derauxxx

[derauxxx]

I dont want to die, 

I think so...

I’ve been just so scared lately...I’ve been having this awful chest pains and honnestly is scary. I’ve always heard that like many anrxcs felt that, but honnestly, I’ve never felt it like this. I don’t know what happen, is not like I’ve been like not eating, but I guess my body is just slowly giving up. I don’t know I’m scared. 

But lik when depression commes in, is like I almost want to, but then I think about my dad and...I just don’t want him to be sad...

#i wanna kms #anamia #anrecia #ana rant #eatung disorder #eating problems #ednoez #ed shit #edn0s #ed related #ed recovery #anrexix #anrexya #ed tag #ed notes #bonespii #i want to be skiny #skiny waist #skip dinner get thinner #skipdinnerwakeupthinner #buliima #buliimix #binge

[derauxxx]

You’ll never reach your goals

A threat 

This weekend I achive one of my ultimate goals for when I stated all of this sh*t. Yk I used to hate working out and my parents where all the time pushing me to workout, they told me many times that if I wanted to lose weight I needed to work out. They used to text me asking me if I’ve already workout and my mom even told me she wasn’t going to buy me any clothes if I didn’t workout. 

All of this to say that, one of my ultimate goals was to be so sick and skinny that they will beg me and oblige me to stop working out. 

After I lost so muvh weight my father resticted my days of working out to 3 days a week. I was like not ok with it but like I handdle. However, this weekend he didn’t even allow me to workout the three days. He took away one day as a punishment because I didn’t eat well last week. I fre*king cry I was so mad. Then I realise, that was my goal, I wanted this, but why do I feel this way about it know. Then I end up laugthing and crying at the same time because I was mad at the irony of the whole sit. 

In summary, this sh*t just get worse. You’ll never feel enought if you keep up this whole sh*t. Honnestly I did found a passion for working out and know is just frustrating not being able to do it just bcuz I don’t know how to eat. 

#ed recovery #ed shit #edn0s #ed notes #ed but not sheeran #i wanna kms #i want to be skiny #anamina #anamia #ana rant #low cal ana #low cal restriction #bonespii #bonespø #skiny waist #tw ed stuff #tw eating stuff #just ed stuff #bulimist #im starvin #starv1ng #skip dinner get thinner #skiny girl #skinnysp0 #skipdinnerwakeupthinner #anarecia #ana shit #ednoez #ed help #depressiv

[derauxxx]

Everything has been crap in my house. I can’t cope with this. I don’t know anymore if I want to get better, I dont know if I deserve it. I dont think that what I have is real anymore. I fucking eat, all the time, but since I lost the weight I just can’t gain it anymore. I know I lowkey restrict, but when I see all the post about like eating a piece of fruit for all the fucking day I just feel so invalidated. I can’t I just can’t anymore. 

#ana #tw ana related #anerexix #ed #ednos #ed but not sheeran #kms #i want to kms #i hate being sick #i hate it here #i hate my brain #i hate everything #sui #mia #anamia #aneroxic #restrictive ana #low cal restriction #restrictii #ed twt #ed treatment #ed truths

[derauxxx]

Everything is fun and games until you get the chest pains. 

#tw ana related #ana #anamia #ana rant #anarec1a #ed #ednut #sui #i wanna die #tw selfhate #tw death #mia #ed but not sheeran #notprojustusingthetags #notprojusttags #low cal restriction #restrictive ana

[derauxxx]

Bro I gained weight, 3 kilos I'm at 40 again and like I'm happy cuz now my parents have calmed down but like I wanted to be a few kilos lighter for summer, but like ahhh idk I feel so confused like I wanted to gain but at the same time no and omg

#tw eating issues #ed shit #edn0s #ed notes #anarecia #ana rant #anamina #tw self destructive behavior #tw ed content #tw ed stuff #tw ed vent #eating disoder thoughts

[derauxxx]

That's why we survive of tuna bitches...low cal volumes and high protein

one second im running on protein bars and working out twice a day the other im fasting for a week

[derauxxx]

God I’m so jealous of people who can eat without feeling guilty or hating their self

[derauxxx]

My mom being scared for my health because I returned and have evaporated ans my blood work was scary...

Proceeds to give me for Christmas a fit band*

It's just a joke, I love her but...omg this thing...

#tw ed stuff #ednoez #ed notes #ed shit #ed help #shadow and bone #anarecia #ana rant #ed recovery #tw ed content #ed not sheeran #edn0s #eatung disorder #eating disoder things #tw eating stuff #eating disoder thoughts

[derauxxx]

I want to get better now...really I just have not being able to enjoy life...I hate the tiredness, the sadness, the incertitude...I'm done with this

#shadow and bone #anarecia #ana rant #ednoez #tw ed stuff #ed shit #just ed shit #ed notes #eating disoder thoughts #eatung disorder #eating problems #ed help #low cal ana

[derauxxx]

My therapist forgot my appointment 😔✌️ but I didn't bother to speak about rescheduling cause' I run away from my problems, but I'll said it's cause' of exams

[derauxxx]

I've come to de conclusion that I'll never like anything about myself, I just want to suffer I don't know why I feel I deserve it, I'm useless ugly and a bad human being I don't deserve respect, I don't deserve recognition, I don't deserve love from anyone. So why will I deserve it from me?

#depressing shit #skip dinner get thinner #ednoez #tw ed stuff #ana shit #ana rant #eating disoder thoughts #depressiv #ed shit #i want to be skiny #tw self destructive behavior #tw selfhate #i hate my body #i wanna kms #kms

[derauxxx]

Self care is...eating and sleeping so you can calm smhw the headaches and you can actually study and don't fail at school because is the only thing aside from your ed that you're good at...

#anrexya #ednoez #anarecia #tw ed stuff #skipdinnerwakeupthinner #ana rant #anamina #depressing shit #tw selfhate #bonespii #notprojustusehashtags #ana shit #anamia #ed notes #i want to be skiny #anareksja #bulimina #bulimist #eating disoder thoughts

[derauxxx]

I f*cking hate body dismorphia like f*ck what's wrong with my fucking mind...

My therapist asked me like..."but what is that you don't like about your body" I was like, "it's just... bad" and then we start talking about how much I hated my legs, but I started panicking when she told me to draw how I saw them and then how I wanted them to be 'coz.. F*ck before I lost weight I wanted them like SUPER skinny but now they are like that but I hate them, but some days I don't and some days I wish they here more muscly but then I wish they were skinnier and i just cried a lot doing that.

#anamia #ed notes #ed help #tw ed content #ednoez #tw ed stuff #ed shit #shadow and bone #anarecia #ana rant #anamina #eating disoder things #tw eating stuff #eating problems #eating disoder thoughts #body discomfort #body dismorphia #dismorfia

[derauxxx]

I went to a buffet 😔✌️ but I only eat like "healthy stuff" and chung a bunch of water because every time I finished my glass they fill it again and it was so tempting.

Anyways yk when you eat veggies and drink lots of water you are full for the moment but then you are hungry soon after)? My family was like stuff and I was like...fine)? And is like the only thing I appreciate of this shit...now I know I have to stop)? Like I can't continue to shove food until I'm uncomfortably full...

#anarecia #anamina #ana rant #just ed thoughts #eating disoder thoughts #tw eating stuff #eating problems #ed notes #ed shit #tw ed stuff #anarecca #anrexix #skip dinner get thinner

[derauxxx]

Reblog if:

- You support recovery.

- You support those in recovery.

- You support seeking help.

- You want  people to seek help.

- You think everyone is beautiful, regardless of their weight.

- Even if you yourself, aren’t seeking help or are in recovery, want others too.

[derauxxx]

Yeah everything fine with losing weight until you can't find clothes that fit you anymore

#anrexya #anamia #ana rant #just ed memes #ed notes #ednoez #tw ed content #tw ed stuff #ed shit #just ed thoughts #low cal ana #ana shit #eating disoder things

[derauxxx]

I've been restricting more these days cause' I really want to enjoy like the social gatherings but I don't want to restrict like so much that I can't like workout because I really enjoy working out but I'm so scared ahh damn it...

#kms #fucking kms #i wanna kms #skip dinner get thinner #skipdinnerwakeupthinner #just ed memes #tw ed stuff #ed notes #ednoez #tw ed content #ed shit #just ed thoughts #just ed stuff #just ed shit #anrexya #anamia #low cal ana #anarecia #ana rant #ana shit #over exercising