grim-reaper-is-me

[grim-reaper-is-me]

Yo why tf is my ex's bff hitting me up like bruh nooooo lmaoo

#death speaks #funny #lmao #he aint got a chance #mood

[grim-reaper-is-me]

"The night is a lawless wasteland and I am the enforcer"

-Me at 3:00am justifying why I hadn't gone to bed yet

lifehack: when you see a Take One candy bowl in a restaurant, wait until noones looking and shovel candy into your pockets. god may judge you but his sins outnumber your own

#funny #death speaks #lmao #meme #iconic

[grim-reaper-is-me]

#death speaks #bruh #funny #skyrim

[grim-reaper-is-me]

i hope his gf appreciates what she has

#death speaks #funny #facemask

[grim-reaper-is-me]

I was so ready to accept this shitpost as is

pregnancy is a hoax the baby sprouts out the ground ive seen it happen

#death speaks #funny #shitpost

[grim-reaper-is-me]

King David: *plays a regular, non-secret chord*

The Lord:

#Death Speaks

[grim-reaper-is-me]

I'm not a huge star trek person but I do know this

Spock's species does the iconic hand gesture because hand holding/touching is basically considered as sex.

Spock just had the equivalent of sex with Kirk. While Bones is watching.

Gene Roddenberry - The Motion Picture (Novelization)

In case anyone ever asks why this is my favourite movie I present to you: THE SICKBAY SCENE

#star trek #tos #spirk #spock #kirk #lol #death speaks

[grim-reaper-is-me]

Ok I looked up the lyrics and it makes a lot more sense now that I’ve researched the phrase and realized I’ve been singing the song wrong like a dumbass

Yeah hey what the FUCK does "dunes of the cape" mean???

#Death Speaks #pina coladas

[grim-reaper-is-me]

#Death Speaks #oof #mood

[grim-reaper-is-me]

I’m sorry, but this is absolutely hilarious

So I just went with my buddy while he got a rib tattoo, and they hurt like a lot, so he’s over there grimacing and being a huge manbaby so I just reach over and grab his hand so he can squeeze it because I’m a good person who helps others

And he’s clinging to my hand like it’s a life preserver and I’m being me and talking about nonsense like Grimace from the McDonalds commercials and how R2D2 is always ready to throw hands, and whatever, and the artist keeps glancing over at me and I’m like do your tattoo bro I’ve got my buddy handled

But then I realize he’s like, looking over because he can’t tell if he’s seeing something or not, and I glance down and I see my rainbow scalemail bracelet, and how I’m talking to my buddy all fondly and I’m like stroking his arm like he’s a wounded animal, and right as it clicks in my head the tattoo artist asks in his most nonchalant voice possible, like intentionally bland, I’m just talking about the weather haha what do you mean voice:

“So, are you guys close?”

And my gay ass is over to the side internally screaming because yeah, I am gay, but like this is just me being a good bro and my buddy is COMPLETELY OBLVIOUS TO WHAT IS HAPPENING BECAUSE HE’S A GARBAGE STRAIGHT PERSON AND HE SAYS

“Yeah of course, that’s why I asked him to come”

SO NOW THE TATTOO ARTIST THINKS HE’S RIGHT AND HE HAS A GAY COUPLE GETTING A TATTOO AND MY BUDDY HAS NO IDEA AND I’M AWKWARDLY SITTING HERE LIKE SHOULD I STOP HOLDING HIS HAND??? SHOULD I CORRECT THIS TATTOO ARTIST??? SHOULD I LET MY BUDDY KNOW??? MY GAY ASS DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE BEING INCORRECTLY ACCUSED OF BEING GAY, WHAT DO YOU DO

So that tattoo artist is like “Cool man, that’s great. Good for you.”

So then my buddy is like can I get some water, and the guy comes back with one bottle of water and my buddy takes a drink and then hands it to me, and I’m like obviously he has to lay down and needs me to hold his water so I just hold it in my hand, but turns out he was offering me water, so he turns to me and is like Colton, drink some water, and I take a drink and my garbage lizard brain is like “You’re drink sharing in front of the tattoo artist, now he KNOWS he’s right”

So we’re talking about tattoos with the artist and I mention that I’m getting a tattoo in September and my buddy is like “Yeah I’m gonna go and hold HIS hand for that one haha” and the tattoo artist FUCKING SAYS “I mean, I should hope so”

I MEAN, I SHOULD HOPE SO

I MEAN, I SHOULD HOPE SO

AND NO ONE ACTUALLY BROUGHT IT UP. I KNEW WHAT THE TATTOO ARTIST WAS THINKING BUT DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING TO CORRECT HIM. NOW WHEN MY BUDDY GOES BACK AND GETS HIS NEXT TATTOO IN THE FUTURE AND I’M NOT THERE HE’S GOING TO GO “OH WHERE’S YOUR BOYFRIEND”

#Death Speaks #funny #gay #lgbtq

[grim-reaper-is-me]

fuck

Things That Happened in 2020 That Don’t Feel Like They Did:

-The Witcher came out

-The movie Parasite wins at the Oscars

-Stickbugging

-Kim Jong Un “died” like three times

-Ray Bans Official Charity Sale For $26.99 Today

-The murder hornets appearing and disappearing in like a week

-The Sonic movie came out

-Jennifer Lopez pole dances at the Superbowl

-4/20/2020

-X Æ A-12 Musk

-UFOs are real apparently

-Plane flights were like $15 at one point

-For some reason, Clone High is making a comeback

-Leaving school in March for a “few weeks lockdown” and now we’re here

-Friday the 13th was the last “normal” day for a lot of us

#Death Speaks #2020 #ugggg

[grim-reaper-is-me]

Today is the day it all goes to shit

What the fuck is going on? What. The fuck. IS GOING ON?

Johnny Mnemonic (1995) dir. Robert Longo

#death speaks #2021 #whos ready

[grim-reaper-is-me]

Pain. Agony even

#Death Speaks #meme #mood #same #f

[grim-reaper-is-me]

The fact that "don't say I didn't say I didn't warn you" is a grammatically correct sentence really bothers me for some reason. And the fact that it's from a fucking Taylor Swift song isn't helping

#death speaks #funny #lmao #taylor swift #blank space #shit post #don't say i didn't say i didn't warn you #wtf

[grim-reaper-is-me]

On a scale from Prince Zuko to Darth Vader how well do you handle permanent burn scarring?

#avatar the last airbender #atla #star wars #death speaks #darth vader #zuko #prince zuko #scar #burn #shitpost #funny

[grim-reaper-is-me]

Alright I did some research and it would cost roughly $6 million USD to make a good old fashioned pirate ship

Who's in?

I want to go sailing and have a crew to sing sea shanties with

#death speaks #sea shanties #lets go #no cap #funny #i wanna so bad

[grim-reaper-is-me]

I want to go sailing and have a crew to sing sea shanties with

#death speaks #sea shanties #lets go #funny #no cap