#you all probably: what the fuck is this

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:

There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’

like wow babe. good fucking point

#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point #not a shitpost #cptsd #and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer #the truth is i know why i wasn't loved #i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings #i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing #i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance #the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it #i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer #and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!! #because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that! #it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs! #so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't. #when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to #you can look for answers and reasons and explanations #but that's not actually going to FIX your situation. #and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job) #because you don't need answers--you need a new situation #*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme* #and yes. walking out isn't always possible. #but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap. #stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air #new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust #like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be #when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole

[vaguely-concerned]

So much of Garak as a person starts to make sense once you know his childhood was a fucking gothic novel. His main playground was a graveyard and he'd play pretend by perfoming improv eulogies to an imagined audience. For a long time his main touchstone for most important figures from recent history is 'oh yeah I know about that guy my dad buried him. great flower arrangements for that one'. He finds out later his 'parents' are actually a brother and sister who had to get married to avoid the utter shame and social devastation of having a child born out of wedlock, and they live in the basement of his biological father's house. (the madwoman in the attic vs. the tiny elim in the basement.) His biological father calls himself his uncle and locks him in a closet whenever he fails to live up to his insane and unpredictable expectations and everyone just has to act like that's normal and expected, and his will hangs over everything at all times, unseen but always felt keener than anything else. The father who actually raised him grows the world's most beautiful (and as it turns out, most poisonous) orchids and keeps the mask of a god hidden in a box in his work shed. Everyone in the house is choking down secrets like it's the only air they know how to breathe anymore.

What I'm saying is that right from the get-go this guy never had the faintest shot at turning out normal, so I'm glad that by middle age he's found a way to get a bit silly with it as he continues to be deeply deeply not normal about anything ever <3

#guess who's reading a stitch in time! #star trek ds9 #elim garak #a stitch in time #star trek #ds9 #I will make a monster post of asit thoughts eventually but just. jesus christ!!! what a start in life lmao #tolan and tain seem to have been... well not exactly friends probably but to have had some connection beforehand #did tain know him or mila first??? how was mila and tolan's sibling status presumably not known publicly? #at what point during all of that did tain start to have sex with tolan's sister. the more you think about it the more fucked it gets lol #under the circumstances... shoutout to tolan and mila for not leaving him somehow even more fucked up interpersonally than he is #and no thanks to tain for anything ever I hate him so much

[rendevok]

“Take my hand” pages 5-11

1 - day 2 - truth - 3

#nmweek23 #narumitsu #wrightworth #phoenix wright #miles edgeworth #i spent all yesterday shading and lettering these your boy is so tired BUT IT WAS WORTH IT #in which i cram way too much into way too little and yet way too many pages for a single day #my sincerest apologies to them on their day but i will make it up to them i PROMISE #‘prove it’ you’ll NEVER GUESS what happens next :^))))) (<-guy who is extremely predictable) #phoenix is so strong because if miles looked at me like that i’d be going crazy and im like a known enemy of edgeworth #see you guys in like 5-7 business days on part 3 o7 #fan art #aa #fan comic #rendevok #OH OH ALSO there’s like a whole fucking essay i could write about these pages esp wrt light and also The Hands but youll have to ask for it #just know that if you see something… there was probably a reason for it! #ok thats it fr this time

[kkoct-ik]

finally scratching the skill cabinet itch

#kostik draws #harry du bois #harrier du bois #fanart #disco elysium #disco elysium fanart #i can tell im gonna hate this in an hour but fuck you #im still glad im experimenting with style and colour. even if i have an ugly period (normal grip) #the duality between this and what i drew earlier today is staggering #anyway. money to anyone who can find all the skills (i abstracted some of them so its probably not possible) #there are 11 with some room for ambiguity because some of them have common motifs #have fun #i really like them! really really!! hes just like me... #update hour+ later: i dont hate it! wao...

[bacchuschucklefuck]

while teen while goblin while aroace while injured while doing your best

#fantasy high junior year #fhjy #riz gukgak #figueroth faeth #sklonda gukgak #dimension 20 #this. mmmmhhh this is so. I did Not know how to draw this really. #I am very normal about riz (<- lying) #it's a brennan-dm d20 campaign the bad guy is always capitalism (I am saying this with clenched teeth) #riz out of all of them being aroace fucks with me SO bad. bc its also established that elmsville specifically and probably the #majority of solace is not. made for goblins. and that becomes sklonda being worked to the bone and pok dying on the job #and riz spending all his time trying to keep his friends together. maybe to the point of it being injurous #like. do u get what I mean. its an economy of time it takes your time it eats up your time #not just the gukgaks but everyone you have to spend time to get to live and you don't have a lot of time left in a day #and you have to spend it carefully. you have to prioritize #you're somewhere without an established community and companionship is bought with your time spent working #this place doesn't take care of you. at the end of the day who do you have who'd prioritize you. do you understand me #the evolved aroace loathing where if your friends and family are granted more time nobody would have to choose. we live in a society #holds ur hand we live in a society. idk if Im making any sense #anyway . uhhh riz is my favourite that's my statement thank you for listening. au revoir

[deelovesbooks]

ko-fi

#burrow's end #burrow's end spoilers #d20 #dimension 20 #lmao this came to me while in the shower #and is honestly a fairly accurate representation of my expression after that first episode #like 'what do you meeeaaannn the show with the ominous title isnt just gonna be a heartfelt stoat season' #lmao when we first learned of the season and some people were all 'well is d&d 5e really the right system for this? #theyre cute animals theyre probably not even gonna be battles there are better systems suited for just cozy animal ttrpg' #how are u feeling after that fucking bear in ep 2 eh? 😂 #have trust and faith in Aabria #theres still 8 fucking episodes to go this is gonna be crazy #i am prepared for the emotional turmoil it will cause in me #my textposts

[uncanny-tranny]

I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.

It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.

#mental health #mental health advocacy #like... anxiety and depression are often concieved of as simple and easy to manage... #...but that isn't the case for so many of us. anxiety and depression just have a lot more research invested into them... #...and while i wish this were the case for literally every other condition it does alter people's perception of you to some extent... #...so while this is NOT solely about anxiety or depression it includes us... #...my anxiety and depression and PTSD have *destroyed* my life. this is chronic and will probably be life-long... #...and that isn't my fault. i've done the fucking work but guess what? that doesn't account for the fact that I Am Just ILL #the least we can do for each other is to be compassionate #be compassionate to those who cannot heal. be compassionate to the people who can't manage their lives. this world is scary enough #recognize that management of symptoms is something not all of us can do - even IF their condition is labeled as 'easy to manage' #i allowed myself to feel angry that i can't heal 'normally' and that was unfair as fuck toward myself #and i NEED people to internalize this so that MAYBE this could help somebody else who is where i was #i NEED them to understand that it's okay that they are where they are - sometimes shit just doesn't turn out how you expect or want #don't beat yourself over you being a person. you are struggling enough. you deserve to rest. just rest please #and just... give yourself space

[natelia-aldelliz]

Ghost after meeting Soap.

Price : Have you slept?

Ghost : Depends what day it is

Price : Go to bed.

#cod mw2 #simon ghost riley #captain john price #implied ghostsoap #implied soapghost #ghost is a catboy by the way #Soap is more complicated because he's a cat person and doesn't like dogs but also he's very dogboy leaning personality wise #dad price for the win even if he's only old enough to be big brother price; he's 50 spiritually according to his 'kids' #price would be like 'ok do you want to talk about it?' #and ghost would look at him like 'what do you mean “talk about it” what happened to bottle it up like normal people?' #“i'll just forget all about it” ghost tells himself #and then soap is bumping into him in the corridor and smiling up at him with the power of the fucking sun and wow ghost is in love fuck #i was supposed to draw something for valentine's day but my brain was all no : funny scene first but now it's 9:30 am and i haven't slept #maybe expect something for valentine's day at some point - probably not today tho but like at some point this week maybe ?

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

THE SITE IS UP, EVERYBODY BRACE-

#its been a pleasure blogging with you all 🫡 #i wish the site strength and stability in these trying times #and may we all manage to be at least somewhat Normal about it #that being said. if you all will excuse me im gonna go chuck the last of my marbles out a window #welcome home #what will we learn what will we learn.... #probably Something! #EDITING THIS BEFORE I POST YEP MARBLES ARE GONE #THE BIRDS ATE EM #AAAAAAAAAAAA FUCK!!!! FUCK!!!! LETS!!!! FUCKING!!!! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[little-pondhead]

The Curse Of Hope

_

Danny is in another universe. He had a reason, but he doesn’t remember anymore. He can only stare, horrified and disgusted, at the sickest city spirit he’s ever seen. Shivering and swaying with every step, core exposed, and ectoplasm leaking from wounds that are decades old. A ratty blanket was thrown over their shoulders, barely hiding the spirit’s pale grey skin and protruding black bones.

The spirit didn’t even sense him until he reached out to touch its wispy shoulders. The spirit flinched, clutching at the dozens of trinkets hanging from their neck and tucking in on themselves like they were expecting a blow.

“Oh, shit,” He swore, floating back a few feet, hands in the air, to show he meant no harm. “I’m sorry. I promise, I’m not here to steal from you.” The spirit shivered again and rolled a pearl necklace in between their fingers. A nervous habit. “Uh, I like that pocket watch? It’s very nice.”

That got their attention. They peeked at Danny, and he saw that more tattered cloth was covering their eyes, blending in with the stringy hair that reached the ground. Their blanket fluttered weakly, revealing hundreds of thousands of tiny marks etched into their skin. Scars, really. Scars that wrote out curse after curse onto the spirit’s very being. They burned with evil intent, and even reached inside the spirit’s body and wrapped around their core.

Occasionally, blinding specks of color raced across their body, temporarily erasing the writing, but it always returned quickly. He watched, a little detached, as one particular line rewrote itself across their rough forearm, drawing fresh ectoplasm like someone was writing it with a thin knife.

“Are you…alright?” Danny stuttered. A stupid question.

The spirit cocked its head. He couldn’t see their eyes, but he felt their burning gaze as they pondered the question.

“The pain of others becomes mine own.” They rasped. “The lights of the city dim as rotten wealth clogs mine veins. Magicks long forgotten have eaten mine skins, pulled mine cloak, and darkened mine skies. Helios has refused to grace mine doorstep, and the seasons of the Earth have revoked their kindness.”

Danny held his breath. It felt like he was the one with the exposed core, not the spirit.

The spirit shivered once more. “Tell mine soul, little lamb. How could this Forsaken City know peace, when it was long since ripped from mine hands?”

Shit, he needed Frostbite. And maybe Clockwork. Now.

-Or-

Danny meets the spirit of Gotham City. The villains and rogues that have plagued the city for decades are literal curses that are taking quite the toll on Gotham, and honestly, Danny isn’t sure how much longer they can hold out. The heroes seem to be doing some help, and are probably the reason Gotham made it this far, but the poor city needs help from the Realms if they want to get better.

Luckily, Danny can provide that help.

But only if he could get Gotham to leave their city behind. Because recovery is going to take a very long time.

#dpxdc #pondhead blurbs #Gotham is very lanky and tall and had dozens of necklaces around their neck #the necklaces are just cords filled with lost things the citizens have lost over the years #like bits of glass or wedding rings or hag stones made from a destroyed gargoyle #actually I have a weird picture of Gotham in my head I might draw it #it’s giving Bloodborne to me but idgaf #basically Danny meets Gotham and is trying to convince them to go with him for medical help because what the fuck #those curses are the equivalent of leaving hundreds of leeches stuck to your body for ten years #Danny is BEGGING Gotham to come with him #there’s potential for angst but if you want crack then Danny probably replaces Gotham #I think there’s already a similar fic where he becomes the new spirit of Gotham but I haven’t read all of that #anyways the Batfam are like #invasive animals that are actually helping the ecosystem recover from an even WORSE invasive species #but they aren’t supernatural heroes and they don’t understand that the issue is deeper #I’m calling this the Curse of Hope because Danny is offering hope to Gotham #but Gotham is just so tired and sick and hurt that they don’t want to risk it #they think Danny is another curse come to plague them #should he just straight up adopt the city at this point? #idk it probably depends on how it’s written #sad course is to let Gotham die. happy ending is where they are treated and returned #crack ending probably has Danny adopting the city and introducing them to his own city spirit Amity Park #oh shit is that a new ship #guys please I can’t keep doing this #Gotham City x Amity Park #how the fuck do you come up with a name for that #Burger Joints? #Wet Pavement? #bro idk I’m putting this down before I make something I might regret #low key wanna write this but like. I have so much to do

[localguy2]

I find it highly amusing how in situations where the ninja are separated/it's just the OG four, Kai and Zane immediately assume control/start spearheading the team because apparently no one else is sane enough or in the right mind to do so.

Your honour, they literally have one of the best dynamics in the show, with how they're probably the most protective people in the team. And it makes me mad how this is overlooked by the fandom and the show.

#ninjago #zane julien #kai smith #Seriously tho #Aside from Cole #They're probably the most competent to lead #In Hunted they're mainly the ones working on everything #Fixing the radio #Jay has lost his shit and Cole is pre occupied with taking care of Wu #In MotM they just #Kai becomes the fucking Chancellor and with Zane as his Vice/right hand man #And in crystalized they're the only ones that are serious about this stuff #They're tracking Lloyd while Jay is bored and while Cole is doing nothing #Ay all I'm saying is #We need to see more of them together #I wanna see these 2 bond more #I want the show to focus on the aspect of them being the most protective #And how they probably have a lot of things in common when it comes to protecting the other ninja and making sure they're alright #Hmmmm my brain is going off in the tags #Oh chemistry what you done to me #You cruel cruel subject... #Anyway how are yall doing?

[buqbite]

The Living Flame for the @orvwomenzine

#I CAN POST IT #Participating in this zine was an absolute delight #So Im crawling outta my art hiatus temporarily to post the piece!! #This is my take on 999 Uriel attacking SP #orv #omniscient readers viewpoint #uriel orv #orv uriel #999!Uriel #The Living Flame #my art #orv spoilers #anyways. i got REALLL ambitious with this piece #as you can very evidently see #The zine is filled with incredible fucking art and writing and you should all take a second to look at it #And tumblr will probably FRY this piece. But alas thats what you get when you draw a stupid amount of detail #demon like judge of fire #it dont count but idc

[lululeighsworld]

it was literally their moment and they just let us watch

(if you need me i'll be marinating in this for the foreseeable future)

#magneto #rogue #rogneto #rogueneto #IT WAS SO DIFFICULT TO PICK ONLY 10 IMAGES. SOSOSOSO DIFFICULT. EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SCENE WAS FUCKING SUBLIME. #thank you to the person who pointed out the bg music is ace of base 'happy nation' ;wwwwwww; SUCH A GOOD SONG FOR THIS #okay but for real never have i had a stronger 'GOD I WISH THAT WERE ME' moment #magneto can we all form a queue to dance with you romantically in the air while an audience watches............. #their body language. their HANDS. OLD MAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR MOUTH AND YOUR TONGUE BY HER NECK #no word of a lie ive probably watched this scene 200 times today. new comfort media. inject it directly into my veins. #my husband laughing at me as i rewind and play over and over again from the other side of the room #my fave fave FAAAAVE part of this animation is the lil pan they do #the one between mags and rogue and the lyric 'where the people understand and dream of perfect man' #THERE IS SOMETHING SO SOFT AND ROMANTIC AND ADORING ABOUT IT #disintegrates like a sopping wet piece of bread. thank you animators who worked on this scene #i feel like i am burning with the excitement of a thousand suns over this #xmen 97 #leigh's magneto hours

[swampthingking]

andrew’s definitely gotten in trouble with his pr manager for tweeting things along the lines of:

“no mania inducing medication will compare to the euphoria i will feel the day donald trump drops dead”

#pr manager is like: andrew… this is the last time i’m gonna tell you #andrew: whats the point of democracy if i can’t exercise freedom of speech #pr manager: andrew it’s no longer about your image #at this point we are concerned the fbi is going to show up #andrew: neil has connections. i’m fine #they thought marketing andrew on social media would be good #they were sooooo wrong #because now andrew has a place to share every insane thing he’s ever thought #for instance—a tweet that just says ‘an alien googling: human clothes’ #he’s on there advocating for lgbtq+ youth you KNOW HE IS #he’s cursing and mildly threatening members of congress for imposing these disgusting bills #one day he tweeted ‘does mitch mcconnell know he’s dead yet’ #when mitch mcconnell stepped down from senate andrew tweeted ‘hopefully next he steps down from life’ #unsurprisingly: this endears him to some people and makes others fucking hate him #and he’s such a shit. he does not care either way #he’s kind of just like: pr manager. you gave me a twitter and told me to tweet. i’m just doing what you asked me #they’ve threatened to change his password so many times #they actually did once but andrew reported the account so many times for defamation and fraud that it got suspended #and he made a new account out of pure spite #his pr manager is like: andrew nobody is going to want to sign you because of your public image #and andrew is like: ?? ok. they can lose every game then #(he knows he’s the best goalie) #ok i think that’s enough for now. however i will probably be back #andrew minyard #aftg #tfc #trk #tkm #the foxhole court #all for the game

[front-facing-pokemon]

#spinda #AAAHHHH YES!!! our belovèd spinda. from their café!!! probably one of my favorite minor characters from pmd sky #whom i don't even think was in the original explorers games. i think spinda's café was exclusive to sky. if i'm remembering correct #ly. or maybe that was shaymin village. i know shaymin village was for sure but maybe it was just that and not both of them. either way #have a delicious drink and allow the flower of conversation to bloom! i could quote spinda all day. he had “hopes and dreams” before toby #ever did. THAT'S ALSO like i had no idea what spinda's pronouns were. i kept trying to figure it out because i talked about him quite a lot‚ #but no one in game ever talked about him. to mention his pronouns? turns out. there's ONE line of dialogue where the post office fucker in #shaymin village mentions him and calls him a he. i think that's the only time spinda is referred to in the third person with a pronoun #i believe it's when they're talking about like. how you can send gifts or whatever and pick up the characters' responses at spinda's café #which is still a really fucking good feature. of any video game. SEE WHAT I MEAN spinda and their café is just an incredibly good Thing #it's to the point where my home wifi network is named “Spinda's Café Wi-Fi” because i love it so much. so if you're ever runnin around #and you see a wifi network by that name… it might be me! you never know! or… it could be the real deal. the real spinda's café is somewhere #nearby…! ugh. i wish. i would go there immediately #not even to mention all the other shit about this pokémon that's really good. like that they never walk in straight lines or whatever #their little dance. it's just. huUGHKLJKAHJVDHJHDAJSVGD i love spinda. a nice pick-me-up after the underwhelmingness that was grumpig #shake it this way… shake it that way… and stir it all around… and it's done!

[hajihiko]

Sonia and Komaeda getting along well enough to room together is so good honestly. Even if its mostly bc she takes no shit, Komaeda was still like the only person to stand up for her when Teruteru was trying to get frisky about her naiveté in the prologue/ch1.

I kind of suspect she was acting more unknowing than she really was then, to suit her role as a princess, but he had no way of knowing that then. Plus, if she was aware then, it might be easier for her to recognize the side of him that isn't all hope n murder? Since outside of the killing game he's pretty polite (if self effacing) and generally not down for creepy behavior.

If you've got any more thoughts on these two's interactions postgame, I'd love to hear.

I dont think it's perfect by any means (nothing on the ship is!) but its proooobably the best quick-solution scenario?

#God I dont even wanna tag this as art ugh #An art #FOR ORGANIZATION #Its true Nagito wouldnt try shit with Sonia or be creepy (also he gay) its just the things that he says #And Sonia is firm on her boundaries there but also patient about the rest. She's the expert diplomat after all #They're both Perfectly Civil after only a little bit and even get friendlier #(and Nagito is probably somewhat glad at least one person outwarly calls him a friend) (more of that to come ofc everyone ends up friendly) #Sonia: you're my friend! #Nagito: I'm sorry you feel pressured to say that. As expected of a princ- #Sonia: PARDON BUT DID I STUTTER. #Nagito: are you sure about rooming with me? It's rotten work. #Sonia: yeah it really fucking is actually. I'll do it though. #Ok I'm done sorry the doodles are unusually shitty it's not cooperating today #'It' what? Yeah