PETRICHOR TO HIS HEART – PART 4They changed, he packed the papers and samples and locked them in the safe before hitting the bed. Always arranged and sophisticated or perhaps because he was alone in some important years of life, he learnt everything.No one to pick his pillow from the floor, no mother to cover him with the sheets, no one to ask if he ate or not…” her eyes welled thinking about his…
You, dear reader, are part of the community that encourage a lot of budding writers to open up their heart and share those ideas with the world. Merci mille fois (thank you, a thousand times) for that.
The best way to find a mentor is to not look.🤔 Be the best at putting in the work with the information you have first, then the mentor will show up, you'll see🤩 Work hard at something until it starts to work hard for you. Let's gooooooooo, Let's get it, its done. ---‐------------------------------------------------ #believe #leadership #success #motivation #mindset #bestoftheday #money #healthychoices #entrepreneurship #love #beauty #heart #life #investing #business #invest #financialfreedom #people #homebusiness #startup #entrepreneur #leader #momentum #wealth #financialliteracy #invest #habit #opportunity #leadership #happy #healthlifestyle 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 Write the PLAN Commit to the PLAN Work the PLAN Watch it all PLAN out 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 (at New York City U.S.A.) https://www.instagram.com/p/CNt6brFAOjM/?igshid=1rkcfu2bfouss
The best way to find a mentor is to not look. Be the best at the putting in the work with the information you have first, then the mentor will show up, you'll see Work hard at something until it starts to work hard for you. Let's gooooooooo, Let's get it, its done. ---‐------------------------------------------------ #believe #leadership #success #motivation #mindset #bestoftheday #money #healthychoices #entrepreneurship #love #beauty #heart #life #investing #business #invest #financialfreedom #people #homebusiness #startup #entrepreneur #leader #momentum #wealth #financialliteracy #invest #habit #opportunity #leadership #happy #healthlifestyle 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 Write the PLAN Commit to the PLAN Work the PLAN Watch it all PLAN out 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 (at New York City U.S.A.) https://www.instagram.com/p/CNt54WcA1qF/?igshid=3zm2ptvf2voe
And while she gazed her heart went pitapat. There were countless of them, as if they were nothing, and her eyes glistened with love and wonder. Her heart was filled with such desire that she wished to turn away from her feelings and love the world over for a while, until she really understood, and the love she felt was not just the love that God was there for.
But now, she would be without God because of love.
It was because of love that she was free.
And so time continues to tick by, despite my best efforts to not pay attention to it and continue to pretend as if I have lots of time I have to slowly come to the realisation that time stops for no man.
Is it possible for your heart to ache for something it briefly barely knew? He crosses my mind every now and then, more so than he has previously and I find myself creating futures for us, futures of us despite every cell in my body knowing that it will likely not happen. But my heart can do nothing but pine, pine for a boy I barely know. A boy who is destined to break my heart.
And is it this feeling, this emotion, this love that I feel that is holding me back? I still feel lost, awry, I feel like I know the path I am on, or rather the path I want to be on. I can see clearly what I need to do, clearer than I have for the longest time but I still take no steps towards it. I still struggle to make sense of my needs, my wants, my hopes, my fears, my dreams and my future.
I recently had another breakdown, or rather a smaller breakdown than the previous breakdowns. I cried solidly for 4 days straight. The tears I had saved, the tears I had refused to relinquish finally left my body. But I dont seem to feel any lighter. It seems to me that there is an endless well of tears that exists within me, an abyss whos bottom I cannot see but which tears through my heart and soul. And I do not know how to overcome it this time.
i had forgotten what it was like. i had forgotten that it can be easy. that you’ll find your hands are extended towards one another at a dimly lit table, but you can’t quite remember who reached out first or how your fingers became intertwined. i remembered how easy it is to be foolish, how easy it is to think the world of a stranger. but i hadn’t questioned what you did if they presented themselves exactly as they were - messy and brave and beautiful and jagged. i have so many questions for you. i want to know it all - from the pain of your lonesome childhood, to the scent that reminds you of your bayou home, to the first thing that made you smile today.
how closely can i sit next to you next time i see you? is it too soon to ask you to hold me as tightly as you can? i kissed you against my car and couldn’t seem to get close enough, even after pressing my body against you. i’ve seen you face-to-face three times in my life. in this span, you have offered to cook dinner for me on consecutive evenings, have swept me away to your apartment when men with intentions that were far from pure were preying, have told me that you are also wanting the same ease that we have found. is your heart opening up too big for something so soon, or is it just me? i want to be more alone with you, without any public eyes. i want to feel your body against mine, to feel your warm breath, to hear your whisper in my ear.
i had forgotten what it was like. the thrill of sharing favorite tunes, imagining the melodies, the strings, the lyrics swaying you as i dance in my kitchen to the same rhythm. i remembered the fear of rejection, the notion that my preferences were not refined enough, not tasteful or unique. i have imagined dancing in the kitchen with you. laughing with mouths full of cajun dishes and chardonnay, too busy grinning to care to find floss with the smashing pumpkins or shakey graves blasting in the background. is it okay to send you my favorite albums, even when you are swallowed by the business of a weekday? is it okay to recommend my favorite novels, to imagine myself reading them out loud to you as we lay together in a bed I haven’t yet laid in? i want all of this so much i feel like i could burst.
i keep thinking this will end as abruptly as it began, that maybe this is too good to be true. i go a few hours without hearing from you and i am set in a panic. i think, surely, this is it. this is when he decides i am too much, rather i am too opinionated or too open or too vulnerable. but you appear, right on time and just as genuine. you take your time. you are intentional. and i am here, caring far too much for a person who i have only met a few times, caring so much that i am imagining a future that i could never imagine with another previously.
i had forgotten what it was like to dance freely in my kitchen with my toes grinding into the wood, with a smile that connects back to you as i twirl breathlessly in a room vibrating with music so loudly it startles my cat. i remembered how afraid i was of being seen, of being noticed that my heart was pouring out of my eyes, my words, my hands. wanting nothing more than to swallow it up the moment it spilled. wanting nothing more than to shove it back down my throat when it came up so abruptly.
but i am remembering. i am remembering how to sing thank you to the universe. She has shown me that people can be good, and kind, and consistent. that not all people who have been through pain have chosen to camp in it - that they are capable of recognizing their pain in the flames and rise from the ashes of it. that they can meet me in the middle. that they can hold my hand as they walk me to my car to ensure i am safe, they can talk about a future of making scratch-made pasta, trade treasured novels, listen to one another's favorite albums, and enjoy the simplicity of small kisses without pressing for more.
i am remembering that love is real. and that it doesn’t always begin slowly - that sometimes all it takes is a glance, an immediate recognition of a soul that is like yours. sometimes it is a deep understanding that takes place before a word is even said. sometimes it is a man who has seen pain and grief and wears a mustache and plays the electric guitar and saves you and reminds you that life is so much more than choosing to be alone.