me at the clothes store: crop top
my mom, an intellectual: crock pot
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wand in french is “baguette”
petition to switch out the wands in every harry potter movie to loaves of bread
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haha boutta fail my physics test the only equation i know is km/s
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you flip over the pillow to get to the cool side? ha ha, i flip mine over to get to the side not drenched with tears
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i want to find someone with whom i can be completely and utterly me, even if i don’t know who that is yet.
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never blessed, always stressed
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OK SO fetal pigs have no bacteria on them because they haven’t been introduced to the outside world yet
i guess they’re uncultured swine
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kid: i’m adopted?
dad: hey adopted, i’m dad
dad: wait no that can’t be right
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grammar can save lives!!
no nut november ———> no, nut november!
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Hey, Sir Puki! I come to you in a time of need. I'm failing math class, what do I do?
I’d say study math but if I got that advice myself I’d never do it, so I dunno, go ape shit.
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cordóba bridge, spain
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guess who studied for NINE HOURS STRAIGHT and WENT TO TUTORING TWICE A WEEK and HAD THE TEST GRADED ON A CURVE and DID THE STUDY GUIDE THREE TIMES OVER and STILL FAILED
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my bucket list:
skydive, but without a parachute
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lmao have you tried looking at the snapchat selfie camera
you’re in for a rude awakening my friend
I’m so handsome. I look at myself in the mirror and I just have to break the glass because I am so ugly, don’t wanna look at me.
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ok but imagine the possibilities: fill up the back of a pickup truck with water
instant portable kiddie pool
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