bpdpotato

[bpdpotato]

i need to come to terms with the fact that i will never be a priority. always a second choice.

[bpdpotato]

born to be a lovergirl, forced to master detachment

[bpdpotato]

my life is just a cycle of being revictimized. i genuinely hope i die soon.

[bpdpotato]

i genuinely hate feeling like i need to care less, love less, be less affectionate and giving. it goes against the very being of my nature, i'm a naturally loving and romantic person and i hate feeling like i need to step back and cut off that energy with someone because i'm just not getting the same energy back. it's painful.

and i know i should just give that love regardless, but it's draining to constantly pour into a cup only for it to keep leaking. it's draining to never have my energy reciprocated. i'm just tired of always giving and getting the short end of the stick.

[bpdpotato]

i genuinely believe everyone would be better off if i wasn't in their lives. i'm tiring to be around and i can see they feel that way too. i think i should leave.

#bpd tag #actually borderline #borderline #therapy #actually bpd #tw depressing stuff #abandonment issues #abandonment #mentally ill #bpd fp

[bpdpotato]

you traumatized me for a lifetime, but it was just another sunday afternoon for you.

#bpd tag #actually borderline #borderline #therapy #actually bpd #tw depressing stuff #trauma #csa victim #tw abuse #childhood trauma #borderline personality disorder #cluster b

[bpdpotato]

I hate being the one that constantly responds fast. I so badly try to match other people's energy and respond minutes/hours later but I just can't. It eats me when they take super long to respond and they don't apologize for it or tell me why they took long and I hate that about this stupid fucking disorder because rationally I know they don't owe me an explanation for what they do with their time but unfortunately there's nothing rational about BPD. So I sit there and wait for their response like a sick puppy, fearing that they're ignoring me or they've abandoned me. and I try to not be upset but this disorder is stronger than I am, and I hate it. I hate everything about being this way and I know that no one could ever truly love me because of how this disorder makes me. I'm unbearable to be with. I know my partner probably feels that way too, he's just too nice to say it. I hate myself and what this disorder has turned me into.

#bpd tag #actually borderline #borderline #therapy #actually bpd #tw depressing stuff #borderline personality disorder #abandonment issues #bpd fp #favorite person

[bpdpotato]

yeah hi i'm gonna need y'all to please move xmas to next month because ain't no way i'm getting rich in 11 days thank u

#christmas #xmas #i'm broke #please someone send money #money #give me money #charity #please donate

[bpdpotato]

i feel like you're slowly losing the love you had for me, and i don't know why. but i'm sorry.

#bpd tag #actually borderline #borderline #therapy #actually bpd #tw depressing stuff #bpd fp #favorite person

[bpdpotato]

i wish i had a nice body, maybe then you'd love me.

#bpd tag #actually borderline #borderline #therapy #actually bpd #body dysmorphia #body dysmorphic disorder #tw depressing stuff #actually bdd #body image issues #eating disoder trigger warning

[bpdpotato]

can you stop scrolling and please beat me to death 💕🌸🎀

#bpd tag #actually borderline #borderline #therapy #actually bpd #body dysmorphia #body dysmorphic disorder #tw depressing stuff #borderline personality disorder

[bpdpotato]

every time i see pictures of people with their friends, partners, etc., when i see people's instagram stories of videos/pictures someone else took of them, i get a bit sad, because i have none of that.

i realised i don't really have any pictures of myself with friends, i don't have that many pictures of my partner and i, i don't have any pictures of myself that aren't selfies. all because body dysmorphia makes it impossible for me to allow other people to take pictures of me. i always hate the way i look.

my body is disgusting, my face is horrible, i never know how to pose which just makes it even more awkward. everything is just bad. and i wish i could just exist. i have missed out on taking pictures of so many fun memories all because i couldn't stand to see myself. i will never get over how much my mental illnesses have taken from me.

#body dysmorphia #body dysmorphic disorder #body image issues #tw bdd #eating disoder trigger warning #photography #mentally ill #mentally fucked #mental illness

[bpdpotato]

body dysmorphia can't find me if my sweater is big enough 💅🏽

#body dysmorphia #tw depressing stuff #body dysmorphic disorder #actually bdd #eating disoder trigger warning #mentally fucked #mentally ill

[bpdpotato]

my therapist: I feel like you're making a lot of good progress!

me, thinking of all the secrets i keep from her bc i don't want her to judge me: yes.

#bpd tag #actually borderline #borderline #therapy #actually bpd #mentally ill #mental health #psychology #tw depressing stuff

[bpdpotato]

i wish my body was worth loving.

#body dysmorphia #body dysmorphic disorder #actually bdd #tw bdd #bdd things #disordered eating cw

[bpdpotato]

is it really that hard to love me?

#bpd tag #actually borderline #borderline #therapy #actually bpd #body dysmorphia #tw depressing stuff #actually ptsd #bpd vent #unlovable

[bpdpotato]

i can't wait to live in my own little space with my partner. our place will be filled with love and warmth, no one will go to sleep angry or sad, there will be no loud yelling, no slamming doors, no animosity. we will have lazy sundays eating our favourite snacks and watching silly movies or going on lovely drives. we will dance in our kitchen while we cook and do our chores. we'll cuddle into each other every night. we'll tell each other anything and everything and we'll never be ashamed. our space will be our own, and it will be filled with love.

#love #wholesome #happiness #relationships #apartment #boyfriend #girlfriend #living together