rythmedelanuit

[rythmedelanuit]

I want you forever.

I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I'm just not sure if this is the right thing.

Sometimes I wonder if there is a reason why you've held such a special place in my heart. In the midst of everything hard that's been going on for me, you seem to be the only constant peace within the storm. I can't imagine a more perfect feeling than being held in your arms. I've never been so happy in my life than I am with you.

Before you walked into my life, I hated love. I hated everything about it. I hated the thought of couples. I thought they were the most useless thing man has invented--an excuse to find someone to depend on. Me? I was as independent as I wanted to be, I needed no one, no one needed me. I had my own dreams, my own aspirations, my own ambitions. And damn. I could tell you that I was good at it too. I excelled in everything I put my heart into.

Then you came along and turned my whole world upside down. You make me feel so warm and gushy and sappy. The kind of sappy people hated to look at in public. With you, I feel no shame in anything. I just want to love you as deeply as I could, as hard as I could. I never want to be apart from you for more than a day.

How can God give me such a love, but not the blessing to go with it? What makes you any less deserving of me than someone who is a man after God's own heart? I love you wholeheartedly, and you love me in the same way, if not more. Why would God place the heavy burden of sinning against him by loving you? I feel so ashamed and angry and frustrated and sad. What if I can't have you forever, because I'm not supposed to? I hate the thought of leaving you because of this. But damn it. I can't help but have the thought linger, and stay. I want to be yours for as long as I'm breathing. What if I can't? How will I ever move on from this, knowing you're my other half. My missing jigsaw puzzle. My one. I don't know what to do with myself. I hate me for thinking and feeling this way.

#love #conflicted #deep conversations #midnight thoughts #midnight memories #midnight madness #advice #help #relationship #christianity #chrisitan #religion #religious

[rythmedelanuit]

You make my head swim, the feeling you get  as soon as you step off of roller coasters. My heart beating fast with everything out of focus, except for your silhouette.  You knock the breath out of me. Leaving me gasping for the scent of you– the oxygen in my lungs. Lights dance in the dim road ahead,  mixtures of reds and whites. Your voice intertwines with the low hum of the radio. The recollection of this, permanently a part of me forever. The skyline twinkles against the  black velvet backdrop of the night sky.  Our fingers interlocking perfectly. Your lips trail the back of my hand, cheeks brushing my skin as you caress my fingers with care. What right have I done in life, To have something so perfect? I am not deserving enough of this.

Things I Hold Onto, by JHD

#love #love letter #midnight madness #midnight memories #Midnight mutters #spilled ink #poetry #prose #spilled words #spilled poetry #Ink and pen #paper and ink #ink and paper #romance #us #from me #midnight thoughts #spilled thoughts #meaningful #handwritten

[rythmedelanuit]

You ever wonder...

Why God places different kinds of people in your life and for what reasons and how He determines at what time. Whether they're just a soul passing by, or staying for a while, I can't help but wonder why. Extraordinary people come in, but then they leave. They leave and I'm left broken and confused as to why they need to go.

I met this insanely wonderful human being, and my love for him is deeper than any that I've ever known in my entire life. I want him to stay. But I know that it would be selfish for me to keep him, if I know that it's not guaranteed he'll stay for the long run.

I guess I'm so conflicted. Conflicted with my decision. Conflicted as to if I want him to stay in my life, but potentially make the decision to let go later, when it's much harder, much more impossible. Or if I should let him go now. Let him be more free to choose someone other than me. Because the me right now can't love him enough to compensate the doubts I have for our future. I don't want that for him. I want him to be so loved, so taken care of, so assured that he will have a someone by his side forever without any internal turmoils that conflicting beliefs offer. I want him to be really be loved, to know love, to know that he will be okay in the long run. I don't deserve him. I don't have the right to take this away from him.

[rythmedelanuit]

It’s been so long since I’ve felt the warmth of touch. Everything is so heavily guarded inside me, It’s as if the walls show no cracks, Leaving no room for light to seep in. Callousness was all I knew. All I could ever want. I’ve always thought love, Was a myth created by insolence, from deprived People with nothing better to do with their lives. Until two weeks ago, When you walked into my life. The radiance, the gentle kisses of the sun Which you have brought in, now occupies What once was a desolate wasteland. How could this be? I fall more and more in love with each passing day. Everything shines a little brighter now, Everything seems more vibrant, more colorful. I never expected to fall this deeply. I never expected to have needed it like air in my lungs. But the way I see things now, You needed me, so that you may learn how To love yourself. I needed you, to show me how wonderful, How extraordinary love can truly be. And I. I’m so thankful for this. For you.

Things I Want to Tell My 17-year-old Self, by J.H.D.

#love letters #love #spilled poetry #spilled words #spilled ink #messy thoughts #poetry #prose #poem #midnight memories #midnight madness #late night writings #writing #paper and pen #ink and pen #pen and paper #silent thoughts #thoughts #couple

[rythmedelanuit]

I love being horribly straightforward. I love sending reckless text messages (because how reckless can a form of digitized communication be?) and telling people I love them and telling people they are absolutely magical humans and I cannot believe they really exist. I love saying, Kiss me harder, and You’re a good person, and, You brighten my day. I live my life as straight-forward as possible. Because one day, I might get hit by a bus. Maybe it’s weird. Maybe it’s scary. Maybe it seems downright impossible to just be—to just let people know you want them, need them, feel like, in this very moment, you will die if you do not see them, hold them, touch them in some way whether its your feet on their thighs on the couch or your tongue in their mouth or your heart in their hands. But there is nothing more beautiful than being desperate. And there is nothing more risky than pretending not to care. We are young and we are human and we are beautiful and we are not as in control as we think we are. We never know who needs us back. We never know the magic that can arise between ourselves and other humans. We never know when the bus is coming.

Rachel C. Lewis, Tell The People You Love That You Love Them (via wordsnquotes)

[rythmedelanuit]

Stop. Look. Listen. Stop to smell the roses. Its sweet fragrance wafts through the garden. Stop for landmarks as you drive Through towns to your destination--it only comes around once. Look for things worth loving; rain falling against the windows, smells of books fresh off the printer, warm tea on Sunday mornings. Listen for the whispers of love. From sleepy good-mornings, To subtle smiles at new discoveries about yourself. Listen to grief for they teach important lessons. Stop. Look. Listen. Savor. Love. Learn.

Look both ways, by JHD

#poetry #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #spilled words #spilled poetry #midnight madness #midnight memories #Ink and pen #paper and ink #paper and pen #late nights #late night thoughts #prose #writing #love #love letters

[rythmedelanuit]

There’s going to be days where you’ll stay in bed until 2pm because your sadness will hold you hostage in your room, but that’s okay. There’s going to be sleepless nights because you’re too busy crying so hard in your knees, but that’s okay. There’s going to be “friends” who leave because they didn’t like seeing you sad, but that’s okay. There’s going to be teachers who don’t understand why sometimes you don’t show up to class, but that’s okay. There’s going to be times where you’ll relapse and hate your life a little more, but that’s okay. There’s going to be people who just don’t understand exactly what you’re going through, but that’s okay. Because in the end you’re still here and you’re still fighting, that’s all that matters.

It’s okay to not be okay (via ashleymacleanblog)

[rythmedelanuit]

Hey, you. Waking up to your voice in the morning sends shivers down my spine. Hey, you. I love the feel of your arms and the way your scruff rubs up against my neck as I lay next to you. Hey, you. When I bury my face in your neck, I can distinguish faints of pinewood and musk, mixed with something spicy that makes my nose flare. I’m addicted to this, forever seared into my mind. Hey, you. I love the way your voice sounds when you play guitar. The way your pitch dips through the high and low notes. The way your fingers curve around the strings, playing it tenderly, softly, embracing it with love. Hey, you. I can’t get enough of your chocolate eyes, your pupils as big as the moon when looking right back at me. The way you stare at me as if I’m the only person in the room. I’m so undeserving. Hey, you. The rings of “I love you’s” play throughout my mind. The way your fingers lace around my face, as you brush the hair away, those piercing browns looking right at my soul. Hey, you. I feel blessed to have you.

Courteous greetings for you, by JHD

#poem #poetry #love letters #love notes #to you #relationships #love #his #here #midnight memories #midnight madness #mine #spilled poetry #spilled words #spilled thoughts #spilled ink #ink and pen #pen and paper #ink and paper

[rythmedelanuit]

You can love someone down to their core and they can love you right back just as hard, and if you traded diaries you’d learn things you never suspected. There’s a part of everyone deep down inside of them not meant for you. And the sooner you learn that, the easier your life is gonna be.

Mindy McGinnis, The Female of the Species (via ilostgatsby)

[rythmedelanuit]

There goes a friend you haven't seen in a long time. Can you see the way their smile curls so wide? The way their eyes crinkle at the sight of you. Imagine the words they speak. "I've missed you! How are you?" You crack a smile so big, the crescent moon could fit inside. Hold onto that warm feeling at the pit of your stomach. It doesn't last long, but the love it represents stay with you forever. The smell of freshly baked cookies on your birthday waft in through the door. Reminisce the sweetness. Hear the distant singing of "Happy Birthday." The sound of paper bags crinkling, as soft hands gingerly hold it, taking care to give it to you. The melodic laughter from all the friends pierce the air. Imagine the hugs they give you. The tightness of it all, the scent they have. Can you hear their voice, the intonations it has, the up and down tones that come with, "Okay! This is enough. You're squishing me, I'm about to suffocate!!" Lastly, imagine their last goodbyes. You're headed off to another chapter of your life. They are too. Imagine their faces as it droops down as low as the floor. Their touch lingers a second longer, their eyes show sorrow. A sense of gloom hangs in the air. When that final goodbye is said, it reverberates against the walls. But, this isn't the end. It's not a goodbye--it's a see you later. In all of these, love is present. It makes great waves. It's in the smallest things.

Where love is. Everywhere, by JH

#love letters #love #home #heart #midnight memories #midnight madness #midnight #prose #late night writings #writing #spilled poetry #spilled words #spilled thoughts #spilled ink #ink and pen #paper and pen #pen and paper #pen #personal

[rythmedelanuit]

Don’t confuse happiness and awe with love. Those butterflies in your stomach really do Wonders for the imagination happening inside, despite what the soul tells you. Ask yourself first, “why do I feel this way?” “What makes me so sure it’s love, Not anything else?”

Love is deceitful, love is kind, by JHD

#midnight memories #midnight madness #love letter #love #late night writings #latenightthoughts #late night thoughts #written #writing #paper and pen #ink and paper #paper and ink #pen and paper #prose #spilled poetry #poetry #random #him #her

[rythmedelanuit]

[rythmedelanuit]

Is action merely the incidental product of thought, or is thought the consequential product of action?

Haruki Murakami, After Dark

#quote #book #late night writings #writing #midnight #midnight memories #midnight madness #spilled words #spilled thoughts #spilled ink #after dark #haruki murakami #murakami

[rythmedelanuit]

I live in a fairytale. I look to the distance,  And there we have conversations that haven't happened.  I have your make-believe answers, All played out in my head.  How we should be, how I've imagined us to be. I have you saying wonderful things. Terribly wonderful things whispered to me. All the while back down on earth, you slammed the door in my face a long time ago. You've said goodbye, when I haven't even gotten the chance to do the same. I still have my face in front of the door.

When will I have the chance to say it, JHD

#poetry #love #love letter #lonely #midnight madness #mine #midnight memories #midnight #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #spilled words #pen #pen and ink #pen and paper #spilled poetry #Ink and pen #ink and paper #prose

[rythmedelanuit]

Love is a funny thing. Sometimes you crave it, like you sometimes crave chocolate ice cream on Saturday night at 3AM after a long, weepy marathon of depressing romantic movies, with tissues strewn across the bed. The movie fades out, the black drop appears. In that 5 second moment where you see your reflection on the blank laptop screen with your tear stained face you face a moment of crisis. At this moment, you crave that chocolate ice cream, as much as you crave the arms of someone around you, waiting to brush the strands of hair away from your swelled up, red eyes; all tired from crying. All tired from the bullshit that relationships come with. Love is a funny thing. It makes you want to jump off buildings. For different reasons. Sometimes you want to jump off buildings because you feel like flying from ecstasy. Sometimes you want to jump off buildings because the ache you feel in the depths of your chest, feel too heavy to carry. From heartache to heartache to heartache, you feel like you can’t carry on. Yet, you still do. You still wake up in the morning. You still sip that cup of coffee. You still wipe the sleep away from your eyes and look toward a bright day. You’re still the better person for getting up despite the hits you took. I guess the hope that comes with renewed love for yourself has the power to resurrect broken hearts. Love is a funny thing. But most importantly. Love is a saving thing. Because if you’re in love, you’re the lucky ones. And those of you who have conquered the broken heart, you’re all the more better because of it. You’re the heroes. You still love despite the history you’ve faced. You still love despite the circumstances. You’ve risen, and you’ve inspired. Love is a funny thing. Love.

It’s a funny thing, JHD

#love letters #love #late night writings #latenightthoughts #late night thoughts #latenights #prose #writing #heartbreak #heartache #heart #midnight memories #midnight madness #paper and pen #ink and pen #pen and paper #pen #paper #spilled words #spilled thoughts #spilled ink

[rythmedelanuit]

“If the shoe fits…” This expression has been around, ringing in my ears, being tossed around in my household ever since I could remember. If I wanted to do soccer as a middle schooler, I often got shrugs from my mom, remarking, “If the shoe fits…” Of course, I was never the best, but I was decent. I wondered then if the shoe really did fit, or if it was just loose–not snug enough to stay on my foot. As I get older, this expression applies less to what I want to do with life. See, I feel like I’ve gotten my life all pretty sorted out for a 20-something. College student, looking ahead to a job, saving up money early on, paying bills on time, etc. The only thing I don’t see myself seeing in 10 years is having a somebody. Sometimes, late at night, I’m guilty of wondering whether the shoe fits for me when it comes to relationships. It seems that everywhere I turn, everybody I know is in a relationship. I know I’m exaggerating; not everyone literally is in a relationship. But I can definitely say with confidence that 97% of people in my life have been or are in a relationship. And this leaves me wondering. Why the fuck is there something wrong with me. Maybe I’m a whole different species of ugly, or intolerable, or maybe there’s something that I do to repel any and all men that approach me. Not that I need to be in a relationship to validate my being as a woman. Hell no. It’s just that, if you’ve been on this Earth for 21 years, don’t you think at one point in these 2 decades, someone, anyone, would actually have said to themselves, “hey. I’d really like to get to know this person.” But this hasn’t happened. Why? I’m not sure. Maybe there’s something completely wrong with me. Maybe there’s something completely wrong with the world. Either way? We’ll never know.

Confessions of a Lonely 20-something, JHD

#love #single #singleness #relationships #writing #prose #late night writings #latenightthoughts #paper and pen #ink and pen #pen and paper #spilled words #spilled thoughts #spilled ink

[rythmedelanuit]

Hey, you. Tell me, do you still think of me sometimes? Random things during the day remind me of you. The scent of hand sanitizer, the sound of coffee brewing in the morning, advertisements for hiking trips with breathtaking views. I turn around when a flash of blue scrubs pass me by, although I know it surely can’t be you. Old habits die hard, I guess. I can’t help but wonder if someone else occupies your mind now. …Do you still think of me?

Tape Records part 5, JHD

#love letters #love #midnight memories #midnight madness #writing #late night writings #prose #series #voice recording #spilled words #spilled thoughts #spilled ink #ink and paper #paper and ink #pen and paper