thespilledink

[thespilledink]

Words whispered

in bedsheets

made me believe

we were in love

-h.h.

#spilled thoughts #spilled ink #writing #poem #poetry #creative writing #late night writing #heartbreak #love #spilled poetry #midnight poetry #spilled poem #poemsbyme #short poem

[thespilledink]

I feel us drifting apart

Day by day

I say less

You care less

We do less

And yet we still say

We are closer

Than we have ever been

-h.h.

#spilled thoughts #spilled ink #writing #poem #poetry #creative writing #late night writing #spilled poetry #heartbreak #midnight poetry #poetry corner #sad poetry #poems and poetry #poem by me #original poem

[thespilledink]

I don’t know

Where i’m going in life

What it will look like

Months from now

But i do know

You wont be there

And I’m starting to believe

That’s a good thing

-h.h.

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[thespilledink]

I can lie to myself

In fact,

I do it more often than I like

But the one lie

I repeat over and over

And never stop believing

Is that I hope I never hear from you

I hope you don’t try to come back

I think the biggest lie is

That I would be angry with you

-h.h.

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[thespilledink]

The Truth Is

I know

I lied to myself

Saying it was love

But I needed to believe

To have hope

For one goddamn moment

I needed it

I needed to think that I could be loved

In the way I so desperately craved

-h.h.

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[thespilledink]

I’m trying to heal

To ebb my pains

And banish my fears

And you should know

on my darkest days

There is laughter

Begging to escape my lungs

-h.h.

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[thespilledink]

Hours

Turn into days

Turn into weeks

Turn into months

Turn into tears

Ive cried

Trying to remember

A time before you

-h.h.

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[thespilledink]

I write in pen

Because even on paper

I wont let myself forget

the smallest of mistakes

Maybe it’s time

To put down my pen

-h.h.

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[thespilledink]

To let you go

Is to lose you

But to lose you

Is to save myself

I need to believe

I’m worth saving

-h.h.

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[thespilledink]

I get within inches of the surface

Of finally being over you

Until you pull me back under

Down to the depths of this mess

Wave after wave of miss yous

Love yous

Nicknames

And i think i can hold my breath long enough

To make things right

To have us reach the surface together

To have a life that doesn’t drag each other under

But you pull me down

And float away

And i try to float back up

These damn turns in the tide

Never giving me a chance to survive

h.h.

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[thespilledink]

No

You Say

Please Don’t Go

Please Stay With Me

I Will Keep You Safe

I’ll Stop Breaking Your Heart

I Promise I’ll Be Better

I Promise I Won’t Make You Cry

Please Say That You Believe Me This Time

I Promise I Will Never Let You Down

But You Break All Of Your Promises

And Whisper Fake Apologies

And You Keep Breaking My Heart

I Need To Escape You

You Say You Love Me

So I Beg You

Let Me Go

I Can’t

Breathe

-h.h.

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[thespilledink]

The prologue to a love story is rarely appreciated compared to the end of one.

But what if the very beginning was all you had?

What if the timeline didn’t match for the main characters?

What if the love felt from one wasn’t shown until years down the line

When thousands of miles and ocean separated the two?

I guess doomed love stories only get the prologue, because there is no happily ever after.

The end.

-h.h.

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[thespilledink]

It has been a week and I haven’t heard from you

It has been a week since you broke your promise A week since I have felt safe A week of me feeling used A week of tears Of kicking myself while I am already down

It has been a week since you left without saying goodbye A week of you not caring A week since I last heard your voice A week since you decided you are over me A week since I have been under you

A week is all it took for you to be fine This week has made me lose my mind.

-h.h.

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[thespilledink]

April 27th

I’m getting bad again and by that I mean I am losing the ability to take care of myself and I didn’t notice until it was days since I had showered

I couldn’t remember the last time I washed my hair I asked my friend about it and she couldn’t remember either so I sat under the shower water and I could hardly lift my arms to scrub the shampoo out of my hair

and when I got out I just threw my hair up because the idea of brushing it was too much to think about and sometimes it’s the little wins the fact that I washed my hair is enough

but then I remember I haven’t eaten in a few days and the idea of standing in the kitchen is too much I get overwhelmed by the lack of food in the fridge and I have no idea how to throw something together I usually could but i already washed my hair and I can’t force myself to do another daunting activity

and instead of cooking I grab an apple and hope that this will settle my stomach and allow me to feel at peace with the small accomplishment and then I can go to bed and hope tomorrow will be a little bit better

-h.h.

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[thespilledink]

Then What...

If I told you I loved you Then what Is that supposed to magically fix the problems we have Do you want me to change who I am Do you want me to apologize for not being able to take a leap of faith If I told you I loved you I would still be who I am I was raised on broken promises so don’t blame me for being wary of yours. I am sorry that I am scared I can’t help that I have fears while you are fearless. Do you actually love me for who I am, Or do you love me for who you think you can mold me into?

I’m sorry that the person I shared with you isn’t who you wanted I want to grow but I don’t want to grow in fear of losing you. I want you to encourage me to become a better version of myself Not a completely new version.

If I told you I loved you This would be too real And I am not ready at least not yet

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[thespilledink]

When were rules implemented on love?

I thought falling in love was art

Not science

I thought love was supposed to take you over emotionally

Not a numbers game where you try to figure out

Whether or not giving over your heart

Is worth the risk of breaking it

When did i have to learn to silence my feelings

And keep the love trapped within myself?

-h.h.

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[thespilledink]

I Haven't Showered in Days

Sad songs flow from my speakers Minutes turn into hours Hours turn into days and I still feel the same.

I don’t remember when I last had a shower.

How much crying has to occur Before the thought of you Does not bring me down Can I cry out my feelings for you?

I still have not taken a shower.

I need closure Or maybe a shower would help Maybe I could wash the smell of you away and the crying could stop.

I should really take a shower.

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