So a while back I was having crazy intrusive thoughts like really very extremely disturbing horrible things that were giving me massive amounts of guilt and making me feel repulsed by myself and had me questioning my morals and all that crap, anyway my therapist was like you don't have to tell me what they are but if you do it might help so I told her through gritted teeth and it actually helped so much I literally don't even think about it any more at all so if you're going through something right now that's eating you up inside reach out to a trusted person and let them know what you are thinking cause it could save you from this isolating madness you're going through
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Hunter is just a kid who wanted to be accepted and loved and while he'll get that from his friends and found family, he'll never get it from his real family and that's a bitter sting that will never fully go away
He doesn't deserve it
He's a good kid
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I want to give a huge shout-out to the FedEx driver who just dropped off our package because it's been raining for hrs and will keep on raining for who knows how long and this driver didn't know anyone was home so they went ahead and wrapped the cardboard box in a giant plastic garbage bag to protect it from all the rain
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Hey there, I just wanted to drop in and tell you just how important your blog is. You have helped me so much over the past couple of months. My mental health was at its lowest and reading your drabbles and your random post always managed to make me smile even if it was only for a second. Thank you for being here, you may not realize it but your blog saved my life and has most likely helped many others.
I am so sorry your mental health has given you a hard time. I feel for you based on experience, and what I've been working through lately. I'm quite proud of you for finding grace in yourself during all of this. It's not an easy feat, and I hope you're giving yourself credit for your own strength and resilience.
I appreciate your kind words, and for giving me compassion. I often don't think about my blog helping people, and that means a great deal to hear I've had that kind of impact on someone.
Thank you for being courageous, and for reassuring me that I matter 💙 I hope you know you matter too.
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Small little note just letting you know that your muses are glorious, but you know why? Because you write them that way, with so much heart and it shows all the time, you're wondeful and I hope your day is glorious!
okay okay
thank you for coming here but please don't be on anon. I want to love you and be your friend and express that openly.
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“Gale is so boring” he had a emotional and sexual relationship with a goddess and was so down bad for her that he tried to reclaim a small aspect of her power just to please her and in doing so ended up with a magical bomb in his chest yet that doesn’t keep him from being a kind, slightly condescending, enthusiastic malewife nerd who thinks your dirty ass smells good GET OUT OF MY HOUSE
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
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I've been thinking about Mollymauk, as I'm periodically wont to do, and the fandom discussion about him as a moral compass. Because the interesting thing here is, Molly wasn’t a very moral character. He was an unrepentant scammer. He had no respect for interpersonal boundaries and would deliberately push and break them. Generally, he was an asshole. As far as actually having a strong moral stance I would say Fjord was the standout of early m9, and to some extent Beau.
But here’s the thing: almost all of early m9 thought of themselves as horrible people. Fjord had been bullied so bad growing up that he still dealt with self-hate from it, and now suffered from survivor's guilt to boot. Caleb had killed his own parents. Beau, while she hated her dad, also had internalized self-hate and on some level thought she’d been such a shitty daughter she deserved his treatment. Nott was stuck in a body she considered monstrous. Yasha had survivor's guilt and knew she’d done bad things in her blank spots. Even when they did good, they didn’t think of themselves as good. Most of them were suspicious and asocial and faced the world with the same kind of distrust they expected to be (and were experienced in being) met with. (Jester was an exception, an agent of neither good nor bad but of amoral chaos)
But Molly was different. He was outspoken about loving life and people. He wanted to spread joy, even to people he didnt know or had even met: he slipped coin into people's pockets, hid a silver in a tree just so some stranger would one day be happy to find it. He openly cared for the party early on; was one of the first to step in and help Caleb when he went catatonic in battle. Above all, Molly had rules: where everyone else would agonize over what was the right or wrong or smart thing to do, Molly loudly proclaimed we don't leave people behind, and we leave every place better than we found it.
But the thing about Molly’s rules was, they were largely a cover. While the rest of the m9 thought they were bad even as they did good, Molly thought of himself as good even as he did bad. He scammed people, but made it a good and memorable experience, therefore thinking he gave more than he took. He charmed Nott and Fjord without consent, and when confronted would claim it was to help them. Out of the group, Beau saw through this, not because she was a better person but because she was a cynic. She saw that he caused harm, just as she did, and was personally affronted that he still thought of himself as good and tried to leave people happy, whereas she deliberately left every place worse than she found it.
I see Molly as a moral compass of the group not because he was actually any more moral than them, but because they made him their template. He was joy and brightness and he died trying to save them because it was the right thing to do, and they all chose to honor him by emulating his rules more than Molly himself ever did, because to them it was more than just a cover, backed up by genuine moral thought and discussion rather than small gestures. He taught them that it was possible to be kind of a shit person and still be good, to still love yourself and others. The idealized Molly they created never existed, and finally died for good when they resurrected him in the end and were met with a stranger, who they welcomed with the same love and care they would've expected Molly to show them.
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so the good place is widely lauded on this site for its takes on morality and capitalism, which i totally agree with
but i think it should get more recognition for the line "all humans are aware of death. so we're all a little bit sad all the time. that's just the deal. we don't get offered any better ones. and if you try and ignore your sadness, it just ends up leaking out of you anyway. i've been there, and everybody's been there. so don't fight it. in the words of a very wise bed bath and beyond employee i once knew - go ahead and cry all you want. but you're gonna have to pay for that toilet plunger."
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there's this borderline hysterical laugh garak breaks into a couple of times during the early seasons that is so special to me. like. this man. this man is so high (constantly) and probably drunk (frequently) and he's at all times teetering on the very brink of despair that only pure spite, immense stubbornness, and getting to gaze at julian bashir's smiling face across the lunch table once a week is holding him back from tipping over. and then he has to deal with people like skrain dukat and gul toran on top of that and you can practically hear the cracks forming as he's barely holding on to whatever remains of his sanity by the skin of his teeth
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