softened-apricot

[softened-apricot]

@lookin-at-trains 

[softened-apricot]

Watching Unhappy, Feeling Unhappy

Watching someone you love hurt takes a mental drain on you. Never in my life have I felt so saddened by a person's sadness.

I feel so helpless. Im hurting for the one I love. It's tearing me apart just knowing he's not 100% okay.

I haven't hugged him all day and finally before bed he gave me one and I started to cry.

I'm crying now.

I miss his warmth. I miss his comfort. I miss him.

I'm struggling to hold myself together for him.

I have to be strong for him.

There's so much pain in my heart tonight. I just want him to wake up happy.

Please God, let him be okay

#Love #Hurt #Crying #Struggling #Anxiety #Sadness #Tears #Sad #Helpless #Lost #Hope #Warmth #Unwell #Sunken heart

[softened-apricot]

Love

They say love comes to you when you least expect it. I've always told myself that I don't need a relationship to make myself feel whole, but something always felt missing. I never understood attraction. I never understood high school relationships that lasted no more than a few days. I never understood why the words 'I love you' would get tossed around so quickly between couples.

I never seeked out love. Love sat on the bus with me for over a year without knowing his name. Love would laugh with his friends as I walked past him through corridors. Love was tall. Love seemed kind. Love was a man with his own life.

Love met me. I met Love.

And so the story begins.

I don't believe I have my 'happily ever after' yet, because I'm not at the end of anything. I am at the start of something. I am at the starting line with Love. Not a race, not a game. Just a journey of life.

Love makes me feel safe now. Love holds me as I cry. Love makes me food. Love makes sure to hold me tight. Love gives me space. Love writes songs about me.

I said I love you to him days before we officially got in a relationship. I told him I wanted to marry him days into our relationship beginning.

Love will find you. They always do.

Happy Valentines Day<3

#valentines #loveislove #i love you #Love #Heart #Happy #Safe #Relationship #Comfort #Rant #self development #understanding #Attraction #Confuse #Single #Calm #Forever #Couples

[softened-apricot]

Home Away From Home

Living in a home away from home can be mind numbing sometimes. I tend to be clingy and when I'm in a position that's away from my partner whilst he's busy with friends, it makes me realise now lonely I am. I don't have a friend group. I spend the time away from him facetiming my mum and playing guitar as quietly as possible so I don't annoy his family. It's been two hours now and I feel lost. I have nothing to do in my home away from home. I can hear him laughing in the room across from me. I'm happy he's happy, but I'm not happy. I'm alone. I'm empty.

#Home #Lonely #Alone #Sad #Empty #Vent #Numb #Mind #Overthinking #Tired #Bored #Spiralling #Need friends #Why am I lonely #Anxiety #Lost #Love #Home away from home

[softened-apricot]

The Beginning of a Safe Place

The mind is overpowering and hard to tame so I’ve turned to blog posts to allow me the freedom to express what’s on my mind. Maybe I can call this the adult version of my childhood diary. This is a safe place to find likeminded people that want to express themselves comfortably. 

Sometimes, we all just need to breathe.

#mind #overpowering #freedom #expression #diary #safe place #likeminded people #comfort #breathe #life #anxiety #struggling #calm #self doubt #self forgiveness #self development #self #the beginning

[softened-apricot]

#self doubt #manifest #overthinking #scared #power #high power #thoughts #losing control #insecure #tired #lost