusts. “Watch yourself. Watch how pretty you look,” he rasps out.

You focus back on your reflection in the mirror. Your eyes trail down to where you two are connected. Your cunt drools and clenches around him with every movement. This sight is so lewd but makes you throb with lust.

Ken is moving you up and down on his shaft while snapping his hips up, barely leaving the warmth of your pussy. It’s enough to leave you a whining, crying mess. His cheeks are flushed and he’s panting and moaning softly in your ear. He watches your breasts bounce and your face scrunching up in pleasure.

He moves your face to the side and joins his lips with yours. The kiss is sloppy like his thrusts. Teeth scraping, tongues swiping, spit swapping. Your hand wraps around his ponytail as the kiss deepens. He swallows your moans as he drills into you faster.

“Fuck Ken.” The coil in your stomach tightens. Your fingers sloppily rub over your clit, trying desperately to cum.

“Cum for me baby. Wanna see your face, beautiful,” he grunts. Tears stream down your face as his tip continuously knocks into your cervix.

He smirks when hearing your cute gasps and cries of his name. The tip of his cock gushes his load into you as your cunt clenches around him from your orgasm. “Good girl. So good for me,” he pants out.

Slowly he pulls out of you, still very much hard. “Ken… I want more,” you whine and plant kisses on his jaw. Being with Draken is so easy and makes you feel safe. It feels natural to want more of him.

“Whatever you want, I’m wiling to give,” he whispers, kissing you deeply again. You feel like you could kiss him for hours. But he pulls away, to your dismay. “Lay on your back on the bed for me.”

With wobbly legs you crawl on the bed and lay your head on his soft pillows. He smiles a bit because you look so adorable in his bed.

But he didn’t want to waste his time staring. He needed to give you what you asked for. While lining himself up, he notices his cum seeping out of you. He tries not to smirk with pride.

You gasp when he pushes inside again. He leans down to capture your lips again, muffling your whines as he slides in deeper. “You okay?,” he asks.

You nod quickly so he can just move. His big hands grip your thighs and push them high enough for your knees to almost touch your ears.

This time his thrusts are hard and constantly hitting your spot. Your jaw is slacked and tears prick in your eyes. Ken squeezes your thighs tight and groans when his overstimulated head kisses your cervix. “Been wanting this for so long- fuck. s’ good.”

Draken looks pussy drunk. His cheeks are damn near red, his lips are swollen from the many shared sloppy kisses. His jaw clenches and unclenches every time he moans. If you look closely you can see his eyes roll back into his head.

The pace of his hips doesn’t falter. His dark pupils watch his cock slide in and out, a mix of his cum and yours forming a milky ring around the base of his cock.

Another orgasm creeps up on you and Draken can feel it. He removes a hand from one of his thighs. A shiver runs through you when he rubs over your clit with his thumb. “Fuck please Ken,” you begged.

He can feel your thigh twitch under his large palm. Your moans are breathy and whiny. Nails digging into his shoulder cause him to hiss and go faster.

The look on your face probably will never leave his mind. Your brows are furrowed and twitching. Your mouth opens and closes as you squeak out his name over and over. Your eyes involuntarily water with tears.

“Oh my god Kennnn!” Your back arches off the bed and your toes curl as you cum again. This one was more powerful than the first two orgasms you had.

Ken’s hips stutter a bit but he keeps going. “Just a little bit more pretty girl.” His strokes start slow, making you feel every inch and every vein on him. With every snap of his hips your nails dig deeper into his shoulder and your legs twitch.

“Hold on sweetheart.” He moves you into a mating press. You can feel even deeper. His thrusts are even harder, almost knocking the breath out of you. Cockhead knocking harder into you and reaching that spot again.

“Please please please Kennnn,” you babble and moan under him. You don’t think you can handle another orgasm. But at this rate he’s going to force another one out of you “T- too much Ken please,” you stutter out.

His lips brush over your jaw and neck, planting small kisses there. “Gimme one more baby. Just one more, I promise.” You nod with him and moan louder. Draken feels absolutely addicted to you. He doesn’t know how long he’s survived without being inside you. “This pussy is so good,” he practically whines. “Want it to be mine- fuck. Want you to be mine,” he slurs out, sounding intoxicated.

You pull him into a sloppy passionate kiss. One that you put all your feelings into. “All yours Ken,” you mumble out when you pull away.

Finally you’re cumming together. Both of you letting out loud moans. Ken closes his eyes as he fills you again with his cum. Your pussy feels like it’s vibrating from how many times you came. “N- no more please Draken,” you beg him.

He laughs a bit in between his panting. “Okay y/n. Want a shower? Maybe a bath?,” he offers.

“Bath please.” He nods and smiles, finally pulling out of you. You whimper and he flashes an apologetic smile.

“Sorry baby. Wait here.” The pet name gives you butterflies every time. He spends the night cleaning you up and making sure you feel good.

A month passed with you staying with Draken. It was as if you were his housewife. Cooking for him, doting on him when he has some sort of injury from work, stealing kisses wile you two were out.

But one day he gets home and is greeted with silence. He searches the apartment for you, calling your name, trying not to panic. He calls your phone and it instantly goes to voicemail.

That’s when he finally catches sight of the note on the kitchen counter. He picks it up, noticing droplets of blood marking the bottom. A lump forms in his throat when he reads the note:

I’m sorry Draken. I have to go back to where I belong. And that’s with Kisaki. I love him, not you. Don’t call me anymore. It’s over. This is goodbye forever.

Ken knows these aren’t your words. You were forced to write this. But it still hurts. He felt so alive around you. It was hard for him to find that in a woman. And just like that it’s gone.

He’s pissed. Pissed at himself for leaving you alone. Pissed at Kisaki for being an abusive monster. Pissed at the universe for not letting him have you first.

Now he doesn’t know what to do. He can’t stop the tears. Can’t stop the raging anger in his chest.

It’s when he tears up his living room in a fit of pitiful anger that he finally realizes how much he loves you. Sitting in his mess he now realizes he never got to say those words to you. To truly make you understand the effect you have on him.

The decision he finally makes is hard. He thinks that he should move on, forget about trying to claim you. He sadly can’t compete with Kisaki. You always end up running back to him. Whether it was through force or not, you always wind up back in Kisaki’s arms and not his. In retrospect, he’s wasting his time chasing after someone who refuses help. But Lord knows he hopes to meet you again.

And he does. About a year and a half later. He’s working in his bike shop, tinkering with a beat up bike he found on the side of the road. To him, it has potential.

A shadow blocks his work and he looks up with an annoyed expression. But he’s met with a familiar face that makes his irritation melt away. “Ken... I’ve missed you.” God your voice is saccharine to him.

He stands to his full height and takes in the sight of you. He notices your hips are wider, breasts rounder and fuller. He almost misses the stroller next to you. But that’s the least of his concerns right now.

Seeing you again draws him in close, like a moth to a flame. His hand caresses your cheek, making sure you’re not a figment of his imagination. You lean into his touch with a smile. “Y/n... why?,” is all he can get out.

You sigh, sadness overtaking your face. He wants to wipe it away. A frown doesn’t belong on your pretty face. “Ken I’ve always had such strong feelings for you. Since we met I knew you were meant for me ya know. Sounds so crazy but my heart doesn’t lie. I love you Ken Ryuguuji.”

The black haired male is stunned to say the least. On one hand he’s mad he didn’t get to say it first. But on the other hand he’s fucking elated that you feel the same. “I love you too,” he says with a grin. He hasn’t smiled like this in a while.

His lips meet yours after so long. He’s eager, already deepening it, pulling your body close by an arm around your waist. Your arms wrap around his neck as you kiss back with just as much fervor.

He pulls away when he hears noises. You hear them too and quickly rush to the stroller next to you. His eyes widen when you push the top down and reveal a fussy baby. You soothe the child while unbuckling him. “Want you to meet someone little guy.”

Ken immaturely backs up when you step close to him with the baby cradled to your chest. “Draken meet Itsuki. He’s your son.” A smile lights up your features when you look down at the boy who stares up at you with big eyes. His irises the color of coal, just like Ken’s.

Said man is in shock. “How?” You’ve left him speechless yet again.

“When I was with Kisaki I was taking birth control behind his back. But that whole month with you I forgot. A part of me kind of hoped it would happen.” Your gaze falters from him back down to your infant.

He still hesitates to step closer. “Why did you even leave? I- I thought I kept you happy.”

A sigh escapes your lips and you look up at him. “He threatened to kill you. I didn’t want to lose you like that. So I agreed to go with him. But I never stopped thinking about you.” A shiver runs up your spine when recalling that day. How badly you were hurt but all you could think about was Draken’s safety.

You try to caress his cheek but he steps back again. His eyes are downcast and his jaw clenches. “You leaving again?,” he mumbles. He wouldn’t be able to forgive you if you went back to Kisaki and let him raise his son. Ken can’t handle anymore heartbreak from you.

The only thing you can do is smile. “Kisaki is... well he’s dead. Pissed off the wrong person apparently.” The dark haired male finally notices the all black attire you’re wearing. Did she just come from the funeral?, he thinks. “There’s nothing getting in the way of us anymore. I promise Ken.” He finally meets your eyes. You can tell he’s still hesitant, having been hurt by you before.

His big arms embrace you, his lips kissing all over your face. “Be careful. Don’t squish the baby,” you giggle. He looks down at the little boy who is occupied with his mother’s necklace.

“Can I hold him?,” he asks meeting your eyes. You nod and gently place the nine month old in his arms. “He’s a heavy guy,” he says with a chuckle. Itsuki reaches out and touches his dad’s cheek with a little smile. “I love him already,” he chokes up, tears threatening to spill.

You smile and stroke the baby’s dark wild hair. “We both love you Ken.” Itsuki agrees with a little squeal.

“Is that right Itsuki?,” Draken talks back to him making you giggle.

Finally you both feel happiness, in each other’s arms once again. And you two sure as hell won’t be letting you go. You’re what he needs. He’s what you need.

#draken #draken smut #ken ryuguji #ken smut #kisaki slander #tokyo revengers #draken x reader #ken ryuuguji x reader #cw pregnancy #cw abuse

538 notes · View notes

germiyahu · 3 months

Note

Can I see the paper you mentioned about the supposed racism that idf is racist for not touching Palestinian women l. Not that I don’t believe you I just need to see it for myself

I can’t find the paper itself, but several blog posts and articles and websites mention such a paper. It’s an argument made by a doctoral candidate, Tal Nitzan. Some of the arguments made by that paper are discussed in the website linked, but the author admits that he nor the person he talked to could find the paper, even though it had been published.

There’s also an Intifada II era article by Ronit Lentin that does talk about historical sexual violence committed by Israeli troops (but feels no need to mention sexual violence historically committed by Arab troops interestingly). In it she cites Suheir Aszzouni Mahshi, who wrote in 1995 about two Palestinian women she knew who were assaulted in prison.

Her complaint was that the guards used sticks because (by her assessment) the Palestinian women “were not worthy to be touched.” So not only is that source anecdotal, but her conclusions are based on her own intuition and not rigorously conducted academic research. But her conclusion fits this pattern of trying to racially politicize a lack of penile rape. For instance, she doesn't consider that perhaps these guards knew that should they be caught, using a stick instead of their penises might incur a lesser punishment? I don't know anything about Israeli laws, but "they're so racist omg" is not the first conclusion I would come to?

Ronit Lentin's paper however does assert that Israeli soldiers have committed sexual violence in the past, and that there's an aversion to discussing that today. That's still true. We know this is true. Jewish and Arab armies used sexual violence or the threat thereof as a weapon during the war.

The reason the IDF today doesn't really rape anyone is not because Palestinian women are too icky to inflict that kind of violence on (historically that's not the case). It's also not that they're more moral, but because they're more well trained. They're a professional citizen army. They're answerable to the politicians who are answerable to the electorate, but they also are the electorate. The IDF is structured so that a soldier who engages in misconduct can be held accountable.

To call the absence of a certain abuse proof of an underlying abusive motivation is bizarre, and not really how evidence is treated in the West, so granted. But these ideas are not fringe per se. I know many pro Palestinian voices know about them, because they invert them to use against Jews. That's why they specifically target Mia Schem, claim she's offended that the man holding her wouldn't assault her.

If you read/listen to her testimony, she was afraid that he would! But that is used against her too, wow how dare she assume the Brown man (who is probably the same skin tone as her lol) would ever be a sexual threat! White woman tears! This is just like Emmitt Till!

The entire reason they invert claims like this is because they know the original claim is absurd, that Jewish men are racist for not raping Arab women. So they repackage it as something they want you to believe Jews are saying instead, so that you can bask in the absurdity of the lie of Zionist Victimhood. And for some of them, I'm willing to bet they secretly wish they could assault girls like Mia Schem.

Because to say Jewish women are lying about being raped but also have some kind of fixation with being raped, are offended they weren't raped... you know "it didn't happen but the bitch wanted it/deserved it" type talk... the men claiming this want to rape Jewish women. It's obvious. And the women claiming this want to watch men rape Jewish women.

They're rapists but for lack of opportunity. And I'm comfortable claiming that.

#rape tw #antisemitism

12 notes · View notes

thana-topsy · 10 months

Note

1,6,8,11,17 for the ask thing!

Answered #6 in this post, and #8 in this post!

A fanon characterisation that you love

Oh, this took some thought. I went scrolling through my AO3 bookmarks for this one. But at the end of the day I have to go with my good friend @nientedenada's interpretations of Elenwen and Ondolemar in her Q&A style fic: "The Dominion is Here and They're Answering Your Questions" - her take deeply influenced the way I wrote both of these characters in "Hollow Men" as well as just helped to shape the Thalmor into people in my mind, as opposed to stick man villains.

11. Recommend a fic with an unusual/original headcanon or characterisation that you loved

Accidental Double Thalmor Post, but I'm going to have to recommend "Evil is Made of Us" by LeviathansEyes on AO3 for their masterful interpretation of the Thalmor. It's a purely OC-driven fic that's technically a sequel to a much longer fic, but I think it can be enjoyed on it's own easily enough. I had already finished up my own Thalmor-centric fic (Hollow Men) by the time I was reading their work, but I was still SHOOKETH by the end of that story. It was an unflinching look at how "evil" manifests itself, but also how, at the end of the day, people are just people. "Evil" is a concept within the framework of an institution.

17. Something you love that you don’t often share because you’re worried what others will think

Hmm... well, for the most part I'm pretty shameless with most of the stuff I share. I put myself out there in good faith, and generally expect that my work will be taked in good faith in return.

I think, maybe, if I want to be vulnerable for a minute, I'll admit that I tend to meme on Neloth publicly a lot to cover up just how deeply I've been impacted by writing his character. More below the cut, because this turned into a bit of a ramble...

I write Neloth as a low-empathy individual who arguably has a personality disorder (I won't throw around specific labels, as I don't think there is a specific one that I had in mind when going into his stories). My love for Neloth runs incredibly deep because I've been working with this fatally flawed, deeply damaged character who has built his own defences up so impossibly high over hundreds of years that even he is unsure of where his own walls end and the core of himself begins.

And then, to pair him with Teldryn, (which I think most people who only see the ship art or the memes think I just picked two characters and smashed them together for fun or because Hee Hoo Gay, which... isn't a lie, but it isn't the whole truth either). I write Teldryn as an endlessly compassionate person beneath the armor he's been forced to wear (literally and figuratively) over the years. The Nerevarine Prophecy left him questioning his own place in the world with a terrible case of impostor syndrome, and then the Red Year absolutely ripped out his heart (no pun intended??) and left him feeling that everything he did amounted to nothing. So he's cynical and jaded, he's hiring himself out as a merc, he has every reason to hate the gods and the life that's been thrust upon him. And then, for whatever reason, when I put him and Neloth in a room together for long enough, they somehow managed to crack through each others' shells. And it wasn't pretty at first, and, hell, it wasn't even romantic. But it happened. And sometimes, writing can be magic like that.

So here's Teldryn, a literal hero, giving this (by all accounts) terrible person a chance to show that he's capable of both receiving and giving love, actually. And that love can look a little different in everyone. And augH GOD, I HAVE A FUCKING CHARACTER TYPE, OK???

Anyways, tl;dr -- Neloth is actually more than just my special little meow meow babygirl blorbo, he is my shadow self, my darkest reflection, the opposite of everything I strive to be and everything I fear becoming. And I think, by writing him as still being worthy of love and companionship and joy, I'm writing to let myself know that I am also worthy of such things.

#topsy's asks #spread the love asks #neloth

24 notes · View notes

thewolvesof1998 · 10 months

Text

temptation tuesday!

Tagged by the amazing @wikiangela @heartbeatdiaz and @spotsandsocks

I have a lot of temptations, I’ve already talked about my main two, Buddie Mafia AU and Buddie street racing AU, plenty of times before so here are some other ideas, and temptations that plague me:

The Mummy AU: Buck is Rick O'Connell and Eddie is Evelyn, need I really say more

Buck goes invisible/becomes a ghost (instead of Coma dream?) and he sees how his disappearance affects those around him

A fic based on the movie Query, specifically the ‘Lets kiss’ scene https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGJqDv1v1/ Buck or Eddie is questioning and the other offers to kiss them to help them figure it out.

Eddie telling off Buck after the whole Bicycle chase in season 6 (which might lead to some sexy discipline) not sure if this would be getting together or established relationship.

Buck 1.0 and Eddie fic based on this video https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGJqDwx2D/ I can see Buck 1.0 (like before joining the 118) not wanting to have a relationship with men and Eddie wanting that so much, wanting Buck so much. or potentially Eddie not wanting the relationship and Buck wants it. It really could go either way.

Eddie returning to El Paso inspired by ‘A View Between Villages’ by Noah Kahan. ANGST.

Eddie and Buck breakup fic inspired by ‘Stick Season’ by Noah Kahan. MORE ANGST but with a happy ending because I wouldn't be able to help myself.

Buck or Eddie Depressed fic inspired by ‘Call your mom’ by Noah Kahan OH LOOK MORE ANGST I don’t know, I just like the idea that either one would drive the whole night to be there for the other (can you tell I've been listening to Noah’s album nonstop)

A smutty fic based on ‘I can see you’ by Taylor Swift (technically already have a fic based on this song but it's more about Speak Now (tv) than ‘I can see you’)

Sandra Bullock /Keanu Reeves Inspired Fic- Two actors who work together on a film and they both had crushed on each other but the other didn’t know. Years later an interview resurfaces where Buck had confessed to having a crush on his costar, Eddie Diaz and it goes viral. In a shocking twist, a popular tv show host asks if Eddie knew about Buck’s crush and Eddie admits that he also had a crush. Since they're both trending their agents think it's a great time for them to work on a project together and milk the publicity. Buck’s a little apprehensive to be working with him again but agrees. Now that everything is out in the open will it be awkward or will sparks fly? Inspired by this video https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGJqDcb5v/

Teen Buddie AU: Buck actually goes to school with Eddie and Shannon. Eddie is a jock, Shanon a cheerleader and Buck is the troubled kid who lives next door to Eddie Based on You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift.

Top Gun Maverick Buddie AU: Buck and Eddie are Hangman and Rooster and they are ex-lovers/future lovers

Fic inspired by Taylor Swift’s song ‘Timeless’, WW2 Buddie or Eddie’s an army medic on the western front and Buck’s a soldier he’s had to patch up one too many times. Their love might survive the war, but will it survive returning home where a love like theirs is illegal? There's going to be longing, hurt/comfort, a secret relationship, angst and smut.

Some other temptations that I’ve posted about before and still can’t stop thinking about:

Chef Buck AU: The bear/No reservations inspired: like can you imagine Buck in his chef whites saying "Yes Chef" to Eddie while looking up at him through his eyelashes, smirk pulling at his lips because I can and it haunts me.

Eddie was in the K9 Unit in the army- When he's back state side he needs help with his dog, enter Dog trainer Evan Buckley

Body Guard Eddie - need I say more -yes- Eddie's back from his second tour, needs a job when an old buddy reaches out to him, he need someone to guard Evan Buckley (Actor? Son of a rich man? Politician?) A mix between The Bodyguard/Bodyguard

AU where Buck and Eddie meet in the army and start sleeping together - angst, whumpage, Eddie deals with his gay crisis

Sign language Buck and Eddie -thats it

Tagging (no pressure): @wikiangela @wildlife4life @alyxmastershipper @prince-buck-diaz @spotsandsocks @try-set-me-on-fire @jesuisici33 @heartbeatdiaz @bekkachaos @buddierights

#temptation tuesday #wip #buddie #9-1-1 #thewolvesof1998 writes #evan buckley #Eddie Diaz

30 notes · View notes

thesememesdonotexist · 5 months

Text

【Ｃｈｏｎｎｙ　Ｊａｓｈ　Ｓｔａｒｔｅｒ　Ｓｅｎｔｅｎｃｅｓ】

💠 "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but something will eventually." 💠 "No need to fear, 'cause when it's here you won't be alive." 💠 "My heart's empty and I'm trying to fill it up, but it's not big enough for the both of us." 💠 "I'll admit when I'm wrong, but only to be right." 💠 "He can go fucking die." 💠 "Why should he be any different?" 💠 "Is there cheese in the great beyond?" 💠 "I think it saw my face..." 💠 "Say, doesn’t it pain you to know our fate?" 💠 "Your creator’ll leave you disgraced, babe." 💠 "People who suffer hurt people. I'm a wounded man, so what'cha think I'm gonna do to you?" 💠 "Schadenfreude just ain’t as good." 💠 "You've had your time, now the pulpit and mic is mine." 💠 "Litmus tests show that 7 in 15 men are basic." 💠 "I'm always happy to go into tomorrow forsaking today." 💠 "So let's have some fun while we're here. We don't know what'll happen next year." 💠 "That hit piece you call 'The Bible' was written by the world's greatest hater." 💠 "There are plenty like-minded folk here! Perhaps they might entice you more..." 💠 "I may be drunk but I'm not drunk enough to fight the me that's on this stuff." 💠 "There really must be some way to get high and make this feeling go away." 💠 "I am numb and I feel nothing." 💠 "You owe me a sleep rebate... that I know you will not pay." 💠 "It’s been a while, so let me be myself, complete and sincere." 💠 "The one place I’d like to be most is right damn here." 💠 "Why dwell in the past when this life is so vast?" 💠 "And when I die, know that I’m just a product of place and time." 💠 "Do you think doubt will make it hurt less?" 💠 "Existence is transient. There’s still another sunset to be found inside this tangent, so I will try again." 💠 "This world’s hard to shoulder." 💠 "Won’t they just let me writhe inside and let my sides aside so they can realize to let me die; that that’d be fine?" 💠 "So call me sick or crazy if that's what you'd prefer, but that rotten melody is one I've already heard and you can stick that shit where it can't be harmonized." 💠 "IF GOD OR THE DEVIL OR ANY OTHER ALL-POWERFUL COWARDLY BEING HAS A PROBLEM WITH WHO I AM, THEN I IMPLORE THEM TO TAKE THEIR FUCKING SHOT." 💠 "The coward in question? By now, you know him so well. But then, who am I to go and cluck and tell?" 💠 "And the whole damn point of this experimentation was to avoid that homogenization." 💠 "But how am I supposed to love another when I barely know myself?" 💠 "For a man cloaked in daylight, you sure hate the sun." 💠 "But I won’t let you ruin what we could still be." 💠 "And if you think that you can lie to me, then I think you've made a big mistake." 💠 "And here he is: the piece of shit sitting, seething high atop his stolen throne." 💠 "See, I've been in total agony, relentlessly, ever since you came around." 💠 "If not for you or for him then please do it for me." 💠 "Imprisonment was all that he earned." 💠 "I was in control before, and will be once more when you succumb to the cold." 💠 "And what if I told you, you are not the victim, and just this fucking once you actually heard?" 💠 "Time will move forward, onward without you." 💠 "Oh, so what if I told you, no one here is listening? What if I told you, that is for the best?" 💠 "I'm sick, and tired, of holding fire when all I feel is violence." 💠 "All I know will soon turn to dust. And yet you claim my apathy's not just."

#rp starters #rp meme #rp prompts #sentence starters #inbox memes #roleplay memes

8 notes · View notes

the-chosen-fanfiction · 1 year

Text

Little James | Well-intended | Romantic

Dialogue prompt: “I never said it was a good idea, I just said it was an idea.”

Requested: Yes

Nathanael strikes – unintentionally so – a raw nerve when attempting to boost James’ self-confidence.

Hearing your laughter from across camp instead of nearby hurts Little James more than he’d ever admit. Gaze flicking over to where you’re joking around with Mary and Philip, he feels a lump form in his throat, and he swallows it away quickly.

“You know, if I didn’t know better I would say that you aren’t betrothed to her at all.” Nathanael sighs, walking up to James and taking a seat next to him. He drops an apple into his lap, at which Little James wryly smiles.

“I’m not hungry.” he states, putting the fruit away and sighing wistfully as he focuses his gaze on you again.

Nathanael takes a bite from his own apple and frowns. “What’s the matter, James? Why are you all sulking at (Y/n) like that? Did you guys have an argument or something?”

James shakes his head. “Not at all. It’s just… I-I still can’t believe that she said yes sometimes. When I went to ask for her hand in marriage, I couldn't believe my ears, and I still haven’t… Haven’t recovered from it, if that makes sense?”

Chewing with his mouth open, Nathanael shrugs. “Don’t doubt yourself so much, man. (Y/n) didn’t say yes just because she was scared to end up alone or something. I mean, she could practically get every bachelor around here, after all she’s a beautiful woman!”

Rolling his eyes and letting out an exasperated sound, James gets to his feet to walk off. Nathanael shows his palms in defence and pries a piece of apple from between his teeth with his tongue: “What? Did I say something wrong?!”

Whilst leaning on his walking stick, James sharply turns to Nath, a scowl on his face. “Yes, Nathanael, I know (Y/n) is out of my league, which is exactly what scares me!”

“Hey now!” the former architect tries to halt him when James continues leaving, “I-I meant it in a good way! And I agree with you, she is out of your league, just—”

“Just– Forget it, Nathanael! You’re not the best conversation partner right now!”

“Anything the matter?” Thomas’ voice suddenly cuts through the air, and both men turn to the slightly awkward vintner. “You seem upset, James.”

Little James’ jaw flexes. “Yes, I am! And what Nathanael is saying isn’t exactly helping!”

Thomas’ pulls a face. “Okay, easy. Let’s sit down, alright? We need to figure out what is bothering you.”

“I don’t need to figure out what is bothering me, Thomas!” James counters immediately, “I already know what is bothering me. I just need some time to myself.”

“So you can pout at (Y/n) having fun with her friends all day long?” Nathanael protests, which earns him an angry glare from the curly-haired Disciple. “Why are you looking at me like that? It isn’t like that is not what you were going to do, anyway!”

Sighing, James closes his eyes, his angry frown falling into sorrow instead.

“I’m not sure what else there is to do for me.”

Thomas puts a hand on his shoulder. “Right, this needs to be figured out. Let’s take a seat and talk about it, okay?” He gestures towards an empty bench and quickly rushes over to the temporary kitchen counter, taking three cups and filling them with water. In the meantime, Little James plops back down, still not very fond of sitting next to Nathanael, who has continued munching on his fruit with loudly smacking lips.

“This apple is so good—”

“Not the time, Nath.” James huffs, chewing the nail of his thumb. “You’re being obnoxious.”

“And you’re being gloomy. Lighten up, man! You’re marrying one of the prettiest girls I’ve ever seen!”

The red flush that covers Little James’ cheeks reveals his embarrassment, and he gladly takes the water from Thomas as he returns, throwing back most of it in one gulp.

“Now, friend, tell me what is going on. Did you two have a falling out?”

James gives a small shake of his head and sighs. “No, we didn’t. (Y/n) is lovely as always, which is what scares me. I mean… Look at her.”

Both men let their gazes go to you where you are sitting at the fire, braiding Mary’s long black hair, and she is laughing at something you said. “She’s wonderful, okay?” James sighs, “(Y/n) is beautiful, and funny, and Godly, and patient, and understanding, and-and-and…” James rubs his forehead, forcing back tears of doubt, “That frightens me.” he admits in a whisper.

“Why?” Thomas queries.

“Because of what Nathanael just said! Because every bachelor in this camp would try to get her if it weren’t for…” His voice trails off and he lets out an agonising sigh, shaking his head slowly as his bottom lip trembles. “In a camp full of men who are taller, and stronger, and smarter, and more handsome than I am, how could she have possibly chosen me?! How could she have said yes when I asked her to be my wife? I just… I don’t understand!”

At this confession, Thomas’ jaw falls open for a moment as he attempts to find the right words. “Ah, well, I’m a bachelor and I’m not looking at her.”

“That’s because you intend to marry Ramah.” James shuts down the attempted reassurance. “So you don’t count. Nor does Simon, or Jesus.” He gestures towards you frustratedly as you converse with Simon Peter, who comments on how you should braid Eden’s hair one day if she would like you to. You reply with a light laugh and a promise that you will suggest it one of these days.

“I’m just… I’m not… You know. I’ve got this thing…” He holds out his walking stick and has to resist the urge just letting it fall to the ground. “I’m just scared that I’m trapping her in some sort of marriage, and that she might come to her senses once she realises how much of a burden I am.”

Nathanael lets out a sound. “Don’t say that about yourself!” he states firmly, tossing the core of the apple somewhere into camp, only to be trodden on by sandals later tonight, “If anything, I think (Y/n) is the kind of person who would never leave your side. After Jesus, of course.”

Little James scoffs. “How do you know she didn’t just agree to marry me just because she pities me?”

Thomas laughs humorlessly. “Friend, I don’t think you’re realising what you’re saying right now. It makes no sense! (Y/n) is delighted to marry you, truly!”

James exhales slowly. “How do you know? Have you spoken to her about it?”

“Well, have you?” queries Nathanael immediately, and Little James drags a hand through his curls.

Patting him on the shoulder, Thomas tries to reassure his friend. “Things will be alright. Just talk to her about it.”

“Yes!” Nathanael agrees, “Or, what you also could do…” he attempts to flex his biceps but does so rather awkwardly, “Try to impress her a little, hm? She knows what she is signing up for, so might as well get her ready for the big event!”

“We haven’t even started planning our wedding yet–”

“So, how about I suggest a competition to arm-wrestle?” Nathanael proposes, “You go against Thomas and against me, and we let you win on purpose.” He winks at Thomas, who shrugs. “We can do that for you, friend! Give you a little confidence boost for your fiancée, huh?”

A bit unsure, Little James considers it briefly. “Ah, I don’t know about that, Nathanael. I’m not sure if I’d–”

Nathanael jumps to his feet and pats him on the back roughly, causing James to huff in discomfort. “Come on, let’s go, it’s no big deal! I’ll start it right now!”

Before Little James can object any further, Nathanael already hollers through camp:

“Everyone!” he shouts, “Gather around for Nath’s Weekly Arm-wrestle Competition!”

“Weekly?” Simon Peter questions, “Is this the first one, then?”

Little James gulps, but Thomas puts a hand on his shoulder. “Come on, we’ll be fine. What is the worst that could happen? See, (Y/n) is also on her way here.”

The two head towards the place where Nathanael has dragged a table to the middle of the open field and he grabs two pillows for the participants to kneel on. A few candles light the place enough and nervously, James finds you out in the crowd. Upon catching his gaze, you softly smile at him, and he mirrors it albeit wryly.

“Count me in!” Andrew exclaims from behind James, and John and Big James also add themselves to the group of participants.

Little James feels all hope leave him. If they are participating, then how can he possibly impress you in any way, shape or form?

“First up,” Nathanael taps his chin, “Hm, let’s do Simon against Simon, okay? Let’s see who is the superior one!”

Both Simon’s take a knee at either end of the table and put their elbows on the table, their hands hooking into one another whilst the other is put on their backs so that they can’t cheat, and the other men around begin to whistle and make noise in anticipation.

Nathanael narrows his eyes at the two, and once he deems the situation ready, he cries out: “Go!”

The men standing in a semi-circle around the competition clap their hands and slap their palms against their thighs rhythmically.”

“Simon, Simon, Simon!”

“Very funny, Andrew!” the fisherman currently pressing against the former Zealot’s hand says to his brother, who grins proudly.

“Come on, push, push!”

For a moment, everyone is silent when the Zealot is on the edge of defeating Simon Peter, but the latter finds a random bout of energy and pushes the other Simon’s hand down to the table in a firm push. Everyone erupts in cheers and Simon Peter pats himself on the chest before shaking his namesake’s hand.

Little James feels a sweat run down his back. How can he possibly win from these men, who were so much stronger than him?

“Next up, Little James and Thomas!”

His heart stutters inside his chest as his name is called, but Little James does not back down – yet – and kneels at the table despite the pain it causes him. Thomas does the same and gives him a small smile alongside a nod, promising to let him win.

“And… Start!” Bracing himself, Little James begins to push against the hand of Thomas, and as the former vintner had said, it is hardly a challenge at all. It takes mere seconds for him to press the back of Thomas’ hand against the wooden table, and the others applaud and exclaim his name, including you. He grins at you sweetly, at which you give him a dreamy smile. The sight makes his heart flutter pleasantly.

Next up are Big James and Judas, which gives Little James a moment to gather himself, for although he didn’t have much of a struggle, the discomfort of sitting on the ground like that is tangible in his body. Yet another thing for him to be insecure about, he bitterly thinks to himself, that his ailment would even limit him in that.

Big James wins, which is no surprise. And when Andrew goes against John, it is the first of those two who comes out as victorious. Thaddeus loses against Nathanael. Matthew opts out, as does Philip.

Before Little James knows it, it is his turn again, this time against Nathanael. Someone else keeps an eye on the fairness of the game, which is ironic, since it has been rigged from the very beginning, and he pretends to wrestle with all his might against Nathanael’s palm. Unsurprisingly, he wins.

He’d win time and time again if he could, if it just meant hearing your cheer and proclaiming to the others: “That’s my James!” And his heart is floating for a few minutes leading up to the final rounds. Mary whispers things in your ear that make you laugh lightly and James wonders what it is about, although he doesn’t intend to be nosy.

Andrew wins from John, and Big James wins from Simon. Little James knows that he will be done for in the next round, and he already massages his own wrist in the hopes it won’t be too painful.

Nathanael calls for the final rounds. Whatever little confidence your words of praise have sown within his heart now make room for doubt, and with a sigh Little James already signs defeat against Big James as he sits down on his knees. He feels all eyes on him, but your gaze burns the most. He feels like his fingers are dwarfed against Big James’ hand, and he sorrowfully stares at the opponent way bigger than him.

The call to start rings out, and before Little James has had a chance to defend himself, it’s already over. Simon and John are roughly patting Big James’ back in order to congratulate him, and Little James huffs sadly, shaking his head.

Thomas leans towards Nathanael upon noticing their sullen friend, now seemingly more upset than before as he stumbles to his feet, searching for his walking stick.

“Hey, I’m not sure if this competition was the right call.” Thomas huffs.

Nathanael raises his shoulders up slightly. “I never said it was a good idea, I just said it was an idea.”

“No, you said it, and then you carried it out instantly without discussing anything first. We didn’t even have the time to say no to your idea.”

Catching onto these words, you narrow your eyes at the two young men. “What… What do you guys mean by that?”

Thomas tries to wave you off, but Nathanael, having no filter, does not keep it a secret. “We wanted to give Little James a confidence boost because he felt like he wasn’t good for you. We thought that by letting him win, you’d feel better about marrying him, and—”

You hold up your hand to silence him and let your brow fall low. “Excuse me? I–I don’t need to hear the rest of that story, Nathanael, but you’re… Ugh, forget it!”

Before he can talk any further, you turn to find your betrothed, but where he had been standing earlier is now Simon Peter, ready for the final round to determine the winner. You couldn’t care less about this competition and immediately go and find James, guided by Mary pointing in the direction where he has gone.

Hurrying away, you call his name in the hopes of catching up to him.

When you see him sitting against a rock, slumped over slightly with quivering shoulders, your heart sinks inside your chest.

“Oh, James.” you whisper, and he looks over his shoulder to face you before shaking his head.

“I— Fine, (Y/n), pity me.”

Your eyebrows knit together. “I am not pitying you.”

“Then why are you here?”

You let out a soft sigh and sink down on the ground next to him, your leg against his as you turn to look him in the eye. “I overheard that this was Nathanael’s plan.”

“It’s stupid, right?” Little James sighs, hiding his face into his hands. “I’m stupid. I’m… I’m weak, (Y/n)! I stood no chance at all.”

“Stop saying such things about yourself, love!” you pipe up, putting a hand on his wrist in an attempt to peel it away from his face. Wet stripes streak down his cheeks and you softly click your tongue, thumbing them away. “What on Earth has gotten into you, to doubt yourself so much?”

“Because it’s true!” James confides, “I’m weak, I can’t fight like the other men, I’ve got my— my— My body, and I’m slow, and… How can you marry me, (Y/n)?! How could you possibly have said yes when I asked you to become my wife, when you could have said yes to any of those tall, good-looking, able-bodied towers of muscle out th—”

You don’t let him finish his sentence and shut him up by gently pressing your lips against his in a chaste kiss. It is enough to get him quiet, and after a second of shock, he relaxes and leans into it, lacing his fingers through yours as your hand finds his cheek. A few moments later, you pull away from him and smile softly.

“I love you, James,” you tell him, “I really do. You’re sweet, humble, a very patient man, and so determined to follow the Messiah in spite of your condition.”

He finds your gaze and melts at the proximity of your (e/c) eyes – it’s almost as if he can see his own reflection in them as well as the stars – “You’re just wonderful, you know? You’re tender, and warmhearted, and… I love you, James. I love you a lot, and I am so grateful that I get to marry a man like you. I thank Adonai that He has brought you on my path, and I thank Him that you get to be the father of my children, and that we hopefully get to grow old together, hm?”

An abashed smile falls over his lips, and how can his cheeks not turn red at these words?

“Really?”

“Yes,” you laugh gently, besottedly looking him in the eye, “You’re everything in a man I ever could have wished for.”

He opens his mouth once again – to protest, to say that he wouldn’t weigh up against the others, but you put a hand against his lips, shaking your head firmly. “I don’t want to hear your excuses, James. You’re stuck with me now, whether you like it or not.”

Chuckling lightly, James presses his forehead against yours and sighs happily. “I love you, too.” he says, and for a while, you sit like this, despite the cold, ignoring the laughter and cheers that unfold far behind you as the winner is revealed, enjoying this moment together under the stars, just in one another’s presence.

#the chosen x reader #chosen x reader #chosen fanfiction #the chosen #little james x reader #little james #the chosen little james #reader insert

21 notes · View notes

queen-simia · 3 months

Text

lrb: honestly all of this and more has me nervous about the two leads and their relationship in the upcoming comic. folks who know me and my particular leanings will be kinder, I know, but once it escapes containment, all hell may break loose

thought barf below the cut

I already know Virgule will probably be polarizing. he's pansexual by nature as an incubus (when sexual energy is your food, it's best to be omnivorous, knowhutimean), which I already foresee as Problematic™... and he's technically genderless but identifies as masculine, though I write him harder on the camp/femme side. all that plus the fact he's an inhuman being (a demon, to be specific) adds up to poor Virgule potentially being a hate lightning rod ("she should know better as an ace! aces get coded as robotic/inhuman all the time, why would she turn around and do the same to gncs and pans if she claims to care so much???").

the funny thing is, Virg's camp and charisma are all based directly on the stage persona of a straight cis man: Dylan Charles Germick (Planet Booty's front man). and that persona is played as fully sex-positive and lovingly as possible, and is derived heavily from Prince (who was straight *and* very genderfucky, as you know). so, it's not like Virg's character background lacks nuance or is just "lol them silly sex-hungry fairy boys~" but I can easily see how critics could jump to that conclusion

and there's a not-insignificant plot point early in the story that involves consent and boundaries that Virg starts out on the wrong side of (and also introduces the possible interpretation that his feedings may involve dubious consent). thaaaat's gonna be fun to deal with~ 🙃

but again! it's not just for salaciousness! it's to establish a strong part of the dynamic between Virg and Sonrisa re: trust and expectations. could it be done differently? ...not really, given the context of the story and the characters' natures...? it's something I've agonized over in the years I've been developing this story, trust me. :p but it's definitely something I know will be a sticking point when it comes out. maybe it'll cause a fall-off in readership, maybe it won't, but I've been online long enough to anticipate the worst

sorry to say it's stuff like this that had me wondering at several points whether I should bother at all. but, I'm stubborn and vain enough to want a story centered around a short, fat aroace woman that doesn't view any of those traits as negative that I'm going to do it anyway.

tbh I already know having Sonrisa be fat is going to attract loads of mouth-breathing chuds—already inoculated against that 1) from First Contact's 4chan reception of my buff strong-featured Femshep, and 2) lived experience as a fat chick. that funnily enough will hurt less than any potential queer audience blowback. I guess because while it's undeniable I'm fat, my relationship with queerness is much more tenuous.

I already feel like I'm treading on toes as not just an aroace (who, like our bisexual cousins, are already regarded as Schrodinger's Queers), but a demiaroace who seems to prefer mascs ("why don't you just admit you're straight, gawd"). thing is, my lived experience is very much *not* heteronormative, to the point where I've cried and had depressive episodes over possibly having to marry someone I don't love just to survive... and that was *before* I knew asexuality even was a thing. I've experienced medicalization of my lack of sexual attraction. I've lied about my orientation to avoid awkwardness, both socially and medically. I have more in common with your flagship queer identities than I do with straights... but because the four people I've fallen in love with—and only one of whom I've actually had sex with—over 43 years of life happen to be cis men, it still doesn't feel like enough.

so I guess I fear if I tell my story in a way that offends people who are "worthier" queers than myself, I'll have proven myself even less deserving of inclusion than before.

fat-shaming? used to it, next. betrayal of found family? utterly shattering.

bah. still gonna draw my dumb comic. just... still pretty nervous about it, I guess.

#personal blog #out of the ether

6 notes · View notes

chlorasepticremix · 7 months

Text

Bin Laden with a pen, bodyin' again I begin slaughterin' your men, prolly shoulda been Ali or the Svengali embodiment of sin

Like a Saudi in the Taliban plottin' an event In the lobby of the Intercontinental with an obvious intent

And I would not even relent up on a little

Like Osama with a bomb under the bin and down the middle

Of the Pentagon and hit a kindergartner with a rental (Stop!)

Back and forth, back and forth

Like Jack Kevorkian's ass to court

"Rap mature! Why can't you be like Macklemore?" (Huh?)

"Why you always gotta smack a whore?" (Huh?

It's likely the psychiatric ward's a last resort (Huh?)

Something's gotta give, that's for sure Yet you keep comin' back for more

Not as raw as I was, 'Walk on Water' sucks"

Bitch, suck my dick!

Y'all saw the tracklist and had a fit

'Fore you heard it, so you formed your verdict

While you sat wit' your arms crossed

Did your little reaction videos and talked over songs (Chill!)

Nah dog, y'all sayin' I lost it?

Your fuckin' marbles are gone (Wait, Em!)

But nowadays every flow, every cadence sound the same (Skrrt)

Brain's a powder keg, I draw inspiration outta hate Real pain in the paper, I don't trace But if I look strange and outta place It's 'cause I'm an alien, that's why I write 'til the page is outta space (Duh!)

From 7 Mile in Novara

To "How can I be down?", all of us tryna pile in the car (Yeah!)

We shot for the stars Yeah!)

'Cause we only got so much time in this world

(Yeah!)

So rewind it to your high school dance to the night before

If you think you're promised tomorrow (Yeah!)

Now I'm 'bout to fool again

This tune is sick, it's luminous, the moon is lit A freakin' lunatic, a human computer chip

And I'm soon to stick a broom in the uterus of your Hooters chick

If I was you, I wouldn't do nothin' stupid due to the mood I'm in

I'm losin' it, you get chewed like a Junior Mint

Show me who to rip, it's time for you to get screwed

Empty the lubricant and put super glue in it (Woo!)

How many fuckin' rappers did I go through?

Dispel doubt, but you won't admit I smoked And you was spellbound, hellbound in my snowsuit But am I s'posed to sound like everything else out?

'Cause I don't get compared to it, only myself now Well, I can see the fair-weather fans and sales down

But the only way I care is if I let myself down

But what the fuck have I woke to?

Time to eat the vocals and shit out Pro Tools

I know you still want me to ill out, don't you?

Hopin' the old Slim's gonna spill out, open

Fire on your whole camp with this spit, I roast you So chill out, no, you

Hoes couldn't roast me with the shit I wrote you

Then I took a stand, went at Tan-Face and practically cut my motherfuckin' fan base in half and still outsold you

You just called my shit trash?

Thank God, I rap better when the odds are stacked

"Revival's wack, I don't like the 'Zombie' track And when he's talkin' that garbage psychotic crap

Where's your content at?

What's with all the conscious rap?

PInk, Beyoncé this and Kehlani that" (Yeah!) just add it to the fuel in my rocket pack

'Til I'm ready to respond, then I'ma launch it at 'em Idiotic from the fuckin' embryonic sac

To the body bag, I'll be back

And when I am, I'II be at your fuckin' throat like-

#Eminem #chlorasepticremix #Hiphop #hip hop #2 chainz #PHresher

7 notes · View notes

outpost51 · 5 months

Note

Ayyyy playlist tag game!!!! Gimme a couple songs from #16 and #57 plz <3

~@tabswrites

ask me about my playlists

the stars we wander, the hands we're dealt is uhhhh the second? i think the second castis/avitus mix i've made for @thetrashbagswasteland, who is entirely to blame for this ship even existing. different than the first, this is aimed less at the hatefucking and more at the sad old men they've become, settled into something like domesticity, or as close to it as avitus can manage. neither particularly wants to admit (to themselves or anyone else) what they are, fearful that saying it out loud might make it real, might mean something more than "roommates out of necessity, benefits out of convenience." it means avitus having to confront that people might actually care if he dies, and that maybe... just maybe, he doesn't want to die in a blaze of glory. that maybe he might want to ride this thing out, see where it goes. that retiring from living hard and fast, that learning to be a person again and not just a tool or a weapon, that holding still might not be so bad after all. oops i. made myself emotional--

anyway here's some of my faves on this playlist (it's actually one of my favorites i've ever made):

the cattle by zach palmer [youtube]

longshot by catfish and the bottlemen [youtube]

bugfood by alissic [youtube]

the boy who cried wolf is actually the playlist for act i of stellar parallax! the songs are supposed to follow along with the chapters!

here's my faves and the passages they go with:

brutus by the buttress [youtube]

Jane knocked the wind from his lungs before he could draw another breath. Her eyes weren’t cold anymore. She fought like a hellcat. Like her life was on the line. How hard had it really been planetside? I have been starving and squatting in an abandoned building for the past three years.

Her fist connected with his jaw and the world went fuzzy. The ground defied gravity, rising to meet him with gusto. His shoulder screamed where it connected with the thin mat. John’s grin was lopsided as he wiped the blood from his mouth. He pitied the pirate that ever ended up in her sights. “Shit, Jane,” he chuffed. “You’re good.”

Jane didn’t return his smile. “No, John.” She spat his name over her shoulder like a curse. “I’m just better.”

where is my mind by safari riot (cover of the pixies) [youtube]

Jane was floating.

Stiff-backed. Limbs dangling uselessly beside and below her like some invisible force had yanked her right off the ground by a string tied to her ribcage. Jaw wrenched open in a silent scream. And her eyes—

Rolled all the way back, as if whatever that beacon was wanted her to see what it was doing to her brain, forced her to see it.

John lunged for her, but thick, armored arms wrapped around his trunk, the same ones that pushed him away from Jenkins. That let Arterius doom the poor kid’s family to a closed-casket funeral. We can’t risk it, Nihlus had said. Do you want him to become one of those things? Do you think you could put him down?

But this time the Brawler was pointed at Jane, and Jane was still alive, she just needed help, she needed someone to knock her loose with a stick like the manuals all said to do with a person being electrocuted. John struggled harder against Nihlus, kicked, punched, spat, cursed — then went still as Jane’s head turned all the way around to face them.

And shrieked. Not the scream he expected either, no, what came out of his sister was hundreds, thousands of voices screaming, sobbing, begging, praying all at once. Its volume grew and morphed into a bellow that seized hold of his mind and squeezed and squeezed and squeezed —

Jane dropped to the ground like a ragdoll, and he jolted awake in the Normandy’s medbay.

into dust by mazzy star [youtube]

Saren had offered to help. There were two shovels, after all, and they were both biotic.

Jane grabbed one, then shut the shed. “I need to do this,” she muttered, and started digging.

Dark clouds rolled across the sky.

Once she’d broken through the grass, it wasn’t so bad; the ground was soft and the work was repetitive and Eden Prime was quiet, so quiet now that most of its population was gone.

“It’s going to rain,” Saren said, shortly before the first drop landed on Jane’s nose.

“The porch is covered,” she told him, and kept digging.

All at once, the sky opened up. Somewhere in the downpour, she could hear Saren swearing, dragging the cloth-wrapped body onto the covered porch. Jane took a deep breath.

Focused on digging.

Thunk. Swish. Inhale. Swish. Thud. Exhale.

She’d barely made progress before the first aches settled into her shoulders and back. It was 2183. She didn’t have to do this. Holes could be dug with machines, with lasers, with bots.

Thunk. Swish. Inhale. Swish. Thud. Exhale.

Machines, lasers, and bots had certainly made the body that would fill this one.

Thunk. Swish. Inhale. Swish. Thud. Exhale.

But so had her own negligence. All the bodies littering Eden Prime weighed down her shoulders, adding to the pain spreading down her arms and legs.

Thunk. Swish. Inhale. Swish. Thud. Exhale.

She didn’t have to do this, but she needed to.

The corporal didn't have any family left that would bury him. There wouldn't be a wake, a funeral, an awkward standing-around of relatives who could barely stand each other, picking at the potluck fare for however long seemed appropriate so their departure wouldn't look like an escape. He had no cousins, no uncles, no brothers, no father to carry his expensive wooden box to the hole a machine had dug. He had no friends left. Sandra couldn’t dig him a hole — didn’t need to, not after what she’d seen. John and Kaidan were several systems away.

Maybe you’ve got Anderson and your parents and the Smiths and the Harrises, some smaller, more vicious thing spat in her memory, but all I’m stuck with is you.

Jenkins just had Jane, pulling his dead weight over her back to transport him from the porch to his final resting place. The storm raged on, softened the ground even more. It sucked her into the muck with every step and caked onto her armor up to her knees. She lost her boots somewhere along the way.

Maybe she should have left Powell alive.

Saren had offered to help.

Maybe she should have accepted it.

I’m sorry , she’d mouthed seconds before machines dug a hole straight through the corporal. He might have accepted it, had he still been around to. She wouldn't forgive herself, though, even after all this.

It didn’t feel right to just dump him in, and the ground seemed to agree, crumbling beneath her feet and dumping her into the hole instead. There was a metaphor in there somewhere: lying in a grave she’d dug with her own hands, beneath the soldier who’d be alive if not for her.

She belonged there.

“We have work to do, Jane,” Saren reminded her.

He was right. Jane struggled out from under the corporal’s corpse, arranged him like a funeral home might, and made her ungraceful exit from the grave. She was more mud than Marine at that point, but there was work to do. She picked up her shovel.

Thunk. Swish. Inhale. Swish. Plap. Exhale.

She could mourn this man she’d barely known later, after she’d hunted down the bastard who sent his machines to Eden Prime.

Thunk. Swish. Inhale. Swish. Plap. Exhale.

Burying Jenkins was harder than digging the hole; it took seven attempts to convince herself that it was okay to throw dirt on his face — she was returning him to his mother, that was the reason that finally stuck. She was returning him to his mother, and he would help her garden grow.

When she was done, Saren sprayed her down with the half-rotted hosepipe he’d found coiled against the side of the prefab. It didn’t matter if she was wet, he told her, it was raining anyway. Water would dry. The blood on her hands wouldn’t, but the water would.

That was okay, too, he told her, albeit in much prettier words. He and his ship were both stained far deeper than anyone ever should be.

#ans.txt #sneeps.txt #tunes.mp3

5 notes · View notes